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1
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Son of Dracula.
Return of the Son of Dracula.
2
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The Son of Dracula's Revenge?
Is that all you can do? Vampire movies?
3
00:01:41,534 --> 00:01:43,764
I'm afraid that's not good enough.
4
00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:46,431
You'd have to be a bite more versatile
5
00:01:46,506 --> 00:01:49,998
to be on the frighting staff of
Tales from the Crypt.
6
00:01:53,446 --> 00:02:00,181
Oh, hello, creeps. As you can see,
we've got an opening for a story dead-itor.
7
00:02:00,253 --> 00:02:03,654
I've been conducting chop interviews
all morning.
8
00:02:03,723 --> 00:02:06,920
No one seems to get what I'm looking for.
9
00:02:08,328 --> 00:02:11,024
Oh, well. Let's see who's next.
10
00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:16,660
Interesting, a brother team.
11
00:02:17,737 --> 00:02:21,104
Grimm, I think I've heard of them.
12
00:02:21,241 --> 00:02:24,176
This has potential, boils and ghouls.
13
00:02:24,244 --> 00:02:29,477
It's a twisted bit of gorytelling
about three scaracters you may recognize
14
00:02:29,549 --> 00:02:31,346
at first.
15
00:02:31,417 --> 00:02:34,750
It's called the "Third Pig. "
16
00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:42,356
Once upon a time,
there were three little piggies.
17
00:02:42,428 --> 00:02:47,092
Their names were Dudley,
Drinky and Smokey.
18
00:02:49,302 --> 00:02:50,997
What are you looking at?
19
00:02:51,404 --> 00:02:53,895
Dudley Pig was the smartest of the three.
20
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He lived in a sturdy house made of bricks
which he kept very neat and tidy.
21
00:02:59,078 --> 00:03:03,378
Drinky lived in a house
made out of an old whiskey keg.
22
00:03:07,153 --> 00:03:10,384
While Smokey lived in a house made out
of cigarettes and wooden matchsticks.
23
00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:15,856
To say that Drinky and Smokey
weren't as smart as their brother Dudley
24
00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:18,127
would be putting it mildly
25
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:22,191
as both were sorely lacking
in the brain department.
26
00:03:22,268 --> 00:03:26,932
Drinky only thought about one thing.
Well, maybe two things.
27
00:03:27,006 --> 00:03:32,103
While Smokey...
Smokey didn't think of anything at all.
28
00:03:33,246 --> 00:03:35,237
In this happy neighborhood
29
00:03:35,315 --> 00:03:38,614
there also lived a devious and hungry wolf.
30
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Mr. Wolf was bad as could be.
31
00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:46,124
And he had a ravenous appetite.
32
00:03:56,703 --> 00:03:58,637
More ice, I tell you. More ice.
33
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:40,474
Damn! I know you porkers are inside.
You can run but you can't hide.
34
00:04:40,546 --> 00:04:43,481
I'll get you damn pigs
if it's the last thing I do.
35
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You, you... Oh, what rhymes with "you"?
36
00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:49,944
I'm not a damn poet.
37
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:53,015
Why does everything always
have to rhyme in these things?
38
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,218
I can't help it.
39
00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:57,863
No one talks like that
in these stupid, freaking...
40
00:04:57,930 --> 00:04:59,864
I sound like a Hallmark card or something.
41
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No one talks like that.
42
00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:04,894
And so the wolf left
without his dinner and angry
43
00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:08,372
because he couldn't end his speech
on a very good rhyme.
44
00:05:13,179 --> 00:05:17,081
And the piggies slept safely
through the night.
45
00:05:20,553 --> 00:05:23,283
Come the morning,
46
00:05:23,356 --> 00:05:27,258
Drinky and Smokey were very, very sad.
47
00:05:31,898 --> 00:05:36,028
And so you see, brother dear,
we've got nowhere to go.
48
00:05:36,102 --> 00:05:40,562
That big, bad wolf wrecked our homes,
don't you know?
49
00:05:41,774 --> 00:05:45,266
He scared us so badly we ran and ran.
50
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:49,941
Now I guess we'll have to live
in a garbage can.
51
00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:55,980
Nonsense, you two,
you can move in with me.
52
00:05:56,055 --> 00:05:59,547
This house made of brick is very sturdy,
you see?
53
00:05:59,625 --> 00:06:02,822
That blowhard old wolf
could never knock it down.
54
00:06:02,895 --> 00:06:06,661
It's the strongest house
in the whole darn town.
55
00:06:08,167 --> 00:06:11,193
Well, the two dumb brothers
wasted no time
56
00:06:11,270 --> 00:06:14,728
in taking their smart brother up
on his generous offer.
57
00:06:15,174 --> 00:06:17,665
Drinky and Smokey moved
their few possessions
58
00:06:17,744 --> 00:06:19,609
into their brother's house.
59
00:06:19,679 --> 00:06:24,378
Well, to say that Drinky and Smokey
didn't treat their smart brother kindly
60
00:06:24,484 --> 00:06:26,349
would be an understatement.
61
00:06:26,419 --> 00:06:28,819
They always sent him out on errands
62
00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:31,721
and made him cook and clean up
after them.
63
00:06:36,162 --> 00:06:39,188
The two brothers weren't the best guests
Dudley had ever had.
64
00:06:39,265 --> 00:06:43,201
Drinky and Smokey
threw all-night parties with booze
65
00:06:43,269 --> 00:06:46,761
and ladies of easy virtue.
66
00:06:49,542 --> 00:06:54,070
I say, brothers dear,
could you be a little more quiet?
67
00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:57,207
I thought that the city was having a riot.
68
00:06:59,485 --> 00:07:05,754
They partied all night
and watched television all day.
69
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:10,525
I say, you two, how's the job hunt going?
70
00:07:10,596 --> 00:07:15,158
This pain in my back
shows no sign of slowing.
71
00:07:15,501 --> 00:07:19,198
It's true, brother dear,
that it's jobs that we need,
72
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:22,799
but the horrible truth is
we don't know how to read.
73
00:07:26,846 --> 00:07:29,747
Dudley the Pig knew
that his brothers meant well.
74
00:07:29,816 --> 00:07:33,411
It wasn't their fault
that they were born with slow minds.
75
00:07:33,486 --> 00:07:39,356
He preferred to remember the good times.
Yes, the good times.
76
00:07:39,425 --> 00:07:43,225
But for the life of him
he couldn't remember any good times.
77
00:07:44,664 --> 00:07:48,100
Hey, brother dear,
what're you standing there for?
78
00:07:48,167 --> 00:07:50,761
Yeah!
We're out of beer, now get to the store.
79
00:07:50,837 --> 00:07:53,772
I'll go to the store, but you better beware.
80
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:57,037
That nasty, old wolf
is still out there somewhere.
81
00:07:57,109 --> 00:07:59,907
So close all the windows
and lock up the door,
82
00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:02,971
it won't take me long
to get back from the store.
83
00:08:03,049 --> 00:08:06,576
And so the smart, little piggy
went to the market
84
00:08:06,652 --> 00:08:09,849
to get some beer for his lazy brothers.
85
00:08:10,189 --> 00:08:12,350
But as fate would have it,
86
00:08:12,425 --> 00:08:17,192
that was the moment
the bad, old wolf chose to arrive.
87
00:08:17,263 --> 00:08:20,426
When I find a way in,
that's when I attacks!
88
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:24,436
And soon I'll be dining
on sweet baby backs.
89
00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:42,446
Say, brother dear,
who on earth could that be?
90
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,717
I'll go to the peephole and take a look-see.
91
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:53,756
Oh, please can't you help me?
92
00:08:53,833 --> 00:08:55,232
I'm filled with distress.
93
00:08:55,301 --> 00:08:58,668
I'm a poor swimsuit model
who just lost her dress.
94
00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:02,201
If you'd let me inside,
I'd be ever so grateful,
95
00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:06,177
and I think that you'll find me
to be extra playful.
96
00:09:06,245 --> 00:09:08,907
Smokey couldn't believe the luck.
97
00:09:12,151 --> 00:09:15,279
There's a cute girl outside
and she wants to come in!
98
00:09:15,354 --> 00:09:18,812
Well, let her in, stupid,
so the fun can begin.
99
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,521
Come right on in, Miss...
100
00:09:30,836 --> 00:09:33,771
Well, well, well, what have we here?
101
00:09:33,839 --> 00:09:37,138
Looks like two little piggies
but where is the third?
102
00:09:37,209 --> 00:09:40,076
I'll start with you two and then I'll...
103
00:09:40,146 --> 00:09:42,341
Oh, the hell with it!
104
00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:46,449
And so, even though
the wolf still couldn't find a rhyme
105
00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:48,214
to go with "third"he...
106
00:09:48,287 --> 00:09:52,348
Will you shut up about that? You try it.
I haven't heard you do one rhyme yet.
107
00:11:20,479 --> 00:11:23,937
And when he was done, he left.
108
00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:29,215
Soon after the wolf had left,
Dudley returned home.
109
00:11:29,288 --> 00:11:33,122
He was startled
to find the door wide open.
110
00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:36,753
Hello, brothers dear,
I'm back with the beer.
111
00:11:56,849 --> 00:11:58,316
Hello? Police?
112
00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:01,547
Well, when I came home,
and when I opened the door,
113
00:12:01,620 --> 00:12:05,886
there was blood on the ceiling,
chopped off hands on the floor.
114
00:12:05,958 --> 00:12:09,394
I think the wolf did it,
that shifty old tramp.
115
00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:13,592
There's blood all over the place.
The gore is still damp.
116
00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:17,329
My God, there's intestines strung
round the lamp!
117
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:20,964
The address on the house is
Pig Number Three.
118
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:25,067
Jesus Christ!
There's a severed head on the TV.
119
00:12:25,144 --> 00:12:28,875
Be quick! Be quick!
Please hurry here quick!
120
00:12:28,948 --> 00:12:32,577
I think that I'm going to be violently sick.
121
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:44,258
Hooray! Hooray!
122
00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:47,891
At last I can cheer.
The frigging police are finally here!
123
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,305
Oh, thank goodness! At last.
124
00:12:56,375 --> 00:12:59,811
You're the chief I would guess.
Well, come on inside,
125
00:12:59,879 --> 00:13:02,143
take a look at this mess.
126
00:13:05,584 --> 00:13:09,384
It must have been that bad, old wolf.
Oh, my Lordy!
127
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:13,585
Only he could be responsible
for a scene that's this gory.
128
00:13:13,659 --> 00:13:17,527
Come, come, Mr. Pig,
let's not make up a story.
129
00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:22,058
But... But I didn't do it.
I just walked in here.
130
00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:26,127
I said I'm not guilty! Let go of my ear!
131
00:13:26,205 --> 00:13:29,697
My, my, Mr. Pig,
what a mess you have here.
132
00:13:29,775 --> 00:13:34,109
But to me,
your motive seems perfectly clear.
133
00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:40,378
You killed both your brothers
'cause they drank all your beer!
134
00:13:40,452 --> 00:13:42,682
I'm not guilty, I say!
135
00:13:42,755 --> 00:13:46,555
Throw him in jail or he'll sing that all day.
136
00:13:49,695 --> 00:13:51,390
And early the next day,
137
00:13:51,463 --> 00:13:54,159
poor, innocent Dudley found himself
in court.
138
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:55,827
Y'all be a-rising.
139
00:13:55,901 --> 00:13:59,735
The Honorable Judge Vic
"Leave 'Em Hanging" Johnson presiding.
140
00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:08,904
Order! Order!
141
00:14:08,981 --> 00:14:15,352
Now that we're all in,
the State vs. Dudley Pig can begin.
142
00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:19,255
- How do you plead?
- Not guilty.
143
00:14:21,460 --> 00:14:23,291
That's how you plead?
144
00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:26,627
Oh, I think that I've heard all that I need.
145
00:14:27,566 --> 00:14:31,058
I've got me a golf game,
and I'm in a big hurry.
146
00:14:31,136 --> 00:14:34,230
I think I'm gonna hand this one off
to the jury.
147
00:14:35,174 --> 00:14:37,734
- Okay, big daddy.
- Okay, big daddy.
148
00:14:46,352 --> 00:14:49,685
The jury is back and a verdict they've got.
149
00:14:49,755 --> 00:14:54,021
Is the pig guilty or is the pig not?
150
00:14:54,326 --> 00:14:58,729
- Oh, brother, is he guilty!
- Oh, brother, is he guilty!
151
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:04,225
Sorry, son, the system's done all it can.
152
00:15:04,303 --> 00:15:09,707
I sentence you to die in this frying pan.
153
00:15:09,842 --> 00:15:14,472
Poor Dudley Pig.
What a blow fate had dealt this porker.
154
00:15:15,214 --> 00:15:18,342
Oh, woe is me. My heart is achin'.
155
00:15:18,417 --> 00:15:22,353
For come the 'morrow,
I'll just be fried bacon.
156
00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:29,190
That nasty wolf, why, it's his fault
that I am locked up inside this dank vault.
157
00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:33,428
My dear sweet brothers once again to see,
158
00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:37,731
would be the only wish
that I'd wish for me.
159
00:15:44,476 --> 00:15:47,070
Dear brother Dudley, what's all the fuss?
160
00:15:47,146 --> 00:15:50,912
We've got something to say,
better listen to us.
161
00:15:50,983 --> 00:15:55,215
Holy smoke! My dead brothers!
To see you is swell.
162
00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:59,223
Tell me, are things as hot
as they say down in hell?
163
00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:01,020
A bit warm, it's true,
164
00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:03,558
but we're here with
an important mission for you.
165
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:06,223
We'll help you escape and that is no goof,
166
00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:10,394
but you must bring us revenge
by killing the wolf!
167
00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:14,530
And with that,
the ghostly piggies lifted their brother up
168
00:16:14,606 --> 00:16:18,770
and with some effort
pulled him through the window of his cell.
169
00:16:27,386 --> 00:16:30,844
What is this broken down place
full of rats?
170
00:16:30,923 --> 00:16:34,086
The abandoned castle of a mad doctor,
in fact.
171
00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:36,957
A mad proctologist to be exact.
172
00:16:37,029 --> 00:16:40,795
But you can still use it
'cause the lab's still intact.
173
00:16:40,866 --> 00:16:44,131
Use it?
For what, oh, dead brothers of mine?
174
00:16:44,203 --> 00:16:47,832
To build a monster,
so revenge we can find!
175
00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:50,773
You can learn how from reading this book.
176
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:54,836
It's an ancient grimoire,
but just take a look.
177
00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:59,947
You will learn how to bring our plan
to fruition.
178
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:02,817
And you won't even have to pay
any tuition.
179
00:17:02,888 --> 00:17:06,324
Goodbye, brother Dudley.
Save our souls from this pain.
180
00:17:06,392 --> 00:17:09,953
You must stop that wolf
from killing again!
181
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:13,726
That wolf must be stopped,
my brothers are right.
182
00:17:13,799 --> 00:17:17,257
I'll get busy this very night.
183
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:05,111
Now at last my dark deed is done.
184
00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:09,177
Life will soon be yours, oh, hideous one.
185
00:18:13,392 --> 00:18:17,055
After hours of toiling and sweat and strife,
186
00:18:17,129 --> 00:18:22,157
I summon the powers
to give my creature life.
187
00:18:49,995 --> 00:18:54,864
And then the zombie pig
monster sat up and said something
188
00:18:54,933 --> 00:18:58,425
that Dudley pig will never forget.
189
00:19:03,108 --> 00:19:08,774
The lifeless mass I have revived,
now I can say it's alive!
190
00:19:08,847 --> 00:19:12,943
Live! Live! Live!
191
00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:19,483
This wolf must die, that is my will.
192
00:19:19,558 --> 00:19:24,188
I order you to kill. Kill, kill, kill, kill.
193
00:19:25,197 --> 00:19:27,461
Kill. I will.
194
00:19:28,634 --> 00:19:32,070
And so,
the zombie pig monster
195
00:19:32,137 --> 00:19:35,231
shambled out the door of the castle
196
00:19:35,307 --> 00:19:38,743
to find and kill the big, bad wolf.
197
00:19:45,684 --> 00:19:48,482
You should have seen the look
on that little pig's face
198
00:19:48,554 --> 00:19:52,012
as he was branded with guilt
and led away in disgrace.
199
00:19:52,090 --> 00:19:54,752
I think it's funny. I just don't care.
200
00:19:54,826 --> 00:19:58,091
In the morning that pig will be fried
in the chair.
201
00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:02,293
Well, I guess that's enough for one night.
202
00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:05,564
I'll go visit Bo Peep,
she won't put up a fight.
203
00:20:10,642 --> 00:20:13,975
And the naughty wolf
left that dark den of iniquity
204
00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:15,980
and went off to molest Bo Peep.
205
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:18,516
But he hadn't gone far into the woods
206
00:20:18,584 --> 00:20:22,418
when he got the distinct feeling
he was being followed.
207
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:44,542
That's a relief. It was only the trees.
208
00:20:44,610 --> 00:20:47,443
I thought for a moment
I might have been...
209
00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:51,015
What rhymes with trees?
210
00:20:59,891 --> 00:21:02,689
Oh, Mr. Monster, don't eat me, oh, please.
211
00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:06,026
I forgot to mention
my horrible skin disease.
212
00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:07,497
Hey, that rhymed.
213
00:21:23,415 --> 00:21:26,384
And though the zombie pig
had done his job,
214
00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:30,717
poor little Dudley pig was having
second thoughts about what he had done.
215
00:21:30,789 --> 00:21:33,656
What have I done?
216
00:21:33,725 --> 00:21:37,422
One horrible monster from the world
I have rid,
217
00:21:37,496 --> 00:21:41,193
but created another, that's what I did.
218
00:21:41,266 --> 00:21:45,032
This abomination must not continue.
219
00:21:45,103 --> 00:21:48,470
I'll have to dismember it
sinew from sinew.
220
00:22:04,523 --> 00:22:10,826
Little pig, little pig, quit stabbing my head.
You can't kill what's already dead.
221
00:23:02,647 --> 00:23:05,377
Must destroy!
222
00:23:17,829 --> 00:23:20,127
I love this ending, I think it's neat.
223
00:23:20,198 --> 00:23:24,100
And I've one thing to say.
"Pork, the other light meat. "
224
00:23:36,748 --> 00:23:39,308
I don't know about you, kiddies,
225
00:23:39,384 --> 00:23:42,717
but I was glad to see the wolf
hit one out of the pork.
226
00:23:44,356 --> 00:23:47,951
Still, an hour from now,
he'll be hungry again
227
00:23:48,026 --> 00:23:50,221
and bacon for more.
228
00:23:55,467 --> 00:23:57,230
You'll be happy to know, creeps,
229
00:23:57,302 --> 00:24:01,966
that it looks like that opening
I told you about has been filled.
230
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:07,637
Once we hammer out
a few creative stiff-rences that is.19748
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