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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:02:56,449 --> 00:02:59,069 I thought to start from the beginning. 2 00:03:02,949 --> 00:03:04,569 But that's not how I remember it. 3 00:03:12,949 --> 00:03:15,899 Everything is a series of fragments. 4 00:03:19,069 --> 00:03:20,069 Repetitions. 5 00:03:23,279 --> 00:03:25,449 Pattern formation. 6 00:03:47,279 --> 00:03:50,069 When there are no words for the pain... 7 00:03:54,689 --> 00:03:58,319 ...let your imagination transform what you know. 8 00:04:01,189 --> 00:04:04,029 Conglomerate is the movement of the earth in the freedom of the water. 9 00:04:06,069 --> 00:04:09,029 A ring around a stone is lucky. 10 00:04:09,319 --> 00:04:11,319 Smooth and small. 11 00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:17,179 Sandstone is calming and clear. Slate, naturally rational. 12 00:04:17,319 --> 00:04:19,649 Red sandstone is the blood of the earth. 13 00:04:21,189 --> 00:04:23,029 You believe in blue. 14 00:04:47,189 --> 00:04:48,819 Sorry. 15 00:04:52,949 --> 00:04:54,319 Memories... 16 00:04:56,649 --> 00:04:57,689 ...are stories. 17 00:05:00,649 --> 00:05:02,949 It's better to invent one with the which you can live. 18 00:05:03,149 --> 00:05:09,449 I. HOLD YOUR BREATH 19 00:05:22,819 --> 00:05:24,189 A smiling face. 20 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:32,319 Flower. 21 00:05:44,819 --> 00:05:46,189 Christmas tree. 22 00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:10,689 To. 23 00:06:11,779 --> 00:06:14,649 Claudia, go upstairs. Go! 24 00:06:17,689 --> 00:06:18,779 Now! 25 00:06:25,689 --> 00:06:27,949 Let me know when you're done. 26 00:06:28,189 --> 00:06:29,949 We can stay here all night. 27 00:06:40,189 --> 00:06:41,189 Damn! 28 00:07:22,569 --> 00:07:25,689 It's so delicious, Claudia. I really think this will 29 00:07:26,189 --> 00:07:27,819 make you feel better instantly. 30 00:07:29,819 --> 00:07:31,449 Make you feel better instantly. 31 00:07:41,449 --> 00:07:43,069 Sing with me, Belle. 32 00:07:50,689 --> 00:07:54,569 Come on, Lidia Belle. Sing with me. You know all the words. 33 00:08:01,689 --> 00:08:05,119 It was my voice that disappeared. 34 00:08:07,899 --> 00:08:10,569 Sometimes I think she got the job done. 35 00:08:11,399 --> 00:08:13,319 -I wrote... -...images and true things... 36 00:08:13,449 --> 00:08:15,779 -... lies alternately. -That made me feel like... 37 00:08:16,779 --> 00:08:19,949 -It made me feel like another person. -For God's sake! 38 00:08:21,449 --> 00:08:24,449 -I wrote words to belong. -It's your daughter! 39 00:08:24,949 --> 00:08:26,189 No daughter. 40 00:08:27,689 --> 00:08:28,949 For swimmers. 41 00:08:30,189 --> 00:08:31,649 For safety. 42 00:08:32,189 --> 00:08:35,949 For girls. You give me goosebumps and it gives me a headache. 43 00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:37,149 Mom. 44 00:08:37,189 --> 00:08:38,319 Her hair. 45 00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:40,069 Her scars. 46 00:08:40,529 --> 00:08:41,689 Her story. 47 00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:45,529 I won a prize for this story, Belle. 48 00:08:45,949 --> 00:08:47,569 And your father... 49 00:08:49,689 --> 00:08:53,819 ...won an art prize for this drawing. 50 00:08:54,649 --> 00:08:57,779 So absent she was. 51 00:09:02,319 --> 00:09:04,779 And my sister. My adoration. 52 00:09:04,949 --> 00:09:07,319 My sister. My reverence. 53 00:09:07,449 --> 00:09:10,819 You look like a beggar with that baggy, ugly shirt. 54 00:09:11,029 --> 00:09:12,529 It doesn't do you any favors. 55 00:09:13,279 --> 00:09:14,449 Look at me. 56 00:09:16,399 --> 00:09:18,189 Are you trying to look like a man? 57 00:09:18,449 --> 00:09:21,569 My sister. She takes everything. 58 00:09:28,189 --> 00:09:30,319 My sister. She takes everything. 59 00:09:58,279 --> 00:09:59,569 In the house. 60 00:10:02,319 --> 00:10:04,149 Alone in my room. 61 00:10:04,689 --> 00:10:05,949 My arms hurt. 62 00:10:06,899 --> 00:10:08,189 My sister left. 63 00:10:10,449 --> 00:10:11,779 My mother is... 64 00:10:12,899 --> 00:10:13,949 ...absent. 65 00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:20,649 My father draws houses room next door. He smokes. 66 00:10:34,449 --> 00:10:35,569 Hey my dear. 67 00:10:57,069 --> 00:10:59,149 I hope until five in the morning. 68 00:11:01,149 --> 00:11:02,319 I ask you 69 00:11:04,149 --> 00:11:05,189 be able to swim. 70 00:11:21,069 --> 00:11:22,319 My little girl. 71 00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:27,569 You're growing up so fast. 72 00:11:33,569 --> 00:11:34,819 Adolescent. 73 00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:40,449 In high school. I don't believe it. 74 00:11:40,689 --> 00:11:43,819 Okay, line up. Girls, weigh-in time. 75 00:11:44,029 --> 00:11:47,319 You know how it works. A slap for every kilo above. 76 00:11:47,689 --> 00:11:48,779 Torres. 77 00:11:50,399 --> 00:11:51,399 Good girl. 78 00:12:00,449 --> 00:12:01,569 That. That's it. 79 00:12:03,899 --> 00:12:05,649 Reimer. 1.5 kilos. 80 00:12:14,569 --> 00:12:15,899 Come on, baby. 81 00:12:29,689 --> 00:12:30,899 Yuknavitch. 82 00:12:31,069 --> 00:12:34,319 One for you, freshman. Let's do it right. 83 00:13:07,569 --> 00:13:09,649 How many kilometers are needed 84 00:13:13,779 --> 00:13:15,069 to swim 85 00:13:19,449 --> 00:13:20,569 even a me? 86 00:13:24,399 --> 00:13:25,849 How many... 87 00:13:26,149 --> 00:13:31,279 ...damn kilometers? 88 00:13:36,529 --> 00:13:38,569 We broke the record! Damn, we broke the record! 89 00:13:40,649 --> 00:13:43,017 Our medalists relay gold 90 00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:45,069 Florida medley Aquatic Swim Team 91 00:13:45,569 --> 00:13:48,319 they had the best time from the entire country. 92 00:13:48,529 --> 00:13:49,899 Congratulations. 93 00:13:50,279 --> 00:13:52,149 The scouts are watching, third years. 94 00:14:18,189 --> 00:14:20,319 So you really want this, right? 95 00:14:46,569 --> 00:14:49,189 You only got three rooms. 96 00:14:53,319 --> 00:14:58,189 If they really wanted you, They would have given everything, wouldn't they? 97 00:15:14,149 --> 00:15:17,689 "We are pleased to offer a partial scholarship." 98 00:15:19,069 --> 00:15:21,669 Half. You are better than that. 99 00:15:25,399 --> 00:15:26,689 The last one. 100 00:15:41,689 --> 00:15:44,069 In my head, I was swimming laps. 101 00:15:45,029 --> 00:15:47,449 You didn't even get a full scholarship. 102 00:15:52,069 --> 00:15:53,689 Don't blame me. 103 00:15:54,649 --> 00:15:56,449 If they don't want you, you don't belong there. 104 00:15:56,649 --> 00:15:58,649 I could taste blood. 105 00:15:58,819 --> 00:15:59,949 The answer is no. 106 00:16:01,949 --> 00:16:02,949 Why? 107 00:16:10,779 --> 00:16:12,149 Because he could. 108 00:16:15,319 --> 00:16:16,399 What? 109 00:16:17,189 --> 00:16:18,569 And I was his. 110 00:16:32,449 --> 00:16:33,529 Hey, look at me. 111 00:16:45,449 --> 00:16:46,569 Look at me. 112 00:16:56,399 --> 00:17:01,199 I only want the best for you. You know that. 113 00:17:04,689 --> 00:17:06,689 I knew he could feel it. 114 00:17:07,949 --> 00:17:09,189 That pink muscle. 115 00:17:10,189 --> 00:17:11,189 That squeezes 116 00:17:13,319 --> 00:17:14,569 and press... 117 00:17:15,649 --> 00:17:17,732 You should be It's warming up outside. 118 00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:18,819 ...with all my strength. 119 00:17:23,569 --> 00:17:24,689 Lidia! 120 00:17:27,399 --> 00:17:28,819 Need help? 121 00:17:29,319 --> 00:17:31,649 I'm a coach at Texas Tech. 122 00:17:32,069 --> 00:17:34,149 Nice to meet you. Let's talk. 123 00:17:35,649 --> 00:17:37,689 We would like to have You are on our team. 124 00:17:56,819 --> 00:17:57,949 Yes. 125 00:18:04,189 --> 00:18:06,069 I almost loved her. 126 00:18:12,689 --> 00:18:13,949 Come on, Belle. 127 00:18:41,689 --> 00:18:44,899 I know you, Lidia. I know what you do. 128 00:18:45,069 --> 00:18:47,569 And it's disgusting. Can you hear me? 129 00:18:47,779 --> 00:18:49,899 It's very disgusting, Lidia. You should be ashamed! 130 00:18:58,649 --> 00:19:00,189 This is control. 131 00:19:00,949 --> 00:19:02,399 I control myself. 132 00:19:06,449 --> 00:19:09,069 You don't know how far I can go. 133 00:19:27,069 --> 00:19:30,949 My room holds the wet and dark of my body. 134 00:19:34,449 --> 00:19:36,449 It smells like my sweat 135 00:19:37,649 --> 00:19:38,949 and chlorine. 136 00:19:53,069 --> 00:19:54,649 Hi. Can't sleep, can you? 137 00:19:55,069 --> 00:19:56,069 Yeah, me neither. 138 00:20:07,189 --> 00:20:09,579 Come here. I want to talk to you. 139 00:20:15,449 --> 00:20:18,069 Sorry if I have been I've been so hard on you lately. 140 00:20:20,189 --> 00:20:21,399 I think I just... 141 00:20:23,189 --> 00:20:25,649 ...I'm so worried with you out there. 142 00:20:27,319 --> 00:20:30,069 Things will be different when you go to college. 143 00:20:31,319 --> 00:20:32,949 I want you to listen to me. 144 00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:36,529 He told what the boys they were going to do it to me. 145 00:20:37,819 --> 00:20:42,069 How were they going to get their dirty hands under my skirt and eat me. 146 00:20:42,779 --> 00:20:44,689 Feel my breasts. 147 00:20:47,779 --> 00:20:49,029 Suck them. 148 00:20:51,069 --> 00:20:54,029 How much do the boys they could be disgusting. 149 00:20:55,319 --> 00:20:59,249 Their hands, their hips wanting to get in and go up. 150 00:20:59,899 --> 00:21:01,319 And their dicks. 151 00:21:02,149 --> 00:21:03,569 And his. 152 00:21:04,189 --> 00:21:06,149 I sit next to him, 153 00:21:07,319 --> 00:21:11,149 feeling his heat without even looking. 154 00:22:10,949 --> 00:22:12,569 What are you doing out here? 155 00:22:19,819 --> 00:22:21,569 What's your problem? 156 00:22:26,189 --> 00:22:28,189 I want you to know 157 00:22:32,449 --> 00:22:33,689 that I love you. 158 00:22:51,069 --> 00:22:53,029 You are a fucking whore. 159 00:23:00,949 --> 00:23:02,819 Do you have anything to tell me? 160 00:23:11,569 --> 00:23:13,569 Fuck you, you son of a bitch. 161 00:23:15,069 --> 00:23:16,779 What did you just say? 162 00:23:19,569 --> 00:23:20,949 Fuck you... you son of a bitch. 163 00:23:25,069 --> 00:23:28,949 Leave me alone, dammit! 164 00:24:06,449 --> 00:24:08,399 Everything I thought about 165 00:24:13,779 --> 00:24:16,189 it was in my gaping pussy. 166 00:24:21,319 --> 00:24:24,319 Open like a mouth... screaming. 167 00:24:26,529 --> 00:24:27,649 You son of a bitch! 168 00:24:30,449 --> 00:24:32,399 You son of a bitch. 169 00:24:52,069 --> 00:24:54,189 I didn't know that a body girl could do that. 170 00:24:57,449 --> 00:24:59,029 Ejaculate. 171 00:25:30,949 --> 00:25:33,399 My food, my thoughts, my friends, my place. 172 00:25:33,569 --> 00:25:36,069 My drink, my days, my nights. 173 00:25:52,569 --> 00:25:54,319 -My sex, my drugs. -My. 174 00:26:18,779 --> 00:26:22,069 Something so pushed down on a body 175 00:26:23,819 --> 00:26:25,319 that had to explode. 176 00:26:29,819 --> 00:26:30,949 Yuck! 177 00:26:35,949 --> 00:26:37,529 Where do you think you're going? 178 00:26:39,529 --> 00:26:41,069 I know you. 179 00:26:43,949 --> 00:26:45,449 You're not going anywhere. 180 00:27:36,189 --> 00:27:38,899 So far from my father. 181 00:27:42,819 --> 00:27:44,689 So far from my father... 182 00:27:56,069 --> 00:27:57,399 I just want... 183 00:28:06,899 --> 00:28:08,279 I love your hands. 184 00:28:10,189 --> 00:28:11,779 I love your voice. 185 00:28:14,069 --> 00:28:17,949 They are my father and my brother who have real voices. 186 00:28:19,149 --> 00:28:21,319 I always hear them in my head. 187 00:28:22,449 --> 00:28:23,449 Is it true? 188 00:28:25,399 --> 00:28:26,689 What do they say? 189 00:28:30,949 --> 00:28:32,949 They just sing "Amazing Grace." 190 00:28:37,279 --> 00:28:38,819 Voices of God. 191 00:28:40,029 --> 00:28:41,279 Eat me. 192 00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:48,000 Oh, really? 193 00:29:00,689 --> 00:29:01,949 Poor Philip. 194 00:29:04,819 --> 00:29:07,069 I wish I could go back and apologize. 195 00:29:31,949 --> 00:29:34,569 Fuck you, all of you! 196 00:29:34,899 --> 00:29:36,949 Suck me! 197 00:29:42,779 --> 00:29:45,689 He's just an ordinary James Taylor 198 00:29:46,149 --> 00:29:49,189 singing with all my soul here in Texas! 199 00:29:51,069 --> 00:29:52,819 And sometimes I wonder 200 00:29:55,069 --> 00:29:59,689 If you still think about me 201 00:30:03,689 --> 00:30:06,569 This world may never change 202 00:30:10,069 --> 00:30:13,069 The way it always was 203 00:30:16,949 --> 00:30:19,449 And I know that peace will come 204 00:30:25,779 --> 00:30:28,279 Why do you always do this, Lidia? 205 00:30:34,779 --> 00:30:36,399 It's fun, go! 206 00:30:36,569 --> 00:30:38,569 It's fun! You know that. 207 00:30:43,149 --> 00:30:44,949 You're a... fearful! 208 00:30:45,649 --> 00:30:47,649 Come on, learn to accept... 209 00:30:48,279 --> 00:30:50,399 ...a joke. You are very sensitive. 210 00:30:54,449 --> 00:30:57,399 This is one of the things most pathetic things I've ever seen. 211 00:31:01,689 --> 00:31:06,069 That's what... That's what I'm talking about. 212 00:31:06,649 --> 00:31:09,449 How to talk with a door handle. 213 00:31:10,029 --> 00:31:12,449 Why don't you say something? 214 00:31:12,449 --> 00:31:13,189 Please say anything. 215 00:31:13,189 --> 00:31:16,282 I'm a bitch damn, so why 216 00:31:16,295 --> 00:31:19,000 that you don't do anything about it? 217 00:31:22,689 --> 00:31:24,149 You're not a bitch. 218 00:31:27,319 --> 00:31:29,069 Fuck you, Philip! 219 00:31:31,149 --> 00:31:33,899 You don't even fucking know me. 220 00:31:58,149 --> 00:32:03,449 Philip means "horse lover". 221 00:32:05,069 --> 00:32:06,279 Holy shit. 222 00:32:07,569 --> 00:32:08,899 Or "brotherhood". 223 00:32:20,569 --> 00:32:22,899 Wake up, you son of a bitch! 224 00:32:39,649 --> 00:32:42,399 Hey Lids. Do you want to get out of here? 225 00:32:42,689 --> 00:32:45,069 She's fine. I'll take her back. 226 00:32:50,569 --> 00:32:52,569 Hey, close the door. 227 00:32:53,399 --> 00:32:55,319 Just close the fucking door! 228 00:32:57,649 --> 00:32:59,569 I didn't see you at training. 229 00:33:00,399 --> 00:33:02,029 Yes, I was expelled. 230 00:33:04,319 --> 00:33:05,529 Good. 231 00:33:18,529 --> 00:33:21,319 I can still feel my face. 232 00:33:32,569 --> 00:33:34,819 Addiction clearly exists in me. 233 00:33:36,649 --> 00:33:38,449 But I want to describe something else to you. 234 00:33:40,449 --> 00:33:41,449 Something smaller. 235 00:33:44,449 --> 00:33:46,029 It's a smaller word. 236 00:33:47,449 --> 00:33:48,529 Mom? 237 00:33:51,399 --> 00:33:54,149 So small that it can travel through the bloodstream. 238 00:33:59,279 --> 00:34:00,569 Get out of here, Belle. 239 00:34:16,569 --> 00:34:17,949 Get out of here, Belle. 240 00:34:28,449 --> 00:34:29,449 Stay away. 241 00:34:31,689 --> 00:34:33,689 This is not for you. 242 00:34:35,819 --> 00:34:37,899 I'm not going to talk about anything. 243 00:34:40,069 --> 00:34:42,189 I'm not going to talk about anything. 244 00:34:52,069 --> 00:34:53,949 I'm not going to talk about anything. 245 00:35:01,069 --> 00:35:02,069 Dorothy? 246 00:35:04,689 --> 00:35:05,899 He comes. Get up. 247 00:35:33,949 --> 00:35:35,399 I'm sorry! 248 00:35:41,779 --> 00:35:42,899 I'm sorry. 249 00:35:46,819 --> 00:35:47,819 Yes. Lidia... 250 00:35:49,529 --> 00:35:51,189 You can talk to us. 251 00:35:52,029 --> 00:35:53,189 Help. 252 00:35:54,279 --> 00:35:55,569 Trust me. 253 00:36:10,899 --> 00:36:13,149 I'm not going to talk about anything. 254 00:36:14,949 --> 00:36:16,399 I always want to say... Yes. 255 00:36:19,779 --> 00:36:23,949 Find meaning in the traffic of life 256 00:36:24,069 --> 00:36:27,399 clearing spiritual barriers. 257 00:36:52,319 --> 00:36:53,819 I'm proud of you. 258 00:36:56,189 --> 00:36:57,279 Do you know this? 259 00:37:01,029 --> 00:37:02,029 I know. 260 00:37:19,819 --> 00:37:21,569 Will you marry me? 261 00:37:52,949 --> 00:37:56,279 And children have their dreams 262 00:37:56,819 --> 00:37:59,189 To hold on 263 00:38:02,069 --> 00:38:04,279 And how they fly 264 00:38:04,649 --> 00:38:07,569 Take us to the moon 265 00:38:09,189 --> 00:38:13,569 Yes, they turn away from you 266 00:38:14,569 --> 00:38:17,399 They move away from you 267 00:38:19,319 --> 00:38:23,319 And they move away from you 268 00:38:25,649 --> 00:38:30,779 And women have themselves To hold on 269 00:38:34,399 --> 00:38:39,399 And how they fly I am surprised 270 00:38:41,569 --> 00:38:43,949 They move away from me 271 00:38:45,689 --> 00:38:49,189 They move away from me 272 00:38:51,189 --> 00:38:54,649 And they move away from me 273 00:39:27,399 --> 00:39:29,949 Honey, you did great. 274 00:39:30,069 --> 00:39:32,069 You did very well! 275 00:39:58,819 --> 00:40:00,264 I made you some tea. 276 00:40:00,277 --> 00:40:03,189 I don't want tea. What are we going to do it? 277 00:40:07,189 --> 00:40:08,189 Lydia... 278 00:40:09,319 --> 00:40:10,449 I love you. 279 00:40:12,069 --> 00:40:15,689 And whatever you want to do, I will support you. 280 00:40:20,189 --> 00:40:21,319 Was that it? 281 00:40:26,529 --> 00:40:28,949 I need more than nothing 282 00:40:29,149 --> 00:40:32,189 of the most passive man from planet Earth! 283 00:40:47,949 --> 00:40:50,029 Sorry, I'm a little sick. 284 00:40:54,819 --> 00:41:00,529 You don't want anything, and you kill me for not wanting anything! 285 00:41:01,149 --> 00:41:03,449 -What were you thinking? -I don't know. 286 00:41:03,949 --> 00:41:07,149 I don't know. I don't know. It's fucking impossible! 287 00:41:07,529 --> 00:41:10,149 I can't stand how nice he is. I just can't take it! 288 00:41:10,319 --> 00:41:12,689 I can't stand his kindness. 289 00:41:13,319 --> 00:41:16,069 But I also couldn't finish it. 290 00:41:18,399 --> 00:41:24,569 I thought maybe there is a world where I... 291 00:41:25,449 --> 00:41:28,819 ...will live with you 292 00:41:28,949 --> 00:41:32,819 in Eugene and take some classes that you give. 293 00:41:33,399 --> 00:41:36,449 I don't know. Maybe we can form a small... 294 00:41:39,069 --> 00:41:40,189 ...family. 295 00:41:46,069 --> 00:41:51,689 Because I think my life with him It's going to be sad country music. 296 00:41:53,449 --> 00:41:55,449 -And that's the only one... -Lidia, I said yes. 297 00:41:56,949 --> 00:41:58,279 Come home. 298 00:42:03,319 --> 00:42:04,449 It's good. 299 00:42:07,529 --> 00:42:08,529 Legal. 300 00:42:10,949 --> 00:42:13,069 'Cause she left me once 301 00:42:14,189 --> 00:42:15,949 to save his own life. 302 00:42:24,899 --> 00:42:27,069 What are you two doing there? ago? Playing with yourselves? 303 00:42:29,689 --> 00:42:33,649 U ? I bring them to the most beautiful landscape in the world 304 00:42:34,399 --> 00:42:35,949 and they just make nonsense. 305 00:42:38,899 --> 00:42:40,899 Look out the damn window! 306 00:42:58,819 --> 00:43:03,779 Claudia, get the saw under your mother's bench. 307 00:43:03,949 --> 00:43:05,689 Let's go! Let's go. 308 00:43:30,819 --> 00:43:32,649 Here, honey. 309 00:43:33,029 --> 00:43:34,319 As food. 310 00:43:35,449 --> 00:43:37,149 As food. 311 00:43:39,279 --> 00:43:40,449 Don't you want it? 312 00:43:48,189 --> 00:43:50,689 Come on, baby. Just a little sip to warm you up. 313 00:44:22,949 --> 00:44:24,449 Thank God! 314 00:44:32,189 --> 00:44:33,569 Where's the tree? 315 00:44:45,689 --> 00:44:46,689 There. 316 00:44:47,779 --> 00:44:49,529 It's the image. 317 00:44:58,949 --> 00:45:00,319 Welcome home. 318 00:45:06,189 --> 00:45:08,149 Enter. I'll take that. 319 00:45:09,149 --> 00:45:11,029 -Why am I pregnant? -Yes. 320 00:45:37,399 --> 00:45:38,399 Here. 321 00:45:38,899 --> 00:45:39,899 Thanks. 322 00:45:44,689 --> 00:45:45,689 Damn. 323 00:45:53,449 --> 00:45:54,689 Thank you, Claudia. 324 00:46:04,029 --> 00:46:07,149 Remember when you used to make me do things? 325 00:46:09,569 --> 00:46:10,689 Like... 326 00:46:11,529 --> 00:46:14,529 "Here. Bite this apple." 327 00:46:14,819 --> 00:46:16,319 Push it in my mouth. 328 00:46:18,899 --> 00:46:22,689 -"Here. Smell this ashtray." -"Just blow. One, two..." 329 00:46:23,569 --> 00:46:25,279 Gray all over my face. 330 00:46:30,569 --> 00:46:32,149 I would do anything. 331 00:46:36,899 --> 00:46:38,899 You were incredible in my eyes. 332 00:46:43,399 --> 00:46:45,779 I remember when I went down after you moved into the basement. 333 00:46:47,569 --> 00:46:52,189 I didn't understand how smart he was at the time, but... 334 00:46:54,189 --> 00:46:58,399 I used to look at all your things and go through them. 335 00:47:00,189 --> 00:47:02,949 I once found a razor in your bag. 336 00:47:03,149 --> 00:47:04,149 I cut myself off with her. 337 00:47:05,319 --> 00:47:08,069 It burned when I peed. 338 00:47:25,449 --> 00:47:30,689 I know this is a... sacrifice. 339 00:47:32,189 --> 00:47:33,189 No. 340 00:47:35,399 --> 00:47:36,649 It's just... 341 00:47:39,069 --> 00:47:40,689 You were so little. 342 00:47:57,949 --> 00:48:01,319 This is a way of patching up your own life. 343 00:48:09,819 --> 00:48:13,069 Maybe I was waiting for it. 344 00:48:40,399 --> 00:48:41,449 Breathe. 345 00:48:43,649 --> 00:48:44,779 I know. 346 00:48:47,069 --> 00:48:48,529 Let's go. Let's go. 347 00:48:50,649 --> 00:48:52,449 You... 348 00:48:53,319 --> 00:48:54,449 ...can do it. 349 00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:40,400 Where is she? 350 00:49:40,399 --> 00:49:41,819 Can I hold it? 351 00:49:43,649 --> 00:49:44,649 Of course. 352 00:49:48,449 --> 00:49:51,069 Just a moment. We're just cleaning... 353 00:50:15,569 --> 00:50:17,189 Her lips are pink. 354 00:50:20,029 --> 00:50:21,279 They're roses. 355 00:51:40,279 --> 00:51:42,399 Just throw it as far as you can. 356 00:52:07,449 --> 00:52:08,819 It's not funny. 357 00:52:13,069 --> 00:52:14,069 Search. 358 00:53:07,449 --> 00:53:08,569 Sorry. 359 00:53:47,449 --> 00:53:50,399 Look. She's all in you. 360 00:53:52,189 --> 00:53:54,529 You're fucking laughing. 361 00:54:27,949 --> 00:54:30,529 What lived and died among us 362 00:54:32,319 --> 00:54:33,319 still haunts me. 363 00:54:33,529 --> 00:54:34,949 II. UNDER THE BLUE 364 00:54:39,779 --> 00:54:43,189 Oh my god, girl! Are you some kind of mermaid? 365 00:54:45,319 --> 00:54:46,319 I am. 366 00:54:51,689 --> 00:54:53,029 Have something to say? 367 00:54:55,069 --> 00:54:56,149 Let it go. 368 00:54:58,569 --> 00:55:02,819 He comes. You deserve this. 369 00:55:02,949 --> 00:55:04,279 Don't you want to come with me? 370 00:55:05,189 --> 00:55:09,469 I'm not even a student. I only stay in the English department. 371 00:55:09,569 --> 00:55:12,819 Do you think Kesey cares? for university rules? 372 00:55:12,949 --> 00:55:16,649 -You'll regret it if you don't go. -They don't even want to enroll me. 373 00:55:17,399 --> 00:55:19,689 Nonsense! I already told tell him about you. 374 00:55:22,149 --> 00:55:23,149 These... 375 00:55:26,069 --> 00:55:27,689 He will adore you. 376 00:55:32,819 --> 00:55:35,319 You don't want to write a romance with Ken Kesey? 377 00:55:56,399 --> 00:55:59,779 Hey guys. Hi, everyone. 378 00:56:03,689 --> 00:56:04,689 You are an idiot. 379 00:56:06,319 --> 00:56:07,899 Hi. This is Lidia. 380 00:56:09,819 --> 00:56:11,649 -Say hi. -Hey. 381 00:56:14,449 --> 00:56:15,819 And then. 382 00:56:16,449 --> 00:56:17,819 What do we have here? 383 00:56:18,399 --> 00:56:20,189 A rebel with high grades? 384 00:56:23,529 --> 00:56:25,189 I know what happened to you. 385 00:56:28,949 --> 00:56:30,819 Death sucks. 386 00:56:42,899 --> 00:56:43,949 Damn. 387 00:56:44,779 --> 00:56:49,069 Jeff, can you roll one? I hate sitting in a room full of writers. 388 00:57:00,399 --> 00:57:02,279 The chair can handle it. 389 00:57:03,449 --> 00:57:05,279 I want all of you... 390 00:57:11,149 --> 00:57:14,913 I want you all be winners. 391 00:57:14,926 --> 00:57:17,569 I want them to be warriors. 392 00:57:18,399 --> 00:57:22,589 Warriors. I will give it to you the warrior's test. 393 00:57:22,689 --> 00:57:25,189 Shit floats. Cream rises. 394 00:57:26,069 --> 00:57:29,689 Shit floats. Jerry Rubin. 395 00:57:31,189 --> 00:57:32,689 Cream rises. 396 00:57:40,399 --> 00:57:41,529 Ferlinghetti. 397 00:57:44,319 --> 00:57:45,569 Lord Buckley. 398 00:57:46,449 --> 00:57:47,819 Lenny Bruce. 399 00:57:48,819 --> 00:57:49,949 The big ones. 400 00:57:52,069 --> 00:57:54,069 I want you to be great. 401 00:57:56,189 --> 00:57:57,689 Damn, why would someone... 402 00:57:58,819 --> 00:58:01,779 ...we have to create our culture in the next 50 years 403 00:58:01,949 --> 00:58:05,189 and I want it to be you. There are only two rules. One: 404 00:58:05,569 --> 00:58:09,069 Don't talk about the plot of our romance 405 00:58:09,189 --> 00:58:11,529 with anyone who isn't from that group. 406 00:58:11,949 --> 00:58:15,189 Two: I'm 50 percent of the class, 407 00:58:15,569 --> 00:58:18,449 so we just write together, 408 00:58:19,449 --> 00:58:23,569 because we are going to publish or sink together. 409 00:58:29,899 --> 00:58:31,649 Nelson Algren said: 410 00:58:33,189 --> 00:58:34,949 "The work of the writer 411 00:58:36,069 --> 00:58:39,189 is to drag the judge to the pier, 412 00:58:40,189 --> 00:58:44,949 to make the Almighty feel what it's like to be down there." 413 00:58:46,819 --> 00:58:48,189 He'll be fine. 414 00:58:49,689 --> 00:58:51,649 Marijuana never killed anyone. 415 00:58:52,819 --> 00:58:54,529 So, let's see. 416 00:58:56,189 --> 00:59:00,319 At once. Write some bizarre phrases. 417 00:59:01,529 --> 00:59:02,689 Hey! Where are you? 418 00:59:03,529 --> 00:59:06,149 Do not take tranquilizers before class. 419 00:59:07,569 --> 00:59:10,029 Now dive into your imagination. Let's go! 420 00:59:10,569 --> 00:59:15,279 Immerse yourself in your imagination. Nobody It's in the room besides you and the pen. 421 00:59:19,449 --> 00:59:20,689 Better. 422 00:59:23,149 --> 00:59:26,319 That's it. This is sensational. 423 00:59:30,899 --> 00:59:32,319 I wrote "Demon Box" here. 424 00:59:34,069 --> 00:59:37,589 This room here is a creative space. It's a creative place. 425 00:59:37,689 --> 00:59:41,299 Hey, Bennett. You didn't bring tranquilizers, did you? 426 00:59:41,399 --> 00:59:46,319 This type of drug stays in the body, not in the head. 427 00:59:46,899 --> 00:59:50,449 It's on LSD, psilocybin, San Pedro. 428 00:59:51,069 --> 00:59:55,449 Something that can break your ego so you can hear your inner voice. 429 00:59:56,949 --> 00:59:59,319 And you write from that voice. 430 01:00:01,449 --> 01:00:04,149 You want your voice to come out. 431 01:00:09,069 --> 01:00:10,069 Jesus... 432 01:00:12,899 --> 01:00:14,649 This wasn't supposed to happen. 433 01:00:15,689 --> 01:00:17,649 I have fighter's knees. 434 01:00:19,649 --> 01:00:20,649 T . 435 01:00:21,319 --> 01:00:23,949 Let's leave before the sun sets. 436 01:00:24,319 --> 01:00:25,569 I want you... 437 01:00:27,149 --> 01:00:29,149 ...know someone. 438 01:00:32,189 --> 01:00:33,189 Let's go! 439 01:00:34,319 --> 01:00:35,449 Fuck you, God! 440 01:00:36,569 --> 01:00:40,069 God made mistakes in the commandments. I think there's an eleventh. 441 01:00:40,189 --> 01:00:43,069 And it should be the first commandment. Have mercy. 442 01:00:43,279 --> 01:00:45,279 Lord, have mercy! 443 01:00:45,779 --> 01:00:48,689 Imagine if everyone had mercy each other, where we would be today. 444 01:00:49,449 --> 01:00:52,819 You see a guy on the street in need of money. Give it to him. 445 01:00:53,029 --> 01:00:54,819 Have mercy. He needs it. 446 01:00:55,949 --> 01:00:58,449 He wouldn't ask if you didn't need it. 447 01:00:59,949 --> 01:01:01,189 Pity. 448 01:01:02,899 --> 01:01:06,949 They're going to have to hire me to rewrite the Bible. 449 01:01:28,649 --> 01:01:30,819 What are you, some kind of mermaid? 450 01:01:40,029 --> 01:01:41,029 I am. 451 01:01:53,529 --> 01:01:55,689 You know, when Judd died, my son, 452 01:01:57,029 --> 01:01:59,319 I wanted to cease to exist. 453 01:02:07,569 --> 01:02:11,569 And everyone who spoke He said something stupid to me. 454 01:02:14,949 --> 01:02:17,319 Or nothing. 455 01:02:31,399 --> 01:02:33,899 No one understands death anymore. 456 01:02:38,319 --> 01:02:41,949 It used to be sacred. So sacred. 457 01:02:46,529 --> 01:02:49,692 Damn. Nobody is big enough to 458 01:02:49,705 --> 01:02:52,569 load what happens to us. 459 01:02:56,189 --> 01:03:01,949 No one is big enough to carry what happens to us. 460 01:03:07,319 --> 01:03:08,949 Have something to say? 461 01:03:17,569 --> 01:03:19,189 It's in your hands. 462 01:03:42,949 --> 01:03:46,069 All about my father it was in his hands. 463 01:03:51,689 --> 01:03:54,279 It's all about coordination. 464 01:03:56,279 --> 01:03:59,189 A perfectly balanced dance. 465 01:03:59,319 --> 01:04:01,189 Of shadow and light. 466 01:04:02,449 --> 01:04:05,069 Before my father was my father 467 01:04:05,529 --> 01:04:07,069 he was an artist. 468 01:04:07,279 --> 01:04:12,319 Your father won a prize for this drawing. 469 01:04:15,069 --> 01:04:17,689 Before my father was an artist 470 01:04:18,149 --> 01:04:19,779 he was an athlete. 471 01:04:21,569 --> 01:04:24,189 Before my father was my father... 472 01:04:26,819 --> 01:04:28,449 ...he was handsome. 473 01:04:29,069 --> 01:04:30,449 And so was she. 474 01:04:31,029 --> 01:04:33,649 Before my father was my father 475 01:04:34,399 --> 01:04:35,899 he was a boy. 476 01:04:36,279 --> 01:04:37,649 Just a boy 477 01:04:38,189 --> 01:04:42,349 whose mother cut out his tongue. 478 01:04:48,069 --> 01:04:50,149 Before I hate you 479 01:04:51,569 --> 01:04:53,069 I loved him. 480 01:04:58,949 --> 01:05:02,449 Look up. If you don't look Wherever you go, you fall, understand? 481 01:05:02,649 --> 01:05:06,119 At the end of the descent you just brake enough to make the turn. Okay? 482 01:05:11,029 --> 01:05:13,569 Go. Look at the road! 483 01:05:14,069 --> 01:05:15,149 Continue. 484 01:05:16,069 --> 01:05:17,189 Head up! 485 01:05:22,189 --> 01:05:24,819 I look at the road. You need to brake! 486 01:05:30,069 --> 01:05:31,149 Mike! 487 01:05:33,949 --> 01:05:36,069 -Get a flashlight! -Why? 488 01:05:36,279 --> 01:05:38,319 I think she got hurt down there. It's bleeding. 489 01:05:39,319 --> 01:05:41,569 -What happened? -Just close the fucking door! 490 01:05:43,529 --> 01:05:45,399 Did you finish the chapter? 491 01:06:00,819 --> 01:06:04,149 Everything I was was my body bleeding 492 01:06:14,319 --> 01:06:15,569 Hello! 493 01:06:20,569 --> 01:06:22,149 I'm a writer. 494 01:06:37,319 --> 01:06:38,529 Thanks. 495 01:06:41,069 --> 01:06:45,069 We are gathered here because we want to see the result. 496 01:06:45,189 --> 01:06:49,529 We want to witness the results of this experiment, 497 01:06:50,149 --> 01:06:52,069 a collaborative novel 498 01:06:52,449 --> 01:06:54,949 written by us. 499 01:06:55,399 --> 01:06:58,742 So let's give the welcome to the first 500 01:06:58,755 --> 01:07:01,719 of clowns not so happy on stage 501 01:07:02,069 --> 01:07:05,319 to present "Caves". 502 01:07:06,189 --> 01:07:08,189 Lidia, come here. 503 01:07:11,649 --> 01:07:12,949 I will get it right. 504 01:07:35,319 --> 01:07:37,319 My thigh behind the knee... 505 01:07:37,529 --> 01:07:40,369 You too? My ass. 506 01:07:40,529 --> 01:07:43,021 Behind my knees, and they are... 507 01:07:43,034 --> 01:07:43,949 Lidia's father. 508 01:07:44,779 --> 01:07:47,449 What can I say? I'm a big admirer. 509 01:07:47,819 --> 01:07:49,529 Mike, right? 510 01:07:50,149 --> 01:07:51,399 Yes, that's right. 511 01:07:51,949 --> 01:07:53,819 Good that you could come. 512 01:07:54,689 --> 01:07:57,667 Lidia and I watched One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest 513 01:07:57,680 --> 01:08:00,529 and Sometimes Give a Great Madness together, 514 01:08:00,689 --> 01:08:02,569 and they are brilliant. I mean, brilliant books. 515 01:08:05,319 --> 01:08:06,649 You know, Mike... 516 01:08:08,029 --> 01:08:09,189 Lidia here... 517 01:08:11,319 --> 01:08:13,399 She manages to hit the nail on the head. 518 01:08:17,399 --> 01:08:19,449 Do you want me to autograph it? 519 01:08:23,569 --> 01:08:25,069 Thanks for coming, Dad. 520 01:08:32,449 --> 01:08:35,069 To... Mike? 521 01:08:36,069 --> 01:08:37,189 Could it be. 522 01:08:38,949 --> 01:08:40,029 "For Mike." 523 01:08:40,949 --> 01:08:42,029 "Be... 524 01:08:44,279 --> 01:08:45,399 ...brave." 525 01:08:55,149 --> 01:08:56,279 Here you go, Mike. 526 01:09:01,029 --> 01:09:02,189 -Here, man. -It cost. 527 01:09:24,899 --> 01:09:27,569 I saw many writers come and go. 528 01:09:31,189 --> 01:09:32,819 You have what it takes. 529 01:09:39,149 --> 01:09:40,689 I have something for you. 530 01:09:41,319 --> 01:09:42,319 Here. 531 01:09:44,069 --> 01:09:45,189 Take it. 532 01:09:48,069 --> 01:09:51,569 Comes from the beach most spiritual on Earth. 533 01:09:53,069 --> 01:09:54,069 Safe. 534 01:09:56,279 --> 01:09:57,899 You can hold everything. 535 01:10:00,899 --> 01:10:02,779 You'll hold it all, girl. 536 01:10:09,649 --> 01:10:10,689 So... 537 01:10:12,189 --> 01:10:13,569 What's next? 538 01:10:16,689 --> 01:10:19,069 -Next? -Next. What's next? 539 01:10:19,279 --> 01:10:20,279 Next. 540 01:10:28,449 --> 01:10:30,779 I want to write "The Sound and the Fury". 541 01:10:42,319 --> 01:10:44,399 Of course you do, friend. 542 01:10:45,949 --> 01:10:47,149 Oh, Jesus... 543 01:10:52,689 --> 01:10:55,569 -Play and see if I catch it. -Ready? 544 01:10:57,029 --> 01:10:58,189 Shit! 545 01:11:02,279 --> 01:11:04,949 Everything depended on her getting in. 546 01:11:08,449 --> 01:11:10,689 There is no metaphor. 547 01:11:11,949 --> 01:11:14,029 -T . -Fuck metaphors. 548 01:11:14,779 --> 01:11:16,819 -T . -It's just a stone that fell. 549 01:11:26,149 --> 01:11:29,319 -I'm going to get the rock and go take a piss. -T . 550 01:11:30,819 --> 01:11:32,649 That's it! You can do it. 551 01:11:36,319 --> 01:11:38,649 That was the last time I saw him. 552 01:11:39,449 --> 01:11:41,189 You know how to write, girl! 553 01:11:41,569 --> 01:11:44,689 In my version, he drowned. 554 01:11:47,319 --> 01:11:51,649 III. THE WET 555 01:11:51,819 --> 01:11:55,589 Caddy wants to fuck. She is insatiable, 556 01:11:55,689 --> 01:11:59,689 and how the neighbor has a huge volume in the pants 557 01:11:59,819 --> 01:12:02,399 and a sound that comes out of it instead of language, 558 01:12:02,569 --> 01:12:05,819 she goes to him and take off all your clothes, 559 01:12:06,029 --> 01:12:08,319 then he eats her at the end 560 01:12:09,029 --> 01:12:10,779 and crushes it. 561 01:12:12,649 --> 01:12:16,819 He eats her to death, and she loves it! 562 01:12:17,569 --> 01:12:20,689 She laughs until she cries and an ambulance needs to come. 563 01:12:20,899 --> 01:12:22,649 But it's too late. 564 01:12:23,649 --> 01:12:25,569 This is "The Sound and the Fury". 565 01:12:27,149 --> 01:12:28,149 Banal. 566 01:12:29,569 --> 01:12:32,069 I've already read "The Sound and the Fury". 567 01:12:32,689 --> 01:12:35,529 Rework Faulkner It's just a college thing. 568 01:12:40,189 --> 01:12:41,819 Maybe try something original. 569 01:12:44,949 --> 01:12:47,949 My God, I hate them. 570 01:12:49,649 --> 01:12:51,529 What the hell does he know? 571 01:12:51,949 --> 01:12:55,319 It's original. It's a damn pastiche. 572 01:12:59,399 --> 01:13:01,769 Hey, want to go to the beach? I reserved a room for us. 573 01:13:01,949 --> 01:13:02,949 Hi, Hannah. 574 01:13:03,319 --> 01:13:05,831 In fact, let's work at it over the weekend. 575 01:13:05,844 --> 01:13:07,319 He comes. Your fly is open. 576 01:13:08,569 --> 01:13:09,569 Lids... 577 01:13:10,819 --> 01:13:12,189 What is this? 578 01:13:16,569 --> 01:13:18,029 Do it if you have the courage. 579 01:13:20,649 --> 01:13:21,649 He comes. 580 01:13:22,689 --> 01:13:23,949 Anything. 581 01:13:24,899 --> 01:13:26,189 Anytime. 582 01:13:27,069 --> 01:13:28,189 Anywhere. 583 01:13:28,949 --> 01:13:29,207 Please be careful. 584 01:13:29,220 --> 01:13:29,949 Anything. Anytime. Anywhere. 585 01:13:30,029 --> 01:13:33,069 Feel absolutely nothing. 586 01:13:37,649 --> 01:13:41,279 -I'm going to get firewood. -Don't do anything I wouldn't do. 587 01:14:04,319 --> 01:14:05,949 This is like a... 588 01:14:07,569 --> 01:14:09,069 ...trip to fuck? 589 01:14:14,149 --> 01:14:15,149 What? 590 01:14:17,449 --> 01:14:19,779 I never... I never liked pussy. 591 01:15:29,069 --> 01:15:31,279 I wanted to stay like that. 592 01:15:40,569 --> 01:15:42,899 Beyond all words. 593 01:15:48,279 --> 01:15:50,819 Inside the nameless wet. 594 01:16:18,569 --> 01:16:19,899 Are you okay? 595 01:17:06,819 --> 01:17:08,529 I love you, Lids. 596 01:17:19,279 --> 01:17:20,819 I really love you. 597 01:17:43,949 --> 01:17:45,069 See you later. 598 01:17:59,319 --> 01:18:00,569 In the water, 599 01:18:01,949 --> 01:18:03,449 like in books, 600 01:18:06,949 --> 01:18:08,569 you can leave your life. 601 01:18:31,029 --> 01:18:32,069 I got! I got. 602 01:18:33,029 --> 01:18:35,399 -I remember a happy childhood. -Come, come! 603 01:18:36,949 --> 01:18:40,949 -We dive, we swim, we compete. -You were quick this time. 604 01:18:41,149 --> 01:18:43,819 We laughed like other children. 605 01:18:53,279 --> 01:18:57,189 I remember full names as Evie Kosenkranius 606 01:18:57,319 --> 01:18:58,819 and Lynn Colella-Bell. 607 01:18:59,029 --> 01:19:00,689 Lynn Colella-Bell. Lynn Colella-Bell. Lynn Colella-Bell. 608 01:19:05,569 --> 01:19:07,899 Looping music in my head. 609 01:19:33,029 --> 01:19:34,449 Mononucleosis? 610 01:19:35,449 --> 01:19:37,279 Isn't it the kissing disease? 611 01:19:41,819 --> 01:19:43,189 No. Don't be silly. 612 01:19:46,279 --> 01:19:50,289 Everything's going to be okay, Belle. You'll see. You will improve. 613 01:19:53,819 --> 01:19:56,189 And your father will take good care of you. 614 01:19:58,319 --> 01:20:00,069 -No? -We turn around. 615 01:20:00,319 --> 01:20:02,569 Mom is going to sell some houses. 616 01:20:05,569 --> 01:20:06,819 Hey my dear. 617 01:20:12,569 --> 01:20:14,069 My little girl. 618 01:20:15,069 --> 01:20:17,279 In a few days it will pass. 619 01:20:23,649 --> 01:20:26,189 -Language allows me to express... -That's it. 620 01:20:26,819 --> 01:20:29,529 ...like four weeks it could be years. 621 01:20:32,029 --> 01:20:36,069 It is the malleable surface of a white page. 622 01:21:15,779 --> 01:21:17,819 Did you show this to anyone? 623 01:21:20,529 --> 01:21:21,529 No. 624 01:21:29,779 --> 01:21:32,029 Skin, scars... 625 01:21:35,029 --> 01:21:39,949 People always ask me why that my work is so dark. 626 01:21:42,189 --> 01:21:44,649 What do you know about pain, Lidia? 627 01:21:49,949 --> 01:21:50,949 I know 628 01:21:53,319 --> 01:21:55,319 that this matters to me. 629 01:21:57,779 --> 01:21:59,689 I will take care of you. 630 01:22:03,899 --> 01:22:05,149 He understands? 631 01:22:11,029 --> 01:22:13,069 Ask me what you want now. 632 01:22:21,399 --> 01:22:23,189 It's not true, angel. 633 01:22:28,029 --> 01:22:29,149 I... 634 01:22:30,319 --> 01:22:33,189 ...I want you... 635 01:22:37,449 --> 01:22:39,689 Knock it out of me. 636 01:22:45,689 --> 01:22:47,029 ...whip me. 637 01:22:48,449 --> 01:22:52,899 Where do you want to be whipped, angel? 638 01:22:56,779 --> 01:22:57,779 Everywhere. 639 01:23:03,779 --> 01:23:05,449 Take this somewhere. 640 01:23:08,689 --> 01:23:10,569 Take the pain somewhere. 641 01:23:17,319 --> 01:23:18,529 Mom. 642 01:23:29,069 --> 01:23:30,779 I'm proud of you. 643 01:23:42,529 --> 01:23:44,819 I'm not trying you make it uncomfortable. 644 01:23:52,779 --> 01:23:54,569 I'm trying to be accurate. 645 01:24:00,949 --> 01:24:04,029 IV. RESUSCITATIONS 646 01:24:04,189 --> 01:24:06,919 "Mommy cried, daddy smelled my pussy. 647 01:24:07,149 --> 01:24:08,949 My best moment was hit, he declared. 648 01:24:09,149 --> 01:24:12,319 I was sure what he wanted say. It's the moment of truth. 649 01:24:12,449 --> 01:24:14,449 I go, go, go, masturbate. 650 01:24:14,649 --> 01:24:17,689 My hands will break. I don't even recognize my body. 651 01:24:17,819 --> 01:24:20,819 It doesn't matter. I know you are mine. I made you, I make you. 652 01:24:21,029 --> 01:24:25,429 I swore to live for pleasure. My language It's huge. It goes up to the waist. 653 01:24:25,689 --> 01:24:28,449 You see your real father in your moment of truth. 654 01:24:28,649 --> 01:24:31,779 God Almighty, nothing matters. You are my God, my daughter. 655 01:24:31,949 --> 01:24:34,279 I adore you. Make it so I can satisfy you. Look at her. 656 01:24:34,449 --> 01:24:37,649 It's big in my gnarled hand. Kiss. 657 01:24:37,819 --> 01:24:41,189 My father declared again, I am Fucking God and I created God. Holy crap! 658 01:24:41,319 --> 01:24:45,189 Just look at God and he is happy because I made him cum. 659 01:24:45,319 --> 01:24:48,279 God is in heaven. I I'm in heaven and I died. 660 01:24:48,449 --> 01:24:50,689 I cum all over your face. I licked his cum. 661 01:24:50,819 --> 01:24:52,279 -That disgusts me. 662 01:25:05,449 --> 01:25:08,529 ALLEGORIES OF VIOLENCE 663 01:25:12,069 --> 01:25:13,949 Who the hell do you think you are? 664 01:25:16,569 --> 01:25:18,279 My father's daughter. 665 01:25:27,069 --> 01:25:30,029 I'm a woman who speaks to herself in lies. 666 01:25:59,949 --> 01:26:01,319 Holy shit. 667 01:26:02,189 --> 01:26:03,189 Year one. 668 01:26:03,529 --> 01:26:04,689 Vodka! 669 01:26:07,279 --> 01:26:10,189 I drink vodka almost all the time. 670 01:26:10,399 --> 01:26:14,279 -One dose straight, straight. -And I didn't feel anything about myself. 671 01:26:18,069 --> 01:26:22,779 We drink, we laugh, we fuck. We do shadows of bodies fucking in paint. 672 01:26:24,779 --> 01:26:27,189 We perform. We perform ourselves. 673 01:26:27,399 --> 01:26:29,569 Fuck you, God! 674 01:26:37,449 --> 01:26:38,779 Open the door! 675 01:26:40,689 --> 01:26:42,819 We engrave our names on each other's arms. 676 01:26:43,029 --> 01:26:44,689 I did this for you! 677 01:26:53,029 --> 01:26:54,189 We fuck infected. 678 01:26:54,399 --> 01:26:56,649 It was right in front of me, Devin. I saw exactly what happened. 679 01:26:56,819 --> 01:26:59,819 -You don't even understand. -What?! 680 01:26:59,949 --> 01:27:01,899 That I will marry you. 681 01:27:06,189 --> 01:27:07,649 By Mike and Dorothy! 682 01:27:08,689 --> 01:27:10,779 I'm so glad they fucked up. 683 01:27:13,819 --> 01:27:16,850 To skip to the year six when stories 684 01:27:16,863 --> 01:27:19,069 submerged they start to scratch 685 01:27:19,449 --> 01:27:21,819 and screams start a rhythm where the drink gets louder... 686 01:27:22,029 --> 01:27:25,399 Go kiss women I know and I don't know! 687 01:27:25,569 --> 01:27:27,649 What is a couple over time but a repetition? 688 01:27:27,819 --> 01:27:29,845 I'll give you a repeat. Your conversation 689 01:27:29,858 --> 01:27:31,529 fiada is taking over the house! 690 01:27:31,689 --> 01:27:34,319 I was taking care of the house. 691 01:28:01,319 --> 01:28:03,029 I don't want to fuck. 692 01:28:04,779 --> 01:28:06,529 I want to read. 693 01:28:08,449 --> 01:28:09,689 He is going to screw it up. 694 01:28:15,319 --> 01:28:17,149 I didn't want to drink. 695 01:28:19,449 --> 01:28:20,649 I wanted to write. 696 01:28:30,029 --> 01:28:32,149 What is a couple over time? 697 01:28:36,949 --> 01:28:39,449 Year seven. I finished my thesis. 698 01:28:45,779 --> 01:28:47,949 Year eight I got a doctorate. 699 01:29:04,189 --> 01:29:05,279 Year ten. 700 01:29:06,449 --> 01:29:07,689 We pretend. 701 01:29:12,149 --> 01:29:13,319 You said 702 01:29:16,949 --> 01:29:19,319 who would love me until I die. 703 01:29:24,069 --> 01:29:26,529 You said we would die together in love. 704 01:29:40,319 --> 01:29:42,189 You told me that. 705 01:29:46,449 --> 01:29:47,899 Where are you? 706 01:29:54,689 --> 01:29:56,449 Where's the man? 707 01:30:12,449 --> 01:30:14,779 Who would love a woman like me? 708 01:30:58,149 --> 01:30:59,689 Don't even think. 709 01:32:45,189 --> 01:32:47,689 The date of your reading June 15, 1998. 710 01:33:01,449 --> 01:33:03,689 "The date of your reading." 711 01:33:26,689 --> 01:33:27,689 What? 712 01:33:51,779 --> 01:33:53,399 Receive... 713 01:33:58,689 --> 01:34:00,394 ...reading an excerpt of your first 714 01:34:00,407 --> 01:34:02,319 collection of short stories "Their Other Mouths". 715 01:34:03,529 --> 01:34:05,189 Lidia Yuknavitch. 716 01:34:08,189 --> 01:34:09,949 Lidia, please. 717 01:34:25,449 --> 01:34:27,569 "The day my daughter was born. 718 01:34:29,689 --> 01:34:31,689 After I held the future. 719 01:34:35,819 --> 01:34:37,319 Stillborn. 720 01:34:40,689 --> 01:34:41,899 And pink. 721 01:34:46,899 --> 01:34:48,449 And pink lips. 722 01:34:51,069 --> 01:34:54,319 And pink lips on us my arms shaking. 723 01:34:54,899 --> 01:34:58,919 Small tragedies are difficult to organize. 724 01:35:03,779 --> 01:35:07,189 Chronology convinces us that we are going to a real place. 725 01:35:07,319 --> 01:35:09,529 'Swimmers, on their marks.' 726 01:35:11,069 --> 01:35:12,189 A pistol shot. 727 01:35:12,689 --> 01:35:15,779 A pistol shot fired our flesh tense. 728 01:35:16,569 --> 01:35:19,085 Parents were often unsustainable while 729 01:35:19,098 --> 01:35:21,419 the little women they swam for their lives. 730 01:35:21,649 --> 01:35:22,819 'Nothing. 731 01:35:24,279 --> 01:35:25,689 Nothing! 732 01:35:26,189 --> 01:35:27,319 Quick! 733 01:35:28,819 --> 01:35:30,319 Come on, baby. 734 01:35:31,649 --> 01:35:32,819 Stronger. 735 01:35:33,279 --> 01:35:34,449 Stronger! 736 01:35:35,029 --> 01:35:36,449 Faster!' 737 01:35:36,819 --> 01:35:39,689 A cacophony of swelling men 738 01:35:39,949 --> 01:35:43,319 and pressing against the wet movement. 739 01:35:45,189 --> 01:35:49,069 How many times have I slipped into the chlorinated depths 740 01:35:50,029 --> 01:35:54,449 and secretly waited exchange this worthless skin 741 01:35:54,689 --> 01:35:57,149 and produce something... 742 01:36:01,779 --> 01:36:03,189 ...amphibious 743 01:36:05,319 --> 01:36:06,949 and genderless? 744 01:36:15,319 --> 01:36:16,399 The question is 745 01:36:20,689 --> 01:36:24,189 that this thing of letting everything in 746 01:36:25,689 --> 01:36:28,569 and wait to see what comes out 747 01:36:31,689 --> 01:36:32,819 It's scary 748 01:36:34,569 --> 01:36:35,819 and idiot. 749 01:36:37,689 --> 01:36:41,279 And it's starting to piss me off 750 01:36:41,449 --> 01:36:45,689 I have to think about all this. 751 01:36:46,569 --> 01:36:48,029 What I'm saying is... 752 01:36:52,569 --> 01:36:57,319 There is a woman in a room who is tired of looking down 753 01:36:59,949 --> 01:37:01,319 and bleed 754 01:37:03,779 --> 01:37:07,399 and endure, wish and yearn 755 01:37:08,569 --> 01:37:11,949 and you're tired of being open 756 01:37:12,689 --> 01:37:16,449 with no hope of getting stitched up. 757 01:37:26,819 --> 01:37:29,529 It's not that I want let this disappear. 758 01:37:32,819 --> 01:37:33,899 It's just that 759 01:37:34,949 --> 01:37:36,319 I want... 760 01:37:36,779 --> 01:37:38,069 Want... 761 01:37:39,819 --> 01:37:42,949 ...come from somewhere else. 762 01:37:48,779 --> 01:37:54,029 There are moments with years between them that appear with great force." 763 01:37:55,069 --> 01:37:56,649 -Remind me why we're here. 764 01:37:56,819 --> 01:37:59,449 -I thought it was your idea. -I came with you. 765 01:38:05,149 --> 01:38:06,449 Delirium. 766 01:38:08,819 --> 01:38:11,069 Grown women are idiots. 767 01:38:12,319 --> 01:38:13,449 I don't know. 768 01:38:14,649 --> 01:38:15,949 She begged. 769 01:38:22,000 --> 01:38:24,000 I changed my name. 770 01:38:32,399 --> 01:38:33,529 Lidia! Lidia! 771 01:38:41,949 --> 01:38:42,849 -Turn him around. 772 01:38:42,949 --> 01:38:44,149 -Help me! 773 01:39:03,529 --> 01:39:04,689 "Kill. 774 01:39:06,189 --> 01:39:08,819 Or suck the kill back. 775 01:39:13,069 --> 01:39:14,649 And pump it in 776 01:39:15,689 --> 01:39:18,819 of someone else's story. 777 01:39:22,149 --> 01:39:26,769 My father lost his memory due to lack of oxygen that day. 778 01:39:30,949 --> 01:39:32,779 I didn't kill him. 779 01:39:34,819 --> 01:39:36,449 I didn't save him. 780 01:39:38,149 --> 01:39:41,689 I'm learning to live on land." 781 01:39:50,689 --> 01:39:52,279 Thank you for... 782 01:40:07,819 --> 01:40:10,949 Did your parents read the story? What did they find? 783 01:40:11,149 --> 01:40:13,399 Enjoy New York. Get an agent. 784 01:40:17,569 --> 01:40:20,569 Lidia, nice to meet you. Thank you for being here. 785 01:40:20,949 --> 01:40:22,069 Excuse me. 786 01:40:23,189 --> 01:40:25,149 Do you have something... 787 01:40:26,029 --> 01:40:28,029 ...a little stronger? 788 01:40:28,949 --> 01:40:29,949 Thanks. 789 01:40:35,069 --> 01:40:37,529 Carol Houck Smith, Norton Publishing. 790 01:40:39,279 --> 01:40:40,819 It was very impressive what did you do there. 791 01:40:42,819 --> 01:40:43,949 Thanks. 792 01:40:45,569 --> 01:40:48,649 No, seriously. It didn't seem easy. 793 01:40:50,069 --> 01:40:52,949 Is there more where this came from? 794 01:40:53,279 --> 01:40:55,149 Maybe something longer? 795 01:40:58,819 --> 01:41:00,649 You should send me something. 796 01:41:05,899 --> 01:41:07,279 It's just that 797 01:41:09,949 --> 01:41:14,069 something in me had been born... 798 01:41:15,319 --> 01:41:16,649 ...stillborn. 799 01:41:21,689 --> 01:41:29,319 V. THE OTHER SIDE OF DROWNING 800 01:41:48,649 --> 01:41:51,069 It's a small stone that I carry. 801 01:41:55,029 --> 01:41:57,819 The shame of wanting something good. 802 01:42:46,149 --> 01:42:47,819 My life! 803 01:44:56,569 --> 01:44:58,689 Fucking trash. 804 01:45:00,819 --> 01:45:02,149 Hey, what are you doing? Keep working. 805 01:45:22,189 --> 01:45:23,189 Hi. 806 01:45:27,279 --> 01:45:30,399 The cutting block. Peer assessment. 807 01:45:30,569 --> 01:45:31,949 Who wants to start? 808 01:45:33,819 --> 01:45:37,399 It's very useful. You can't live the wrong life. 809 01:45:37,779 --> 01:45:42,189 It's the story they told you. Yours is equally important. It's yours. 810 01:45:42,319 --> 01:45:45,279 It must hurt, but I'm happy for you. 811 01:46:36,449 --> 01:46:38,069 Don't even care! 812 01:46:41,689 --> 01:46:45,069 Something small and specific caught my attention, 813 01:46:45,279 --> 01:46:46,949 an important detail, 814 01:46:47,149 --> 01:46:49,399 a bruise on her nose bone 815 01:46:49,569 --> 01:46:53,069 that made me realize that your eyes were blue, like mine. 816 01:46:55,399 --> 01:46:56,399 As? 817 01:46:59,149 --> 01:47:03,069 I paid 100 dollars to her pimp. I ask her to come in. 818 01:47:03,319 --> 01:47:05,069 I ask her to sit. 819 01:47:08,449 --> 01:47:09,779 In the story I say: 820 01:47:10,569 --> 01:47:13,149 "That's what it's like to be me. 821 01:47:14,189 --> 01:47:16,449 A woman who teaches English, 822 01:47:16,899 --> 01:47:19,949 looking at a woman who sucks dicks 823 01:47:20,149 --> 01:47:22,189 who spends all day on my couch 824 01:47:22,569 --> 01:47:23,819 smoking. 825 01:47:25,449 --> 01:47:29,069 When I look at her, I think that she looks like Maria. 826 01:47:30,779 --> 01:47:33,319 When I see an image of Christ 827 01:47:33,779 --> 01:47:36,819 I imagine Maria so consumed, thin and tired 828 01:47:37,029 --> 01:47:38,887 and so furious at the edge from the exhaustion that 829 01:47:38,900 --> 01:47:40,819 can barely load the face itself. 830 01:47:51,069 --> 01:47:53,569 In the story I say: 831 01:47:56,069 --> 01:47:57,899 "What should I do? 832 01:47:58,819 --> 01:48:00,189 Teach her?” 833 01:48:03,029 --> 01:48:06,779 That's what I, a recovering addict, 834 01:48:06,949 --> 01:48:09,685 I think when they give me something so infinitely 835 01:48:09,698 --> 01:48:12,189 small as words to believe. 836 01:48:12,819 --> 01:48:14,069 I look at her. 837 01:48:19,189 --> 01:48:20,819 I offer words. 838 01:48:34,319 --> 01:48:35,899 People always tell me: 839 01:48:37,689 --> 01:48:41,189 "Those things in your stories Did they really happen?" 840 01:48:44,449 --> 01:48:48,069 That's not the question 841 01:48:49,319 --> 01:48:51,149 when it comes to life? 842 01:48:56,779 --> 01:48:59,319 Did this really happen to me? 843 01:49:07,529 --> 01:49:08,529 Andy. 844 01:49:10,449 --> 01:49:11,529 I don't know. 845 01:49:20,069 --> 01:49:22,689 Things that happen to we are true. 846 01:49:24,949 --> 01:49:29,189 But writing is another story. 847 01:49:30,069 --> 01:49:32,779 I hoped we could discuss my manuscript. 848 01:49:34,569 --> 01:49:35,819 Of course. For sure. 849 01:49:39,399 --> 01:49:41,569 I also want to lend you my car. 850 01:49:45,279 --> 01:49:47,189 I saw you taking the bus 851 01:49:48,319 --> 01:49:50,649 and I happen to have two cars. 852 01:50:28,449 --> 01:50:31,529 You understand a lot about a person when you see it in the water. 853 01:50:33,399 --> 01:50:34,529 Thanks. 854 01:50:38,029 --> 01:50:41,069 -Why? -For letting me swim with you. 855 01:50:41,319 --> 01:50:45,449 I read some of your stories. I know swimming is important. 856 01:50:46,189 --> 01:50:47,949 I always let my students choose the place. 857 01:50:49,319 --> 01:50:52,649 I wanted to say that I've seen you a few times before. 858 01:50:53,189 --> 01:50:55,779 I read that Ken Kesey taught at university, 859 01:50:55,949 --> 01:50:58,069 when I was abroad. I signed up for the course, 860 01:50:58,189 --> 01:50:59,949 but it was already full. 861 01:51:00,319 --> 01:51:03,569 -Damn. How funny! -Yeah, I know. 862 01:51:03,689 --> 01:51:06,899 I saw you walking by creative writing department. 863 01:51:08,779 --> 01:51:11,069 I was reading that you did at Gerlinger. 864 01:51:18,399 --> 01:51:19,569 It's strange. Strange. 865 01:51:19,949 --> 01:51:21,069 Strange. 866 01:51:24,449 --> 01:51:26,189 It was a strange day for me. 867 01:51:28,949 --> 01:51:29,949 Why? 868 01:51:38,779 --> 01:51:40,029 My father... 869 01:51:42,819 --> 01:51:43,949 ...it was mine... 870 01:51:45,149 --> 01:51:46,189 My father... 871 01:51:49,689 --> 01:51:50,689 Your father? 872 01:51:53,449 --> 01:51:55,069 ...abused me. 873 01:51:57,949 --> 01:51:59,069 Your father. 874 01:52:02,189 --> 01:52:03,189 As? 875 01:52:05,689 --> 01:52:06,899 Sexually. 876 01:52:10,529 --> 01:52:11,689 Crap. 877 01:52:21,029 --> 01:52:23,819 I hope he has taken heavy karma. 878 01:52:29,689 --> 01:52:31,689 In fact, it did. 879 01:52:32,949 --> 01:52:34,449 Great. 880 01:52:43,449 --> 01:52:46,449 It's been a long time. I was a person completely different then. 881 01:52:48,000 --> 01:52:50,000 So who are you now? 882 01:52:52,000 --> 01:52:54,000 I am your teacher. 883 01:53:00,149 --> 01:53:02,689 And then, teacher, go accept my car? 884 01:53:26,649 --> 01:53:29,689 I don't really know how to tell like 885 01:53:32,819 --> 01:53:36,279 see the little woman swimming for life itself. 886 01:53:39,069 --> 01:53:40,319 I mean... 887 01:54:02,279 --> 01:54:03,949 Are you completely crazy? 888 01:54:11,569 --> 01:54:12,689 No. 889 01:54:22,399 --> 01:54:24,819 You think I'm someone else. 890 01:54:32,189 --> 01:54:34,189 I can see the mother in you. 891 01:54:43,689 --> 01:54:46,949 There's more to your story than you imagine. 892 01:56:43,319 --> 01:56:44,529 - It's beautiful. - yes. 893 01:56:44,689 --> 01:56:45,899 Beautiful. 894 01:56:46,689 --> 01:56:49,069 We just go this way, to the left. 895 01:57:11,069 --> 01:57:12,649 And the room? 896 01:57:13,319 --> 01:57:16,149 They said it will be ready tomorrow, for sure. 897 01:57:20,399 --> 01:57:23,189 It must have been a strange trip. 898 01:57:28,819 --> 01:57:29,819 Thanks. 899 01:57:30,189 --> 01:57:32,569 You never have to thank me. 900 01:57:40,189 --> 01:57:43,189 -I am fine. -He is sure? 901 01:57:43,899 --> 01:57:44,899 I have. 902 01:57:59,189 --> 01:58:00,189 Hi, dad. 903 01:58:00,399 --> 01:58:03,819 -Marilou? -No, it's me. I'm Lidia. 904 01:58:05,069 --> 01:58:07,069 I know, baby. 905 01:58:17,689 --> 01:58:18,899 I read this book. 906 01:58:20,149 --> 01:58:21,149 - ? -Yes. 907 01:58:23,319 --> 01:58:24,689 Do you know who wrote it? 908 01:58:29,819 --> 01:58:30,819 You. 909 01:58:31,649 --> 01:58:32,689 That's right. 910 01:58:36,569 --> 01:58:38,689 Have you read all the stories? 911 01:58:41,189 --> 01:58:43,279 There was one about swimming. 912 01:58:45,819 --> 01:58:46,819 I liked this one. 913 01:58:48,949 --> 01:58:49,949 Thanks. 914 01:58:52,449 --> 01:58:54,689 But not very flattering for me. 915 01:59:08,279 --> 01:59:12,189 I won an award for this story. 916 01:59:13,189 --> 01:59:14,899 I went to New York. 917 01:59:24,819 --> 01:59:26,399 , not bad. 918 01:59:31,189 --> 01:59:32,319 It's beautiful here. 919 01:59:36,649 --> 01:59:38,449 It's a real house that you have here. 920 01:59:43,319 --> 01:59:44,319 Very good. 921 01:59:45,779 --> 01:59:47,029 Very well done. 922 01:59:48,819 --> 01:59:50,837 The safest memories are locked 923 01:59:50,850 --> 01:59:52,779 in people's brains that they don't remember. 924 01:59:54,279 --> 01:59:55,529 Get her, Mike! 925 01:59:56,649 --> 01:59:59,449 You know I don't swim. - Claudia, look for your sister! 926 02:00:01,819 --> 02:00:03,569 Underwater forever. 927 02:00:05,689 --> 02:00:07,069 That's it, friend. 928 02:00:08,819 --> 02:00:10,569 Look, I'm swimming! 929 02:00:22,819 --> 02:00:24,189 What it was? 930 02:00:24,399 --> 02:00:29,649 The water will get into my nose, in my ears and in my brain. 931 02:00:32,189 --> 02:00:33,319 Miles... 932 02:00:35,819 --> 02:00:41,689 How many times Did you see mom swim? 933 02:00:43,399 --> 02:00:45,029 Often, right? 934 02:00:45,529 --> 02:00:46,949 Have you ever thought 935 02:00:48,069 --> 02:00:50,779 that I never had water on the brain? 936 02:00:55,449 --> 02:00:57,819 The water never entered my brain. 937 02:00:58,029 --> 02:01:00,689 Want to see? Look at this. 938 02:01:01,029 --> 02:01:03,399 Tell me how much water enters my brain. Okay? 939 02:01:14,069 --> 02:01:15,069 It saw? 940 02:01:16,949 --> 02:01:18,149 Okay, go. 941 02:01:18,449 --> 02:01:21,189 I have a joke very important. 942 02:01:23,149 --> 02:01:26,319 I'll put my whole head underwater. 943 02:01:28,189 --> 02:01:31,279 And we will look at each other underwater. 944 02:01:33,149 --> 02:01:35,899 -What kind of joke is this? -I invented it. 945 02:01:48,319 --> 02:01:49,569 The secret is 946 02:01:51,529 --> 02:01:53,189 invent things. 947 02:02:02,529 --> 02:02:05,689 It's not nonsense what I'm saying. 948 02:02:07,779 --> 02:02:08,779 Enter. 949 02:02:12,189 --> 02:02:14,069 The water will hold you. 950 02:02:21,000 --> 02:02:27,000 Subtitles and sync: vdmnk 59259

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