All language subtitles for Four Weddings and a Funeral - 01x03 - We Broke.HULU.WEB-DL-NTb.English.C.updated.Addic7ed.com

Previously on Four
Weddings and a Funeral...

I love you, and I've
never said that to anybody.

I wanna be with you.

Well, I wanna be with a senator,

so stop kissing your
communications director

and get back to work.

Ted Spencer has been involved

in an extramarital affair.

Haskins worked for
Spencer as a dog walker.

I didn't come for you. I
came for your blood sugar.

If I'm not here, you'll just
have coffee and chocolate bar.

Finally got my letter
from Penguin Publishing.

Would you please...

"Although it shows great promise,

we regret that we are unable
to publish it at this time."

I hate my job, and I've
always wanted to act.

Hi, my name's Gemma. I'm
Ainsley's best friend.

- Come on in.
- Maya!

See those girls over
there playing soccer?

- See the one in the red shorts?
- Yeah.

- That's my daughter.
- What did Zara say?

Craig...

Would you still like to get
a drink with me sometime?

Maybe.

So, you know you had that stupid idea

that I should stay in London?
I think I'm gonna do it.

Are you serious?

I have a daughter.

So you told Maya before you told me?

I'm sorry, I just didn't
think you'd understand.

Wouldn't understand?

- Synced and corrected by Firefly
- - www.addic7ed.com -

Why wouldn't you
go with me to Stonehenge?

I don't know. It sounds dorky.

Like Lord of the Rings.

Oh... oh, hi. Hi, Mom.

We need to talk.

Hey, Maya, great to see you.

Hi, Mrs. Howard.

Mm.

So, did you and Dad
have a nice time in Bali

on my honeymoon?

He got terrible food poisoning.

He's resting in the hotel.

He can't eat exotic food like rice.

Oh, when do you guys fly back to Texas?

Actually, that's what I
wanted to talk to you about.

Your father and I think you
should come home with us.

Wait, what?

You need a fresh start
away from that man.

I knew he was trouble
from the beginning,

and not because he's Muslim.

I like Muslims.

I watch Dr. Oz every day.

Mom, my whole life is
here. What about my store?

You mean the store that your
father and I pay rent on?

That is an investment in
Ainsley Howard Designs.

What about the mortgage that
we pay on this townhouse?

That is an investment in
Ainsley Howard the woman.

Listen, your father and I've been happy

to help you out the
last couple of years,

but after that extravagant wedding,

we have reached our limit.
Think about it, honey.

I don't need to think about it.

All my friends are
here. I'm staying, Mom.

- I admire your tenacity.
- Thank you.

And it's gonna come in handy,

because we're cutting you off.

Oh, God.

- Oh, my God!
- It's is not a big deal.

Dude, I'm unemployed, and
your mom just cut you off.

We are one month away from
being Dickensian urchins.

No, we're not. No.

I run a very successful
home design store.

You're gonna get a job.
We're gonna be fine.

- You think so?
- Yeah, I know so.

Okay, well, we need to
be smarter about money.

- Yeah.
- So let's cook our own dinner tonight.

Great! I'll book a cooking class.

No, Ains.

Yeah, I'll Google how to make hotdogs.

Why would you quit your job?

Because acting's the only
thing I've ever wanted to do.

I'm tired of living my life
just to please other people.

Oh, I don't know, man.

All the actors I knew in college

ended up dead or working
at a Hard Rock Cafe.

Yeah, well, I've already
got an audition lined up.

It's an open call for A
Midsummer Night's Dream.

My life sucks.

You're gonna leave me to play
a wood sprite or some shit,

and I haven't heard from Zara in a week.

Hey, man, she'll come
back. She always does.

I don't know, man. This feels different.

You should have seen her.

She was really upset.

Well, listen, I'm always here to talk.

Thanks, man.

For the next few weeks at least.

After that, I'll be too famous.

Ugh, "too famous".

- Hey.
- Hi.

Nice suit.

You solving crimes in a
small British seaside town?

No, worse.

I have a job interview

with this old crusty
member of Parliament.

- Who?
- Have you ever heard of Andrew Aldridge?

Oh, yeah, isn't he gay?
He can't be that bad.

I looked him up. He's that bad.

Andrew Aldridge is the epitome
of old school white privilege.

He's completely out of touch

with the priorities of real people,

and in general is kind of a jerk.

And congratulating the Honorable Member

Thibault Server on once again
having absolutely nothing

intelligent to say on this subject.

I emailed every political
connection I had,

and he's the only response I got.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Wait, why do you look hot?

I do not look hot.

Oh, my God. Did you contour your face?

You did! Your nose is, like this thin.

Fine.

I'm going to Craig's office later.

He's gonna help me
figure out my money stuff.

Oh, Craig's office,
which he shares with Kash.

I thought you didn't believe in
looking hot to go see your ex.

Okay, Miss Marple, you got me.

I wanna look hot when I see the
man that left me at the altar.

- Is that pathetic?
- No, no, it's necessary.

- Good luck.
- Thank you.

Oh dear, where's Ainsley, Gemma?

Oh, well, I don't know.

I mean, she's never been late before.

Poor thing.

Probably doesn't want to show
her face after what happened.

Do you have any idea why
her fiancé called it off?

Was he cheating because she was boring

or was he cheating
because she was tacky?

He wasn't cheating, she
was too good for him.

Look, why don't we just start?
I'm sure she'll be along.

Ha! We can't very well play two-on-one.

Can we?

Maybe 'Stasi and I should play singles,

just until you find a partner, Gemma.

Shouldn't be a problem,
a woman of her pedigree.

Bye-bye.

It was horrible, Quentin.

God, darling, they're awful.

Why wasn't Ainsley there?

I don't know. Maybe she's injured.

Americans are so cavalier
about crossing the street here,

because we have free healthcare.

Well, she doesn't look injured.

She's in her living
room chatting with Maya.

Is she?

_

I mean, this is very conservative.

- Yeah.
- _

Oh, my God.

_

_

- Like hell I will.
- _

Hmm.

So, if you could have
any other job in the world

except for French
teacher, what would it be?

Um, I guess a French tutor.

Does that count?

No, no, that does not count.

I'm sorry. Okay... 'kay, what about you?

Uh, well, you're gonna
think this is kinda lame,

but I've always kind of
thought of myself as a novelist.

- Really?
- Yeah.

You seem too stable and
well-adjusted to be a novelist.

Hmm, well, actually, I
have, uh, quite a dark past.

Half my grandparents are dead.

- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- No, no, no I'm just kidding.

So, do you fancy yourself as a novelist

or have you written anything?

Yeah, actually, a whole book.

No. What's it about?

It's a quiet epic
spanning six generations.

One New England family
coping with love, loss,

and the decline of the cod industry.

Oh, my God, that sounds brilliant.

Would you ever let anybody read it?

Are you kidding? Yeah!

No, I'll go print you
off a copy right now.

I should probably email it
to you. It's 1,400 pages long.

Wow.

Can't wait.

George, I love working on
the acquisitions team...

And you did a great
job with the Asia-Pacific fund.

I'd say you have a real yen for it.

Thanks, but recently, I've
been reassessing my life,

and I've decided to
pursue acting full time.

Look, mate, I get what this is about.

Huh?

How 'bout a 20% raise?

This isn't about a raise.

Sure, it isn't. 30%.

No, look, this is just
something I have to do.

Oh, you are a real arsehole,

which, I guess, is why I hired you.

35% and that's my final offer.

I'm sorry, George. Consider
this my two weeks notice.

But you're my favorite, Kash.

And you dressed up as Aladdin
for my daughter's birthday.

She still asks about you!

It's so weird that you still
have to share an office with Kash.

I know.

Yeah, I tried to switch, but I guess

no one wants to share with
him, 'cause... he sucks.

So, where is he anyway?

Oh, uh, he doesn't spend
a lot of time in here.

I kind of iced him out.

Anyway, screw that guy.
Let's talk about your money.

Now, without your family's help,

you're gonna have to live solely
off the profits from your store.

Well, that's fine, right?

I mean, I always have a
million people in there.

Most of them are Asian teenagers
Instagramming, but still...

Yeah, the thing is, you have to
make more than you spend, Ains.

I know that, Craig.

Which currently, given
your expenses, you don't.

Come here, take a look.

Orchids, fancy bottled water,

pet daycare for your
two design assistants...

Do you need two design assistants?

You should fire one.

My Tonys? Definitely not.

They are the bedrock of my business
and the wind beneath my wings.

Well, you need to save money somewhere.

Make some trims. Don't
pay for everybody's lunch.

Turn the heat down.
Pick up your own takeout.

You gotta think about what's
essential and cut everything else.

Okay, I'll do it. Gotta
start somewhere, right?

Hey, thank you for having
my back after the wedding.

I know it cost you a friend.

Oh, yeah! Oh.

- Mm, I love you.
- I love you.

Yep, okay.

See you later.

Exactly, yeah.

Well, thank you for your time, sir,

and keep fighting the good fight.

Yeah.

Uh, you might want to
give him a minute or so.

He's still in the afterglow.

I think I'll be fine.

Oh.

You're American. How fun.

Perhaps, a fresh, foreign
perspective is just

what this notoriously
traditional man is looking for.

Maybe.

Next!

Best of luck, love.

Ah, you have excellent references

from your employers in the States.

All of them quite liberal I see.

Well, "If you're not liberal when
you're young, you have no heart."

"And if you're not conservative
when you're old, you have no brain."

Churchill, not bad.

Well, if you think I'm
good at quoting speeches,

you should see how well I write them.

Ah, well, I do like confidence,

and I must say your CV is sterling.

Although, you do gloss over
your exit from your last job.

I gather you were
sleeping with the senator.

I'm sorry, but how do you know that?

Politics is a small world, dear.

In this puritan age,

gossip is one of the few
vices we're still allowed.

Well, it was a complicated situation.

Oh, I don't care.

I'm just trying to discern whether

you're a successful woman who
had an affair with her boss

or a woman who's successful because
she had an affair with her boss.

Okay, I think we're done here.

Oh, is this interview over?

It is.

I don't wanna work for someone like you.

Well, we're in luck,

because I don't wanna
hire someone like you.

Kindly get out of my office.

Of course England is
run by old white men.

England invented old white men.

We never talk about all the good things

old white men have done, do we?

Harvey.

Like, abolished slavery,
gave women the right to vote.

Maybe it's a good thing
you didn't get this job.

- This guy sounds horrible.
- I know.

And how dare he imply that
I slept my way to the top.

- Of course you didn't.
- Not at all.

Being a politician's assistant
hardly qualifies as "the top".

Oh, you should work for Perce Nighthall.

He works out at my club.

I would love to.

Perce Nighthall is,
like, my dream politician.

Yeah, he's passionate, authentic...

Yeah, for sure. There you go.

And he, like, never wears a tie.

No matter what the color of your skin

or your gender or your
socioeconomic background...

Can you introduce me to him?

Oh, no, no, no.

When I go to the club,
I usually just sit

in the steam room until
my newspaper wilts.

Well, maybe you could get me a day pass?

Even if he doesn't have a job
for me, I'd love to meet him.

Sure, swing by tomorrow.
Maybe you'll bump into him.

Oh, my God, thank you.

Ainsley and I would come
with, but we have plans.

Mm, I was gonna text you. I
was wondering if we could...

You promised you'd help me find a dress

for Giles' Parents'
Weekend at Cragscross.

Keep our plans exactly the same.

Good.

Now try the Stilton. It's divine.

Ooh.

"My lord, fair Helen
told me of their stealth.

Of this, their purpose
hither to this wood.

And I, in fury, hither..."

- Hey, Dad.
- Hi.

- What happened to your head?
- Nothing.

I tried to lift a ski bag onto
the scale, and I passed out.

What?

Did you forget to check
your blood sugar again?

I know, it know. It's my fault.

I deserve my bump.

Abu, you have to take
better care of yourself.

I do.

I eat salad. I wear my Fitbit.

Wearing it is not the exercise.

You have to walk too.

How many times are we gonna
have this conversation?

You have a 12-year-old
son. He needs you around.

It's just hard.

I get home after a long day at work,

and the last thing I
want to do is go walking.

I'm sorry. It's not just
Asif who needs you around.

Okay? We both do.

Why?

You don't listen to me anyway.

I saw you with a glass
of something on Facebook.

You drink apple juice at the pub?

I'll make you dinner.

- Can it be fish?
- Sure.

And chips? You already said yes.

Heh.

- You know I love you.
- I love you more.

But I am trying to make
this business more efficient,

so what would you say your
main responsibilities are here?

Um, picking the store playlist.

Keeping track of merchandise.

Inspiring you to take hair risks.

- Restocking the store.
- Interpreting your dreams.

Issuing invoices.

Just like, generally being here

and, like, vibing.

Look, Tony 1, I think you are fabulous.

Oh, my God, I think
you're so fabulous too.

Like, you're the only person
I've ever worked for who, like,

actually believes in me and
doesn't make me feel like I'm shit.

Like my stepdad Rod used to.

Uh...

Tony 1, Tony 2,

after careful consideration,

I have decided that the best
way to cut the budget is...

No more bottled water.

Oh, my God, no. No, no, no.

We should... we should
phase it out gradually

over the course of three months.

Ainsley!

I'm going to go on a hunger strike.

Excuse me, hi. Are you Perce Nighthall?

I am. Do you work here?

Because I brought this
magazine from home,

so I am allowed to fill out the sudoku.

No, um, I'm just a fan.

I loved that speech you gave
defending the National Health Service.

It was awesome.

Wow, I did not realize
British Members of Parliament

were celebrities with young Americans.

I should move to L.A.

Well, no, I used to work in
a Senate office in New York.

Do you know Ted Spencer?

Yeah, of course, he
gave that terrific speech

on wage inequality.

Well, I guess you're a fan of me too.

- I wrote that.
- You're serious?

- Yeah.
- That is incredibly impressive.

- It's a pleasure to meet you.
- Thank you.

I am Maya Jones.

This might be too forward, but
you wouldn't be in the market

for a speech writer, would you?

You know, maybe I would.

Why don't you give my office a call?

Great. Yeah, I will.

- Thank you.
- It's my pleasure.

Oh, hey, Maya.

I stole this.

- Shh.
- Oh, just...

All right, feedback time.

And let me have it.

Did you love my book
or did you love-love it?

Okay, well, let me begin
by saying I am honored

you let me read this.

And just be honest and don't hold back.

Okay, well, my honest assessment

is that it's far too
long, oddly plotted,

and very self-indulgent.

Uh-huh. Yeah, okay.

I can feel a "but" coming.

Well, I just feel

the protagonist
masturbates far too often.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, well, he doesn't... yeah,

it's just he masturbates
a normal amount.

So it's probably just gender bias.

Oh, Duffy, please don't get upset.

I'm in awe you finished a novel,

and there is a 20-page
section at the end,

which is... oh, it's exquisite.

Out of a 1,400-page novel,

you like 20 pages?

You know what, maybe you don't get it

'cause of cultural differences, huh?

'Cause all my American
friends, they love my novel.

- Oh, they do?
- Yeah, yeah, they do.

So maybe you need to go
reread it, or I-I don't know.

Tabby, maybe you should just... go.

Are you ready to begin
alterations, Madam?

No, just a moment. I'm
waiting for my friend.

I trust her eye more than mine.

She's American and unburdened by tact.

Is that Gemma Thorpe-Blood?

It is Gemma Thorpe-Blood.

Oh, how are you,
darling? It's been ages.

Clementine.

Atalanta.

What a wonderful surprise.

I'm just picking up a dress for
Parents' Weekend at Cragscross.

Oh, you look marvelous.
You'll be best in show.

Ciao, darling. Bye.

Must brunch soon, yeah? Bye-bye.

Bye.

So... which Tony did you fire?

- Neither, I chickened out.
- Ugh.

And then I felt so bad
about even considering it

that I bought them both
Ariana Grande tickets.

- Heh.
- Oh, I'm sorry, Ains.

My mother's right.

I should just give up and go home.

No. No, you shouldn't.

You can do this.

I got it.

Oh!

Oh, hey, Gemma...

Oh, my God, dress shopping.

I'm so sorry. I got caught up with work.

And you couldn't call or text or do that

WhatsApp thing you made me
download when we went to Croatia?

You gotta cut me some slack.

I am trying to keep my business alive.

Oh, so that gives you
free rein to act like

a complete and utter arsehole, does it?

I am not an "arsehole".

I'm just not some rich guy's bored wife

who has all the time in the world.

- I see.
- I didn't...

Sorry to have bothered you.

Gemma!

Khan.

Oh, sorry, Kash Khan.

Hi.

Whenever you're ready.

"My love to Hermia, melted as the snow,

seems to me now as..."

Sorry, do you mind if I start again?

Of course.

"My love to Hermia, melted as the snow,

seems to me now, as the
remembrance of an idle gaud,

Which in my childhood I did dote upon.

To her, my lord, was I
betroth'd ere I saw Hermia:

But like in sickness,
did I loathe this food;

But as in health, come
to my natural taste.

Now I do wish it, love it, long for it,

and will for evermore be true to it."

Thanks for coming in.

I could try it again, different way.

We've seen all we need.

Thank you.

Look, darling, an unannounced
guest. Your favorite.

I'm sorry to bother you.

I know now might not be the best time,

but I got an interview
with Perce Nighthall,

and I wanted to say thanks.

Oh! Thank you.

Lovely, lovely bottle of scotch.

It'll be perfect for
very late in the evening.

- Oh.
- And I'm too far gone to know the difference.

Congratulations on the interview.

- Are you okay?
- Yes, I'm fine.

It's nothing.

If you must know, I have no friends.

- No, Ainsley didn't mean...
- Really, and it's not just her.

It's those evil twats
that I socialize with.

They make fun of me, because
my... my father started

a dog food company.

So they have mean little nicknames...

Pedigree, Best in Show.

It really is a wonderful product.

They only use choice cuts
and almost no fecal matter.

I'm sorry, I don't understand.
What's the problem?

Well, they all think I'm beneath them,

because I'm "new money".

We didn't inherit our wealth.

We made it all through hard work.

Why do you hang out with these people?

They sound terrible.

Without Ainsley, they're all I have.

She was my only true friend.

Well, I know she's going
through a lot right now,

but I'm always here if you
ever need someone to talk to.

Well, that's kind, dear, thank you.

But neither of us really want that.

Yeah.

_

Kash!

You were right. Zara's coming back.

I was all worried about nothing.

Oh, that's brilliant.

Hey, I've got a huge problem.

I've been a delusional idiot,

and I've gotta beg George
to give me job back.

Dude, what are you talking about?

- What happened at the audition?
- I was rubbish.

In all my excitement
about becoming an actor,

I never stopped to
ask if I was any good.

And guess what. I'm not.

Listen, I would love nothing more

than for you and I to grow old
together sitting in this office.

But if acting means this much to you,

you owe it to yourself to keep trying.

You already gave George your notice.

Don't waste any more time here.

I don't know.

Do you really think I can do this?

I do.

But I'm wrong about most things.

The right is exploiting
cultural anxieties to steal

working class votes,
so Labour needs to be

the party of economic hope.

Yes, I've always said "the
voter with an eye on his wallet

doesn't care about the accent
of the man across the street."

- Exactly.
- Yeah.

Sorry if this is too American,

but I would be so
excited to work for you.

I'm really impressed by
your policy positions.

Well, thank you very much. You're hired.

You're funny.

Yeah, no. Seriously, I like you.

You're hired.

Oh, wow. Uh, thank you.

Ta-da.

I think we are going to do some
really great things together.

My office will be in touch.

Thank you.

I don't get it. You got the job.

What's the problem now?

I'm afraid he hired me, 'cause he thinks

I might sleep with him.

What? What makes you say that?

I think he knows about Ted.

The other guy I interviewed
with knew, so why wouldn't he?

Maybe you're just being paranoid.

I don't know.

At the end of the interview,

he did this thing with my arm.

You mean he grabbed your arm?

- No.
- Like, did something sexual with your arm?

No, here, let me show you.

Oh, no. Please, no.

I actually hate being used
in demonstrations, so...

Just stand up.

He was like:

I think we're going

to do great things together.

Gah... yeah, that's creepy.

What? That is so nothing.

- Insane.
- You don't know how I felt!

This is why I hate being
used in demonstrations.

Is that what people are gonna think

for the rest of my life
that everything I achieved

was because I was sleeping with my boss?

Babe, that is so crazy.

You know you're good at your job.

- Yeah.
- Do I?

It's hard to know for
sure when all my promotions

came from my boyfriend.

You guys, this is just like
Daisy and Professor Winthrop.

- What?
- Who's Daisy?

Duffy, what the hell
are you talking about?

From my book.

They're characters from my novel,

which you all love.

Oh!

The... your... your... your book,
the characters, and the... the...

Wow, none of you read it.

None of you read my book.

- I started your book.
- I skimmed.

I'm like a... like a quarter in.

Yeah, but none of you finished it!

It was really long.

Craig, you read all the Harry
Potters in three days.

Yeah, but those are, like, interesting.

No, no! Um...

Oh, that's good.

You know what? Oh.

This is actually perfect
fodder for my next novel,

A Man With No Friends.

Duffy, calm down. Duffy!

- Nope.
- Duffy!

Well, this is a disaster.

What?

I have absolutely nothing to wear

to the Parents' Weekend.

I'm sorry, darling, we're
gonna have to go shopping.

But you hate shopping.

No, no, I love it.

Why have a shirt tailor-made
when you can buy one

other people's bodies have touched.

All right. If you want to.

I still haven't found
a dress myself yet.

Brilliant.

Also, I think my nails
could do with some attention.

- Your nails?
- Yeah.

I would love for them

to be more triangular and reflective.

And let me guess, you
also have a yearning

to go to Butt-Sculpting with Kelly?

Yeah.

What a fun girls' day we have in store.

Oh, Quentin.

- Come on, let's get ready.
- Oh, my God.

- You too.
- See you soon.

Hi, Tabby.

Hi, Duffy.

Look, I'm really sorry.

- I was just trying to help.
- Oh, I know that you were.

I'm sorry, do you mind going up a step

so that the height
difference isn't so weird?

Look, I really like you.

I like talking with you
and spending time with you.

And I just hope I didn't
ruin it all by snapping at you

about my stupid book.

It's not stupid.

- I was far too harsh.
- No, you were right.

I mean, there must be some reason

that every publishing house rejected it.

And I know that, you know,
young, white, male authors

aren't really in vogue right now.

- You're losing me.
- Yeah, right, totally.

You know, you said
that there were 20 pages

of my book that you really liked,

and I was hoping that
maybe you would help me

turn them into a short story.

I'd be happy to.

Ooh!

Quiet or you'll get detention!

Oh, my God, thank
you! Yes, thank you so much.

Yes!

Oh.

_

_

My man.

_

Zara.

Zara?

Zara?

"Dearest Craig, I had
thought I could face you,

but now that I'm here, I
realize that I'm a coward.

As I write this, my
eyes are blinded by tears

partially from the colored
contact lenses I'm wearing,

but mostly because I'm leaving you,

and I'm devastated.

I loved you with all my heart

and showed you every part of my soul,

but I realized you will
never be able to do the same.

So now I must try to rebuild my life.

Also, I couldn't find my Prince
George commemorative plate.

If you see it, please send it
to my second best friend, Poppy,

'Cause Midge is in jail
for punching a bus driver.

Sincerely, Zar."

Hey, I'm heading out.

- Do you need anything?
- Uh, no, I think I'm good.

- How was your first day?
- Oh, great.

You Brits take work-life
balance very seriously.

Everyone left for the
pub at, like, 4:59.

Tomorrow, I am gonna need
you to write a press release.

On the new environmental restrictions?

Already did it.

And to think I very nearly
didn't go to the gym that day.

I'm so glad you're here,
Maya. I am one lucky guy.

- What are you doing?
- Uh, what?

You put your hand on my back.

No, no, that... that,
uh, that was not a put.

That was a pat.

"Good job, well done."

That's pretty universal, I think.

I'll see you tomorrow, Maya.

Sorry, but I have to ask.

Did you hire me because you
thought I might sleep with you?

Maya, how dare you ask
me a question like that.

I am a feminist. My sister is a lesbian.

Look, you might be a creep,
or maybe you're just some

nice guy with boundary issues,
but I'm sorry, I can't work here.

'Cause even if I succeed,
part of me will never be sure

it's for the right reasons.

You were the one who
approached me in the gym

wearing a sports bra.

What message did you
think you were sending?

And there it is. Thank you
for confirming I was right.

I-I am not a creep.

- Hi, Mom.
- Good morning, honey.

I find the most adorable
space for your new shop.

And it's right down from
your father's office.

You could drive to work together.

I told you, Mom, I'm not moving home.

You say that now, but we both
know it's just a matter of time.

You are a talented designer.

But Howard women just do not have

a head for business.

Tony?

Tony?

Hi.

So, I'm not allowed to
nap at work and you are.

Well, good to be king,
I guess. Excuse me.

First of all, Tony
2, I'd like to thank you

for coming in on short notice.

I hope it didn't ruin your day off.

No, clearly, I wasn't doing anything.

Here's the thing.

My dad always handled my finances,

and I thought after I married Kash,

he would take care of that stuff

and all the things I
thought I couldn't do.

Oh, my God, girl, same.

Like, my boyfriend Marvin
does all my laundry,

because I can't tell the
washer from the dryer.

They look the same.

I'm sorry, but why are
you telling us all this?

Because I have to let you go, Tony 1.

- What?
- Mm.

- No!
- Yes.

- Why?
- Because you don't do anything.

A great example of that is when
I was choking to death earlier,

and you were outside vaping.

You know, there was a reason
I had to vape at that moment.

Hmm.

And you and you will
never know what that was.

Good-bye, Ainsley.

Can I just be called Tony now?

Definitely not, Tony 2.

Dad, I'm home. Dad?

Dad?

Where are you? I'm hungry.

Dad?

Dad!

"They were stolen onto this wood,

And here am I, and
wode within this wood,

Because I cannot meet my Hermia."

- Hey, dude, what's up?
- It's Dad.

- I don't know what to do.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down,

- He might be dead!
- what happened?

He was on the floor,
and he wouldn't wake up.

- Is he okay?
- I don't know.

They're taking him to
City of London Hospital.

All right, I'll meet you there.

This is all my fault. I
always made him eat bad.

We split a Twix yesterday.

- Come on, bro.
- I messed up, and now he's gonna die.

He's not gonna die.

Is that what they told
you when Mum got sick?

What are we gonna do without him?

Look, stop thinking like that.

- Dad's gonna be okay.
- You don't know that.

Hey, Quentin. What's up?

Oh, "What's up"?

I'll tell you exactly what's up.

- I've just had my nails done.
- Oh.

I've just been on a
five-hour shopping spree.

I've had my arse sculpted to
within an inch of its life by Kelly.

That sounds like an amazing day.

Then why aren't you the one doing it?

Hmm?

You've hurt the feelings of
the best person I've ever known,

and I know Hugh Laurie.

Well, I didn't mean
to hurt her feelings.

It's... I've just...
I've been really busy...

We're all busy.

Well, I'm not, obviously. I'm
incredibly wealthy, but still...

Gemma planned your
bridal shower, didn't she?

She encouraged you when
you opened up your shop.

Yeah. She does so much
for you and for me.

Whenever I pass out in bed,
'cause I've been overserved again,

I always wake up under my blanket,

little bottle of Paracetamol next to me.

I don't deserve that.
I don't deserve her.

And neither do I. You're right.

I will make it up to her.

Oh, you bet my sculpted arse you will.

Now, you listen and you listen good.

This is what's gonna happen.

In 20 minutes, you
are going to come over

and you will bend the knee and
you will beg for her forgiveness.

- Do you understand?
- Yes.

- Do you understand?
- Yes.

- Do you?
- Yes.

She will never know this
conversation took place.

Good day to you.

Oh, good, it's you.

I came to apologize. I
was completely out of line.

And yeah, your questions were sexist,

and your political
positions are archaic...

American contrition is quite rude.

But I do want to work for you.

Why should I hire a boorish American

who finds my positions "archaic"?

Because I know that tomorrow
you're giving a speech

on the Home Education Bill.

And?

And based on previous speeches,

you'll point to the
incompetent, local authorities

the lack of a national curriculum,

and the failures of the
school attendance order.

Perhaps, and what if I do?

You'll be leaving out the
really convincing argument

about kids with special needs,
especially those without an EHC plan.

That one was for free.

But if you want any more
help, you'll have to hire me.

Interesting, but I've
already hired Marcus.

Marcus, get in here.

Yes, sir.

Now, each of you is more
than qualified to do this job,

so I've decided to hire
you both on half salary.

I hope that won't cause any problems.

Not at all.

Yes, sir. Brilliant idea.

That's that Margaret Thatcher spirit.

One of us will rise to the
top and the other will die

choking on the rubbish in the gutter.

Oh, I don't care about your dynamic.

Please leave.

Thank you.

Well, if we're gonna work together,

I hope we can be friends.

Yeah, one small problem.

I can't be friends with my mortal enemy.

Have a bad night.

I am so sorry for what I said, Gemma.

I'm not just a housewife with
endless time on her hands.

I'm on the board of three
different bird-related charities.

I know, and you do so much
for me and for the birds.

I'm sorry. I've... I've been
a shit friend because of work.

And Maya's neediness.

But I promise to always
make time for you.

Perfect. Our court time
tomorrow is 6:00 a.m.

Dress to impress.

Come on, I'll show you my outfit.

Kash Khan.

Kashif Khan.

Kalij.

- Dad.
- Dad, you're alive!

Were you worried about me, Beta?

Hmm?

The doctor says you're gonna recover.

But you have to stop working so hard,

and your diet has to change completely.

If I stop working, who's
going to clothe Asif?

Huh?

I keep telling him to stop growing,

but he won't listen.

You won't have to work
double shifts anymore.

I just got a big raise.

I'm gonna take care of you, both of you.

How much is the raise?

Can I get a Nintendo
Switch with five games?

Get your own raise, man.

- Hello!
- Hi.

Look, I know it's game night,

but I'm not gonna stay long.

I'll play one game of Monopoly
until the end and that is it.

Wow. What... uh, what's this?

Duffy, we were total
dicks about your writing,

and we wanted to make it up to you.

So we're all gonna
read your book together,

even if it takes the rest of our lives.

I-I don't know what to
say. This is so sweet.

- Thank you, guys.
- Craig, you start.

From Once Was Plenty...

"Have you ever looked into the canyon

"and had the canyon stare back at you?

"In his 30 years as a park ranger...

"Ulysses Vance...

"had never felt...

so utterly alone."

Craig, are you crying?

Is my book good?

- No.
- Okay.

I have to tell you something.

Zara and I broke up...

for real.

She's not coming back this time.

Craig, what happened?

I kept something really big from her.

I have a daughter.

Had too much again, darling?

I can't fathom why you're asleep.

Snooker is so gripping.

Quentin, darling...

Quentin, darling?

Am I gonna have to put
you in your pajamas again?

Quentin.

Quentin? Darling?

Quentin!

Quentin! Oh, my God.

Darling? Wake...

Quentin!

Quentin.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Darling?

Oh, my God, oh, no. What do I do?

Where's my phone? Quentin!

Quentin, darling?

Oh, my God!

Go to bed.

- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -