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1
00:00:01,067 --> 00:00:02,833
- He's dead?!
- He looks it, doesn't he?
2
00:00:02,933 --> 00:00:05,367
Found that in my pocket
at the bowls club last night.
3
00:00:05,467 --> 00:00:06,733
Who could know about William?
4
00:00:06,833 --> 00:00:09,900
Well, no-one. We've been
unbelievably careful.
5
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:13,333
I am your
great-uncle Otto from Bavaria.
6
00:00:13,433 --> 00:00:16,233
Look, it's Pamela Anderson.
7
00:00:16,333 --> 00:00:17,300
We're screwed.
8
00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:18,567
Coming clean will mean
that we can
9
00:00:18,667 --> 00:00:20,000
fully pursue Pam
for the blackmail.
10
00:00:20,100 --> 00:00:23,033
Just one small problem.
You're in this photo.
11
00:00:23,933 --> 00:00:25,767
Right, then, change of plan.
12
00:00:25,867 --> 00:00:27,667
I thought you said
we weren't going to pay Pamela.
13
00:00:27,767 --> 00:00:28,767
We're not. We're doing
14
00:00:28,867 --> 00:00:30,367
a little thing called
the hamburger trick,
15
00:00:30,467 --> 00:00:32,267
but we can't set a trap
without bait.
16
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,300
- Shitting hell! Who are you?
- What's this about?
17
00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:38,967
You'll never believe this,
but Pamela Anderson,
18
00:00:39,067 --> 00:00:40,833
- she's in cahoots.
- With who?
19
00:00:40,933 --> 00:00:43,567
Marcus, the funeral director.
20
00:00:46,267 --> 00:00:47,500
I even did this.
21
00:00:48,767 --> 00:00:50,933
- We'll be watching.
- That's class.
22
00:00:51,033 --> 00:00:52,233
Sounds like you really
freaked him out.
23
00:00:52,333 --> 00:00:53,800
Aye, he was properly shaking.
24
00:00:53,900 --> 00:00:55,733
He was like a little dog.
25
00:00:55,833 --> 00:00:58,600
He goes, "Please don't
arrest me. I've got eczema.
26
00:00:58,700 --> 00:01:00,633
"I'm scared. I'm scared."
27
00:01:03,333 --> 00:01:05,800
Oh, God, I'm an awful person.
28
00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:08,667
No, no. No, you're not,
you're not. He had it coming,
29
00:01:08,767 --> 00:01:10,300
but now it's just
the adrenaline's worn off,
30
00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:11,733
so you're starting
to feel anxious.
31
00:01:11,833 --> 00:01:13,000
Eww, I don't want to
feel that.
32
00:01:13,100 --> 00:01:15,600
That's your thing.
How do I make this stop?
33
00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:17,967
Oh, I just play hours and hours
and hours of Football Manager.
34
00:01:18,067 --> 00:01:19,967
I don't wanna play
Football Manager.
35
00:01:20,067 --> 00:01:21,833
I hate that game.
It's bloody boring.
36
00:01:21,933 --> 00:01:23,100
It's not boring
if you understand it.
37
00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:24,333
But that's not
important right now.
38
00:01:24,433 --> 00:01:25,667
Just take a deep breath for me.
39
00:01:28,567 --> 00:01:30,567
Now, what are you feeling?
40
00:01:30,667 --> 00:01:33,000
- Guilty.
- OK.
41
00:01:33,100 --> 00:01:35,200
Well, we take that bad feeling,
OK?
42
00:01:35,300 --> 00:01:36,967
We're just going
to push it down,
43
00:01:37,067 --> 00:01:40,200
down here to a little cave.
44
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:42,667
We're going to close the door.
45
00:01:42,767 --> 00:01:44,800
And now that feeling
can't get to you.
46
00:01:44,900 --> 00:01:47,367
- Is this what you do, is it?
- Yeah.
47
00:01:47,467 --> 00:01:49,600
Harry,
you're on antidepressants.
48
00:01:49,700 --> 00:01:51,600
You can't eat a yoghurt
without retching.
49
00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:54,000
Yeah, I'm not saying I'm the
pinnacle of mental wellbeing.
50
00:01:54,100 --> 00:01:56,567
- I'm just trying to help.
- Well, it hasn't.
51
00:01:57,433 --> 00:01:58,467
OK.
52
00:02:00,733 --> 00:02:02,267
Where are you going?
53
00:02:02,367 --> 00:02:04,267
I need to play
some Football Manager.
54
00:02:34,733 --> 00:02:38,133
Right, well, that's the last
of my Parky pills.
55
00:02:38,233 --> 00:02:40,500
May as well just die now, then.
56
00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,633
Take me to Beachy Head
and I'll wobble myself off.
57
00:02:43,733 --> 00:02:46,933
William!
You need to be more resilient.
58
00:02:47,033 --> 00:02:49,200
Resilience doesn't come into it
59
00:02:49,300 --> 00:02:51,000
when your nervous system runs
60
00:02:51,100 --> 00:02:53,533
like a car engine lubricated
with turds.
61
00:02:53,633 --> 00:02:56,633
Yes, yes. Poor you.
62
00:02:56,733 --> 00:03:02,433
We will get you
some more pills, so just relax.
63
00:03:06,267 --> 00:03:08,300
- Are you winding me up?
- What?
64
00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:09,967
When I wanted
to buy that drone,
65
00:03:10,067 --> 00:03:12,400
you said we weren't spending
the money on fripperies.
66
00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:14,033
This is not a frippery.
67
00:03:14,133 --> 00:03:18,867
This is a state-of-the-art
collagen-boosting LED mask.
68
00:03:18,967 --> 00:03:20,267
Oh! It's collagen-boosting,
is it?
69
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,267
Well, you should have said.
I take it all back, then.
70
00:03:22,367 --> 00:03:25,967
- Science, is it?
- Yes. Don't be such a Luddite.
71
00:03:26,067 --> 00:03:28,867
Yeah, well, you look...
You look like a sexbot.
72
00:03:28,967 --> 00:03:30,333
- Thank you very much.
- Hmm.
73
00:03:30,433 --> 00:03:33,500
Face of C-3PO
in the body of R2-D2.
74
00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:35,300
Ow.
75
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,333
- I'm your sexbot.
- You are, you sexy sexbot.
76
00:03:39,433 --> 00:03:40,867
You are.
77
00:03:40,967 --> 00:03:42,067
Nighty-tight.
78
00:03:42,167 --> 00:03:43,367
Oh, God...
79
00:03:49,667 --> 00:03:51,733
You did remember to turn
the oven off, didn't you?
80
00:03:51,833 --> 00:03:54,833
- Yes, I'm not senile yet.
- Hmm.
81
00:03:56,733 --> 00:03:58,033
What's that smell, though?
82
00:03:58,133 --> 00:04:00,333
As you well know,
that nice Mr Parkinson
83
00:04:00,433 --> 00:04:02,267
has taken that sense from me.
84
00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:03,433
It's like...
85
00:04:04,767 --> 00:04:06,600
...sort of roast pork.
86
00:04:08,833 --> 00:04:10,133
Oh, effing Nora!
87
00:04:10,233 --> 00:04:11,433
It's my own face.
88
00:04:11,533 --> 00:04:12,933
Agh!
89
00:04:13,033 --> 00:04:15,067
Oh! Ow! Ow! Ow!
90
00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:18,933
- Has that left marks?
- Um...
91
00:04:20,300 --> 00:04:23,733
It appears the Debratron 3000
has somewhat malfunctioned.
92
00:04:23,833 --> 00:04:25,867
Oh, God!
93
00:04:46,767 --> 00:04:48,467
So you think
someone tried to obtain
94
00:04:48,567 --> 00:04:50,133
your medication fraudulently?
95
00:04:50,233 --> 00:04:51,300
That's right, yes.
96
00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:53,100
Did you recognise him?
97
00:04:56,100 --> 00:04:57,300
Are you all right?
98
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,633
Yeah. Sorry.
It's just your uniform.
99
00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:01,667
What about it?
100
00:05:01,767 --> 00:05:05,667
Um, I got accidentally arrested
on a trip to York Minster once.
101
00:05:05,767 --> 00:05:08,033
I'd gone because it has
a very nice Gothic nave,
102
00:05:08,133 --> 00:05:10,367
but I was carrying some soup
for my lunch
103
00:05:10,467 --> 00:05:12,600
and they thought I was part of
Just Stop Oil.
104
00:05:13,633 --> 00:05:16,333
Anyway, I got body-slammed
into a communion table,
105
00:05:16,433 --> 00:05:18,167
and now I'm having flashbacks.
106
00:05:18,267 --> 00:05:19,633
I'm sorry to hear that.
107
00:05:23,267 --> 00:05:25,700
- Could it have been a mix-up?
- I don't think so.
108
00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:29,967
There is one other chap
round here with Parkinson's,
109
00:05:30,067 --> 00:05:31,433
but he died.
110
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:34,767
Did he now?
111
00:05:35,767 --> 00:05:39,267
OK, so this is who tried
to steal Ken's medication.
112
00:05:39,367 --> 00:05:43,433
- Do you recognise him?
- Well, he looks annoying.
113
00:05:45,533 --> 00:05:48,500
Stop going out.
This is really serious.
114
00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:50,967
- I know. I've got Parkinson's.
- No.
115
00:05:51,067 --> 00:05:53,400
I mean, you can't steal
other people's medication.
116
00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:55,867
- That is not OK.
- Yeah. What were you thinking?
117
00:05:55,967 --> 00:05:59,067
Well, it didn't work, did it?
I'm completely out of pills
118
00:05:59,167 --> 00:06:01,467
and I'm desperate. You know,
we tried everything else.
119
00:06:01,567 --> 00:06:03,333
That is a deeply concerning
sentence.
120
00:06:03,433 --> 00:06:04,667
What else have you
tried?
121
00:06:18,833 --> 00:06:20,733
Your hand has stopped shaking.
122
00:06:20,833 --> 00:06:22,000
Oh.
123
00:06:23,333 --> 00:06:25,100
- It was the other one before.
- Oh.
124
00:06:28,133 --> 00:06:31,133
They come and go, the tremors.
125
00:06:31,233 --> 00:06:33,533
Could you move your seat back, please?
126
00:06:33,633 --> 00:06:34,867
Oh.
127
00:06:34,967 --> 00:06:36,833
Just another test?
128
00:06:36,933 --> 00:06:38,567
No. You have
a very sibilant way
129
00:06:38,667 --> 00:06:40,233
of speaking,
and I'm worried
130
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:43,333
you're going to expel flecks
of your saliva into my mouth.
131
00:06:44,467 --> 00:06:46,100
Also,
you don't have Parkinson's.
132
00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:48,000
I think I do.
133
00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:50,100
- You don't.
- No, I'm sure I do.
134
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:51,400
You don't.
135
00:06:51,500 --> 00:06:53,767
- Not even a little bit?
- No.
136
00:06:53,867 --> 00:06:56,767
Parkinson's is like pregnancy,
Mrs Fendon.
137
00:06:56,867 --> 00:06:59,733
Either you have it
or you don't.
138
00:06:59,833 --> 00:07:02,367
Could I get the pills anyway?
139
00:07:02,467 --> 00:07:04,133
Like a sort of vaccine?
140
00:07:04,233 --> 00:07:07,467
Because I feel very much
like someone
141
00:07:07,567 --> 00:07:11,600
who's going to get
Parkinson's... soon.
142
00:07:11,700 --> 00:07:13,900
And badly. Yeah?
143
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,567
No.
144
00:07:17,433 --> 00:07:19,167
Right.
145
00:07:19,267 --> 00:07:21,667
- I'll smash you.
- What did you say?
146
00:07:21,767 --> 00:07:23,533
Nothing.
147
00:07:27,267 --> 00:07:29,100
We rehearsed that for a week.
148
00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:31,700
I'm popping into town.
Does anybody want anything?
149
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:32,967
Yeah. Dad's out of Parky meds.
150
00:07:33,067 --> 00:07:34,700
Well,
I'm getting some ibuprofen.
151
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:35,933
It's not going
to touch the sides.
152
00:07:36,033 --> 00:07:38,133
I'm seizing up
like the Tin Man here.
153
00:07:38,233 --> 00:07:39,467
Debbie,
what happened to your...?
154
00:07:39,567 --> 00:07:40,600
Oh, don't.
155
00:07:40,700 --> 00:07:43,767
It's this bloody thing!
I'm returning it.
156
00:07:43,867 --> 00:07:45,200
Basically, I put my head
157
00:07:45,300 --> 00:07:47,833
into a Breville toastie-maker
last night.
158
00:07:47,933 --> 00:07:49,667
Poor Debbie
and her cooked face.
159
00:07:49,767 --> 00:07:51,067
I've got Parkinson's.
160
00:07:51,167 --> 00:07:53,267
Actually, while you're here,
161
00:07:53,367 --> 00:07:55,600
have you got an update
on the, um, the thingy?
162
00:07:55,700 --> 00:07:56,800
You know, last
night.
163
00:07:56,900 --> 00:07:58,633
Do you mean the massively
unethical fake drugs bust
164
00:07:58,733 --> 00:08:00,967
I orchestrated to protect you
from being blackmailed
165
00:08:01,067 --> 00:08:02,967
by a corrupt funeral director
and Pamela Anderson,
166
00:08:03,067 --> 00:08:04,600
cos you took a quarter
of a million pounds
167
00:08:04,700 --> 00:08:06,700
instead of telling anyone,
including your own family,
168
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:08,133
that your husband
wasn't actually dead,
169
00:08:08,233 --> 00:08:10,267
but was alive and well
and living in the loft?
170
00:08:10,367 --> 00:08:12,333
- Yeah, that.
- Well, no,
171
00:08:12,433 --> 00:08:15,033
but as long as you two
stop doing stupid things,
172
00:08:15,133 --> 00:08:18,000
I'd be very surprised
if we ever see Marcus again.
173
00:08:18,100 --> 00:08:20,867
- Oh, OK. Well. that's good.
- Just to say - I'm not well.
174
00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:22,433
I've got Parkinson's.
175
00:08:22,533 --> 00:08:24,467
- Yeah, we know.
- Yeah, we know that.
176
00:08:24,567 --> 00:08:28,067
Oh, endlessly on and on
about it...
177
00:09:33,867 --> 00:09:35,467
Oh, my God, it's you!
178
00:09:36,900 --> 00:09:38,867
- H-How did you find me?
- I followed you,
179
00:09:38,967 --> 00:09:40,967
which was easier said
than done.
180
00:09:41,067 --> 00:09:43,967
Because you're a brisk thing,
aren't you?
181
00:09:44,067 --> 00:09:47,433
Oh, sorry. Do you mind?
Just budge up a little bit.
182
00:09:47,533 --> 00:09:50,033
That's it.
I've not been blessed
183
00:09:50,133 --> 00:09:52,400
with a broad stride pattern.
184
00:09:52,500 --> 00:09:55,100
My son says I bustle about
like a Shetland pony,
185
00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:58,000
but then he's got a very cruel
sense of humour.
186
00:09:59,133 --> 00:10:02,333
So come on, then.
What's the story?
187
00:10:02,433 --> 00:10:05,300
- What do you mean?
- Well, why me?
188
00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:06,767
I'm just a
widow.
189
00:10:08,167 --> 00:10:09,533
Well, I might not be
190
00:10:09,633 --> 00:10:12,767
the most widow-y widow
that ever widowed,
191
00:10:12,867 --> 00:10:14,533
but still...
192
00:10:16,100 --> 00:10:18,033
How did you find out?
193
00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:32,567
William Fendon.
194
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,833
You kissed that corpse.
195
00:10:39,933 --> 00:10:42,733
Well, we've both done things
we're not proud of.
196
00:10:44,467 --> 00:10:45,600
I've got to go.
197
00:10:45,700 --> 00:10:48,967
- Where?
- Bristol. I'm doing flu camp.
198
00:10:49,067 --> 00:10:51,800
- What's flu camp?
- You get paid to get flu.
199
00:10:51,900 --> 00:10:54,333
Are you really that desperate
for money?
200
00:10:54,433 --> 00:10:58,367
Look, I got the message
last night, OK?
201
00:10:58,467 --> 00:11:01,667
If I'd have known
how connected you were,
202
00:11:01,767 --> 00:11:04,467
I never would have done this.
203
00:11:04,567 --> 00:11:06,467
How old are you?
204
00:11:06,567 --> 00:11:08,233
33.
205
00:11:08,333 --> 00:11:10,333
Are you sure about flu camp?
206
00:11:12,933 --> 00:11:15,000
Hmm? Come on.
207
00:11:16,367 --> 00:11:17,567
Come on.
208
00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:23,233
- Any luck?
- No.
209
00:11:23,333 --> 00:11:24,367
Dead end.
210
00:11:24,467 --> 00:11:26,267
All right.
I need to get back to work,
211
00:11:26,367 --> 00:11:29,367
- but we'll sort something.
- OK.
212
00:11:31,533 --> 00:11:32,567
Bye, William.
213
00:11:32,667 --> 00:11:33,767
Hello!
214
00:11:33,867 --> 00:11:35,733
Bye-bye. Yes.
215
00:11:35,833 --> 00:11:36,800
Oh...
216
00:11:36,900 --> 00:11:39,400
- Oh, dear.
- Don't worry, it's just drool.
217
00:11:39,500 --> 00:11:41,267
Small mercies.
218
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:43,467
William!
219
00:11:43,567 --> 00:11:46,767
Oh, I didn't think you two
would still be here.
220
00:11:46,867 --> 00:11:48,867
Why? Is there a problem?
221
00:11:48,967 --> 00:11:51,133
Not as such, no.
There's nothing...
222
00:11:51,233 --> 00:11:53,533
It's just I've invited someone
for lunch.
223
00:11:53,633 --> 00:11:56,533
Oh, for frig's sake.
Why have you done that?
224
00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:58,767
I'll be off to the cupboard, then.
225
00:11:58,867 --> 00:12:03,933
No, it's OK, William. The guest
is aware of our situation.
226
00:12:17,433 --> 00:12:18,633
Hiya.
227
00:12:20,267 --> 00:12:21,500
Hi.
228
00:12:38,867 --> 00:12:40,367
Good point. Well made.
229
00:12:41,667 --> 00:12:43,833
Well, you've really gone
and done it this time.
230
00:12:43,933 --> 00:12:45,567
Could you please offer
our guest a drink?
231
00:12:45,667 --> 00:12:47,300
Are you listening to me?
232
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,800
That man in there
has been blackmailing us.
233
00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:53,233
You want me just to go there
and offer him a sherry?
234
00:12:53,333 --> 00:12:54,500
No, we're out of sherry.
235
00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:55,933
Actually, can you add that
to the list?
236
00:12:56,033 --> 00:12:59,333
We've got Shloer and Baileys.
Oh, that's probably gone off.
237
00:12:59,433 --> 00:13:00,933
Just offer him a coffee.
238
00:13:01,033 --> 00:13:03,733
If you think I'm being part
of this Mad Hatter's tea party,
239
00:13:03,833 --> 00:13:05,800
then that sexbot face mask
240
00:13:05,900 --> 00:13:08,000
must have cooked your brain
as well as your cheeks.
241
00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:09,200
So you don't want lunch?
242
00:13:09,300 --> 00:13:12,133
- No, I do not.
- OK. It's Charlie Bigham's.
243
00:13:12,233 --> 00:13:15,300
I will have the lunch, but
I am not making conversation.
244
00:13:18,867 --> 00:13:20,433
I know
you're probably not in the mood
245
00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:22,333
to discuss this right now,
but do you think,
246
00:13:22,433 --> 00:13:24,333
and I appreciate
this might be a bit annoying
247
00:13:24,433 --> 00:13:26,167
because of
what my mum's just done,
248
00:13:26,267 --> 00:13:28,667
but I was thinking,
given that you're the police,
249
00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:30,667
and my dad does need
his medication...
250
00:13:30,767 --> 00:13:31,833
Get to the point.
251
00:13:31,933 --> 00:13:33,567
Can you recommend
a good local drug dealer?
252
00:13:33,667 --> 00:13:35,433
Are you joking?
253
00:13:35,533 --> 00:13:37,333
I need to help my dad.
254
00:13:37,433 --> 00:13:39,333
Right. And... and do you
want to help me?
255
00:13:39,433 --> 00:13:40,600
Yeah. Of course.
256
00:13:40,700 --> 00:13:43,133
Then stop asking me
to break the law.
257
00:13:45,100 --> 00:13:47,633
You're right. I'm sorry.
I'm not thinking clearly.
258
00:13:47,733 --> 00:13:50,267
I mean, why would YOU
know someone anyway?
259
00:13:50,367 --> 00:13:53,300
Excuse me.
I'm not a total cleanshirt.
260
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,200
I do know someone.
261
00:13:55,300 --> 00:13:57,467
But then, after that,
I am done, OK?
262
00:13:57,567 --> 00:13:59,467
And it's only
cos I love your dad.
263
00:14:00,633 --> 00:14:01,933
Even though
sometimes I do wonder
264
00:14:02,033 --> 00:14:04,933
whether I married into
the Fendons or the Gambinos.
265
00:14:05,033 --> 00:14:07,633
I promise, this time next year
we'll be legit.
266
00:14:10,867 --> 00:14:11,800
And then it turned out
267
00:14:11,900 --> 00:14:13,900
that not only had Daniel
been cheating on me
268
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:15,400
but the money
I'd been giving him,
269
00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:17,167
which I thought was
for the mortgage,
270
00:14:17,267 --> 00:14:18,833
he'd been giving
to this Renato.
271
00:14:18,933 --> 00:14:21,667
Oh. That's awful,
Marcus.
272
00:14:21,767 --> 00:14:22,833
Isn't it, William?
273
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,300
Anyway, I'm over it now.
274
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,200
It doesn't sound like it.
275
00:14:29,300 --> 00:14:31,767
But it did make me behave
very badly.
276
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:36,000
- I can't excuse it.
- No, but... But listen.
277
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:41,267
If a man steals a fish
to feed his family,
278
00:14:41,367 --> 00:14:44,233
teach that man to fish,
279
00:14:44,333 --> 00:14:48,600
and he WILL fish... for fish.
280
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:54,700
Don't worry about it.
281
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,133
She always talks
bloody codswallop.
282
00:14:57,233 --> 00:14:59,167
Here!
283
00:15:00,867 --> 00:15:03,400
Just to help you
get back on your feet.
284
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:05,400
Y-Y-You're joking?!
285
00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:07,500
Hang on. If he gets that,
then I get my drone.
286
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:10,033
Oh, have a heart! This lad
has been through the wringer.
287
00:15:10,133 --> 00:15:13,033
Debbie, I can't accept this.
288
00:15:13,133 --> 00:15:14,867
No, quite right. Give it back.
289
00:15:14,967 --> 00:15:16,033
Of course you can.
290
00:15:16,133 --> 00:15:17,867
- It is enough, isn't it?
- Unbelievable.
291
00:15:17,967 --> 00:15:19,333
I mean,
I don't know what to say.
292
00:15:19,433 --> 00:15:21,133
This isn't a trap, is it?
293
00:15:21,233 --> 00:15:25,100
No. We took that money
to help people, Marcus.
294
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:26,400
People like you.
295
00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:30,133
And EVEN people like
Pamela Anderson.
296
00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:31,700
Oh.
297
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,367
How do you know her?
298
00:15:33,467 --> 00:15:37,200
Oh, we're old friends.
Or we used to be. Yeah.
299
00:15:37,300 --> 00:15:40,967
You never did tell me
how you two teamed up.
300
00:15:41,067 --> 00:15:43,800
Did you know each other
before the funeral?
301
00:15:43,900 --> 00:15:45,500
Sorry. What on earth
are you talking about?
302
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:47,233
Pamela.
303
00:15:47,333 --> 00:15:48,867
She delivered
your blackmail note to me
304
00:15:48,967 --> 00:15:50,000
to me at the bowls club.
305
00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:51,300
Oh...
306
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,900
No, we caught her on CCTV.
307
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:59,367
Debbie,
I'm not teasing your tits here.
308
00:15:59,467 --> 00:16:01,367
I've never seen this before
in my life.
309
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:06,100
Ah...
310
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:10,367
That might explain why...
why this came this morning.
311
00:16:11,867 --> 00:16:15,700
This came today?
And you didn't tell me?
312
00:16:20,933 --> 00:16:22,733
I thought we were done,
313
00:16:22,833 --> 00:16:24,167
and, you know, that got stuck
in the post.
314
00:16:24,267 --> 00:16:26,367
I mean, the post round here's
more unreliable
315
00:16:26,467 --> 00:16:27,600
than your
ex-boyfriend.
316
00:16:27,700 --> 00:16:31,100
But this isn't post.
This is hand-delivered.
317
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:32,533
What's the difference?
318
00:16:32,633 --> 00:16:33,933
A stamp!
319
00:16:34,033 --> 00:16:36,267
No, post is what comes through
the letterbox!
320
00:16:36,367 --> 00:16:38,267
No, post has a stamp on it.
321
00:16:38,367 --> 00:16:41,167
No, by being posted,
it becomes post.
322
00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:43,833
No, post has a stamp on it.
Tell him, Marcus...
323
00:16:43,933 --> 00:16:45,200
I'm afraid I do agree
with Deborah.
324
00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:47,000
Yes. See?
325
00:16:47,100 --> 00:16:48,433
Thank you, Marcus.
326
00:16:59,667 --> 00:17:01,100
- Harold.
- Jesus!
327
00:17:02,433 --> 00:17:05,367
- You're like the Candyman.
- Who's the Candyman?
328
00:17:05,467 --> 00:17:07,000
Was it another one
of your cruel jokes
329
00:17:07,100 --> 00:17:08,033
about my sweet tooth?
330
00:17:08,133 --> 00:17:10,200
I don't appreciate
your bullying.
331
00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:11,500
It's not bullying. It's a film.
332
00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:12,933
I don't care.
333
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:15,733
Now, listen,
we have a problem.
334
00:17:15,833 --> 00:17:18,300
- What?
- We have a problem.
335
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:19,633
Yes, I know we have a problem.
336
00:17:19,733 --> 00:17:21,867
You invited our blackmailer
for lunch.
337
00:17:21,967 --> 00:17:23,133
It's lucky that I did,
338
00:17:23,233 --> 00:17:25,967
because I found out
that he isn't our blackmailer.
339
00:17:27,433 --> 00:17:30,800
- He's ONE of our blackmailers.
- Wait. What?
340
00:17:30,900 --> 00:17:32,833
There's two blackmailers.
341
00:17:37,300 --> 00:17:40,000
- Oh, my God.
- I know, it's like buses.
342
00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:42,400
You wait for ages and then
two come along at once.
343
00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:44,367
Mum, what are we gonna do?
344
00:17:44,467 --> 00:17:48,000
I do have... a plan.
345
00:17:48,100 --> 00:17:49,100
Do you?
346
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:50,700
Well, then, we're fine.
347
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:52,733
- Oh, thank you.
- Yeah, because so far,
348
00:17:52,833 --> 00:17:55,433
your plans have been
meticulously thought through.
349
00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:57,267
That's more of your sarcasm,
isn't it?
350
00:17:57,367 --> 00:17:58,900
- Yeah, it is.
- Well, you could learn
351
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,333
a thing or two from Marcus,
who is a polite young man.
352
00:18:01,433 --> 00:18:03,700
- And, BTF...
- BTF?
353
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:05,167
...you shouldn't be
drinking those.
354
00:18:05,267 --> 00:18:06,767
I saw a Panorama about it.
355
00:18:06,867 --> 00:18:09,300
Those will make you anxious.
356
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,300
Yeah, the drinks are the issue.
357
00:18:15,500 --> 00:18:17,633
Right,
so levodopa and ropinirole?
358
00:18:17,733 --> 00:18:19,333
- Yeah. Correct.
- OK.
359
00:18:19,433 --> 00:18:20,400
I shall see you later, then.
360
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:22,400
Oh, no. Just hang on a minute.
Not so fast.
361
00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:24,600
- It's just good to...
- What are you doing?
362
00:18:24,700 --> 00:18:28,000
- I'm coming with you.
- No. No, you can't be seen.
363
00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:30,100
- Oh, please.
- No, no, no. I'm serious.
364
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:32,900
These people, they take
advantage of the vulnerable.
365
00:18:34,033 --> 00:18:35,500
I'm a... I'm a pensioner.
366
00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:37,400
Never purchased more than
a paracetamol.
367
00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:39,067
Come on, let me live.
368
00:18:39,167 --> 00:18:41,800
Just a little.
Come on, I've got a disguise.
369
00:18:44,367 --> 00:18:45,700
Please? Come on.
370
00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:48,067
Let's go, let's go.
371
00:18:48,167 --> 00:18:50,367
Come on. Please?
372
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:54,633
There we are.
373
00:18:54,733 --> 00:18:58,767
That's 200 of your finest
English pounds.
374
00:19:00,733 --> 00:19:03,467
Is it a family business,
is it?
375
00:19:03,567 --> 00:19:06,600
- Right. Here you are, then.
- Thank you.
376
00:19:06,700 --> 00:19:08,833
Hmm.
377
00:19:08,933 --> 00:19:10,167
Is that the right stuff?
378
00:19:11,300 --> 00:19:13,667
Um, well,
Sinemet's my preferred brand,
379
00:19:13,767 --> 00:19:14,833
but these will do.
380
00:19:14,933 --> 00:19:17,967
- Right, then. Thanks.
- Yeah, well, hang on.
381
00:19:18,067 --> 00:19:19,700
- What?
- I need to try
382
00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:22,900
before I buy, don't I? Yeah.
No offence, but, you know,
383
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:24,067
for 200 quid, I,
want to make sure
384
00:19:24,167 --> 00:19:25,333
I'm getting what you might
call...
385
00:19:25,433 --> 00:19:26,900
...the good shit.
386
00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:29,300
Won't take long.
387
00:19:31,233 --> 00:19:32,900
So we have to wait
till you come up?
388
00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:37,533
I don't so much come up
as come on.
389
00:19:37,633 --> 00:19:39,367
- What?
- Having Parkinson's
390
00:19:39,467 --> 00:19:41,233
is a bit like being one of
those little monkey toys,
391
00:19:41,333 --> 00:19:43,367
you know, with the cymbals,
except one that runs out
392
00:19:43,467 --> 00:19:44,867
of battery a lot
throughout the day.
393
00:19:44,967 --> 00:19:46,200
So what I'm going to do is,
394
00:19:46,300 --> 00:19:48,967
I'm just going
to have a little snooze,
395
00:19:49,067 --> 00:19:51,633
and if I power back up again
in about 20 minutes,
396
00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:53,333
then we'll know
that they're kosher.
397
00:19:53,433 --> 00:19:55,800
Apologies in advance
398
00:19:55,900 --> 00:19:58,733
for the drooling
and the snoring
399
00:19:58,833 --> 00:20:00,867
and, I dare say, the farting.
400
00:20:02,033 --> 00:20:03,733
See you in a bit.
401
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:09,867
Her granny
was meant to have her today
402
00:20:09,967 --> 00:20:12,033
but she forgot she had tickets
to Blood Brothers
403
00:20:12,133 --> 00:20:13,800
and left me in the lurch.
404
00:20:13,900 --> 00:20:16,167
- Nightmare.
- Honestly,
405
00:20:16,267 --> 00:20:18,033
you think your parents
are going to help
406
00:20:18,133 --> 00:20:19,300
when you have a kid, but,
407
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:22,133
actually, they're a bigger pain
in the arse than the toddlers.
408
00:20:39,667 --> 00:20:42,067
There we are.
Would you care to come in?
409
00:20:42,167 --> 00:20:43,433
No, thanks.
410
00:20:43,533 --> 00:20:46,267
- Oh.
- What?
411
00:20:46,367 --> 00:20:50,000
I just thought your response
was a bit blunt, that's all.
412
00:20:50,100 --> 00:20:52,367
Why?
What did you want me to say?
413
00:20:52,467 --> 00:20:54,567
- No, nothing.
- No. No, go on.
414
00:20:54,667 --> 00:20:55,833
No, it's just, um, you know
415
00:20:55,933 --> 00:20:57,567
when I said
I'd forgotten my wallet
416
00:20:57,667 --> 00:20:59,567
and I went back to
your friend's car?
417
00:20:59,667 --> 00:21:01,833
Not my friend.
Literally a drug dealer.
418
00:21:01,933 --> 00:21:03,767
Yeah. Anyway, I went back
419
00:21:03,867 --> 00:21:06,900
to procure a bag
of these little fizzers.
420
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:08,833
Edible ganja.
421
00:21:08,933 --> 00:21:12,633
Wouldn't mind a bit of company
when I dabble.
422
00:21:12,733 --> 00:21:15,867
It is meant to be good
for my symptoms.
423
00:21:15,967 --> 00:21:17,400
Hmm?
424
00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:19,367
All right.
425
00:21:21,367 --> 00:21:24,300
Damn!
I forgot about Bargain Hunt.
426
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,267
Let's call it off.
427
00:21:26,367 --> 00:21:28,967
No, no, no.
You need to distract them.
428
00:21:29,067 --> 00:21:29,967
Well, Pamela, anyway.
429
00:21:30,067 --> 00:21:31,400
It doesn't matter about Jean.
She's blind.
430
00:21:31,500 --> 00:21:32,933
This is quite mental.
431
00:21:33,033 --> 00:21:36,633
There's a fine line between
mental and genius, Harold.
432
00:21:36,733 --> 00:21:38,000
Yeah,
that's what mental people say.
433
00:21:38,100 --> 00:21:42,467
Look, I need to gather evidence
so that Neha can arrest Pamela.
434
00:21:42,567 --> 00:21:44,300
Yeah, and then
she'll tell everyone about Dad.
435
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:46,633
No! That's where my plan
comes into action.
436
00:21:46,733 --> 00:21:48,667
Oh, yeah. The plan.
437
00:21:48,767 --> 00:21:51,533
Not only have we got
your dad's death certificate,
438
00:21:51,633 --> 00:21:54,100
but we also have
the funeral director
439
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:56,300
who cremated him on the
payroll
440
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:58,700
and ready to swear
in a court of law
441
00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:01,567
that that dead body
was indeed your dad.
442
00:22:01,667 --> 00:22:03,567
We are home and clean.
443
00:22:03,667 --> 00:22:05,500
You paid off Marcus?
444
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:07,133
- Of course. Yeah.
- Neha was right.
445
00:22:07,233 --> 00:22:08,200
What?
446
00:22:08,300 --> 00:22:09,700
We're a crime family.
447
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:12,333
Oh, don't be silly.
Crime families kill people.
448
00:22:12,433 --> 00:22:14,033
We're just a bit complicated.
449
00:22:14,133 --> 00:22:16,400
Like the Beckhams. Come on.
450
00:22:20,233 --> 00:22:22,667
I feel like my hands
are encased
451
00:22:22,767 --> 00:22:26,300
in sort of Polystyrene blocks
452
00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:31,033
and little mice
running across my tummy,
453
00:22:31,133 --> 00:22:34,900
and they're wearing
tiny little football boots.
454
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:36,200
Right.
455
00:22:37,333 --> 00:22:40,267
It's not a wholly
unpleasant sensation.
456
00:22:40,367 --> 00:22:42,933
So do you think it'd be
all right if I chip off, then?
457
00:22:43,033 --> 00:22:45,467
- I need to get the kids.
- Yeah...
458
00:22:45,567 --> 00:22:47,800
- OK.
- Night-night.
459
00:22:47,900 --> 00:22:49,167
Now, you say that.
460
00:22:49,267 --> 00:22:50,600
- I do wonder...
- What?
461
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:55,200
Yeah. I thought as much.
462
00:22:59,067 --> 00:23:02,167
- What are you waiting for?
- I don't know if I can do it.
463
00:23:02,267 --> 00:23:05,500
- I don't know what to say.
- Of course you can do it.
464
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:07,033
No, no.
465
00:23:07,133 --> 00:23:09,200
- No, Mum, no. What do I say?
- She's coming.
466
00:23:09,300 --> 00:23:10,767
I think I'm gonna have
a panic attack.
467
00:23:10,867 --> 00:23:12,300
Get on with it, you sissy!
468
00:23:14,233 --> 00:23:15,733
- Hello?
- Hello.
469
00:23:15,833 --> 00:23:17,633
If you're looking for your mum,
she's not here, you know.
470
00:23:17,733 --> 00:23:18,667
We do invite her,
471
00:23:18,767 --> 00:23:21,500
but she says that Bargain Hunt
is for halfwits.
472
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:23,333
She's more of a Flog It! gal.
473
00:23:23,433 --> 00:23:26,200
That's by the by, anyway. I'm
actually not here for her. No.
474
00:23:26,300 --> 00:23:31,000
I'm-I'm here because I'm, uh...
I'm fundraising.
475
00:23:31,100 --> 00:23:34,000
Really? For what?
For, um...
476
00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:36,967
Cat.
477
00:23:37,067 --> 00:23:38,233
S.
478
00:23:38,333 --> 00:23:40,133
Cats.
479
00:23:40,233 --> 00:23:41,967
- OK.
- Pamela!
480
00:23:42,067 --> 00:23:43,667
They're about to do
the auction.
481
00:23:43,767 --> 00:23:46,000
Sorry, I've got to go.
There's a carpeted commode,
482
00:23:46,100 --> 00:23:47,800
and we're worried it won't make
its reserve.
483
00:23:47,900 --> 00:23:49,700
No, you can't go.
484
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:51,233
These cats are in trouble, Pam.
485
00:23:51,333 --> 00:23:53,467
Are they? How?
486
00:23:53,567 --> 00:23:55,533
They're, uh...
487
00:23:56,700 --> 00:23:57,867
They're dead.
488
00:23:57,967 --> 00:23:59,367
You're fundraising
for dead cats?
489
00:23:59,467 --> 00:24:01,100
Sorry. No, they're not dead.
490
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:03,133
They're, um...
491
00:24:03,233 --> 00:24:05,767
They're deaf, so they can't...
492
00:24:05,867 --> 00:24:08,867
They will die if we don't
raise money for them.
493
00:24:08,967 --> 00:24:10,600
Why would deaf cats die?
494
00:24:10,700 --> 00:24:14,100
Because they're not
just deaf cats, Pamela.
495
00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:16,000
These are deaf cats with...
496
00:24:18,167 --> 00:24:19,467
...Parkinson's disease.
497
00:24:19,567 --> 00:24:22,800
And, you know, I don't want
them to suffer like Dad did.
498
00:24:22,900 --> 00:24:24,033
Oh...
499
00:24:25,167 --> 00:24:26,833
Oh...
500
00:24:26,933 --> 00:24:28,467
Am I going to die?
501
00:24:28,567 --> 00:24:31,467
No,
you're just having a whitey.
502
00:24:31,567 --> 00:24:33,533
Whitey?
503
00:24:33,633 --> 00:24:35,333
It's when you have a bad trip
and, um, you vomit.
504
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:46,667
They can't even
clean themselves
505
00:24:46,767 --> 00:24:48,300
because they wobble too much.
506
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:49,467
Aw...
507
00:25:29,467 --> 00:25:32,100
It's OK...
508
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:34,433
So they can't even catch
a little mouse. And they...
509
00:25:34,533 --> 00:25:37,600
Sorry.
510
00:25:39,367 --> 00:25:40,533
Would you excuse me a second,
511
00:25:40,633 --> 00:25:42,067
but also not move
from where you are?
512
00:25:42,167 --> 00:25:43,567
Thank you.
513
00:25:43,667 --> 00:25:44,700
Hello.
514
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:46,600
You need to pick the kids up.
515
00:25:46,700 --> 00:25:48,267
I'm in the middle of something.
And it's your turn.
516
00:25:48,367 --> 00:25:50,300
Something's come up
with your dad.
517
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:53,067
We went to get his, you know,
Parkinson's stuff.
518
00:25:53,167 --> 00:25:54,700
I took my eye off him
for literally a minute
519
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:56,200
and, well, he ate some cannabis
520
00:25:56,300 --> 00:25:57,833
and now he's
projectile vomiting everywhere
521
00:25:57,933 --> 00:25:59,500
and I think I'm gonna be sick.
522
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:01,367
Mum's gonna go potty if he's
done that all over the rug.
523
00:26:01,467 --> 00:26:02,567
I'll leave you to it.
524
00:26:02,667 --> 00:26:03,967
Yeah.
Give me a second here, Pam.
525
00:26:04,067 --> 00:26:06,300
You get on.
It's been lovely chatting, OK?
526
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:07,867
I said give me
a fucking second, Pam!
527
00:26:07,967 --> 00:26:09,967
I need to go.
528
00:26:10,067 --> 00:26:12,100
- You need to get the kids.
- OK. Bye-bye. Mwah.
529
00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:16,000
Sh-sh-shh-shh!
530
00:26:16,100 --> 00:26:18,200
So there's
a bit of an emergency!
531
00:26:18,300 --> 00:26:20,467
I'm gonna have
to go now. OK?
532
00:26:20,567 --> 00:26:22,667
- OK.
- And just to be clear,
533
00:26:22,767 --> 00:26:26,267
that's me, Harry Gerald Fendon,
leaving your house,
534
00:26:26,367 --> 00:26:28,767
- Pamela Anderson.
- OK!
535
00:26:28,867 --> 00:26:30,833
Bye, then.
536
00:26:30,933 --> 00:26:32,467
Bye-bye.
537
00:26:32,567 --> 00:26:33,700
Bye!
538
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:35,233
Bye-bye!
539
00:26:35,333 --> 00:26:36,400
Bye!
540
00:26:36,500 --> 00:26:37,667
Bye!
541
00:26:37,767 --> 00:26:39,633
Bye!
542
00:26:39,733 --> 00:26:41,100
Bye!
543
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:42,567
Bye!
544
00:26:54,667 --> 00:26:56,433
Trixie?
545
00:27:16,533 --> 00:27:19,933
Trixiebelle, where are you?
546
00:27:27,233 --> 00:27:29,400
Here, puss-puss!
547
00:27:38,067 --> 00:27:40,433
Ah... Right.
39341
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