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1
00:02:56,449 --> 00:02:59,069
I thought
to start from the beginning.
2
00:03:02,949 --> 00:03:04,569
But that's not how I remember it.
3
00:03:12,949 --> 00:03:15,899
Everything is a series of fragments.
4
00:03:19,069 --> 00:03:20,069
Repetitions.
5
00:03:23,279 --> 00:03:25,449
Pattern formation.
6
00:03:47,279 --> 00:03:50,069
When there are no words for the pain...
7
00:03:54,689 --> 00:03:58,319
...let your imagination
transform what you know.
8
00:04:01,189 --> 00:04:04,029
Conglomerate is the movement of the earth
in the freedom of the water.
9
00:04:06,069 --> 00:04:09,029
A ring around
a stone is lucky.
10
00:04:09,319 --> 00:04:11,319
Smooth and small.
11
00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:17,179
Sandstone is calming and clear.
Slate, naturally rational.
12
00:04:17,319 --> 00:04:19,649
Red sandstone is the blood of the earth.
13
00:04:21,189 --> 00:04:23,029
You believe in blue.
14
00:04:47,189 --> 00:04:48,819
Sorry.
15
00:04:52,949 --> 00:04:54,319
Memories...
16
00:04:56,649 --> 00:04:57,689
...are stories.
17
00:05:00,649 --> 00:05:02,949
It's better to invent one with the
which you can live.
18
00:05:03,149 --> 00:05:09,449
I. HOLD YOUR BREATH
19
00:05:22,819 --> 00:05:24,189
A smiling face.
20
00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:32,319
Flower.
21
00:05:44,819 --> 00:05:46,189
Christmas tree.
22
00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:10,689
To.
23
00:06:11,779 --> 00:06:14,649
Claudia, go upstairs. Go!
24
00:06:17,689 --> 00:06:18,779
Now!
25
00:06:25,689 --> 00:06:27,949
Let me know when you're done.
26
00:06:28,189 --> 00:06:29,949
We can stay here all night.
27
00:06:40,189 --> 00:06:41,189
Damn!
28
00:07:22,569 --> 00:07:25,689
It's so delicious, Claudia.
I really think this will
29
00:07:26,189 --> 00:07:27,819
make you feel better instantly.
30
00:07:29,819 --> 00:07:31,449
Make you feel better instantly.
31
00:07:41,449 --> 00:07:43,069
Sing with me, Belle.
32
00:07:50,689 --> 00:07:54,569
Come on, Lidia Belle. Sing with me.
You know all the words.
33
00:08:01,689 --> 00:08:05,119
It was my voice that disappeared.
34
00:08:07,899 --> 00:08:10,569
Sometimes I think she got the job done.
35
00:08:11,399 --> 00:08:13,319
-I wrote...
-...images and true things...
36
00:08:13,449 --> 00:08:15,779
-... lies alternately.
-That made me feel like...
37
00:08:16,779 --> 00:08:19,949
-It made me feel like another person.
-For God's sake!
38
00:08:21,449 --> 00:08:24,449
-I wrote words to belong.
-It's your daughter!
39
00:08:24,949 --> 00:08:26,189
No daughter.
40
00:08:27,689 --> 00:08:28,949
For swimmers.
41
00:08:30,189 --> 00:08:31,649
For safety.
42
00:08:32,189 --> 00:08:35,949
For girls. You give me goosebumps
and it gives me a headache.
43
00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:37,149
Mom.
44
00:08:37,189 --> 00:08:38,319
Her hair.
45
00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:40,069
Her scars.
46
00:08:40,529 --> 00:08:41,689
Her story.
47
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:45,529
I won a prize
for this story, Belle.
48
00:08:45,949 --> 00:08:47,569
And your father...
49
00:08:49,689 --> 00:08:53,819
...won an art prize
for this drawing.
50
00:08:54,649 --> 00:08:57,779
So absent she was.
51
00:09:02,319 --> 00:09:04,779
And my sister. My adoration.
52
00:09:04,949 --> 00:09:07,319
My sister. My reverence.
53
00:09:07,449 --> 00:09:10,819
You look like a beggar
with that baggy, ugly shirt.
54
00:09:11,029 --> 00:09:12,529
It doesn't do you any favors.
55
00:09:13,279 --> 00:09:14,449
Look at me.
56
00:09:16,399 --> 00:09:18,189
Are you trying to look like a man?
57
00:09:18,449 --> 00:09:21,569
My sister. She takes everything.
58
00:09:28,189 --> 00:09:30,319
My sister. She takes everything.
59
00:09:58,279 --> 00:09:59,569
In the house.
60
00:10:02,319 --> 00:10:04,149
Alone in my room.
61
00:10:04,689 --> 00:10:05,949
My arms hurt.
62
00:10:06,899 --> 00:10:08,189
My sister left.
63
00:10:10,449 --> 00:10:11,779
My mother is...
64
00:10:12,899 --> 00:10:13,949
...absent.
65
00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:20,649
My father draws houses
room next door. He smokes.
66
00:10:34,449 --> 00:10:35,569
Hey my dear.
67
00:10:57,069 --> 00:10:59,149
I hope
until five in the morning.
68
00:11:01,149 --> 00:11:02,319
I ask you
69
00:11:04,149 --> 00:11:05,189
be able to swim.
70
00:11:21,069 --> 00:11:22,319
My little girl.
71
00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:27,569
You're growing up so fast.
72
00:11:33,569 --> 00:11:34,819
Adolescent.
73
00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:40,449
In high school. I don't believe it.
74
00:11:40,689 --> 00:11:43,819
Okay, line up.
Girls, weigh-in time.
75
00:11:44,029 --> 00:11:47,319
You know how it works.
A slap for every kilo above.
76
00:11:47,689 --> 00:11:48,779
Torres.
77
00:11:50,399 --> 00:11:51,399
Good girl.
78
00:12:00,449 --> 00:12:01,569
That. That's it.
79
00:12:03,899 --> 00:12:05,649
Reimer. 1.5 kilos.
80
00:12:14,569 --> 00:12:15,899
Come on, baby.
81
00:12:29,689 --> 00:12:30,899
Yuknavitch.
82
00:12:31,069 --> 00:12:34,319
One for you, freshman.
Let's do it right.
83
00:13:07,569 --> 00:13:09,649
How many kilometers are needed
84
00:13:13,779 --> 00:13:15,069
to swim
85
00:13:19,449 --> 00:13:20,569
even a me?
86
00:13:24,399 --> 00:13:25,849
How many...
87
00:13:26,149 --> 00:13:31,279
...damn kilometers?
88
00:13:36,529 --> 00:13:38,569
We broke the record! Damn,
we broke the record!
89
00:13:40,649 --> 00:13:43,017
Our medalists
relay gold
90
00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:45,069
Florida medley
Aquatic Swim Team
91
00:13:45,569 --> 00:13:48,319
they had the best time
from the entire country.
92
00:13:48,529 --> 00:13:49,899
Congratulations.
93
00:13:50,279 --> 00:13:52,149
The scouts are watching,
third years.
94
00:14:18,189 --> 00:14:20,319
So you really want this, right?
95
00:14:46,569 --> 00:14:49,189
You only got three rooms.
96
00:14:53,319 --> 00:14:58,189
If they really wanted you,
They would have given everything, wouldn't they?
97
00:15:14,149 --> 00:15:17,689
"We are pleased to offer
a partial scholarship."
98
00:15:19,069 --> 00:15:21,669
Half. You are better than that.
99
00:15:25,399 --> 00:15:26,689
The last one.
100
00:15:41,689 --> 00:15:44,069
In my head, I was swimming laps.
101
00:15:45,029 --> 00:15:47,449
You didn't even get a full scholarship.
102
00:15:52,069 --> 00:15:53,689
Don't blame me.
103
00:15:54,649 --> 00:15:56,449
If they don't want you,
you don't belong there.
104
00:15:56,649 --> 00:15:58,649
I could taste blood.
105
00:15:58,819 --> 00:15:59,949
The answer is no.
106
00:16:01,949 --> 00:16:02,949
Why?
107
00:16:10,779 --> 00:16:12,149
Because he could.
108
00:16:15,319 --> 00:16:16,399
What?
109
00:16:17,189 --> 00:16:18,569
And I was his.
110
00:16:32,449 --> 00:16:33,529
Hey, look at me.
111
00:16:45,449 --> 00:16:46,569
Look at me.
112
00:16:56,399 --> 00:17:01,199
I only want the best for you.
You know that.
113
00:17:04,689 --> 00:17:06,689
I knew he could feel it.
114
00:17:07,949 --> 00:17:09,189
That pink muscle.
115
00:17:10,189 --> 00:17:11,189
That squeezes
116
00:17:13,319 --> 00:17:14,569
and press...
117
00:17:15,649 --> 00:17:17,732
You should be
It's warming up outside.
118
00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:18,819
...with all my strength.
119
00:17:23,569 --> 00:17:24,689
Lidia!
120
00:17:27,399 --> 00:17:28,819
Need help?
121
00:17:29,319 --> 00:17:31,649
I'm a coach at Texas Tech.
122
00:17:32,069 --> 00:17:34,149
Nice to meet you.
Let's talk.
123
00:17:35,649 --> 00:17:37,689
We would like to have
You are on our team.
124
00:17:56,819 --> 00:17:57,949
Yes.
125
00:18:04,189 --> 00:18:06,069
I almost loved her.
126
00:18:12,689 --> 00:18:13,949
Come on, Belle.
127
00:18:41,689 --> 00:18:44,899
I know you, Lidia.
I know what you do.
128
00:18:45,069 --> 00:18:47,569
And it's disgusting. Can you hear me?
129
00:18:47,779 --> 00:18:49,899
It's very disgusting, Lidia.
You should be ashamed!
130
00:18:58,649 --> 00:19:00,189
This is control.
131
00:19:00,949 --> 00:19:02,399
I control myself.
132
00:19:06,449 --> 00:19:09,069
You don't know how far I can go.
133
00:19:27,069 --> 00:19:30,949
My room holds
the wet and dark of my body.
134
00:19:34,449 --> 00:19:36,449
It smells like my sweat
135
00:19:37,649 --> 00:19:38,949
and chlorine.
136
00:19:53,069 --> 00:19:54,649
Hi. Can't sleep, can you?
137
00:19:55,069 --> 00:19:56,069
Yeah, me neither.
138
00:20:07,189 --> 00:20:09,579
Come here. I want to talk to you.
139
00:20:15,449 --> 00:20:18,069
Sorry if I have been
I've been so hard on you lately.
140
00:20:20,189 --> 00:20:21,399
I think I just...
141
00:20:23,189 --> 00:20:25,649
...I'm so worried
with you out there.
142
00:20:27,319 --> 00:20:30,069
Things will be different
when you go to college.
143
00:20:31,319 --> 00:20:32,949
I want you to listen to me.
144
00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:36,529
He told what the boys
they were going to do it to me.
145
00:20:37,819 --> 00:20:42,069
How were they going to get their dirty hands
under my skirt and eat me.
146
00:20:42,779 --> 00:20:44,689
Feel my breasts.
147
00:20:47,779 --> 00:20:49,029
Suck them.
148
00:20:51,069 --> 00:20:54,029
How much do the boys
they could be disgusting.
149
00:20:55,319 --> 00:20:59,249
Their hands, their hips
wanting to get in and go up.
150
00:20:59,899 --> 00:21:01,319
And their dicks.
151
00:21:02,149 --> 00:21:03,569
And his.
152
00:21:04,189 --> 00:21:06,149
I sit next to him,
153
00:21:07,319 --> 00:21:11,149
feeling his heat
without even looking.
154
00:22:10,949 --> 00:22:12,569
What are you doing out here?
155
00:22:19,819 --> 00:22:21,569
What's your problem?
156
00:22:26,189 --> 00:22:28,189
I want you to know
157
00:22:32,449 --> 00:22:33,689
that I love you.
158
00:22:51,069 --> 00:22:53,029
You are a fucking whore.
159
00:23:00,949 --> 00:23:02,819
Do you have anything to tell me?
160
00:23:11,569 --> 00:23:13,569
Fuck you, you son of a bitch.
161
00:23:15,069 --> 00:23:16,779
What did you just say?
162
00:23:19,569 --> 00:23:20,949
Fuck you... you son of a bitch.
163
00:23:25,069 --> 00:23:28,949
Leave me alone, dammit!
164
00:24:06,449 --> 00:24:08,399
Everything I thought about
165
00:24:13,779 --> 00:24:16,189
it was in my gaping pussy.
166
00:24:21,319 --> 00:24:24,319
Open like a mouth...
screaming.
167
00:24:26,529 --> 00:24:27,649
You son of a bitch!
168
00:24:30,449 --> 00:24:32,399
You son of a bitch.
169
00:24:52,069 --> 00:24:54,189
I didn't know that a body
girl could do that.
170
00:24:57,449 --> 00:24:59,029
Ejaculate.
171
00:25:30,949 --> 00:25:33,399
My food, my thoughts,
my friends, my place.
172
00:25:33,569 --> 00:25:36,069
My drink, my
days, my nights.
173
00:25:52,569 --> 00:25:54,319
-My sex, my drugs.
-My.
174
00:26:18,779 --> 00:26:22,069
Something so pushed
down on a body
175
00:26:23,819 --> 00:26:25,319
that had to explode.
176
00:26:29,819 --> 00:26:30,949
Yuck!
177
00:26:35,949 --> 00:26:37,529
Where do you think you're going?
178
00:26:39,529 --> 00:26:41,069
I know you.
179
00:26:43,949 --> 00:26:45,449
You're not going anywhere.
180
00:27:36,189 --> 00:27:38,899
So far from my father.
181
00:27:42,819 --> 00:27:44,689
So far from my father...
182
00:27:56,069 --> 00:27:57,399
I just want...
183
00:28:06,899 --> 00:28:08,279
I love your hands.
184
00:28:10,189 --> 00:28:11,779
I love your voice.
185
00:28:14,069 --> 00:28:17,949
They are my father and my brother
who have real voices.
186
00:28:19,149 --> 00:28:21,319
I always hear them in my head.
187
00:28:22,449 --> 00:28:23,449
Is it true?
188
00:28:25,399 --> 00:28:26,689
What do they say?
189
00:28:30,949 --> 00:28:32,949
They just sing "Amazing Grace."
190
00:28:37,279 --> 00:28:38,819
Voices of God.
191
00:28:40,029 --> 00:28:41,279
Eat me.
192
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:48,000
Oh, really?
193
00:29:00,689 --> 00:29:01,949
Poor Philip.
194
00:29:04,819 --> 00:29:07,069
I wish I could go back
and apologize.
195
00:29:31,949 --> 00:29:34,569
Fuck you, all of you!
196
00:29:34,899 --> 00:29:36,949
Suck me!
197
00:29:42,779 --> 00:29:45,689
He's just an ordinary James Taylor
198
00:29:46,149 --> 00:29:49,189
singing with all my soul
here in Texas!
199
00:29:51,069 --> 00:29:52,819
And sometimes I wonder
200
00:29:55,069 --> 00:29:59,689
If you still think about me
201
00:30:03,689 --> 00:30:06,569
This world may never change
202
00:30:10,069 --> 00:30:13,069
The way it always was
203
00:30:16,949 --> 00:30:19,449
And I know that peace will come
204
00:30:25,779 --> 00:30:28,279
Why do you always do this, Lidia?
205
00:30:34,779 --> 00:30:36,399
It's fun, go!
206
00:30:36,569 --> 00:30:38,569
It's fun! You know that.
207
00:30:43,149 --> 00:30:44,949
You're a... fearful!
208
00:30:45,649 --> 00:30:47,649
Come on, learn to accept...
209
00:30:48,279 --> 00:30:50,399
...a joke. You are very sensitive.
210
00:30:54,449 --> 00:30:57,399
This is one of the things
most pathetic things I've ever seen.
211
00:31:01,689 --> 00:31:06,069
That's what...
That's what I'm talking about.
212
00:31:06,649 --> 00:31:09,449
How to talk
with a door handle.
213
00:31:10,029 --> 00:31:12,449
Why don't you say something?
214
00:31:12,449 --> 00:31:13,189
Please say anything.
215
00:31:13,189 --> 00:31:16,282
I'm a bitch
damn, so why
216
00:31:16,295 --> 00:31:19,000
that you don't do
anything about it?
217
00:31:22,689 --> 00:31:24,149
You're not a bitch.
218
00:31:27,319 --> 00:31:29,069
Fuck you, Philip!
219
00:31:31,149 --> 00:31:33,899
You don't even fucking know me.
220
00:31:58,149 --> 00:32:03,449
Philip means "horse lover".
221
00:32:05,069 --> 00:32:06,279
Holy shit.
222
00:32:07,569 --> 00:32:08,899
Or "brotherhood".
223
00:32:20,569 --> 00:32:22,899
Wake up, you son of a bitch!
224
00:32:39,649 --> 00:32:42,399
Hey Lids. Do you want to get out of here?
225
00:32:42,689 --> 00:32:45,069
She's fine. I'll take her back.
226
00:32:50,569 --> 00:32:52,569
Hey, close the door.
227
00:32:53,399 --> 00:32:55,319
Just close the fucking door!
228
00:32:57,649 --> 00:32:59,569
I didn't see you at training.
229
00:33:00,399 --> 00:33:02,029
Yes, I was expelled.
230
00:33:04,319 --> 00:33:05,529
Good.
231
00:33:18,529 --> 00:33:21,319
I can still feel my face.
232
00:33:32,569 --> 00:33:34,819
Addiction clearly exists in me.
233
00:33:36,649 --> 00:33:38,449
But I want to describe something else to you.
234
00:33:40,449 --> 00:33:41,449
Something smaller.
235
00:33:44,449 --> 00:33:46,029
It's a smaller word.
236
00:33:47,449 --> 00:33:48,529
Mom?
237
00:33:51,399 --> 00:33:54,149
So small that it can travel
through the bloodstream.
238
00:33:59,279 --> 00:34:00,569
Get out of here, Belle.
239
00:34:16,569 --> 00:34:17,949
Get out of here, Belle.
240
00:34:28,449 --> 00:34:29,449
Stay away.
241
00:34:31,689 --> 00:34:33,689
This is not for you.
242
00:34:35,819 --> 00:34:37,899
I'm not going to talk about anything.
243
00:34:40,069 --> 00:34:42,189
I'm not going to talk about anything.
244
00:34:52,069 --> 00:34:53,949
I'm not going to talk about anything.
245
00:35:01,069 --> 00:35:02,069
Dorothy?
246
00:35:04,689 --> 00:35:05,899
He comes. Get up.
247
00:35:33,949 --> 00:35:35,399
I'm sorry!
248
00:35:41,779 --> 00:35:42,899
I'm sorry.
249
00:35:46,819 --> 00:35:47,819
Yes. Lidia...
250
00:35:49,529 --> 00:35:51,189
You can talk to us.
251
00:35:52,029 --> 00:35:53,189
Help.
252
00:35:54,279 --> 00:35:55,569
Trust me.
253
00:36:10,899 --> 00:36:13,149
I'm not going to talk about anything.
254
00:36:14,949 --> 00:36:16,399
I always want to say... Yes.
255
00:36:19,779 --> 00:36:23,949
Find meaning in the traffic of life
256
00:36:24,069 --> 00:36:27,399
clearing spiritual barriers.
257
00:36:52,319 --> 00:36:53,819
I'm proud of you.
258
00:36:56,189 --> 00:36:57,279
Do you know this?
259
00:37:01,029 --> 00:37:02,029
I know.
260
00:37:19,819 --> 00:37:21,569
Will you marry me?
261
00:37:52,949 --> 00:37:56,279
And children have their dreams
262
00:37:56,819 --> 00:37:59,189
To hold on
263
00:38:02,069 --> 00:38:04,279
And how they fly
264
00:38:04,649 --> 00:38:07,569
Take us to the moon
265
00:38:09,189 --> 00:38:13,569
Yes, they turn away from you
266
00:38:14,569 --> 00:38:17,399
They move away from you
267
00:38:19,319 --> 00:38:23,319
And they move away from you
268
00:38:25,649 --> 00:38:30,779
And women have themselves
To hold on
269
00:38:34,399 --> 00:38:39,399
And how they fly
I am surprised
270
00:38:41,569 --> 00:38:43,949
They move away from me
271
00:38:45,689 --> 00:38:49,189
They move away from me
272
00:38:51,189 --> 00:38:54,649
And they move away from me
273
00:39:27,399 --> 00:39:29,949
Honey, you did great.
274
00:39:30,069 --> 00:39:32,069
You did very well!
275
00:39:58,819 --> 00:40:00,264
I made you some tea.
276
00:40:00,277 --> 00:40:03,189
I don't want tea. What
are we going to do it?
277
00:40:07,189 --> 00:40:08,189
Lydia...
278
00:40:09,319 --> 00:40:10,449
I love you.
279
00:40:12,069 --> 00:40:15,689
And whatever you want to do,
I will support you.
280
00:40:20,189 --> 00:40:21,319
Was that it?
281
00:40:26,529 --> 00:40:28,949
I need more than nothing
282
00:40:29,149 --> 00:40:32,189
of the most passive man
from planet Earth!
283
00:40:47,949 --> 00:40:50,029
Sorry, I'm a little sick.
284
00:40:54,819 --> 00:41:00,529
You don't want anything, and you kill me
for not wanting anything!
285
00:41:01,149 --> 00:41:03,449
-What were you thinking?
-I don't know.
286
00:41:03,949 --> 00:41:07,149
I don't know. I don't know.
It's fucking impossible!
287
00:41:07,529 --> 00:41:10,149
I can't stand how nice he is.
I just can't take it!
288
00:41:10,319 --> 00:41:12,689
I can't stand his kindness.
289
00:41:13,319 --> 00:41:16,069
But I also couldn't finish it.
290
00:41:18,399 --> 00:41:24,569
I thought maybe there is
a world where I...
291
00:41:25,449 --> 00:41:28,819
...will live with you
292
00:41:28,949 --> 00:41:32,819
in Eugene and take some classes
that you give.
293
00:41:33,399 --> 00:41:36,449
I don't know. Maybe we
can form a small...
294
00:41:39,069 --> 00:41:40,189
...family.
295
00:41:46,069 --> 00:41:51,689
Because I think my life with him
It's going to be sad country music.
296
00:41:53,449 --> 00:41:55,449
-And that's the only one...
-Lidia, I said yes.
297
00:41:56,949 --> 00:41:58,279
Come home.
298
00:42:03,319 --> 00:42:04,449
It's good.
299
00:42:07,529 --> 00:42:08,529
Legal.
300
00:42:10,949 --> 00:42:13,069
'Cause she left me once
301
00:42:14,189 --> 00:42:15,949
to save his own life.
302
00:42:24,899 --> 00:42:27,069
What are you two doing there?
ago? Playing with yourselves?
303
00:42:29,689 --> 00:42:33,649
U ? I bring them
to the most beautiful landscape in the world
304
00:42:34,399 --> 00:42:35,949
and they just make nonsense.
305
00:42:38,899 --> 00:42:40,899
Look out the damn window!
306
00:42:58,819 --> 00:43:03,779
Claudia, get the saw
under your mother's bench.
307
00:43:03,949 --> 00:43:05,689
Let's go! Let's go.
308
00:43:30,819 --> 00:43:32,649
Here, honey.
309
00:43:33,029 --> 00:43:34,319
As food.
310
00:43:35,449 --> 00:43:37,149
As food.
311
00:43:39,279 --> 00:43:40,449
Don't you want it?
312
00:43:48,189 --> 00:43:50,689
Come on, baby.
Just a little sip to warm you up.
313
00:44:22,949 --> 00:44:24,449
Thank God!
314
00:44:32,189 --> 00:44:33,569
Where's the tree?
315
00:44:45,689 --> 00:44:46,689
There.
316
00:44:47,779 --> 00:44:49,529
It's the image.
317
00:44:58,949 --> 00:45:00,319
Welcome home.
318
00:45:06,189 --> 00:45:08,149
Enter. I'll take that.
319
00:45:09,149 --> 00:45:11,029
-Why am I pregnant?
-Yes.
320
00:45:37,399 --> 00:45:38,399
Here.
321
00:45:38,899 --> 00:45:39,899
Thanks.
322
00:45:44,689 --> 00:45:45,689
Damn.
323
00:45:53,449 --> 00:45:54,689
Thank you, Claudia.
324
00:46:04,029 --> 00:46:07,149
Remember when you used to
make me do things?
325
00:46:09,569 --> 00:46:10,689
Like...
326
00:46:11,529 --> 00:46:14,529
"Here. Bite this apple."
327
00:46:14,819 --> 00:46:16,319
Push it in my mouth.
328
00:46:18,899 --> 00:46:22,689
-"Here. Smell this ashtray."
-"Just blow. One, two..."
329
00:46:23,569 --> 00:46:25,279
Gray all over my face.
330
00:46:30,569 --> 00:46:32,149
I would do anything.
331
00:46:36,899 --> 00:46:38,899
You were incredible in my eyes.
332
00:46:43,399 --> 00:46:45,779
I remember when I went down
after you moved into the basement.
333
00:46:47,569 --> 00:46:52,189
I didn't understand
how smart he was at the time, but...
334
00:46:54,189 --> 00:46:58,399
I used to look at all
your things and go through them.
335
00:47:00,189 --> 00:47:02,949
I once found
a razor in your bag.
336
00:47:03,149 --> 00:47:04,149
I cut myself off with her.
337
00:47:05,319 --> 00:47:08,069
It burned when I peed.
338
00:47:25,449 --> 00:47:30,689
I know this is a... sacrifice.
339
00:47:32,189 --> 00:47:33,189
No.
340
00:47:35,399 --> 00:47:36,649
It's just...
341
00:47:39,069 --> 00:47:40,689
You were so little.
342
00:47:57,949 --> 00:48:01,319
This is a way
of patching up your own life.
343
00:48:09,819 --> 00:48:13,069
Maybe I was
waiting for it.
344
00:48:40,399 --> 00:48:41,449
Breathe.
345
00:48:43,649 --> 00:48:44,779
I know.
346
00:48:47,069 --> 00:48:48,529
Let's go. Let's go.
347
00:48:50,649 --> 00:48:52,449
You...
348
00:48:53,319 --> 00:48:54,449
...can do it.
349
00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:40,400
Where is she?
350
00:49:40,399 --> 00:49:41,819
Can I hold it?
351
00:49:43,649 --> 00:49:44,649
Of course.
352
00:49:48,449 --> 00:49:51,069
Just a moment.
We're just cleaning...
353
00:50:15,569 --> 00:50:17,189
Her lips are pink.
354
00:50:20,029 --> 00:50:21,279
They're roses.
355
00:51:40,279 --> 00:51:42,399
Just throw it as far as you can.
356
00:52:07,449 --> 00:52:08,819
It's not funny.
357
00:52:13,069 --> 00:52:14,069
Search.
358
00:53:07,449 --> 00:53:08,569
Sorry.
359
00:53:47,449 --> 00:53:50,399
Look. She's all in you.
360
00:53:52,189 --> 00:53:54,529
You're fucking laughing.
361
00:54:27,949 --> 00:54:30,529
What lived and died among us
362
00:54:32,319 --> 00:54:33,319
still haunts me.
363
00:54:33,529 --> 00:54:34,949
II. UNDER THE BLUE
364
00:54:39,779 --> 00:54:43,189
Oh my god, girl!
Are you some kind of mermaid?
365
00:54:45,319 --> 00:54:46,319
I am.
366
00:54:51,689 --> 00:54:53,029
Have something to say?
367
00:54:55,069 --> 00:54:56,149
Let it go.
368
00:54:58,569 --> 00:55:02,819
He comes. You deserve this.
369
00:55:02,949 --> 00:55:04,279
Don't you want to come with me?
370
00:55:05,189 --> 00:55:09,469
I'm not even a student.
I only stay in the English department.
371
00:55:09,569 --> 00:55:12,819
Do you think Kesey cares?
for university rules?
372
00:55:12,949 --> 00:55:16,649
-You'll regret it if you don't go.
-They don't even want to enroll me.
373
00:55:17,399 --> 00:55:19,689
Nonsense! I already told
tell him about you.
374
00:55:22,149 --> 00:55:23,149
These...
375
00:55:26,069 --> 00:55:27,689
He will adore you.
376
00:55:32,819 --> 00:55:35,319
You don't want to write
a romance with Ken Kesey?
377
00:55:56,399 --> 00:55:59,779
Hey guys. Hi, everyone.
378
00:56:03,689 --> 00:56:04,689
You are an idiot.
379
00:56:06,319 --> 00:56:07,899
Hi. This is Lidia.
380
00:56:09,819 --> 00:56:11,649
-Say hi.
-Hey.
381
00:56:14,449 --> 00:56:15,819
And then.
382
00:56:16,449 --> 00:56:17,819
What do we have here?
383
00:56:18,399 --> 00:56:20,189
A rebel with high grades?
384
00:56:23,529 --> 00:56:25,189
I know what happened to you.
385
00:56:28,949 --> 00:56:30,819
Death sucks.
386
00:56:42,899 --> 00:56:43,949
Damn.
387
00:56:44,779 --> 00:56:49,069
Jeff, can you roll one? I hate
sitting in a room full of writers.
388
00:57:00,399 --> 00:57:02,279
The chair can handle it.
389
00:57:03,449 --> 00:57:05,279
I want all of you...
390
00:57:11,149 --> 00:57:14,913
I want you all
be winners.
391
00:57:14,926 --> 00:57:17,569
I want them to be warriors.
392
00:57:18,399 --> 00:57:22,589
Warriors. I will give it to you
the warrior's test.
393
00:57:22,689 --> 00:57:25,189
Shit floats. Cream rises.
394
00:57:26,069 --> 00:57:29,689
Shit floats. Jerry Rubin.
395
00:57:31,189 --> 00:57:32,689
Cream rises.
396
00:57:40,399 --> 00:57:41,529
Ferlinghetti.
397
00:57:44,319 --> 00:57:45,569
Lord Buckley.
398
00:57:46,449 --> 00:57:47,819
Lenny Bruce.
399
00:57:48,819 --> 00:57:49,949
The big ones.
400
00:57:52,069 --> 00:57:54,069
I want you to be great.
401
00:57:56,189 --> 00:57:57,689
Damn, why would someone...
402
00:57:58,819 --> 00:58:01,779
...we have to create our culture
in the next 50 years
403
00:58:01,949 --> 00:58:05,189
and I want it to be you.
There are only two rules. One:
404
00:58:05,569 --> 00:58:09,069
Don't talk about the plot
of our romance
405
00:58:09,189 --> 00:58:11,529
with anyone who isn't from that group.
406
00:58:11,949 --> 00:58:15,189
Two: I'm 50 percent of the class,
407
00:58:15,569 --> 00:58:18,449
so we just write together,
408
00:58:19,449 --> 00:58:23,569
because we are going to publish
or sink together.
409
00:58:29,899 --> 00:58:31,649
Nelson Algren said:
410
00:58:33,189 --> 00:58:34,949
"The work of the writer
411
00:58:36,069 --> 00:58:39,189
is to drag the judge to the pier,
412
00:58:40,189 --> 00:58:44,949
to make the Almighty feel
what it's like to be down there."
413
00:58:46,819 --> 00:58:48,189
He'll be fine.
414
00:58:49,689 --> 00:58:51,649
Marijuana never killed anyone.
415
00:58:52,819 --> 00:58:54,529
So, let's see.
416
00:58:56,189 --> 00:59:00,319
At once. Write
some bizarre phrases.
417
00:59:01,529 --> 00:59:02,689
Hey! Where are you?
418
00:59:03,529 --> 00:59:06,149
Do not take tranquilizers before class.
419
00:59:07,569 --> 00:59:10,029
Now dive into your imagination.
Let's go!
420
00:59:10,569 --> 00:59:15,279
Immerse yourself in your imagination. Nobody
It's in the room besides you and the pen.
421
00:59:19,449 --> 00:59:20,689
Better.
422
00:59:23,149 --> 00:59:26,319
That's it. This is sensational.
423
00:59:30,899 --> 00:59:32,319
I wrote "Demon Box" here.
424
00:59:34,069 --> 00:59:37,589
This room here is a creative space.
It's a creative place.
425
00:59:37,689 --> 00:59:41,299
Hey, Bennett.
You didn't bring tranquilizers, did you?
426
00:59:41,399 --> 00:59:46,319
This type of drug stays in the body,
not in the head.
427
00:59:46,899 --> 00:59:50,449
It's on LSD, psilocybin, San Pedro.
428
00:59:51,069 --> 00:59:55,449
Something that can break your ego
so you can hear your inner voice.
429
00:59:56,949 --> 00:59:59,319
And you write from that voice.
430
01:00:01,449 --> 01:00:04,149
You want your voice to come out.
431
01:00:09,069 --> 01:00:10,069
Jesus...
432
01:00:12,899 --> 01:00:14,649
This wasn't supposed to happen.
433
01:00:15,689 --> 01:00:17,649
I have fighter's knees.
434
01:00:19,649 --> 01:00:20,649
T .
435
01:00:21,319 --> 01:00:23,949
Let's leave before the sun sets.
436
01:00:24,319 --> 01:00:25,569
I want you...
437
01:00:27,149 --> 01:00:29,149
...know someone.
438
01:00:32,189 --> 01:00:33,189
Let's go!
439
01:00:34,319 --> 01:00:35,449
Fuck you, God!
440
01:00:36,569 --> 01:00:40,069
God made mistakes in the commandments.
I think there's an eleventh.
441
01:00:40,189 --> 01:00:43,069
And it should be the first commandment.
Have mercy.
442
01:00:43,279 --> 01:00:45,279
Lord, have mercy!
443
01:00:45,779 --> 01:00:48,689
Imagine if everyone had mercy
each other, where we would be today.
444
01:00:49,449 --> 01:00:52,819
You see a guy on the street in need
of money. Give it to him.
445
01:00:53,029 --> 01:00:54,819
Have mercy. He needs it.
446
01:00:55,949 --> 01:00:58,449
He wouldn't ask
if you didn't need it.
447
01:00:59,949 --> 01:01:01,189
Pity.
448
01:01:02,899 --> 01:01:06,949
They're going to have to hire me
to rewrite the Bible.
449
01:01:28,649 --> 01:01:30,819
What are you, some kind of mermaid?
450
01:01:40,029 --> 01:01:41,029
I am.
451
01:01:53,529 --> 01:01:55,689
You know, when Judd died, my son,
452
01:01:57,029 --> 01:01:59,319
I wanted to cease to exist.
453
01:02:07,569 --> 01:02:11,569
And everyone who spoke
He said something stupid to me.
454
01:02:14,949 --> 01:02:17,319
Or nothing.
455
01:02:31,399 --> 01:02:33,899
No one understands death anymore.
456
01:02:38,319 --> 01:02:41,949
It used to be sacred. So sacred.
457
01:02:46,529 --> 01:02:49,692
Damn. Nobody is big
enough to
458
01:02:49,705 --> 01:02:52,569
load what
happens to us.
459
01:02:56,189 --> 01:03:01,949
No one is big enough to
carry what happens to us.
460
01:03:07,319 --> 01:03:08,949
Have something to say?
461
01:03:17,569 --> 01:03:19,189
It's in your hands.
462
01:03:42,949 --> 01:03:46,069
All about my father
it was in his hands.
463
01:03:51,689 --> 01:03:54,279
It's all about coordination.
464
01:03:56,279 --> 01:03:59,189
A perfectly balanced dance.
465
01:03:59,319 --> 01:04:01,189
Of shadow and light.
466
01:04:02,449 --> 01:04:05,069
Before my father was my father
467
01:04:05,529 --> 01:04:07,069
he was an artist.
468
01:04:07,279 --> 01:04:12,319
Your father won
a prize for this drawing.
469
01:04:15,069 --> 01:04:17,689
Before my father was an artist
470
01:04:18,149 --> 01:04:19,779
he was an athlete.
471
01:04:21,569 --> 01:04:24,189
Before my father was my father...
472
01:04:26,819 --> 01:04:28,449
...he was handsome.
473
01:04:29,069 --> 01:04:30,449
And so was she.
474
01:04:31,029 --> 01:04:33,649
Before my father was my father
475
01:04:34,399 --> 01:04:35,899
he was a boy.
476
01:04:36,279 --> 01:04:37,649
Just a boy
477
01:04:38,189 --> 01:04:42,349
whose mother cut out his tongue.
478
01:04:48,069 --> 01:04:50,149
Before I hate you
479
01:04:51,569 --> 01:04:53,069
I loved him.
480
01:04:58,949 --> 01:05:02,449
Look up. If you don't look
Wherever you go, you fall, understand?
481
01:05:02,649 --> 01:05:06,119
At the end of the descent you just brake
enough to make the turn. Okay?
482
01:05:11,029 --> 01:05:13,569
Go. Look at the road!
483
01:05:14,069 --> 01:05:15,149
Continue.
484
01:05:16,069 --> 01:05:17,189
Head up!
485
01:05:22,189 --> 01:05:24,819
I look at the road. You need to brake!
486
01:05:30,069 --> 01:05:31,149
Mike!
487
01:05:33,949 --> 01:05:36,069
-Get a flashlight!
-Why?
488
01:05:36,279 --> 01:05:38,319
I think she got hurt down there.
It's bleeding.
489
01:05:39,319 --> 01:05:41,569
-What happened?
-Just close the fucking door!
490
01:05:43,529 --> 01:05:45,399
Did you finish the chapter?
491
01:06:00,819 --> 01:06:04,149
Everything I was was
my body bleeding
492
01:06:14,319 --> 01:06:15,569
Hello!
493
01:06:20,569 --> 01:06:22,149
I'm a writer.
494
01:06:37,319 --> 01:06:38,529
Thanks.
495
01:06:41,069 --> 01:06:45,069
We are gathered here
because we want to see the result.
496
01:06:45,189 --> 01:06:49,529
We want to witness the results
of this experiment,
497
01:06:50,149 --> 01:06:52,069
a collaborative novel
498
01:06:52,449 --> 01:06:54,949
written by us.
499
01:06:55,399 --> 01:06:58,742
So let's give the
welcome to the first
500
01:06:58,755 --> 01:07:01,719
of clowns not so
happy on stage
501
01:07:02,069 --> 01:07:05,319
to present "Caves".
502
01:07:06,189 --> 01:07:08,189
Lidia, come here.
503
01:07:11,649 --> 01:07:12,949
I will get it right.
504
01:07:35,319 --> 01:07:37,319
My thigh behind the knee...
505
01:07:37,529 --> 01:07:40,369
You too? My ass.
506
01:07:40,529 --> 01:07:43,021
Behind my knees,
and they are...
507
01:07:43,034 --> 01:07:43,949
Lidia's father.
508
01:07:44,779 --> 01:07:47,449
What can I say?
I'm a big admirer.
509
01:07:47,819 --> 01:07:49,529
Mike, right?
510
01:07:50,149 --> 01:07:51,399
Yes, that's right.
511
01:07:51,949 --> 01:07:53,819
Good that you could come.
512
01:07:54,689 --> 01:07:57,667
Lidia and I watched
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
513
01:07:57,680 --> 01:08:00,529
and Sometimes Give a
Great Madness together,
514
01:08:00,689 --> 01:08:02,569
and they are brilliant.
I mean, brilliant books.
515
01:08:05,319 --> 01:08:06,649
You know, Mike...
516
01:08:08,029 --> 01:08:09,189
Lidia here...
517
01:08:11,319 --> 01:08:13,399
She manages to hit the nail on the head.
518
01:08:17,399 --> 01:08:19,449
Do you want me to autograph it?
519
01:08:23,569 --> 01:08:25,069
Thanks for coming, Dad.
520
01:08:32,449 --> 01:08:35,069
To... Mike?
521
01:08:36,069 --> 01:08:37,189
Could it be.
522
01:08:38,949 --> 01:08:40,029
"For Mike."
523
01:08:40,949 --> 01:08:42,029
"Be...
524
01:08:44,279 --> 01:08:45,399
...brave."
525
01:08:55,149 --> 01:08:56,279
Here you go, Mike.
526
01:09:01,029 --> 01:09:02,189
-Here, man.
-It cost.
527
01:09:24,899 --> 01:09:27,569
I saw
many writers come and go.
528
01:09:31,189 --> 01:09:32,819
You have what it takes.
529
01:09:39,149 --> 01:09:40,689
I have something for you.
530
01:09:41,319 --> 01:09:42,319
Here.
531
01:09:44,069 --> 01:09:45,189
Take it.
532
01:09:48,069 --> 01:09:51,569
Comes from the beach
most spiritual on Earth.
533
01:09:53,069 --> 01:09:54,069
Safe.
534
01:09:56,279 --> 01:09:57,899
You can hold everything.
535
01:10:00,899 --> 01:10:02,779
You'll hold it all, girl.
536
01:10:09,649 --> 01:10:10,689
So...
537
01:10:12,189 --> 01:10:13,569
What's next?
538
01:10:16,689 --> 01:10:19,069
-Next?
-Next. What's next?
539
01:10:19,279 --> 01:10:20,279
Next.
540
01:10:28,449 --> 01:10:30,779
I want to write "The Sound and the Fury".
541
01:10:42,319 --> 01:10:44,399
Of course you do, friend.
542
01:10:45,949 --> 01:10:47,149
Oh, Jesus...
543
01:10:52,689 --> 01:10:55,569
-Play and see if I catch it.
-Ready?
544
01:10:57,029 --> 01:10:58,189
Shit!
545
01:11:02,279 --> 01:11:04,949
Everything depended on her getting in.
546
01:11:08,449 --> 01:11:10,689
There is no metaphor.
547
01:11:11,949 --> 01:11:14,029
-T .
-Fuck metaphors.
548
01:11:14,779 --> 01:11:16,819
-T .
-It's just a stone that fell.
549
01:11:26,149 --> 01:11:29,319
-I'm going to get the rock and go take a piss.
-T .
550
01:11:30,819 --> 01:11:32,649
That's it! You can do it.
551
01:11:36,319 --> 01:11:38,649
That was the last time I saw him.
552
01:11:39,449 --> 01:11:41,189
You know how to write, girl!
553
01:11:41,569 --> 01:11:44,689
In my version, he drowned.
554
01:11:47,319 --> 01:11:51,649
III. THE WET
555
01:11:51,819 --> 01:11:55,589
Caddy wants to fuck. She is insatiable,
556
01:11:55,689 --> 01:11:59,689
and how the neighbor has
a huge volume in the pants
557
01:11:59,819 --> 01:12:02,399
and a sound that comes out of it
instead of language,
558
01:12:02,569 --> 01:12:05,819
she goes to him
and take off all your clothes,
559
01:12:06,029 --> 01:12:08,319
then he eats her at the end
560
01:12:09,029 --> 01:12:10,779
and crushes it.
561
01:12:12,649 --> 01:12:16,819
He eats her to death,
and she loves it!
562
01:12:17,569 --> 01:12:20,689
She laughs until she cries
and an ambulance needs to come.
563
01:12:20,899 --> 01:12:22,649
But it's too late.
564
01:12:23,649 --> 01:12:25,569
This is "The Sound and the Fury".
565
01:12:27,149 --> 01:12:28,149
Banal.
566
01:12:29,569 --> 01:12:32,069
I've already read "The Sound and the Fury".
567
01:12:32,689 --> 01:12:35,529
Rework Faulkner
It's just a college thing.
568
01:12:40,189 --> 01:12:41,819
Maybe try something original.
569
01:12:44,949 --> 01:12:47,949
My God, I hate them.
570
01:12:49,649 --> 01:12:51,529
What the hell does he know?
571
01:12:51,949 --> 01:12:55,319
It's original.
It's a damn pastiche.
572
01:12:59,399 --> 01:13:01,769
Hey, want to go to the beach?
I reserved a room for us.
573
01:13:01,949 --> 01:13:02,949
Hi, Hannah.
574
01:13:03,319 --> 01:13:05,831
In fact, let's work
at it over the weekend.
575
01:13:05,844 --> 01:13:07,319
He comes. Your fly is open.
576
01:13:08,569 --> 01:13:09,569
Lids...
577
01:13:10,819 --> 01:13:12,189
What is this?
578
01:13:16,569 --> 01:13:18,029
Do it if you have the courage.
579
01:13:20,649 --> 01:13:21,649
He comes.
580
01:13:22,689 --> 01:13:23,949
Anything.
581
01:13:24,899 --> 01:13:26,189
Anytime.
582
01:13:27,069 --> 01:13:28,189
Anywhere.
583
01:13:28,949 --> 01:13:29,207
Please be careful.
584
01:13:29,220 --> 01:13:29,949
Anything. Anytime.
Anywhere.
585
01:13:30,029 --> 01:13:33,069
Feel absolutely nothing.
586
01:13:37,649 --> 01:13:41,279
-I'm going to get firewood.
-Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
587
01:14:04,319 --> 01:14:05,949
This is like a...
588
01:14:07,569 --> 01:14:09,069
...trip to fuck?
589
01:14:14,149 --> 01:14:15,149
What?
590
01:14:17,449 --> 01:14:19,779
I never...
I never liked pussy.
591
01:15:29,069 --> 01:15:31,279
I wanted to stay like that.
592
01:15:40,569 --> 01:15:42,899
Beyond all words.
593
01:15:48,279 --> 01:15:50,819
Inside the nameless wet.
594
01:16:18,569 --> 01:16:19,899
Are you okay?
595
01:17:06,819 --> 01:17:08,529
I love you, Lids.
596
01:17:19,279 --> 01:17:20,819
I really love you.
597
01:17:43,949 --> 01:17:45,069
See you later.
598
01:17:59,319 --> 01:18:00,569
In the water,
599
01:18:01,949 --> 01:18:03,449
like in books,
600
01:18:06,949 --> 01:18:08,569
you can leave your life.
601
01:18:31,029 --> 01:18:32,069
I got! I got.
602
01:18:33,029 --> 01:18:35,399
-I remember a happy childhood.
-Come, come!
603
01:18:36,949 --> 01:18:40,949
-We dive, we swim, we compete.
-You were quick this time.
604
01:18:41,149 --> 01:18:43,819
We laughed like other children.
605
01:18:53,279 --> 01:18:57,189
I remember full names
as Evie Kosenkranius
606
01:18:57,319 --> 01:18:58,819
and Lynn Colella-Bell.
607
01:18:59,029 --> 01:19:00,689
Lynn Colella-Bell.
Lynn Colella-Bell. Lynn Colella-Bell.
608
01:19:05,569 --> 01:19:07,899
Looping music
in my head.
609
01:19:33,029 --> 01:19:34,449
Mononucleosis?
610
01:19:35,449 --> 01:19:37,279
Isn't it the kissing disease?
611
01:19:41,819 --> 01:19:43,189
No. Don't be silly.
612
01:19:46,279 --> 01:19:50,289
Everything's going to be okay, Belle.
You'll see. You will improve.
613
01:19:53,819 --> 01:19:56,189
And your father will take good care of you.
614
01:19:58,319 --> 01:20:00,069
-No?
-We turn around.
615
01:20:00,319 --> 01:20:02,569
Mom is going to sell some houses.
616
01:20:05,569 --> 01:20:06,819
Hey my dear.
617
01:20:12,569 --> 01:20:14,069
My little girl.
618
01:20:15,069 --> 01:20:17,279
In a few days it will pass.
619
01:20:23,649 --> 01:20:26,189
-Language allows me to express...
-That's it.
620
01:20:26,819 --> 01:20:29,529
...like four weeks
it could be years.
621
01:20:32,029 --> 01:20:36,069
It is the malleable surface
of a white page.
622
01:21:15,779 --> 01:21:17,819
Did you show this to anyone?
623
01:21:20,529 --> 01:21:21,529
No.
624
01:21:29,779 --> 01:21:32,029
Skin, scars...
625
01:21:35,029 --> 01:21:39,949
People always ask me why
that my work is so dark.
626
01:21:42,189 --> 01:21:44,649
What do you know about pain, Lidia?
627
01:21:49,949 --> 01:21:50,949
I know
628
01:21:53,319 --> 01:21:55,319
that this matters to me.
629
01:21:57,779 --> 01:21:59,689
I will take care of you.
630
01:22:03,899 --> 01:22:05,149
He understands?
631
01:22:11,029 --> 01:22:13,069
Ask me what you want now.
632
01:22:21,399 --> 01:22:23,189
It's not true, angel.
633
01:22:28,029 --> 01:22:29,149
I...
634
01:22:30,319 --> 01:22:33,189
...I want you...
635
01:22:37,449 --> 01:22:39,689
Knock it out of me.
636
01:22:45,689 --> 01:22:47,029
...whip me.
637
01:22:48,449 --> 01:22:52,899
Where do you want to be whipped, angel?
638
01:22:56,779 --> 01:22:57,779
Everywhere.
639
01:23:03,779 --> 01:23:05,449
Take this somewhere.
640
01:23:08,689 --> 01:23:10,569
Take the pain somewhere.
641
01:23:17,319 --> 01:23:18,529
Mom.
642
01:23:29,069 --> 01:23:30,779
I'm proud of you.
643
01:23:42,529 --> 01:23:44,819
I'm not trying you
make it uncomfortable.
644
01:23:52,779 --> 01:23:54,569
I'm trying to be accurate.
645
01:24:00,949 --> 01:24:04,029
IV. RESUSCITATIONS
646
01:24:04,189 --> 01:24:06,919
"Mommy cried,
daddy smelled my pussy.
647
01:24:07,149 --> 01:24:08,949
My best moment was
hit, he declared.
648
01:24:09,149 --> 01:24:12,319
I was sure what he wanted
say. It's the moment of truth.
649
01:24:12,449 --> 01:24:14,449
I go, go, go, masturbate.
650
01:24:14,649 --> 01:24:17,689
My hands will break.
I don't even recognize my body.
651
01:24:17,819 --> 01:24:20,819
It doesn't matter. I know you are mine.
I made you, I make you.
652
01:24:21,029 --> 01:24:25,429
I swore to live for pleasure. My language
It's huge. It goes up to the waist.
653
01:24:25,689 --> 01:24:28,449
You see your real father
in your moment of truth.
654
01:24:28,649 --> 01:24:31,779
God Almighty, nothing matters.
You are my God, my daughter.
655
01:24:31,949 --> 01:24:34,279
I adore you. Make it so I can
satisfy you. Look at her.
656
01:24:34,449 --> 01:24:37,649
It's big in my gnarled hand.
Kiss.
657
01:24:37,819 --> 01:24:41,189
My father declared again, I am
Fucking God and I created God. Holy crap!
658
01:24:41,319 --> 01:24:45,189
Just look at God and he is happy
because I made him cum.
659
01:24:45,319 --> 01:24:48,279
God is in heaven. I
I'm in heaven and I died.
660
01:24:48,449 --> 01:24:50,689
I cum all over your face.
I licked his cum.
661
01:24:50,819 --> 01:24:52,279
-That disgusts me.
662
01:25:05,449 --> 01:25:08,529
ALLEGORIES OF VIOLENCE
663
01:25:12,069 --> 01:25:13,949
Who the hell do you think you are?
664
01:25:16,569 --> 01:25:18,279
My father's daughter.
665
01:25:27,069 --> 01:25:30,029
I'm a woman
who speaks to herself in lies.
666
01:25:59,949 --> 01:26:01,319
Holy shit.
667
01:26:02,189 --> 01:26:03,189
Year one.
668
01:26:03,529 --> 01:26:04,689
Vodka!
669
01:26:07,279 --> 01:26:10,189
I drink vodka almost all the time.
670
01:26:10,399 --> 01:26:14,279
-One dose straight, straight.
-And I didn't feel anything about myself.
671
01:26:18,069 --> 01:26:22,779
We drink, we laugh, we fuck. We do
shadows of bodies fucking in paint.
672
01:26:24,779 --> 01:26:27,189
We perform.
We perform ourselves.
673
01:26:27,399 --> 01:26:29,569
Fuck you, God!
674
01:26:37,449 --> 01:26:38,779
Open the door!
675
01:26:40,689 --> 01:26:42,819
We engrave our names on
each other's arms.
676
01:26:43,029 --> 01:26:44,689
I did this for you!
677
01:26:53,029 --> 01:26:54,189
We fuck infected.
678
01:26:54,399 --> 01:26:56,649
It was right in front of me, Devin.
I saw exactly what happened.
679
01:26:56,819 --> 01:26:59,819
-You don't even understand.
-What?!
680
01:26:59,949 --> 01:27:01,899
That I will marry you.
681
01:27:06,189 --> 01:27:07,649
By Mike and Dorothy!
682
01:27:08,689 --> 01:27:10,779
I'm so glad they fucked up.
683
01:27:13,819 --> 01:27:16,850
To skip to the year
six when stories
684
01:27:16,863 --> 01:27:19,069
submerged they start to scratch
685
01:27:19,449 --> 01:27:21,819
and screams start a rhythm
where the drink gets louder...
686
01:27:22,029 --> 01:27:25,399
Go kiss women I know
and I don't know!
687
01:27:25,569 --> 01:27:27,649
What is a couple over time
but a repetition?
688
01:27:27,819 --> 01:27:29,845
I'll give you a repeat.
Your conversation
689
01:27:29,858 --> 01:27:31,529
fiada is taking over the house!
690
01:27:31,689 --> 01:27:34,319
I was taking care of the house.
691
01:28:01,319 --> 01:28:03,029
I don't want to fuck.
692
01:28:04,779 --> 01:28:06,529
I want to read.
693
01:28:08,449 --> 01:28:09,689
He is going to screw it up.
694
01:28:15,319 --> 01:28:17,149
I didn't want to drink.
695
01:28:19,449 --> 01:28:20,649
I wanted to write.
696
01:28:30,029 --> 01:28:32,149
What is a couple over time?
697
01:28:36,949 --> 01:28:39,449
Year seven. I finished my thesis.
698
01:28:45,779 --> 01:28:47,949
Year eight I got a doctorate.
699
01:29:04,189 --> 01:29:05,279
Year ten.
700
01:29:06,449 --> 01:29:07,689
We pretend.
701
01:29:12,149 --> 01:29:13,319
You said
702
01:29:16,949 --> 01:29:19,319
who would love me until I die.
703
01:29:24,069 --> 01:29:26,529
You said we would die
together in love.
704
01:29:40,319 --> 01:29:42,189
You told me that.
705
01:29:46,449 --> 01:29:47,899
Where are you?
706
01:29:54,689 --> 01:29:56,449
Where's the man?
707
01:30:12,449 --> 01:30:14,779
Who would love a woman like me?
708
01:30:58,149 --> 01:30:59,689
Don't even think.
709
01:32:45,189 --> 01:32:47,689
The date of your reading
June 15, 1998.
710
01:33:01,449 --> 01:33:03,689
"The date of your reading."
711
01:33:26,689 --> 01:33:27,689
What?
712
01:33:51,779 --> 01:33:53,399
Receive...
713
01:33:58,689 --> 01:34:00,394
...reading an excerpt
of your first
714
01:34:00,407 --> 01:34:02,319
collection of short stories
"Their Other Mouths".
715
01:34:03,529 --> 01:34:05,189
Lidia Yuknavitch.
716
01:34:08,189 --> 01:34:09,949
Lidia, please.
717
01:34:25,449 --> 01:34:27,569
"The day my daughter was born.
718
01:34:29,689 --> 01:34:31,689
After I held the future.
719
01:34:35,819 --> 01:34:37,319
Stillborn.
720
01:34:40,689 --> 01:34:41,899
And pink.
721
01:34:46,899 --> 01:34:48,449
And pink lips.
722
01:34:51,069 --> 01:34:54,319
And pink lips on us
my arms shaking.
723
01:34:54,899 --> 01:34:58,919
Small tragedies are difficult
to organize.
724
01:35:03,779 --> 01:35:07,189
Chronology convinces us that
we are going to a real place.
725
01:35:07,319 --> 01:35:09,529
'Swimmers, on their marks.'
726
01:35:11,069 --> 01:35:12,189
A pistol shot.
727
01:35:12,689 --> 01:35:15,779
A pistol shot fired
our flesh tense.
728
01:35:16,569 --> 01:35:19,085
Parents were often
unsustainable while
729
01:35:19,098 --> 01:35:21,419
the little women
they swam for their lives.
730
01:35:21,649 --> 01:35:22,819
'Nothing.
731
01:35:24,279 --> 01:35:25,689
Nothing!
732
01:35:26,189 --> 01:35:27,319
Quick!
733
01:35:28,819 --> 01:35:30,319
Come on, baby.
734
01:35:31,649 --> 01:35:32,819
Stronger.
735
01:35:33,279 --> 01:35:34,449
Stronger!
736
01:35:35,029 --> 01:35:36,449
Faster!'
737
01:35:36,819 --> 01:35:39,689
A cacophony of swelling men
738
01:35:39,949 --> 01:35:43,319
and pressing against
the wet movement.
739
01:35:45,189 --> 01:35:49,069
How many times have I slipped
into the chlorinated depths
740
01:35:50,029 --> 01:35:54,449
and secretly waited
exchange this worthless skin
741
01:35:54,689 --> 01:35:57,149
and produce something...
742
01:36:01,779 --> 01:36:03,189
...amphibious
743
01:36:05,319 --> 01:36:06,949
and genderless?
744
01:36:15,319 --> 01:36:16,399
The question is
745
01:36:20,689 --> 01:36:24,189
that this thing of letting everything in
746
01:36:25,689 --> 01:36:28,569
and wait to see what comes out
747
01:36:31,689 --> 01:36:32,819
It's scary
748
01:36:34,569 --> 01:36:35,819
and idiot.
749
01:36:37,689 --> 01:36:41,279
And it's starting to piss me off
750
01:36:41,449 --> 01:36:45,689
I have to think about all this.
751
01:36:46,569 --> 01:36:48,029
What I'm saying is...
752
01:36:52,569 --> 01:36:57,319
There is a woman in a room
who is tired of looking down
753
01:36:59,949 --> 01:37:01,319
and bleed
754
01:37:03,779 --> 01:37:07,399
and endure, wish and yearn
755
01:37:08,569 --> 01:37:11,949
and you're tired of being open
756
01:37:12,689 --> 01:37:16,449
with no hope of getting stitched up.
757
01:37:26,819 --> 01:37:29,529
It's not that I want
let this disappear.
758
01:37:32,819 --> 01:37:33,899
It's just that
759
01:37:34,949 --> 01:37:36,319
I want...
760
01:37:36,779 --> 01:37:38,069
Want...
761
01:37:39,819 --> 01:37:42,949
...come from somewhere else.
762
01:37:48,779 --> 01:37:54,029
There are moments with years between them
that appear with great force."
763
01:37:55,069 --> 01:37:56,649
-Remind me why we're here.
764
01:37:56,819 --> 01:37:59,449
-I thought it was your idea.
-I came with you.
765
01:38:05,149 --> 01:38:06,449
Delirium.
766
01:38:08,819 --> 01:38:11,069
Grown women are idiots.
767
01:38:12,319 --> 01:38:13,449
I don't know.
768
01:38:14,649 --> 01:38:15,949
She begged.
769
01:38:22,000 --> 01:38:24,000
I changed my name.
770
01:38:32,399 --> 01:38:33,529
Lidia! Lidia!
771
01:38:41,949 --> 01:38:42,849
-Turn him around.
772
01:38:42,949 --> 01:38:44,149
-Help me!
773
01:39:03,529 --> 01:39:04,689
"Kill.
774
01:39:06,189 --> 01:39:08,819
Or suck the kill back.
775
01:39:13,069 --> 01:39:14,649
And pump it in
776
01:39:15,689 --> 01:39:18,819
of someone else's story.
777
01:39:22,149 --> 01:39:26,769
My father lost his memory
due to lack of oxygen that day.
778
01:39:30,949 --> 01:39:32,779
I didn't kill him.
779
01:39:34,819 --> 01:39:36,449
I didn't save him.
780
01:39:38,149 --> 01:39:41,689
I'm learning to live on land."
781
01:39:50,689 --> 01:39:52,279
Thank you for...
782
01:40:07,819 --> 01:40:10,949
Did your parents read the story?
What did they find?
783
01:40:11,149 --> 01:40:13,399
Enjoy New York.
Get an agent.
784
01:40:17,569 --> 01:40:20,569
Lidia, nice to meet you.
Thank you for being here.
785
01:40:20,949 --> 01:40:22,069
Excuse me.
786
01:40:23,189 --> 01:40:25,149
Do you have something...
787
01:40:26,029 --> 01:40:28,029
...a little stronger?
788
01:40:28,949 --> 01:40:29,949
Thanks.
789
01:40:35,069 --> 01:40:37,529
Carol Houck Smith, Norton Publishing.
790
01:40:39,279 --> 01:40:40,819
It was very impressive
what did you do there.
791
01:40:42,819 --> 01:40:43,949
Thanks.
792
01:40:45,569 --> 01:40:48,649
No, seriously. It didn't seem easy.
793
01:40:50,069 --> 01:40:52,949
Is there more where this came from?
794
01:40:53,279 --> 01:40:55,149
Maybe something longer?
795
01:40:58,819 --> 01:41:00,649
You should send me something.
796
01:41:05,899 --> 01:41:07,279
It's just that
797
01:41:09,949 --> 01:41:14,069
something in me had been born...
798
01:41:15,319 --> 01:41:16,649
...stillborn.
799
01:41:21,689 --> 01:41:29,319
V. THE OTHER SIDE OF DROWNING
800
01:41:48,649 --> 01:41:51,069
It's a small stone that I carry.
801
01:41:55,029 --> 01:41:57,819
The shame of wanting something good.
802
01:42:46,149 --> 01:42:47,819
My life!
803
01:44:56,569 --> 01:44:58,689
Fucking trash.
804
01:45:00,819 --> 01:45:02,149
Hey, what are you doing?
Keep working.
805
01:45:22,189 --> 01:45:23,189
Hi.
806
01:45:27,279 --> 01:45:30,399
The cutting block.
Peer assessment.
807
01:45:30,569 --> 01:45:31,949
Who wants to start?
808
01:45:33,819 --> 01:45:37,399
It's very useful.
You can't live the wrong life.
809
01:45:37,779 --> 01:45:42,189
It's the story they told you.
Yours is equally important. It's yours.
810
01:45:42,319 --> 01:45:45,279
It must hurt,
but I'm happy for you.
811
01:46:36,449 --> 01:46:38,069
Don't even care!
812
01:46:41,689 --> 01:46:45,069
Something small and specific
caught my attention,
813
01:46:45,279 --> 01:46:46,949
an important detail,
814
01:46:47,149 --> 01:46:49,399
a bruise on her nose bone
815
01:46:49,569 --> 01:46:53,069
that made me realize that your
eyes were blue, like mine.
816
01:46:55,399 --> 01:46:56,399
As?
817
01:46:59,149 --> 01:47:03,069
I paid 100 dollars to her pimp.
I ask her to come in.
818
01:47:03,319 --> 01:47:05,069
I ask her to sit.
819
01:47:08,449 --> 01:47:09,779
In the story I say:
820
01:47:10,569 --> 01:47:13,149
"That's what it's like to be me.
821
01:47:14,189 --> 01:47:16,449
A woman who teaches English,
822
01:47:16,899 --> 01:47:19,949
looking at a woman who sucks dicks
823
01:47:20,149 --> 01:47:22,189
who spends all day on my couch
824
01:47:22,569 --> 01:47:23,819
smoking.
825
01:47:25,449 --> 01:47:29,069
When I look at her, I think
that she looks like Maria.
826
01:47:30,779 --> 01:47:33,319
When I see an image of Christ
827
01:47:33,779 --> 01:47:36,819
I imagine Maria
so consumed, thin and tired
828
01:47:37,029 --> 01:47:38,887
and so furious at the edge
from the exhaustion that
829
01:47:38,900 --> 01:47:40,819
can barely load
the face itself.
830
01:47:51,069 --> 01:47:53,569
In the story I say:
831
01:47:56,069 --> 01:47:57,899
"What should I do?
832
01:47:58,819 --> 01:48:00,189
Teach her?”
833
01:48:03,029 --> 01:48:06,779
That's what I,
a recovering addict,
834
01:48:06,949 --> 01:48:09,685
I think when they give me
something so infinitely
835
01:48:09,698 --> 01:48:12,189
small as words
to believe.
836
01:48:12,819 --> 01:48:14,069
I look at her.
837
01:48:19,189 --> 01:48:20,819
I offer words.
838
01:48:34,319 --> 01:48:35,899
People always tell me:
839
01:48:37,689 --> 01:48:41,189
"Those things in your stories
Did they really happen?"
840
01:48:44,449 --> 01:48:48,069
That's not the question
841
01:48:49,319 --> 01:48:51,149
when it comes to life?
842
01:48:56,779 --> 01:48:59,319
Did this really happen to me?
843
01:49:07,529 --> 01:49:08,529
Andy.
844
01:49:10,449 --> 01:49:11,529
I don't know.
845
01:49:20,069 --> 01:49:22,689
Things that happen to
we are true.
846
01:49:24,949 --> 01:49:29,189
But writing is another story.
847
01:49:30,069 --> 01:49:32,779
I hoped we could
discuss my manuscript.
848
01:49:34,569 --> 01:49:35,819
Of course. For sure.
849
01:49:39,399 --> 01:49:41,569
I also want to lend you my car.
850
01:49:45,279 --> 01:49:47,189
I saw you taking the bus
851
01:49:48,319 --> 01:49:50,649
and I happen to have two cars.
852
01:50:28,449 --> 01:50:31,529
You understand a lot about a person
when you see it in the water.
853
01:50:33,399 --> 01:50:34,529
Thanks.
854
01:50:38,029 --> 01:50:41,069
-Why?
-For letting me swim with you.
855
01:50:41,319 --> 01:50:45,449
I read some of your stories.
I know swimming is important.
856
01:50:46,189 --> 01:50:47,949
I always let my students
choose the place.
857
01:50:49,319 --> 01:50:52,649
I wanted to say that
I've seen you a few times before.
858
01:50:53,189 --> 01:50:55,779
I read that Ken Kesey taught
at university,
859
01:50:55,949 --> 01:50:58,069
when I was abroad.
I signed up for the course,
860
01:50:58,189 --> 01:50:59,949
but it was already full.
861
01:51:00,319 --> 01:51:03,569
-Damn. How funny!
-Yeah, I know.
862
01:51:03,689 --> 01:51:06,899
I saw you walking by
creative writing department.
863
01:51:08,779 --> 01:51:11,069
I was reading
that you did at Gerlinger.
864
01:51:18,399 --> 01:51:19,569
It's strange. Strange.
865
01:51:19,949 --> 01:51:21,069
Strange.
866
01:51:24,449 --> 01:51:26,189
It was a strange day for me.
867
01:51:28,949 --> 01:51:29,949
Why?
868
01:51:38,779 --> 01:51:40,029
My father...
869
01:51:42,819 --> 01:51:43,949
...it was mine...
870
01:51:45,149 --> 01:51:46,189
My father...
871
01:51:49,689 --> 01:51:50,689
Your father?
872
01:51:53,449 --> 01:51:55,069
...abused me.
873
01:51:57,949 --> 01:51:59,069
Your father.
874
01:52:02,189 --> 01:52:03,189
As?
875
01:52:05,689 --> 01:52:06,899
Sexually.
876
01:52:10,529 --> 01:52:11,689
Crap.
877
01:52:21,029 --> 01:52:23,819
I hope he has
taken heavy karma.
878
01:52:29,689 --> 01:52:31,689
In fact, it did.
879
01:52:32,949 --> 01:52:34,449
Great.
880
01:52:43,449 --> 01:52:46,449
It's been a long time. I was a person
completely different then.
881
01:52:48,000 --> 01:52:50,000
So who are you now?
882
01:52:52,000 --> 01:52:54,000
I am your teacher.
883
01:53:00,149 --> 01:53:02,689
And then, teacher, go
accept my car?
884
01:53:26,649 --> 01:53:29,689
I don't really know
how to tell like
885
01:53:32,819 --> 01:53:36,279
see the little woman swimming
for life itself.
886
01:53:39,069 --> 01:53:40,319
I mean...
887
01:54:02,279 --> 01:54:03,949
Are you completely crazy?
888
01:54:11,569 --> 01:54:12,689
No.
889
01:54:22,399 --> 01:54:24,819
You think I'm someone else.
890
01:54:32,189 --> 01:54:34,189
I can see the mother in you.
891
01:54:43,689 --> 01:54:46,949
There's more to your story
than you imagine.
892
01:56:43,319 --> 01:56:44,529
- It's beautiful.
- yes.
893
01:56:44,689 --> 01:56:45,899
Beautiful.
894
01:56:46,689 --> 01:56:49,069
We just go this way,
to the left.
895
01:57:11,069 --> 01:57:12,649
And the room?
896
01:57:13,319 --> 01:57:16,149
They said it will be ready tomorrow,
for sure.
897
01:57:20,399 --> 01:57:23,189
It must have been a strange trip.
898
01:57:28,819 --> 01:57:29,819
Thanks.
899
01:57:30,189 --> 01:57:32,569
You never have to thank me.
900
01:57:40,189 --> 01:57:43,189
-I am fine.
-He is sure?
901
01:57:43,899 --> 01:57:44,899
I have.
902
01:57:59,189 --> 01:58:00,189
Hi, dad.
903
01:58:00,399 --> 01:58:03,819
-Marilou?
-No, it's me. I'm Lidia.
904
01:58:05,069 --> 01:58:07,069
I know, baby.
905
01:58:17,689 --> 01:58:18,899
I read this book.
906
01:58:20,149 --> 01:58:21,149
- ?
-Yes.
907
01:58:23,319 --> 01:58:24,689
Do you know who wrote it?
908
01:58:29,819 --> 01:58:30,819
You.
909
01:58:31,649 --> 01:58:32,689
That's right.
910
01:58:36,569 --> 01:58:38,689
Have you read all the stories?
911
01:58:41,189 --> 01:58:43,279
There was one about swimming.
912
01:58:45,819 --> 01:58:46,819
I liked this one.
913
01:58:48,949 --> 01:58:49,949
Thanks.
914
01:58:52,449 --> 01:58:54,689
But not very flattering for me.
915
01:59:08,279 --> 01:59:12,189
I won an award for this story.
916
01:59:13,189 --> 01:59:14,899
I went to New York.
917
01:59:24,819 --> 01:59:26,399
, not bad.
918
01:59:31,189 --> 01:59:32,319
It's beautiful here.
919
01:59:36,649 --> 01:59:38,449
It's a real house
that you have here.
920
01:59:43,319 --> 01:59:44,319
Very good.
921
01:59:45,779 --> 01:59:47,029
Very well done.
922
01:59:48,819 --> 01:59:50,837
The safest memories
are locked
923
01:59:50,850 --> 01:59:52,779
in people's brains
that they don't remember.
924
01:59:54,279 --> 01:59:55,529
Get her, Mike!
925
01:59:56,649 --> 01:59:59,449
You know I don't swim.
- Claudia, look for your sister!
926
02:00:01,819 --> 02:00:03,569
Underwater forever.
927
02:00:05,689 --> 02:00:07,069
That's it, friend.
928
02:00:08,819 --> 02:00:10,569
Look, I'm swimming!
929
02:00:22,819 --> 02:00:24,189
What it was?
930
02:00:24,399 --> 02:00:29,649
The water will get into my nose,
in my ears and in my brain.
931
02:00:32,189 --> 02:00:33,319
Miles...
932
02:00:35,819 --> 02:00:41,689
How many times
Did you see mom swim?
933
02:00:43,399 --> 02:00:45,029
Often, right?
934
02:00:45,529 --> 02:00:46,949
Have you ever thought
935
02:00:48,069 --> 02:00:50,779
that I never had water on the brain?
936
02:00:55,449 --> 02:00:57,819
The water never entered my brain.
937
02:00:58,029 --> 02:01:00,689
Want to see? Look at this.
938
02:01:01,029 --> 02:01:03,399
Tell me how much water
enters my brain. Okay?
939
02:01:14,069 --> 02:01:15,069
It saw?
940
02:01:16,949 --> 02:01:18,149
Okay, go.
941
02:01:18,449 --> 02:01:21,189
I have a joke
very important.
942
02:01:23,149 --> 02:01:26,319
I'll put my whole head
underwater.
943
02:01:28,189 --> 02:01:31,279
And we will look at each other
underwater.
944
02:01:33,149 --> 02:01:35,899
-What kind of joke is this?
-I invented it.
945
02:01:48,319 --> 02:01:49,569
The secret is
946
02:01:51,529 --> 02:01:53,189
invent things.
947
02:02:02,529 --> 02:02:05,689
It's not nonsense what I'm saying.
948
02:02:07,779 --> 02:02:08,779
Enter.
949
02:02:12,189 --> 02:02:14,069
The water will hold you.
950
02:02:21,000 --> 02:02:27,000
Subtitles and sync: vdmnk
59259
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