All language subtitles for Two and a Half Men (2003) - S10E22 - My Bodacious Vidalia (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 RCVR)

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish Download
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,915 --> 00:00:05,179 You seem awfully quiet tonight. Is everything okay? 2 00:00:05,266 --> 00:00:07,181 I-I've just got a lot on my mind. 3 00:00:07,268 --> 00:00:09,879 Well, a problem shared is a problem halved. 4 00:00:09,966 --> 00:00:11,707 I think we should break up. 5 00:00:11,794 --> 00:00:14,101 Lyndsey's downstairs breaking up with Alan. 6 00:00:14,188 --> 00:00:16,799 - Really? - He's gonna be devastated. 7 00:00:16,886 --> 00:00:19,062 He was madly in love with her. They've been dating for years. 8 00:00:19,149 --> 00:00:20,455 They were planning on getting married. 9 00:00:20,542 --> 00:00:21,760 I-I still love you, Alan. 10 00:00:23,588 --> 00:00:26,330 I'm just not in love with you anymore. 11 00:00:26,417 --> 00:00:28,898 - Hey, Zip. - Just wanna be left alone. 12 00:00:28,985 --> 00:00:31,074 Lyndsey's crazy for breaking up with you. 13 00:00:31,161 --> 00:00:33,294 - You are a great guy. - Thank you. 14 00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:34,947 You'll find somebody else. 15 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,297 As good as Lyndsey? 16 00:00:36,384 --> 00:00:39,039 Look at you, already making jokes. 17 00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:44,696 ♪ Men ♪♪ 18 00:00:46,568 --> 00:00:49,223 Hey. What you doing? 19 00:00:49,310 --> 00:00:52,052 Oh, just taking a stroll down memory lane. 20 00:00:52,139 --> 00:00:54,663 It's a photo book that Lyndsey gave me. 21 00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:57,970 Oh. Here we are at the Santa Monica Pier. 22 00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:01,104 [imitating Lyndsey] "Oh, Alan, I'm having such a great time. 23 00:01:01,191 --> 00:01:02,932 "I know it looks like I'm eating cotton candy 24 00:01:03,019 --> 00:01:04,977 "but really I'm just waiting for someone better to come along 25 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,893 so I can dump your sorry ass." 26 00:01:07,980 --> 00:01:11,288 That dude in the Speedo totally photo-bombed you. 27 00:01:11,375 --> 00:01:13,812 Bet she was sleepin' with him, too. 28 00:01:13,899 --> 00:01:15,336 And look at the guy with the churros. 29 00:01:15,423 --> 00:01:17,599 What's he smilin' about? 30 00:01:17,686 --> 00:01:20,341 Okay, you know what? You can't live in the past. 31 00:01:20,428 --> 00:01:21,907 You also can't live in this robe. 32 00:01:21,994 --> 00:01:24,040 It's like the sacred shroud of urine. 33 00:01:25,868 --> 00:01:27,261 What happened? 34 00:01:27,348 --> 00:01:28,653 Lyndsey and I were supposed to take care 35 00:01:28,740 --> 00:01:30,655 of each other for the rest of our lives. 36 00:01:30,742 --> 00:01:35,704 She'd blend my steak so I didn't have to gum it. 37 00:01:35,791 --> 00:01:39,229 I'd change the tennis balls on the bottom of her walker. 38 00:01:39,316 --> 00:01:41,188 We'd keep track of each other's moles. 39 00:01:42,754 --> 00:01:44,495 It's a romantic picture. 40 00:01:44,582 --> 00:01:45,975 Glad you think so. 41 00:01:46,062 --> 00:01:47,411 'Cause now that's just gonna be you and me. 42 00:01:49,065 --> 00:01:50,893 It's not gonna be you and me 43 00:01:50,980 --> 00:01:55,027 because A, no. 44 00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:58,379 And B, you're gonna find somebody new. 45 00:01:58,466 --> 00:01:59,989 You just have to have a positive attitude. 46 00:02:00,076 --> 00:02:01,556 If you say you can't, you're right. 47 00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:03,035 If you say you can, you might. 48 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,254 [blows raspberry] 49 00:02:06,038 --> 00:02:07,127 Do that again. 50 00:02:07,214 --> 00:02:08,998 [blows raspberry] Ow! 51 00:02:09,085 --> 00:02:10,391 - Ow! - Now, suck it up! 52 00:02:10,478 --> 00:02:12,915 You're gonna find somebody new! 53 00:02:13,002 --> 00:02:14,308 - I can't. - Why not? 54 00:02:14,395 --> 00:02:15,352 Look at me! 55 00:02:15,439 --> 00:02:17,267 [mumbles] 56 00:02:17,354 --> 00:02:18,660 - What? - Look at me. 57 00:02:18,747 --> 00:02:20,836 When I met Lyndsey, I was a solid six. 58 00:02:20,923 --> 00:02:23,752 Now I'm a soft four at best. 59 00:02:23,839 --> 00:02:27,190 Really? You thought you were a six? 60 00:02:27,277 --> 00:02:30,889 Well, maybe not a Malibu six, but a Wal-Mart six. 61 00:02:33,457 --> 00:02:34,937 And it didn't matter. I was in love. 62 00:02:35,024 --> 00:02:37,200 No one takes care of themselves when they're in love. 63 00:02:37,287 --> 00:02:38,636 When you know you can have sex in a sweatshirt 64 00:02:38,723 --> 00:02:40,116 you stop doing sit-ups. 65 00:02:40,203 --> 00:02:41,770 Do something about it. 66 00:02:41,857 --> 00:02:44,164 Get yourself back in shape, get some new clothes 67 00:02:44,251 --> 00:02:46,514 get a haircut, get your own place. 68 00:02:46,601 --> 00:02:48,907 Anything to get your confidence back. 69 00:02:48,994 --> 00:02:51,693 Look, I appreciate the pep talk, but I've lost all hope. 70 00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:53,216 Well, I can't give you hope 71 00:02:53,303 --> 00:02:56,872 but I-I can give you my American Express Black Card. 72 00:02:56,959 --> 00:02:59,091 Hope's for losers. 73 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,963 ♪ Men men men men ♪ 74 00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:02,747 ♪ Manly men men men ♪ 75 00:03:02,834 --> 00:03:04,096 ♪ Men men men men ♪♪ Oo-o-o-o-h ♪ 76 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,055 ♪ Manly men men men ♪ 77 00:03:06,142 --> 00:03:08,927 ♪ Men men men men manly men ♪ 78 00:03:09,014 --> 00:03:10,886 ♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪ 79 00:03:10,973 --> 00:03:12,409 ♪ Men men men men ♪ 80 00:03:12,496 --> 00:03:14,237 ♪ Manly men men men ♪ 81 00:03:14,324 --> 00:03:15,804 ♪ Men men men men ♪ 82 00:03:15,891 --> 00:03:18,023 ♪ Manly men men men ♪ 83 00:03:18,110 --> 00:03:19,460 ♪ Men ♪♪ 84 00:03:28,033 --> 00:03:30,297 ♪ Men ♪♪ 85 00:03:30,384 --> 00:03:31,515 [beeping] 86 00:03:33,387 --> 00:03:34,779 Oh, hey, Walden. 87 00:03:34,866 --> 00:03:37,086 Hey, Jake, what's going on? 88 00:03:37,173 --> 00:03:38,435 I was just calling my dad back. 89 00:03:38,522 --> 00:03:39,915 He left me a voice mail. 90 00:03:40,002 --> 00:03:41,743 At least, I think it was him. 91 00:03:41,830 --> 00:03:43,701 It was just, like, two minutes of someone sobbing 92 00:03:43,788 --> 00:03:44,702 and then throwing up. 93 00:03:46,704 --> 00:03:48,619 Yeah, that was him. 94 00:03:48,706 --> 00:03:50,404 How often does he cry? 95 00:03:50,491 --> 00:03:52,319 It'd be quicker to tell you how often he doesn't. 96 00:03:53,494 --> 00:03:55,191 He's gonna be okay, right? 97 00:03:55,278 --> 00:03:58,455 Yeah, he actually got dressed today and left the house. 98 00:03:58,542 --> 00:04:00,675 And-and-and he even put on deodorant. 99 00:04:00,762 --> 00:04:03,373 Well, I-I actually put it on him, but he let me 100 00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:06,071 so...that's progress. 101 00:04:06,158 --> 00:04:09,118 I'm so glad that you're there for my dad. 102 00:04:09,205 --> 00:04:10,728 You're like the son he never had. 103 00:04:13,644 --> 00:04:14,776 Right. 104 00:04:16,691 --> 00:04:18,606 Okay, so I'm gonna get goin'. 105 00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:21,043 Yeah, yeah, me, too. I got to go run some black ops 106 00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:22,827 and test some ballistic weapons. 107 00:04:22,914 --> 00:04:25,003 Really? That-that sounds awesome. 108 00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:26,570 No, I'm just messing with you. 109 00:04:26,657 --> 00:04:28,703 I'm gonna go get high and make, like, 800 cupcakes. 110 00:04:32,315 --> 00:04:33,447 Sleep well, America. 111 00:04:35,536 --> 00:04:36,667 Ta-da! 112 00:04:37,494 --> 00:04:39,191 Wow! 113 00:04:44,893 --> 00:04:46,938 Wow! 114 00:04:47,025 --> 00:04:48,897 You look.. 115 00:04:48,984 --> 00:04:51,203 Look at you. 116 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,727 This is your vision, my friend. 117 00:04:52,814 --> 00:04:57,384 Oh, no, I could not envision this. 118 00:04:57,471 --> 00:04:59,864 You were right. It's time for me to get back to living life. 119 00:04:59,951 --> 00:05:01,344 Uh, check out my sweet onion. 120 00:05:03,041 --> 00:05:04,434 My bodacious Vidalia. 121 00:05:06,088 --> 00:05:09,613 Wow. How did you pack all of you in there? 122 00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:12,094 Ah, well, uh, I guess I would have to say 123 00:05:12,181 --> 00:05:14,662 it's...Spanx to these. 124 00:05:16,968 --> 00:05:18,405 Is that a girdle? 125 00:05:18,492 --> 00:05:20,929 Oh, no. Uh, it's a-a male sport control top. 126 00:05:21,016 --> 00:05:22,583 It's for athletes. 127 00:05:22,670 --> 00:05:25,020 Athletes with man boobs. 128 00:05:25,107 --> 00:05:26,891 Not anymore. 129 00:05:26,978 --> 00:05:30,765 Uh, Heather, the salesgirl, said I look like a DILD. 130 00:05:30,852 --> 00:05:33,420 Oh? 131 00:05:33,507 --> 00:05:36,248 It stands for "Dad I'd Like to Do." 132 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:39,295 Okay. Let's-let's talk about that hair. 133 00:05:39,382 --> 00:05:40,731 Walk me through that. 134 00:05:40,818 --> 00:05:43,604 Oh, uh, a-a young man named Juan did this to me. 135 00:05:43,691 --> 00:05:46,607 Um, uh, he does Justin Bieber's hair. 136 00:05:46,694 --> 00:05:48,522 - Oh, wow, that's lucky. - I-I know. 137 00:05:48,609 --> 00:05:50,393 Can't believe Justin Bieber goes to Supercuts. 138 00:05:53,309 --> 00:05:54,876 Driving home, you can't imagine 139 00:05:54,963 --> 00:05:56,486 how many people were checking me out. 140 00:05:56,573 --> 00:05:58,880 Oh, I can imagine. 141 00:05:58,967 --> 00:06:01,883 What do you say we go someplace and try out my new look? 142 00:06:01,970 --> 00:06:04,799 I wanna get my groove on with the hip, funky people. 143 00:06:04,886 --> 00:06:07,367 Okay, yeah, I'll see if I can fire up the time machine 144 00:06:07,454 --> 00:06:09,717 and we'll head back to 1974. 145 00:06:09,804 --> 00:06:11,980 I'll, uh, I'll put my stuff away. 146 00:06:12,067 --> 00:06:14,722 - Uh, Alan? - Yeah? 147 00:06:14,809 --> 00:06:16,724 - My credit card? - Oh, uh, right. 148 00:06:23,992 --> 00:06:25,820 Release. 149 00:06:25,907 --> 00:06:27,082 I'm tryin'. 150 00:06:32,087 --> 00:06:33,610 ♪ Men ♪♪ 151 00:06:35,438 --> 00:06:37,527 [instrumental music] 152 00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:38,963 Wow. 153 00:06:39,050 --> 00:06:42,967 I'm seein' your hairdo everywhere I look. 154 00:06:43,054 --> 00:06:44,534 Best ten bucks I ever spent. 155 00:06:47,842 --> 00:06:49,887 I wish I had my deck of cards. 156 00:06:49,974 --> 00:06:51,323 Deck of cards? 157 00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,761 Oh, yeah. Close-up magic is a great icebreaker 158 00:06:53,848 --> 00:06:54,979 with the ladies. 159 00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:59,201 What is wrong with you? 160 00:06:59,288 --> 00:07:00,463 What is wrong with you 161 00:07:00,550 --> 00:07:02,944 that you have a quarter in your ear? 162 00:07:03,031 --> 00:07:04,554 Give me that. 163 00:07:04,641 --> 00:07:05,860 Come on. You're a charming guy. 164 00:07:05,947 --> 00:07:08,602 Just be yourself, stick to your strengths. 165 00:07:08,689 --> 00:07:10,299 I-I'm sorry. I-I can't hear you. 166 00:07:10,386 --> 00:07:11,561 I have a quarter in my ear-- 167 00:07:11,648 --> 00:07:12,780 Will you stop that? 168 00:07:14,825 --> 00:07:17,654 What about her? Go buy her a drink. 169 00:07:17,741 --> 00:07:19,874 She's a little out of my league, isn't she? 170 00:07:19,961 --> 00:07:22,050 You're not even playing the same sport. 171 00:07:23,878 --> 00:07:25,880 Just go say hi. 172 00:07:25,967 --> 00:07:27,838 Okay, here goes. 173 00:07:29,492 --> 00:07:32,669 Uh, hi. Can I buy you a drink? 174 00:07:32,756 --> 00:07:35,063 Uh, no, thanks. I already have one. 175 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:39,284 Uh, can I reimburse you for that one? 176 00:07:40,329 --> 00:07:41,939 Excuse me? 177 00:07:42,026 --> 00:07:43,680 Well, I would have happily bought you a drink 178 00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:46,335 if I had arrived a few moments earlier. 179 00:07:46,422 --> 00:07:48,206 Tell you what. Let me just give you some cash. 180 00:07:49,947 --> 00:07:51,383 You're kidding, right? 181 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:54,212 Uh, here's a ten. Do you have change? 182 00:07:54,299 --> 00:07:55,779 What is wrong with you? 183 00:07:58,565 --> 00:08:00,088 Well, I'm not gonna tip you. 184 00:08:01,524 --> 00:08:03,178 That was weird. 185 00:08:03,265 --> 00:08:05,006 Yeah, she's the weird one. 186 00:08:06,442 --> 00:08:08,313 Maybe we should just go home. 187 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:09,358 You're just a little rusty. 188 00:08:09,445 --> 00:08:10,402 Let me help you out. 189 00:08:14,450 --> 00:08:15,669 Hi. 190 00:08:15,756 --> 00:08:18,280 Well, hello. 191 00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:20,761 Yeah, before we go any further, I should warn you 192 00:08:20,848 --> 00:08:24,895 that I suffered from a horrific industrial accident 193 00:08:24,982 --> 00:08:26,549 down there. 194 00:08:26,636 --> 00:08:27,768 Oh, no. 195 00:08:27,855 --> 00:08:29,552 Oh, yes. 196 00:08:29,639 --> 00:08:31,772 Here. Say hi to my friend Alan. 197 00:08:34,296 --> 00:08:35,906 How bad was the accident? 198 00:08:38,822 --> 00:08:40,258 Say hi. 199 00:08:40,345 --> 00:08:42,434 Uh, hi. Uh, I'm Alan. 200 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,175 I'm a back doctor 201 00:08:44,262 --> 00:08:46,047 but that doesn't mean I can't check out your front. 202 00:08:46,134 --> 00:08:47,265 Oh, my God. 203 00:08:48,789 --> 00:08:50,399 That is hilarious! 204 00:08:50,486 --> 00:08:52,096 You're so funny. 205 00:08:52,183 --> 00:08:53,141 [laughing] 206 00:08:53,228 --> 00:08:54,359 Oh, my God. 207 00:08:56,144 --> 00:08:59,408 - Um, I have a question for you. - Yeah? 208 00:08:59,495 --> 00:09:02,367 How did you get this quarter in your ear? 209 00:09:03,238 --> 00:09:05,022 How did you do that? 210 00:09:05,109 --> 00:09:06,676 Pull something else out of me! 211 00:09:09,070 --> 00:09:10,375 I like her. 212 00:09:10,462 --> 00:09:12,029 Oh, my God! 213 00:09:15,163 --> 00:09:19,559 Excuse me. How did you get this quarter in your ear? 214 00:09:26,870 --> 00:09:28,393 ♪ Men ♪♪ 215 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:32,789 Wow. 216 00:09:32,876 --> 00:09:34,530 This is quite a place. 217 00:09:34,617 --> 00:09:35,923 Thank you. 218 00:09:36,010 --> 00:09:38,055 Looks like Elton John went on safari. 219 00:09:42,277 --> 00:09:44,540 Oh, uh, nice eagle. 220 00:09:44,627 --> 00:09:46,455 It's, uh, very realistic. 221 00:09:46,542 --> 00:09:50,241 I wanna feed it a bronze mouse. 222 00:09:50,328 --> 00:09:52,330 I can't believe you live here all by yours.. 223 00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:53,897 "Sabado Gigante." 224 00:09:55,856 --> 00:09:58,554 - You like? - Oh, yeah. 225 00:09:58,641 --> 00:10:00,730 The hair on my head isn't the only thing standing up. 226 00:10:03,254 --> 00:10:04,734 Well, now it's your turn. 227 00:10:04,821 --> 00:10:07,911 Can't wait to get my hands on that tight, little body. 228 00:10:07,998 --> 00:10:10,827 Oh, uh, can I just freshen up a little? 229 00:10:10,914 --> 00:10:12,524 Down the hall to the left. 230 00:10:14,222 --> 00:10:15,527 I'll be waiting. 231 00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:16,659 [growls] 232 00:10:19,706 --> 00:10:21,359 [imitating dolphin's squeak] 233 00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:00,834 [grunts] 234 00:11:03,575 --> 00:11:04,533 [groaning] 235 00:11:06,491 --> 00:11:07,754 You've got to be kidding me. 236 00:11:07,841 --> 00:11:09,320 [grunts] 237 00:11:20,114 --> 00:11:22,551 [panting] 238 00:11:49,970 --> 00:11:50,884 No. 239 00:11:52,973 --> 00:11:53,887 [panting] 240 00:11:56,150 --> 00:11:57,064 Really? 241 00:11:59,022 --> 00:12:00,981 Hurry up or she's gonna think you're pooping. 242 00:12:03,548 --> 00:12:06,595 ♪ Men ♪♪ 243 00:12:06,682 --> 00:12:07,727 Hello? 244 00:12:10,991 --> 00:12:14,559 - Hello? - In here. 245 00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:15,735 Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy! 246 00:12:17,693 --> 00:12:18,781 Oh, boy! 247 00:12:22,567 --> 00:12:24,047 Um, hi. 248 00:12:24,134 --> 00:12:27,442 Oh, sorry. I just gotta take care of something here. 249 00:12:27,529 --> 00:12:29,661 Did you gain weight? 250 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,881 Oh. No, uh, this is water weight. 251 00:12:31,968 --> 00:12:33,535 Uh, too much salt. 252 00:12:33,622 --> 00:12:35,189 So, uh, who-who is this? Your grandpa? 253 00:12:35,276 --> 00:12:38,801 - No, he's my husband. - Your-your husband? 254 00:12:38,888 --> 00:12:41,108 Oh, don't worry. He doesn't even know we're here. 255 00:12:41,195 --> 00:12:44,154 Well, maybe not, but I am not the kind of man who.. 256 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,506 ...can pass up an opportunity like this. 257 00:12:50,204 --> 00:12:51,118 Hold on. 258 00:12:54,251 --> 00:12:55,644 You have a lovely home. 259 00:12:58,125 --> 00:12:59,996 ♪ Men ♪♪ 260 00:13:03,391 --> 00:13:06,002 ♪ Men ♪♪ 261 00:13:06,089 --> 00:13:07,003 [Alan] 'Morning.' 262 00:13:09,223 --> 00:13:12,182 Oh, Zippy, like it wasn't easy enough before. 263 00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:16,970 I wouldn't expect you to understand European chic. 264 00:13:17,057 --> 00:13:19,233 Looks more like you're a-peein' on a power line. 265 00:13:21,975 --> 00:13:23,585 Nice. 266 00:13:23,672 --> 00:13:25,543 Hey, tell me about that girl last night. 267 00:13:25,630 --> 00:13:28,416 - Uh, well, she's a vegetarian. - Yeah. 268 00:13:28,503 --> 00:13:29,678 And her husband's a vegetable. 269 00:13:32,507 --> 00:13:33,464 What? 270 00:13:33,551 --> 00:13:34,726 She's married 271 00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:37,207 and-and the guy's, like, 900 years old. 272 00:13:37,294 --> 00:13:39,209 - You're kidding. - She hot? 273 00:13:39,296 --> 00:13:40,384 Yeah. 274 00:13:40,471 --> 00:13:42,169 - He rich? - Mm-hmm. 275 00:13:42,256 --> 00:13:43,170 Checks out. 276 00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:46,608 So, how old is this guy? 277 00:13:46,695 --> 00:13:48,349 Uh, well, let me put it this way. 278 00:13:48,436 --> 00:13:50,525 He was one of the original investors in apple. 279 00:13:50,612 --> 00:13:51,613 The fruit. 280 00:13:55,051 --> 00:13:57,358 Well, I'm sorry it didn't work out, man. 281 00:13:57,445 --> 00:13:58,359 No, it worked out. 282 00:14:00,796 --> 00:14:03,103 - You didn't. - What do you want from me? 283 00:14:03,190 --> 00:14:05,453 He was in a coma and she was in a teddy. 284 00:14:05,540 --> 00:14:07,020 Alan, you surprise me. 285 00:14:07,107 --> 00:14:09,283 I thought you had more integrity than that. 286 00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:10,632 Where in the hell have you been? 287 00:14:13,243 --> 00:14:14,984 ♪ Men ♪♪ 288 00:14:18,422 --> 00:14:20,860 You know what? You know what? Can we just stop for a second? 289 00:14:20,947 --> 00:14:22,644 What's wrong? 290 00:14:22,731 --> 00:14:24,341 You don't know me well 291 00:14:24,428 --> 00:14:26,953 but I happen to be a man of great integrity. 292 00:14:29,346 --> 00:14:31,174 And it's hard for me to do this 293 00:14:31,261 --> 00:14:33,176 knowing your husband is right next door. 294 00:14:33,263 --> 00:14:35,613 You want me to put him in a cab for a couple hours? 295 00:14:37,006 --> 00:14:39,879 I-I don't think that's gonna help. 296 00:14:39,966 --> 00:14:42,011 Look, I know I'm technically taken. 297 00:14:42,098 --> 00:14:43,317 But you have to understand 298 00:14:43,404 --> 00:14:45,754 Victor was 80 when I married him. 299 00:14:45,841 --> 00:14:48,365 And now, 12 years later, he's still alive 300 00:14:48,452 --> 00:14:51,586 and we're both using machines to get us through the night. 301 00:14:53,588 --> 00:14:55,764 Well, how did you two even meet? 302 00:14:55,851 --> 00:14:59,159 I was on a pole, he was in a wheelchair. 303 00:14:59,246 --> 00:15:01,552 Our eyes met, and when I turned right side up 304 00:15:01,639 --> 00:15:03,032 I knew he was the one. 305 00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:09,386 That's-that's very...romantic. 306 00:15:09,473 --> 00:15:11,345 I can't expect you to understand what it's like 307 00:15:11,432 --> 00:15:13,869 to rely on someone to put a roof over your head 308 00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:16,916 and provide you with the luxurious life you deserve. 309 00:15:19,005 --> 00:15:20,571 Oh, my God, we're soul mates. 310 00:15:23,835 --> 00:15:25,925 ♪ Men ♪♪ 311 00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:27,839 [doorbell rings] 312 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,711 I got it. It's for me. 313 00:15:32,409 --> 00:15:33,671 Surprise! 314 00:15:34,977 --> 00:15:36,761 Y-you brought your husband. 315 00:15:36,848 --> 00:15:38,111 It's our anniversary. 316 00:15:40,417 --> 00:15:42,680 It didn't seem right to leave him alone. 317 00:15:42,767 --> 00:15:45,031 Uh, well, this doesn't seem better. 318 00:15:46,771 --> 00:15:48,164 Uh, but come on in. 319 00:15:49,861 --> 00:15:51,951 Um, uh, Meghan, you remember Walden. 320 00:15:52,038 --> 00:15:54,736 Walden, this is Meghan's husband, Victor. 321 00:15:54,823 --> 00:15:57,043 It's their anniversary. 322 00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:59,480 Hi, Victor. It's nice to meet you. 323 00:16:01,134 --> 00:16:03,832 Yeah, this is normal. 324 00:16:03,919 --> 00:16:05,268 Can you give me a hand? 325 00:16:05,355 --> 00:16:07,227 I'm just gonna wheel him on to the deck. 326 00:16:07,314 --> 00:16:09,620 Oh, uh, sure. No problem. 327 00:16:09,707 --> 00:16:12,058 Oh, look, Victor! The ocean! 328 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,887 You remember it from when you discovered America. 329 00:16:17,715 --> 00:16:19,065 That's-that's a good one 330 00:16:19,152 --> 00:16:20,109 but technically Columbus didn't actually-- 331 00:16:20,196 --> 00:16:22,720 - Shut up. - Right. 332 00:16:22,807 --> 00:16:24,548 Do you-do you think we should get them a cake? 333 00:16:24,635 --> 00:16:28,074 Look at him. He is a cake. 334 00:16:28,161 --> 00:16:32,121 Right. Pl-Plus, we don't want to get him all hopped up on sugar. 335 00:16:32,208 --> 00:16:34,036 Come here. 336 00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:37,039 There are a billion women in this world. Why this one? 337 00:16:37,126 --> 00:16:39,999 I don't know. She's like a-a powerful sex magnet. 338 00:16:40,086 --> 00:16:44,177 And I'm like a...sex refrigerator. 339 00:16:44,264 --> 00:16:45,395 What does that even mean? 340 00:16:45,482 --> 00:16:47,006 I have no idea what it means. 341 00:16:47,093 --> 00:16:49,356 I-I need you to babysit her decomposing husband 342 00:16:49,443 --> 00:16:53,142 while I plow his wife. 343 00:16:53,229 --> 00:16:55,623 It's their anniversary. 344 00:16:58,365 --> 00:16:59,496 ♪ Men ♪♪ 345 00:17:04,762 --> 00:17:07,156 Oh, come on. 346 00:17:15,251 --> 00:17:19,168 Looks like you...found a new friend, Vic. 347 00:17:19,255 --> 00:17:21,736 Can I call you Vic? 348 00:17:21,823 --> 00:17:22,780 I'm gonna call you Vic. 349 00:17:24,347 --> 00:17:25,740 [sighs] 350 00:17:30,527 --> 00:17:33,356 Is this what I have to look forward to, Vic? 351 00:17:33,443 --> 00:17:36,098 You live your life, you try to be a good person 352 00:17:36,185 --> 00:17:38,579 you work hard to achieve your goals 353 00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:40,363 only to end up a prisoner to your own body 354 00:17:40,450 --> 00:17:41,799 while the love of your life is in the next room 355 00:17:41,886 --> 00:17:46,674 doing the splits for some idiot she met in a bar. 356 00:17:46,761 --> 00:17:48,545 If this is it, just kill me now. 357 00:17:48,632 --> 00:17:49,764 [beeping] 358 00:17:53,898 --> 00:17:55,204 Vic? 359 00:17:55,291 --> 00:17:56,553 Vic! 360 00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:59,078 Aw, come on! 361 00:18:01,863 --> 00:18:04,170 Alan! 362 00:18:04,257 --> 00:18:05,997 [Alan] 'Bad time, Walden!' 363 00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:10,045 It's even worse out here! Open the door. 364 00:18:10,132 --> 00:18:11,829 What could be so important? 365 00:18:11,916 --> 00:18:15,181 I'm pretty sure that your girlfriend's husband is dead. 366 00:18:15,268 --> 00:18:16,617 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down. 367 00:18:16,704 --> 00:18:19,098 She's not my girlfriend. 368 00:18:21,012 --> 00:18:24,059 No, no, no. He can't die here. 369 00:18:24,146 --> 00:18:25,756 Think he already did. 370 00:18:25,843 --> 00:18:28,803 No, you don't understand. He can't die here. 371 00:18:28,890 --> 00:18:31,458 I have an infidelity clause in my prenup. 372 00:18:31,545 --> 00:18:33,851 If his greedy 70-year-old kids find out that I was here 373 00:18:33,938 --> 00:18:36,376 they'll take all my money. 374 00:18:36,463 --> 00:18:38,508 Are you kidding? Your money? 375 00:18:38,595 --> 00:18:42,164 Well, in all fairness, she did earn it the old-fashioned way. 376 00:18:42,251 --> 00:18:45,124 Well, thank you, Alan. Show a little respect. 377 00:18:45,211 --> 00:18:47,561 Now stuff him in the car while I go find my panties. 378 00:18:49,519 --> 00:18:52,000 Look what you did. You got my girlfriend upset. 379 00:18:52,087 --> 00:18:53,654 I thought she wasn't your girlfriend. 380 00:18:53,741 --> 00:18:55,699 She's gonna inherit millions of dollars. 381 00:18:55,786 --> 00:18:58,137 She's my girlfriend. 382 00:18:59,964 --> 00:19:01,836 ♪ Men ♪♪ 383 00:19:01,923 --> 00:19:03,968 Okay, when we get there, we'll put him in his bed 384 00:19:04,055 --> 00:19:06,188 you guys leave and I'll call 911. 385 00:19:06,275 --> 00:19:07,929 Don't worry, sweetheart, after the funeral 386 00:19:08,016 --> 00:19:10,497 we'll go someplace warm and beautiful where we can heal. 387 00:19:10,584 --> 00:19:12,107 And tan. 388 00:19:12,194 --> 00:19:16,198 And swim with the dolphins. Ee-ee, ee-ee! 389 00:19:16,285 --> 00:19:18,026 You two dreamers do realize 390 00:19:18,113 --> 00:19:19,636 that what we're doing right now is a felony. 391 00:19:19,723 --> 00:19:21,595 I-I realize and I owe you one. 392 00:19:21,682 --> 00:19:23,684 One? Seriously? One? 393 00:19:25,468 --> 00:19:26,904 I want ice cream! 394 00:19:26,991 --> 00:19:29,603 [all screaming] 395 00:19:30,995 --> 00:19:32,171 ♪ Men ♪♪ 396 00:19:37,654 --> 00:19:39,743 ♪ Men ♪♪ 397 00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:43,443 I can't believe you found a quarter down there. 398 00:19:46,054 --> 00:19:48,404 And if you look closely, George is smiling. 399 00:19:50,450 --> 00:19:51,973 Why don't I get us some champagne? 400 00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:54,410 Oh, yes. 401 00:19:54,497 --> 00:19:57,108 Champagne makes me do crazy things. 402 00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:58,501 Well, that's good 'cause.. 403 00:19:58,588 --> 00:20:00,547 Crazy. Thing. 404 00:20:05,987 --> 00:20:08,076 Nice job in there. 405 00:20:10,383 --> 00:20:11,993 You saw? 406 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,474 I like to watch. Shh. 407 00:20:22,525 --> 00:20:24,092 ♪ Men ♪♪ 408 00:20:29,140 --> 00:20:30,098 ♪ Men men men men ♪ 409 00:20:30,185 --> 00:20:31,665 ♪ Manly men men men ♪ 410 00:20:31,752 --> 00:20:33,057 ♪ Men men men men ♪♪ Oo-o-o-o-h ♪ 411 00:20:33,144 --> 00:20:34,929 ♪ Manly men men men ♪ 412 00:20:35,016 --> 00:20:37,845 ♪ Men men men men manly men ♪ 413 00:20:37,932 --> 00:20:39,803 ♪ Ooh hoo hoo ooh hoo hoo oo ♪ 414 00:20:39,890 --> 00:20:41,414 ♪ Men men men men ♪ 415 00:20:41,501 --> 00:20:43,285 ♪ Manly men men men ♪ 416 00:20:43,372 --> 00:20:44,808 ♪ Men men men men ♪ 417 00:20:44,895 --> 00:20:46,810 ♪ Manly men men men ♪ 418 00:20:46,897 --> 00:20:48,029 ♪ Men ♪♪ 29084

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.