Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,030 --> 00:00:02,740
He's dead?!
2
00:00:03,360 --> 00:00:04,359
Now he's not here,
I've realised
3
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:06,000
Dad was my best friend.
4
00:00:06,120 --> 00:00:07,299
Can you keep a secret?
5
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:09,240
It turns out I hadn't died.
6
00:00:09,500 --> 00:00:10,719
Oh, my God! Dad!
7
00:00:11,020 --> 00:00:13,819
The money from your dad's life
insurance finally came through.
8
00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:15,779
You've stolen
a quarter of million quid?
9
00:00:15,875 --> 00:00:18,622
We did want that money
for you and Neha and the boys.
10
00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:20,758
This is fraud.
You can go to prison.
11
00:00:20,759 --> 00:00:21,759
I know we've put you
12
00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:23,860
in a tiny bit
of an impossible situation.
13
00:00:24,080 --> 00:00:25,300
You mustn't tell Neha.
14
00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:27,120
You could put her career
at risk.
15
00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:28,759
I can't believe
he's actually gone.
16
00:00:28,980 --> 00:00:31,160
I know. Neither can we.
17
00:00:50,859 --> 00:00:51,859
Oh!
18
00:00:55,929 --> 00:00:59,890
Oi! You! Can't you read?
It says no junk mail.
19
00:01:00,429 --> 00:01:01,429
No, it don't.
20
00:01:02,569 --> 00:01:04,926
Oh, for f...
21
00:01:08,539 --> 00:01:11,799
William,
that tosspot son of yours
22
00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:13,340
has vandalised the sign again.
23
00:01:56,288 --> 00:01:57,686
Mum?
24
00:01:57,789 --> 00:01:58,789
Dad?
25
00:01:59,969 --> 00:02:01,308
Hello?
26
00:02:03,858 --> 00:02:05,420
Hello?
27
00:02:08,098 --> 00:02:09,098
Oh, my God. Oh, my God...
28
00:02:09,210 --> 00:02:12,639
Oh, my God. No, no, no, no.
29
00:02:12,751 --> 00:02:14,541
Dad?
30
00:02:15,734 --> 00:02:18,157
Wah-wah-wah!
31
00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:20,800
What the hell are you doing?
32
00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:23,180
Just a bit of fun.
33
00:02:23,599 --> 00:02:24,659
You scared
the shit out of me.
34
00:02:24,700 --> 00:02:25,819
That's what makes it fun.
35
00:02:26,659 --> 00:02:28,259
How many times are you gonna
make me think you're dead?
36
00:02:28,379 --> 00:02:30,140
Well, as long as we keep
getting a good reaction.
37
00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:32,040
Serves you right for the sign.
38
00:02:32,460 --> 00:02:33,580
It's a good hat, innit?
39
00:02:33,719 --> 00:02:35,780
Yeah. It's all about
the little flourishes.
40
00:02:35,980 --> 00:02:36,980
Yeah.
41
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:39,659
Your face!
42
00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:40,743
Ah...
43
00:02:42,750 --> 00:02:44,110
What are these for?
44
00:02:44,250 --> 00:02:45,710
Can't a boy just buy
some flowers for his mummy?
45
00:02:46,349 --> 00:02:48,069
No. And don't call me mummy.
46
00:02:48,250 --> 00:02:50,668
- It's creepy.
- Yeah.
47
00:02:50,669 --> 00:02:52,770
- Are those for me?
- Yes.
48
00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:55,529
I also treated me and Neha
to a jet washer
49
00:02:55,530 --> 00:02:56,849
with some of
the insurance money.
50
00:02:57,650 --> 00:02:59,010
Yeah. Sweet. Which one?
51
00:02:59,110 --> 00:03:00,448
The Karcher K5 Power Control
52
00:03:00,449 --> 00:03:02,069
with the dirt blaster
and the spray lance.
53
00:03:02,210 --> 00:03:03,530
It's actually in the boot
if you wanna give it a go.
54
00:03:03,770 --> 00:03:06,669
That does sound like my idea
of fun, but unfortunately,
55
00:03:06,670 --> 00:03:10,130
I've just got something urgent
to attend to first.
56
00:03:10,270 --> 00:03:11,269
Ah-ah-ah!
57
00:03:11,270 --> 00:03:13,469
William Fendon, where do
you think you're going?
58
00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:15,069
Just upstairs.
59
00:03:15,490 --> 00:03:17,129
Do you think
I was born yesterday?
60
00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:19,750
No. I know you're 67.
61
00:03:20,449 --> 00:03:21,449
Right.
62
00:03:21,550 --> 00:03:23,685
Out the way. Hand them over.
63
00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:25,888
Hand what over?
64
00:03:25,990 --> 00:03:27,409
Don't make me
wrestle you again.
65
00:03:29,409 --> 00:03:31,189
Not in front of the child.
66
00:03:40,449 --> 00:03:43,129
You're a cruel woman.
Cruel, cruel woman.
67
00:03:44,569 --> 00:03:46,909
So very, very cruel.
68
00:03:50,089 --> 00:03:51,089
Cruel.
69
00:03:52,630 --> 00:03:53,630
Cruel!
70
00:03:55,030 --> 00:03:58,549
- It is a bit cruel,
- Harold, he's an addict.
71
00:03:59,069 --> 00:04:01,609
And he's going to eat himself
into an early grave.
72
00:04:02,049 --> 00:04:03,049
Another one.
73
00:04:03,609 --> 00:04:06,829
And next time, there won't be
a payout to soften the blow.
74
00:04:14,700 --> 00:04:15,839
Isn't that incredible?
75
00:04:16,519 --> 00:04:18,479
I never knew our patio
even looked like that.
76
00:04:18,620 --> 00:04:21,279
- It's nice you found a hobby.
- Yeah. Since we got it,
77
00:04:21,519 --> 00:04:24,198
me and Harry just look
at everything now like,
78
00:04:24,199 --> 00:04:26,159
"I could jet-wash
the shit out of that."
79
00:04:27,439 --> 00:04:28,699
Have you got owt
that needs blasting?
80
00:04:29,740 --> 00:04:32,319
Brickwork? Garden furniture?
We'll do it all.
81
00:04:32,919 --> 00:04:34,639
No, I personally don't like
jet washers.
82
00:04:34,959 --> 00:04:37,060
We had a terrible experience
last summer.
83
00:04:37,519 --> 00:04:38,699
Neil was doing our patio.
84
00:04:39,539 --> 00:04:40,579
He'd just plugged in
85
00:04:40,580 --> 00:04:42,800
when he saw Chloe's guinea pig
in the garden.
86
00:04:43,479 --> 00:04:44,479
Because it was a hot day,
87
00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:46,539
he thought he'd give her
a quick drink from the hose.
88
00:04:46,740 --> 00:04:47,740
That's nice.
89
00:04:48,019 --> 00:04:49,579
He hadn't appreciated
the power.
90
00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:52,279
Poor thing flew nearly 200ft.
91
00:04:52,939 --> 00:04:54,060
And that wasn't
the worst of it.
92
00:04:54,539 --> 00:04:56,440
You know Geoff Varley
from the bowls club?
93
00:04:56,460 --> 00:04:57,078
Yeah.
94
00:04:57,079 --> 00:04:59,127
He was in his garden
having a barbecue.
95
00:04:59,248 --> 00:05:02,059
He barbecued the guinea pig?!
96
00:05:02,180 --> 00:05:03,960
- Oh. No.
- Oh.
97
00:05:04,140 --> 00:05:05,140
He got hit by it.
98
00:05:05,380 --> 00:05:09,299
But something that size
fired at that speed,
99
00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:11,320
it's like he'd been struck
by a mortar.
100
00:05:12,019 --> 00:05:13,680
Poor Neil was in bits.
101
00:05:14,260 --> 00:05:15,380
What about the guinea pig?
102
00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:17,520
Bluebell actually stayed
in one piece.
103
00:05:18,159 --> 00:05:19,159
Dead, though.
104
00:05:19,539 --> 00:05:20,539
Broken back.
105
00:05:22,300 --> 00:05:25,020
Still, nice you're enjoying it.
106
00:05:27,750 --> 00:05:29,850
Your foxes
are very regular, aren't they?
107
00:05:30,149 --> 00:05:32,610
- They must eat a lot of fibre.
- Oh, tell me about it.
108
00:05:33,509 --> 00:05:35,709
I must say, it's nice
to see you more cheerful.
109
00:05:35,910 --> 00:05:37,370
I did consider
being mortally offended,
110
00:05:37,770 --> 00:05:39,189
but then I figured you and Dad
111
00:05:39,190 --> 00:05:40,250
have always done
deranged things,
112
00:05:40,389 --> 00:05:42,250
so I might as well get
something out of it this time.
113
00:05:43,050 --> 00:05:44,529
Yeah. What, like the jet hoser?
114
00:05:44,670 --> 00:05:45,670
Oh, yeah.
115
00:05:45,990 --> 00:05:49,190
I mean, you know, being able to
pay rent, feed our children,
116
00:05:49,270 --> 00:05:51,670
that's good too,
but a Karcher...
117
00:05:52,752 --> 00:05:53,709
...that's something me and Neha
118
00:05:53,710 --> 00:05:55,210
could only have dreamed of
before.
119
00:05:55,810 --> 00:05:56,810
Neha and I.
120
00:05:59,310 --> 00:06:01,329
See, sometimes Mum knows best.
121
00:06:02,409 --> 00:06:04,069
There is one fly
in the ointment.
122
00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:05,430
Huh?
123
00:06:06,230 --> 00:06:07,509
We can't keep lying to her.
124
00:06:08,129 --> 00:06:10,870
No, but what other option
do we have?
125
00:06:11,550 --> 00:06:12,550
Well, you tell her the truth?
126
00:06:12,730 --> 00:06:14,990
Well, no,
we definitely can't do that.
127
00:06:15,269 --> 00:06:17,909
- I have to. We're married.
- She's a police officer.
128
00:06:18,209 --> 00:06:20,790
She's worked so hard
to get where she is.
129
00:06:20,909 --> 00:06:22,768
And you want to compromise that
130
00:06:22,769 --> 00:06:24,490
so that you can feel better
about yourself?
131
00:06:24,829 --> 00:06:25,829
Selfish, Harold.
132
00:06:25,932 --> 00:06:28,011
Very, very, very selfish.
133
00:06:29,329 --> 00:06:31,829
What you need to do is go home,
give her a little cuddle,
134
00:06:32,170 --> 00:06:33,750
and stop thinking about
yourself for a minute.
135
00:06:44,815 --> 00:06:47,832
...Is often made that
Britain is too centralised...
136
00:06:47,930 --> 00:06:51,009
Do you know, I never realised
how utterly dreadful
137
00:06:51,010 --> 00:06:52,530
television is
without chocolate.
138
00:06:52,710 --> 00:06:54,470
You're just withdrawing
from the sugar.
139
00:06:55,450 --> 00:06:57,250
You'll come out the other side
much stronger.
140
00:06:57,430 --> 00:06:58,529
I don't want to come out
the other side
141
00:06:58,530 --> 00:07:00,170
if this is what my life's
going to be like.
142
00:07:01,990 --> 00:07:04,690
This shroud
of colourless misery,
143
00:07:05,110 --> 00:07:06,570
this world of despair,
144
00:07:08,730 --> 00:07:09,730
insipid fog...
145
00:07:09,910 --> 00:07:11,490
It's been four hours.
146
00:07:12,790 --> 00:07:14,369
Please can I pop
to the petrol station?
147
00:07:14,370 --> 00:07:17,670
Well, of course you bloody
can't! What if you're seen?
148
00:07:17,930 --> 00:07:19,110
I'll wear a disguise.
149
00:07:19,310 --> 00:07:21,150
I'm not having
this argument again.
150
00:07:21,330 --> 00:07:24,389
- You know the rules.
- Well, no, I don't, actually,
151
00:07:24,390 --> 00:07:26,410
because you keep bloody
changing them.
152
00:07:27,950 --> 00:07:29,669
Honestly, you run this house
153
00:07:29,670 --> 00:07:32,990
like Guantanamo Bay,
but with less humanity.
154
00:07:33,099 --> 00:07:37,000
...the Second World War.
After the First World War...
155
00:07:37,109 --> 00:07:39,370
Rumsfeld!
156
00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:41,180
William, don't turn it up.
157
00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:44,804
Decided that if there
was another conflict...
158
00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:46,120
Sorry, what is this?
159
00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:47,900
I just wanted to do
something nice for your mum,
160
00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:49,440
you know, to thank her
for the money.
161
00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:51,520
Yeah. All right. Who did it?
162
00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:53,300
Lovely Martha in the market.
163
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:55,140
Doesn't she usually paint pets?
164
00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:57,980
Yeah. Which is why this is
even more impressive.
165
00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:00,480
I mean, I only asked her
to do it last week.
166
00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:02,379
Imagine being able to paint
that quick.
167
00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:05,020
I think you can tell
she normally does animals.
168
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:06,400
Why?
169
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:08,120
We've got paws.
170
00:08:08,980 --> 00:08:10,360
My mum looks like a spaniel.
171
00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:13,660
And she's given me whiskers.
172
00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:17,040
I think
that's meant to be stubble.
173
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:22,370
Come here.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
174
00:08:22,769 --> 00:08:23,769
I don't mean to upset you.
175
00:08:24,230 --> 00:08:26,869
It's just that it's a bit...
176
00:08:26,870 --> 00:08:28,589
Triggering,
to see your dad again.
177
00:08:30,949 --> 00:08:33,590
- Uh, if you like.
- Sorry.
178
00:08:33,830 --> 00:08:35,409
Hopefully your mum will like it
more than you do.
179
00:08:36,308 --> 00:08:37,490
Oh, no,
we shouldn't show it to her.
180
00:08:37,970 --> 00:08:39,110
But hers is being delivered
tomorrow.
181
00:08:40,529 --> 00:08:41,909
Sorry,
you bought this painting twice?
182
00:08:42,470 --> 00:08:44,629
Yeah. Why?
Is that not a good idea?
183
00:08:44,929 --> 00:08:45,929
No.
184
00:08:46,689 --> 00:08:47,689
Oh.
185
00:08:48,270 --> 00:08:49,710
No, it's a phenomenal idea.
186
00:09:31,850 --> 00:09:34,290
- What is this?
- I told you.
187
00:09:34,710 --> 00:09:36,469
I think I'd remember
if you told me you were hosting
188
00:09:36,470 --> 00:09:38,629
a charity fundraising night
in memory of Dad.
189
00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:40,330
- Why?
- Because he's not dead.
190
00:09:40,470 --> 00:09:42,149
Oh, God. You take everything
so literally.
191
00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:45,889
OK, so your dad might not
be dead physically,
192
00:09:46,050 --> 00:09:49,269
but emotionally,
he's been gone since the '90s.
193
00:09:49,329 --> 00:09:50,329
Getting people to donate money
194
00:09:50,430 --> 00:09:52,110
under false pretences
is unethical.
195
00:09:52,350 --> 00:09:53,730
Oh, don't give me that.
196
00:09:54,090 --> 00:09:55,809
You got over your ethics
pretty quickly
197
00:09:55,810 --> 00:09:57,990
when you realised it got you
a jet hoser.
198
00:09:59,470 --> 00:10:01,489
I'm just delighted
the money's going to go
199
00:10:01,490 --> 00:10:02,599
to some humans for once.
200
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:05,769
I'm fed up with
all these animal shelters
201
00:10:05,770 --> 00:10:07,210
hoovering up the cash.
202
00:10:08,370 --> 00:10:10,169
"Ooh, our kittens
have got wheels
203
00:10:10,170 --> 00:10:11,899
"instead of back legs. Ooh..."
204
00:10:11,900 --> 00:10:12,900
Mum, this is bad juju.
205
00:10:13,529 --> 00:10:16,350
Why? We're raising money
for charity.
206
00:10:16,629 --> 00:10:19,330
If anything, that's good juju,
whatever juju is.
207
00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:21,410
- What is juju?
- Oh, I can't...
208
00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:24,960
Please come.
209
00:10:25,060 --> 00:10:28,100
It would be really nice to put
on a united front, you know.
210
00:10:28,980 --> 00:10:32,020
Plus, the bereaved family,
you know,
211
00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:34,320
all together, that will grease
a few wallets.
212
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:36,339
And we'll need that,
213
00:10:36,340 --> 00:10:39,280
because they're tight as
a gnat's fanny down that club.
214
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:45,100
Why am I so... jowly?
215
00:10:45,139 --> 00:10:46,180
She paints a lot of dogs.
216
00:10:54,039 --> 00:10:55,039
I'll just be a sec.
217
00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,219
- Harry, we're at code red.
- What are you doing?
218
00:11:01,220 --> 00:11:02,139
Neha's right there.
219
00:11:02,140 --> 00:11:03,860
Your mother's gone all Taliban.
220
00:11:04,460 --> 00:11:06,320
She's banned chocolate
and biscuits.
221
00:11:06,540 --> 00:11:07,540
Chocolate biscuits.
222
00:11:07,660 --> 00:11:09,200
She's making me eat flaxseed.
223
00:11:09,580 --> 00:11:10,700
Do you know
how they make flaxseed?
224
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,059
- No.
- Well, they hoover up
225
00:11:12,060 --> 00:11:14,080
all the dried guff
from under the sofa cushion,
226
00:11:14,180 --> 00:11:16,700
they stick it in a bag
and write "flaxseed" on it.
227
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:18,000
Now is not the time
for one of your flaps.
228
00:11:18,140 --> 00:11:21,120
This is not a flap. I feel like
I'm in Requiem For A Dream.
229
00:11:21,259 --> 00:11:23,920
I've got the shakes, and it's
not from the Parkinson's.
230
00:11:23,980 --> 00:11:26,060
- Can't you order some online?
- No, I tried,
231
00:11:26,147 --> 00:11:27,456
but Fritzl in there
has got wise to it
232
00:11:27,543 --> 00:11:28,543
and hidden the router.
233
00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:29,980
Hiding the router won't make
a difference, Dad,
234
00:11:30,060 --> 00:11:32,680
- the internet is wireless.
- Harry, Neha is right there.
235
00:11:32,879 --> 00:11:34,420
I haven't got time
for a computer lesson.
236
00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:35,780
Just get me some chocolate!
237
00:11:37,580 --> 00:11:39,720
And make sure it's Dairy Milk,
not Galaxy,
238
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:40,900
which, as far as I'm concerned,
239
00:11:40,940 --> 00:11:42,500
is made with sour cream
and earwax,
240
00:11:42,580 --> 00:11:44,300
which I quite like,
but not in chocolate.
241
00:11:47,100 --> 00:11:48,159
Can you open the boot, please?
242
00:11:48,261 --> 00:11:49,667
Yeah.
243
00:12:03,750 --> 00:12:05,509
I'll have to come
straight from work.
244
00:12:06,029 --> 00:12:07,450
Pigfish has been back
at the pumps.
245
00:12:07,730 --> 00:12:09,309
- Oh, God.
- Not a pretty sight.
246
00:12:09,421 --> 00:12:11,257
Well, don't commission
a portrait of it, then.
247
00:12:11,370 --> 00:12:12,370
Very good.
248
00:12:12,789 --> 00:12:14,730
No phones on the forecourt.
249
00:12:15,269 --> 00:12:16,990
Look, I'll pick Mum up
and take her to the bowls club.
250
00:12:17,590 --> 00:12:19,610
- I will meet you there. Bye.
- OK, bye.
251
00:12:19,730 --> 00:12:20,730
- Love you.
- Love you.
252
00:12:22,270 --> 00:12:24,729
I tell you this -
it's a disgrace
253
00:12:24,730 --> 00:12:25,950
what you let him get away with.
254
00:12:26,330 --> 00:12:28,610
He's gone right up to the hilt
on this one.
255
00:12:30,409 --> 00:12:33,509
Bloody hell.
I'm surprised he can walk.
256
00:12:45,399 --> 00:12:46,699
Where are you going?
257
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,000
Nowhere.
258
00:12:50,539 --> 00:12:51,539
What's in that bag?
259
00:12:52,799 --> 00:12:53,799
Nothing.
260
00:13:03,948 --> 00:13:04,948
Dad.
261
00:13:06,364 --> 00:13:07,364
Dad!
262
00:13:09,149 --> 00:13:10,149
Dad?
263
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:21,922
Wah!
264
00:13:26,009 --> 00:13:27,009
Oh, dear.
265
00:13:27,809 --> 00:13:29,809
- Harry?
- William?
266
00:13:30,470 --> 00:13:32,050
- Harry!
- William?
267
00:13:32,449 --> 00:13:34,030
Oh, dear. Harry!
268
00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:37,069
- What have you done?
- Well, I jumped out on him.
269
00:13:37,230 --> 00:13:38,350
- Why?
- Why not?
270
00:13:38,389 --> 00:13:40,049
Because you've knocked him out,
you idiot!
271
00:13:40,470 --> 00:13:42,689
I didn't mean to.
I'm just so bored.
272
00:13:42,829 --> 00:13:45,709
Oh, God. You're gonna have to
patch him up
273
00:13:45,750 --> 00:13:46,870
because I've got to get ready.
274
00:13:47,250 --> 00:13:48,269
How am I going to do that?
275
00:13:49,809 --> 00:13:50,809
Harry? Harry! Come on.
276
00:13:50,890 --> 00:13:52,276
- Oh...
- Harry.
277
00:13:52,358 --> 00:13:53,608
Oh...
278
00:13:53,690 --> 00:13:56,230
I see now.
279
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:06,140
I'm as shocked as you are.
280
00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:08,520
Oh, don't even try it,
you devious hound.
281
00:14:10,549 --> 00:14:11,549
Oh, dear.
282
00:14:13,446 --> 00:14:15,962
- Harry. Harry.
- You know, they say that
283
00:14:16,066 --> 00:14:18,548
the saddest thing
about betrayal
284
00:14:18,652 --> 00:14:21,065
is that it starts with trust...
285
00:14:22,410 --> 00:14:25,330
...and ends with betrayal...
of trust
286
00:14:25,450 --> 00:14:27,970
that that betrayal
is the trust of.
287
00:14:37,889 --> 00:14:38,889
That's your fault.
288
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:46,180
- Let's get that...
- Whoa! What are you doing?
289
00:14:46,287 --> 00:14:48,332
So I haven't got any plasters,
so...
290
00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:49,940
I'll be OK. Thank you.
291
00:14:51,100 --> 00:14:53,019
Intruder alert.
292
00:14:53,020 --> 00:14:53,619
What's that?
293
00:14:53,620 --> 00:14:56,820
Now, that is a sensor
I installed.
294
00:14:57,020 --> 00:14:59,099
So I thought it'd be good
to have some advance warning
295
00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:03,019
of any visitors, but I think
I may have installed it
296
00:15:03,020 --> 00:15:05,240
on a pigeon flight path
or something,
297
00:15:05,340 --> 00:15:06,559
because it just keeps going off
298
00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:08,640
- when no-one's there.
- OK. That sounds normal.
299
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:11,719
Look, I'm sorry
about the chocolate, Dad.
300
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:14,580
I'd like to say it's OK
but, let's be honest,
301
00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:16,040
it's an effing disaster.
302
00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:17,900
Well, if you will let Mum
control your life.
303
00:15:17,980 --> 00:15:20,660
She doesn't control my life!
304
00:15:20,759 --> 00:15:22,758
Apart from legally killing you,
making you live in the loft
305
00:15:22,759 --> 00:15:23,759
and governing what you eat.
306
00:15:24,700 --> 00:15:26,160
The thing about marriage,
Harry,
307
00:15:26,780 --> 00:15:28,679
is that
there's only ever two people
308
00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:30,440
who really know
what's going on.
309
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,019
Hmm? You know what
your grandmother said to us
310
00:15:33,020 --> 00:15:34,020
on our wedding day?
311
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:35,519
Princess Diana was murdered,
312
00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:36,520
it was Prince Philip
what done it?
313
00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:38,280
No, that came later.
No. She said,
314
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:41,660
"Don't try to be perfect.
Just be honest."
315
00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:43,419
And I can honestly say
316
00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:45,060
that every single day
of our marriage,
317
00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:48,259
your mother and I have worked
very hard to not be perfect.
318
00:15:48,540 --> 00:15:49,800
We're honest to a fault.
319
00:15:50,220 --> 00:15:52,560
Right,
Tweedledee and Tweedletwat...
320
00:15:52,820 --> 00:15:53,820
- See what I mean?
- Mm-hm.
321
00:15:54,019 --> 00:15:55,440
Have you printed out my speech,
William?
322
00:15:55,557 --> 00:15:57,519
Yep. There it is.
323
00:15:57,636 --> 00:16:01,362
- Big font?
- The biggest - jumbo sans.
324
00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:02,860
- OK.
- Wait. What speech?
325
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:04,560
Oh, it's a little keynote.
326
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:06,980
You know, nothing special.
Tight ten.
327
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:10,980
Come on, traitor!
We don't want to be late.
328
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:18,240
Sorry we're late.
329
00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:21,180
How do you cope
with his driving?
330
00:16:21,860 --> 00:16:25,480
He's so timid, it's like
getting a lift on a milk float.
331
00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:27,960
To be fair, he is a bad driver,
so he's right to be nervous.
332
00:16:28,180 --> 00:16:29,180
You want to feel
the steering wheel
333
00:16:29,260 --> 00:16:30,400
after he's been on
a dual carriageway.
334
00:16:30,460 --> 00:16:31,460
It's dripping with sweat.
335
00:16:31,860 --> 00:16:33,460
Haven't you got that
sorted yet?
336
00:16:33,519 --> 00:16:34,519
Do you remember, I told you
337
00:16:34,620 --> 00:16:36,520
you can get your sweaty palms
electrocuted?
338
00:16:36,780 --> 00:16:38,580
Because Billie did it
to her armpits.
339
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:41,259
Lovely. Can we go inside,
please? Cos I don't...
340
00:16:41,329 --> 00:16:42,329
Yeah.
341
00:16:43,549 --> 00:16:45,569
Hey, is that dried blood
in your hair?
342
00:16:45,670 --> 00:16:49,749
Oh, he, um, clunked himself
while he was clearing out
343
00:16:49,750 --> 00:16:51,669
some of his dad's possessions,
didn't you?
344
00:16:51,990 --> 00:16:54,329
- Mm. I did, did I?
- Yes, you did.
345
00:16:54,454 --> 00:16:56,204
Yeah.
346
00:16:56,329 --> 00:16:58,929
Oh, look. Aw...
347
00:16:59,229 --> 00:17:00,889
Mum, this isn't gonna be
over the top, is it?
348
00:17:01,329 --> 00:17:04,230
Harold, it is
a simple casino night
349
00:17:04,409 --> 00:17:05,489
with a modest request
350
00:17:05,490 --> 00:17:06,709
for charitable donations
351
00:17:06,710 --> 00:17:09,169
and a short
multimedia presentation.
352
00:18:10,769 --> 00:18:13,069
I'm going to get some air.
353
00:18:22,950 --> 00:18:25,170
Harry! Harry, wait.
354
00:18:25,470 --> 00:18:26,790
Wait! Are you OK?
355
00:18:27,430 --> 00:18:30,550
- I needed some air.
- Why? Is it your head?
356
00:18:30,690 --> 00:18:31,690
Are you feeling sick?
357
00:18:32,170 --> 00:18:34,788
I think I need
a bit of time to myself. So...
358
00:18:34,789 --> 00:18:37,068
Harry, you can't even shut
the toilet door
359
00:18:37,069 --> 00:18:38,069
cos you don't like being alone.
360
00:18:38,350 --> 00:18:40,170
- What is this about?
- I can't... I...
361
00:18:40,650 --> 00:18:42,150
We're a team, remember?
362
00:18:42,910 --> 00:18:45,850
Yeah, I know. I know, but...
363
00:18:47,090 --> 00:18:48,090
Tummy to tummy.
364
00:18:50,009 --> 00:18:51,009
Cheek to cheek.
365
00:18:52,350 --> 00:18:55,090
So, then,
can you really not tell me?
366
00:18:56,771 --> 00:18:58,296
- No.
- Hm.
367
00:18:58,390 --> 00:19:00,769
But I can show you. Come on.
368
00:19:00,866 --> 00:19:01,936
Wait.
369
00:19:02,033 --> 00:19:04,952
- What about your mum?
- Oh, sod her. Get in.
370
00:19:48,276 --> 00:19:52,710
Well, that was very, um...
371
00:19:56,050 --> 00:19:57,050
...William.
372
00:19:57,140 --> 00:19:58,420
- Yes, William.
- William.
373
00:19:58,600 --> 00:19:59,600
William.
374
00:20:00,260 --> 00:20:01,979
Debbie, do you want to...?
375
00:20:01,980 --> 00:20:06,260
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Thank you very much. Thank you.
376
00:20:06,347 --> 00:20:07,411
Thank you.
377
00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:11,660
Right, um,
well, uh, where to start?
378
00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:15,460
Um, in the words
of Bob Geldof...
379
00:20:16,019 --> 00:20:17,360
...give me your fucking money!
380
00:20:19,980 --> 00:20:23,240
I think that's what he said,
but more Irish than that.
381
00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:27,519
I can't... I can't do Irish.
So, um, to be serious
382
00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:29,860
for a moment.
We're here to have a good time,
383
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:31,860
but we're also here
384
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:34,820
to raise money
for a very important cause.
385
00:20:35,380 --> 00:20:36,800
As all of you know,
386
00:20:37,340 --> 00:20:41,320
my darling William
was a Parkinson's sufferer.
387
00:20:41,779 --> 00:20:46,980
And, uh, boy, did we suffer
endlessly hearing about it!
388
00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:55,519
No, no. It is a cruel disease.
389
00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:01,500
I've written, um,
a proper speech, but,
390
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,740
um, it's in my jacket pocket.
391
00:21:03,860 --> 00:21:05,700
Do you mind passing that to me?
392
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:07,720
Cheers, Geoff.
393
00:21:07,821 --> 00:21:10,862
Lovely. Thank you.
394
00:21:10,963 --> 00:21:12,720
Right...
395
00:21:38,299 --> 00:21:40,818
- What's happening?
- I don't know.
396
00:21:40,819 --> 00:21:41,819
Sorry about that.
397
00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:43,680
I wasn't expecting that font.
It's...
398
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:51,299
Uh, William... was... dead.
399
00:21:52,519 --> 00:21:53,519
Parkinson's...
400
00:21:53,739 --> 00:21:58,639
Sorry, I actually feel like
I'm gonna pass out.
401
00:21:59,220 --> 00:22:00,220
Oh, God...
402
00:22:00,899 --> 00:22:02,659
Call an ambulance.
I've seen this before.
403
00:22:03,159 --> 00:22:04,159
She's having a stroke.
404
00:22:05,279 --> 00:22:07,599
Step back, please.
Give me air, give me air.
405
00:22:09,419 --> 00:22:10,898
When we first met,
I was up front about
406
00:22:10,899 --> 00:22:11,898
my parents being mad, right?
407
00:22:11,899 --> 00:22:12,898
Where are you going with this?
408
00:22:12,899 --> 00:22:13,739
Just tell me.
409
00:22:13,740 --> 00:22:15,520
You warned me about
their peculiarities.
410
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:16,840
- Yes.
- And you still married me.
411
00:22:16,899 --> 00:22:18,180
You had all the data and you
still went through with it.
412
00:22:18,399 --> 00:22:19,960
I tick the Apple
terms and conditions too.
413
00:22:20,039 --> 00:22:21,039
Don't mean
I actually look at 'em.
414
00:22:22,019 --> 00:22:24,299
But, yes, I married you,
not your parents.
415
00:22:24,799 --> 00:22:26,220
Good, because I love you.
416
00:22:26,319 --> 00:22:28,839
- And I may not be perfect.
- No, you're not perfect.
417
00:22:28,860 --> 00:22:30,819
- But I am honest.
- Oh, Harry, if this is about
418
00:22:30,820 --> 00:22:32,940
you doing poppers in Year 6,
I told you, I don't care.
419
00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:35,119
No, no, no, it's not, it's not.
It's about my dad.
420
00:22:35,292 --> 00:22:37,786
Oh, I don't know
how to say this,
421
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:39,000
so I think
I'm just gonna say it.
422
00:22:40,460 --> 00:22:41,460
He's still alive.
423
00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:43,520
Oh, love.
424
00:22:43,659 --> 00:22:44,659
I did have an inkling.
425
00:22:45,579 --> 00:22:46,879
We see it a lot at work.
426
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:49,040
Really? I didn't think
it'd be that common.
427
00:22:49,399 --> 00:22:52,200
Oh, yeah! People get delayed
concussion all the time.
428
00:22:52,379 --> 00:22:54,979
I mean, it can sometimes
come on hours or even days...
429
00:22:54,980 --> 00:22:56,759
No, no, no, no,
I'm not concussed.
430
00:22:56,860 --> 00:22:59,179
Well, you are, but that's why
you're being extra weird.
431
00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:02,679
And in some ways, you're right.
Your dad isn't dead.
432
00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:04,720
Not in here.
433
00:23:05,379 --> 00:23:06,379
No, he ain't dead.
434
00:23:06,860 --> 00:23:09,000
And he's in there.
He's in the loft.
435
00:23:09,460 --> 00:23:10,460
Come on.
436
00:23:11,019 --> 00:23:12,639
Your parents have a loft?
437
00:23:17,833 --> 00:23:19,655
That's funny.
It's not normally...
438
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:20,760
Dad?
439
00:23:21,220 --> 00:23:22,220
Dad!
440
00:23:22,259 --> 00:23:24,480
Open up! It's me.
It's Harry, your son.
441
00:23:26,420 --> 00:23:28,219
Maybe he's listening to
something. He has been talking
442
00:23:28,220 --> 00:23:29,800
about these noise-cancelling
headphones recently.
443
00:23:30,059 --> 00:23:31,360
- No.
- He must be here, though.
444
00:23:31,540 --> 00:23:33,459
He can't leave the house.
And he'll know we're here,
445
00:23:33,460 --> 00:23:35,059
because he's got this
little motion-system thing
446
00:23:35,060 --> 00:23:36,580
that tells him when people
are coming down the drive,
447
00:23:37,059 --> 00:23:38,440
although he might have thought
we're just pigeons.
448
00:23:38,567 --> 00:23:40,739
- Pigeons?
- Unless...
449
00:23:44,870 --> 00:23:47,290
Him and my mum have
been doing this thing recently
450
00:23:47,790 --> 00:23:49,030
with this, like, wolf hat,
451
00:23:49,330 --> 00:23:51,250
and they creep up on me
unexpectedly.
452
00:23:51,330 --> 00:23:52,330
They just jump out.
453
00:23:53,190 --> 00:23:54,190
All right.
454
00:23:56,030 --> 00:23:58,310
Harry, I love you, OK,
and you are gonna be fine,
455
00:23:58,770 --> 00:24:00,629
but right now, we need to face
the fact that you are having
456
00:24:00,630 --> 00:24:02,290
a not-insignificant
psychotic episode.
457
00:24:02,529 --> 00:24:04,730
No. I'm not. I'm not. OK?
No, I'm not.
458
00:24:04,830 --> 00:24:06,590
Yeah. So if you just keep
breathing
459
00:24:06,730 --> 00:24:07,810
and if you want
to hold my hand,
460
00:24:07,870 --> 00:24:09,390
that's also fine.
You can squeeze it tight.
461
00:24:10,110 --> 00:24:12,110
Oh, that is very sweaty.
462
00:24:13,170 --> 00:24:14,830
All right. I'm going to call
the babysitter.
463
00:24:15,133 --> 00:24:15,757
No.
464
00:24:15,758 --> 00:24:16,758
Take you to A&E
and get you checked out.
465
00:24:17,070 --> 00:24:18,090
No, I'm not making...
466
00:24:20,750 --> 00:24:22,009
No caller ID.
467
00:24:23,450 --> 00:24:24,789
It could be
one of those scam bots.
468
00:24:25,430 --> 00:24:27,410
I'm not sure that's
our biggest problem right now.
469
00:24:27,670 --> 00:24:29,390
Yeah. You're right.
It might be my dad.
470
00:24:30,529 --> 00:24:31,529
Hello?
471
00:24:31,990 --> 00:24:32,990
Oh, hi, Billie.
472
00:24:36,670 --> 00:24:39,450
What? Oh, my God.
Oh, yeah. Of course.
473
00:24:39,770 --> 00:24:40,770
We'll, uh, we'll come now.
474
00:24:41,490 --> 00:24:42,489
What's happened?
475
00:24:42,490 --> 00:24:44,869
It's my mum.
They think she's had a stroke.
476
00:24:52,150 --> 00:24:53,150
What's going on?
477
00:24:53,230 --> 00:24:55,090
They think
it's severe dehydration.
478
00:24:55,190 --> 00:24:56,190
Oh, thank God.
479
00:24:56,370 --> 00:24:58,210
- So... so not a stroke.
- No, no.
480
00:24:58,310 --> 00:25:00,110
I think it all just got
too much for her.
481
00:25:00,130 --> 00:25:01,130
you know, with the emotion.
482
00:25:01,530 --> 00:25:03,890
Your poor mum.
She puts on a brave face,
483
00:25:03,950 --> 00:25:05,890
but she's obviously
grieving very intensely.
484
00:25:07,250 --> 00:25:08,590
Will you take me home, please?
485
00:25:09,750 --> 00:25:10,749
Get in the back, Harold.
486
00:25:10,750 --> 00:25:12,250
Are you serious?
487
00:25:12,990 --> 00:25:14,210
I've just had a stroke.
488
00:25:21,299 --> 00:25:22,299
Thank you.
489
00:25:23,059 --> 00:25:24,059
Thank you.
490
00:25:24,155 --> 00:25:26,044
- Just drive, will you?
- Seatbelt.
491
00:25:26,140 --> 00:25:28,415
Oh, God. Oh, God!
492
00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:38,799
Mum, just so you know,
I've told Neha about Dad.
493
00:25:39,380 --> 00:25:41,060
Yeah. So I know
you didn't want me to,
494
00:25:41,120 --> 00:25:42,120
but I've done it anyway.
495
00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:45,160
Mum?
496
00:25:46,180 --> 00:25:47,740
- Mum?
- Oh, Harry, just leave it.
497
00:25:47,860 --> 00:25:49,079
No, she needs
to tell you the truth.
498
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:51,699
I'm sorry. I should have
just got him checked out
499
00:25:51,700 --> 00:25:53,260
- by the paramedics back there.
- Yeah.
500
00:25:53,420 --> 00:25:55,020
Excuse me. Don't talk about me
like I'm a child.
501
00:25:55,180 --> 00:25:56,799
Well, don't behave like one, then.
502
00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:00,840
It's been a long day.
I just need some rest.
503
00:26:01,420 --> 00:26:03,039
But for what it's worth,
I am sorry.
504
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:05,379
- You are?
- Yes. I should have got you
505
00:26:05,380 --> 00:26:07,880
to the hospital earlier because
you're clearly concussed.
506
00:26:08,024 --> 00:26:10,874
This is bad juju, Mum.
It's really, really bad.
507
00:26:11,019 --> 00:26:12,240
You're like a Gatling gun
of lies.
508
00:26:13,279 --> 00:26:16,120
I am not lying, Harold.
509
00:26:16,819 --> 00:26:19,759
Look, I am sorry
that your dad has died,
510
00:26:19,900 --> 00:26:22,180
but we all have to
come to terms with it.
511
00:26:22,620 --> 00:26:25,220
Going on and on at me
isn't going to change that.
512
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:27,619
Now, obviously
you have suffered
513
00:26:27,620 --> 00:26:29,240
a traumatic head injury,
514
00:26:29,500 --> 00:26:30,779
but just being rude to me
515
00:26:30,780 --> 00:26:32,780
is not going to
bring your father back.
516
00:26:35,549 --> 00:26:36,990
Oh, dear me.
517
00:26:38,329 --> 00:26:39,430
Oh, there we go.
518
00:26:43,037 --> 00:26:46,644
Evening, all. God, it's
a bit of a squeeze, isn't it?
519
00:26:49,049 --> 00:26:51,909
Anyone want a chunk?
Fruit and nut?
520
00:26:53,129 --> 00:26:54,509
What are you doing?
521
00:26:55,069 --> 00:26:56,329
Just popped
to the petrol station.
522
00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:00,554
You have told her, right?
523
00:27:01,710 --> 00:27:04,169
You massive twat!
37653
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof