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1
00:00:01,595 --> 00:00:03,961
Ahhh...
Oh man, is this great?
2
00:00:04,081 --> 00:00:05,951
- No Archer, it's...
- Was that a rhetorical question?
3
00:00:06,071 --> 00:00:07,812
- Archer... Archer!
- And also was that?
4
00:00:07,932 --> 00:00:11,736
Answer, yes, they both were, because
New Orleans is my kind of town,
5
00:00:11,856 --> 00:00:13,840
and I haven't had a
vacation in forever.
6
00:00:13,908 --> 00:00:15,809
- LANA Well, that's great but...
- Nola!
7
00:00:15,876 --> 00:00:17,043
The Crescents City!
8
00:00:17,111 --> 00:00:21,614
- The Big Easy... - Our mission is to
stop an eco-terrorist
9
00:00:21,682 --> 00:00:24,696
from blowing up the biggest natural gas
pipeline in North America,
10
00:00:24,816 --> 00:00:27,211
so I wouldn't exactly
call it a vacation.
11
00:00:27,331 --> 00:00:29,322
Well whatever,
working vacation.
12
00:00:29,390 --> 00:00:33,159
Cause I'm not too worried about some
drum-circling hippie tree-hugger.
13
00:00:33,227 --> 00:00:35,462
Sir, can you
find your seat for me?
14
00:00:35,529 --> 00:00:36,596
Yeah it's right there.
15
00:00:36,664 --> 00:00:39,499
Can you go find some
more hurricanes for me?
16
00:00:39,567 --> 00:00:42,495
Hippies aren't the only people
who care about the environment.
17
00:00:42,615 --> 00:00:44,974
Like, I happen to care.
A lot.
18
00:00:45,094 --> 00:00:48,058
And so does our target Joshua Gray,
aka Gandalf.
19
00:00:48,178 --> 00:00:50,176
His name's Gandalf?
And he's not a hippie?
20
00:00:50,244 --> 00:00:53,142
Gray's an ex-Green Beret,
and he's attacked nuclear power plants
21
00:00:53,262 --> 00:00:55,191
hydro-electric dams, wailing ships...
22
00:00:55,311 --> 00:00:58,360
Wailing ships? What?
He's against clean-burning lamp oil?
23
00:00:58,480 --> 00:00:59,654
Would you relax?
24
00:00:59,774 --> 00:01:03,523
We know he's gonna try to attack the
pipeline, and we know where the pipeline is...
25
00:01:03,643 --> 00:01:06,274
Yeah, running through
a couple hundred miles of marshy wetlands.
26
00:01:06,394 --> 00:01:08,165
So mobility will be key, Lana.
27
00:01:08,285 --> 00:01:11,392
And how will we achieve mobility?
Huh?
28
00:01:11,512 --> 00:01:13,796
An airboat, Lana!
29
00:01:13,916 --> 00:01:16,100
Just like Burt Reynolds
in "White Lightning"!
30
00:01:16,220 --> 00:01:18,251
- Great, just...
- Not to mention "Gator"!
31
00:01:18,371 --> 00:01:21,708
Which, even though it's the sequel, I think
is actually the stronger of the two films.
32
00:01:21,776 --> 00:01:23,583
Just try to keep a low profile.
33
00:01:23,703 --> 00:01:26,356
We could scare off Gray if we don't
maintain the element of surprise.
34
00:01:26,476 --> 00:01:28,348
Hey here's a surprise:
35
00:01:28,416 --> 00:01:29,482
This is Hermès.
36
00:01:29,550 --> 00:01:30,772
Ooh, and here's another one.
37
00:01:30,892 --> 00:01:32,921
- Remember Jerry Reed's character in Gator?
- No.
38
00:01:33,041 --> 00:01:34,406
Bama McCall?
39
00:01:35,122 --> 00:01:35,989
No.
40
00:01:36,056 --> 00:01:37,757
Well whatever,
check this out. I stuh...
41
00:01:37,825 --> 00:01:39,058
borrowed it from Woodhouse.
42
00:01:39,126 --> 00:01:40,356
Archer, what the shit?!
43
00:01:40,476 --> 00:01:43,546
- Right? It's just like in Gator...
- Gun! Gun!
44
00:01:43,666 --> 00:01:44,831
Drop it, drop it!
45
00:01:44,899 --> 00:01:45,932
You drop it!
46
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:46,833
Lana, hijacking!
47
00:01:46,901 --> 00:01:48,420
Dammit, it's not a...
48
00:01:49,585 --> 00:01:51,647
Oh great,
there better be more of those!
49
00:01:51,767 --> 00:01:53,840
Sky marshal!
Drop your weapon!
50
00:01:53,908 --> 00:01:56,843
- Oh! Okay relax, it's okay, we're...
- Dut dut dut dut dut!
51
00:01:56,911 --> 00:02:00,847
Sterling Archer and Lana Kane
of ISIS, and we're on a mission to stop
52
00:02:00,915 --> 00:02:04,617
an eco-terrorist from
blowing up a gas pipeline!
53
00:02:04,685 --> 00:02:08,955
So for the love of God, woman, go
make me a fresh batch of hurricanes!
54
00:02:09,023 --> 00:02:10,023
Great.
55
00:02:10,090 --> 00:02:11,290
Way to keep a low profile.
56
00:02:11,410 --> 00:02:12,826
Thanks.
57
00:02:13,893 --> 00:02:24,740
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
58
00:02:48,793 --> 00:02:53,496
This is the AmPetCo gas pipeline...
Runs right underneath these
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00:02:53,564 --> 00:02:58,301
swamps, supplyin' almost twenty percent
of America's liquid natural gas demand.
60
00:02:58,369 --> 00:03:00,570
- Right...
- But there's a pig launcher here...
61
00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:01,938
Is that what it sounds like?
62
00:03:02,006 --> 00:03:04,674
It's a pipe inspection
gauge, for cleaning the pipeline.
63
00:03:04,742 --> 00:03:09,145
It's the only section above ground, so
if Gray wants to attack our pipeline...
64
00:03:09,213 --> 00:03:10,947
He'll have to do it there.
65
00:03:11,015 --> 00:03:13,516
So we'll set up a defensive
perimeter at the launcher,
66
00:03:13,584 --> 00:03:15,051
and catch him when he tries.
67
00:03:15,119 --> 00:03:17,654
Well wait, hang on a second...
Can I get the oyster
68
00:03:17,721 --> 00:03:20,623
po'boy and just like, a
side of crawfish étouffee?
69
00:03:20,691 --> 00:03:21,778
Cause I'm not sure
if I'll like it.
70
00:03:21,898 --> 00:03:22,512
Archer.
71
00:03:22,632 --> 00:03:23,959
No? Just an entree?
Okay.
72
00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:26,760
Oh, so the po'boy...Hello?
73
00:03:27,565 --> 00:03:30,667
- Wow, speaking of disastrous...
- Speaking of shut up,
74
00:03:30,734 --> 00:03:33,002
think about what will happen to
those fragile wetlands if that
75
00:03:33,070 --> 00:03:34,103
pipeline explodes!
76
00:03:34,171 --> 00:03:38,808
Screw the damn swamps, think
what'll happen to AmPetCo's profit margin!
77
00:03:38,876 --> 00:03:40,677
- What?
- Big money.
78
00:03:40,744 --> 00:03:43,680
Huge tax credits from that
hippie Democrat congress,
79
00:03:43,747 --> 00:03:46,249
just for making a few
simple changes around here.
80
00:03:46,317 --> 00:03:48,451
Well, a lot of
these aren't so simple.
81
00:03:48,519 --> 00:03:51,421
Replacing all the lights with
high efficiency fluorescents,
82
00:03:51,489 --> 00:03:53,578
putting lowflow fixtures
on all the plumbing...
83
00:03:53,698 --> 00:03:55,022
Recycling old batteries?!
84
00:03:55,142 --> 00:03:57,211
Exactly, don't
we do that already?
85
00:03:57,331 --> 00:03:58,237
Umm...
86
00:04:06,354 --> 00:04:08,152
- Prrretty much...
- Good.
87
00:04:08,272 --> 00:04:10,206
Because I'm not leaving
money on the table.
88
00:04:10,274 --> 00:04:14,977
So to get these freebie socialist tax
credits, we are going to make this place
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00:04:15,097 --> 00:04:17,146
lean and green.
90
00:04:17,214 --> 00:04:21,618
Typical corporate bullshit Thirty
acres of wetlands disappear every day,
91
00:04:21,685 --> 00:04:24,721
but all you care about is how much
natural gas you can pump out!
92
00:04:24,788 --> 00:04:26,723
Hey, we're just
supplying a demand.
93
00:04:26,790 --> 00:04:28,892
Yeah, AmPetCo's
demand for huge profits!
94
00:04:28,959 --> 00:04:31,528
Well, some of those
huge profits are paying ISIS to
95
00:04:31,595 --> 00:04:35,088
- protect that pipeline...
- Which I'm only doing for the wetlands...
96
00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:38,272
- Wetlands, profits, whatever...
- Yeah, sounds like a win-win...
97
00:04:38,392 --> 00:04:39,973
Just get out
there and do your job!
98
00:04:40,093 --> 00:04:41,132
Yeah I will!
99
00:04:41,252 --> 00:04:42,867
If you will excuse me!
100
00:04:46,911 --> 00:04:48,978
I should go with her.
101
00:04:49,046 --> 00:04:51,581
I don't think room
service is coming.
102
00:04:51,649 --> 00:04:53,750
Shoulda called first...
Cause dat's the only airboat
103
00:04:53,817 --> 00:04:55,985
around for fifty miles,
and it's reserved.
104
00:04:56,053 --> 00:04:57,854
What do you mean it's reserved?
105
00:04:57,922 --> 00:04:59,489
Is dat not self-explanatory?
106
00:04:59,557 --> 00:05:01,297
Look, this is kind of an emergency.
107
00:05:01,417 --> 00:05:03,004
- Can we work something out?
- Maybe.
108
00:05:03,042 --> 00:05:05,008
Maybe use that money to buy a time machine,
109
00:05:05,128 --> 00:05:06,710
go back
in time, and be the first person
110
00:05:06,830 --> 00:05:07,830
to reserve dat boat.
111
00:05:07,898 --> 00:05:08,974
You sure about that?
112
00:05:09,094 --> 00:05:09,927
- Yup.
- Good.
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00:05:10,047 --> 00:05:13,268
Cause I've waited my entire life
to say this exact phrase...
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00:05:13,388 --> 00:05:16,523
I'm commandeering this airboat.
115
00:05:16,941 --> 00:05:18,174
Sorry!
116
00:05:18,242 --> 00:05:19,842
It really is an emergency!
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00:05:19,910 --> 00:05:23,130
Of an awesome
and asskicky nature.
118
00:05:24,097 --> 00:05:26,642
And some damn guard dog you is!
119
00:05:27,239 --> 00:05:30,787
Annie! Annie?
120
00:05:30,854 --> 00:05:32,789
Aw, well that's just great.
121
00:05:32,856 --> 00:05:35,565
Now both my dogs is dead!
122
00:05:38,429 --> 00:05:41,067
Stupid efficient
Canadian lightbulbs.
123
00:05:41,187 --> 00:05:42,832
I can barely even
see what I'm doing.
124
00:05:42,900 --> 00:05:43,866
What arya doin?
125
00:05:43,934 --> 00:05:45,204
I need six more of these.
126
00:05:45,324 --> 00:05:46,457
Why do you need seven?
127
00:05:46,577 --> 00:05:48,905
One for each cat, duh!
128
00:05:48,973 --> 00:05:50,773
For God's sake, Pam!
129
00:05:50,841 --> 00:05:52,775
Have you no sense of decency?!
130
00:05:52,843 --> 00:05:55,111
That bathroom's like
a, a war crime!
131
00:05:55,179 --> 00:05:58,014
Don't blame me, it's
those new lowflow toilets!
132
00:05:58,082 --> 00:06:01,084
With the old ones you could
flush a dachsund puppy!
133
00:06:01,151 --> 00:06:03,853
I mean, not that you would, but
Well next time use the...
134
00:06:03,921 --> 00:06:04,787
Dut dut dut dut!
135
00:06:04,855 --> 00:06:06,042
Women's restroom!
136
00:06:09,128 --> 00:06:10,548
The what?
137
00:06:10,668 --> 00:06:11,927
Thanks, Cyril.
138
00:06:18,656 --> 00:06:21,752
Woooo! Seriously Lana, this must
be what it's like to have sex with me!
139
00:06:21,872 --> 00:06:23,806
How can an airboat be selfish?
140
00:06:23,874 --> 00:06:25,608
Nope!
Can't hear you, I'm too happy!
141
00:06:25,676 --> 00:06:28,444
You can't hear me because
you're redlining the engine!
142
00:06:28,512 --> 00:06:30,947
Thank you, certified
airboat mechanic!
143
00:06:31,015 --> 00:06:32,882
Now where's the pig
launcher thing?
144
00:06:32,950 --> 00:06:34,050
This heading, one mile!
145
00:06:34,118 --> 00:06:37,787
- But I'm serious, if you don't slow down...
- I'll keep feeling this
146
00:06:37,855 --> 00:06:39,489
incredibly vibrant and alive!
147
00:06:39,556 --> 00:06:41,069
Yeah, right up until you blow
the damn engine, so...
148
00:06:41,189 --> 00:06:42,193
Lana!
149
00:06:42,313 --> 00:06:44,965
I am not... gonna blow...
150
00:07:04,186 --> 00:07:07,869
Try clearing your throat about a jillion
more times, Lana, see if that helps.
151
00:07:10,357 --> 00:07:11,167
No?
152
00:07:11,644 --> 00:07:12,753
Nothing?
153
00:07:17,998 --> 00:07:21,296
No no, by all means,
let me do it...
154
00:07:21,416 --> 00:07:23,380
You just sit there like
the African Queen.
155
00:07:23,448 --> 00:07:25,149
The African Queen was the boat.
156
00:07:25,216 --> 00:07:26,895
- What? No it wasn't, it was Audrey...
- Katherine.
157
00:07:27,015 --> 00:07:28,900
Whichever Hepburn,
she was the queen.
158
00:07:31,069 --> 00:07:31,955
Of Africa.
159
00:07:32,023 --> 00:07:32,923
Yeah.
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00:07:32,991 --> 00:07:35,626
The white queen of Africa.
161
00:07:35,693 --> 00:07:38,395
Yeah, back then Hollywood was
pretty weird about the whole race
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00:07:38,463 --> 00:07:42,833
thing... Like, Amos and Andy were white,
a white guy played Charlie Chan...
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00:07:42,901 --> 00:07:45,098
- Archer... - Pretty sure Tonto was a Jew...
- Stop!
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00:07:45,218 --> 00:07:46,534
What? ! Gator?!
165
00:07:46,654 --> 00:07:47,771
- Gator?
- Talking!
166
00:07:47,891 --> 00:07:49,606
But I wish there was a gator!
167
00:07:49,674 --> 00:07:51,775
Hey c'mon, not even as a joke.
168
00:07:51,843 --> 00:07:53,699
- It so wasn't.
- Look, I said I was sorry!
169
00:07:53,819 --> 00:07:56,212
Tell all this wildlife
you're sorry when the pipeline
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00:07:56,332 --> 00:07:58,215
blows up because we're
not there to protect it!
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00:07:58,283 --> 00:08:00,717
A, all this
wildlife can suck it!
172
00:08:00,785 --> 00:08:03,882
Every thing out here either wants
to eat me or give me malaria!
173
00:08:04,002 --> 00:08:05,036
And B...
174
00:08:06,870 --> 00:08:08,606
No thanks to you, Queen Audrey.
175
00:08:08,726 --> 00:08:11,197
Would you, just...
176
00:08:12,022 --> 00:08:14,282
Okay, let's set up a defensive perimeter.
177
00:08:14,402 --> 00:08:15,666
Yeah, right after
I set up the grill.
178
00:08:15,733 --> 00:08:17,634
- Dammit Archer, will you...
- Hey! I just dragged this
179
00:08:17,702 --> 00:08:19,937
damn boat through a mile
of my three biggest fears,
180
00:08:20,004 --> 00:08:22,372
so I think I've earned a kabob!
181
00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:23,574
Well, too bad!
182
00:08:23,641 --> 00:08:27,377
Your lab uses more electricity than
the rest of ISIS put together.
183
00:08:27,445 --> 00:08:29,125
Yes, and I need
every single watt!
184
00:08:29,245 --> 00:08:30,057
- No!
- But, but I need...
185
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:32,492
We all have to pitch in
to make ISIS green.
186
00:08:32,612 --> 00:08:35,176
Loot at me,
chopping ice for a Tom Collins
187
00:08:35,220 --> 00:08:36,453
like a field hand.
188
00:08:36,521 --> 00:08:39,122
- But...
- Ooh, or do I want a mint julep?
189
00:08:39,190 --> 00:08:40,791
But the slightest
reduction of power to my lab
190
00:08:40,859 --> 00:08:42,159
could put lives at risk!
191
00:08:42,227 --> 00:08:44,484
Lives of what, a few lab rats?
192
00:08:52,111 --> 00:08:53,988
Also, yes.
193
00:08:54,439 --> 00:08:57,307
Yeah, good, great idea...
Do the one thing that
194
00:08:57,375 --> 00:08:58,709
could possibly make it hotter.
195
00:08:58,776 --> 00:09:01,044
Ya gotta sear 'em first,
it locks in the flavor.
196
00:09:01,112 --> 00:09:03,981
And if you're hot, and also
somewhat bitchy, drink a beer.
197
00:09:04,048 --> 00:09:06,783
I don't want a
beer, I want water.
198
00:09:06,851 --> 00:09:07,718
Your funeral.
199
00:09:07,785 --> 00:09:09,786
God knows what kinda parasites
are swimming around in it.
200
00:09:09,854 --> 00:09:13,090
Not swamp water, ass, bottled!
201
00:09:13,157 --> 00:09:15,859
- Oh you are shitting me...
- I know, right?
202
00:09:15,927 --> 00:09:18,762
A rainbow should shoot out
every time you open it.
203
00:09:18,830 --> 00:09:20,330
You didn't bring any water?!
204
00:09:20,398 --> 00:09:21,243
Where would I have put it?
205
00:09:21,363 --> 00:09:24,414
Great, I'll just wait half
an hour for a cup of ice to melt.
206
00:09:24,534 --> 00:09:26,444
- Dut dut dut dutm dut.
- Oww, shit!
207
00:09:26,564 --> 00:09:28,221
What the [BEEP] shit is this?
208
00:09:28,341 --> 00:09:31,156
No, no, no, Lana.
It's dry ice!
209
00:09:36,919 --> 00:09:39,003
Hurry, put your
hands in the swamp!
210
00:09:39,123 --> 00:09:40,733
Rrrgh!
211
00:09:46,591 --> 00:09:48,033
How ya doin, buddy?
212
00:09:49,827 --> 00:09:53,444
Because dry ice is something crazy
like, negative a hundred degrees...
213
00:09:53,564 --> 00:09:56,156
I need you, to not talk to me.
214
00:09:56,276 --> 00:09:59,770
I know, and I know you're in a
lot of pain, so just try to relax...
215
00:09:59,837 --> 00:10:02,406
Why are you still talk... ow!
216
00:10:02,473 --> 00:10:03,907
And say hi to Sister Morphine.
217
00:10:03,975 --> 00:10:04,708
Morphine?!
218
00:10:04,776 --> 00:10:06,709
Dammit, I don't... need...
That actually feels waaaay better.
219
00:10:06,948 --> 00:10:08,128
- Yeah?
- Yeahhhh...
220
00:10:08,248 --> 00:10:09,876
That actually feels better.
221
00:10:09,996 --> 00:10:12,015
Good, then get up.
You're sitting on the beer.
222
00:10:13,734 --> 00:10:15,420
Alright, so wait a second.
223
00:10:15,540 --> 00:10:17,120
What're your
three biggest fears?
224
00:10:17,188 --> 00:10:17,788
Nope.
225
00:10:17,855 --> 00:10:19,930
- C'mon...
- No, hush, I'm trying to fish.
226
00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:21,220
No, don't shoot the fish.
227
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,323
C'mon, this is a very
fragile ecosystem.
228
00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:25,425
Too fragile to spare one trout?
229
00:10:25,492 --> 00:10:27,720
No, but... Or bass
or whatever, what's in here?
230
00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:31,097
Nothing soon, if people like
you keep destroying the environment.
231
00:10:31,165 --> 00:10:32,794
Wh-?!
It's one lousy fish!
232
00:10:32,914 --> 00:10:35,694
One lousy black rhino,
one lousy Bengal tiger...
233
00:10:35,814 --> 00:10:37,343
One lousy Lorax!
234
00:10:37,463 --> 00:10:39,539
Since when are you such a
radical environmentalist?
235
00:10:39,606 --> 00:10:41,107
I'm not radical.
236
00:10:41,175 --> 00:10:42,542
Well, I mean not anymore.
237
00:10:42,609 --> 00:10:44,671
Back in the day, though...
238
00:10:44,791 --> 00:10:46,377
Fur is murder!
239
00:10:46,497 --> 00:10:48,012
Fur is murder!
240
00:10:48,132 --> 00:10:49,676
Fur is murder!
241
00:10:49,796 --> 00:10:51,232
Fur is murder!
242
00:10:51,352 --> 00:10:54,554
How's it feel
to be a murderer?!
243
00:10:54,621 --> 00:10:56,106
Shall we find out?
244
00:10:59,872 --> 00:11:04,265
Lady, you don't scare me...
MALORY Dear, this is a forty-four magnum.
245
00:11:05,366 --> 00:11:08,058
- You're really not scared, are you?
- Newp.
246
00:11:09,603 --> 00:11:11,804
Then how would you like a job?
247
00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:15,908
Three weeks later I was in
Tunisia, killing a different man...
248
00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:17,877
And how and why is that funny?
249
00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:19,579
Not that, I
forgot about that afro.
250
00:11:19,646 --> 00:11:20,380
Hey, ya know what?
251
00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:22,248
I know you looked like
Angela Davis had a lovechild
252
00:11:22,316 --> 00:11:23,983
with Sweet Lou Dunbar.
253
00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:26,219
Shut up... You shut up,
I'm trying to catch us some dinner.
254
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:28,488
- Well, if you'd brought enough food...
- I wouldn't have had room
255
00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:31,224
- for beer, and I since I can't catch beer...
- Or a fish.
256
00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:32,191
Yes I can.
257
00:11:32,259 --> 00:11:34,257
Burt Reynolds is my spirit-guide.
258
00:11:34,377 --> 00:11:35,428
Did you say man-crush?
259
00:11:35,496 --> 00:11:37,066
No, I'm pretty
sure it was shut up.
260
00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:40,400
What're your
three biggest fears?
261
00:11:40,467 --> 00:11:42,635
Getting stuck on a
boat with you three times.
262
00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:43,851
Ooh, here we go.
263
00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:46,906
C'mere fishy, fishy.
264
00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:52,328
And while you eat humble pie with a side
of crow, Lana I'll be dining on trout.
265
00:11:54,281 --> 00:11:55,148
Waaaaagh!
266
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:56,115
What the hell is that?!
267
00:11:56,183 --> 00:11:58,655
What the hell
does it look like?!
268
00:11:59,686 --> 00:12:01,053
Shoot it! Shoot it!
269
00:12:01,121 --> 00:12:02,455
ARCHER Oh, so now it's okay?!
270
00:12:02,523 --> 00:12:04,590
What happened to your
fragile ecosystem?!
271
00:12:04,658 --> 00:12:07,126
Screw the damn
ecosystem, shoot!
272
00:12:07,194 --> 00:12:08,517
You are such a hypocrite!
273
00:12:08,637 --> 00:12:11,090
I bet you probably eat veal!
274
00:12:15,302 --> 00:12:16,969
Did you see that?!
275
00:12:17,037 --> 00:12:19,694
And hear that, what is
that, what's that sound?
276
00:12:19,814 --> 00:12:24,287
Oh you are shitting me...
How did you shoot the boat?!
277
00:12:24,407 --> 00:12:27,146
Because I was bucking around
like a rodeo clown in a barrel!
278
00:12:27,214 --> 00:12:28,815
Well did you hit the gator?!
279
00:12:28,882 --> 00:12:29,588
I dunno!
280
00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:32,785
- I mean, maybe...
- Great, so maybe he's wounded.
281
00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:34,378
No, he's definitely wounded.
282
00:12:34,498 --> 00:12:37,919
Oh right, I forgot he has an
arrow, sticking out of his head!
283
00:12:38,039 --> 00:12:39,779
Yeah I think
that's what enraged him.
284
00:12:39,899 --> 00:12:43,696
And so now all twenty enraged feet
of him is swimming around out there...
285
00:12:43,764 --> 00:12:47,900
- In that inky black water...
- Into which we are currently sinking.
286
00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:49,535
Yeah, it's not ideal.
287
00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:52,705
I mean, even if we had more shells,
You only brought two shells?!
288
00:12:52,773 --> 00:12:54,841
No, I brought
shitloads, thank you!
289
00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:55,942
Well where are they?!
290
00:12:56,009 --> 00:13:02,135
In the gear bags...
With your guns. And everything else.
291
00:13:03,420 --> 00:13:05,696
Still got the cooler though, so...
292
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:11,401
Thank God for small miracles, huh?
293
00:13:12,269 --> 00:13:14,927
Lana. Lana.
294
00:13:15,963 --> 00:13:17,330
Lanaaaa!
295
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:18,097
What?!
296
00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:20,700
I said thank God
for small miracles.
297
00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:21,701
I heard you.
298
00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:23,092
I know.
299
00:13:31,133 --> 00:13:32,734
Yeah, why dontcha
have another one?
300
00:13:32,801 --> 00:13:33,835
Well, somebody's got to.
301
00:13:33,903 --> 00:13:37,033
- And since you refuse to help...
- You don't need help to get drunk!
302
00:13:37,153 --> 00:13:40,055
Oh please, it takes more
than some three-two... Or, wow,
303
00:13:40,175 --> 00:13:42,874
six percent beer to get
Sterling Archer drunk.
304
00:13:42,994 --> 00:13:44,395
Six, really?
305
00:13:44,515 --> 00:13:46,118
Yeah, so lay off!
306
00:13:46,238 --> 00:13:50,718
There's a giant wounded alligator out
there, not to mention a dangerous
307
00:13:50,786 --> 00:13:53,937
- eco-terrorist...
- Holy shit, totally forgot about him.
308
00:13:54,057 --> 00:13:56,506
I didn't... But that's
even more reason for you to get on board
309
00:13:56,626 --> 00:13:57,425
with my new plan!
310
00:13:57,493 --> 00:13:59,427
Is it as idiotic
as your other plan?
311
00:13:59,495 --> 00:14:01,387
That's how
brainstorming works, Lana!
312
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:05,029
- It's free-form, you come up with a lot
of ideas... - Yeah, like using the
313
00:14:05,149 --> 00:14:07,402
pipeline to set the
entire swamp on fire.
314
00:14:07,469 --> 00:14:11,439
Which, yes, bad idea, but it got
me thinking about chemical reactions!
315
00:14:11,507 --> 00:14:13,608
Like alcohol's
effect on the brain?
316
00:14:13,676 --> 00:14:17,612
No, like the reaction
between solid carbon dioxide,
317
00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:21,182
also known as dry ice, of
which we have plenty...
318
00:14:21,250 --> 00:14:26,134
And a fun, sexy little molecule
I like to call di-hydrogen monoxide.
319
00:14:27,323 --> 00:14:28,262
- Water?
- Water.
320
00:14:28,382 --> 00:14:30,755
Combine them in a sealed container
321
00:14:30,779 --> 00:14:33,213
- and you've got yourself...
- Some kind of dry ice bomb?
322
00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:36,070
Arrgh, yes, ruiner of explanations.
323
00:14:36,190 --> 00:14:37,855
I was building to that, but yes.
324
00:14:37,909 --> 00:14:39,626
Well, we got plenty of water.
325
00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:41,094
No, the swamp's too dirty,
326
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:43,590
it's full of whatever alligators shit out
327
00:14:43,710 --> 00:14:45,706
- which I can only assume it's people.
- They don't eat people.
328
00:14:45,763 --> 00:14:48,198
- They eat people all the time.
- They don't.
329
00:14:48,241 --> 00:14:51,128
Last year, Sarasoni County Florida,
Chett Willer, age 16,
330
00:14:51,177 --> 00:14:52,547
swimming in the Oak River Canal,
331
00:14:52,667 --> 00:14:54,039
killed by an 11 footer.
332
00:14:54,159 --> 00:14:56,186
Two years ago, *** County, Georgia,
333
00:14:56,306 --> 00:14:57,987
Ruth Baker, age 39,
334
00:14:58,107 --> 00:15:00,006
killed in her back yard by a 10 footer.
335
00:15:00,126 --> 00:15:04,773
Same year, Pinellas County Florida,
Walter Jakes, age 70, and his dog,
336
00:15:04,893 --> 00:15:06,160
killed by a 12-footer.
337
00:15:06,228 --> 00:15:08,378
- Three years ago, Dade County...
- Archer!
338
00:15:08,498 --> 00:15:09,388
What?!
339
00:15:10,369 --> 00:15:13,255
What are your
three biggest fears? Archer?
340
00:15:13,375 --> 00:15:15,380
Alligators, by far the biggest.
341
00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:19,273
And so... you've memorized
every fatal alligator attack?
342
00:15:19,341 --> 00:15:22,253
Just in the U.S., I can't find
any information on tacks in China.
343
00:15:22,845 --> 00:15:24,304
They only live here and China.
344
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:25,513
Two different species.
345
00:15:25,581 --> 00:15:28,048
Chinese alligators are smaller,
but their bellies are
346
00:15:28,168 --> 00:15:31,519
fully-armored so it kind of equals
out and... Can we change the subject?!
347
00:15:31,587 --> 00:15:33,621
Okay, what's your
second biggest fear?
348
00:15:33,689 --> 00:15:36,343
God, will ya
just... it's crocodiles!
349
00:15:36,463 --> 00:15:38,008
Wait, do crocodiles
even live here?
350
00:15:38,128 --> 00:15:39,669
Not here-here,
but in the Everglades.
351
00:15:39,789 --> 00:15:41,889
That's like, a
thousand miles away.
352
00:15:41,909 --> 00:15:44,318
Well, three years ago they
caught a 9-foot croc in the surf at
353
00:15:44,438 --> 00:15:46,769
Myrtle Beach so, ya know...
shit happens.
354
00:15:46,889 --> 00:15:47,578
Wow.
355
00:15:47,698 --> 00:15:49,149
Not sure I even wanna know what
your third-biggest fear is...
356
00:15:49,269 --> 00:15:50,571
- Brain aneurysm.
- What?
357
00:15:50,639 --> 00:15:54,292
What does a brain aneurysm have
to do with walking around in a swamp?!
358
00:15:54,344 --> 00:15:56,513
Nothing, it can happen anywhere.
At any time.
359
00:15:56,633 --> 00:15:57,846
That's why it's terrifying.
360
00:15:57,914 --> 00:16:02,384
Oh my God... okay, okay, so if
the gator-poop water is too dirty...
361
00:16:02,452 --> 00:16:03,438
Yeah, we need distilled water.
362
00:16:03,558 --> 00:16:05,287
Does your plan
include finding some?
363
00:16:05,355 --> 00:16:06,098
Yes. But.
364
00:16:06,218 --> 00:16:06,889
But what.
365
00:16:06,956 --> 00:16:08,068
You're not gonna like it.
366
00:16:08,188 --> 00:16:09,437
Do we have to distill our pee?
367
00:16:09,557 --> 00:16:10,905
I guess you can if you want.
368
00:16:11,025 --> 00:16:14,759
- But I was just gonna use this...
- There was bottled water
369
00:16:14,790 --> 00:16:16,298
in there the whole time?!
370
00:16:16,366 --> 00:16:18,367
Yeah, I just forgot.
371
00:16:18,434 --> 00:16:19,601
You forgot.
372
00:16:19,669 --> 00:16:20,636
Thanks, idiot!
373
00:16:20,685 --> 00:16:23,906
What, you still would've burned
your hands reaching in here! Idiot!
374
00:16:23,973 --> 00:16:26,308
I hope an alligator
attacks you at the exact second
375
00:16:26,376 --> 00:16:27,643
you have a brain aneurysm.
376
00:16:27,710 --> 00:16:28,992
How could you even say that?!
377
00:16:29,112 --> 00:16:31,313
That's like me saying I
hope you get cancer!
378
00:16:31,381 --> 00:16:32,539
What the hell
is wrong with you?!
379
00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:33,649
I obviously don't!
380
00:16:33,716 --> 00:16:38,171
But holy shit, Lana... I pour my heart out,
and you just throw it right back in my face?
381
00:16:39,389 --> 00:16:40,700
- Sorry.
- Well, you should be.
382
00:16:40,820 --> 00:16:43,358
That's... wait, okay,
what's your biggest fear?
383
00:16:43,426 --> 00:16:45,052
- Newp.
- Come on, I told you mine!
384
00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:46,595
I know. You lose.
385
00:16:46,663 --> 00:16:48,714
- I think your biggest fear is intimacy...
- Ha.
386
00:16:48,834 --> 00:16:51,333
When what you should be
afraid of is falling in love
387
00:16:51,401 --> 00:16:53,810
with me again because
of my awesomeness.
388
00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:54,736
Check this out.
389
00:16:54,804 --> 00:16:55,971
Wait, how do you light it?
390
00:16:56,039 --> 00:16:58,173
You don't, the pressure
just builds up until it explodes.
391
00:16:58,241 --> 00:16:59,107
How long does that take?
392
00:16:59,175 --> 00:17:01,643
Depends on how much water you
add, we're gonna need to dial it in.
393
00:17:01,711 --> 00:17:03,679
So you have no idea
when that's gonna go off.
394
00:17:03,799 --> 00:17:04,639
How could I?
395
00:17:07,596 --> 00:17:08,786
Aw, shit!
396
00:17:15,492 --> 00:17:16,623
- Asshole.
- Did it getcha?
397
00:17:16,743 --> 00:17:17,793
- No!
- Me neither.
398
00:17:17,826 --> 00:17:19,580
- Wow, again, small...
- Don't!
399
00:17:21,245 --> 00:17:22,385
- Miracles.
- Rrgh!
400
00:17:22,414 --> 00:17:23,284
How long was that?
401
00:17:23,326 --> 00:17:26,200
Oh I'm sorry, I
forgot to time it!
402
00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:27,723
It's okay, I
forgot to measure it.
403
00:17:28,571 --> 00:17:30,376
So we're both gonna
need to do better.
404
00:17:30,722 --> 00:17:32,374
Every single one!
405
00:17:32,442 --> 00:17:34,810
To hell with the tax credits, I
want every last one of those
406
00:17:34,878 --> 00:17:36,578
low-flow toilets out!
407
00:17:36,646 --> 00:17:39,348
Dump them on the street with
those ridiculous light bulbs.
408
00:17:39,415 --> 00:17:41,450
Why do I have to
carry the toilets?
409
00:17:41,517 --> 00:17:42,351
You know why.
410
00:17:42,418 --> 00:17:44,579
Because of the things
that come out of your body.
411
00:17:44,621 --> 00:17:45,414
Oh shut up.
412
00:17:45,449 --> 00:17:48,188
Mister Bigmouth, telling her
we have a women's bathroom.
413
00:17:48,308 --> 00:17:50,595
Where I better never
catch you again!
414
00:17:50,610 --> 00:17:51,226
Okay!
415
00:17:51,294 --> 00:17:53,200
Jeez, hostile work environment.
416
00:17:53,257 --> 00:17:55,404
Yeah, so
everything's back to normal.
417
00:17:55,446 --> 00:17:56,075
Is it?!
418
00:17:56,195 --> 00:17:58,105
I told you lives were at risk!
419
00:17:58,225 --> 00:18:00,369
Now behold the horror
you have wrought!
420
00:18:00,436 --> 00:18:02,371
And Pam? If you're dumping
stuff on the street?
421
00:18:02,438 --> 00:18:03,176
This can all go.
422
00:18:03,195 --> 00:18:04,632
- What is it?
- Shattered dreams.
423
00:18:05,308 --> 00:18:06,366
Smells like rotten meat.
424
00:18:06,414 --> 00:18:07,191
Also, yes.
425
00:18:09,312 --> 00:18:11,079
Yeah, there we go!
426
00:18:11,147 --> 00:18:13,115
Okay, I think we've got
the recipe figured out!
427
00:18:13,182 --> 00:18:14,209
Yeah, that was
actually pretty great.
428
00:18:14,329 --> 00:18:15,758
- Duh! - Shut up!
- You shut up!
429
00:18:15,878 --> 00:18:18,040
Okay, I'll get dry ice
in the rest of the bottles,
430
00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:21,023
you be ready with the water, and
we'll wait for that big fat
431
00:18:21,090 --> 00:18:22,841
stupid gator to come back.
432
00:18:22,961 --> 00:18:24,448
Destroying his
habitat isn't enough?
433
00:18:24,568 --> 00:18:25,408
What?
434
00:18:25,528 --> 00:18:27,856
I would've been here sooner,
but you stole my boat.
435
00:18:27,976 --> 00:18:30,666
Do you not understand how
reservations work, or...?
436
00:18:30,733 --> 00:18:32,668
Reserve this, Treebeard!
437
00:18:32,735 --> 00:18:34,169
Oh please, it's
not even loaded.
438
00:18:34,237 --> 00:18:35,830
- Wh-? Thanks Lana.
- Shut up.
439
00:18:35,950 --> 00:18:37,714
- Hi, Josh.
- Hello, Lana.
440
00:18:37,834 --> 00:18:38,924
You know each other?!
441
00:18:39,044 --> 00:18:42,358
Josh was my Environmental Policy T.A.
When I was in college.
442
00:18:42,478 --> 00:18:43,691
And her lover...
443
00:18:51,786 --> 00:18:52,590
Also, yes.
444
00:18:52,615 --> 00:18:54,389
Wait, I thought he
was a Green Beret!
445
00:18:54,457 --> 00:18:56,658
I went to grad school
on the G.I. bill.
446
00:18:56,726 --> 00:18:59,061
And that's when I realized I
had to lead the fight against
447
00:18:59,128 --> 00:19:01,363
the systematic rape
of Mother Nature.
448
00:19:01,431 --> 00:19:03,665
But back then you just
organized peaceful protests...
449
00:19:03,733 --> 00:19:07,369
Like that day at the fur store
where you disappeared without a trace.
450
00:19:07,437 --> 00:19:09,237
I guess I kinda...
found my calling.
451
00:19:09,305 --> 00:19:12,474
What, as a hired gun for
the military- industrial complex?
452
00:19:12,542 --> 00:19:15,177
A traitor to the cause of
environmental protection?
453
00:19:15,244 --> 00:19:16,411
Me? ! What about you?!
454
00:19:16,479 --> 00:19:19,881
- Always running around, blowing shit up...
- Threatening our supply
455
00:19:19,949 --> 00:19:22,073
- of lamp oil...
- Shut up, but Josh seriously,
456
00:19:22,304 --> 00:19:24,824
do you really think the ends justify
such violent means?
457
00:19:24,944 --> 00:19:25,715
Yes!
458
00:19:25,835 --> 00:19:27,638
Because this is a war!
459
00:19:27,758 --> 00:19:31,210
And victory will only come when Americans
will stop destroying the Earth
460
00:19:31,330 --> 00:19:32,442
just so they can drive
461
00:19:32,562 --> 00:19:36,105
bigger cars, build bigger
houses, and eat bigger food!
462
00:19:36,225 --> 00:19:39,018
- So like, never.
- Yeah.
463
00:19:39,263 --> 00:19:41,344
- Oh my God, that's depressing...
- Sorry.
464
00:19:41,598 --> 00:19:44,139
And I'm also sorry we can't let
you blow up this pipeline.
465
00:19:44,259 --> 00:19:45,440
I wasn't going to.
466
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:48,325
Well then why... I mean I
was, but I saw you with this idiot,
467
00:19:48,445 --> 00:19:50,612
yelling on the plane
about working for ISIS.
468
00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:53,016
So technically
I saved the pipeline!
469
00:19:53,136 --> 00:19:53,964
Yeah, you're the best.
470
00:19:54,084 --> 00:19:55,293
ARCHER Whatever, I win.
471
00:19:55,413 --> 00:19:56,600
Suck it, Samwise.
472
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:59,560
- Archer...
- So, you need a lift back to land?
473
00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:02,457
- Yeah, lemme just grab my cooler and...
- Not you! Ass.
474
00:20:02,525 --> 00:20:06,909
Lana? Maybe we can grab dinner,
see some Dixieland jazz?
475
00:20:06,942 --> 00:20:08,747
That sounds lovely.
476
00:20:08,867 --> 00:20:10,713
Oh c'mon, are you kidding me?!
477
00:20:11,175 --> 00:20:12,585
You're really gonna
leave me out here?!
478
00:20:12,705 --> 00:20:13,646
Yup!
479
00:20:13,900 --> 00:20:15,865
I like your new
hairdo, by the way.
480
00:20:15,985 --> 00:20:19,013
Well if you like the collar,
you're gonna love the cuffs...
481
00:20:19,938 --> 00:20:21,476
Well that's just great.
482
00:20:21,544 --> 00:20:26,446
She gets dinner and Dixieland and
laid, and I get mosquitos and no beer
483
00:20:26,665 --> 00:20:27,783
and not laid.
484
00:20:27,850 --> 00:20:29,232
How could this get any w...
485
00:20:29,856 --> 00:20:32,700
Lemme finish, worse?
486
00:20:32,820 --> 00:20:34,816
Now, okay see, you ruined it.
487
00:20:36,278 --> 00:20:37,468
You ruined the moment.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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