All language subtitles for You, Me and the Apocalypse S01E02 1080p WEB-DL DD+ 5.1 x264-TrollHD_track3_[eng]

.

It's been seven years, Jamie.
Time to let go.

HIGGS: What do you know about
the group calling themselves
Deus Ex Machina?

They're hackers.
And what's your
connection to them?

I don't have one.

No one knows the real identity
of the leader of Deus Ex.

Would you like to
see a photo of him?
Remind you of anyone?

You hacked the NSA?

Yeah.

I know it was Spike.

It should be me
in there, not you.

I'm getting out soon.
I promise.

These ladies
bothering you, hun?

Oh, God!

I am Sister Celine,
here for the interview.

I need someone tenacious,
with a clear head
and thick skin.

You're just another
sad little man who touches
his penis too much!

When can you start?

ARDEN: What sort of person
pretends that his wife's
been missing for seven years?

There she is.

JAMIE: Layla's alive.
Layla!

And it seems
there's another me?

Rhonda! Get in.

LEANNE: I'm coming too.

No!

You're adopted, Jamie.

And I meant to tell you,
there just never
seemed a good time.

JAMIE: And this
is a good time?

JAMIE: See that?

That's the end of life
as we know it.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Yep, it's the end
of the world.

The actual apocalypse.

And where am I?

I'm deep under
the suburbs of suburbia.

Watching it on telly.

NEWSREADER: One minute now,
one minute.

These pictures coming
live to us from Hubble.

JAMIE: I know
what you're thinking.

Cheer up, You're one of
the lucky ones.

My question is, am I?

I mean, have you seen
the freaks I'm stuck with?

Worst reality show ever.

The human race united
as never before.

(MONKEY WHINES)

It's time
to brace ourselves...
(MONKEY SCREAMS)

...to say goodbye.

Thank you all for watching.
I hope we'll meet again.

Come on, it's here somewhere.
I know it is,

I saw it the other day.

Scotty, everyone's waiting.
What the hell
are you looking for?

My homeopathic spray.

Yes, I got it!
I get all tense
and it calms me down.

Scotty. Out, now!
You should try it.

SCOTTY: When you say
"everyone's waiting",
do you mean the...

GAINES: Yeah.
Everyone. Everyone.

Just relax.
You know it inside out.

You practised this
a million times.

RHONDA: Excuse me?

Hello? Could someone
please tell me
what the hell is going on?

Chill, okay? We just had to
make sure we weren't
being followed.

Who the hell are you?

Can you feel it, Rhonda?
The spark?

This must be what
it was like when
Lennon met McCartney.

The two greatest hackers
of our generation,
face to face at last.

Yeah, that's right,
you're looking at
the White Horse himself.

Honoured to meet you,
Boobmuncher 2000.

Yeah. That's my username.

So you did all this
all this for me? Why?

You're the only person
to have hacked the NSA. Ever.

You scaled the walls of
Castle Greyskull itself.

And I wanna know
how you did it.

Uh, yeah. How about
you get me home first?
Then I'll show you.

You drive a hard bargain,
Boobmuncher 2000.
I like that.

Okay. Deal.

This your girlfriend, son?
Punching a little
above your weight, ain'cha?

Why would you...
Now it's dirty!

Don't ever touch my stuff.

Boobmucher 2000?
Like hell that's you.
Shh!

(WHISPERS)
It's gonna be fine.
Just stop agonising them.

I got a bad
feelin' about this.

You ask me, those two
look full-on Jewish.

You off somewhere, mate?

Moscow. The photo
was taken in Moscow.

I'm gonna find out
what the hell's going on.

Twenty four hours ago,
I was doing okay.

I mean, my life was crap
but at least it made sense.

And then, all of a sudden,
"Oh, yeah, your wife's alive,

"only she's with some guy
that looks exactly like you.

"Oh, and also, your mum's not
your mum and you're gonna die.

"Best regards, the universe."
Where is it?

You didn't sleep, did you?
You always get tetchy
when you're tired.

How am I meant to sleep?
How can anyone sleep
at a time like this?

I slept. Like a log.

How? There is a massive rock
headed this way!

I know! Which is why
I'm writing my bucket list.

How'd you spell menage?

What've you done
with my passport?

Look, I confiscated it.
It's for your own good.
You're having a meltdown.

(SHOUTS)
I am not having a meltdown!

Okay, look.
Do you know where

in the very large
city of Moscow,
that photo was taken?

No.

Do you know anybody there
who could help you?
Do you speak Russian?

Do you honestly think
there'll be any flights
going to Moscow today?

You know me, man,
I love an adventure.

But honestly,
is this a good idea?

I've got to do something.
I know. I know.

So let's do something.
But let's start a bit
closer to home, yeah?

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Mum? What's happened?

(SNIFFLES)

I always wanted
a through-kitchen diner.

So I thought,
what the hell.

It looks crap, doesn't it?

I've ruined my kitchen,
the world's coming
to an end,

and you hate me,
don't you?

(CRYING)

I'll put the kettle on.

(SNIFFLING)

Go away.

I did. Twice already.

Remember? I would like
to start to work now.

All right,
since we're gonna be
working together,

I think you should know
I am not a morning person.

Father Jude,
the cardinals would like
to see you immediately.

(LIGHTER CLICKS)
Just when you think
the apocalypse

is as bad as it gets,

that sticks its head
in the door.

CELINE: What should I do?
(SIGHS)

Your desk is buried
under there somewhere.

You might want
to dig it out.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

WOMAN: The looting is out
of control, sir.

Gas shortages already.

Riots in 36 cities!

Law and order
disintegrating!

WOMAN: And what's the Dow
gonna do? I mean,
is there even a Dow still?

Enough!

(CHATTERING STOPS)

Okay.

We're all tired.
But we need to be
better than this.

Hey. You don't know how
to hook this up, do you?

HDMI, ideally? You know,
to get the full hi-def thing.

But I can do
old-school VGA if needs be.

Who the hell is this?

GAINES: Mr President,
this is Scotty McNeil.

From the Special
Situations Group.

That's our apocalypse
planning department.

We have one of those?

We certainly do,
Mr President.

Scotty is our
foremost expert on
Extinction Level Events.

I suggest we all listen
to what he has to say.

You have my
undivided attention.

(LAUGHS AWKWARDLY) Sorry,

that shouldn't be there.
(CHUCKLES)

We're looking at
an impact event
caused by a comet

approximately
eight miles wide.

Now, most of
the earth's population

will perish in a chain of
devastating earthquakes
in the aftermath.

In turn, these quakes
will trigger a series
of tsunamis

which will sweep across
entire continents,

washing away most traces
of civilisation.

And meanwhile,
to compound our problems,
there's also the dust cloud.

Now, this gradually envelops
the planet in a toxic,
unbreathable smog,

blocking out
the sun entirely.

Meaning that all plant life
becomes unsustainable.

As does all animal life.
The only survivors
will be microbial.

But, it could be worse.

How could this be worse?

Well, it could be
happening tomorrow, sir.

We're lucky.
We have 33 days.

And we need to
use them wisely.

I should have told you.

All the adoption books
say to.

And I meant to,
but you were all I had.

I didn't want to share you
with your birth family.

You want to find them,
don't you?

You will always be my mum.

Okay? All my many
flaws and faults,

they're all your doing.

No one can take that
away from you.

So is there anything you know
that can help me?

Anything at all?

(SIGHS)

When you were five,
a woman came to the door.

She said that
she was your mum.

Do you really want to know?

(WHISPERS)
Yeah. Everything.

Well, I won't sugarcoat it.

She was weird.

She knew things about you,
like the box
you were left in.

And the mole on your penis.

Her name was Mary.
She lived in a hippy commune
in the country.

That's the address.

You have no idea how
many times I wanted to burn
that piece of paper.

How long will you be gone?

I don't know.

Come here.

(EXHALES DEEPLY)

You be safe.
And you come home soon.

We haven't got
many days left.

I don't want to be alone
at the end.

I know, Mum. None of us do.

CARDINAL ANDERSON:
His Holiness feels,
in the circumstances,

it would be wise to halt
the canonization process.

I'm being fired?
Not at all.

The Day of Judgement
draws near, Father Jude.

The church has a task
of utmost importance
for you.

A task eminently suited to
a man with your attributes.

You mean my chronic
punctuality and
sunny disposition?

No, Father Jude.
Your relentless cynicism.
Your wearying scepticism.

(SIGHS) Well, what's the gig?

.

CELINE: My goodness.

What an honour!

No, no, no. Not really.

In this business,
this is what's known
as a poop sandwich.

It's a theological term.
Celine, I'm the fall guy,
I'm the patsy.

"Father Jude,
please robustly test these.

"But be a dear
and do it in a manner

"that involves
no robust testing,
in case one of them is,

"you know, actually Jesus.

"And even though
it's way above
your pay grade,

"and the implications
are staggering,

"you're on your own.
So don't screw the pooch."

So you are scared
you will accidentally
anger the Messiah?

No. I'm worried about that.
What I'm scared
of is much worse.

SCOTTY: Sir,
people need hope.

What is Operation Saviour?

Well, we don't know yet.
But you're
announcing it tonight.

(ALL MURMURING)

That's it.
That's all you've got?

What the hell
are we paying you for?

(ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
I...

GAINES: Damn it!

(SIGHS)

You think when
Roosevelt greenlit
the Manhattan Project,

he knew the detail?

You think when Kennedy
promised there'd be a man
on the moon

by the end of the '60s,
he had any idea how?

Now, these were great men.
They announced the intention,
then made it happen.

And that's what
we're gonna do.

We're gonna
tell the world we're gonna
save the world.

And then we work out
how we do it.

How do we start?
We can't do this alone, sir.

So you get on the phone
to anyone that can help.

Our allies. And our enemies.
You ask for
their best people,

we put them in a room
with our best people.
They tell us what they've got.

We tell them what we've got.
And together,
they work it out.

Are you insane?
You want to share all of this
with the Russians?

The Chinese?
The Iranians?

Yeah. Starting tomorrow.

Sir, the people
need hope, today.

I'll start making
the calls.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

Mr President,
we're gonna need some time
with you this afternoon.

Off the record.
Very off the record.

No one else
in this room can know.

Okay.

WHITE HORSE: Morning ladies,
rise and shine!

RHONDA: Uh, listen, I know
you're wanting to stay
off the grid and everything,

but I really need to talk
to my husband and son.

You see, my husband
he's in the hospital,

and I need to make sure
that the doctors are still
showing up for work.

My son, I don't even know
where my son is.

So really,
it's very stressful.

Rhonda, relax, okay?

We have all the time
in the world.

Yeah, but we don't, do we?
We have 33 days,

and I really want to spend
as many of those as possible
with my family. So...

You don't actually believe
this apocalypse stuff,
do you?

(WHISPERS) Hey,
if we're in New Mexico,
and DC is north and east.

How come
the sun is over there?
We ain't headed northeast.

I'm sure
there's a perfectly...

He said we're taking
back roads.

So, maybe we're gonna go
in odd directions?

Yeah, or they're lying
to you.

We don't know jack squat
about these two.

How'd you know they ain't
professional rapists?

I don't think
that's something
you can get paid for.

Me and you'd be
better off on our own.

I can steal us a car,

we drive off into the sunset,
like Thelma and Louise?

Okay, okay, you do know
how that movie ends, right?

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

It's typical.
DAVE: Yep.

One announcement
about the end of the world,

and the entire country
grinds to a halt.

It's chaos. Absolute chaos.

But it's very
British chaos though, eh?

Everyone queuing.
Everyone's still
in that tarmac mindset.

I mean, we want to go
over there, yeah?

So why don't we just
go that way?
Drive through the field.

I don't want to
scratch my car.

What?

No. You're quite right.
We must protect
the paintwork.

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
(SMASHING)

Oh, God,
everyone just needs to relax.

I mean, what difference
does it make?

Get stressed, you die.
Chill out, you still die,
but more enjoyably.

(SIGHS)

Right. So what's the plan?
We find your... Whatever...

Vaginal mother?
Is that the right...

Birth mother.
She's my birth mother.

Right. We find her,
if she's still at
this commune. Then what?

She tells me
if I have a twin.

And if so, which car park
she dumped him in.

Maybe she knows where he is.
And if I can find him,
I find Layla. Hopefully.

You really think
he's got her, like, hostage?

Yeah. I don't know.
Yes. I mean, look.
He's pulling her hair.

I mean, that's pretty
hostage-y, right?

Yeah, or he's kissing her.

No, he isn't. That's not
how you kiss people.

Maybe he's got her thinking
we're still happily married?
I don't know.

I just... I don't don't know
what to think.

The point is,
she's a damsel in distress.

Oh! Yes. Exactly.

So every second counts.

We're in a race
against the clock.

(STARTS ENGINE)

DAVE: Oh!

Oh! That's my boy!
(THUDS)

Embracing the chaos!

LEANNE: I'm serious.
I got a bad feeling.

You trust me?

(WHISPERS)
My God, yes, yes.

Just don't do
anything drastic.

Hey, stop the ambulance,
right now.

I said stop the ambulance.

Oh. So what are we?
Your hostages now, hmm?
Is that it?

Are you kidnapping us?

Hardly. We freed you.
BS.

Are you crazy?

You know what?
That's exactly what I am

and I got the certificates
to prove it.

You stop this ambulance

or I swear to God
I will cut her throat.

I think I'm bleeding.

Stop the ambulance!

(TYRES SCREECHING)

(ALL SHOUTING)

(SCREAMING)

.

WHITE HORSE: Max, you okay?
I'm fine.

Rhonda? You okay
back there?
(STAMMERS) I think so.

I'm stuck.
Get me outta here.

Yeah, congratulations.
You nearly got us
all killed. Happy?

How about you
spare me the lecture

and get this off of me?

(ALL GROANING)

Hey! Hey?

Damn!

We grab anything we can eat
and let's get out of here.

LEANNE: Rhonda.
Get me outta here!
WHITE HORSE: Come on.

We'll be right back.

LEANNE: Get me outta here!

But what about Leanne?
What about her?

She just tried
to kill you. What?

(LEANNE SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
You wanna see
your family again?

'Cause if so,
we need to move
quickly and quietly.

And that means not having
an insane Nazi
drawing attention to us.

Look around. No police.
This is your best chance
of getting home.

'Cause sooner or later,
they're gonna get this
back under control.

We can't just
leave her there to die.

Would the world
be a worse place?

Maybe she had
a tough childhood.

I had a tough childhood.

Okay? My mum is nuts.
Didn't make me a racist.

LEANNE: Get me outta here!

Look, no offence,
but I don't know you, okay?

I don't even know
your real name.

So how do I know
if can I trust you?

WHITE HORSE: Got it.

It's Ariel, okay?
My real name, it's Ariel.

Yeah,
like The Little Mermaid.

Thanks, Mum.
Like I said, she's nuts.

How about we just get an hour
down the road,
I call 911 anonymously,

report an accident,
Leanne gets rescued,

but thrown back in jail,
we go on our way,

and there's one less
crazy racist on the loose?

Deal?

Okay, deal.

Why are you taking
air fresheners?
We don't need air fresheners.

Oh, I don't know.
I don't know.
I never looted before.

I just...
I got a little grabby...
Okay, um, I'll look for food.

JAMIE: Bollocks.

Look, we drive as far as
we can, and then we walk.

Our forefathers managed it.

What are you doing?
Get off.
Uh-uh.

Bucket list.
I've always wanted to
car surf like Teen Wolf.

If this is
the last of the petrol,
I want to make it count.

Get off my car,
right now.

Mate, it's on the list.
Why not?

Because... You'll make us
less aerodynamic.

(LAUGHS)

Just get off, okay?
I'm not in the mood.

Look, I love that
we're getting you out
of your rut.

And I will have your back,
every time.

But this is not
just about you.

You're not the only person
who's got stuff he wants
to do before he dies.

Yeah, right, okay.
But my stuff actually
means something, doesn't it?

The night before
my dad's accident,

he took me
to the video shop.

I chose Teen Wolf.

We cooked hot dogs
and watched the film.

That was the last night
I spent with him.

I didn't know that.

I wanted to be
Michael J. Fox so badly.

(SIGHS)

(DAVE HOWLING)

Please don't fall off,
please don't fall off...

Isn't this great?
Yesterday, you were
a bank manager!

(CONTINUES HOWLING)

Mate, I can't see.

You realise you haven't
even had an egg today?

First time in years, mate!

Seriously, I can't see.

DAVE: Admit it,
you feel alive don't you?

Yes. But please move!

Say, "I don't know
where I'm going."

I don't know where I'm going.

"And it makes me feel alive!"

And it makes me feel...
(SCREAMS)

(GROANS)

Oh, my God.
Mate, you all right?

Yeah, I think so. Yeah.
You sure?

What the hell
are you doing?

What does it look like
we're doing, huh?
What are you doing?

Car surfing.
Always wanted to.

Oh! Bucket list? Snap!
(GIGGLES)

We're having
an erotic odyssey.

Aren't we, dear?

Um...

We need to get past.

So, could you just...

Can't you go around?
There's room.

Looks a bit tight.

Couldn't you...
Young man,
you're being unreasonable.

My husband's got arthritis.

(WHISPERS)
Stop staring. Stop staring.
I mean, I want to.

And we're out of petrol.

Wonderful. Looks like
we're walking.

You realise I can't
get out my door, right?
Yeah.

Sorry,
slight mechanical issue.

Do you mind just
ducking down, so I can...
Thank you.

Ooh, sorry,
mind your bits.

Thanks again.

.

LEANNE: Get me outta here!

It says,
"Touch the red
to the green."

Well, I'm touching
red to green
and it's not working, dude.

SPIKE: Hey,
you got Spike's voicemail.
Uh, hit me on the...

(BEEPS)

Spike, it's Mom.
I can't go into detail
but I'm coming home, okay?

It's complicated.
And I don't know
where you are,

so leave your phone on,
and I'll keep trying to call.

I love you.
I love you so much.

(MOBILE RINGING)

McNeil.
Hey, it's me.

Who's me?
Your sister.

Rhonda? Uh, bad time.

Oh, really?
I hadn't noticed.

Look, I haven't
forgotten about you, okay?

I'm gonna come visit,
I promise.

Oh, yeah,
I'm not in prison any more.

Really? So the appeal worked?
That's great!

No. I kind of escaped.

You what?

Rhonda, you can't
tell me that.
I'm in the White House.

Scotty, shut up...

I'm briefing the president.
But if people found out
that you're a fugitive,

and I knew,
they would throw
the book at me.

Scotty, if you wanna
talk about problems,

I'm pretty sure
mine crap on yours.

Please. I'm your sister.
Please help me.

What do you need?

I need you to go
to the hospital,
check Rajesh.

I need to know he's okay.

They haven't abandoned
the patients.

And I need you to find Spike.
I don't know where he is.

And I think
he might be with Tim.

Tim? That drunk
is still alive?

Apparently. And the court
gave him custody.

I don't even know
where he lives,

I don't even know
if Spike's with him.
I am freaking out.

Scotty, don't go blind!

(WHISPERS) Look,
I gotta go...

No. Don't you dare
hang up on me!

Okay, yeah. So I will, um...
I'll definitely try
and track down

that, uh, information
that you require.

Thank you, Scotty.
Thank you.

You okay?
You look like crap.

Oh, thanks for the pep talk.

Pleasure. You might want
to consider doing up
your fly.

I think you overreact.

Really? Ask yourself,
what kind of person
claims to be a Messiah?

The catechism of
the Catholic Church.

Part One, Section Two.
Chapter Two, Article Seven.

"Before the Second Coming
of Christ, the Church..."

"Must pass through
a final trial that will shake
the faith of many believers.

"The persecution
that accompanies
her pilgrimage on earth

"will unveil the mystery
of iniquity in the form of
a religious deception

"offering men an apparent
solution to their problems

"at the price of apostasy
from the truth.

"The supreme
religious deception
is that of the Antichrist."

You memorised
the catechism?

Ten years in the convent.
I also know all the words
to Miss Saigon.

Exactly! These are not
the skills that we need.

Look, if everything
that we have devoted
our lives to is true,

then, before
Christ can return,

there will be
a false messiah.

An antichrist.
Yes. I know.

So, any one of these
could be Rosemary's
actual baby.

666, raised by jackals,
all of that
'70s horror crap...

I don't know if
I have the chops.

And I don't know if
I can protect you.

Who said I need protecting?

You're not scared?

Of course.
But I am more scared
of not coming

face-to-face
with the antichrist.

If the prophecies
aren't true,
I waste my life, yes?

So I pray
for the beast to come.

And I pray
that we unmask him.

God led me to your door.

I won't let him down.
And I won't let you down.

What if I let you down?

It's okay. I have
very low expectations of you.

I look forward to
a new era of co-operation
between our two countries.

Well, China's in.

Your plan is proving
very popular.

GAINES: Well, that's great,
Mr President.

I'll get straight
to the point.

Operation Saviour,
it's a diversionary tactic
to distract the populace.

You saying it won't work?

Oh, we hope it will.

But our calculations
suggest our chances
are about one in three.

Although, for the sake
of the people,

you have to act
as if it's a sure thing.

Hope, sir.
Hope'll keep 'em in line
till the very last moment.

You want to dupe
the American people?

If need be, yes.
For as long as we need
to implement the fall-back.

The fall-back?

Sir, what we're about to
tell you is beyond top secret.

There is a bunker
in the Blue Ridge Mountains.

It can keep 15 people
and their offspring alive

for up to a century.

Together with a DNA library
of all the major
plant and animal species.

We call it Mount Genesis.

We built an ark?
But for only
15 survivors? Who?

SCOTTY: We would handpick
a group of young women.

Selected for their skills,
intellect and fertility.

No men?
GAINES: We don't
need men, sir.

We'll have a sperm bank.
We just need wombs.

My God, this is monstrous!

No, sir.
It's a rational response to
an extraordinary situation.

But if word ever got out...

We'd be strung up.
So word can't get out.

Not even to the First Lady.

I need to think about this.

Sir, we don't have...
I need to think about it.

Yes, Mr President.

.

Well, this is it.
You okay?

Give me a second.

So caught up with Layla,
I hadn't really thought
this bit through.

I mean, what do you say
to the woman
who gave birth to you,

then left you
in a shoebox?

DAVE: You'll work it out.

Hello?

(RINGS BELL)

Hello?

JAMIE: What're you doing?

You coming or what?

(RATS SQUEAKING)

Hello?

Hello?
Who would live
in a house like this?

No one.
Not for a very long time.

ARIEL: The apocalypse
is bollocks.

You saw that store
back there.
Money's worthless now.

They knew that would happen.
They want it to happen.

The old system falls apart,
then they regain control,
announce a new system.

A new capitalism,
the slate wiped clean,

America back on top.

When are you
gonna call 911?

I said, when are you
gonna call 911?

You really think
there's still a 911?

You lied to me?
But she's gonna die
back there.

A horrible, painful, slow...

Okay. Um, stop the car!
Stop the car! Now!

You lied to me, Ariel!
I did what needed doing.

Deal with it.

My God, she was right
about you guys,
wasn't she?

Rhonda. Stop.
Now, there's two ways
we can do this.

You in the car, like a human.
Or you in the trunk,
like luggage.

Your choice.

Where are you taking me?
Somewhere safe.

And totally off grid.

You're gonna
show us every hack,
every trick in your locker.

Now, I wanted to do this
in a friendly, consensual way.

But you're making it
very hard.

Frankly, I'm disappointed.

We get you out of jail,
but your lack of
gratitude disgusts me.

Manners, Rhonda.
Basic manners.

I didn't ask you
to spring me.
You chose that.

And FYI, I can't help you.

What do you mean?

I don't have
any tricks in my locker.
I don't even have a locker.

Okay? You sprung
the wrong person.
I didn't hack the NSA.

So why'd you
plead guilty, then?

Unless you were
protecting someone?

Someone you love
very much, right?

Not necessarily.

So it's either
the husband or the son.

You leave
my husband alone.

Nice try.
But don't ever play poker.

So, your son's the genius?

What's his name again? Spike?

Spike McNeil.

Bet we find him
before you do.

You leave my son alone.
Or what?

You stay away from him.

You'll call the police?

Max, pull over.

You gonna shoot her?
God, no. I'm not an animal.

You see Rhonda? Manners.

Basic manners.

(STARTS ENGINE)

I mean it!
You stay away from my son!

You okay?

Just got my hopes up.
Should've known.

Back to square one.

Oh, mate, you are so far
from square one.

You know a name,
a previous address.

We'll find Mary.
And we'll find Layla.

Besides, you had
an adventure, dude.

You lived a bit!
You drove through a field.

Broke into a house.
Ruined an erotic odyssey.

Ticked something
off your bucket list.

Yeah.

I didn't mean to be
a dick about that,
by the way.

I didn't know about your dad,
how much it meant to you.

(STAMMERS)
Yeah, actually,
I made that up.

I just really
wanted to car surf.

And when I... Ow!
(DART SWISHES)

(GROANS)

There's something in my arse.

What's that?
That's not good.

It's like what vets use
on horses!

(WHOOSHING)
(GROANS)

(GROANS)

Someone's shooting at us!

We've gotta
get out of here. Now!

(DAVE MUMBLING)

Dave, we've gotta... We've...

.

MAN: Transmission.
In four, three...

My fellow Americans.
Yesterday, I brought you
tragic news.

But today,
I bring you hope.

(READING)

And this evening,
I can announce

an unprecedented
international coalition

to counter the threat
we face.

(CONTINUES ON RADIO) Tonight,
Operation Saviour begins .
Hey.

LEANNE:
Is somebody out there?

PRESIDENT: (OVER RADIO)
This will be
the single biggest

scientific project ever
embarked upon by mankind.
LEANNE: Hey, help me.

Hey, I'm stuck in this van!

It will also see
mankind standing together
as never before...

Get me outta here!

...overcoming our
differences to unite
against a common enemy...

Well, it's about time, Judas.

...best scientists
and engineers,

and they have all
willingly agreed...

I'm real
disappointed in you, hon.
I thought we was a team.

But you stabbed me
in the back.

Yeah. I did.
Ow!

But now
I'm making it right.
So we're done, okay?

What are you talking about?
Where are you going?

Home.

Really?

... is dedicated
to Operation Saviour .

We have the resources,

the technology and
the willpower to succeed.

And I give you my word,
it will work.

It will go down
in history as mankind's
greatest achievement.

Fine. Stay. But don't say
I didn't warn you.

What's he saying?

Apparently, he's gonna
save the world.

Another messiah.
Just what we need.

So there's no need to panic.
Life goes on.

Tomorrow, you will go to work,
and be paid for your labour.

Did you just put
on the aftershave?

There will be
food in our stores,
gas in our gas stations.

Shh.

This will be the single
biggest scientific project
ever embarked upon...

(BRAKES SCREECHING)

I can see your legs, babe.
That sign starts, like,
two feet off the ground.

Get in.

(SIGHS) Lord love a duck!

What, are you gonna
walk all the way to DC
in your prison fatigues?

My shoulder is killing me.
I cannot drive this thing
for one more minute.

I'm injured, you're useless.
We need each other.

Well, that was easy.

Good, good, good.
Yeah. This gonna be fun.

Like Driving Miss Daisy .
Only without all that
civil rights bull...

Shut up!

(STARTS ENGINE)

PRESIDENT: (ON RADIO)
...gas in our gas stations.

We've endured 24 hours
of chaos.

But as of this moment,
the police are back
in control.

All crime
will be punished.
Ow!

If you've looted,
we will find you.

If you've escaped
from prison,
we will hunt you down.

Floor it, babe.
Life continues
as it always has.

I promise
this is not the end.
God bless you.

God bless
the United States of America.
And God bless humanity.

We are all in this together.

MAN: And we're clear.

That was amazing,
Mr President.

Just what
the people needed, sir.

That, uh, thing
we talked about earlier?

Let's do it.

Yes, Mr President.

And, um, like you said,
they're gonna need a leader
in there. Won't they?

Yes, they will, sir.

Jamie?
Jamie, please wake up.

Mate, I think
we're in trouble.

What happened?
Where are we?

I don't know, but it's some
sort of horror film.

I'm sure there's
a perfectly innocent...

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

Oh, hey, Ariel.
Yeah, long time, no see.

Now, um, give me
one good reason

why I shouldn't
rip your balls off.

(SCISSORS SNIPPING)