Original subtitles

( Owl hoots )

( Thunder crashes )

( Thunder crashes )

Morlock vehar atash.

- Atash pesel. - ( Bubbling )

Open now the porcelain vessel.

Shades of darkness, creatures dire.

( Creatures screaming )

- Ow. - We're here.

- ( Screams ) - You said the magic words.

Here's Johnny.

Prize time. You win a trip to the super bowl!

- Give it to me. You use this one. - Close your eyes.

- Why? - Use your heads.

( Screams )

- The book! No. - Shades of darkness, creatures dire.

Transform me now into consuming fire!

( Screams )

( Thunder crashes )

( Birds chirping )

Man on radio: Good morning.

This is wgaz, gaz. Rise and shine.

It's day one of prank week.

Will the betas regain the prank crown from the gammas?

Only time will tell.

Man: Hey!

( Shrieking )

Oh, shit!

( Groans )

Huh?

Whoa!

( Laughs )

Professor, get out of the way!

Whoa!

( Man humming )

Fuck.

Whoa.

Number one.

This is one for the collection.

Whoa, whoa!

"Lux tenebrae splenetic birth,

conjures the spirits of dark mirth.

Hermetic words of ancient lore,

make ghoulies slumber deep no more.

Argo pesel vitae sprite,

through dark fantastic dance of night.

( Groaning )

Wow, what is this shit?

Man #2: Hey, Wes, come on! We're gonna be late.

It's prank week.

Yeah. Okay, okay, I'm coming.

( Groans )

Man #2: Can't spend all the day on the can, amigo.

What'd you do, fall in?

( Voices shouting )

( Laughter )

Brothers, there's just no comparing a gamma yank

with a beta zeta theta yank.

Would a gamma have the cunning

to drill and re-pipe every campus water fountain?

( All laugh )

Would a gamma psi, could a gamma psi

ever conceive of rigging an ejector bench?

- ( Shrieks ) - ( Laughs )

Skip Carter, you are a yanking god.

And remember, you have lunch with the board of regents at noon today.

Oh.

All right, move, move, move. Professor coming through.

Oh, it's the old man.

Perfect.

Brothers, now here's a prime example

of a lame yank, no doubt perpetrated

by those brain-drained gamma psis.

I'll bet they're aiming a water Cannon at us right now.

- Professor: All right, come on now. - Coming through.

There are classes being held today, you know.

Professor ragnar.

Yeah!

Carter. don't touch me.

Clap it, slap it, wrap it.

You won't get away with those foolish pranks this year.

But that wasn't us.

I catch you one more time--

you and your silly frat brothers are out.

- Ha! - Come.

Men: Gamma, gamma, gamma!

( Beatboxing )

Yes, clap it, slap it, and wrap it.

Too bad, Carter.

Heilman. You think asshole tactics like that

are gonna win you the prank crown this year?

Wait, repeat, repeat.

- Poor loser, skippy. - Hey, heilman.

What are you gonna do, send all the judges to Florida again this year?

( All laugh )

Come Wednesday night, that crown is gonna be back where it belongs.

At beta zeta theta.

( Men shout ) Yeah!

♪ Beta theta, no one's greater... ♪

We're the prank kings!

( Hoots )

They're funny! They're funny!

Ha ha!

Girl: I had to finish two term papers last night.

Girl #2: I partied hearty last night.

Girl #3: You guys going to the game tonight?

Hi, Erin.

Hi, skip.

Wait, don't eat that.

Why not?

'Cause it's wax. They're all wax.

Gee, skip, you're quite the yanker.

Bet you spent all night rigging that one.

Look, Erin, about last night--

I'm sure you think I'm an insensitive, selfish clod--

- not to mention psychic. - But I didn't stand you up.

I just sort of forgot.

Oh, well, since you put it that way.

Come on, you know it's prank week.

You know how much beta zeta theta wants the crown back.

And you knew we had a date last night, skip.

- Where are your priorities? - You're my priority, Erin.

Come on. How about letting a charming, attractive guy

walk you to class?

- Fine. - Erin.

Jeremy. You know skip, right?

Sure. How's tricks, skippy?

Strike two.

( Shouting, chatter )

( Growling )

Yoo-hoo!

( Muffled laughter )

( Rattling )

( Rattling stops )

( All laughing )

( Class laughs )

( Man shushes )

This is an institution of learning.

And those of you that forget that

will soon have plenty of time on your hands to think about it.

All right.

The myth of pandora.

I trust that you've all acquainted yourself with pandora's box?

( Scattered laughter )

What's funny?

Pandora. Beautiful.

Charming. Cunning.

Curious creature.

( Girl giggling )

Mr. nesley, miss palm. Am I boring you?

Oh, uh, yes, sir.

( Class laughs )

"Ghoulish tales."

Is that comic more interesting to you than my class?

Uh, well, um, yes, sir.

( Class laughs )

Girl: Oh, no!

Uh-oh.

"Ghoulish tales.

Chapter one.

Wraiths of spirit, grotesque in form,

rudely summoned to be born.

Wake to this, the mage's call.

Anubis dio capubal.

Traverse gateway, come in haste.

Through porcelain place

of earthly waste."

This is rubbish!

Whoa!

( Scoffs )

- ( Bubbling ) - ( Creatures shouting )

Enough of this foolishness.

Now...

I'd like you all to get out paper and pencil

and get ready for a pop quiz.

( Air hissing )

( Class laughing )

Laugh if you must,

but it'll pay you to remember

that, as professor of humanities, I am also Dean of students,

and your transcripts, your graduation,

your future is in my hands.

And if this imbecilic prank war

between your fraternities continues,

the axe will fall!

Skip, we can't find the pizza we ordered.

Do you have a large sausage?

No complaints yet.

( Glass shatters )

Man: Hey, Maryann, watch this.

( Girl shrieks )

Kyle: Like my yamabachi?

It's got a three-beam laser tracking system,

a linear auto-play function and a dual-digit audio tape--

you pud.

Skip: Whoo-ee.

Wes is getting a lickin'.

Oh, man, girl oughta work in a post office.

Yeah, look at her check out his package.

Wesley.

Yeah.

"Ghoulish tales." ( Chuckles )

( Glass shatters )

Kyle: Like my yamabachi?

It's got a three-beam laser tracking system,

a linear auto-play function and a dual digit audio tape.

You pud.

Oh, Veronica.

That-- that was so--

- so-- - shh.

Wesley, don't ruin it by being reflective.

Let's go to skip's room with the equipment, huh?

No, not the equipment.

( Chuckles )

- So, any sign of Erin? - Nah, but she'll show.

Once she realizes that Jeremy and the gammas are all the same guy--

same clothes, the same brain, small one.

( Cow moos )

Hey, somebody get the door.

That must be Erin now.

- Hi there, sexy. - Sexy?

Officer barcus. What a surprise.

Hey, hey, hey. Are you coming on to me, Carter?

Well, I do love a man in maidenform.

Still wearing those ladies' undies?

Yeah. Hey, wait a minute. Who told you about that?

Those are doctor's orders. I got sensitive skin.

Okay, okay. don't get your panties in a bunch.

Skip: Wow.

Would you look at miss Bonnie.

Yeah. Lookin' pretty good, isn't she?

- Yeah. - Got a new siren, new paint.

14 coats of nitro-cellulose lacquer.

- Honeymoon beige. - Mmm. Solid.

- Yeah. - So, tell me, officer.

What brings you to beta zeta theta house?

I can't remember.

Oh, I'm here to give you fair warning, Carter.

Dean of students ragnar, he's assigned me

to double duty to keep an eye on you pranksters.

So, if you or any of your frat rat friends

were to try anything this week, and I mean anything,

you're gonna have to deal with me and with Bonnie.

Hey, no problem.

Nobody messes with 24 volts of pure DC power.

( Mookey cackles )

Jesus! Bonnie!

Well, not nobody.

- ( Crashes) - ( Cat yowls )

Just Sally, the self-cleaning sex doll.

Both: Yank away!

( Both laugh )

My god.

Veronica: Faster, Wes. Faster! Faster!

Keep pumping, Wes. Keep pumping!

Faster!

Okay, okay, okay.

( Both panting )

( Groans ) No. No.

- Yes! - No!

- Yes. Yes! - No.

- Stop! - ( Glass shatters )

- Pixel. - Hey.

Where you guys been?

You don't want to know.

( Loud clattering )

Help! Get this off!

Now some girls will do anything for a buck.

- Hey, are you okay in there? - ( Cow moos )

Not you, pal. I meant the girl inside.

Get off her head. Come on.

Wesley: Hey, Ronnie, look at this.

- Skip. - Uh, Erin.

Well, nobody told me this was a stag party.

Uh...

- No! - don't move.

She was stuck. I was just trying to help.

She had a little too much "elk-ohol."

( Chuckles )

Look, Erin, I'm sorry.

God, you look great.

Thanks for coming.

- Here. - My letter jacket?

Look, I'm sorry, i just--

I can't see a future with a guy whose sole goal in life

is to be crowned prince of pranks.

What, so you're serious about this?

( Horn honks )

Look, I gotta go.

- Erin, wait. - Skip, just be careful, okay?

don't throw away four years of college.

Jeremy: Erin, let's move it.

Erin: Goodbye, skip.

Buenos noches, skippy.

Night, Jeremy!

Oh, and, Erin, don't wait up.

See? I told you she'd show up.

Ragnar: "Argo pesel vitae sprite,

through dark fantastic dance of night.

Lux tenebrae splenetic birth

conjures the spirit of dark mirth.

Wraiths of spirit, grotesque in form,

rudely summoned to be born.

Wake to this the mage's call,

Anubis dio capubal!

Water bubbles, vessel breaks,

the earthly bowel in turmoil shakes.

Traverse gateway, come in haste,

through porcelain place of earthly waste.

Argo pesel, spirits rear,

I now command you to appear."

( Thunder crashes )

Ah!

( Groaning )

What a dump!

Cat: Ow, ow!

Ow, this hurts. Hey! Hold on, I'm coming.

- Oh, gosh. I better start aerobicizing. - Oh, no. Not him again.

Hold on, I'm coming. I'm up. I'm almost through.

Here I am. I'm here, I'm here. Ow.

Fish: Why can't I get union help?

Honey, I'm home.

Turn around, you moron.

- Hey! - What an idiot.

Gang way! Hello, world! How are ya?

Hey, get off the floor. I'm talkin' to you.

- You're way too slow. - Fish: Oh, god.

I'm back.

No, I got a problem with this. You're too slow.

- It's starting. - There's just so much. All day long.

- Morning, noon, and night. - ( Arguing )

Oy vey!

You're an idiot. Just leave me alone.

Rat: It's beginning to really piss me off.

( Arguing continues )

Boys. Knock it off!

- Ow! - Ow!

- Let's take a tour around, schmucks. - Yeah.

Guys, guys!

What are we doing here? It's prank week.

- Let's go yank! - ( All cheer )

Yank! Yank! Yank! Yank!

Skip man, I know what would cheer you up. A good prank.

Maybe. But only if it's a gamma yank.

What, tonight? That place is gonna be tighter than fort Knox.

Mook, getting past those gamma chumps will be easy as--

- pie. Ice cream. - Cake.

- Both: Wes! - Oh, Wesley.

We're leaving you to yank, okay?

Skip: You're the last one here.

Fine. Fine!

Now it's up to you to guard this house from the gammas.

- Comprendo? - And, Wes.

don't trash my room.

- ( Veronica laughs ) - ( Glass shatters )

( All grumbling )

Both: Yank away!

- ( Sniffing ) - ( Veronica shrieks )

Mmm. Smells like something screwy's going on, boss. What do you say?

- What do you say? - Oh, yeah. Come on.

Come on, move it up here.

- ( Veronica moaning ) - Fish: Spread out!

Yes. Oh, Wesley. Oh, Wesley!

( Groaning )

( Veronica screams )

Fish: Keep it down, you idiots. Would you get out of the way?

You're on my foot again. Listen to me, you boobs.

( Veronica giggling )

- Whoa. - Wow.

- Hot cross buns. Yum. - Yeah.

Varoom!

Fish: Last tango in paradise.

- Wow. Ooh! - Veronica: It's okay.

Ooh! What a mouthful.

( Veronica moaning )

Fish: Come on, you guys. Let's get a closer look.

Okay, come on.

Look at that rump steak.

( All moaning )

( Giggling )

Appear before me now, yargon ghoulie.

Appear before thy dark master.

( Thunder crashes )

- Oh, wait. - What?

- Come here. - Whoa, wait.

What? Whoa!

I'm busted.

( Electricity crackling )

Thanks, pal. Great timing.

What'd you do to the bodacious babe?

You got any eclairs in here?

Get me outta here. What a night.

Mother of mercy, what have I done? Get away from me!

( All shouting )

( Groaning )

Wow, what happened?

( Screaming )

( Wes panting )

( Toilet flushes )

What was that?

- I didn't hear anything. - ( Thudding )

No, no, no. No, somebody's out there.

Oh, come on, Wesley. don't you want me?

Want you? Of course I want you.

What do you call the last 20 minutes?

Foreplay.

( Clattering )

No, listen, i-- i gotta go, you know,

guard the frat, right?

Okay. Make it quick, huh?

So, I'll be right back. Okay?

Hurry up.

( Exhales )

It's okay, boy. We're safe now.

( Clatters )

Okay.

Wow. Somebody blew major chow.

( Bubbling )

( Shouts )

( Fish cackles )

Come to papa.

You ever think to knock? ( Laughs )

( Screams )

Holy shit!

Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

( Laughing )

Bad boy.

You forgot to flush.

( Screams )

Fish: Get him, ratty.

( Screams )

Fish: Good one!

Ooh, right in the ballpark.

Two balls, one strike.

Yeah, get him!

( Veronica grunting )

( Music playing on headphones )

Wesley! Are you in the toilet?

( Screaming )

- Let him have it. - Goodbye, cruel world.

( Toilet flushes )

- Watch your face. - ( Laughing )

That happened to me once. Killed my back.

Threw my tennis game off completely.

Let's blow this poop stand.

( Crickets chirping )

Fish: Oh. Pizza.

Rat: Forget the pizza, let's go for the babes.

- Cat: I want the pizza. - Fish: Forget both of you.

Cat: Can I eat the lamp?

Fish shut up!

- ( Bonks ) - Cat: Ow!

Fish: You're an idiot.

Rat: Move your tail out of the way!

- Cat: Ow, ow! - ( Glass breaks )

- Fish: Let's go over here. - Cat: Ow, don't hit me.

Fish: Shut up, you guys. Look, this is it.

Check it out.

( Screams )

- Fish: Not interesting. - Rat: Where'd everybody go?

( Sputtering )

Where are we? What's going on?

So, what's your major?

- Schmuck slapping! - Ow!

It's party time!

( All laugh )

Boys, music appreciation 101.

Easy listening music?

I hate easy listening! I hate all music!

I hate my mother! I hate my father!

I hate all kinds of people! I also hate volkswagens.

( Rat continues shouting )

Ta-da!

Looks like a par four.

I win, I win!

( Stereo crackles )

What are you doin'?

Uh, eating.

Playing through. ( Laughs )

- Mine. Mine. - Pizza.

Mine. Mine. Get away.

- You pig. - Ow.

- Quit it. - The galloping gourmets.

Eat it, eat it, eat it. You really piss me off.

Boys.

- Ow! - Oh, ow.

Beer run!

( Dramatic music plays )

I'm gonna open it. Open says me.

Fish: This is it. Go.

( All gasp )

Pinch me, guys, I'm dreaming.

- Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. - I'll just take one.

( Screams )

Rat: Wrong one, schmuck.

Oh, god, i gotta go.

- ( Groans ) - ( Zipper opening )

( Urinating )

( Imitates fanfare )

And it's bat night at gamma.

( Scoffs ) Check out blane, the dickbrain.

Pee-racing some guy on their own frat lawn.

Hey, hey, come on. That's Leo.

Midnight. The pranking hour.

- ( Mookey chuckles ) - Give me the slingshot, mook.

Let's test out their sense of fun, shall we?

Skip, wait. You sure you want to do this?

This would be majorly violating yank rules.

- ( Groans ) - Skip: Just watch.

( Clangs )

Hey, hey, hey! Oh, come on!

Jesus! Are you kidding?

( Laughing )

Oh, man! Genius, pure and simple!

- Sorry. - God.

And now for my next trick.

( Fish burps )

( Laughing )

- This is great! - Yeah. Beer!

Fish: Bottles of beer on the wall.

( Burps )

( Drunken singing )

Yum!

( Burps )

( Burps, farts )

Jeez, light a match!

Imported. My favorite.

Fish: What a sap.

( Steam whistle blows )

( Coughing )

Here, gimme that.

Here. Try some.

More beer.

Yum, yum.

Fish: Tastes great.

Ah!

Less filling. Yum, yum.

Wha?

- Isn't that-- - both: Jeremy's scooter.

( Glass shatters )

No...

More.

( Screams )

Oh, my!

My, my. Nightcap anyone?

Now.

Let's go.

Mookey: Skip, you're a master.

His bike pulls the cable and he gets dumped with trash.

( Mookey laughs )

I do love prank week.

And the night's so young. Let's go.

- Prank week? - Prank week.

Pancake?

Better take care of that hearing problem.

Nice bike.

- Get to work. - I'll do it, I'll do it.

Yeah, I'm going, boss. I'm going.

I'm always doing the dirty work.

Always me. Always me. Always me.

All it needs is a little bodywork. Yeah.

Rat: We won't need a tire anymore.

How 'bout this Fender? Too shiny, too shiny.

- Hey, look, boss, I'm making a bike. - Good, over there.

Waitress, check, please.

( Men laughing )

Oh, skipper!

Skip: Be it ever so homely.

There's no place like home.

( Laughing )

Gee. Who called the maid?

I don't remember having this much fun.

Mr. yamabachi.

Mr. yamabachi.

Oh, the humanity.

You know who did this?

I'll bet I know. I'll bet it was the gammas.

Yup, it's just like those creeps.

Blane and Jeremy and--

- both: Wes. - Wes!

Oh, Wesley!

Wesley!

Skip: Wes!

Wes!

No Wes.

They drank our brews.

- All 2,001. - ( All groan )

Brothers, a yank is a yank is a yank.

But, gentlemen, this is war.

- Damn straight! - Let's do it!

But first-- Wes is dead.

Skip: So, Wes didn't call you or anything since last night?

Nope.

Just got up and walked away.

He skipped out on me.

On me. Can you believe it?

Go figure.

You know, I always wondered about Wes.

I mean, any guy who keeps a pile of comic books...

Under his bed is just not healthy.

You know what I mean?

Yeah. Yeah. I'm getting it.

Um... oh, listen.

Did you see or hear anything last night?

Like gammas causing major damage to our house?

No.

But Wes said he heard someone call him.

And when I went downstairs, place was trashed.

Wesley was gone.

Shit. Shit.

Maybe the gammas snatched him.

You know, they nabbed him last year.

Well, that's it then, kidnapped.

Damn. They're just getting so big.

( Gasps ) Oh, poo.

Skip, my best bra, and the clasp broke.

Do you think you could fix it?

Well, uh...

I can try, sure.

Erin. Hi.

I was just looking for Wes.

Really? Where were you looking?

Erin: Ronnie, get dressed.

Look, uh, this isn't what you think.

You'd know that if you were here this morning.

Oh, really? What are you trying to say, skip?

You know, the shit you pulled last night, Carter,

was strictly below the belt.

You just read my mind, heilman.

Oh? Translate, please.

Skip: I suppose you don't know anything about it, right?

I'm talking about you and your goosesteppers trashing our house.

You mean like you trashed my bike?

I didn't exactly trash your bike.

Huh. Then you admit it.

- This is getting good. - Shut up, Veronica.

You know, skip, I'm really shocked

'cause I never thought that you were a vandal.

Well, we've both learned a little more about each other this morning.

Haven't we?

Erin and heilman? I gotta get her back.

Hey, skipper. Track down Wes?

Forget Wes. Jeremy was with Erin all night.

Erin and Jeremy together? Oh, man, that's grim.

I'm gonna get her back, mook.

don't worry, I'm gonna get her back.

I know you will, man.

But first we gotta get back at the gammas for trashing our frat.

You know what? I'm not so sure they did it.

I mean, who led them? It wasn't blane and it wasn't heilman.

That scumbag.

( Indistinct chatter )

- Did we do that? - ( Chuckles )

I don't remember doing that. Man, that's major vandalism.

You know, it's funny.

I was just thinking the same thing.

- Officer barcus. - What a surprise.

Prank week.

Prank week.

Pancake?

- Ow! - Putz!

Let's check this thing out.

Runs on electricity. Shocking.

( All laughing )

Guys, guys, I'm hip.

I know there's nothing funnier

than chucking bathroom tissue up a tree.

- Excuse me. - You know, tossing t.P. In a tree.

Bombing with the butt-wipe bouquet.

( Coughs )

Oh, I get it.

Barcus, that's hilarious.

T.P. In a tree.

We gotta remember that one, mook. Wow.

don't push me, boys. ( Groans )

Or I'll get ugly.

- ( Crackling ) - ( Screams )

( Groaning )

Skip: I didn't push him. You push him?

I didn't push him.

In fact, I didn't even touch him. I looked at him hard.

( Pants )

Appear before me, yargon ghoulie.

Appear before thy dark master.

- Sheep! - Where are we?

Oh, this guy again.

Who do you think you are, huh?

- I'm ragnar. - Fish: Rag-ass?

- Professor ragnar. - Fish: What a twerp.

You're really starting to get on our nerves.

- Yeah. - Yeah, let's get him.

( All screaming )

( Laughing )

Just as I thought. Yes, my little friends,

you and the book are one.

I can destroy you so easily.

You see, I've been reading up on you.

Fish: He'll roast our little chestnuts.

Let's get one thing straight. I am the master.

And you will do as I say.

Jeez, what a ballbuster.

I see that you've visited fraternity row.

You little monsters must have felt right at home there.

All: Party! Drink, drink, drink.

Beta zeta theta.

Ragnar: Maybe you'd like to go back there.

- Beer! - Maybe I will send you back.

Fish: Excellent.

And you will bring me the pranking crown.

- Bogus. - Enough!

Those are the orders.

I will start a war to end all frat wars.

I will start a war to end all frats.

What a foul-smelling bag of puke.

- Begone. - ( All shout )

Prank crown, ahoy.

What a coincidence. Get it.

I know, I know.

Always me. Always me. Always me.

Work, work, work.

Let's see, a nine-iron will do, I think.

Cat: Par four.

Poker anyone?

Yeah.

Erin's going to study.

Girl: See you later, Erin.

- Officer barcus. - Miss Erin.

What brings you here?

In a word, your panties.

Uh, sorry, they're being used.

No, not your panties singular, your panties plural.

I'm here to warn you about the inevitable panty raid tonight.

- Oh, right. - Look, if you want to foil the frats,

you can lock your windows, you can close the doors.

Chances are, those guys are gonna come in anyway.

But if you and the gals were to give me your panties,

then I could take them home and keep them real safe,

and I'd give 'em back to you on Monday.

Or Tuesday. I'd have 'em back by Friday, i swear to that.

- ( Horn honks ) - Hey, isn't that your little car's horn?

It is.

That's Bonnie. I gotta go.

Ah!

I'll keep an eye out on you. Probably this one.

Bonnie! Bonnie, come back!

Boss, boss, your driving's making him sick.

Rat: I think I'm gonna be sick.

I shouldn't have had those chili fries.

Told ya!

( Groaning )

I need to find a bathroom.

It was the chili fries.

Rat: Guys, guys, I'm really gonna be sick.

Fish: I'm wrong, it's here.

Oh, no, sorry. It's this way.

Oops, my mistake.

Where is that John?

Now I remember.

It's this way.

Rat: Oh, gonna be sick.

Something's wrong with the wheel. Ahh!

( Vomits )

Cat: Gross me out.

( Crashes )

Hey, Jeremy, look what I found.

Where did you find that?

In some bushes by b.Z.T.

Looks like she has a couple of holes in her.

I'll say she does. What do you say we blow her up and try 'em out?

Holy shit!

The crown!

Beta zeta theta.

Both: Those scum-sucking pigs.

I think it's time we nailed skippy Carter.

You still got your key to the chem lab?

Yeah. ( Laughing )

- Coffee? - Tea.

- Sugar? - Honey.

- Sweetie. - Cute.

- Cuddly. - Skip.

If you have something to say, say it.

'Cause I'm done playing password.

Erin...

I'm sorry about us.

I'm a dope.

We had something good. We had something special,

and I was just too busy or selfish or busy being selfish to know it.

So what do you propose that we do?

Well...

Maybe we could start over?

- What's gonna be different? - Me, I swear.

I'm a new man. Hi. Skip Carter.

Erin riddle.

You wanna go out?

Um, sure.

- When? - Anytime.

Oh, I'm sorry. Anytime is really bad for me.

- Tomorrow at 8:00? - 8:00 will be fine.

See you then, Erin riddle.

( Gasps )

Oh! Quentin.

Mercy.

( Crackling )

( Creatures laughing )

Say, is that a pranking crown in your lap?

Or you just happy to see us?

Ah, the pranking crown.

Excellent, my friends.

Now, I'd like you...

- To kill me. - What?!

Come on, come on, come on. I'm quite serious.

- Fish: This guy's crazy. - Tear me to shreds.

- What? - Rip me to pieces.

- Whale on my butt. - Huh?

Come on now. Oh, I know. You're spineless scum,

just like those infernal frat types.

- Ha! - Come on, you stupid little gits!

You're history, professor.

- ( Laughs ) - ( All gasp )

Can't hurt me, even if you'd like to.

Not while I control the book.

And I control the book.

And I know, even if you were to attack me,

it would mean the death of you,

and I would absorb your flesh

and the power that goes with it.

Is that right?

I knew there was a catch.

You're full of dingleberries.

Oh, you think so, do you?

don't do that. Ow!

- Whoa! Hey, that hurt. - Cut it with the pain.

- Oh, please. - So, now.

I can't very well get at the comic, can I?

- That's true. - So, go on.

- Attack. - Fish: I oughta--

ragnar: Come on.

Come on. I know you love to destroy.

- So, kill. - ( Knocks )

Boggs: Quentin, are you in there? Quentin.

I found the "ghoulish tales" you requested.

You know, it's a literal translation of a medieval text.

Oh, these are ancient spells, Quentin,

in an underground comic book.

See, they never did get around to publishing it.

There was this big fire, and--

excuse me, Quentin.

You seem a little distracted.

No. I must ask you to leave at once.

- Why? - You can't stay.

( Grunting )

( Sneezes )

Oh, dear, do you have a cat in here?

( Sneezing )

Gesundheit.

- Thank you so much. - You're welcome.

( Screaming )

Is she famous?

Yeah.

She was on "newhart."

Stop screaming, miss boggs. Hold your tongue.

Allow me.

Stretch it, stretch it, stretch it!

Fish: Reel her in.

Cat's got your tongue.

- Let go. - More tongue than a deli.

( Laughing )

Was that amusing?

- Uh-huh. - Was it fun?

Oh, if you love destruction so much, go.

Do some good.

Her friends, the greeks, await.

Okay, it looks clear, come on. Come on.

Come on.

Tonight's the night, girls.

Panty raid!

Whoo!

Are we gonna let those morons

fly our best undies up the flagpole this year?

Come on, give us your leg. Come on.

- Give me your leg. - Okay.

Okay, one, two...

( All groaning )

Veronikins, tonight's the panty raid.

Big wow, buffykins. I have a date.

( Girls scoffing )

Buffy: Okay, girls. Get ready.

I'm sure there's a whole herd of horny men hiding outside!

( Girls whooping )

( Rock music playing )

♪ Night out, talk tough ♪

♪ hey, boy, you want to look ♪

♪ boy says right now ♪

♪ come on, baby, I'll show you how ♪

♪ you're gonna get it like you never had it ♪

♪ sometimes you gotta reach out and grab it ♪

♪ some like it hot ♪

♪ some like to dance ♪

♪ and nothing here to stop ♪

♪ a modern romance ♪

♪ phone rings three times... ♪

Barcus: Oh, yeah. Yeah.

( Whispers ) Yeah.

Just watching out.

( Sawing )

Huh? ( Screams )

All: He couldn't keep it up.

♪ Some like it hot ♪

♪ some like to dance ♪

♪ but nothing hits the spot... ♪

Oh!

Rat: Take it off, baby.

Dancing cheek to cheek.

- Fish: Yum yum yum. - Cat: Shake it, baby.

Oh, my.

Mmm.

I'm hungry again.

Hubba, hubba.

( Mookey moans )

Eureka.

( All moaning )

Whoa, that's illegal in most states.

Can someone give me a burger and fries with that shake?

Mookey: Purple's my favorite color.

Kyle: It's a bikini bonanza.

Yank away, guys.

♪ Some like it hot ♪

♪ some like to dance ♪

♪ but nothing hits the spot ♪

- ♪ like a modern romance... ♪ - fish: They're off!

- ( Laughs ) - Oh, god!

- One side, fellas. - Come on, come on.

Me first.

( All giggling )

Buffy: Charge!

- Come on, girls, get him! - Mookey: Everybody out! Come on, let's go!

Panty raid!

Panty raid!

♪ Some like to dance ♪

♪ but nothing hits the spot ♪

♪ like a modern romance ♪

♪ some like it hot ♪

♪ some like to dance... ♪

don't take my pants!

♪ Nothing hits the spot ♪

♪ like a modern romance... ♪

Let go!

( Dramatic music plays )

Ooh!

Boys, I think we're gonna have to numb these.

All: Num-num-num-num-num-num.

Rat: Oh, nice berries.

Cat: I'm sporting half a chubby.

Rat: Oh, nicer derriere.

Wash your mouth out with soap.

( All moaning )

Fish: Uh-oh.

( Shrieking )

( Cheering )

( Cackling )

Okay, boys, easy. Hey, who cut the cheese?

Oh. Trust me, guys. This is gonna work.

Hey, shut up down there. This is important.

This'll work great. I seen it in a movie.

You two, cut it out right now.

Shh, keep it down. Shut up, shut up!

Oh, honey, I'm home.

Fish: Ready?

- Hi! Wanna suck face? - ( Screams )

- Ooh, bikini cut. - Rat: And tan.

Barcus: Hey, Carter.

- Carter! - Hey, officer barcus.

Whoa, what happened? Bonnie's a beater.

You want a war, Carter, you deal with me. Not Bonnie.

Tooth and nail, mano a mano.

To the death. Have you got me, mister!

Barcus, what are you saying?

Bonnie and the scooter-- you wrecked 'em.

I'm a rectum!

Hey, do I go around making false accusations?

Barcus, I don't have time for this. I'm late!

I've got my eye on you, Carter!

Whoa.

( Crashes )

Erin. Erin.

Hi, skip Carter. We met last night.

don't you remember? We have a date.

Had a date.

What?

The date I made last night

was with a guy who swore he gave up yanking.

A guy who claimed that I was far more important

than some goofy tin crown with a prop on top.

And you are. So what are you saying?

Come on, skip, you knew there was gonna be a panty raid.

You knew they were gonna hit us.

I wasn't there. I was studying all night.

- Come on, skip. - I was!

I was studying for ragnar's class.

I wanna do good, get an "a," be his bud.

Well, you know what, even if you weren't there,

you didn't try to stop 'em.

And you didn't bother to warn me,

and now my entire wardrobe

is absolutely, completely ruined.

( Sighs )

Hey!

What happened at pi nu last night?

- Uh, well-- - did you hit Erin's room?

All: No.

- Did you hit any rooms? - All: No.

- You score any panties? - All: No.

No! Just what the hell happened?

( Girls shouting ) Pi nu, pi nu, pi nu!

You'll find them on the flagpole, boys.

Pi nu, pi nu, pi nu!

There was a lot of 'em.

And they had huge stuffed pillows.

- Kyle: Feathers. - They swarmed like locusts.

( Chalk screeching )

Evil and power.

You cannot be powerful without evil.

Isn't that a beautiful thought, class. Hmm?

Erin: Professor?

I think goodness can prevail no matter how powerful the evil.

You are wrong.

You see...

Power corrupts.

And this college was foolish enough

to give the greeks power.

And they in turn started a prank war,

and those pranks are evil

and destructive.

In fact, I am only one prank away

from recommending to the regents

that certain people and fraternities

be expelled.

Professor, come on. That's not fair.

Not all the b.Z.T.S pull pranks.

Sure, I've pulled a few in my time,

but those days are over now.

Ragnar: Come now, Mr. Carter. You expect me to believe--

believe it, professor.

I, skip Carter, am through pulling yanks,

now and forever.

( Class laughing )

( Groans )

Shit.

Get out.

- Wait a second-- - leave!

Take your books. don't come back!

Professor, come on. You don't think that i had any--

you, cretin! You're insane!

Get out!

Kiss Granger college goodbye.

This is bullshit. Somebody's been setting me up all week.

I didn't destroy your desk.

And I didn't trash your bike.

I didn't trash barcus' cart.

Oh, yeah. And one more thing.

I didn't raid your panties.

There's somebody else in this picture.

Somebody with some answers.

Yeah, like who kidnapped our buddy Wes?

Right, and who stole the pranking crown?

We didn't steal no crown.

( Scoffs ) Yeah, we didn't kidnap Wes.

- The hell you didn't! - The hell you didn't.

Skip: See, there's some weird shit going down here,

and it's not the gammas and it's not the b.Z.T.S.

You will leave now

or officer barcus will escort you off the campus.

Oh, I'm going, ragnar.

But I'm not giving up. You mark my word.

I'm gonna find the comic who's behind this,

because nobody-- nobody is gonna deny me my future.

You got it?

( Scoffs )

♪ Beta zeta ♪

- ♪ no house greater... ♪ - stop! I'm warning you!

- ♪ United... ♪ - enough! Stop it!

- All right, go! Go! - ( Continue singing )

You're all out! You're out! Keep going!

All of you, out of here! Out of here!

Ahem. The ghoulie guru

contemplates his internal self.

In with the good air and out with the bad.

- ( Farts ) - Oh! Pootie!

( Sniffs )

I think we should go now.

36, 24, 36. Hut, hut, hut!

( All chatter )

Guys.

- What were you thinking? - We did it for you, skipper.

Guys, really, i appreciate it.

But come tomorrow, there's no more beta zeta theta.

And that means whoever was out to get us has won.

Oh, come on, skip. You know those gamma dorks were framing us.

And since we're on the verge of expulsion

and immune from any further punishment,

it's payback time.

( All laugh )

Mookey, come on. Squirt guns?

Oh, come on, man. It's filled with goofy glue.

Here.

Mookey, did you or did you not

hear what I said in ragnar's class?

Oh, yeah, your "I'm through with yanking" speech.

- Classic! - I'll say. What a set-up.

Yeah, as soon as you're done telling him you're through yanking--

bam, you waste his desk.

Man, you're the best. You're the prince.

And that's why we're gonna get back our crown.

Mookey, forget the crown.

I didn't do ragnar's desk.

In fact, I haven't pulled a yank in days.

We just threw away four years of college

and the rest of our lives trying to regain a goddamn tinfoil crown.

Whew, wait a second.

This is all about Erin, isn't it?

- Chill it, mook. - Gentlemen.

Skip Carter, president of b.Z.T.,

gets booted off of campus.

His house gets booted off of campus,

and he won't retaliate

because it won't score him points with his woman.

- Shut up, mookey! - A woman who right now

is over at the enemy camp, taking a roll in the hay

with Jeremy "Hitler youth" heilman.

- I said shut up, man! - Cool it!

I used to think that you were so cool.

Mookey, I'm sorry. Look--

me, too.

Mookey!

Look, guys--

what else can go wrong today?

Ragnar: Kill him!

Kill skip Carter. Kill skip Carter!

All: Skip Carter. Kill skip Carter.

He is a danger.

All: He is a danger.

Are you mimicking me?

All: Are you mimicking me?

The ghoulies have no dicks.

- Ragnar has no dick. - Silence. Go.

Kill him now!

( Men laughing )

Clap it, slap it, and wrap it!

Blane is a chemical genius.

It was a beautiful thing. Perfectly executed.

One minute there was a desk, and a skip,

and a b.Z.T. House--

and the next minute-- poof!

They're all gone.

You know, Jeremy,

you're twice as ugly when you're two-faced.

What are you crying about?

That's the first below-the-waist stimulation you've had in weeks.

That's not what you told us, Romeo.

Shut the hell up!

Are you all right?

That Carter turd has still got a hold on her.

Maybe I can cook up something new in the lab, you know.

Like a stink bomb for his room or something.

But make it a big one.

Hey, for you, Jeremy, anything.

Okay, that's a start.

But it's not good enough.

Tonight, fellas, skip Carter is going down!

Dumb-ass.

- Dumb-ass? - Erin.

What, not out stuffing envelopes for the Hitler youth today?

No, that's tomorrow.

Today we're out skinning bunny rabbits for mittens.

Hmmm.

Hard to catch those little beggers, isn't it?

Not as hard as it is to tell you

what an absolute idiot I've been.

Skip, I'm really sorry.

And I feel awful.

You feel pretty good to me.

- Goofy glue. - Goofy guy.

Shut up.

Kiss me.

Fish: Okay, guys, come on.

Rat: Where do we go, boss?

Fish: This is where skip Carter's supposed to be.

Cat: Yeah, let's look for skip.

- Around this corner. - And some sandwiches.

- Rat: Come on, fat ass. Follow along. - Shut up.

- ( Bonks ) - Ow! Sorry, boss.

Cat: Ow, my head. Always my head.

Ahh, aha.

Aha. Yeah.

You guys stay down there. Get over to the trash can.

- Rat: I want to help, boss. - Fish: Shut up!

- Spread out, you idiots. - Rat: Shut up and spread out.

- ( Vacuum whirring ) - ( Erin giggling )

I bet Jeremy doesn't have one of these.

No, he doesn't.

You know, nothing happened, though, that night with him.

I couldn't. I was still thinking of you.

That dick.

Imagine him accusing me of kyping the pranking crown.

Forget the crown. What about ragnar's desk?

What about it?

Well, blane and Jeremy rigged it.

I overheard them in the hall outside after class.

( Sighs ) Those assholes.

( Laughs )

Hey, hey. Wait a minute.

I gotta tell ragnar.

That's my ticket back to school.

Yeah, right.

Like ragnar is really gonna believe me.

Yeah, but he'll believe me.

I'll go with you.

( Creatures muttering )

Fish: Ooh, here he come. Shut up, shut up!

- Keep it down. - Cat: Okay, okay.

Shut up!

Skippy.

Skip Carter.

Skip Carter? Breakfast is served!

Man down!

All right.

What a nice bomb.

Bomb?! Nice bomb!

( All screaming )

Yeah. Mm-mm-mm.

Oh, it's a bomb.

A bomb!

Erin: Dr. ragnar?

He's not here.

Maybe you could leave him a note.

Maybe we could come back later in broad daylight tomorrow.

Good idea, except tomorrow's too late. Come on.

Yeah, but, god, skip, this place--

gives you the willies. Yeah, me, too.

( Gasps )

- God. - Heckle and jeckle!

I love those guys. Come on.

( Coughing ) Oh, skip.

Do you smell that?

Yeah, it's either really old socks or really good brie.

No, that smells more like the day

my mom found whiskers dead in the dryer.

- Let's just go. - No, wait.

Wait a minute.

Oh, my god! It's miss boggs.

Jesus, the pranking crown!

Oh, she's dead, skip. She is dead.

She must have been strangled with that thing around her head.

- Yeah, with-- - both: Her tongue!

( Both screaming )

We've gotta call 911!

He's got a tongue-tied stiff in his office

and I'm getting expelled?

Well, well. Look at the love turds.

This is not the time, Jeremy.

( Erin screams )

You jerks, there's been a murder.

Oh, that's past tense, Erin.

Try future.

- ( Giggling ) - Pin him.

Erin: Jeremy, stop it!

You're a real hard-ass when you're around your steroid-fed butt buddies,

- aren't you, heilman? - Yes, skippy, I am.

Do him.

Erin: Stop it!

I don't like you much, Carter.

Erin, get help!

Get help!

Ah!

No, no, let her go. Let her go.

You don't want to miss all the fun.

- ( Dialing ) - Operator: What city, please?

Look, there's been a murder.

There's been a murder here.

This is 411. We don't do murders.

Next time, try 911. Thank you, have a nice day.

Can't-- please, please, please.

Man: 911. What is your emergency?

Look, there's been a murder on campus.

Your location, please.

It's-- ( Screams )

Sorry, operator. Prank week.

( Dial tone )

Someone say murder?

Jeremy: You've been a bad boy, skippy.

- So destructive. - Heilman, you dick.

I knew you liked to blow things, but ragnar's desk?

Damn clever, wasn't it? Perfect frame-up.

But having you and your b.Z.T. Zits

booted from school wasn't enough.

We got bigger plans for you, Carter.

Plans that are bound to land your ass

- in jail. - Great.

Then I can bunk with your mom.

There's going to be a minor explosion tonight in the administration building.

And when barcus and the cops show up,

they're going to discover the just-booted

and still bitter prankster skip Carter

lying unconscious with a handful of t.N.T.

I-- I didn't see anything.

Hardly a convincing performance.

Come now, Erin. Talk to Quentin.

( Screams )

Stop her.

Check me out.

Read any good books lately?

Ah. Uh-uh-uh.

It's a library.

( Laughs )

( Erin screams )

Hey, that's Erin.

Pulling the oldest trick in the book.

Jeez, everybody's a yanker these days.

It's no joke, she's in trouble, you dick.

( Laughing ) Calm down.

Bitch ain't worth it.

What?

( Erin screams )

( Ragnar laughing )

( Laughing )

Can we start the torture now, boss?

Huh, can we? Huh, huh, huh? Can we, huh?

Oh, I want to torture her bad.

Torture, torture, torture.

don't you fancy my ghoulish friends?

They've been very helpful to me in my war against the frats.

- ( All cackling ) - ( Muffled )

I can call them off very easily.

All you need to do is tell me

who else knows about the murder?

- Fish: Spill the beans, baby. - ( Screams )

She's a screamer.

Erin, you know, we could be friends.

Good friends, if you just cooperate.

( Muffled ) You're out of your mind!

Huh? But if you don't--

oh, yeah, give it to her.

You'll get my stamp of approval.

Here and here and here. Good work.

( Erin screams )

Holy shit!

Skip!

No! Oh, no, my dear. Skip can't help you.

Skip is quite dead.

My little friends just took care of him.

Fish: What's that?

- Wha? - What the hell's going on here?

- Carter. - Carter, skip Carter.

He's supposed to be dead.

- Ow! Ow! - Kill skip Carter.

Fish: Get him, boys.

Erin: Skip, help me!

No!

( Laughs )

Ragnar: Fascinating creatures, aren't they?

They obey my every command.

My head.

To think, that from a little comic book,

I could gain such control.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Your hero can't save you now.

- ( Crackling ) - ( Screams )

Erin: Skip!

Skip: Eat glue, you puds!

- ( All groaning ) - Oh, my eyes!

I can't see a thing, boss!

Fish: My ear! They got it in my ear.

Carter! My creatures!

Stop it! Stop it!

Leave 'em alone! Leave 'em alone, you pud!

You are finished! Greeks and pranks.

( Groans )

( Erin screams )

Eric: Skip, help me! Help me!

( Grunts )

Shit!

Let go!

Fish: Come on, boys.

Skip: I'll get your feet. Come on!

( Crackling )

All: Slowly I turned.

Cheeseball. You're mine.

- Come on, boys, let's-- - the comic.

Skip, the comic controls them.

No! Oh, no, not the comic.

No, not the book.

- Get ragnar. - Oh.

- Ragnar? - Okay.

Ragnar!

You don't know what you're doing.

I'll consume your powers!

Stop it!

It's coming!

( Screaming )

( Footsteps )

( Bubbling )

( Panting )

( Groans )

( Bubbling )

( Door bangs opens )

Carter.

Get the hell out of my house.

You dick. You tried to deck me.

You dick. I did deck you.

I'm gonna call the cops, Jeremy.

Better make it the paramedics.

( Laughing )

( Screams )

( Laughs )

( Echoing ) I am the power! You cannot escape.

We'll kill you all. All of you.

Just like we killed that punk Wesley,

that slimy hussy Veronica,

and that sniveling toady blane.

( Both scream )

What the hell is that thing?

That is our humanities teacher.

- Oh, god. - Look out.

( Ragnar laughing )

( Roaring )

You cannot escape the force you created.

Submit to the power i have become.

( Laughs )

Give me the sacred book.

Get back!

The book cannot harm me.

I am the book.

The book is mine.

I am the power!

( Laughing )

I am staying in college. You are gone!

( Whimpers )

( Roaring )

( Groaning )

( Wailing )

( Water dripping )

Wes.

I don't believe it.

- Poor Wes. - Erin: And Veronica.

At least they're together.

Poor Wes.

( Tires screeching )

- ( Crashes ) - ( Barcus screams )

( Grunts )

Carter.

Me and Bonnie met with a little bomb.

But you probably wouldn't know anything about that, would you?!

As a matter of fact, officer, I would.

( Mumbling ) Monster...

Here's your man. Here's his dynamite.

Heilman, did you do that to Bonnie with explosives?

No, no, monster. Big monster.

You are out of here! History. Gone.

G-a-w-n.

Little shit.

( Barcus sobbing ) Bonnie.

( Frat boys singing )

Hey, hey, hey!

What's barcus doing with Jeremy?

Must be love.

( All laugh )

Hey, skipper. We did it.

We won the pranking crown back.

The judges voted and b.Z.T. Won the crown.

Hey, there it is. Where'd you get it?

Guys, you'd never believe me.

( All laugh )

Mook man.

Skip man.

Mission accomplished.

The crown is ours. You did it!

Couldn't have done it without you, pal.

Aw, shucks.

Put it on, chief.

I mean, you are the prince of pranks, right?

( All chanting ) Skipper, skipper, skipper...

( Cheering )

Hey, let's party!

♪ It's gonna be there tonight ♪

♪ it's a first-class blowout ♪

♪ one that won't come again ♪

♪ I haven't seen things this crazy ♪

♪ since I don't know when ♪

♪ whoa-ooh, whoa-ooh ♪

♪ there's gonna be a reason to shout... ♪

( Creatures laughing )

♪ You're either in or you're out ♪

♪ there's a party going on ♪

♪ there's a party going on ♪

♪ there's a party going on ♪

♪ there's a party going on ♪

♪ there's a party going on ♪

♪ all night long ♪

♪ over in the kitchen ♪

♪ there's tons of barbecue ♪

♪ the line is forming to the left ♪

♪ there's one that you gotta go through ♪

♪ dancing's all on the ground floor ♪

♪ romance is on the top ♪

♪ it's gonna be the best you'll ever see ♪

♪ and it's never gonna stop ♪

♪ whoa-ooh, whoa-ooh ♪

♪ you're having the best time you ever had ♪

♪ whoa-ooh, whoa-ooh ♪

♪ sometimes you gotta go mad ♪

♪ there's a party going on ♪

♪ there's a party going on ♪

♪ there's a party going on ♪

♪ there's a party going on ♪

♪ there's a party going on ♪

♪ all night long ♪

♪ whoa-ooh, whoa-ooh ♪

♪ there's gonna be a reason to shout ♪

♪ whoa-ooh, whoa-ooh ♪

♪ you're either in or you're out ♪

♪ there's a party going on ♪

♪ there's a party going on ♪

♪ there's a party going on ♪

♪ there's a party going on ♪

♪ there's a party going on ♪

♪ all night long ♪

♪ the cops tried to shut us down ♪

♪ but we bought them all a drink ♪

♪ now they're partying down with us ♪

♪ bobbing for French fries in the sink ♪

♪ I danced with a zombie in a low-cut dress ♪

♪ and I just about lost control ♪

♪ my head's in the clouds ♪

♪ my hair is a mess ♪

♪ but it's only rock and roll ♪

♪ whoa-ooh, whoa-ooh ♪

♪ you said you had to toe the line ♪

♪ whoa-ooh, whoa-ooh ♪

♪ it's 4:00 A.M. and I'm feeling fine ♪

♪ there's a party going on ♪

♪ there's a party going on ♪

♪ there's a party going on ♪

♪ there's a party going on ♪

♪ there's a party going on ♪

♪ all night long ♪

♪ there's a party going on ♪

♪ there's a party going on ♪

♪ there's a party going on ♪

♪ party going on ♪

♪ there's a party going on ♪

♪ there's a party going on ♪

♪ there's a party going on ♪

♪ party going on. ♪