All language subtitles for The Office S01 E01

All right, Jim, your quarterlies look
very good.

How are things going at the library?

Oh, I told you, I couldn't close it, so.

So you've come to the master for
guidance.

Is this what you're saying, Grasshopper?

Actually, you called me in here, but
yeah.

All right, well, let me show you how
it's done.

Yes, I'd like to speak to your office
manager, please.

Yes, hello, this is Michael Scott. I am
the regional manager of Dunder Mifflin

Paper Products.

Just wanted to talk to you, manager of
manager.

All right, done deal.

Thank you very much, sir.

You're a gentleman and a scholar.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Okay, I'm sorry.

My mistake.

That was the woman I was talking to.

She had a very low voice.

Probably a smoker.

So that's the way it's done.

I've been at Dunder Mifflin for 12
years, the last four as regional

When I come through here, see, we have
the entire floor.

So this is my kingdom, far as the eye
can see. Ah, this is our receptionist,

Pam. Pam! Pam! Pam!

Pam Beasley.

Pam has been with us for forever. Right,
Pam?

Well, I don't know. If you think she's
cute now, you should have seen her a

couple of years ago.

What? Uh, any messages?

Um, yeah, the fact.

Oh.

Amazon from corporate. How many times
have I told you that there's a special

filing cabinet for things from
corporate?

You haven't told me. Well, the waste
paper basket.

Look at that.

Oh, look at that face.

People say I am the best boss.

They go, God, we've never worked in a
place like this before. You're

And you get the best out of us.

I think that pretty much sums it up.

I found it at Spencer Gifts.

My job is to speak to clients on the
phone about

quantities and type of copy

or paper.

You know, whether we can supply it to
them, whether they can pay for it.

And I'm boring.

myself just talking about this i

still love that after seven years

just before lunch. That was great.
Corporate really doesn't interfere with

all. Jan Levinson Gould. Jan, hello.

Yes. I call her Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Right? Not to her face, because, well,
not because I'm scared of her.

Because I'm not.

But, um, yeah.

All right, was there anything you wanted
to add to the agenda?

Me no get an agenda.

I'm sorry?

I didn't get any agenda.

Well, I faxed one over to you this
morning.

Really? Because I didn't, uh, I didn't,
did we get a fax this morning?

Uh, yeah, the one.

Why, why is it in my hand?

Because the company runs on efficiency
of communication, right?

Um, so what's the problem, Pam? Why
didn't, uh, why didn't I get it?

You put it in the garbage can that was a
special filing cabinet.

Yeah, uh, that was a joke.

That was a joke that was actually my
brother, and it was supposed to be with

Bill, and it doesn't work great with
fact. Do you want to look at mine?

Yeah, I would. Thank you.

Okay. Since the last meeting, Alan and
the board have decided that we can't

justify a Scranton branch and a Stanford
branch. Oh, okay. Now, Michael, don't

panic. No, no, no, no, no, no. This is
good. This is good. This is fine.

Listen, okay, don't panic. All the alarm
bells are kind of going off. We haven't

made any decisions yet. I've spoken to
Josh in Stanford. I've told him the same

as you, and it's up to either you or him
to convince me that your branch can

incorporate the other. Okay, no problem.
This does, however, mean that there's

going to be downsizing. Me no want to
hear that, Jan, because downsizing is a

bitch. It is a real... bitch and i
wouldn't uh wish that on josh's men i

certainly wouldn't wish it on my men or
women present company excluded sorry uh

is josh concerned about downsizing
himself not downsizing himself but is he

concerned about downsizing question

how long do we have to act oh uh todd
packer terrific rep do you mind if i

Pac -Man. Hey, big queen.

Oh, that's not appropriate.

Hey, is old, uh, Godzilla coming in
today? Um, I don't know. I don't know

you mean. Look, I've been meaning to ask
her one, uh, question.

Does the carpet match the drapes? Oh, my
God. Oh, that's horrifying.

Horrible.

Horrible person.

So do you think we could keep a lid on
this for now? I don't want to worry

people unnecessarily. No, absolutely.

Under this regime, it will not leave
this office. Just like that.

So what does downsizing actually mean?

Well, you guys got to update your
resumes just like I'm doing. I bet it's

to be me. Probably it's going to be me.

Yeah, it'll be you.

I have an important question for you.
Yes.

Are you going to Angela's camp party on
Sunday? Yes. Stop.

That is ridiculous.

Am I going to tell them? No, I'm not
going to tell them. I don't see the

of that.

As a doctor, you would not tell a
patient if they had cancer.

Hey. Hey, Sean.

Hey. This is Mr. Scott.

Guilty. Good to see you, Sean.

Brian, uh, Howard from the temp agency.

Uh -huh.

Daniqua sent me down to start today.
Howard?

Like, uh, Moe Howard. Hey, Stooges. Yep.
Watch this. This is Moe.

Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock.

Ah,

right here. Stooges. High five. Oh, Pam.

It's a guy thing, Pam.

I'm sort of a student of comedy.

Watch it.

I'm Hitler.

Adolf Hitler.

I don't think it would be the worst
thing if they let me go.

Because then I might... I don't think
it's many little girls' dream to be a

receptionist.

I like to do illustrations.

Mostly watercolor.

A few oil pencil.

Um, Jim thinks they're good.

Thunder Mifflin, this is Pam.

Sure. Uh, Mr. Davis, let me call you
right back. Yeah, something just came

Two minutes.

Thank you very much.

Dwight, what are you doing?

What? What are you doing? Just clearing
my desk. I can't concentrate.

It's not on your desk. It's overlapping.

It's all spilling over the edge.

One word, two syllables.

Demarcation.

You can't do that.

Why not?

Safety violation. I could fall and
pierce an organ.

Let's see.

This is why the whole downsizing thing
doesn't bother me. Downsizing?

Downsizing? I have no problem with that.

I have been recommending downsizing
since I first got here.

I even brought it up in my interview.

I say, bring it on.

You just still have these messages from
yesterday.

Relax. Everything's under control.

Uh, yeah. Uh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's
important.

Right. Oh, this is so important, I
should run to answer it.

Come on!

Six million dollar man!

Steve Austin!

Actually, that would be a good salary
for me, don't you think?

Six million dollars?

Memo to Jan.

I deserve a raise.

Don't we all?

I'm sorry?

Nothing.

If you're unhappy with your
compensation, maybe you should take it

Okay? Not today, okay?

Pam, just be professional.

I think I'm a role model here. I think I
garner people's respect.

Attention all Dunder Mifflin employees,
please. We have a meeting in the

conference room.

ASAP. People I respect, heroes of mine,
would be Bob Hope.

Abraham Lincoln.

Definitely.

Bono.

And probably God would be the fourth
one.

And I just think all those people really
helped the world in so many ways

that it's really beyond words.

It's really incalculable.

Now, I know there are some rumors out
there, and I just kind of want to set

record straight. I'm assistant regional
manager. I should know first. Assistant

to the regional manager. Okay.

Um, can you just tell me, please? Just
tell me quietly. Well, I'm about to tell

everybody. Can you whisper it in my ear?
I'm just about to tell everyone. Can't

you just tell them? Please. Okay. Do you
want me to tell them?

You don't know what it is.

Can you tell them? With my permission. I
don't need your permission. Go ahead.

Corporate has deemed it appropriate to
enforce an ultimatum upon me.

And Jan is thinking about downsizing
either the Stanford branch or this

I heard they might be closing this
branch down.

That's just a rumor going around. This
is my first day. I don't really know.

Yeah, but Michael, what if they downsize
here?

Not gonna happen.

It could be out of your hands, Michael.
It won't be out of my hands, Stanley,

okay? I promise you that.

Oh, can you promise that? On his
mother's grave.

Well... What?

No.

Well, yeah, it is a promise.

And frankly, I'm a little bit insulted
that you have to keep asking about it.

It's just that we need to know.

I know.

Hold on a second. I think Pam wanted to
say something. Pam?

You had a look that you wanted to ask a
question just then?

I was in the meeting with Jan, and she
did say that it could be this branch

gets the act.

Are you sure about that?

Pam, maybe you should stick to the
ongoing confidentiality agreement of

meetings. Pam, information is power.

So you can't say for sure whether it's
going to be us or them, can you? No, no,

no, no, Stanley.

No, you did not see me in there with
her.

I said, if corporate wants to come in
here and interfere, then they're going

have to go through me.

Right? You know, you can go mess with
Josh's people, but I'm the head of this

family, and you ain't going to be
messing with my children.

If I left, what would I do with all this
useless information in my head, you

know?

Tonnage price of manila folders.

Um, Pam's favorite flavor of yogurt,
which is mixed berry.

Jim said mixed berries?

Oh, wow. Yeah, he's on to me.

Um...

Watch out for this guy, Dwight Schrute
in the building. This is Ryan, the new

temp. What's up? Nice to meet you.

Introduce yourself, be polite.

Dwight Schrute, assistant regional
manager.

Assistant to the regional manager.

So, Dwight, tell them about the Kung Fu
and the car and everything.

Yeah, I got a 78 280Z. I bought it for
$1 ,200, fixed it up, it's now worth $3

,000. That is his profit. Yeah.

New engine, suspension, I got some
photos.

Okay. Hold on, hold on. Judge is in
session. What is the problem here?

You put my stuff in jello again.

That's real professional. Thanks. It's
the third time and it wasn't funny the

first two times either, Jim. It's okay
here.

But people sometimes take advantage
because it's so relaxed.

I'm a volunteer sheriff's deputy on the
weekends.

And you cannot screw around there.

It's sort of one of the rules.

What is that? It's my staple. No, no,
no, no. Do not take it out. You have to

eat it out of there because there are
starving people in the world, which I

hate, and it is a waste of that kind of
food. Okay, you know what? You can be a

witness. Can you reprimand him, please?

How do you know it was me?

It's always you. Are you going to
discipline him or not? Ooh, discipline.

Kinky.

All right.

Here's the deal, you guys.

The thing about a practical joke is that
you have to know when to start as well

as when to stop. Yeah.

And, yeah.

And, Jim, now is the time to stop
putting Dwight's personal effects into

-O.

Okay. Dwight, I'm sorry, because I've
always been your biggest fan.

Oh, nice.

That's the way it is around here. You
should have put him in custody.

Oh, hey.

Yes, new guy!

Okay,

that's great. I guess what I'm most
concerned with is damage to company

property.

That's all.

Pudding.

Pudding.

I'm trying to think of another dessert
to do.

Do you like going out at the end of the
week for a drink?

Yeah.

That's why we're all going out.

so that we can have an end -of -the
-week drink.

When are we going out?

Tonight, hopefully.

Okay. Hey,

man. Hey. What's going on?

Hi, baby. Hey, Roy's my fiancé.

We've been engaged about three years,
and we were supposed to get married in

September, but I think we're going to
get married in the spring.

Do you mind if I go out for a drink with
these guys?

No, no, come on.

Let's get out of here. Go home.

Okay.

I'm going to be a few minutes, so it's
only 20 past 5. I still have to do my

faxes.

You know what? You should come with us.

Because we're all going out, and it
could be a good chance for you to see

people are like outside of the office. I
think it could be fun.

No, it sounds good. Oh, no.

Seriously, we've got to get going. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

What's in the what's in the bag Come on
talk to me. No, definitely. All right,

dude. Awesome will do Do I

think I'll be invited to the wedding

So,

uh, have you felt the vibe yet We work
hard, we play hard. Sometimes we play

hard when we should be working hard,
right?

Um, I guess the, uh, the atmosphere that
I've created here is that I'm a friend

first and a boss second.

Probably, uh, an entertainer third. Just
a second, right?

Oh, hey, do you, uh, do you like the
Jamie Kennedy experiment?

Yeah. And punks and all that kind of
stuff. Okay.

Um, you are going to be my accomplice.
Just go along with it, okay? All right.

Just follow my lead.

Don't pit me, all right? Come in.

So, uh, corporate just said that I don't
want to... Oh, thank you. Pam? Pam?

Can you come in here for a sec?

Just have a seat.

I was going to call you in anyway.

Um, you know Ryan?

Um, as you know, there is going to be
downsizing.

And, uh, you have made my life so much
easier.

in that I am going to have to let you go
first.

What? Why?

Why? Well, theft and stealing.

Stealing? Mm -hmm.

Um, what am I supposed to have stolen?

Post -it notes.

Post -it notes? Yeah, God. What are
those worth, like 50 cents? 50 cents,

You steal 1 ,000 Post -it notes at 50
cents apiece, and, you know, you've made

profit margin. You know, go...

Run us out of business, Pam.

Are you serious?

Yeah, I am.

Um, I can't believe this. I mean, I've
never even stolen as much as a

and now you're firing me.

But the best thing about it is that, uh,
we're not gonna have to give you any

severance pay.

Because that is gross misconduct, and,
uh, just clean out your desk.

I'm sorry.

You've been ex -punk.

Surprise. It's a joke. We were joking
around.

Okay.

He was in on it. He was my accomplice.

And there was kind of a morale booster
thing.

And we were showing the new guy around.
Kind of giving him the feel of the

place. So.

God.

We totally got you. You're a jerk.

I don't know about that.

What is the most important thing for a
company?

Is it the cash flow? Is it the
inventory?

Nuh -uh.

It's the people.

The people.

My proudest moment here was not when I
increased profits by 17%, or when I cut

expenses without losing a single
employee. No, no, no, no, no.

It was a young Guatemalan guy.

First job in the country, barely spoke
English.

Came to me and said, Mr. Scott, would
you be the

godfather of my child?

Wow. Wow.

Wow.

Didn't work out in the end. We had to
let him go. He sucked.

Hey. Hey. How are you?

Good. I thought you were going out for a
drink with me. Oh, no.

No.

How's your headache?

Better, thanks. Good. Good. Yeah. That's
great.

Is, uh... Yeah? Um, are you, uh... Am I
walking out? Are you? Yes.

Yes. Do you want to... Yeah.

Great.

Oh,

Roy. Yeah.

Listen, have a nice weekend.

Yeah. Definitely. You too.

Enjoy it.

You know...