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1
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{\i1}The first rule of quantum leaping
is to find out who I am.{\i0}
2
00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:15,680
{\i1}Then, who I'm here to help.{\i0}
3
00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:17,800
Charlie-san!
4
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:23,120
{\i1}Third, if I've made a mistake,
know how to make up for it.{\i0}
5
00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:27,240
- {\i1}And always, always know when to leave.{\i0}
- {\i1}Sayonara,{\i0} Sam.
6
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,760
{\i1}Which brings me back to
the first rule of quantum leaping{\i0}
7
00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:41,080
{\i1}finding out who I am.{\i0}
8
00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:45,240
{\i1}Sam?{\i0}
9
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:47,520
My name!
10
00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:52,800
I'm gonna be called by my own name.
Who is it?
11
00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:55,640
It's Gloria, you yo-yo,
who else would it be?
12
00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:58,160
I have to run to the store.
I ran my last pair of stockings.
13
00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:02,120
- You need anything?
- Uh, no, no. I'm fine.
14
00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:04,080
Will you zip me up?
15
00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:07,240
You'd better hurry up.
You'll be late for your new job.
16
00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:12,600
Uh, yeah, right.
My new... My new job.
17
00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:15,080
Like it's no big deal.
An executive position like this...
18
00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:18,640
opens up once every five years
and never to someone our age,
19
00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:22,400
Miss Youngest Executive
Secretary at the company.
20
00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:24,560
{\i1}Miss?{\i0}
21
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:42,640
Wow!
22
00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:48,600
Oh, my God.
23
00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:51,080
It's true!
24
00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:56,120
No, you...
You could lower that.
25
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:59,040
- I'm a woman!
- And I'm in love.
26
00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:03,240
If it was anybody else, Sam,
I'd be all over you like a cheap suit.
27
00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:05,440
- Stop it.
- What?
28
00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:08,800
I'm just...
I'm enjoying the view.
29
00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:12,080
Let's face it.
You're a knockout.
30
00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:18,000
You mean...
you see me a-as her?
31
00:02:18,140 --> 00:02:21,490
Course I see you as her. And back in
the waiting room, I see her as you.
32
00:02:21,590 --> 00:02:23,670
That's the way it
works, don't you remember?
33
00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:25,520
No, not really.
34
00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:28,880
Al, this-this...
This feels really weird.
35
00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:33,360
Think about how Samantha feels. She's
so confused, we're using Verbena Beeks.
36
00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:37,680
- Anti-depressants?
- Dr. Verbena Beeks.
37
00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:41,920
She's the project shrink.
I used to think she was cute.
38
00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:45,040
Would you stop looking at me like that!
Sam, you better get used to it.
39
00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:47,120
You're gonna have to convince
everybody you're a woman.
40
00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:50,480
- No!
- Yes! Yes, that's the rule, Sam.
41
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:54,000
Everybody has to believe
you are Samantha...
42
00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:56,760
so that whatever's
wrong here can be made right.
43
00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:59,080
- Well, just what is that, please?
- I don't know.
44
00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:02,840
Gooshie and I haven't had time to
feed any programs through Ziggy.
45
00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:05,520
Well, would you do it,
please? Get on it.
46
00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,480
Whatever you say, beautiful.
47
00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:11,200
Get out of here.
Just get out of my bathroom.
48
00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,240
You have a wonderful
sense of humor.
49
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:34,160
{\i1}Detroit, Michigan, 1961.{\i0}
50
00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:37,240
{\i1}Roger Maris is about to break
Babe Ruth's home run record.{\i0}
51
00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:39,920
{\i1}But am I wearing cleats,
sliding into second? No.{\i0}
52
00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:43,520
{\i1}I'm wearing three-inch high heels and
trying desperately not to fall on my...{\i0}
53
00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:45,040
{\i1}face.{\i0}
54
00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:47,600
I told you you should have
worn a girdle.
55
00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:49,360
I'm not into bondage.
56
00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:52,920
Do you remember how Debbie Moore used
to say that before she had her baby?
57
00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:54,960
Now she wouldn't
be caught dead without one.
58
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:57,480
I still can't believe
she went back to work.
59
00:04:57,600 --> 00:04:59,120
What's wrong with that?
60
00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:03,040
Excuse me, but aren't you
the same girl that said,
61
00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:05,960
"The day I get that gold band
is the day I quit work,
62
00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:08,280
start shopping
and eat anything chocolate."
63
00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:10,120
Great. I'm a gold digger.
64
00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:12,720
I'd never say that
about my best friend.
65
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:15,400
Let's just say you're
mentally prepared...
66
00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:17,960
for a life different
than the one you're in.
67
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:21,240
That's our bus!
Hey, wait!
68
00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:27,520
Hold it.
69
00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:31,000
Ah, ooh, ah.
70
00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:35,440
No stockings?
You're such a bohemian.
71
00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:50,160
{\i1}Two hours as Samantha,
and I knew that the lyrics...{\i0}
72
00:05:50,280 --> 00:05:53,440
{\i1}to "I Enjoy Being a Girl"
were not written by one.{\i0}
73
00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:55,880
{\i1}Whew!
I only hope my job...{\i0}
74
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:59,760
{\i1}doesn't require anything more than
sharpening pencils or mailing a letter.{\i0}
75
00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:02,480
{\i1}At least until Ziggy
figures out why I'm here.{\i0}
76
00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:10,360
What's wrong?
77
00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:13,760
Buddy got his promotion.
78
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,560
- Buddy?
- My fiancé...
79
00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:20,040
If you can call a guy
who's married your fiancé.
80
00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:21,840
I don't think so.
81
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:23,640
I can't believe he did this.
82
00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:27,040
This is what we've been waiting
for, so he could leave Gail.
83
00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:30,880
He didn't even ask for me
to be his secretary.
84
00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:32,960
I'm sorry.
85
00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:34,720
You were right, Sam.
86
00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:38,280
Married men are just
a one-way ticket to Nowheresville.
87
00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:40,640
I don't know why
I keep believing.
88
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,360
Sometimes I think I should
just give it all up.
89
00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,080
Gloria.
90
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,280
I'll be fine.
91
00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:50,640
I'm always fine.
92
00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:18,680
From my heart.
93
00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:22,280
I hope everything's there.
94
00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:25,000
Uh, yeah.
Well, I... I hope so too.
95
00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:28,680
If there is any problem,
I'm the man to talk to.
96
00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:32,840
I did the move myself,
beautiful.
97
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:37,360
- Beautiful?
- Oh, okay. Miss Stormer.
98
00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:40,360
But, um, if you like,
99
00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:43,240
I could call you Samantha,
and, uh,
100
00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:45,800
you could call me Big John.
101
00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:51,480
I'm gonna call you "dead" if
you don't get outta my face.
102
00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:54,160
Aw. I was just trying
to be friendly.
103
00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:56,960
Be friendly on your
own time, Johnny,
104
00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:59,040
or you'll be delivering
mail for Studebaker.
105
00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:02,240
- On the double, Mr. Wright.
- Miss Stormer, in my office.
106
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:04,200
And bring a pad and pencil.
107
00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:08,520
Great guy.
108
00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:43,840
I didn't realize until I watched
you walk through that door,
109
00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:47,800
how incredibly beautiful
you really are.
110
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:50,280
Whatever I did, I'm sorry.
111
00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:54,760
I'm sorry, too, that...
I didn't become a vice president sooner.
112
00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:58,160
But we'll make up
for that... starting tonight?
113
00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:03,000
Drinks...
to celebrate our...
114
00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:04,400
Our new positions.
115
00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:07,160
My natural instinct
was to punch him out.
116
00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:10,760
But as Al said, I had
to play this as Samantha.
117
00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:15,480
I don't think so,
Mr. Wright.
118
00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:19,000
- Buddy. Buddy.
- Buddy.
119
00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:21,040
What do you mean
you don't think so?
120
00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:24,080
Well, you're ma-married.
121
00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:25,880
So?
122
00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:29,240
So, I-I...
I don't date married men.
123
00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:32,160
I figured I was just the
fella to change all of that.
124
00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:35,120
- You figured wrong.
- Samantha, I understand...
125
00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:38,720
playing hard to get in the steno
pool, but you've got the job now.
126
00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:44,040
I overlooked some very
eligible gals to, uh,
127
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:46,160
give it to you.
128
00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:48,600
This is sexual harassment!
129
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,600
I don't know what that is,
but I like the sound of it.
130
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:54,120
Why don't you just explain
that to me tonight over drinks?
131
00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:56,920
Why don't you let your
wife explain it to you?
132
00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:02,680
Samantha. Samantha.
133
00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:05,440
I would. Only my...
134
00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:11,160
Well, my wife...
won't be sober enough...
135
00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:13,600
to even say hello
when I get home tonight.
136
00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:21,920
Get me Bixby's market research.
I need it for my 10:30.
137
00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:24,000
And put on some makeup.
138
00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:27,080
You're representing
Buddy Wright out there.
139
00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:56,480
How's the girl of my dreams?
140
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,720
You know, this is...
It's degrading.
141
00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:04,000
I mean, first he...
He chases me around his office,
142
00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:07,760
a-and then... and then
he says I gotta wear lipstick!
143
00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:12,240
It's a pity they didn't have
the wet look in '61...
144
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:16,600
'cause you would look
fabulous with wet lips.
145
00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:18,440
I'm so happy about that.
146
00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:20,780
- This is... This is hard on me, Sam.
- Oh?
147
00:11:20,830 --> 00:11:24,360
It's hard on me. I can't
stop thinking about you.
148
00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:30,080
Time has packaged my best
friend inside a goddess of love.
149
00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:35,480
It's got me worried, Sam.
I'm talking to Dr. Beeks.
150
00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:37,200
Sam?
151
00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:39,560
I've been looking
everywhere for you.
152
00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:43,080
Buddy called.
He explained everything.
153
00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:45,280
The reason why he didn't
tell me about the promotion
154
00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:47,540
was because he wanted
it to be a surprise.
155
00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:50,600
- He wants to marry me!
- He's already married.
156
00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:53,600
- This is why you're here, Sam.
- He's leaving Gail.
157
00:11:53,660 --> 00:11:55,320
He was waiting
for the promotion,
158
00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:57,590
so he could afford to fight
for custody of the children.
159
00:11:57,640 --> 00:12:00,200
- I'm getting married!
- No, she's not.
160
00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:03,800
Gloria, "I'm leaving my wife"...
161
00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:05,480
It's the oldest lie in the book.
162
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:09,960
Don't spoil this for me. You're my best
friend. Just be happy for me, please.
163
00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:12,160
- Gloria...
- I gotta get back.
164
00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:14,280
Culpepper'll be
screaming for me.
165
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,240
Oh, I'm so happy!
166
00:12:20,680 --> 00:12:23,290
- What happens?
- Well, when she finds out...
167
00:12:23,340 --> 00:12:25,700
Mr. Wrong won't marry her...
168
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:30,120
She commits suicide.
169
00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:40,240
{\i1}I have come to the conclusion
that women are part masochist.{\i0}
170
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:44,400
{\i1}It's like someone designed a
modern-day torture rack you can wear:{\i0}
171
00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:48,000
{\i1}from the bra, to the
stockings, to the tight skirts,{\i0}
172
00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:50,760
{\i1}and the shoes from hell.{\i0}
173
00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:54,200
{\i1}They get up everyday and perform
this weird binding ritual.{\i0}
174
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:56,160
{\i1}And for what?{\i0}
175
00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:00,920
Wow!
You look terrific.
176
00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:03,480
I'm supposed
to look conservative.
177
00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:07,800
You couldn't look
conservative if you tried.
178
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:11,360
- Thanks.
- Come here.
179
00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:17,440
Eat your heart out, Marilyn.
180
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:21,640
If anybody but my best friend were
working for Buddy, I'd be worried.
181
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:24,240
Anyone else
and you'd have good reason.
182
00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:30,150
Please don't. I told you last night.
I love him and he loves me.
183
00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:32,240
That's all that matters.
184
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:34,240
What about his wife and kids?
185
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,920
She is a monster, Sam.
186
00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:39,720
She drinks
and she fights with him.
187
00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:43,000
She doesn't care about
herself or the children...
188
00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:46,680
Not to mention the affair she's having
with the tennis pro at the club.
189
00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:51,160
Buddy is so unhappy.
He said I'm his only hope.
190
00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:53,960
Do you know how special
that makes me feel?
191
00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:57,760
Gloria, you shouldn't need a man
to make you feel special.
192
00:13:57,960 --> 00:13:59,960
- But I do.
- Why?
193
00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:03,320
- You are beautiful...
- I'm not beautiful.
194
00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:06,600
I'm cute, maybe,
but I'm not beautiful.
195
00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:10,800
But you are.
And not just on the outside,
196
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:14,360
but in here, where it counts.
197
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,600
Men don't want what's in here.
198
00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:20,040
They want what you've got.
199
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:22,080
Except for Buddy.
200
00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:25,000
He was the one in a million
that loved me for myself.
201
00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:27,400
I wish that were so,
Gloria, but...
202
00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:30,160
having just spent
a day with him, I-I...
203
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:32,000
It makes me doubt it.
204
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:33,960
Why should I believe you?
205
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:37,760
Have you ever had a man love you
for anything besides your body?
206
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,800
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean that.
207
00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:46,640
No, that's...
It's okay.
208
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:50,280
Oh, Sam, I love him,
and he loves me.
209
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:54,000
Don't ask me to give up
my one chance at happiness.
210
00:14:57,440 --> 00:15:01,360
{\i1}Iacocca's got Eisenhower hawking
for him at $ 1,000 a plate!{\i0}
211
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:03,720
Can you believe it?
The president of the United States!
212
00:15:03,830 --> 00:15:05,400
He's a hell of a showman.
213
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:08,920
Of course, he's gotta be...
214
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:12,320
after that A-bomb
of an Edsel last year.
215
00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:16,080
I liked the Edsel.
It was a dog, Ted.
216
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,600
Nobody wanted a car
with a zero for a grille.
217
00:15:19,010 --> 00:15:20,770
Maybe not.
But I'm not so sure...
218
00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:22,920
the public wants what we've
got on the drawing boards.
219
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:24,320
What are you talking about?
220
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:27,520
{\i1}I had before me
a firsthand definition of sleaze.{\i0}
221
00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:31,800
{\i1}Buddy had perfect hair, perfect
teeth, perfect eyes and perfect chin.{\i0}
222
00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:34,600
{\i1}But they weren't the arrow that
made women like Gloria fall.{\i0}
223
00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:38,920
{\i1}It was the velvet tones all neatly
wrapped in wit and charm.{\i0}
224
00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:40,560
We can't base our designs
on California, Ted.
225
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:43,800
They're avocado growers
and movie stars...
226
00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:46,350
- with kinky tastes...
- {\i1}He was a master of manipulation,{\i0}
227
00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:48,320
- for foreign sports cars.
- {\i1}And he knew it.{\i0}
228
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:51,440
Yes, but they spend more time on the
freeways than they do in their homes.
229
00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:53,240
We're gonna get 'em
with our '62s.
230
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:58,160
I'm looking down the road five, ten years.
What's the public going to want then?
231
00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:01,400
The same dream machines
that they want right now:
232
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:06,160
fins, chrome, flash
and horsepower.
233
00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:08,080
Lots of horsepower.
234
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:09,760
The bigger, the better.
235
00:16:09,860 --> 00:16:13,600
And wait till we put
this baby on the market.
236
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:18,320
Five-hundred cubic inches,
450 horsepower.
237
00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:21,000
Three inches wider and ten inches
longer than the biggest Caddy.
238
00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:23,200
What about fuel economy?
239
00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:27,560
Miss Stormer has a point.
What about it, Buddy?
240
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:29,840
What does it get,
seven miles to the gallon?
241
00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:32,240
Maybe eight. But I
got that covered, Ted.
242
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:37,560
I reduced the trunk and I enlarged the
gas tank. This baby will hold 40 gallons.
243
00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:39,480
My God, what'll it cost
to fill up?
244
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:42,520
At 30 cents a gallon, $12.
245
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:48,400
But we're not gonna try to market
this model to... secretaries.
246
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:52,920
Could I have a cup of coffee,
please? Ted, coffee?
247
00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:55,440
Yes, black.
248
00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:01,200
I like mine like my women,
249
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:03,320
hot and sweet.
250
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:24,000
Don't even start unless you want
to eat your teeth for lunch.
251
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,720
What are you doing?
252
00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:36,800
Hot and sweet.
253
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:38,640
What?
254
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:44,080
I want a beer.
A light beer.
255
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:46,400
I wanna make
some microwave popcorn.
256
00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:48,920
I wanna sit down in front of the
TV, start the VCR.
257
00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:51,520
Oh, that time of the month, huh?
258
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:58,320
Uh, no. I-I don't...
I don't think so.
259
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:01,600
I just...
260
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:04,560
I just wanna go home.
261
00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:08,040
That's what I wanna talk to you about.
I have a huge favor to ask.
262
00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:11,320
If you do this, I promise I'll go on that
double date your mother set up tomorrow.
263
00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:12,480
Double date?
264
00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:13,780
Buddy wants to come by
the apartment tonight.
265
00:18:13,820 --> 00:18:17,120
- I thought you could go to a movie?
- No.
266
00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:20,240
Please, Sam, I need some time alone
with Buddy to plan our future.
267
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:23,280
If he's planning your future the way he's
planning this company's, you're in trouble.
268
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,400
What is that supposed to mean?
269
00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:28,560
Nothing. Gloria,
270
00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:30,840
I-I-I just wish
you would open your eyes.
271
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,280
If Buddy wants to talk,
really talk about your future,
272
00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:35,600
why does it have to be
at the apartment?
273
00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:38,680
I'm way over 21, Sam.
274
00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:44,000
I just don't want you hurt.
275
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:46,480
Does that mean "Yes"?
276
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:50,040
Maybe.
277
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:19,720
Ahhh.
278
00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:24,240
- What are you doing here?
- Oh, uh...
279
00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:29,320
I-I just came home to change clothes
and, uh, drop the iron maidens.
280
00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:32,040
You don't have time.
Buddy'll be here any minute.
281
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:34,280
Yeah, well, you know, um,
282
00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:38,560
maybe the three of us
should talk about your future.
283
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:40,880
Sam, if you want me
to go on that double date...
284
00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:42,920
with you tomorrow night,
you'll get out of here now!
285
00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:45,280
About that double date.
That's another thing...
286
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:55,800
- Ha-ha!
- Oh.
287
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:05,320
Oh, uh, I didn't know
that you two were roomies.
288
00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:08,440
If I were a different kind
of guy...
289
00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:10,040
You wouldn't be here.
290
00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:15,120
Samantha was just going
to the movies.
291
00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:17,880
In those?
292
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:22,000
Yeah, I thought I might just, you
know, go do a power walk in the park.
293
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:24,400
Get a little aerobics exercise,
get the old heart rate up.
294
00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:27,160
Since you're already going for a
walk, would you mind taking Bubbles?
295
00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:32,960
Samantha! Do it for me, please.
296
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:39,720
Thanks, doll.
See you in the morning.
297
00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:42,640
The name's Samantha.
298
00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:05,240
Personally, I prefer
leaving the lights on.
299
00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:08,960
You keep that up, tiny teeth,
and I'll feed ya to Ziggy.
300
00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:14,040
- A little testy tonight, aren't we?
- You would be too, if...
301
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:16,640
- If what?
- Never mind.
302
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:20,000
Just save Madam Butterfly up there
from cashing in her cookies...
303
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:22,000
and get back to being a guy.
304
00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:25,160
How? Gloria is convinced
that Buddy's Mr. Wonderful,
305
00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:28,600
that... that he's got
a witch for a wi...
306
00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:31,440
A witch for a wife and that
she's his only salvation.
307
00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:34,040
Look, all women fall
for that one,
308
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:36,600
especially single girls
Gloria's age.
309
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:38,480
What does age
have to do with it?
310
00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:43,120
She's 27 years old.
She's fighting the biological clock.
311
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:46,000
Those little eggs are
ticking off like time bombs.
312
00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:48,960
Al, a woman can have a
healthy baby into her 40s.
313
00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:51,920
I know, but people
didn't realize that in 1961.
314
00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:54,200
We're talking
serious old maid here.
315
00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:56,520
She's probably up there
shredding newspapers right now.
316
00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:59,080
I wish that's what
she was doing.
317
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:01,920
I'm warning you!
318
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:05,440
What is your problem?
319
00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:10,440
You! You!
You... hermaphrodite, you.
320
00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:12,040
You're drivin' me crazy!
321
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:15,240
I'm not performing with Tina, so she
thinks I've got somebody on the side.
322
00:22:15,360 --> 00:22:19,440
Beeks is laying this load of
repressed homosexual crap on me.
323
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:21,440
And every time I see you,
324
00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:25,880
I've gotta deal with... this.
325
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:29,280
- I'm outta here.
- Well, you should get outta here.
326
00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:31,960
I can't believe that...
Al, look out!
327
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:38,600
Yeah, close the door.
328
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:42,720
Come on, Bubbles.
329
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:47,520
Figure that Buddy would have
a dog named Bubbles.
330
00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:52,800
Come here.
Come here.
331
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:56,480
This is great, you know.
332
00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:00,360
Gloria won't listen to me.
333
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:03,960
My best friend's got a crush on
me, and I'm a woman.
334
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:08,960
Whatever I did to deserve this...
You listening to me?
335
00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:13,280
I don't deserve this.
336
00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:24,400
What a glorious morning!
337
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:28,120
There's Peeping George.
338
00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:31,160
Don't you think you oughta
put a... a robe on or...
339
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:34,200
You're the one that's always saying we
should give the little guy a thrill.
340
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:36,960
Besides, I'm too happy today
to hide anything.
341
00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:39,360
Oh, for heaven's sakes, Gloria.
342
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:45,440
- What has gotten into you?
- Nothing.
343
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:50,680
Nothing? You never get up before
noon on Saturday. You never cook.
344
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:54,080
And I'm the one that's always pulling
you away half-naked from the window.
345
00:23:56,920 --> 00:23:58,560
Did Buddy tell his wife?
346
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:03,320
Oh, that's it.
Yes.
347
00:24:05,120 --> 00:24:06,680
So he's moving out?
348
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:09,120
Well, not yet.
He and Gail decided...
349
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:12,040
it would be easier on the children if
they waited until after the holidays.
350
00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:15,600
Gloria, it's almost
two months till Christmas.
351
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:18,120
No, it's only a month
till Thanksgiving.
352
00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:22,760
And then Christmas, New Year's,
Valentine's Day, then President's Day...
353
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:25,240
President's Day? And before you know
it, it's the Fourth ofJuly.
354
00:24:25,360 --> 00:24:27,470
We know that a man can't leave
his wife on the Fourth ofJuly.
355
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:29,960
It would be un-American.
I'm sure they have a family barbecue,
356
00:24:30,120 --> 00:24:32,440
and I'll bet that Buddy's a whiz
at lighting charcoal with...
357
00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:34,080
Stop it! Just stop it!
358
00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:37,020
Buddy said he's leaving Gail
after the holidays and he will.
359
00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:40,120
- No, he won't.
- What do you have, a crystal ball?
360
00:24:40,180 --> 00:24:41,460
In a way.
361
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:44,880
It's telling me that Buddy
will never leave his wife.
362
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:47,160
Buddy is not Tony!
363
00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:50,000
Tony?
364
00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:52,120
It's not my fault
Tony lied to you.
365
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:54,240
It's not my fault
Tony didn't leave his wife.
366
00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:55,640
So don't try
and spoil it for me...
367
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:58,400
just because of what happened
to you two years ago!
368
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:26,200
I'm sorry.
369
00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:31,480
So am I.
370
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:35,000
I shouldn't have brought up Tony.
It was a mean thing to do.
371
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:36,520
No.
372
00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:42,200
Now and then I...
need reminding about things like that.
373
00:25:42,360 --> 00:25:45,200
Sam, please give Buddy a chance.
374
00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:47,760
Try and see it
from my point of view.
375
00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:55,120
I'll try.
376
00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:03,880
I'll tell you what.
Uh, it's a b-beautiful day.
377
00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:07,560
Um, how about brunch?
378
00:26:08,360 --> 00:26:10,600
At the Pump Room.
Then we'll go shopping at Horne's.
379
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:12,360
I didn't say anything about shopping.
380
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:15,000
A blind date is the perfect
excuse for a new dress.
381
00:26:15,120 --> 00:26:17,040
I bet your mother'll
even reimburse you.
382
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:18,800
I've been thinking about backing
out of tonight.
383
00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:22,160
Oh, no way!
Your mom would kill you and me both.
384
00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:24,640
We'll find a gorgeous new dress,
385
00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:27,800
and then we'll splurge at the
Pink Door on a new hairdo.
386
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:30,160
It'll be the perfect girl's day!
387
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:38,920
When your mother told me she had this
beautiful daughter living in Detroit,
388
00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:40,920
I thought she was exaggerating.
389
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:45,120
Mothers have a way
of doing that, but not yours.
390
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:47,960
If anything, she understated.
391
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:51,040
You are gorgeous.
392
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:55,640
- Thank you.
- Dick,
393
00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:58,080
I think you're
embarrassing Miss Stormer.
394
00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:00,800
What woman doesn't like
being told how gorgeous she is?
395
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:02,320
Me.
396
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:06,000
- Are you in the automotive industry?
- Washers.
397
00:27:06,120 --> 00:27:10,160
- Clothing washers?
- No. Little rubber circles.
398
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:13,480
We make them in 786 sizes
out of 31 different materials.
399
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:15,360
Everything
from paper to plastic.
400
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:18,920
You'll find our washers in every
car manufactured in Detroit.
401
00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:22,880
That's fascinating.
402
00:27:23,120 --> 00:27:26,600
Please, don't encourage him.
He'll bore you to death.
403
00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:28,600
I can't imagine.
404
00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:31,200
See? You've been
out of the circuit too long.
405
00:27:31,360 --> 00:27:35,040
He was married at 19,
and after 20 years, she split on him.
406
00:27:35,360 --> 00:27:40,240
My wife... ex-wife...
Had other ideas about...
407
00:27:40,360 --> 00:27:42,800
what she thought
her life should be like.
408
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:45,840
And I wasn't included.
409
00:27:46,360 --> 00:27:50,240
Drop the violins.
This is a night for the future.
410
00:27:51,120 --> 00:27:53,200
Isn't that right, sweetheart?
411
00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:13,360
I have to go...
to the ladies room.
412
00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:16,120
- I'll come with you.
- No.
413
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:18,240
I'd rather go by myself.
414
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:31,840
Feisty little wench,
but I like that.
415
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:37,320
Calling somebody we know?
416
00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:40,800
You. So we can talk, and I won't look
like a lunatic. Where have you been?
417
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:43,520
I've been with Beeks.
418
00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:46,560
She says I'm gonna need
five years of analysis...
419
00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:50,240
before I'll be able to deal
with you as a... a woman.
420
00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:52,040
I'm not a woman!
421
00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:56,560
That's what I
keep telling myself.
422
00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:58,600
Al, I'm ruining Samantha's life.
423
00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:02,000
I just slugged her date with
my purse for grabbing my knee.
424
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:05,600
He grabbed...
That dirty dog.
425
00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:08,720
Would you stop that?
When am I gonna get outta here?
426
00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:12,160
When you stop Gloria
from committing suicide.
427
00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:14,960
- Which is?
- Tonight.
428
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:20,400
I didn't really think that talking
to a woman after all these years...
429
00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:23,080
would be so easy,
so comfortable.
430
00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:25,400
Some of it has to do
with being lucky enough
431
00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:27,580
to find a woman with
your sensitivity.
432
00:29:27,670 --> 00:29:31,440
I wasn't going to go out on this date.
Ever since Edith asked me to move out,
433
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:35,320
I've locked myself away in my tiny
apartment, angry at the world.
434
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:37,120
Tonight I don't
feel angry at all.
435
00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:39,520
That's because of you, Gloria.
I'm glad I came.
436
00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:42,120
I just wanted you to know that.
I was wondering if...
437
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:45,720
- Would you excuse me for a moment?
- Sure.
438
00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:52,080
Big guy, I think we got us
a couple of hot ones.
439
00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:02,240
- Mrs. Wright?
- Yes?
440
00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:05,720
We haven't met.
My name is Gloria.
441
00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:07,440
Gloria Collins.
442
00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:11,040
Oh, yes. Mrs. Davenport is
sponsoring you into theJunior League.
443
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:14,160
No. Buddy's Gloria.
444
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:18,000
- His new secretary?
- No.
445
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:20,640
I just wanted you to tell you
that I know how difficult...
446
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:22,840
it's going to be
going through the divorce.
447
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:26,640
And I'm going to do everything I can
to make it easier on the children.
448
00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:29,880
Sit down, Miss... Collins?
449
00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:36,400
I'm going to try to do this
as gracefully as possible.
450
00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:42,120
Buddy and I have an arrangement.
451
00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:45,400
He has his personal life,
and I have mine.
452
00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:49,080
Now, whatever lies my husband
has obviously told you,
453
00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:51,560
he will never divorce me.
454
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:54,320
Buddy is far too egotistical
to give up the status...
455
00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:56,720
he acquired when he married me.
456
00:30:57,000 --> 00:31:01,320
And if he ever tries,
I will strip him to his shorts.
457
00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:06,240
My advice to you, dear, is to quietly
close your hope chest on this one,
458
00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:08,640
and try someone else's husband.
459
00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:13,520
Good-bye, Miss Collins. You will
forgive me if I don't shake your hand.
460
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:19,720
What happens tonight that
sends her over the deep end?
461
00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:22,680
There's no data on that.
All we know...
462
00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:25,680
is that on October 16, 1961,
463
00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:28,040
Gloria Collins
committed suicide by...
464
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:29,440
Samantha!
465
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:33,360
- Bye, Mom.
- Gloria left.
466
00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:35,080
- What?
- I don't know what happened.
467
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:39,360
We were talking. She excused herself
and went to this table in the next room.
468
00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:42,720
She was talking to a rather
attractive woman,
469
00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:46,640
and after a minute or so,
Gloria got very upset and she ran out.
470
00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:53,320
- Do you know them?
- Unfortunately.
471
00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:56,120
This is it, Sam.
Hari-kari time.
472
00:31:56,560 --> 00:31:59,520
- Is there anything I can do?
- Pray.
473
00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:38,000
Gloria, it's Sam.
I'm comin' out.
474
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:42,160
I just wanna talk to you.
Go away.
475
00:32:42,280 --> 00:32:46,000
- I can't. You're my friend.
- Then let me do this. It's my choice.
476
00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:49,480
- Suicide is not a choice.
- Neither is living.
477
00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:53,720
- Why not?
- I love him, Sam.
478
00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:58,400
Even realizing what a fool he made of
me, I still love him.
479
00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:01,360
I can't pretend I don't.
480
00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:06,400
I can't pretend the pain I feel isn't
real, and it'll go away tomorrow.
481
00:33:06,490 --> 00:33:08,410
Suicide won't change that.
482
00:33:08,970 --> 00:33:10,800
It'll end it.
483
00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:15,640
So will time.
Only, it'll give you a second chance.
484
00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:18,400
You're not the first woman
to love the wrong man.
485
00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:20,560
It doesn't matter anymore.
486
00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:24,240
Gloria, Buddy's
not worth dying over!
487
00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:31,800
Is that what I'm doing?
488
00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:33,440
That's what he'll think.
489
00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:38,400
And he'll be right. He'll think
you're killing yourself over him.
490
00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:41,160
- Do you want to give him that?
- No.
491
00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:45,080
Give me your hand.
492
00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:52,280
Come on, now.
Nice and slow.
493
00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:54,520
- Oh.
- Easy.
494
00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:56,730
Aaah!
495
00:33:57,440 --> 00:33:59,520
It's all right.
It's all right.
496
00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:07,400
Sam!
497
00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:13,720
- Kick your shoes off!
- I can't!
498
00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:15,680
Grab my leg and kick 'em off.
499
00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:20,040
That's it.
500
00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:21,800
- Don't look down!
- Oh, my God!
501
00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:23,400
Look at me!
502
00:34:23,720 --> 00:34:27,640
Put your left foot toward me.
Slide it real easy.
503
00:34:30,210 --> 00:34:31,560
Aren't you gonna...
504
00:34:31,720 --> 00:34:34,040
- Keep comin'. Crawl over me.
- No!
505
00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:36,640
It's the only way.
Just do it.
506
00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:47,120
Hang on!
507
00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:51,240
Ah. Ah.
508
00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:00,200
Grab my arm!
509
00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:02,080
Hold on!
510
00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:04,040
I've got you!
511
00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:18,920
I made you some warm milk.
512
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:28,360
My mom used to bring me
warm milk on rainy nights.
513
00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:31,240
Moms know best.
514
00:35:33,720 --> 00:35:36,000
I don't know about that, Sam.
515
00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:39,920
She used to tell me that...
516
00:35:40,360 --> 00:35:43,360
someday a Prince Charming
would come along,
517
00:35:43,960 --> 00:35:48,120
and we'd get married
and buy a beautiful house...
518
00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:51,600
and have a couple of kids.
519
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:55,720
She really blew that one.
520
00:35:57,120 --> 00:35:59,200
You're not exactly an old maid.
521
00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:03,200
It's not gonna happen for me.
522
00:36:04,240 --> 00:36:08,680
I've been waiting for nine years,
and it's just not gonna happen.
523
00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:11,400
Is that what you've
been waiting for?
524
00:36:11,640 --> 00:36:13,880
For a man to come
and take you away?
525
00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:17,640
Why do you think I'm
in the secretarial pool?
526
00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:20,640
I thought it was because you
enjoyed what you were doing.
527
00:36:20,800 --> 00:36:22,160
I hate it.
528
00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:25,760
But that's the only place
you can meet eligible guys.
529
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:27,760
Like Buddy?
530
00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:34,880
Gloria, you can't use your
job as an excuse to meet guys.
531
00:36:35,720 --> 00:36:38,960
I can't spend the next 30 years
in the secretarial pool either.
532
00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:40,280
Then get out.
533
00:36:40,380 --> 00:36:42,300
- And do what?
- Whatever you want.
534
00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:45,760
I... I want...
535
00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:51,000
- What?
- I want to design cars.
536
00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:53,920
- Then do it.
- Right.
537
00:36:54,200 --> 00:36:56,640
I'm gonna go into the office
Monday morning and say,
538
00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:58,920
"Excuse me,
but I have an art degree
539
00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:01,420
"and that qualifies me
for the design program."
540
00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:03,680
- Why not?
- Because.
541
00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:06,160
There's never been a woman
in the program.
542
00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:08,600
Well, then,
543
00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:12,440
you'll have to be the first.
544
00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:14,920
Do you know
how hard that would be?
545
00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:20,400
Yeah, I think I do.
And you know what?
546
00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:24,040
You're gonna have to be twice as
good just to be considered an equal.
547
00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:28,080
I don't know
if I can do that, Sam.
548
00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:32,160
I don't know either,
but you gotta try.
549
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:36,160
You have got to be what makes
you feel good about yourself.
550
00:37:36,280 --> 00:37:37,920
And then what?
551
00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:40,880
And then maybe you'll like you.
552
00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:44,720
Because if you don't
like yourself, Gloria,
553
00:37:45,800 --> 00:37:47,640
no one else will either.
554
00:37:48,840 --> 00:37:53,480
Except guys like Buddy,
and you're not that desperate.
555
00:37:57,120 --> 00:37:59,000
I was tonight.
556
00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:03,600
Thank you.
557
00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:09,280
Oh, I hope when
the right guy finds you,
558
00:38:09,380 --> 00:38:12,510
he realizes
what a good woman you are.
559
00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:20,920
Why don't you get some rest?
560
00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:23,320
Good night, Sam.
561
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:31,280
Good night.
562
00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:58,000
- Ah!
- Hi, cutie.
563
00:38:58,120 --> 00:39:00,160
You look great in powder blue.
564
00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:03,840
I'm gonna put a bell around your neck.
Where were you?
565
00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:05,600
I was with Tina.
566
00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:10,520
I thought you were having
problems with Tina.
567
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:13,400
I was but Beeks fixed that.
568
00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:17,280
She got me to accept you're my best
friend, and love is part of friendship.
569
00:39:17,440 --> 00:39:21,880
Once I believed that, I took Tina up to
a little cabin in the mountains and...
570
00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:23,880
- Well, you know.
- Yeah.
571
00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:26,920
I know.
572
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:30,400
We ever gonna be the same?
573
00:39:30,520 --> 00:39:32,160
Course we are,
as soon as you leap.
574
00:39:32,240 --> 00:39:33,920
Why haven't I leaped?
575
00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:37,120
Gloria's not gonna
try again, is she?
576
00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:41,280
Uh, no, no, no.
She's gonna marry, uh, Parker.
577
00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:43,640
The little guy?
The guy she met tonight?
578
00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:46,520
Yeah. They're gonna have
a couple of kids.
579
00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:49,760
They're gonna move to California.
They're gonna raise avocados.
580
00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:52,520
I thought I started
women's lib. Hmph.
581
00:39:52,720 --> 00:39:54,840
Well, you did in a way.
582
00:39:55,240 --> 00:39:59,840
Gloria talked Samantha into joining
the design program with her.
583
00:39:59,960 --> 00:40:02,360
It turned out Samantha
had the real talent.
584
00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:04,800
She ended up heading
the entire division.
585
00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:08,000
Oh, and get this.
She adopted a little girl...
586
00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:11,400
and started one of the first organizations
for single parents in the country.
587
00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:15,240
- She never married?
- No. What a waste.
588
00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:18,960
I'm really confused now, Al.
589
00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:22,960
If Gloria's okay and Samantha's
emancipated, why haven't I leaped?
590
00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:25,720
Ziggy has a fascinating
theory about that.
591
00:40:26,720 --> 00:40:28,880
He says you want
to get even with Buddy...
592
00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:32,240
for chasin' you around the office
and makin' you wear lipstick.
593
00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:36,880
Revenge? Oh, come on.
I'm not leaping because I want revenge?
594
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:39,200
Very... female.
595
00:40:45,760 --> 00:40:49,120
Al was right.
I wanted revenge.
596
00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:52,720
So I slipped
into Samantha's spiked heels,
597
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:58,160
put on the most revealing dress I
could get my... hairy chest into,
598
00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:03,800
and was ready to give Buddy a lesson
in sexual harassment he'd never forget.
599
00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:13,520
You wanted me?
600
00:41:16,720 --> 00:41:18,280
How's Gloria?
601
00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:22,800
In Ann Arbor, visiting
her mother for a few days.
602
00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:26,240
You know, she gave me quite a
little upset Saturday night.
603
00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:30,280
Well, that's because Gloria doesn't
know how to play the game.
604
00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:33,520
And you do?
605
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:39,120
What do you think?
606
00:41:51,160 --> 00:41:53,120
I knew it all along.
607
00:41:54,640 --> 00:41:56,040
Yeah.
608
00:41:56,600 --> 00:42:00,880
I had you figured
from the start. I did.
609
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:06,800
All of that playing hard to
get in the secretarial pool...
610
00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:11,120
didn't have me fooled
for one second.
611
00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:16,880
- It didn't?
- Nope.
612
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:21,840
You were just waiting
for the, uh, "Wright" man.
613
00:42:23,680 --> 00:42:25,280
Was I?
614
00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:32,600
All that coy, "Oh, I don't
date married men."
615
00:42:32,720 --> 00:42:35,400
That was just a smoke screen.
616
00:42:35,440 --> 00:42:37,080
Right, baby?
617
00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:41,760
You know me so well.
618
00:42:44,400 --> 00:42:46,160
Buddy,
619
00:42:47,080 --> 00:42:48,640
there's, um...
620
00:42:49,160 --> 00:42:52,600
There's just one thing
you don't know.
621
00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:54,800
Tell me, baby.
622
00:42:56,680 --> 00:42:58,240
I'm a man.
623
00:43:00,160 --> 00:43:02,840
- What?
- I'm a man,
624
00:43:03,560 --> 00:43:07,960
a male, a person
of the masculine gender.
625
00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:11,960
What are you talking about?
626
00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:16,240
You're trying
to make it with a man.
627
00:43:22,720 --> 00:43:25,920
No way.
Not with this body.
628
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:28,080
Bodies can be deceiving.
629
00:43:30,360 --> 00:43:32,640
You can't be a man!
630
00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:34,640
Why, because I turn you on?
631
00:43:34,840 --> 00:43:38,000
W... Yeah.
Um, ah...
632
00:43:38,920 --> 00:43:41,560
I-I-I mean, no!
633
00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:44,720
No. Oh, no!
I... I, uh...
634
00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:48,190
You, you were a, uh...
You mean you had a...
635
00:43:48,240 --> 00:43:51,200
Y-You did a Christine Jorgensen?
636
00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:53,560
No, no. I didn't say
I used to be a man.
637
00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:56,000
I said...
I am a man.
638
00:43:58,520 --> 00:43:59,880
And I'll prove it to you.
639
00:43:59,960 --> 00:44:01,480
No!
640
00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:08,480
If you look closely,
you'll notice that I walk like a man.
641
00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:10,560
I stand like a man.
642
00:44:10,680 --> 00:44:12,680
And I know things
that only a man can know.
643
00:44:12,720 --> 00:44:15,240
Like what it feels like
to get kicked in the crotch,
644
00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:18,240
how the pain just keeps
growing and growing.
645
00:44:18,320 --> 00:44:21,200
And then that wonderful sensation
when it finally subsides.
646
00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:24,720
Or what it's like to walk around high
school with your books in front of you...
647
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:28,840
to cover up an embarrassing case
of pubescent hormonal overload.
648
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:30,880
You had a brother?
649
00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:34,640
Does a brother tell his sister what he
did looking at his first centerfold?
650
00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:39,400
No, you stay away from me.
651
00:44:39,480 --> 00:44:41,200
I thought I turned you on.
652
00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:45,960
I don't have time
for this stupid game.
653
00:44:46,200 --> 00:44:49,760
Speaking of games, why don't I
show you how I throw a baseball.
654
00:44:54,960 --> 00:44:58,680
Or better yet,
how I throw a punch.
655
00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:12,680
Not yet. Not yet.
656
00:45:19,480 --> 00:45:21,520
I'm ready to leap now.
657
00:45:38,160 --> 00:45:39,720
Oh, boy.
48827
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