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1
00:00:02,668 --> 00:00:04,378
So the boy in The Sixth Sense
dies at the end?
2
00:00:04,670 --> 00:00:05,838
No, the sixth sense is love.
3
00:00:06,130 --> 00:00:08,049
Guys, spoilers.
The movie's 12 years old.
4
00:00:08,341 --> 00:00:10,635
Never gonna believe who
I ran into at the drug store.
5
00:00:10,927 --> 00:00:11,969
An old lady buying shampoo?
6
00:00:12,261 --> 00:00:13,679
A guy who works
in the drug store?
7
00:00:13,971 --> 00:00:16,891
Yes. Also, Mr. Fitzgerald,
my favorite high school teacher.
8
00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:18,267
He was the coolest.
9
00:00:18,559 --> 00:00:20,311
I mean, he used to let us
call him Alan.
10
00:00:20,603 --> 00:00:22,438
Okay, Dave had two pictures
in his locker,
11
00:00:22,730 --> 00:00:24,273
Neve Campbell
and Mr. Fitzgerald.
12
00:00:24,565 --> 00:00:27,360
He taught us that comic books
were just as literary as novels.
13
00:00:27,652 --> 00:00:29,153
He wore sandals to class.
14
00:00:29,445 --> 00:00:31,030
Pump the brakes,
Dead Poets Society.
15
00:00:31,322 --> 00:00:33,074
He used to say,
"Dave, chase your dreams.
16
00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:34,784
Don't let your dreams
chase you."
17
00:00:35,076 --> 00:00:36,536
We get it, he touched you.
Really?
18
00:00:36,827 --> 00:00:38,412
It's not your fault, Dave.
19
00:00:38,704 --> 00:00:41,123
Dave, it's not your fault.
Stop Good Will Hunting me.
20
00:00:41,415 --> 00:00:43,042
Stop comparing me to
Robin Williams movies, period.
21
00:00:44,085 --> 00:00:46,504
Come on, we just opened up.
What's happening here?
22
00:00:46,796 --> 00:00:48,047
It's a new coffee shop,
Nick's Coffee and Tea.
23
00:00:49,090 --> 00:00:51,259
The neighborhood could use
a good coffee shop.
24
00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:52,718
It's not a shop, it's a chain.
25
00:00:53,010 --> 00:00:54,887
Got over 300 stores
on the West Coast alone.
26
00:00:55,179 --> 00:00:57,723
A coffee chain is a clear
indication of gentrification.
27
00:00:58,015 --> 00:01:00,017
Do you know what that means?
Pumpkin lattes.
28
00:01:00,309 --> 00:01:01,644
It means our rent goes up.
29
00:01:01,936 --> 00:01:04,522
It means organic grocery stores.
It means families, Dave.
30
00:01:06,190 --> 00:01:08,609
Families.
Aah, warm buttermilk scones.
31
00:01:08,901 --> 00:01:11,362
Alex, you of all people
should be concerned about this.
32
00:01:11,654 --> 00:01:14,282
A chain store is the enemy
of the small business owner.
33
00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:17,034
You're right. I never thought
about that before.
34
00:01:17,326 --> 00:01:19,745
The first coffee I ever
had was in Fitzgerald's class.
35
00:01:20,037 --> 00:01:22,290
He let us drink it
during great books discussions.
36
00:01:24,208 --> 00:01:26,836
Okay. Show me on the cup man
where he touched you.
37
00:01:40,683 --> 00:01:42,727
Dave, this sandwich is bananas.
Thanks, Pen.
38
00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:44,478
I just wish business
would pick up.
39
00:01:44,770 --> 00:01:46,022
Well, success takes time.
40
00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:48,190
"Roam" by the B-52s
wasn't written in a day.
41
00:01:48,482 --> 00:01:50,151
Know what you should do
for publicity?
42
00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:52,111
Enter that
big food truck competition
43
00:01:52,403 --> 00:01:53,988
they have every year.
The Truckies?
44
00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:56,157
My sandwiches aren't
flashy enough.
45
00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:57,742
Not like that damn báhn mì truck
46
00:01:58,034 --> 00:01:59,869
and their stupid, delicious,
tangy mayo.
47
00:02:00,161 --> 00:02:03,247
No way! Mr. Fitzgerald!
48
00:02:03,539 --> 00:02:06,584
Call me Alan.
Alan. Still a thrill.
49
00:02:06,876 --> 00:02:08,502
I'm so glad you decided
to come by.
50
00:02:08,794 --> 00:02:11,255
You remember my friend,
Penny Hartz, from high school?
51
00:02:11,547 --> 00:02:15,217
How could I forget? You were
so intense and misunderstood.
52
00:02:15,509 --> 00:02:16,719
I really was.
Yeah.
53
00:02:17,011 --> 00:02:19,430
So this is for you.
Oh.
54
00:02:19,722 --> 00:02:21,557
I don't know if you noticed
the truck here,
55
00:02:21,849 --> 00:02:24,685
but I'm kind of living my dream,
you know, like Kerouac.
56
00:02:24,977 --> 00:02:26,979
My office is on the road.
Stupid.
57
00:02:27,271 --> 00:02:28,522
Dave, this is really good.
58
00:02:28,814 --> 00:02:29,899
Really good.
Yeah.
59
00:02:30,191 --> 00:02:31,942
Know what would take it
to the next level?
60
00:02:32,234 --> 00:02:34,612
This si-io khao tamarind slaw
that I learned to make
61
00:02:34,904 --> 00:02:36,739
when I was building orphanages
in Phuket.
62
00:02:37,031 --> 00:02:38,115
Ooh, exotic.
63
00:02:38,407 --> 00:02:40,117
The legend has it
that the locals used it
64
00:02:40,409 --> 00:02:42,161
as a powerful aphrodisiac.
Listening.
65
00:02:42,453 --> 00:02:45,331
If the measurements are slightly
off, it becomes a diuretic.
66
00:02:45,623 --> 00:02:46,707
Ugh.
Ooh.
67
00:02:46,999 --> 00:02:48,417
I really think that
those flavors
68
00:02:48,709 --> 00:02:50,461
would intensify
the taste of this steak.
69
00:02:50,753 --> 00:02:53,589
Exotic slaw might be what I need
to take it to the next level.
70
00:02:53,881 --> 00:02:55,132
Sounds slawsome.
71
00:02:55,424 --> 00:02:57,176
I don't know why I said that.
72
00:02:57,468 --> 00:02:58,928
That's a great joke.
Yeah?
73
00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:00,596
I think that you sound slawsome.
74
00:03:00,888 --> 00:03:02,848
Ha-ha-ha. Stop.
75
00:03:05,059 --> 00:03:07,937
I've interviewed, like, seven
people for this intern position
76
00:03:08,229 --> 00:03:09,605
and nobody comes in prepared.
77
00:03:09,897 --> 00:03:11,774
You're gonna have to work
with this person.
78
00:03:12,066 --> 00:03:13,651
Forget prepared.
Pick someone cool.
79
00:03:13,943 --> 00:03:16,529
Oh, yeah. I'm nine hours past
the deadline on a project,
80
00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:18,864
but it's all good because I got
Jay Mohr with me.
81
00:03:19,156 --> 00:03:20,991
Why is Jay Mohr always
your go-to for cool?
82
00:03:21,283 --> 00:03:23,285
Brad, only idiots hire people
based on charm.
83
00:03:23,577 --> 00:03:25,413
Then every boss
I've ever had is an idiot,
84
00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:27,039
because I'm all charm, baby.
85
00:03:27,331 --> 00:03:29,625
I'm Lance Charmstrong.
Okay.
86
00:03:29,917 --> 00:03:32,378
I'm so charming. My mom
breast-fed me for an extra year.
87
00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:34,213
You're lucky you have never
been up against me for a job
88
00:03:35,256 --> 00:03:37,550
because prepared beats charm
any day of the week.
89
00:03:37,842 --> 00:03:40,261
Agree to disagree.
Agree to disagree.
90
00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:44,640
Hold up. Check out Max,
making gay stuff happen.
91
00:03:44,932 --> 00:03:48,310
Oh, don't mind if you do.
Here's my number.
92
00:03:48,602 --> 00:03:51,355
It's not fake, either.
I will call this,
93
00:03:51,647 --> 00:03:54,358
and use an oftensively
Asian accent.
94
00:03:54,650 --> 00:03:55,818
Like, a really racist one.
95
00:03:56,110 --> 00:03:57,403
Good for you.
Anyway, I'm Max.
96
00:03:57,695 --> 00:03:58,738
Ian. Call me.
Nice.
97
00:03:59,029 --> 00:04:00,322
He needs a boyfriend.
98
00:04:00,614 --> 00:04:02,742
I am tired of holding him
during thunderstorms.
99
00:04:03,033 --> 00:04:04,994
I got digits.
Looks like someone has a reason
100
00:04:05,286 --> 00:04:06,704
to get their phone
turned back on.
101
00:04:06,996 --> 00:04:09,373
I'm not paying for it.
Please, I have no money, Brad.
102
00:04:09,665 --> 00:04:10,916
Is this not like having
103
00:04:11,208 --> 00:04:13,669
the Thai festival of Songkran
right in your mouth?
104
00:04:13,961 --> 00:04:15,838
Yes? Hmm.
105
00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:21,677
Amazing.
106
00:04:21,969 --> 00:04:24,221
This slaw will definitely help
me at the Truckies.
107
00:04:24,513 --> 00:04:25,639
I'm gonna do it.
108
00:04:25,931 --> 00:04:27,391
I'll come by the day of and make
109
00:04:27,683 --> 00:04:30,060
a big batch of slaw with you.
You would do that for me?
110
00:04:30,352 --> 00:04:32,104
Of course.
You were my favorite student.
111
00:04:32,396 --> 00:04:33,898
I knew it.
112
00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:36,150
I'm gonna go wash
the si-io khao off my hands.
113
00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:38,778
I smell like Koh Kor Mountain.
114
00:04:39,069 --> 00:04:40,321
He's so cool.
I know.
115
00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:42,615
Did he say he smells like
Coke Whore Mountain?
116
00:04:42,907 --> 00:04:44,450
Hey, quick download,
117
00:04:44,742 --> 00:04:47,119
Alan asked me out.
Is that cool with you?
118
00:04:47,411 --> 00:04:49,455
Penny,
Alan was a huge part of my life.
119
00:04:49,747 --> 00:04:51,415
We spent hours together
after school.
120
00:04:51,707 --> 00:04:53,751
He taught me about books,
art and love.
121
00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:56,337
He didn't touch me,
but he was always there for me.
122
00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:59,298
So not really clear
what my marching orders are.
123
00:04:59,590 --> 00:05:01,217
Can I go out with him?
Only...
124
00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:04,386
if you wanna do the most awesome
thing in the world.
125
00:05:04,678 --> 00:05:05,971
Is that a yes?
126
00:05:06,263 --> 00:05:08,390
I'm trying to follow. Yes!
Yes. Yes.
127
00:05:08,682 --> 00:05:11,060
So when gay guys hook up,
do they call each other dude?
128
00:05:11,352 --> 00:05:12,895
Like, "Dude,
your lips are so soft."
129
00:05:13,187 --> 00:05:16,023
Or, "Your mustache
is tickling my navel, dog."
130
00:05:16,315 --> 00:05:18,526
You're an idiot. But yeah we do.
Knew it.
131
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:22,530
Hey, Max. you were so right,
okay? Nick's is a real threat.
132
00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:24,323
They've hired baristas away
from three local shops.
133
00:05:25,366 --> 00:05:27,618
So I talked to some
local small business owners.
134
00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:30,496
We are gonna meet tomorrow,
come up with a plan of action.
135
00:05:30,788 --> 00:05:33,290
I am gonna be an agent of chaos.
136
00:05:33,582 --> 00:05:35,042
Ooh.
And I'm bringing lemon bars.
137
00:05:35,334 --> 00:05:37,670
Come on, Max.
You could be my Gay Guevara.
138
00:05:37,962 --> 00:05:40,714
Hate that nickname,
addicted to lemon bars. I'm in.
139
00:05:41,006 --> 00:05:43,843
Let's go, you little munchkin.
We are going to take them down.
140
00:05:44,134 --> 00:05:46,720
I figured out a way to find
out who's better at interviews.
141
00:05:47,012 --> 00:05:49,473
We both interview at that
coffee shop. They're hiring.
142
00:05:49,765 --> 00:05:51,475
Whoever gets the job, wins.
Usual bet?
143
00:05:51,767 --> 00:05:53,185
The usual bet.
I'm in.
144
00:05:53,477 --> 00:05:55,187
No one cares
about the little guy.
145
00:05:55,479 --> 00:05:57,940
The chain hardware stores
are killing me.
146
00:05:58,232 --> 00:06:00,609
My business is down 40 percent.
Yeah.
147
00:06:00,901 --> 00:06:02,570
I think part of that
has something to do
148
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:05,322
with the fact that you got
caught selling dolphin meat.
149
00:06:05,614 --> 00:06:07,116
What are we gonna do about it?
150
00:06:07,408 --> 00:06:09,952
We kill them. Sell their meat.
Tell people it's tuna.
151
00:06:10,244 --> 00:06:12,371
Scott, I love your enthusiasm.
152
00:06:12,663 --> 00:06:14,164
But maybe we should start small.
153
00:06:14,456 --> 00:06:16,458
You know? Like, what about a
petition?
154
00:06:18,919 --> 00:06:20,504
I meant to do that.
155
00:06:20,796 --> 00:06:23,257
Okay, I didn't mean to do that,
but I'm glad it happened.
156
00:06:23,549 --> 00:06:25,801
A petition? I mean,
what are we talking about here?
157
00:06:26,093 --> 00:06:28,679
Do you have a better idea?
I got about a 1000 better ideas.
158
00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:31,015
I've got a long history
of civil disobedience.
159
00:06:31,307 --> 00:06:33,517
Save the Sloppy Joes
at Westfield.
160
00:06:33,809 --> 00:06:35,978
Save the Sloppy Joes
at Westfield.
161
00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:39,481
Here's what we're gonna do.
Bring it in.
162
00:06:39,773 --> 00:06:41,942
Get real tight.
Everybody take a knee.
163
00:06:42,234 --> 00:06:43,819
Front row, take a knee.
Real tight.
164
00:06:44,111 --> 00:06:46,155
Sorry to bother you,
need to take another knee.
165
00:06:46,447 --> 00:06:49,325
Take both knees, Scottie.
Here's what I think we should...
166
00:06:49,617 --> 00:06:51,452
I feel we're not tight in...
We're tight.
167
00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:53,329
We're not tight.
What's the idea?
168
00:06:53,621 --> 00:06:55,706
How do you like
the moqueca capixaba?
169
00:06:55,998 --> 00:06:58,709
Oh, if that is this thing,
I like it very much.
170
00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:00,419
Oh, it's great.
171
00:07:00,711 --> 00:07:03,088
You've been to many places.
Why'd you come back here?
172
00:07:03,380 --> 00:07:05,382
I'm working my way
through four bucket lists.
173
00:07:05,674 --> 00:07:07,801
And it's left me
a little strapped for cash,
174
00:07:08,093 --> 00:07:10,930
so I gotta crash with my sister
and her dumb husband, Mike,
175
00:07:11,221 --> 00:07:12,640
the successful tax attorney.
176
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:15,142
It's like, "Mike,
if you don't want guests,
177
00:07:15,434 --> 00:07:17,102
don't build a guest house,
you idiot."
178
00:07:19,188 --> 00:07:20,356
Mm.
You know,
179
00:07:20,648 --> 00:07:22,566
Dave is just so excited
that you're here.
180
00:07:22,858 --> 00:07:25,235
I mean, you really inspired him.
181
00:07:25,527 --> 00:07:26,695
Mm, yeah, that's my jam.
182
00:07:26,987 --> 00:07:29,365
Alan Fitzgerald, mind-shaper.
183
00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:31,617
And Dave has always
been one of my favorites.
184
00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:33,953
Dave Rose.
Dave Rhodes.
185
00:07:34,244 --> 00:07:35,955
Rose.
That's what I'm saying, Rhodes.
186
00:07:36,246 --> 00:07:37,289
Rose.
Rhodes.
187
00:07:37,581 --> 00:07:39,500
You say it.
Rose.
188
00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:41,919
Yeah. We're saying the same.
No. No, we're not.
189
00:07:42,211 --> 00:07:43,379
Excuse me?
Yes, sir?
190
00:07:43,671 --> 00:07:45,714
Hi. Can I get another bottle
of Malbec, please?
191
00:07:46,006 --> 00:07:46,465
Okay.
Thanks.
192
00:07:47,508 --> 00:07:49,843
By the way,
I don't have any money,
193
00:07:50,135 --> 00:07:52,137
but I'm gonna pay you back
in poems.
194
00:07:52,429 --> 00:07:53,973
Boom.
Cool.
195
00:07:54,264 --> 00:07:56,308
That girl's cute.
Is that your boyfriend?
196
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:59,019
It's her husband, I think.
Oh. My fault.
197
00:07:59,311 --> 00:08:01,730
So how cool is Alan?
198
00:08:02,022 --> 00:08:04,692
Oh, so cool.
199
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:07,236
Like, brr, I need a jacket.
200
00:08:07,528 --> 00:08:09,405
I knew it.
What's he like on a date?
201
00:08:09,697 --> 00:08:11,281
What did he say
before he kissed you?
202
00:08:11,573 --> 00:08:14,576
Was it the best line ever?
Oh, yeah.
203
00:08:14,868 --> 00:08:16,412
He said,
204
00:08:16,704 --> 00:08:19,581
"I have the need,
the need for speed."
205
00:08:19,873 --> 00:08:23,919
That is so awesome.
206
00:08:24,211 --> 00:08:25,462
Ha, what? What?
207
00:08:25,754 --> 00:08:27,339
Oh, my God,
I'm so happy for you.
208
00:08:27,631 --> 00:08:28,799
Oh.
Oh.
209
00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:31,510
This guy, he might be the one.
210
00:08:32,886 --> 00:08:34,471
Hey, thanks for walking me
to work.
211
00:08:34,763 --> 00:08:36,098
Save me from the walk of shame.
212
00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:38,642
Well, I'm a gentleman.
Plus, I need to get shampoo.
213
00:08:38,934 --> 00:08:41,770
I've been washing my hair with
hand sanitizer for three weeks.
214
00:08:42,062 --> 00:08:43,605
Sexy.
Yeah, well.
215
00:08:43,897 --> 00:08:45,065
This is me.
Oh.
216
00:08:45,357 --> 00:08:46,525
You work here?
Not really. Uh, actually...
217
00:08:47,568 --> 00:08:49,611
Good, this place just...
I'm the owner.
218
00:08:49,903 --> 00:08:52,740
One place I really wanna go in
and enjoy.
219
00:08:56,493 --> 00:08:59,580
So you own this place
in the sense that you, like,
220
00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:01,707
own it?
Put all my savings into it.
221
00:09:01,999 --> 00:09:05,085
It sucks. Local businesses
are not exactly welcoming.
222
00:09:05,377 --> 00:09:08,255
They've been passing out flyers,
trying to organize a boycott.
223
00:09:08,547 --> 00:09:11,300
I even think they're the ones
who harassed my cousin Tim.
224
00:09:11,592 --> 00:09:12,926
Hey, man.
225
00:09:13,218 --> 00:09:14,762
We don't like your kind
around here.
226
00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:17,681
What?
Not so grande now, are you?
227
00:09:17,973 --> 00:09:19,433
Scott!
Don't say my name!
228
00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:21,477
What are you doing?
My name's not Scott!
229
00:09:21,769 --> 00:09:23,145
He's turtling!
He's turtling!
230
00:09:26,565 --> 00:09:28,067
Scott!
My name's not Scott!
231
00:09:28,358 --> 00:09:31,070
Shouldn't have said my name.
Why do you have a switchblade?
232
00:09:31,361 --> 00:09:32,613
Because I couldn't find my gun.
233
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:33,947
Weird.
234
00:09:36,366 --> 00:09:38,702
So it turns out
Dave's hero, Mr. Fitzgerald,
235
00:09:38,994 --> 00:09:41,789
is a full-on douche,
and Dave can't see it.
236
00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:45,209
Penny, I can't live without you!
237
00:09:45,501 --> 00:09:46,835
I want everybody to know.
238
00:09:47,127 --> 00:09:49,379
Alan, I told you I don't wanna
go out with you again.
239
00:09:49,671 --> 00:09:51,048
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
240
00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:53,133
I wrote you a poem.
Ugh.
241
00:09:53,425 --> 00:09:54,718
It's called:
242
00:09:55,010 --> 00:09:56,970
"Can You Make Me
a Grilled Cheese Sandwich."
243
00:09:57,262 --> 00:10:00,182
Are you drunk? It's 10 a.m.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
244
00:10:00,474 --> 00:10:03,227
I need to speak with you
about something very important.
245
00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:05,562
Okay, what?
What's up?
246
00:10:05,854 --> 00:10:08,857
Oh, Alan, get out of my hallway.
You leave my hallway
247
00:10:09,149 --> 00:10:10,692
and come with me to Madagascar.
No.
248
00:10:10,984 --> 00:10:12,820
Right now.
No. You need to sober up
249
00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:15,030
and get to work on that slaw
for Dave, okay?
250
00:10:15,322 --> 00:10:16,573
The Truckies are in four hours.
251
00:10:16,865 --> 00:10:19,076
Truck the Truckies.
252
00:10:19,368 --> 00:10:22,538
This is about me and you
hanging out
253
00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:25,457
and you writing me a check
for, like, a grand, tops.
254
00:10:25,749 --> 00:10:28,460
Besides, who cares about
anybody else?
255
00:10:28,752 --> 00:10:31,713
Dave cares, okay? He cares so
much about you and your opinion.
256
00:10:32,005 --> 00:10:33,423
Okay.
257
00:10:33,715 --> 00:10:36,468
Obviously, you're very concerned
about this Dave guy.
258
00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:38,178
Yeah.
I want you to know
259
00:10:38,470 --> 00:10:42,099
that I am totally open
to a three-way.
260
00:10:42,391 --> 00:10:44,726
Oh, my God.
261
00:10:45,018 --> 00:10:47,688
That was my penis.
262
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:49,940
Dave has always had
a blind spot for that guy.
263
00:10:50,232 --> 00:10:51,984
I don't like him. I do not trust
teachers
264
00:10:52,276 --> 00:10:53,694
who refuse to give
letter grades.
265
00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:56,155
I get it, we're snowflakes.
Some of us are better,
266
00:10:56,446 --> 00:10:57,865
smarter snowflakes who studied.
267
00:10:58,157 --> 00:10:59,700
She was that girl in school.
I know.
268
00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:03,036
I got my resume laminated and
updated for the big interview.
269
00:11:03,328 --> 00:11:05,247
This is my resume.
270
00:11:05,539 --> 00:11:08,083
Couple of jokes, couple of,
"You been hitting the P90X?"
271
00:11:08,375 --> 00:11:10,043
When he doesn't know
what the P90X is,
272
00:11:10,335 --> 00:11:11,920
"Bro, you gotta hit
the P90X now."
273
00:11:12,212 --> 00:11:14,214
Then some dude stuff,
then I get the job.
274
00:11:14,506 --> 00:11:17,217
Oh, really? Can you tell the
difference between these beans?
275
00:11:17,509 --> 00:11:18,927
They could not be
more difterent.
276
00:11:19,219 --> 00:11:20,888
They are all coffee.
So in that sense,
277
00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:22,347
they could be more different.
278
00:11:22,639 --> 00:11:24,391
That's the charm there.
279
00:11:24,683 --> 00:11:25,934
Who would you hire?
280
00:11:26,226 --> 00:11:28,520
Ooh, I don't care.
281
00:11:28,812 --> 00:11:30,772
Hey, Al, could I talk
to you for a second?
282
00:11:31,064 --> 00:11:32,733
Max, you ready for the protest?
Yeah.
283
00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:35,402
Totally, about that,
let's cancel it, go see a movie.
284
00:11:35,694 --> 00:11:37,279
There's one
that Peter Travers says
285
00:11:37,571 --> 00:11:40,616
is a "Stage five thrillicane."
Let's get serious. We gotta go.
286
00:11:40,908 --> 00:11:43,452
Actually, I've also been doing
a ton of research,
287
00:11:43,744 --> 00:11:46,079
it turns out that Nick's Coffee
is a cool company,
288
00:11:46,371 --> 00:11:48,332
which I did not know,
289
00:11:48,624 --> 00:11:50,500
and they give a ton of money
to African kids,
290
00:11:50,792 --> 00:11:53,003
and they're, like, flying out
all these refugees
291
00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:55,088
to Boca... All right,
you beat it out of me.
292
00:11:55,380 --> 00:11:57,883
I'm dating the owner.
Ian, he's so cool.
293
00:11:58,175 --> 00:12:00,177
I am in a serious
"you've got male" situation.
294
00:12:00,469 --> 00:12:01,929
Male spelled M-A-L-E.
295
00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:04,681
I can't believe this.
I know, it's dazzling word play.
296
00:12:04,973 --> 00:12:07,726
I'm the Peter Travers of
complicated gay relationships.
297
00:12:08,018 --> 00:12:10,771
I'm also a sellout.
Well, you know,
298
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:13,357
I'm a sellout too.
You see these signs?
299
00:12:13,649 --> 00:12:14,733
I got the poster boards
at Office Plus.
300
00:12:15,776 --> 00:12:17,486
The prices are unreal.
I know.
301
00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:20,489
So you're not mad at me?
No. You like a boy.
302
00:12:20,781 --> 00:12:22,950
That is totally the funnest
thing to sell out for.
303
00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:25,827
You're the best.
You like a boy. You like a boy.
304
00:12:26,119 --> 00:12:27,829
Now you're the worst,
very quickly.
305
00:12:28,121 --> 00:12:30,374
We have to stop this protest,
save the day for love.
306
00:12:30,666 --> 00:12:32,376
Whoa, I never said anything
about love.
307
00:12:32,668 --> 00:12:34,086
Come on. For love!
For like.
308
00:12:34,378 --> 00:12:35,379
For love!
Like.
309
00:12:35,671 --> 00:12:37,631
What up, Dave?
Hey.
310
00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:39,925
Mm, that marinade
smells amazing.
311
00:12:40,217 --> 00:12:42,761
We're all so psyched to see you
kick ass at the Truckies.
312
00:12:43,053 --> 00:12:44,930
I'm almost ready to go.
Just waiting on Alan
313
00:12:45,222 --> 00:12:47,349
to get here to make the slaw,
but it's no big deal.
314
00:12:47,641 --> 00:12:49,101
He's a few half-hours late,
but...
315
00:12:49,393 --> 00:12:51,687
Dave, I just want you to know,
316
00:12:51,979 --> 00:12:54,690
you've got a great sandwich,
with or without that slaw.
317
00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:56,525
There's gonna be slaw.
318
00:12:56,817 --> 00:12:59,236
Why wouldn't there be slaw?
What I'm trying to say is,
319
00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:00,946
Alan might not come today
320
00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:03,865
because he may not be as great
of a guy as you think he is.
321
00:13:04,157 --> 00:13:06,368
Penny, I know what you're doing,
I talked to Alan.
322
00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:08,537
You're hurt because he broke it
off with you.
323
00:13:08,829 --> 00:13:09,997
What?
Yeah.
324
00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:12,207
Guys like me and him,
we're free spirits.
325
00:13:12,499 --> 00:13:14,501
We gotta be free to roam.
We gotta be free to...
326
00:13:17,796 --> 00:13:21,174
That is so weird, I promise
I will never do that again.
327
00:13:21,466 --> 00:13:23,302
Dave, you are nothing like Alan,
okay?
328
00:13:23,593 --> 00:13:25,554
He's a douche who's broke,
and he's stupid
329
00:13:25,846 --> 00:13:27,806
he doesn't realize
how awesome you are.
330
00:13:28,098 --> 00:13:29,808
He does realize
how awesome I am, okay?
331
00:13:30,851 --> 00:13:32,477
He's gonna be at the Truckies.
332
00:13:32,769 --> 00:13:35,022
If that's weird for you,
maybe you shouldn't come.
333
00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:37,733
Wow. You'd rather have him there
than me?
334
00:13:38,025 --> 00:13:41,361
No, Pen. It's just...
He's bringing the slaw.
335
00:13:50,454 --> 00:13:52,748
Hey, Mr. Fitzge... Alan.
336
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:54,291
Don't wanna tie you down,
337
00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:56,668
but I'm just calling
to check on the slaw.
338
00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:58,420
Um, I'm gonna go set up,
339
00:13:58,712 --> 00:14:01,423
but I'm gonna leave
everything here for you,
340
00:14:01,715 --> 00:14:05,302
and you can just let yourself in
and do your thing.
341
00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:07,971
Really hope to see you,
all right? Love you.
342
00:14:08,263 --> 00:14:11,016
Just, you know, that...
Miss you. You know what?
343
00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:13,060
You just keep on trucking.
344
00:14:25,989 --> 00:14:28,450
Okay, Kevin and Steve,
345
00:14:28,742 --> 00:14:33,163
you both have MBAs, that's
really impressive. And, um...
346
00:14:33,455 --> 00:14:34,998
I'm sorry...
It's Brad.
347
00:14:35,290 --> 00:14:40,253
Brad, uh, you didn't hand in
a resume, any reason for that?
348
00:14:43,465 --> 00:14:45,759
Do I have something on my face?
Here's my resume:
349
00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:47,677
You, me, couple of steaks,
350
00:14:47,969 --> 00:14:50,389
Bulls game,
I don't know, batting cages?
351
00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:53,392
So I'm gonna take that as a no,
you don't have a paper resume.
352
00:14:53,683 --> 00:14:56,603
Here is my resume,
in triplicate.
353
00:14:56,895 --> 00:14:59,606
Take them all. ls there gonna be
a competition
354
00:14:59,898 --> 00:15:02,609
where we need to smell the beans
and guess where they're from?
355
00:15:02,901 --> 00:15:05,445
Don't know what that means.
I should interview you.
356
00:15:05,737 --> 00:15:08,323
Two-parter, one, where do you
see yourself in five years?
357
00:15:08,615 --> 00:15:10,325
Two, how did I help you
get there?
358
00:15:10,617 --> 00:15:12,911
So just let me know when
it's time to smell the beans.
359
00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:15,247
There's the blindfold
you were talking about.
360
00:15:15,539 --> 00:15:16,790
You look fantastic, guys.
361
00:15:17,082 --> 00:15:19,042
Maybe you two aren't right
for this company.
362
00:15:19,334 --> 00:15:21,378
I understand
where you're coming from,
363
00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:24,673
but riddle me this, uh,
364
00:15:24,965 --> 00:15:27,134
how do you like
your coffee, huh? Hot?
365
00:15:28,343 --> 00:15:30,804
A little sticky?
366
00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:32,889
Uhm, sticky?
Really, Ms. Preparation?
367
00:15:33,181 --> 00:15:35,016
Playing the sex card
in a group interview?
368
00:15:35,308 --> 00:15:36,852
Also, I'm gay.
Ooh.
369
00:15:37,144 --> 00:15:39,062
You see,
I just find coffee so...
370
00:15:40,814 --> 00:15:42,107
Sensual.
371
00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:43,900
Hm.
372
00:15:44,192 --> 00:15:46,778
Wow.
373
00:15:47,070 --> 00:15:49,531
Break the chain!
Break the chain!
374
00:15:49,823 --> 00:15:50,907
Break the chain!
375
00:15:51,199 --> 00:15:52,701
Max!
376
00:15:52,993 --> 00:15:55,287
I can't let Ian see me.
Can you stop this by yourself?
377
00:15:55,579 --> 00:15:57,247
All right, I got this.
378
00:15:57,539 --> 00:15:59,749
Break the chain!
Break the chain!
379
00:16:00,041 --> 00:16:01,626
Break the chain!
Break the chain!
380
00:16:01,918 --> 00:16:04,671
Hey, guys, listen up, everyone.
Listen to this.
381
00:16:04,963 --> 00:16:08,341
I actually just got a call
from Nick himself.
382
00:16:08,633 --> 00:16:09,801
And he's actually a cool guy.
383
00:16:10,093 --> 00:16:11,970
For every cup of coffee
he sells,
384
00:16:12,262 --> 00:16:14,556
he gives a cup of coffee
to a child in need.
385
00:16:14,848 --> 00:16:17,017
- He gives coffee to kids?
- What?
386
00:16:17,309 --> 00:16:18,560
Decaf. So, what do you say?
387
00:16:18,852 --> 00:16:21,021
We just cancel this and go
catch a movie? I mean...
388
00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:23,773
Wait a minute,
she's been compromised.
389
00:16:24,065 --> 00:16:25,400
What?
Let's get rid of her.
390
00:16:25,692 --> 00:16:27,736
Violence is an option.
391
00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:30,655
Violence is an option!
Violence is an option!
392
00:16:30,947 --> 00:16:33,575
Violence is not an option.
393
00:16:33,867 --> 00:16:35,494
Let's just put these down.
394
00:16:35,785 --> 00:16:37,245
Meeting you guys was the best.
395
00:16:37,537 --> 00:16:39,998
Ooh, hey, did I mention
your lips look super-soft, bro?
396
00:16:40,290 --> 00:16:42,584
Yeah, about five times.
Okay, gun to your head,
397
00:16:42,876 --> 00:16:43,960
who would you hire?
398
00:16:44,252 --> 00:16:45,962
Uh, the guy with the gun
over both of you.
399
00:16:46,254 --> 00:16:48,298
Put the signs down,
let's call it a day.
400
00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:51,259
Cooler heads have prevailed.
Oh, God. What is happening?
401
00:16:51,551 --> 00:16:54,095
Okay, so let's pat ourselves
on the back and just go home.
402
00:16:54,387 --> 00:16:55,555
Max?
What?
403
00:16:55,847 --> 00:16:57,682
What is going on?
Are you a part of all this?
404
00:16:57,974 --> 00:16:59,935
Part of all this?
Max started this.
405
00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:02,270
I did not start it,
I had nothing to do with this.
406
00:17:02,562 --> 00:17:05,815
Oh, my God, I know those voices.
It's happening again!
407
00:17:06,107 --> 00:17:07,025
Careful,
one of them has a switchblade!
408
00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:10,153
It's called turtling
when he goes under.
409
00:17:10,445 --> 00:17:12,906
You beat up Tim?
Whoa, whoa, that's not fair.
410
00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:14,366
You don't take all the credit.
411
00:17:14,658 --> 00:17:16,326
We beat up Tim together.
Okay, Scott.
412
00:17:16,618 --> 00:17:18,453
Max, Alex,
what are you guys doing here?
413
00:17:18,745 --> 00:17:19,996
Hey.
Of course,
414
00:17:20,288 --> 00:17:21,873
you are friends
with these perverts.
415
00:17:22,165 --> 00:17:24,376
Perverts who are willing to go
the extra mile.
416
00:17:26,628 --> 00:17:29,506
This is all a misunderstanding.
417
00:17:33,510 --> 00:17:35,011
Excuse me. Excuse me.
418
00:17:35,303 --> 00:17:37,639
Sorry I'm late,
but I brought Alan's slaw.
419
00:17:37,931 --> 00:17:39,391
You did?
He wanted to bring it,
420
00:17:39,683 --> 00:17:40,767
but he got an emergency call
421
00:17:41,059 --> 00:17:43,061
and had to hop the first fiight
to Phuket.
422
00:17:43,353 --> 00:17:46,398
I know you're lying. I went
looking for Alan on my way.
423
00:17:48,066 --> 00:17:50,277
Oh, yeah, the Truckies,
I almost forgot.
424
00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:52,237
You know what would be cooler
than that
425
00:17:52,529 --> 00:17:53,947
is if we got in my van,
426
00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:56,825
and we drove out to that place
where all four states touch,
427
00:17:57,117 --> 00:17:59,786
and we smoke hella weed
in all four at the same time.
428
00:18:02,539 --> 00:18:05,208
Hey, if you're going out, can
you pick me up some Band-Aids?
429
00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:07,043
I cut my armpit shaving.
430
00:18:07,335 --> 00:18:10,213
And he called me Dave Reynolds.
You remember Dave Reynolds.
431
00:18:10,505 --> 00:18:14,426
He used to lick stuff for money.
Penny, I feel really stupid.
432
00:18:14,718 --> 00:18:16,970
I understand wanting
to have someone to look up to.
433
00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:18,597
Yeah, maybe it's time I realize
434
00:18:18,888 --> 00:18:22,017
that I have people in my life
to inspire me.
435
00:18:22,309 --> 00:18:24,311
Talking about Scottie Pippen?
Always.
436
00:18:24,603 --> 00:18:26,062
Besides,
437
00:18:26,354 --> 00:18:27,981
turns out I didn't need
Alan's slaw,
438
00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:29,524
because I won.
439
00:18:29,816 --> 00:18:32,360
I told you. That is awesome.
440
00:18:32,652 --> 00:18:34,446
Yeah.
Oh, my God. Proud of you.
441
00:18:34,738 --> 00:18:35,113
Thanks.
Look, I know the slaw
442
00:18:36,156 --> 00:18:37,824
is largely a metaphor
at this point,
443
00:18:38,116 --> 00:18:40,493
but maybe you can still use it.
Yeah, this would go...
444
00:18:40,785 --> 00:18:42,495
That smells disgusting.
445
00:18:42,787 --> 00:18:46,416
I brought you some white chicken
chili fries made by Koreans.
446
00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:48,960
I'm not hungry.
Oh, come on, screw Ian.
447
00:18:49,252 --> 00:18:50,670
A guy who turns down
all three of us
448
00:18:50,962 --> 00:18:52,922
clearly cannot recognize
a good thing.
449
00:18:53,214 --> 00:18:55,467
What's the matter, Fussy-Face.
Oh, Mr. Sad Face.
450
00:18:55,759 --> 00:18:57,385
He's got a case
of the broken hearts.
451
00:18:57,677 --> 00:19:00,263
I don't. I don't care about
anything. Could run a mile now.
452
00:19:00,555 --> 00:19:01,973
Ian was pretty cute, though.
453
00:19:02,265 --> 00:19:04,184
Bet those lips were as soft
as they looked.
454
00:19:04,476 --> 00:19:06,186
They were, and I really
didn't hate him.
455
00:19:06,478 --> 00:19:09,439
Hey, so let's go and get him.
A mentor of mine once said,
456
00:19:09,731 --> 00:19:12,108
"Chase your dreams. Don't let
your dreams chase you."
457
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:14,444
The same mentor suggested
we have a three-way,
458
00:19:14,736 --> 00:19:17,447
so take it with a grain of salt.
Let's do this. Come on, guys.
459
00:19:17,739 --> 00:19:19,658
Okay? Let's go.
Let's go get him. For love!
460
00:19:19,949 --> 00:19:21,117
For love!
461
00:19:24,621 --> 00:19:28,166
Ian! Ian!
462
00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:30,418
Ian, I know I'm probably
not welcome inside,
463
00:19:30,710 --> 00:19:33,463
so I'm just gonna yell
from here, if that's cool.
464
00:19:33,755 --> 00:19:35,173
Cool. Look,
465
00:19:35,465 --> 00:19:39,010
dating you was not part
of some weird scheme or plan.
466
00:19:39,302 --> 00:19:40,720
I'm sorry I screwed it all up.
467
00:19:41,012 --> 00:19:43,348
I mean, I'm just a guy
standing in a food truck,
468
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:46,309
which I know is confusing,
and I will explain later, maybe.
469
00:19:46,601 --> 00:19:48,978
I'm just a guy standing
in front of another guy,
470
00:19:50,730 --> 00:19:52,691
Realizing this is a weird way
to handle this.
471
00:19:52,982 --> 00:19:55,110
I'm just a guy trying
to run an honest business.
472
00:19:55,402 --> 00:19:58,154
Maybe create job opportunities
in a rough economic climate.
473
00:19:58,446 --> 00:20:01,408
And I'm just a guy that thrives
in a shadow black market economy
474
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:03,410
but I respect everything
you're doing.
475
00:20:03,702 --> 00:20:05,912
I'm also just a guy
standing in front of a guy
476
00:20:06,204 --> 00:20:08,581
who wishes we could go back
to just talking about us.
477
00:20:08,873 --> 00:20:11,000
I'm a guy who's listening.
478
00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:14,879
I am also a guy who feels weird
479
00:20:15,171 --> 00:20:16,631
in front of my employees
right now,
480
00:20:16,923 --> 00:20:19,676
so, uh, Hakeem, if you would be
a guy who would go inside,
481
00:20:19,968 --> 00:20:22,011
and maybe watch the register,
that'd be great.
482
00:20:22,303 --> 00:20:23,847
Thanks, Hakeem.
483
00:20:24,139 --> 00:20:27,308
And I'm also a guy
who's really glad you came back.
484
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:30,687
I'm also kind of a guy
who likes to keep things loose,
485
00:20:30,979 --> 00:20:32,439
you know,
don't wanna be tied down.
486
00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:34,023
I can be into that, that's cool.
487
00:20:34,315 --> 00:20:35,692
Don't wanna get locked down.
488
00:20:35,984 --> 00:20:37,527
Yeah, you get it.
Right. Good game.
489
00:20:37,819 --> 00:20:38,945
Yeah, see you around.
490
00:20:39,237 --> 00:20:40,321
Yay!
491
00:20:40,613 --> 00:20:42,949
Really? A fist bump?
492
00:20:43,241 --> 00:20:44,826
Come on.
493
00:20:49,831 --> 00:20:51,040
Let's go get a bagel.
494
00:20:52,375 --> 00:20:54,961
Where's my sandwich, babe?
495
00:21:00,049 --> 00:21:02,177
Oh, this is gonna taste so good.
496
00:21:02,469 --> 00:21:05,054
Give me the sandwich.
497
00:21:05,346 --> 00:21:08,308
So this is what happens when
they both lose the usual bet?
498
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,560
You know what?
I want a backrub, snooch.
499
00:21:10,852 --> 00:21:12,395
Mm-hm. Me too.
500
00:21:12,687 --> 00:21:14,522
And a sundae.
Ah! Puppy.
501
00:21:14,814 --> 00:21:16,065
Clown sex.
502
00:21:17,650 --> 00:21:20,320
- Get over here.
- Okay.
503
00:21:20,612 --> 00:21:22,572
Do they even care that
we're here?
504
00:21:22,864 --> 00:21:24,282
So how's it going with Ian?
505
00:21:24,574 --> 00:21:26,618
Mm, not so good,
he's married with three kids.
506
00:21:26,910 --> 00:21:28,495
Ugh, been there.
Yeah.
39503
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