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Downloaded from
YTS.BZ
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.BZ
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Make some noise for Kenny Sebastian.
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00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:17,280
Oh my God.
5
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:26,840
Thank you so much Mumbai.
Thank you.
6
00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:28,760
Thank you.
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00:00:29,640 --> 00:00:30,440
Really.
8
00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:49,320
How are you guys doing?
9
00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:50,960
Oh shit.
Let's do this.
10
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:51,800
Come on guys.
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00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:53,040
It's the Royal Opera House, guys.
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The Royal Opera House.
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00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:55,680
Yeah, it's a big deal.
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00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:58,040
I know none of you know
the history but it's a big deal.
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00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:00,760
I took bath twice for this.
16
00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:03,960
Is that even possible?
Apparently it is.
17
00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:05,040
Yes.
18
00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:06,760
The Royal Opera House, the great deal
19
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,720
and it's a big occasion
because I've just turned 26.
20
00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:11,280
Yeah.
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00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:13,000
I have.
22
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:15,080
I don't know why
people cheer for that.
23
00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:18,120
Because they're like,
"Hey, he's going to die soon.
24
00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:19,520
Yaay!"
25
00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:21,480
Yea, I am going to die soon.
26
00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:22,640
Yes, it's crazy.
27
00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:23,600
Like 26...
28
00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:26,040
You won't believe it, I was 19 once.
29
00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:29,240
It's nice, like at 26.
30
00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:32,000
You know, it's kind of difficult.
I don't dance as much.
31
00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:32,480
You know.
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00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:34,400
At 19, I used to dance the best.
33
00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:37,200
Because at 19 you don't
care about anyone else.
34
00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:38,400
That's the best way to dance.
35
00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:39,920
Dance like no one's watching
36
00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:41,640
applies for women
who are great at dancing.
37
00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:42,960
Men should stop.
38
00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:45,040
Please.
39
00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:49,640
Because for men, anything
which is not standing is dancing.
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00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:53,640
It's not a good enough bar, okay.
41
00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:55,560
I'm like, "Bro, there is music.
Dance, no."
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00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:56,760
"Bro, I'm dancing."
43
00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:11,600
That's not dancing guys.
44
00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:14,520
It is just so painful to watch.
45
00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:16,680
But at 19 when you go to a club,
it's great.
46
00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:18,000
You're already having fun
47
00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:19,640
because you're already high.
48
00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:21,320
Yeah, right?
49
00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:24,040
Because at 19 when you go out,
one guy will have a great plan,
50
00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:27,320
"Bro, why are we spending
400 bucks on drinks in the club?
51
00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:30,200
When we can drink on the way, bro."
52
00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:33,120
What do you want to drink?
53
00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:35,360
"Whatever gets me high fast."
54
00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:36,400
It's the best.
55
00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:38,120
You are just like neat,
neat, neat, neat.
56
00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:39,960
It's awesome.
57
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:42,120
At 26 you have preferences.
58
00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:46,240
"Can I have a Jack and
Coke but diet Coke, please.
59
00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:47,640
Oh they don't have diet Coke.
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00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:49,640
What kind of a barbaric place is this?
61
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:52,200
I can't have Jack with...
62
00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:56,760
Wine for me."
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00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:00,920
At 19 it's great.
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00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:04,040
And by any chance
if you're still not high
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00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:06,400
you're like, "Bro! Shots!?"
66
00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:09,240
"Sir, what kind of shots?"
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00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:10,480
"Uh, shots!?"
68
00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:13,200
"Sir, how many shots?"
69
00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:14,600
"Uh, shot-shots!?"
70
00:03:14,640 --> 00:03:17,040
"Can you stop shouting, sir?
Can you please stop shouting?"
71
00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:20,040
You don't care and
at 19 there's no like,
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00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:22,120
"Shots? What is this? Petroleum? Yeah!"
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00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:26,640
It's the best.
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00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:28,360
Petroleum shots.
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It's bad for the environment,
good for the dancing.
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00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:32,240
It's awesome.
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00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:33,520
You just dance like the club is yours.
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00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:36,120
You're like, "Whoo!
Yeah, my friends and me.
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00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:36,920
It's our night."
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00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:38,920
At 26 you're like, "Ssh!
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00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:41,080
We are the loudest table here, guys."
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00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:42,680
But at 19 you don't care.
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00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:44,760
At 19 you're there with your friends.
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00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:46,080
It's your night, it's about you.
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00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:47,720
At 19 I never felt cold...
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00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:49,840
because my ego kept me warm.
87
00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:52,720
It's so nice.
88
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:55,560
When you grow older you become
open minded so you lose heat.
89
00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:57,800
"Give me a neck warmer."
90
00:03:58,320 --> 00:03:59,120
I read a book today.
91
00:03:59,160 --> 00:03:59,880
You know so...
92
00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:04,800
At 19, you enter the club like, "Whoo!
93
00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:07,720
Let's make a circle guys!
94
00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:08,640
Yeah!
95
00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:10,280
Let's make a circle.
96
00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:13,720
It's such an awesomely
unique idea, bro!"
97
00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:16,960
Other guy's like, "Bro, how do you
even come up with these awesome ideas?
98
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:18,320
Do you have a book or something?"
99
00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:19,760
"Yeah bro, it's my brain.
100
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:23,680
Okay guys,
let's all together do the leg thing.
101
00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:28,840
The leg thing.
102
00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:31,480
Guys, are we forgetting something?
103
00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:33,080
Bollywood.
104
00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:38,280
Arjun, get it right Arjun."
105
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,200
"I'm not getting the rhythm."
106
00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:44,160
"Arjun, get it right!
We practised this bro."
107
00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:51,720
"Arjun, it's fine.
Now we're going to do a new thing.
108
00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:53,360
Centre solo dance!
109
00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:56,280
Go to the centre. Go to the centre."
110
00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:58,200
"Bro, why are you making
so many rules dude?"
111
00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:01,360
"Have a shot, bro!"
112
00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:03,080
It's awesome.
113
00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:04,600
It's nice.
114
00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:06,080
At 26, you dance though.
115
00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:07,160
I dance once in awhile.
116
00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:10,880
Like, go to the club.
I'm like, "Hey! Nice beats.
117
00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:12,520
I'll go shake a bit."
118
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:17,400
And then I remember I
have to pay rent, then I stop.
119
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:23,400
Deduct it from my soul.
120
00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:25,400
Yeah so!
121
00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:26,920
There are certain advantages though.
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00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:29,600
At 26 you can say
no very confidently...
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00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:32,280
to your friends.
124
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:36,680
Because at 19 you were saying no
to your parents like left and right.
125
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,600
It's very ironic,
at 19 the only two people
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00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:40,920
who give a shit about
you genuinely are your parents.
127
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:42,360
But you hate them!
128
00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:45,760
Because they care about you and shit.
129
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:47,000
It's damn annoying, right.
130
00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:48,320
Why do they care about you so much?
131
00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:50,480
At 19, you used to go for a party,
132
00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:52,960
they'll be like,
"At least eat something..."
133
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:54,760
"Mom, why do you care
about my nutrition so much?
134
00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:55,720
Oh my God.
135
00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:58,720
Shit, mom.
I'm late for my party.
136
00:05:59,120 --> 00:05:59,840
Mom!
137
00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:02,840
Why do we have
so many doors in our house?
138
00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:05,240
I hate you, mom.
139
00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:08,200
Is that Hogwarts?
140
00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:11,720
I'm not a wizard, I want to be a DJ.
141
00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:15,280
You never let me
follow my dream, mom."
142
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:16,360
Yeah!
143
00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:21,720
But there are certain things
that I've gotten over at 26.
144
00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:22,360
Like...
145
00:06:22,680 --> 00:06:23,280
You know, I'm not...
146
00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:24,600
I don't have
stage fright anymore.
147
00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:26,000
It's my job.
148
00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:26,880
So...
149
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:30,040
I can't come on stage and be like,
"No, no! I can't today."
150
00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:32,000
I can't do that.
151
00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:34,160
It'll be a bad show.
152
00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:36,640
But I still feel shy though.
153
00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:38,360
When I'm around really pretty women.
154
00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:39,480
You know...
155
00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:41,560
Yeah, I feel all awkward and shit.
156
00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:45,800
I mean I don't want that
reaction or anything. I don't know.
157
00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:48,640
Don't worry, I'm not feeling shy today.
So it's fine.
158
00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:50,840
Oh!
159
00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:53,840
Did he just say that?
160
00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:57,280
Did he just?
Did a comedian just make a joke?
161
00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:00,120
All the guys are like, "Brutal bro!"
162
00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:03,600
All the women are like,
"Really? Freaking asshole.
163
00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:04,840
Have you even seen me?
164
00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:06,000
Have you even seen me?
165
00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:07,880
What is this shit lighting?
Give me bathroom lights.
166
00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:09,160
I'll show you, you son of a bitch.
167
00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:10,880
How dare you say that?
168
00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:12,640
How dare you say that, Kenny?
169
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:13,520
Wow!
170
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:15,640
We're not pretty enough for him?
171
00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:17,280
You know how much
shit I put on my face?
172
00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:19,440
My mother doesn't
recognise me now, yeah!
173
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:24,040
I put some eye liner, some mascara, I
put eyelashes to the sun roof, bitch.
174
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:26,440
How dare you say that?
175
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:27,800
I'm not pretty enough it seems.
176
00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:29,880
I put like eye shadow from
light to dark, dark to light,
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00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:32,040
four dimensional eye shadow.
You son of a bitch.
178
00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:33,120
I met my grandfather.
179
00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:34,760
He's doing well.
180
00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:38,560
I straightened my hair
and I lost four of my fingers.
181
00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:41,680
But I'll still climb the Himalayas,
you son of a bitch."
182
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:45,440
It's just a joke.
183
00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:48,240
I don't need that.
184
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:49,840
I don't need that.
185
00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:50,720
It's just a joke.
186
00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:53,840
Because women,
they re-invent themselves.
187
00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:57,880
Whenever they go anywhere, it's like
how can I be better for this new venue?
188
00:07:57,920 --> 00:07:58,840
This new place.
189
00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:01,000
You enter a bathroom,
a new person comes out.
190
00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:04,480
I'm like, "Excuse me,
have you seen my friend Tina?
191
00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:05,640
Oh you're Tina. Shit!
192
00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:06,080
Oh!
193
00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:08,440
Okay!"
194
00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:10,800
Awesome.
195
00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:11,640
It's crazy.
196
00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:13,160
Guys when they go inside the bathroom,
197
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:15,160
first question is do I
really need to wash my hands?
198
00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:18,080
Do I?
199
00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:20,120
And second is why am
I even wearing clothes, bro?
200
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:23,400
Because guys as they get older,
they just want to get naked.
201
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:25,600
Look at your dad at home.
202
00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:27,360
Your dad hates wearing clothes.
203
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:28,160
Yeah!
204
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:29,200
He just hates wearing clothes.
205
00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:33,880
When guests come home, your mom is
like, "What impression will we make?"
206
00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:37,600
Your dad is like,
"I have to wear clothes now?
207
00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:39,200
No!"
208
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,640
No!"
209
00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:43,680
It's like you got
a bear from the wild.
210
00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:46,520
And you are teaching him
how to live in civilisation.
211
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,480
It's crazy, I know.
212
00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:57,280
That is the true
evolutionary stage of men.
213
00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:58,600
They dance and they get naked.
214
00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:03,440
So I feel shy around women.
215
00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:06,320
You know there are really
pretty intimidating women, right.
216
00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:08,160
You guys know what I'm talking about.
217
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,320
Oh so, everyone's a player.
218
00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:10,960
Okay.
219
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:12,160
I'm sorry guys.
220
00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:13,960
I'm sorry for looking stupid.
221
00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:16,760
All the guys are like,
"Bro, what you're talking about?
222
00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:19,320
What is this shy shit?
223
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,800
Shy? Bro that's not in my dictionary.
224
00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:25,880
I'm so hot,
when I step out on the road,
225
00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:27,280
a truck full of women
come and I'm like,
226
00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:29,080
No, thanks and I moonwalk home.
Yeah!
227
00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:31,040
That's how cool I am, Kenny.
228
00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:32,440
Shy?
229
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:33,640
I'm not shy.
230
00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:35,560
Yeah?"
231
00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:38,120
That's why I hate asking
for opinions from guys in a group.
232
00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:40,160
Guys are amazing people one on one.
233
00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:41,600
They are amazing people.
234
00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:43,680
Have conversations
with them one on one.
235
00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:45,880
The moment you put them in a group,
they'll be like...
236
00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:47,400
Just.
237
00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:48,840
They are the worst people.
238
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,280
Like women who are dating guys,
you know what I am talking about.
239
00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:54,680
Your boyfriend one on one with you,
is super emotional.
240
00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:57,320
They'll be like, "Baby, I just wanna
say you mean the world to me, baby."
241
00:09:58,520 --> 00:09:59,560
Can you hold my hand
while I talk to you?
242
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:00,560
Can you hold my hand?
243
00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:03,240
I just wanna say the past eight months
have become the best eight months.
244
00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:04,840
Can you do that finger thing?
Can we do that finger thing?
245
00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:06,680
I just wanna say that...
246
00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:07,880
My friends...
247
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:10,840
Like me and Gopal have been
friends for like eight years.
248
00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:13,120
But your eight months
feel like a life time baby.
249
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:15,640
It is not even the physical thing,
it's just the cuddling.
250
00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:16,680
You know you make me...
251
00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:17,600
You make me feel warm.
252
00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:18,520
You know?
253
00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:20,480
Like you know me better
than my parents too, you know.
254
00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:22,560
I can tell you stories that
I can't tell anybody.
255
00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:24,160
Baby, just...
256
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,360
You're my princess, I'm
your prince, I just want to say that.
257
00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:29,120
I just want to say that."
258
00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:32,760
And suddenly, his guy friends come like,
"Bro, this Neha is being so clingy, bro!
259
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:33,720
Shit!
260
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,440
E-M-O, Emo!
261
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:37,160
Let's go and drink bro!
262
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:39,880
Bro there are so many
doors in this house, man.
263
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:42,240
Hogwarts?
264
00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:43,800
Can we party? No!
265
00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:44,920
Shit. No DJ.
266
00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:47,600
It just sucks.
267
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:48,760
Sucks man."
268
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:51,560
That's why I hate asking guys
269
00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:55,120
about any trip they have taken to Goa.
270
00:10:56,840 --> 00:11:00,440
Goa is the number one
bullshit story manufacturer.
271
00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:03,360
No one is going to
give you a truthful story.
272
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:05,360
Yes, can we have a
round of applause for that.
273
00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:07,040
Yes.
274
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:08,160
Yes.
275
00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:12,000
I am not even going
to go to Thailand, okay.
276
00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:13,440
Those stories, Jesus.
277
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:15,040
They should be published as novels.
278
00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:18,160
Guys just bullshit...
279
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:20,000
I'm like, "Hey man!
You went for a trip somewhere right?"
280
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:21,520
He's like, "Yeah, man."
281
00:11:21,560 --> 00:11:22,160
"Where did you go?"
282
00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:23,480
"Goa."
- "Okay, I don't want to know. It's fine."
283
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:25,920
"Hey bro, listen bro!
284
00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:28,520
Bro listen, no.
285
00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:30,000
Let me tell you a story, bro.
286
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:31,840
Something happened, dude."
287
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:35,320
And now you are too interested.
"Okay bro, what happened tell me."
288
00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:36,920
"No, you don't know."
289
00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:37,960
"Okay, tell me."
290
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:39,640
"So I am sitting in the shack.
291
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,360
It's a beach, right.
I'm sitting in the shack, bro.
292
00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:44,920
Looking at the beach, bro.
293
00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:46,520
Having noodles, bro.
294
00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:49,000
Cuz I'm a chill kinda guy, bro.
295
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:51,680
Just eating my noodles.
296
00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:55,040
Having a beer,
cuz I'm a chill kinda guy.
297
00:11:57,200 --> 00:12:00,400
Suddenly Kenny, I see these
two girls in front of my table.
298
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:06,080
They're looking at me, dude.
299
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:12,280
They're looking at me, dude.
300
00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:17,360
They're still looking at me, dude.
301
00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:19,520
Two Russian chicks, bro.
302
00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:20,960
Two Russian..."
303
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:22,640
"Okay wait. Two Russian chicks.
304
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:26,120
You're sitting in a shack,
having noodles.
305
00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:31,080
Which is obviously the
most attractive thing you can do.
306
00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:33,200
And two Russian women
are staring at you?"
307
00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:34,520
"Yeah, bro.
308
00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:35,880
Listen.
309
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:41,280
Anyway, I'm sitting and eating
noodles cuz I'm a chill kinda guy.
310
00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:42,720
Just eating.
311
00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:44,040
Suddenly they get up, bro.
312
00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:47,920
They come towards me and they're like,
313
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:50,160
Excuse me, but you're really cute."
314
00:12:57,840 --> 00:12:58,760
"Of course.
315
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:04,080
Two Russian women get up.
316
00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:07,440
Come to you and say excuse me,
but you're cute."
317
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:08,960
"Yea, bro. Let me tell, no.
318
00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:13,120
She's like hey do
you want to go to a club?
319
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,720
We could dance.
320
00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:16,760
Why should I be rude?
321
00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:20,280
I got up, paid the bill...
322
00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:21,960
Tipped also and then...
323
00:13:22,680 --> 00:13:23,880
We went to a club.
324
00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:25,880
So these three Russian
women are just grinding..."
325
00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:26,960
"Wait, you said two Russian women."
326
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:29,480
"Bro, can you listen to the story bro.
327
00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:33,160
Can you listen to the story, bro?"
328
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:37,080
"Yes. Then what happened?"
329
00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:40,120
"So these five Russian
women are just grinding on me."
330
00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:44,560
"Please continue."
331
00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:48,560
"So these 1400 women are
just like surrounding me..."
332
00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:50,040
I'm like, "Okay! Enough.
333
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:51,600
Enough...
334
00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:53,080
of this bullshit!"
335
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:57,520
So when I say the word shyness,
336
00:13:57,560 --> 00:13:59,360
women think I'm talking
about this emotion.
337
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:05,920
No, no! That's what kids feel.
338
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,160
Guys stop feeling that
emotion after fifth standard
339
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:10,960
when we discovered something amazing.
340
00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:13,640
Yeah!
341
00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:15,880
So, what happens
is after fifth standard,
342
00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:19,040
that shyness,
it evolves into like a new emotion.
343
00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:22,240
It becomes hyper awareness.
344
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:25,200
This amazing term is coined by me.
345
00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:28,080
Basically what happens is when a guy,
346
00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:32,240
an adult male is in a room and an
amazingly stunning woman enters the room.
347
00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:33,000
His brain is like...
348
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,680
*Siren wailing*
349
00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:36,520
But he acts calm, he's like, "What?
350
00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:37,720
It's all cool."
351
00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:41,400
But what he's doing is,
he is scanning the entire room in 3D.
352
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,760
Like the moment she enters, he
knows exactly where she is standing.
353
00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:47,520
And then guys come up with
this hypothetical situation.
354
00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:49,040
They're like, "What if...
355
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:51,840
What if...
356
00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:53,240
She doesn't know me.
357
00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:55,000
She doesn't know how amazing I am.
358
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:56,720
What if...
359
00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:59,200
She bumps into me. What's
the sexiest thing you can do, Kenny?"
360
00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:01,800
She’d be like, "Hey what's the time?"
361
00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:02,680
"The time?
362
00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:05,040
The time is 10:10 pm baby."
363
00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:21,320
Okay let's try that again.
364
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,360
She bumps into you,
sexiest thing you can do.
365
00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:26,640
"Excuse me."
- "Excuse you."
366
00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:37,520
This happens 4000 times in one second.
367
00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:39,960
So recently I had to do a photoshoot.
368
00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:41,280
Okay.
369
00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:43,080
I'm like great, I like photoshoots.
370
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:44,000
But then the director's like,
371
00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:45,920
"Hey, a supermodel is going to be
shooting with you."
372
00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:49,120
I'm like, "No! No!"
373
00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:51,160
What? Why would he do that?
374
00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:55,040
Because then I have to
be the best version of myself.
375
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:57,840
Which is fake because
human instinct is,
376
00:15:57,880 --> 00:15:59,520
the moment you meet someone
better than you, you're like,
377
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:00,720
"Let me not be myself.
378
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:04,440
I always put my hand
in my life pocket.
379
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:06,800
This is my hand, yes this is..."
380
00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:09,920
You become hyper aware,
you take a bath twice.
381
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:10,920
You comb your hair.
382
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:13,840
When you laugh, nervously
spit comes out and you apologise.
383
00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:16,360
"Oh shit! No, no!
384
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:17,880
That's not my spit.
385
00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:22,600
Usually my laughs are very dry."
386
00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:26,240
You just...
387
00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:27,800
I don't know what
happens to your body.
388
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:28,640
You just...
389
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:30,080
The body just freezes up.
390
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:32,320
So she was going to
come for the photoshoot.
391
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:36,080
So I'm waiting in the photo studio.
392
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,960
And there are four light guys with me.
393
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:39,640
I'm like,
"Come on, you can do this Kenny.
394
00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:40,480
You can do this."
395
00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:42,440
And then suddenly
I hear her footsteps.
396
00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:43,800
She reaches the door.
397
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:45,320
As she reaches the door...
398
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:47,600
the door melted.
399
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:51,320
Because the door was like,
"I don't want to be an obstacle."
400
00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:53,360
It just fell.
401
00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:54,680
It couldn't take it.
402
00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:55,800
"I'll be a floor now."
403
00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:57,440
It just fell.
404
00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:01,480
And as she entered, the light
guys who were with me for 45 minutes,
405
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,320
who didn't give a
shit about my presence.
406
00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:05,720
The moment she walks in, they turned
all the lights toward her like...
407
00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:17,440
It's a small light.
408
00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:18,680
It's a small light.
409
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:20,320
She is shining bright.
410
00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:21,680
She is super bright.
411
00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:23,080
As she is walking towards...
412
00:17:23,120 --> 00:17:26,680
there was a guy next to the door who
had asthma and he was like, coughing.
413
00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:28,880
The moment she passed him,
he was cured and he was doing asanas
414
00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:29,800
*Ancient Breathing exercises*
415
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:30,880
I'm like, what?
416
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:40,880
As she is walking closer, there was a guy
with leprosy who was struggling to walk.
417
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,440
She bumps into him and he gets
cured and he starts doing squats.
418
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:45,520
He won bronze for the Indian Olympics.
419
00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:48,840
What is happening?
420
00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:50,760
She is walking towards me.
421
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:51,960
This symbol of perfection.
422
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:55,240
Guys, by this time
my brain has fused twice.
423
00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:59,640
My brain can't handle
such stunningness.
424
00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:00,520
If that's even a word.
425
00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:02,520
So I'm just standing there like...
426
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:15,720
♫ Oh you of Distant Land ♫
427
00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:21,920
♫ Oh you of Distant Land ♫
428
00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:26,840
♫ Oh you of Distant Land ♫
429
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,320
Then she walks towards
me because she is so sweet.
430
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:34,800
She's like, "Oh hi.
You must be Kenny. Nice to meet you."
431
00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:37,200
And I'm like,
"The time is 10:10 pm baby!"
432
00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:47,760
I'm very tensed.
433
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:51,720
So then there was this one part of
the photoshoot, which really happened.
434
00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:53,640
So the camera was there.
435
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,280
She is standing here,
facing the camera.
436
00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:57,760
I'm standing behind her,
facing the camera.
437
00:18:58,000 --> 00:18:58,720
It's a simple shot.
438
00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:00,360
I'm like great,
I don't need to look at her.
439
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:01,400
That's great.
440
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,080
Director's like, "One, two, three..."
441
00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:05,560
Click.
Then I heard another sound.
442
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:06,400
*fart noise*
443
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:22,720
Then the first wave hit me.
444
00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:32,840
My brain refused to
believe that she did this.
445
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,080
I was like, "No!
446
00:19:35,360 --> 00:19:36,600
No!
447
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:41,160
It can't be.
It must be the window.
448
00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:44,360
There must be a
mass rat burial outside."
449
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,000
I said the first wave.
450
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,640
The second wave hit
me and this was not kind.
451
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:56,200
It was silent but powerful.
452
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:00,480
Like the great Tsunami.
453
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:02,760
Just hit me.
454
00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:04,160
My soul came out.
455
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:12,000
It's some Doctor Strange shit.
456
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:18,160
Guys, my eyes started watering.
457
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:23,800
What shocked me was the
nonchalantness of this lady.
458
00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:27,000
Because even I had farted
like five times by then.
459
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:28,440
But I am intelligent about it.
460
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:30,080
I'm like, "Hey! What's that window?"
461
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:30,920
*fart noise*
462
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:31,880
"Ah okay, cool.
463
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:32,320
Sweet.
464
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:33,560
Hey can I have the juice?
465
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:34,160
Sure."
466
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:34,520
*fart noise*
467
00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:35,400
"Oh cool."
468
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:36,520
That's how you do it.
469
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:40,480
Yeah, that's how I was taught
470
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:42,280
by the great elders.
471
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:45,280
But this woman was just like...
472
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:45,920
*fart noise*
473
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:47,600
Civilisations destroyed.
474
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:51,120
I was like, respect bro.
475
00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:55,240
After she did that,
I was like, "Hey you are like me only.
476
00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:58,160
Come let's chill. Let's chill."
477
00:20:58,880 --> 00:20:59,680
That's great.
478
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:01,560
So guys, my dating advice is that
479
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:03,560
every time you're on
a date and you get intimidated
480
00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:05,000
just feed her beans.
481
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:10,160
And you'll fart,
I mean live happily ever after.
482
00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:13,400
But like as I said, I am 26.
I don't know if you guys know that.
483
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:14,760
It's not like I keep bringing it up.
484
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:15,960
And it's nice.
485
00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:17,640
I have my own apartment now.
486
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:19,240
It's a nice apartment in Bandra.
487
00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:21,680
And I share the apartment
with two other comedians.
488
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:23,840
So the sarcasm level is so high.
489
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:27,200
That when you enter
you get dehydrated.
490
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:28,920
It's just...
so dry.
491
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:29,960
So dry.
492
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:31,640
It gets very tough.
493
00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:33,640
And the house is damn dirty.
494
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,120
But it is okay now.
495
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:38,840
It was a mess before but
now we have an angel in our lives.
496
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:40,680
Who makes everything better.
497
00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:42,560
I'm obviously talking about the maid.
498
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:44,280
By the way the correct term is...
499
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:46,720
Not maid, it's sister.
500
00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:47,720
[man from audience] Housekeeping.
501
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:49,720
Housekeeping? It's not a hotel.
502
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:52,040
"Hello! Housekeeping?"
503
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:52,960
"Hey, shut your face."
504
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:53,720
Oh sorry.
505
00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:56,600
Housekeeping?
506
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:00,800
You stay in like South
Bombay or something.
507
00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:03,440
What the hell is happening?
508
00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:06,160
Are you the President's daughter?
509
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:12,600
So, didi comes home at 9:55 am.
510
00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:14,800
This time was not decided by us.
511
00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:15,920
It was decided by her.
512
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:20,200
Because like fools we
decided to challenge her.
513
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:22,920
I'm like,
"You know didi, 9:55 is too early.
514
00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:23,600
Can you come at 10?"
515
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:25,000
"I have two little children
in my house for crying out loud."
516
00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:26,160
"Oh, I am so sorry.
517
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:27,360
We'll come to your house.
518
00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:28,000
Forget it.
519
00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:29,000
It's cool.
520
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:31,040
We are moving, guys."
521
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:36,800
So my maid comes at 9:55 am.
522
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:40,120
And there is a correct way of
opening the door when the maid comes.
523
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:42,680
It's less than one
second of eye contact.
524
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:45,640
It's basically like this.
525
00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:46,800
*Doorbell rings*
526
00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:51,800
That's it.
527
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:53,480
Got to keep it casual.
528
00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:56,120
If you do anything
less than one second,
529
00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:58,720
it looks like you are pissed off
with her for no reason.
530
00:22:58,760 --> 00:22:59,520
*Doorbell rings*
531
00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:02,400
Don't do that.
532
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:04,120
That's rude.
533
00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:06,800
But if you do anything more than
one second, things get a little weird.
534
00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:07,960
*Doorbell rings*
535
00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:36,560
Don't do that.
536
00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:39,560
Don't be that guy, don't be creepy.
537
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:42,960
So she comes home.
538
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:44,360
Certain times she doesn't come home.
539
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:46,240
Because she has a reason.
540
00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:48,040
But usually it's a very emotional reason.
541
00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:50,880
She'll be like, "I am not
coming to work for two days!"
542
00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:56,440
Okay.
543
00:23:58,120 --> 00:23:58,880
Why?
544
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:01,240
And it's usually death related.
545
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:04,920
Because they come from
such a hard background, right.
546
00:24:05,360 --> 00:24:07,680
Like all their reasons
are like death related.
547
00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:10,560
For us the worst reason
not to go to work is...
548
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:13,480
"Stomach is paining.
549
00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:16,400
I put food in my mouth.
550
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:19,000
It's coming out now.
551
00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:25,000
It's warm."
552
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:26,760
That's the worst reason.
553
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:29,960
We're like, "Why aren't
you coming to work for two days?"
554
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:31,280
"Someone straight
up died in my house."
555
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:40,800
"Who died in your house?"
556
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,760
"Don't know, some guy came over at
night and didn't wake up in the morning."
557
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:46,840
Okay.
558
00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:52,360
Why are people coming
into your house and dying?
559
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:54,640
"I AM NOT COMING TO WORK."
560
00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:56,200
It's fine.
Take three days off, it's fine.
561
00:24:56,720 --> 00:25:00,360
And we're cool with it because
we can't make out the emotional BS.
562
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:02,000
But our female friends can.
563
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:03,440
Because women have high EQ.
564
00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:06,040
They can sense the emotional BS.
565
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:08,000
Bullshit.
566
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:12,880
When our female friends
come home and they get pissed.
567
00:25:13,360 --> 00:25:14,560
They'll come home and be like,
568
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:16,880
"Kenny, where is the maid?
569
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:20,160
Where is the maid?"
570
00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:22,640
"Oh, she took three days off."
571
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:25,000
"Oh yeah. Why may I ask?"
572
00:25:27,120 --> 00:25:29,960
"Oh, actually someone
passed away in her house."
573
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:32,040
"Oh, last week also two people died.
574
00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:34,800
Diwali festival also
ten people will die or what?"
575
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:36,160
I'm like, "Woah! Calm down."
576
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:38,240
The worst culprit of this is my mom.
577
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:41,440
My mom is the sweetest, warmest,
578
00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:43,560
cuddliest panda there is.
579
00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:45,160
Super warm and caring.
580
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:46,440
She is actually a panda.
581
00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:48,200
We stole her from China.
582
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:49,400
So please don't tell anybody.
583
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:52,040
She's endangered so
they might take her away.
584
00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:53,720
I'm half panda by the way.
585
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:56,560
Yeah, I find it very difficult
to get up in the morning.
586
00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:59,560
So my mom is super sweet and caring.
587
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:01,120
Except when the maid comes.
588
00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:05,080
When the maid comes home,
my mom turns into a gangster.
589
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:07,240
From the ghetto.
590
00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:09,600
She is like the Godfather's Godmother.
591
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:12,600
No seriously, it gets very like...
592
00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:15,280
We'll be at home chilling,
my mom is being very sweet
593
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:17,560
and suddenly the maid
comes home and the bell rings.
594
00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:18,680
*Doorbell rings*
595
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:22,360
And she turns into a gangster, guys.
596
00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:24,440
She goes to the middle
of the room and she's like...
597
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:36,720
My maid comes and she's full scared.
598
00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:37,360
She's like, "Oh no!"
599
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:42,200
And my maid's also a gangster.
600
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:44,080
She's also damn badass.
601
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:46,760
Like if you put a gun in front of her,
she'll be like, "Get out of here."
602
00:26:58,800 --> 00:26:59,920
We have tried.
603
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:02,360
But she is scared of my mom.
604
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:04,480
My maid, like she doesn't
even want much from my mom.
605
00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:05,880
She doesn't even want the salary.
606
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:08,200
All she wants is eye contact.
607
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:11,560
Because if you get eye
contact from my mom as a maid,
608
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:13,680
that's the highest form of honour.
609
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:15,560
It's like knighthood.
610
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:19,520
So my maid, poor thing, she
does the whole mopping of the house.
611
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:22,720
She's goes to my mom like,
"Aunty, so I did the floor.
612
00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:23,760
It's all clean.
613
00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:24,880
It's all clean."
614
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:26,080
And my mom is like...
615
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:30,760
*beatboxes*
616
00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:34,160
"Who's going to do the dishes, bitch?"
617
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:35,760
*beatboxes*
618
00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:37,960
And my maid's like,
"Shit, I forgot the the dishes."
619
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:39,920
She runs to the kitchen,
she does the dishes.
620
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:42,520
She takes two metals,
combines them and makes a new alloy.
621
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:45,840
Just to impress my mom.
622
00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:47,040
She makes a new dish.
623
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:49,040
She cleans the window because
the windows are genuinely dirty.
624
00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:51,480
And then she goes,
cleans the neighbour's house.
625
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:54,840
Then she starts an NGO for maids...
626
00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:56,920
named after my mother.
627
00:27:56,960 --> 00:27:58,440
The Mrs. Sebastian foundation.
628
00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:03,080
And she goes back to my mom and like,
"Okay. Did the dishes, did the window.
629
00:28:03,120 --> 00:28:04,200
Did the neighbour's house, NGO.
630
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:06,200
Also, we solved string theory.
631
00:28:08,120 --> 00:28:10,160
Because we forgot that
the light behaves like a wave
632
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:12,440
and entropy we didn't even calculate."
633
00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:14,080
Then mom's like...
634
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:19,320
*beatboxes*
635
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:21,920
"Who's going to make rotis, bitch?"
636
00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:23,920
And I'm behind her,
like a Hype-Man...
637
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:26,040
"Go mama, it's your birthday.
638
00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:28,280
We're gonna party
like it's your birthday."
639
00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:29,320
*beatboxes*
640
00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:30,680
It's crazy.
641
00:28:31,120 --> 00:28:32,600
It's crazy in my house.
642
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:37,360
Because I didn't know
my mom could beatbox.
643
00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:39,560
I didn't.
644
00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:40,800
She's amazing at it.
645
00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:42,240
So I am encouraging her talents.
646
00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:43,560
I'm pushing her to college fests.
647
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:47,480
Yeah, so you if see sick-beat-panda,
that's my mom.
648
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:50,680
*beatboxes*
649
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:51,560
Kenny is my son,
650
00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:52,560
he is lame,
651
00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:54,360
I'm a sick panda
I'm changing the game.
652
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:55,160
It's crazy.
653
00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:56,400
Yeah.
654
00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:57,800
My mom just came up with that.
655
00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:00,960
Feel like she shouldn't
call me lame though.
656
00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:02,160
It's awesome.
657
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:03,680
But it gets very tense.
658
00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:04,920
It gets very tense in my house.
659
00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:06,680
When the holy trifacta happens.
660
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:09,360
Which is me, the maid and my mom.
661
00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:11,280
It gets very tense.
662
00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:13,000
It's like a mission impossible film.
663
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:15,040
Where only the mission matters.
664
00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:17,240
Which is cleaning the goddamn house.
665
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:19,160
Everyone is just in the way man,
666
00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:21,400
the sofa, the house,
the walls, oxygen.
667
00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:24,640
She is just focused.
668
00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:28,800
And then it's crazy like we're
at home and I'm chilling at home.
669
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:30,600
I am chilling at home.
670
00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:32,160
My mom catches me.
671
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:34,120
"Kenny, what are you doing?"
672
00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:40,120
"Mom, I live here?"
673
00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:43,640
"What are you doing in this room?"
674
00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:48,840
"Existing?"
675
00:29:50,560 --> 00:29:51,680
"Don't act smart with me, Kenneth.
676
00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:54,320
Where is the maid?"
677
00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:56,080
"She is in the top floor."
678
00:29:57,400 --> 00:29:58,920
"So why are you not with her?"
679
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:11,200
"I don't know, I just want
to be single for a while. So..."
680
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:16,080
"Why are you not
with her in the room?"
681
00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:19,440
"Why would I be with her in the room?"
682
00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:21,360
"What if she steals the TV?"
683
00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:30,960
"She's been with us for 28 years, mom.
684
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:33,120
Why would she steal the TV?"
685
00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:35,200
"I've heard stories though.
Go watch her clean."
686
00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:37,480
Now I have to do this weird thing
687
00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:41,600
where I enter the room
to evaluate my maid's work.
688
00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:44,600
I have no purpose of being there.
689
00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:46,320
So I am just walking like that.
690
00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:47,800
My maid's like cleaning.
691
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:31,120
"Get out of here."
692
00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:39,680
Seema gets very aggressive,
I mean didi gets very aggressive.
693
00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:42,960
Recently, I don't know if
you guys know this, I turned 26.
694
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:43,920
I don't know if I brought it up.
695
00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:46,560
And I've grown guys.
696
00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:47,200
I've grown.
697
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:48,800
I am a former nice guy.
698
00:31:50,480 --> 00:31:51,360
Yeah.
699
00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:53,160
I'm sorry, I hate to say this.
700
00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:55,080
I used to be a nice guy
701
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:57,920
but then I just realised,
no point because
702
00:31:57,960 --> 00:31:59,600
for some reason people told me that,
703
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:03,520
"Hey! Respect people
if you want to be respected."
704
00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:04,960
Some shit like that.
705
00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:07,000
Some mumbo-jumbo guys.
Don't do that.
706
00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:08,560
Just think about yourself.
707
00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:11,360
The 19 year old thing is the best.
708
00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:13,880
Niceness is not rewarded at all.
709
00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:15,360
Niceness is not rewarded.
710
00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:16,480
I'll give you an example.
711
00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:19,320
When I go to a store, I'm like,
"Sir, this sim card is not working.
712
00:32:19,360 --> 00:32:21,480
And he's like, "Oh!
I just noticed you're a nice person.
713
00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:22,720
Let me ignore you
for the next one hour."
714
00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:26,520
Suddenly an asshole walks in,
"WHAT SHITTY PHONE!"
715
00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:27,440
"Sir, please stand here.
716
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:29,440
Please stand in the front of the line.
717
00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:30,920
Yeah.
718
00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:33,960
Let me give you the
attention you don't deserve."
719
00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:37,000
Niceness is not rewarded.
720
00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:40,440
In college, who was the
professor you respected the most?
721
00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:41,840
The strict one or the nice one?
722
00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:44,080
The strict one because
they take your case, man.
723
00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:45,720
The nice teacher will be like,
724
00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:49,400
"Okay students,
when you learn, I learn."
725
00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:52,000
And you're like,
"This guy is weak, bro.
726
00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:53,600
He's soft.
727
00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:57,000
Okay, Monday we'll mass bunk.
Let's watch him cry.
728
00:32:58,280 --> 00:32:59,440
It'll be awesome."
729
00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:01,520
Niceness is not rewarded.
730
00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:03,080
I have a proposal.
731
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:04,520
I have a proposal.
732
00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:07,680
We need to take the
last remaining nice guys
733
00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:10,440
and we have to put them
somewhere to protect them.
734
00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:12,440
We have to protect them because
nice people can't protect themselves.
735
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:14,760
If nice people protect themselves,
they become rude.
736
00:33:15,040 --> 00:33:16,440
If they are rude ,
they are not nice anymore.
737
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:18,120
Shit, I figured this out.
738
00:33:19,360 --> 00:33:20,560
So what do we do?
739
00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:22,080
We have to build a dam.
740
00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:25,320
Build a nice dam,
put all of them inside.
741
00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:26,920
Call it damn nice.
742
00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:30,840
Just put all of them inside that.
743
00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:35,800
Let's protect them and only release
them when it's really important.
744
00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:38,000
Don't worry, like no one will get out.
745
00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:40,240
Because they'll be like,
"How can we leave without saying bye?"
746
00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:40,880
So no one will leave.
747
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:44,440
Everyone will stay inside,
protected forever.
748
00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:46,360
And we can all be outside and be mean,
"Hey dickhead!"
749
00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:47,160
Just do all that.
750
00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:48,800
It won't affect them.
751
00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:49,800
They'll be protected.
752
00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:56,800
It breaks my heart because
recently I met the nicest guy ever.
753
00:33:57,240 --> 00:33:58,760
He was my Uber driver.
754
00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:00,560
Nicest Uber driver on the planet.
755
00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:03,000
I knew he was nice because
this is how he answered the phone.
756
00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:03,920
"Hello!"
757
00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:08,080
Like his voice was so nice.
758
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:11,160
That the sound waves that
came out of his mouth apologised
759
00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:12,760
to air for using it as a medium.
760
00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:15,240
Yeah.
761
00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:19,760
His sound waves were like,
"Sorry!
762
00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:23,040
Am I taking up air molecules?
763
00:34:23,320 --> 00:34:25,600
I just have to propagate, I'm sorry.
764
00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:27,840
Cosmic rays?
Bye, okay.
765
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:29,840
Gamma say hi.
Okay.
766
00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:31,480
If I'm troubling you,
767
00:34:31,520 --> 00:34:33,760
I'll just reflect off
the wall and go into the universe.
768
00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:34,920
It's fine.
I won't come back.
769
00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:35,960
Bye!"
770
00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:37,880
That's how nice he was.
771
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:39,160
I'm like, "Sir, where are you?"
772
00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:40,320
He's like...
773
00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:46,400
"You know what?
I'll come to where you are."
774
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:48,040
So I went to where he was.
775
00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:50,600
I sat inside his car,
he starts doing this.
776
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:52,120
He looks at me and he's like.
777
00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:54,720
He starts pulling his chair forward.
778
00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:05,680
"Customer satisfaction is number one."
779
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:09,400
If it was up to him, he would've sat
on the windshield and driven like this.
780
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:13,280
He's too nice.
781
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:14,720
Broke my heart.
782
00:35:15,240 --> 00:35:16,720
We're driving and it's
a fifteen minute journey.
783
00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:17,520
Okay.
784
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:19,000
And here's the thing.
785
00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:21,280
Nice people can't ignore phone calls.
786
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:22,040
Okay.
787
00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:24,680
They can't ignore
your phone ringing also.
788
00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:26,960
So I am sitting in the cab.
789
00:35:27,240 --> 00:35:28,760
And I'm like let me start
a conversation with this guy.
790
00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:29,960
I'm like, "Hey! What's your name?"
791
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:31,480
"Sir! Gopal, sir."
792
00:35:32,240 --> 00:35:33,920
Because he thought
if he looks at the mirror,
793
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:36,240
the mirror will reflect
to my eyes and it might burn me.
794
00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:38,440
So he looks down.
795
00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:39,840
"Yes sir. My name is Gopal."
796
00:35:40,240 --> 00:35:41,840
I'm like,
"So, how did you get into this?"
797
00:35:42,080 --> 00:35:44,440
"It's my sister's wedding.
So I had to make some money
798
00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:46,480
and nicely it went.
My sister's wedding."
799
00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:47,080
I'm like, "So nice."
800
00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:48,160
And my phone starts ringing.
801
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:49,000
*Phone ringing*
802
00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:50,000
And Gopal is like...
803
00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:53,640
*Phone ringing*
804
00:35:54,480 --> 00:35:55,760
"Gopal, you were telling
me about your sister."
805
00:35:55,800 --> 00:35:56,960
"No sir, your phone's ringing."
806
00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:57,720
*Phone ringing*
807
00:35:58,640 --> 00:35:59,960
"Gopal, it's fine. Just talk to me."
808
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:00,600
*Phone ringing*
809
00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:01,880
"What if it's important, sir?"
810
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:04,680
"Gopal, we are talking.
That's important."
811
00:36:04,720 --> 00:36:05,480
*Phone ringing*
812
00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:07,480
"There are only three rings left.
I counted."
813
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:11,800
"It's okay, Gopal."
814
00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:13,120
"What if someone's dying, sir?"
815
00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:15,840
*Phone ringing*
816
00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:22,560
I'm like, "Gopal. If someone was dying
and the last person they call is me.
817
00:36:24,240 --> 00:36:25,360
They deserve to die."
818
00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:30,800
What is so important that
as they are dying they're like,
819
00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:33,760
"Bro! Can you just tell me
that middle class restaurant joke..."
820
00:36:41,480 --> 00:36:43,120
It's a self referential joke.
821
00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:48,840
As he was driving, his phone rings.
822
00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:53,280
Because Uber has this new thing
where right before you end your trip,
823
00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:54,640
the next customer can call you
824
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:57,360
because there isn't enough
pressure in life already, right.
825
00:36:58,520 --> 00:36:59,840
So as he is driving, his phone rings.
826
00:36:59,880 --> 00:37:01,480
Nice people can't ignore phone calls.
827
00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:04,760
He immediately picks up the phone and
an auto-rickshaw hits us from the back.
828
00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:07,000
It hits us from the back.
829
00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:10,800
And Uber doesn't cover that cost.
It's his money, he has to cover it.
830
00:37:11,120 --> 00:37:16,000
And this is how this man reacts
to an auto hitting his life savings.
831
00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:22,920
I'm like at least get angry, bro.
832
00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:24,680
You deserve that emotion.
833
00:37:25,280 --> 00:37:26,240
Then he turns to me and he's like,
834
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:29,000
"Sir, an auto hit us sir.
So I have to go out."
835
00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:30,720
I'm like,
"Thank you for keeping me in loop...
836
00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:32,440
of a situation I am already part of.
837
00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:34,680
So sweet you are.
838
00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:36,480
I know, go out."
839
00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:39,040
"Sir, if you don't mind
I'll go outside and handle it."
840
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:43,160
"You will handle it?
841
00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:45,320
You will handle it?
842
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:47,200
You nice person."
843
00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:50,640
Nice people can't get
into traffic arguments.
844
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:53,320
You can't because when you
could get into traffic arguments,
845
00:37:53,360 --> 00:37:55,080
you have to channel
your inner demon like...
846
00:37:57,400 --> 00:38:00,960
Like the minimum decibel level
to take part in the traffic argu-
847
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:01,840
"HEY MOTHERF-"
848
00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:04,960
That's the minimum decibel I know.
849
00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:09,160
That's how you say hi.
850
00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:10,760
Is just like...
851
00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:12,480
good evening.
852
00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:16,760
So this guy was going to handle this.
853
00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:21,280
He opens the door, he gets out.
I'm not kidding, this is true.
854
00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:23,520
The moment he steps out,
it starts raining.
855
00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:26,640
Because the universe is like,
856
00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:29,280
"Hmm! How can I make
this more depressing?
857
00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:30,920
What filter should I put?
858
00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:34,640
Sepia? No.
Sepia is too cliché.
859
00:38:35,240 --> 00:38:37,520
Hmm, rain and despair?
Perfect.
860
00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:40,000
Crop."
861
00:38:40,040 --> 00:38:43,480
So, he enters...
862
00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:46,160
It's raining,
he is arguing with the auto driver
863
00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:46,920
and I don't know what's happening?
864
00:38:46,960 --> 00:38:51,160
I'm sitting inside and then he enters
the car, he is completely drenched.
865
00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:53,120
And he's like, "Sir, okay!
We can go now."
866
00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:55,120
I'm like, I don't know what he did.
867
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:56,920
Maybe he sold his house.
868
00:38:58,120 --> 00:39:00,360
As a sign of apology
for just existing.
869
00:39:01,760 --> 00:39:04,160
Then we were driving
and he is drenched, right.
870
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:05,200
So he starts shivering.
871
00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:10,600
He turns to me and he's like.
872
00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:16,080
"Sir, if you don't mind,
can I switch off the AC?"
873
00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:25,480
My tears had tears.
874
00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:37,440
It's so sad.
875
00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:41,000
I got off the car, I opened his door.
876
00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:43,080
Picked him up and put him in my arms.
877
00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:47,120
Put him on his bed.
878
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:48,480
Put his bedsheet.
879
00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:49,920
And I built a dam around him.
880
00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:52,560
First customer, guys.
First customer.
881
00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:54,480
Thank you.
882
00:39:54,520 --> 00:39:55,720
Can I play some music for you guys?
883
00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:02,400
Can you guys keep clapping till
I get the guitar on stage?
884
00:40:30,840 --> 00:40:31,840
Hey guys.
885
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:35,240
I have a guitar.
886
00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:38,360
And I have to talk in this sexy voice.
887
00:40:40,040 --> 00:40:40,840
I can't be like,
888
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:44,240
"Hello, today I will sing song
for everybody, for the faculty members
889
00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:46,600
and the judges."
890
00:40:48,720 --> 00:40:50,000
You got to be like, "Hey!
891
00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:51,600
It's going to be alright.
892
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:53,480
Because I have a guitar."
893
00:40:55,280 --> 00:40:57,040
You could just sing anything,
it doesn't matter.
894
00:40:57,440 --> 00:41:00,440
♫ I have a guitar ♫
895
00:41:03,720 --> 00:41:05,840
♫ It's right next to me ♫
896
00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:09,400
♫ Right next to me ♫
897
00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:13,520
♫ I have a guitar ♫
898
00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:16,320
♫ That's how it works ♫
899
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:19,560
♫ Because technically, ♫
900
00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:22,920
♫ without it it's air-guitar ♫
901
00:41:24,040 --> 00:41:25,880
I don't even need words,
I could just use vowels.
902
00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:28,000
'O' is a great vowel for guitar songs.
903
00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:30,760
♫ Oooooo! ♫
904
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:33,840
♫ Oooooo! ♫
905
00:41:34,920 --> 00:41:36,160
♫ O! ♫
906
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:37,400
♫ O! ♫
907
00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:38,640
♫ A-I-O-U! ♫
908
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:46,600
♫ But I love you. ♫
909
00:41:47,840 --> 00:41:49,840
No I don't.
That's the lyrics.
910
00:41:50,920 --> 00:41:51,960
Please don't.
911
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:55,000
I'm sorry, it's fine because the guitar
does that to you, you believe...
912
00:41:56,480 --> 00:41:57,640
You believe.
913
00:41:58,000 --> 00:41:59,680
How many of you guys
can play the guitar?
914
00:41:59,720 --> 00:42:01,440
How many of you guys
can play the guitar?
915
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:04,040
Yeah?
916
00:42:04,080 --> 00:42:05,520
How many guys can't play the guitar?
Give me a cheer.
917
00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:09,280
You guys are going
to be super impressed.
918
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:13,400
You'll be like, "How is he
touching and sound is coming? How?"
919
00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:14,400
It's magic.
920
00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:17,320
It's magic.
921
00:42:18,760 --> 00:42:21,840
I have a request for the few people
who play guitar, just one request.
922
00:42:21,880 --> 00:42:23,160
Can you guys be sad?
923
00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:25,880
It's a layered instrument.
924
00:42:25,920 --> 00:42:27,400
Please, have you
seen happy guitarists?
925
00:42:27,440 --> 00:42:28,600
You know how annoying they are?
926
00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:29,800
Have you seen them?
927
00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:34,520
Please don't do that.
It's damn annoying.
928
00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:37,440
Super annoying.
929
00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:38,880
Why are you so happy?
930
00:42:41,120 --> 00:42:42,720
Everyone is giving you
attention already, right?
931
00:42:43,120 --> 00:42:44,920
The only reason you should
be happy is when you are playing tabla
932
00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:46,520
because your life is screwed anyway.
933
00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:47,720
"Tagda doom.
934
00:42:48,760 --> 00:42:50,080
I'm never going to get laid.
935
00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:51,360
Diga doom doom.
936
00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:53,920
Eight years I took to learn this shit.
937
00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:55,080
Diga doom.
938
00:42:55,120 --> 00:42:57,280
Come do a musical face off,
no one will touch me anyway.
939
00:42:57,720 --> 00:42:59,000
Diga doom doom doom."
940
00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:00,680
It is so sad.
941
00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:03,520
They make them play
on the floor, dude.
942
00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:06,840
At least bro, give us something.
943
00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:08,600
"Yeah here is one bed sheet, chill."
944
00:43:09,680 --> 00:43:10,360
One cushion?
945
00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:12,080
"Yeah yeah. One cushion for the tabla,
not for you."
946
00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:16,800
You have a guitar, it's just like...
947
00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:17,840
It's awesome.
948
00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:20,160
The next thing I'm going to do,
949
00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:22,960
I'm going to make an
indie love song for you guys.
950
00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:24,880
Because that's the ultimate.
951
00:43:25,560 --> 00:43:26,920
No one can escape that.
952
00:43:27,160 --> 00:43:29,200
Men, women, small puppies.
953
00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:31,720
Oh, they die literally.
954
00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:33,920
Sing a love song to a puppy,
they will explode.
955
00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:36,360
Two things which are incredible, meet.
956
00:43:36,760 --> 00:43:37,760
I'll stop now.
957
00:43:37,800 --> 00:43:39,200
So basically,
958
00:43:40,240 --> 00:43:42,600
an indie love song is in right now.
959
00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:45,520
Indie is independent music, anything
that is not mainstream is indie.
960
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:46,880
Yeah?
961
00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:48,360
Independent, mainstream?
962
00:43:48,400 --> 00:43:50,240
It's damn convenient for independent
musicians, they're like...
963
00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:51,920
They hit a drum and they're like,
"It's art.
964
00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:54,960
Oh, you don't like it?
That means you like mainstream?
965
00:43:56,080 --> 00:43:57,520
That means you're
a horrible person, bro."
966
00:43:57,880 --> 00:43:58,680
It's damn convenient.
967
00:43:58,720 --> 00:43:59,600
It's damn convenient.
968
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:02,080
So I am going to make an indie
love song but you need two things.
969
00:44:02,120 --> 00:44:03,840
You need to be poetically negative
970
00:44:04,520 --> 00:44:05,840
and you have to be abstract.
971
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:11,160
Poetically negative is when
you just make happy things sad.
972
00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:12,840
"Hey Kenny, you want to go for lunch?"
973
00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:14,480
"You know there is emptiness, right?"
974
00:44:16,240 --> 00:44:18,080
"Bro, I just asked for lunch, bro."
975
00:44:18,920 --> 00:44:21,880
"Hey Kenny, look at this puppy.
It's so cute, no? It's happy."
976
00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:23,960
"Does it know that life
will come to an eventual end?"
977
00:44:26,240 --> 00:44:27,720
"It's just a puppy, dude."
978
00:44:28,920 --> 00:44:30,360
That's how you become negatively...
979
00:44:30,640 --> 00:44:31,760
poetically negative.
980
00:44:32,040 --> 00:44:32,720
It's a tough word.
981
00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:34,520
Next you have to be abstract.
982
00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:37,840
How to be abstract, you just talk
about stuff that no one has any idea.
983
00:44:37,880 --> 00:44:40,080
I am listening but I have no idea
what he is talking about.
984
00:44:40,360 --> 00:44:41,040
But it's great.
985
00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:43,120
Even the musician has no
idea what he is talking about.
986
00:44:43,360 --> 00:44:45,840
So I am going to make a love song,
can't be conventional.
987
00:44:45,880 --> 00:44:47,840
It can't be about a boy or a girl.
988
00:44:48,640 --> 00:44:49,640
It's going to be about...
989
00:44:52,280 --> 00:44:53,360
This water bottle.
990
00:44:55,040 --> 00:44:56,480
Did you even notice this water bottle?
991
00:44:57,440 --> 00:44:58,360
Don't lie.
992
00:44:58,400 --> 00:44:59,920
You were looking at me, you selfish.
993
00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:03,040
This is serving me, hydrating me.
994
00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:05,400
Did anyone say thank you to it?
No.
995
00:45:06,400 --> 00:45:08,200
Your friends ask for water,
you put it in their mouth.
996
00:45:08,720 --> 00:45:10,560
Seven other people ask,
seven mouths it goes into.
997
00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:11,600
Did you ask for consent?
998
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:13,720
Did you ask for consent?
No.
999
00:45:14,720 --> 00:45:15,800
No one gives a shit.
1000
00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:17,040
It serves you.
1001
00:45:17,080 --> 00:45:19,760
After you're done with it, after it
provides you with life nourishing water...
1002
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:21,520
What do you do?
You throw it on the ground.
1003
00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:23,160
And kids come and
they're crushing it like,
1004
00:45:23,200 --> 00:45:24,120
"Yaay!
1005
00:45:24,360 --> 00:45:26,160
I love the crushing sound."
1006
00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:28,080
It's the sound of it dying, bro!
1007
00:45:29,400 --> 00:45:30,480
I am sorry, I get very emotional.
1008
00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:33,560
This song is for the water bottle,
the ultimate nice guy.
1009
00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:34,920
[Audience member] Woah!
1010
00:45:34,960 --> 00:45:36,960
Yeah, it's all connected man.
1011
00:45:38,160 --> 00:45:39,520
The universe.
1012
00:45:39,960 --> 00:45:42,280
You, plants,
spinal cord, have you seen that shit?
1013
00:45:42,320 --> 00:45:42,840
It's crazy.
1014
00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:46,800
So this love song
is for the water bottle.
1015
00:45:47,160 --> 00:45:50,360
So can we all clap like
we're in a concert, yeah?
1016
00:45:50,400 --> 00:45:51,520
Let's do this.
1017
00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:53,160
But let's be sad also.
1018
00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:04,600
♫ I am sitting on a train ♫
1019
00:46:06,160 --> 00:46:07,400
Because trains are sad.
1020
00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:10,600
They are because they take
a long time to reach anywhere.
1021
00:46:10,960 --> 00:46:12,600
You can carry anything,
they don't care.
1022
00:46:12,640 --> 00:46:13,520
"Sir, it's a nuclear bomb."
1023
00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:14,880
"Can you please hurry up?
There is a line behind."
1024
00:46:16,120 --> 00:46:16,760
Sorry.
1025
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:18,240
In a plane, "Sir, it's a power bank."
1026
00:46:18,280 --> 00:46:19,360
"He is a terrorist, arrest him."
1027
00:46:22,680 --> 00:46:26,000
Trains are like, "Sir, your nuclear
warhead is hitting my leg from that time.
1028
00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:28,920
Can you move it?
Who uses uranium nowadays."
1029
00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:31,600
♫ I am sitting on a train ♫
1030
00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:36,560
♫ While I am sitting on a train ♫
1031
00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:39,440
♫ I look out the window ♫
1032
00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:40,520
Windows are also sad.
1033
00:46:41,640 --> 00:46:43,440
Nothing good happens
when you sit next to a window.
1034
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:45,040
The love of your life leaves you.
1035
00:46:46,080 --> 00:46:47,520
Your parents come back home early.
1036
00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:51,080
"Seema, get out. My parents are here."
1037
00:46:51,360 --> 00:46:52,240
Not my maid.
1038
00:46:52,560 --> 00:46:54,240
♫ I'm sitting on a train ♫
1039
00:46:57,480 --> 00:46:59,400
♫ I am sitting on a train ♫
1040
00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:02,320
♫ I look out the window ♫
1041
00:47:02,760 --> 00:47:04,560
♫ The trees look sad... ♫
1042
00:47:04,920 --> 00:47:05,800
Global warming.
1043
00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:09,240
♫ The clouds are albino ♫
1044
00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:17,000
♫ Don't you know how I long for you ♫
1045
00:47:17,640 --> 00:47:22,160
♫ The humidity is easily 32 ♫
1046
00:47:23,920 --> 00:47:28,080
♫ Bottle, water bottle ♫
1047
00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:33,280
♫ Bottle, water bottle ♫
1048
00:47:33,840 --> 00:47:38,120
♫ H2O in a plastic bottle ♫
1049
00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:40,440
♫ There is happiness ♫
1050
00:47:41,200 --> 00:47:42,600
♫ There is sorrow ♫
1051
00:47:44,120 --> 00:47:45,640
♫ I look at you ♫
1052
00:47:46,040 --> 00:47:48,720
♫ You look at me with elation ♫
1053
00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:50,680
♫ I think you're crying ♫
1054
00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:55,080
♫ Or maybe it's just condensation ♫
1055
00:47:55,720 --> 00:47:59,720
♫ Bottle, water bottle ♫
1056
00:48:00,480 --> 00:48:03,800
♫ Bottle, water bottle ♫
1057
00:48:03,840 --> 00:48:05,080
Want to make it more indie?
1058
00:48:05,840 --> 00:48:06,240
Yeah?
1059
00:48:06,280 --> 00:48:09,440
Guys, let's put an alaap in this shit.
1060
00:48:10,320 --> 00:48:12,400
Yeah, you gotta put an alaap, bro.
1061
00:48:12,800 --> 00:48:14,080
Because most independent
bands don't sound Indian.
1062
00:48:14,120 --> 00:48:15,160
"Hey, it's an American band."
1063
00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:15,920
"No, it's Indian."
1064
00:48:16,520 --> 00:48:17,880
So you got to put an alaap in this.
1065
00:48:18,200 --> 00:48:19,360
There is reservation here also.
1066
00:48:20,480 --> 00:48:21,320
Just put an alaap.
1067
00:48:21,360 --> 00:48:22,640
Just ask your watchman to do it.
1068
00:48:22,680 --> 00:48:27,360
♫ Aaaaaa ♫
1069
00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:30,640
♫ Aaaaaa ♫
1070
00:48:33,560 --> 00:48:36,840
♫ Night... ♫
1071
00:48:38,360 --> 00:48:41,800
♫ Morning... ♫
1072
00:48:44,080 --> 00:48:46,920
♫ Evening... ♫
1073
00:48:50,240 --> 00:48:54,400
♫ Early Afternoon... ♫
1074
00:48:55,160 --> 00:48:57,120
Do you want to make it more indie?
1075
00:48:58,720 --> 00:49:00,800
I need audience participation
up in this shit.
1076
00:49:02,680 --> 00:49:05,040
You guys are an awesome audience,
even you guys.
1077
00:49:05,800 --> 00:49:06,680
Everybody.
1078
00:49:06,720 --> 00:49:08,920
I need you guys because indie
musicians, they don't have money,
1079
00:49:08,960 --> 00:49:09,920
they have audience.
1080
00:49:10,840 --> 00:49:11,760
So in every...
1081
00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:13,880
In every...
1082
00:49:14,440 --> 00:49:15,320
In every...
1083
00:49:15,720 --> 00:49:17,880
This is a joke, I like them.
1084
00:49:17,920 --> 00:49:18,640
They're sweet.
1085
00:49:19,440 --> 00:49:21,280
You need audience participation.
1086
00:49:21,320 --> 00:49:24,040
Every music concert,
there will be this one part
1087
00:49:24,080 --> 00:49:24,960
where the band is going to be like,
1088
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:27,520
"Okay guys, for this next song,
we need the audience.
1089
00:49:28,200 --> 00:49:30,600
Come on, let's participate. Come on.
1090
00:49:30,640 --> 00:49:32,240
I'll give you a patronising countdown.
1091
00:49:32,280 --> 00:49:34,480
One, two, three and random syllables.
1092
00:49:34,520 --> 00:49:37,360
O-O-O-O! We don't trust you."
1093
00:49:40,760 --> 00:49:43,040
No,
I will try to do something better.
1094
00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:45,160
I'll give you a word,
I'll give you 'hey'.
1095
00:49:46,360 --> 00:49:47,680
It's a big responsibility, I know.
1096
00:49:48,760 --> 00:49:50,680
I will say one, two,
three but I am not patronising you.
1097
00:49:51,640 --> 00:49:53,960
Sometimes the audience
is little too confident.
1098
00:49:54,840 --> 00:49:55,720
I'm like, one, two, three...
1099
00:49:55,760 --> 00:49:57,640
"Hey bro, we got it.
1100
00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:02,000
We're chill kinda crowd, bro.
Chill kinda crowd."
1101
00:50:03,320 --> 00:50:04,280
I know you guys can do it.
1102
00:50:04,320 --> 00:50:06,200
We'll do it together,
you have to say 'hey'.
1103
00:50:06,240 --> 00:50:07,240
At the count of three.
1104
00:50:07,280 --> 00:50:09,080
One, two, three.
1105
00:50:09,120 --> 00:50:10,040
Hey!
1106
00:50:11,560 --> 00:50:12,680
Hey!
1107
00:50:14,120 --> 00:50:15,040
Hey!
1108
00:50:16,760 --> 00:50:17,600
[Audience] Hey!
1109
00:50:19,280 --> 00:50:20,200
[Audience] Hey!
1110
00:50:21,720 --> 00:50:22,680
[Audience] Hey!
1111
00:50:24,400 --> 00:50:25,520
[Audience] Hey!
1112
00:50:27,480 --> 00:50:28,280
You guys are good.
1113
00:50:28,920 --> 00:50:30,160
You guys are good, yeah.
1114
00:50:30,520 --> 00:50:31,880
Guys, do you want to make it more indie?
1115
00:50:33,920 --> 00:50:35,120
I don't think you can handle it.
1116
00:50:36,440 --> 00:50:37,880
It's the ultimate hipster level.
1117
00:50:38,640 --> 00:50:39,520
There's no coming back.
1118
00:50:40,760 --> 00:50:43,720
This part is where you
take a famous speech from history
1119
00:50:44,080 --> 00:50:45,600
and you put a radio filter on it.
1120
00:50:46,120 --> 00:50:48,120
Because radio filters
make everything awesome.
1121
00:50:48,680 --> 00:50:51,520
The speech from history
has nothing to do with the song.
1122
00:50:51,800 --> 00:50:52,760
It's just cool.
1123
00:50:53,120 --> 00:50:55,120
Take a famous speech,
but you guys have to still say 'hey'.
1124
00:50:55,760 --> 00:50:57,480
I'll do the speech, you guys do 'hey'.
1125
00:50:57,520 --> 00:50:58,640
Can we do this together?
1126
00:50:59,120 --> 00:51:01,000
As one family, that never meets.
Yeah?
1127
00:51:01,760 --> 00:51:04,160
Okay, one, two, three.
1128
00:51:04,200 --> 00:51:05,080
Hey!
1129
00:51:06,720 --> 00:51:07,480
[Audience] Hey!
1130
00:51:09,080 --> 00:51:10,080
[Audience] Hey!
1131
00:51:11,640 --> 00:51:12,640
[Audience] Hey!
1132
00:51:14,120 --> 00:51:14,520
[Audience] Hey!
1133
00:51:14,560 --> 00:51:15,800
At the midnight hour
1134
00:51:16,120 --> 00:51:17,680
As the world sleeps
1135
00:51:17,720 --> 00:51:20,800
India will awaken, awaken, awaken...
1136
00:51:24,400 --> 00:51:27,280
Then you take away everything
and you bring back the sadness.
1137
00:51:28,280 --> 00:51:30,400
♫ I am sitting on a train ♫
1138
00:51:33,560 --> 00:51:35,720
♫ I look out the window ♫
1139
00:51:36,200 --> 00:51:38,400
True indie songs,
they stop mid-sentence.
1140
00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:41,400
♫ The trees look sad ♫
1141
00:51:42,600 --> 00:51:43,640
♫ The cloud- ♫
1142
00:51:50,840 --> 00:51:52,480
Thank you so much,
I am Kenny Sebastian.
1143
00:51:52,520 --> 00:51:54,000
You've been a lovely audience.
1144
00:51:54,040 --> 00:51:55,640
I am done for tonight.
Thank you.
1145
00:52:14,160 --> 00:52:16,040
Thank you guys.
Thank you so much.
1146
00:52:16,080 --> 00:52:17,360
It means a lot to me.
1147
00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:19,480
Because the last
audience didn't stand up.
77767
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