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1
00:00:01,912 --> 00:00:02,913
Helga:
ARNOLD!
2
00:00:02,996 --> 00:00:04,498
( barking )
3
00:00:05,499 --> 00:00:06,834
HEY, ARNOLD!
4
00:00:11,672 --> 00:00:13,215
( glass shatters )
5
00:00:17,511 --> 00:00:18,470
( girl shrieks )
6
00:00:18,554 --> 00:00:20,597
Helga:
HEY, ARNOLD!
7
00:00:21,473 --> 00:00:23,726
ARNOLD!
8
00:00:24,518 --> 00:00:26,562
ARNOLD!
9
00:00:27,354 --> 00:00:29,732
ARNOLD!
10
00:00:29,815 --> 00:00:32,484
[Captioning sponsored by THE
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
11
00:00:32,568 --> 00:00:35,946
and NICKELODEON]
12
00:00:37,406 --> 00:00:39,116
AR-NOLD!
13
00:00:39,742 --> 00:00:42,494
MOVE IT,
FOOTBALL HEAD!
14
00:00:42,578 --> 00:00:43,871
Kids:
HEY, ARNOLD!
15
00:01:03,724 --> 00:01:06,310
( school bell ringing )
16
00:01:06,393 --> 00:01:08,437
( door opens, kids cheering )
17
00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:11,899
WELL, THE MAIN THING IS,
WHATEVER WE DO FOR VETERANS DAY
18
00:01:11,982 --> 00:01:13,108
IT'S GOT TO BE BIG.
19
00:01:13,192 --> 00:01:14,735
WE'VE GOT THREE WHOLE DAYS.
20
00:01:14,818 --> 00:01:16,612
HEY, HOW ABOUT
WE GO BOWLING?
21
00:01:16,695 --> 00:01:18,947
BOWLING?
COME ON, GERALD.
HOW ABOUT GOLF?
22
00:01:19,031 --> 00:01:20,699
GOLF? ARNOLD,
WE DON'T GOLF.
23
00:01:20,783 --> 00:01:23,035
THAT'S SOMETHING YOU DO
WHEN YOU'RE OLD.
24
00:01:23,118 --> 00:01:24,328
LIKE WHEN YOU
TURN 30.
25
00:01:24,411 --> 00:01:26,830
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO
THIS WEEKEND?
26
00:01:26,914 --> 00:01:28,832
WE'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.
27
00:01:28,916 --> 00:01:29,208
I'LL CALL YOU LATER.
28
00:01:29,291 --> 00:01:31,752
GOLF?
29
00:01:31,835 --> 00:01:34,379
Grandpa:
WELL, NOW THAT WE'RE ALL HERE
30
00:01:34,463 --> 00:01:36,423
SEEING AS HOW
IT'S VETERANS DAY WEEKEND
31
00:01:36,507 --> 00:01:40,385
I THINK THIS IS THE PERFECT TIME
TO FINALLY TELL YOU ALL
32
00:01:40,469 --> 00:01:43,013
THE STORY OF HOW I
SINGLE-HANDEDLY WON
33
00:01:43,096 --> 00:01:45,808
THE MOST IMPORTANT BATTLE
IN WORLD WAR II.
34
00:01:45,891 --> 00:01:47,142
THERE I WAS
35
00:01:47,226 --> 00:01:48,852
ON THE BATTLEFIELD...
36
00:01:48,936 --> 00:01:50,145
UH, YOU KNOW, GRAMPS
37
00:01:50,229 --> 00:01:53,524
I JUST REMEMBERED, I LEFT
MY UNDERWEAR IN THE DRYER.
38
00:01:53,607 --> 00:01:56,193
I ALSO LEFT MY UNDERWEAR
IN ERNIE'S DRYER.
39
00:01:56,276 --> 00:01:56,902
WHERE YOU ALL GOING?
40
00:01:56,985 --> 00:01:59,029
I'M LATE
FOR MY SEWING CIRCLE!
41
00:01:59,112 --> 00:01:59,738
HEY, COME BACK HERE, YOU.
42
00:01:59,822 --> 00:02:01,865
I'M NOT FINISHED, I...
43
00:02:01,949 --> 00:02:03,784
OH, I'LL NEVER GET
TO TELL MY STORY.
44
00:02:03,867 --> 00:02:06,995
OH, WELL, I'LL HAVE MY DESERT.
45
00:02:07,079 --> 00:02:08,372
HEY! SOMEBODY ATE MY PUDDING!
46
00:02:08,455 --> 00:02:11,208
OSKAR!
47
00:02:11,291 --> 00:02:14,294
Mr. Johanssen:
YOU HAD THE SAME IDEA
AS GERALD AND ME.
48
00:02:14,378 --> 00:02:17,464
WELL, OSKAR
STOLE MY PUDDING
AND I WANTED DESERT
49
00:02:17,548 --> 00:02:18,048
SO, HERE WE ARE.
50
00:02:18,131 --> 00:02:19,716
I THOUGHT
IT WOULD BE NICE
51
00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:21,218
FOR GERALD AND ME
TO GO OUT.
52
00:02:21,301 --> 00:02:23,428
I GET SO BUSY
WITH WORK AND
EVERYTHING ELSE
53
00:02:23,512 --> 00:02:25,389
I DON'T SPEND ENOUGH
TIME WITH GERALD.
54
00:02:25,472 --> 00:02:26,682
AND THEY GROW UP
SO FAST.
55
00:02:26,765 --> 00:02:28,725
YOU PROBABLY FEEL
THE SAME WAY
ABOUT ARNOLD.
56
00:02:28,809 --> 00:02:30,894
ACTUALLY, I SPEND
PLENTY OF TIME WITH ARNOLD.
57
00:02:30,978 --> 00:02:32,229
THAT KID'S ALWAYS AROUND.
58
00:02:32,312 --> 00:02:34,064
EVERYWHERE I LOOK,
THERE HE IS.
59
00:02:34,147 --> 00:02:35,482
I CAN'T GET RID OF HIM.
60
00:02:35,566 --> 00:02:37,067
AND SOMETIMES I THINK
HE'LL NEVER GROW UP.
61
00:02:37,150 --> 00:02:39,653
YOU KNOW HOW MUCH
I COULD GET FOR HIS ROOM?
62
00:02:39,736 --> 00:02:41,613
LOOK, I LOVE
THE AQUARIUM
63
00:02:41,697 --> 00:02:42,906
AS MUCH AS THE NEXT KID
64
00:02:42,990 --> 00:02:43,907
BUT I'M NOT SPENDING
65
00:02:43,991 --> 00:02:45,742
MY WHOLE WEEKEND
LOOKING AT FISH.
66
00:02:45,826 --> 00:02:47,911
KILLER CLOWN AT 3:00.
67
00:02:47,995 --> 00:02:49,830
ALL I WANTED TO DO
WAS TELL MY WORLD WAR II STORY
68
00:02:49,913 --> 00:02:52,666
BUT BEFORE I COULD
GET A WORD OUT
69
00:02:52,749 --> 00:02:55,419
THEY'RE ALL GETTING UP
AND RUNNING FROM THE TABLE.
70
00:02:55,502 --> 00:02:57,671
I'M TELLING YOU, NOBODY
RESPECTS VETERANS DAY ANYMORE.
71
00:02:57,754 --> 00:02:59,089
I KNOW
WHAT YOU MEAN.
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00:02:59,172 --> 00:03:01,425
I SERVED IN VIETNAM,
BUT NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR.
73
00:03:01,508 --> 00:03:04,636
THEY HOLD THAT VETERANS DAY
CELEBRATION EVERY YEAR
IN THE CAPITAL
74
00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:06,597
BUT AROUND HERE,
IT'S JUST
75
00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:07,723
A DAY OFF.
76
00:03:07,806 --> 00:03:10,309
HEY, I ALWAYS WANTED
TO GO
77
00:03:10,392 --> 00:03:11,685
TO THAT CELEBRATION.
78
00:03:11,768 --> 00:03:13,770
IT WOULD BE GOOD
FOR ARNOLD, TOO.
79
00:03:13,854 --> 00:03:17,274
ALL THESE KIDS CARE ABOUT
TODAY IS A THREE-DAY WEEKEND.
80
00:03:17,357 --> 00:03:19,151
THEY OUGHT TO THINK
ABOUT THE MEANING
OF THE HOLIDAY.
81
00:03:19,234 --> 00:03:22,279
YOU KNOW, THE CAPITAL'S
ONLY A DAY'S DRIVE.
82
00:03:22,362 --> 00:03:24,072
THAT'S RIGHT, IT IS.
83
00:03:24,156 --> 00:03:27,409
HEY, PHIL, ARE YOU THINKING
WHAT I'M THINKING?
84
00:03:27,492 --> 00:03:28,619
ARNOLD,
PACK YOUR THINGS.
85
00:03:28,702 --> 00:03:29,328
WE'RE GOING
TO THE CAPITAL
86
00:03:29,411 --> 00:03:31,622
FOR THE VETERANS DAY
CELEBRATION.
87
00:03:31,705 --> 00:03:33,624
YOU, TOO, GERALD.
88
00:03:33,707 --> 00:03:34,458
IT'S A ROAD TRIP!
89
00:03:34,541 --> 00:03:36,960
WE'RE SPENDING
THE WHOLE WEEKEND TOGETHER.
90
00:03:37,044 --> 00:03:37,669
JUST US MEN.
HIT ME HIGH!
91
00:03:37,753 --> 00:03:39,379
PHIL, YOU ALL RIGHT?
92
00:03:39,463 --> 00:03:41,131
GOTCHA!
93
00:03:41,214 --> 00:03:42,132
( laughs )
94
00:03:42,215 --> 00:03:42,883
WELL, AT LEAST
NOW WE KNOW
95
00:03:42,966 --> 00:03:45,552
WHAT WE'RE DOING
THIS WEEKEND.
96
00:03:45,636 --> 00:03:46,303
IT MIGHT BE FUN.
97
00:03:46,386 --> 00:03:48,597
YOU KNOW, MY DAD
WAS IN VIETNAM.
98
00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:50,807
HE'S PROBABLY GOT
SOME GREAT WAR STORIES.
99
00:03:50,891 --> 00:03:52,267
I BET HE WAS A BIG HERO.
100
00:03:52,351 --> 00:03:53,143
WHY DIDN'T WE THINK
OF THIS SOONER?
101
00:03:53,226 --> 00:03:56,188
I'LL TELL GERALD
ABOUT MY DAYS
IN VIETNAM.
102
00:03:56,271 --> 00:04:00,817
WE'LL TAKE THE PACKARD
AND RENDEZVOUS AT 0600 HOURS,
PRIVATE JOHANSSEN.
103
00:04:03,195 --> 00:04:05,322
OOH, I'M SO EXCITED.
104
00:04:05,405 --> 00:04:10,786
I FINALLY GET TO TELL MY STORY
OF HOW I WON WORLD WAR II
ALL BY MYSELF.
105
00:04:10,869 --> 00:04:12,371
AND NOBODY CAN RUN OUT
IN THE MIDDLE OF IT
106
00:04:12,454 --> 00:04:16,917
BECAUSE WE'LL BE FLYING DOWN
THE HIGHWAY AT 90 MILES AN HOUR!
107
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:19,336
GRANDPA, THE SPEED LIMIT'S 55.
108
00:04:19,419 --> 00:04:20,337
I KNOW!
109
00:04:20,420 --> 00:04:21,672
( chuckles )
110
00:04:21,755 --> 00:04:23,131
I'LL TELL
ALL ABOUT THE TIME
111
00:04:23,215 --> 00:04:25,842
I WRESTLED ADOLF HITLER
HIMSELF TO THE GROUND
112
00:04:25,926 --> 00:04:27,219
AND KICKED HIS PATOOT.
113
00:04:27,302 --> 00:04:29,638
GRANDPA, CAN I JUST
ASK YOU ONE FAVOR?
114
00:04:29,721 --> 00:04:30,639
I DON'T HAVE
ANY MORE MILK DUDS.
115
00:04:30,722 --> 00:04:32,766
NO, NOT THAT.
116
00:04:32,849 --> 00:04:35,394
CAN YOU JUST, FOR ONCE,
TELL THE TRUTH
117
00:04:35,477 --> 00:04:36,353
ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOU IN THE WAR
118
00:04:36,436 --> 00:04:38,772
INSTEAD OF ONE OF YOUR CRAZY,
MADE-UP STORIES?
119
00:04:38,855 --> 00:04:40,357
CRAZY, MADE-UP STORIES?
120
00:04:40,440 --> 00:04:44,653
WHEN HAVE I EVER
TOLD YOU ANY CRAZY,
MADE-UP STORIES?
121
00:04:44,736 --> 00:04:46,822
ACTUALLY, YOU DO IT
ALL THE TIME.
122
00:04:46,905 --> 00:04:50,200
WELL, OKAY, MAYBE I
STRETCHED THE TRUTH
ONCE OR TWICE
123
00:04:50,283 --> 00:04:54,329
BUT THIS STORY IS
COMPLETELY TRUE,
EVERY WORD OF IT.
124
00:04:54,413 --> 00:04:55,038
OKAY.
125
00:04:55,122 --> 00:04:56,039
YOU WANT TO DRIVE?
126
00:04:56,123 --> 00:04:57,249
GRANDPA!
127
00:04:57,332 --> 00:04:58,333
OH, ALL RIGHT
128
00:04:58,417 --> 00:05:02,004
BUT IF I GET TIRED,
YOU TAKE OVER, OKAY?
129
00:05:03,088 --> 00:05:05,382
YOU BOYS
ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS.
130
00:05:05,465 --> 00:05:08,218
WE'LL GET TO SEE
ALL THE MONUMENTS
DEPICTING FAMOUS BATTLES
131
00:05:08,301 --> 00:05:11,555
AND THERE'LL BE A PARADE,
AND EVEN FIREWORKS!
132
00:05:11,638 --> 00:05:12,222
YOU BETCHA, MARTIN.
133
00:05:12,305 --> 00:05:14,808
AND IT'S ONLY
18 HOURS AWAY!
134
00:05:14,891 --> 00:05:15,726
18 HOURS?!
135
00:05:15,809 --> 00:05:17,853
LET'S HIT IT!
136
00:05:18,854 --> 00:05:19,730
( crash )
137
00:05:19,813 --> 00:05:22,733
( siren wailing )
138
00:05:22,816 --> 00:05:25,318
YOU DIDN'T
SEE NOTHING.
139
00:05:29,656 --> 00:05:31,658
I WANT TO HEAR
ABOUT YOU, DAD.
140
00:05:31,742 --> 00:05:32,743
WERE YOU A WAR HERO?
141
00:05:32,826 --> 00:05:34,286
WELL, THE WAY
I LOOK AT IT, SON
142
00:05:34,369 --> 00:05:36,747
MOST EVERYBODY WHO GOES TO WAR
IS A HERO.
143
00:05:36,830 --> 00:05:38,707
BUT YOU WERE IN VIETNAM?
IN BATTLE?
144
00:05:38,790 --> 00:05:40,792
WELL, I WAS IN VIETNAM,
SERVING MY COUNTRY.
145
00:05:40,876 --> 00:05:41,835
DID YOU HAVE A GUN?
146
00:05:41,918 --> 00:05:43,086
DID YOU SHOOT ANYBODY?
147
00:05:43,170 --> 00:05:44,546
THE ARMY ISSUED ME A RIFLE.
148
00:05:44,629 --> 00:05:46,048
BUT BEING A VETERAN'S NOT ABOUT
149
00:05:46,131 --> 00:05:48,216
CARRYING A WEAPON
OR FIGHTING BATTLES.
150
00:05:48,300 --> 00:05:51,136
THERE ARE A LOT OF WAYS
YOU CAN SERVE YOUR COUNTRY.
151
00:05:51,219 --> 00:05:52,512
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
152
00:05:52,596 --> 00:05:53,930
WHAT ABOUT MY STORY?
153
00:05:54,014 --> 00:05:56,266
SORRY, PHIL,
WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO FIRST?
154
00:05:56,349 --> 00:05:57,934
WELL, MY STORY DID
HAPPEN BEFORE YOURS.
155
00:05:58,018 --> 00:05:59,227
PLUS I'M AN OLD MAN.
156
00:05:59,311 --> 00:06:02,439
WHO KNOWS HOW MUCH TIME
I'VE GOT LEFT?
157
00:06:02,522 --> 00:06:03,857
YOU'VE GOT PLENTY OF TIME LEFT.
158
00:06:03,940 --> 00:06:06,443
BUT YOU GO
RIGHT AHEAD.
159
00:06:06,526 --> 00:06:08,445
THERE I WAS
ON THE BATTLEFIELDS
160
00:06:08,528 --> 00:06:10,822
OF NORTHERN EUROPE
OVER 50 YEARS AGO
161
00:06:10,906 --> 00:06:13,158
IN JANUARY, 1945.
162
00:06:13,241 --> 00:06:15,202
I WAS A YOUNG G.I.
WITH A STRONG BACK
163
00:06:15,285 --> 00:06:17,788
AND A HEADFUL
OF BRILLIANT DREAMS.
164
00:06:17,871 --> 00:06:20,624
( snoring )
165
00:06:20,707 --> 00:06:23,752
( muttering ):
YES, HEDY, OH, YES.
166
00:06:23,835 --> 00:06:25,837
OF COURSE I'LL MARRY YOU.
167
00:06:25,921 --> 00:06:29,299
OH, YES, RIGHT AFTER I BECOME
A BIG WAR HERO.
168
00:06:29,382 --> 00:06:31,802
THEN WE'LL GET MARRIED
AND I'LL BE MR. HEDY LAMARR.
169
00:06:31,885 --> 00:06:34,638
THOSE POTATOES AIN'T GOING TO
PEEL THEMSELVES, PRIVATE!
170
00:06:34,721 --> 00:06:35,972
UH... YES, SIR,
PEELING, SIR.
171
00:06:36,056 --> 00:06:37,474
I WASN'T SLEEPING, NO, SIR.
172
00:06:37,557 --> 00:06:39,309
JUST THINKING ABOUT KICKING
HITLER'S BUTT, SIR.
173
00:06:39,392 --> 00:06:42,646
I WAS ASSISTANT COOK
IN THE FIRST ARMY.
174
00:06:42,729 --> 00:06:46,149
ALL DAY LONG, I'D PEEL POTATOES
AND WASH POTS AND PANS
175
00:06:46,233 --> 00:06:52,280
BUT I KNEW ONE DAY I'D GET OUT
OF THE KITCHEN AND GET MY
CHANCE AT AN IMPORTANT MISSION.
176
00:06:52,364 --> 00:06:54,741
AND THEN I'D BECOME
A REAL HERO.
177
00:06:54,825 --> 00:06:55,826
HEY, PHIL.
178
00:06:55,909 --> 00:06:56,409
I'M BUSY!
179
00:06:56,493 --> 00:06:57,702
COLONEL WANTS
TO SEE YOU.
180
00:06:57,786 --> 00:07:00,705
THE COLONEL!
181
00:07:00,789 --> 00:07:02,666
OH, BOY, IT'S MY BIG MISSION!
182
00:07:02,749 --> 00:07:04,668
( yells )
183
00:07:04,751 --> 00:07:06,670
MEDIC!
184
00:07:06,753 --> 00:07:09,214
EVEN THOUGH I WAS WOOZY
FROM MY FALL
185
00:07:09,297 --> 00:07:11,925
AND LOOPY FROM THE PILLS
THE MEDIC GAVE ME
186
00:07:12,008 --> 00:07:16,471
I COULD STILL UNDERSTAND
NEARLY HALF THE INSTRUCTIONS
THE COLONEL GAVE ME.
187
00:07:16,555 --> 00:07:19,182
THIS WAS IT: MY BIG MISSION.
188
00:07:19,266 --> 00:07:23,562
SEEMS I WAS HANDPICKED
TO DELIVER A TRUCKLOAD
OF BAD CHAM...
189
00:07:23,645 --> 00:07:25,188
Gerald:
A TRUCKLOAD OF WHAT?
190
00:07:25,272 --> 00:07:27,023
CHAM, BAD CHAM.
191
00:07:27,107 --> 00:07:28,525
CHAM? WHAT'S CHAM?
192
00:07:28,608 --> 00:07:30,152
IS THAT LIKE... SPAM?
193
00:07:30,235 --> 00:07:31,611
NO, IT'S
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
194
00:07:31,695 --> 00:07:33,989
SPAM IS A DELICIOUS,
NUTRITIOUS HAM-BASED PRODUCT
195
00:07:34,072 --> 00:07:37,450
ENJOYED BY MILLIONS OF PEOPLE
ALL OVER THE WORLD
FOR MORE THAN 50 YEARS.
196
00:07:37,534 --> 00:07:39,202
CHAM,
ON THE OTHER HAND
197
00:07:39,286 --> 00:07:41,371
IS A COMBINATION
OF CHICKEN AND HAM
BYPRODUCTS
198
00:07:41,454 --> 00:07:43,540
RANDOMLY PACKED
IN LEAKY TIN CONTAINERS
199
00:07:43,623 --> 00:07:45,667
AND BRIEFLY INTRODUCED
TO THE MILITARY
200
00:07:45,750 --> 00:07:48,211
FOR EXPERIMENTAL PURPOSES
IN DECEMBER OF 1944.
201
00:07:48,295 --> 00:07:50,005
( horn honking )
202
00:07:50,088 --> 00:07:53,758
THE POINT IS, THIS CHAM
TURNED OUT TO BE BAD MEAT
203
00:07:53,842 --> 00:07:55,844
AND I MEAN REALLY BAD MEAT.
204
00:07:55,927 --> 00:07:59,389
GAVE YOU THE RUNS LIKE
THERE WAS NO TOMORROW.
205
00:07:59,472 --> 00:08:03,018
SO MY JOB WAS TO DRIVE
THIS TRUCKLOAD OF BAD CHAM
206
00:08:03,101 --> 00:08:06,813
TO A DUMPING GROUND
SOMEWHERE IN NORTHERN FRANCE.
207
00:08:06,897 --> 00:08:10,901
OF COURSE, THE EXACT LOCATION
WAS A CLOSELY GUARDED
MILITARY SECRET.
208
00:08:10,984 --> 00:08:12,485
THE NIGHT WAS DARK
AND THICK WITH FOG
209
00:08:12,569 --> 00:08:16,323
AS I STARTED ON MY IMPORTANT
AND DANGEROUS JOURNEY.
210
00:08:16,406 --> 00:08:20,118
I COULD BARELY SEE MY NOSE
IN FRONT OF MY FACE
211
00:08:20,202 --> 00:08:22,704
BUT I WAS DETERMINED
TO FULFILL MY MISSION.
212
00:08:22,787 --> 00:08:25,916
INCH BY INCH, I DROVE ON,
BRAVING THE ELEMENTS.
213
00:08:25,999 --> 00:08:28,043
THE HOURS PASSED.
214
00:08:28,126 --> 00:08:30,253
BY DAWN, THE FOG HAD CLEARED
215
00:08:30,337 --> 00:08:31,504
AND I DECIDED TO MAKE CAMP.
216
00:08:31,588 --> 00:08:34,883
SUCKING UP THE FEAR
THAT CHURNED IN MY GUT
217
00:08:34,966 --> 00:08:37,385
I WONDERED, WHERE WAS I?
HOW CLOSE WAS THE ENEMY?
218
00:08:37,469 --> 00:08:41,431
WOULD I EVER SEE MY BELOVED
REGIMENT AGAIN?
219
00:08:41,514 --> 00:08:41,723
HEY, PHIL!
220
00:08:41,806 --> 00:08:42,933
YEAH?
221
00:08:43,016 --> 00:08:45,685
YOU UP FOR POKER?
222
00:08:45,769 --> 00:08:47,562
I CAN'T, I'M ON
A SECRET MISSION.
223
00:08:47,646 --> 00:08:52,442
OH, YEAH, YOU'RE DUMPING
THE BAD CHAM, RIGHT?
224
00:08:52,525 --> 00:08:52,984
RIGHT!
225
00:08:53,068 --> 00:08:55,695
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
226
00:08:55,779 --> 00:08:56,238
HOW DID YOU KNOW?!
227
00:08:56,321 --> 00:08:57,948
THE WHOLE CAMP KNOWS.
228
00:08:58,031 --> 00:09:00,575
WELL, DON'T TELL
229
00:09:00,659 --> 00:09:01,117
ANYBODY ELSE,
OKAY?
230
00:09:01,201 --> 00:09:02,702
IT WAS AT THAT MOMENT
231
00:09:02,786 --> 00:09:07,123
I REALIZED MY SITUATION HAD
BECOME EVEN MORE PERILOUS.
232
00:09:07,207 --> 00:09:10,794
IF THE WHOLE REGIMENT KNEW
I WAS ON A SECRET MISSION
TO DELIVER BAD MEAT
233
00:09:10,877 --> 00:09:15,715
THERE WAS NO TELLING WHO ELSE
KNEW! MAYBE EVEN THE ENEMY!
234
00:09:15,799 --> 00:09:21,012
ON TOP OF THAT,
I WAS ONLY 200 YARDS FROM CAMP,
WITH A LONG WAY TO GO.
235
00:09:21,096 --> 00:09:23,265
AND ON TOP OF THAT,
MY WIENIE WAS ON FIRE.
236
00:09:23,348 --> 00:09:24,933
( blowing )
237
00:09:25,016 --> 00:09:27,102
HELP, MY WIENIE'S ON FIRE!
MEDIC!
238
00:09:27,185 --> 00:09:29,104
I HAD TO MAKE UP TIME
239
00:09:29,187 --> 00:09:31,356
SO I PUT THE PEDAL TO THE METAL
240
00:09:31,439 --> 00:09:36,403
KNOWING MY MISSION WAS MORE
IMPORTANT THAN ANY TRAFFIC LAWS
OR HAZARD SIGNS.
241
00:09:36,486 --> 00:09:40,907
LATE THAT NIGHT, I GOT
PRETTY TIRED AND HUNGRY,
NOT TO MENTION LONESOME
242
00:09:40,991 --> 00:09:43,285
SO I STOPPED AT A LITTLE
FARMHOUSE TO REST.
243
00:09:43,368 --> 00:09:47,956
BUT THE FARMER HAD GONE OFF
TO JOIN THE FRENCH ARMY, AND
THERE WAS NO ONE LEFT AT HOME
244
00:09:48,039 --> 00:09:49,291
EXCEPT HIS THREE
BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS.
245
00:09:49,374 --> 00:09:52,043
THERE WAS NO ROOM
IN THE FARMHOUSE
246
00:09:52,127 --> 00:09:54,504
BUT THEY AGREED TO LET ME
SLEEP IN THE BARN.
247
00:09:54,587 --> 00:09:58,300
JUST WHEN I WAS ABOUT
TO NOD OFF, THERE CAME
A KNOCK ON THE BARN DOOR.
248
00:09:58,383 --> 00:10:01,136
IT WAS THE OLDEST DAUGHTER,
MONIQUE.
249
00:10:01,219 --> 00:10:05,724
SHE WAS BATHED IN MOONLIGHT,
WEARING A FIGURE-FLATTERING
DIAPHANOUS PEASANT DRESS.
250
00:10:05,807 --> 00:10:12,856
"OH, MONSIEUR PHIL," SHE SAID,
"THE WAR, SHE HAS MADE ME
SO SCARED AND LONELY..."
251
00:10:12,939 --> 00:10:15,358
PHIL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD
SKIP THAT PART OF THE STORY.
252
00:10:15,442 --> 00:10:17,360
OH... YEAH, YEAH,
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
253
00:10:17,444 --> 00:10:19,362
( whispers ):
I'LL TELL YOU
THAT PART LATER.
254
00:10:19,446 --> 00:10:21,197
I WOKE UP THE NEXT MORNING
255
00:10:21,281 --> 00:10:23,825
FEELING LIKE A MILLION BUCKS
AND READY TO GET BACK
256
00:10:23,908 --> 00:10:25,327
ON MY SECRET MISSION.
257
00:10:25,410 --> 00:10:26,703
I DON'T KNOW
HOW MANY MILES I DROVE
258
00:10:26,786 --> 00:10:31,207
HOW MANY TURNS I TOOK ON ALL
THOSE ZIGZAGGING BACK ROADS
259
00:10:31,291 --> 00:10:34,336
BUT I WAS DETERMINED TO
ACCOMPLISH MY BIG MISSION.
260
00:10:34,419 --> 00:10:36,004
THEN IT HAPPENED.
( bang )
261
00:10:36,087 --> 00:10:38,381
I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK
ME TO CHANGE THE TIRE
262
00:10:38,465 --> 00:10:41,509
BUT I WORKED
AS FAST AS I COULD.
263
00:10:41,593 --> 00:10:43,386
ALL THE TIME, I KNEW THERE WAS
A POSSIBILITY THE NAZIS
264
00:10:43,470 --> 00:10:46,598
WEREN'T MORE
THAN A FEW MILES AWAY.
265
00:10:46,681 --> 00:10:48,308
LITTLE DID I KNOW...
266
00:10:48,391 --> 00:10:50,268
AMERIKANISCHES
SCHWEINHUND!
267
00:10:50,352 --> 00:10:53,813
I TURNED AND SAW
THE MOST HORRIBLE SIGHT
ANYONE COULD EVER SEE.
268
00:10:53,897 --> 00:10:57,484
THERE, STANDING OVER ME, WITH
EYES GLOWING LIKES FIERY COALS,
269
00:10:57,567 --> 00:11:01,654
WAS THE FUHRER HIMSELF,
ADOLF HITLER!
270
00:11:05,533 --> 00:11:06,701
TAKE THAT, HITLER!
271
00:11:06,785 --> 00:11:08,244
GOING TO BEAT YOU
RED, WHITE AND BLUE!
272
00:11:08,328 --> 00:11:12,582
NEIN, BITTE,
ONKEL, ONKEL!
273
00:11:12,665 --> 00:11:15,668
( Sousa march playing )
274
00:11:15,752 --> 00:11:17,253
GRANDPA...
275
00:11:17,337 --> 00:11:19,089
YOU DID NOT
FIGHT ADOLF HITLER.
276
00:11:19,172 --> 00:11:20,256
YOU'RE MAKING THIS UP.
277
00:11:20,340 --> 00:11:22,759
( chuckling )
278
00:11:22,842 --> 00:11:23,259
OKAY, YOU GOT ME.
279
00:11:23,343 --> 00:11:25,595
I MADE THAT PART UP.
280
00:11:25,678 --> 00:11:26,805
PRETTY FUNNY, HUH?
281
00:11:26,888 --> 00:11:28,723
( chuckling )
282
00:11:28,807 --> 00:11:29,808
IT WAS GOEBBELS.
283
00:11:29,891 --> 00:11:32,143
ALL RIGHT, SO IT
WASN'T HITLER HIMSELF.
284
00:11:32,227 --> 00:11:33,645
BUT IT WAS A WHOLE BRIGADE
OF NAZI SOLDIERS.
285
00:11:33,728 --> 00:11:37,565
I STUMBLED INTO THE MIDDLE
OF THE BIGGEST
286
00:11:37,649 --> 00:11:40,527
MOST FEROCIOUS GERMAN PANZER
BRIGADE IN THE WHOLE WAR.
287
00:11:40,610 --> 00:11:41,903
Gerald:
DID THEY
288
00:11:41,986 --> 00:11:43,863
TAKE YOU PRISONER?
TORTURE YOU?
289
00:11:43,947 --> 00:11:45,907
I'LL TELL YOU THE WHOLE
TERRIFYING STORY
290
00:11:45,990 --> 00:11:47,534
BUT FIRST WE GOT TO
STOP FOR GAS.
291
00:11:47,617 --> 00:11:48,576
BUT PHIL, WE'VE GOT
292
00:11:48,660 --> 00:11:49,577
HALF A TANK.
293
00:11:49,661 --> 00:11:50,537
I KNOW WE GOT
294
00:11:50,620 --> 00:11:51,871
HALF A TANK
IN THE CAR.
295
00:11:51,955 --> 00:11:53,832
BUT I'VE GOT A
FULL TANK IN HERE.
296
00:11:53,915 --> 00:11:54,457
AND IF I DON'T GET SOME RELIEF
297
00:11:54,541 --> 00:11:56,543
WE'RE NOT GOING TO MAKE IT!
298
00:11:56,626 --> 00:11:58,795
OOH, OOH, OOH, AH...
299
00:11:58,878 --> 00:12:00,296
OH, RELIEF...
WAIT A MINUTE.
300
00:12:00,380 --> 00:12:02,006
THIS ISN'T
THE MEN'S ROOM.
301
00:12:02,090 --> 00:12:03,174
( woman screams )
302
00:12:03,258 --> 00:12:05,009
SORRY, LADY.
HONEST MISTAKE.
303
00:12:08,555 --> 00:12:10,473
Gerald:
YOU MEAN, YOU WERE CAPTURED
304
00:12:10,557 --> 00:12:14,477
BY THE NAZIS,
MILES BEHIND
ENEMY LINES
305
00:12:14,561 --> 00:12:15,353
ALL BY YOURSELF?
306
00:12:15,437 --> 00:12:17,188
ALL BY MY LONESOME.
307
00:12:17,272 --> 00:12:20,525
SURROUNDED BY FEROCIOUS
NAZI SOLDIERS.
308
00:12:20,608 --> 00:12:23,319
THEY WERE LEAN, THEY WERE MEAN
309
00:12:23,403 --> 00:12:25,572
BUT MOST OF ALL,
THEY WERE HUNGRY.
310
00:12:25,655 --> 00:12:30,744
THEY'D RUN OUT OF RATIONS,
AND WHEN THEY OPENED MY TRUCK,
THEY GOT PRETTY EXCITED.
311
00:12:30,827 --> 00:12:33,204
I REALIZED THEY WERE
PLANNING TO EAT IT.
312
00:12:33,288 --> 00:12:35,165
I YELLED OUT...
NO, DON'T EAT IT!
313
00:12:35,248 --> 00:12:36,875
THAT'S BAD MEAT!
314
00:12:36,958 --> 00:12:38,001
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
315
00:12:38,084 --> 00:12:39,752
I SAID THAT'S...
( laughing )
316
00:12:39,836 --> 00:12:41,045
THAT TICKLES.
317
00:12:41,129 --> 00:12:42,213
I SAID THAT'S BAD MEAT,
DON'T EAT IT.
318
00:12:42,297 --> 00:12:46,342
IS IT REALLY BAD MEAT,
OR IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT
US TO THINK?
319
00:12:46,426 --> 00:12:48,928
THAT'S WHAT I
WANT YOU TO THINK,
BECAUSE IT IS...
320
00:12:49,012 --> 00:12:50,472
IT'S BAD MEAT,
IT'S VERY BAD.
321
00:12:50,555 --> 00:12:52,056
HMM, SINCE YOU ARE THE ENEMY
322
00:12:52,140 --> 00:12:53,892
IF THE MEAT WAS BAD,
YOU WOULD WANT ME TO EAT IT.
323
00:12:53,975 --> 00:12:58,146
SO, THEREFORE, LOGICALLY, YOU
WOULD TELL ME THE MEAT WAS GOOD.
324
00:12:58,229 --> 00:12:58,813
ISN'T THAT RIGHT?
325
00:12:58,897 --> 00:13:00,982
RIGHT, SURE,
MAKES SENSE TO ME.
326
00:13:01,065 --> 00:13:03,943
BUT YOU KNEW THAT I WOULD
THINK THAT, DIDN'T YOU?
327
00:13:04,027 --> 00:13:06,654
OH, YES, I SURE DID.
YOU GOT ME THERE.
YOU'RE SMART.
328
00:13:06,738 --> 00:13:09,532
IT'S NO WONDER
THEY MADE YOU CAPTAIN.
329
00:13:09,616 --> 00:13:10,492
MAJOR.
330
00:13:10,575 --> 00:13:11,576
MAJOR, YES.
331
00:13:11,659 --> 00:13:13,578
THAT'S MUCH BETTER
THAN CAPTAIN.
332
00:13:13,661 --> 00:13:15,580
BECAUSE YOU'RE, YOU'RE A MAJOR.
333
00:13:15,663 --> 00:13:17,582
YOU COULD BOSS CAPTAINS AROUND.
334
00:13:17,665 --> 00:13:19,375
YOU COULD SAY, "HEY, CAPTAIN
335
00:13:19,459 --> 00:13:20,710
"GO GET ME
A NEWSPAPER.
336
00:13:20,793 --> 00:13:22,545
"HEY, CLEAN MY
BOOTS, CAPTAIN."
337
00:13:22,629 --> 00:13:23,796
SILENCE!
338
00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:26,758
YOU THINK YOU'RE
SMARTER THAN ME,
DON'T YOU?
339
00:13:26,841 --> 00:13:28,551
OH, NO, SIR.
NO, I DON'T, I...
340
00:13:28,635 --> 00:13:29,594
YOU... AMERICAN!
341
00:13:29,677 --> 00:13:32,555
YOU THINK IF YOU TELL ME
THE MEAT IS BAD
342
00:13:32,639 --> 00:13:34,891
I WILL THINK YOU ARE TELLING ME
THE MEAT IS BAD
343
00:13:34,974 --> 00:13:36,226
BECAUSE IT IS REALLY GOOD
344
00:13:36,309 --> 00:13:38,520
BUT I KNOW YOU ARE TELLING ME
THE MEAT IS BAD
345
00:13:38,603 --> 00:13:41,773
BECAUSE YOU KNOW I WILL THINK
YOU ARE TELLING ME
THE MEAT IS BAD
346
00:13:41,856 --> 00:13:42,565
BECAUSE YOU THINK
I WILL THINK
347
00:13:42,649 --> 00:13:44,526
YOU ARE TELLING ME
THE MEAT IS BAD
348
00:13:44,609 --> 00:13:47,320
BECAUSE IT IS REALLY GOOD,
RIGHT?
349
00:13:47,403 --> 00:13:51,741
THE MEAT IS BAD...
THINKS IT'S GOOD...
OH, THIS IS HARD.
350
00:13:51,824 --> 00:13:56,746
WHEN IN FACT, THE MEAT
IS REALLY GOOD AFTER ALL.
351
00:13:56,829 --> 00:13:58,498
ISN'T THAT RIGHT?
352
00:13:58,581 --> 00:14:00,041
THAT'S WHEN IT HIT ME.
353
00:14:00,124 --> 00:14:03,419
I REALIZED IF I LET HIM THINK
HE WAS SMARTER THAN ME
354
00:14:03,503 --> 00:14:05,755
I COULD MAKE HIM DO
ANYTHING I WANTED.
355
00:14:05,838 --> 00:14:06,756
OH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
356
00:14:06,839 --> 00:14:08,258
IT'S TRUE,
THE MEAT IS GOOD.
357
00:14:08,341 --> 00:14:10,927
WHY DID I THINK I COULD EVER
OUTSMART A CAPTAIN?
358
00:14:11,010 --> 00:14:11,928
MAJOR!
359
00:14:12,011 --> 00:14:12,762
MAJOR, RIGHT.
360
00:14:12,845 --> 00:14:13,721
YOU NAZIS ARE
361
00:14:13,805 --> 00:14:14,264
SO MUCH
SMARTER THAN US.
362
00:14:14,347 --> 00:14:16,391
WE CAN'T WIN THE WAR.
363
00:14:16,474 --> 00:14:18,101
I'M SUCH A DUMB,
STUPID IDIOT.
364
00:14:18,184 --> 00:14:20,937
THAT MEAT WAS SUPPOSED
TO BE FOR GENERAL MONTGOMERY
365
00:14:21,020 --> 00:14:22,897
AND NOW YOU GUYS
ARE GOING TO EAT IT
366
00:14:22,981 --> 00:14:25,066
AND I'M GOING TO BE
IN BIG, BIG TROUBLE.
367
00:14:25,149 --> 00:14:25,984
YOU WON'T TELL HIM, WILL YOU?
368
00:14:32,365 --> 00:14:35,493
( chuckling )
369
00:14:35,577 --> 00:14:37,954
NO THANKS, I'M NOT HUNGRY.
( chuckling )
370
00:14:38,037 --> 00:14:41,499
WELL, THE NEXT MORNING,
THEY WERE ALL SICK AS DOGS.
371
00:14:41,583 --> 00:14:44,627
( all groaning )
372
00:14:44,711 --> 00:14:46,129
THAT'S RIGHT, I CAPTURED
THE ENTIRE DIVISION.
373
00:14:46,212 --> 00:14:48,590
JUST ME...
374
00:14:48,673 --> 00:14:49,340
NO, THIS IS NOT A JOKE.
375
00:14:49,424 --> 00:14:51,676
AMERICAN...
PLEASE...
376
00:14:51,759 --> 00:14:52,927
HELP ME.
377
00:14:53,011 --> 00:14:54,262
I HAVE A BAD ACHE
IN MEIN TUMMY.
378
00:14:54,345 --> 00:14:55,471
HOLD ON A SEC.
379
00:14:55,555 --> 00:14:58,641
OH, YOU GOT A TUMMY ACHE?
380
00:14:58,725 --> 00:14:59,350
ACH...
381
00:14:59,434 --> 00:15:01,311
MAYBE THIS
WILL HELP.
382
00:15:01,394 --> 00:15:03,563
NOW, LOOK HERE,
YOU TELL THE GENERAL
383
00:15:03,646 --> 00:15:05,857
TO GET A COUPLE OF DIVISIONS
DOWN HERE ON THE DOUBLE!
384
00:15:05,940 --> 00:15:08,985
I BUSTED A HOLE IN THE ENEMY
LINE SIX MILES WIDE.
385
00:15:09,068 --> 00:15:12,780
IF YOU HURRY, YOU CAN WALK
STRAIGHT THROUGH TO BERLIN.
386
00:15:12,864 --> 00:15:17,994
THAT NIGHT, THE ALLIES ROLLED
RIGHT THROUGH THE GAP I CREATED
IN THE GERMAN LINES.
387
00:15:18,077 --> 00:15:22,165
THEY MARCHED ON TO BERLIN
AND WON THE WAR!
388
00:15:22,248 --> 00:15:28,713
BECAUSE OF ME, AMERICA ACHIEVED
VICTORY AND TOTAL DOMINATION
OVER THE GERMANS.
389
00:15:28,796 --> 00:15:30,923
( horn blowing German tune )
390
00:15:31,007 --> 00:15:32,342
( laughing... )
391
00:15:32,425 --> 00:15:36,012
OH, STUPID MERCEDES!
392
00:15:36,095 --> 00:15:37,180
THAT'S AMAZING!
393
00:15:37,263 --> 00:15:39,182
SO YOU JUST ABOUT
WON THE WHOLE WAR
394
00:15:39,265 --> 00:15:39,557
ALL BY YOURSELF.
395
00:15:39,641 --> 00:15:41,351
( chuckles )
396
00:15:41,434 --> 00:15:41,976
WELL, PRACTICALLY.
397
00:15:42,060 --> 00:15:44,145
OF COURSE,
OTHER GUYS HELPED.
398
00:15:44,228 --> 00:15:47,273
YOU KNOW, GENERAL PATTON
AND SOME OF THE CANADIANS.
399
00:15:47,357 --> 00:15:49,192
THAT'S, UH,
QUITE A STORY, PHIL.
400
00:15:49,275 --> 00:15:51,527
DID YOU EVER
CAPTURE A BRIGADE
OF ENEMY SOLDIERS?
401
00:15:51,611 --> 00:15:52,528
NO, SON, I DIDN'T.
402
00:15:52,612 --> 00:15:53,863
BUT YOU SAW
A LOT OF ACTION?
403
00:15:53,946 --> 00:15:55,698
OH, SURE,
I SAW PLENTY OF ACTION.
404
00:15:55,782 --> 00:15:57,075
DID YOU EVER
SHOOT ANYBODY?
405
00:15:57,158 --> 00:15:58,618
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
I DID.
406
00:15:58,701 --> 00:16:00,411
I WAS ONLY 19
WHEN I WAS DRAFTED.
407
00:16:00,495 --> 00:16:02,038
IT WAS TOWARD
THE END OF THE WAR
408
00:16:02,121 --> 00:16:04,916
AND A LOT OF YOUNG MEN
DIDN'T BELIEVE IN THE CAUSE.
409
00:16:04,999 --> 00:16:07,335
SOME WENT TO CANADA
ON PRINCIPLE.
410
00:16:07,418 --> 00:16:08,586
I THOUGHT ABOUT THAT.
411
00:16:08,670 --> 00:16:10,296
I THOUGHT ABOUT IT
A LONG TIME.
412
00:16:10,380 --> 00:16:14,884
MOSTLY BECAUSE I WASN'T
TOO SURE ABOUT WHAT
WE WERE DOING IN VIETNAM
413
00:16:14,967 --> 00:16:17,887
AND PARTLY BECAUSE I WAS SCARED
LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.
414
00:16:17,970 --> 00:16:20,765
BUT IN THE END, I DECIDED
MY COUNTRY ASKED ME TO GO
415
00:16:20,848 --> 00:16:23,017
AND RIGHT OR WRONG,
I HAD TO OBLIGE.
416
00:16:24,977 --> 00:16:26,062
I HAD HAD TWO WEEKS
OF BASIC TRAINING
417
00:16:26,145 --> 00:16:29,399
BUT I MISSED MOST OF IT
BECAUSE I HAD THE FLU.
418
00:16:29,482 --> 00:16:31,901
THEY SENT ME ON
WITH MY REGIMENT ANYWAY.
419
00:16:31,984 --> 00:16:34,570
NEXT THING I KNOW,
I'M AT RIFLE PRACTICE.
420
00:16:34,654 --> 00:16:36,239
AND THAT'S WHEN IT HAPPENED.
421
00:16:36,322 --> 00:16:39,409
NONE OF US SAW IT COMING,
LEAST OF ALL ME.
422
00:16:39,492 --> 00:16:40,576
YOU GOT 45 SECONDS, PRIVATE!
423
00:16:40,660 --> 00:16:42,161
LET ME SEE YOU CLEAN THAT RIFLE!
424
00:16:42,245 --> 00:16:43,287
YES, SIR!
425
00:16:43,830 --> 00:16:45,581
Man:
CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS
426
00:16:45,665 --> 00:16:46,624
ON A CRACKER!
427
00:16:46,708 --> 00:16:48,584
WHO DISCHARGED
THAT WEAPON?!
428
00:16:48,668 --> 00:16:50,128
I SHOT MY OWN COLONEL.
429
00:16:50,211 --> 00:16:53,923
THIS ISN'T THE FIRST
TIME I'VE BEEN SHOT
IN THE BUTT.
430
00:16:54,006 --> 00:16:56,801
THAT'S RIGHT, PRIVATE,
IT'S HAPPENED BEFORE.
431
00:16:56,884 --> 00:17:01,264
BUT LAST TIME I WAS SHOT
IN THE BUTT, IT WAS
AT THE HANDS OF THE ENEMY
432
00:17:01,347 --> 00:17:04,100
NOT ONE OF MY OWN RECRUITS!
433
00:17:04,183 --> 00:17:04,767
NOW, WHAT DO YOU HAVE
434
00:17:04,851 --> 00:17:07,437
TO SAY FOR YOURSELF, SOLDIER?
435
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:11,315
I WAS SICK WITH THE FLU DURING
MOST OF BASIC TRAINING, SIR.
436
00:17:11,399 --> 00:17:13,276
HE WAS SICK WITH THE FLU!
437
00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:14,110
WHAT ARE YOU GOOD AT, PRIVATE?
438
00:17:14,193 --> 00:17:16,279
WHAT CAN
YOU DO WITHOUT
SCREWING IT UP?
439
00:17:16,362 --> 00:17:20,450
I WAS ASSIGNED TO THE ARMY
MEDICAL RECORDS DEPARTMENT...
440
00:17:20,533 --> 00:17:21,117
AS A FILE CLERK.
441
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:22,535
Gerald:
WAIT A MINUTE.
442
00:17:22,618 --> 00:17:25,246
YOU WERE
A FILE CLERK?
443
00:17:25,329 --> 00:17:25,955
THAT'S RIGHT.
444
00:17:26,038 --> 00:17:27,248
BUT I THOUGHT YOU SAID
445
00:17:27,331 --> 00:17:28,958
YOU SAW PLENTY OF ACTION
WHEN YOU WERE IN THE WAR.
446
00:17:29,042 --> 00:17:32,295
I DID, AND IT HAPPENED
WHEN I LEAST EXPECTED IT.
447
00:17:32,378 --> 00:17:34,130
THE NEXT MORNING,
WITH NO WARNING...
448
00:17:34,213 --> 00:17:37,800
227 FILES WERE DROPPED
ON MY DESK.
449
00:17:37,884 --> 00:17:41,971
AND MY JOB WAS TO GET THEM ALL
CHECKED, ORGANIZED AND FILED
AWAY BY 1700 HOURS.
450
00:17:42,054 --> 00:17:45,016
NOT ONE OF THOSE FILES
WAS IN ORDER.
451
00:17:45,099 --> 00:17:47,060
YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN
SUCH A MESS.
452
00:17:47,143 --> 00:17:49,103
BUT THAT WAS JUST
AT THE BEGINNING,
RIGHT?
453
00:17:49,187 --> 00:17:51,689
AFTER THAT,
YOU GOT INTO SOME
BATTLES, DIDN'T YOU?
454
00:17:51,773 --> 00:17:54,567
NO, I SPENT MY WHOLE TOUR
IN THAT OFFICE, FILING
AND STAMPING
455
00:17:54,650 --> 00:17:56,152
AND KEEPING THINGS
ORGANIZED.
456
00:17:56,235 --> 00:17:58,362
BUT, YOU MEAN,
YOU NEVER SAW ANY BATTLES?
457
00:17:58,446 --> 00:17:59,947
NOT REALLY.
458
00:18:00,031 --> 00:18:00,740
I WAS TOO BUSY
WITH MY DUTIES.
459
00:18:00,823 --> 00:18:03,409
THERE WAS ONE TIME
I HAD TO GO NORTH
460
00:18:03,493 --> 00:18:05,286
TO DELIVER SOME RECORDS
UP NEAR AN LOC.
461
00:18:05,369 --> 00:18:08,080
I PASSED BY WHERE A BATTLE
HAD OCCURRED SOME TIME BEFORE.
462
00:18:08,164 --> 00:18:09,999
NOBODY WAS AROUND
EXCEPT ONE KID
463
00:18:10,082 --> 00:18:12,376
WHO'D BEEN SEPARATED
FROM HIS REGIMENT.
464
00:18:12,460 --> 00:18:14,003
I BELIEVE
HIS NAME WAS MILLER.
465
00:18:14,086 --> 00:18:16,714
HE HAD A WOUND,
I COULDN'T TELL
HOW SERIOUS.
466
00:18:16,798 --> 00:18:18,466
THERE WASN'T
ANYBODY ELSE AROUND
467
00:18:18,549 --> 00:18:19,801
SO I DID WHAT I COULD.
468
00:18:19,884 --> 00:18:21,344
I DIDN'T HAVE
ANY BANDAGES
469
00:18:21,427 --> 00:18:22,678
BUT I HAD MY
FILES WITH ME.
470
00:18:22,762 --> 00:18:25,097
I TOOK OUT SOME PAPERS,
APPLIED SOME DISINFECTANT
471
00:18:25,181 --> 00:18:27,600
( voice fading ):
AND MADE A BANDAGE
OUT OF IT...
472
00:18:27,683 --> 00:18:28,851
Grandpa:
SURE IMPRESSED THEM
473
00:18:28,935 --> 00:18:29,519
WITH OUR WAR STORIES,
EH?
474
00:18:29,602 --> 00:18:30,645
I HOPE SO.
475
00:18:30,728 --> 00:18:32,855
I WANT GERALD TO UNDERSTAND
476
00:18:32,939 --> 00:18:34,857
WHAT IT MEANS TO SERVE
YOUR COUNTRY.
477
00:18:34,941 --> 00:18:37,360
IT'S NOT ABOUT BEING A BIG HERO,
BUT DOING YOUR BEST.
478
00:18:37,443 --> 00:18:38,528
UH-HUH.
479
00:18:38,611 --> 00:18:39,487
( grunting )
480
00:18:39,570 --> 00:18:42,740
MAN, MY DAD DIDN'T DO
ANYTHING IN THE WAR.
481
00:18:42,824 --> 00:18:43,950
SURE HE DID.
482
00:18:44,033 --> 00:18:45,284
OH, YEAH, WHAT?
483
00:18:45,368 --> 00:18:47,620
WELL, HE HELPED FILE AND
ORGANIZE ALL THOSE PAPERS.
484
00:18:47,703 --> 00:18:48,579
AH, BIG DEAL.
485
00:18:48,663 --> 00:18:50,998
HE HELPED THAT SOLDIER
486
00:18:51,082 --> 00:18:52,124
WITH HIS WOUND.
487
00:18:52,208 --> 00:18:54,252
ARNOLD, HE WRAPPED A
COUPLE OF FILE PAPERS
488
00:18:54,335 --> 00:18:55,586
AROUND SOME
SOLDIER'S LEG.
489
00:18:55,670 --> 00:18:56,879
ANYBODY COULD HAVE
DONE THAT.
490
00:18:56,963 --> 00:18:59,674
THE GUY WASN'T EVEN
HURT THAT BAD, ANYWAY.
491
00:18:59,757 --> 00:19:00,883
FACT IS, MY DAD WAS
JUST A FILE CLERK.
492
00:19:00,967 --> 00:19:04,470
HE DIDN'T EVEN LEARN
TO SHOOT A GUN.
493
00:19:04,554 --> 00:19:05,972
HE DIDN'T
WIN ANY BATTLES
OR SAVE ANYBODY.
494
00:19:06,055 --> 00:19:09,058
I DON'T SEE HOW IT
MADE ANY DIFFERENCE
495
00:19:09,141 --> 00:19:12,103
THAT HE EVEN WENT
TO VIETNAM.
496
00:19:13,813 --> 00:19:15,398
I ALWAYS THOUGHT
497
00:19:15,481 --> 00:19:16,899
HE WAS A HERO...
BUT HE WASN'T.
498
00:19:16,983 --> 00:19:19,026
YOUR DAD'S STILL
A REALLY GOOD GUY.
499
00:19:19,110 --> 00:19:20,152
I KNOW.
500
00:19:20,236 --> 00:19:21,571
AT LEAST HE TOLD YOU
501
00:19:21,654 --> 00:19:23,698
THE TRUTH
ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.
502
00:19:23,781 --> 00:19:26,784
HE DIDN'T MAKE IT ALL UP
LIKE GRANDPA DID.
503
00:19:33,749 --> 00:19:35,251
( no dialogue... )
504
00:19:49,682 --> 00:19:53,102
GRANDPA, WHY ARE WE HERE?
505
00:19:53,186 --> 00:19:54,687
I TOLD YOU,
I'M LOOKING FOR THE MONUMENT.
506
00:19:54,770 --> 00:19:57,273
IT'S AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.
507
00:19:57,356 --> 00:19:59,775
EUREKA...
OH, NO, THAT'S NOT IT.
508
00:19:59,859 --> 00:20:01,652
OH... OOP... BINGO!
509
00:20:01,736 --> 00:20:03,779
GRANDPA...
THAT'S YOU!
510
00:20:03,863 --> 00:20:05,573
OF COURSE IT IS--
IT'S MY MONUMENT.
511
00:20:05,656 --> 00:20:06,949
IT... IT'S JUST LIKE
IN YOUR STORY.
512
00:20:07,033 --> 00:20:10,703
"IN HONOR
OF PRIVATE STEELY PHIL.
513
00:20:10,786 --> 00:20:12,788
"HE SINGLE-HANDEDLY WON
514
00:20:12,872 --> 00:20:13,789
THE BATTLE OF THE BULGE."
515
00:20:13,873 --> 00:20:15,124
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
516
00:20:15,207 --> 00:20:19,462
YOU THOUGHT I WAS
A BIG, FAT LIAR,
DIDN'T YOU, EH?
517
00:20:19,545 --> 00:20:20,796
THOUGHT I WAS TELLING YOU
518
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:22,798
SOME CRAZY, MADE-UP
STORY.
519
00:20:22,882 --> 00:20:24,133
WELL, HERE I AM IN BRONZE.
520
00:20:24,216 --> 00:20:28,012
"PRIVATE STEELY PHIL," IT SAYS,
"BIG HERO."
521
00:20:28,095 --> 00:20:31,098
I DON'T SEE A SCULPTURE OF YOU
ANYWHERE, YOU...
522
00:20:31,182 --> 00:20:32,433
( laughing )
523
00:20:34,685 --> 00:20:36,520
GERALD?
524
00:20:36,604 --> 00:20:37,688
YEAH, DAD?
525
00:20:37,772 --> 00:20:38,981
I WANT TO TELL YOU
SOMETHING.
526
00:20:39,065 --> 00:20:40,816
I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU
WANTED TO BELIEVE
527
00:20:40,900 --> 00:20:42,652
I WAS SOME KIND
OF BIG WAR HERO.
528
00:20:42,735 --> 00:20:44,236
BUT THE TRUTH IS,
I WASN'T.
529
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:48,366
I DIDN'T CARRY A GUN
AND I DIDN'T FIGHT IN COMBAT.
530
00:20:48,449 --> 00:20:51,494
I JUST TRIED TO GIVE MY BEST
WHEN MY COUNTRY ASKED ME TO.
531
00:20:51,577 --> 00:20:53,663
IT'S OKAY, DAD.
532
00:20:53,746 --> 00:20:54,288
I KNOW YOU DID YOUR BEST.
533
00:20:54,372 --> 00:20:56,332
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A HERO.
534
00:20:56,415 --> 00:20:57,750
I'M PROUD OF YOU.
535
00:20:57,833 --> 00:20:58,709
JOHANSSEN?
536
00:20:58,793 --> 00:21:00,920
PRIVATE
JOHANSSEN?
537
00:21:01,003 --> 00:21:02,046
YEAH.
538
00:21:02,129 --> 00:21:03,047
I KNEW IT WAS YOU.
539
00:21:03,130 --> 00:21:04,548
IT'S MILLER,
PRIVATE MILLER.
540
00:21:04,632 --> 00:21:05,800
PRIVATE MILLER?
541
00:21:05,883 --> 00:21:07,593
YOU REMEMBER?
OUTSIDE OF AN LOC?
542
00:21:07,677 --> 00:21:08,803
BACK IN '72.
543
00:21:08,886 --> 00:21:09,512
I REMEMBER.
544
00:21:09,595 --> 00:21:12,098
I WAS SITTING THERE
FOR HOURS.
545
00:21:12,181 --> 00:21:13,391
MY PLATOON HAD MOVED ON.
546
00:21:13,474 --> 00:21:14,642
I KEPT CALLING OUT
547
00:21:14,725 --> 00:21:17,395
FOR A MEDIC, FOR ANYBODY,
BUT NOBODY CAME.
548
00:21:17,478 --> 00:21:19,563
I DIDN'T KNOW
HOW BAD I WAS HURT.
549
00:21:19,647 --> 00:21:21,691
I JUST KNEW I COULDN'T MOVE.
550
00:21:21,774 --> 00:21:23,526
AFTER A WHILE, WHEN NOBODY CAME
551
00:21:23,609 --> 00:21:26,862
I FIGURED
THAT WAS GOING TO BE IT.
552
00:21:26,946 --> 00:21:30,282
BUT THEN YOU SHOWED UP,
OUT OF THE BLUE--
PRIVATE MARTIN JOHANSSEN.
553
00:21:30,366 --> 00:21:34,286
YOU HAD ALL THOSE
FILE FOLDERS WITH YOU.
554
00:21:34,370 --> 00:21:37,331
I WONDERED WHAT ANYBODY WAS
DOING OUT ON A BATTLEFIELD
555
00:21:37,415 --> 00:21:39,083
WITH A BUNCH OF FILE FOLDERS.
556
00:21:39,166 --> 00:21:40,501
YOU LOOKED AT MY LEG
557
00:21:40,584 --> 00:21:42,670
THEN YOU TOOK OUT
SOME OF THOSE PAPERS
558
00:21:42,753 --> 00:21:45,381
POURED SOMETHING OUT ON THEM
OUT OF A BOTTLE
559
00:21:45,464 --> 00:21:48,467
PRESSED THEM TO MY LEG
AND TAPED IT UP LIKE A BANDAGE.
560
00:21:48,551 --> 00:21:52,513
I MUST HAVE PASSED OUT,
BECAUSE NEXT THING I KNEW,
I WAS IN A HOSPITAL.
561
00:21:52,596 --> 00:21:55,558
THE DOCTORS COULDN'T FIGURE OUT
WHAT I WAS DOING THERE.
562
00:21:55,641 --> 00:21:57,560
I SHOULD HAVE BLED TO DEATH.
563
00:21:57,643 --> 00:21:59,228
I WAS PRETTY WEAK, BUT I
564
00:21:59,311 --> 00:22:02,398
KEPT TRYING TO TELL THEM,
"IT WAS PRIVATE JOHANSSEN."
565
00:22:02,481 --> 00:22:04,608
PRIVATE JOHANSSEN.
566
00:22:04,692 --> 00:22:07,653
I'VE WAITED OVER 20 YEARS
TO THANK YOU.
567
00:22:07,737 --> 00:22:10,072
I JUST DID WHAT I COULD.
568
00:22:10,156 --> 00:22:12,491
IS, UH, THIS YOUR SON?
569
00:22:12,575 --> 00:22:14,243
YES, MY SON GERALD.
570
00:22:14,326 --> 00:22:15,453
PLEASED TO MEET YOU.
571
00:22:15,536 --> 00:22:16,245
HELLO.
572
00:22:16,328 --> 00:22:19,540
DID YOU KNOW YOUR FATHER'S
A REAL HERO?
573
00:22:23,502 --> 00:22:25,504
THIS IS
MY WIFE SHARON,
AND MY KIDS--
574
00:22:25,588 --> 00:22:26,672
BOBBY AND ELLEN.
575
00:22:26,756 --> 00:22:28,758
THIS IS THE MAN
I TOLD YOU ABOUT.
576
00:22:28,841 --> 00:22:32,344
MARTIN JOHANSSEN--
THE MAN WHO SAVED MY LIFE.
577
00:22:32,428 --> 00:22:35,014
IT'S AN HONOR, SIR.
578
00:22:48,652 --> 00:22:52,948
[Captioning sponsored by THE
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
579
00:22:53,032 --> 00:22:54,533
and NICKELODEON
43220
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