Original subtitles

- Previously on, Impress Me,

- Jim is currently sleeping on our couch.

- Ross, and I we've made amends, you know,

we're adults.

- Dustin Hoffman, Christina Aguilera, and Miley Cyrus.

- You're not kidding it's really them.

I am still doing Justin Timberlake's voice doubling.

- Thing is if Justin calls, you're contractually obligated

to work for him.

- Piat, that's his name, Piat.

- Piat,

- It's a TV pilot, there going to produce it

and they may have me direct.

- I'm gonna come up with a new plan for doing impressions

and it's already in the works.

- Hello?

- Hey yes hello, am I talking with, is this Jessica?

- Yeah, who's calling.

- Actually this is Robert Downey Jr.

- Oh, good, cause this is Julia Roberts.

- That's very cute Jessica,

listen I don't want to waste your time,

I'd appreciate the same courtesy, I'm calling to say

thank you Jessica on behalf

of the Clean Africa Water Charity,

they're a very good organization, I know you know about them

you made a generous donation, I just wanted to call,

because I help them too and I'm making a call

on their behalf to say thank you, that's all so,

that's all I have to say.

- Wait wait wait,

okay, this is actually this is you right?

- Yes.

It's absolutely me.

Thanks for speaking to me.

- No thank you wait, Robert, um Robert,

can I call you Robert?

- Knock yourself out, sure.

Why not, as you probably know in my career,

I've gotten in my fair share of trouble,

it's been extremely well documented.

That I have not always been on

in the good graces of the law.

- I, listen man, I completely understand, I mean,

we're all human and you got to do what you gotta do.

- Well believe me I can you stories, truth is,

- I could tell you stories too, yeah.

- I'm talking about stuff you don't see on FaceBook,

I'm talking about really gnarly ass stuff.

- Me too, I'm talking about real stuff, you know.

- Well maybe I underestimated you,

you sound very interesting indeed.

- Did you hear about a month ago

what went missing at the Fairmont?

- Yes I believe I did, what are you saying?

- Okay so just let me, I'm saying that I was there,

- Wow.

No way, that was you?

- That,

- Is this a confession?

- If you want to call it that, then yes, I did that.

- Police freeze, you're under arrest, Jessica

put the phone down.

- Guys please, come on, guys, guys wait wait wait,

one second, I'm on the phone with Robert Downey Jr.

- Have I called at a bad time?

- Suspects in custody, four four one.

- Jessica? Copy that.

We're all clear.

- Oh, okay.

- Thanks.

- Sure no.

Another job well done.

- Oh thanks, thanks for coming in Jim.

- Yeah my pleasure, I'm glad I could help.

- I'm sure we'll be in touch.

- So,

I should get out of the car.

- Yeah, - yeah.

well it's one of the oddest jobs but I sometimes work

with law enforcement,

to help them entrap criminals.

They'll confess the most unusual crimes if they think

they're talking to a celebrity.

And it works like nine out of 10 times.

And yes, I'm usually Robert Downey Jr.

- Honey I know but do you have the call sheet?

- It's on my phone but you've got the same email

on your phone.

- I know but I can't, well what part of town is it in?

- Morning Jim.

- Hey.

- Century City, Studio City?

- Those are two very different parts of town.

- Oh you guys are doing that thing with Piat today?

- Yeah, yeah, it should be fun.

I get to work with Ross

and I get to do a bunch of impressions

so it should be great.

- Okay so it's actually Culver City.

Oh this is me, I gotta, sorry.

This is Ross.

- So you gonna do your Miley Cyrus?

- Yes I am and seriously like,

I'm like really excited because like

I twerk really hard to get where I am

and so now I can just like focus on being me

like as an artist and just like put it all out there.

- That is so good.

- Pretty quite, I don't know.

- It's priceless,

I actually have a little bit of good news too.

- Okay, change of plans, I have to go to Burbank now.

- What?

Why?

- Guess.

So our good friend Piat, that's his name Piat,

has been having a lot of recent success as a filmmaker

and has been kind enough to cast both myself

and Andrea in his new television pilot,

it's a new sketch show, it's great.

The only thing that could possibly go wrong,

is if at the very last minute Justin Timberlake's team

calls and decides that I'm contractually obligated

to record something for them at the exact same time

on the exact same day, but what are the odds

of that happening?

Justin Effing Timberlake.

- How can they keep doing this to you, on such short notice?

- Wait a minute, what's your call time though?

- You know what?

You're right babe, you tell Piat

I'm gonna be 20 minutes late tops

but we have to leave right now, okay?

- Okay,

- Wait a minute Burbank to Culver City,

that's kind of a long way isn't it?

- We can't talk, we gotta go.

- Alright, good luck.

- Thanks bye, bye. - Thanks.

- Well I've been working for months on this new plan

to quit doing impressions and the day is here,

it's all finished, it's all wrapped up

I proof read it, countless times, I got up early,

to go down and print it out, and now it's all ready to go.

This is great, I'm very excited.

- Good morning, welcome to kitchen conversations with me,

Barbara Walters.

Joining me today Emmy award winner Cameron Manheim

and people's choice award winner Kristen Stewart.

Cameron, let's jump right in.

How has your theatrical training influenced you film

and television work?

- I was lucky enough to get to study at the very prestigious

New York University, where I was classically trained

in Checkov and Shakespeare and Ibsen and all

of that training works for film and television as well

because it just has to be rooted in the truth and be done

with honesty.

- Rooted in truth, of course, of course,

Kristen, I ask you the same thing.

- It's superfluous, because for me the,

- Fascinating, moving on.

Cameron how do you keep your professional life separate

from your personal life.

- I live really far from Hollywood and I'm just

a single mom, I drive my kid to school,

I go to Costco, I do our laundry I make us lunch

and then every now and then, I do something really fun

and fancy like walk a red carpet, wear some gorgeous gown,

I really try to keep them separate, to keep my sanity.

- That makes sense, now Kristen we ask you?

- the verisimilitude.

- Before you answer any further, my producers are telling me

we have a very special guest, please welcome,

Robert Pattinson.

- You broke up with me, I though we had something special?

- Cut on rehearsal guys, cut.

Where's Ross?

- I don't know I can give him a call if you want.

- Can you find out please?

- Yeah yeah.

- Could we, could we take five guys, we're just gonna take

a couple minutes alright? Sorry.

- Hey where are you?

- I swear it only took me five minutes to do my lines

but then when I was leaving they had me do another interview

for a podcast, I'm literally getting into my car right now.

- He's just leaving Burbank now.

- I can't wait that long.

Tell him sorry but I'll give him something later.

I'll do Ross's role, I'll play Robert Pattinson okay.

20 minutes.

- I don't know if you heard that but Piat said

he's got to shoot now, he's playing your role, sorry.

- You're sorry?

No I'm sorry, Piat's right, forget about me,

you need to focus on your work.

How's it going working with your nemesis?

- Shut up, she's not my nemesis.

- The only downside to Andrea being cast

in Piat's new TV pilot is that she's gonna be working

alongside another very talented impressionist actress

named Bianca who can be

just a little intimidating sometimes.

- Okay I've got two quick ideas for you,

I'm gonna throw them at you and just let me

know your thoughts, okay?

Yeah, you know what I think that Wanda Sykes

would be really good, you know what I mean?

Mm, she'd be good.

- I don't think we have.

- And you know what I think maybe Ariana Huffington

because when she talks to people they really like

what she has to say you know, it's perfection.

- Maybe I could do a little bit

of some British Keira Knightley.

- Yeah.

- I think the best option might be to go

really really out there, like Dora the Explorer,

don't you think so?

I would say, do you want to watch Dora?

- Alright, we'll try some stuff.

- Oh Sarah Jessica Parker, I, just get so excited

about Sarah, what's not to love?

- Nemesis.

- Oh hello.

- Jim, what are you doing here?

- I just came by to support.

- Ah.

- And I wanted to see if Ross could make it across town

at light speed like he was planning on, did he make it?

- No, not so much, well I guess I'm here

to support you then.

Okay fine, the real reason I was there was because of this,

this is my new plan to quit doing impressions.

By the way, for the record, Piat did offer me a part

in his TV pilot which was nice but I mean

that's TV and I respect that but it's not this.

- How's it going with your nemesis?

- Oh she's not my nemesis.

- She should be, everybody needs a good nemesis.

Alright, alright, alright, I don't want

to make people uncomfortable so,

- Uncomfortable?

Not at all no, everyone would love to see you.

I mean, unless of course you are uncomfortable.

- Uncomfortable, why would I be uncomfortable?

- Maybe her?

- Annie and I are currently separated but it's

a break, it's not a break up, there's a big difference.

You know between break and break up.

The word up to be precise.

And you know, we're bound to be together,

we're meant for each other.

We know that so,

we're gonna be okay.

Well, hello there.

- Well hello there,

this seat taken?

- I'm sorry, this seat?

- This exact seat. - this exact seat?

You know what I'm afraid it is.

- Ah,

- Yeah I'm expecting some gentleman callers.

They're all gonna line up just to sit right there.

- Yeah I imagine George Clooney's gonna stop by

and show you his dimple.

- Maybe.

- Perhaps, Christoph Waltz will wander in.

- That's creepy.

- You're gonna make me break out my 70's Jack Nicholson

to try to get a seat next to you.

- Oh 70's Jack Nicholson can sit down, I'll let that happen.

- Okay, now we're talking.

Great.

So,

- You still doing impressions?

- Well just for you.

- Well, I'm very flattered.

- You should be.

- What's going on?

- Well I got some kind of exciting things

but you first, you must be managing some new clients?

- Yeah I have some new clients I mean,

you know, just kind of the same old,

I'm sure you heard that I signed your nemesis.

- My nemesis?

- Piat,

- You're managing Piat?

- I mean that's why I'm here.

I'm sorry but you know why, I helped him negotiate the deal

for the show and I'm helping produce it.

- First of all he's not my nemesis.

- He should be.

I mean he's making real money Jim,

like real money.

- Opposed to what, monopoly money?

- I mean about like all the zeroes in the right places.

That kind of money.

So okay, so wait I'm sorry, tell me what are you up to?

- Well, I'll tell you.

Here the deal, if I lived in Shakespearean times,

you know the thing to to set myself apart

and not do impressions anymore,

would be to do a one man production of Hamlet, sure

and if I lived in Roman times, the thing to do

would be to you know, go into the Coliseum and wrestle

a hyena or a tiger or something,

but I live in LA, these are Hollywood Times.

And so the only way that I can prove myself

is to make a full length Hollywood movie.

I know what you're thinking,

everybody in LA has a screenplay

and it's really really hard to make a movie

but you know what, I been in this business 30 years.

It's abundantly clear to me, that it's not what you know,

it's who you know.

And I know some people.

- You know what this is really impressive,

it's quite an achievement.

- Thank you.

- So what are you doing with it,

are you shopping it around, who's seen it?

- Yeah , in fact, that's actually why I'm here today.

I'm meeting with one of the executive producers

of Piat's pilot so,

- Oh really, well which one?

- Josh.

- Wow,

- Yeah, we met once, I don't know a long time ago

at something and I know we talked on the phone about it

and he was like wow man, this is like the next Inception

so that's a good sign.

- Gosh, that is exactly what he said about Piat's script.

- What?

- Piat wrote this screenplay and it's brilliant

and Josh loves it, I mean there's no guarantees.

His investors only like to do one movie every two years.

So wait when is your meeting?

- Oh it's so be any time.

He just said to come by you know, we kept it loose.

Kind of informal.

- So your meetings today?

- Yeah yeah today.

That's why I'm here today.

- Okay, because he's not coming to set today because

he already texted me and said sorry he couldn't come

hopes it goes well, he'd call me later.

- He texted me the same thing.

Said yup, can't make it today pal.

Anyway, that's cool though, 'cause it was informal

and I just happened to be in the area

we can meet today or tomorrow it doesn't matter.

So, we've a tight friendship so, I don't need to,

- I had no idea you guys were friends.

- Yeah,

what is it with Piat?

I don't get it, he steals my manager,

he steals my idea to write a screenplay.

Now he's setting up meetings with my producer friend.

He's like my freaking nemesis.

If you don't mind

put the business aside for a minute.

I'd really like to see you again.

I'm not talking about moving in or anything like that

I wouldn't do that but I just, I'd like to

you know be able to talk to you.

- Okay.

- I'll call you.

- Alright.

- Okay.

- Jim this is really impressive.

You've been working on this everyday?

- Thanks yeah yeah, of course now, I've got to hurry up

and make my pitch before Piat's project gets green lit

ahead of mine.

- Why can't he green light both projects?

- He works with a bunch of investors

which they only green light one movie every two years.

So if I miss my chance now, then I'm gonna have

to wait in line for two years.

- Yeah but Jim you've been in the business for like 30 years

I mean surely you must know some other producers.

- Yeah but Ross you know it's almost impossible

to get a movie made, it's very very difficult,

you'd have better luck being a professional painter.

Here we go, this is it, Justin Timberlake

and representatives have a right to renew Ross Marvin

for six consecutive cycles under the same terms

and conditions agreed upon in the first cycle.

Six.

- Six, six cycles, that's like three years, right?

- Three and a half if you count that first cycle.

- Okay, I'm sorry, I cannot be Justin Timberlake Jr

for the next three and a half years.

- Yeah but the money's good right?

- The money is great man, that's not the point,

I mean think about it, the house comes with the contract.

Its all free, it's one of the perks, you know.

I mean like if I quit the job I lose the house I,

- Yeah I mean Ross is in a really tough situation

but honestly I can't help him right now.

I have to figure out some sort of way

to get leverage over Piat.

I just need to clear my head and develop a plan for my plan.

How you doing officer?

- Thanks for coming in Jim.

- Yeah my pleasure, my pleasure.

- Here is the info on our next target.

- Oh,

there must be some mistake.

- That's what I thought but it's an unusual name.

Piat.

That's his actual name?

Piat, he thinks he's some Hollywood big shot but

he's really involved in some high end insider trading.

- Insider trading,

I did not see that coming.

He's gonna get a fine or something right?

He's not gonna go to prison?

- Thousands of small business owners

and hardworking American families are hurt every year

because of illegal activity on Wall Street.

- Hello, this is Piat.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

- I just didn't feel right about entrapping Piat.

Just didn't seem right.

But can I use that information to leverage myself

ahead of Piat?

It would be a crime not to,

right?

- Maybe you could talk to them and see if they could make

a few adjustments to the contract.

I'm sure Justin would understand.

- Justin.

Babe, Gary and I get called from a lady named Leslie

who works for a guy named Ryan,

who works for a lady named Charlotte,

who reports to the head of PR of Justin Timberlake's firm.

Team Timberlake is a multimillion dollar business

and they're not going to change their schedule

to accommodate me.

And these lawyers are not going to change this contract.

- Ross if you quit, you lose a steady paycheck.

You jeopardize your relationship with Gary,

you lose the house, lose everything,

so just don't rush to make this decision.

- It's too late.

- What do you mean it's too late?

- I already called Leslie with Team Timberlake.

- What did you say?

- I left them a voice mail and told them that I needed

to talk to them immediately about my future involvement

with Team Timberlake.

- Okay, so you didn't quit yet.

- I've already made up my mind.

It's a blocked number.

- Ross, don't answer it.

Sleep on it and make a decision in the morning.

- I need to do this.

- Ross,

- Hello this is Ross.

- Hi Ross, this is Justin Timberlake,

I heard you wanted to talk about your future

with the Team, what's up?

- Hey - hey.

Josh.

- Jim.

Yes,

- yeah him nice to see ya.

- Nice to see you too, yeah.

- I'm sorry did you call, I wasn't expecting,

- I just happened to be in the neighborhood and I thought,

- How did you know where I lived?

I'm messing with you.

I gave you my address.

I gave you my address.

- Of course.

- Jim come on, I know you're not a stalker.

- I couldn't remember.

- I dated a stalker though, coincidentally.

Hashtag, first world problems,

hashtag, restraining order, hashtag, still blessed.

- Well I just wanted to drop off this script,

I wanted to drop it off.

- Yeah I was looking forward to this.

I really want to read it, I'm a big fan of your impressions

I have to say.

- Thank you very much, I'm a big fan of you,

everything you do, your dancing, you're so multi faceted

you're now into TV and film production and so,

you're like a pale Tyler Perry.

Oh oh, Stewie Griffin, oh someone's at my door,

maybe I should go take them away with the hounds.

cartoon voices.

- That's right.

- So you haven't already decided which film

you're going to produce by any chance?

- No, I've not but your script is at the top of the heap

we loved your pitch, loved your passion, okay.

- What are you looking for?

Well I can't speak for the other investors,

you know for me always personally,

I'm always looking for that

you know that thing, it grabs you by the marbles

and takes you off to the promised land, you know?

- Anything else you've seen that you're as excited about?

- One writer, Piat, you know Piat,

funny name, great writer, so common the two, he's got one.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I remember hearing

that Piat wrote something, that's excellent

good for him, because he's you know,

what he's going through.

- He's going through something?

- Yeah, no, apparently he's being investigated

for insider trading.

- Oh god.

Jeez you're kidding.

- Yeah, so, luckily nothings been proven yet

but it's never good to be investigated.

- No, no, that's for sure.

Investors aren't going to be happy about that.

Yikes.

- But listen anyway, read the script and I hope you like it.

And if you have any notes or anything or any changes

I'm attached as the lead but other than that.

- Honey, I got another script here.

- Appreciate it, thanks a lot.

- You know I appreciate you, thanks for the show.

- You bet, thanks for opening the door.

- I was surprised.

- And thanks for reading it I appreciate it.

- I can't wait to.

- Okay.

- Thanks buddy.

- Cheers.

- Honey, got another script here.

- Oh again.

- Just in time,

you've got to look after the script, after the script,

after the script, let me get the back, get that okay.

- Stop it, stop.

- I'm the only one you work for.

- Annie?

- On the next Impress Me.

- You were the guy that did the Nicholson impersonation.

- I don't do that any more, I don't do impressions,

- Oh no you gave it up?

- Yeah yeah, 'cause I'm focusing on dramatic work.

- I'm direction this movie, there's this part

and it's interesting you want to do dramatic acting

because I need both.

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