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1
00:00:01,268 --> 00:00:03,528
Found that in my pocket
at the bowls club last night.
2
00:00:03,630 --> 00:00:06,000
Some frigger has found out
about William
3
00:00:06,102 --> 00:00:08,332
and sent me a blackmail letter.
4
00:00:08,435 --> 00:00:09,405
You have to give
the money back.
5
00:00:09,507 --> 00:00:10,570
No.
6
00:00:10,672 --> 00:00:12,809
Then you leave me with no other
option. Deborah Fendon,
7
00:00:12,911 --> 00:00:14,208
I'm arresting you on suspicion
8
00:00:14,310 --> 00:00:15,812
of committing fraud
by deception.
9
00:00:15,914 --> 00:00:17,573
Five grand. What's that on?
10
00:00:17,675 --> 00:00:19,808
A GoFundMe
for the drop-in centre.
11
00:00:19,910 --> 00:00:22,247
They've been totally shafted
by the cuts.
12
00:00:22,349 --> 00:00:24,890
Shall we go t'station, then?
13
00:00:24,992 --> 00:00:27,054
And after you've taken me down,
promise me
14
00:00:27,156 --> 00:00:28,827
that you'll find this bastard
15
00:00:28,929 --> 00:00:31,128
and nail his bollocks
to his backside.
16
00:00:31,230 --> 00:00:32,729
- What's going on?
- Get back in the house, you!
17
00:00:32,831 --> 00:00:34,327
You're meant to be dead!
18
00:00:34,429 --> 00:00:36,093
- Mrs Fendon.
- Yeah.
19
00:00:36,195 --> 00:00:37,298
I want my money.
20
00:00:37,401 --> 00:00:41,073
Colberton petrol station,
midnight tomorrow.
21
00:00:48,811 --> 00:00:50,342
Oh...
22
00:00:50,444 --> 00:00:53,644
Incredible stamina,
to be fair.
23
00:00:53,746 --> 00:00:55,819
- It's like Phil Collins.
- It's Sting.
24
00:00:55,921 --> 00:00:57,285
It will in the morning, yeah,
25
00:00:57,388 --> 00:00:59,288
because they've got barbs
on their whatsits.
26
00:00:59,390 --> 00:01:02,888
No, it's Sting who's famous
for the long boffs.
27
00:01:02,991 --> 00:01:04,228
Oh. Yeah.
28
00:01:05,329 --> 00:01:09,231
Well, as long as it's not
in my veg patch.
29
00:01:09,334 --> 00:01:12,396
So you're saying you don't
want fox ejaculate
30
00:01:12,498 --> 00:01:14,136
in your cauliflower cheese?
31
00:01:14,238 --> 00:01:17,274
And that's another Sunday lunch
ruined.
32
00:01:23,044 --> 00:01:25,942
Ssh! I know.
33
00:01:27,082 --> 00:01:29,147
Daddy, I need a poo.
34
00:01:42,362 --> 00:01:44,530
- Mum.
- Let me in!
35
00:01:44,632 --> 00:01:47,370
- It's 7am.
- I know, I've barely slept.
36
00:01:47,472 --> 00:01:50,102
- I have to talk to Neha.
- Can't you come back later?
37
00:01:50,204 --> 00:01:51,737
No. I need a poo.
38
00:02:30,882 --> 00:02:32,349
Sorry we're late.
39
00:02:32,451 --> 00:02:35,051
- Too many bums to wipe.
- Didn't you get my message?
40
00:02:35,153 --> 00:02:36,615
- I've got Covid.
- Oh, dear.
41
00:02:36,717 --> 00:02:38,616
I'm sorry to hear that.
Go on, in you go...
42
00:02:38,718 --> 00:02:40,983
Sorry. What are you doing?
Mr Fendon?
43
00:02:41,085 --> 00:02:43,926
I said I can't have the boys
today. I have Covid.
44
00:02:44,028 --> 00:02:45,494
Honestly, they'll be fine.
45
00:02:45,596 --> 00:02:47,296
George licked a manhole cover
last week, didn't you?
46
00:02:47,398 --> 00:02:48,934
His immunity is basically like
the X-Men.
47
00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:50,960
You don't seem to be
listening to me.
48
00:02:51,062 --> 00:02:53,169
Wait, are you saying
you want them to wear masks?
49
00:02:53,271 --> 00:02:55,271
- No.
- How about a Perspex screen?
50
00:02:55,373 --> 00:02:56,700
Got one of those?
You could sit behind it.
51
00:02:56,802 --> 00:02:58,305
Why would I have
a Perspex screen?
52
00:02:58,407 --> 00:03:00,011
- In your shower?
- Mr Fendon,
53
00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:01,637
I'm not going to sit
in the shower
54
00:03:01,739 --> 00:03:03,314
all day watching your children.
55
00:03:03,416 --> 00:03:05,881
- I'm going back to bed.
- No, wait. Wait, wait, wait.
56
00:03:07,755 --> 00:03:09,346
What am I going to do?
57
00:03:09,448 --> 00:03:10,847
Have you considered
58
00:03:10,949 --> 00:03:13,124
looking after your own children
yourself?
59
00:03:13,226 --> 00:03:15,389
I'm gonna need to see
that lateral flow.
60
00:03:15,491 --> 00:03:16,787
- Mr Fendon?
- How thick are the lines?
61
00:03:16,890 --> 00:03:18,053
How thick are the lines?
How thick are the lines?
62
00:03:18,155 --> 00:03:20,625
- The antigens, Liz.
- I'm calling the police!
63
00:03:20,727 --> 00:03:23,125
Don't make me look after
my own children!
64
00:03:25,629 --> 00:03:27,401
No offence, mate.
65
00:03:27,503 --> 00:03:31,276
Don't repeat any of that
to Mummy, OK?
66
00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:36,011
I brought you
the blackmail note,
67
00:03:36,113 --> 00:03:37,914
and I did as you said.
68
00:03:38,016 --> 00:03:40,109
I cut off communication.
69
00:03:41,286 --> 00:03:43,019
Might need to wrap that
in tinfoil,
70
00:03:43,122 --> 00:03:45,587
- do we?
- Um, yeah. Maybe later.
71
00:03:47,159 --> 00:03:50,229
Right... Oh!
That photo is awful.
72
00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:53,359
- I look like Ann Widdecombe.
- Right, question one.
73
00:03:53,461 --> 00:03:55,162
Who could know about William?
74
00:03:55,264 --> 00:03:57,295
Exactly. Good thinking.
75
00:03:57,397 --> 00:03:58,669
No, I'm asking you.
76
00:03:58,771 --> 00:04:00,699
Oh. Oh. Um...
77
00:04:00,802 --> 00:04:04,537
Well, no-one. We've been
unbelievably careful.
78
00:04:04,639 --> 00:04:06,207
Uh,
what about the petrol station?
79
00:04:06,309 --> 00:04:08,146
Well, that was just a one-off.
80
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,973
I mean, William may be feckless
and reckless
81
00:04:11,075 --> 00:04:15,549
and cocking annoying,
but he's not stupid.
82
00:04:15,651 --> 00:04:17,221
- Are you with your mother?
- No.
83
00:04:17,323 --> 00:04:19,047
Why are you calling
on an unknown number?
84
00:04:19,149 --> 00:04:22,058
Because she's taken
the bloody landline.
85
00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:23,722
- Well, why?
- I don't know.
86
00:04:23,824 --> 00:04:25,888
There's more chance
of the reanimated corpse
87
00:04:25,990 --> 00:04:27,560
of Mahatma Gandhi
winning Strictly
88
00:04:27,662 --> 00:04:28,957
than either of us
understanding why
89
00:04:29,059 --> 00:04:30,467
your mother does
the things she does.
90
00:04:30,569 --> 00:04:32,497
Why are you so obsessed
with Gandhi being on Strictly?
91
00:04:32,599 --> 00:04:33,998
Also, stop leaving the house.
92
00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:37,200
Could you please tell her
that we're out of loo roll?
93
00:04:37,302 --> 00:04:39,977
I'm not with her. Although that
does explain this morning.
94
00:04:40,079 --> 00:04:41,344
Well, if I don't get some soon,
95
00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:43,206
I'm gonna have to start using
the tea towels.
96
00:04:43,308 --> 00:04:46,680
And not just any tea towels,
her special Brambly Hedge ones.
97
00:04:46,782 --> 00:04:48,285
Look, I have no time
for your dirty protest, OK?
98
00:04:48,387 --> 00:04:50,022
The childminder's sick,
and I've got work.
99
00:04:50,124 --> 00:04:51,486
- I'm just... I'm stressed!
- Ah.
100
00:04:51,589 --> 00:04:53,286
So you're gonna need some help
with the boys?
101
00:04:53,388 --> 00:04:54,851
Yeah, I do, desperately.
102
00:04:54,953 --> 00:04:56,655
George!
No, no, no, not in the mouth.
103
00:04:56,757 --> 00:04:58,858
Why don't you bring them over
to ours?
104
00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:01,726
Oh, because it might be
quite traumatising for George
105
00:05:01,828 --> 00:05:03,300
to have his grandpa
come back to life
106
00:05:03,402 --> 00:05:05,302
two months after he saw you
burnt in a box,
107
00:05:05,405 --> 00:05:07,337
and we've been telling him
you're in heaven.
108
00:05:07,439 --> 00:05:09,506
Oh. Made it in, then, did I?
That's good.
109
00:05:09,608 --> 00:05:13,310
Anyway, it'd be great to
see the little rascals again.
110
00:05:13,412 --> 00:05:15,313
- Dad, they think you're dead.
- Ah, yes.
111
00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:18,006
They might think I'm dead.
But have you forgotten?
112
00:05:18,108 --> 00:05:20,479
Your father
is a master of disguise.
113
00:05:20,581 --> 00:05:22,285
A man of a thousand
faces.
114
00:05:22,387 --> 00:05:24,646
A shape-shifting ghost
in the wind.
115
00:05:24,748 --> 00:05:26,657
Morning, William!
116
00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:29,626
Who was that?
117
00:05:29,728 --> 00:05:34,099
Pigeon... Look, just come over
and all will be revealed.
118
00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:36,060
And please don't forget
the loo roll.
119
00:05:41,865 --> 00:05:43,733
Oh, that's much better.
120
00:05:43,835 --> 00:05:46,975
So motive is obviously money.
121
00:05:47,077 --> 00:05:48,408
And jealousy.
122
00:05:48,510 --> 00:05:50,509
I mean, being a public figure,
123
00:05:50,611 --> 00:05:52,040
I'm up there to be shot down.
124
00:05:52,142 --> 00:05:54,752
Right. What makes you
a public figure?
125
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:56,882
I cut the ribbon
126
00:05:56,984 --> 00:05:59,850
when Billie had her downstairs
toilet installed.
127
00:05:59,952 --> 00:06:01,816
I don't think you get asked
to do that
128
00:06:01,918 --> 00:06:03,294
without having a profile.
129
00:06:03,397 --> 00:06:05,628
- She asked you?
- Well, she asked, I offered -
130
00:06:05,730 --> 00:06:07,863
what's the difference?
Let's just focus back on this,
131
00:06:07,966 --> 00:06:09,094
shall we?
132
00:06:09,196 --> 00:06:13,064
The real pain in the arse
is that we can't see that CCTV.
133
00:06:14,064 --> 00:06:15,740
There's cameras
at the bowls club?
134
00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:17,966
Er, just a bit.
135
00:06:18,068 --> 00:06:19,736
Clive's got that place
rigged up
136
00:06:19,838 --> 00:06:21,543
like Jeffrey Epstein's island.
137
00:06:21,645 --> 00:06:23,941
Not that anything like that
goes on there.
138
00:06:24,043 --> 00:06:26,150
Sorry, why didn't you
mention this before?
139
00:06:26,252 --> 00:06:28,145
Although I do have
my suspicions
140
00:06:28,247 --> 00:06:30,988
that Billie and Geoff had
a bonk in the changing room.
141
00:06:31,090 --> 00:06:32,515
We need to see that video.
142
00:06:32,617 --> 00:06:34,058
No, thank you!
143
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:36,193
I'm not against pornography,
144
00:06:36,295 --> 00:06:37,889
but preferably
not starring Geoff,
145
00:06:37,991 --> 00:06:40,488
- please and thank you.
- No, the other one.
146
00:06:40,590 --> 00:06:44,229
Oh, no. No. I tried that, but
I didn't have Clive's password.
147
00:06:44,332 --> 00:06:45,470
Debbie...
148
00:06:46,633 --> 00:06:49,472
..I don't need passwords.
149
00:06:49,574 --> 00:06:53,576
Oh, well, now you're being
a bit useful.
150
00:06:53,678 --> 00:06:57,515
Right. Come on, I'll be Cagney,
you can be Hutch.
151
00:07:06,689 --> 00:07:10,189
Ah! Vilkom. Hello.
152
00:07:10,291 --> 00:07:12,057
Ah! Hey!
153
00:07:16,632 --> 00:07:18,894
Ah! You must be
der young George
154
00:07:18,996 --> 00:07:21,296
I have heard so much about.
155
00:07:21,398 --> 00:07:25,837
I am your great-uncle Otto
from Bavaria in Germany.
156
00:07:25,939 --> 00:07:27,544
Come on, George,
it's OK, it's OK.
157
00:07:27,646 --> 00:07:29,512
Uncle Otto isn't as scary
as he looks. Are you?
158
00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:33,646
Nein, nein! Kommen-sie in
for some varm tea
159
00:07:33,748 --> 00:07:37,382
and some honey Kuchen
to eat...
160
00:07:37,484 --> 00:07:39,117
..with the tea.
161
00:07:40,392 --> 00:07:42,426
Next time,
ze triple ply, bitte.
162
00:07:42,528 --> 00:07:44,854
That is like wiping
with printer paper.
163
00:07:44,957 --> 00:07:46,229
Drinks and games
are in the bag.
164
00:07:46,331 --> 00:07:47,497
Just keep them occupied, OK?
165
00:07:47,599 --> 00:07:50,865
Don't worry.
We Germans know how to do that.
166
00:07:59,344 --> 00:08:00,772
Hey, hey, hey, hey! I lead.
167
00:08:00,874 --> 00:08:02,610
Well, no,
this is my bowls club.
168
00:08:02,712 --> 00:08:04,511
Yeah,
and this is literally my job.
169
00:08:04,613 --> 00:08:06,946
Oh, but Clive is so annoying.
170
00:08:07,048 --> 00:08:09,453
- I wanna do him.
- I appreciate you're excited,
171
00:08:09,555 --> 00:08:11,350
but we need to keep this
professional. OK?
172
00:08:11,452 --> 00:08:13,118
Yeah, fine.
173
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:16,291
Hands out, you naughty wanker.
174
00:08:16,393 --> 00:08:17,620
What are you doing?
175
00:08:17,722 --> 00:08:19,159
Flipping 'eck!
176
00:08:25,667 --> 00:08:27,299
We've had some feedback.
177
00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:31,202
They're not happy
with the copy.
178
00:08:40,446 --> 00:08:42,147
Hmm.
179
00:08:46,422 --> 00:08:48,458
It's a bit of a...
180
00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:51,758
I have a herniated disc
in the neck.
181
00:08:51,860 --> 00:08:54,159
Do you know
what a herniated disc is?
182
00:08:59,568 --> 00:09:01,903
Do you follow the snooker?
183
00:09:06,309 --> 00:09:07,907
What's that?
184
00:09:08,010 --> 00:09:14,375
That...that is the Rolls-Royce
vater blaster.
185
00:09:14,478 --> 00:09:17,185
I use it to keep ze foxes
out of ze garden.
186
00:09:17,287 --> 00:09:19,053
Foxes raus!
187
00:09:19,155 --> 00:09:20,391
How?
188
00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:23,851
I fill it up
with wee-wee.
189
00:09:26,862 --> 00:09:30,168
- There you go.
- What's this? Prawns?
190
00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:32,697
Oh, we got...
191
00:09:32,799 --> 00:09:34,736
We got targeted last year
192
00:09:34,838 --> 00:09:38,341
by that roving band
of Geordie fishmongers.
193
00:09:38,444 --> 00:09:41,039
Jean spent £400 of club funds
194
00:09:41,142 --> 00:09:44,176
and now we're stuck with 18kg
of the buggers.
195
00:09:44,278 --> 00:09:46,449
Incidentally, we're hosting
a seafood spectacular
196
00:09:46,551 --> 00:09:48,751
on Friday,
if you'd like to come.
197
00:09:48,853 --> 00:09:50,852
Yeah, I mean, I'll have
to check my diary on that.
198
00:09:50,954 --> 00:09:53,757
- It could be good. Yeah.
- You hold that there.
199
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:59,191
Debbie, is there something
you'd like to say to Clive?
200
00:10:02,796 --> 00:10:05,804
Sorry for barging you.
201
00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:07,329
And...?
202
00:10:07,431 --> 00:10:13,409
And sorry for calling you
a naughty wanker
203
00:10:13,511 --> 00:10:17,108
and a dullard and a fart hole.
204
00:10:17,211 --> 00:10:19,382
You didn't call me
a dullard and a fart hole.
205
00:10:19,485 --> 00:10:20,846
- Oh, sorry, I meant to.
- Clive,
206
00:10:20,948 --> 00:10:22,552
will you accept
Debbie's apology?
207
00:10:22,654 --> 00:10:24,345
Well, no,
I'd rather press charges.
208
00:10:24,447 --> 00:10:25,713
Sure, but given
I've already explained
209
00:10:25,815 --> 00:10:28,825
that's not going to happen,
please can we just make peace?
210
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,253
Fine.
211
00:10:32,355 --> 00:10:35,362
But she is not watching
my CCTV.
212
00:10:35,464 --> 00:10:37,727
Neha, tell him.
213
00:10:37,829 --> 00:10:40,534
Look, I get it.
214
00:10:40,636 --> 00:10:42,198
As a constable of the law,
215
00:10:42,300 --> 00:10:45,209
no-one respects GDPR
more than I do.
216
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:46,840
A robust data policy is
217
00:10:46,942 --> 00:10:49,648
the keystone
of a civilised society.
218
00:10:51,216 --> 00:10:52,942
Are you crying?
219
00:10:53,044 --> 00:10:55,245
Just keep... Carry on.
220
00:10:55,347 --> 00:10:58,017
But if I get a warrant,
you'll have coppers
221
00:10:58,119 --> 00:11:00,118
swarming over this place like
Love Islanders
222
00:11:00,220 --> 00:11:02,792
at a film premiere.
And you don't want that.
223
00:11:02,894 --> 00:11:04,856
Not with all those Panda Pops
and Double Deckers
224
00:11:04,958 --> 00:11:05,892
you've got on the bar that say
225
00:11:05,994 --> 00:11:07,262
"not to be sold separately"
on them.
226
00:11:08,658 --> 00:11:11,125
Plus, that warrant will cover
your computer...
227
00:11:11,227 --> 00:11:13,166
..and your search history.
228
00:11:15,507 --> 00:11:17,874
What day do you need to see?
229
00:11:19,045 --> 00:11:20,602
Uh...
230
00:11:33,423 --> 00:11:35,389
Look! There.
231
00:11:38,330 --> 00:11:39,555
I don't believe it!
232
00:11:45,833 --> 00:11:47,931
It's Pamela Anderson!
233
00:11:48,033 --> 00:11:49,602
It's not funny, Neha.
234
00:11:49,704 --> 00:11:50,874
That is my friend.
235
00:11:50,976 --> 00:11:54,002
I just always find it a tiny
bit funny that's her name.
236
00:11:54,104 --> 00:11:56,211
I can't believe it!
237
00:11:56,313 --> 00:11:57,514
Pamela!
238
00:11:57,616 --> 00:11:59,614
After everything
I've done for her.
239
00:11:59,716 --> 00:12:01,010
What have you done for her?
240
00:12:01,112 --> 00:12:02,246
Well, nothing specific,
241
00:12:02,348 --> 00:12:04,486
but, you know, nice me,
what I haven't done
242
00:12:04,588 --> 00:12:05,820
is punch her in the gob
243
00:12:05,922 --> 00:12:08,185
for being the yawning bore
that she is.
244
00:12:08,287 --> 00:12:10,286
Sorry, Debbie,
this must be really hard.
245
00:12:10,388 --> 00:12:12,022
Not as hard as it's going to be
on her
246
00:12:12,124 --> 00:12:13,561
when you slap the cuffs on her.
247
00:12:13,663 --> 00:12:14,830
And can you bonk her head
248
00:12:14,932 --> 00:12:16,862
on the side of the car
as you shove her in?
249
00:12:16,964 --> 00:12:18,162
No, cos it's not the 1970s.
250
00:12:18,264 --> 00:12:19,999
And I'm not
your pet police officer.
251
00:12:20,101 --> 00:12:21,571
I can't just go around
arresting people
252
00:12:21,673 --> 00:12:23,506
- cos you say so.
- Oh, come on.
253
00:12:23,609 --> 00:12:25,509
I know you love
all this woke-y,
254
00:12:25,611 --> 00:12:27,644
softly, softly stuff
these days,
255
00:12:27,746 --> 00:12:29,812
but a little bit
of old-fashioned justice
256
00:12:29,914 --> 00:12:31,809
is what a cow
like Pamela Anderson needs!
257
00:12:31,911 --> 00:12:33,780
It's just a name.
258
00:12:33,882 --> 00:12:35,749
- I'm sorry.
- Unbelievable.
259
00:12:35,851 --> 00:12:37,387
You're being so unprofessional.
260
00:12:37,489 --> 00:12:38,548
I know, sorry. Sorry.
261
00:12:38,650 --> 00:12:41,487
It's just, if I do go
and arrest Pamela Anderson...
262
00:12:41,589 --> 00:12:42,761
Stop it.
263
00:12:44,029 --> 00:12:47,494
The first question will be,
who is she blackmailing,
264
00:12:47,596 --> 00:12:49,091
and what about?
265
00:12:49,193 --> 00:12:51,963
Well, I'll just deny it.
266
00:12:52,065 --> 00:12:53,964
I've got the death certificate.
267
00:12:54,066 --> 00:12:55,972
Yeah, and she's got the...
268
00:12:57,642 --> 00:12:58,741
Actually, what has she got?
269
00:12:58,843 --> 00:13:01,308
She's got a bloody nerve,
that's what.
270
00:13:01,410 --> 00:13:03,847
I mean, if she wanted money,
why didn't she just ask me,
271
00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:06,584
instead of taking advantage of
a grieving widow,
272
00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:08,045
like a waiter
on a Greek holiday?
273
00:13:08,147 --> 00:13:09,345
No, no, I am being serious.
274
00:13:09,447 --> 00:13:11,422
How do you know she knows
about William?
275
00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:13,022
Because she put it in the note.
276
00:13:13,124 --> 00:13:15,851
But like you just said,
you have his death certificate.
277
00:13:15,953 --> 00:13:17,659
And...?!
278
00:13:17,761 --> 00:13:19,689
She must have proof he's alive.
279
00:13:19,791 --> 00:13:22,724
A kidnapper would usually send
a bit of ear or a finger,
280
00:13:22,826 --> 00:13:25,667
and a blackmailer would send
a photo, usually nude,
281
00:13:25,769 --> 00:13:26,937
so you know they're serious.
282
00:13:27,039 --> 00:13:29,463
Sorry, how would Pamela
have a nude photo of William?
283
00:13:29,565 --> 00:13:31,538
No,
I'm not saying he'd be nude.
284
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:33,202
I'm saying...
285
00:13:33,304 --> 00:13:35,044
We need to go to your house.
286
00:13:36,082 --> 00:13:37,210
Why?
287
00:13:37,312 --> 00:13:39,809
I'll tell you on the way.
Oh, no, one last thing.
288
00:13:39,912 --> 00:13:41,380
Oh. What?
289
00:13:45,817 --> 00:13:47,155
Oh!
290
00:13:48,491 --> 00:13:49,692
Urgh!
291
00:13:49,794 --> 00:13:52,229
That's why Clive
didn't want people
292
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:53,458
on his computer.
293
00:13:56,397 --> 00:13:58,569
Harry, I'm going to
294
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:00,567
need you to get on
with that today.
295
00:14:03,502 --> 00:14:06,003
If you could send
the first draft to me
296
00:14:06,105 --> 00:14:08,245
by, at the latest, two,
297
00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:09,545
two o'clock.
298
00:14:09,647 --> 00:14:10,715
What I'm saying is that
299
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,847
Pam must have sent you
another blackmail note.
300
00:14:12,949 --> 00:14:14,376
Oh, no.
I don't want another one.
301
00:14:14,478 --> 00:14:15,881
No.
This is one you already had,
302
00:14:15,983 --> 00:14:17,216
but it somehow got missed.
303
00:14:17,318 --> 00:14:19,281
How could I have missed
a blackmail note?
304
00:14:19,383 --> 00:14:20,416
Don't take this the wrong way,
305
00:14:20,518 --> 00:14:21,690
but I can kind of see
how something
306
00:14:21,792 --> 00:14:23,321
might get lost in your house.
307
00:14:23,424 --> 00:14:26,057
Oh, well, tidy houses
are for boring people.
308
00:14:26,159 --> 00:14:27,896
Oh, my God!
309
00:14:27,998 --> 00:14:32,126
George! George,
what are you doing here?
310
00:14:32,228 --> 00:14:33,561
By yourself?
311
00:14:33,663 --> 00:14:35,766
- This is a surprise.
- What is he...?
312
00:14:39,107 --> 00:14:41,412
William!
313
00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:44,038
Um...
314
00:14:44,140 --> 00:14:45,147
Ah...
315
00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:49,654
There's supposed
to be some children there.
316
00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:51,583
Where did
all the other ones go?
317
00:14:51,685 --> 00:14:56,188
Uh, yeah. The Pontipines.
Now there's a chaotic family.
318
00:14:56,290 --> 00:14:58,586
You couldn't manage one hour
with them.
319
00:14:58,688 --> 00:15:00,322
I haven't been sleeping well,
have I,
320
00:15:00,424 --> 00:15:02,759
because of the tantric foxes.
321
00:15:02,861 --> 00:15:07,670
Plus, children at that age,
they're quite boring company.
322
00:15:07,772 --> 00:15:09,098
- William!
- No, Debbie,
323
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:10,270
it's not his fault.
324
00:15:10,372 --> 00:15:12,405
Harry should never have put him
in that position.
325
00:15:12,507 --> 00:15:14,843
I mean, what were you doing,
bringing him here anyway?
326
00:15:14,945 --> 00:15:16,813
George thinks
he's dead.
327
00:15:16,915 --> 00:15:18,383
George doesn't actually
know it's me.
328
00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:20,444
Cos I'm in character.
329
00:15:20,547 --> 00:15:24,422
You told me you'd thrown
those Lederhosen away.
330
00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:25,921
Yeah, that was a lie.
331
00:15:26,023 --> 00:15:28,118
Look,
the most important thing is,
332
00:15:28,220 --> 00:15:29,794
is that the boys are safe.
333
00:15:29,896 --> 00:15:32,288
Yeah. No thanks
to Von Shitzenpants here.
334
00:15:32,391 --> 00:15:34,359
What are you doing here,
anyway?
335
00:15:34,461 --> 00:15:37,094
- We need to find something.
- Yeah, well,
336
00:15:37,196 --> 00:15:38,659
if it's something useless,
337
00:15:38,761 --> 00:15:40,871
like a collection
of porcelain hippos
338
00:15:40,973 --> 00:15:42,331
or a VHS recording
of Coronation Street,
339
00:15:42,433 --> 00:15:43,970
you've come to the right place.
340
00:15:44,072 --> 00:15:45,942
Something useful, you know,
341
00:15:46,044 --> 00:15:48,545
like a Biro
with some actual ink in it,
342
00:15:48,647 --> 00:15:50,539
or a key to the back door,
343
00:15:50,641 --> 00:15:53,617
then thou shalt not
find it here.
344
00:15:53,719 --> 00:15:57,087
Have you thrown away any post?
345
00:15:58,184 --> 00:16:00,783
- No. Why?
- Nothing.
346
00:16:02,361 --> 00:16:03,556
What?
347
00:16:03,658 --> 00:16:05,961
You can't have a go at him for
lying and then lie right back.
348
00:16:06,063 --> 00:16:07,960
I'm not lying.
I'm keeping a secret.
349
00:16:08,062 --> 00:16:09,360
That's very different.
350
00:16:09,462 --> 00:16:12,395
- What are you talking about?
- Fine.
351
00:16:12,497 --> 00:16:15,265
I'll forgive you
for the Lederhosen
352
00:16:15,367 --> 00:16:17,398
if you forgive me for this.
353
00:16:17,500 --> 00:16:18,900
Forgive you for what?
354
00:16:20,675 --> 00:16:22,577
You haven't been watching
Traitors without me, have you?
355
00:16:22,679 --> 00:16:24,241
Of course not.
356
00:16:24,343 --> 00:16:26,644
- That is sacred.
- OK.
357
00:16:28,249 --> 00:16:31,847
Look,
we're being blackmailed...
358
00:16:33,990 --> 00:16:35,624
..about the insurance money,
359
00:16:35,726 --> 00:16:37,123
by Pamela Anderson.
360
00:16:37,225 --> 00:16:38,623
Don't start.
361
00:16:40,326 --> 00:16:42,264
Bloody hell. That's annoying.
362
00:16:42,366 --> 00:16:46,103
I was rather hoping that would
just sort of...go away.
363
00:16:52,835 --> 00:16:54,336
It came
a couple of days ago.
364
00:16:54,438 --> 00:16:55,536
We're screwed.
365
00:16:55,638 --> 00:16:57,177
Oh, this doesn't mean anything.
366
00:16:57,279 --> 00:16:59,049
This could have been taken
any time.
367
00:16:59,151 --> 00:17:01,149
No, no, no. It's digital.
It'll have metadata.
368
00:17:01,252 --> 00:17:02,986
- What's metturdettur?
- It means we can see
369
00:17:03,089 --> 00:17:05,279
when it was taken,
which was...two weeks ago.
370
00:17:05,381 --> 00:17:06,716
Oh, bollocks.
371
00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:08,849
Well, then we are screwed.
I can't believe it.
372
00:17:08,952 --> 00:17:12,554
So this is what Pamela has,
the smoking gun.
373
00:17:12,656 --> 00:17:14,864
Well, we made a decent fist
of it.
374
00:17:14,966 --> 00:17:16,959
I know. We did so much,
didn't we?
375
00:17:17,061 --> 00:17:18,096
Hmm.
376
00:17:18,198 --> 00:17:21,333
What about if we pay up?
377
00:17:21,435 --> 00:17:24,732
You can't.
It might be 10K this time,
378
00:17:24,834 --> 00:17:26,537
but once Pam knows
you're good for it,
379
00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:29,338
she'll just keep milking
and milking and milking
380
00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:30,647
until you're milked dry.
381
00:17:30,749 --> 00:17:32,446
Like breastfeeding him.
382
00:17:32,548 --> 00:17:34,776
If it's any consolation,
coming clean will mean that
383
00:17:34,878 --> 00:17:36,851
we can fully pursue Pam
for the blackmail.
384
00:17:36,953 --> 00:17:37,945
What about us, though?
385
00:17:38,047 --> 00:17:39,647
Won't you get into trouble
for not reporting it?
386
00:17:39,749 --> 00:17:40,781
No. I'll just say
I had no idea,
387
00:17:40,883 --> 00:17:42,388
and that your parents
were lying to us
388
00:17:42,491 --> 00:17:44,254
as much as they were lying
to everyone else.
389
00:17:44,356 --> 00:17:45,928
- No offence.
- Right.
390
00:17:46,030 --> 00:17:47,593
- Just one small problem.
- Mm.
391
00:17:49,933 --> 00:17:51,369
You're in this photo.
392
00:17:51,471 --> 00:17:52,895
What?
393
00:17:55,501 --> 00:17:57,405
It's gonna be hard
to deny you knew
394
00:17:57,507 --> 00:18:00,405
when there's a photo of you
stood six feet from him.
395
00:18:00,507 --> 00:18:02,806
Would you excuse me
for a moment?
396
00:18:09,315 --> 00:18:11,149
- Oh, dear.
- What?
397
00:18:11,251 --> 00:18:13,853
That's my farting cushion.
398
00:18:13,955 --> 00:18:15,489
Oh, William.
399
00:18:16,553 --> 00:18:18,457
How did we not see you?
400
00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:21,462
I did tell you
that I'm a master of disguise.
401
00:18:25,266 --> 00:18:28,366
Right, then. Change of plan.
402
00:18:28,468 --> 00:18:29,605
You need to get that
off my keys.
403
00:18:29,707 --> 00:18:30,939
What is that?
404
00:18:31,041 --> 00:18:32,537
- A tracker.
- Oh, dear.
405
00:18:32,639 --> 00:18:34,535
Harold hasn't made you
have that, has he?
406
00:18:34,637 --> 00:18:35,839
That's coercive control.
407
00:18:35,941 --> 00:18:38,575
Actually, maybe I should get
one of those for William.
408
00:18:38,677 --> 00:18:39,783
What I need from you
is a bag of flour.
409
00:18:39,885 --> 00:18:41,616
- Right.
- And parcel tape.
410
00:18:41,718 --> 00:18:42,685
Yeah.
411
00:18:42,787 --> 00:18:44,349
Is self-raising OK?
412
00:18:44,451 --> 00:18:46,524
As long as
it looks like cocaine.
413
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:47,789
Oh, I don't know.
414
00:18:47,891 --> 00:18:49,390
Yeah. No. It's fine.
415
00:18:49,492 --> 00:18:51,987
Look, I need to go to the bank
before it closes.
416
00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:54,255
Oh, I thought you said
we weren't going to pay Pamela.
417
00:18:54,358 --> 00:18:55,463
We're not.
418
00:18:55,565 --> 00:18:57,363
We're doing a little thing
called the hamburger trick,
419
00:18:57,465 --> 00:18:59,769
but we can't set a trap
without bait.
420
00:18:59,871 --> 00:19:00,970
Now, I won't be long.
421
00:19:01,072 --> 00:19:03,374
OK,
but if it's cash you need...
422
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:05,275
..um...
423
00:19:07,208 --> 00:19:10,808
Do you wanna use this?
424
00:19:14,851 --> 00:19:15,948
Who are you?
425
00:19:16,050 --> 00:19:18,020
Debbie Fendon.
426
00:19:18,122 --> 00:19:21,021
Sorry,
could you do this for me?
427
00:19:21,123 --> 00:19:22,688
My hands are too sweaty.
428
00:19:25,087 --> 00:19:27,857
Yeah, I just had
a quick read there.
429
00:19:27,959 --> 00:19:32,660
I think my problem is,
it just reads a bit woolly.
430
00:19:32,763 --> 00:19:35,806
- Mm-hm.
- So lose some of the...
431
00:19:35,908 --> 00:19:37,407
You won't do anything silly?
432
00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:40,310
I've already done the silly
thing. Now I need to tidy up.
433
00:19:41,747 --> 00:19:42,937
Please let me help.
434
00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:45,211
Do you know what the best thing
you could do?
435
00:19:45,313 --> 00:19:47,541
Baby-sit your grandchildren.
436
00:19:47,643 --> 00:19:49,016
Oh, I'd love that.
437
00:19:49,118 --> 00:19:50,216
And so would William.
438
00:19:50,318 --> 00:19:52,781
Good. Where is he, by the way?
439
00:19:52,883 --> 00:19:55,218
Oh, he's pissing
in the super-squirters.
440
00:19:57,095 --> 00:19:59,426
Male urine keeps
the foxes away.
441
00:19:59,528 --> 00:20:01,293
I always knew that Pamela
was a wrong 'un.
442
00:20:01,395 --> 00:20:03,093
Got the nose of a criminal.
443
00:20:03,195 --> 00:20:04,535
Snouty.
444
00:20:07,037 --> 00:20:09,163
Full tank for you, Debs.
445
00:20:11,975 --> 00:20:13,508
I'll do it myself.
446
00:20:22,879 --> 00:20:24,219
We've got one hour
till the drop.
447
00:20:24,321 --> 00:20:25,819
And you know to leave it
by the bins?
448
00:20:25,922 --> 00:20:26,890
Yes, guv.
449
00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:29,053
- Don't do that.
- Sorry, miss.
450
00:20:29,155 --> 00:20:30,184
Or that.
451
00:20:30,286 --> 00:20:32,555
Yeah, sorry. I don't know
what I'm... I'm nervous.
452
00:20:32,657 --> 00:20:33,892
OK. Just don't screw it up. OK?
453
00:20:33,994 --> 00:20:34,923
Mmm.
454
00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:36,960
That hasn't made me
less nervous, but OK.
455
00:20:41,006 --> 00:20:43,274
- Love you.
- Love you more.
456
00:20:49,409 --> 00:20:51,448
Perfect. Along there.
457
00:20:51,550 --> 00:20:55,446
That's it. Good boy. Right
to the edges. Yes, that's it.
458
00:20:55,548 --> 00:20:57,645
That's it. What are you doing?
459
00:20:57,747 --> 00:20:59,881
No, no. No, George! No!
460
00:20:59,983 --> 00:21:03,085
You don't know what's in there!
George!
461
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:14,402
Just drop the bag
and get out of there.
462
00:21:14,504 --> 00:21:16,563
- Yes, Sarge.
- Please stop doing that.
463
00:21:16,665 --> 00:21:17,773
Yeah. I'm sorry.
464
00:21:26,281 --> 00:21:28,083
The eagle has landed.
465
00:21:28,186 --> 00:21:30,882
The toad is in the hole.
Repeat.
466
00:21:30,984 --> 00:21:34,124
- The toad is in the hole.
- Where are you going?
467
00:21:34,226 --> 00:21:36,122
I'm gonna get myself
a hot choccy.
468
00:21:36,224 --> 00:21:37,825
Not now, you berk!
469
00:21:37,927 --> 00:21:39,096
What?
470
00:21:39,198 --> 00:21:41,255
Wait, can you see me?
Where are you?
471
00:21:42,726 --> 00:21:44,467
Oh, there you are. Hi.
472
00:21:44,569 --> 00:21:48,267
Don't wave at me, you doofus!
We're breaking the law!
473
00:21:48,369 --> 00:21:50,732
Oh, shit. Sorry. Oh, yeah.
474
00:21:50,834 --> 00:21:52,140
I'll get back to the toddlers.
475
00:21:52,242 --> 00:21:54,411
Yeah, all four of them!
476
00:22:01,848 --> 00:22:04,618
"The sleepy mice
could dance no more.
477
00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:08,425
"They wandered home through
the snow tunnels,
478
00:22:08,527 --> 00:22:13,397
"climbed the stairs, and
crept into their warm beds."
479
00:22:17,332 --> 00:22:19,136
"Outside the windows,
480
00:22:19,238 --> 00:22:22,104
"the snow had started
to fall again,
481
00:22:22,207 --> 00:22:25,534
"but every mouse
in Brambly Hedge
482
00:22:25,636 --> 00:22:28,478
"was fast asleep."
483
00:22:30,707 --> 00:22:32,541
Love you, Granny.
484
00:22:32,643 --> 00:22:34,451
Love you, Grandpa.
485
00:22:48,624 --> 00:22:50,060
Gotcha!
35040
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