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The world is always ragging on America
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The world is always ragging on America
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The world is always ragging on America
these days. Like, your president sucks.
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these days. Like, your president sucks.
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these days. Like, your president sucks.
Your economy is just AI. You're all
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Your economy is just AI. You're all
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Your economy is just AI. You're all
dying of measles.
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dying of measles.
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dying of measles.
Like, we get it. We get it. We're not
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Like, we get it. We get it. We're not
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Like, we get it. We get it. We're not
perfect. We know we have problems. But
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perfect. We know we have problems. But
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perfect. We know we have problems. But
guess what? The rest of the world has
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guess what? The rest of the world has
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guess what? The rest of the world has
got issues, too. Okay. All right. For
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got issues, too. Okay. All right. For
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got issues, too. Okay. All right. For
instance, China with your fancy solar
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instance, China with your fancy solar
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instance, China with your fancy solar
panels and your fast trains and your
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panels and your fast trains and your
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panels and your fast trains and your
sneezing pandas falling down. You know,
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sneezing pandas falling down. You know,
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sneezing pandas falling down. You know,
China,
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China,
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China,
you've got problems. Check this out.
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you've got problems. Check this out.
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you've got problems. Check this out.
>> Condoms and birth control pills just got
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>> Condoms and birth control pills just got
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>> Condoms and birth control pills just got
more expensive in China. The change is
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more expensive in China. The change is
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more expensive in China. The change is
part of a push from China's government
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part of a push from China's government
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part of a push from China's government
to reverse the country's falling birth
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to reverse the country's falling birth
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to reverse the country's falling birth
rate and encourage more couples to have
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rate and encourage more couples to have
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rate and encourage more couples to have
children.
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>> First of all, why would you pay for
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>> First of all, why would you pay for
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>> First of all, why would you pay for
condoms? Just go outside. They're on the
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condoms? Just go outside. They're on the
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condoms? Just go outside. They're on the
ground.
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ground.
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ground.
But like, haha, China, you've got
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But like, haha, China, you've got
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But like, haha, China, you've got
falling birth rates. And I know, I know
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falling birth rates. And I know, I know
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falling birth rates. And I know, I know
you're going to say, "Hey, Americans,
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you're going to say, "Hey, Americans,
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you're going to say, "Hey, Americans,
don't you also have falling birth
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don't you also have falling birth
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don't you also have falling birth
rates?" Yeah, but we find ways to
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rates?" Yeah, but we find ways to
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rates?" Yeah, but we find ways to
embrace them like like becoming Disney
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embrace them like like becoming Disney
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embrace them like like becoming Disney
adults. Okay. It's like, we don't need
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adults. Okay. It's like, we don't need
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adults. Okay. It's like, we don't need
kids. We are kids.
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Also, who does this condom tax target
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Also, who does this condom tax target
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Also, who does this condom tax target
exactly? Someone's like, "I want to have
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exactly? Someone's like, "I want to have
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exactly? Someone's like, "I want to have
sex, but I'm a cheapkate, so I guess
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sex, but I'm a cheapkate, so I guess
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sex, but I'm a cheapkate, so I guess
I'll just have a baby."
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Like, if China really wants to put
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Like, if China really wants to put
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Like, if China really wants to put
condoms out of reach, they should put
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condoms out of reach, they should put
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condoms out of reach, they should put
them on the top shelf.
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Actually, yeah. No, no, really though,
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Actually, yeah. No, no, really though,
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Actually, yeah. No, no, really though,
their overall health has improved, so
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their overall health has improved, so
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their overall health has improved, so
they are getting taller. But
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they are getting taller. But
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they are getting taller. But
you know, you know what else? They're
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you know, you know what else? They're
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you know, you know what else? They're
getting lonier. There's a new app in
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getting lonier. There's a new app in
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getting lonier. There's a new app in
China that's making headlines, are you
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China that's making headlines, are you
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China that's making headlines, are you
dead? Skyrocketing to the number one
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dead? Skyrocketing to the number one
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dead? Skyrocketing to the number one
paid app spot. It's a quote safety tool
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paid app spot. It's a quote safety tool
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paid app spot. It's a quote safety tool
crafted for solo dwellers, aka people
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crafted for solo dwellers, aka people
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crafted for solo dwellers, aka people
living alone to let their loved ones
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living alone to let their loved ones
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living alone to let their loved ones
know that they're alive. Users have to
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know that they're alive. Users have to
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know that they're alive. Users have to
hit a big green button once a day. And
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hit a big green button once a day. And
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hit a big green button once a day. And
if you fail to do it two days in a row,
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if you fail to do it two days in a row,
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if you fail to do it two days in a row,
it reaches out to your emergency
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it reaches out to your emergency
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it reaches out to your emergency
contact.
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>> Okay, wait. So, first of all, this is a
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>> Okay, wait. So, first of all, this is a
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>> Okay, wait. So, first of all, this is a
paid app.
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paid app.
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paid app.
So after the free trial, I have to like
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So after the free trial, I have to like
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So after the free trial, I have to like
watch an ad for DraftKings before
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watch an ad for DraftKings before
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watch an ad for DraftKings before
finding out if my grandma's dead.
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>> Okay. So, like doing it through an app
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>> Okay. So, like doing it through an app
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>> Okay. So, like doing it through an app
is so impersonal. Like just do what I
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is so impersonal. Like just do what I
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is so impersonal. Like just do what I
do. I text my mom, "Are you dead?" And
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do. I text my mom, "Are you dead?" And
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do. I text my mom, "Are you dead?" And
she she always says, "No." And then I
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she she always says, "No." And then I
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she she always says, "No." And then I
respond, "How about now?"
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respond, "How about now?"
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respond, "How about now?"
Like it's this cute little thing that we
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Like it's this cute little thing that we
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Like it's this cute little thing that we
do. And although she hasn't texted me
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do. And although she hasn't texted me
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do. And although she hasn't texted me
back in two days, so miss you, old gal.
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back in two days, so miss you, old gal.
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back in two days, so miss you, old gal.
But see, this is like the Uber Eats of
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But see, this is like the Uber Eats of
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But see, this is like the Uber Eats of
wellness checks. It's like, "Hey, do I
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wellness checks. It's like, "Hey, do I
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wellness checks. It's like, "Hey, do I
smell rotting flesh? I could get up from
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smell rotting flesh? I could get up from
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smell rotting flesh? I could get up from
the couch or I can check the old dead
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the couch or I can check the old dead
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the couch or I can check the old dead
neighbor app."
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neighbor app."
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neighbor app."
Sorry about that, China, but that is so
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Sorry about that, China, but that is so
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Sorry about that, China, but that is so
not our problem.
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And do you think we forgot about you,
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And do you think we forgot about you,
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And do you think we forgot about you,
England? Yeah, maybe we don't have
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England? Yeah, maybe we don't have
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England? Yeah, maybe we don't have
health care like you do, and we did end
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health care like you do, and we did end
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health care like you do, and we did end
up with a king after all. But
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up with a king after all. But
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up with a king after all. But
at least this didn't happen to us.
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at least this didn't happen to us.
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at least this didn't happen to us.
>> An English beach has been covered in
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>> An English beach has been covered in
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>> An English beach has been covered in
French fries after a cargo ship spilled.
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French fries after a cargo ship spilled.
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French fries after a cargo ship spilled.
>> Thousands of spuds and other veggies
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>> Thousands of spuds and other veggies
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>> Thousands of spuds and other veggies
have washed up, tumbling off a container
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have washed up, tumbling off a container
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have washed up, tumbling off a container
ship in a storm. And it could take years
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ship in a storm. And it could take years
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ship in a storm. And it could take years
to clean it up.
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to clean it up.
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to clean it up.
>> What?
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>> What?
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>> What?
FRENCH FRIES GO IN YOUR MOUTH, NOT THE
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FRENCH FRIES GO IN YOUR MOUTH, NOT THE
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FRENCH FRIES GO IN YOUR MOUTH, NOT THE
SEA.
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SEA.
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SEA.
ALSO, it's going to take years to clean
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ALSO, it's going to take years to clean
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ALSO, it's going to take years to clean
this up. Just get a group of girlfriends
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this up. Just get a group of girlfriends
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this up. Just get a group of girlfriends
together who will be like, "Hold on.
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together who will be like, "Hold on.
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together who will be like, "Hold on.
Should we be bad and eat all these ocean
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Should we be bad and eat all these ocean
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Should we be bad and eat all these ocean
fries?"
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fries?"
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fries?"
Like, they'll have the beach cleaned up
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Like, they'll have the beach cleaned up
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Like, they'll have the beach cleaned up
in an hour. This is This is what British
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in an hour. This is This is what British
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in an hour. This is This is what British
people get for not seasoning their food.
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people get for not seasoning their food.
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people get for not seasoning their food.
Okay? Food deserves better. Frankly, I'm
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Okay? Food deserves better. Frankly, I'm
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Okay? Food deserves better. Frankly, I'm
not convinced those French fries didn't
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not convinced those French fries didn't
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not convinced those French fries didn't
just kill themselves.
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just kill themselves.
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just kill themselves.
So, sorry Brits. Maybe we're clogging
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So, sorry Brits. Maybe we're clogging
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So, sorry Brits. Maybe we're clogging
our arteries with French fries, but
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our arteries with French fries, but
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our arteries with French fries, but
you're clogging the tunnel with them.
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you're clogging the tunnel with them.
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you're clogging the tunnel with them.
And that that is sonara.
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>> Guten Germany. You think you're better
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>> Guten Germany. You think you're better
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>> Guten Germany. You think you're better
than us because you have what?
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than us because you have what?
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than us because you have what?
Accordians and giant pretzels. It's not
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Accordians and giant pretzels. It's not
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Accordians and giant pretzels. It's not
like you don't have your own weird
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like you don't have your own weird
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like you don't have your own weird
going on.
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going on.
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going on.
>> Cyborg cockroaches ready for the
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>> Cyborg cockroaches ready for the
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>> Cyborg cockroaches ready for the
battlefield. Sci-fi fantasy. Absolutely
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battlefield. Sci-fi fantasy. Absolutely
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battlefield. Sci-fi fantasy. Absolutely
not. Swarm Biotactics in central Germany
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not. Swarm Biotactics in central Germany
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not. Swarm Biotactics in central Germany
is working with the Bundes to develop
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is working with the Bundes to develop
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is working with the Bundes to develop
technology that can steer the creepy
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technology that can steer the creepy
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technology that can steer the creepy
critters autonomously and send them on
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critters autonomously and send them on
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critters autonomously and send them on
reconnaissance missions.
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reconnaissance missions.
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reconnaissance missions.
Jesus Christ.
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Jesus Christ.
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Jesus Christ.
Cockroaches in the military. Can you
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Cockroaches in the military. Can you
231
00:04:51,919 --> 00:04:53,749
Cockroaches in the military. Can you
imagine? Wait, so now instead of
232
00:04:53,749 --> 00:04:53,759
imagine? Wait, so now instead of
233
00:04:53,759 --> 00:04:55,350
imagine? Wait, so now instead of
screaming when I see a cockroach, I have
234
00:04:55,350 --> 00:04:55,360
screaming when I see a cockroach, I have
235
00:04:55,360 --> 00:05:00,310
screaming when I see a cockroach, I have
to say, "Thank you for your service."
236
00:05:00,310 --> 00:05:00,320
237
00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:02,070
Let me guess. Let me guess. They get to
238
00:05:02,070 --> 00:05:02,080
Let me guess. Let me guess. They get to
239
00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:03,909
Let me guess. Let me guess. They get to
board the plane before everyone else,
240
00:05:03,909 --> 00:05:03,919
board the plane before everyone else,
241
00:05:03,919 --> 00:05:06,070
board the plane before everyone else,
too.
242
00:05:06,070 --> 00:05:06,080
too.
243
00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:07,909
too.
You know, if they get 10% off at Carell,
244
00:05:07,909 --> 00:05:07,919
You know, if they get 10% off at Carell,
245
00:05:07,919 --> 00:05:10,710
You know, if they get 10% off at Carell,
I'm going to lose it.
246
00:05:10,710 --> 00:05:10,720
I'm going to lose it.
247
00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:12,790
I'm going to lose it.
But hey, as long as this isn't part of a
248
00:05:12,790 --> 00:05:12,800
But hey, as long as this isn't part of a
249
00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:14,550
But hey, as long as this isn't part of a
larger trend in Germany.
250
00:05:14,550 --> 00:05:14,560
larger trend in Germany.
251
00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:16,629
larger trend in Germany.
>> Germany's new chancellor has vowed to
252
00:05:16,629 --> 00:05:16,639
>> Germany's new chancellor has vowed to
253
00:05:16,639 --> 00:05:18,790
>> Germany's new chancellor has vowed to
build the strongest army in Europe.
254
00:05:18,790 --> 00:05:18,800
build the strongest army in Europe.
255
00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,790
build the strongest army in Europe.
>> Germany wants to recruit an estimated
256
00:05:20,790 --> 00:05:20,800
>> Germany wants to recruit an estimated
257
00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:23,110
>> Germany wants to recruit an estimated
80,000 more active soldiers in the
258
00:05:23,110 --> 00:05:23,120
80,000 more active soldiers in the
259
00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:27,909
80,000 more active soldiers in the
upcoming years.
260
00:05:27,909 --> 00:05:27,919
261
00:05:27,919 --> 00:05:30,230
The world hasn't heard Germany assert
262
00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:30,240
The world hasn't heard Germany assert
263
00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:35,670
The world hasn't heard Germany assert
itself like this since World War II.
264
00:05:35,670 --> 00:05:35,680
265
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:38,390
>> Yes, Germany is rebuilding its military
266
00:05:38,390 --> 00:05:38,400
>> Yes, Germany is rebuilding its military
267
00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:40,629
>> Yes, Germany is rebuilding its military
for the first time since World War II.
268
00:05:40,629 --> 00:05:40,639
for the first time since World War II.
269
00:05:40,639 --> 00:05:43,430
for the first time since World War II.
And that's okay because it's actually
270
00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:43,440
And that's okay because it's actually
271
00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:47,800
And that's okay because it's actually
maybe that is everyone's problem.
23310
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