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1
00:00:03,404 --> 00:00:06,962
I started out working in mortgage
bonds, but I just found that so limiting.
2
00:00:07,041 --> 00:00:10,008
My friend Kramer and I were
discussing that the other day.
3
00:00:10,078 --> 00:00:12,009
He was with Brandt-Leland
for a while.
4
00:00:14,083 --> 00:00:17,380
Well, then my mentor suggested
that I move into equities.
5
00:00:17,453 --> 00:00:19,180
Best move I ever made.
6
00:00:19,254 --> 00:00:21,345
- Mentor? You mean your boss?
- Oh, no, no, no.
7
00:00:21,423 --> 00:00:23,286
Cynthia's a successful
businesswoman...
8
00:00:23,358 --> 00:00:25,551
who's taken me under her wing.
9
00:00:25,627 --> 00:00:28,822
- So Cynthia's your mentor?
- And I'm her protégé.
10
00:00:29,265 --> 00:00:30,855
You must have someone like that.
11
00:00:30,934 --> 00:00:33,195
You know, who guides you
in your career path.
12
00:00:33,269 --> 00:00:36,065
Well, I like Gabe Kaplan.
13
00:00:41,312 --> 00:00:44,210
I still don't understand this.
Abby has a mentor?
14
00:00:44,281 --> 00:00:47,350
Yes. And the mentor
advises the protégé.
15
00:00:47,418 --> 00:00:49,418
Is there any money involved?
16
00:00:49,487 --> 00:00:52,181
- No.
- So, what's in it for the mentor?
17
00:00:52,256 --> 00:00:54,689
Respect, admiration, prestige.
18
00:00:58,163 --> 00:01:00,959
Would the protégé
pick up stuff for the mentor?
19
00:01:01,032 --> 00:01:05,398
I suppose if it was on the protégé's
way to the mentor, they might.
20
00:01:05,737 --> 00:01:07,304
Laundry? Dry cleaning?
21
00:01:07,907 --> 00:01:10,134
It's not a valet, it's a protégé.
22
00:01:10,676 --> 00:01:12,004
All right.
23
00:01:12,378 --> 00:01:16,881
Listen, I gotta get some reading done.
You mind if I do this here?
24
00:01:16,949 --> 00:01:19,779
I can't concentrate in my apartment.
25
00:01:20,286 --> 00:01:22,150
- "Risk management"?
- Yeah.
26
00:01:22,222 --> 00:01:24,517
Steinbrenner wants everyone
in the front office...
27
00:01:24,591 --> 00:01:27,319
to give a lecture
in their area of business expertise.
28
00:01:27,394 --> 00:01:29,724
What makes them think
you're a risk-management expert?
29
00:01:29,963 --> 00:01:32,463
I guess it's on my résumé.
30
00:01:36,237 --> 00:01:39,738
- Hello?
- Please hold for Elaine Benes.
31
00:01:40,642 --> 00:01:45,645
You know what? I can't do this.
I can't read books anymore.
32
00:01:45,713 --> 00:01:47,644
Books on tape
have ruined me, Jerry.
33
00:01:47,715 --> 00:01:51,912
I need that nice voice. This book
has my voice. I hate my voice.
34
00:01:51,987 --> 00:01:55,750
- So get this book on tape.
- You can't. It's a textbook.
35
00:01:55,825 --> 00:01:58,758
Hey, Jer, are you going
to this Bob Sacamano party?
36
00:01:58,828 --> 00:02:00,793
Am I going? It was three nights ago.
37
00:02:00,863 --> 00:02:04,331
What? You're kidding.
I just got this invitation today.
38
00:02:04,401 --> 00:02:08,597
Oh, I was so excited.
It's really a beautiful invitation.
39
00:02:08,672 --> 00:02:11,002
Oh, it was a lovely affair.
40
00:02:11,641 --> 00:02:13,208
Oh, wait a minute.
41
00:02:13,276 --> 00:02:19,145
This postmark is three weeks old.
Man, this happens all the time.
42
00:02:19,217 --> 00:02:21,808
Janine, who the hell
runs the mailroom?
43
00:02:21,886 --> 00:02:24,284
- Eddie Sherman.
- All right. Send him up here.
44
00:02:24,355 --> 00:02:27,481
- You gonna do a little yelling?
- I'm gonna do a little firing.
45
00:02:27,558 --> 00:02:31,117
That is so cool.
Can you put me on the speaker?
46
00:02:31,196 --> 00:02:33,924
Oh, yeah. Sure.
47
00:02:34,266 --> 00:02:35,731
Give me a break.
48
00:02:44,244 --> 00:02:45,971
Hey, Copernicus.
49
00:02:49,082 --> 00:02:52,811
- Eddie Sherman is here.
- Oh, great. Send him in.
50
00:02:58,959 --> 00:03:03,155
- You wanted to see me?
- Eddie, yes.
51
00:03:03,230 --> 00:03:07,061
I am so sorry, but I'm afraid
we're gonna have to...
52
00:03:08,936 --> 00:03:11,096
promote you.
53
00:03:13,041 --> 00:03:14,438
So, what did you say?
54
00:03:14,509 --> 00:03:17,043
Well, I called him
all the way up to my office...
55
00:03:17,112 --> 00:03:19,339
so I had to tell him
something important.
56
00:03:20,215 --> 00:03:23,183
So I promoted him.
57
00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:27,214
- What? What did you...?
- Copywriter.
58
00:03:28,090 --> 00:03:29,919
He's writing copy?
59
00:03:30,259 --> 00:03:35,194
Well, it can't be any worse than the
pointless drivel we normally churn out.
60
00:03:38,101 --> 00:03:39,930
Check it out.
61
00:03:40,003 --> 00:03:44,005
- "Jewish singles night"?
- I expect you both to be there.
62
00:03:44,074 --> 00:03:46,642
- I'm not Jewish.
- Well, neither am l.
63
00:03:46,710 --> 00:03:50,838
- Well, why are you going?
- I'm not. I'm running it.
64
00:03:51,349 --> 00:03:54,009
- What are you talking about?
- Lomez, he usually runs it...
65
00:03:54,085 --> 00:03:55,618
but he's in the Everglades.
66
00:03:56,821 --> 00:03:59,287
- Lomez is Jewish?
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
67
00:03:59,357 --> 00:04:02,688
Orthodox, Jerry. Old school.
68
00:04:04,229 --> 00:04:07,389
At the Knights of Columbus?
69
00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:10,528
Yeah. Frank Costanza,
he's getting me a room in his lodge.
70
00:04:10,602 --> 00:04:13,432
Jerry, you know, I'm really
counting on you to come to this.
71
00:04:13,505 --> 00:04:15,197
- Kramer, you know...
- Jerry, look.
72
00:04:15,274 --> 00:04:17,036
I'm cooking all the food myself.
73
00:04:17,110 --> 00:04:21,943
"A tempting schmeer
of authentic Jewish delicacies."
74
00:04:23,383 --> 00:04:25,451
Do you like tsimmes?
75
00:04:27,754 --> 00:04:30,414
My mentor says
the duck is outstanding here.
76
00:04:30,691 --> 00:04:33,760
I'm not really a duck fan.
The skin seems sort of human.
77
00:04:35,196 --> 00:04:37,787
Oh, look who's here. Cynthia.
78
00:04:37,865 --> 00:04:39,626
- Hello, Abby.
- Hello.
79
00:04:39,700 --> 00:04:41,791
Jerry, this is Cynthia Pearlman,
my mentor.
80
00:04:41,869 --> 00:04:44,803
- Hello.
- Hi, Jerry. Nice to finally meet you.
81
00:04:44,873 --> 00:04:46,634
Come join us.
We can pull up a chair.
82
00:04:46,708 --> 00:04:49,333
Well, great.
My boyfriend's just parking the car.
83
00:04:49,644 --> 00:04:53,271
Actually, Jerry, you might know him.
He's a comic too.
84
00:04:53,348 --> 00:04:56,042
- No kidding.
- Kenny Bania.
85
00:04:56,118 --> 00:04:57,515
Bania?
86
00:04:58,421 --> 00:05:01,547
Hey, Jerry. How's it going?
87
00:05:01,624 --> 00:05:04,318
You gonna join us for dinner?
The duck here is the best.
88
00:05:04,394 --> 00:05:05,722
The best, Jerry.
89
00:05:10,133 --> 00:05:12,998
Excuse me.
I'm sorry to bother you.
90
00:05:13,070 --> 00:05:15,730
I noticed that you have
a textbook on tape.
91
00:05:15,806 --> 00:05:17,237
May I ask where you got that?
92
00:05:17,307 --> 00:05:20,308
Reading for the Blind.
They can get any book on tape.
93
00:05:20,377 --> 00:05:23,139
I tell you, I am hooked
on these books on tape.
94
00:05:23,213 --> 00:05:27,011
Tell me about it. These things
have ruined me for Braille.
95
00:05:29,988 --> 00:05:31,316
Reading for the Blind?
96
00:05:31,556 --> 00:05:34,352
I take an eye test, I flunk it.
The next thing you know...
97
00:05:34,426 --> 00:05:38,429
I am swinging to the sweet sounds
of risk management.
98
00:05:39,565 --> 00:05:43,431
- So I finally met the mentor.
- What's she like? Impressive?
99
00:05:43,502 --> 00:05:46,935
Oh, yeah. She's dating Bania.
100
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:49,864
- Bania?
- Yeah.
101
00:05:49,942 --> 00:05:54,002
I had to spend two hours at dinner
last night with that specimen.
102
00:05:54,448 --> 00:05:55,981
- What'd you have?
- Chicken.
103
00:05:56,049 --> 00:05:57,776
How could she look up
to a person...
104
00:05:57,851 --> 00:06:00,283
who voluntarily
spends time with Bania?
105
00:06:00,353 --> 00:06:01,681
- Marsala?
- Piccata.
106
00:06:01,755 --> 00:06:04,688
If anything,
I should be dating a mentor...
107
00:06:04,758 --> 00:06:08,192
and Bania should be
setting pins at a bowling alley.
108
00:06:08,830 --> 00:06:12,195
- All right. I got a test to fail.
- Hey, good luck with that.
109
00:06:12,266 --> 00:06:14,630
Thanks. Dad.
110
00:06:14,702 --> 00:06:16,861
What are you,
in an athletic sweat suit?
111
00:06:16,938 --> 00:06:18,266
What are you doing here?
112
00:06:18,339 --> 00:06:20,533
He came to get his check
for the banquet hall.
113
00:06:20,609 --> 00:06:26,670
You know, I got 183 responses.
Oh, it's gonna be a rager.
114
00:06:26,949 --> 00:06:30,712
Kramer, how are you gonna cook
Jewish delicacies for 183 people?
115
00:06:30,986 --> 00:06:34,454
You're right. That's a lot of pupiks.
116
00:06:34,958 --> 00:06:37,253
Hey, Frank, you know anybody
who can help me cook?
117
00:06:37,327 --> 00:06:39,156
Cook? No. I don't know any cooks.
118
00:06:39,229 --> 00:06:41,695
I don't know anything
about cooking!
119
00:06:43,266 --> 00:06:44,594
What's the matter with him?
120
00:06:44,868 --> 00:06:48,700
My dad was a cook
during the Korean War.
121
00:06:48,772 --> 00:06:51,306
Something very bad happened.
122
00:06:51,375 --> 00:06:53,739
Ever since,
you can't get him near a kitchen.
123
00:06:53,811 --> 00:06:56,072
- Shell-shocked?
- Oh, yeah.
124
00:06:56,147 --> 00:06:58,613
But that has nothing to do with it.
125
00:07:00,352 --> 00:07:02,852
That's good work, guys.
That ought to do it for today.
126
00:07:02,921 --> 00:07:04,249
- Alrighty?
- Wait.
127
00:07:04,322 --> 00:07:07,186
You didn't ask me about my ideas.
128
00:07:07,425 --> 00:07:09,823
Oh, Eddie, well, it's your first day.
129
00:07:09,895 --> 00:07:12,988
- I'm ready.
- Okay.
130
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:19,498
"It's a hot night. The mind races.
131
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:22,632
You think about your knife...
132
00:07:24,710 --> 00:07:28,372
the only friend
who hasn't betrayed you.
133
00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:33,280
The only friend
who won't be dead by sun-up.
134
00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:41,693
Sleep tight, mates,
in your quilted chambray nightshirts."
135
00:07:47,735 --> 00:07:50,497
What am I gonna do?
He is a disaster.
136
00:07:50,572 --> 00:07:55,508
Well, if he's doing that bad, maybe
he's in line for another promotion.
137
00:07:56,212 --> 00:07:59,247
You know what?
You are exactly right.
138
00:07:59,315 --> 00:08:01,815
That is what I should do.
I should promote him.
139
00:08:02,151 --> 00:08:05,880
I'll give him another office
on another floor, and he can sit there...
140
00:08:05,955 --> 00:08:09,514
with his nice title
and his bayonet...
141
00:08:09,593 --> 00:08:12,184
and stop freaking me out.
142
00:08:15,465 --> 00:08:17,499
Nothing at all.
143
00:08:19,336 --> 00:08:22,065
Well, George,
your vision is quite impaired.
144
00:08:23,574 --> 00:08:26,837
If you'll just sign this
insurance form. Here's a pen.
145
00:08:36,455 --> 00:08:38,614
You're a very handsome man,
by the way.
146
00:08:44,963 --> 00:08:47,965
What the hell is going on here?
147
00:08:50,737 --> 00:08:52,634
Look out!
148
00:08:56,943 --> 00:09:00,707
- What are you doing?
- I got three kitchens going.
149
00:09:01,048 --> 00:09:05,676
I got brisket going at Newman's,
I got kugel working at Mrs. Zanfino's...
150
00:09:05,753 --> 00:09:07,218
and this is kreplach.
151
00:09:07,288 --> 00:09:10,380
Here, try some of this.
152
00:09:10,457 --> 00:09:14,824
- No, I don't want to.
- Eat, eat, you're skin and bones.
153
00:09:18,466 --> 00:09:21,660
- Oh, this is awful.
- Oh, Jerry, it's kreplach.
154
00:09:21,736 --> 00:09:24,304
It's an acquired taste. Yeah.
155
00:09:32,315 --> 00:09:33,814
Did you follow the recipe?
156
00:09:33,883 --> 00:09:35,712
The recipe was for four to six people.
157
00:09:35,785 --> 00:09:38,911
I had to multiply it for 183 people.
158
00:09:38,988 --> 00:09:41,353
I guess I got confused.
159
00:09:42,559 --> 00:09:43,921
It tastes like dirt.
160
00:09:43,994 --> 00:09:46,927
Well, I also dropped it
on the way over.
161
00:09:46,997 --> 00:09:49,156
Jerry, I'm in trouble.
I got no skills.
162
00:09:49,232 --> 00:09:53,962
I can't peel, I can't chop,
I can't grate, I can't mince.
163
00:09:54,037 --> 00:09:56,436
I got no sense of flavor, obviously.
164
00:09:57,809 --> 00:09:59,376
You know, I gotta talk to Frank.
165
00:09:59,444 --> 00:10:01,375
- Kramer, you can't...
- I gotta talk to him.
166
00:10:01,446 --> 00:10:02,877
I know that he can help me...
167
00:10:02,947 --> 00:10:05,709
I think there's a dead animal
in the elevator.
168
00:10:05,783 --> 00:10:08,250
My stuffed cabbage.
169
00:10:11,724 --> 00:10:14,691
- So great dinner last night.
- Yeah, it was all right.
170
00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:17,385
I told Cynthia we'd double
with her and Bania Saturday...
171
00:10:17,463 --> 00:10:19,827
- and then catch his act.
- No. No.
172
00:10:19,898 --> 00:10:23,127
- No way. No Bania.
- What?
173
00:10:23,203 --> 00:10:26,761
Have you seen his act? He's got
a 12-minute bit about Ovaltine.
174
00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:28,965
He's a pug, a patsy, a hack.
175
00:10:29,442 --> 00:10:31,305
Cynthia would not date a hack.
176
00:10:31,378 --> 00:10:33,571
Would. Does. Is.
177
00:10:36,384 --> 00:10:37,917
Before we get started...
178
00:10:37,985 --> 00:10:40,349
I am happy to tell you
that Eddie Sherman...
179
00:10:40,421 --> 00:10:42,648
is no longer writing
for this catalog.
180
00:10:42,723 --> 00:10:44,950
- It's about time.
- He's upstairs.
181
00:10:45,025 --> 00:10:47,525
I made him director
of corporate development.
182
00:10:47,595 --> 00:10:49,755
You promoted him?
183
00:10:49,831 --> 00:10:51,330
Well, no. I would hardly...
184
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:55,903
- I bust my hump every day.
- Relax.
185
00:10:55,971 --> 00:11:00,098
As far as I'm concerned,
you and your deranged protégé...
186
00:11:00,175 --> 00:11:03,074
can run the catalog
by yourselves.
187
00:11:03,146 --> 00:11:04,804
I quit!
188
00:11:04,881 --> 00:11:06,209
- I'm with him.
- Me too.
189
00:11:06,282 --> 00:11:08,577
What? Hey.
190
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:12,613
Hey. Hey!
191
00:11:14,323 --> 00:11:16,085
Chapter one.
192
00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:20,424
In order to manage risk,
we must first understand risk.
193
00:11:20,731 --> 00:11:22,628
How do you spot risk?
194
00:11:22,699 --> 00:11:26,792
How do you avoid risk,
and what makes it so risky?
195
00:11:26,870 --> 00:11:29,997
- This guy sounds just like me.
- To understand risk, we must first...
196
00:11:30,074 --> 00:11:32,233
- define risk. Risk has...
- This is horrible.
197
00:11:32,310 --> 00:11:35,038
- Existed virtually...
- Stop it. Stop it. Shut up!
198
00:11:35,847 --> 00:11:38,177
Come on, Frank, I need you.
199
00:11:38,249 --> 00:11:40,374
I mean, the war was 50 years ago.
200
00:11:40,452 --> 00:11:44,956
In my mind,
there's a war still going on.
201
00:11:45,024 --> 00:11:46,614
All right, what happened, Frank?
202
00:11:46,692 --> 00:11:48,783
What is it that you can't get over?
203
00:12:01,942 --> 00:12:05,307
Inchon, Korea, 1950.
204
00:12:05,378 --> 00:12:09,141
I was the best cook
Uncle Sam ever saw.
205
00:12:09,382 --> 00:12:13,146
Slinging hash for the fighting 103rd.
206
00:12:13,221 --> 00:12:17,087
As we marched north,
our supply lines were getting thin.
207
00:12:17,158 --> 00:12:19,818
Well, one day,
a couple of Gl's found a crate.
208
00:12:19,894 --> 00:12:23,260
Inside was 600 pounds
of prime Texas steer.
209
00:12:23,332 --> 00:12:25,866
At least, it once was prime.
210
00:12:25,934 --> 00:12:27,968
The use date
was three weeks past.
211
00:12:28,737 --> 00:12:32,273
But I was arrogant. I was brash.
212
00:12:32,641 --> 00:12:36,142
I thought if I used
just the right spices...
213
00:12:38,381 --> 00:12:40,711
cooked it long enough....
214
00:12:43,353 --> 00:12:44,681
What happened?
215
00:12:44,754 --> 00:12:48,051
I went too far. I overseasoned it.
216
00:12:51,595 --> 00:12:53,959
Men were keeling over
all around me.
217
00:12:55,332 --> 00:12:58,560
I can still hear
the retching and screaming.
218
00:13:06,011 --> 00:13:08,170
Frank!
219
00:13:08,847 --> 00:13:13,850
I sent 16 of my own men
to the latrines that night.
220
00:13:15,353 --> 00:13:16,977
They were just boys.
221
00:13:17,055 --> 00:13:19,454
Frank, you were a boy too.
222
00:13:19,525 --> 00:13:23,254
And it was war.
That was a crazy time for everyone.
223
00:13:23,329 --> 00:13:25,363
Tell that to Bobby Colby.
224
00:13:25,798 --> 00:13:31,269
All that kid wanted to do was go home.
Well, he went home, all right.
225
00:13:31,471 --> 00:13:34,233
With a crater in his colon
the size of a cutlet.
226
00:13:35,242 --> 00:13:38,175
They had to sit him on a cork
for the 18-hour flight home.
227
00:13:38,245 --> 00:13:42,907
Frank, now listen to me. Two hundred
Jewish singles need you.
228
00:13:42,983 --> 00:13:45,518
This is your chance
to make it all right again.
229
00:13:45,853 --> 00:13:50,185
No. No. I'll never cook again.
230
00:13:50,258 --> 00:13:53,259
Never! Now get out of my house!
231
00:13:53,895 --> 00:13:57,226
Out. Get out. Go.
232
00:14:02,037 --> 00:14:04,935
So you saw Bania's act.
233
00:14:05,441 --> 00:14:08,032
He got two minutes
into that Ovaltine thing...
234
00:14:08,110 --> 00:14:10,770
and I just couldn't take it anymore.
235
00:14:11,247 --> 00:14:15,249
I told you. It's like getting beaten
with a bag of oranges.
236
00:14:15,585 --> 00:14:17,778
Why is he so obsessed
with Ovaltine?
237
00:14:17,854 --> 00:14:21,947
He just thinks that anything
that dissolves in milk is funny.
238
00:14:22,025 --> 00:14:26,620
Anyway, Cynthia and I got into
this big argument afterwards...
239
00:14:26,897 --> 00:14:29,591
- and I think it's over.
- No more mentor?
240
00:14:29,667 --> 00:14:33,396
- Looks that way.
- At least you and I are okay again.
241
00:14:33,471 --> 00:14:35,334
Actually, I was kind of thinking...
242
00:14:35,406 --> 00:14:38,236
that maybe we shouldn't
see each other for a while.
243
00:14:38,310 --> 00:14:39,638
Why?
244
00:14:39,711 --> 00:14:42,678
Well, I'm feeling a little disoriented.
245
00:14:42,748 --> 00:14:45,476
It's just weird for me
not to have an advisor.
246
00:14:45,550 --> 00:14:48,414
I can tell you what to do.
247
00:14:49,554 --> 00:14:51,953
- It's more than that.
- I can tell you what to think.
248
00:14:52,925 --> 00:14:54,492
I need someone I can trust.
249
00:14:58,931 --> 00:15:02,432
I got a big problem here, Jerry.
The tapes are worthless.
250
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:05,299
Kind of in the middle
of something here, George.
251
00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:15,680
- George.
- I gotta run anyway.
252
00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:18,876
I can't believe you feel
you really need a mentor.
253
00:15:18,953 --> 00:15:23,046
I just need someone who can give me
some kind of direction.
254
00:15:24,492 --> 00:15:26,457
I'll see you.
255
00:15:26,528 --> 00:15:28,289
Yeah, see you.
256
00:15:28,363 --> 00:15:32,126
- So, what's your problem?
- No problem.
257
00:15:34,470 --> 00:15:39,030
I think I got something here
for the Bengalese galoshes.
258
00:15:41,143 --> 00:15:45,145
"It's tough keeping your feet dry...
259
00:15:45,214 --> 00:15:48,546
when you're kicking in a skull."
260
00:15:49,953 --> 00:15:54,285
You know, Eddie,
that might be just a tad harsh.
261
00:15:54,357 --> 00:15:56,425
For women's wear.
262
00:15:58,428 --> 00:16:01,498
Well, I'm not married to it.
263
00:16:02,066 --> 00:16:07,331
Well, in that case,
why don't we take the phrase:
264
00:16:07,972 --> 00:16:09,596
"Kicking in a skull"...
265
00:16:09,674 --> 00:16:12,299
and we tweak it.
266
00:16:12,376 --> 00:16:16,573
You know, just a hair,
to something like what?
267
00:16:16,648 --> 00:16:21,082
Like "strolling through
a dewy meadow."
268
00:16:21,887 --> 00:16:24,421
Dewy meadow.
269
00:16:25,357 --> 00:16:26,857
Here's your omelet.
270
00:16:29,395 --> 00:16:32,430
- It's dry.
- That's the way I always make it.
271
00:16:33,266 --> 00:16:35,459
Well, it sucks.
272
00:16:37,370 --> 00:16:39,438
What did you say?
273
00:16:39,506 --> 00:16:43,475
Your meatloaf is mushy,
your salmon croquettes are oily...
274
00:16:43,544 --> 00:16:47,045
and your eggplant parmigiana
is a disgrace to this house!
275
00:16:47,114 --> 00:16:52,083
Well, that's too bad, because I'm
the only one who cooks around here.
276
00:16:52,153 --> 00:16:55,712
Not anymore. Give me that spatula.
277
00:16:59,761 --> 00:17:02,523
I'm back, baby!
278
00:17:04,599 --> 00:17:07,828
You're sure, with your schedule,
you'd have time to take on a protégé?
279
00:17:08,137 --> 00:17:11,900
I'll make time. Because, Abby,
I was once like you.
280
00:17:11,974 --> 00:17:13,598
Wide-eyed, naive.
281
00:17:13,676 --> 00:17:17,007
I didn't know the first thing
about a subject as fundamental...
282
00:17:17,079 --> 00:17:20,843
as risk management.
283
00:17:20,918 --> 00:17:23,316
I'm not familiar with it.
You'll have to explain it.
284
00:17:23,387 --> 00:17:25,250
I'll tell you what.
285
00:17:25,322 --> 00:17:27,413
Why don't you read this book...
286
00:17:27,491 --> 00:17:31,152
and let's just see
if you can explain it to me.
287
00:17:31,662 --> 00:17:34,197
- All right.
- Okay.
288
00:17:35,099 --> 00:17:36,427
Hey, Jerry.
289
00:17:36,768 --> 00:17:39,359
- Hey, Bania.
- Did you hear what happened?
290
00:17:39,437 --> 00:17:42,335
The mentor saw my act.
She dumped me.
291
00:17:42,407 --> 00:17:43,997
Oh, that's a tough one.
292
00:17:44,075 --> 00:17:48,010
Maybe she's right.
Maybe I am a complete hack.
293
00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:50,648
I'm the absolute worst.
The worst, Jerry.
294
00:17:50,716 --> 00:17:53,717
Well, it's just that you got
so many things with the milk.
295
00:17:53,786 --> 00:17:56,548
You got that Bosco bit,
then you got your Nestlé's Quik bit.
296
00:17:56,622 --> 00:17:58,349
By the time you get to Ovaltine...
297
00:17:58,424 --> 00:18:01,221
You think you can give me
a hand with my material?
298
00:18:08,201 --> 00:18:11,236
- You still need a cook?
- Oh, yeah. Come on in, Frank.
299
00:18:11,304 --> 00:18:13,133
- You got T-Fal?
- Calphalon.
300
00:18:13,206 --> 00:18:16,367
- No. Follow me.
- Oh, yeah.
301
00:18:17,545 --> 00:18:19,135
Try that.
302
00:18:21,515 --> 00:18:23,879
"Why do they call it Ovaltine?
303
00:18:23,951 --> 00:18:27,282
The mug is round, the jar is round.
304
00:18:27,355 --> 00:18:29,856
They should call it Roundtine."
305
00:18:31,426 --> 00:18:34,620
That's gold, Jerry. Gold.
306
00:18:35,330 --> 00:18:41,927
Let's just replace "hail of shrapnel"
and "scar tissue"...
307
00:18:42,338 --> 00:18:46,932
with "string of pearls"
and "raspberry scones."
308
00:18:50,413 --> 00:18:52,276
George Costanza is your mentor?
309
00:18:52,348 --> 00:18:54,609
Yeah. He's great.
310
00:18:54,684 --> 00:18:56,343
I am learning so much.
311
00:18:56,420 --> 00:18:59,785
About what? How to calculate
5 percent of a restaurant check?
312
00:19:00,791 --> 00:19:02,415
You know what your problem is?
313
00:19:02,493 --> 00:19:06,120
You just have no respect
for the protégé-mentor relationship.
314
00:19:06,196 --> 00:19:09,926
As a matter of fact,
I happen to have a protégé of my own.
315
00:19:11,670 --> 00:19:14,568
- Who?
- A Mr. Kenneth Bania.
316
00:19:14,639 --> 00:19:16,434
Bania?
317
00:19:17,309 --> 00:19:20,071
I'm gonna mentor
this kid to the top.
318
00:19:20,145 --> 00:19:24,478
Well, I don't think I wanna date
a mentor whose protégé is a hack.
319
00:19:24,550 --> 00:19:27,983
I don't think I wanna date a protégé
whose mentor is a Costanza.
320
00:19:29,956 --> 00:19:31,045
I don't know how...
321
00:19:31,123 --> 00:19:33,350
but there's some kind of
chemistry between us.
322
00:19:33,426 --> 00:19:35,791
We turned out
one hell of a catalog.
323
00:19:36,263 --> 00:19:37,591
Cool.
324
00:19:38,665 --> 00:19:41,063
Hey, Ed, let me ask you something.
325
00:19:41,134 --> 00:19:45,762
What's with the fatigues
and all the psychotic imagery, huh?
326
00:19:46,306 --> 00:19:47,737
I don't wanna talk about it.
327
00:19:47,808 --> 00:19:51,538
Come on. Don't be a baby.
328
00:19:52,246 --> 00:19:56,578
I went out on a couple of dates
with this woman.
329
00:19:56,651 --> 00:19:59,015
I thought she really liked me.
330
00:19:59,587 --> 00:20:03,681
And then things kind of cooled off.
331
00:20:05,594 --> 00:20:06,922
That's it?
332
00:20:07,329 --> 00:20:10,193
Well, it's tough
meeting somebody you like...
333
00:20:10,265 --> 00:20:11,992
Iet alone somebody Jewish.
334
00:20:19,776 --> 00:20:21,434
This food is fantastic.
335
00:20:21,511 --> 00:20:25,274
- Have you tried the hamantaschen?
- I can't get off the kishkes.
336
00:20:25,348 --> 00:20:27,382
- Hey, Jerry.
- Bania.
337
00:20:27,450 --> 00:20:29,177
I just stopped by to thank you.
338
00:20:29,252 --> 00:20:32,379
That risk-management stuff
you wrote for me is killer.
339
00:20:32,656 --> 00:20:34,223
Risk management?
340
00:20:34,291 --> 00:20:36,723
It's gold, Jerry. Gold.
341
00:20:36,794 --> 00:20:40,057
I got all these corporate gigs,
and even Cynthia took me back.
342
00:20:40,131 --> 00:20:41,698
So you went from the mailroom...
343
00:20:41,766 --> 00:20:44,700
to director of corporate
development in two days?
344
00:20:45,437 --> 00:20:47,937
- That's right.
- How much are they paying you?
345
00:20:48,006 --> 00:20:49,403
I'll double it.
346
00:20:51,309 --> 00:20:55,209
- These latkes are going like hotcakes.
- Where's the powdered sugar?
347
00:20:55,947 --> 00:20:57,675
You know, you could take a break.
348
00:20:57,750 --> 00:21:02,082
No breaks. I feel reborn.
I'm like a phoenix rising from Arizona.
349
00:21:03,256 --> 00:21:04,584
Quitting?
350
00:21:04,657 --> 00:21:08,352
I can't churn out
that pointless drivel anymore.
351
00:21:08,428 --> 00:21:11,828
What...? You can't quit.
You're all I've got.
352
00:21:11,899 --> 00:21:14,092
I need you.
353
00:21:15,536 --> 00:21:17,399
Gross.
354
00:21:31,219 --> 00:21:32,843
No!
355
00:21:33,088 --> 00:21:36,089
No! Don't eat it. It's no good.
356
00:21:36,157 --> 00:21:39,659
- No good. No good. No way.
- Frank, stop it.
357
00:21:39,728 --> 00:21:43,264
- Stop...
- No. No. No.
358
00:21:43,332 --> 00:21:45,195
Frank!
359
00:21:51,741 --> 00:21:56,039
Our next speaker is George Costanza
on the subject of risk management.
360
00:22:03,955 --> 00:22:05,955
"Ovaltine.
361
00:22:16,968 --> 00:22:19,560
Have you ever had this stuff?
362
00:22:22,107 --> 00:22:24,937
Why do they call it Ovaltine?
363
00:22:29,948 --> 00:22:31,983
They should call it Roundtine.
364
00:22:33,753 --> 00:22:36,253
You know what I'm talking about."
365
00:22:37,624 --> 00:22:40,192
He's my protégé.
26844
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