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1
00:00:01,440 --> 00:00:04,640
We took that money
to help people, Marcus.
2
00:00:04,760 --> 00:00:08,640
People like you, and even
people like Pamela Anderson.
3
00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:11,560
- This came this morning.
- We have a problem.
4
00:00:11,680 --> 00:00:13,440
He's ONE of our blackmailers.
5
00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:16,360
- Wait. What?
- There's two blackmailers!
6
00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:20,400
We need to gather evidence
so that Neha can arrest Pamela.
7
00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:21,720
Then she'll tell everyone
about Dad.
8
00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:23,640
That's when my plan
comes into action.
9
00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:26,480
Not only have we got
your dad's death certificate,
10
00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:30,040
we also have the funeral
director on the payroll.
11
00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:31,320
We are home and clean.
12
00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:32,720
Trixie!
13
00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:35,800
Here, puss-puss.
14
00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:43,440
Ah.
15
00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:48,040
- What?
- Everything's gonna be OK.
16
00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:04,040
I'm so sorry, Jean. I'm sorry,
but Pam hasn't made it.
17
00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:07,240
I'm so sorry.
18
00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:48,760
- Oh, good, it's you.
- And your plan if it wasn't?
19
00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:50,320
I'd pretend to be your mum.
20
00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:51,960
Go on, then.
21
00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:53,840
Um...
22
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:56,360
No, thank you.
Please leave me alone.
23
00:01:56,480 --> 00:01:58,120
I'm a widow.
24
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,000
Yeah, that's not a good system,
Dad.
25
00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:03,280
Oh, right. Did you bring it?
26
00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:05,520
Yes.
27
00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:08,880
This is lovely stuff. This is
the best hit money can buy.
28
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,040
No more cannabis for me.
29
00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:13,400
Just choccy milk from now on.
30
00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:14,880
I got, uh...
31
00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:20,280
It's just one for the cup
and one for the mug.
32
00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:22,640
Mmm... Mmm!
33
00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:24,240
Mmm!
34
00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:25,840
Do you want some?
35
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:27,400
- No. Hey?
- Hmm?
36
00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:28,680
How's Mum?
37
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,400
- Oh, fine.
- Fine?
38
00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:32,000
Yeah. Why wouldn't she be?
39
00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:34,960
Well, one of her friends
died last night.
40
00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:37,440
Oh, I didn't think of it
like that.
41
00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:39,120
Yeah. So, where is she?
42
00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:47,120
Oh... No.
43
00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:49,800
- Hey, Mum.
- Oh, hello, darling.
44
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:51,440
William!
45
00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:53,120
That booze that you got
for your retirement -
46
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:55,480
have you moved it?
47
00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,560
Sorry,
48
00:02:57,680 --> 00:02:59,200
what on earth is going on?
49
00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:01,880
Your dad was given a bottle
of posh bubbly when he retired
50
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:03,640
and I've been waiting for
the right moment to open it.
51
00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:05,520
Could have opened it
when I retired.
52
00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:07,960
No! Needed to be
for something special.
53
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:09,520
So why
are you looking now?
54
00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:11,720
Well, do you know
what happened last night?
55
00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:14,240
Yeah. Do YOU know
what happened last night?
56
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:17,520
Yes, I do, thank you.
I had front-row seats.
57
00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:21,160
Ding-dong, cheerio.
See you in the next life.
58
00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:26,280
Have you got a brick for
a heart? Pam was your friend.
59
00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:27,560
Some friend.
60
00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:28,960
Come here.
61
00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:34,640
Look at this. I found that
in her house yesterday.
62
00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:36,840
In her bowling bag.
63
00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:39,760
The final piece dans le jigsaw.
64
00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:41,520
Now you tell me,
65
00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:44,600
what sort of friend
blackmails their own mates?
66
00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:48,200
Yeah, but you can't have
wanted her to die, surely?
67
00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:50,240
No, of course not.
I'm not a psychopath.
68
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,280
You're about to open
a bottle of champagne.
69
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,080
Well, only if
I can bloody find it.
70
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,040
Are you sure
you haven't moved it?
71
00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:58,360
You do like
to fiddle with my bits.
72
00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:00,360
It's actually my champagne.
73
00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:03,200
And, Harold, I know you love
to apportion blame -
74
00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:06,560
you get that from your father -
but Pamela's death?
75
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,080
Nothing to do with me. OK?
76
00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:15,000
It's starting to
make me feel a bit sick.
77
00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:17,560
It is... It is claggy.
78
00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:26,440
I wonder how long
she's gonna be.
79
00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:31,640
Don't you just hate
these places?
80
00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:35,320
Did you get those
from the machine?
81
00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:36,360
Yeah.
82
00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:38,440
I wouldn't.
Riddled with legionnaire's.
83
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:43,280
And they found E. coli
in the sandwiches.
84
00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:45,560
Sorry.
You said this was urgent.
85
00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:47,040
Oh...
86
00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:51,320
You were at Pamela Anderson's
house last night.
87
00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:53,360
Well, there's something
I need to tell you.
88
00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:56,080
She had a cat, and I suffer
from very bad allergies.
89
00:04:58,120 --> 00:04:59,120
And?
90
00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:01,400
I get very snuffly
and red, itchy eyes.
91
00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:04,520
- It's hugely incapacitating.
- No, I mean about Pam.
92
00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:06,560
Oh, well, on arrival
to the hospital,
93
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:09,160
it became apparent
that I was a smidge hasty
94
00:05:09,280 --> 00:05:10,320
in my assertions.
95
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,520
- Which means...?
- She's not actually dead.
96
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,080
Are you kidding me?
97
00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:15,520
How many times
are you gonna do this?
98
00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:16,840
Do what?
99
00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:19,560
Nothing.
100
00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:21,640
Believe me, I'm shocked.
101
00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:23,560
I am normally
assiduously diligent.
102
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,800
Oh, where is it?
103
00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:30,600
Mum, this is a classic case
of denial.
104
00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:34,240
I'm not in denial. If anything,
I'm being too transparent.
105
00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:37,680
A little bit like
our blooming bathroom window.
106
00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:39,520
You know they frosted it
on the wrong side...
107
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:41,080
- Oh!
- ...so we can't see out
108
00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:43,120
but every Tom, Dick and Harry
can see in.
109
00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:44,760
A viewing gallery
for my Tom, Dick and Harry.
110
00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:47,760
Oh... Talking to you is like
nailing jelly to the wall.
111
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:49,200
Well, that is very rude!
112
00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:51,720
Jelly? Haven't had that
in ages. Have we got any?
113
00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:54,440
Have a look in the cupboard.
And you,
114
00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:56,200
if you can't be positive,
you can leave.
115
00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:57,920
What do you want me
to be positive about?
116
00:05:58,040 --> 00:05:59,960
Just everything
I've ever done for you!
117
00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:01,280
No, you can't take credit
for the good
118
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:03,280
if you can't take
responsibility for the bad.
119
00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:07,360
Oh, it's Thought For The Day
with Bishop Patronising, is it?
120
00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:09,320
What did you say
when you reversed our car
121
00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:10,760
into the village duck pond?
122
00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:12,680
What's that got to do
with anything?
123
00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:14,240
- Just tell me what you said.
- Oh...
124
00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:17,560
I merely commented
that the water level had risen.
125
00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:18,760
Which meant it was whose fault?
126
00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:20,640
- Global warming.
- I rest my case.
127
00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:23,880
Oh, you are
an odious little chode.
128
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:24,960
Can you stop calling me that?
129
00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:26,400
I'm sensitive
about being stocky.
130
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,080
Oh, we're a stocky family.
131
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:30,080
I'm not. I'm quite willowy.
132
00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:32,040
- Oh, shut up!
- Shut up!
133
00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:34,440
Mum, please.
In the space of a few weeks,
134
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:37,240
we've had a fake funeral,
an insurance fraud
135
00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:39,160
and now a very real death.
136
00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:42,440
Can you see what connects
those three things?
137
00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:45,280
Yeah. Him.
138
00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,440
It's not, is it?
139
00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:50,600
Well, I...
140
00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:52,960
I didn't mean to hurt anybody.
141
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,440
I know. I know.
142
00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,080
Come here.
143
00:06:58,480 --> 00:06:59,760
I love you.
144
00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:04,560
Pamela.
145
00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:06,640
I killed her.
146
00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:14,240
We've tried to inform
the next of kin
147
00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:15,800
but there doesn't appear
to be any.
148
00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:18,240
No, there won't be.
Pam's quite an acquired taste.
149
00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:20,320
So what exactly is this about?
150
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:23,320
Well, given that Ms Anderson
turned out to be alive,
151
00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:27,040
we've run some tests and found
something rather curious.
152
00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:29,160
Pam's blood results show
an abnormally high level
153
00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:31,040
of a stimulant drug
154
00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:33,200
for which there's no medical
reason for her to be taking,
155
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:36,240
- which I think means...
- She's on the crank?
156
00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:37,840
...she was poisoned
157
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:41,000
by someone trying
to induce a heart attack.
158
00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:42,760
Bloody hell.
159
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,520
This village is like
Midsomer Murders.
160
00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:48,000
Yes, except this would be
Midsomer Attempted Murders
161
00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:51,000
because, as I say,
she's not actually dead.
162
00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:52,480
No thanks to you.
163
00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:17,360
Can you make this out?
164
00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:19,880
Why would you come to a search
without your specs?
165
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,840
The dog got them,
so the arm's loose,
166
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:23,720
so they keep falling
off my face.
167
00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:25,640
I think
that's the chemist in town.
168
00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:33,200
What did Dr Donut say about
Pam's next of kin?
169
00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:36,080
- She didn't have any.
- Exactly.
170
00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:38,320
So why would she be meeting
with this guy?
171
00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:41,920
- I can't read that either.
- He does wills.
172
00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:45,960
- William, get packing.
- Debbie, come on.
173
00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:47,640
This is not the answer.
174
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:49,880
You heard Harold.
I have no choice.
175
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:51,880
That's not what he was saying.
176
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,040
Listen,
I don't want to run away.
177
00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:57,920
I'm tired and old
and actually technically dead.
178
00:08:58,040 --> 00:08:59,040
We're not running away.
179
00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:01,480
- We're taking a holiday.
- Debbie.
180
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:03,160
- A weekend away, then.
- No.
181
00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:07,240
A road trip, a getaway,
a couple's retreat.
182
00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:09,400
I'm not going to stand here
and play WordHippo with you.
183
00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:12,520
We cannot take a holiday
from guilt.
184
00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:14,560
A mini-break?
185
00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:17,560
Look...
186
00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:19,600
Come here.
187
00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:26,440
What am I going to do, then?
188
00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:29,440
I think you know.
189
00:09:38,680 --> 00:09:40,440
You do the pharmacy,
190
00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:42,400
- I'll do the solicitor.
- Yes, guv.
191
00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:44,240
Cooee.
192
00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:47,720
I thought we agreed
you'd keep your head down.
193
00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:49,400
Yeah, I'm like a hippo,
aren't I?
194
00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:51,240
Just keep on popping up
for air.
195
00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:54,000
Did you know that hippos
produce their own suncream?
196
00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:56,040
- I'm really busy, Debbie.
- Yeah, I know.
197
00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:59,320
I need to talk to you
about, um, Pamela.
198
00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:01,520
That's what I'm busy with.
You're looking for
199
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:02,680
- the culprit?
- Yeah.
200
00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:05,440
Yeah, well, look no further.
201
00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:07,360
It was me.
202
00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:09,240
What are you on about?
203
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:12,440
Well, I might not have
literally plunged my hand
204
00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:15,880
into her heart and pulled
the valves out of her,
205
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,000
but the, um...
206
00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:18,760
What are valves in?
207
00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:20,120
Sockets?
208
00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:22,120
Flanges, is it?
No, flaps. Flaps.
209
00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,520
Anyway, shush, no,
it doesn't matter.
210
00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:29,000
I now realise,
thanks to your husband,
211
00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:32,760
that I bear responsibility
for her death.
212
00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:35,360
Right, is that everything?
213
00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:37,560
Well, aren't you going to
take me in?
214
00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:40,400
- No.
- Why not?
215
00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:42,880
Because Pam's
not bloody dead, Debbie.
216
00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:46,440
Although
she was being poisoned.
217
00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:50,880
- Was...?! I didn't do that!
- No, I know.
218
00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:53,080
I'm on my way
to the pharmacy now.
219
00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,320
What do you mean?
220
00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:01,160
How have you got yourself
into this?
221
00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:05,080
That's funny. That's exactly
what St Peter said last night.
222
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:08,080
I had a dream - inspired,
no doubt,
223
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:11,080
by my flirtation
with hard drugs.
224
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,840
I was at the gates of heaven,
225
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:16,040
being given a stern grilling
by St Peter,
226
00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:18,800
who weirdly looked like
Richard Osman.
227
00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:20,800
I can see that.
228
00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:22,080
He had
his little clipboard out.
229
00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:23,800
- Is this St Peter or Osman?
- Both. Same.
230
00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:25,280
- Of course.
- He was asking me
231
00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:26,560
if I could make an argument
232
00:11:26,680 --> 00:11:30,560
for why a lying fraudster
should be let into heaven.
233
00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:31,640
What did you say?
234
00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:33,440
Well, I made the best argument
available to me.
235
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:34,800
Which was?
236
00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:37,160
I said it was
all your mother's fault.
237
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,440
- Want some jelly?
- What flavour is it?
238
00:11:39,560 --> 00:11:40,880
Pork pie.
239
00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:43,320
No, thank you.
240
00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:48,600
You did hide it.
241
00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:50,520
Mmm.
242
00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:52,520
I just want a quiet life,
Harry.
243
00:11:54,560 --> 00:11:56,440
Looks like
I'm not going to get one
244
00:11:56,560 --> 00:11:58,080
without being actually dead.
245
00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:05,440
- Hello.
- We're from widow club.
246
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:06,520
My mum's not here right now.
247
00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:07,800
I'm not sure
when she'll be back.
248
00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:09,560
Oh, that's fine. First rule
of widow club is,
249
00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:11,040
we don't mind waiting.
250
00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:13,080
Sure, but I do have stuff
I need to be getting on wi...
251
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,120
Crack on, then, love.
You won't even know we're here.
252
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:31,080
- You all right?
- Yeah.
253
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:33,240
A couple of teas
wouldn't go amiss.
254
00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:35,000
Of course.
255
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,400
Who could be poisoning Pamela?
256
00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:45,520
Well, maybe someone she were
blackmailing wanted revenge.
257
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:48,840
Oh, I would do many things,
but I won't do that.
258
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:50,760
All right, Meat Loaf.
259
00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:52,720
It's a proper mystery,
isn't it?
260
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:55,480
A tough nut to swallow.
261
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:56,720
I know, and usually
it's quite easy
262
00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:57,880
because it's always...
263
00:12:58,000 --> 00:12:59,160
...the husband.
264
00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:00,600
Yeah.
265
00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:03,200
- Did Pamela ever have a fella?
- Pamela?
266
00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:04,760
- No.
- Why not?
267
00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:07,080
Neha, Pamela's a lady's lady.
268
00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,040
What, posh?
269
00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:11,240
No, a lady's lady.
270
00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:13,960
Oh, I see!
I never realised.
271
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:15,760
Yeah.
She's a very private person.
272
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:17,720
I think that's why I find her
so boring.
273
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:20,320
Actually, have you told Harold
that she's alive?
274
00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:22,840
- No. Why?
- Cos I'd like to do that.
275
00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:24,720
I knew it wasn't my fault.
276
00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:32,440
It's for modafinil,
but the name's illegible.
277
00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:34,880
- What's modafinil used for?
- It's a stimulant.
278
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,960
It can be prescribed
for narcolepsy.
279
00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:40,160
Do we know anyone
with narcolepsy?
280
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,680
Can I help?
281
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,040
Uh, no. I'm good. Thanks.
282
00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:57,920
Please, go and sit back down.
283
00:13:58,040 --> 00:13:59,480
Oh, OK.
284
00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:07,080
Harry, can... can I tell you
something, just between us?
285
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,360
Yeah. Of course, Jean.
It's only us here.
286
00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:11,760
I'd rather not be alone
in there.
287
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:14,320
- Right.
- It's nice to have
288
00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:16,440
company that's awake.
Do you know what I mean?
289
00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:19,280
- Hmm...
- So... may I?
290
00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:23,280
Oh, yeah. Sure.
291
00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:34,880
- Here we go, Jean.
- Thanks.
292
00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:41,600
- Did you hear about Pamela?
- Oh, yeah. Terribly sad.
293
00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:44,120
I just can't think
what gave her a heart attack.
294
00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:47,520
I know, I know.
It's a real mystery.
295
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,160
Hey, Jean, are you sure
296
00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:51,640
you don't want to go
into the living room?
297
00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,680
Oh, no, no. Thank you.
I'm fine here.
298
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:56,840
In fact, while I remember,
299
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:59,600
I brought
some homemade cupcakes.
300
00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:00,960
Triple chocolate.
301
00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:03,360
Oh, Jean, you shouldn't have.
302
00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:04,920
Oh, I enjoy it.
303
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:07,040
Baking keeps my mind
off everything.
304
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:10,800
Mm. Thank you.
305
00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:20,920
Right, so we should head back
to the station
306
00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:22,760
and work out
what Billie's up to.
307
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:24,560
No. No, I have to check in
with Susan.
308
00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:26,280
Why? What's she doing?
309
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:28,200
I shouldn't really tell you.
310
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:31,360
Oh, come on. I'm on the team.
311
00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:33,160
OK. Well, we did find
some evidence
312
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:35,120
that Pam might have changed
her will
313
00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:37,160
recently... with a solicitor.
314
00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:40,560
Oh. Hence why you're asking
about a boyfriend.
315
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:42,600
Very good!
316
00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:44,360
- Officer?
- Yes?
317
00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:46,560
We don't do a lot of modafinil,
so I checked when we last
318
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:48,520
- filled a 400mg prescription.
- And...?
319
00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:50,160
I hope it's OK that I did that.
320
00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:52,000
I didn't mean to overstep
or anything. I just...
321
00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:54,320
And I know I can be a bit
beaky. And my mum says...
322
00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:55,880
Oh, my God, spit it out!
323
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:57,360
It was last Thursday.
324
00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:00,160
Oh, let's have a look.
325
00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:10,440
Oh! There's
your Parkinson's thief again.
326
00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:12,880
Any luck finding him yet?
327
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,680
No.
He's proving a bit of a ghost.
328
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:22,360
Guv?
329
00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:23,960
So I just spoke
to the solicitor.
330
00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,240
Oh, is that Susan? Turn her up.
331
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:27,920
Hello? Who's that?
332
00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:30,040
It's Debbie.
It's Debbie Fendon.
333
00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:32,200
Oh, hiya, Debbie.
You all right?
334
00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:35,000
Yeah, fine. Just keeping on
keeping on, you know?
335
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,320
You still bowling?
336
00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:38,280
Yeah, trying to,
337
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:41,000
but I've been having trouble
with a gippy knee recently.
338
00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:43,200
Might have some gel for that, actually.
339
00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:44,840
I've tried the gel, thanks.
It's too sticky.
340
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:47,280
Sorry, ladies,
can we just focus?
341
00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:48,400
Yeah, OK.
342
00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:50,760
It should be here any second.
343
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:52,880
So, yeah,
I spoke to the solicitor.
344
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,400
Nice guy, but savage BO.
345
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:58,400
And Pam's will was updated
six weeks ago,
346
00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:01,080
and you'll never guess
the beneficiary.
347
00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:06,040
Oh, my God. Jean.
348
00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:10,240
Oh! I was hoping
to surprise you.
349
00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:12,160
Jean?!
350
00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:18,400
Mmm. Mmm.
Oh, these are delicious, Jean.
351
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:20,920
Is that... Is that maple syrup
I can taste?
352
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,040
You've got a good palate.
353
00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:24,960
Yeah. I ate a lot of pancakes
on a holiday to Florida once.
354
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:26,440
Oh, was that with
your mum and dad?
355
00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:28,000
- Yeah.
- Such a shame,
356
00:17:28,120 --> 00:17:30,400
- what happened to your dad.
- Mmm. Yeah.
357
00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:32,120
No, we miss him.
358
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,200
Forgive me, Jean. Sorry.
Suddenly I feel quite tired.
359
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:42,160
That's OK, love.
360
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:43,680
Those cupcakes are lovely, though.
361
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:44,840
Yeah.
362
00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:46,480
I always find the maple syrup
363
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:48,240
is a perfect
flavour combination for
364
00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:50,760
- the gamma hydroxybutyrate.
- Right.
365
00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:53,240
Sorry, what did you say?
The gamma hydroxy what now?
366
00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:56,040
It's more commonly known
as GHB.
367
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:59,960
OK. That's... that's good
in cupcakes, is it?
368
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,880
It is if you wanna
incapacitate someone.
369
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,760
Why would you want to do that?
370
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:06,360
Oh, you've still not got it.
371
00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:08,800
- Ain't got what?
- Your mum always said
372
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:10,440
you were a bit slow-witted.
373
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:12,120
Huh?
374
00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:15,520
I'm here to get my money.
375
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:23,040
Now that Pam's gone,
376
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:25,760
I'm on a bit
of a ticking clock, you see.
377
00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:27,040
Sorry. Wait, wait.
378
00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:29,240
How did you know
that was in there?
379
00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:31,720
Can you keep a secret?
380
00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:36,080
I'm not really blind.
381
00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:41,000
And I've known all along...
382
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,320
...William.
383
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,320
Oh, hello.
384
00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:47,480
Hiya.
385
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:02,720
You told everyone
you were blind.
386
00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:05,200
No, that's not fair.
I never said I was blind.
387
00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:06,920
I said I was visually impaired.
388
00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:08,400
What's the difference?
389
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,160
- Have you got all day?
- Wait.
390
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:11,840
So what is your impairment?
391
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:13,560
Just double vision, really.
392
00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:15,280
Oh, for fuck's sake.
393
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:19,080
So instead of being blind,
you can see two of me?
394
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:22,120
- Yeah. It's funny, really, eh?
- I don't think it's funny.
395
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:25,000
- I think it's a bit rum.
- Coming from you?!
396
00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:27,160
You've got a nerve,
you Fendons.
397
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:32,040
Now, if you don't mind,
I have got a flight to catch.
398
00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:35,120
I'll be seeing you, then.
399
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:36,720
All four of you!
400
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:39,480
Probably in hell, if you
believe in that sort of thing.
401
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:45,480
Take that, you loathsome
mole-eyed bum hole.
402
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,240
Told you I was saving it
for a special occasion.
403
00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:53,440
Finally, I can retire.
404
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:04,080
Oh, bloody hell.
405
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:05,920
It's like Jonestown.
406
00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:26,360
After her arrest
six weeks ago,
407
00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:29,400
it emerged that Jean Cotterill
seduced Pamela Anderson,
408
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,040
a local vulnerable woman,
409
00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:33,440
and had been slowly
poisoning her with modafinil,
410
00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:36,080
which she'd been stealing
from another villager,
411
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:38,000
in order to cause
a heart attack.
412
00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:40,160
Her plan was to steal
the inheritance.
413
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,160
Cotterill,
who's partially sighted,
414
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:44,080
even led Pamela
and other villagers to believe
415
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:46,360
that she was in fact
completely blind.
416
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:49,120
This has been
a shockingly dramatic case
417
00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:51,280
in this small, quiet,
and peaceful village.
418
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:55,280
I am surprised,
but then I'm not,
419
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:58,280
cos if you ask me, this village
is a little bit damned.
420
00:20:58,400 --> 00:20:59,600
Why do they always use
421
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:01,440
the stupidest people
for vox pops?
422
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:03,080
Yeah!
423
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:04,240
We just can't believe it,
you know?
424
00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:06,200
- Oh...
- We were flabbergasted.
425
00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:08,240
This is a law-abiding,
426
00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:11,440
quiet, transparent community.
427
00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:13,000
So there isn't
a lot of crime here?
428
00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:14,200
What?
429
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:15,920
There's no crime at all.
I leave my doors open.
430
00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:17,560
Anybody who wants to come
into my house
431
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:18,960
can come into my house.
432
00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:21,720
There's absolutely nothing
to hide there at all.
433
00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:24,640
Cotteril was charged
with attempted murder,
434
00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:26,040
but that was dropped
435
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:27,920
in exchange
for her pleading guilty
436
00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:30,040
to administering
a toxic substance.
437
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:33,120
She's now been sentenced
to four and a half years.
438
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:35,840
Meanwhile, for Pamela Anderson,
thankfully,
439
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:38,880
it's time for her to be
reunited with old friends.
440
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:41,400
This is Steve Knibbs
in Colberton.
441
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:43,000
Aw...
442
00:21:43,120 --> 00:21:44,720
Plans to build
the UK's largest...
443
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:47,400
It's amazing
she survived, really.
444
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:50,000
I mean, doctors said she had
more amphetamine in her system
445
00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:51,760
than Diego Maradona.
446
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:54,240
Jean Cotterill, supervillain.
447
00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:55,360
Who'd have thought, Mum?
448
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:57,200
You weren't the biggest
criminal in the village.
449
00:21:57,320 --> 00:21:58,760
You weren't even the biggest
criminal in widow club.
450
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:01,080
Excuse me. I'm not a criminal.
451
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,720
You're only a criminal
if you get caught.
452
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:05,120
I'm not sure
that's how it works.
453
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:07,680
Oh, wind your neck in,
PC Pedant.
454
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:10,520
Sorry to be slow,
but if Pamela's innocent,
455
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:11,960
why did she put
the blackmail letter
456
00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:13,560
in your pocket
at the casino club?
457
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:15,480
Because Jean asked her to.
458
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:19,080
Told her it was a voucher
for Lakeland.
459
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:23,000
Poor old girl was being used
as a totally unwitting mule.
460
00:22:23,120 --> 00:22:24,760
Yeah,
and you nearly killed her.
461
00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:26,080
Oh, Harold.
462
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,680
Do you ever let anything go?
463
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:31,760
Did we get
the Lakeland voucher?
464
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:33,800
Because they do
a very good range
465
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:36,320
of dual-ended silicone spatulas
466
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:39,560
that can get right into
the crannies of a yoghurt pot.
467
00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:41,000
Scoop it all out.
468
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:43,640
No.
469
00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:46,080
Right, we must get on.
470
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:48,080
Guests arriving in an hour.
471
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,280
All hands on deck
for nibble prep.
472
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:54,920
And remember, don't let Billie
have too much quiche
473
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:57,120
or she'll be guffing
all afternoon.
474
00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:01,480
One minute
I was grilling a chop,
475
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:03,560
the next it was like
being back in the Falklands.
476
00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:07,560
- And it was a guinea pig?
- Oh, yeah.
477
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:09,480
He's got a scar
from its little teeth.
478
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:12,480
- Show her.
- I'll take your word for it.
479
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:15,120
I just feel so foolish.
480
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:17,280
You must forgive yourself.
481
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:20,280
Sometimes a good heart
doesn't see the bad.
482
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,800
That's very profound, Rupert.
483
00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:24,560
Isn't this nice?
484
00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:26,360
You've just committed fraud,
485
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:28,520
got away
with being blackmailed,
486
00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:30,920
narrowly avoided killing
one of your best friends,
487
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:33,640
and still have your supposedly
dead husband in the loft,
488
00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:35,120
and so you decide to invite
489
00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:37,320
the whole village around
for a house party?
490
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:39,920
Exactly. If all that
isn't cause for celebration,
491
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:41,640
I don't know what is.
492
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:44,280
Ow!
493
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:45,680
Oh, sorry, Geoff.
494
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:47,920
Not again. Bloody hell.
495
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:50,960
She will need top grades
for medicine, like myself.
496
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:52,400
It's a difficult industry...
497
00:23:54,360 --> 00:23:57,240
That's the one
I've got here, so...
498
00:23:57,360 --> 00:23:59,320
Yeah, OK.
499
00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:01,760
Sorry, just have
to squeeze by.
500
00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:03,400
Oh, no, you don't!
501
00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:04,640
I do.
502
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:39,120
Ah, there they are,
Harry Potter and Dobby.
503
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:42,760
- I got a bit bored.
- Yeah, tell me about it.
504
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,040
Come on, then. Budge up.
505
00:24:52,360 --> 00:24:54,560
Oh, yes, please.
506
00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:58,400
Ssh!
507
00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:00,160
Cheers.
508
00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:06,640
Mmm.
509
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:18,480
Excuse me.
Do you have any hand-san?
510
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:22,320
Because I accidentally brushed
that man's corduroy trousers,
511
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:24,960
and the grooves are terrible
for harbouring bacteria.
512
00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:26,720
No, sorry, I don't have any.
513
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:38,480
You know,
the last few weeks
514
00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:39,760
is the most we've been together
515
00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:41,640
since I left school.
516
00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:44,400
All it took was your dad dying.
517
00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:47,640
I suppose I've always
brought people together,
518
00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:51,080
first in life and now in death.
519
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:55,960
And when you think about it,
I'm not unlike Jesus.
520
00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:58,000
Which makes Mum
Pontius Pilate.
521
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:01,400
That's
very bloody rude.
522
00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:05,640
Do you think your own mother
would murder the Son of God?
523
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:08,600
- No. It was a joke.
- It's not funny.
524
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:10,680
All right. Sorry.
525
00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:14,400
When will you learn
that your supposed jokes
526
00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:16,680
- are actually very offensive?
- All right.
527
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:18,640
- I'm hardly Dave Chappelle.
- Who's that?
528
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:49,000
Ah.
529
00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:52,480
Can you keep a secret?
38287
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