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1
00:01:31,024 --> 00:01:33,788
Greetings hack and field fans.
2
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I hope you're in the mood
for a little fiendly competition.
3
00:01:37,864 --> 00:01:40,059
It's that time of fear again.
4
00:01:40,133 --> 00:01:43,899
The annual All Crypt Die Cathalon!
5
00:01:43,970 --> 00:01:46,962
I've been working out
like crazy to get ready.
6
00:01:50,710 --> 00:01:53,736
This year I'm really going for the cold.
7
00:01:53,813 --> 00:01:56,543
Kind of like the woman in tonight's tale.
8
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It's a putrid portrait of an
up-and-coming young artist
9
00:02:00,153 --> 00:02:04,180
that's sure to leave
a nasty taste on your palette.
10
00:02:04,357 --> 00:02:05,824
I call it...
11
00:02:10,930 --> 00:02:16,129
"99 and 44/100% Pure Horror. "
12
00:02:58,478 --> 00:02:59,843
Get out.
13
00:03:00,580 --> 00:03:02,571
- What?
- Get out.
14
00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:03,980
My husband will be home soon.
15
00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:07,110
- I wasn't finished.
- Ask me if I care.
16
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,814
How can you say that?
17
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:13,649
- Well, you told me I was special.
- I lied. Go home.
18
00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:15,917
Willa.
19
00:03:20,166 --> 00:03:22,031
I love it when you beg.
20
00:03:22,101 --> 00:03:24,160
Okay. I tell you what.
21
00:03:24,504 --> 00:03:25,630
I'll give you a couple of minutes
22
00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:30,233
to do what you gotta do in the bathroom,
and then you're out of here.
23
00:03:30,643 --> 00:03:33,009
And tomorrow, don't be late.
24
00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:07,768
Honey, where's the antacid?
25
00:04:08,214 --> 00:04:12,310
They're in the kitchen.
You're gonna OD on those things.
26
00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:14,018
Hereditary.
27
00:04:17,156 --> 00:04:21,217
Would you mind not throwing
your soiled clothes on the floor?
28
00:04:21,294 --> 00:04:23,125
It's gonna stain the carpet.
29
00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:27,428
Wonderful, Luden. You've come
to criticize me in the shower?
30
00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:28,831
No. I'm sorry.
31
00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:30,533
We'll start over.
32
00:04:32,472 --> 00:04:35,635
- Mind if I join you?
- Yes, I do mind.
33
00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:43,844
Greetings, shareholders,
I'm Luden Sandleton.
34
00:04:44,183 --> 00:04:47,516
Now, soapmaking has come
a long way since my grandfather
35
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:50,555
started Derma Smooth back in 1927.
36
00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:55,085
Back then, it took two and a half days
to make a single bar of soap.
37
00:04:55,662 --> 00:04:59,564
But, today, with a single flick of a switch,
38
00:04:59,732 --> 00:05:03,896
the patented Derma Smooth
Soap-o-Matic 5000 can heat,
39
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:09,031
blend, cool and package an entire
case of soap in less than eight minutes.
40
00:05:09,709 --> 00:05:14,271
Also, in the old days, most companies
rendered animal parts for their products.
41
00:05:14,347 --> 00:05:15,974
But not Derma Smooth.
42
00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:19,514
There are over a dozen
kinds of acids in animal parts,
43
00:05:19,585 --> 00:05:21,280
including hydrochloric acid.
44
00:05:21,354 --> 00:05:22,548
Think about it.
45
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:25,420
Would you want the stuff
that digests food in your stomach
46
00:05:25,491 --> 00:05:27,857
doing the same kind of thing to your face?
47
00:05:28,461 --> 00:05:30,326
That's why, for the past 70 years,
48
00:05:30,396 --> 00:05:33,923
Derma Smooth has been
all natural and cruelty-free.
49
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:38,697
But enough about the past.
Let's talk about the future.
50
00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:43,001
Bravo.
51
00:05:45,044 --> 00:05:49,879
They're showing it at the shareholders'
luncheon next week.
52
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,818
So, where's the future?
53
00:05:53,152 --> 00:05:56,280
We haven't shot it yet. We got problems.
54
00:05:56,756 --> 00:05:59,054
I mean, sales are at an all-time low.
55
00:05:59,258 --> 00:06:01,749
You're the president, Lu. Fire someone.
56
00:06:01,828 --> 00:06:06,322
Yeah, well, we've been doing a lot
of work getting ready for the luncheon
57
00:06:06,566 --> 00:06:09,091
and market research
indicates that your designs
58
00:06:09,168 --> 00:06:12,160
aren't scoring
the kinds of points that they used to.
59
00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:16,732
Fact.
60
00:06:16,809 --> 00:06:19,801
This design made Derma Smooth
the number-one shampoo!
61
00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:22,473
Well, nobody's saying
that your work isn't good.
62
00:06:22,548 --> 00:06:26,006
It's just it's not very fresh anymore.
63
00:06:26,085 --> 00:06:30,454
So, this is why you're so excited
to see me doing my own stuff, huh?
64
00:06:30,523 --> 00:06:33,492
Well, don't take it personally. I mean...
65
00:06:33,826 --> 00:06:35,851
The board of directors wants to
66
00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:39,523
scrap all of the existing artwork.
67
00:06:39,599 --> 00:06:42,534
They want an entirely
new look for Derma Smooth.
68
00:06:43,536 --> 00:06:45,561
I think it's a great idea!
69
00:06:46,305 --> 00:06:48,205
- You do?
- Absolutely!
70
00:06:48,274 --> 00:06:49,901
I mean, my designs
have been copied so much,
71
00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:51,534
they are old news.
72
00:06:52,945 --> 00:06:55,914
So when is this shareholders' meeting?
73
00:06:55,982 --> 00:06:56,971
Thursday.
74
00:06:57,817 --> 00:07:01,844
- I'm really happy that you understand...
- Thursday. Thursday, Thursday.
75
00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:05,789
That gives me just enough time
to give you your future.
76
00:07:06,192 --> 00:07:07,489
What?
77
00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:10,819
They want a fresh new look?
Let me give it to them.
78
00:07:10,897 --> 00:07:13,627
I'll wow them, Luden, you'll see.
79
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:16,766
Welcome back.
80
00:07:16,969 --> 00:07:22,373
We are talking to the hottest artist
on the scene today, Renaldo Escuarita.
81
00:07:22,809 --> 00:07:25,175
Renaldo, when did you
first make the transition
82
00:07:25,244 --> 00:07:27,769
from doing graffiti
to more serious artwork?
83
00:07:27,847 --> 00:07:31,544
Hey, I don't use the "G word,"
because that's like, vandalism, you dig?
84
00:07:31,617 --> 00:07:34,177
I am an urban guerrilla artist.
85
00:07:34,253 --> 00:07:36,585
It's like, the city is my canvas, man.
86
00:07:36,656 --> 00:07:39,489
I'm just working on a smaller scale now.
87
00:07:39,826 --> 00:07:41,350
Bam!
88
00:07:42,261 --> 00:07:44,422
I call it "Welfare Cheese. "
89
00:07:46,399 --> 00:07:48,264
When is it time for me?
90
00:07:48,668 --> 00:07:50,192
Right about now.
91
00:07:50,536 --> 00:07:52,766
You know my next guest
from her provocative
92
00:07:52,839 --> 00:07:56,297
and controversial designs
for Derma Smooth beauty products.
93
00:07:56,375 --> 00:07:58,900
Say hi to Willa Sandleton.
94
00:08:00,012 --> 00:08:02,378
Willa, thanks so much for joining us.
95
00:08:02,748 --> 00:08:05,182
So, now that Derma Smooth
beauty products
96
00:08:05,251 --> 00:08:07,651
are no longer the flavor of the month,
97
00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:10,585
do you think
your 15 minutes of fame are up?
98
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:12,549
No.
99
00:08:12,625 --> 00:08:17,358
Actually, I am in the middle of redesigning
the entire Derma Smooth line.
100
00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:19,898
- Really?
- Yes. Yes.
101
00:08:19,966 --> 00:08:22,332
But what I'm really excited about
is my new work.
102
00:08:22,401 --> 00:08:23,959
I feel like I've really grown as an artist
103
00:08:24,036 --> 00:08:27,267
and I'd like to take this opportunity
to debut my new art to the world,
104
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:28,671
if you don't mind.
105
00:08:28,741 --> 00:08:30,834
- This first painting I call...
- Oops! Actually...
106
00:08:30,910 --> 00:08:33,811
We're out of time, Willa, I'm so sorry.
107
00:08:34,046 --> 00:08:38,107
When we come back, you're going
to be meeting some very special children.
108
00:08:38,551 --> 00:08:39,711
BRIAN: We're clear!
109
00:08:39,785 --> 00:08:42,583
Brian, we got tape on those retarded kids
that draw with their feet?
110
00:08:42,655 --> 00:08:45,920
- They're physically impaired, not retarded.
- Whatever.
111
00:08:45,992 --> 00:08:48,893
Excuse me, I thought you were gonna
show my work on this show.
112
00:08:48,961 --> 00:08:51,828
That's the reason
I agreed to come on this program.
113
00:08:51,898 --> 00:08:53,331
Are you nuts?
114
00:08:53,399 --> 00:08:56,095
The network won't let us show
that gory goop on the air.
115
00:08:56,168 --> 00:08:58,796
Besides, who'd want to look
at that first thing in the morning?
116
00:08:58,871 --> 00:09:01,533
Renaldo, thanks for coming on the show,
can't wait to see yours.
117
00:09:01,607 --> 00:09:03,074
Right on, right on.
118
00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:17,878
Hi.
119
00:09:18,658 --> 00:09:19,647
Hi.
120
00:09:19,859 --> 00:09:21,759
How was the TV show?
121
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,226
I don't wanna talk about it.
122
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:27,095
What are you doing home
in the middle of the day?
123
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,563
I need to talk to you about
the shareholders' luncheon tomorrow.
124
00:09:30,636 --> 00:09:34,470
Oh, great, because I have just finished
with the last set of designs and...
125
00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:37,509
I'm afraid we're not gonna be able
to use your stuff.
126
00:09:38,611 --> 00:09:39,600
What?
127
00:09:41,714 --> 00:09:43,341
Why not?
128
00:09:43,749 --> 00:09:46,411
- You don't like them.
- No, no. It's not that.
129
00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:48,883
Damn it, Luden!
130
00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:51,955
I created an image
for your stupid company.
131
00:09:52,024 --> 00:09:54,686
You know, I turned it around!
I think you owe me!
132
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:58,161
- Well, it's just business, Willa.
- Then treat it like a business!
133
00:09:58,230 --> 00:09:59,254
Test the damn things!
134
00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:01,095
I have worked round the clock
for five days straight,
135
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:03,135
I think you could do a regional test,
something!
136
00:10:03,202 --> 00:10:04,567
No! I'm sorry.
137
00:10:04,637 --> 00:10:08,869
But we've just closed a deal
on an up-and-coming new artist.
138
00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:12,511
He's very hot now
and we're lucky to have him.
139
00:10:12,778 --> 00:10:13,870
Who is it?
140
00:10:14,146 --> 00:10:17,206
- His name is Renaldo Escuarita.
- What?
141
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:19,808
Renaldo Escuari... You know him?
142
00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:22,287
He's a graffiti artist.
143
00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:25,017
Luden, I have studied.
Do you understand me? Studied!
144
00:10:25,091 --> 00:10:28,060
- My whole life for this!
- Now, Willa, calm down.
145
00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:30,857
- How dare you do this to me?
- I'm not doing anything to you.
146
00:10:30,930 --> 00:10:32,454
Look, it's not the end of the world.
147
00:10:32,531 --> 00:10:34,522
You can do your own work full-time now.
148
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:39,230
Oh, yeah. Who's gonna
buy my paintings, Luden? You?
149
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:40,294
Willa.
150
00:10:42,508 --> 00:10:44,635
- Willa, there's a silver lining here.
- Are you kidding?
151
00:10:44,710 --> 00:10:47,508
Well, I'm concerned about us,
about our marriage.
152
00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:50,947
Now, I figure between
taking the pressure off of you
153
00:10:51,017 --> 00:10:53,212
and getting past
the board of directors meeting,
154
00:10:53,285 --> 00:10:55,344
we'll have a chance
to spend a little time together.
155
00:10:55,421 --> 00:10:58,413
- You know, maybe take that trip.
- Don't touch me.
156
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:01,722
I'll go to a marriage counselor.
I'll do whatever you want.
157
00:11:02,795 --> 00:11:04,285
Give me my job back.
158
00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:08,266
- Well, that's not gonna happen.
- Fine. I want out.
159
00:11:09,935 --> 00:11:13,666
- What are you saying?
- I want a divorce, you idiot.
160
00:11:13,873 --> 00:11:15,773
I don't care about this relationship.
161
00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:18,503
I never have. Sorry.
That's just the way it is.
162
00:11:18,577 --> 00:11:21,808
And if I can't put my drawings
on your stupid soap boxes,
163
00:11:21,881 --> 00:11:24,475
well then I'm just gonna
take your money. Half.
164
00:11:24,550 --> 00:11:26,177
Half sounds good to me.
165
00:11:27,753 --> 00:11:29,778
I'm entitled to it.
166
00:11:42,902 --> 00:11:44,733
I'm sorry it's come to this.
167
00:11:51,610 --> 00:11:53,805
- You son of a bitch!
- Well, that's good.
168
00:11:53,879 --> 00:11:56,279
You let your anger out. No, I get it...
169
00:11:56,348 --> 00:11:59,806
No, I realize that I'm probably
as much to blame for this as you are.
170
00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:02,149
Now, Willa, listen. Let's start over again.
171
00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:05,247
We'll erase everything.
Let's give it another chance.
172
00:12:05,324 --> 00:12:06,689
What do you say?
173
00:12:06,926 --> 00:12:08,757
You are such a wimp!
174
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:12,223
Now, maybe, but I'm not gonna let you go.
175
00:12:16,635 --> 00:12:18,068
Willa.
176
00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:21,406
Come on.
We used to have some fire in the past.
177
00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:22,964
Let's bring it back.
178
00:12:23,943 --> 00:12:26,070
I'll give you fire, Luey.
179
00:12:29,148 --> 00:12:30,172
Willa!
180
00:12:32,718 --> 00:12:36,415
Sorry, Lu, but you got me on a bad day.
181
00:12:48,834 --> 00:12:51,268
Hey! Drop me the key!
182
00:12:51,337 --> 00:12:52,804
What are you doing here?
183
00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:56,433
What do you mean?
I'm right on time for our afternoon delight.
184
00:12:57,676 --> 00:12:58,802
Come back later!
185
00:12:58,878 --> 00:13:02,109
Oh, come on.
Don't go teasing me like this!
186
00:13:02,248 --> 00:13:06,082
- I'm begging on my hands and knees!
- Go away!
187
00:13:23,502 --> 00:13:26,300
I'll bark like a dog if you want!
188
00:13:33,112 --> 00:13:35,239
Not now, Tom! I mean it.
189
00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:38,215
Forget about the key.
I think somebody's coming out.
190
00:13:56,135 --> 00:13:57,534
Hey, babe, open up.
191
00:13:58,804 --> 00:14:01,773
I know you need a strong,
hunky man like me in there!
192
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,604
Come on, babe. Open up.
193
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:07,509
Willa, come on.
194
00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:10,239
Willa, open the door.
195
00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:12,642
Open, open, open, open, open.
196
00:14:14,220 --> 00:14:15,209
Hi.
197
00:14:18,657 --> 00:14:20,215
Man, you've been painting
up a storm, huh?
198
00:14:20,292 --> 00:14:22,852
Oh, yeah.
Listen, I need you to do me a favor.
199
00:14:23,829 --> 00:14:25,490
Sure. I'll do you.
200
00:14:25,998 --> 00:14:27,363
A favor, that is.
201
00:14:28,467 --> 00:14:32,267
I need you to come over here
and help me get this carpet into the car.
202
00:14:32,504 --> 00:14:35,405
God, Willa, I'm so hot for you.
203
00:14:35,774 --> 00:14:37,332
Let's do it on the carpet right now.
204
00:14:37,409 --> 00:14:39,468
No, you don't! No.
205
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:42,674
Kinky.
206
00:14:45,784 --> 00:14:46,773
Tom.
207
00:15:02,268 --> 00:15:06,034
Wait, wait, wait.
We'll pick this up later, baby. Okay.
208
00:15:06,372 --> 00:15:09,239
Could you go get me some aspirin?
They're in the bathroom. I got a headache.
209
00:15:09,308 --> 00:15:12,277
- You got a headache, now?
- Yeah, I'm sorry.
210
00:15:12,344 --> 00:15:15,575
I'll make it up to you later. I promise.
211
00:15:16,181 --> 00:15:17,170
Okay.
212
00:15:36,468 --> 00:15:37,730
What's this?
213
00:15:38,404 --> 00:15:40,872
That's for later.
214
00:15:41,807 --> 00:15:43,365
All right.
215
00:15:43,976 --> 00:15:46,103
Now help me get this into the car.
216
00:15:46,912 --> 00:15:49,813
Well, get your husband to do it.
I ain't your slave.
217
00:15:50,983 --> 00:15:54,441
Luden is out of town and you are my slave.
218
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,112
Okay. Okay. Okay.
219
00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:00,922
Man, this stuff's looking realer every day.
220
00:16:00,993 --> 00:16:03,689
It's a mixed media piece.
It's a gift for Luden.
221
00:16:03,762 --> 00:16:05,093
Now beat it.
222
00:16:05,164 --> 00:16:08,793
Hey, wait a second. You promised me.
Willa!
223
00:16:10,269 --> 00:16:11,736
I said, "Scram. "
224
00:16:51,243 --> 00:16:54,041
Gee, Lu, you were never this lively before.
225
00:17:14,566 --> 00:17:17,364
Acid to acid, dust to dust.
226
00:18:36,381 --> 00:18:38,315
Long day, huh, Lu?
227
00:18:45,691 --> 00:18:50,993
Hey, Lu, you don't mind if I leave this...
228
00:18:51,463 --> 00:18:52,452
There.
229
00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:56,564
Or how about these... here.
230
00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:04,108
Or, how about this, there.
231
00:19:06,044 --> 00:19:09,172
C'mon, Lu, let's go have some fun.
232
00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:19,920
Now, you just sit right there
and don't move a muscle.
233
00:19:58,363 --> 00:20:01,025
You always wanted
to shower with me, Lu.
234
00:20:01,099 --> 00:20:02,532
Here's your chance.
235
00:20:40,105 --> 00:20:43,233
There are over a dozen
kinds of acids in animal parts,
236
00:20:43,308 --> 00:20:45,208
including hydrochloric acid.
237
00:20:47,779 --> 00:20:49,178
Think about it.
238
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:51,739
Would you want the stuff
that digests food in your stomach
239
00:20:51,817 --> 00:20:54,183
doing the same kind of thing to your face?
240
00:21:26,852 --> 00:21:30,515
Looks like Willa's
changing her school of painting.
241
00:21:30,589 --> 00:21:35,049
From art gooveau to ghost-Impressionism.
242
00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:37,561
That'll get her into Ooze Who.
243
00:21:40,732 --> 00:21:44,600
Okay, kiddies, it's time for my big event.
244
00:21:45,003 --> 00:21:46,595
Wish me luck.
245
00:21:53,445 --> 00:21:54,776
Caught it!
246
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:57,675
Ah, the kill of victory.19119
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