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1
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:04,917
Hey.
2
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:06,006
Hey.
3
00:00:06,093 --> 00:00:07,529
What you working on?
4
00:00:07,616 --> 00:00:09,226
Anything interesting?
5
00:00:09,313 --> 00:00:10,358
Yeah, actually.
6
00:00:10,445 --> 00:00:12,186
I'm-I'm building a new algorithm
7
00:00:12,273 --> 00:00:13,187
that weights search results...
8
00:00:13,274 --> 00:00:15,232
I'm gonna get laid.
9
00:00:15,319 --> 00:00:18,453
Congratulations.
Which hand are you going to use?
10
00:00:18,540 --> 00:00:21,456
That's, uh... that's funny.
11
00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:23,458
Because, um, you know,
if someone were to look
12
00:00:23,545 --> 00:00:25,242
at the two of us,
13
00:00:25,329 --> 00:00:27,027
they'd probably think
I'd be the one sitting home
14
00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:29,246
on a Friday night babbling on
about some geek nonsense,
15
00:00:29,333 --> 00:00:30,856
and you'd be the one
going out to,
16
00:00:30,943 --> 00:00:33,729
you know, get laid.
17
00:00:33,816 --> 00:00:36,732
Who's the "lucky lady"?
18
00:00:36,819 --> 00:00:37,559
Lyndsey is the lucky...
19
00:00:37,646 --> 00:00:39,256
getting "laid-y."
20
00:00:39,343 --> 00:00:42,042
Doesn't it bother you
that after she's with you,
21
00:00:42,129 --> 00:00:43,869
she goes home
to her more handsome,
22
00:00:43,956 --> 00:00:45,262
successful boyfriend?
23
00:00:45,349 --> 00:00:46,133
Why? I do the same thing.
24
00:00:51,007 --> 00:00:53,314
How did Lyndsey end up with him?
25
00:00:53,401 --> 00:00:54,924
Well, how did Iend up with him?
26
00:00:55,011 --> 00:00:56,969
Hey, Walden.
27
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,971
Hey.
28
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,973
Michaela, Heidi,
Sarah, this is Walden.
29
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,106
He's super hot, super rich
and super single.
30
00:01:03,193 --> 00:01:06,979
These are my friends,
and we are all super high.
31
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,068
Nice to meet you.
32
00:01:08,155 --> 00:01:10,331
Hi.
Nice house.
33
00:01:10,418 --> 00:01:13,160
[laughing]:
I am so wasted.
34
00:01:14,378 --> 00:01:15,814
What are you guys doing tonight?
35
00:01:15,901 --> 00:01:17,338
Oh, we're gonna play poker.
36
00:01:17,425 --> 00:01:18,556
You want to join?
37
00:01:18,643 --> 00:01:20,080
Yeah, come play with us!
38
00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:23,387
It'll be fun.I am so wasted.
39
00:01:23,474 --> 00:01:26,608
You know what, I-I actually
have a lot of work to do,
40
00:01:26,695 --> 00:01:28,262
and need to get
to bed early, but...
41
00:01:28,349 --> 00:01:29,741
you guys have fun.
42
00:01:29,828 --> 00:01:32,048
[gasps] We should
play strip poker.
43
00:01:32,135 --> 00:01:33,919
Yes.
44
00:01:34,006 --> 00:01:36,008
All right, ante up.
45
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:40,143
♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
46
00:01:40,230 --> 00:01:42,014
♪ Ah. ♪
♪ Men. ♪
♪ Men. ♪
47
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,458
Hey.
48
00:01:50,545 --> 00:01:52,373
All right,
let's get it over with.
49
00:01:52,460 --> 00:01:56,072
Tell me all the disturbing
details of how you "got laid."
50
00:01:56,159 --> 00:01:57,943
She never showed.
51
00:01:58,030 --> 00:02:00,511
She couldn't get away from
Larry, so I spent half the night
52
00:02:00,598 --> 00:02:04,472
waiting for her
in the parking lot of an ampm.
53
00:02:04,559 --> 00:02:07,649
Wow, I'm actually enjoying
one of your stories.
54
00:02:07,736 --> 00:02:09,346
Please, continue.
55
00:02:09,433 --> 00:02:11,435
But on the plus side,
56
00:02:11,522 --> 00:02:14,090
at 12:01, all the donuts
became half price.
57
00:02:14,177 --> 00:02:16,745
By 12:19, I-I had made friends
with the guy
58
00:02:16,832 --> 00:02:18,660
who lives
in the men's room, Raul.
59
00:02:18,747 --> 00:02:22,359
Is he looking for a roommate?
60
00:02:22,446 --> 00:02:23,534
You laugh, but he actually
turned the changing table
61
00:02:23,621 --> 00:02:26,407
into a Murphy bed.
62
00:02:26,494 --> 00:02:28,844
I'm sorry,
but if I remember correctly,
63
00:02:28,931 --> 00:02:30,280
last night, you were pretty sure
64
00:02:30,367 --> 00:02:32,587
that you were going
to "get laid."
65
00:02:34,284 --> 00:02:35,590
But, in fact,
you didn't "get laid."
66
00:02:35,677 --> 00:02:37,635
Are you done?
67
00:02:37,722 --> 00:02:40,029
Are you done not "getting laid"?
68
00:02:40,116 --> 00:02:41,422
[sighs]
69
00:02:41,509 --> 00:02:42,901
Seriously,
why are you doing this?
70
00:02:42,988 --> 00:02:44,381
Because I get
to have sex with Lyndsey.
71
00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:46,122
But you didn't have sex.
72
00:02:46,209 --> 00:02:47,863
You ended up shame-eating
stale donuts
73
00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:50,996
and talking to a homeless guy
in a men's room.
74
00:02:51,083 --> 00:02:53,869
They were not stale,
and Raul has a name.
75
00:02:53,956 --> 00:02:55,653
You can't let Lyndsey
treat you like this.
76
00:02:55,740 --> 00:02:57,002
You deserve better.
77
00:02:57,089 --> 00:02:59,527
I know.
Raul said the same thing.
78
00:02:59,614 --> 00:03:02,530
Well, I had a great night
last night.
79
00:03:02,617 --> 00:03:04,314
I ended up playing strip poker
80
00:03:04,401 --> 00:03:06,098
with four incredibly
beautiful women.
81
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,970
Oh, yeah,
I've been on that site.
82
00:03:08,057 --> 00:03:10,407
No, it was Jenny
and her friends.
83
00:03:10,494 --> 00:03:11,495
What a sec, is that
the charge on my card
84
00:03:11,582 --> 00:03:14,759
for TexasSqueezeEm.com?
85
00:03:17,675 --> 00:03:19,895
Wait, you played strip poker
with my niece?
86
00:03:19,982 --> 00:03:21,940
She was the dealer.
87
00:03:22,027 --> 00:03:23,986
But she did flop a great pair.
88
00:03:24,073 --> 00:03:26,249
Walden, Jenny is family.
89
00:03:26,336 --> 00:03:27,685
If you cross that line,
90
00:03:27,772 --> 00:03:29,296
I am not gonna be
your friend anymore.
91
00:03:29,383 --> 00:03:30,862
I mean, I'm still
gonna live here,
92
00:03:30,949 --> 00:03:32,386
but I'm not gonna be
your friend anymore.
93
00:03:32,473 --> 00:03:34,170
Relax, it was harmless fun.
94
00:03:34,257 --> 00:03:35,650
JENNY:
Hey!
95
00:03:35,737 --> 00:03:37,913
Look who's got his clothes on.Uh...
96
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:39,523
I had clothes on last night.
97
00:03:39,610 --> 00:03:41,133
Yeah, you were wearing a sock.
98
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,658
And not on your foot.
99
00:03:43,745 --> 00:03:45,355
It looked like Santa filled
100
00:03:45,442 --> 00:03:48,184
a stocking
at Elton John's house.
101
00:03:48,271 --> 00:03:49,751
"Harmless fun"?
102
00:03:49,838 --> 00:03:52,232
No, she did not see
Bennie or the Jets.
103
00:03:54,059 --> 00:03:55,800
Hey, we're gonna
hang out again tonight
104
00:03:55,887 --> 00:03:57,802
if you want to join us.Yeah, sure.
105
00:03:57,889 --> 00:03:59,413
Cool. I'll see you at 11:00.
106
00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:00,544
What, 11:00?
107
00:04:00,631 --> 00:04:01,632
What is it, New Year's Eve?
108
00:04:01,719 --> 00:04:03,025
[laughs]
109
00:04:03,112 --> 00:04:03,808
Bring your sock.
110
00:04:06,028 --> 00:04:08,378
You're not really going out
with them, are you?
111
00:04:08,465 --> 00:04:10,337
Is this about Jenny?
Will you stop it?
112
00:04:10,424 --> 00:04:12,687
I'm not the creepy guy who wants
to sleep with your niece.
113
00:04:12,774 --> 00:04:15,298
I'm the creepy guy
who wants to sleep
114
00:04:15,385 --> 00:04:16,908
with your niece's friends.
115
00:04:16,995 --> 00:04:18,606
And don't you think
that's a little sad?
116
00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:20,695
I mean, a 35-year-old man
hanging out with a bunch
117
00:04:20,782 --> 00:04:23,437
of hot young girls who just want
to drink, party, get naked...
118
00:04:23,524 --> 00:04:25,003
and anything I say
after this point
119
00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:26,744
doesn't really matter, does it?
120
00:04:26,831 --> 00:04:27,963
It doesn't.
121
00:04:28,050 --> 00:04:29,878
I've never had this in my life.
122
00:04:29,965 --> 00:04:32,097
Wh-When I was her age, I'd
already dropped out of M.I.T.,
123
00:04:32,184 --> 00:04:34,143
gotten married
and started my own business.
124
00:04:34,230 --> 00:04:35,753
I was delivering pizza,
going to junior college
125
00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:38,103
and dating a melon.
126
00:04:38,190 --> 00:04:41,106
Oh, God!
127
00:04:41,193 --> 00:04:43,413
I called her my little honeydew.
128
00:04:47,809 --> 00:04:48,810
Walden?
129
00:04:48,897 --> 00:04:49,941
I'm up. Let's party.
130
00:04:50,028 --> 00:04:53,684
Jagerbombs,
bottle service.
131
00:04:53,771 --> 00:04:56,078
What's going on? I thought you
were going out with the girls.
132
00:04:56,165 --> 00:04:57,819
I am, but not until 11:00.
133
00:04:57,906 --> 00:05:01,605
What is it... 9:00?
134
00:05:01,692 --> 00:05:03,215
How can I be so sleepy?
135
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:06,262
I've already had two naps
and three Red Bulls.
136
00:05:06,349 --> 00:05:08,656
Uh, my brother Charlie had a
great trick for staying awake.
137
00:05:08,743 --> 00:05:10,788
Two hookers and an eight ball.
138
00:05:10,875 --> 00:05:12,616
I'll pass.
139
00:05:12,703 --> 00:05:14,183
What's with the bag?
140
00:05:14,270 --> 00:05:15,880
Oh, my God,
are you moving in with Raul?
141
00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:20,581
No, Lyndsey felt guilty
about last night
142
00:05:20,668 --> 00:05:22,191
and Larry is on a business trip,
143
00:05:22,278 --> 00:05:24,193
so she is treating me
to a romantic rendezvous
144
00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:25,847
at a four-star hotel
at the beach.
145
00:05:25,934 --> 00:05:27,849
Oh, come on, man.
146
00:05:27,936 --> 00:05:28,806
She's treating you
like a piece of meat.
147
00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:31,809
I know, it's great.
148
00:05:31,896 --> 00:05:34,986
Plus, I have already masturbated
so I can hit the sweet spot
149
00:05:35,073 --> 00:05:38,250
between "you're done already?"
and "enough already."
150
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,514
Enough already.
151
00:05:40,601 --> 00:05:41,776
Don't worry, I'll talk to her.
152
00:05:41,863 --> 00:05:43,081
Okay, well, good luck.
153
00:05:43,168 --> 00:05:44,692
And give Lyndsey my best.
154
00:05:44,779 --> 00:05:46,650
Sure, right after
I give her my best.
155
00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:47,782
Boo-ya!
156
00:05:52,308 --> 00:05:53,831
Hi.
157
00:05:53,918 --> 00:05:55,833
Oh, so you did decide
to show up tonight.
158
00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:59,054
I know. Sorry I'm late.
159
00:05:59,141 --> 00:06:00,577
It's fine.
160
00:06:00,664 --> 00:06:03,406
You just turned happy hour
into miffed hour.
161
00:06:03,493 --> 00:06:06,409
And four-dollar pot stickers
into eight-dollar pot stickers.
162
00:06:06,496 --> 00:06:09,020
Well, the important
thing is I'm here now,
163
00:06:09,107 --> 00:06:10,718
and you look really
nice tonight.
164
00:06:10,805 --> 00:06:12,328
Did you do something
different with your hair?
165
00:06:12,415 --> 00:06:13,416
You don't have to flatter me.
166
00:06:13,503 --> 00:06:15,810
You know I'm gonna give it up.
167
00:06:15,897 --> 00:06:17,899
But we do need to talk.
168
00:06:17,986 --> 00:06:20,031
I said I was sorry.
169
00:06:20,118 --> 00:06:21,468
It's not just that;
it's everything.
170
00:06:21,555 --> 00:06:22,991
It's the...
it's the sneaking around,
171
00:06:23,078 --> 00:06:25,907
it's the curt texts,
it's the going Dutch.
172
00:06:25,994 --> 00:06:28,388
Alan, you know this
is complicated.
173
00:06:28,475 --> 00:06:29,389
I have a boyfriend.
174
00:06:29,476 --> 00:06:30,738
Yes, and I have feelings.
175
00:06:30,825 --> 00:06:32,087
And I am feeling disrespected.
176
00:06:32,174 --> 00:06:34,872
I hear you, and
I will work harder
177
00:06:34,959 --> 00:06:37,745
to make sure that you don't
feel taken for granted.
178
00:06:37,832 --> 00:06:39,355
Thank you.
179
00:06:39,442 --> 00:06:42,010
Now, why don't we
go up to our room
180
00:06:42,097 --> 00:06:44,404
and respectfully
disrespect each other?
181
00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:46,362
Ooh, someone wants a spanking.
182
00:06:46,449 --> 00:06:47,711
I know.
183
00:06:47,798 --> 00:06:49,409
Can it be me this time?
184
00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:51,628
Oh, yeah, we can play
naughty school girl
185
00:06:51,715 --> 00:06:53,456
and no-nonsense math teacher.
186
00:06:53,543 --> 00:06:54,718
Oh, no.
187
00:06:54,805 --> 00:06:57,939
Oh, yes, 138 divided
by two is 69.
188
00:06:58,026 --> 00:06:58,896
No.
189
00:06:58,983 --> 00:07:00,724
It's Stephanie Chapman.
190
00:07:00,811 --> 00:07:01,986
Shh. Maybe she
won't see us.
191
00:07:02,073 --> 00:07:03,901
Lyndsey, Alan!
192
00:07:03,988 --> 00:07:06,034
Stephanie, hi.
193
00:07:06,121 --> 00:07:08,297
Oh, wow, uh, l-look at you,
you look great.
194
00:07:08,384 --> 00:07:11,866
I should. I got the Lap-Band,
and I dropped 172 pounds.
195
00:07:11,953 --> 00:07:13,041
Oh.Good for you.
196
00:07:13,128 --> 00:07:14,695
Hold your applause till the end.
197
00:07:14,782 --> 00:07:14,869
This is the end.
198
00:07:17,132 --> 00:07:18,350
So, what are you two doing here?
199
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:19,482
Oh, well...There...
200
00:07:19,569 --> 00:07:21,092
Are you guys back together?
201
00:07:21,179 --> 00:07:22,616
No, no, we're just...Did you split up with Larry?
202
00:07:22,703 --> 00:07:23,355
No, Alan and I are
just friends and...
203
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:24,922
Wine, hotel?
204
00:07:25,009 --> 00:07:26,968
[singsongy]:
I smell a hookup.
205
00:07:27,055 --> 00:07:29,797
Oh, we are... we are
definitely not together.
206
00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:33,061
Wh-What you smell are
eight-dollar pot stickers.
207
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,194
So, wh-what brings you here?
208
00:07:36,281 --> 00:07:38,980
Uh, there is a singles' mixer,
and this former fatty
209
00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:41,548
is looking for a sugar daddy.
210
00:07:41,635 --> 00:07:43,593
Make sure he's
a-a sugar-free daddy.
211
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:45,029
[giggles]
212
00:07:45,116 --> 00:07:47,641
You are adorable.
I could just eat you up.
213
00:07:47,728 --> 00:07:50,295
I don't know, I'd probably
just taste like chicken.
214
00:07:50,382 --> 00:07:54,125
Mmm, I'll bring the biscuits
and you bring the gravy.
215
00:07:56,737 --> 00:07:58,782
Okay, I'm gonna leave
you two "friends" alone.
216
00:07:58,869 --> 00:08:02,612
Hashtag "suspicious."
217
00:08:02,699 --> 00:08:03,961
Great seeing you.
218
00:08:04,048 --> 00:08:04,962
You, too.Oh, take care.
219
00:08:05,049 --> 00:08:06,268
I know you're gonna hate
220
00:08:06,355 --> 00:08:07,835
to see me go,
but you're gonna love
221
00:08:07,922 --> 00:08:10,359
watching me walk away.
222
00:08:10,446 --> 00:08:12,404
Oh, God.
223
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,232
She is the most annoying woman
on the planet.
224
00:08:14,319 --> 00:08:15,799
Yeah, she is horrible.
225
00:08:15,886 --> 00:08:17,192
You have to go
out with her.
226
00:08:17,279 --> 00:08:18,280
Hmm? What?
227
00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:19,281
She totally suspects
228
00:08:19,368 --> 00:08:20,978
we're having an affair.
229
00:08:21,065 --> 00:08:22,110
The only way to convince
her we're not a couple
230
00:08:22,197 --> 00:08:23,241
is for you to ask her out.
231
00:08:23,328 --> 00:08:24,547
No.
232
00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:25,896
Forget her stomach.
233
00:08:25,983 --> 00:08:26,941
They should've stapled
her mouth shut.
234
00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:28,812
That's exactly the problem.
235
00:08:28,899 --> 00:08:30,422
She'll tell Larry.
236
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,468
Oh-oh, no, no, there-there has
to be an easier way.
237
00:08:32,555 --> 00:08:33,861
Can't I just kill her?
238
00:08:33,948 --> 00:08:36,298
It'd be a much smaller grave
to dig now.
239
00:08:36,385 --> 00:08:38,822
I'm serious, if you ever want
to have sex with me again,
240
00:08:38,909 --> 00:08:40,128
you will ask her out.
241
00:08:40,215 --> 00:08:41,042
Oh, fine, fine,
I'll-I'll ask her out.
242
00:08:41,129 --> 00:08:42,913
Now let's go upstairs.
243
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,436
Oh, it's not gonna happen.
244
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:45,437
She's right over there.
245
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:46,700
I'm going home.
246
00:08:46,787 --> 00:08:47,352
But-but I thought
we were gonna...
247
00:08:47,439 --> 00:08:49,529
Good-bye.
248
00:08:50,617 --> 00:08:52,532
[huffs]
249
00:09:05,370 --> 00:09:08,156
[laughter, clamoring]
250
00:09:08,243 --> 00:09:11,551
Wow, this is a beautiful house!
251
00:09:11,638 --> 00:09:12,247
Who lives here?
252
00:09:12,334 --> 00:09:14,379
You do.
253
00:09:14,466 --> 00:09:16,643
Whoa, I must be rich!
254
00:09:16,730 --> 00:09:18,079
You are.
255
00:09:18,166 --> 00:09:19,384
Oh, yeah!
256
00:09:19,471 --> 00:09:21,691
Whoa, my fingers are glowing!
257
00:09:21,778 --> 00:09:25,260
I'm so rich I have
rainbow fingers!
258
00:09:25,347 --> 00:09:27,305
Hey, let's get some music going.
259
00:09:27,392 --> 00:09:28,742
Yeah!Yeah!
260
00:09:28,829 --> 00:09:30,787
Oh!
261
00:09:30,874 --> 00:09:34,008
This is the greatest
song I've ever heard!
262
00:09:34,095 --> 00:09:36,401
Walden? Jenny?
263
00:09:36,488 --> 00:09:37,489
It-it's 3:00
in the morning.
264
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,970
I know, and I'm still awake!
265
00:09:40,057 --> 00:09:42,582
And I'm still wasted!
266
00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:44,801
Oh, no, your fingers
aren't glowing!
267
00:09:44,888 --> 00:09:45,976
Oh, that's because he's poor.
268
00:09:48,239 --> 00:09:51,242
Oh, I am sorry, Alan.
269
00:09:51,329 --> 00:09:53,462
Whoa!
270
00:09:53,549 --> 00:09:55,377
Your skin is so soft.
271
00:09:55,464 --> 00:09:56,944
Guys, feel Alan's skin.
It's so soft.
272
00:09:57,031 --> 00:09:59,163
Whoa!It's so soft.
273
00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:00,556
It's so soft.Okay, okay, okay!
274
00:10:00,643 --> 00:10:01,949
Everybody stop touching me.
275
00:10:02,036 --> 00:10:03,428
Except you.
276
00:10:04,647 --> 00:10:05,430
Hi. I'm Alan.
277
00:10:05,517 --> 00:10:08,999
Alan, I'm high.
278
00:10:09,086 --> 00:10:10,174
What-what is going on?
279
00:10:10,261 --> 00:10:12,699
Oh, Alan, we were at a party,
280
00:10:12,786 --> 00:10:14,439
and we were drinking
and smoking,
281
00:10:14,526 --> 00:10:17,529
and then I ate a tiny pill
off of someone's nipple.
282
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,444
It was like a nipple
Pez dispenser.
283
00:10:19,531 --> 00:10:21,882
Okay, okay, it's time
for the party to end,
284
00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:23,231
and everybody
to just sleep this off.
285
00:10:23,318 --> 00:10:25,233
Yeah, Alan's right.
286
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:28,018
We should get naked and
go skinny-dipping in the ocean!
287
00:10:28,105 --> 00:10:29,585
Yeah, Sarah's right.
Come on.
288
00:10:29,672 --> 00:10:32,153
[women whooping]
289
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:35,722
Ha-ha! Yes!
290
00:10:39,116 --> 00:10:41,771
He's going skinny-dipping
with the hot chicks,
291
00:10:41,858 --> 00:10:44,644
and my girlfriend's
banging another dude.
292
00:10:44,731 --> 00:10:46,820
Can you throw me a bone, God?
293
00:10:46,907 --> 00:10:48,212
[thumping nearby]
294
00:10:48,299 --> 00:10:50,345
Oh, I didn't forget
about you, Alan.
295
00:10:50,432 --> 00:10:52,913
There's a new melon
in the fridge.
296
00:11:03,097 --> 00:11:05,969
[chuckles]
297
00:11:06,056 --> 00:11:07,536
Oh, crap.
298
00:11:07,623 --> 00:11:10,495
♪ Men.♪
299
00:11:16,197 --> 00:11:19,069
Don't be naked, don't be naked.
300
00:11:19,156 --> 00:11:21,463
Damn.
301
00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:24,771
Don't be naked,
don't be naked.
302
00:11:24,858 --> 00:11:25,336
Damn.
303
00:11:26,511 --> 00:11:29,340
Damn!
304
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,257
Whoa!
305
00:11:34,519 --> 00:11:35,564
Whoa.
306
00:11:37,392 --> 00:11:40,743
Whoa!
307
00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:41,526
Morning.
308
00:11:41,613 --> 00:11:43,877
We're naked.
309
00:11:43,964 --> 00:11:44,878
Yes, we are.
310
00:11:44,965 --> 00:11:46,357
How did we get here?
311
00:11:46,444 --> 00:11:47,881
The last thing
I remember
312
00:11:47,968 --> 00:11:49,665
was asking some chick,
313
00:11:49,752 --> 00:11:52,059
"Can you mix these
with alcohol?"
314
00:11:52,146 --> 00:11:54,539
Apparently the answer is no.
315
00:11:54,626 --> 00:11:57,325
Okay, 'cause the...
'cause the last thing I remember
316
00:11:57,412 --> 00:11:59,457
is you looking
in a mirror saying,
317
00:11:59,544 --> 00:12:01,721
"Can we mix these with alcohol?"
318
00:12:01,808 --> 00:12:03,113
[laughs]
Don't worry.
319
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:04,114
Nothing could've happened.
320
00:12:04,201 --> 00:12:05,246
I'm gay.
321
00:12:06,334 --> 00:12:07,639
Ah, that's right.
322
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:10,164
You're gay.
[laughs]
323
00:12:10,251 --> 00:12:11,165
Wait.
324
00:12:11,252 --> 00:12:12,601
How gay?
325
00:12:12,688 --> 00:12:14,385
Like, one being,
"Yay, it's college!"
326
00:12:14,472 --> 00:12:17,606
Or ten being,
"I'm going Subaru shopping
327
00:12:17,693 --> 00:12:19,695
with Ellen and Rosie."
328
00:12:21,610 --> 00:12:22,829
I'm closer to a nine.
329
00:12:22,916 --> 00:12:24,395
I mean, I make my own soap,
330
00:12:24,482 --> 00:12:25,875
but I don't sell it
at the Lilith Fair.
331
00:12:25,962 --> 00:12:28,225
Oh, great, great.
332
00:12:28,312 --> 00:12:29,705
I mean, granted you're prettier
333
00:12:29,792 --> 00:12:31,228
than a lot of the women
I've dated,
334
00:12:31,315 --> 00:12:33,840
ut you have an outie
and I'm into innies.
335
00:12:33,927 --> 00:12:35,450
Okay, okay,
so we didn't have sex.
336
00:12:35,537 --> 00:12:37,147
That is a load off.
337
00:12:37,234 --> 00:12:38,627
Uh, that's a poor choice
of words.
338
00:12:38,714 --> 00:12:41,543
Although sometimes
I date an innie
339
00:12:41,630 --> 00:12:44,415
who has an outtie in her purse.
340
00:12:44,502 --> 00:12:47,244
What is that supposed to mean?
341
00:12:47,331 --> 00:12:50,944
I don't know,
I'm just saying it's possible.
342
00:12:51,031 --> 00:12:53,076
Oh, God, if Alan finds out,
he's gonna freak out.
343
00:12:53,163 --> 00:12:54,774
He won't move out,
but he will freak out.
344
00:12:54,861 --> 00:12:56,732
Okay, settle down.
345
00:12:56,819 --> 00:12:58,865
We don't even know if there's
anything to freak out about.
346
00:12:58,952 --> 00:13:00,040
[stammers]
Hello.
347
00:13:00,127 --> 00:13:01,737
Hello.
Stop that!
348
00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:04,131
We got to figure out what to do.
349
00:13:04,218 --> 00:13:05,349
Okay, what we're gonna do
350
00:13:05,436 --> 00:13:07,699
is never talk about this again.
351
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,266
So, you're just saying deny
352
00:13:09,353 --> 00:13:11,181
that we ever woke up
in bed naked together?
353
00:13:11,268 --> 00:13:12,574
I have a motto
for situations like this.
354
00:13:12,661 --> 00:13:14,576
What happens in Jenny,
355
00:13:14,663 --> 00:13:16,665
stays in Jenny.
356
00:13:21,191 --> 00:13:23,759
So, I was really surprised
you called me.
357
00:13:23,846 --> 00:13:27,545
Well, I-I couldn't get
your voice out of my head.
358
00:13:27,632 --> 00:13:30,026
You're not the first one
to say that.
359
00:13:30,113 --> 00:13:33,247
There it goes again.
360
00:13:33,334 --> 00:13:36,293
No, I was surprised
because I was vibing there was
361
00:13:36,380 --> 00:13:38,339
definitely something going on
between you and Lyndsey.
362
00:13:38,426 --> 00:13:39,819
No, we're-we're just friends.
363
00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:40,471
And-and barely that.
364
00:13:42,604 --> 00:13:44,432
She's a drunk, you know?
365
00:13:44,519 --> 00:13:46,216
Oh, believe me, I know.
366
00:13:46,303 --> 00:13:47,652
You should hear wine bottles
in her trash bins
367
00:13:47,739 --> 00:13:49,089
on Friday morning.Mm-hmm.
368
00:13:49,176 --> 00:13:51,439
I mean, clank, clank,
drunken skank!
369
00:13:51,526 --> 00:13:53,963
Yeah, she's a whore, too.
370
00:13:54,050 --> 00:13:56,879
I don't know
why she ever let you go.
371
00:13:56,966 --> 00:13:58,925
You are quite the catch.
372
00:13:59,012 --> 00:14:00,970
Uh, I know I present that way,
373
00:14:01,057 --> 00:14:03,016
but I'm more catch and release.
374
00:14:03,103 --> 00:14:05,192
Well, I am not releasing.
375
00:14:05,279 --> 00:14:06,062
[high-pitched whoosh]
376
00:14:06,149 --> 00:14:07,934
[clicks tongue]
377
00:14:10,632 --> 00:14:12,852
[laughs]
378
00:14:14,418 --> 00:14:16,116
You are so cute.
379
00:14:16,203 --> 00:14:18,205
Thank you.
Uh, you're not eating your food.
380
00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:19,684
Do you not like Souplantation?
381
00:14:19,771 --> 00:14:21,469
No, I love it,
but since the surgery,
382
00:14:21,556 --> 00:14:25,560
I can't eat a portion
larger than my fist.
383
00:14:25,647 --> 00:14:27,692
But don't worry.
384
00:14:27,779 --> 00:14:29,738
That only applies to food.
385
00:14:34,656 --> 00:14:39,139
How are you still single?
386
00:14:43,621 --> 00:14:45,841
Hey.
387
00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:47,669
Hey.
388
00:14:47,756 --> 00:14:49,845
So, listen.
389
00:14:49,932 --> 00:14:53,370
Uh, about that thing
that didn't happen...
390
00:14:55,111 --> 00:14:57,635
I have a way to figure out
if it happened.
391
00:14:57,722 --> 00:15:00,551
I'm not peeing on any sticks.
392
00:15:00,638 --> 00:15:03,163
No.
393
00:15:03,250 --> 00:15:06,079
There is a camera in my room.
394
00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:07,515
[sighs]
395
00:15:07,602 --> 00:15:10,257
And that's why
I don't sleep with guys.
396
00:15:10,344 --> 00:15:11,649
It was your dad's.
397
00:15:11,736 --> 00:15:12,650
And that's why I drink.
398
00:15:14,739 --> 00:15:18,569
So we could watch the video back
399
00:15:18,656 --> 00:15:20,354
and know for sure.
400
00:15:20,441 --> 00:15:22,095
Or...
401
00:15:22,182 --> 00:15:23,835
we could erase it
402
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:27,491
and continue to deny
that anything ever happened.
403
00:15:27,578 --> 00:15:29,798
Play it.
404
00:15:29,885 --> 00:15:31,452
Ah, damn it.
405
00:15:31,539 --> 00:15:33,193
I was sure you were
gonna say erase it.
406
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:34,934
No, I want to watch it.
407
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:36,718
It'll be like a quarterback
watching game film.
408
00:15:36,805 --> 00:15:39,416
Only the quarterback's
a lesbian.
409
00:15:39,503 --> 00:15:41,897
And the game's boning a dude.
410
00:15:41,984 --> 00:15:42,637
Exactly.
411
00:15:42,724 --> 00:15:44,726
Okay.
412
00:15:45,727 --> 00:15:48,512
Here we go.
413
00:15:48,599 --> 00:15:49,644
[sighs]
414
00:15:49,731 --> 00:15:50,732
Wait!
Erase it?
415
00:15:50,819 --> 00:15:52,864
No, I want to make popcorn.
416
00:15:55,432 --> 00:15:58,566
So both of my ex-husbands
turned out to be gay.
417
00:15:58,653 --> 00:16:01,699
But the weird thing is...
is after I divorced them,
418
00:16:01,786 --> 00:16:03,788
they both turned straight again.
419
00:16:03,875 --> 00:16:05,573
What are the odds?
420
00:16:05,660 --> 00:16:07,749
Uh, well, this has been great.
421
00:16:07,836 --> 00:16:09,881
Whoa, somebody's fresh.
422
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,318
[laughs]
423
00:16:13,537 --> 00:16:14,843
Come on in.
424
00:16:14,930 --> 00:16:16,976
I would love to take
you up on that,
425
00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:18,412
but, you know,
it's, uh....
426
00:16:18,499 --> 00:16:21,110
6:45...
427
00:16:21,197 --> 00:16:23,895
and, uh, I have
got to go home
428
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,201
and, uh, hit the hay.
429
00:16:25,288 --> 00:16:26,637
Oh, I have hay here.
430
00:16:26,724 --> 00:16:29,727
And I will definitely
let you "hit it."
431
00:16:29,814 --> 00:16:31,425
That is tempting.
432
00:16:31,512 --> 00:16:33,818
Uh, and I am definitely
gonna have to come
433
00:16:33,905 --> 00:16:36,734
to terms with that while
I'm in the monastery.
434
00:16:36,821 --> 00:16:38,867
All right, I get it.
435
00:16:38,954 --> 00:16:40,303
You're making excuses
436
00:16:40,390 --> 00:16:42,218
because you're still
in love with Lyndsey.
437
00:16:42,305 --> 00:16:44,003
God, no, we're-we're
just friends.
438
00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:45,787
Yeah, and I didn't
just fart in your car.
439
00:16:47,528 --> 00:16:48,833
It's fine, okay?
I get it.
440
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:52,402
I just feel bad
for her boyfriend.
441
00:16:52,489 --> 00:16:54,056
[groans] Wait!
442
00:16:54,143 --> 00:16:55,971
Uh, if-if I was still
in love with Lyndsey,
443
00:16:56,058 --> 00:16:57,451
would I do this?
444
00:16:59,757 --> 00:17:01,455
Wow.
445
00:17:01,542 --> 00:17:03,718
Do that again, but keep
your eyes open and say my name.
446
00:17:04,936 --> 00:17:06,634
[muffled]:
Stephanie?
447
00:17:06,721 --> 00:17:07,722
[both grunt]
448
00:17:12,553 --> 00:17:13,945
Are you sure about this?
449
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:16,383
Because once we see it,
we can't un-see it.
450
00:17:16,470 --> 00:17:18,428
Yeah, worst-case
scenario, it's a video
451
00:17:18,515 --> 00:17:20,561
of two hot people
having sex.
452
00:17:20,648 --> 00:17:23,259
Well, I'm just gonna say...
453
00:17:23,346 --> 00:17:25,479
if I had sex with one Harper
in this house,
454
00:17:25,566 --> 00:17:26,915
thank God it was you.
455
00:17:29,265 --> 00:17:32,007
[groans] Okay.
456
00:17:32,094 --> 00:17:34,879
Oh, this is not
a good start.
457
00:17:34,966 --> 00:17:36,925
♪ Bow chicka bow wow. ♪
458
00:17:37,012 --> 00:17:38,796
Will you stop that?
459
00:17:38,883 --> 00:17:42,365
Oh, having sex with a guy
in my dad's bed.
460
00:17:42,452 --> 00:17:44,759
Paging Dr. Freud, huh?
461
00:17:44,846 --> 00:17:46,630
You know what?
Let's just go back to denial.
462
00:17:46,717 --> 00:17:47,762
No, wait, wait!
463
00:17:47,849 --> 00:17:49,633
Wait, that is not me.
464
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,766
I don't have a Fred
Flintstone tattoo.
465
00:17:51,853 --> 00:17:54,856
Well, if that's not you,
then who is she?
466
00:17:54,943 --> 00:17:59,730
You're the one
yabba-dabba-doin' her.
467
00:17:59,817 --> 00:18:02,429
I don't know who that is.
468
00:18:02,516 --> 00:18:04,170
God, I love living
at the beach.
469
00:18:04,257 --> 00:18:05,606
Mmm.
470
00:18:05,693 --> 00:18:06,607
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!
471
00:18:06,694 --> 00:18:07,825
That's Heidi!
472
00:18:07,912 --> 00:18:09,523
You banged Heidi.Really?
473
00:18:09,610 --> 00:18:10,828
Yes! Good going.
474
00:18:10,915 --> 00:18:12,265
[grunts]
475
00:18:12,352 --> 00:18:13,614
[laughs]
476
00:18:13,701 --> 00:18:15,268
So, how did I end
up in your bed?
477
00:18:15,355 --> 00:18:16,530
I don't... Uh, wait.
478
00:18:16,617 --> 00:18:17,792
Is that you?
479
00:18:17,879 --> 00:18:19,750
Yeah.Well, who are you with?
480
00:18:19,837 --> 00:18:22,492
Oops, I turned Sarah.
481
00:18:22,579 --> 00:18:23,450
[laughs]
482
00:18:23,537 --> 00:18:26,583
Nice!
[laughs]
483
00:18:26,670 --> 00:18:28,846
Wh-Whoa, who are
those people?
484
00:18:28,933 --> 00:18:30,370
[grunts]
485
00:18:30,457 --> 00:18:32,241
Do you remember the
bonfire on the beach?
486
00:18:32,328 --> 00:18:34,635
Yeah, the Italian
exchange students!
487
00:18:34,722 --> 00:18:36,332
"I no have-ah
the bus fare-ah."
488
00:18:36,419 --> 00:18:38,073
They no have-ah
no pants-ah!
489
00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:40,467
Oh, wow!Did we invite them
back to the house?
490
00:18:40,554 --> 00:18:42,730
I guess so-- I mean,
that is a big pile of naked.
491
00:18:42,817 --> 00:18:45,994
Oh... oh, man.
492
00:18:46,081 --> 00:18:48,779
Now Heidi's with the guy
that looks like James Franco.
493
00:18:48,866 --> 00:18:49,824
[laughs]
494
00:18:49,911 --> 00:18:54,002
Wait, that is James Franco!
495
00:18:54,089 --> 00:18:58,049
That guy is in everything!
496
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,182
Wait a second,
who am I with now?
497
00:19:00,269 --> 00:19:02,053
Oh, now you're with Sarah.
498
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:03,054
[laughs]
499
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,970
Turned her back-- wah!
500
00:19:06,057 --> 00:19:07,537
Oh...
501
00:19:07,624 --> 00:19:09,191
that is some
Game of Thronesstuff there.
502
00:19:09,278 --> 00:19:11,193
Yeah, but we
didn't, uh...?
503
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:13,195
No, I guess not.
504
00:19:13,282 --> 00:19:16,677
Oh, well, maybe.
505
00:19:16,764 --> 00:19:18,548
That is my ass.
506
00:19:18,635 --> 00:19:22,248
No, that's my ass.
507
00:19:22,335 --> 00:19:24,206
Oh.
508
00:19:24,293 --> 00:19:25,903
Is that your arm?
509
00:19:25,990 --> 00:19:27,383
Uh, no, that is my...
510
00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:28,602
BERTA:
What are you doing?
511
00:19:29,690 --> 00:19:30,995
Nothing.
512
00:19:31,082 --> 00:19:32,040
Hanging out.
513
00:19:32,127 --> 00:19:33,955
Okay. So, listen.
514
00:19:34,042 --> 00:19:38,177
Are we all gonna talk about
the orgy we had last night?
515
00:19:42,006 --> 00:19:43,965
What?
516
00:19:44,052 --> 00:19:46,620
Y-You were there?
517
00:19:46,707 --> 00:19:47,751
Hell, yeah.
518
00:19:47,838 --> 00:19:49,971
I banged James Franco.
519
00:19:50,058 --> 00:19:52,016
♪ Men.♪
520
00:19:56,369 --> 00:19:57,805
♪ Men.♪
521
00:19:57,892 --> 00:19:59,285
I'm so glad
you were able to get away.
522
00:19:59,372 --> 00:20:00,808
I owe you one for going
out with Stephanie.
523
00:20:00,895 --> 00:20:02,940
The only way I got through it...
524
00:20:03,027 --> 00:20:04,638
Mm-hmm.was by thinking of you.
525
00:20:04,725 --> 00:20:05,639
Through what?
526
00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:06,596
You know, Stephanie.
527
00:20:06,683 --> 00:20:08,816
I took one for the team.
528
00:20:08,903 --> 00:20:10,513
Rather I, uh,
gave one for the team.
529
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,428
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.
530
00:20:12,515 --> 00:20:13,908
You had sex with her?
531
00:20:13,995 --> 00:20:15,257
Yeah, the second time
was not easy.
532
00:20:15,344 --> 00:20:17,955
Oh, my God!
533
00:20:18,042 --> 00:20:19,392
What? Wasn't I supposed to?
534
00:20:19,479 --> 00:20:20,480
No, you were supposed
to take her out,
535
00:20:20,567 --> 00:20:21,829
go to a movie or something.
536
00:20:21,916 --> 00:20:22,960
Oh, I don't think I could've sat
537
00:20:23,047 --> 00:20:24,397
through a movie with her.
538
00:20:24,484 --> 00:20:25,528
You are unbelievable.
I'm out of here.
539
00:20:25,615 --> 00:20:27,661
B-But I thought we were gonna...
540
00:20:27,748 --> 00:20:29,140
Oh, no. God, no.
541
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:30,533
But... but...
542
00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:32,622
but you have a boyfriend!
543
00:20:32,709 --> 00:20:34,668
[sighs]
544
00:20:40,717 --> 00:20:41,588
Hello, uh, Stephanie?
545
00:20:41,675 --> 00:20:44,112
Yeah, it-it's Alan.
546
00:20:44,199 --> 00:20:47,028
Uh, turns out, uh,
the doctor read my MRI wrong.
547
00:20:47,115 --> 00:20:49,335
I will be free tonight.♪ Men.♪
548
00:20:49,422 --> 00:20:50,814
Captioning sponsored by
CBS and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
549
00:20:50,901 --> 00:20:52,947
and TOYOTA.
550
00:20:53,034 --> 00:20:54,165
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
37245
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