Original subtitles

- Previously on, Impress Me.

- We're not going to do impressions anymore?

We're just gonna do dramatic acting.

- Inconceivable.

We're all warlocks here, we got tiger blood in our veins.

Impressions is what makes us winners.

- Gary Lions, Lifeboat Entertainment, take my card,

take my card.

- A 12 set program to quit doing impressions?

You're not going to go through with what we created together

then I don't know how we work together.

And I don't know how we look together, get off my porch,

you out.

- We started hanging out and I started to really like you.

But then it was too late to now me.

- You're an impressionist?

- We have no job, we have no cash

and we have no place to live.

♪ Baby why do you leave me alone ♪

♪ Why do you drive away in your baby blue home ♪

♪ Baby, you say you miss me like south searching bird ♪

♪ Since long before the earth was built ♪

- Actually I think it's quite nice,

I mean technically speaking it's a step up

from living on Jim's couch.

Technically speaking.

What have I done?

Okay, Jimbo I've got some great news,

got a little update on our 12 step program

to stop doing impressions and become

a serious dramatic actors.

Just go through the list of where we left off last time.

Step seven, go public with the 12 step program.

We did that.

Check.

let's see next step.

Step eight, confront a bad impressionist

and if you remember, we did that already,

- My names is Maximus Decimus

Commander of the north men.

- Yeah okay, no, sorry, I'm sorry,

it's not an impression okay, you're not an impressionist.

My god my daughter could do that better.

When she was a little kid, a little twerp in diapers.

- Let's see, moving right along.

Step nine, perform a celebrity impression

for said celebrity, I done checked that off myself

- Sorry, my name's Matt.

- Sorry my name's Matt.

- You're name is Matt too?

- I don't know Jesse,

it's crazy out there yo, me and skinny Pete

we heard some things, I don't know man,

there's murder out there yo.

- The point I'm trying to make is here,

we've only got three more steps to do.

- Oh what?

We can't do this.

- Oh sure you can.

- No I can't, I have to

I have to win my wife back.

- Okay, yeah, I, I hear you Jim and I understand but

maybe she just needs to take a break right now,

maybe she needs to see you succeed first

before she understands what you're trying to do.

That's what you always said.

- No that's not it, I got to put all this

all this on hold for right now until I put my family

back together, you understand?

- Okay,

what's your plan?

- Okay,

I'm sorry you guys rolling?

- I have been waiting for this for a really long time.

- As have I.

- Really?

- Absolutely.

- I'm sorry,

I should have told you.

- I'm sorry I should have told you,

it's just that I didn't want to offend your dad,

you know he's been so good to me so I thought

I should, you know, keep my distance, play it cool.

- I respect that so much.

- I appreciate that.

We should order.

- Kiss me. - Excuse me?

- Kiss me.

- Oh,

- I'm sorry, I should have told you.

- Emily.

- You know this particular kind of wine is on sale,

you know, this is made by Trapist Monks.

- What?

- I got the good kind where they take their socks off

before they squish the grapes, you might notice

a little after burn of nylon.

- I can't believe that suit still fits you.

- I know.

- That was my dads.

- I know, I still remember when he gave it to me.

He said to me son, if you're gonna marry my daughter,

you're gonna have to look the part.

Put this suit on.

I only where it on Sundays.

- Wait, are you doing my dad as Tommy Lee Jones.

- Because he sounds exactly like Tommy Lee Jones.

- No he doesn't.

- He does.

He does, he said to me, you know my daughters

about 100 times smarter than you are, so you've married up

in the world, you married quality.

She's got champagne tastes.

That's what he said.

- The truth is although it started as a ruse,

I actually fell for you.

Everything about you, your charm,

your work ethic, your talent,

your loyalty to Jim.

You're the whole package.

And I blew it and I'm so so sorry.

- Tell her Ross.

Tell her the truth.

- Never lie to me again Emily, never again.

Okay?

You promise me that?

- I promise.

My real name's Andrea.

- I like that better.

- Why couldn't you talk to me?

I just don't understand that.

I just wanted it so bad, you know, I still do.

I'm gonna turn 50 this year, our daughter's all grown up.

I look at my career and,

- You are really talented Jim.

- Well I feel like I could be a dramatic actor.

- You could be.

- Really?

- Absolutely.

But,

what happens to our family and our business

and our mortgage, our debt?

- We're gonna do what everybody does,

we just adapt you know.

- Jim, you're 50.

- 49.

On the cusp, very important.

Big transition but let's not go too fast.

- I'm sorry but, you can't stop doing impressions,

we can't afford it.

You can't start something new now.

I just.

- Annie.

- No.

You have to make a choice.

- Don't believe a word he says mom,

it's all lies, he told Ross to go out with me

just to humiliate me in front of Ross's girlfriend

so he could sneak into the house,

he's ruining our family, he's ruining my life.

- Step 10, cut ties with anyone who stands in our way.

Where wilt thou lead me?

Speak I'll go no further.

- Hark me.

- I will.

- My hour is almost come when I to sulfurous

and tormenting flames must render up myself.

- Alas poor ghost.

- Pity me not, but lend thy serious hearing

to what I shall unfold.

- Now might I do it pat, now he is praying

and now I'll do it and so he goes to heaven

and so am I revenged.

Line?

- That would be,

- That would be scanned

and heart with strings of steel be soft as the sinews

of the new born babe.

- Now might I do it pat, now he is praying

and now I'll do it, and so he goes to heaven

and so am I revenged.

- A villain kills my father and for that

I, his sole sun do this same villain send to heaven.

- You're Laertes, I got to tell you,

I mean I love your Polonius, but your Laertes,

it's pretty amazing.

- Yeah I'm only gonna get cast as Polonius at this point

but thank you for that, the great thing about this

is we get to embody all these roles that we would never

no one would ever in a million years cast us as.

- I never thought I'd be Ophelia, that's pretty wild.

- You're very you know, God I almost did it.

- You almost did it. - I almost did it.

- Watch it there buddy, watch it.

- Today Ross and I woke up and we had only two more steps

to go on our 12 step program to stop being impressionists

and just be dramatic actors.

- Step 11, perform every single impression

for one last time.

- Kevin Spacey, see ya friend.

Harrison Ford,

- James Earl Jones, this is C A N.

Louis Armstrong, bye bye baby.

Yeah.

- Peter Griffin, bye.

- Ewan MacGregor, we'll see you around Scotsman.

Schwarzenegger, we'll see ya around kid.

- Donald Trump, you're fired.

Droopy Dog, bye bye.

- Yeah yeah yeah, Brad Pitt, see ya.

- NPR's Robert Seagull, signing off.

- Michael Keaton, I'm gonna go there, Beetlejuice come on,

right right right.

- Christoph Waltz, lights out.

- Alright, alright, Matthew Mconnaughey, see ya later.

- John C. Reilly here, Wreck it Ralph.

- David Letterman, good night.

- Bittersweet but alas, they are no more,

see I almost did William Shatner there,

but I didn't, so that's good progress anyway,

moving on,

- Yeah step 12, perform a live dramatic Shakespearean play

with zero impressions.

- Right Ross, tonight Ross and I are gonna do

an adaptation, a two man adaptation of Hamlet.

Playing multiple roles.

- Mm-hmm, we've reserved the theater,

we've sold out the tickets.

- Yeah the LA times is coming too.

Show time.

- Alright, who else can you do.

- Hi this is Juliette Lewis and I have to say

my weirdest interview was with a tiny gnome

and I was like this is kind of bizarre.

- Who else can you do?

- Oh Mr. Ross it's me Fran Drescher,

- I think we've got to update your impressions a little bit.

We got to get someone who's a little more current.

- Juliette Lewis just did a movie with Meryl Streep

and Julia Roberts.

- I'm thinking like Jennifer Lawrence

or Katie Perry

Zooey Deschanel or Miley Cyrus would be good.

That's yeah, that's really attractive.

- Spot on, it's spot on.

- Now twerk for me.

- No.

definitely not.

Look why are we even talking about me,

today's your big day, you've got a show tonight,

and you should be very proud.

- I'm excited.

- And in other news as well,

tell Jim about it?

- Yeah absolutely, I'm just waiting for the right time.

Alright, we got to get going, I'm meeting Jim

as the theater.

- the theater!

My one true love, the theater, it's were Liza Minelli

was born, oh I'm just so thrilled, I'm so excited.

- Okay, that's, we really need to expand your roster.

Start the car.

- Start the car, why don't we take a trolley.

- Speak speak, I pray thee, trippily,

trippily off the tongue.

Hey Piat.

- Hey Jim how's it going man?

- Good.

- Hey.

- Yeah we got a big thing tonight, I was gonna call you.

I don't know if you're free.

- Oh no I'm sorry, I've actually got a reading to go to.

- Oh you need to go.

Come on, I can get you out of the that.

I just call up

- TV pilot.

- Oh,

- From the producers of the indie film I did with Matt Jones

from Breaking Bad, they saw me in there like,

hey, you're really good.

May have me direct but

I don't know it's up in the air, I'm meeting

a bunch of Hollywood people tonight at my place so,

you know, may or may not happen.

- Yeah.

- Good luck tonight.

- Yeah you too.

- And you know, enjoy that RV as long as you want, you know,

I don't need it so, you guys are good.

- Alright yeah, great.

- hey take care Jim.

- hey I want to thank you Ross,

- For what?

- I know this hasn't been easy for you

to go the distance like this with the program

and I just wanted,

- Jim please, we're a team.

- Well I appreciate it.

Let me by you dinner at least.

- great.

I'm 10-1 I believe.

- 10-1 that's movie star lingo.

- It is, be right back.

- Things are all set for tonight,

do you have any last thoughts?

- Thanks Diane,

I don't think so, but you know, in our dressing room

there is that radio, does that work?

- Yeah, I'll double check, I think it does

and you're sure you don't have any names for the comp list?

- Oh yeah no, no, no, nope.

- Okay.

- Flying solo.

To be or not to be, that is the question,

whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings

and arrows of outrageous fortune or to take arms against

a sea of troubles and by opposing it,

man Hamlet's talking about death right?

To die, to sleep, to sleep, perchance to dream?

I there's the rub, for in that sleep of death

what dreams may come?

Why is he so involved with death, you know?

That's the way he looks at life, if you think about it.

He's a pessimist.

I'm not,

my wife left me,

my daughter won't speak to me, I live in an RV,

but tonight Ross and I are gonna do something

really really special you know, cause that's what life is

life is what you make out of it.

Out of the debris of life that you've created.

hello?

- Hey it's Gary, sorry for the last minute timing

I know you have a gig tonight but

Justin just got asked to do a radio interview tonight

at seven, what time is your thing?

- I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about?

- I'm sorry is this Ross?

Is this Ross?

- Yeah, yeah, this is Ross.

Hey would you mind going over all

the details about this again?

Just so I know I'm on the right page?

A six month job, you took a six months job Ross.

- Look Jim, Gary said that you were gonna do

all of Justin Timberlake's voice doubling

for all of his what, his films, his special offense?

His endorsements, his radio interviews,

that's a lot of work, you know,

when were you gonna tell me about that by the way?

Huh, when were you gonna tell me about that Ross?

- I was waiting for the right time.

- The right time?

There is no right time.

There is no right time for this, you know why?

Because this is the exact opposite of our plan.

- Your plan.

- What?

- It's your plan Jim.

It's always been your plan.

I'm sorry but it's true.

Okay, look, I've tried to be supportive

because you've always been supportive to me

but look where it's gotten us.

Flat broke and living in an RV, not even our own RV.

- It's temporary.

- Look, look, I want to do dramatic work,

I really do, but I don't want to give up

every impression gig to do it.

I love playing Hamlet and I'm looking forward

to our show tonight, I'm not quitting on you.

- I mean Ross, if you can't follow through

with what we created together then,

you know as far as I'm concerned,

this partnership can't work.

It can't work.

- Is there something that you could say or do

that you know, could allow Jim to understand

where you're coming from?

Nah, I don't think so, it's, he's already made up his mind.

- Is there anything I can do?

- No no thank you though.

- Okay.

Hey Jim here you go.

- Thank you Diane, thank you.

- You know, you have a lot to be proud of.

You've worked really hard on this,

I was watching and you know, you're just amazing.

- Thank you.

Well I guess it's just me now.

- Yeah but you know, its not like you had a large ensemble

to begin with.

Doors open in 15 minutes.

- I know.

- What's the plan?

- I don't know.

I don't think I'm the guy who should be making the plans.

- Excuse me is this the top button theater, do you know?

- Yes that's us, but this is the production entrance,

and well tonight,

- Okay well I'll just get my tickets in the front then,

thanks. - yeah,

- Seeing Hamlet, thank you.

- Actually,

I'm sorry but tonight.

- Wait Jim?

- Yeah.

- Jim Marshal?

- Yeah.

- I remember seeing you do stand up at the comedy store

when I was in like high school,

your impressions are killer man.

Yeah I'm not kidding, like,

any time I see an impressionist on a talk show or something,

I'm like, they're good but they're not Jim Marshal.

- I appreciate it.

- Yeah I saw your name on the bill but I didn't know

it was the same one, I'm Francis Bickers, LA Times,

I'm actually here to review the show, so.

- Oh you are, okay.

Wow, great, hey, it's thank you, thanks for what you said,

that's cool, yeah.

Ah well,

enjoy the show.

- I will.

- Alright.

- See ya. - Thanks, thanks for coming.

- Yeah.

- Alright.

Speak the speech I pray thee as I pronounce it to you

trippingly on the tongue, but if you mouth it

as so many of our players do, as the town crier

spoke my lines, do not saw the air,

do not with your hand thus, but use all gently,

for in that torrent times to end as I may say

the very whirlwind of your passion,

you must beget fire and beget, you must acquire and beget

a temperance which make it in smoothness.

- Joining us now on our celebrity hot line is actor,

business man, grammy award winning singer/songwriter

Justin Timberlake, what's up Justin?

Thanks for stopping by on such short notice.

- Thanks for having me.

I have a previous commitment that fell through

but now I'm available.

- Well I'm sorry to hear about your previous commitment

was it a movie, a new recording?

- No it was personal actually.

It was something with a friend of mine.

A good friend of mine but it just didn't work out.

- Well that's too bad man, but hey let's talk about

this new album, this new track, and obviously.

- Showtime.

- Okay thanks.

- On the next Impress Me.

- Zooey Deschanel,

♪ How I wonder what you are ♪

Alanis Morissette

♪ Up above the world so high ♪

Liza Minelli

♪ Like a diamond, a diamond really, that's up in the sky. ♪

How about you?

♪ Soul Pancake ♪