Original subtitles

- Previously on Impress Me.

- Jim is currently sleeping on our couch,

and it turns out that the understudy that I hired

is also allowed to live here rent free.

- I'm creating an impressionist competition

in which I am seeking the world's greatest impressionist

and I will personally give a cash prize

of a quarter of a million dollars.

- You're gonna write a check

for a quarter of a million dollars?

- Ya.

I'd like to unveil my one-step program

to quit doing impressions.

Win Piat's competition.

- Oh my God.

- What if I got a golden ticket already

and I just haven't found it?

I read online some guy found it in his cup of coffee.

What of that?

- That's probably not true.

- And then,

no it is true.

And then some other guy found it in a box of cereal.

- Well we'll know if and when it happens.

- No 'cause we don't eat cereal.

You won't buy it.

But Ross, seriously.

What if we don't get one?

- Then we don't.

Look Piat's competition is

not the reason why we do impressions right?

Piat's competition is the reason I'm doing impressions.

Everyone submitted their audition tape

for Piat's competition a few weeks ago

and since then,

with some dramatic flare,

we're starting to find out who has been accepted.

- No I haven't gotten a golden ticket yet.

Am I worried?

I don't think worried is the right word.

I think it would be ashamed

if I wasn't able to compete,

but ya know,

the only way I've gotten through the last year

is by being very positive

so that's what I'm doing.

- I wonder what Annie's up to right about now.

- I wonder what Annie's up to right about now.

- You inspired me.

- Ya you said that before.

Back when we got interrupted

and then I had to deal with dad.

Why don't I completely believe you?

- I don't know.

Probably because the decisions you were making

that led to our breakup

were pretty damaging to like your career,

your family,

I don't know.

- That sounds about right.

- It does right?

- Hey babe?

- Ya?

- Where's your phone charger?

- It's in my purse.

- You mind grabbing it for me?

I can't find mine.

- Ugh.

- Huh!

Ross!

Ross!

Ross no come here look.

It's not mine.

It's not mine.

Is it real?

Is it mine?

Is it fake?

Is it real?

Is it mine?

Is it mine?

No you didn't.

Is it real?

It says Andrea Nichols.

Oh I'm so exc,

Ross listen to me.

No listen.

You cannot freak out

because of course you are going to get in.

Of course because you are like the best ever

and I don't want you to panic.

You know this is just,

they're probably giving it to like the lesser people first

and then they're gonna save the big finale for,

ya know,

- Sure.

- For later.

- Ya.

- I knew I was looking for a reason.

What?

Ross

- Oh is that a,

- When did you get this?

- It doesn't matter.

- No it does matter.

Why didn't you tell me?

- Because if you didn't get in I wasn't gonna do it.

- No do not put me above your career.

You have a chance to actually win this thing stupid.

Don't do that.

- Okay hey hey hey,

I love you too.

- Don't do it.

- Oh you're so angry.

- I'm really excited because of the competition!

- We're going to the competition.

- It's a genius app Annie.

I think it's your best work.

- Thank you.

You went for what you're passionate about

and I wanted to do the same

so I'm getting out of managing

and I'm going into developing

and this app was my first step.

- So Ross says you're trying to get

as many impressionists as you can

to record the voices for the app.

- Yes.

- But that's not what this meeting's about.

- No it's not.

- You have something for me to sign.

- Yes.

- Technically Annie and I had been separated

for almost a year,

but on paper we're still,

The "D" word had never been discussed.

Can I see it?

- Ya.

- Buenos noches Jim.

- Good night Hundo.

♪ Little voices, ♪

♪ Little words, ♪

♪ Little sentences too. ♪

♪ There's a green one, ♪

♪ There's a young one, ♪

♪ There's an old one like you. ♪

- Don't sweat it Jimbo.

- Oh ya,

no just let them have their moment.

- That's very mature of you.

I'm sure they appreciate that.

When I got my golden ticket

I went all like full Lithgow into the pool.

I've got a golden ticket.

I have a golden ticket

on the third rock from the sun.

It was fun.

Really.

I'll probably never forget it.

- Hundo.

Really.

Hundo?

How do they even know where to find him?

Is he tagged like an animal in the wild?

Gosh.

- Everything okay Jim?

- No no everything's not okay Hundo.

- That'll be eight dollars even.

Here's your change.

- P.I.

Sorry I was so busy,

but I wanted to deliver to you in person.

It's been a crazy year.

- You've done well.

- Ya well when I created this competition

I had you in mind.

You know?

I didn't want you to ever quit your impressions.

Listen I got a new place

and I want you,

Ross, Andrea,

Selena, Bianca,

I want you all to come.

We should just relax you know?

Just hang out before we do the competition.

- Ya that'd be great.

- Cool.

- So what are you doing here?

- I just bought a chain of these

and a lots of fun.

It's a side investment.

Side job.

- Oh do you need a bag for this?

- Ya ya.

- Okay cool.

- Aw you remembered.

- Of course I remembered.

What do you think I am,

some kind of monster?

- Aw is that cold pizza?

- It is.

The first morning Andrea and I ever spent together,

we ate cold pizza and watched these terrible old Westerns.

For our one year anniversary I did what most men never do.

I remembered.

- Ya I can't believe you did this.

- It's just a little something.

Since we've got Piat's thing today

I thought I'd save the big surprise for tomorrow.

I postponed our anniversary surprise,

but I had a good reason.

Well two reasons actually.

The first being that we're going to Piat's party today

and the second is that I'm still waiting

to hear back on whether or not

I got the Star Wars gig.

Gary said they're going to get back to us

by the end of the day today.

And I just need to relax until then.

But it's a good surprise and it's all planned out.

- This can't be Piat's house.

- It's a bloody museum.

- It's the right address.

- He made a YouTube video from prison.

- Alright here we go.

- We got this babe we got this.

- Don't hit me.

That's you.

- I was this close.

I was this close.

- Alright you ready Ross?

- Ya I'm ready.

- Alright here it comes.

- And I just can't get over this place.

- Ya it's gorgeous.

- That's amazing.

- Kevin hooked me up with the real estate agent

so that's pretty cool.

- Kevin who?

- Kevin Pollak.

- I'm playin' it.

- Oh look at my animal friends.

Hello.

- Ah this is great.

- Let's have a Jeeves fight.

- Nice game.

- Hey good job.

- That was brutal.

- Ya it was.

- I need a drink.

Drinks.

- You want to play singles?

- Oh no.

No, no thanks.

You already schooled me.

- Ya what if Selena woulda asked you to play?

Just the two of you?

Would you have played then?

Would you Ross?

- Reggie I don't know what you think happened.

Nothing transpired between me and Selena at all.

- Just talkin' about tennis baby.

Just tennis.

- K.

- What's up Gary?

- Hey Rich.

What's going on buddy?

- Anything?

- What?

- Star Wars?

- Oh no.

Hey have you and Andrea ever done long distance?

- No.

No we haven't,

but today's actually our one year anniversary.

- Have you guys done long distance stuff?

- Like I just said we've never done long distance.

- So you guys haven't done long distance?

- No.

You just asked me that twice.

You realize that?

No.

The answer's still no we've never done that.

- You didn't answer me

that's why I asked you again.

- So the answer's no?

- No!

- No need to be sassy about it.

- Gary has been unable to focus recently

because of Bianca's news.

- First of all,

don't ask which one

'cause I can't tell you,

but Bianca just submitted her audition tape

for a very famous sketch comedy show.

Films in New York.

Airs one night a week,

late night,

and we have very high hopes about it.

We're so excited.

- But you can't say which one?

- Ross I love you like a brother but I cannot.

I really can't.

- Hi I'm Bianca Miller and

I'm afraid I cannot audition for your show.

At least not until some other actors have had their chance,

like Sarah Jessica Parker.

- I think I would be a perfect addition to your show.

- It's me Kelly Rippa.

- Hey it's me Ellen Page.

I think I would be totally boss at being wacky.

Julia Louis Dreyfus.

And now you want me

after my Emmy's?

Well you can all go

yourselves!

Take my Emmy's,

shove 'em up your

all the way to

.

Until they get their chance,

I cannot and will not

audition for your late night sketch comedy show

that tapes in New York and airs once a week.

- Oh it was so good.

- Is it?

- Oh you were genius.

- Are you sure?

I can't decide.

- Yes.

- I mean is it too confusing?

Is it an audition?

Is it not an audition?

Does it even make sense?

I mean I'm just so nervous I have no idea what to do,

and now I'm itchy.

I mean ae you itchy?

'Cause it just feels itchy out here.

- You need to calm down first of all.

Second of all it's brilliant.

- I can't help thinking what if I could just do it better?

What if I could do it better?

- Now you sound like me.

- Would you please watch one more time?

My audition for the famous sketch comedy show

that films in New York City

that airs once a week on late night.

- You can just say that it's

- Nope.

Nope.

Gary can't say which one.

- [Group] Ohhhh!

- Nice.

- Cheers friends!

- This is like Valhalla.

- Ya this property used to

be owned by Walter Matthau actually.

- Really?

- Ya can you imagine him and Jack Lemmon

playing bocce ball over here?

- I can.

And Walter,

I don't want to get into a rhubarb with you,

but my ball is definitely closer.

- No I'd have to disagree with you Jack.

My ball is definitely closer.

- I don't want to have this discussion

about whose ball is closer to what

to tell you the truth.

- Well you better get out your yardstick

because mine's definitely closer.

- Alright.

- Nice.

- Sucks waiting huh?

- Oh no I didn't really care

about playing bocce ball anyway.

- Oh no not bocce.

The other thing.

Gary told me that you're up for a big part

in a movie that rhymes with War Stores.

- Ya it's very nerve-wracking.

Apparently we're supposed to find out at the end of the day

whether I got it or not,

so ya.

- Me too.

- Oh.

- Ya every time Gary looks at his phone

I just get freaked out.

- Ya I know the feeling.

- Ya I don't know if Gary told you,

but I'm up for a famous sketch comedy show

that films in New York City

and airs once a week on late night.

- Ya no I know what you're talking about.

That's cool.

- No.

Nobody does.

- Where are all the good voices now?

Remember the classic voices?

Good 'ol,

Good 'ol Jimmy Stewart ya know?

- I can't watch you do it and I not do it myself.

- [In unison] Ya it's a disease.

- It's a disease.

It could strike at any time.

- Now everybody,

they all sound the same.

They're not distinct enough.

- People can just say

they can talk like this

as long as they look really grave.

- Kind of on the verge of Californians.

Just head up north on the 405

and go east on the 101.

- I like to take the 118 to 215.

Take that across to the ten.

- Am I sweating here?

I feel like I'm sweating.

- It's a little warm,

but you look fine.

- Do I smell?

- Do you sm,

um no.

- No I mean do I smell?

Can I smell?

I feel like I've lost my sense of smell here.

- Oh weird.

Do you want to get some water or something?

- You know I just don't know where I wanna be

when I hear the news from Gary.

- Ya me neither.

- You got it.

Nice shot.

- Okay now I'm definitely sweating.

- Hey that was unfair.

I peed a little.

Just a little.

It was like a medium amount.

- Excuse me.

Guys one last thing.

Regardless of what happens at the competition

let's all remain good friends.

- You got it.

- In front of everybody?

Ya that was unfair to vote for Ross and Bianca,

but I mean that's Gary.

Gary can't hold back.

But the next day we got the sweetest email

with a video attachment.

- Hi guys.

I just wanted to say thank you for everything.

I'm off to a new chapter of my life,

but I couldn't have done it without all of you.

And now I am off to the airport,

but I just wanted to say

I'm gonna miss you guys so much.

Please please let me know everything

that happens with the competition.

I am just so excited for all of you,

and I hope you come visit me in New York.

I know we're gonna have lots of fun there too.

So just remember that I am here for you

even though I'm far away

and I love you guys.

So bye for now.

- This is a big transition for everybody.

Ross and Andrea they've been together a year

so they're gonna have to shift,

find out what that means.

This is huge for Bianca.

It's a massive change.

And for her and Gary,

it's a big shift in their lives together.

They're gonna have to work that out.

Selena,

we have a totally different relationship now.

I'm a parent,

but she's a grown woman now.

So that dynamic has totally changed forever.

It's a time of transition.

I mean everybody's kind of turning a page.

But look at Piat.

Piat went literally from rags to riches

in front of our very eyes.

And Hundo is Hundo.

As for Annie and me,

well what we're discussing right now

is totally gonna add a new dynamic to our relationship.

♪ Imitate shooting stars out my window. ♪

♪ I can hear the pitter-patter of the rain. ♪

♪ And I'm watching all the cars ♪

♪ Imitate shooting stars out my window. ♪

It's funny how much of your life

can be summed up by signing a piece of paper.

♪ And I'm watching all the cars ♪

♪ Imitate shooting stars out my window. ♪

♪ I can hear the pitter-patter of the rain, ♪

♪ Of the rain. ♪

♪ And I'm watching all the cars ♪

♪ Imitate shooting stars out my window. ♪

- Got a new voicemail from Gary.

Haven't listened to it yet.

Here it goes.

- Hey Ross.

This is Gary.

I just heard back from Star Wars and

- On the next Impress Me.

- He disappeared for a while

and nobody knew where he was.

- We gotta go into the wild kids.

Nanakin you have to be careful of the forest.

Beyond our sales bonafide double net.

Like two peas in a pod.

No we're not.

We're not peas in no pod.

♪ Soap and cake. ♪