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1
00:00:01,784 --> 00:00:03,699
♪ Men ♪♪
2
00:00:05,266 --> 00:00:06,615
- Oh. Hey.
- Hi.
3
00:00:06,702 --> 00:00:08,530
I thought you and Alan
were going out to dinner.
4
00:00:08,617 --> 00:00:10,053
We were supposed to,
but then he discovered
5
00:00:10,140 --> 00:00:13,317
his coupon was only good
for "to-go" orders.
6
00:00:13,404 --> 00:00:15,580
- That guy's a piece of work.
- He is.
7
00:00:15,667 --> 00:00:19,149
Which is ironic, 'cause he never
seems to go to work.
8
00:00:19,236 --> 00:00:21,195
That's true.
9
00:00:21,282 --> 00:00:24,067
That being said, I do envy
what you guys have.
10
00:00:24,154 --> 00:00:27,723
You guys are like termites.
11
00:00:27,810 --> 00:00:29,203
- Termites?
- Yeah.
12
00:00:29,290 --> 00:00:30,682
They mate for life,
and once they live
13
00:00:30,769 --> 00:00:34,077
in your house,
you can never get rid of 'em.
14
00:00:34,164 --> 00:00:36,384
Just like Alan.
15
00:00:36,471 --> 00:00:38,038
You alright?
16
00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:39,691
Yeah, I..
17
00:00:39,778 --> 00:00:41,084
...I have to do something
with him tonight
18
00:00:41,171 --> 00:00:42,999
that's going to be
really painful.
19
00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:45,523
Okay, that's between
two consenting adults.
20
00:00:45,610 --> 00:00:47,308
No.
21
00:00:49,136 --> 00:00:51,399
I'm breaking up
with him.
22
00:00:51,486 --> 00:00:53,401
What?
23
00:00:53,488 --> 00:00:55,707
But you guys are great
together.
24
00:00:55,794 --> 00:00:58,449
You're so beautiful
25
00:00:58,536 --> 00:01:00,843
and smart and fun.
26
00:01:00,930 --> 00:01:03,019
And Alan's so..
27
00:01:03,106 --> 00:01:04,455
...lucky.
28
00:01:05,848 --> 00:01:07,632
I don't want
to hurt him.
29
00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:09,895
Then do something else.
30
00:01:09,982 --> 00:01:11,984
Disneyland, dancing, bowling
31
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,943
pretty much anything
but break up with him.
32
00:01:14,030 --> 00:01:15,597
I have to.
33
00:01:15,684 --> 00:01:17,120
But you and I are his world.
34
00:01:17,207 --> 00:01:19,253
And if you leave,
I'll be his world.
35
00:01:19,340 --> 00:01:20,602
I'm sorry.
36
00:01:20,689 --> 00:01:21,864
No, I don't think
you heard me.
37
00:01:21,951 --> 00:01:24,867
I'll be his world!
38
00:01:24,954 --> 00:01:26,956
I feel so bad.
39
00:01:28,653 --> 00:01:30,568
Alright. Come here.
40
00:01:33,049 --> 00:01:36,096
This is the hardest thing
I've ever had to do.
41
00:01:36,183 --> 00:01:39,055
And I pushed a baby
out of my vagina.
42
00:01:40,926 --> 00:01:42,928
[Alan]
'I'm back!'
43
00:01:43,015 --> 00:01:44,974
Don't say anything.
44
00:01:45,061 --> 00:01:47,324
Oh. Hey, Walden.
Want to join us?
45
00:01:47,411 --> 00:01:50,414
Uh...no, thanks.
46
00:01:50,501 --> 00:01:53,113
Hey, what do you say
we all go bowling?
47
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,549
'Huh?'
48
00:01:54,636 --> 00:01:57,595
Doesn't that sound fun?
Just bowling?
49
00:01:57,682 --> 00:02:00,642
No, I, I think we're
just gonna stay in tonight.
50
00:02:00,729 --> 00:02:02,339
Uh, oh, but I have
a confession to make.
51
00:02:02,426 --> 00:02:04,863
I, uh, opened my fortune
cookie in the car..
52
00:02:04,950 --> 00:02:06,604
...and listen to this.
53
00:02:06,691 --> 00:02:09,303
Uh..."Your life is about to
take a turn for the better."
54
00:02:14,917 --> 00:02:16,788
I think you may have gotten
Lyndsey's cookie.
55
00:02:19,313 --> 00:02:20,836
♪ Men men men men ♪
56
00:02:20,923 --> 00:02:22,403
♪ Manly men men men ♪
57
00:02:22,490 --> 00:02:24,013
♪ Men men men men ♪♪ Oo-o-o-o-h ♪
58
00:02:24,100 --> 00:02:25,884
♪ Manly men men men ♪
59
00:02:25,971 --> 00:02:28,626
♪ Men men men men
manly men ♪
60
00:02:28,713 --> 00:02:30,933
♪ Ooh hoo hoo,
ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪
61
00:02:31,020 --> 00:02:32,282
♪ Men men men men ♪
62
00:02:32,369 --> 00:02:34,066
♪ Manly men men men ♪
63
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:35,764
♪ Men men men men ♪
64
00:02:35,851 --> 00:02:37,896
♪ Manly men men men ♪
65
00:02:37,983 --> 00:02:39,811
♪ Men ♪♪
66
00:02:46,818 --> 00:02:48,820
♪ Men ♪♪
67
00:02:48,907 --> 00:02:49,865
Would you like another
glass of wi--
68
00:02:49,952 --> 00:02:51,388
Yes.
69
00:02:59,353 --> 00:03:00,441
Oh, you know,
I was thinking, uh
70
00:03:00,528 --> 00:03:02,530
after dinner we could
light a fire.
71
00:03:02,617 --> 00:03:05,185
Don't worry, I've got all
the wood we'll need.
72
00:03:13,323 --> 00:03:15,282
Cute.
73
00:03:15,369 --> 00:03:17,458
Uh, you seem
awfully quiet tonight.
74
00:03:17,545 --> 00:03:18,763
Is everything okay?
75
00:03:18,850 --> 00:03:20,635
I-I've just got
a lot on my mind.
76
00:03:20,722 --> 00:03:22,550
Hmm, what is it, sweetie?
77
00:03:22,637 --> 00:03:24,595
Oh, boy.
78
00:03:24,682 --> 00:03:26,118
I don't know
how to say this.
79
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,730
Well, a problem shared
is a problem halved.
80
00:03:28,817 --> 00:03:30,862
It's kind of like
that fried rice
81
00:03:30,949 --> 00:03:32,734
although I noticed
you didn't touch your half
82
00:03:32,821 --> 00:03:34,605
despite the fact
that you had to order it
83
00:03:34,692 --> 00:03:36,128
even though
the white rice was free
84
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:39,784
and the coupon specifically
said "No substitutions."
85
00:03:39,871 --> 00:03:41,395
I think we should break up.
86
00:03:43,179 --> 00:03:44,485
Excuse me.
87
00:03:48,967 --> 00:03:50,926
Are you okay?
88
00:04:08,117 --> 00:04:10,380
You owe me $22.50 for dinner.
89
00:04:12,991 --> 00:04:15,080
- Hey, Berta.
- Just finishing up.
90
00:04:15,167 --> 00:04:16,430
Then I'll get out of your way.
91
00:04:16,517 --> 00:04:17,953
No, I think
you should stay here.
92
00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:19,433
Alright.
93
00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,261
Let me take
a quick shower first.
94
00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:25,439
Lyndsey's downstairs
breaking up with Alan.
95
00:04:25,526 --> 00:04:27,571
- Really?
- Yeah.
96
00:04:27,658 --> 00:04:30,922
Well, we knew this was coming.
97
00:04:31,009 --> 00:04:32,707
First time I saw them together
98
00:04:32,794 --> 00:04:35,710
I asked her to blink twice
if she was being held hostage.
99
00:04:36,972 --> 00:04:39,235
He's gonna be devastated.
100
00:04:39,322 --> 00:04:40,541
I mean, he's madly
in love with her
101
00:04:40,628 --> 00:04:41,933
they've been dating
for years.
102
00:04:42,020 --> 00:04:43,544
They were planning
on getting married.
103
00:04:43,631 --> 00:04:46,024
Oh, my God, he's never
gonna leave my house.
104
00:04:46,111 --> 00:04:49,158
It's sweet that you actually
thought he was going to.
105
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:51,813
Why do people have to break up?
106
00:04:51,900 --> 00:04:53,467
Well, in my experience
107
00:04:53,554 --> 00:04:56,296
either the magic wears off,
or the mushrooms.
108
00:04:59,255 --> 00:05:00,778
I feel really bad for him.
109
00:05:00,865 --> 00:05:02,345
I mean,
I always feel bad for him.
110
00:05:02,432 --> 00:05:04,478
But I feel reallybad for him.
111
00:05:04,565 --> 00:05:06,306
Yeah, yeah. It's tough.
112
00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:08,308
We gonna do this thing
or what?
113
00:05:13,269 --> 00:05:15,140
I don't understand.
Where is this coming from?
114
00:05:15,227 --> 00:05:16,881
There's no spark anymore.
115
00:05:16,968 --> 00:05:18,927
All we do is sit around,
watch TV and eat takeout
116
00:05:19,014 --> 00:05:20,885
from whatever restaurant
you have a coupon for.
117
00:05:20,972 --> 00:05:22,147
Did you want to go
to the food court?
118
00:05:22,234 --> 00:05:24,541
'Cause we can do that.
119
00:05:24,628 --> 00:05:26,717
- Alan, it's not that.
- Then, what is it?
120
00:05:26,804 --> 00:05:28,502
I mean, I-I-I thought
you were happy.
121
00:05:28,589 --> 00:05:30,068
I-I thought
everything was great.
122
00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:32,288
It was, but-but things
change, people change.
123
00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:35,204
That's not true.
I don't change. I never change.
124
00:05:35,291 --> 00:05:36,727
Maybe that's part
of the problem.
125
00:05:36,814 --> 00:05:38,338
I can change.
126
00:05:38,425 --> 00:05:40,035
I-I know this is upsetting
127
00:05:40,122 --> 00:05:42,646
but-but better to do this
now before it gets worse.
128
00:05:42,733 --> 00:05:44,256
How can it be worse?
129
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:45,823
You gonna tell me you've been
faking it all these years?
130
00:05:45,910 --> 00:05:48,304
Don't answer that.
131
00:05:48,391 --> 00:05:50,611
- Alan, I have to go.
- Fine, go.
132
00:05:50,698 --> 00:05:53,222
Don't go.
133
00:05:53,309 --> 00:05:55,180
I am really sorry.
134
00:05:55,267 --> 00:05:59,010
The thing is
I-I still love you, Alan.
135
00:05:59,097 --> 00:06:01,230
I'm just not in love
with you anymore.
136
00:06:06,191 --> 00:06:08,019
It's not a deal-breaker.
137
00:06:09,238 --> 00:06:11,458
♪ Men ♪♪
138
00:06:11,545 --> 00:06:13,024
You okay?
139
00:06:13,111 --> 00:06:15,200
I guess.
140
00:06:15,287 --> 00:06:17,202
I suppose it's better that
she broke up with me now
141
00:06:17,289 --> 00:06:19,204
than after we got married.
142
00:06:19,291 --> 00:06:21,772
Then she would've gotten
half of all my stuff.
143
00:06:28,257 --> 00:06:29,432
Sure.
144
00:06:31,739 --> 00:06:34,959
You know,
I'm here for you.
145
00:06:35,046 --> 00:06:36,787
I know that and,
and I appreciate it.
146
00:06:36,874 --> 00:06:39,486
But...I'm good.
147
00:06:39,573 --> 00:06:40,661
Good.
148
00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:44,708
- Walden?
- Yeah?
149
00:06:46,841 --> 00:06:49,321
I'm not good.
150
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,976
I love her.
151
00:06:52,063 --> 00:06:53,369
I know you do.
152
00:06:53,456 --> 00:06:55,545
I'll never find another one
like her.
153
00:06:55,632 --> 00:06:57,112
I know you won't.
154
00:07:00,550 --> 00:07:02,552
I'm-I'm just saying,
I-I know how great she is.
155
00:07:02,639 --> 00:07:04,380
You're gonna be fine.
156
00:07:04,467 --> 00:07:07,296
You Just.. You have to focus
on the good things in your life.
157
00:07:07,383 --> 00:07:10,081
Lyndsey was the only
good thing in my life.
158
00:07:10,168 --> 00:07:11,735
- Oh, God..
- It's okay.
159
00:07:11,822 --> 00:07:12,823
[sobbing]
160
00:07:12,910 --> 00:07:14,303
Let it all out.
161
00:07:15,478 --> 00:07:18,394
[sobbing]
162
00:07:20,918 --> 00:07:23,181
That's a lot out.
Let's-let's put some back in.
163
00:07:27,534 --> 00:07:31,059
Now you're all I have!
164
00:07:31,146 --> 00:07:34,062
[sobbing]
165
00:07:40,198 --> 00:07:43,114
[sobbing]
166
00:07:43,201 --> 00:07:44,855
I know.
167
00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:49,077
♪ Men ♪♪
168
00:07:49,164 --> 00:07:51,949
Good morning.
Beautiful day.
169
00:07:52,036 --> 00:07:54,256
To...stick your head
in an oven?
170
00:07:56,127 --> 00:07:58,565
Okay, I realize I was
a little upset last night.
171
00:07:58,652 --> 00:08:00,088
A little? You googled
172
00:08:00,175 --> 00:08:02,133
"How to kill yourself
without it hurting."
173
00:08:02,917 --> 00:08:04,527
Drama queen.
174
00:08:04,614 --> 00:08:06,355
But I woke up
this morning
175
00:08:06,442 --> 00:08:08,226
and I realized,
"What am I so upset about?"
176
00:08:08,313 --> 00:08:10,011
Lyndsey and I are
not breaking up.
177
00:08:12,404 --> 00:08:14,885
Okay. So, when she said
178
00:08:14,972 --> 00:08:16,974
that she didn't want
to see you anymore
179
00:08:17,061 --> 00:08:19,281
and she didn't think
you made a good couple
180
00:08:19,368 --> 00:08:21,283
and she wasn't
in love with you, that..
181
00:08:21,370 --> 00:08:22,632
What do you call that?
182
00:08:22,719 --> 00:08:23,720
Foreplay.
183
00:08:25,417 --> 00:08:27,507
Okay. Looks like someone's
starting the day
184
00:08:27,594 --> 00:08:29,944
with a hot,
steaming cup of denial.
185
00:08:30,031 --> 00:08:32,468
No, no, no. This is a little
dance we do all the time.
186
00:08:32,555 --> 00:08:34,209
She decides that
I did something wrong
187
00:08:34,296 --> 00:08:36,603
and gives me the business
and then I apologize
188
00:08:36,690 --> 00:08:37,952
and I give her the business.
189
00:08:41,390 --> 00:08:42,913
Okay, see, that right there.
190
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,828
That's why she broke up
with you.
191
00:08:44,915 --> 00:08:47,875
I'm telling you,
we are not broken up.
192
00:08:47,962 --> 00:08:49,572
Okay, I see
what you're doing here.
193
00:08:49,659 --> 00:08:51,922
But pretending like what
happened didn't happen
194
00:08:52,009 --> 00:08:53,968
won't make it not happen
no matter what you would like
195
00:08:54,055 --> 00:08:56,318
to have had happened.
196
00:08:56,405 --> 00:08:57,537
Yeah, that's right.
197
00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:00,714
Well, thank you,
I appreciate it.
198
00:09:00,801 --> 00:09:04,065
But if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go get my girl back.
199
00:09:04,152 --> 00:09:06,589
Okay. Just in case,
I'll preheat the oven.
200
00:09:09,287 --> 00:09:11,072
♪ Men ♪♪
201
00:09:11,159 --> 00:09:12,508
[doorbell rings]
202
00:09:15,859 --> 00:09:18,862
Alan? What are you
doing here?
203
00:09:18,949 --> 00:09:20,298
What am I doing here?
204
00:09:20,385 --> 00:09:21,822
That's what
I love about you.
205
00:09:21,909 --> 00:09:23,475
Okay, let's do this.
206
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:24,694
I'm sorry.
207
00:09:27,523 --> 00:09:29,569
There's nothing
to be sorry about.
208
00:09:29,656 --> 00:09:31,571
Our relationship just
isn't going anywhere.
209
00:09:31,658 --> 00:09:34,399
Alright, alright. Message
received, loud and clear.
210
00:09:34,486 --> 00:09:35,923
Now let's get down
to bidness.
211
00:09:37,881 --> 00:09:39,840
Alan, it's over.
212
00:09:39,927 --> 00:09:41,450
But, but why?
213
00:09:41,537 --> 00:09:42,973
It-it just is.
214
00:09:43,060 --> 00:09:45,193
Is it because we don't
like the same things?
215
00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:47,761
'Cause I can learn
to love sports.
216
00:09:47,848 --> 00:09:49,371
It has nothing
to do with that.
217
00:09:49,458 --> 00:09:51,634
Is it because I'm-I'm frugal?
Okay, watch this.
218
00:09:51,721 --> 00:09:55,856
I'm going to rip a twent-a
five-dollar bill in half.
219
00:09:55,943 --> 00:09:57,597
Okay?
220
00:09:57,684 --> 00:09:58,772
Tell me that's not sexy.
221
00:10:00,861 --> 00:10:02,950
Okay, look..
222
00:10:03,037 --> 00:10:04,255
I didn't want
to have to say this
223
00:10:04,342 --> 00:10:08,172
but the fact
of the matter is..
224
00:10:08,259 --> 00:10:09,957
...I've met someone else.
225
00:10:10,044 --> 00:10:11,436
Oh. Wow. Wow.
226
00:10:11,523 --> 00:10:14,701
Uh, world spinning,
uh, gut tightening
227
00:10:14,788 --> 00:10:16,354
vomit rising, um..
228
00:10:16,441 --> 00:10:17,834
I'm really sorry.
229
00:10:17,921 --> 00:10:19,531
- Well, well, who is he?
- What's the difference?
230
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,969
Well, I-I need to know
who my competition is.
231
00:10:22,056 --> 00:10:24,275
I-I need to know
how I can win.
232
00:10:24,362 --> 00:10:27,452
You can't win.
Goodbye, Alan.
233
00:10:27,539 --> 00:10:31,152
Well, I have got
news for you.
234
00:10:31,239 --> 00:10:34,329
The word "win"
is not in my vocabular..
235
00:10:34,416 --> 00:10:37,593
"Can't." The word "can't"
is not in my vocabulary.
236
00:10:38,463 --> 00:10:39,856
Damn it.
237
00:10:39,943 --> 00:10:42,554
Ah! Son of a bitch!
238
00:10:44,034 --> 00:10:45,688
Aah! Ah!
239
00:10:46,471 --> 00:10:47,516
Oh!
240
00:10:49,997 --> 00:10:51,563
[Alan]
'Of course.'
241
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:52,695
'Dog crap.'
242
00:10:53,565 --> 00:10:55,089
♪ Men ♪♪
243
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,138
♪ Men ♪♪
244
00:11:04,838 --> 00:11:08,319
Hey, there's soup on the stove
if you want some.
245
00:11:08,406 --> 00:11:10,365
I wonder if Lyndsey's
new boyfriend likes soup.
246
00:11:11,453 --> 00:11:13,542
He probably loves soup.
247
00:11:13,629 --> 00:11:16,240
And wears cable knit sweaters.
248
00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:18,242
"Look at me,
I'm eating soup
249
00:11:18,329 --> 00:11:20,375
"and wearing a sweater
while I bang the memory
250
00:11:20,462 --> 00:11:22,203
of Alan Harper
out of this woman's mind."
251
00:11:22,290 --> 00:11:24,727
[laughing]
252
00:11:29,210 --> 00:11:31,168
- Alan, let it go.
- You brought it up.
253
00:11:31,255 --> 00:11:32,735
I brought up soup.
254
00:11:34,345 --> 00:11:36,173
I can't stop
thinking about him.
255
00:11:36,260 --> 00:11:39,263
And her.
And what they're doing.
256
00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:42,049
And what position
they're doing it in.
257
00:11:42,136 --> 00:11:43,833
And where they're doing it.
258
00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:46,140
In the bed, in the shower,
at the Costco
259
00:11:46,227 --> 00:11:49,883
between the meat and the tires.
That was our place!
260
00:11:49,970 --> 00:11:53,451
That shouldn't be
anyone's place.
261
00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:55,366
- And you're obsessing.
- No, I'm not.
262
00:11:55,453 --> 00:11:57,499
Right, we all picture
our exes screw
263
00:11:57,586 --> 00:11:58,935
between a rump roast
and a snow tire.
264
00:12:00,545 --> 00:12:02,547
You know what,
I-I'm gonna go for a drive.
265
00:12:02,634 --> 00:12:04,898
- Where?
- Just out, you know, joyride.
266
00:12:04,985 --> 00:12:07,552
I've seen your car,
there's no joy in that ride.
267
00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:10,773
Now where are you going?
268
00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:12,514
I'm just gonna drive
up the coast a little bit.
269
00:12:12,601 --> 00:12:13,863
Take in the sea air.
270
00:12:13,950 --> 00:12:15,778
How? Your windows
don't roll down.
271
00:12:15,865 --> 00:12:18,128
Just the ones in the front. The
ones in the back don't roll up.
272
00:12:18,215 --> 00:12:19,390
Goodbye.
273
00:12:20,957 --> 00:12:22,742
I should buy him a new car.
274
00:12:22,829 --> 00:12:23,960
So he can live in it.
275
00:12:27,224 --> 00:12:28,965
♪ Men ♪♪
276
00:12:29,052 --> 00:12:31,838
Alright. Where are they?
277
00:12:33,448 --> 00:12:36,930
They're probably
watching sports right now.
278
00:12:37,017 --> 00:12:39,410
"Hello, Lyndsey,
you don't mind if I watch
279
00:12:39,497 --> 00:12:41,717
this baseball game
in the nude, do you?"
280
00:12:43,284 --> 00:12:45,808
"Sure, you can kiss me
between the strikes
281
00:12:45,895 --> 00:12:48,985
and I'll kiss you
between the balls."
282
00:12:49,072 --> 00:12:51,466
[cell phone ringing]
283
00:12:52,510 --> 00:12:54,817
Oh.
284
00:12:54,904 --> 00:12:56,340
Hey, Walden.
285
00:12:56,427 --> 00:12:58,125
Yeah, I'm just, uh,
you know, taking a drive
286
00:12:58,212 --> 00:13:01,171
down the Malibu coast,
trying to clear my head.
287
00:13:01,258 --> 00:13:03,217
Yeah, now I'm, uh,
I'm walking on the beach.
288
00:13:03,304 --> 00:13:05,175
Sand feels nice on my toesies.
289
00:13:05,262 --> 00:13:06,350
Whoa!
290
00:13:10,441 --> 00:13:12,313
Walking on the beach, huh?
291
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:14,097
- Are you stalking me?
- Are you stalking Lyndsey?
292
00:13:14,184 --> 00:13:16,012
I asked you first.
293
00:13:16,099 --> 00:13:17,013
Look, this is pathetic.
294
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:18,536
Sitting outside a woman's house
295
00:13:18,623 --> 00:13:20,538
trying to catch of glimpse
of her through the window.
296
00:13:20,625 --> 00:13:22,062
What kind
of person does that?
297
00:13:22,149 --> 00:13:23,063
[knock on window]
298
00:13:23,150 --> 00:13:24,064
[both gasping]
299
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:27,676
Hey, guys, what are we doing?
300
00:13:27,763 --> 00:13:30,157
Playing a little peek-a-boo
with Lyndsey?
301
00:13:30,244 --> 00:13:31,158
No.
302
00:13:31,245 --> 00:13:32,855
Yes.
303
00:13:32,942 --> 00:13:34,335
Lyndsey broke
up with Alan
304
00:13:34,422 --> 00:13:35,902
and he's having a hard
time understanding.
305
00:13:35,989 --> 00:13:37,381
Oh, well, one look
at the new guy
306
00:13:37,468 --> 00:13:39,079
and you'd understand it.
307
00:13:39,166 --> 00:13:41,821
- What, you've seen him?
- Oh, yeah. Nick's gorgeous.
308
00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:45,085
- Kind of looks like Walden.
- Aw, thank you.
309
00:13:45,172 --> 00:13:47,000
Y-you know his name,
so you-you've met him?
310
00:13:47,087 --> 00:13:48,915
Well, no, but
I've heard her yell it.
311
00:13:49,002 --> 00:13:51,308
It's either "Nick"
or "Oh-God-Right-There."
312
00:13:52,701 --> 00:13:54,398
Oh, that's it.
313
00:13:54,485 --> 00:13:56,400
I got to see this
Nick guy for myself.
314
00:13:58,054 --> 00:13:59,795
No, Alan, don't.
315
00:13:59,882 --> 00:14:01,579
You're better than this.
316
00:14:01,666 --> 00:14:03,364
[Alan]
'We both know
that's not true!'
317
00:14:05,627 --> 00:14:07,281
Yeah, I feel for him.
It's got to be tough.
318
00:14:08,325 --> 00:14:09,936
Yeah, no doubt.
319
00:14:10,023 --> 00:14:11,459
You really are
a very handsome man.
320
00:14:12,590 --> 00:14:15,202
Again, thank you.
321
00:14:15,289 --> 00:14:17,900
It's not hard to imagine you
naked and cast in marble.
322
00:14:20,990 --> 00:14:23,079
Getting weird, Herb.
323
00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:24,124
Right.
324
00:14:29,042 --> 00:14:30,434
♪ Men ♪♪
325
00:14:31,044 --> 00:14:32,654
Alright.
326
00:14:32,741 --> 00:14:34,177
Where are you,
you home-wrecker?
327
00:14:34,264 --> 00:14:35,439
Oh!
328
00:14:46,015 --> 00:14:46,973
That's better.
329
00:14:47,756 --> 00:14:49,540
[hooting]
330
00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:51,673
Ugh. Aah!
331
00:14:55,024 --> 00:14:57,592
[Alan]
'Can this get any worse?'
332
00:14:57,679 --> 00:15:00,464
[Lyndsey]
'Oh, God, Nick, right there!'
333
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,163
[Alan]
'Aw.'
334
00:15:04,816 --> 00:15:06,340
♪ Men ♪♪
335
00:15:07,471 --> 00:15:09,604
[beeping]
336
00:15:09,691 --> 00:15:11,998
Lyndsey, hey!
337
00:15:12,085 --> 00:15:14,000
Hey, I need your help.
338
00:15:14,087 --> 00:15:17,220
You need my help getting
back together with Alan?
339
00:15:17,307 --> 00:15:20,223
No. I need you to tell him
to stop calling, e-mailing
340
00:15:20,310 --> 00:15:22,399
and texting me.
Words and pictures.
341
00:15:22,486 --> 00:15:23,661
Especially the pictures.
342
00:15:25,315 --> 00:15:27,230
He's just upset.
He means well.
343
00:15:27,317 --> 00:15:30,103
Really? Does this picture
look like he means well?
344
00:15:30,190 --> 00:15:31,365
Oh, dear God.
345
00:15:33,062 --> 00:15:35,151
Is he lying
on my kitchen table?
346
00:15:37,197 --> 00:15:38,720
So, will you talk to him?
347
00:15:38,807 --> 00:15:42,724
Sure, right after I burn
my kitchen table.
348
00:15:42,811 --> 00:15:46,206
Thank you. By the way, you might
want to burn your bathtub too.
349
00:15:48,034 --> 00:15:49,513
Oh, he's coming now.
Got to go.
350
00:15:50,775 --> 00:15:52,952
[groaning]
351
00:15:53,865 --> 00:15:56,564
Hey. There he is.
352
00:15:56,651 --> 00:15:57,957
Looking good.
353
00:15:59,610 --> 00:16:00,785
Ha-ha.
354
00:16:02,091 --> 00:16:03,223
[grunting]
355
00:16:04,137 --> 00:16:05,442
Where you going?
356
00:16:05,529 --> 00:16:07,531
Lyndsey un-friended me
on Facebook.
357
00:16:07,618 --> 00:16:09,794
So I'm gonna go
re-friend her with my face.
358
00:16:11,144 --> 00:16:12,536
No, you're not.
359
00:16:12,623 --> 00:16:14,234
You can't stop me.
360
00:16:23,286 --> 00:16:24,853
Damn you.
361
00:16:26,202 --> 00:16:27,551
[instrumental music]
362
00:16:27,638 --> 00:16:29,249
♪ Men ♪♪
363
00:16:31,860 --> 00:16:33,514
[knock on door]
364
00:16:33,601 --> 00:16:36,517
- Hey, Zip.
- Oh, what do you want?
365
00:16:36,604 --> 00:16:39,302
A motorcycle and another night
with Neil Diamond.
366
00:16:40,434 --> 00:16:42,610
But for now,
we need to talk.
367
00:16:42,697 --> 00:16:44,829
I just want to be left alone.
368
00:16:44,916 --> 00:16:47,441
Like I'm gonna be
for the rest of my life.
369
00:16:47,528 --> 00:16:49,921
Look, Lyndsey's crazy
for breaking up with you.
370
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,359
- You are a great guy.
- You're just saying that.
371
00:16:52,446 --> 00:16:55,362
I know I'm rough on you,
but that's just for fun.
372
00:16:55,449 --> 00:16:57,016
I really mean this.
373
00:16:58,060 --> 00:16:59,627
Oh, thank you.
374
00:16:59,714 --> 00:17:01,368
Alright, good talk.
375
00:17:02,673 --> 00:17:04,023
- How?
- What?
376
00:17:05,328 --> 00:17:06,982
How am I a great guy?
377
00:17:08,201 --> 00:17:09,506
[sighs]
378
00:17:11,465 --> 00:17:13,597
Well, you're punctual.
379
00:17:13,684 --> 00:17:16,470
I-I do make it
a priority to be on time.
380
00:17:16,557 --> 00:17:18,428
- Yep.
- What else?
381
00:17:19,951 --> 00:17:21,083
[sighs]
382
00:17:22,737 --> 00:17:24,391
Okay.
383
00:17:24,478 --> 00:17:27,307
You have pretty
good toilet aim.
384
00:17:27,394 --> 00:17:29,483
And that's important
to a housekeeper.
385
00:17:30,614 --> 00:17:32,529
My secret is, I sit down.
386
00:17:33,965 --> 00:17:36,403
And that should've
stayed a secret.
387
00:17:36,490 --> 00:17:38,013
Take care.
388
00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:39,536
Berta?
389
00:17:39,623 --> 00:17:40,798
What?
390
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,150
I-i-if I'm such
a great guy
391
00:17:44,237 --> 00:17:46,587
then why did
Lyndsey leave me?
392
00:17:46,674 --> 00:17:49,155
Oh, there's no telling
with chicks.
393
00:17:49,242 --> 00:17:52,201
But don't worry.
You'll find somebody else.
394
00:17:52,288 --> 00:17:53,550
As good as Lyndsey?
395
00:17:53,637 --> 00:17:55,161
[laughing]
396
00:17:55,248 --> 00:17:58,512
Look at you,
already making jokes.
397
00:18:02,994 --> 00:18:05,910
- How'd it go?
- He's gonna die alone.
398
00:18:05,997 --> 00:18:07,782
And he pees sitting down.
399
00:18:10,176 --> 00:18:11,307
♪ Men ♪♪
400
00:18:13,135 --> 00:18:15,529
I really don't want
to be here, Walden.
401
00:18:15,616 --> 00:18:16,747
What are you
talking about?
402
00:18:16,834 --> 00:18:17,922
You're doing great.
403
00:18:18,009 --> 00:18:20,229
You shaved,
you showered.
404
00:18:20,316 --> 00:18:22,057
You realized wearing
Lyndsey's underwear
405
00:18:22,144 --> 00:18:23,885
wasn't a
long-term solution.
406
00:18:25,495 --> 00:18:26,931
I may have it together
on the outside
407
00:18:27,018 --> 00:18:28,803
but on the inside,
I'm still a wreck.
408
00:18:28,890 --> 00:18:31,153
I just want to go home and
eat ice cream on the toilet
409
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:32,981
until I fall asleep.
410
00:18:33,068 --> 00:18:34,896
Would you listen
to yourself?
411
00:18:34,983 --> 00:18:37,290
Trust me, tonight
is gonna be fun.
412
00:18:37,377 --> 00:18:39,640
Okay. But if it's not,
you're gonna have to watch
413
00:18:39,727 --> 00:18:41,816
"The Notebook" with me.
414
00:18:41,903 --> 00:18:43,339
Really? Again?
415
00:18:44,775 --> 00:18:46,081
[Allie]
'Walden.'
416
00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:48,127
Oh, hey, Allie, hi.
417
00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:50,868
This is, uh, my friend Alan
I was telling you about.
418
00:18:50,955 --> 00:18:52,566
- Hi, Alan.
- Hello.
419
00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:54,263
You two have
a lot in common.
420
00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:56,004
Really?
421
00:18:56,091 --> 00:18:58,006
You know your girlfriend's
new boyfriend, Nick?
422
00:18:58,093 --> 00:18:59,268
Yeah.
423
00:18:59,355 --> 00:19:01,618
I'm his
soon-to-be ex-wife.
424
00:19:01,705 --> 00:19:04,665
I'll just
let you two talk.
425
00:19:04,752 --> 00:19:08,843
Oh, oh. You know, I-I can see
what Walden's trying to do here
426
00:19:08,930 --> 00:19:11,672
and he means well,
but, um, I-I don't know
427
00:19:11,759 --> 00:19:13,761
that I'm emotionally ready
to jump back into the relation--
428
00:19:13,848 --> 00:19:15,066
How do you feel
about revenge sex?
429
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:17,156
Big fan. I'll
get the check.
430
00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:19,114
♪ Men ♪♪
431
00:19:23,814 --> 00:19:24,989
♪ Men ♪♪
432
00:19:27,296 --> 00:19:29,037
Well, well, well.
433
00:19:29,124 --> 00:19:31,909
Look who's doing
the walk of shame.
434
00:19:31,996 --> 00:19:33,781
More like the stride of pride.
435
00:19:35,478 --> 00:19:37,567
Guess who heard,
oh, God, right there
436
00:19:37,654 --> 00:19:39,047
multiple times last night?
437
00:19:40,004 --> 00:19:42,006
Not Nick.
438
00:19:42,093 --> 00:19:43,921
Well, congratulations.
I'm very happy for you.
439
00:19:44,008 --> 00:19:45,184
I have you to thank you for it.
440
00:19:45,271 --> 00:19:46,533
Ah, I didn't do anything.
441
00:19:46,620 --> 00:19:48,535
Tracking Allie down
couldn't have been easy.
442
00:19:48,622 --> 00:19:50,101
It wasn't that hard.
443
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:51,102
When we were
outside Lyndsey's house
444
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:52,713
she was parked right behind us.
445
00:19:54,497 --> 00:19:56,543
Which is ironic, because
last night I was parked--
446
00:19:56,630 --> 00:19:58,588
Alright, alright,
I got it, I got it.
447
00:20:00,329 --> 00:20:01,722
I'm happy you're
feeling better.
448
00:20:01,809 --> 00:20:03,419
Oh, yeah.
449
00:20:03,506 --> 00:20:05,900
And let me tell you,
revenge sex is way better
450
00:20:05,987 --> 00:20:07,728
than revenge masturbation.
451
00:20:11,384 --> 00:20:14,604
Course, there's no reason
you can't do both.
452
00:20:19,348 --> 00:20:22,003
Oh, God, why am I eating
on this table?
453
00:20:23,570 --> 00:20:25,006
♪ Men ♪♪
454
00:20:29,271 --> 00:20:30,185
♪ Men men men men ♪
455
00:20:30,272 --> 00:20:31,752
♪ Manly men men men ♪
456
00:20:31,839 --> 00:20:33,057
♪ Men men men men ♪♪ Oo-o-o-o-h ♪
457
00:20:33,144 --> 00:20:34,929
♪ Manly men men men ♪
458
00:20:35,016 --> 00:20:37,845
♪ Men men men men
manly men ♪
459
00:20:37,932 --> 00:20:39,977
♪ Oo hoo hoo
ooh hoo hoo oo ♪
460
00:20:40,064 --> 00:20:41,283
♪ Men men men men ♪
461
00:20:41,370 --> 00:20:43,285
♪ Manly men men men ♪
462
00:20:43,372 --> 00:20:44,808
♪ Men men men men ♪
463
00:20:44,895 --> 00:20:47,028
♪ Manly men men men ♪
464
00:20:47,115 --> 00:20:48,290
♪ Men ♪♪
32008
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