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1
00:00:06,255 --> 00:00:09,467
Alex, you've been
my best friend for 20 years.
2
00:00:09,759 --> 00:00:11,719
I don't know
what I would do without you.
3
00:00:12,011 --> 00:00:14,805
I literally
would not wanna live.
4
00:00:15,097 --> 00:00:18,392
But I don't have to think
about that ever again,
5
00:00:18,684 --> 00:00:20,937
because I get to spend
the rest of my life with...
6
00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:22,188
Stop!
7
00:00:24,941 --> 00:00:26,108
I object!
8
00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:27,360
Who is that?
9
00:00:27,652 --> 00:00:31,072
Alex, I love you.
10
00:00:31,364 --> 00:00:32,823
What...?
What's happening here?
11
00:00:33,115 --> 00:00:34,867
I skipped rehearsal,
but I'm pretty sure
12
00:00:35,159 --> 00:00:37,328
- that guy's in love with Alex.
- Don't do this.
13
00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:39,622
You told me you don't even know
if you love him,
14
00:00:39,914 --> 00:00:42,041
and that he let himself go
and that...
15
00:00:44,085 --> 00:00:47,088
That the sex was bad.
Hey, man, my nana's here.
16
00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:51,092
Alex, I love you.
17
00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:53,636
Come with me.
18
00:00:53,928 --> 00:00:56,222
Yo, I feel like we're supposed
to kick this guy's ass.
19
00:00:56,514 --> 00:00:58,641
You. You're black,
he's probably scared of you.
20
00:00:58,933 --> 00:01:00,309
Yeah, but you're gay and chubby.
21
00:01:00,601 --> 00:01:02,061
No one will see it coming.
Chubby?
22
00:01:02,353 --> 00:01:03,688
Dave,
23
00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:05,648
I'm sorry.
24
00:01:07,066 --> 00:01:08,651
I can't do this.
25
00:01:10,403 --> 00:01:12,071
I'm coming. Okay.
26
00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:20,580
Kick-ass!
27
00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:24,834
Whoo!
28
00:01:33,009 --> 00:01:34,260
I'm sure she'll be right...
29
00:01:34,552 --> 00:01:36,095
It's gonna be okay,
I promise you.
30
00:01:36,387 --> 00:01:38,180
Huge game-changer.
31
00:01:38,472 --> 00:01:41,350
Huge.
32
00:01:41,642 --> 00:01:46,939
Uh, um, I'm sorry, bro.
It sucks.
33
00:02:05,207 --> 00:02:08,252
Wow.
Rollerblades?
34
00:02:08,544 --> 00:02:09,128
Even I think
Rollerblades are gay,
35
00:02:10,171 --> 00:02:11,964
and I had sex with a dude
last night.
36
00:02:12,256 --> 00:02:13,591
She's your sister and all,
37
00:02:13,883 --> 00:02:15,468
but that was cold-blooded.
38
00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:17,136
Are you really not drinking now?
39
00:02:17,428 --> 00:02:18,888
Nope.
40
00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:21,349
I'd like to think if this
happened at my civil union
41
00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,684
and you were best man,
you'd be "schlammered."
42
00:02:23,976 --> 00:02:25,936
Jane and I are on our
pre-pregnancy cleanse.
43
00:02:26,228 --> 00:02:27,396
No meat, no sugar, no booze.
44
00:02:27,688 --> 00:02:28,773
I like to keep a tidy uterus.
45
00:02:29,065 --> 00:02:31,233
She does.
Oh, Dave just texted me.
46
00:02:31,525 --> 00:02:33,152
Okay, he says
he doesn't wanna talk,
47
00:02:33,444 --> 00:02:35,946
but that he's
"All good in the 'hood."
48
00:02:36,238 --> 00:02:39,784
Why?
49
00:02:40,076 --> 00:02:42,703
Well, here's to the last time
we were ever all together.
50
00:02:42,995 --> 00:02:44,997
They could still work this out.
51
00:02:45,289 --> 00:02:46,165
Are you crazy?
Are you a crazy person?
52
00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:49,168
Have you lost your mind?
Yes.
53
00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:51,003
Alex and Dave will never be able
54
00:02:51,295 --> 00:02:52,380
to be in the same room again.
55
00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:54,298
Ugh.
Or a week from now,
56
00:02:54,590 --> 00:02:55,841
we're all be back at the church
57
00:02:56,133 --> 00:02:57,677
and Dave and Alex
are gonna be there,
58
00:02:57,968 --> 00:02:59,011
and we're gonna be laughing
59
00:02:59,303 --> 00:03:01,097
like, "What runaway
bride situation?"
60
00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:29,667
Alex?
61
00:03:29,959 --> 00:03:32,294
Oh, hey, guys.
62
00:03:32,586 --> 00:03:34,380
What's up?
63
00:03:34,672 --> 00:03:36,882
Hey, sweetie.
How you doing?
64
00:03:37,174 --> 00:03:39,468
Great. Really great.
I'm kicking ass.
65
00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:40,970
I've been doing lots of stuff.
66
00:03:41,262 --> 00:03:43,431
Uh, taking online yoga,
meeting great people.
67
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,683
They're calling me Bodhi,
which is awesome,
68
00:03:45,975 --> 00:03:48,185
because of Point Break,
been watching that.
69
00:03:48,477 --> 00:03:50,521
Totally holds up.
What happened to Lori Petty?
70
00:03:50,813 --> 00:03:54,024
Oh! I invented a new drink.
Ooh.
71
00:03:54,316 --> 00:03:55,609
Who wants a gin smoothie?
72
00:03:55,901 --> 00:03:57,194
Oh, my God.
Crazy.
73
00:03:57,486 --> 00:03:59,780
A little bit of this,
a lot of that.
74
00:04:00,072 --> 00:04:01,198
Uh...
75
00:04:01,490 --> 00:04:03,409
Sidebar. Penny,
thanks for the blender.
76
00:04:03,701 --> 00:04:05,077
It's awesome.
77
00:04:05,369 --> 00:04:06,746
Oh, hey, hey, hey, sweetie,
78
00:04:07,037 --> 00:04:08,581
you and Alex
are gonna work this out.
79
00:04:08,873 --> 00:04:11,333
This is just the sad chapter
in your epic love story.
80
00:04:11,625 --> 00:04:14,170
Yeah. This is a classic
story of boy meets girl,
81
00:04:14,462 --> 00:04:16,130
boy loses girl
to guy on Rollerblades,
82
00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:17,256
boy becomes biggest
YouTube sensation
83
00:04:18,299 --> 00:04:19,467
since kitten stuck in tuba.
84
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:20,718
It's on YouTube?
85
00:04:21,010 --> 00:04:22,720
How many hits?
Barely any.
86
00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:25,181
I wanna break it down
for you because I love you.
87
00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:26,891
Your wedding was horrible.
88
00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:29,810
I mean, it was like a shark
attack at a Sunday school.
89
00:04:30,102 --> 00:04:31,270
But there is a positive,
90
00:04:31,562 --> 00:04:33,314
and that is that
you are single right now.
91
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:35,107
So why don't you
go get some pants on
92
00:04:35,399 --> 00:04:36,442
and let's get you some sex.
93
00:04:36,734 --> 00:04:37,276
I don't wanna get some sex.
94
00:04:38,319 --> 00:04:39,945
I wanna get some married.
95
00:04:40,237 --> 00:04:42,031
To Alex.
96
00:04:42,323 --> 00:04:44,825
I don't get it, you guys.
Did she say the sex was bad?
97
00:04:45,117 --> 00:04:47,953
Every relationship has its
ups and downs, sweetie.
98
00:04:48,245 --> 00:04:49,663
I always thought
it was her fault.
99
00:04:49,955 --> 00:04:51,499
I mean,
I might have gotten lazy,
100
00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:54,043
recycled some moves,
but that is so bad.
101
00:04:54,335 --> 00:04:56,295
You're giving off a
Howard Hughes vibe here.
102
00:04:56,587 --> 00:04:58,047
I feel like you're
about ten minutes away
103
00:04:58,339 --> 00:05:00,633
from storing your urine in jars.
Let's get some food.
104
00:05:00,925 --> 00:05:02,635
I just ate three
French bread pizzas
105
00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:05,095
and most of the world's
largest chocolate bride.
106
00:05:05,387 --> 00:05:08,432
I left the hand, to hold.
107
00:05:08,724 --> 00:05:11,727
Okay.
Guys, I'm okay. I'm good.
108
00:05:12,019 --> 00:05:13,896
I'm just gonna kick back,
you know,
109
00:05:14,188 --> 00:05:15,397
recharge the batteries.
110
00:05:15,689 --> 00:05:17,858
Besides, I got a ton
of thank-you notes to write.
111
00:05:18,150 --> 00:05:19,276
"Darkness reigns.
112
00:05:19,568 --> 00:05:21,362
Hope gurgles out
its dying breath."
113
00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:24,490
"Thank you for the beautiful
Crock-Pot." You can't send this.
114
00:05:24,782 --> 00:05:25,825
It's a rough draft.
115
00:05:26,116 --> 00:05:28,661
Guys, I'm gonna be fine,
all right?
116
00:05:28,953 --> 00:05:30,788
I... I just need
a little me time.
117
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,498
You know, a little D time.
118
00:05:32,790 --> 00:05:35,376
And besides, Alex's next move
is probably gonna be to call
119
00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:37,294
so I should stay close
to the phone.
120
00:05:37,586 --> 00:05:40,673
She's definitely gonna call.
121
00:05:40,965 --> 00:05:43,467
She went on the honeymoon
with the Rollerblade guy.
122
00:05:47,763 --> 00:05:49,265
Somebody get me some pants.
123
00:05:53,227 --> 00:05:55,354
I kind of feel like
we're cheating on Alex.
124
00:05:55,646 --> 00:05:57,064
I know. You did not
have to tell him
125
00:05:57,356 --> 00:05:58,482
she went on the honeymoon.
126
00:05:58,774 --> 00:06:00,526
It makes her look bad.
No, Alex looks bad
127
00:06:00,818 --> 00:06:02,111
because she's doing bad stuff.
128
00:06:02,403 --> 00:06:04,071
That's like saying
John Mayer's songs
129
00:06:04,363 --> 00:06:05,656
are making John Mayer look bad.
130
00:06:05,948 --> 00:06:07,741
Uh-huh. Ooh. Yeah.
131
00:06:11,495 --> 00:06:13,205
I love your tattoo.
132
00:06:13,497 --> 00:06:16,041
It really just
reminds me to stay grounded.
133
00:06:16,333 --> 00:06:18,168
That's the dumbest thing
I've ever heard.
134
00:06:18,460 --> 00:06:19,461
What?
I said, "I love
135
00:06:19,753 --> 00:06:21,380
staying grounded."
136
00:06:23,007 --> 00:06:24,300
Get it.
There it is.
137
00:06:24,592 --> 00:06:25,843
Oh, that's my friend's tongue.
138
00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:27,845
She's a special girl.
Who does that?
139
00:06:35,603 --> 00:06:37,229
Ow. Ow.
140
00:06:39,607 --> 00:06:40,774
Alex?
141
00:06:41,066 --> 00:06:42,943
Hi.
That's what you're going with?
142
00:06:50,367 --> 00:06:51,911
Dave, come on.
143
00:06:52,202 --> 00:06:55,456
Listen. I know there's nothing
that I can say.
144
00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:58,000
Please know that I'm so sorry.
145
00:06:58,292 --> 00:07:00,669
So is that guy your boyfriend,
by the way?
146
00:07:00,961 --> 00:07:01,962
Who? Bo?
147
00:07:02,254 --> 00:07:03,380
Ah, of course his name is Bo.
148
00:07:03,672 --> 00:07:04,798
He probably shaves his toes.
149
00:07:05,090 --> 00:07:06,508
No, no, no,
he's not my boyfriend.
150
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:08,302
We flirted a little bit at work,
151
00:07:08,594 --> 00:07:10,971
but I don't know why he
thought I'd run away with him.
152
00:07:11,263 --> 00:07:12,389
Uh, because you did.
153
00:07:12,681 --> 00:07:14,099
How was our honeymoon,
by the way?
154
00:07:14,391 --> 00:07:16,727
Did Bo enjoy
the sunset couples massage
155
00:07:17,019 --> 00:07:20,230
and having sex with you?
What?
156
00:07:20,522 --> 00:07:23,150
I never cheated on you,
and Bo didn't go with me.
157
00:07:23,442 --> 00:07:26,195
Listen. Dave, I didn't
run away with him.
158
00:07:26,487 --> 00:07:28,530
I just ran away.
159
00:07:28,822 --> 00:07:31,617
I can't believe that you got
the white-trash tourist braids.
160
00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:33,077
You look like Predator.
161
00:07:33,369 --> 00:07:35,120
I feel like you're
gonna rip my spine out,
162
00:07:35,412 --> 00:07:36,413
keep my skull as a trophy.
163
00:07:36,705 --> 00:07:38,248
I'm sorry, okay?
164
00:07:38,540 --> 00:07:41,168
But I've been having
second thoughts for a while.
165
00:07:41,460 --> 00:07:43,295
I mean, think about
the past few years.
166
00:07:43,587 --> 00:07:45,589
Can you honestly say
they still felt the same?
167
00:07:45,881 --> 00:07:48,258
Yes.
Happy Valentine's Day, baby.
168
00:07:48,550 --> 00:07:49,885
Forty dollars?
169
00:07:50,177 --> 00:07:51,553
You're welcome.
170
00:07:51,845 --> 00:07:56,100
Alex, you're the only girl
I've ever even liked.
171
00:07:56,392 --> 00:07:59,019
I literally can't even picture
myself with another woman
172
00:07:59,311 --> 00:08:01,063
ever again
for the rest of my life.
173
00:08:01,355 --> 00:08:04,566
Have you seen my tongue ring?
174
00:08:04,858 --> 00:08:07,903
God, I hope I didn't
swallow another one.
175
00:08:08,195 --> 00:08:10,739
I do not know who that is.
176
00:08:11,031 --> 00:08:14,034
Ugh, I can't believe he slept
with the "stay grounded" girl.
177
00:08:14,326 --> 00:08:15,494
In our bed.
178
00:08:15,786 --> 00:08:17,746
On the sheets I got you
for the bridal shower?
179
00:08:18,038 --> 00:08:20,499
You know how hard it is to get
slut out of Egyptian cotton?
180
00:08:20,791 --> 00:08:23,377
I can't believe you guys let him
go home with another girl.
181
00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:25,337
Okay, you're not really
in a position
182
00:08:25,629 --> 00:08:27,756
to comment on people
leaving places with people
183
00:08:28,048 --> 00:08:30,884
that they're not supposed
to leave with.
184
00:08:31,176 --> 00:08:32,803
Come on, Penny.
185
00:08:33,095 --> 00:08:34,680
Come on, Penny,
you piece of garbage.
186
00:08:34,972 --> 00:08:36,890
Come on, Penny.
187
00:08:37,182 --> 00:08:38,434
Penny, please.
188
00:08:38,726 --> 00:08:39,893
Penny, please.
189
00:08:40,185 --> 00:08:42,438
Do this, Penny!
Penny, take it easy.
190
00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:45,190
Welcome
back to the single life, Al.
191
00:08:45,482 --> 00:08:47,192
It has gotten
competitive out there.
192
00:08:47,484 --> 00:08:50,112
Let's go, ladies,
it's time to blast our glutes.
193
00:08:50,404 --> 00:08:52,197
While you've been
spooning for 10 years,
194
00:08:52,489 --> 00:08:54,074
the whole game changed.
195
00:08:54,366 --> 00:08:56,076
A guy doesn't even
have to call anymore.
196
00:08:56,368 --> 00:08:59,663
A text at midnight is basically
a romantic dinner for two.
197
00:08:59,955 --> 00:09:01,123
Hope you're ready to put out.
198
00:09:01,415 --> 00:09:03,292
You know, why don't you
just pull Dave aside
199
00:09:03,584 --> 00:09:05,335
tonight at Penny's party
and talk to him?
200
00:09:05,627 --> 00:09:07,087
You guys are gonna
work this out.
201
00:09:07,379 --> 00:09:09,757
He's gonna forgive you.
Were you not at the wedding?
202
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:12,009
There's nothing better
out there, trust me.
203
00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:14,053
It's just a bunch
of poor guys with, like,
204
00:09:14,344 --> 00:09:15,721
weird sexual stuft
205
00:09:16,013 --> 00:09:18,015
and even when you do it,
they still don't call.
206
00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:20,809
Pen, I was thinking, you know,
207
00:09:21,101 --> 00:09:23,062
is it okay if maybe
I don't come tonight?
208
00:09:23,353 --> 00:09:25,397
- I don't wanna cause any drama.
- Really?
209
00:09:25,689 --> 00:09:27,566
You're not gonna come
to my 30th birthday?
210
00:09:27,858 --> 00:09:29,610
I'll tell Todd
that you couldn't make it,
211
00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:31,570
you didn't wanna meet him.
I'm sorry, who's Todd again?
212
00:09:32,613 --> 00:09:35,449
Only the future father to
Hayley, Madison and Mackenzie.
213
00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:37,076
Right.
Um, excuse me, ma'am,
214
00:09:37,367 --> 00:09:38,869
are you done with this machine?
215
00:09:39,161 --> 00:09:41,455
Ma'am?
216
00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:43,665
I am gonna go
and bawl my eyes out
217
00:09:43,957 --> 00:09:46,668
and then I will be back
to physically fight you.
218
00:09:57,721 --> 00:10:00,557
Dude, I am so pumped
we're gonna be roomies.
219
00:10:00,849 --> 00:10:02,309
Yeah, it'll be like
college again,
220
00:10:02,601 --> 00:10:04,311
except now you're chubby.
I'm chubby?
221
00:10:04,603 --> 00:10:06,438
Is that a thing
that's being talked about?
222
00:10:06,730 --> 00:10:08,690
Know what, bro?
The minute I get this house,
223
00:10:08,982 --> 00:10:10,109
you should come live with us.
224
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:11,568
Yeah.
The only single people
225
00:10:11,860 --> 00:10:13,112
in the suburbs are pedophiles
226
00:10:13,403 --> 00:10:14,905
and lesbian guidance counselors.
227
00:10:15,197 --> 00:10:17,449
Uh-oh, Brad, look who's here.
228
00:10:17,741 --> 00:10:19,827
Your old friend meat is back.
229
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:22,704
I'm good, bro.
Jane made me a nice lunch.
230
00:10:22,996 --> 00:10:24,414
Ugh.
Ugh, man, oh.
231
00:10:24,706 --> 00:10:27,376
That smells like
a European basketball player.
232
00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:32,631
This cleanse is brutal.
I lost 11 pounds.
233
00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:34,049
Today.
More importantly,
234
00:10:34,341 --> 00:10:36,093
are you coming
to Penny's party, bro?
235
00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:38,804
She's bringing a new dude,
which is always hilarious.
236
00:10:39,096 --> 00:10:41,056
Dude, of course
I'm coming to Penny's party.
237
00:10:41,348 --> 00:10:42,891
Why wouldn't I be,
because of Alex?
238
00:10:43,183 --> 00:10:47,020
I am an adult, and I'm gonna
handle this like an adult.
239
00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:50,482
What's up?
240
00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:59,241
Best night ever.
241
00:11:02,161 --> 00:11:06,331
Max, Jane, you remember Jackie.
242
00:11:06,623 --> 00:11:08,083
Hi.
243
00:11:08,375 --> 00:11:11,086
Oh, hey, didn't realize
you were gonna be at this thing.
244
00:11:11,378 --> 00:11:13,213
Yeah.
Awkward.
245
00:11:13,505 --> 00:11:16,550
Uh, you two already sort of met,
but this is Jackie,
246
00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:18,844
my, uh...
I don't know what to call you.
247
00:11:19,136 --> 00:11:20,095
Um, girlfriend?
248
00:11:20,387 --> 00:11:21,597
Girlfriend?
Girlfriend?
249
00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:23,640
Mm-hm.
250
00:11:25,642 --> 00:11:28,437
Total rebound.
She means nothing to him.
251
00:11:28,729 --> 00:11:31,815
Jane, stop trying to
fix everything, okay?
252
00:11:32,107 --> 00:11:33,525
Dave and I are through.
253
00:11:35,527 --> 00:11:38,071
Um, I'm gonna need vodka
in a water glass with ice
254
00:11:38,363 --> 00:11:40,824
and I'm gonna be ordering water
from you all night long.
255
00:11:41,116 --> 00:11:42,534
So one water, please.
256
00:11:42,826 --> 00:11:44,953
Did we start already
or do you really want water?
257
00:11:45,245 --> 00:11:45,704
Just bring me vodka.
Okay.
258
00:11:46,747 --> 00:11:49,958
So, Jackie, love your hat.
259
00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:51,710
Thanks.
260
00:11:52,002 --> 00:11:53,670
It's signed by Turtle
from Entourage.
261
00:11:53,962 --> 00:11:55,714
What are you wearing
that's so great, hm?
262
00:11:56,006 --> 00:11:58,800
Hey, everybody! Hi.
263
00:11:59,092 --> 00:12:00,761
Hey, you two,
at least keep it together
264
00:12:01,053 --> 00:12:03,555
for Penny's sake.
Happy birthday!
265
00:12:04,806 --> 00:12:06,225
Hey. Oh, my God.
Hey, guys.
266
00:12:06,516 --> 00:12:07,935
So, um, this is Todd,
267
00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:10,896
and this is Alex,
Jane, Max, Dave and...
268
00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:12,189
Hey.
269
00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:14,441
Jackie, Dave's girlfriend.
270
00:12:14,733 --> 00:12:16,068
Great to see you again.
271
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,070
Penny has told me
so much about you guys.
272
00:12:18,362 --> 00:12:19,363
So much.
273
00:12:19,655 --> 00:12:21,114
It's awesome
how close you all are.
274
00:12:21,406 --> 00:12:22,699
Really special.
275
00:12:22,991 --> 00:12:25,118
I'm just gonna run and
wash my hands, okay, babe?
276
00:12:25,410 --> 00:12:28,288
Go. Go.
Get out of here.
277
00:12:28,580 --> 00:12:30,457
So, isn't he amazing?
278
00:12:30,749 --> 00:12:32,292
He seems really great
and super hot.
279
00:12:32,584 --> 00:12:34,419
That dude is gay.
Sorry?
280
00:12:34,711 --> 00:12:36,171
Gave me gay eyes,
like, right away.
281
00:12:36,463 --> 00:12:38,924
I mean, that dude is gayer
than Dave's jacket.
282
00:12:39,216 --> 00:12:40,884
Okay, I think I would know
if he was gay.
283
00:12:41,176 --> 00:12:43,136
Penny, come on, you had
no idea that I was gay.
284
00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:48,308
This just feels so right.
Totally.
285
00:12:52,562 --> 00:12:54,648
Penny, I'm just looking out
for you, okay?
286
00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:56,692
Now, what straight guy
washes his hands?
287
00:12:56,984 --> 00:12:59,319
Sorry. It's just so hard
to get the soot off.
288
00:12:59,611 --> 00:13:01,238
I'm a volunteer fireman.
289
00:13:01,530 --> 00:13:03,240
Yup, yup, there it is.
290
00:13:03,532 --> 00:13:05,534
Happy birthday, party people!
291
00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:06,910
Ha-ha-ha.
292
00:13:07,202 --> 00:13:08,870
Dirty 30. Ha-ha-ha.
293
00:13:09,162 --> 00:13:10,330
I thought you were turning 26.
294
00:13:10,622 --> 00:13:12,874
I am turning 26.
295
00:13:13,166 --> 00:13:15,460
What?
296
00:13:15,752 --> 00:13:16,920
Oh, you're serious.
297
00:13:17,212 --> 00:13:19,047
I can't wait to be 26.
298
00:13:19,339 --> 00:13:21,466
I feel like nobody
really takes you seriously
299
00:13:21,758 --> 00:13:23,510
when you're still
in high school.
300
00:13:25,637 --> 00:13:28,765
Waitress, another water
when you get a chance.
301
00:13:29,057 --> 00:13:31,476
That bitch young.
302
00:13:52,706 --> 00:13:54,750
What do you think about Todd?
303
00:13:55,042 --> 00:13:56,251
He's not gay, right?
304
00:13:56,543 --> 00:13:59,838
So, Jackie, what do
you wanna be when you grow up?
305
00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:02,257
I either wanna be a veterinarian
306
00:14:02,591 --> 00:14:03,592
or have a reality show.
307
00:14:03,884 --> 00:14:06,428
Wow, those are things.
308
00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:08,180
Say something.
309
00:14:08,472 --> 00:14:10,807
So, where'd you two
lovebirds meet?
310
00:14:11,099 --> 00:14:13,477
JDate.
We instantly connected.
311
00:14:13,769 --> 00:14:15,020
I thought you had to be Jewish.
312
00:14:15,312 --> 00:14:17,022
I am Jewish.
I was talking about Penny.
313
00:14:17,314 --> 00:14:18,357
Hey. Yeah. Yay!
314
00:14:18,648 --> 00:14:20,442
Penny's also Jewish.
Yeah, all right.
315
00:14:20,734 --> 00:14:21,860
Twenty-six-year-old Jew.
316
00:14:22,152 --> 00:14:24,154
Anything else I need to know,
Penny-Pen-Pen?
317
00:14:24,446 --> 00:14:26,907
Just how to read e-mails
labeled "urgent party deets."
318
00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:29,284
You know, Jewish dudes
are my jam.
319
00:14:29,576 --> 00:14:30,911
Like that Shia LeBeouf.
320
00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:32,662
Love to connect with him, huh?
321
00:14:32,954 --> 00:14:34,664
Am I right, Todd? I think I'm
right.
322
00:14:34,956 --> 00:14:36,500
I'm more of a Megan Fox guy,
bro.
323
00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:38,251
Oh, are you?
Really?
324
00:14:38,543 --> 00:14:41,797
Ha, ha. Okay, it really
is all about connecting,
325
00:14:42,089 --> 00:14:43,131
isn't it, Todd?
326
00:14:43,423 --> 00:14:46,134
I mean, we are so glad
to finally meet you.
327
00:14:46,426 --> 00:14:47,719
And Penny, happy birthday.
328
00:14:48,011 --> 00:14:50,430
You know what? I would
throw in one caveat, Todd.
329
00:14:50,722 --> 00:14:52,891
You never know when
someone else is gonna come in,
330
00:14:53,183 --> 00:14:55,602
connect with the someone
you already connected with,
331
00:14:55,894 --> 00:14:58,021
and before you know it,
your nickname on YouTube
332
00:14:58,313 --> 00:15:00,899
is "the wedding douche" and
you're living out of a gym bag.
333
00:15:01,191 --> 00:15:03,860
Thanks for coming, everybody. It
feels like only yesterday
334
00:15:04,152 --> 00:15:06,446
that I was born
during the 1984 Olympics,
335
00:15:06,738 --> 00:15:09,699
a young Jewess, 26 years ago.
336
00:15:09,991 --> 00:15:11,201
You know what, Todd?
337
00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:12,869
Dave is right, things change.
338
00:15:13,161 --> 00:15:14,746
You have to work
at the relationship.
339
00:15:15,038 --> 00:15:17,707
Don't shower twice a week and
only focus on your stuff in bed.
340
00:15:17,999 --> 00:15:20,877
Okay.
I am a very caring lovemaker.
341
00:15:21,169 --> 00:15:22,504
He is.
Here we go!
342
00:15:22,796 --> 00:15:24,923
You know, all I did
was work on our relationship.
343
00:15:25,215 --> 00:15:29,010
You're super high-maintenance.
Wait, Alex is the runaway bride?
344
00:15:29,302 --> 00:15:31,430
Yes, jailbait,
I am the runaway bride
345
00:15:31,721 --> 00:15:33,515
and I ruined everything
for everybody.
346
00:15:33,807 --> 00:15:35,267
I don't know
what to say except that
347
00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:37,310
minutes before
I'm supposed to walk out,
348
00:15:37,602 --> 00:15:39,646
Jane's talking about
pre-pregnancy cleanses,
349
00:15:39,938 --> 00:15:41,940
moving to the suburbs.
I don't have an excuse,
350
00:15:42,232 --> 00:15:44,317
except for the fact that...
351
00:15:44,609 --> 00:15:46,445
I freaked out, okay?
352
00:15:46,736 --> 00:15:48,613
Really great bridesmaid work.
Jane.
353
00:15:48,905 --> 00:15:50,323
You know, Dave,
if a few sentences
354
00:15:50,615 --> 00:15:51,950
can make a girl run out of you,
355
00:15:52,242 --> 00:15:54,286
you weren't on solid
ground in the first place.
356
00:15:54,578 --> 00:15:55,745
You're not on solid ground.
357
00:15:56,037 --> 00:15:57,164
Not your best comeback, bro.
358
00:15:57,456 --> 00:15:59,124
Come on, everybody,
chill, all right?
359
00:15:59,416 --> 00:16:00,959
Todd must think
we're meshuggener.
360
00:16:01,251 --> 00:16:02,294
Did I say that right?
Yup.
361
00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:03,545
Right context?
362
00:16:03,837 --> 00:16:05,088
Because you're Jewish.
Yes.
363
00:16:05,380 --> 00:16:08,008
Look, Alex, honey,
just calm down.
364
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:09,509
Okay.
365
00:16:09,801 --> 00:16:11,094
Have some water.
Uh, mm...
366
00:16:11,386 --> 00:16:12,804
Thank you.
367
00:16:15,098 --> 00:16:16,892
What the hell?
This is all vodka.
368
00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:19,060
What? Heh. Waiter?
369
00:16:19,352 --> 00:16:21,480
Jane, you're drinking?
No, you're drinking.
370
00:16:21,771 --> 00:16:24,316
Night of a thousand comebacks.
What about our cleanse?
371
00:16:24,608 --> 00:16:25,775
I've had pure evil coming out
372
00:16:26,067 --> 00:16:27,652
of both ends of my body
for three weeks
373
00:16:27,944 --> 00:16:29,196
and you're drinking vodka?
374
00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:33,492
I'm sorry. I just... I...
I don't know. I...
375
00:16:33,783 --> 00:16:35,619
I don't wanna have a baby
right now, okay?
376
00:16:35,911 --> 00:16:37,954
I did when Alex and Dave
were gonna have one
377
00:16:38,246 --> 00:16:40,457
and live next door,
and we were all gonna be happy,
378
00:16:40,749 --> 00:16:43,043
but now, it's just gonna be us
379
00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:45,045
out there in the suburbs
all alone,
380
00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:47,631
slowly giving up.
Five years later,
381
00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:49,966
I'm rocking butchy mom hair
and dreaming about
382
00:16:50,258 --> 00:16:52,844
driving my burgundy Windstar
through a farmer's market.
383
00:16:53,136 --> 00:16:54,304
And Max is living in Santa Fe
384
00:16:54,596 --> 00:16:56,264
with a furniture dealer
named Robin.
385
00:16:56,556 --> 00:16:58,725
Is it a girl, is it a guy?
I don't know, I don't know,
386
00:16:59,017 --> 00:17:00,769
because we haven't
spoken in five years.
387
00:17:01,061 --> 00:17:03,563
And then I run into Penny
at Todd's memorial.
388
00:17:03,855 --> 00:17:05,273
Yeah, he died.
But not in a fire,
389
00:17:05,565 --> 00:17:09,069
in a charity bike-a-thon.
Sorry, dude, rough twist.
390
00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:11,238
Penny and I don't
even recognize each other
391
00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:13,823
because I haven't seen her
since her 30th birthday.
392
00:17:14,115 --> 00:17:16,159
Twenty-sixth.
And it's all your fault, Alex.
393
00:17:19,913 --> 00:17:22,457
Well, that's what happens
when you drink vodka
394
00:17:22,749 --> 00:17:24,209
on a stomach
full of cabbage juice.
395
00:17:24,501 --> 00:17:25,585
Give me that.
396
00:17:25,877 --> 00:17:27,629
Hey, meat. Mm.
397
00:17:27,921 --> 00:17:29,381
Nice work, Al.
398
00:17:29,673 --> 00:17:32,133
You're the Michael Jordan
of destroying friendships.
399
00:17:32,425 --> 00:17:35,178
Well, you're the Michael Jordan
of banging underage sluts.
400
00:17:35,470 --> 00:17:37,931
I'm 18, slut.
401
00:17:39,766 --> 00:17:41,393
And who's Michael Jordan?
402
00:17:41,685 --> 00:17:43,562
God, your friends
are all so immature.
403
00:17:58,368 --> 00:18:01,580
Wait, are you 30, or are you 26?
404
00:18:01,871 --> 00:18:03,707
I'm 30, and I'm Catholic,
405
00:18:03,999 --> 00:18:06,876
and I'm gonna die alone
in a light-up Christmas sweater
406
00:18:07,168 --> 00:18:09,421
talking to
a menagerie of parrots.
407
00:18:15,594 --> 00:18:17,387
I'm so confused right now.
408
00:18:17,679 --> 00:18:19,764
I know you are.
I've been there.
409
00:18:20,056 --> 00:18:21,516
You will realize,
may not be today,
410
00:18:21,808 --> 00:18:23,602
tomorrow, a month
or a year from now,
411
00:18:23,893 --> 00:18:24,853
but you'll wake up one day
412
00:18:25,145 --> 00:18:26,396
and say,
"Whoa, I like dudes."
413
00:18:26,688 --> 00:18:27,689
And when that happens,
414
00:18:27,981 --> 00:18:29,691
I'd love it
if you gave me a call.
415
00:18:29,983 --> 00:18:31,901
We'll go get a beer,
we'll rent a movie,
416
00:18:32,193 --> 00:18:37,365
maybe Kate & Leopold.
Dude, I'm not gay, okay?
417
00:18:39,909 --> 00:18:42,370
Whoa, what a homophobe.
418
00:18:42,662 --> 00:18:46,875
A homophobe who now
has my number, thank you.
419
00:18:48,501 --> 00:18:51,588
Really excellent work, you two.
420
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:08,855
That was my worst birthday
421
00:19:09,147 --> 00:19:11,107
since my mom Frenched
my boyfriend at Epcot.
422
00:19:11,399 --> 00:19:13,360
So are you 100 percent sure
Todd is gay?
423
00:19:13,652 --> 00:19:14,819
A hundred and fifty percent.
424
00:19:15,111 --> 00:19:17,113
Our goodbye last night
was a little weird.
425
00:19:18,615 --> 00:19:19,699
Oh, okay.
426
00:19:19,991 --> 00:19:21,409
Yeah.
427
00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:24,329
Has anyone talked
to Dave or Alex?
428
00:19:24,621 --> 00:19:25,664
Yeah, Dave's coming.
429
00:19:25,955 --> 00:19:27,499
So that means
we can't invite Alex?
430
00:19:27,791 --> 00:19:30,335
Wow, this sucks.
431
00:19:30,627 --> 00:19:32,921
Hey, guys, check it out, huh?
432
00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:34,172
Hi, guys.
433
00:19:34,464 --> 00:19:36,591
Right? Great news.
434
00:19:36,883 --> 00:19:38,843
We are back together.
435
00:19:39,135 --> 00:19:41,554
Just kidding, ha, ha.
I still hate her,
436
00:19:41,846 --> 00:19:44,641
but she did spend four hours
apologizing last night,
437
00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:46,226
which was a pretty good start.
438
00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:47,811
And Dave did admit
439
00:19:48,103 --> 00:19:50,355
that he's been taking me
for granted for a while.
440
00:19:50,647 --> 00:19:52,482
I did, but I said,
"That's the kind of stuff
441
00:19:52,774 --> 00:19:55,235
you talk about before the
wedding, not at the wedding."
442
00:19:55,527 --> 00:19:57,237
I pointed out that
Dave wore flip-flops
443
00:19:57,529 --> 00:19:58,947
to my parents' 35th Anniversary.
444
00:19:59,239 --> 00:20:01,199
It was black tie optional.
Here we go again.
445
00:20:01,491 --> 00:20:04,160
Another double bloody.
Guys, hey, this is all my fault.
446
00:20:04,452 --> 00:20:07,789
And what I did to Dave was...
Was horrible.
447
00:20:08,081 --> 00:20:09,499
You know, but Dave and I agreed
448
00:20:09,791 --> 00:20:13,420
that's between us, you know,
and it would kill me if...
449
00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:17,632
if I'm the reason that
we all can't hang out anymore.
450
00:20:17,924 --> 00:20:20,552
Yeah, I mean, none of us has
made a new friend in 11 years.
451
00:20:20,844 --> 00:20:21,886
I wouldn't even know how.
452
00:20:22,178 --> 00:20:23,638
Do you just walk up
to random people
453
00:20:23,930 --> 00:20:25,724
and go, "Hey.
Blah-blah-blah. Sports"?
454
00:20:26,015 --> 00:20:27,684
Only person
I wanna meet is my husband.
455
00:20:27,976 --> 00:20:29,686
I was once on a plane
with an old lady
456
00:20:29,978 --> 00:20:31,062
and she tried talking to me.
457
00:20:31,354 --> 00:20:33,565
I just pretended I had
some kind of disability.
458
00:20:33,857 --> 00:20:35,483
Buddy.
459
00:20:35,775 --> 00:20:38,486
Hey, Penny, I'm sorry
your birthday got ruined.
460
00:20:38,778 --> 00:20:40,613
But I got you something.
461
00:20:40,905 --> 00:20:42,449
Oh, yeah, what is it?
Rollerblades?
462
00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:43,867
Ugh.
Okay, I apologize.
463
00:20:44,159 --> 00:20:45,785
Ah, don't.
Okay.
464
00:20:46,077 --> 00:20:47,412
Ah...
Happy birthday.
465
00:20:47,704 --> 00:20:50,039
Hello. Aw...
466
00:20:50,331 --> 00:20:52,375
I haven't been this happy
since my bat mitzvah.
467
00:20:52,667 --> 00:20:54,169
Can you sit down?
468
00:20:54,461 --> 00:20:56,880
I don't mind if I do-skies.
Uh, maybe you don't-skis.
469
00:20:57,172 --> 00:20:58,256
You might wanna take a vacation
from the cake.
470
00:20:59,299 --> 00:21:00,759
Is this the chubby thing?
471
00:21:01,050 --> 00:21:02,635
If it is,
just say it to my face.
472
00:21:02,927 --> 00:21:04,471
Do you guys think I look fat?
473
00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:07,056
Got a couple extra pounds.
To be perfectly honest,
474
00:21:07,348 --> 00:21:08,808
you look like
a young Kathy Bates.
475
00:21:09,100 --> 00:21:10,769
Ooh, no, it's like
if Paul Rudd gave up.
476
00:21:11,060 --> 00:21:12,145
I'll take it.
I do not mind.
477
00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:14,564
We're just talking about...
35072
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