All language subtitles for Room.104.S02E12.Josie.and.Me.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_Track03

( theme music playing )

( zips purse )

OK, I'm back.

I can tell you're
not really working, bitch.

I know about iMessage
for the computer.

That's how I failed
to absorb the last month
of my gov seminar.

Was that what
you were wearing?

I just got out of
my stats midterm.

- Was that relevant?
- I don't know, bitch.

Was it relevant?
This is the 500th time
you've made me do this.

Maybe that's the detail
that finally makes sense to you.

Oh, also,
I broke my pencil lead
in the exam,

and I had to get get a refill,
so I had to click it really
loudly for like 30 seconds,

and that stress might
have damaged my psyche.

Also, I had a chicken
Caesar salad for dinner.

I couldn't quite make out
the expiration date
on the dressing,

so I may be battling
the early stages of E. coli.

Is that relevant?

I forgot what
an asshole I was.

I'm just trying to make sure
that no stone is left unturned
for the great wise elder.

The sooner you get this done,
the sooner you can get on
with your life.

I'm really
shitting my pants

in anticipation
of getting here.

Well, you should,
because you're a writer now.

A playwright. There.
I'll tell you that much.

Sick! Does that mean
I don't have to
go to law school?

Well, you might,
if you don't crack this story

and your agent drops you
and you get blacklisted
from the entire industry,

which is why I actually
need you to work with me
right now.

OK?

I'm sorry, um...

I'm just trying
to figure this out,

and I'm missing something.

OK, well, for the record,

this is what I was wearing
that day.

This is what I would call
the "dress for success" model.

I read this article
before I took the SATs,

and it said that if you dress
professionally before an exam,

you'll subliminally
make yourself more confident
and do better.

I've been doing it ever since.
I got a 2370, as you know,

and I'm pretty sure
I just knocked my stats midterm
out of the park.

Anyway, that's
what I was wearing.
Not that it matters.

It matters to me.

Can you please just
go through it one more time?

Please? For me?

Just guide me through
each step of the night.

Fine.

OK, get up.

Just take me through it
from the beginning

like I've never
heard it before.

You sound like
a dirty cop.

- You ready?
- Yeah.

- OK.
- Let's go.

This is about to be
the perfect Friday night.

Everybody just finished
their first midterms,

so they're either
super-stoked on themselves

for being the brilliant
little prodigies they were
always told they were,

or they're morbidly depressed
and they need to drink
their pain away.

Everyone spent the last
two weeks in the library,

so they're gonna have
all this repressed energy
they need to release,

and that can only be done
by getting into a cramped space

and touching each other.

Oh no! Did I not tell you
that the "dress for success"
model can be modified

to fit a variety
of applications?

You are not nearly as charming
as you think you are.

And do you know that
every time you interrupt me
it slows down the process?

- ( door opens )
- Oh. Emily's coming.

( R&B music playing )

I'm not going out tonight.

- Then why are you
dressed like that?
- It's comfortable.

You're wearing a strapless bra.
Comfortable strapless bras
don't exist.

You're coming
out with me.

- Hold, please.
- ( whoosh )

Sorry, I just quickly
want to address

a misconception
about smart girls.

I think people think
their precious daughters

recoil at the scent of alcohol,
or if they come home drunk

it's because someone poured
liquor down their throat.

But in reality,
no other group of people

can get a girl drunk faster
and with more efficacy
than other girls.

( whoosh )

Can we please
just do shots?

I'm really close to hitting
my calorie limit.

I'll set you up.

What do you want?

I'll just have some OJ.

- Getting soft in your old age?
- OK. Just surprise me.

Some girls like vodka
and cranberry juice,

and some girls like
rum and orange juice,

but by far the most popular
pregame mixer

has gotta be the crippling
dietary restrictions
and body image issues

that we are unable to shed
until we're wasted

and we order and consume
an entire cheese pizza
in 15 minutes.

Cheers.

Thank you.

So you're not gonna
hook up with Derek tonight.

Oh, my god. Why would you
even ask that?

- It's not a question.
- Of course not.

- I'm so done.
- That's what you said
last week.

His name is Derek.
That's like the Kmart
version of Eric.

- ( glasses clink )
- You are so mean.

So is he!
You can't be mean
and ugly.

You know what?
I heard that Sean-in-Beta
thinks you're hot.

I thought Beta-Sean was gay.

Do you think that
because he showers
every day?

Just focus on Beta-Sean,
and I assure you, you will
forget all about Derek.

Emily:
Fine! Fine.

We're gonna go
and see what it's like,

and if it's fun, it's fun,

and if it's not fun,
we'll leave.

Totally.
But finish your drink.

Got enough info
for your little play?

( rock music booming )

Jesus Christ.

- Sorry.
- ( whoosh )

So, I know what you're thinking.

Why am I standing here
freezing my ass off
outside a fuckin' frat

waiting for some idiots
to deign to let me in

so I can join in
on the unmitigated swamp
of booze and testosterone?

Why am I, a modern woman,
a card-carrying feminist,

subjecting myself
to this war zone?

Don't I know it's kind
of hypocritical

to voluntarily subject myself

to the moral, physical,

and psychological degradation
that comes with that?

Maybe.

But I do it anyway.

Why, you ask?
Have I completely
lost my mind?

( whoosh )

Because I want to.

( door opens, music blaring )

- ( loud party chatter )
- Josie: Yes!

Nobody here knows that
I am a gender studies minor.

I spend all day being critical
and discerning

and posting liberal
Facebook rants,

but no one's dragging me here,
ya know?

I come here of my own volition,

to let loose and dance badly
and kiss boys.

It can be nice to forget
who you're supposed to be.

Thank you, Santa.

One of the frats puts
blood thinners in there
to get you drunk faster.

Sorry, one of the frats
allegedly puts blood thinners
in it to get you drunk faster.

One of the frats allegedly
has their pledges pee in it
before serving.

Oh, my god, unclench. OK?

And that's not this.
This is just bad.

Besides,
this is my third year here,

I know how to keep
my shit together, right?

Unlike Becky here.

You're in my socy class!

( slurring words )
You have such pretty hair.

Hey, where are your friends?

I don't know, but can you
be my friend, maybe?

I thought I already was
your friend.

Oh, my god!

Josie:
Are you hungry?

- Can we get a pizza?
- Let's definitely do that.

- Can you help me out here?
- Girl: Of course.
Where do you live?

Bradford?
Oh, my god,

it's so shitty.
My roommate is such a fake.

Girl:
Let's go.

Oh, my god, like,
I'm not judging, but--

OK, I'm judging a little bit.

I'm just saying that
this is not my first rodeo.

Hey, Josie.

Hey, fancy meeting
you guys here.

You missed a great time
last night.

Oh, yeah, well,

I did, actually, like,
have to study.

That's kind of the thing
about graduating in four years,

you have to do that.

Can't relate.

Wanna play pong?

Obviously.

( guys whooping )

So there actually is
something you can help me with.

And you're old, so you might
see something that I don't.

- Here's my dilemma.
- ( whoosh )

Over here, that's Donovan,
he is very stupid,

but he kinda has
this douchey-hot thing
going for him,

like a douchebag
was surgically implanted
into a ten-foot-tall child.

But his dad is super-loaded,

so he could kinda come in handy

for a non-disgusting
sugar daddy

to support me while
I'm becoming a writer.

( whoosh )

So he's a great option, ya know?

And then over here
we have Jon.

( whoosh )

Jon will probably make
zero dollars outta graduation

working for Greenpeace
or some shit,

but he has this kind of
self-flagellating brand

of questionably authentic
male feminism

which indicates to me
that he definitely eats pussy,

which is like finding
a diamond in a pile
of horseshit.

It's just a really rare
commodity in this economy.

So, ya know,
they're both great options.

You see my dilemma.
What should I do?

Uh, uh, well,
I think, um--

- Sorry I shouldn't have asked.
You're completely useless.
- ( whoosh )

I'm just gonna go home
with one of them,
so I guess place your bets?

- Hey!
- Ahh! ( giggles )

Right this way,
my lady.

Donovan rushes ahead
right out the gate.

Jon is the dark horse.
Will he give up entirely?

Will he sulk and pick up
an unsuspecting freshman

with a sob story about how,
as a sensitive frat boy,

he's really disgusted with
the behavior of his peers?

Only time will tell.

That kid is gay as fuck.

Oh, no. Are we still
using that as an insult?

Don't you guys have
a rainbow flag in your window?

Yeah, I mean, I support his
right to be gay as fuck 100%.

Oh, god. He's managed
to disappoint me before
he even pulled out his dick.

( rock music blaring )

( all exclaim )

( time fast-forwarding )

Oh!

- Oh--
- ( whoosh )

I know whose Animal House poster

I'm getting fingered
under tonight.

( whoosh )

( music, chatter continue )

Wait. I actually have to worry
more about appearances,

because it doesn't take much
to get you labeled as a slut
around here.

Qualifiers include
but are not limited to

showing an interest in sex
before midnight. Hmm.

Do you ever think about
just leaving? You're wasted.

No. To leave would be
to admit to everyone that
I'm-- what is the word?--

mature.

- Wait.
- Oh, my god, what?

- Is that a karaoke machine?
- Yeah,

I think the theme
was supposed to be eighties.

Nobody here is dressed
in a theme.

I guess if there was a theme,
you could call it

"Battle of the girls
who are skinny enough
to wear crop-tops

versus the girls who can't,
and are salty about it."

You could totally
wear a crop-top.

No, I couldn't,
and I don't want to anyway.

Yeah, you could.

You could wear
a high-waisted legging
with a control top

and then just show
a sliver of your belly.

If you can drink six beers
and still suck in your stomach,

like, go for it.

This is the time
to do it.

Hell, yeah!
Go topless, even!

- Free the nipple.
- Tits out!

- It's called empowerment.
- Yeah, man.

I'll show you empowerment.

Josie: Sorry.

( mic feeds back )

♪ You are the fuel,
I'm the light ♪

♪ You light a match
and I watch it ignite ♪

♪ We gonna fly-- ♪
You know the lyrics, shit!

♪ We gonna fly till we h-hit
the ground ♪

♪ Can you feel it,
in the night ♪

♪ Like the floor's on fire,
like the floor's on fire ♪

♪ Can you feel it ♪

♪ Hotter than the sun ♪

♪ Like the floor's on fire ♪

♪ Like the floor's
on fire ♪

( music continues )

Dance break!

( music continues )

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ When you fly ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪

( Josie wails )

Do you feel it, feel it?

( laughing )
Can you feel it?

Can you feel it?!

Can you feel it? Whoo!

( crowd clapping, cheering )

Did you see when I died
and then I came back to life?

Are you kidding me?
What is wrong with this guy?

His attention span
is so freaking short.

Maybe he does need
all that Adderall.

( chatter )

- Jon: Yo.
- Josie: Oh, hey.

Thought I lost you to Donovan
back there.

Oh. No, I just--
I did a lap.

God... I'm pretty wasted.

Doubtful.
That's just an excuse

for whatever insane shit
he's about to say.

Um, yeah, so am I.

Well, do you...
wanna sober up a little?

Uh, yeah?

- ( whoosh )
- I actually do.

I feel like there's always
a point in the night

where you get kinda tired
of being hammered.

Like this one time,
I was so stoned

and I Googled
"How to be less high,"

and then I was so high,
I couldn't read
the Google result.

But, yeah, I wish
I could get sober quickly

when I'm tired
of saying stupid shit
and the room is spinning.

Oh. ( laughs )

This is some
really good shit.

I know what I'm doing.

( door opens )

And you thought
romance was dead.

Wouldn't it be, like,
even more badass

if we just did it
straight off the toilet seat?

We're already
destroying our bodies,

we may as well snort up
some invisible poop particles.

It's like adding
insult to injury.

( sniffing )

Jon: Didn't I tell ya
that was some good stuff?

Yeah, that's great.
I bet they call you El Chapo.

Oh, my god, that's crazy!
How did you know?

( both laugh )

( sniffing )

Let's get outta here.

It's so cool to meet a girl
who does coke.

I don't do coke.
I party, I drink,

I occasionally
abuse a stimulant

that was not prescribed
to me by a medical professional,

but I don't do coke.

( laughs ) OK.

I am cool, though.

( both panting )

( Jon whispers )

( both panting )

Jon: Oh, shit.

You on the pill?

Uh-huh.

Hold, please.

Isn't he dreamy?

I would say that
that is the height of romance,

but I have a friend
who once had a guy
buy Plan B for her.

So that kinda set the bar.

Ow. Ahh.

( both panting )

Ahh. Um...

( laughs )

Ow.

Ow!

Dude, what the fuck!
Jesus!

Can we make out
for two seconds?

Yeah.

You're so beautiful.

I've had a thing for you
for so long.

Wait. Wait.

( groans ) Wait.

Relax.

Is this your first time
or something?

No--

Wait--

( sighs )

( panting )

Wait.

( grunts )

( panting )

Oh, that was--
that was fuckin' great.

Jon (chuckling ):
Where you going?
Wanna stay the night?

Um, I'm--
I got work tomorrow, so..

All right.

Actually, I'm not sure.
I'm just gonna get
a glass of water.

Hurry back.

( urinating )

( grunts )

( toilet flushing )

( door closes )

You get what you needed?

Um, I- I don't--

- ( laughs ) Fuck!
- I'm sorry. I just--

Why do you keep making me
redo this night?

I party all the time,
you have a lot to choose from.

I know, I'm sorry.

And what are you even
writing about?

Binge drinking? Drugs?

I'm clearly not
the poster child

for the next parental
sob story.

Clearly I turn out fine,
or at least OK.

Can you just listen
for a second? Please?

First of all,
I'm not that old.

But I do have enough distance
from where you are

to know that...

most of the specifics
about college

have faded away by now.

You are worried about
so many things

that do not matter anymore.

You're worried about your GPA,
finding a date to formal,

you think your arms
are too fat.

Are you saying my arms
aren't fat?

I'm saying it could be worse,
and you waste too much time
thinking about it.

This stage of our life
is such a blur to me,

and I only remember a few things
really, really vividly.

And this night is
one of those things.

What is your play about?

It's about rape.

Then you need to find
another topic,

because that is not
what happened.

News flash: Frat guys
are bad at sex.

Maybe it wasn't the most
consensual thing, I--

There it is. That's it.

If you can hear one thing
that I say,

please let it be
that there is no such thing

as nonconsensual sex.

There is just consensual sex,
and there is rape.

Those are the only options.

If it's that simple,
then why am I still here?

I kissed him first.

You've seen it a million times.
I kissed him first.

- I know.
- There's no way that--

Ooohhh! Like, aughhh!

I was drunk,
I kissed him first,

there's nothing
that I can do with that.

I'm not telling you
what you should or shouldn't do,

I just want you to know
that it's OK to feel bad
about what happened.

I'm fine.

OK.

You're the one
who's still hung up on it.

I know.

I just--
I need to forget.

I wish that a butterfly
would clap its wings

somewhere between you and I

and then I would
forget about it

before I got to your age.

You don't forget.

Can I go?

( sniffles )
Uh, yeah. Yeah.

You should get some sleep.

Your friends are gonna
randomly decide to go
on a hike tomorrow,

and it's gonna be really fun,
so you should make sure
you're awake on time for that.

OK.

Just really quickly.

I just want to know,
what do I end up doing?

Um, you're a writer.
You know that.

No, I mean about this.

Well, I can't really tell you
what to do.

You'll get here eventually, but
the choices have to be yours.

I should have known
you would say something stupid
and fake-deep like that.

Does it get any easier?

What?

I don't know, like,
um... adulthood?

No.
Just gets different.

OK.

I'll let you
finish your play now.

Sucks that I don't ever
get any better at deadlines.

( sniffles )

Hey, do I get an "A"
in stats?

Oh, my god,
get the fuck
outta here.

( door closes )

( music playing )