All language subtitles for Love.S03E12.Catalina.720p.NF.WEBRip.x264-MRSK

You watch. You fucking watch.
It'll happen again.

You'll break up with me.
Then you'll change your mind

and you'll come running back.

So, let's just skip that part
and stay together.

I'm sorry. I know that
that was very hurtful,

and I'm never gonna do that
to you ever again.

You don't have to be so sure about it.
That's not what I'm saying.

I'm trying to say that we should...

Randy, I wanna do this
in the kindest way possible

because you are a very special person,
and I wouldn't wanna lose you as a friend.

So we'll still be friends?

Sure.

That's all I needed to hear, Bertie Bear.

And then maybe after some time passes,

we'll realize that
maybe we do belong together.

- I don't think so.
- Oh! Well, fuck off then!

I just don't want things to be weird
when we run into each other.

Oh, well guess what. It will be weird.
It will be weird as fuck!

And I just wanna ask you

if I can please tell people
that this was a mutual breakup.

You can tell people you broke up
with me if you want.

I'll go along with it.

No, it's gotta be mutual.

Okay, it's mutual.

I'm slamming the f... door.

Okay.

Do you think I should hold the broom,
like, sexy, or...

Oh, God, every single photo shoot,
someone's like,

"Ooh, you know what?
Maybe she'll hold a broom."

As if they're the first
to ever think of that.

Remember, you're witches.
Grab the broom and lean back.

- You know what? Hey.
- Yeah?

Can you get some of just her by herself?

- Yeah, no problem.
- Thank you.

Obvious phallic symbol.
It's in the goddamn Wiccan!

- Cruikshank. Hey.
- Hey.

Uh... What were you thinking?

What do you mean?

Putting Arya in your movie.

Oh!

- Look, I'm sorry. I just...
- Mm-hmm.

I thought that was one of those, you know,

don't ask permission,
beg for forgiveness kind of things.

- Well, uh, I got curious...
- Uh-huh.

...so I made Wyatt get a copy
of your script,

so we could read it
and make fun of it.

Mm-hmm. Okay, thanks.

Yeah. So we read it, and, uh, it was good.

I'm not saying it was great.
I'm not, 'cause it wasn't, okay?

But, uh, there was some real talent there.

Well, that's nice to hear.

I mean, it's funny,
'cause when I first came up with the idea,

I was like,
"Ooh, this is one of those ideas."

Stop talking.
You're saying too many words.

- Okay.
- Okay?

So, um, the network has asked me
to create a new show,

so I am developing a pilot now.

It's a political thriller
that takes place on a space colony.

- Very cool, very cool.
- Yeah.

And I'm putting together a staff
of writers now to help me

and when the show gets picked up,
they'll be the staff.

- Huh.
- I think you're right for the job.

- No shit? Really?
- No shit. Yeah.

You know, there's all this sci-fi stuff,

and I'm just gonna, you know,
take a big leap here

and guess you have some familiarity
with that?

Susan, just 'cause I have glasses
and I dress a certain way

doesn't mean I'm into science fiction,

but of course I'm
into science fiction, yes!

So, do you want the job?

Yes, please. Oh, my God.
A thousand times yes, yes, yes.

And you're gonna behave yourself
this time?

- Definitely.
- None of this, like,

throwing laptops around
the fucking writers' room bullshit?

Those laptop throwing days
are behind me.

- Are you sure?
- I promise, yes.

Okay.

Thank you, Susan.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Sorry I hugged you there. Was that wrong?

No, it was appropriate.

Oh, Gus, come on in!

- Hi.
- To what do I owe this pleasure?

I don't know.
I just thought I'd come in and say hello,

see how you were doing.
You maybe, uh, wanna go get some lunch?

It's 10:00 a.m.

Brunch?

- Do a brunch-type thing?
- Yeah, that's so sweet.

I have to finish this.

Oh, sure, yeah. No, don't let me stop you.

Do what you have to do.

Wait! Is this Gus Cruikshank, boy legend?

Is this Stella Emmett,
whose show I love so much,

even though it makes me feel
very weird sometimes?

Well, then I'm doing my job.

Yay! You two meet, finally.

Mickey talks about you so much,
I feel like I already know you.

Aw...

I'm sure it's all good things, yes?

Duh. Stella, how many times have I said,

"Sometimes I just think
Gus' penis is too big"?

Like, every day since I met you.

Well, now you know.
My penis must be fairly big

because, otherwise, that would be
a rude thing to...

Or at least average.

Never mind. I'm gonna shut up.
Just... can I watch?

- Yeah, just stop talking. Yeah.
- Okay.

Oh, my God. Are you serious?

Yeah, we start writing next month.

- Sweetie, congratulations.
- Oh, thank you.

I mean, thank you for everything.

I mean, I couldn't...
I couldn't have done this without you.

Thank you, too. You know?

I never gave a shit about work
before I met you.

You really bring out the best in me.

Yeah, you bring out the best in me, too.

Taught me how to kick ass.

You taught me how to kiss it.

Look at us,
killing it in every aspect of our life.

I feel like the universe is rewarding us
for getting our shit together.

You know, I actually think that's,
like, true.

This might sound weird,

but I feel like in South Dakota,
we cracked the code,

like, the code to our relationship.

Yes, exactly.

The code. I know what you mean.
We know the code exactly, yeah.

As long as we're open with each other
and we're real with each other,

we're gonna be okay.

All we have to do... It's so easy.

We just go like,
"Hey, I feel this way inside.

- I'm gonna tell Mickey."
- Yeah.

You feel something. You tell me.

And we're there for each other,
and we can work through anything.

Yeah. It's so sad how, like, other couples
and other people in relationships,

they feel like they can't, like,

share who they are.

And I just know, like, you're not gonna
think I'm lame.

No.

I don't even know
what we would fight about.

- What would we fight about?
- I would try to think,

I'd go like,
"What couldn't we work through?"

And it's like nothing.
We could work through anything.

I know that's gonna be true in a year.

- Mm-hmm.
- In, like, five years. In 40 years.

Exactly, and I'm like, "If I know
I'm gonna feel this 40 years from now,

why wouldn't I just...
And why wouldn't we just..."

What? Come on, say it.

No, no, no.

- What? Come on.
- I gotta keep my mouth shut about this.

- Say it. Say it.
- You don't wanna hear it.

I know I've already proposed once before
in my life,

but if I was gonna propose to you, I...

I'd want you to know I meant it for real.

Okay? I'd want it to happen right away.

What do you mean right away?
Like, run off and elope?

Maybe.

Gah! Oh, my God!

Aren't you freaking out?

I mean, it's exciting, right?

This is... Wow!

Wait, where is this happening?
How? When? What the fuck?

We're going to Catalina Island
and having a quickie wedding on the beach.

The beach. Beautiful.

You can get a justice of the peace
the same day.

We talked to her
on the way over here.

Yeah. Her name's Terry.
She seems really nice.

- Terry. Perfect.
- Yep.

She's gonna meet us on the beach near
our hotel around six-ish and marry us.

- She's licensed and everything.
- Wow.

Catalina. What a beautiful place.

Have you been there?

Never, but when people talk
about Catalina, I always think,

"That sounds very nice.
And I'd like to go there some day."

Do you wanna come with us?
'Cause we need a witness.

Yeah, Terry was gonna, like,
provide somebody for us, but...

You're way better
than some weirdo stranger.

Bertie, do you wanna be our witness?

That would be incredible.
Me? Be your witness? How humbling.

Is it warm there?
Should I pack my swimmers?

I'm gonna pack 'em anyway.

This is very exciting!

Do you wanna tell anybody else?
You wanna call our parents or...

Is it okay if we don't?

It's just, with my dad,
it'll be this whole big thing

and my mom, uh, she won't be into it.

But I thought you and your mom
got along, right?

Oh, we do. Yeah, she's the best.

I just don't want her to bum me out
with her reasonable thoughts.

Right, right, right, right, right.

You think she's got a point,
or you think this is impulsive? Or...

She'd say I'm being impulsive,

but maybe being impulsive
is just me following my instincts.

I wanna listen to my inner voice
and act fast

before the little damaged voices
talk me out of it.

Hey, Gus, would you maybe
wanna bring a buddy along?

Oh, that could be fun!
Like a maid of honor, best man-type thing.

Yeah, sure, that's good.
I guess I'll ask Randy.

No. Don't. Um...

We broke up.

- Really?
- Whoa!

It was mutual,
or that's what I'm supposed to say.

Aw, that's...

too bad.

It was for the best, obviously.

Uh, I guess, then, um...
I'll ask Chris?

Great. I...

Okay. Uh, well, I should probably give you
a little heads-up on that,

and that is Chris and I are...

Well, something's happening between us.

Really?

Wow.

Okay.

Yeah. I mean, we have a very special
connection, and we always have,

so once Randy and I had split up,
that's when we took the next step.

But nothing happened before that,
or whatever.

Yeah, I'm psyched for you two.
That's awesome. Uh...

What a weird day.

- What a big, weird day this is. Yeah.
- It's so weird. Yeah.

Well, why do we have to stop there?
We just invite everyone.

Send out a mass group text
and see who shows up.

Right. I mean, we're eloping.
We can do whatever the fuck we want.

- That's the whole point.
- Yeah, all right.

Let's just get married the way we want to.

If people come, that's great.
If they don't...

They're dead to us forever.

"Psst! Gus and Mickey eloping."

I'm transcribing this.

- "If you wanna come to Catalina...
- Mm-hmm.

- ...join us."
- Yes.

- "No one's invited."
- Yeah.

"No one's not invited."

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Yes.

Sorry, I'll keep it down.

Oh, no, it's all good.
I'm so happy right now.

Good, good. I'm very happy for you.

And it's nice we get to do some cool shit
before everyone trickles in.

Yeah, I love cool shit.

Wow! What a whirlwind, right?

You must be feeling, like, scared,

or do you feel like
this is a bit fast maybe?

Do you feel like it's a bit fast?

Honestly? Yes.
Yeah, this feels a little fast.

Just a little bit too fast.

Like, if the speed limit was 65,
you'd be going...

- 70.
- Or 80.

85. Hovering around 85, maybe.

I don't know. I'm sorry. I just wanted
to check in to see if you're okay.

No, I appreciate it.
I understand why you'd ask.

I guess I just don't understand
how all this SLAA stuff works.

I mean, yeah, it's not ideal,
but I think since we're both aware...

Look at you and Chris.

You know, if the speed limit is 65,
you're on, like, a rocket ship.

I guess it's like
a chemical attraction thing.

Mmm.

Hey, so, uh, you nervous?

Oh, yeah, I mean, big time.

Yeah?

About this or the wedding?

- No, your wedding.
- Oh, my wedding! No! I feel great.

- Yeah?
- Yeah, so good.

Dude, I'm so fucking psyched for you, man.
You have no idea.

I'm psyched for me, too.

I just got this feeling of excitement
and relief and happiness.

Dude, those're the emotions you want, man.
That's the good shit.

Yeah. Yeah, that's...

Hey, um...

Bertie and I had sex, um,

and it was while
her and Randy were still together.

What?

We're just, you know, in the spirit
of being open and honest, you know,

I just... it's kinda been weighing on me,

and I kinda wanna just, like,
you know, put it out there.

- It's kinda making me feel like shit.
- Oh, yeah, man. Don't worry. I'm...

I'm not gonna judge you or anything.

- Yeah?
- The heart wants what it wants. You know?

And we're just tapping
into all the world's love.

Actually, also, in college,
I had sex with this girl

who I later found out
I was, like, loosely related to. Um...

Like, not first cousin or anything,
but, like, in the ancestry.

- Oh, yeah, whatever. It's cool. Yeah.
- Yeah?

Whoo-hoo!

Whoa!

Okay! Here we go!

So, you don't think it's too fast?

- No, I think it's romantic.
- That's what I think.

You really wanna know if it's right,

my therapist had these three questions

about whether you should get married
or not.

Oh, three questions. What are they?
That's cool. It sounds like a fairy tale.

- Okay, hit me.
- Okay.

Number one:

Do you have fun hanging out with him
when there's nothing else to do?

100%.

We're still finding things that we have
in common. It's great.

Right. There's still quite a bit
of fighting though, right?

Yeah, but I think that's a byproduct of
the passion that we have for each other.

- Yeah, I get that. That makes sense.
- Yep. That's one perspective.

Oh, my God.
This is fucking beautiful.

Yeah. Yeah, it is.

- So, what was the second question?
- Okay.

Number two and this is a big one:

Do you respect each other?

Not just, like, holding the door open,
but deep respect.

Oh, yeah, I mean, I respect him,

and I don't think I would've been
his favorite person two years ago,

but yes. Yeah.

So, that's a yes with an asterisk.

Okay, number three:
You don't have to answer this...

Do you have a good sex life?

Ha! Yeah, it's hard not to
less than a year in, so we'll see.

You never know.
Jeff and I have been married for 12 years.

He still goes down on me. Thank the Lord.

That's awesome.

Yes, that's a very exciting update
on Syd's marriage,

but Mickey, like you said, it's very hard
to tell on the sex thing this early on.

Yeah, but it's unreal,
so I think we're gonna be fine.

There you go. That's it.
That's three yeses.

- Yes.
- Mmm.

Gus, I'm not saying don't do it.

All I'm saying is that being a bachelor
is, like, the pinnacle of existence.

You know, I just...
I think I'm one of those guys

who's programmed to be
in a monogamous relationship.

- I'm not gonna miss my single days.
- If you say so.

I mean, this whole thing is a joke anyway,
right, Gus? It's a joke.

There's no way you guys
are getting married this soon.

No, we are. It's not a joke.

No, no, not like a joke-joke,
but like a prank, like a fuck you,

like a performance art piece
or something.

Hey, Gus, imagine, you're single.

You come home from work,
you take off your socks,

throw 'em on the floor.

You take a crap.
Maybe forget to flush the toilet.

Toast a bagel.
Put a little butter on there.

Freedom's nice.
I get what you're saying, but...

Or maybe spread some cream cheese
on there. Do a bong hit.

Put on a Willie Nelson album.
Why not? It's your life.

You know, that might just be a trade-off
I'm willing to make.

Plus, you guys don't know the alternative.

Are you kidding me? We got five divorces
between the two of us.

Loverboy's got two.
I got the hat trick.

Love is a battlefield.

I really think it's funny, Gus.
Getting everyone on an island like this.

I'm really beginning to see it.

Not a prank, buddy.

Not a prank.

Wow! Mickey, you look...

- I mean, you look beautiful.
- Thank you.

Inside and out.
You know, I like all of your sides, so...

I love all your sides, too.

- Stop looking at me. It's bad luck.
- What?

- Oh, shit. Sorry. I didn't even know.
- Goodbye.

- Are you Terry?
- I am.

- Hi. I recognized you from your website.
- Nice to meet you.

I'm Mickey, the bride.

Nice to meet you.

Feels pretty weird to say that.

- You get used to it.
- Okay, cool.

So, um, I was thinking for the ceremony,
just move right through it.

- Got it.
- And I don't know about God stuff.

I'll have to ask Gus, but I'm thinking no.

- Okay.
- And, um...

I just wanna say,
I think it's really funny,

and I'm not gonna tell anybody.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Neither do I. Shh!

- I'm the guy that gets it.
- Okay.

- Okay, Truman.
- Hmm.

Um, okay, so we wrote our own vows.
We're gonna deliver those.

Okay, great.

I kinda want the vibe to be
Mamma Mia! meets Elvira.

- I'll do my best.
- Okay, cool.

No.

I love no.

Hey, what is it about no
you don't understand?

Right? All of it.

What the fuck, Bertie? Chris?

Were you two hooking up
when me and you were together?

What? No, no, no.

Come on. I'm not dumb, okay?

We break up, and then
immediately afterwards you're cool

with just touching his hand
at a party with all my friends?

You're gonna regret this.

There'll come a time where I do something,
like, really important,

and I'm gonna become super famous
or super rich,

or both,
and you're gonna feel so fucking dumb

when you have to tell people
that you broke up with me.

I really hope that's true, Randy.

It'll be true.

- Hey, what's up, guys?
- Hey.

Hey, everything cool?

Yeah, everything's cool with me.

Always has been. Always will be.

It's you guys who are gonna make today
extremely uncomfortable for everybody.

Uh... Randy, you wanna maybe...
We could take a walk,

you know, talk things over or something?

Yeah, take a walk and miss
my two best friends getting married?

No fucking way, buddy. You know what?

You two are the jerks. I'm not the jerk.
You two are.

Oh, shit.

- Hey, question. I'm working on this toast.
- Mm-hmm.

I wanted to run it by you.
We're gonna have time for a toast, right?

Definitely. Yeah. If you want time
for a toast, we'll make some time.

Dope. I'm gonna tell a story

about how Mickey showed up
at work that time

when we were doing a table read,

and you guys started arguing outside,
and we were all watching it.

I got this video on my phone.

I might even show you guys
while I'm doing the toast.

- It was hilarious, man.
- Yeah, that's a funny story.

I... I think you might wanna
skip that one, though.

- All right, that's cut.
- Okay.

Okay. All right. What about
when you were house-sitting,

and I came over,
and you didn't even know I was there.

I was upstairs,
and you guys started arguing.

You guys were going at it, man.
I heard her throw something at you.

I was like,
"Oh, my God. She's gonna kill Gus."

I was so ready to be a witness
at your murder trial.

Actually, I don't even think
we'll have time for a toast,

now that I think about it.

I'm figuring out the time,
and I'm like,

"We're not gonna have time for a toast.
Let's skip the toast."

- Okay. All right.
- No toast, okay?

Thanks, buddy.

- Toast to no toast.
- Yeah.

Man, that guy has not taken
my advice once. Mickey is batshit.

Yeah, everybody's batshit.

Mickey and Gus and Bertie and Chris.

Jury's out on you, Kevin.

Extra large OJ, please.

Yeah, I feel good.
It's just, you know...

It's sort of a symphony
of different feelings.

- Yeah, it's a big day.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally.

Gus?

One second. Excuse me.
Pardon me. Pardon me.

All right, beautiful people,

it's time to head down to the beach,

'cause we're gonna try and do this
before the sun goes down.

It's wedding time!

Whoo!

Uh, hold on, everyone.

Uh, I just wanna say something first.

No, no, no. Please, no.
Please don't do this now, please.

- Randy, you don't have to... It's okay.
- No.

- Let's just go to do the wedding.
- No, this won't be bad. It will be good.

I just wanna say,
in front of everybody gathered here,

that Bertie was right
in breaking up with me.

- Great.
- Okay, that's nice.

Nice. Thank you, Randy.

You deserve somebody better than me,
and Chris is a lot better than me.

We don't have to dance around it.

He's strong.

He can lift lots of stuff
and doesn't have a beard.

Doesn't live in his car. I mean,
he doesn't even believe in ghosts,

and I'm afraid of ghosts.

I'm not gonna stand
in the way of happiness,

because you deserve
a great guy just like Chris.

Just like Gus deserves
a great girl like Mickey,

and Mickey deserves a great guy like Gus.

Was that it?

That's it. Uh, yeah. Thank you. Thank you.

- That's very sweet, Randy. Thank you.
- Okay.

All right. Ahem.
And on that note,

let's go get married.

Yeah, come on! It's good.
It's all right. Hey.

Mickey and Gus have requested
to share their vows.

Who wants to start?

Ugh, fine. I'll bite the bullet. Okay.

Uh, don't judge, guys.
I wrote these in, like, an hour.

"So, Gus, what's up?

My Gus-Gus.

From the moment you killed some
gross bugs for me in my bedroom,

- I knew you were the one.
- That's my chair!

- We saved these...
- Sorry.

- Ever since, I knew I could trust you...
- We put shirts on this chair!

- to keep me safe, make me feel loved.
- I didn't see them.

- Why would I lie about it?
- And I promise to believe in you...

You mayor of the beach?

- and support you...
- Sit in any chair you want?

I didn't see any shirt.

and always be the person
who's unafraid to love more.

- You steal my shirt?
- I prom..."

Is that what the fuck's going on?

- Babe, chill.
- I've been here three hours.

- Fuck you! We saved these for the sunset.
- Baby.

- Stop!
- Don't touch me!

Get out of the chair! Get out!

Should we just, like, wait a minute or...

- Stop! Quit it!
- Hey!

- God damn it.
- It's okay. It's all right.

- Stop!
- It's actually kinda funny.

We're gonna wait for these assholes
to work it out.

Hey! Cut it out! Come on!

Babe? Baby? Babe?

Something's not right. Call 911.

Medic, please! Somebody help! Baby?

- What's happening?
- I don't know.

- A heart attack or something.
- Okay.

Jesus Christ. He looks half dead.

- Should we take a break or...
- I guess.

Guys, we're gonna take a break.
Like, a ten minute break.

- It'll be fine.
- Yeah.

Called it. I knew it was a joke.
It's a prank.

I don't know. So, what do we do now?
Is that, like, a bad omen?

Definitely not a good vibe for a wedding.

You can say it.

Should we just not do it?

Yes, I was thinking the exact same thing.

I mean, the whole thing felt
just a little... I don't know...

- Rash. It felt fucking rash.
- Yeah.

And we'll just tell them
we're gonna do it another time,

and they will not care
because they all came here to party.

- And they'll get to party. It's fine.
- Yeah.

So, what about us? What do we say we are?

Are we engaged? Or no?

No, I don't think engaged,
but I think we're good.

I think we're, like, really good.

Yes, agreed.

I think this is the healthiest,
most mature thing...

you know, for you.
Definitely for me. For us.

Yes.

That's perfect. You're perfect.

You're perfect.

Hey, what's up, you guys?

- Hey.
- Hey.

Good news.
Remember the guy who, like, hit the deck

and then was foaming from the mouth?

Yeah, he was very memorable.

Yeah, well...
He's gonna be okay, not dead.

- Oh, that is good news.
- Good, good.

Hey, listen, everybody, um...

We just felt like the timing
and the energy was off now, so...

we're not getting married today.

- Aw.
- Boo.

But, hey, not for any bad reasons.

We're still very much in love.

It's just we wanna, you know,
do the responsible thing.

Yeah, and please, we still want
you guys to stick around

and hang out and party,

so let's just call it the
"We're Trying to Grow As People" party.

We are here today... tonight...

to witness the matrimony of Gus Cruikshank
and Mickey Dobbs...