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Boo!
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Yeow!
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I just need to read that again.
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SHE LAUGHS
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APPLAUSE
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Hello, welcome to Taskmaster.
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I'm Greg Davies
and I am the wizard of Task Towers.
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With a wave of my wand, five
intelligent, successful people
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00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:42,680
have parked their dignity and
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bravely exposed themselves
to judgment.
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One of them even trumped
a bit of his bottom out
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trying to please me,
for goodness' sake.
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How far will our magical five
be prepared to go today?
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Let's meet them and find out.
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They are Charlotte Ritchie,
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Jamali Maddix, Lee Mack,
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Mike Wozniak, and Sarah Kendall.
CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
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And next to me, a man who once
drunkenly confessed
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that he hasn't brought car tax or
insurance since the '90s
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because he thinks it's an example
of big government,
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it's little Alex Horne.
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00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:19,560
APPLAUSE
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Hi, Greg. Hello.
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I've had a birthday. Oh, God.
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My mother and father gave me £10.
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All right, stop. £10 each.
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I have, um... I've budgeted
on this occasion
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for Alex wittering away
to total silence
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and I've decided that
we're going to start the show
slightly differently.
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Alex is going to do some extreme
improvisation for you. Is he?
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Ooh! Yeah. So, Mike, if you'd like
to give me a song style.
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Funk. Charlotte, perhaps you'd
like to give me a dance style.
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Disco.
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Disco and funk, meh,
it's a bit kind on him.
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Oh, sorry, I meant disco break.
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Disco break. What is disco break?
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You know. You know. You know.
It's in your bones.
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And finally, Sarah, I need,
an event from history.
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The division of North
and South Korea.
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LAUGHTER
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And so, ladies and gentlemen,
for your entertainment,
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Alex will represent the division
of North and South Korea in, um...
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..in a disco break dance-style
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singing a funk song.
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♪ In 1953, there was
a terrible situation
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♪ Ow! # Uh...
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♪ When everyone got very sad
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♪ Because they divided the nation. ♪
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CHEERS
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Yay!
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APPLAUSE
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That was rubbish and...
Still better.
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..it was much better than
what you had to say.
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On with the prize task.
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Yes, on we pop,
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and this week the category is
the most satisfying wobbly thing.
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Greg will judge whose thing is
the most satisfyingly wobbly one
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and give that person five points.
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At the end of the episode,
one lucky person will take home
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00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,560
all five wobbly things
and be totally satisfied.
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I'll tell you now, anyone who's
brought a jelly, no points.
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OK, Jamali, what's your satisfying
wobbly thing?
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Do you know what, this is... I had
a whole speech lined up
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cos I feel like whenever I put in
minimal effort, you go,
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"You know what, Jamali, you actually
tried, here's four points," right?
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So, right, then when you just said
that, I was like,
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"Oh, right, so it's gone, then."
I've got...
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I genuinely didn't know you'd
brought a jelly in.
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No, but it's not just jelly, innit?
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Cos I knew you would just go
tut-tut-tut. Yeah.
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So what I did is I still brought
in jelly,
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but inside the jelly is
a complete Rubik's cube.
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Here we go. Ah.
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There you go.
It's pretty satisfying.
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Well, how's it satisfying?
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Because Rubik's cubes are hard
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and to see a complete Rubik's cube
kind of gives me a bit of joy.
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It's aesthetically pleasing.
I'll take three points.
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Yeah? Feels like a three-er,
does it?
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I'm thinking three. Well, there
might be people who've done worse.
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If anyone's just brought a jelly in,
I'm going to attack them.
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LAUGHTER Right.
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Who's next? Lee, you like a wobble,
what have you brought in?
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My daughter. She's eight and she
loves you guys, you know that,
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and every night she puts her head
on my belly.
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She nuzzles up and she says,
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"Can I just say, Daddy, your belly's
so wobbly and lovely,"
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and I said, "Funny enough, I have
to take a wobbly thing
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"in to Taskmaster."
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And she said, "Take your belly in."
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I said, "I can't
take my belly in to Taskmaster."
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She said, "Why don't you make it
out of jelly?" And...
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LAUGHTER
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And so I have, and there it is.
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It's a jelly belly.
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Why does your jelly of your belly
have abs?
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Yeah, it is a fair point that
that...
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There's absolutely no way that
that's your belly.
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I'm not gonna lie, I didn't make
a cast because I didn't have time.
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I shaped it with my hands
and, in a way,
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I do see myself not too
dissimilar to that.
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So, so far, after me slagging
anyone who brought in jelly,
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we've had two jellies. Next.
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Charlotte.
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Hm.
LAUGHTER
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Gulp!
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So, it's a bit personal this but,
obviously, this show
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has taken its toll
on my ego, my self-esteem.
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Yeah, I can imagine.
Um, yeah, and...
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Sorry, Charlotte, you've brought
a jelly in, haven't you?
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00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:06,880
Yeah, inside is
a letter from my therapist
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00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:08,880
commenting on my wobbly
sense of self-esteem.
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Right. Oh. Here it is, the letter
from her therapist in a jelly.
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Yeah.
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I have to say, that is
more like my belly than my belly.
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It is. Isn't it? Oh, God.
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This is so heart-breaking.
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100% jelly so far, Greg. Hm.
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100% jelly across the board.
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00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:27,800
Did you know they found
jelly on the moon? Moon jelly.
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They didn't find moon jelly, Alex.
They did.
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They said it's exactly the same as
Earth jelly, but it's on the moon.
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Probably the astronauts left it up
there. So they didn't find jelly on
the moon?
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Later astronauts did.
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Sorry, are you saying that
someone found Neil Armstrong's jelly
on the moon?
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That's what's written here.
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It's written there on a document
that you typed?
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Very much so. Very much so.
LAUGHTER
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Who's, um... Who's brought
the next jelly in? Mike?
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I've not gone for jelly.
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Huh! Aw! Oh, well, congratulations,
five points.
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I've got an old-school classic. I've
gone for a milk tooth. Tooth?
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A milk tooth.
Here is the milk tooth.
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Which is surely the most satisfying
wobbly thing of all.
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00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:04,480
You get a wobble, it's satisfying
already. Yes.
136
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If your six-years-old, it's the best
chat fuel in the business.
137
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It's chat fuel? Yeah, big time chat
fuel time.
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It's chap... Chat fuel.
139
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Chap? Chat, chat, chat. Chat.
140
00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:15,440
How you feel and what you
talk about in the playground,
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"Good old Martha's got a wobbly
tooth, let's go, let's talk about
it, let's have a wobble,
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"let's talk about how we're going to
get it out." Ain't that the truth.
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I hated having loose
teeth as a child.
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I found it a disturbing sensation.
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But was it satisfying
when they came out?
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I don't know. You don't know?
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I don't know if I find it
satisfying. Oh. Right.
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00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:35,360
Sarah, what wobbly object
have you brought?
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00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:39,040
Um, I brought in a sausage
of chicken meat.
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A what?
LAUGHTER
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A sausage of chicken meat.
A sausage of chicken meat?
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A sausage of chicken meat.
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It really is a sausage of chicken
meat. Do you want to see it?
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Yeah. Here is the sausage
of chicken meat.
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Did you buy it with a view to eat...
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..having a sausage of chicken meat
in your home?
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I bought it to wobble it. I was
sitting in my lounge and I thought,
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"Is it satisfyingly wobbly?"
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And then I started really wanging
it in the lounge room.
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I'm like, "This is really..." like,
to the point where I was surprised
161
00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:06,280
by how wobbly it was and I wanged it
so hard the end came off,
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I had to gaffer it back on.
LAUGHTER
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What's your technique to
get the wobble?
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Uh, it's a lot of elbow work. OK.
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I mean, I don't want to...
I don't want to boast,
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but I've got pretty good upper body
strength at the moment.
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Cool.LAUGHTER Are you going to mark the wobblers?
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Here's your decision, it's the first
time I've ever done it.
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I'm giving everybody here three
points. What, everyone?
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Yeah. That's how I feel.
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They're all as wobbly
and as satisfying as each other.
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So, they're either all good or
they're all shit. It doesn't matter.
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That was a waste of everyone's time.
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In that case, everyone gets three
points. Well done, everybody. Yay!
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APPLAUSE
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OK, on with the show.
What's the first task proper?
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00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:45,560
Inflation, some wrapping,
a little bit of munch-munch
178
00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:48,120
and quite a lot of TikTok.
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00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:50,160
EERIE DISCORDANT MUSIC
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KNOCK ON DOOR
Come in.
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00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:03,120
Hello, Alex. Oh, hello, Mike.
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Feeling all right?
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00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:05,760
Yeah, how are you?
184
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:07,720
Excited. You're excited?
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00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:09,680
Yeah.
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00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:10,920
Here we go.
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Say the word "metronome" between
every tick of this metronome.
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You may not touch or stop
the metronome.
189
00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:21,840
Also, you must blow up
and tie a balloon
190
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so it's bigger than your head.
191
00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:25,480
Neatly gift wrap the balloon.
192
00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:27,480
And eat three whole poppadoms.
193
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You have five minutes.
194
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The person who accomplishes
the most things
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00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:36,760
within the fewest
missed metronomes wins.
196
00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:40,280
Your time starts when the metronome
starts. OK.
197
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,640
Also, you must blow up
and tie a balloon
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00:08:42,680 --> 00:08:45,080
so it's bigger than your head,
neatly gift...
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00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:47,640
That's a bit unfair actually cos I
have got a massive head.
200
00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:50,360
It is big. So, you know, I bet
someone like Sarah Kendall,
201
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:53,560
who's known in the industry
as Pinhead,
202
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,320
you know, she'll just do that.
203
00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:58,760
Blow up a balloon bigger than
your head,
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00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:02,000
wrap it, three poppadoms.
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00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:04,560
I'm in.
METRONOME BEGINS TO TICK
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00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:06,840
Metronome. Metronome.
207
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,160
Metronome.
208
00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:10,960
Metronome. Metronome.
209
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:12,840
Metronome. Metronome...
210
00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:16,680
Metronome. Metronome.
211
00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:18,120
Metronome.
212
00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:19,840
Metronome. Metronome.
213
00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:24,800
Well, it instantly
sounds like a weird cult.
214
00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:26,080
Have you got a pinhead?
215
00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:28,400
Yes. Once you take the make-up
and the hair off,
216
00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:30,640
it's about the size of your pencil.
Is it?
217
00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:32,160
Is it?!
218
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:34,880
She does have quite a lot
of hair though. Are we including
hair in head?
219
00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:37,720
Oh, no, you can't include hair.
Definitely not, that's the
wrapping paper.
220
00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:40,400
No, hair is different to head,
that's why... It grows ON the head.
221
00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:42,720
..there's two different words.
LAUGHTER
222
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Yeah, I thought so. Yeah, me too.
Yeah. Yeah.
223
00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:46,440
Let's crack on.
So those rules,
224
00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:50,400
accomplish the most tasks
with the fewest missed metronomes.
225
00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:52,600
Lovely. We're going to start with a
guy who used to go
226
00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:56,840
by the name of Niak, now we call him
Mike, yes Mike was Niak.
227
00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:59,240
LAUGHTER Here... Here's his attempt.
228
00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:00,960
Here's his attempt. Wow.
229
00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:05,040
METRONOME TICKS
230
00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:07,240
Metronome... Metronome.
231
00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:08,760
Metronome...
232
00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,520
Metronome.
233
00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:13,240
Metronome... Metronome.
234
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,720
Metronome. Metronome.
235
00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:18,600
Metronome... Metronome.
236
00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:20,440
Metronome. Metronome.
237
00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:22,240
How are you at wrapping?
Metronome...
238
00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:23,480
Metronome... So, so.
239
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:25,840
Metronome... Metronome.
240
00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:28,040
Metronome. Metronome.
241
00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:30,720
Metronome... Metronome.
242
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,960
Metronome. Metronome.
243
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,800
Metronome... Metronome.
244
00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:37,800
You've got one minute left.
Metronome... Metronome.
245
00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:39,480
MOUTH FULL: Metronome. Metronome.
246
00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:41,040
Metronome... Metronome.
247
00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:43,600
MUFFLED: Metronome. Metronome.
248
00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:46,320
Metronome... Metronome.
HE CHUCKLES, SPLUTTERS
249
00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:49,120
Metronome.
HE MUMBLES
250
00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:51,800
It's all...all gone.
251
00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:54,440
WHISTLE BLOWS
252
00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:57,960
It's all gone.
APPLAUSE
253
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:01,120
CRUNCHING
254
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,280
HE STOPS CRUNCHING
LAUGHTER
255
00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:05,560
HE CRUNCHES, STOPS
LAUGHTER
256
00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:10,080
Thank you, Mike. Thank you.
257
00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:12,120
CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
258
00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:18,800
I mean, I don't think there's
anything in life that fazes you.
259
00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:21,520
Don't think people are fazed by
poppadoms, are they, normally?
260
00:11:21,560 --> 00:11:25,400
But most people would, in their
response to a task like that,
261
00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:29,520
you see some facial change
that would suggest
262
00:11:29,560 --> 00:11:31,920
you think this is an unusual thing
to be doing.
263
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:34,240
I just like to be told what to do.
264
00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:35,760
Is that what it is?
265
00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:38,640
Yeah. Even if it's wrap a balloon,
say "metronome" and eating
some poppadoms.
266
00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:40,480
I'm just like,
for the next five minutes...
267
00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:43,520
..it's easy street.
LAUGHTER
268
00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:46,720
You're a very strange man.
269
00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:48,920
I'm just obedient.
270
00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:51,680
He was very efficient.
He only missed one metronome.
271
00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:53,760
Wow. Wow. Next.
272
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:58,160
OK, well, now it's time to hear
Sarah and Lee say metronome a lot.
273
00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:01,000
But first I'd like to say
thanks to the person subtitling
this programme.
274
00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:02,880
Thank you, subtitle person.
Here we go.
275
00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:06,280
Five minutes.
METRONOME TICKS
276
00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:08,200
Metronome. Metronome.
277
00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:09,520
Metronome.
278
00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:11,640
HURRIEDLY: Metronome...
Metronome.
279
00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:13,000
Metronome...
280
00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:15,920
Metronome.
281
00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:18,440
HURRIEDLY: Metronome! Metronome.
282
00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:19,800
Metronome...
283
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,160
Metronome.
284
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:23,520
Is that bigger than my head?
Metronome. Metronome.
285
00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:24,840
Metronome.
286
00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:26,160
Ow! Metronome.
287
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:27,760
Metronome. Can I just say it
in my head?
288
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:29,680
Metronome. Not really. Metronome.
289
00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:31,000
Metronome... Grr!
290
00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:33,320
Metronome. Metronome.
291
00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:35,480
MUFFLED: Metronome. Metronome.
292
00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:36,600
Metronome.
293
00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:37,960
Met... Oh, hello! Metronome.
294
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:40,360
I didn't notice the time! Metronome.
Yeah, two minutes 15 left.
295
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:42,880
Metronome. Metronome. Metronome.
296
00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:44,560
Metro... Metronome.
297
00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:46,520
Metronome... Metronome.
298
00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:49,840
Metronome. Met...
I knew I shouldn't have cut my
fingernails this morning. Metronome.
299
00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:51,240
Metronome... Metronome.
300
00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:52,840
POP!
301
00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:54,320
I haven't... Metronome.
302
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:56,640
Metronome. I haven't
got... Metronome.
303
00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:59,840
..the nerve.. Metronome. ..to do
this show. Metronome.
304
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,080
MUFFLED: Metronome.
305
00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:02,600
MOUTH FULL: Metronome... Metronome.
306
00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:05,000
Metronome... Metronome.
307
00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:06,920
Metronome. Thanks for the water.
308
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:08,360
Metronome... Metronome.
309
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:09,920
Would you like some water?
Metronome.
310
00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:12,280
Course I'd like some water!
What do you think?! Metronome.
311
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:13,720
..nome.
312
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:15,960
Metronome. Met...
313
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:18,680
POP!
Ah, fuck!
314
00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:22,240
Do I get points if I just metronome?
315
00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:23,560
Metronome...
316
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:25,440
Metronome. Do I get another balloon?
Metronome.
317
00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:28,000
Do you want me to get you another
balloon? Metronome. Metronome.
318
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:30,400
It's very hot. Metronome...
Metronome.
319
00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:32,520
INTO GLASS: Metronome.
320
00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:34,160
Metronome.
321
00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:37,000
Metronome... Metronome.
You've got one minute left.
322
00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:39,200
Metronome... Metronome.
323
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:40,720
Metronome. Metronome!
324
00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:41,840
Metronome.
325
00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:45,360
Metronome just went through
my nose.
326
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:46,480
Metronome.
327
00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:49,520
Metronome...
HE CHOKES ON LAUGHTER
328
00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:52,160
Metronome.
329
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:55,520
I've got a Bafta, me. Metronome.
330
00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:57,560
MUFFLED: Metronome.
331
00:13:57,600 --> 00:13:58,960
HURRIEDLY: Metronome!
332
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,040
Metronome... Metronome.
333
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:03,160
Metronome. Metronome.
334
00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:04,920
AIR ESCAPES BALLOON
Fuck it.
335
00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:07,160
Metronome... Metronome.
336
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,040
Metronome.
337
00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:11,000
That was really disappointing.
338
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:17,360
I had really high hopes initially.
339
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:20,440
You had a real, um,
multitask metronome going on.
340
00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:23,640
Yeah. Can I say that nothing...like,
if you were to go to, sort of,
341
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:25,440
give someone a visual representation
342
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:29,080
of what I feel like parenting
feels like -
343
00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:30,920
that's what parenting feels like.
Right.
344
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:32,880
Are you doing a better job at home,
just to be clear?
345
00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:35,360
No, not at all. Not at all.
LAUGHTER
346
00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:39,360
Even worse was Lee who
started strong
347
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:42,040
and then fully malfunctioned
halfway through.
348
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:43,280
Went to pieces.
349
00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:45,320
Just literally like watching
a robot short-circuit,
350
00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:47,920
and once the food and fluid was
spilling out of your mouth.
351
00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:50,240
Yeah. Did I hear you shout,
"I've got a Bafta?"
352
00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:52,760
Yeah.
LAUGHTER
353
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:54,320
All right, it's break time.
354
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:56,400
Just time to go and pull up
all your neighbour's plants
355
00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:59,160
and tell them there's been
a localised cyclone. Bye for now.
356
00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:01,280
CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
357
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,960
APPLAUSE Welcome back to Taskmaster.
358
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,920
Little Alex Horne, update us,
please.
359
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:14,800
Before the break, the task involved
them trying to say "metronome"
360
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:17,680
between every click of the metronome
whilst also trying to blow up
361
00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:20,200
a balloon bigger than their head,
then wrap the balloon up
362
00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:21,520
and also eat three poppadoms.
363
00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:23,760
I've got a classics
degree from Cambridge University.
364
00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:26,600
Next up are Jamali and Charlotte.
365
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:30,680
Metronome. Metronome.
366
00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:35,000
Metromome. Metromome. Metronome.
367
00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:41,960
Metronome. Metronome.
Metronome.
368
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:46,480
Metronome. I'm out of sync.
369
00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:52,400
Metronome. Metronome. Metronome.
Metronome. Metronome.
370
00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:55,800
Metronome. Metronome. Metronome.
371
00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:57,480
Is it bigger than my head?
Metronome.
372
00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:59,520
What do you think? Metronome.
373
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:02,000
I can't see. Metronome. Metronome.
374
00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:06,080
Metronome. Metronome. Metronome.
375
00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:07,920
Metronome. Metronome.
376
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:08,960
BALLOON POPS
377
00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:11,600
Metronome.
378
00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:14,800
Metronome. Metronome.
Metronome.
379
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:16,120
Not quite yet.
380
00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:21,320
Metronome. Metronome.
381
00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:22,800
HE LAUGHS
382
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:24,520
Metromome. Metronome.
383
00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:26,760
Metronome. Metronome.
384
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:29,840
Metromome. Metromome. Metromome.
385
00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:33,120
Metromome. Metromome.
Metromome.
386
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:36,240
PHONE: Metromome. Metromome.
Metromome.
387
00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:37,920
APPLAUSE
388
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:43,000
Metronome. Metronome.
Metronome. Metronome.
389
00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:47,560
PHONE:
390
00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:49,920
Metromome. Metromome.
391
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:52,960
MUFFLED: Metromome.
Metromome. Metromome.
392
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:56,080
What am I saying? Metromome? What is
it?
393
00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:57,960
PHONE: Metromome. Metromome...
394
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:01,760
Oh, my God, so dry!
No chutney and no fucking... Done.
395
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:05,960
I'm done, man. You accomplished how
many tasks? All of them.
396
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:09,760
How many? I did metronome...enough.
Enough.
397
00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:12,160
Ten seconds. Metronome.
MUFFLED: Metronome.
398
00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:15,760
LOUD CRUNCHES
399
00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:17,560
WHISTLE BLOWS
400
00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:19,280
SHE CHUCKLES
401
00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:22,120
APPLAUSE
402
00:17:23,360 --> 00:17:24,760
SHE COUGHS
403
00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:25,800
AUDIENCE GROANS
404
00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:29,120
What have you done?
405
00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:31,760
I've had a bit of an accident.
406
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,640
APPLAUSE
407
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,880
Well, first things first, I'm not
going to penalise either of them
408
00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:40,600
for saying the word "metromome".
409
00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:42,200
Yeah. Both of them, weirdly.
410
00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:44,560
Nice to know I'm not the only one.
Metromome!
411
00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:45,880
It was "met your mum" by the end.
412
00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:47,360
I've met your mum. I've met your
mum.
413
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,240
I've met your mum. Met your
mum. Met your mum.
414
00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:51,920
I mean, that was absolute genius
by Jamali,
415
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:54,080
the recording the "metromome."
Oh, thank you.
416
00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:56,840
Does it matter that Jamali, uh,
popped his balloon? Well, it said
417
00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:58,920
to inflate it bigger than your head,
he did that.
418
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:01,720
He did that. It didn't stay bigger
than his head, but he did then wrap
419
00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:03,240
it up neatly, as did Lee, to be
fair.
420
00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:05,000
Yeah, they were both fairly
impressive.
421
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:07,600
I suspect that Charlotte stopped
saying "metronome"
422
00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:10,280
half an hour before the end when she
decided to focus all of her
423
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:13,200
energies into neatly feeding
poppadoms into her mouth...
424
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,960
Get them down me. ..as if she were a
poppadom crunching machine.
425
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,640
She missed quite a few at the end.
Spinning them. Yeah. Yeah.
426
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:21,400
Can you tell me some statistics?
Yeah, I think we have to, really.
427
00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:25,280
I mean, Sarah didn't complete
any of the tasks in the end.
428
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:26,880
But that's a good thing, right?
429
00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:29,320
It's not a great thing. No.
Hmm ...m.
430
00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:32,040
It's nice to know that's how
you run your home.
431
00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:33,600
That's every morning.
432
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:37,240
Charlotte didn't eat all
the poppadoms
433
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:40,840
and missed seven or eight
"metronomes" at the end. No way.
434
00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:44,720
That literally felt like half
an hour, you were doing that.
435
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:47,360
That's uncanny, that. These two, I
don't know what you want to do,
436
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:49,520
points-wise. I'm going to give them
one point each.
437
00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:53,200
And these two, Lee and Jamali,
both missed three "metronomes."
438
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:56,560
Twice cos he was drinking and once,
obviously, cos he was doing a pun
439
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,720
so he missed one at that point.
I'll take it.
440
00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:01,360
And what about the time when he was
reduced to salivating out
441
00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:03,720
of his mouth and shouting about his
awards?
442
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:06,840
He stuck to... "Metronome" still
came out following the BAFTA claim.
443
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:10,640
Yeah. I can see you in a curry house
shouting about your BAFTA.
444
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:14,920
"Urrrgh ...FTA! Urrgh ...FTA."
445
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:17,840
So I'll tell you, it's joint second
and four points each to Lee
446
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:21,840
and Jamali, but the poppadom balloon
king was Mike Wozniak,
447
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:23,280
five points, one miss.
448
00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:25,520
APPLAUSE Of course. Of course it was.
449
00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:27,960
Scoreboard, please. Well, there's
two people on four,
450
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,920
two people on seven but the outright
leader
451
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,880
with eight points is Mike Wozniak.
Oh.
452
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:33,840
APPLAUSE
453
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:36,000
Lovely. Task number two, please.
454
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:37,360
Yes, team time again
455
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:42,040
and this one has some pretty dire
consequences for British wildlife.
456
00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:55,400
Hello, Jamali. Hey, what's up?
457
00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:59,200
Hello, Alex. Hello, Mike.
458
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,720
How are you? Terrific. Nice.
459
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:09,320
"Draw the best
picture of a British animal."
460
00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:12,280
"Each person must fill in one
section at a time
461
00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:16,200
"and may not look at any other
section during that time."
462
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:19,880
"Every section must be used,
and you may not communicate
463
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:23,360
"with each other in any way during
the task."
464
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:26,160
"Best picture of a British
animal wins."
465
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:29,960
"You have three minutes per section.
Your time starts now."
466
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,680
How are you with British animals?
Not great.
467
00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:37,240
I mean, first instinct is,
is hedgehog, obviously.
468
00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:38,880
The Great British Hedgehog.
469
00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:42,560
But maybe he'll go lion.
I mean, they're not common...
470
00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:45,040
..but they're sort of emblematic,
aren't they?
471
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:49,360
Let's, uh, let's talk about what
constitutes a British animal.
472
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:52,960
It's nice that, uh, Mike, uh,
evokes the days of the Raj
473
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:56,200
by mentioning lions, but I suspect
you meant more domestic creatures.
474
00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:59,160
Well, yeah, you had to second guess
the rest of your team-mates.
475
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,840
They couldn't speak to each other in
the gap, so I thought people would
476
00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:04,240
go for a mountain hare, like you get
in Scotland, or...
477
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:06,080
Yeah, that classic, classic
British...
478
00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:09,400
..badger. ..creature, a mountain
hare.
479
00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:11,800
Let's have a look.
Here we go. It's a montage!
480
00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:15,560
Uh, some hedgehog legs.
481
00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:18,480
It's quite beautiful, innit?
482
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:19,760
Yeah. What is it?
483
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:21,200
Pidgeon.
484
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:24,200
Perhaps he can be having a nice
walk on a mossy surface.
485
00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:25,760
WHISTLE BLOWS
486
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:27,760
Yeah, I've totally messed it up.
487
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:31,320
Please go away and you can come
back in three minutes. OK.
488
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:33,480
Thank you.
489
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:41,360
Hi, Alex. Hello, Charlotte.
Hello.
490
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,640
"Draw the best picture..."
"..of a British animal."
491
00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:45,320
Your time starts now.
492
00:21:45,360 --> 00:21:47,600
It's gonna have to be... That's
going to be its feet.
493
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:50,160
Oh, what could it be? It'll be a
bird of a sort. It'll be a bird.
494
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:52,160
Uh, a Burford Brown hen.
495
00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:56,600
What's your relationship
with these hens? Posh eggs.
496
00:21:56,640 --> 00:22:00,600
So, they are the feathers of a
grouse.
497
00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:02,040
WHISTLE BLOWS
Thank you.
498
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:05,040
We'll see you in six minutes' time.
499
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:07,800
Straight to it?
Yes, your time has started.
500
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:09,680
Do you think he's
carried on with hedgehog?
501
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:12,000
I mean, there's a chance,
isn't there? It's a gamble.
502
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:14,120
What's a British animal? A fox.
503
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:20,160
A rabbit is what I meant by that.
504
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:23,520
Is that a kangaroo?
505
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:25,840
WHISTLE BLOWS
I'll see you in three minutes, Mike.
506
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:28,040
Thank you. I've had a little time to
think about this,
507
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:31,200
about how ridiculous it is.
I mean, how can we possibly know?
508
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:34,040
Because it's... We're still pissing
in the dark, aren't we, here?
509
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:36,960
Yeah, but, even if you're pissing in
the dark, you know roughly where to
aim.
510
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:38,680
Two minutes left from this section.
511
00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:40,880
Oh, have we start...? You didn't...
That's not fair.
512
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:43,000
I'm just going to carry on drawing
what I was doing.
513
00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:44,360
Wings.
514
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:45,920
Yeah, I fucked that up.
515
00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:47,280
WHISTLE BLOWS
516
00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:54,560
This seems like a good eye level
so I'm hoping Lee hasn't eyeballed.
517
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:55,880
Lovely green eyes.
518
00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:00,200
Oh, that's a bit worrying cos I've
got a little bit of something there.
519
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:02,120
There's a hint of rabbit
right there.
520
00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:04,720
Right. Now, I'm going to have to
assume that this,
521
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:05,840
this would be the head.
522
00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:07,920
This is entirely ear.
523
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:09,680
WHISTLE BLOWS
There you go.
524
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:11,800
WHISTLE BLOWS
All right. All right.
525
00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:14,320
OK. Goodbye.
It's not good, is it?
526
00:23:14,360 --> 00:23:15,360
It might be.
527
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:22,160
Well, it looks like it's going to
fit together a treat!
528
00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:24,680
We're actually going to look
at the team of three first of all,
529
00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:28,160
what they did, and it combined to
look like this classic.
530
00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:30,960
Oh, my God. ..British wildlife.
It's quite noble.
531
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:34,640
It's moulting a couple of wings
and its legs. Mm.
532
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:38,360
I should say, Jamali did the fourth
and fifth section.
533
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:41,280
They're actually quite beautiful.
They are. Jamali can actually draw.
534
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:44,400
Unfortunately, they don't join up.
He didn't give himself enough of a
hint.
535
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:47,320
That's cos you covered it. I
couldn't remember where I put it the
first time.
536
00:23:47,360 --> 00:23:50,160
Yeah. That is true, partly my fault.
I wouldn't worry about that, mate.
537
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:53,440
Someone's put some kangaroo legs on
it. It's been absolutely ruined.
538
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:56,120
Um, and actually, I've done
a physical representation of it,
539
00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:59,640
-Greg, in 3
-D form. If you have a look
in your little drawer...
540
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:02,560
Yep, it's horrible. Let me see it.
541
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:05,560
Beautiful. Ahh, mate. That's
beautiful. What you talking about?
542
00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:07,720
Imagine seeing that in the wild.
You'd want it as a pet.
543
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:10,120
But if you saw it in the wild, if
you were just walking along,
544
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:12,880
and it stepped out... I'd kill it,
yeah. You'd stamp it to death.
545
00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:15,880
Oh, yeah, yeah, but then I'd take it
home and show my children
afterwards.
546
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:17,840
I would assume it's giving me
quests.
547
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:20,760
I'd wring its neck as soon
as look at it. That's so sweet!
548
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:23,680
They're already endangered.
549
00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:25,640
I think it does look quite British.
550
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:28,280
Its sort of bottom half
is like an, an upturned acorn,
551
00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:31,160
so that is quite British.
I can't believe you made it.
552
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:33,880
There it is.
Are you talking to it, Greg?
553
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:36,160
I am growing affectionate
towards it.
554
00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:37,720
That's it, come on.
555
00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:39,320
Oh, dear God... Oh, wow. Oh.
556
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:43,560
Wow. That's it, let Daddy feed you.
557
00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:46,120
WHISPERS: Shh, he's asleep.
He's feeding.
558
00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:48,440
OK, it's time for some more
advertising.
559
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:51,560
Maybe buy a big pair of scissors to
cut your credit cards up,
560
00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:53,840
or a rug cleaner - up to you.
561
00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:56,000
APPLAUSE
562
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:07,040
Oh, hello, we're back again,
it's Taskmaster, it's part three
563
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:10,320
and it's Little Alex Horne
and his Little Alex update.
564
00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:12,840
♪ Little Alex update. ♪
565
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:16,240
Yes, before the break the teams
were trying to draw
a picture of a British animal,
566
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:17,560
but they had to draw a bit of it,
567
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:20,880
cover it up and then let the next
person in their team take over.
568
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:24,760
Now it's time to have a look at what
Mike and Lee came up with together.
569
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:26,720
It looks like this, Greg.
570
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:29,040
Ooh.
571
00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:32,000
It depends where you're taking
the eyes cos it's a bit LIONEY.
572
00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:33,320
It's a four-eyed beast.
573
00:25:33,360 --> 00:25:35,720
Oh, no, no, no, no. No.
That's a four-eyed beast.
574
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:36,960
No, no, that's a hat.
575
00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:40,040
It's a novelty hat that it's
wearing, of a bird.
576
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:42,480
It's a British animal that can go
out and purchase a hat?
577
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:44,160
It's a... Yeah, we did two heads.
578
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:46,440
Can I just ask a question? Yes.
579
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:49,160
Does it feed through its beak
or through its stomach mouth?
580
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:52,200
Uh...
It feeds through its beak,
581
00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:54,320
but it feeds its young
through its stomach mouth.
582
00:25:54,360 --> 00:25:56,360
The young will assemble
in an orderly queue
583
00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:59,640
and then what is
emitted from that, urgh,
584
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:00,920
is the...
585
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:02,120
They lap that up.
586
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:04,720
So just to be clear, it eats through
its beak. Yeah.
587
00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:06,800
It semi-processes the food.
Yeah.
588
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:09,080
Its young gather round.
Yeah. Queue up.
589
00:26:09,120 --> 00:26:11,920
Sorry, they queue up.
It's an orderly species.
590
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:13,920
They feed. They say thank you.
591
00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:16,480
They feed through their beak?
Through their beak.
592
00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:19,160
They just have to open their beak
and then the stomach...
593
00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:20,640
..squeezes it out to sort of paste.
594
00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:21,680
And is that....?
595
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:23,520
It's a bit like a sausage
of chicken meat.
596
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:25,120
Same sort of consistency.
597
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:28,640
Everyone knows this about the
hedgehog-legged owl. Yeah.
598
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:31,800
-There is a 3
-D version in your draw
again. How exciting.
599
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:33,960
I think you'll enjoy this one.
600
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:35,840
Oh, God.
601
00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:37,520
So....
602
00:26:39,360 --> 00:26:40,600
Wow.
603
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:42,760
The top head is quite
serene as you can see.
604
00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:44,160
Yeah. Oh.
605
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:47,200
Well, Greg, you've got to judge
these two Great British creatures.
606
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:51,000
I suppose I've got to
think about which would benefit
the British Isles the most.
607
00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:53,640
Yes, you do. Always. Yeah.
608
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:55,520
Do you know what I'm going to do?
609
00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:56,720
Yeah.
610
00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:59,040
I'm going to give
three points to one creature
611
00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:00,760
and two points to the other because
612
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:02,720
I think they're both
wondrous creatures
613
00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:06,400
and I'd be happy to be wandering
across a moor and to bump into
either.
614
00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:08,880
For me,
the hedgehog-legged owl takes it.
615
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:11,000
Ooh. And I'll tell you why.
Yes, please.
616
00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:12,640
Just a small fact that Mike
threw in,
617
00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:14,600
in Britain we queue.
618
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:17,720
So, the fact that this creature
has had the sense
619
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:20,680
to teach basic manners to its young
620
00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:24,000
means it takes an extra point.
There's two points.
621
00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:26,400
Three points for this creature,
two points for that.
622
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:28,120
I have made my judgment.
623
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:30,400
Well, then that's three points
to Mike and Lee.
624
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:31,440
APPLAUSE
625
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:32,840
Happy with that.
626
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:35,600
HIGH VOICE: Can we have another,
please?
627
00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:38,720
Always, especially
when you fly Taskmaster Airways.
628
00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:40,000
Oh.
629
00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:43,680
DRAMATIC MUSIC
630
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:54,600
Hello, Mike.
631
00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:56,640
Charlotte.
632
00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:58,320
Hiya.
You look very happy.
633
00:27:58,360 --> 00:27:59,920
Yeah, I'm in a plane.
634
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:03,160
Hello, Sarah.
635
00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:04,840
Alex.
636
00:28:06,120 --> 00:28:07,760
Welcome on board. Thank you.
637
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:14,560
Hello?
638
00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:21,160
That's it.
639
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:29,720
"Record the greatest aircraft safety
announcement
640
00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:33,280
then perform the greatest aircraft
safety demonstration."
641
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:36,040
"Your announcement must be
in an accent."
642
00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:44,280
"Your announcement must be in an
accent or language other
than your own."
643
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:47,880
"And your demonstration must be
unforgettable."
644
00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:50,000
"You have 20 minutes.
Your time starts now."
645
00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:52,360
Eek.
646
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:53,560
Good grief.
647
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:54,960
Do you understand the task?
648
00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:56,760
I, I'm afraid I do.
649
00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:58,760
This is...this is...
650
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:01,720
SCOTTISH ACCENT: Lorraine Kelly.
651
00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:05,760
This is the greatest safety
announcement you'll ever hear.
652
00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:07,720
So I've got to do like an accent?
653
00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:10,960
Which is...? Or a different
language. Do you speak any other
languages? Yeah.
654
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:12,880
Petite parlez vous en Francais.
655
00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:13,920
Ooh, French. Yeah.
656
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:17,480
GEORDIE ACCENT: Stay in your seats
and stay facing forward, forward,
657
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:20,960
Cheryl Cole South Shields, forward.
658
00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:23,680
I'm so sorry.
659
00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:25,680
Everyone.
660
00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:27,280
APPLAUSE
661
00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:29,200
Wonderful. Wonderful.
662
00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:33,280
Charlotte's, er, children's TV show
really, really taking form there.
663
00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:34,800
We're in a plane boys and girls.
664
00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:37,640
Where are we this week, Charlotte?
"I'm in a plane. Eek."
665
00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:39,400
Oh, God.
666
00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:40,680
It's the end.
667
00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:43,200
Um, Jamali, that is
one sweet French accent.
668
00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:46,440
Yeah, yeah, and that's...
I...I...I can't say a lot.
669
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:47,600
Well, un cheval.
670
00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:50,240
Merci. Merci beaucoup.
671
00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:52,800
Il est dans le jardin.
672
00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:57,640
Shall we? OK, so, we're going to see
five, hopefully, unforgettable
673
00:29:57,680 --> 00:29:59,880
aircraft safety announcements
674
00:29:59,920 --> 00:30:04,040
and first of all we're going to see
a hint of Jamali and a snifter
of Lee. Good luck.
675
00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:08,840
Bonjour.
676
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:14,240
AUSTRALIAN ACCENT: Well, good
afternoon ladies and gentlemen,
677
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:16,960
this is Captain Perigan Twatcustard,
welcome aboard the flight.
678
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:20,560
If you look out of your window
to the right you'll just see,
679
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:22,600
uh, in the distance there
Mount Everest,
680
00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:24,520
which is a little bit of a concern
681
00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:27,880
given that we're going from Heathrow
to New York.
682
00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:29,920
In the eventy
683
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:32,400
of, eh, bon crash,
684
00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:34,240
a life jacket,
685
00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:36,680
eh, uh, bonito.
686
00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:38,920
Ca va.
687
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:41,760
In the unlikely event of the
plane landing on water
688
00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:45,400
and I, of course when I say landing
I do of course mean crashing,
689
00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:47,880
uh, underneath your seat you'll find
690
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:51,040
a really, really long snorkel,
691
00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:53,000
uh, and you're going to need that.
692
00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:55,000
Comment tu t'appelles?
693
00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:56,480
Je m'appelle.
694
00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:58,320
Quel age as-tu?
695
00:30:58,360 --> 00:30:59,760
J'ai dix ans.
696
00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:03,560
La mer.
697
00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:07,000
In the unlikely
event of a sudden evacuation,
698
00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:10,040
please make sure you do use
the toilets.
699
00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:14,280
Obviously, just a little bit of a
light-hearted joke there to make
you feel calm,
700
00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:16,440
but seriously if you do need a shit,
701
00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:18,040
please use the toilets.
702
00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:21,400
The fire exits are situated,
uh, above your heads
703
00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:23,600
and will drop down from the ceiling
704
00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:25,960
or is that oxygen masks?
I can't remember but please, uh,
705
00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:29,520
please remember
the chances of survival are slim.
706
00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:32,240
Don't forget, peanuts are available.
707
00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:33,680
Have a nice flight.
708
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:37,160
Bonjour.
709
00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:38,840
Au revoir.
710
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:40,960
Comment tu t'appelles?
711
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:42,560
Merci.
712
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:45,320
APPLAUSE
713
00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:46,800
I think that's pretty,
714
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:48,320
pretty good.
715
00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:52,000
Yeah, I think I would be very happy
to take off now.
716
00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:54,920
Thank you, Jamali. Ah, no.
717
00:32:00,640 --> 00:32:04,680
Um, when you said before we saw the
film that you didn't speak that much
French. Yeah.
718
00:32:04,720 --> 00:32:08,400
Because I'd seen your first
pronunciation and was impressed
by it,
719
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:11,040
I thought,
"Jamali's just being modest."
720
00:32:11,080 --> 00:32:12,880
You weren't being modest.
721
00:32:12,920 --> 00:32:15,360
Yeah, but I'm surprised that
I actually got some words.
722
00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:17,640
I don't think we can count
"aircrafty".
723
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:19,800
Aircrafty's, that's pretty French,
hombre.
724
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:21,920
Hombre!
You said, "Welcome on board...
725
00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:24,920
..welcome aboard the aircrafty."
Yeah.
726
00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:26,040
And then... Facts.
727
00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:29,040
And then said, "What's your name?
How old are you?"
728
00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:32,320
Clear and concise, I'm just trying
to spread your audience more to
France.
729
00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:34,080
Get a European audience.
730
00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:35,240
Thank you.
731
00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:37,480
Um, who's this guy?
Who's this character?
732
00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:39,240
I hated him by the way. Thank you.
733
00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:41,280
I counted four times that you
predicted
734
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:42,960
the demise of all the passengers.
735
00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:44,880
Isn't that what all safety
announcements are?
736
00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:48,560
They only talk you through the
worst-case scenarios, always.
and that's what I was doing.
737
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:51,760
I was just pushing it a little bit
further. You pushed it a bit
further in that
738
00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:53,400
you said that everyone
was going to die
739
00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:55,520
and that the chances
of making it to the other side
740
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:56,760
were virtually zero.
741
00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:58,320
In a crash that is probably true.
742
00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:00,800
Then they can relax because actually
if you start thinking,
743
00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:02,360
"What do I need to do if it
crashes?"
744
00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:05,800
If you go, "Oh,
actually nothing I'll probably die
you actually enjoy the flight.
745
00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:07,360
OK, who's next?
746
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:11,240
It's time now to look at
and listen to Charlotte and Sarah.
747
00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:21,520
SCOTTISH ACCENT: This is the
greatest safety announcement you'll
ever hear,
748
00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:24,400
accompanied by the greatest aircraft
safety demonstration.
749
00:33:24,440 --> 00:33:27,120
Stay in your seats and stay facing
forward if you think
750
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:30,480
this is the greatest safety
announcement you've ever heard.
751
00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:32,160
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
752
00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:35,800
SHE SPEAKS GOBBLEDYGOOK
753
00:33:35,840 --> 00:33:37,680
...Airlines.
754
00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:40,360
SHE SPEAKS GOBBLEDYGOOK
755
00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:42,600
Oh, oh.
756
00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:45,600
Keep your luggage in the overhead
lockers if you agree.
757
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:49,160
If you don't agree, get up
and jump out of your nearest window.
758
00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:51,560
Your choice, a free world.
759
00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:55,320
Oooooh!
760
00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:57,720
SHE SCREAMS
761
00:33:57,760 --> 00:34:00,280
How does this fucking thing work?
762
00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:02,000
SHE SPEAKS GOBBLEDYGOOK
763
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:05,000
Aargh!
764
00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:06,520
...and die!
765
00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:09,600
Good to see you're all
still here. Clap with me.
766
00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:12,240
Click with me.
767
00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:13,800
Off we go.
768
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:15,120
Applause.
769
00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:16,520
SHE CLAPS
770
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:20,720
Aargh!
771
00:34:21,720 --> 00:34:23,080
SHE SPEAKS GOBBLEDYGOOK
772
00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:24,320
...your flight.
773
00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:31,760
So, the challenge was the greatest?
Yes.
774
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:33,520
Greatest steward's announcement.
775
00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:35,280
Had to be unforgettable as well.
776
00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:37,200
So, what part of greatest were you
attempting?
777
00:34:37,240 --> 00:34:38,480
Unforgettable.
778
00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:40,200
You put more emphasis on
unforgettable?
779
00:34:40,240 --> 00:34:43,240
I mean, I can't do
accents or speak another language,
780
00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:47,200
uh, so that's what it ended up as.
Yeah.
781
00:34:47,240 --> 00:34:50,120
Yeah, you're right it,
it is difficult to justify.
782
00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:53,200
But it's an unforgettable
safety announcement
783
00:34:53,240 --> 00:34:55,560
and if I saw that announcement,
784
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:57,080
I'd never forget that. Yeah.
785
00:34:57,120 --> 00:34:58,560
Charlotte is hiding from you.
786
00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:00,080
I'm not.
787
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:04,560
Why? It's not like she's done yet
another performance on a children's
TV show.
788
00:35:04,600 --> 00:35:06,600
Clap with me, click with me.
789
00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:12,120
Well that, that could be... Spice
it up. Ooshie's catchphrase maybe.
Spice it up.
790
00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:15,960
This was the task she apologised
about most. She apologised to
everyone in the end.
791
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:19,600
Have you apologised personally
to Lorraine Kelly yet?
792
00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:21,880
Yes, yes, I've written her
an email
793
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:23,840
and I have haven't heard back.
794
00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:26,760
Right,
that's the end of another part,
795
00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:28,640
but if you want to see someone
take home
796
00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:31,320
Sarah Kendall's wobbly sausage of
chicken meat,
797
00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:33,240
well you know where we are.
798
00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:35,560
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
799
00:35:43,960 --> 00:35:46,520
Hello, welcome back for the third
time today.
800
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:49,320
You'll get to feast your eyes on
the credits soon enough.
801
00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:52,320
But, first, how are our flight
attendants doing, Alex?
802
00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:54,000
Well, all badly.
803
00:35:54,040 --> 00:35:56,040
I don't know. You're the judge.
804
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:58,200
The last person we're going to see
is the person who looks
805
00:35:58,240 --> 00:36:00,360
more like a pilot than any actual
pilot.
806
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:01,680
It's Mike Wozniak.
807
00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:05,120
HE ATTEMPTS TO SPEAK GERMAN:
808
00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:06,640
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
809
00:37:10,240 --> 00:37:13,280
Evoking the sitcoms of
the 1970s there.
810
00:37:13,320 --> 00:37:15,120
I don't know how much of that was
genuine German.
811
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:17,360
Quite a lot, I think? It's basically
every German word
812
00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:18,720
I can remember from GCSE German.
813
00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:21,400
And he was a cheeky little sausage,
wasn't he? He had a bit of sass.
814
00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:22,920
Did you enjoy shnurrbart?
815
00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:24,600
I enjoyed shnurrbart.
816
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:29,120
I enjoyed him displaying
his backside which, of course,
817
00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:31,440
with Mike, as we know, is
a dangerous activity.
818
00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:33,000
Was that on the same day?
819
00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:35,520
It was about an hour before
it happened.
820
00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:40,160
That's the, sort of, last recorded
footage of my tooshie in
821
00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:41,520
its sweetest era...
822
00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:45,960
..before it moved to a very
different part of life.
823
00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:50,200
Even though he was
predicting death,
824
00:37:50,240 --> 00:37:52,440
he was such a jaunty character.
825
00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:55,680
I guess I'm going to judge these on
who I'd be most comforted
826
00:37:55,720 --> 00:37:58,200
getting in a plane with,
and for some reason
827
00:37:58,240 --> 00:38:01,440
I would be less unnerved by Mike's
character. So, five sweet points.
828
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:04,400
Well done, Mike. I would rather be
in the company of Charlotte's
829
00:38:04,440 --> 00:38:09,800
children's TV presenter and Jamali's
smooth-voiced Frenchman than
830
00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:12,880
I would be with these two absolute
nutters. So, the four points...
831
00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:15,360
Four points to Charlotte and Jamali.
And for the lunatics - three.
832
00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:17,240
Three points to Lee and Sarah.
But five points to
833
00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:18,920
the tooshie in its sweetest era.
834
00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:21,560
APPLAUSE Sweet tooshie action.
835
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:24,000
Quick look at the scores,
please, Alex.
836
00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:26,480
Well, series-wise, Charlotte is now
in the lead.
837
00:38:26,520 --> 00:38:30,080
That's... No, the opposite.
Sorry, she's on 88.
838
00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:32,120
Jamali's on 109.
839
00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:34,960
Lee and Mike both battling it out
for second. 118.
840
00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:37,640
Nine points ahead at the moment,
Sarah Kendall.
841
00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:39,720
APPLAUSE
842
00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:43,000
And in terms of the episode -
exciting! Jamali and Lee,
843
00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:46,960
joint second on 13. But the leader,
with 16 points, is Mike Wozniak.
844
00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:49,240
APPLAUSE
845
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:51,320
All right, everybody, make your way
to the stage
846
00:38:51,360 --> 00:38:52,840
for the final task of the show!
847
00:38:55,520 --> 00:38:58,360
Ooh, what a contraption.
848
00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:00,640
Who's going to read it?
Charlotte Ritchie.
849
00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:02,120
Pop.
850
00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:05,560
Pop! Well, it's sticky now, isn't
it? So, I might as well embrace it.
851
00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:10,880
OK. Stand on either one leg or
both legs...
852
00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:17,280
..you must do so one at a time
behind this curtain,
853
00:39:17,320 --> 00:39:18,800
with your hands on your head.
854
00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:21,680
The Taskmaster will then guess
855
00:39:21,720 --> 00:39:24,400
if you're standing on either
one leg or both legs.
856
00:39:24,440 --> 00:39:27,320
If he guesses correctly
you are eliminated.
857
00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:31,520
The last person standing on either
one leg or both legs wins.
858
00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:34,400
So, one at a time, you're going to
hide behind the curtains
859
00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:37,400
and you're either going to be like
this or like this.
860
00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:40,200
Once your hands are on your head
you cannot change
861
00:39:40,240 --> 00:39:42,160
the number of feet that are on
the floor.
862
00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:45,520
So, it's Charlotte to play first.
Please enter the standing booth.
863
00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:46,840
OK.
864
00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:48,520
Take as long as you want to
get in position,
865
00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:51,960
but once your hands are on your
head, Charlotte, that's it. Ooh. OK.
866
00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:55,640
You can't see my legs, can you?
867
00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:57,080
No, there's a curtain there. OK.
868
00:39:57,120 --> 00:39:58,920
LAUGHTER OK.
869
00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:03,760
They're on, Greg. She's all yours.
870
00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:06,920
Well, she's a trained actress,
so that wobble's very natural.
871
00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:09,520
One leg or two?
872
00:40:09,560 --> 00:40:11,000
Are you on one leg or two?
873
00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:14,640
I'm asking you. I'm not telling
you. OK.
874
00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:19,560
Well, I hope I'm wrong in many ways,
but I'm saying,
875
00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:23,080
with some confidence,
she's on both legs.
876
00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:24,640
She's standing on two legs? Yeah.
877
00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:29,760
My career is actually over,
isn't it?
878
00:40:29,800 --> 00:40:31,440
LAUGHTER
879
00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:33,760
Thank you. You are out of the game.
880
00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:36,560
I can't believe that.
I was so convinced.
881
00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:39,960
Next up to the standing booth,
it's Jamali Maddix. Come on, Jamali.
882
00:40:41,240 --> 00:40:42,960
Oh. He's in, Greg.
883
00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:45,760
Yeah, he is. Don't forget, Greg,
just keep an eye on me
884
00:40:45,800 --> 00:40:47,600
and I'll tell you what
he's doing.
885
00:40:49,320 --> 00:40:51,600
I'm already less confident than
I was.
886
00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:00,000
OK, hands on the head.
887
00:41:03,960 --> 00:41:05,280
I think he's on one.
888
00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:09,080
Ooh. Oh!
889
00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:12,520
Sweet wobbling. Method. Method
acting.
890
00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:15,320
Sweet, sweet wobbling. I was
practising over there.
891
00:41:15,360 --> 00:41:17,160
Method acting, mate, I got into
the role.
892
00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:19,760
Jamali, can you tell me how you do
that? Jamali...
893
00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:22,760
I thought he was double bluffing me.
Yeah, thank you. Good stuff.
894
00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:24,440
Jamali is through to round two.
895
00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:26,920
Lee, would you mind entering
the standing booth?
896
00:41:28,960 --> 00:41:30,440
OK, let's dance.
897
00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:32,080
LAUGHTER
898
00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:37,440
I haven't started yet.
899
00:41:37,480 --> 00:41:39,440
Here we go. Come on now.
Here we go.
900
00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:42,240
Oh, that's nice.
901
00:41:43,440 --> 00:41:46,840
They're on. That's nice cos he's
leading me to believe
902
00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:47,960
that he's on...
903
00:41:49,560 --> 00:41:52,360
No, I know. He's out.
904
00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:53,800
He's on one leg.
905
00:41:56,360 --> 00:41:57,520
Argh!
906
00:42:00,360 --> 00:42:03,360
Lee, you're in round two
with Jamali Maddix. Ah.
907
00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:05,680
Mike Wozniak,
you're into the machine.
908
00:42:05,720 --> 00:42:07,800
I'm not... I'm not playing mind
games with you,
909
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:10,800
but I know you're out straight
away. Yeah?
910
00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:12,560
I know your face. Hang on.
911
00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:16,720
Look at me.
912
00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:23,560
They're on.
913
00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:27,920
There's a gentle sway there,
isn't there?
914
00:42:27,960 --> 00:42:30,560
You're trying to sell two,
but you're standing on one.
915
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:31,600
Is he?
916
00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:35,640
Out, vile jelly!
917
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:38,920
OK, so at the moment, it's just Lee
and Jamali in round two.
918
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:43,280
I've got my groove now. Bring
Kendall into the lion's den, please.
919
00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:47,280
With all that hair I wouldn't risk
one leg, you're top-heavy.
920
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:48,320
She's in.
921
00:42:52,600 --> 00:42:54,760
This is all fine,
she's allowed to do this. Yeah.
922
00:42:57,280 --> 00:42:59,120
She needs to get her hands on
her head.
923
00:43:01,440 --> 00:43:04,960
She's yours, Greg. It was creative
but you're on two legs.
924
00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:09,520
Fuck!
925
00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:12,480
We have three people in round
two, Greg. Oh, man.
926
00:43:12,520 --> 00:43:15,160
Jamali Maddix, please re-enter
the standing booth.
927
00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:19,480
Oh, lovely. Oh, clever. Yeah.
928
00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:20,960
The hands are on the head.
929
00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:23,560
That's a sweet technique.
930
00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:25,640
It is, innit? It is. Yeah.
931
00:43:25,680 --> 00:43:28,560
Oh, is it one leg or two?
Ah, dunno!
932
00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:29,720
Zut alors.
933
00:43:29,760 --> 00:43:31,320
Yeah. Je... Je vais...
934
00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:34,280
I don't want to be arrogant,
but the man's on one leg.
935
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:37,720
Yes! You're quite right, Greg.
936
00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:38,840
Worth a try.
937
00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:41,480
You know what that was a classic
case of? Hubris.
938
00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:44,000
Flew too close to the sun,
yeah. Yeah.
939
00:43:44,040 --> 00:43:46,000
But it was exciting.
940
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:48,280
Only Lee and Sarah surviving.
941
00:43:53,840 --> 00:43:55,360
Oh. Oh.
942
00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:58,040
Schoolboy error, that, weren't it?
Gag before.
943
00:43:59,320 --> 00:44:00,560
Here we go.
944
00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:06,800
I'm going for the Jamali
technique of concentration.
945
00:44:06,840 --> 00:44:08,560
The hands are on the head, Greg.
946
00:44:09,880 --> 00:44:12,600
Just looking for a slight tremor.
947
00:44:16,480 --> 00:44:17,800
Is that a heartbeat?
948
00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:21,720
The man's on one leg.
949
00:44:25,680 --> 00:44:27,480
AUDIENCE GROANS
Ah!
950
00:44:27,520 --> 00:44:30,160
Lee Mack survived. We have
a finalist or a winner.
951
00:44:32,440 --> 00:44:34,400
Good technique.
952
00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:36,760
This is it. Kendall's been such
a big player
953
00:44:36,800 --> 00:44:38,480
in this competition so far.
954
00:44:38,520 --> 00:44:39,520
Come on, Sarah.
955
00:44:41,320 --> 00:44:42,880
We've seen this before.
956
00:44:51,880 --> 00:44:53,400
It's tried and tested.
957
00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:57,600
LAUGHTER
958
00:45:02,960 --> 00:45:04,600
She's mine for the taking.
959
00:45:04,640 --> 00:45:06,600
She's on one leg.
960
00:45:06,640 --> 00:45:08,280
Yeah, she is! Holy moley!
961
00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:11,720
Which means we have a winner,
Mr Lee Mack. He takes it.
962
00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:13,640
What a game.
963
00:45:13,680 --> 00:45:15,160
What a climax.
964
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:18,120
Come down, let's see how that's
affected the final scores.
965
00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:24,120
That must've affected things,
young fellow, my lad. It really has.
966
00:45:24,160 --> 00:45:27,680
What a game of bluff, double bluff,
triple bluff, and more bluff.
967
00:45:27,720 --> 00:45:29,960
Yeah. Only one point each to
Charlotte and Mike.
968
00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:31,440
They went out in the first round.
969
00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:34,000
Then we lost Jamali and Sarah,
three points each,
970
00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:36,680
but the winner of One Leg Or Two
was, of course, Mr Lee Mack.
971
00:45:36,720 --> 00:45:39,800
Took it. The old, knackered legs.
972
00:45:39,840 --> 00:45:42,200
And quite an episode, this.
973
00:45:42,240 --> 00:45:44,920
Up and down people were, in and out,
974
00:45:44,960 --> 00:45:47,840
under and below, up we go!
975
00:45:47,880 --> 00:45:49,280
And the winner...
976
00:45:49,320 --> 00:45:51,280
LAUGHTER
977
00:45:51,320 --> 00:45:54,480
And the winner, with a total of 18
points, he wasn't in the lead,
978
00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:56,000
but he is now, it's Lee Mack!
979
00:45:56,040 --> 00:45:57,320
Hey!
980
00:45:57,360 --> 00:45:59,720
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Lee wins!
981
00:45:59,760 --> 00:46:02,560
Please go all wobbly for your
wobbly things!
982
00:46:07,600 --> 00:46:08,840
So, what have we learnt today?
983
00:46:08,880 --> 00:46:11,280
We've learnt that if you
find yourself out,
984
00:46:11,320 --> 00:46:15,120
wandering on the moors, and you hear
a strange noise that draws
985
00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:17,800
you in and you want to discover
what its source is...
986
00:46:17,840 --> 00:46:19,680
HE GRUNTS AND SNAPS
987
00:46:19,720 --> 00:46:23,000
..try not to worry, it's just
Charlotte Ritchie powering through
988
00:46:23,040 --> 00:46:24,080
some poppadoms.
989
00:46:25,640 --> 00:46:28,440
Bye for now. See you next time,
but not until we've applauded
990
00:46:28,480 --> 00:46:31,720
tonight's winner once more,
Mr Lee Mack!
991
00:46:31,760 --> 00:46:34,320
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
992
00:46:52,360 --> 00:46:55,720
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