All language subtitles for Two and a Half Men (2003) - S10E19 - Big Episode. Someone Stole a Spoon (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 RCVR)

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,741 --> 00:00:03,916 ♪ Men ♪♪ 2 00:00:04,874 --> 00:00:08,530 Okay, salute the sun. 3 00:00:10,401 --> 00:00:12,795 Deep cleansing breath. 4 00:00:14,797 --> 00:00:17,365 Releaseyour negative energy. 5 00:00:17,452 --> 00:00:20,368 Oh, I'd better not. 6 00:00:20,455 --> 00:00:23,240 The only thing holding me together is negative energy. 7 00:00:23,327 --> 00:00:25,721 And into downward dog. 8 00:00:27,244 --> 00:00:28,419 [grunts] 9 00:00:28,506 --> 00:00:30,160 Knees straight. 10 00:00:30,247 --> 00:00:32,075 - Extend your hips. - I'm trying, I'm trying. 11 00:00:32,162 --> 00:00:33,772 I can't-I can't straighten my legs. 12 00:00:33,859 --> 00:00:35,426 [grunting] Alright. 13 00:00:35,513 --> 00:00:37,907 Let me just help you out here. 14 00:00:40,301 --> 00:00:41,432 [Alan groaning] That's it. 15 00:00:41,519 --> 00:00:43,913 That's it. Just let it go. 16 00:00:47,351 --> 00:00:52,139 Shall I light some candles and put on some music? 17 00:00:52,226 --> 00:00:53,749 We're doing yoga. 18 00:00:53,836 --> 00:00:56,882 It's none of my business, just put a towel down. 19 00:00:56,969 --> 00:00:57,927 [doorbell rings] 20 00:00:58,014 --> 00:00:59,711 Oh, Berta, that's the doorbell. 21 00:00:59,798 --> 00:01:02,236 [Berta] 'Heard it, not getting it.' 22 00:01:02,323 --> 00:01:03,933 Yeah, I'll get it. 23 00:01:04,020 --> 00:01:05,630 I need a break anyway. 24 00:01:05,717 --> 00:01:07,023 It's only been five minutes. 25 00:01:07,110 --> 00:01:09,460 Uh, not the first time I've heard that. 26 00:01:10,766 --> 00:01:11,984 - Hey, Al. - Oh, hey, Herb. 27 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,290 What brings you by? 28 00:01:13,377 --> 00:01:15,075 Oh, you, uh, left your wallet at my house. 29 00:01:15,162 --> 00:01:16,815 [chuckles] I didn't even notice it was missing. 30 00:01:16,902 --> 00:01:19,253 Really? It's been over a week. 31 00:01:21,168 --> 00:01:23,518 Hard to notice something's missing when you never use it. 32 00:01:25,259 --> 00:01:27,348 - Well, thank you. - Oh, no problem. 33 00:01:27,435 --> 00:01:30,090 Hey, I want to apologize for my behavior lately. 34 00:01:30,177 --> 00:01:32,222 I've been in a real dark place since Judith left. 35 00:01:32,309 --> 00:01:33,876 No apologies necessary. 36 00:01:33,963 --> 00:01:35,399 Uh, the important thing is you're feeling better. 37 00:01:35,486 --> 00:01:37,314 Well, I'm not putting her nightgown on a pillow 38 00:01:37,401 --> 00:01:39,838 and spooning it anymore, so, uh.. 39 00:01:39,925 --> 00:01:41,318 Yeah, coming out of the darkness. 40 00:01:41,405 --> 00:01:44,321 Oh, God! Oh, God! 41 00:01:44,408 --> 00:01:45,409 [groaning] 42 00:01:45,496 --> 00:01:46,889 Wh-what is it? Is it your back? 43 00:01:46,976 --> 00:01:49,152 No, it's my front. 44 00:01:49,239 --> 00:01:50,849 - I need a Doctor. - Right here. 45 00:01:50,936 --> 00:01:53,591 - No, a real doctor. - Right here, right here. 46 00:01:53,678 --> 00:01:54,723 Where does it hurt? 47 00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:56,942 - Uh, it's my balls. - Oh. 48 00:01:57,029 --> 00:01:59,728 I'm gonna have to stick my hands down your pants. 49 00:01:59,815 --> 00:02:02,600 For once I'm glad I didn't make it into medical school. 50 00:02:02,687 --> 00:02:04,515 Make it stop, make it stop. 51 00:02:04,602 --> 00:02:06,822 Ooh. A little swampy down here. 52 00:02:06,909 --> 00:02:09,868 I wasn't expecting company. 53 00:02:09,955 --> 00:02:12,132 Oh, oh, I see. 54 00:02:12,219 --> 00:02:14,569 You've got a twist in your spermatic chord. 55 00:02:14,656 --> 00:02:17,833 I'm gonna have to perform a manual detorsion on your testes. 56 00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:19,269 What does that mean? 57 00:02:19,356 --> 00:02:20,618 Your nuts are in a knot I need to untie 'em. 58 00:02:20,705 --> 00:02:22,968 No, no, no! 59 00:02:23,055 --> 00:02:24,970 Look, it's either that or your blood supply will be cut off. 60 00:02:25,057 --> 00:02:26,233 You might lose a testicle. 61 00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:28,191 Go, man, go. 62 00:02:28,278 --> 00:02:31,281 Uh, remember, righty tighty, lefty loosy. 63 00:02:31,368 --> 00:02:34,066 This reminds me of the summers of my youth. 64 00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:35,329 I used to pick peaches on my-- 65 00:02:35,416 --> 00:02:38,027 Will you just do it! 66 00:02:38,114 --> 00:02:39,637 [groans] 67 00:02:39,724 --> 00:02:41,900 Ah, that feels good. 68 00:02:41,987 --> 00:02:45,165 Ah, I love you, Herb. 69 00:02:45,252 --> 00:02:46,601 We're gonna need a code word 70 00:02:46,688 --> 00:02:48,298 so I stop walking in on this stuff. 71 00:02:50,082 --> 00:02:51,388 ♪ Men men men men ♪ 72 00:02:51,475 --> 00:02:52,694 ♪ Manly men men men ♪ 73 00:02:52,781 --> 00:02:53,738 ♪ Ah-ha-ha-aha ♪ 74 00:02:53,825 --> 00:02:55,392 ♪ Men ♪♪ 75 00:02:59,483 --> 00:03:01,050 ♪ Men ♪♪ 76 00:03:01,137 --> 00:03:03,400 Got the ice. It's crushed. 77 00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:05,750 Kind of like your balls. 78 00:03:05,837 --> 00:03:08,362 That is the worst pain I've ever experienced. 79 00:03:08,449 --> 00:03:10,320 Says the only guy in this room who wasn't married to Judith. 80 00:03:10,407 --> 00:03:12,801 [laughing] 81 00:03:15,978 --> 00:03:17,762 - There you go. - Whoa! 82 00:03:17,849 --> 00:03:20,722 And just like that, I'm a grower, not a shower. 83 00:03:20,809 --> 00:03:23,159 I know it's uncomfortable but you need to ice the soreness 84 00:03:23,246 --> 00:03:24,682 for 20 minutes every couple hours 85 00:03:24,769 --> 00:03:26,380 and avoid sudden movements. 86 00:03:26,467 --> 00:03:28,033 How did this happen? 87 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:30,645 Well, imagine your testicles 88 00:03:30,732 --> 00:03:33,604 hanging like wind chimes. 89 00:03:33,691 --> 00:03:37,826 Most days they sway gently and you hear a beautiful melody. 90 00:03:37,913 --> 00:03:40,742 Other days the wind kicks up and, uh, they get twisted 91 00:03:40,829 --> 00:03:44,136 and it sounds like a washing machine full of cowbells. 92 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,182 - Am I gonna be okay? - Oh, yeah, don't worry. 93 00:03:46,269 --> 00:03:47,401 But just to make sure 94 00:03:47,488 --> 00:03:48,532 you should stop by my office tomorrow. 95 00:03:48,619 --> 00:03:50,360 We'll do an ultrasound. 96 00:03:50,447 --> 00:03:52,928 Why do you need an ultrasound in a pediatrician's office? 97 00:03:53,015 --> 00:03:54,973 Well, when a kid swallows a Matchbox car 98 00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:56,888 you need to know whether it's gonna drive out on its own 99 00:03:56,975 --> 00:03:59,326 or has to be airlifted. 100 00:04:02,851 --> 00:04:03,982 ♪ Men ♪♪ 101 00:04:06,681 --> 00:04:08,422 Well, good news. 102 00:04:08,509 --> 00:04:10,162 Everything looks completely normal. 103 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:11,947 And speaking as a medical professional 104 00:04:12,034 --> 00:04:13,253 your junk is extraordinary. 105 00:04:15,037 --> 00:04:16,604 Uh, thank you. 106 00:04:16,691 --> 00:04:18,562 I didn't know whether to examine it or feed it a peanut. 107 00:04:21,696 --> 00:04:24,438 Okay, I'm gonna-I'm gonna put my clothes on now. 108 00:04:24,525 --> 00:04:26,353 You should avoid strenuous activity 109 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:28,920 and I'd, uh, like to schedule a follow-up in a couple weeks. 110 00:04:29,007 --> 00:04:30,182 Sounds good. 111 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,836 Hey, while you're here, uh 112 00:04:31,923 --> 00:04:33,621 can I ask you a little personal advice? 113 00:04:33,708 --> 00:04:36,319 You had your hands down my pants on two separate occasions. 114 00:04:36,406 --> 00:04:39,104 If you were a woman, I'd be meeting your parents now. 115 00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:40,976 Well, you've been dumped a lot, right? 116 00:04:41,063 --> 00:04:42,151 No. 117 00:04:42,238 --> 00:04:43,761 I mean, what's "a lot?" I.. 118 00:04:43,848 --> 00:04:45,372 Yes, I have. 119 00:04:45,459 --> 00:04:47,199 How did you get over your wife leaving you? 120 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,637 [chuckles] 121 00:04:49,724 --> 00:04:51,465 You know the five stages of grief? 122 00:04:51,552 --> 00:04:52,857 Sure. 123 00:04:52,944 --> 00:04:54,772 They left out the three best ones 124 00:04:54,859 --> 00:04:58,602 pot, one-night stands, and buying a beach house. 125 00:04:58,689 --> 00:05:00,822 I don't know, I'm not sure that's me. 126 00:05:00,909 --> 00:05:03,128 You can't just sit around feeling sorry for yourself. 127 00:05:03,215 --> 00:05:05,392 I'm getting so good at it. 128 00:05:05,479 --> 00:05:08,525 Gets better. You just got to get out there and meet somebody new. 129 00:05:08,612 --> 00:05:11,267 It's tough. Judith and I were together for a long time. 130 00:05:11,354 --> 00:05:12,355 I get it. 131 00:05:12,442 --> 00:05:14,226 She was your world. 132 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,706 But trust me. 133 00:05:15,793 --> 00:05:17,186 You will meet someone else to spend 134 00:05:17,273 --> 00:05:18,492 the rest of your life with. 135 00:05:18,579 --> 00:05:21,669 In my case, it was Alan. 136 00:05:21,756 --> 00:05:23,410 Yeah, I'm surrounded by sick kids all day. 137 00:05:23,497 --> 00:05:24,889 Where am I gonna meet someone? 138 00:05:24,976 --> 00:05:27,109 You just gotta keep your heart and your eyes open. 139 00:05:31,287 --> 00:05:32,854 [whispers] Who are they? 140 00:05:32,941 --> 00:05:34,377 Oh, they're our pharmaceutical reps. 141 00:05:34,464 --> 00:05:36,814 They come by and give away free drugs. 142 00:05:38,555 --> 00:05:40,905 Yeah, where are you gonna meet someone? 143 00:05:43,647 --> 00:05:45,127 ♪ Men ♪♪ 144 00:05:45,214 --> 00:05:48,826 Okay, I got a good feeling about this one. 145 00:05:52,874 --> 00:05:55,920 This is my house. 146 00:05:56,007 --> 00:05:58,706 Okay, Mr. Driver, we're good. 147 00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:00,490 Bye-bye. 148 00:06:00,577 --> 00:06:03,188 Ladies, I must warn you 149 00:06:03,275 --> 00:06:04,929 that once you cross this threshold 150 00:06:05,016 --> 00:06:07,367 you waive your right to sobriety 151 00:06:07,454 --> 00:06:08,977 chastity 152 00:06:09,064 --> 00:06:11,501 dignity.. 153 00:06:11,588 --> 00:06:14,156 ...and a couple other "ity-ties." 154 00:06:14,243 --> 00:06:16,593 - Waived. - Yeah, me, too. 155 00:06:18,203 --> 00:06:19,640 Oh, wow. 156 00:06:19,727 --> 00:06:21,293 This is so cool. 157 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:23,470 Oh, my God, I can't believe this is happening. 158 00:06:23,557 --> 00:06:25,907 - Oh, it's happening. - Okay. 159 00:06:25,994 --> 00:06:28,126 What's the plan? Are we-are we two twosomes? 160 00:06:28,213 --> 00:06:30,781 Or a foursome? 161 00:06:30,868 --> 00:06:32,479 Or do you wanna have a threesome with them while I watch? 162 00:06:32,566 --> 00:06:34,350 'Cause I'm fine with that. 163 00:06:34,437 --> 00:06:35,960 I'm not. 164 00:06:36,047 --> 00:06:38,398 Oh, okay, I'll just take the tall one. 165 00:06:40,312 --> 00:06:43,794 Which one's the tall one? 166 00:06:43,881 --> 00:06:45,056 I got this. 167 00:06:45,143 --> 00:06:47,407 Okay, ladies. 168 00:06:47,494 --> 00:06:49,147 Alcohol is this way. 169 00:06:49,234 --> 00:06:52,890 We don't want anyone sobering up and thinking things through. 170 00:06:52,977 --> 00:06:55,806 Hey, Alan! 171 00:06:55,893 --> 00:06:58,766 Hey, uh, uh, who are your friends? 172 00:06:58,853 --> 00:07:02,596 Oh, this is Plaxitril and she sells Kristen. 173 00:07:02,683 --> 00:07:05,816 No, no, no, I'm Kristen. I sell Plaxitril. 174 00:07:05,903 --> 00:07:09,777 I'm pretty sure it's the other way around. 175 00:07:09,864 --> 00:07:11,126 [Alan] 'It's, uh..' 176 00:07:11,213 --> 00:07:13,215 It's nice to meet you, Kristen. 177 00:07:13,302 --> 00:07:15,347 Oh, and this is Morgan. 178 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:19,656 I sell boner pills and baby laxatives. 179 00:07:19,743 --> 00:07:21,310 - And I'm Herb. - Hi, Herb. 180 00:07:21,397 --> 00:07:23,007 Yes, I am. 181 00:07:23,094 --> 00:07:24,226 [Walden] 'Okay.' 182 00:07:24,313 --> 00:07:25,749 Salt, check, uh.. 183 00:07:25,836 --> 00:07:27,185 [yells] 184 00:07:27,272 --> 00:07:29,666 Limes, check. 185 00:07:29,753 --> 00:07:31,755 Tequila, check. 186 00:07:31,842 --> 00:07:33,235 Two gorgeous ladies. 187 00:07:33,322 --> 00:07:35,019 - Check. - Check. 188 00:07:35,106 --> 00:07:37,674 The doctor's ready to administer some shots. 189 00:07:37,761 --> 00:07:39,589 Some body shots. 190 00:07:39,676 --> 00:07:40,982 'The deck..' 191 00:07:52,428 --> 00:07:54,778 Well, I guess I am gonna masturbate tonight. 192 00:07:57,912 --> 00:08:00,088 ♪ Men ♪♪ 193 00:08:00,175 --> 00:08:03,047 [Morgan] 'Did I tell you that I was a gymnast?' 194 00:08:03,134 --> 00:08:05,136 [Walden] 'You're kidding.' 195 00:08:05,223 --> 00:08:08,183 [Morgan] 'Nope. I was an alternate for the Olympic team.' 196 00:08:08,270 --> 00:08:12,230 'I can totally put both of my legs behind my head.' 197 00:08:12,317 --> 00:08:14,189 'Watch.' 198 00:08:14,276 --> 00:08:19,150 [Walden and Herb] 'USA! USA! USA!' 199 00:08:19,237 --> 00:08:21,413 [Kristen] 'Okay, I can't do that, but I can put' 200 00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:24,155 'my entire fist in my mouth.' 201 00:08:24,242 --> 00:08:26,506 'Check it out.' 202 00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:29,073 [Walden] 'Beautiful and talented.' 203 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:30,292 [Kristen muffled] 'Thank you.' 204 00:08:32,294 --> 00:08:34,644 Yep, definitely masturbating. 205 00:08:37,299 --> 00:08:39,867 [women giggling] 206 00:08:39,954 --> 00:08:42,347 Hey, Alan! 207 00:08:43,479 --> 00:08:45,786 Hey, uh, you guys having fun? 208 00:08:45,873 --> 00:08:48,005 Yeah, I was just getting more tequila. 209 00:08:48,092 --> 00:08:49,703 How are you? 210 00:08:51,487 --> 00:08:54,490 I'm good. Just-just watching "Downton Abbey." 211 00:08:54,577 --> 00:08:56,840 Big episode. Someone stole a spoon. 212 00:08:58,581 --> 00:09:01,715 [Morgan] 'Walden, get the video camera!' 213 00:09:01,802 --> 00:09:04,152 Aw, good idea. 214 00:09:04,239 --> 00:09:06,589 There's gonna be a video. 215 00:09:12,073 --> 00:09:15,685 Hey, Alan? Do you got any Crisco? 216 00:09:18,340 --> 00:09:20,603 Uh, there's some olive oil by the stove. 217 00:09:20,690 --> 00:09:23,084 That'll work. 218 00:09:30,091 --> 00:09:32,441 Have you seen my bra? 219 00:09:32,528 --> 00:09:34,399 Uh, uh, no. 220 00:09:34,486 --> 00:09:36,793 Your son hid it somewhere. 221 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:38,490 I'm sorry, my-my son? 222 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,971 Yeah, Walden. 223 00:09:45,193 --> 00:09:47,587 Hey, Alan. 224 00:09:49,501 --> 00:09:51,895 Have you seen Plaxitril? 225 00:09:54,376 --> 00:09:55,551 [giggles] 226 00:10:00,556 --> 00:10:01,688 ♪ Men ♪♪ 227 00:10:07,171 --> 00:10:08,433 Morning. 228 00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:10,566 Hey, what's that for? 229 00:10:10,653 --> 00:10:13,047 You can't carry a toilet bowl. 230 00:10:15,353 --> 00:10:17,834 Are you drunk or hungover? 231 00:10:17,921 --> 00:10:21,055 Yes. 232 00:10:21,142 --> 00:10:23,057 What happened last night? 233 00:10:23,144 --> 00:10:24,798 A lot of gray areas. 234 00:10:26,756 --> 00:10:29,324 There was tequila. 235 00:10:29,411 --> 00:10:30,586 [gags] 236 00:10:34,111 --> 00:10:36,070 A walk on the beach. 237 00:10:36,157 --> 00:10:37,680 And then the coast guard escorted 238 00:10:37,767 --> 00:10:41,031 our boat back to shore. 239 00:10:41,118 --> 00:10:43,294 Wait, your-your boat? 240 00:10:43,381 --> 00:10:45,383 Well, not technically. 241 00:10:45,470 --> 00:10:48,430 I commandeered it. 242 00:10:48,517 --> 00:10:52,129 Apparently Plaxitril has a pirate side effect. 243 00:10:53,827 --> 00:10:56,220 Top of the morning to you. 244 00:10:57,569 --> 00:11:00,094 How are you in such a good mood? 245 00:11:00,181 --> 00:11:03,750 Three pills, two pukes and a poo and I'm good to go. 246 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,188 You know what? You were right. 247 00:11:07,275 --> 00:11:09,364 I can't sit around feeling sorry for myself. 248 00:11:09,451 --> 00:11:11,148 Last night was a revelation for me. 249 00:11:11,235 --> 00:11:12,933 I have never felt so alive. 250 00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:14,543 Which is ironic, because I believe 251 00:11:14,630 --> 00:11:16,980 for a few minutes last night, I was legally dead. 252 00:11:18,155 --> 00:11:20,549 Now...who wants a Bloody Mary? 253 00:11:21,811 --> 00:11:24,335 I'll have one. 254 00:11:24,422 --> 00:11:26,773 Don't judge me. You stole a boat. 255 00:11:28,731 --> 00:11:30,951 Attaboy. How about you, Walden? 256 00:11:31,038 --> 00:11:33,518 I don't think I can have any more alcohol. 257 00:11:33,605 --> 00:11:37,218 [imitates Walden] "I don't think I can have any more alcohol." 258 00:11:37,305 --> 00:11:39,742 Man up. I didn't fix those nuts so you could grow a vagina. 259 00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:46,270 - Alright, I'll have one. - Attagirl. 260 00:11:47,663 --> 00:11:48,795 ♪ Men ♪♪ 261 00:11:55,105 --> 00:11:56,237 Alan? 262 00:12:00,197 --> 00:12:01,938 Alan? 263 00:12:02,025 --> 00:12:03,157 What? 264 00:12:06,203 --> 00:12:08,597 What time is it? 265 00:12:16,605 --> 00:12:18,825 6:30. 266 00:12:18,912 --> 00:12:21,305 Is the sun going up or down? 267 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:31,794 Not a clue. 268 00:12:38,279 --> 00:12:41,151 What the hell? 269 00:12:41,238 --> 00:12:43,632 [instrumental music] 270 00:12:47,505 --> 00:12:49,594 Hey! Look who finally woke up. 271 00:12:49,681 --> 00:12:50,900 What's going on? 272 00:12:50,987 --> 00:12:52,946 We're having a party. 273 00:12:53,033 --> 00:12:55,035 How? 274 00:12:55,122 --> 00:12:57,037 Well, Morgan and Kristen came over. 275 00:12:57,124 --> 00:12:58,429 I sent out a couple tweets. 276 00:12:58,516 --> 00:13:00,823 I posted a couple of pictures on Instagram. 277 00:13:00,910 --> 00:13:03,434 Bing-bang-boom, here we are. 278 00:13:03,521 --> 00:13:05,872 I chat on AOL a lot. 279 00:13:08,004 --> 00:13:10,615 Okay, I think we need to shut this down. 280 00:13:10,702 --> 00:13:12,704 Ah, yeah, yeah, we are fried. 281 00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:15,272 Oh, here, these'll fix you up. 282 00:13:15,359 --> 00:13:17,231 Are you a pharmaceutical rep, too? 283 00:13:17,318 --> 00:13:19,711 No. I'm a junior at Pepperdine. 284 00:13:21,975 --> 00:13:24,238 Pepperdine's a good school. 285 00:13:24,325 --> 00:13:25,456 ♪ Men ♪♪ 286 00:13:29,330 --> 00:13:30,287 ♪ Men ♪♪ 287 00:13:43,257 --> 00:13:46,869 Wow. This looks like Charlie Sheen's house. 288 00:13:51,743 --> 00:13:52,875 Alan. 289 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,923 Alan, wake up. 290 00:13:57,010 --> 00:13:59,360 [bottles clattering] 291 00:13:59,447 --> 00:14:03,320 Pepperdine is not a good school. 292 00:14:03,407 --> 00:14:04,800 Why am I face down 293 00:14:04,887 --> 00:14:08,369 on the back of the sofa in my underwear? 294 00:14:08,456 --> 00:14:12,068 Because I was kind enough to put underwear on you. 295 00:14:16,072 --> 00:14:18,466 How did this happen? 296 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:21,643 Herb. 297 00:14:21,730 --> 00:14:24,428 Oh, that guy's out of control. 298 00:14:24,515 --> 00:14:26,735 This house is a mess. 299 00:14:26,822 --> 00:14:29,259 Maybe I should I just cut my losses and sell it. 300 00:14:29,346 --> 00:14:31,958 Do not even joke like that. 301 00:14:34,786 --> 00:14:37,528 Oh, Berta, thank God you're here. 302 00:14:37,615 --> 00:14:40,009 Aw, hell no. 303 00:14:43,012 --> 00:14:44,144 ♪ Men ♪♪ 304 00:14:52,369 --> 00:14:54,806 Th-this was a very good idea. 305 00:14:56,591 --> 00:15:00,029 Yeah. It's like an adult diaper for your mouth. 306 00:15:02,423 --> 00:15:07,210 Uh! Wow. Swimming in the ocean is the best cure for a hangover. 307 00:15:07,297 --> 00:15:09,343 Well, that and pharmaceutical cocaine. 308 00:15:11,736 --> 00:15:13,477 Time to have the talk? 309 00:15:13,564 --> 00:15:15,610 Yeah. 310 00:15:15,697 --> 00:15:18,178 Hey, Herb, you got a sec? 311 00:15:18,265 --> 00:15:19,396 Sure. 312 00:15:21,094 --> 00:15:23,487 You're gonna have to come to us. 313 00:15:26,534 --> 00:15:28,928 What's up? 314 00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:44,291 Alan has something he wants to tell you. 315 00:15:48,817 --> 00:15:51,515 You know, you know, Herb we-we, we think you're a lot of fun. 316 00:15:55,215 --> 00:15:57,217 Yeah, the last few weeks have been a blast. 317 00:15:57,304 --> 00:15:59,697 - It's been two days. - Oh, good lord! 318 00:16:01,351 --> 00:16:03,484 I guess what we're saying is 319 00:16:03,571 --> 00:16:06,617 maybe it's time to get back to our regular lives. 320 00:16:06,704 --> 00:16:09,185 My regular life sucks. 321 00:16:09,272 --> 00:16:10,752 No, it doesn't. 322 00:16:10,839 --> 00:16:13,494 You're-you're just upset because Judith left you. 323 00:16:13,581 --> 00:16:15,365 Yeah, and I haven't thought about her at all 324 00:16:15,452 --> 00:16:17,106 the last two days. 325 00:16:17,193 --> 00:16:18,978 Or weeks. Whichever we agreed is real. 326 00:16:20,501 --> 00:16:22,894 And-and that's great, but you know, we just.. 327 00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,809 We have to slow down a bit. 328 00:16:24,896 --> 00:16:26,594 Yeah, just take a break. 329 00:16:26,681 --> 00:16:28,030 You know, get back to normal. 330 00:16:28,117 --> 00:16:30,511 You know, sleep, eat, bathe. 331 00:16:32,513 --> 00:16:34,906 Pass a field sobriety test. 332 00:16:36,604 --> 00:16:39,172 Wait. Are you kicking me out? 333 00:16:39,259 --> 00:16:40,825 - Oh, no-- - Uh, uh.. 334 00:16:40,912 --> 00:16:44,525 No, we're not kicking you out so much as.. 335 00:16:45,613 --> 00:16:49,269 Yeah, we're kicking you out. 336 00:16:49,356 --> 00:16:50,357 I see. 337 00:16:50,444 --> 00:16:52,315 I-I mean, it's nothing personal. 338 00:16:52,402 --> 00:16:55,362 Just, you know, sometimes, uh, uh.. 339 00:16:55,449 --> 00:16:57,842 Yes, it's personal. 340 00:16:57,929 --> 00:17:01,063 Well, say no more. 341 00:17:01,150 --> 00:17:04,371 I know when it's time to go. 342 00:17:04,458 --> 00:17:08,027 - I'm-I'm sorry, Herb. - I said, say no more! 343 00:17:11,900 --> 00:17:13,032 ♪ Men ♪♪ 344 00:17:14,555 --> 00:17:18,211 Oh, hey. I got new trash cans. 345 00:17:18,298 --> 00:17:20,256 They're wicker. 346 00:17:20,343 --> 00:17:22,693 - What's the problem? = You can't puke in wicker. 347 00:17:24,086 --> 00:17:27,481 It's like using a mesh condom. 348 00:17:27,568 --> 00:17:30,788 All the important stuff gets through. 349 00:17:30,875 --> 00:17:33,008 Fine. I'll return them. 350 00:17:33,095 --> 00:17:34,792 Of course, I'll need to hold onto your credit card 351 00:17:34,879 --> 00:17:38,579 for a few more days. 352 00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:40,450 Of course you will. 353 00:17:40,537 --> 00:17:42,539 Hey, you haven't talked to Herb lately, have you? 354 00:17:42,626 --> 00:17:45,499 No. I texted him a couple days ago, but he never responded. 355 00:17:45,586 --> 00:17:48,806 Hmm. I called him, invited him over for dinner 356 00:17:48,893 --> 00:17:51,113 and I never heard back. 357 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:53,942 - You think he's okay, right? - Yeah. Why wouldn't he be? 358 00:17:54,029 --> 00:17:55,335 Exactly. 359 00:17:55,422 --> 00:17:56,727 I mean, you know, other than the fact 360 00:17:56,814 --> 00:17:59,774 that his marriage just fell apart. 361 00:17:59,861 --> 00:18:01,428 And the last time we saw him 362 00:18:01,515 --> 00:18:03,343 he was counteracting pharmaceutical cocaine 363 00:18:03,430 --> 00:18:05,997 by snorting cat tranquilizers. 364 00:18:07,869 --> 00:18:10,698 And then we go kick him out. 365 00:18:10,785 --> 00:18:13,788 Oh, my God, we killed Herb. 366 00:18:13,875 --> 00:18:16,399 No, no, that's not true. 367 00:18:16,486 --> 00:18:18,880 You killed Herb. 368 00:18:23,885 --> 00:18:25,974 ♪ Men ♪♪ 369 00:18:26,061 --> 00:18:27,106 It's pretty cool that you can track 370 00:18:27,193 --> 00:18:28,803 somebody from their credit card. 371 00:18:28,890 --> 00:18:31,240 Yeah. I'd track you if you ever used yours. 372 00:18:35,505 --> 00:18:38,639 Alan, Walden, what are you doing here? 373 00:18:38,726 --> 00:18:40,380 We were worried about you. 374 00:18:40,467 --> 00:18:43,122 No need. Me and the girls were just about to eat. 375 00:18:43,209 --> 00:18:46,690 - Lobster? - No. 376 00:18:46,777 --> 00:18:48,823 You're still partying with the pharmaceutical reps? 377 00:18:48,910 --> 00:18:51,260 They bailed. These chicks came with the room. 378 00:18:53,436 --> 00:18:55,525 Okay, Herb, it's time for the party to end. 379 00:18:55,612 --> 00:18:56,874 We're way past partying. 380 00:18:56,961 --> 00:18:59,573 Welcome to the freak show. 381 00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:02,271 You're right about that! 382 00:19:02,358 --> 00:19:04,447 - Herb, you need help. - No, no, I don't. 383 00:19:04,534 --> 00:19:06,145 All I need is more Plaxitril 384 00:19:06,232 --> 00:19:07,798 and possibly a hepatitis test. 385 00:19:09,931 --> 00:19:11,106 So long. 386 00:19:16,024 --> 00:19:18,418 And we were worried. 387 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:20,811 ♪ Men ♪♪ 388 00:19:28,819 --> 00:19:31,518 Well, if it isn't Mr. and Mrs. Buzzkill. 389 00:19:33,607 --> 00:19:34,869 You're the missus. 390 00:19:36,392 --> 00:19:38,568 - Why are you wearing a diaper? - Saves time. 391 00:19:41,702 --> 00:19:43,356 Alright, enough is enough, Herb. 392 00:19:43,443 --> 00:19:44,835 It's time to put your life back together. 393 00:19:44,922 --> 00:19:46,141 You need to go home. 394 00:19:46,228 --> 00:19:47,447 No. I don't think so. 395 00:19:47,534 --> 00:19:49,623 You see, out there, I'm just Herb 396 00:19:49,710 --> 00:19:53,017 but here in room 204 at the Budget Motor Inn, I'm God. 397 00:19:53,104 --> 00:19:55,498 Nobody tells God what to do. Nobody! 398 00:19:58,066 --> 00:20:01,200 - Judith? - Cut the crap, Herb. Let's go. 399 00:20:01,287 --> 00:20:02,418 Okay. 400 00:20:03,506 --> 00:20:05,900 - I missed you. - Shut up! 401 00:20:09,904 --> 00:20:10,818 You think we did the right thing? 402 00:20:10,905 --> 00:20:12,776 Oh, definitely. 403 00:20:12,863 --> 00:20:14,387 If he would have kept this up, he wouldn't have lasted a week. 404 00:20:14,474 --> 00:20:17,564 True. Now he'll only be dead on the inside. 405 00:20:17,651 --> 00:20:20,306 [sheep bleating] 406 00:20:20,393 --> 00:20:21,829 Walk, walk, walk. 407 00:20:21,916 --> 00:20:23,047 Was that sheep wearing lipstick? 408 00:20:23,134 --> 00:20:24,397 Don't look back. 409 00:20:24,484 --> 00:20:25,702 ♪ Men ♪♪ 410 00:20:29,402 --> 00:20:31,317 ♪ Men ♪♪ 411 00:20:31,404 --> 00:20:33,928 Well, everything still looks fine. 412 00:20:34,015 --> 00:20:35,059 No more follow-ups? 413 00:20:35,146 --> 00:20:37,236 Nope. Dumbo's good to go. 414 00:20:38,324 --> 00:20:40,108 [grunts] 415 00:20:40,195 --> 00:20:42,806 - So how are things with you? - Oh, could not be better. 416 00:20:42,893 --> 00:20:44,895 I really appreciate what you and Alan did for me. 417 00:20:44,982 --> 00:20:46,245 That's what friends are for. 418 00:20:46,332 --> 00:20:47,768 Plus, Judith and I are back together. 419 00:20:47,855 --> 00:20:49,465 I'm a happy man, Walden. 420 00:20:49,552 --> 00:20:50,510 [knock on door] 421 00:20:50,597 --> 00:20:52,468 Come in. 422 00:20:52,555 --> 00:20:53,600 - Dr. Melnick? - Yeah. 423 00:20:53,687 --> 00:20:54,644 Here's that chart you asked for. 424 00:20:54,731 --> 00:20:55,732 Thank you. 425 00:20:58,518 --> 00:20:59,910 Isn't that the girl from Pepper.. 426 00:20:59,997 --> 00:21:02,391 Shh. Shh, shh. 427 00:21:05,786 --> 00:21:07,396 ♪ Men ♪♪ 428 00:21:12,183 --> 00:21:13,141 ♪ Men men men men ♪ 429 00:21:13,228 --> 00:21:14,708 ♪ Manly men men men ♪ 430 00:21:14,795 --> 00:21:15,839 ♪ Men men men men ♪♪ Oo-o-o-o-h ♪ 431 00:21:15,926 --> 00:21:17,928 ♪ Manly men men men ♪ 432 00:21:18,015 --> 00:21:20,714 ♪ Men men men men manly men ♪ 433 00:21:20,801 --> 00:21:22,977 ♪ Oo hoo hoo ooh hoo hoo oo ♪ 434 00:21:23,064 --> 00:21:24,239 ♪ Men men men men ♪ 435 00:21:24,326 --> 00:21:26,241 ♪ Manly men men men ♪ 436 00:21:26,328 --> 00:21:27,764 ♪ Men men men men ♪ 437 00:21:27,851 --> 00:21:29,766 ♪ Manly men men men ♪ 438 00:21:29,853 --> 00:21:31,246 ♪ Men ♪♪ 30282

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