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1
00:00:01,038 --> 00:00:05,275
Last chance at 260,000.
2
00:00:06,710 --> 00:00:08,712
Sold to paddle 42.
3
00:00:08,779 --> 00:00:12,182
[classical music]
4
00:00:12,249 --> 00:00:14,618
Lot number 25:
5
00:00:14,718 --> 00:00:17,187
the Wassily Kandinsky,
"Gewebe."
6
00:00:17,254 --> 00:00:21,758
Work on paper.
Starting at 360,000.
7
00:00:21,858 --> 00:00:24,461
360.
Do we have 380?
8
00:00:24,561 --> 00:00:26,863
380 to the gentleman
in the front.
9
00:00:26,930 --> 00:00:29,633
We have 380,000 now,
ahead of you.
10
00:00:29,733 --> 00:00:31,301
Do we have 400?
11
00:00:31,401 --> 00:00:33,136
400,000 in the back.
12
00:00:33,237 --> 00:00:34,471
- [mouthing]
Shit.
13
00:00:34,571 --> 00:00:36,807
420 now...
14
00:00:36,907 --> 00:00:38,809
and 440...
15
00:00:38,909 --> 00:00:40,644
and 460.
16
00:00:40,744 --> 00:00:43,413
We have 480,000.
17
00:00:43,480 --> 00:00:45,115
Do I hear 500?
18
00:00:45,215 --> 00:00:47,251
[groans softly]
19
00:00:47,317 --> 00:00:49,753
$500,000!
20
00:00:49,820 --> 00:00:51,622
520 in the back.
21
00:00:51,722 --> 00:00:52,956
540.
22
00:00:53,056 --> 00:00:53,924
560--
23
00:00:53,991 --> 00:00:56,159
and 580,000.
24
00:00:56,260 --> 00:00:57,728
600,000!
25
00:00:57,794 --> 00:00:59,663
- What are you doing?
- Shopping!
26
00:00:59,763 --> 00:01:01,898
- What--stop!
You're overpaying.
27
00:01:01,965 --> 00:01:03,634
- 620!
- Don't tell me what I'm doing!
28
00:01:03,734 --> 00:01:05,002
- 640!
- 660!
29
00:01:05,102 --> 00:01:06,436
- 680!
- Uh, sir, madame,
30
00:01:06,503 --> 00:01:08,005
I will call the prices.
31
00:01:08,105 --> 00:01:09,506
- Oh, stay out of it!
- We got it!
32
00:01:09,606 --> 00:01:10,674
800!
33
00:01:10,774 --> 00:01:12,175
[upbeat music]
34
00:01:12,276 --> 00:01:15,145
- Are you nuts?
It's a work on paper.
35
00:01:15,245 --> 00:01:16,280
- Eight...
- Oh, my God.
36
00:01:16,346 --> 00:01:18,081
Hundred thousand dollars.
37
00:01:18,148 --> 00:01:21,184
Last chance at 800--
38
00:01:21,285 --> 00:01:22,753
- Sold--to me!
39
00:01:22,819 --> 00:01:28,191
♪ I am somebody! ♪
40
00:01:28,292 --> 00:01:30,761
♪ ♪
41
00:01:30,827 --> 00:01:32,829
- [scoffs] You don't even like
Kandinsky.
42
00:01:32,929 --> 00:01:36,433
- Neither do you.
- Well, tastes change.
43
00:01:39,303 --> 00:01:43,040
Victoria didn't want a ring.
She wanted that Kandinsky.
44
00:01:45,542 --> 00:01:47,678
- Oh, you're...
- Yeah.
45
00:01:47,778 --> 00:01:49,046
- Whoa!
[chuckles]
46
00:01:49,146 --> 00:01:52,215
- Well, congratulations.
- Thank you.
47
00:01:52,316 --> 00:01:53,884
- So are you two
gonna have a registry,
48
00:01:53,984 --> 00:01:55,385
or is it just
the Metamucil website?
49
00:01:55,485 --> 00:01:56,987
- [chuckles]
- Does Ovaltine
50
00:01:57,054 --> 00:01:58,555
- make a wedding cake?
- [chuckles] All right.
51
00:01:58,655 --> 00:02:00,123
- You two gonna allow
the Rascal scooters
52
00:02:00,190 --> 00:02:02,192
- on the dance floor?
- All right, all right.
53
00:02:02,292 --> 00:02:03,560
I get it.
54
00:02:03,660 --> 00:02:05,562
Now my fiancée
isn't young enough for you.
55
00:02:05,662 --> 00:02:06,997
- No, no,
it makes perfect sense.
56
00:02:07,064 --> 00:02:08,198
I mean, you're a history buff.
57
00:02:08,298 --> 00:02:09,499
You know, she can give you
58
00:02:09,566 --> 00:02:10,967
a firsthand account
of the Civil War.
59
00:02:11,034 --> 00:02:12,402
Okay.
60
00:02:12,502 --> 00:02:15,972
- No, you're right.
I-I don't like Kandinsky.
61
00:02:16,039 --> 00:02:18,141
But I do like leverage.
62
00:02:18,208 --> 00:02:20,344
Oh, here we go.
63
00:02:20,410 --> 00:02:22,512
I'll give it to you...
64
00:02:22,579 --> 00:02:24,348
in exchange for the main stage.
65
00:02:24,414 --> 00:02:25,982
- Deborah,
you're not gonna get--
66
00:02:26,049 --> 00:02:29,586
- Just for one night
to film my special.
67
00:02:29,686 --> 00:02:31,521
Oh.
68
00:02:31,588 --> 00:02:33,924
You know,
you could've rented something
69
00:02:34,024 --> 00:02:35,359
even better than the Palmetto
70
00:02:35,425 --> 00:02:37,227
for much less
than that fucking painting.
71
00:02:37,327 --> 00:02:38,995
- I know,
but I want the Palmetto.
72
00:02:39,062 --> 00:02:40,497
I don't like
the way I went out.
73
00:02:40,564 --> 00:02:42,099
I want a chance to do it again.
74
00:02:42,199 --> 00:02:43,367
I know that it's occupied now,
75
00:02:43,433 --> 00:02:44,835
so it's probably
a really tall order.
76
00:02:44,901 --> 00:02:45,769
Sure.
77
00:02:45,869 --> 00:02:47,904
I'll make it happen.
78
00:02:50,273 --> 00:02:52,075
Thanks.
79
00:02:52,175 --> 00:02:54,111
- You know, I would've given
you the Palmetto
80
00:02:54,211 --> 00:02:55,345
if you just asked.
81
00:02:55,412 --> 00:02:57,614
[scoffs] Yeah, sure.
82
00:03:01,385 --> 00:03:03,053
You should see
if the caterer'll give you two
83
00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:04,788
a discount if dinner's served
by 4:00 p.m.
84
00:03:04,888 --> 00:03:07,257
- You know, Early Bird Special.
- [laughing] This again.
85
00:03:07,357 --> 00:03:09,126
- Are you done?
- No.
86
00:03:09,226 --> 00:03:11,361
Pretty nice, right?
87
00:03:11,428 --> 00:03:13,029
Whoa, two sinks.
88
00:03:13,096 --> 00:03:16,299
[gasps] And you can see the
fake Eiffel Tower from here.
89
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:17,968
It's the last unit available.
90
00:03:18,068 --> 00:03:19,636
I got a hookup
with the manager.
91
00:03:19,736 --> 00:03:20,804
Look at all this.
92
00:03:20,904 --> 00:03:22,239
I could have a dinner party.
93
00:03:22,305 --> 00:03:25,041
All I need is, like,
one single friend.
94
00:03:25,108 --> 00:03:26,610
[laughs] Relatable.
95
00:03:26,710 --> 00:03:28,578
And I know you're taking
a loss on your condo in L.A.,
96
00:03:28,645 --> 00:03:31,314
but you get so much more
for your money here.
97
00:03:31,415 --> 00:03:33,950
- Yeah, well,
this is really nice,
98
00:03:34,050 --> 00:03:35,819
but I think the one
that's closer to Deborah's
99
00:03:35,919 --> 00:03:37,220
might make more sense.
100
00:03:37,287 --> 00:03:39,890
- The one with
the open-concept bathroom?
101
00:03:39,956 --> 00:03:41,291
Yeah.
102
00:03:42,459 --> 00:03:44,995
- Maybe don't make
your life worse
103
00:03:45,095 --> 00:03:46,830
to be ten minutes closer
to Deborah's.
104
00:03:46,930 --> 00:03:48,432
- Well--
[cell phone vibrates]
105
00:03:48,498 --> 00:03:50,100
Oh, sorry.
106
00:03:50,167 --> 00:03:51,401
- Oh, um--
- Oh, take it.
107
00:03:51,468 --> 00:03:53,336
Oh...
108
00:03:53,437 --> 00:03:55,338
- Hello?
- Ava, hey.
109
00:03:55,439 --> 00:03:57,507
- Sorry for the random call.
- No worries.
110
00:03:57,607 --> 00:03:58,842
- How are you?
- Good.
111
00:03:58,942 --> 00:04:00,343
I actuallyhave a question for you.
112
00:04:00,444 --> 00:04:02,145
So the girl
who was gonna do punch-ups
113
00:04:02,245 --> 00:04:04,247
for me on my pilot
can't do it anymore.
114
00:04:04,314 --> 00:04:07,117
So I was wondering,
do you have any interest?
115
00:04:07,184 --> 00:04:10,454
- Oh, shit.
That's so nice of you.
116
00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:13,623
And thank you, but...
I'm working for Deborah,
117
00:04:13,690 --> 00:04:15,292
and I'm already back in Vegas.
118
00:04:15,358 --> 00:04:16,860
- Ri--I totally get it.
119
00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:18,929
But this is just a one-week
gig, nothing permanent.
120
00:04:18,995 --> 00:04:20,697
We could have you back there
in no time.
121
00:04:20,797 --> 00:04:22,499
Oh, um...
122
00:04:22,599 --> 00:04:25,502
- I think
you'd be great for it.
123
00:04:25,602 --> 00:04:28,138
- Could I, uh, maybe think
about it?
124
00:04:28,205 --> 00:04:29,873
- Sure.
I'll email you the dates, okay?
125
00:04:29,973 --> 00:04:31,041
Okay, thank you.
126
00:04:31,141 --> 00:04:32,476
- Okay, bye.
- Bye.
127
00:04:35,345 --> 00:04:37,814
- Yep.
Oh, yes, I get that.
128
00:04:37,881 --> 00:04:39,516
All right, well, um,
you know what?
129
00:04:39,616 --> 00:04:40,884
Life is short,
and life is long.
130
00:04:40,984 --> 00:04:43,687
So, hopefully
our paths cross soon.
131
00:04:43,787 --> 00:04:45,555
Okay, take care.
132
00:04:45,655 --> 00:04:46,857
Bye.
133
00:04:46,957 --> 00:04:49,993
- Motherfucker!
- Oh, good, you're off.
134
00:04:50,060 --> 00:04:52,729
Which wallpaper do you like
for our new office?
135
00:04:52,829 --> 00:04:54,631
This one's
technically wrapping paper,
136
00:04:54,698 --> 00:04:56,233
but it's beautiful.
137
00:04:56,333 --> 00:04:58,535
- Okay, we need clients
to justify having an office,
138
00:04:58,635 --> 00:05:00,871
and we just lost another one
to Janet Stone.
139
00:05:00,971 --> 00:05:03,874
- She's poaching everybody.
- Cunt!
140
00:05:03,974 --> 00:05:05,842
Okay, partner,
what's the play?
141
00:05:05,909 --> 00:05:08,378
- You know what? I'm just gonna
fucking call her.
142
00:05:08,478 --> 00:05:10,480
- Yeah, do it.
I love this side of you.
143
00:05:10,547 --> 00:05:12,349
- Okay.
[line trilling]
144
00:05:12,415 --> 00:05:15,085
- Ah, Jimmy.I was waiting for your call.
145
00:05:15,185 --> 00:05:17,687
But I don't have time to talk
because I'm going down
146
00:05:17,754 --> 00:05:19,689
your client list one by one,
you piece of shit.
147
00:05:19,756 --> 00:05:22,058
- Okay, you know what, Janet?
You listen to me. I'm--
148
00:05:22,158 --> 00:05:24,761
- Hi, Janet! Kayla Schaeffer
here, you dirty bitch.
149
00:05:24,861 --> 00:05:26,229
- Oh, my God.
- You know, me and you
150
00:05:26,329 --> 00:05:27,697
can swing around
our big dicks all day,
151
00:05:27,764 --> 00:05:29,366
but the fact of the matter is--
152
00:05:29,432 --> 00:05:31,434
[line clicks]
Hello?
153
00:05:31,535 --> 00:05:33,003
Hello?
[both sigh]
154
00:05:33,069 --> 00:05:35,171
Yeah, she's fucking us
up the ass, no lube,
155
00:05:35,238 --> 00:05:37,107
not even giving us
a little courtesy tug
156
00:05:37,207 --> 00:05:39,242
before she jams her cock
in our guts.
157
00:05:39,342 --> 00:05:41,444
What is wrong with you?
158
00:05:41,545 --> 00:05:44,014
- Should we get lunch?
- Yeah, I'm starving.
159
00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:45,949
You're hangry.
160
00:05:46,049 --> 00:05:48,084
- So we closed
on Elaine's directing deal,
161
00:05:48,184 --> 00:05:50,220
but she apparently doesn't fly,
162
00:05:50,287 --> 00:05:52,856
so she's asking
that we reimburse her for gas.
163
00:05:52,923 --> 00:05:56,693
Also, her rider is just
jelly beans and Dulcolax.
164
00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:58,295
- Are you sure about her?
- Please.
165
00:05:58,395 --> 00:06:00,397
When men are quirky,
they're eccentric geniuses.
166
00:06:00,463 --> 00:06:02,299
When women are quirky,
they're jailed.
167
00:06:02,399 --> 00:06:05,302
- Is that what's going on here?
She's just quirky?
168
00:06:05,402 --> 00:06:08,204
God, I fucking hope so.
169
00:06:08,271 --> 00:06:10,473
Oh! I got the Palmetto.
170
00:06:10,574 --> 00:06:11,875
Amazing.
171
00:06:11,942 --> 00:06:13,543
So I guess
the auction went well.
172
00:06:13,610 --> 00:06:15,645
- Yes, it did.
- [chuckles]
173
00:06:15,745 --> 00:06:19,482
- But Marty
seems to have lost his mind.
174
00:06:19,583 --> 00:06:22,385
He's getting engaged
to that elderly French woman.
175
00:06:22,452 --> 00:06:25,155
- Oh, did he get her a ring
or a Life Alert bracelet?
176
00:06:25,255 --> 00:06:28,391
[laughing wildly]
177
00:06:31,394 --> 00:06:32,896
I know! I thought
he only proposed to women
178
00:06:32,963 --> 00:06:36,666
whose hair was still steaming
from a flat iron.
179
00:06:36,766 --> 00:06:38,101
Well...
180
00:06:39,169 --> 00:06:41,271
Don't give me that look.
181
00:06:42,839 --> 00:06:45,275
- That wasn't real.
- The diamond was real.
182
00:06:45,342 --> 00:06:48,178
- We were drunk and in Monaco,
for Christ's sake.
183
00:06:51,114 --> 00:06:52,749
Even if he was serious,
184
00:06:52,816 --> 00:06:55,118
I had to prioritize
my business.
185
00:06:55,185 --> 00:06:57,020
You can understand that.
186
00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:58,822
I certainly can.
187
00:07:01,157 --> 00:07:04,928
- [on TV] Previouslyon "The Amazing Race"...
188
00:07:04,995 --> 00:07:08,698
[announcer continuesindistinctly]
189
00:07:08,798 --> 00:07:10,333
Deborah?
190
00:07:10,433 --> 00:07:11,868
- Oh, hi.
Come on in.
191
00:07:11,968 --> 00:07:15,338
[announcer continuesindistinctly on TV]
192
00:07:18,308 --> 00:07:20,210
- [clears throat]
So I got a call
193
00:07:20,310 --> 00:07:22,178
about a punch-up gig
that's a week long.
194
00:07:22,278 --> 00:07:24,881
I was gonna say no, but Jimmy
thinks it's a great credit,
195
00:07:24,981 --> 00:07:26,483
and it might be fun,
but, obviously,
196
00:07:26,549 --> 00:07:28,518
I would never let anything
interfere with our work.
197
00:07:28,618 --> 00:07:31,054
But it's just a week,
so I'd be back super quick.
198
00:07:31,154 --> 00:07:33,523
- Why are you standing
so far away?
199
00:07:35,025 --> 00:07:37,694
- Just to be
out of slapping range.
200
00:07:37,794 --> 00:07:39,229
[chuckles]
201
00:07:39,329 --> 00:07:41,064
[chuckles]
202
00:07:41,164 --> 00:07:43,667
- What are the dates?
- Well, it starts the 20th.
203
00:07:43,733 --> 00:07:45,068
And it's only a week.
204
00:07:45,168 --> 00:07:47,971
- Oh, I just booked
the Palmetto for the 24th
205
00:07:48,038 --> 00:07:49,973
- for the taping.
- Oh, God.
206
00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:52,742
[scoffs] Never mind then.
Of course I'm not taking it.
207
00:07:52,842 --> 00:07:55,345
Jesus, can you imagine
if I missed the taping?
208
00:07:55,412 --> 00:07:57,080
No. God, no.
209
00:07:59,249 --> 00:08:00,884
You should do it.
210
00:08:00,984 --> 00:08:02,819
- What?
No way.
211
00:08:02,886 --> 00:08:04,888
- You've seen the show
200 times.
212
00:08:04,988 --> 00:08:07,090
It's ready.
The hay's in the barn.
213
00:08:07,190 --> 00:08:10,560
It's--it's fine, really.
214
00:08:10,660 --> 00:08:12,562
Well...
215
00:08:12,662 --> 00:08:14,230
thank you.
216
00:08:14,330 --> 00:08:16,166
- But only if you're sure.
- I'm sure.
217
00:08:16,232 --> 00:08:18,034
And you should stay at my house
while you're there.
218
00:08:18,101 --> 00:08:20,737
- Oh, thanks,
but I actually ran into my ex
219
00:08:20,837 --> 00:08:22,405
when we were in L.A.,
and we've been texting,
220
00:08:22,505 --> 00:08:25,375
so I think I might
stay at her place.
221
00:08:25,442 --> 00:08:26,710
[gasps] Oh...
222
00:08:26,776 --> 00:08:28,344
Oh, speaking of houses,
223
00:08:28,411 --> 00:08:30,680
I finally got a place here,
and it's ten minutes away.
224
00:08:30,747 --> 00:08:34,050
- Oh, great.
I'll tell my lawyers--
225
00:08:34,117 --> 00:08:36,453
one more asset
for them to go after.
226
00:08:36,553 --> 00:08:38,588
It's just a rental, so...
227
00:08:38,688 --> 00:08:41,124
Oh, sorry to hear that.
228
00:08:41,224 --> 00:08:43,960
- You know, I actually think
we would do really well
229
00:08:44,060 --> 00:08:45,795
on "Amazing Race" together.
230
00:08:45,895 --> 00:08:47,464
Hmm.
231
00:08:47,564 --> 00:08:50,366
- I could never fly coach.
- [laughs]
232
00:08:50,433 --> 00:08:52,969
- We'd make up time, though,
on the puzzles.
233
00:08:53,069 --> 00:08:54,104
100%.
234
00:08:54,204 --> 00:08:57,107
[upbeat music]
235
00:08:57,207 --> 00:08:59,309
♪ ♪
236
00:08:59,409 --> 00:09:01,745
[indistinct chatter, laughter]
237
00:09:01,811 --> 00:09:03,213
- And cut!
[bell rings]
238
00:09:03,279 --> 00:09:04,481
- All right, that's a cut.
- That's a cut!
239
00:09:04,581 --> 00:09:06,149
- Her purse strap
fell in that one.
240
00:09:06,249 --> 00:09:08,284
- Oh, it's okay--we can cut
around that, I think.
241
00:09:08,384 --> 00:09:10,320
Ava, oh, my God, that blow was
so much better--thank you.
242
00:09:10,420 --> 00:09:11,988
- Oh, good, and if you
can convince the network
243
00:09:12,088 --> 00:09:13,823
to get on board with incest,
244
00:09:13,923 --> 00:09:15,959
I actually have an incest joke
that helps the story a little.
245
00:09:16,059 --> 00:09:18,461
- [laughs]
This is funny.
246
00:09:18,561 --> 00:09:20,830
- Okay, let's go again.
- Goin' again.
247
00:09:20,930 --> 00:09:22,298
- Let's roll sound.
- Rolling!
248
00:09:22,398 --> 00:09:24,234
- Hey, can you run this alt
to Gillian?
249
00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:25,602
Copy that.
250
00:09:25,668 --> 00:09:27,170
[exciting music]
251
00:09:27,270 --> 00:09:31,608
♪ Hey! ♪
252
00:09:31,674 --> 00:09:38,114
♪ ♪
253
00:09:39,482 --> 00:09:41,184
[knock at door]
Ms. Vance?
254
00:09:41,284 --> 00:09:43,286
Someone here to see you,
a manager.
255
00:09:43,353 --> 00:09:45,755
- Oh, yes, thank you, Davis.
Show them in.
256
00:09:48,191 --> 00:09:50,093
- Deborah!
- Janet.
257
00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:51,694
- H-hey.
258
00:09:51,795 --> 00:09:53,997
Wow, interesting vibe.
259
00:09:54,097 --> 00:09:56,366
- Yeah, Mr. Ludwig
did a bit of a reno.
260
00:09:56,466 --> 00:09:58,034
Wish it wouldn't be
so on the nose
261
00:09:58,134 --> 00:09:59,469
for me to burn it down.
262
00:09:59,536 --> 00:10:02,205
- [laughs]
Well, I don't want to keep you.
263
00:10:02,305 --> 00:10:04,774
I just wanted to pop in
and say, "Have a great show."
264
00:10:04,841 --> 00:10:07,811
- Thank you.
I really need it to work.
265
00:10:07,877 --> 00:10:09,946
Oh, it will, and...
266
00:10:10,013 --> 00:10:12,115
we don't have
to, um, do this now,
267
00:10:12,182 --> 00:10:15,318
- but you know why I'm here.
- Right.
268
00:10:15,385 --> 00:10:17,720
Listen, I love Jimmy.
269
00:10:17,821 --> 00:10:19,556
I think he does really well
in this business,
270
00:10:19,656 --> 00:10:21,791
especially for a man
under 6'1".
271
00:10:21,858 --> 00:10:24,561
- [chuckles]
- But he's not cutthroat.
272
00:10:24,661 --> 00:10:27,897
Yeah, well, he's a sweet kid.
273
00:10:27,997 --> 00:10:30,400
- Sure, but he doesn't have
the resources
274
00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:32,869
to support you on his own.
275
00:10:32,969 --> 00:10:34,070
Think about it.
276
00:10:34,170 --> 00:10:36,039
As good a saleswoman
as you are--
277
00:10:36,139 --> 00:10:37,540
and you are fucking lava--
278
00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:39,676
without the QVC machine
behind you,
279
00:10:39,742 --> 00:10:42,846
would you be able
to sell as many products?
280
00:10:42,912 --> 00:10:44,547
You're not wrong.
281
00:10:44,647 --> 00:10:47,083
- Oh, anyway,
I-I don't want to distract you.
282
00:10:47,183 --> 00:10:49,686
But I think
we should talk after.
283
00:10:49,752 --> 00:10:51,888
I've got some big ideas.
284
00:10:51,988 --> 00:10:53,923
Okay, sure.
285
00:10:54,023 --> 00:10:56,492
- [laughs]
- That's what I want to hear!
286
00:10:56,559 --> 00:11:00,029
All right! You're gonna kill it
out there, girl.
287
00:11:00,096 --> 00:11:01,698
Ah, thanks, Janet.
288
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:08,104
- No, your bikini wax
is not a company write-off.
289
00:11:08,204 --> 00:11:09,839
- It was just the back.
- Kayla.
290
00:11:09,906 --> 00:11:11,207
Okay, fine, but my trainer
291
00:11:11,274 --> 00:11:12,909
said that anything
can be a write-off
292
00:11:13,009 --> 00:11:14,911
if you just think about
business while it's happening.
293
00:11:15,011 --> 00:11:17,113
- That is absolutely not true.
You need to fire that person.
294
00:11:17,213 --> 00:11:18,448
- No way.
She's a write-off.
295
00:11:18,548 --> 00:11:20,750
- Jimmy.
How was your trip in?
296
00:11:20,850 --> 00:11:23,286
Were you able to get
a good seat on the Greyhound?
297
00:11:23,386 --> 00:11:24,854
- Ha ha.
For your information,
298
00:11:24,921 --> 00:11:26,389
I'm actually
United Premier Platinum,
299
00:11:26,456 --> 00:11:28,458
and I had a delicious
in-flight bistro box,
300
00:11:28,558 --> 00:11:30,059
- thank you very much.
- [scoffs]
301
00:11:30,126 --> 00:11:31,561
Okay, little miss fuck stick,
302
00:11:31,628 --> 00:11:33,062
what in the name
of the Devil's uncut dick
303
00:11:33,129 --> 00:11:34,931
- are you doing here?
- Oh, my God.
304
00:11:35,031 --> 00:11:37,200
- Same as you.
I'm here for Deborah's taping.
305
00:11:37,267 --> 00:11:39,269
[gasps]
We just had a lovely chat.
306
00:11:39,369 --> 00:11:40,770
She's so sweet.
307
00:11:40,870 --> 00:11:42,605
- I know.
- Hmm.
308
00:11:42,705 --> 00:11:44,908
Told you I was going
down your client list.
309
00:11:44,974 --> 00:11:47,410
And I finally got to the Vs.
310
00:11:47,477 --> 00:11:49,312
Enjoy the show.
311
00:11:51,581 --> 00:11:53,816
Nice ass, by the way, bitch!
312
00:11:53,917 --> 00:11:55,318
- Kayla!
- What?
313
00:11:55,418 --> 00:11:56,920
It's--She's gorgeous.
314
00:11:56,986 --> 00:11:59,389
[door opens,
Jimmy clears throat]
315
00:11:59,455 --> 00:12:00,957
[door closes]
316
00:12:01,057 --> 00:12:02,392
Here we go.
317
00:12:02,458 --> 00:12:03,826
- Well, hello.
- Hey, Jimmy.
318
00:12:03,927 --> 00:12:05,728
I-I'm kind of
in a pre-show mode.
319
00:12:05,795 --> 00:12:08,064
Can we catch up after?
320
00:12:08,131 --> 00:12:11,935
- Of course, yeah.
Um...break a leg.
321
00:12:12,001 --> 00:12:13,436
Thank you.
322
00:12:13,503 --> 00:12:15,672
- She means both of us.
Come on.
323
00:12:20,476 --> 00:12:21,511
[door opens]
324
00:12:21,611 --> 00:12:22,812
[indistinct chatter]
325
00:12:22,912 --> 00:12:24,614
- Excuse me. Excuse me!
- Oh, excuse me!
326
00:12:24,681 --> 00:12:26,950
- VIPs coming through.
Check the pass.
327
00:12:27,016 --> 00:12:28,418
- Why can't we go down
the other aisle?
328
00:12:28,484 --> 00:12:30,486
- Because we're VIPs
and people need to know.
329
00:12:30,586 --> 00:12:32,822
- Oh, I like your jumpsuit, girl.
- This don't make no sense.
330
00:12:32,922 --> 00:12:34,257
Okay, here we go.
331
00:12:34,324 --> 00:12:36,826
I want you to get B-roll
of the crowd filing in.
332
00:12:36,926 --> 00:12:38,795
Oh, wait, wait.
Hold on.
333
00:12:38,861 --> 00:12:41,331
I-I forgot my contacts.
I can't see shit.
334
00:12:41,431 --> 00:12:42,865
- Oh, my God.
- Oh.
335
00:12:42,966 --> 00:12:45,134
- I'm kidding! You guys
are so fucking serious!
336
00:12:45,201 --> 00:12:46,970
- Oh, my God.
- It's a comedy show!
337
00:12:47,036 --> 00:12:49,138
You wouldn't have lasted a day
with Andy Kaufman.
338
00:12:49,205 --> 00:12:51,708
He ran my dog over as a bit,
and I loved it.
339
00:12:51,808 --> 00:12:53,209
Okay!
340
00:12:53,309 --> 00:12:55,712
- Ladies and gentlemen,please take your seats.
341
00:12:55,812 --> 00:12:57,880
The program will be startingmomentarily.
342
00:12:57,981 --> 00:13:00,016
- If you think about it, our
seats are way better than hers,
343
00:13:00,116 --> 00:13:02,185
'cause it's, like, center--
we have a bird's-eye view.
344
00:13:02,285 --> 00:13:03,720
- Hmm.
- You know?
345
00:13:03,820 --> 00:13:05,388
- [clears throat]
- [slurps]
346
00:13:05,488 --> 00:13:08,191
- I'm so sorry, sir,
but there's no outside drinks
347
00:13:08,291 --> 00:13:11,461
- in the theater.
- [groans]
348
00:13:11,527 --> 00:13:13,062
Oh.
349
00:13:13,162 --> 00:13:16,366
- Casino comps me this ticket.
That's the way they treat you.
350
00:13:16,466 --> 00:13:20,169
- Bullshit, right?
- [clears throat]
351
00:13:20,236 --> 00:13:22,839
- Should've seen
Criss Angel again.
352
00:13:25,842 --> 00:13:29,412
[exhales deeply]
353
00:13:29,512 --> 00:13:33,082
[breathes deeply]
354
00:13:33,182 --> 00:13:36,085
[knock at door]
Not a good time.
355
00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:39,555
Hey.
356
00:13:39,655 --> 00:13:41,891
- Wha--
what are you doing here?
357
00:13:41,991 --> 00:13:44,093
- Oh, I left
that punch-up gig early.
358
00:13:44,193 --> 00:13:46,229
Well, I forgot I had tickets
to Cirque du Soleil,
359
00:13:46,329 --> 00:13:47,830
and it's the weird sex one,
360
00:13:47,897 --> 00:13:49,365
so I really don't want
to miss it.
361
00:13:49,432 --> 00:13:50,733
[snickers]
362
00:13:50,833 --> 00:13:52,602
- But I'll probably watch
your taping first,
363
00:13:52,702 --> 00:13:54,871
you know,
since I'm here anyway.
364
00:13:56,539 --> 00:13:58,074
I'm glad you are.
365
00:13:58,174 --> 00:14:00,343
[soft music]
366
00:14:00,410 --> 00:14:01,277
Me too.
367
00:14:01,377 --> 00:14:04,781
♪ ♪
368
00:14:04,881 --> 00:14:07,083
This dressing room is ass.
369
00:14:07,183 --> 00:14:09,252
[laughing]
370
00:14:09,352 --> 00:14:11,687
- Okay, showtime.
Everybody ready?
371
00:14:11,754 --> 00:14:13,689
Kill the houselights.
372
00:14:13,756 --> 00:14:15,625
Bobby, frame up, please.
373
00:14:15,725 --> 00:14:17,293
[indistinct chatter]
374
00:14:17,393 --> 00:14:21,297
- Whoo!
[cheers and applause]
375
00:14:21,397 --> 00:14:24,100
- Okay, "A" camera,
let's settle in for the wide,
376
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:26,803
and, Sal,
let's bring out our girl
377
00:14:26,903 --> 00:14:29,872
in three, two, one,
378
00:14:29,939 --> 00:14:31,374
rock and roll.
379
00:14:31,441 --> 00:14:33,042
Ladies and gentlemen,
380
00:14:33,109 --> 00:14:36,646
returning to the Palmettofor one special night,
381
00:14:36,746 --> 00:14:38,614
please welcome to the stage
382
00:14:38,714 --> 00:14:43,886
the one, the onlyDeborah Vance!
383
00:14:43,953 --> 00:14:46,989
[cheers and applause]
384
00:14:47,090 --> 00:14:49,992
[upbeat music]
385
00:14:50,093 --> 00:14:56,632
♪ ♪
386
00:14:56,732 --> 00:14:58,634
Wow, thank you.
387
00:14:58,734 --> 00:15:01,737
[cheers and applause
continue]
388
00:15:01,804 --> 00:15:06,175
♪ ♪
389
00:15:06,275 --> 00:15:09,245
[laughter]
390
00:15:09,312 --> 00:15:11,180
It's true.
It's true.
391
00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:14,150
Yeah, and, of course, it's hard
to lose a husband and a sister
392
00:15:14,250 --> 00:15:16,185
at the same time.
393
00:15:16,285 --> 00:15:20,289
But it makes
Christmas shopping way easier.
394
00:15:20,356 --> 00:15:23,192
[laughter]
395
00:15:23,292 --> 00:15:27,029
And I don't--I don't excuse
what they did.
396
00:15:27,130 --> 00:15:30,433
But in some ways, there really
was nowhere else for them to go
397
00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:34,437
except toward each other...
398
00:15:34,504 --> 00:15:38,674
because it was all about me
and my career.
399
00:15:38,774 --> 00:15:41,544
There was no space
left in my marriage
400
00:15:41,644 --> 00:15:44,213
or in my relationship
with her...
401
00:15:44,313 --> 00:15:46,849
anywhere.
402
00:15:46,949 --> 00:15:49,819
That's what I do.
I take up too much space.
403
00:15:49,886 --> 00:15:51,888
I did it back then,
and I still do it today.
404
00:15:51,988 --> 00:15:53,623
I take up space
in every room I'm in,
405
00:15:53,689 --> 00:15:56,526
on my tour bus,
on the icons float
406
00:15:56,626 --> 00:15:58,828
at the Vegas Pride Parade.
[laughter]
407
00:15:58,895 --> 00:16:01,564
But, you know,
I love taking up space,
408
00:16:01,664 --> 00:16:02,865
which is painfully ironic,
409
00:16:02,965 --> 00:16:04,800
because as
we've established here,
410
00:16:04,867 --> 00:16:06,736
I am
a high-functioning anorexic.
411
00:16:06,836 --> 00:16:08,671
[laughter]
412
00:16:08,738 --> 00:16:10,973
- Johnny, you read my mind.
Stay right there.
413
00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:13,075
Push in, slow...
414
00:16:13,176 --> 00:16:14,877
slow.
415
00:16:14,977 --> 00:16:16,479
Not that slow, buddy.
416
00:16:16,546 --> 00:16:18,548
Yeah, bingo.
You got it.
417
00:16:18,648 --> 00:16:20,049
Damn, I'm good.
418
00:16:20,149 --> 00:16:22,251
- And that same year,
the Vatican came after me,
419
00:16:22,351 --> 00:16:24,987
because they said
I called the Pope a pedophile
420
00:16:25,054 --> 00:16:26,589
on national television.
421
00:16:26,689 --> 00:16:28,925
[crowd murmurs]
I-I didn't.
422
00:16:29,025 --> 00:16:31,661
I called him a pedophile-phile
423
00:16:31,727 --> 00:16:34,697
because he loves
being around pedophiles.
424
00:16:34,764 --> 00:16:37,934
[laughter]
425
00:16:38,034 --> 00:16:40,403
It's different.
It's different.
426
00:16:40,503 --> 00:16:42,371
- [grunts]
- Oh, hey.
427
00:16:42,438 --> 00:16:44,907
- Yeah, so then...
- Hey, you--you all right?
428
00:16:45,007 --> 00:16:46,609
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
429
00:16:46,709 --> 00:16:48,544
- My sponsors started
pulling ads from my tour.
430
00:16:48,611 --> 00:16:50,179
- [grunts]
- Oh, my God.
431
00:16:50,246 --> 00:16:52,081
Oh, my God.
[crowd murmuring]
432
00:16:52,181 --> 00:16:53,282
Oh, my God.
433
00:16:53,382 --> 00:16:54,951
- What's the matter?
- Hey, sir.
434
00:16:55,051 --> 00:16:56,118
Everything okay?
435
00:16:56,219 --> 00:16:57,687
- He's seizing!
- Oh, shit.
436
00:16:57,753 --> 00:17:00,122
- He needs help. Call 911.
- Oh, Jesus. Okay.
437
00:17:00,222 --> 00:17:01,524
Has anyone called
the paramedics?
438
00:17:01,591 --> 00:17:03,292
Has anyone called for help?
439
00:17:03,392 --> 00:17:04,927
Somebody call the paramedics!
440
00:17:05,027 --> 00:17:06,529
- What the fuck is going on
down there?
441
00:17:06,596 --> 00:17:08,097
Sal, talk to me.
[cross chatter]
442
00:17:08,197 --> 00:17:10,299
John, go get the medic.
Go get the house medic.
443
00:17:10,399 --> 00:17:12,568
Tara, do not turn
the houselights up.
444
00:17:12,635 --> 00:17:14,136
- It'll be all right.
It'll be all right.
445
00:17:14,237 --> 00:17:16,239
I'm sure they're on their way.
[doors open]
446
00:17:16,305 --> 00:17:18,374
- Down here.
- Okay, here they come.
447
00:17:18,441 --> 00:17:19,642
Shit!
448
00:17:19,742 --> 00:17:22,311
[indistinct chatter]
449
00:17:22,411 --> 00:17:24,313
[indistinct radio chatter]
450
00:17:24,413 --> 00:17:26,082
- It's all right, everybody.
I-it's all right.
451
00:17:26,148 --> 00:17:29,819
He's--he's being taken care of.
They'll take care of him.
452
00:17:29,919 --> 00:17:31,053
[crowd murmuring]
453
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:32,922
It's all right.
It's all right.
454
00:17:32,989 --> 00:17:34,490
Not to worry--
455
00:17:34,590 --> 00:17:36,559
we got trained professionals
taking care of him now.
456
00:17:36,626 --> 00:17:39,562
He's in good hands.
[indistinct chatter]
457
00:17:39,629 --> 00:17:43,132
Everybody stay calm.
Please stay in your seats.
458
00:17:43,232 --> 00:17:46,469
Just--please.
[indistinct chatter continues]
459
00:17:46,569 --> 00:17:49,171
- [indistinct radio chatter]
- Check the pupils.
460
00:17:49,272 --> 00:17:51,107
- Yeah, I'm getting--dilated.
- What's the reading?
461
00:17:51,173 --> 00:17:54,010
- Is he okay?
[sustained high-pitched tone]
462
00:17:54,110 --> 00:17:56,746
- I'm calling it--
8:47.
463
00:17:56,812 --> 00:17:59,181
[indistinct radio chattercontinues]
464
00:17:59,282 --> 00:18:01,984
[sustained high-pitched tone
continues]
465
00:18:02,084 --> 00:18:04,520
[crowd murmuring]
466
00:18:04,620 --> 00:18:06,989
It'll be all right, yeah.
467
00:18:10,459 --> 00:18:13,963
[murmuring dies down]
468
00:18:15,097 --> 00:18:17,466
- He's okay!
He's okay, folks!
469
00:18:17,533 --> 00:18:20,670
[cheers and applause]
470
00:18:22,204 --> 00:18:23,306
Oh!
471
00:18:23,372 --> 00:18:25,374
How 'bout that?
472
00:18:25,474 --> 00:18:28,477
Thank God!
[cheers and applause]
473
00:18:28,544 --> 00:18:30,780
All right, we're back, baby.
474
00:18:30,846 --> 00:18:33,549
Okay, I need a close-up on C
and a refill.
475
00:18:33,649 --> 00:18:35,951
Bobby, finally,
a frame I could use.
476
00:18:36,018 --> 00:18:37,820
Welcome to the show.
477
00:18:37,887 --> 00:18:39,722
- Thank God.
Thank God.
478
00:18:39,822 --> 00:18:41,691
Yeah, not the first man
who's faked his own death
479
00:18:41,791 --> 00:18:44,660
to get away from me.
[laughter]
480
00:18:44,727 --> 00:18:46,896
- Not the first.
- I'm so glad he's okay.
481
00:18:46,996 --> 00:18:50,199
- No. Dead.
Absolutely dead.
482
00:18:50,299 --> 00:18:54,070
- Anyway, so my sponsors start
pulling their ads...
483
00:18:54,170 --> 00:18:57,406
♪ ♪
484
00:18:57,506 --> 00:19:00,176
[laughing]
485
00:19:00,242 --> 00:19:03,012
- Oh, my God.
You crushed.
486
00:19:03,079 --> 00:19:06,349
- That was amazing.
- It got scary for a minute.
487
00:19:06,415 --> 00:19:10,753
And I'm just, uh,
so glad that man is okay.
488
00:19:10,853 --> 00:19:13,589
Yes. I am as well.
489
00:19:13,689 --> 00:19:15,558
Yeah.
490
00:19:15,658 --> 00:19:17,593
Your dad would be proud of you.
491
00:19:17,693 --> 00:19:19,095
[inhales sharply]
492
00:19:19,195 --> 00:19:20,196
Wow.
493
00:19:20,262 --> 00:19:21,697
[tearfully]
Thank you.
494
00:19:21,764 --> 00:19:23,766
- Whoo!
- [clears throat] Great show.
495
00:19:23,866 --> 00:19:26,602
- Deborah, girl!
both: Hey!
496
00:19:26,702 --> 00:19:28,104
Think they liked it!
497
00:19:28,204 --> 00:19:29,605
Deborah, a triumph!
498
00:19:29,705 --> 00:19:31,874
It is gonna cut
like butter, baby.
499
00:19:31,941 --> 00:19:33,776
- Oh, thank you, honey.
Champagne?
500
00:19:33,876 --> 00:19:35,578
- No, I got Clamato.
- Okay, all right.
501
00:19:35,678 --> 00:19:37,780
- Whoo!
- Cheers! Whoo!
502
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:41,183
- Whoo!
Bravo, Deborah!
503
00:19:41,250 --> 00:19:44,186
Not news to me,
but you are a star.
504
00:19:44,253 --> 00:19:47,790
Handled the right way,
this can be huge for you.
505
00:19:47,890 --> 00:19:49,558
- I think it will be handled
the right way,
506
00:19:49,625 --> 00:19:52,461
because I have excellent
representation with Jimmy.
507
00:19:52,561 --> 00:19:54,430
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
508
00:19:54,530 --> 00:19:56,298
- So thanks for coming
all the way out here,
509
00:19:56,399 --> 00:19:58,033
but I think
it's time for you to go.
510
00:19:58,100 --> 00:20:01,070
- And just so you know,
I'm sticking with Jimmy, too.
511
00:20:01,137 --> 00:20:04,640
- [scoffs]
- I don't know who you are.
512
00:20:04,740 --> 00:20:07,109
- And guess what, sweetie.
You're never gonna!
513
00:20:07,209 --> 00:20:08,711
- Well, no,
I would like for her--
514
00:20:08,778 --> 00:20:10,279
You will not know her!
515
00:20:10,379 --> 00:20:12,815
- I would like for her
to know who I am eventually.
516
00:20:15,785 --> 00:20:18,754
- Oh, there you are.
Aren't you coming in?
517
00:20:18,821 --> 00:20:20,956
Yeah, yeah.
518
00:20:21,056 --> 00:20:24,093
I was just taking a second.
But you did great.
519
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:25,628
They loved you.
520
00:20:25,728 --> 00:20:27,596
- You okay?
- Mm-hmm.
521
00:20:28,631 --> 00:20:31,734
I mean...
it was kind of hard to hear.
522
00:20:31,801 --> 00:20:33,068
[laughs]
You know?
523
00:20:33,135 --> 00:20:35,104
I-I just--I can't believe
you never told me
524
00:20:35,171 --> 00:20:36,639
any of that before, you know?
525
00:20:36,739 --> 00:20:38,474
It was one thing
to find out all that stuff
526
00:20:38,574 --> 00:20:40,009
about you and Dad--
it's another thing
527
00:20:40,109 --> 00:20:41,977
to find it out
with 3,000 other people.
528
00:20:42,077 --> 00:20:44,180
- Yeah, I don't know why
it's always been easier for me
529
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:46,649
to tell things to strangers.
530
00:20:46,749 --> 00:20:51,086
- Well, therapy's just talking
to one stranger in private.
531
00:20:51,153 --> 00:20:52,788
- Well, my insurance
doesn't cover it.
532
00:20:52,855 --> 00:20:54,323
What can I tell you?
533
00:20:54,423 --> 00:20:57,293
- Yeah, well,
it's not as expensive as IVF.
534
00:20:57,359 --> 00:20:58,861
- Oh, yeah.
How's that going?
535
00:20:58,961 --> 00:21:00,796
- Good.
Good, you know?
536
00:21:00,863 --> 00:21:02,798
Three weeks out
till our next round.
537
00:21:02,865 --> 00:21:06,869
Although, I don't know,
seems like being a parent--
538
00:21:06,969 --> 00:21:08,537
pretty tough.
[chuckles]
539
00:21:08,637 --> 00:21:11,707
I-I always thought
that you just didn't even try.
540
00:21:11,807 --> 00:21:14,343
But after tonight,
I'm finding out you did try
541
00:21:14,443 --> 00:21:16,679
to be a good parent,
and you still fucked it up.
542
00:21:16,779 --> 00:21:20,483
So I'm kind of scared
that I'm going to, too.
543
00:21:20,549 --> 00:21:22,818
You will.
544
00:21:22,885 --> 00:21:24,887
It's impossible not to.
545
00:21:26,622 --> 00:21:28,557
But it's worth it.
546
00:21:28,657 --> 00:21:31,560
[soft music]
547
00:21:31,660 --> 00:21:34,697
Hey, look, I wore
a good-luck charm tonight.
548
00:21:35,831 --> 00:21:37,900
Oh, my God.
549
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:40,169
That's a D'Jewelry 2019.
550
00:21:40,236 --> 00:21:43,072
- It's gonna be in the special.
[chuckles]
551
00:21:43,172 --> 00:21:45,241
- Thank you.
- Of course.
552
00:21:46,475 --> 00:21:48,043
It turned my wrist black,
sweetie.
553
00:21:48,143 --> 00:21:50,312
- Oh, that's--that's
really good for you.
554
00:21:50,379 --> 00:21:52,214
That's the iron.
555
00:21:52,314 --> 00:21:53,749
- Uh-huh.
556
00:21:53,849 --> 00:21:56,852
- I mean, I think news bloopers
are funny, you know?
557
00:21:56,919 --> 00:21:59,421
Okay, can we go out tonight?
558
00:21:59,522 --> 00:22:00,923
- Sure.
- I'm down.
559
00:22:01,023 --> 00:22:02,758
- Yeah, I want
to get fucked up.
560
00:22:02,858 --> 00:22:04,527
- [both laugh]
- Wow.
561
00:22:04,593 --> 00:22:06,362
- Okay. Sure.
- Okay.
562
00:22:06,428 --> 00:22:08,597
- Wait, where's Marcus?
- Oh, I don't know.
563
00:22:08,697 --> 00:22:10,432
He said
he had to go see someone.
564
00:22:10,533 --> 00:22:11,700
[knock at door]
565
00:22:14,870 --> 00:22:16,071
Hi.
566
00:22:16,171 --> 00:22:17,606
Hi.
567
00:22:17,706 --> 00:22:19,341
- Sorry for the random stop-by.
568
00:22:19,408 --> 00:22:20,576
Is everything okay?
569
00:22:20,676 --> 00:22:22,278
- Yes.
Yes, everything's fine.
570
00:22:22,378 --> 00:22:24,947
- Wait, doesn't Deborah
have, like, a big show tonight?
571
00:22:25,047 --> 00:22:27,883
- She does,
but I don't have to be there.
572
00:22:27,950 --> 00:22:31,186
I was hoping
that we could talk.
573
00:22:31,253 --> 00:22:32,621
Sure.
574
00:22:32,721 --> 00:22:36,458
But I should let you know
that I am seeing someone.
575
00:22:36,559 --> 00:22:38,627
- Good.
That's good for you.
576
00:22:38,727 --> 00:22:39,962
That's--
577
00:22:40,062 --> 00:22:42,765
I obviously was not ready
for a relationship.
578
00:22:42,865 --> 00:22:44,967
- Yeah.
- [chuckles]
579
00:22:45,067 --> 00:22:47,970
- Well, I'm down to talk as
friends, if that works for you.
580
00:22:48,070 --> 00:22:51,473
- Honestly, I think
that's exactly what I need.
581
00:22:51,574 --> 00:22:53,042
Well, that
and extensive therapy.
582
00:22:53,108 --> 00:22:54,810
- [chuckles]
- Some hypnosis.
583
00:22:54,910 --> 00:22:58,581
- Little electric shock--
- Okay, you're not that bad.
584
00:22:58,647 --> 00:23:00,583
- Here, come in.
- Thank you.
585
00:23:00,649 --> 00:23:02,651
- By the way,
your mom's been texting me.
586
00:23:02,751 --> 00:23:05,087
- both: Wrestling stuff.
- Yeah.
587
00:23:05,154 --> 00:23:07,890
- So now how it works is I'm
technically your manager, too.
588
00:23:07,957 --> 00:23:09,658
Hmm, is that how it works?
589
00:23:09,758 --> 00:23:11,293
Deborah, you have a sec?
590
00:23:11,393 --> 00:23:15,464
- Yeah, I'm just putting shrimp
under his pillows.
591
00:23:15,564 --> 00:23:16,966
- Cool.
Uh, maybe tomorrow
592
00:23:17,066 --> 00:23:18,834
we could talk
about re-pitching networks.
593
00:23:18,934 --> 00:23:21,337
- No. I've been thinking
about that,
594
00:23:21,437 --> 00:23:23,672
and I have another idea.
595
00:23:23,772 --> 00:23:26,241
Every product
I've ever offered here,
596
00:23:26,308 --> 00:23:29,745
every necklace, every lip kit,
every quilted bootie
597
00:23:29,812 --> 00:23:31,614
is something
I would buy myself,
598
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:33,649
because it's something
I believe in
599
00:23:33,749 --> 00:23:35,918
and I can't sell it to you
if it's not.
600
00:23:35,985 --> 00:23:37,252
So trust me
when I tell you
601
00:23:37,319 --> 00:23:39,321
that I've never believed
in something more
602
00:23:39,421 --> 00:23:41,190
than what
I'm offering you today.
603
00:23:41,290 --> 00:23:43,592
This product
not only has my name on it,
604
00:23:43,659 --> 00:23:46,028
but it is me entirely,
605
00:23:46,128 --> 00:23:48,030
and the reason it's so special
606
00:23:48,130 --> 00:23:50,599
is because it is my special...
607
00:23:50,666 --> 00:23:52,101
- Whoo!
- "My Bad."
608
00:23:52,167 --> 00:23:53,502
[both laugh]
609
00:23:53,602 --> 00:23:56,872
It's my life story--
the highs, the lows,
610
00:23:56,972 --> 00:23:59,208
the time the China trade wars
stopped shipments
611
00:23:59,308 --> 00:24:01,310
of my Mrs. Claus
self-sealing cookie jars.
612
00:24:01,377 --> 00:24:02,945
Oh, that was horrible.
613
00:24:03,012 --> 00:24:04,213
- Wasn't that
a little bit of hell?
614
00:24:04,313 --> 00:24:05,814
- Horrible. Oh, God.
- Yeah.
615
00:24:05,881 --> 00:24:09,018
And like all my products,
with the rare exception
616
00:24:09,118 --> 00:24:11,720
of the jean-ish leggings
last fall,
617
00:24:11,820 --> 00:24:13,322
I've road-tested it myself.
618
00:24:13,389 --> 00:24:15,357
I've taken it all over
the country, and it works.
619
00:24:15,457 --> 00:24:18,894
It's what I've always wanted
to say to you, the truth,
620
00:24:18,994 --> 00:24:20,329
whether I like it or not.
621
00:24:20,396 --> 00:24:22,398
- So let's go!
- Yes!
622
00:24:22,498 --> 00:24:25,300
Okay, now, Deborah,
what if some of our viewers
623
00:24:25,367 --> 00:24:27,236
do not have a DVD player?
624
00:24:27,336 --> 00:24:29,571
- Oh, I'd say get one.
It's the future.
625
00:24:29,672 --> 00:24:31,340
But it will also include
a downloadable link
626
00:24:31,407 --> 00:24:32,908
for your adult children
to stream.
627
00:24:33,008 --> 00:24:34,343
That is wonderful.
628
00:24:34,410 --> 00:24:38,714
Okay, well, we have
already sold 2,000 units.
629
00:24:38,814 --> 00:24:41,684
- We only have 50,000 units...
- What?
630
00:24:41,750 --> 00:24:43,419
Um, available today.
631
00:24:43,519 --> 00:24:46,422
We are absolutely flying here.
632
00:24:46,522 --> 00:24:49,358
I am getting word from
our producers--oh, my gosh--
633
00:24:49,425 --> 00:24:53,095
that this a record for units
sold in under five minutes.
634
00:24:53,195 --> 00:24:54,430
- Wow.
- We are on track
635
00:24:54,530 --> 00:24:56,065
to sell out,
ladies and gentlemen.
636
00:24:56,165 --> 00:24:58,100
We're getting
into Slanket territory.
637
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:00,269
That's incredible.
638
00:25:00,369 --> 00:25:01,503
Thank you.
639
00:25:01,570 --> 00:25:03,772
- I guess
there is money in DVDs.
640
00:25:03,872 --> 00:25:06,341
- I just loved it.
You know, it's been a minute
641
00:25:06,408 --> 00:25:09,678
since I've seen an actual
DVD box, and I miss 'em.
642
00:25:11,413 --> 00:25:13,115
- Oof.
- Ooh!
643
00:25:13,215 --> 00:25:14,717
I am so excited to tell her.
644
00:25:14,783 --> 00:25:16,285
Honestly, this is
the best part of the job,
645
00:25:16,385 --> 00:25:17,886
you know,
delivering good news.
646
00:25:17,953 --> 00:25:20,022
[line trilling]
Makes all the stress worth it.
647
00:25:20,089 --> 00:25:21,290
Totally.
648
00:25:21,390 --> 00:25:22,891
- Hi, Jimmy.
- Hey, Deborah,
649
00:25:22,958 --> 00:25:25,360
- I have great news.
- Everyone wants it, bitch!
650
00:25:25,427 --> 00:25:26,628
- Whoo!
- Kayla.
651
00:25:26,729 --> 00:25:28,363
- I-I-I'm sorry.
What are you saying?
652
00:25:28,430 --> 00:25:30,966
I was saying...
653
00:25:31,066 --> 00:25:32,935
every network is in.
654
00:25:33,035 --> 00:25:34,436
They all want to acquirethe rights.
655
00:25:34,536 --> 00:25:35,637
We are gonna have
a bidding war.
656
00:25:35,738 --> 00:25:37,039
- Boom.
- Plus, "Variety"
657
00:25:37,106 --> 00:25:38,807
- wants to do a cover story.
- What?
658
00:25:38,907 --> 00:25:40,642
- And "The Wall Street Journal"
is interested in a feature
659
00:25:40,743 --> 00:25:42,077
on the whole
"bet on yourself" approach.
660
00:25:42,144 --> 00:25:43,746
- Okay, sweetie, thanks.
That sounds good.
661
00:25:43,812 --> 00:25:45,481
Um, but I'm right
in the middle of a meeting.
662
00:25:45,581 --> 00:25:46,648
So got to go.
663
00:25:46,749 --> 00:25:48,817
Oh, um, okay.
664
00:25:48,917 --> 00:25:50,886
[line clicks]
Bye.
665
00:25:55,090 --> 00:25:57,159
[laughs]
666
00:25:58,494 --> 00:26:01,230
[inhales deeply]
667
00:26:01,296 --> 00:26:02,498
[sighs]
668
00:26:02,598 --> 00:26:05,501
[upbeat music]
669
00:26:05,601 --> 00:26:08,337
♪ ♪
670
00:26:08,437 --> 00:26:10,739
[indistinct chatter]
671
00:26:10,806 --> 00:26:12,908
♪ ♪
672
00:26:12,975 --> 00:26:14,643
Hello, all.
673
00:26:14,743 --> 00:26:17,579
I just wanted to say that we
are so incredibly excited
674
00:26:17,646 --> 00:26:19,314
to be the home
for Deborah Vance's
675
00:26:19,414 --> 00:26:22,484
hilarious, provocative
new special.
676
00:26:22,584 --> 00:26:25,020
[cheers and applause]
Yeah.
677
00:26:25,120 --> 00:26:27,923
And now I would like
to introduce the living legend,
678
00:26:27,990 --> 00:26:30,125
Deborah Vance,
to say a few words.
679
00:26:30,192 --> 00:26:31,093
Deb.
680
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:34,196
[cheers and applause]
681
00:26:34,296 --> 00:26:35,798
- Hi, everybody.
Thank you.
682
00:26:35,864 --> 00:26:37,199
Thank you so much for coming.
683
00:26:37,299 --> 00:26:38,700
I really want to thank
the network
684
00:26:38,801 --> 00:26:40,636
for taking a chance on this--
685
00:26:40,702 --> 00:26:42,204
once it was already successful
686
00:26:42,304 --> 00:26:43,872
and there was
literally no risk.
687
00:26:43,972 --> 00:26:45,941
[laughter]
688
00:26:46,008 --> 00:26:47,543
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
689
00:26:47,643 --> 00:26:49,678
No, but there is a risk,
obviously,
690
00:26:49,778 --> 00:26:53,715
supporting an elderly,
messy bitch comedian.
691
00:26:53,816 --> 00:26:55,217
But enough about Bill Maher.
692
00:26:55,317 --> 00:26:56,718
[laughter]
Um...
693
00:26:56,819 --> 00:26:59,454
I'm joking.
Bill and I are old friends.
694
00:26:59,521 --> 00:27:00,889
We vacation together.
695
00:27:00,989 --> 00:27:04,827
Anyway, uh, but I really want
to thank my team,
696
00:27:04,893 --> 00:27:06,528
who always had my back.
697
00:27:06,628 --> 00:27:07,896
[cheers and applause]
698
00:27:07,996 --> 00:27:10,499
Love you.
And my amazing director--
699
00:27:10,566 --> 00:27:12,234
where is she?
Elaine Carter--there she is!
700
00:27:12,334 --> 00:27:15,504
Elaine Carter.
She did an amazing job!
701
00:27:15,571 --> 00:27:17,172
Amazing job.
702
00:27:17,239 --> 00:27:22,077
And I especially want to give
credit to my co-writer,
703
00:27:22,177 --> 00:27:24,413
Ava Daniels,
704
00:27:24,513 --> 00:27:27,683
who pushed me
and never let me quit.
705
00:27:27,749 --> 00:27:29,852
Thank you, Ava.
706
00:27:29,918 --> 00:27:33,322
[cheers and applause]
707
00:27:34,857 --> 00:27:37,326
So cheers, everybody.
Have fun.
708
00:27:37,392 --> 00:27:38,594
Don't drink and drive.
709
00:27:38,694 --> 00:27:40,095
I don't want to be
upstaged tonight.
710
00:27:40,195 --> 00:27:41,597
[laughter]
711
00:27:41,697 --> 00:27:43,498
Thank you.
Thanks again for coming.
712
00:27:43,565 --> 00:27:47,436
[cheers and applause]
713
00:27:47,536 --> 00:27:48,737
Amazing.
714
00:27:48,837 --> 00:27:51,607
- [laughs]
- Hi, you killed it, lady.
715
00:27:51,707 --> 00:27:52,841
Iconic!
716
00:27:52,908 --> 00:27:54,009
- [laughs]
- Really!
717
00:27:54,076 --> 00:27:55,444
- Thanks.
- I have some people
718
00:27:55,544 --> 00:27:57,012
that I need you to talk to.
719
00:27:57,079 --> 00:27:59,214
That is Simone--she's one
of our head executives.
720
00:27:59,281 --> 00:28:01,116
Okay, say hello, and this is...
721
00:28:01,216 --> 00:28:03,886
[indistinct chatter]
722
00:28:03,952 --> 00:28:07,055
[upbeat music playing]
723
00:28:07,122 --> 00:28:12,361
♪ ♪
724
00:28:12,427 --> 00:28:15,197
[clears throat]
725
00:28:15,264 --> 00:28:17,299
Hmm. You know,
they're having a party
726
00:28:17,399 --> 00:28:19,301
for you down there.
727
00:28:19,401 --> 00:28:21,637
- I thought
you weren't drinking.
728
00:28:21,737 --> 00:28:24,539
Ah, what else am I good for?
729
00:28:24,606 --> 00:28:26,308
[laughs]
730
00:28:26,408 --> 00:28:27,910
We fuckin' did it.
731
00:28:27,976 --> 00:28:29,978
- [sighs]
We did.
732
00:28:30,078 --> 00:28:32,481
- [laughs]
- We did.
733
00:28:39,087 --> 00:28:42,157
So, moving forward, I can
extend your health insurance
734
00:28:42,257 --> 00:28:45,661
six months and offer
three months' severance.
735
00:28:45,761 --> 00:28:49,464
- [chuckles]
Ha ha, funny.
736
00:28:53,402 --> 00:28:56,438
Wait. What?
You're not serious.
737
00:28:56,505 --> 00:28:58,941
I am.
738
00:28:59,007 --> 00:29:02,344
- Are--you're firing me?
739
00:29:02,444 --> 00:29:04,446
Are you fucking kidding?
740
00:29:04,513 --> 00:29:06,515
Why?
Things are good.
741
00:29:06,615 --> 00:29:08,583
- Wha--
- Things are good.
742
00:29:08,650 --> 00:29:11,620
And they could keep being good
for a very long time.
743
00:29:11,687 --> 00:29:13,021
That's the problem.
744
00:29:13,121 --> 00:29:14,690
You need to make space
for your own work.
745
00:29:14,790 --> 00:29:16,325
- Come on.
I know what you're doing.
746
00:29:16,425 --> 00:29:18,927
You're pushing me away
because you're afraid.
747
00:29:20,963 --> 00:29:23,632
- Those people,
they want you right now.
748
00:29:23,699 --> 00:29:25,534
They won't forever.
749
00:29:25,634 --> 00:29:27,369
You got to take advantage
of that.
750
00:29:27,469 --> 00:29:28,670
You got to be a shark.
751
00:29:28,770 --> 00:29:30,138
You got to do
what's best for you.
752
00:29:30,205 --> 00:29:32,607
- I get to decide
what's best for me.
753
00:29:32,674 --> 00:29:34,376
- You didn't take credit
for the special,
754
00:29:34,476 --> 00:29:36,011
- and you should have.
- [scoffs]
755
00:29:36,111 --> 00:29:37,479
- You left
that punch-up job early.
756
00:29:37,546 --> 00:29:40,115
- I came back for you.
- That's my point.
757
00:29:40,182 --> 00:29:42,317
And what
about that screenplay idea?
758
00:29:42,384 --> 00:29:44,786
Have you even started on that?
Have you?
759
00:29:44,853 --> 00:29:49,224
- Wha--I've been busy, and
my Final Draft is corrupted.
760
00:29:49,324 --> 00:29:52,894
- And I would keep you busy.
It's like you said.
761
00:29:52,995 --> 00:29:55,197
I'm gonna keep working
until the day I die.
762
00:29:55,297 --> 00:29:57,499
Do you know how old
you're gonna be when I'm 109?
763
00:29:57,566 --> 00:30:00,502
- [crying] Please don't make me
do math right now.
764
00:30:01,837 --> 00:30:04,473
[sniffles] You're the one
with all the stories.
765
00:30:04,539 --> 00:30:06,408
What do I even have to say?
766
00:30:06,508 --> 00:30:08,410
That's the thing.
767
00:30:08,510 --> 00:30:10,846
You got to go figure it out.
768
00:30:10,912 --> 00:30:12,581
I told you...
769
00:30:12,681 --> 00:30:15,083
you're just like me.
770
00:30:15,183 --> 00:30:17,886
[soft music]
771
00:30:17,986 --> 00:30:20,222
You got
your own mountain to climb.
772
00:30:20,322 --> 00:30:22,591
♪ ♪
773
00:30:22,691 --> 00:30:25,660
But we're--
we're good together.
774
00:30:25,727 --> 00:30:29,197
I don't want to be here.
I--
775
00:30:29,264 --> 00:30:31,867
I want to be wherever you are.
776
00:30:31,933 --> 00:30:34,369
- I got to get back.
- No, wait, whoa!
777
00:30:34,436 --> 00:30:36,171
Deborah, that's it?
778
00:30:36,238 --> 00:30:39,441
We're not gonna talk anymore?
I won't see you?
779
00:30:39,541 --> 00:30:41,910
Oh, you'll see me...
780
00:30:42,010 --> 00:30:43,545
in court.
781
00:30:43,612 --> 00:30:45,547
♪ ♪
782
00:30:45,614 --> 00:30:48,450
[chuckles]
783
00:30:48,550 --> 00:30:50,419
[sighs]
784
00:30:50,519 --> 00:30:57,592
♪ ♪
785
00:31:09,604 --> 00:31:12,607
[indistinct chatter on TV]
786
00:31:12,707 --> 00:31:17,379
♪ ♪
787
00:31:17,446 --> 00:31:20,549
[phone vibrates]
788
00:31:22,951 --> 00:31:24,419
Hey, Jimmy, what's up?
789
00:31:24,486 --> 00:31:26,655
- Hey, how's the new place?
- Uh, it's good.
790
00:31:26,755 --> 00:31:28,090
I-I'm actually kind of excited
791
00:31:28,156 --> 00:31:30,158
to reenter subletter culture,
you know?
792
00:31:30,258 --> 00:31:33,495
We got no ties, no rules,
no ability to paint.
793
00:31:33,595 --> 00:31:35,764
- [chuckles]
Uh, so I have some good news.
794
00:31:35,831 --> 00:31:36,998
That pilot
you did punch-ups for
795
00:31:37,099 --> 00:31:38,500
was just picked up to series,
796
00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:40,335
and apparentlya bunch of your jokes
797
00:31:40,435 --> 00:31:42,237
ended up in the final cut,and they called to ask
798
00:31:42,304 --> 00:31:44,106
if you're available to staff.
799
00:31:44,172 --> 00:31:45,307
- Seriously?
- Yep.
800
00:31:45,407 --> 00:31:46,842
The job is yours
if you want it,
801
00:31:46,942 --> 00:31:49,111
as long as you promise
not to leave early again.
802
00:31:49,177 --> 00:31:50,345
Amazing.
803
00:31:50,445 --> 00:31:53,849
- Also, I have some news
from Deborah.
804
00:31:53,949 --> 00:31:55,450
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
805
00:31:55,517 --> 00:31:59,321
She called this morning.
She's dropping the lawsuit.
806
00:31:59,421 --> 00:32:02,190
- Oh, that--that's great.
807
00:32:02,290 --> 00:32:06,094
- Amazing, right?Isn't that a relief?
808
00:32:06,161 --> 00:32:07,529
- So that court date--
809
00:32:07,629 --> 00:32:09,364
- Yep, stricken from the record
or whatever.
810
00:32:09,464 --> 00:32:11,199
You don't have to
worry about it.
811
00:32:11,299 --> 00:32:13,368
- Congrats.
- Thanks.
812
00:32:13,468 --> 00:32:15,770
- Uh, anyway,what else do I have for you?
813
00:32:15,837 --> 00:32:17,305
Oh, would you be interested
814
00:32:17,372 --> 00:32:19,040
in doing a half-day round table
for "Ice Age 12"?
815
00:32:19,141 --> 00:32:20,709
Are you familiar
with the "Ice Age" universe?
816
00:32:20,809 --> 00:32:22,711
They need a lot of womenin the room.
817
00:32:22,811 --> 00:32:24,446
They want a female perspective
818
00:32:24,513 --> 00:32:26,281
on the female woolly mammothcharacter they have.
819
00:32:26,348 --> 00:32:28,016
- Mm-hmm.
- It's spelled H-O-A-R,
820
00:32:28,116 --> 00:32:29,618
and you might want to pitchan alt on that.
821
00:32:29,684 --> 00:32:31,386
You know,sounds problematic to me.
822
00:32:31,486 --> 00:32:33,054
But what do I know, you know?I'm just a manager.
823
00:32:33,155 --> 00:32:34,556
AlthoughI do have good ideas.
824
00:32:34,656 --> 00:32:36,691
You know, it was my ideato do Fandango.
825
00:32:36,791 --> 00:32:38,326
- So you put ona gorgeous dress.
826
00:32:38,393 --> 00:32:40,128
You're all readyfor a night out on the town,
827
00:32:40,195 --> 00:32:41,396
but no one to zip you up?
828
00:32:41,496 --> 00:32:43,198
- Ugh.- What do you do?
829
00:32:43,298 --> 00:32:45,800
You hook this ingeniouslittle device to your zipper.
830
00:32:45,867 --> 00:32:48,003
Just a one, two, three.
831
00:32:48,069 --> 00:32:49,404
- Voilà.- Look at that.
832
00:32:49,504 --> 00:32:50,906
- Isn't that cuteand convenient?
833
00:32:51,006 --> 00:32:53,408
- It is,and you don't need anybody.
834
00:32:53,508 --> 00:32:54,910
All you need is yourself.
835
00:32:55,010 --> 00:32:56,645
- You may not knowwhat the night
836
00:32:56,711 --> 00:32:58,480
has in store for you,but at least you know
837
00:32:58,547 --> 00:33:01,016
you're readyfor whatever comes.
838
00:33:01,082 --> 00:33:03,251
♪ Goodbye, stranger ♪
839
00:33:03,351 --> 00:33:04,819
♪ It's been nice ♪
840
00:33:04,886 --> 00:33:08,723
♪ Hope you findyour paradise ♪
841
00:33:08,823 --> 00:33:12,761
♪ Tried to seeyour point of view ♪
842
00:33:12,861 --> 00:33:16,565
♪ Hope your dreamswill all come true ♪
843
00:33:16,665 --> 00:33:20,268
♪ Goodbye, Mary,goodbye, Jane ♪
844
00:33:20,368 --> 00:33:23,939
♪ Will we ever meet again? ♪
845
00:33:24,039 --> 00:33:27,842
♪ Feel no sorrow,feel no shame ♪
846
00:33:27,909 --> 00:33:30,679
♪ Come tomorrow,feel no pain ♪
847
00:33:30,745 --> 00:33:32,614
- ♪ Sweet devotion ♪- ♪ Goodbye, Mary ♪
848
00:33:32,714 --> 00:33:34,849
- ♪ It's not for me ♪- ♪ Goodbye, Jane ♪
849
00:33:34,916 --> 00:33:36,785
- ♪ Just give me motion ♪- ♪ Will we ever meet again? ♪
850
00:33:36,885 --> 00:33:39,221
- ♪ To set me freein the land and the ocean ♪
851
00:33:39,287 --> 00:33:41,289
- ♪ Feel no sorrow ♪- ♪ Far away ♪
852
00:33:41,389 --> 00:33:43,191
- ♪ Feel no shame ♪♪ It's the life I've chosen ♪
853
00:33:43,258 --> 00:33:45,093
- ♪ No tomorrow ♪- ♪ Every day ♪
854
00:33:45,193 --> 00:33:46,962
- ♪ Feel no pain ♪- ♪ So goodbye, Mary ♪
855
00:33:47,062 --> 00:33:48,897
- ♪ Goodbye, Mary ♪- ♪ Goodbye, Jane ♪
856
00:33:48,964 --> 00:33:50,765
- ♪ Goodbye, Jane ♪- ♪ Will we ever ♪
857
00:33:50,865 --> 00:33:52,968
- ♪ Will we ever ♪- ♪ Meet again? ♪
858
00:33:53,068 --> 00:33:56,972
♪ Meet again? ♪
859
00:33:57,072 --> 00:33:59,808
♪ ♪
860
00:33:59,908 --> 00:34:03,745
- ♪ Now, some they do,and some they don't ♪
861
00:34:03,812 --> 00:34:06,281
♪ And someyou just can't tell ♪
862
00:34:06,381 --> 00:34:08,917
♪ ♪
863
00:34:08,984 --> 00:34:12,754
♪ And some they will,and some they won't ♪
864
00:34:12,821 --> 00:34:15,090
♪ With some,it's just as well ♪
865
00:34:15,156 --> 00:34:17,259
♪ ♪
62800
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