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1
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♪ Men ♪♪
2
00:00:04,656 --> 00:00:06,528
[computer plays ringtone]
3
00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:09,487
- Hey, buddy.
- 'Hey, dad.'
4
00:00:09,574 --> 00:00:11,011
Long time no talk.
I was starting to think
5
00:00:11,098 --> 00:00:13,100
maybe you weren't a part
of this family anymore.
6
00:00:13,187 --> 00:00:16,190
'What? I'm not that easy
to get rid of.'
7
00:00:16,277 --> 00:00:17,626
'Just been really busy
lately, you know'
8
00:00:17,713 --> 00:00:19,454
'spending a lot of time
with my girlfriend.'
9
00:00:19,541 --> 00:00:22,326
Oh, please, tell me it's not
the 35-year-old single mother
10
00:00:22,413 --> 00:00:23,588
with the two kids.
11
00:00:23,675 --> 00:00:26,548
'No. Tammy's 36,
and she has three kids.'
12
00:00:28,158 --> 00:00:29,768
Jake, she's almost
twice your age.
13
00:00:30,813 --> 00:00:32,554
'No, she's not. I'm 19.'
14
00:00:32,641 --> 00:00:34,686
'Geez, do the math.'
15
00:00:34,773 --> 00:00:36,471
How well do you even
know this woman?
16
00:00:36,558 --> 00:00:38,299
'Enough to know
that I love her.'
17
00:00:38,386 --> 00:00:39,996
Jake, slow down.
I'm just not sure
18
00:00:40,083 --> 00:00:41,258
that you know what
you're getting into.
19
00:00:41,345 --> 00:00:42,781
'You always do this.'
20
00:00:42,868 --> 00:00:44,653
'You think every decision
I make is wrong.'
21
00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:46,698
You're wrong about that.
22
00:00:46,785 --> 00:00:48,570
'You've already made up
your mind about Tammy'
23
00:00:48,657 --> 00:00:50,963
'and you don't even know her.
Let me ask you this question.'
24
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:53,662
'If you've never tasted
a strawberry ice cream cone'
25
00:00:53,749 --> 00:00:56,491
'in your life, how do you know
what it tastes like?'
26
00:00:56,578 --> 00:00:58,014
What?
27
00:00:58,101 --> 00:01:00,364
'My point is,
you've never licked Tammy.'
28
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:08,155
I don't know
how to respond to that.
29
00:01:08,242 --> 00:01:10,809
'Yeah, you don't.
She's delicious.'
30
00:01:10,896 --> 00:01:13,247
Fine, why don't you bring her
up here, so I can meet her?
31
00:01:13,334 --> 00:01:14,900
- 'Okay, I will.'
- Good.
32
00:01:14,987 --> 00:01:17,120
- 'I've got leave next weekend.'
- You know where I live.
33
00:01:17,207 --> 00:01:19,079
'Yeah, someone else's house.'
34
00:01:22,343 --> 00:01:24,345
He's a dull blade,
but he cuts deep.
35
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♪ Men men men men ♪
36
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♪ Manly men men men ♪
37
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♪ Men men men men ♪♪ Oo ♪
38
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♪ Manly men men men ♪♪ Oo hoo hoo hoo oo ♪
39
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♪ Men men men men manly men ♪♪ Oo ♪
40
00:01:35,617 --> 00:01:37,575
♪ Oo hoo hoo hoo hoo oo ♪♪ Oo ♪
41
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♪ Men men men men ♪
42
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♪ Manly men men men ♪♪ Hoo hoo ♪
43
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♪ Men men men men ♪
44
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♪ Manly men men men ♪
45
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♪ Ha ha ♪♪ Men ♪♪
46
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♪ Men ♪♪
47
00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:58,553
Well, I've got Jake's room
all ready for this weekend.
48
00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:00,250
You know, just
out of curiosity
49
00:02:00,337 --> 00:02:02,861
when are we going to stop
calling it "Jake's room?"
50
00:02:02,948 --> 00:02:04,428
'Cause I'd really like it
to be referred to as
51
00:02:04,515 --> 00:02:08,867
"Walden's gym"
or "Walden's home theater"
52
00:02:08,954 --> 00:02:12,958
or "Walden's room to do whatever
the hell he wants with it."
53
00:02:13,045 --> 00:02:14,743
Look, I don't mean
to split hairs
54
00:02:14,830 --> 00:02:17,876
but a room can't really be both
a gym and a home theater.
55
00:02:17,963 --> 00:02:19,748
That's why
I also need "Alan's room."
56
00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:22,751
Touche.
57
00:02:22,838 --> 00:02:25,188
[chuckling]
Truthe.
58
00:02:25,275 --> 00:02:26,711
Will you stop futzing
with my desk?
59
00:02:26,798 --> 00:02:28,496
I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm just..
60
00:02:28,583 --> 00:02:29,975
I'm nervous about meeting
Jake's girlfriend.
61
00:02:30,062 --> 00:02:31,586
I mean, he's obsessed
with this woman.
62
00:02:31,673 --> 00:02:34,154
It's like he's been
brainwashed by some cult.
63
00:02:34,241 --> 00:02:35,372
What guy hasn't?
64
00:02:39,071 --> 00:02:40,943
I'm sorry, you said "cult."
65
00:02:44,642 --> 00:02:46,296
You're enjoying this,
aren't you?
66
00:02:46,383 --> 00:02:47,950
Yep, I got to get something
out of you living here.
67
00:02:48,037 --> 00:02:49,691
You don't pay rent.
68
00:02:51,693 --> 00:02:53,782
Listen, I think you're getting
all worked up over nothing.
69
00:02:53,869 --> 00:02:55,610
Nothing? She's 36 years old.
70
00:02:55,697 --> 00:02:57,220
So? I'm 34.
71
00:02:57,307 --> 00:02:59,222
Yeah, and I don't want you
dating my son either.
72
00:03:01,006 --> 00:03:01,964
Ouch.
73
00:03:02,051 --> 00:03:03,661
[doorbell ringing]
74
00:03:03,748 --> 00:03:05,707
- That's probably them.
- It can't be.
75
00:03:05,794 --> 00:03:07,099
Jake wouldn't ring the bell.
76
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,101
[doorbell ringing]
77
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[doorbell continues ringing]
78
00:03:16,283 --> 00:03:18,328
Um, h-hello?
79
00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:22,027
Uh, hey, Dad. Uh,
this is my girlfriend, Tammy.
80
00:03:22,114 --> 00:03:23,420
Uh, Tammy,
this is my dad, Alan.
81
00:03:23,507 --> 00:03:24,682
It's a pleasure
to meet you.
82
00:03:24,769 --> 00:03:26,902
- Likewise. Come in.
- Wow!
83
00:03:26,989 --> 00:03:31,646
[laughing]
It would take the jaws of life
to get me out of this house.
84
00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:33,604
Look, you already have
something in common.
85
00:03:34,997 --> 00:03:36,346
I'm, uh, Walden Schmidt.
86
00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:38,696
Good God,
you're prettier than I am.
87
00:03:39,697 --> 00:03:41,133
That's quite the grip.
88
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,440
Yeah. I milked cows
when I was a kid.
89
00:03:44,746 --> 00:03:46,617
Then I discovered boys.
90
00:03:47,749 --> 00:03:49,577
I'm just kidding.
91
00:03:49,664 --> 00:03:52,144
Not really.
92
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:54,538
This really is an
amazing house though.
93
00:03:54,625 --> 00:03:58,368
Thank you. Be much nicer
with a home theater..
94
00:03:58,455 --> 00:04:00,588
...but, uh, I've been
very fortunate.
95
00:04:00,675 --> 00:04:01,893
Yeah, so I've heard.
96
00:04:01,980 --> 00:04:03,808
Jake tells me
you're stupid rich.
97
00:04:05,549 --> 00:04:08,248
He tells me
you're very resourceful.
98
00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:11,947
I'll take that as a compliment.
99
00:04:12,034 --> 00:04:13,949
Please, make yourselves at home.
Have a seat.
100
00:04:14,036 --> 00:04:15,907
Is there anything I can
get you to eat or drink?
101
00:04:15,994 --> 00:04:17,387
Oh, I'd love a drink
102
00:04:17,474 --> 00:04:19,346
but it would set off
my ankle bracelet.
103
00:04:21,043 --> 00:04:22,871
Not really.
104
00:04:22,958 --> 00:04:24,829
I got that sucker
off a week ago.
105
00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:27,005
You hear that, Walden?
106
00:04:27,092 --> 00:04:28,616
She just got
her ankle bracelet off.
107
00:04:28,703 --> 00:04:30,792
I don't see how this
could get any better.
108
00:04:32,228 --> 00:04:33,534
Oh, oh, oh!
109
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It just got better!
110
00:04:38,016 --> 00:04:40,671
Well, look at you.
111
00:04:40,758 --> 00:04:42,891
Uh, now,
where would a skull be going
112
00:04:42,978 --> 00:04:45,589
that he would
even need a top hat?
113
00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:47,591
Oh, he might be going
to visit Yosemite Sam.
114
00:04:47,678 --> 00:04:49,158
Mm.
115
00:04:49,245 --> 00:04:50,855
Yeah, they're kind
of my business cards.
116
00:04:50,942 --> 00:04:52,770
I own a tattoo parlor.
117
00:04:52,857 --> 00:04:55,991
Oh, did you hear that, Walden?
She owns a tattoo parlor.
118
00:04:57,209 --> 00:04:58,689
That sounds fun.
119
00:04:58,776 --> 00:05:00,648
Yeah, it's called
Tammy's Tatties.
120
00:05:02,650 --> 00:05:04,521
It makes guys
think of boobs.
121
00:05:06,262 --> 00:05:08,569
Thank you.
122
00:05:08,656 --> 00:05:10,310
Speaking of which,
in case you forget
123
00:05:10,397 --> 00:05:12,181
my name's written
right here.
124
00:05:12,268 --> 00:05:14,096
Nice!
125
00:05:14,183 --> 00:05:15,315
What's the other
one called?
126
00:05:15,402 --> 00:05:17,491
[laughing]
127
00:05:17,578 --> 00:05:18,970
I like you.
128
00:05:19,057 --> 00:05:20,798
I like you too.
129
00:05:22,757 --> 00:05:24,846
[chuckling]
Everybody likes everybody.
130
00:05:26,238 --> 00:05:28,937
So, so, so,
how'd you two meet?
131
00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:31,505
- Oh, Jake came into my shop.
- Tammy's Tatties.
132
00:05:31,592 --> 00:05:33,942
Exactly. See, once you get it in
your head, you can't get it out.
133
00:05:34,029 --> 00:05:36,771
No, you cannot.
134
00:05:36,858 --> 00:05:38,990
Yeah, a couple of us guys from
the base went out drinking
135
00:05:39,077 --> 00:05:41,297
and they bet me 100 bucks that
I wouldn't get this tattoo
136
00:05:41,384 --> 00:05:42,994
of two arms coming out
of my butt crack.
137
00:05:43,081 --> 00:05:46,650
Like, you know, someone
was trying to escape.
138
00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:49,653
- Oh, Jake, you didn't.
- No, Tammy wouldn't let me.
139
00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:51,612
- Damn right.
- Thank you for that.
140
00:05:51,699 --> 00:05:53,570
I took one look at his ass
and I thought
141
00:05:53,657 --> 00:05:55,920
I don't want to tattoo that,
I want to bite that.
142
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Chomp.
143
00:06:06,061 --> 00:06:08,759
♪ Men ♪♪
144
00:06:08,846 --> 00:06:12,154
- Hey, what's going on?
- Jake made pizza bagels.
145
00:06:12,241 --> 00:06:14,112
I make them for Tammy's kids
all the time.
146
00:06:15,331 --> 00:06:17,725
Is it breakfast?
Is it lunch?
147
00:06:17,812 --> 00:06:19,509
Is it pizza?
Is it a bagel?
148
00:06:19,596 --> 00:06:21,685
I'll tell you what it is,
it's delightful.
149
00:06:23,426 --> 00:06:25,123
So, uh, how does
that work exactly?
150
00:06:25,210 --> 00:06:26,821
Is, uh, Tammy's ex
in the picture?
151
00:06:26,908 --> 00:06:30,302
He's in some. And in some,
his head's been torn off.
152
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:33,349
But was I right or what?
Isn't Tammy awesome?
153
00:06:33,436 --> 00:06:36,439
She seems great, but, still,
you have to acknowledge
154
00:06:36,526 --> 00:06:38,441
that this is
an unusual relationship.
155
00:06:38,528 --> 00:06:40,922
I mean she's old enough
to have you as her kid.
156
00:06:41,009 --> 00:06:43,054
So what?
You are too.
157
00:06:43,141 --> 00:06:45,143
He's got a point.
158
00:06:45,230 --> 00:06:47,929
Doesn't make any sense,
but it's a point.
159
00:06:48,016 --> 00:06:50,148
I just want to be sure
you know what you're doing.
160
00:06:50,235 --> 00:06:51,759
That's the beauty of it.
161
00:06:51,846 --> 00:06:53,717
When I don't know what
I'm doing, she shows me.
162
00:06:56,024 --> 00:06:57,721
Two-zero, Jake.
163
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,769
Face it, dad,
I'm not a kid anymore.
164
00:07:01,856 --> 00:07:04,162
Oh, baby,
you got a milk moustache.
165
00:07:04,249 --> 00:07:05,816
[chuckling]
You ready to go?
166
00:07:05,903 --> 00:07:07,514
- Yep.
- Where you guys heading?
167
00:07:07,601 --> 00:07:09,037
Oh, we're gonna do
a little shopping
168
00:07:09,124 --> 00:07:10,865
pick up some souvenirs
for my kids
169
00:07:10,952 --> 00:07:13,737
and pick up
a new nipple gun.
170
00:07:13,824 --> 00:07:16,958
- N-Nipple gun?
- Yeah, for piercing.
171
00:07:17,045 --> 00:07:19,134
You give me a body part, I can
paint it, pierce it or plug it.
172
00:07:21,353 --> 00:07:24,139
I really like her.
173
00:07:24,226 --> 00:07:26,054
Good, 'cause I want to pick
your brain, Mr. Moneybags.
174
00:07:26,141 --> 00:07:27,838
Go ahead.
175
00:07:27,925 --> 00:07:30,362
Well, I'm looking for a stable
investment for my pension plan.
176
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,539
Do you think Google's
business model is sustainable
177
00:07:32,626 --> 00:07:34,366
over a 20-year period?
178
00:07:36,847 --> 00:07:40,024
Tell you what, while you're out,
I'll google it.
179
00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:42,026
[laughing]
You're funny.
180
00:07:42,113 --> 00:07:44,594
- Come on, babe.
- Alright. See you, guys.
181
00:07:44,681 --> 00:07:47,597
- This makes no sense.
- What are you talking about?
182
00:07:47,684 --> 00:07:49,425
She's beautiful,
she's cool, she's smart.
183
00:07:49,512 --> 00:07:51,383
Exactly. What the hell
is she doing with Jake?
184
00:07:52,254 --> 00:07:54,648
Besides doing him?
185
00:07:54,735 --> 00:07:56,563
- You're not helping.
- I'm not trying to.
186
00:08:00,088 --> 00:08:01,785
♪ Men ♪♪
187
00:08:05,746 --> 00:08:06,964
Wow.
188
00:08:09,314 --> 00:08:11,491
You ever get tired
of this view?
189
00:08:11,578 --> 00:08:12,753
I do not.
190
00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:14,711
I've worked hard for it.
191
00:08:16,583 --> 00:08:18,672
Good one.
192
00:08:18,759 --> 00:08:21,022
- Can I ask you a question?
- Sure.
193
00:08:21,109 --> 00:08:23,503
What do you hate
about me the most?
194
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:25,940
No, I don't, I don't hate
anything about you.
195
00:08:26,027 --> 00:08:27,332
Oh, please.
196
00:08:28,290 --> 00:08:30,205
I've been in your shoes.
197
00:08:30,292 --> 00:08:32,990
My 17-year-old daughter
brought home a 32-year-old guy
198
00:08:33,077 --> 00:08:34,296
and I chased
that son of a bitch
199
00:08:34,383 --> 00:08:36,516
right out of the house
with a gun.
200
00:08:36,603 --> 00:08:37,778
Oh, my God.
201
00:08:37,865 --> 00:08:40,650
Well, it was a nipple gun.
202
00:08:40,737 --> 00:08:42,304
Which explains
why I needed a new one
203
00:08:42,391 --> 00:08:44,436
and also why I was wearing
an ankle bracelet.
204
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:50,617
The point is, I get what
people think about me.
205
00:08:50,704 --> 00:08:52,357
And they're only looking
at the surface.
206
00:08:52,444 --> 00:08:54,708
Well, there's a lot
to look at.
207
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:59,451
Look, here's all you need
to know about me.
208
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,105
I'm raising three kids
by myself
209
00:09:01,192 --> 00:09:02,890
I run a successful business,
and I own a three-bedroom house
210
00:09:02,977 --> 00:09:04,369
that's not on wheels.
211
00:09:04,456 --> 00:09:06,720
So anybody who judges me,
can kiss my ass
212
00:09:06,807 --> 00:09:08,678
right on my tattoo
of Brad Paisley.
213
00:09:10,245 --> 00:09:11,681
I-I'm not judging you.
214
00:09:11,768 --> 00:09:15,424
I just, I-I don't understand
why you're with Jake.
215
00:09:15,511 --> 00:09:17,295
I'm with him
because I care about him.
216
00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:21,430
I mean he's sweet
and kind and funny.
217
00:09:23,214 --> 00:09:24,999
And I don't know when
the last time you had sex
218
00:09:25,086 --> 00:09:27,741
with a 19-year-old boy was,
but it is a lot of fun.
219
00:09:30,352 --> 00:09:32,789
Then eight minutes later,
it's a lot of fun again.
220
00:09:34,269 --> 00:09:36,140
Um, I'll-I'll take
your word for it.
221
00:09:37,881 --> 00:09:39,404
Alan, has anybody
ever looked at you
222
00:09:39,491 --> 00:09:42,146
like you were the greatest thing
on the planet?
223
00:09:42,233 --> 00:09:44,105
Do strippers count?
224
00:09:44,192 --> 00:09:46,890
- No.
- Then no.
225
00:09:46,977 --> 00:09:48,849
Well, that's the way
Jake looks at me.
226
00:09:51,025 --> 00:09:52,635
He thinks I can do no wrong
227
00:09:52,722 --> 00:09:55,159
and he worships the ground
I walk on.
228
00:09:55,246 --> 00:09:58,162
Uh, to be fair, for a while,
he worshipped Twinkies.
229
00:09:58,249 --> 00:10:01,209
[laughing]
Yeah. Yeah, he still does.
230
00:10:01,296 --> 00:10:03,080
But don't worry, I don't let him
have sugar past 9:00.
231
00:10:03,167 --> 00:10:04,995
Mm.
232
00:10:05,082 --> 00:10:06,954
The bottom line is,
I think your son is terrific.
233
00:10:08,999 --> 00:10:10,958
And I know what we have
isn't gonna last forever
234
00:10:11,045 --> 00:10:14,004
but it's what I want
in my life right now.
235
00:10:14,091 --> 00:10:17,138
I'm really sorry
if you don't approve.
236
00:10:17,225 --> 00:10:18,879
Well, you have
to understand
237
00:10:18,966 --> 00:10:20,532
Jake is still my..
238
00:10:21,795 --> 00:10:22,970
...baby.
239
00:10:23,057 --> 00:10:25,233
I hear you.
240
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:26,843
It's exactly what I told
the judge
241
00:10:26,930 --> 00:10:28,932
when he wanted to try
my oldest son as an adult.
242
00:10:31,282 --> 00:10:33,154
They're always your babies.
243
00:10:35,765 --> 00:10:38,115
♪ Men ♪♪
244
00:10:38,202 --> 00:10:39,682
- Hey.
- Hey.
245
00:10:39,769 --> 00:10:41,075
You busy?
246
00:10:41,162 --> 00:10:43,033
I'm thinking about
getting a tattoo.
247
00:10:44,426 --> 00:10:46,515
How about this?
248
00:10:46,602 --> 00:10:49,561
It's just a bunch
of ones and zeroes.
249
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,739
Yeah, it's my favorite
Gandhi quote in binary code.
250
00:10:54,131 --> 00:10:57,004
"You can never
imprison my mind."
251
00:10:57,091 --> 00:10:58,440
Why don't you just
get one that says
252
00:10:58,527 --> 00:11:00,398
"I'm a nerd,
don't sleep with me"?
253
00:11:02,052 --> 00:11:04,620
Did you want something?
254
00:11:04,707 --> 00:11:06,100
Yeah, I was wondering
if you know
255
00:11:06,187 --> 00:11:07,754
why my dad's being
such a jerk.
256
00:11:07,841 --> 00:11:10,321
Oh, dads worry.
It's their job.
257
00:11:10,408 --> 00:11:11,714
I'm practically a dad
258
00:11:11,801 --> 00:11:13,673
and I don't act like that
toward my children.
259
00:11:15,239 --> 00:11:17,111
That's because you
respect your elders.
260
00:11:20,027 --> 00:11:22,812
Look, your dad just doesn't
want to see you get hurt.
261
00:11:22,899 --> 00:11:26,294
- How am I gonna get hurt?
- Are you kidding me?
262
00:11:26,381 --> 00:11:30,472
Have you never seen a movie or
heard a song or read a poem?
263
00:11:30,559 --> 00:11:33,518
Uh, yes,
yes, and no.
264
00:11:33,605 --> 00:11:36,260
Okay, listen, I think your dad
just needs a little time
265
00:11:36,347 --> 00:11:38,480
to get used to the idea of you
and Tammy being together.
266
00:11:38,567 --> 00:11:40,090
Yeah, well, he'd better hurry
267
00:11:40,177 --> 00:11:42,136
'cause tomorrow we're gonna go
to Vegas and get married.
268
00:11:44,138 --> 00:11:46,314
That should be
plenty of time.
269
00:11:46,401 --> 00:11:48,316
♪ Men ♪♪
270
00:11:52,233 --> 00:11:53,800
♪ Men ♪♪
271
00:11:53,887 --> 00:11:55,627
Oh, you can't
be serious.
272
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,238
Are-are you really
getting married?
273
00:11:57,325 --> 00:12:00,284
Yeah, I mean, assuming
Tammy says "Yes."
274
00:12:00,371 --> 00:12:03,026
Oh, okay, you haven't thought
this through at all.
275
00:12:03,113 --> 00:12:04,462
No, I totally have.
276
00:12:04,549 --> 00:12:06,421
I've even started
on our vows. Here.
277
00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:10,164
"I can't wait to start
our life together.
278
00:12:10,251 --> 00:12:13,820
"I like it when you dress
in leather.
279
00:12:13,907 --> 00:12:15,691
"I'll love you forever
and a day
280
00:12:15,778 --> 00:12:17,649
"you make me glad
I'm not gay."
281
00:12:19,564 --> 00:12:22,089
And you said
you've never read poetry.
282
00:12:22,176 --> 00:12:23,786
Alright,
here, listen.
283
00:12:23,873 --> 00:12:25,483
You're too young
to get married.
284
00:12:25,570 --> 00:12:27,790
- You got married at my age.
- Yeah, and look what happened.
285
00:12:27,877 --> 00:12:29,749
I lost my wife
and half my money
286
00:12:29,836 --> 00:12:32,664
and the only thing I gained
was your father.
287
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,144
I'm not going to argue
about this with you.
288
00:12:34,231 --> 00:12:35,711
Just don't say anything
to my dad, alright?
289
00:12:35,798 --> 00:12:38,845
You can't do this to me.
I hate keeping secrets.
290
00:12:38,932 --> 00:12:41,282
Don't worry, I'll tell him
when the time is right.
291
00:12:41,369 --> 00:12:42,544
When? After you get married?
292
00:12:42,631 --> 00:12:44,764
- That's a good idea.
- No!
293
00:12:44,851 --> 00:12:46,766
No, you-you need
to tell him before.
294
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:48,115
That's not going
to happen
295
00:12:48,202 --> 00:12:49,377
and you're not going
to tell him either.
296
00:12:49,464 --> 00:12:51,858
Okay, look, your dad
is my best friend
297
00:12:51,945 --> 00:12:53,860
and you're putting me in
a very difficult position.
298
00:12:53,947 --> 00:12:55,600
Hey, Tammy put me
in a difficult position
299
00:12:55,687 --> 00:12:57,602
the other night too,
and it worked out great.
300
00:12:59,256 --> 00:13:01,302
Hey, why don't you
just tell your father?
301
00:13:01,389 --> 00:13:02,825
'Cause he'll just say
it's a bad idea.
302
00:13:02,912 --> 00:13:04,914
You know why?
'Cause it's a bad idea!
303
00:13:05,872 --> 00:13:07,612
Jake, get back here!
304
00:13:07,699 --> 00:13:09,658
Do not do this to me!
305
00:13:09,745 --> 00:13:11,616
I just want a home theater.
306
00:13:12,574 --> 00:13:14,358
♪ Men ♪♪
307
00:13:14,445 --> 00:13:15,664
[knocking on door]
308
00:13:15,751 --> 00:13:18,232
Hey, dinner's
almost ready.
309
00:13:18,319 --> 00:13:20,364
I'm gonna pass.
310
00:13:20,451 --> 00:13:21,888
What? You can't.
311
00:13:21,975 --> 00:13:23,193
Jake's making gnocchi.
312
00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,848
He's into cooking things
he can't spell.
313
00:13:25,935 --> 00:13:27,676
What's for dessert, cake?
314
00:13:27,763 --> 00:13:29,069
Pie.
315
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:34,335
- Come on, join us.
- No, it's-it's a family thing.
316
00:13:34,422 --> 00:13:37,033
I don't want to get
in the middle of it.
317
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,644
Oh, oh, there's, there's nothing
to get in the middle of.
318
00:13:39,731 --> 00:13:41,429
I, uh, I had a nice
conversation with Tammy
319
00:13:41,516 --> 00:13:43,953
and she knows this thing
with Jake isn't serious.
320
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:46,956
- Does Jake know that?
- Well, I assume he does.
321
00:13:47,043 --> 00:13:50,090
Why? Did he say
something to you?
322
00:13:50,177 --> 00:13:51,874
[chuckling]
Did he say something?
323
00:13:51,961 --> 00:13:53,571
Why would he say
something to me? I..
324
00:13:53,658 --> 00:13:55,225
Let's go eat.
325
00:13:55,312 --> 00:13:56,792
I-I thought you
didn't want to eat.
326
00:13:56,879 --> 00:13:58,402
I changed my mind,
just like you did.
327
00:13:58,489 --> 00:13:59,795
You didn't like Tammy,
now you do.
328
00:13:59,882 --> 00:14:01,753
Who knows what's going
to happen next? Not me.
329
00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:06,106
Oh.
330
00:14:06,193 --> 00:14:07,585
Quarters.
331
00:14:10,371 --> 00:14:12,199
He's a billionaire,
he's not going to miss it.
332
00:14:14,288 --> 00:14:17,030
♪ Men ♪♪
333
00:14:17,117 --> 00:14:19,641
Jake, this gnocchi
is amazing.
334
00:14:19,728 --> 00:14:21,686
Yeah, I like to make it
'cause it sounds like nookie.
335
00:14:24,515 --> 00:14:25,865
Get it?
336
00:14:25,952 --> 00:14:27,388
I do.
337
00:14:27,475 --> 00:14:28,868
Not as much as I do.
338
00:14:28,955 --> 00:14:30,870
[both laughing]
339
00:14:33,829 --> 00:14:37,180
So, uh, Tammy, where did you
learn the art of tattooing?
340
00:14:37,267 --> 00:14:38,573
Prison.
341
00:14:39,661 --> 00:14:41,402
I'm kidding. Juvie.
342
00:14:42,490 --> 00:14:44,361
- Kidding?
- Nope.
343
00:14:46,276 --> 00:14:48,235
Jakey, you haven't even touched
your asparagus.
344
00:14:48,322 --> 00:14:50,411
- I don't like asparagus.
- Then why'd you make it?
345
00:14:50,498 --> 00:14:51,803
'Cause you like it.
346
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,196
Don't try to butter
me up, young man.
347
00:14:53,283 --> 00:14:54,937
- Eat your vegetables.
- I don't wanna.
348
00:14:55,024 --> 00:14:57,374
Jake, listen to your ma..
349
00:14:57,461 --> 00:14:59,681
...arvelous girlfriend.
350
00:14:59,768 --> 00:15:02,075
Look, just take
a few tiny bites.
351
00:15:02,162 --> 00:15:04,120
- 'Do I have to?'
- 'It's delicious.'
352
00:15:04,207 --> 00:15:06,949
Yeah, it really is. Did you know
that the asparagus plant
353
00:15:07,036 --> 00:15:08,472
uh, dates back
to ancient..
354
00:15:08,559 --> 00:15:10,822
Jake's taking Tammy to Vegas
to get married!
355
00:15:13,608 --> 00:15:14,914
Rome.
356
00:15:15,871 --> 00:15:17,481
What the hell, dude?
357
00:15:17,568 --> 00:15:19,831
I told you
I'm not good with secrets.
358
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:22,138
- Baby, you want to get married?
- Uh, no, no, no, he doesn't.
359
00:15:22,225 --> 00:15:24,924
Yes, he does.
360
00:15:25,011 --> 00:15:27,361
I can't wait
for our life together.
361
00:15:27,448 --> 00:15:28,492
I like it
when you dress in le--
362
00:15:28,579 --> 00:15:29,929
No-nobody's getting married.
363
00:15:30,016 --> 00:15:31,931
We are, 'cause we love
each other, right?
364
00:15:32,018 --> 00:15:33,367
Damn right we do.
365
00:15:33,454 --> 00:15:35,630
I thought you were just
using him for his body!
366
00:15:35,717 --> 00:15:37,980
You said that?
You're so sweet.
367
00:15:38,067 --> 00:15:39,634
'N-n-n-no!'
368
00:15:39,721 --> 00:15:42,506
I am not going to let you throw
your life away like this!
369
00:15:42,593 --> 00:15:44,421
Wait, which one of us
are you talking to?
370
00:15:44,508 --> 00:15:46,119
My son, the idiot.
371
00:15:46,206 --> 00:15:48,860
Oh, so, because he wants
to marry me, he's an idiot?
372
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:53,169
Uh, to be fair, he was an idiot
long before he met you.
373
00:15:53,256 --> 00:15:54,910
I don't need you
to defend me.
374
00:15:54,997 --> 00:15:56,999
Come on, Tammy,
let's get out of here.
375
00:15:57,086 --> 00:15:59,480
Oh, Jake, you can't possibly
be this stupid.
376
00:15:59,567 --> 00:16:01,308
You know, it doesn't matter
what you think of me.
377
00:16:01,395 --> 00:16:03,658
But why the hell do you have
such a low opinion of your son?
378
00:16:05,747 --> 00:16:07,662
Because I know him!
379
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,274
Could be worse.
380
00:16:11,361 --> 00:16:13,015
He could be one
of those showbiz kids
381
00:16:13,102 --> 00:16:14,843
who goes off the rails.
382
00:16:16,584 --> 00:16:18,281
♪ Men ♪♪
383
00:16:20,457 --> 00:16:22,807
Alright, there's
a 24-hour chapel in Vegas.
384
00:16:22,894 --> 00:16:25,723
If we hurry, we can get there
before it closes.
385
00:16:25,810 --> 00:16:27,595
Yeah, I don't think
we should go to Vegas.
386
00:16:27,682 --> 00:16:29,727
Why not?
387
00:16:29,814 --> 00:16:31,164
A wedding's supposed
to be about bringing
388
00:16:31,251 --> 00:16:33,166
a family together,
not breaking it apart.
389
00:16:33,253 --> 00:16:34,602
Hang on a sec.
390
00:16:34,689 --> 00:16:36,517
You were just as mad
at my dad as I was
391
00:16:36,604 --> 00:16:38,084
and now you're on his side?
392
00:16:38,171 --> 00:16:39,476
I'm not choosing sides.
393
00:16:39,563 --> 00:16:42,262
Your dad's a tool
with a bad haircut.
394
00:16:42,349 --> 00:16:44,481
But I'm just saying,
if we were to get married
395
00:16:44,568 --> 00:16:46,222
I would want
the whole family there.
396
00:16:46,309 --> 00:16:49,486
My kids, your dad, the guy
your dad sponges off of.
397
00:16:50,835 --> 00:16:52,968
Yeah, well,
I don't want him there.
398
00:16:53,055 --> 00:16:55,057
You know, Jake, you're
lucky you have a dad.
399
00:16:55,144 --> 00:16:56,972
When I was five,
mine went out for a sandwich
400
00:16:57,059 --> 00:16:58,887
and never came back.
401
00:16:58,974 --> 00:17:00,715
What kind of sandwich?
402
00:17:01,368 --> 00:17:02,978
What?
403
00:17:03,065 --> 00:17:04,327
Sorry, we left
in the middle of dinner.
404
00:17:04,414 --> 00:17:06,677
I'm still kind of hungry.
405
00:17:06,764 --> 00:17:09,071
Look, the point is, I don't
want to be the cause
406
00:17:09,158 --> 00:17:10,986
of an estrangement between
you and your father.
407
00:17:11,073 --> 00:17:15,817
Don't worry, my dad was pretty
estrange before he met you.
408
00:17:15,904 --> 00:17:18,820
Okay, look, let's approach
this from a different angle.
409
00:17:18,907 --> 00:17:20,039
Sit.
410
00:17:23,216 --> 00:17:25,392
I think before we do
anything else
411
00:17:25,479 --> 00:17:27,524
you need to make things
right with your dad.
412
00:17:27,611 --> 00:17:29,352
I think he needs to make
things right with me.
413
00:17:29,439 --> 00:17:32,051
It doesn't matter
who takes the first step.
414
00:17:32,138 --> 00:17:34,140
Jake, he loves you
415
00:17:34,227 --> 00:17:37,230
and that's not something
you can just throw away.
416
00:17:37,317 --> 00:17:39,188
You're more important
to me than he is.
417
00:17:40,842 --> 00:17:43,236
Thank you.
418
00:17:43,323 --> 00:17:45,977
But family is the most
important thing in the world.
419
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,980
That's why I make sure
my kids get to see their dad
420
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,634
even if he is
behind Plexiglas
421
00:17:50,721 --> 00:17:52,419
wearing an orange jumpsuit.
422
00:17:54,899 --> 00:17:56,292
I can't believe
I'm not going to be there
423
00:17:56,379 --> 00:17:58,338
to see my only son
get married.
424
00:17:58,425 --> 00:18:00,122
Well, if it makes you
feel any better
425
00:18:00,209 --> 00:18:02,124
I'm pretty sure you'll have
many more opportunities.
426
00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:05,867
I got married in Vegas
427
00:18:05,954 --> 00:18:07,695
and divorced in Reno.
428
00:18:08,870 --> 00:18:10,567
Hell of a weekend.
429
00:18:12,526 --> 00:18:14,136
Dad, I got to talk to you.
430
00:18:14,223 --> 00:18:16,399
Yeah, yeah, I-I need
to talk to you too.
431
00:18:16,486 --> 00:18:20,708
Um, I want to tell you
both that I'm sorry..
432
00:18:20,795 --> 00:18:22,710
...um, that..
433
00:18:22,797 --> 00:18:26,975
...if marrying Tammy
is the right thing for you..
434
00:18:27,062 --> 00:18:29,238
...you have my love
and support.
435
00:18:29,325 --> 00:18:31,153
- We're not getting married.
- Oh, thank God!
436
00:18:33,721 --> 00:18:35,636
Jake, I'm also sorry.
437
00:18:35,723 --> 00:18:37,899
You're dead to me.
438
00:18:37,986 --> 00:18:40,902
And your room's a home theater.
439
00:18:40,989 --> 00:18:42,904
W-what made you
change your mind?
440
00:18:42,991 --> 00:18:45,036
I just decided that
I don't want to get married
441
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,995
unless you're going to be the
one to walk me down the aisle.
442
00:18:49,389 --> 00:18:50,999
A-Actually the dad
walks the, uh..
443
00:18:51,086 --> 00:18:53,784
- Let it go.
- Right.
444
00:18:53,871 --> 00:18:55,612
I just, I want you
to be happy.
445
00:18:55,699 --> 00:18:58,920
Thanks, and, you know, someday
we are going to get married
446
00:18:59,007 --> 00:19:03,229
maybe get a dog or a leopard,
have a couple kids of our own.
447
00:19:03,316 --> 00:19:05,144
Maybe more than a couple,
maybe, like, two or three.
448
00:19:10,671 --> 00:19:12,194
[mouthing]
449
00:19:15,806 --> 00:19:17,678
You're going to need
a bigger house.
450
00:19:18,505 --> 00:19:20,159
♪ Men ♪♪
451
00:19:24,728 --> 00:19:26,687
♪ Men ♪♪
452
00:19:26,774 --> 00:19:28,645
You know, this place
could really use a home gym.
453
00:19:30,691 --> 00:19:33,084
That's a good idea.
454
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,086
Where could we put it?
455
00:19:37,306 --> 00:19:38,612
I've been, uh,
thinking about names
456
00:19:38,699 --> 00:19:40,222
for when Tammy and I
have our first kid.
457
00:19:40,309 --> 00:19:42,050
[laughing]
458
00:19:42,137 --> 00:19:43,660
You're enjoying this,
aren't you?
459
00:19:43,747 --> 00:19:45,314
Yep.
460
00:19:45,401 --> 00:19:47,751
Although I-I am a little worried
about a third generation
461
00:19:47,838 --> 00:19:49,710
of freeloaders living here.
462
00:19:51,668 --> 00:19:53,670
If it's a boy, what do you think
about Walden Harper?
463
00:19:53,757 --> 00:19:56,064
- I like it.
- No.
464
00:19:56,151 --> 00:19:57,457
Alright, then I guess
it's down to either
465
00:19:57,544 --> 00:19:59,241
Alan or Xiang Xao.
466
00:20:01,330 --> 00:20:03,071
Xiang Xao?
467
00:20:03,158 --> 00:20:04,681
Yeah, I've got to be ready, Dad.
468
00:20:04,768 --> 00:20:07,118
They say one out of every three
babies born is Chinese.
469
00:20:11,775 --> 00:20:12,950
I love it.
470
00:20:15,518 --> 00:20:17,216
♪ Men ♪♪
471
00:20:21,481 --> 00:20:22,395
♪ Men men men men ♪
472
00:20:22,482 --> 00:20:23,787
♪ Manly men men men ♪
473
00:20:23,874 --> 00:20:25,572
♪ Men men men men ♪♪ Oo ♪
474
00:20:25,659 --> 00:20:27,182
♪ Manly men men men ♪♪ Oo hoo hoo hoo oo ♪
475
00:20:27,269 --> 00:20:30,054
♪ Men men men men manly men ♪♪ Oo ♪
476
00:20:30,141 --> 00:20:32,056
♪ Oo hoo hoo hoo oo ♪♪ Oo ♪
477
00:20:32,143 --> 00:20:33,667
♪ Men men men men ♪
478
00:20:33,754 --> 00:20:35,495
♪ Manly men men men ♪♪ Hoo hoo ♪
479
00:20:35,582 --> 00:20:36,713
♪ Men men men men ♪
480
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,019
♪ Manly men men men ♪
481
00:20:38,106 --> 00:20:40,804
♪ Ha ha ♪♪ Men ♪♪
35521
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