Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,958 --> 00:00:03,211
Guys, guess what I found...
2
00:00:03,503 --> 00:00:05,296
My set list from when I did
stand-up in fifth grade.
3
00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:10,885
What is the
deal with these moms who make lunch?
4
00:00:11,177 --> 00:00:12,762
Have you seen this? Have you
heard about this, Kelvin?
5
00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:15,431
I mean, why are you writing
me a note, you silly goose?
6
00:00:15,723 --> 00:00:18,643
I know you love me.
You told me this morning!
7
00:00:18,935 --> 00:00:21,938
And what is the deal
with these juice box straws?
8
00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:24,440
I mean, how hard
does it have to be
9
00:00:24,732 --> 00:00:26,442
to get the facacta thing
in the hole?
10
00:00:26,734 --> 00:00:28,694
It just spills all over ya!
11
00:00:28,986 --> 00:00:30,446
And then I have
a bunch of stuff about, like,
12
00:00:30,738 --> 00:00:32,740
the difference between
little girls and little boys.
13
00:00:33,032 --> 00:00:34,367
You know,
little girls be sharin'.
14
00:00:34,659 --> 00:00:35,910
They be sharin', man.
Little girls be sharin'.
15
00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:36,953
It's funny 'cause it's a list.
16
00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:40,915
Oh, boo. You're not laughing.
What's wrong?
17
00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:42,792
You consto?
18
00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:46,504
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just
bummed about work junk.
19
00:00:46,796 --> 00:00:48,422
The car czar and his cronies are this
total boys club, and I can't get in.
20
00:00:48,714 --> 00:00:50,007
Whoa.
21
00:00:50,299 --> 00:00:51,592
Look at the sunny-side ups
on that breakfast platter.
22
00:00:51,884 --> 00:00:52,802
Mm-hmm.
23
00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:54,303
Hey, boys.
24
00:00:54,595 --> 00:00:55,930
What are we doin'?
Looking at some girly pics?
25
00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:58,140
I can get in with that.
26
00:00:58,432 --> 00:01:00,768
Ah, yeah, to think that
she is somebody's daughter.
27
00:01:03,145 --> 00:01:04,564
She was once a baby...
28
00:01:04,855 --> 00:01:05,648
In a nursery.
29
00:01:05,940 --> 00:01:08,192
It is infuriating.
30
00:01:08,484 --> 00:01:10,361
Baby, calm down.
31
00:01:10,653 --> 00:01:12,863
You're forgetting
your sexy secret weapon.
32
00:01:13,155 --> 00:01:14,323
My Jack Nicholson impression.
33
00:01:14,615 --> 00:01:16,367
Hmm?
34
00:01:16,659 --> 00:01:17,118
Lakers.
35
00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:19,078
No. Me!
36
00:01:19,370 --> 00:01:20,997
I'm amazing at guy talk.
37
00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:23,374
Just invite the guys over,
and I'll help you get in.
38
00:01:23,666 --> 00:01:24,417
I'll be your guy guide.
39
00:01:24,709 --> 00:01:25,835
Your guyde.
40
00:01:26,127 --> 00:01:27,211
Yep, already a word.
41
00:01:27,503 --> 00:01:28,296
Realized it as soon as I said it.
Hmm.
42
00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:29,630
Yeah.
Hey, guys.
43
00:01:29,922 --> 00:01:31,215
Hey!
Whazzup!
44
00:01:31,507 --> 00:01:34,135
What question mark, is question
mark, that, question mark?
45
00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:35,595
I just went to see
Dr. Spratt
46
00:01:35,886 --> 00:01:37,805
about my little spill
down the stairs,
47
00:01:38,097 --> 00:01:39,473
and apparently, I still
have a mild concussion,
48
00:01:39,765 --> 00:01:42,643
and I have to wear this
stupid helmet for a month.
49
00:01:42,935 --> 00:01:44,687
You look like a crayon
a fat kid would eat.
50
00:01:44,979 --> 00:01:46,772
Did you valet your kayak or
did you find street parking?
51
00:01:47,064 --> 00:01:48,274
Let's go around the horn!
52
00:01:48,566 --> 00:01:50,026
Yeah, did you, uh...
Oh...
53
00:01:50,318 --> 00:01:51,777
Helmet joke.
I just wanted in.
54
00:01:52,069 --> 00:01:52,987
You know what? I think this
is really good because...
55
00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:54,238
You do hit your head a lot.
56
00:01:55,114 --> 00:01:56,365
Ah!
57
00:01:56,657 --> 00:01:57,950
Going down. Oh!
Oh!
58
00:01:58,242 --> 00:01:59,785
Okay? Ah!
59
00:02:00,077 --> 00:02:01,912
Yeah, I don't remember
any of that.
60
00:02:02,204 --> 00:02:03,789
Maybe because of the concussion.
61
00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:06,208
How did I get here?
62
00:02:06,500 --> 00:02:07,918
Penny.
63
00:02:08,210 --> 00:02:09,337
Penny. Penny.
64
00:02:09,629 --> 00:02:10,254
Pen.
65
00:02:11,672 --> 00:02:13,049
Penny.
Stop.
66
00:02:13,341 --> 00:02:14,383
Stop. It's not funny.
67
00:02:25,436 --> 00:02:26,354
Goal!
68
00:02:29,649 --> 00:02:30,941
Yes! Yes! yes! yes!
All right,
69
00:02:31,233 --> 00:02:32,777
enough with the showboating,
ya tiny hooligan.
70
00:02:33,069 --> 00:02:34,820
It's bad enough we're
getting beat by someone
71
00:02:35,112 --> 00:02:37,239
who's only slightly larger than
the actual foosball players.
72
00:02:37,531 --> 00:02:38,824
I'm sorry.
73
00:02:44,205 --> 00:02:45,414
You had to take her
to a soccer game?
74
00:02:45,706 --> 00:02:46,791
It will never catch on here.
75
00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:48,668
Oh, great.
76
00:02:48,959 --> 00:02:50,419
There's Brody.
I hate that douche.
77
00:02:50,711 --> 00:02:51,712
Oh.
Are you kidding me?
78
00:02:52,004 --> 00:02:54,131
This guy is
a world-class dum-dum.
79
00:02:54,423 --> 00:02:56,425
I think you guys are being
pretty hard on Brody.
80
00:02:56,717 --> 00:02:58,094
He seems like a funny, nice guy,
81
00:02:58,386 --> 00:02:59,720
plus his name has the word
"bro" built right into it.
82
00:03:00,012 --> 00:03:03,683
Yo, D Rose!
What's up, gangsta?
83
00:03:03,974 --> 00:03:05,101
How's it going, Brody?
84
00:03:05,393 --> 00:03:06,852
Just crushin' life, bro.
85
00:03:07,144 --> 00:03:09,230
Congrats. Whoa! Still hanging
out with the nutcracker, huh?
86
00:03:11,065 --> 00:03:12,191
- The nutcracker!
- Classic Brody!
87
00:03:12,483 --> 00:03:13,901
Oh!
88
00:03:14,193 --> 00:03:15,069
Your hand's a turkey, bro.
89
00:03:17,655 --> 00:03:18,656
Wild turkey.
90
00:03:18,948 --> 00:03:20,616
Oh!
91
00:03:20,908 --> 00:03:22,868
What a sick jerk.
92
00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:24,620
I know.
93
00:03:24,912 --> 00:03:26,122
Why can't he understand that
Alex and I have transcended...
94
00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:27,164
Not your crap!
The fist bump!
95
00:03:27,456 --> 00:03:29,166
What?
96
00:03:29,458 --> 00:03:31,794
Afist bump is a sacred contract
between the fists of men.
97
00:03:32,086 --> 00:03:32,962
You don't go playing around,
98
00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:35,172
turning people's hands
into turkeys.
99
00:03:35,464 --> 00:03:38,300
I don't like that guy,
and I want it on record.
100
00:03:38,592 --> 00:03:40,344
We've been over this.
There is no actual record.
101
00:03:40,636 --> 00:03:42,638
Then why are we doing
any of this?
102
00:03:42,930 --> 00:03:44,932
Okay, babe, get ready to
follow me into the boys club.
103
00:03:45,224 --> 00:03:46,517
All guys love college football,
104
00:03:46,809 --> 00:03:48,102
so I'm gonna bring it up,
105
00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:49,729
then you launch into your
tirade about the BCS.
106
00:03:50,020 --> 00:03:51,647
We need
a legitimate playoff system!
107
00:03:51,939 --> 00:03:52,523
Mmm!
Let's do it.
108
00:03:57,445 --> 00:03:59,155
Everybody having a good time?
109
00:03:59,447 --> 00:04:01,031
Great party, Jane.
Mm-hmm.
110
00:04:01,323 --> 00:04:03,159
Oh, except for
these veggie puff things.
111
00:04:03,451 --> 00:04:05,745
You got anything with some...
Animal in it?
112
00:04:06,036 --> 00:04:07,621
You know, something that
used to have a mom?
113
00:04:07,913 --> 00:04:10,374
Speaking of moms...
114
00:04:10,666 --> 00:04:12,168
I see a lot of college football
fans around here, huh?
115
00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:13,794
Man, do I approve of the BCS!
116
00:04:14,086 --> 00:04:17,465
No! We need a legitimate
playoff system! Huh!
117
00:04:17,757 --> 00:04:19,550
I'm not a fan
of college, uh, football.
118
00:04:22,970 --> 00:04:24,054
Hey! Oh!
119
00:04:24,346 --> 00:04:26,974
I love this candle, Jane!
120
00:04:27,266 --> 00:04:28,893
Oh! Where did you
get this?
121
00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:32,229
Well, actually, I made it in my
candle studio/ our laundry room.
122
00:04:32,521 --> 00:04:33,898
Really?
123
00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:35,983
Yeah. Would you show
me how you do it?
124
00:04:36,275 --> 00:04:38,110
Uh-oh!
You did it now, Brad.
125
00:04:38,402 --> 00:04:40,237
You found her hobby...
126
00:04:40,529 --> 00:04:42,740
Making bad versions of things that you
could just easily buy in a store.
127
00:04:45,117 --> 00:04:46,911
But, by all means, show her
how you make that thing.
128
00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:48,996
Yeah.
Show me how you make it.
129
00:04:49,288 --> 00:04:50,498
Show me.
Show me, show me, show me!
130
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:51,582
Don't leave me.
131
00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:52,917
Don't leave me. Don't leave me.
Unh!
132
00:04:57,004 --> 00:04:58,464
So...
133
00:04:58,756 --> 00:05:00,216
You and the guys wanna
go check out some porno?
134
00:05:01,425 --> 00:05:03,677
Get some eyes on some thighs?
135
00:05:03,969 --> 00:05:05,554
Some peepers on some creepers?
136
00:05:05,846 --> 00:05:08,808
Some rods and cones on some...
137
00:05:09,099 --> 00:05:10,643
Bras and thongs?
138
00:05:13,854 --> 00:05:15,272
No.
139
00:05:15,564 --> 00:05:16,649
This helmet thing
isn't that bad.
140
00:05:16,941 --> 00:05:18,567
I mean, we just
need to cute it up, right?
141
00:05:18,859 --> 00:05:20,236
Here. Take that off. Try this one.
142
00:05:21,445 --> 00:05:23,030
Eh? Come on,
it's pink.
143
00:05:23,322 --> 00:05:24,365
All right.
144
00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:25,866
This is so stupid.
145
00:05:26,158 --> 00:05:27,076
What?
I think it's cute.
146
00:05:29,870 --> 00:05:31,288
Oh! So sorry. Sorry.
Oh.
147
00:05:31,580 --> 00:05:32,832
Oh, no.
Don't worry about it.
148
00:05:33,123 --> 00:05:34,792
Actually, I read somewhere
that wearing a helmet
149
00:05:35,084 --> 00:05:37,002
reduces your
peripheral vision by 40%.
150
00:05:37,294 --> 00:05:37,837
Really?
No, I can't read.
151
00:05:39,964 --> 00:05:41,257
I'm, uh, I'm Pete.
152
00:05:41,549 --> 00:05:42,466
Oh. Penny. Hello.
Penny.
153
00:05:43,717 --> 00:05:45,845
Helmet shopping, I see.
Well...
154
00:05:46,136 --> 00:05:47,555
I'm, uh, I'm looking
for a lock myself.
155
00:05:47,847 --> 00:05:48,973
There's a hobo
in my neighborhood
156
00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:50,266
who keeps trying
to steal my bike.
157
00:05:50,558 --> 00:05:51,642
Nice use
of the word "hobo."
158
00:05:51,934 --> 00:05:53,269
Makes him seem
more quaint, right?
159
00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:55,187
A "quaint"?
160
00:05:55,479 --> 00:05:57,022
Isn't that the space between a
gal's goal and her penalty box?
161
00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:00,484
I'm sorry.
162
00:06:00,776 --> 00:06:02,236
I'm gonna be kinda forward here.
163
00:06:02,528 --> 00:06:03,988
Do you wanna get a coffee
with me sometime?
164
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:05,906
I would love to.
I'd love to.
165
00:06:08,492 --> 00:06:11,453
But you know what? I've got
so much going on. So slammed.
166
00:06:11,745 --> 00:06:13,831
No, it's okay.
It's totally okay.
167
00:06:14,123 --> 00:06:14,999
Can't, uh,
can't blame a guy for trying.
168
00:06:17,251 --> 00:06:19,295
All right.
Okay.
169
00:06:19,587 --> 00:06:21,046
Are you crazy? He's beautiful.
I know.
170
00:06:21,338 --> 00:06:22,131
He's so cyah.
So cyah.
171
00:06:22,423 --> 00:06:23,674
So cyah.
172
00:06:23,966 --> 00:06:25,426
I can't go on a date
wearing this.
173
00:06:25,718 --> 00:06:28,012
Come on. He could be your soul
mate, your kindred spirit,
174
00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:29,305
your One Tree Hill.
175
00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:31,098
That's not the saying,
but you're right.
176
00:06:31,390 --> 00:06:32,600
I cannot let this thing
hold me back.
177
00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:35,895
I have helmet.
178
00:06:36,186 --> 00:06:37,187
Helmet doesn't have me.
That's right.
179
00:06:39,398 --> 00:06:40,649
Hey, Pete?
Hmm?
180
00:06:40,941 --> 00:06:43,277
Um, I'm actually
in for that coffee.
181
00:06:43,569 --> 00:06:45,613
Great!
What changed your mind?
182
00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:46,780
Uh, just some advice
from a friend.
183
00:06:47,698 --> 00:06:48,616
She's very wise.
184
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,328
This one's top-notch.
Barely felt that.
185
00:06:53,662 --> 00:06:54,830
Ah, she's a gem.
186
00:06:57,917 --> 00:07:00,628
Four sandos and counting.
187
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:03,505
What's with the big appetite,
hungry puppy?
188
00:07:03,797 --> 00:07:05,591
I'm carbo-fueling
my rage for Brody.
189
00:07:05,883 --> 00:07:06,759
Come on, man.
It was just a fist bump.
190
00:07:07,051 --> 00:07:09,386
It was...
Not just a fist bump!
191
00:07:09,678 --> 00:07:11,555
I'm sensitive, okay?
192
00:07:11,847 --> 00:07:14,058
This is not the first time
I've been handshake-betrayed.
193
00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:15,351
It was the fifth damn grade.
194
00:07:15,643 --> 00:07:17,603
Jimmy Nichols offered me
a high-fiver.
195
00:07:17,895 --> 00:07:19,813
I accepted.
196
00:07:20,105 --> 00:07:21,231
Why not?
It would be rude not to.
197
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:23,651
Then he offered me one down low.
198
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:25,235
Took that as well.
199
00:07:25,527 --> 00:07:26,236
Bam!
200
00:07:27,655 --> 00:07:29,531
Pulled that "too slow" crap
201
00:07:29,823 --> 00:07:32,034
just like the cheatin'
half-italian bastard that he was.
202
00:07:37,164 --> 00:07:38,415
School would no longer be
203
00:07:38,707 --> 00:07:39,959
a safe place
for me to shake hands.
204
00:07:43,420 --> 00:07:44,588
Dave?
205
00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:46,215
Down low, too slow.
206
00:07:47,841 --> 00:07:48,842
David?
207
00:07:49,134 --> 00:07:50,552
All that pain...
208
00:07:50,844 --> 00:07:51,720
What's happening?
209
00:07:52,012 --> 00:07:53,055
It's my fault.
210
00:07:55,933 --> 00:07:57,893
I invented
"Down low, too slow."
211
00:07:58,185 --> 00:07:59,269
What?
212
00:07:59,561 --> 00:08:00,270
I did this to you.
213
00:08:01,772 --> 00:08:03,565
What are you talking about?
214
00:08:03,857 --> 00:08:05,234
I'm sorry.
Dave!
215
00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:06,527
I'm sorry!
What are you talk...
216
00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:08,112
What about your truck?
217
00:08:08,404 --> 00:08:09,655
What are you talking about,
Candice?
218
00:08:09,947 --> 00:08:10,781
You'd look great with bangs.
219
00:08:11,073 --> 00:08:12,408
May I? Watch.
220
00:08:13,659 --> 00:08:14,910
Look at that. See?
221
00:08:15,202 --> 00:08:16,453
All right.
222
00:08:16,745 --> 00:08:18,497
So then Denise comes back
from the garden center
223
00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:20,040
with another fountain.
Oh!
224
00:08:20,332 --> 00:08:21,667
That makes three.
225
00:08:21,959 --> 00:08:23,711
Oh! Hey, hey, hey!
I'm feeling you, guy.
226
00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:25,587
If shopping
were an Olympic sport,
227
00:08:25,879 --> 00:08:27,089
my wife would be...
228
00:08:28,215 --> 00:08:29,216
A fat bitch.
229
00:08:31,051 --> 00:08:33,095
Oh!
230
00:08:33,387 --> 00:08:34,179
How you doin'?
231
00:08:37,766 --> 00:08:39,309
You guys think
your wives are bad?
232
00:08:39,601 --> 00:08:41,520
Brad is so spoiled,
233
00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:43,313
he can't sing Louie, Louie
234
00:08:43,605 --> 00:08:45,441
without adding the words
"vuitton, vuitton."
235
00:08:54,074 --> 00:08:56,827
Who knew?
Ha ha! Kerkovich!
236
00:08:57,119 --> 00:08:59,413
Gettin' loose
with the spousal abuse!
237
00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:00,706
Mmm.
Wow!
238
00:09:00,998 --> 00:09:01,832
Hey, let me ask you something.
239
00:09:02,124 --> 00:09:03,625
Is there a 10-inch whore here?
240
00:09:03,917 --> 00:09:04,960
'Cause that was a low blow!
241
00:09:05,252 --> 00:09:06,462
Oh!
242
00:09:06,754 --> 00:09:07,921
Give me that, dum-dum.
243
00:09:08,213 --> 00:09:08,964
That's for you.
244
00:09:09,256 --> 00:09:09,965
Oh.
245
00:09:12,634 --> 00:09:15,971
Hi!
246
00:09:16,263 --> 00:09:17,681
Wow! Well.
247
00:09:17,973 --> 00:09:19,600
Listen, I know we talked
about coffee,
248
00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:21,018
but I thought we could do
something a little different,
249
00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:23,687
so I booked us on a segway tour.
250
00:09:23,979 --> 00:09:25,022
What?
251
00:09:25,856 --> 00:09:27,232
Wow. Um...
252
00:09:27,524 --> 00:09:28,400
Thoughts? Comments?
Concerns?
253
00:09:28,692 --> 00:09:30,819
Uh, okay.
We could do that.
254
00:09:31,111 --> 00:09:31,945
Yeah?
Yeah.
255
00:09:32,237 --> 00:09:33,614
I mean, it's gonna be awesome.
256
00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:35,282
I know it's lame that they make
us wear these stupid helmets.
257
00:09:35,574 --> 00:09:37,701
I was all,
"Um, I think we're cool.
258
00:09:37,993 --> 00:09:39,995
"We're not gonna, like, accidentally
bang our heads on stuff."
259
00:09:40,287 --> 00:09:41,955
And the segway guy was all,
260
00:09:42,247 --> 00:09:43,874
"The president of our company actually
died tragically on one of these."
261
00:09:44,166 --> 00:09:46,502
And I was all,
"I'm sorry for your loss."
262
00:09:46,794 --> 00:09:48,337
Okay, well, uh, let's segway.
263
00:09:48,629 --> 00:09:50,172
Let's segway!
Let's segway.
264
00:09:50,464 --> 00:09:51,090
Okay, the tour company is
around the corner. Okay.
265
00:09:51,381 --> 00:09:52,299
Follow me, sir.
Yeah.
266
00:09:52,591 --> 00:09:53,801
But it's very intuitive.
267
00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:54,802
It's kind of an art,
is what I'm...
268
00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:56,470
Oh. Look out. jeez.
269
00:09:56,762 --> 00:09:58,013
Penny, you okay?
Yeah, I'm good.
270
00:09:58,305 --> 00:10:00,557
Honestly, this could not be
easier to do, in a weird way.
271
00:10:00,849 --> 00:10:02,184
That's it, Penny.
272
00:10:02,476 --> 00:10:03,352
Try leaning another way.
Okay.
273
00:10:05,813 --> 00:10:07,397
Then try...
274
00:10:07,689 --> 00:10:08,857
You're dragging a chair.
I think... I know.
275
00:10:09,149 --> 00:10:09,858
Just, just...
Yeah, no, I'm...
276
00:10:12,194 --> 00:10:13,278
Hiya! That's it.
You got that.
277
00:10:13,570 --> 00:10:14,655
Yeah!
278
00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:17,741
Oh.
Great party, Jane.
279
00:10:18,033 --> 00:10:20,536
And thanks for the scotch.
280
00:10:20,828 --> 00:10:22,287
That was the second-best
18-year-old I've had all week.
281
00:10:22,579 --> 00:10:23,455
Oh!
282
00:10:24,706 --> 00:10:26,166
He's just playing.
283
00:10:26,458 --> 00:10:29,002
Yes, he is.
Yeah. Yeah.
284
00:10:29,294 --> 00:10:30,712
Playing with breasts that aren't
attached to someone I hate.
285
00:10:31,004 --> 00:10:31,964
What?
286
00:10:32,256 --> 00:10:33,340
Oh!
Oh!
287
00:10:33,632 --> 00:10:34,758
Uh!
Ah!
288
00:10:35,050 --> 00:10:36,218
Ah!
289
00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:38,053
His humor
makes me uncomfortable.
290
00:10:38,345 --> 00:10:40,597
They're fine.
291
00:10:40,889 --> 00:10:43,183
Baby, I am so sorry I left
you hanging with the guys.
292
00:10:43,475 --> 00:10:44,768
I got caught up with the wives,
and they would not let me go.
293
00:10:45,060 --> 00:10:46,436
It all worked out.
294
00:10:46,728 --> 00:10:49,064
I got to shoot the bull
with the boys club all night.
295
00:10:49,356 --> 00:10:51,859
And they invited me
296
00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:53,944
to watch a game
with them after work!
297
00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:56,155
Oh, that's great!
I got invited out, too.
298
00:10:56,446 --> 00:10:57,364
The gals want me to go
to their spinning class
299
00:10:57,656 --> 00:10:58,532
and then have salads afterwards.
300
00:10:58,824 --> 00:10:59,741
Look at us...
301
00:11:00,033 --> 00:11:01,994
Me in the boys club,
302
00:11:02,286 --> 00:11:03,787
you hangin'
with the trophy wives.
303
00:11:04,079 --> 00:11:04,997
Yeah!
304
00:11:05,289 --> 00:11:06,957
Hold up.
305
00:11:07,249 --> 00:11:08,584
Are you calling me
a trophy wife?
306
00:11:08,876 --> 00:11:09,835
W...
307
00:11:10,127 --> 00:11:10,961
'Cause that's awesome!
308
00:11:11,253 --> 00:11:12,254
Yeah! Unh!
309
00:11:12,546 --> 00:11:13,172
Mmm! Mmm!
Mmm! Mmm!
310
00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:15,257
Oh, you did it.
311
00:11:15,549 --> 00:11:16,592
Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Unh!
You did it. Unh!
312
00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:19,178
Yes! Yes!
How are we doing, Brad?
313
00:11:19,469 --> 00:11:21,138
Great!
Yeah!
314
00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:22,598
Ha-ha! Ah!
315
00:11:23,473 --> 00:11:24,892
Yeah!
Yeah!
316
00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:26,143
Yeah!
317
00:11:26,435 --> 00:11:27,769
Hey!
Yeah!
318
00:11:35,068 --> 00:11:36,570
You just got car czared!
319
00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:39,031
Oh! That was the best ever!
320
00:11:39,323 --> 00:11:40,699
So... How are things
going with Pete?
321
00:11:41,408 --> 00:11:42,534
Not great.
322
00:11:42,826 --> 00:11:44,119
I mean, I really like him
323
00:11:44,411 --> 00:11:45,787
and I even gave us
our own couple name.
324
00:11:46,788 --> 00:11:48,123
"P&P Romance Factory."
325
00:11:50,667 --> 00:11:52,169
But I do think he's getting
a little weirded out
326
00:11:52,461 --> 00:11:54,504
that I only wanna go on dates
where we wear helmets.
327
00:11:54,796 --> 00:11:56,798
Yesterday, we took a
moped safety course.
328
00:11:57,090 --> 00:11:57,966
Well, I'm glad you came to me
329
00:11:58,258 --> 00:11:59,885
because I...
You're welcome...
330
00:12:00,177 --> 00:12:01,136
Took it upon myself
to fix your problem.
331
00:12:02,804 --> 00:12:03,889
Hey, guys.
332
00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:06,475
Have you seen Dave?
333
00:12:06,767 --> 00:12:08,101
He ran out of the truck
yesterday, acting really weird,
334
00:12:08,393 --> 00:12:09,394
and he's been...
335
00:12:11,855 --> 00:12:13,982
You can still tell I'm
wearing a helmet, can't you?
336
00:12:14,274 --> 00:12:16,818
Al, I don't think
this is gonna work.
337
00:12:17,110 --> 00:12:18,862
Really?
I think they're great.
338
00:12:19,154 --> 00:12:20,697
I don't know what
the two of you are up to.
339
00:12:20,989 --> 00:12:22,574
I think it's amazing.
I want no part of it.
340
00:12:22,866 --> 00:12:24,534
I need to go find Dave. So make
yourself useful and help me!
341
00:12:28,413 --> 00:12:31,083
Oh, no. This is bad.
He's into the sangria.
342
00:12:31,375 --> 00:12:31,750
What do you want?
343
00:12:32,042 --> 00:12:34,336
Good God, man!
344
00:12:34,628 --> 00:12:36,088
That is the worst sangria
mouth I've ever seen
345
00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:37,839
on a non-Spaniard.
346
00:12:38,131 --> 00:12:40,300
All the pain you suffered
from "Down low, too slow..."
347
00:12:40,592 --> 00:12:41,677
It's my fault.
348
00:12:41,969 --> 00:12:42,928
Oh.
Dave...
349
00:12:43,220 --> 00:12:44,680
I don't think
that you created...
350
00:12:44,972 --> 00:12:48,850
I was 10 years old.
I high-fived Becky Lutz.
351
00:12:49,142 --> 00:12:50,352
Then I offered her
one lower down.
352
00:12:50,644 --> 00:12:51,770
"Down low," we called it.
353
00:12:52,062 --> 00:12:54,231
She swung for my hand,
and I pulled it away,
354
00:12:54,523 --> 00:12:56,441
and then the rhyme
spilled from my lips...
355
00:12:56,733 --> 00:12:58,235
Like poison.
356
00:12:58,527 --> 00:12:59,486
"Too slow."
357
00:13:02,698 --> 00:13:03,615
Becky died that summer...
358
00:13:03,907 --> 00:13:05,158
Whoa! Unexpected turn.
359
00:13:05,450 --> 00:13:06,535
My girl -style.
360
00:13:07,786 --> 00:13:08,954
Bees.
361
00:13:09,246 --> 00:13:10,497
You know when you're young
362
00:13:10,789 --> 00:13:12,249
and you get something in your
head and no one corrects you,
363
00:13:12,541 --> 00:13:14,584
but you keep believing it
even though it's crazy? Yeah.
364
00:13:14,876 --> 00:13:17,004
Till I was 13, I used to
think "Imno" was one letter.
365
00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:18,297
You're an idiot.
366
00:13:18,588 --> 00:13:19,798
I'm an idiot?
367
00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:21,800
What comes after Tuesday?
Wed-nes-day.
368
00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:23,385
I'm sorry. I didn't...
Wed-nes-day.
369
00:13:23,677 --> 00:13:25,012
Who knows how many lives
I've ruined,
370
00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:27,764
how many dreams I've burgled?
371
00:13:28,056 --> 00:13:28,682
Maybe we
should just tell him. I know.
372
00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:31,643
I gotta make this right.
373
00:13:31,935 --> 00:13:34,938
I'm gonna use my knowledge
of handshake trickery
374
00:13:35,230 --> 00:13:37,441
and teach you a countermove
to the turkey fist bump.
375
00:13:39,067 --> 00:13:41,028
You can take Brody down.
376
00:13:42,529 --> 00:13:43,947
This may be
377
00:13:44,239 --> 00:13:46,491
the single dumbest thing
378
00:13:46,783 --> 00:13:48,410
that I have ever
been associated with,
379
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:51,246
and I love it and I'm in.
380
00:13:51,538 --> 00:13:53,165
Mmm, mmm.
381
00:13:54,541 --> 00:13:55,584
Ah.
382
00:13:55,876 --> 00:13:57,002
Ugh. Good God.
383
00:13:59,755 --> 00:14:00,380
I like that.
Yeah.
384
00:14:01,131 --> 00:14:02,758
Hey, boo!
385
00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:05,093
Hey, babe.
I made that salad you like.
386
00:14:05,385 --> 00:14:06,678
Burrata, tomatoes,
387
00:14:06,970 --> 00:14:07,804
and balsamic so old it's a
burden on its children.
388
00:14:08,472 --> 00:14:09,806
Aw!
389
00:14:10,098 --> 00:14:11,600
You're sweet.
390
00:14:11,892 --> 00:14:13,185
Hey, you got yours
trained well, huh?
391
00:14:13,477 --> 00:14:14,936
If only I could train him
392
00:14:15,228 --> 00:14:16,980
to not spend so much money on
gossip magazines. Am I right?
393
00:14:19,441 --> 00:14:20,942
Yeah, these guys...
394
00:14:21,234 --> 00:14:22,527
Oh, boy.
What was that?
395
00:14:22,819 --> 00:14:24,196
What?
396
00:14:24,488 --> 00:14:25,739
Uh, you junk-talking me
in front of your coworkers.
397
00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:27,532
No. We always talk
about our wives.
398
00:14:27,824 --> 00:14:29,451
That's how I bonded
with these guys.
399
00:14:29,743 --> 00:14:31,370
Ted always talks
about how dumb Sheila is.
400
00:14:31,661 --> 00:14:34,081
Keith talks about
Wanda's surgery addiction.
401
00:14:34,373 --> 00:14:36,166
She looks like
a Tom Petty Halloween mask.
402
00:14:36,458 --> 00:14:38,794
Hey! Wanda is a lovely,
inspiring person.
403
00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:42,255
Whoa, babe!
You seem crabby.
404
00:14:42,547 --> 00:14:43,840
Why don't you...
405
00:14:45,425 --> 00:14:47,052
Go run along to the store,
406
00:14:48,762 --> 00:14:51,390
get yourself something nice?
407
00:14:51,681 --> 00:14:52,808
Oh, you did
not just say that to me!
408
00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:05,028
Well...
Pete and I are done.
409
00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:06,530
What happened?
410
00:15:06,822 --> 00:15:08,698
Well, I planned us
this impromptu picnic.
411
00:15:08,990 --> 00:15:12,160
I couldn't do a normal picnic
because of...
412
00:15:12,452 --> 00:15:14,579
Needless to say,
it did-a not-a go-a well-a.
413
00:15:16,706 --> 00:15:18,166
Okay.
414
00:15:18,458 --> 00:15:19,459
Careful.
415
00:15:20,544 --> 00:15:22,712
You know what's crazy?
416
00:15:23,004 --> 00:15:24,798
Because of the helmet,
we never had sex.
417
00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:26,716
So instead, we just got
to know each other,
418
00:15:27,008 --> 00:15:29,386
and it was so great.
419
00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:30,804
This helmet wasn't just
protecting my head.
420
00:15:32,222 --> 00:15:33,723
It was protecting my heart.
421
00:15:34,015 --> 00:15:35,267
Is that a quote from Iron man 2?
422
00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:37,644
This sucks, though.
I really liked him, Al.
423
00:15:37,936 --> 00:15:41,356
So tell him the truth, okay?
Honesty is the best policy.
424
00:15:41,648 --> 00:15:43,108
You know what? You're right.
I am gonna call Pete.
425
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:44,484
I'm gonna invite him over,
426
00:15:44,776 --> 00:15:46,153
and I'm gonna
answer the door proudly
427
00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:48,280
in my flesh-colored
prescription helmet.
428
00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:51,116
Hi.
429
00:15:51,408 --> 00:15:52,367
Thanks for coming.
430
00:15:52,659 --> 00:15:53,618
Thanks for inviting me.
431
00:15:53,910 --> 00:15:55,162
Aw. Oh.
432
00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:56,163
Ooh.
433
00:15:57,205 --> 00:15:58,373
Ah! Oh!
434
00:16:03,628 --> 00:16:04,880
Welcome to my home.
435
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,217
And this comes with the
rainbow package, so...
436
00:16:09,509 --> 00:16:11,344
Ah!
You would not believe!
437
00:16:11,636 --> 00:16:12,929
Zero parking
at the country club!
438
00:16:13,221 --> 00:16:14,890
And she was all,
"That's not your ottoman!"
439
00:16:15,182 --> 00:16:17,142
And I was all, "Dressing
on the side, bitch!"
440
00:16:17,434 --> 00:16:18,977
And Dante has a boat.
You need to fix this right now.
441
00:16:20,645 --> 00:16:22,063
What?
442
00:16:22,355 --> 00:16:24,024
One second. Just one...
443
00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:25,817
What?
444
00:16:26,109 --> 00:16:27,527
What the hell are you doing?
445
00:16:27,819 --> 00:16:29,029
You want a trophy wife?
You got one.
446
00:16:31,156 --> 00:16:33,241
Ah! And I crashed my car!
447
00:16:33,533 --> 00:16:35,327
So I need a new one.
I want this one.
448
00:16:35,619 --> 00:16:37,746
But it has to have a special little
piggy airbag for my new BFF...
449
00:16:40,415 --> 00:16:41,708
Carnitas.
450
00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:44,628
What?
451
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:45,670
What?
452
00:16:46,254 --> 00:16:47,297
What?
453
00:16:52,135 --> 00:16:53,345
There he is.
454
00:16:53,637 --> 00:16:56,515
Now remember, let him make
the first move, then react.
455
00:16:56,806 --> 00:16:58,183
Fist bumps are a dance, man.
A dance!
456
00:16:59,601 --> 00:17:01,811
Hey, Maximils!
How's it goin'?
457
00:17:02,103 --> 00:17:03,813
How's it goin', D Rose?
458
00:17:04,105 --> 00:17:05,190
What's up,
almost Mrs. D Rose?
459
00:17:05,482 --> 00:17:06,608
Ha-ha-ha.
460
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:08,026
Good one, Brody.
461
00:17:08,318 --> 00:17:09,194
Oh!
462
00:17:10,487 --> 00:17:11,821
Your hand's a turkey.
463
00:17:13,740 --> 00:17:14,449
Well, too bad it's Thanksgiving!
464
00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:16,993
Mmm!
465
00:17:17,285 --> 00:17:18,453
Thanksgiving, huh?
466
00:17:18,745 --> 00:17:20,413
What's Thanksgiving
without the mashed potatoes?
467
00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:29,965
Yeah.
468
00:17:31,258 --> 00:17:31,967
I'll kill you!
No!
469
00:17:32,259 --> 00:17:33,301
Whoa!
470
00:17:33,593 --> 00:17:34,636
No. Max! Max!
471
00:17:35,845 --> 00:17:37,472
Sorry, Brody.
472
00:17:37,764 --> 00:17:39,975
Max is just a little sensitive
about handshake stuff
473
00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:42,394
because someone did the whole
"Down low, too slow" thing to him
474
00:17:42,686 --> 00:17:44,020
when he was a kid.
475
00:17:44,312 --> 00:17:45,814
I had no idea.
Sorry, Broseph.
476
00:17:47,065 --> 00:17:48,233
No hard feelings, right?
477
00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:50,569
All right.
478
00:17:50,860 --> 00:17:52,153
Squid away.
479
00:17:52,445 --> 00:17:53,822
Squid away.
480
00:17:55,699 --> 00:17:56,741
Oh, yeah.
481
00:17:57,033 --> 00:17:58,243
I'll kill you!
No! Ah!
482
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:01,580
Thank you for inviting me over.
483
00:18:01,871 --> 00:18:02,872
It's a lot easier to talk to you
484
00:18:03,164 --> 00:18:04,583
when I'm not trying
to rollerblade
485
00:18:04,874 --> 00:18:06,126
or play the jai alai.
486
00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:07,711
I'm glad you're here, too.
487
00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:11,172
Ooh. Okay.
488
00:18:11,464 --> 00:18:12,591
Oh.
489
00:18:18,638 --> 00:18:20,015
Ooh.
490
00:18:20,307 --> 00:18:22,100
Quilted.
491
00:18:22,392 --> 00:18:23,727
Boink, boink.
492
00:18:24,019 --> 00:18:25,979
Ooh. Soft, huh?
Yeah.
493
00:18:26,271 --> 00:18:27,522
Okay.
That's nice. Mm-hmm.
494
00:18:27,814 --> 00:18:29,190
Mmm. Mmm.
Mmm.
495
00:18:29,482 --> 00:18:30,984
Mmm, mmm. Ooh. Ooh.
Yeah.
496
00:18:32,736 --> 00:18:33,903
Mmm?
Ooh!
497
00:18:34,195 --> 00:18:35,905
Ooh! That is the stuff.
498
00:18:36,197 --> 00:18:38,366
Yeah, mama likes that.
Mmm.
499
00:18:38,658 --> 00:18:39,576
Okay. Okay.
500
00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:41,578
Um...
501
00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:42,871
I don't know what's going on.
502
00:18:43,163 --> 00:18:44,956
You're acting like a weirdo,
503
00:18:45,248 --> 00:18:46,708
so I'm gonna...
I'm gonna go.
504
00:18:48,877 --> 00:18:49,961
Look, it's because
I am a weirdo.
505
00:18:51,463 --> 00:18:53,214
I hit my head a lot...
506
00:18:53,506 --> 00:18:55,675
Like a cartoon coyote a lot...
507
00:18:55,967 --> 00:18:57,719
And that's why I have to
wear a helmet for a month.
508
00:18:58,011 --> 00:18:59,387
And I've been covering it up
because I...
509
00:19:00,805 --> 00:19:02,515
I really like you.
510
00:19:02,807 --> 00:19:05,018
But... If you wanna go,
I understand.
511
00:19:14,444 --> 00:19:15,570
Every queen...
512
00:19:17,572 --> 00:19:18,740
Needs her crown.
513
00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:20,450
Aw!
514
00:19:22,285 --> 00:19:23,370
Calm down, was all that was.
515
00:19:23,662 --> 00:19:24,704
Yeah. Calm down.
516
00:19:24,996 --> 00:19:26,456
Yeah. Aw.
517
00:19:26,748 --> 00:19:27,624
What?
518
00:19:29,584 --> 00:19:31,044
Oh, you know I will, girl!
519
00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:32,671
Girl, I will cut your face off!
520
00:19:32,962 --> 00:19:33,880
But not really.
521
00:19:38,301 --> 00:19:39,761
I cannot believe you would
embarrass me like that
522
00:19:40,053 --> 00:19:41,096
in front of my coworkers.
523
00:19:41,388 --> 00:19:41,971
Why not?
You did it to me.
524
00:19:42,263 --> 00:19:43,765
Oh, come on.
525
00:19:44,057 --> 00:19:44,933
Like you never
talked smack about me
526
00:19:45,225 --> 00:19:46,226
to your I-banking buddies?
527
00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:48,687
No. Never.
528
00:19:48,978 --> 00:19:50,271
'Cause we're a team, and you
don't do that to your partner.
529
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:53,441
We are a team, aren't we?
530
00:19:53,733 --> 00:19:54,317
Yes.
531
00:19:55,568 --> 00:19:57,112
I'm so sorry.
532
00:19:57,404 --> 00:19:59,322
I just, I wanted to be part of
the boys club so bad that I...
533
00:19:59,614 --> 00:20:00,615
I got carried away, and I...
534
00:20:01,491 --> 00:20:02,492
I messed up.
535
00:20:05,662 --> 00:20:07,122
It's okay.
536
00:20:07,414 --> 00:20:09,124
Aw, boo bear.
537
00:20:11,042 --> 00:20:13,002
Brad, you're still here, huh?
538
00:20:13,294 --> 00:20:15,922
Figured you'd be at a, uh,
hotel patio bar by now,
539
00:20:16,214 --> 00:20:18,341
boobs-deep
in a red velvet margarita,
540
00:20:18,633 --> 00:20:19,926
talking to
your girlfriends about
541
00:20:20,218 --> 00:20:22,053
Cartier friendship bracelets
and panty lines.
542
00:20:22,345 --> 00:20:23,304
Nah, you crossed the line!
It's about to... No. Okay.
543
00:20:25,432 --> 00:20:27,225
I got this.
544
00:20:27,517 --> 00:20:30,562
I'm done talking smack
about my partner.
545
00:20:30,854 --> 00:20:32,772
Okay? And I don't need
your stupid boys club.
546
00:20:33,064 --> 00:20:34,065
So if you have a problem
with that,
547
00:20:34,357 --> 00:20:37,277
I suggest you take
that hood ornament
548
00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:39,070
and do something really painful
549
00:20:39,362 --> 00:20:40,989
with it.
550
00:20:41,281 --> 00:20:42,657
No one ever speaks
to the car czar like that.
551
00:20:43,825 --> 00:20:44,951
Ever.
552
00:20:46,202 --> 00:20:47,579
But I like it.
553
00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:50,081
Wait. No, I don't.
554
00:20:50,373 --> 00:20:52,000
Why would I like that?
No boss would like that.
555
00:20:53,293 --> 00:20:55,295
But you are my top salesperson,
556
00:20:55,587 --> 00:20:57,172
so, uh, what am I gonna do?
557
00:20:57,464 --> 00:20:58,465
Later, Brad.
558
00:21:01,176 --> 00:21:02,177
So...
It worked out.
559
00:21:02,469 --> 00:21:03,845
Yeah.
560
00:21:04,137 --> 00:21:06,556
Well, except, uh, real talk?
561
00:21:06,848 --> 00:21:08,641
This little piggy is gonna be 60
pounds in, like, three weeks.
562
00:21:08,933 --> 00:21:09,976
Yeah.
563
00:21:10,268 --> 00:21:11,561
I bought him in anger.
Mm-hmm.
564
00:21:11,853 --> 00:21:12,645
Yeah, I was rash.
Yeah.
565
00:21:12,937 --> 00:21:14,272
I don't know what to do.
I know.
566
00:21:14,564 --> 00:21:16,024
I mean, we could give him away,
but here's another wrinkle...
567
00:21:16,316 --> 00:21:18,234
I've grown to love him. Mmm! Oh!
568
00:21:18,526 --> 00:21:19,944
Mmm!
569
00:21:20,236 --> 00:21:21,613
You love him, I love him.
570
00:21:21,905 --> 00:21:23,156
I can't hear you.
571
00:21:23,448 --> 00:21:24,616
No, I know.
It's 'cause...
572
00:21:25,742 --> 00:21:26,826
Sing, baby!
573
00:21:27,118 --> 00:21:28,411
♪ Ah ♪
574
00:21:28,703 --> 00:21:29,412
Sing!
39107
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof