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1
00:02:04,491 --> 00:02:07,654
Hello, how're you?
2
00:02:08,528 --> 00:02:11,019
I'm Fearest Gump.
3
00:02:12,599 --> 00:02:16,592
Hi, care for a shockolate?
4
00:02:21,908 --> 00:02:23,466
You sure?
5
00:02:24,043 --> 00:02:30,278
Mummy always said
life is like a box of shockolates.
6
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:33,785
You never know what you're gonna get.
7
00:02:35,421 --> 00:02:38,879
Sometimes you get a fudge scream.
8
00:02:39,692 --> 00:02:42,889
Sometimes you get new guts.
9
00:02:43,796 --> 00:02:46,890
Know what else Mummy said?
10
00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:53,135
She said, "Scary is as scary does. "
11
00:02:53,406 --> 00:02:58,173
Which brings to mind
the man in tonight's terror tale.
12
00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:03,339
He's just dying
to get out of the mess he's in.
13
00:03:04,083 --> 00:03:05,175
Literally.
14
00:03:08,421 --> 00:03:11,982
It's a little piece of horrid candy I call
15
00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:15,819
"You, Murderer. "
16
00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:17,155
They say when you die, that you're
supposed to see this intense white light.
17
00:04:17,790 --> 00:04:21,749
You're supposed to walk into it like it was
the gates of heaven or something.
18
00:04:21,828 --> 00:04:24,058
At least, that's the way I always heard it.
19
00:04:24,130 --> 00:04:27,588
Well, I'm dead and so far
I've seen a lot of things
20
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:30,399
but some cockamamie white light
ain't one of them.
21
00:04:32,739 --> 00:04:35,071
That's right, I'm dead.
22
00:04:35,541 --> 00:04:38,135
And one thing I can
definitely tell you about it.
23
00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:40,338
It ain't like I expected it to be.
24
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:43,240
Stick around,
you might learn a thing or two.
25
00:04:44,050 --> 00:04:46,780
Just a couple of hours ago I was
alive as the rest of you
26
00:04:46,853 --> 00:04:50,186
and then, seemed like destiny
had taken a hand.
27
00:04:51,057 --> 00:04:55,619
- Seems that destiny has taken a hand.
- What was that, Mr. Spinelli?
28
00:04:56,562 --> 00:04:59,292
It's destiny that today of all days,
29
00:04:59,365 --> 00:05:03,165
you, doll, have come up with a campaign
that's gonna save this company.
30
00:05:03,536 --> 00:05:05,265
What was that slogan again?
31
00:05:05,338 --> 00:05:07,033
Here's looking at you, kid.
32
00:05:07,106 --> 00:05:10,439
I like it, Erika. It's got a familiar ring to it.
33
00:05:10,543 --> 00:05:14,411
Thanks, Mr. Spinelli. Now, the way
the campaign will work is this.
34
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:18,208
- Let me just make sure everything is...
- Thanks, Jimmy.
35
00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:20,775
Okay.
36
00:05:21,521 --> 00:05:23,216
The first billboard will say,
37
00:05:24,123 --> 00:05:26,057
"Here's looking at ewe, kid. "
38
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,658
Spelled E-W-E.
39
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:31,354
- Then...
That's pretty good, baby.
40
00:05:32,231 --> 00:05:34,028
Here's looking at you, kid.
41
00:05:34,867 --> 00:05:38,928
- You know, kid, goat.
- Sure. That's swell, Erika.
42
00:05:39,372 --> 00:05:40,862
Okay, and the third one...
43
00:05:42,041 --> 00:05:45,499
- Hare's looking at you, kid.
- That's good, very good. I like it.
44
00:05:46,946 --> 00:05:50,109
- Geez, is that the time?
- It's 9:30.
45
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:53,016
Mr. Spinelli, call for you on three.
46
00:05:53,252 --> 00:05:56,380
It was hard to hear,
I think they said it was Oscar.
47
00:05:56,956 --> 00:06:00,084
Oscar, huh? That's strange.
48
00:06:00,493 --> 00:06:03,053
Excuse me, everybody.
I'll be right with you.
49
00:06:10,603 --> 00:06:13,470
- Oscar?
- No, Lou, it's Betty.
50
00:06:16,609 --> 00:06:18,941
Surprised to hear my voice?
51
00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:23,014
I'm supposed to be dead, aren't I?
Aren't I, Lou?
52
00:06:23,483 --> 00:06:24,745
- I hear...
- Your pal Oscar
53
00:06:24,917 --> 00:06:27,112
sent a couple of goons
over here to kill me.
54
00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:29,248
- I hear...
- But, I've got bad news for you.
55
00:06:29,322 --> 00:06:30,949
- I hear what you're...
- It didn't work.
56
00:06:31,524 --> 00:06:33,389
- You hear me, Lou?
- Listen.
57
00:06:34,494 --> 00:06:36,121
This won't do any good.
58
00:06:37,163 --> 00:06:40,189
You'll never understand me,
but I'll try once then give it up.
59
00:06:40,266 --> 00:06:43,167
Don't bother, Lou. I'm calling the police.
60
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:47,138
You're going to jail.
Do you hear me, Lou? To jail.
61
00:06:55,114 --> 00:06:56,513
Lou, are you okay?
62
00:06:57,650 --> 00:06:59,948
- Lou?
- Yeah, everything's all right, Erika.
63
00:07:00,019 --> 00:07:02,783
Just a little emergency at home, that's all.
64
00:07:02,855 --> 00:07:05,016
- Mr. Spinelli...
- Everything's okay.
65
00:07:05,558 --> 00:07:08,425
- Mr. Spinelli, are you all right?
- Everything's fine, Erika.
66
00:07:14,066 --> 00:07:18,002
In the part of town where I grew up,
you did what you had to do to survive,
67
00:07:18,070 --> 00:07:19,697
whether it was legal or not.
68
00:07:19,772 --> 00:07:21,865
I robbed, cheated, even killed.
69
00:07:22,308 --> 00:07:26,210
I did a lot of hard time before I got wise
to what a sucker's game it was.
70
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:29,305
Unfortunately, no one was offering
second chances,
71
00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:30,974
so I busted out of the joint,
72
00:07:31,050 --> 00:07:35,510
got a new name and a new face
and put my past behind me.
73
00:07:35,588 --> 00:07:37,613
At least, I thought I did.
74
00:07:42,929 --> 00:07:45,295
She knows?
Yeah, she knows.
75
00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:48,227
What makes you so sure?
76
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:51,270
Somebody sent her those pictures
in the mail. She knows all about me.
77
00:07:51,337 --> 00:07:54,170
Who I was, what I've done,
the whole rap sheet.
78
00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:58,404
And there's only one other person in the
world who knows the words to that song.
79
00:07:58,511 --> 00:08:01,708
Is that a joke? You think that I...
80
00:08:01,914 --> 00:08:04,644
I'm the one that performed
plastic surgery on you.
81
00:08:04,717 --> 00:08:08,676
- I'm the guy that changed your face!
- Yeah, and made me look like Bogart.
82
00:08:08,754 --> 00:08:10,654
You know how hard that was?
83
00:08:10,723 --> 00:08:13,988
It would have been easier
to make you look like Gabby Hayes.
84
00:08:14,293 --> 00:08:16,420
How could you think it was me?
85
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:17,622
You're still a wanted man.
86
00:08:17,697 --> 00:08:20,996
Every police department in the country
wants to get its hands on you.
87
00:08:22,034 --> 00:08:24,764
And I'm your accomplice.
If you go down, I go down.
88
00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:27,670
Why would I spill my guts to anyone,
let alone your wife?
89
00:08:27,740 --> 00:08:29,640
Keep your pants on, Oscar.
90
00:08:29,709 --> 00:08:32,507
Now, look, I may have been
a little too hasty.
91
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:36,679
Okay, you're the doctor. What do we do?
92
00:08:37,483 --> 00:08:40,884
If she's wise to us,
there's only one thing we can do.
93
00:08:43,489 --> 00:08:45,218
- Kill her.
- Kill her?
94
00:08:46,025 --> 00:08:47,515
Don't be screwy.
95
00:08:47,927 --> 00:08:49,417
I know a few guys.
96
00:08:49,829 --> 00:08:52,889
Might cost a little money,
but they'll take care of it.
97
00:08:52,965 --> 00:08:54,592
You're starting to scare me, Oscar.
98
00:08:54,667 --> 00:08:58,262
And they'll make it look like
a break-in, or an accident.
99
00:08:58,337 --> 00:09:01,067
An unfortunate mishap
while you were at the office.
100
00:09:01,140 --> 00:09:02,334
You're talking crazy.
101
00:09:02,408 --> 00:09:04,308
Don't go soft on me, Lou.
102
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:07,642
We did it for each other then,
we do it for each other now.
103
00:09:09,081 --> 00:09:10,548
I know that.
104
00:09:11,183 --> 00:09:13,378
Look, I'm not in love with the idea.
105
00:09:14,086 --> 00:09:15,747
I know that, too.
106
00:09:16,589 --> 00:09:20,286
But what's our alternative, Lou?
The electric chair?
107
00:09:22,161 --> 00:09:23,992
I wish you hadn't said that.
108
00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:30,429
That Oscar,
he sure had a way with words.
109
00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:33,734
He was almost as good with them
as he was with a scalpel.
110
00:09:33,806 --> 00:09:37,207
He always was the smart one,
that's why he stayed in school.
111
00:09:37,276 --> 00:09:40,074
Got off the streets
and never went to the big house.
112
00:09:40,913 --> 00:09:42,312
The big house.
113
00:09:42,381 --> 00:09:46,215
There was one thing I had promised
myself the last time I was inside.
114
00:09:46,285 --> 00:09:48,014
I ain't never going back.
115
00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:52,485
I know what you're thinking.
116
00:09:52,558 --> 00:09:54,253
"What's this mug complaining about?
117
00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:56,955
"He did wrong
and he got what he deserved. "
118
00:09:57,330 --> 00:10:00,231
But I tried hard to be
Joe above average citizen.
119
00:10:00,299 --> 00:10:04,759
I built a successful business,
paid my taxes without griping.
120
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:07,095
I even did charity work.
121
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,874
Unfortunately, I made one other mistake
122
00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:15,243
that brought down
the whole house of cards.
123
00:10:15,314 --> 00:10:16,406
Betty.
124
00:10:16,482 --> 00:10:19,918
I'd married a monster
and no matter what little good I did,
125
00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:23,285
she was determined to punish me
for saying, "I do. "
126
00:10:29,095 --> 00:10:33,088
I had no idea what was waiting for me
when I walked through my front door.
127
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:36,435
But whatever it was, I was ready for it.
128
00:10:52,251 --> 00:10:56,449
My senses weren't just tingling,
they were chiming like church bells.
129
00:10:56,789 --> 00:10:59,758
But where were the cops?
Where the hell was Betty?
130
00:11:13,773 --> 00:11:15,263
And then I saw it.
131
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,768
A body lying on the sun room floor.
132
00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:20,777
Betty must have gotten the drop on him.
133
00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:24,307
Oh, no, Oscar.
134
00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:30,413
- Drop the gun, Lou.
- Oscar, what the hell is going on?
135
00:11:30,489 --> 00:11:31,683
I said, drop it.
136
00:11:31,757 --> 00:11:34,157
All right, relax. I'm dropping it.
137
00:11:37,797 --> 00:11:40,027
- Betty.
- Hello, Lou.
138
00:11:40,966 --> 00:11:44,299
- Good work, sweetheart.
- How long has this been going on?
139
00:11:46,338 --> 00:11:49,466
Almost a year. Not that you've noticed.
140
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:53,205
But what the hell, it's one of the things
that I came to love about you.
141
00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:56,214
That and your predictability.
142
00:11:56,282 --> 00:11:59,251
I told Oscar you were gonna be here
in eight minutes.
143
00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:02,149
And you made it in seven and a half.
144
00:12:02,521 --> 00:12:05,547
Pretty good time for a man
who's about to kill himself.
145
00:12:05,624 --> 00:12:06,989
- Get up.
- Kill myself?
146
00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:09,857
- Go on, get up.
- Now, why would I do that?
147
00:12:09,929 --> 00:12:10,918
Over to the couch.
148
00:12:10,996 --> 00:12:13,123
Hey, that's a good-looking rod
you've got there, Oscar.
149
00:12:13,199 --> 00:12:14,223
Move it!
150
00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:17,827
And I got a feeling
it ain't your finger on the trigger, is it?
151
00:12:20,106 --> 00:12:24,167
I'd been set up and the plan
was a beaut. Hell, it was perfect.
152
00:12:24,710 --> 00:12:28,168
You could sure make a case
that I had every reason to kill myself.
153
00:12:28,247 --> 00:12:30,772
They even found an audience for me.
154
00:12:30,850 --> 00:12:33,512
Are you okay, Lou?
155
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,076
Was there anyone in that boardroom
156
00:12:35,154 --> 00:12:37,987
who didn't think
my whole world had just come to an end?
157
00:12:38,057 --> 00:12:40,787
Let me tell you, sweetheart, they had me.
158
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:45,656
I'm disappointed, Oscar. It's one thing
when your wife double-crosses you.
159
00:12:46,165 --> 00:12:49,931
You expect that. But your best friend?
Now, that hurts.
160
00:12:50,002 --> 00:12:52,300
- And I thought you had class.
- What do you mean...
161
00:12:54,507 --> 00:12:56,771
Relax, honey. Don't let him rile you.
162
00:12:57,243 --> 00:13:02,237
You'll be pleased.
Your suicide note is rather eloquent.
163
00:13:02,815 --> 00:13:06,012
- I almost cried when I wrote it.
- I'm touched.
164
00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:08,877
You know, you won't get
the life insurance if I kill myself.
165
00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:12,014
I know. That's two million
we have to do without.
166
00:13:12,091 --> 00:13:13,319
Isn't that right, honey?
167
00:13:13,392 --> 00:13:15,485
There's no point in being greedy.
168
00:13:16,729 --> 00:13:18,253
I'm gonna call the car.
169
00:13:25,337 --> 00:13:26,599
Sit down, Lou.
170
00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:29,672
I said, sit down.
171
00:13:32,678 --> 00:13:33,702
Here.
172
00:13:36,615 --> 00:13:37,843
Have a drink.
173
00:13:43,689 --> 00:13:44,781
Great bug juice.
174
00:13:44,857 --> 00:13:47,621
What is this?
Some sort of a Jim Jones cocktail?
175
00:13:47,693 --> 00:13:48,955
Drink up, Lou.
176
00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:53,298
Sometimes, chum, you go soft-headed.
177
00:13:53,365 --> 00:13:56,630
I'd like to see any blonde do that to me.
She's got you crazy.
178
00:13:56,702 --> 00:13:59,000
You're wasting your breath, Lou. Come on.
179
00:13:59,538 --> 00:14:03,474
It'll be quick. Heck, you're my best friend.
I wouldn't make you suffer.
180
00:14:03,542 --> 00:14:06,909
- I'm glad friendship counts for something.
- I'm waiting, Lou.
181
00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:12,816
And then it hit me. Their plan required
a massive dose of poison in my system.
182
00:14:13,152 --> 00:14:15,586
Not a slug from a.45.
183
00:14:15,654 --> 00:14:18,088
You know, Oscar, I don't think you'll do it.
184
00:14:19,892 --> 00:14:21,018
Oh, no?
185
00:14:21,093 --> 00:14:24,153
No, but go ahead and shoot.
You'll be doing me a favor.
186
00:14:25,164 --> 00:14:27,291
Here's looking at you, kid.
187
00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:37,139
Nice move, Lou. You learn that in prison?
188
00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:40,872
No, that's a little trick I picked up in
Benny's shooting gallery in Coney Island.
189
00:14:40,946 --> 00:14:44,279
And if you don't quit stalling, I'll show you
some other tricks I learned in Brooklyn.
190
00:14:44,350 --> 00:14:45,408
No!
191
00:15:04,870 --> 00:15:08,362
In that first moment,
with the whiteness all around me,
192
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:10,772
I felt kind of peaceful.
193
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:19,809
I wondered, am I dazed,
194
00:15:19,885 --> 00:15:22,615
- paralyzed, or am I...
- He's dead.
195
00:15:22,688 --> 00:15:24,212
- He's dead?
- He's dead.
196
00:15:24,290 --> 00:15:25,518
Are you sure?
197
00:15:26,692 --> 00:15:30,093
No pulse. No breathing.
198
00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:34,389
His pupils are dilated. He's dead, all right.
199
00:15:34,466 --> 00:15:36,900
Well, ain't that a kick in the ass.
200
00:15:36,969 --> 00:15:40,871
If he's dead, how come he looks like
he can still see us?
201
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:44,103
- Yeah. It's creepy.
- It was a lot more than creepy.
202
00:15:44,176 --> 00:15:45,473
Let's get him up.
203
00:15:45,544 --> 00:15:46,943
It was screwy.
204
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,249
Come on, get his feet.
205
00:15:51,317 --> 00:15:54,775
None of it made any sense,
the white light was gone.
206
00:15:54,853 --> 00:15:59,187
My soul, as far as I could tell,
hadn't risen from my body.
207
00:15:59,258 --> 00:16:01,749
- Put him down.
- What the hell was going on?
208
00:16:01,827 --> 00:16:04,523
So far, death was full of surprises.
209
00:16:04,596 --> 00:16:06,860
- I could still see, still hear.
- Damn!
210
00:16:06,932 --> 00:16:08,422
Damn! Damn!
211
00:16:09,168 --> 00:16:11,659
- And I sure as hell could feel.
- What is the matter?
212
00:16:11,737 --> 00:16:13,500
Look at him, he's got a dent in his head.
213
00:16:13,572 --> 00:16:16,040
What did he do, beat himself to death?
214
00:16:16,108 --> 00:16:18,235
Let's throw him off the balcony,
say he jumped.
215
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:21,473
He better hit a piece of naked sculpture
on the way down.
216
00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:24,508
The guy's got a pair of nipples punched
in the top of his head.
217
00:16:24,583 --> 00:16:26,141
The police aren't that stupid.
218
00:16:26,218 --> 00:16:28,345
Why the hell did you hit him
with a statue?
219
00:16:28,420 --> 00:16:31,014
Well, I'm sorry.
I was trying to help, all right?
220
00:16:31,090 --> 00:16:33,558
So Betty had hit me with the Picasso.
221
00:16:33,625 --> 00:16:35,957
I always said it made quite an impression.
222
00:16:36,028 --> 00:16:38,053
Oh, the whole plan's screwed up.
223
00:16:38,430 --> 00:16:41,957
Our alibi, everything...
This is never gonna look like a suicide!
224
00:16:42,968 --> 00:16:44,959
Okay, okay.
225
00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:47,972
What if he didn't commit suicide?
226
00:16:48,607 --> 00:16:52,134
What if he just disappeared?
We get rid of the body.
227
00:16:52,544 --> 00:16:54,842
Yeah. Yeah, you're right.
228
00:16:55,180 --> 00:17:00,140
He was afraid the cops were onto him
so he ran, he vanished without a trace.
229
00:17:00,219 --> 00:17:01,777
If anybody asks you, you don't know.
230
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:03,583
Nobody knows, it's perfect.
231
00:17:03,655 --> 00:17:04,986
Come on. Let's get his feet.
232
00:17:05,057 --> 00:17:08,390
Being dead was beginning to scare me.
Where the hell was heaven?
233
00:17:08,460 --> 00:17:11,395
Maybe my soul had already risen
and I missed it.
234
00:17:11,463 --> 00:17:14,364
- What are we doing?
- We take him down to the garage.
235
00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:16,561
I'll explain it when we get there.
236
00:17:16,635 --> 00:17:19,365
When was Saint Peter gonna meet me
at the Pearly Gates?
237
00:17:19,438 --> 00:17:20,632
The hell with him.
238
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:23,197
I would've settled
for my Uncle Rosco waving me in.
239
00:17:25,644 --> 00:17:27,305
ERIKA: Hello? Lou, are you there?
240
00:17:28,247 --> 00:17:30,238
- Who's that?
- I don't know.
241
00:17:30,682 --> 00:17:32,172
Lou?
242
00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:35,781
Lou, are you all right?
243
00:17:35,854 --> 00:17:37,617
Damn, now we have to open the door.
244
00:17:37,689 --> 00:17:39,748
- Are you kidding?
- We can't risk it.
245
00:17:39,825 --> 00:17:42,726
- She might call the police.
- Hello, is someone there?
246
00:17:42,795 --> 00:17:45,195
- Lou.
- We'll put him in the closet.
247
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:50,394
Come on, come on. Help me out here.
248
00:17:51,870 --> 00:17:53,701
- Hello?
- Here.
249
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:56,135
I'll get him. You stall her.
250
00:17:56,208 --> 00:17:58,972
- Lou!
- I'm coming.
251
00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:02,077
Maybe this was karma at work.
- Just wait a minute!
252
00:18:02,147 --> 00:18:06,811
Maybe God had a sense of humor and this
was his idea of justice in the universe.
253
00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:08,919
- Everything okay in there?
- Just a minute.
254
00:18:08,987 --> 00:18:12,946
An eternity of being dragged around
my apartment and dropped on my head.
255
00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:16,552
If that was how death was going to be,
I thought, I'm gonna kill myself.
256
00:18:16,628 --> 00:18:18,289
Okay, open up.
257
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:25,867
Erika, what a surprise.
What are you doing here?
258
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:27,565
It was Erika, all right.
259
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,031
Is everything okay? I heard a crash.
260
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:31,337
Right on cue.
261
00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:35,369
I tripped on the stairs, knocked over
a lamp and broke a coffee table.
262
00:18:35,447 --> 00:18:36,505
I don't believe we've met.
263
00:18:36,582 --> 00:18:38,777
I'm Oscar Charles.
I'm a friend of the family.
264
00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:39,977
Is Lou here?
265
00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:43,852
I'm right over here, sweetheart,
hanging in the closet like a side of beef.
266
00:18:43,922 --> 00:18:47,153
He left the office in such a state.
We're all very worried about him.
267
00:18:47,226 --> 00:18:48,215
We haven't heard from him.
268
00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:50,853
Actually, we were hoping
that you could tell us where he is.
269
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:54,922
When I spoke to him this afternoon,
he seemed very upset about something.
270
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,891
- Well, wait a minute, you're Oscar?
- Yes.
271
00:18:58,270 --> 00:19:01,433
Well, just before Lou left, he got a
phone call from somebody named Oscar.
272
00:19:01,507 --> 00:19:03,907
Oh, that phone call.
273
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:07,377
I was calling Lou to tell him that someone
was enquiring about his medical records.
274
00:19:07,446 --> 00:19:09,641
- Some gentleman from the FBl.
- FBl?
275
00:19:09,715 --> 00:19:11,148
- FBl?
- Betty, I think we should tell her.
276
00:19:11,216 --> 00:19:12,774
- Tell her what?
- Tell me what?
277
00:19:12,851 --> 00:19:15,718
Apparently, Lou is not the man
we all thought he was.
278
00:19:15,787 --> 00:19:18,221
He is a criminal on the run
from the police, yeah.
279
00:19:18,290 --> 00:19:22,659
When I told him that the FBl was
asking questions about him, he flipped.
280
00:19:22,728 --> 00:19:25,356
Why don't you go on back to your office
281
00:19:25,430 --> 00:19:27,398
- in case he tries to contact you.
- That's a good idea.
282
00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:28,966
- Betty and I are going to the police
- We'll call you
283
00:19:29,034 --> 00:19:30,729
- and see if there's anything
- as soon as we know something.
284
00:19:30,802 --> 00:19:32,394
- they know about all this.
- We'll call you immediately.
285
00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:38,776
This being dead
was starting to give me a real headache.
286
00:19:42,147 --> 00:19:45,913
Lou, you bastard!
You were having an affair with her.
287
00:19:48,887 --> 00:19:52,721
Here, we'll put one of these on his head.
It'll hide the dents.
288
00:19:52,791 --> 00:19:55,817
He was having an affair with her,
I could see it in her eyes.
289
00:19:55,894 --> 00:19:58,226
Forget about it. We gotta think
about getting him outta here.
290
00:19:58,297 --> 00:19:59,730
Oh, Oscar.
291
00:20:00,832 --> 00:20:02,959
I don't know what's right any longer.
292
00:20:03,502 --> 00:20:06,198
You have to do the thinking for both of us.
293
00:20:06,271 --> 00:20:08,831
Kiss me.
Kiss me as if it were the last time.
294
00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:12,670
I can't believe I'm listening to this.
295
00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:22,884
With that damn hat stuck over my eyes,
I couldn't see.
296
00:20:22,955 --> 00:20:25,480
But I felt like
they had crammed me into my car
297
00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:28,651
and it sounded like they were headed
pretty far out of town.
298
00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:32,993
I had decided that this wasn't hell.
Hell couldn't possibly be this stupid.
299
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:37,767
Anyway, I got to thinking about things
like my old pal, Oscar.
300
00:20:37,836 --> 00:20:39,565
Don't go soft on me, Lou.
301
00:20:40,405 --> 00:20:44,341
We did it for each other then
and we do it for each other now.
302
00:20:44,676 --> 00:20:45,836
I know that.
303
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:50,571
At last now I know what he meant by,
"Doing it to each other. "
304
00:20:50,649 --> 00:20:54,107
And speaking of doing it,
that got me thinking about Erika.
305
00:20:54,186 --> 00:20:57,815
You see,
Betty was right about Erika and me.
306
00:20:57,889 --> 00:21:01,290
Oh, Lou, you're the best, you know that?
307
00:21:02,494 --> 00:21:05,657
You're warm, sensitive, caring.
308
00:21:06,398 --> 00:21:07,956
You're great in bed.
309
00:21:09,735 --> 00:21:12,465
What would you say if I told you
I'll never leave you?
310
00:21:13,905 --> 00:21:15,896
Nobody ever loved me that much.
311
00:21:17,743 --> 00:21:19,973
And I did a lot of thinking about Betty.
312
00:21:20,045 --> 00:21:24,175
Lou, you're a bastard.
You're scum, you know that?
313
00:21:24,249 --> 00:21:29,084
You're cheap, insensitive,
stupid and lousy in bed.
314
00:21:29,154 --> 00:21:32,612
What would you say
if I told you I'm leaving you?
315
00:21:32,991 --> 00:21:34,982
Nobody ever loved me that much.
316
00:21:36,728 --> 00:21:39,925
I wouldn't exactly say
I was getting used to being dead,
317
00:21:39,998 --> 00:21:42,262
but I was beginning to see a pattern.
318
00:21:44,836 --> 00:21:47,930
Hurry up. Get the other shovel.
There's a spot over here.
319
00:21:48,006 --> 00:21:50,736
No, there's a spot down there,
at the bottom of the hill.
320
00:21:50,809 --> 00:21:54,210
All right. Hurry up. We gotta get him
in the ground before the sun comes up.
321
00:21:54,279 --> 00:21:56,804
Time was beginning to take forever.
322
00:21:56,882 --> 00:22:00,283
It felt like I had been cooped up in that car
for an eternity.
323
00:22:00,819 --> 00:22:02,719
I was starting to get cramps.
324
00:22:05,791 --> 00:22:07,053
Thanks, pal.
325
00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:14,363
Nuts, rigor mortis.
326
00:22:14,433 --> 00:22:16,492
And let me tell you, it's no picnic.
327
00:22:16,568 --> 00:22:20,436
Every last cell in your body goes rigid
and it hurts like hell.
328
00:22:22,207 --> 00:22:25,699
They're taking me out to
a piece of property I'd bought in the hills.
329
00:22:25,777 --> 00:22:27,745
I'd planned on retiring there.
330
00:22:27,813 --> 00:22:30,304
I just hadn't planned on doing it so soon.
331
00:22:32,417 --> 00:22:34,681
How deep you gonna make that thing?
332
00:22:34,753 --> 00:22:36,846
- Deep.
- Well, help me get him out of the car.
333
00:22:36,922 --> 00:22:38,753
He's starting to stiffen up.
334
00:22:38,824 --> 00:22:40,519
That's more than he ever did for me.
335
00:22:41,827 --> 00:22:43,192
Come on, come on.
336
00:22:45,764 --> 00:22:47,755
That Betty was pretty talented.
337
00:22:48,066 --> 00:22:51,160
She could lie, murder and tell jokes.
338
00:22:52,003 --> 00:22:54,062
She was the comic from hell.
339
00:22:54,773 --> 00:22:58,072
Hold it right there.
Put your hands where I can see them.
340
00:22:59,678 --> 00:23:00,838
Don't shoot.
341
00:23:02,714 --> 00:23:05,012
- Lou.
Well, what do you know?
342
00:23:05,083 --> 00:23:06,948
The cavalry comes to the rescue.
343
00:23:08,453 --> 00:23:10,353
Oh, God, what did they do to you?
344
00:23:10,422 --> 00:23:12,982
Maybe God had decided
to give me a break after all.
345
00:23:13,058 --> 00:23:15,583
- Put your hands back up.
- What a relief.
346
00:23:16,361 --> 00:23:20,229
Like I said, being dead
is certainly full of surprises.
347
00:23:20,298 --> 00:23:22,425
How the hell did you get here?
348
00:23:22,501 --> 00:23:24,526
- I followed you.
- I knew it.
349
00:23:25,203 --> 00:23:26,602
Put your hands up.
350
00:23:30,542 --> 00:23:33,033
- Hello.
- AUTOMA TED VOICE.: You've reached 911...
351
00:23:33,111 --> 00:23:34,772
Hello, can you hear me?
352
00:23:34,846 --> 00:23:36,507
All our lines are currently...
353
00:23:36,581 --> 00:23:39,277
Hello, you're breaking up.
This is an emergency.
354
00:23:39,351 --> 00:23:40,443
Poor Erika.
355
00:23:41,052 --> 00:23:42,883
- So beautiful.
- Can you hear me now?
356
00:23:42,954 --> 00:23:44,182
So loyal.
357
00:23:44,256 --> 00:23:46,486
Thank God, listen, this is an emergency.
358
00:23:46,558 --> 00:23:48,856
- So trusting.
- Yes, there's been a murder.
359
00:23:49,694 --> 00:23:50,683
Erika.
360
00:23:53,098 --> 00:23:54,087
So dumb.
361
00:23:55,434 --> 00:23:56,423
Hello?
362
00:23:58,670 --> 00:24:00,638
Not again. We lost another one.
363
00:24:01,072 --> 00:24:02,061
Yes!
364
00:24:03,642 --> 00:24:06,634
- I feel much better.
Then something strange happened.
365
00:24:06,711 --> 00:24:09,111
Turned out that Betty was a hell of a shot.
366
00:24:09,381 --> 00:24:12,612
We're talking something the Warren
Commission would have been proud of.
367
00:24:12,684 --> 00:24:16,745
That bullet killed Erika,
smashed the windshield,
368
00:24:16,822 --> 00:24:20,053
tore through my chest
and severed my spine.
369
00:24:21,660 --> 00:24:23,025
Look out, the car.
370
00:24:23,094 --> 00:24:25,153
Oh, my God!
Run! Run!
371
00:24:40,579 --> 00:24:42,240
So, where was I?
372
00:24:42,314 --> 00:24:44,976
Oh, yeah,
the things you learn when you die.
373
00:24:45,050 --> 00:24:47,143
Did I mention about the light yet?
374
00:24:47,219 --> 00:24:50,245
Well, I'm still waiting
to see that big bright light.
375
00:24:50,322 --> 00:24:52,916
I'm beginning to think that there is no...
376
00:24:52,991 --> 00:24:56,290
Hey, wait a minute. There's a light.
377
00:24:58,430 --> 00:25:01,194
Got one in the car.
Dead from the looks of it.
378
00:25:01,666 --> 00:25:03,065
Give me a hand, here.
379
00:25:08,540 --> 00:25:10,235
Well, well, well.
380
00:25:10,942 --> 00:25:12,773
Here's looking at you, kids.
381
00:25:19,117 --> 00:25:22,780
Yeah, well, this whole dying thing
isn't what it's cracked up to be.
382
00:25:22,854 --> 00:25:26,517
First there's all this talk about the light.
Now, there's no damn light.
383
00:25:27,192 --> 00:25:28,625
It's all a bunch of crap.
384
00:25:28,693 --> 00:25:30,684
Then there's the pain and suffering.
385
00:25:30,762 --> 00:25:31,820
Ow!
386
00:25:32,797 --> 00:25:36,665
Now, that's for real. It never stops.
It just gets worse.
387
00:25:36,735 --> 00:25:39,898
And in the end,
all you really have to look forward to is...
388
00:25:39,971 --> 00:25:42,371
Haven't I seen this guy someplace before?
389
00:25:44,876 --> 00:25:45,865
- No.
- No.
390
00:25:50,282 --> 00:25:53,740
What the hell, he'll find out soon enough.
391
00:26:06,264 --> 00:26:10,132
You know, I kind of feel sorry for Lou.
392
00:26:10,201 --> 00:26:14,433
Surely, there's got to be an easier way
to get an Oscar.
393
00:26:17,475 --> 00:26:21,502
I hope my story didn't scare you too much,
Mr. Hitchcock.
394
00:26:21,580 --> 00:26:24,549
Actually, I'm a very big fan of yours.
395
00:26:24,616 --> 00:26:27,915
If you want, you can tell me a story.
396
00:26:34,626 --> 00:26:37,720
I guess he knows the pecking order now.33108
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