All language subtitles for B113F5452C057627CAC6252491160CB4_eng

You want one with you in it?

No.

- I'm good.
- Okay.

Bean dip.

- I got you good.
- Jesus Christ.

That was such a good one.

My God.

My God.

- Give me a minute.
- How was your flight?

It was fine. Come
here. How was yours?

- It was good.
- Good to see you.

It was good.

- Let's get your bag.
- Thanks.

Glad you made an effort.
What are you wearing?

I didn't know we were
going to a Bar Mitzvah.

It's a Bat Mitzvah.

Um, I'm actually, like...

I'm, like, a few hundred
miles away right now.

I jumped on a flight this morning
and I'm gonna be gone for the day.

But I'll be back tomorrow,
so don't worry about it.

God, dude.

28 shows in 30 days.
Have I missed one?

Have I missed one?

No, no. I'm not burned out.

I just have to I just needed
to come home for a sec.

So this is the high school, huh?

It looks like a mental ward.

Hey, do you really
do you like this car?

Yeah, I like the car. Why?

I don't know. It's just that
didn't sound very convincing.

- No, baby, I like the -
'Cause I loved my other car.

- What are you looking for?
- Do you have any gum?

Wait wait a minute. I got

- What do you gum? It's right here.
- Yeah.

Okay.

Thanks for coming with me.

Well, I'm excited
to meet everybody.

Finally get some dirt on you.

- You want some?
- No. I really don't want that.

- Have it. Have it.
- That's really gross.

Boarding all rows for flight...

Hey, where where's Emily?

She had to work at the hospital
this weekend. She can't come.

What? That frickin' sucks.

What, are you
gonna cry about it?

I'm disappointed.

I'm not disappointed. It's the
two of us. It's gonna be great.

- No, I know -
It's like old times.

Just you and me, ese.

Okay, "papl"

Okay, "Cholo." What, are you
cultivating a new reunion personality?

People say "ese."
People say ese all the time.

Okay. Yes, Jason.

Listen, man. I gotta I gotta go.

We just passed it

Aw!

My God.

What's up, man?

Damn, you got fat, sucker.

I got fat? What, did
you eat one of your kids?

- I'm sexy. Hi, honey.
- What hi.

- How you doing?
- Good to see you again.

- Welcome home. Come in.
- Sure.

You guys.

Hey, look who's here.

- Hi!
- Hi!

Samantha.

It's so good to see you again.

So good to see

That is a cute sweater vest.

- They're in matching sweaters.
- Just like his daddy.

- They're in matching sweaters.
- What up, Sammy?

I'm so happy to see you.

Too bad you didn't
come with a shotgun.

- I'm so happy you guys are here.
- I'd blow my brains out.

Come on. All right, all
right. Enough about the kid.

- Come check this out.
- Go say hi

Hi, darling.
- Lilly, say hi to Aunt Jess.

Yeah, that's the other one.

It's cool. You don't have to

- Lilly, baby.
- It's all right.

She don't care, you don't care.
She's not gonna remember.

Okay.

Okay, okay. Shh.

There he is.

- Is that you, buddy?
- Jake?

- Man, how are you? Good?
- Long time no see.

- Hi, I'm Jess.
- Scott.

Scott? Nice to meet you.

- Suki.
- Suki, nice to meet you.

- you're the one that lives in Japan.
- Yes.

No. Not from me, man.

I see you every day. I
got you on Google Alert.

- Yeah?
- Is that weird?

- That's totally weird, dude.
- Is it weird?

Naw, it's not weird. My
mom's got me on Google Alert.

My God. We've been trying
to get out there for so long.

It just I don't know,
hasn't happened.

Aw, don't worry
about it. You got time.

- You got time. I'm not going anywhere.
- Is it amazing?

Don't worry about it. I
don't come back, either,

and I live in driving distance.

- Ladies first.
- Thank you.

Wait a minute. Is that
who I think it is out there?

My God. Look who it is.

- Aw, Jacob.
- What is going on?

- Hey, look who's here. Look who's here.
- You're in trouble right here.

Dude, things must be going
great, man. You look fantastic.

Um, can I say I can't complain
without sounding like I'm bragging?

'Cause I can't complain.

How long did it take
you guys to drive in?

About an hour, hour and a half.
There was a little bit of traffic.

Hour and a half. That's
not nearly enough.

You gotta get away
from here, Jake.

You gotta run away
and not look back.

You're better than that
is what I'm trying to say.

Cully, really? What is in here?

- Nut up, bro.
- This is straight vodka.

No, there's a little
bit of soda in it.

You're gonna have so much
fun at Grandma and Grandpa's.

Yes, you are.

Mommy's gonna have
a night without you.

She loves you, but she needs to
be with some adults, doesn't she?

Hey, hey, guys. We got an idea.

Is there any way we can
sneak some of this booze in?

Isn't there there's
an open bar, right?

I know that. It's the
principle of the thing.

Yeah, we did it in high
school for like, every event.

Why would we not do it now?
'Cause we're too "mature"?

- We're adults?
- Exactly.

Hey, do you have any flasks?

'Cause I feel like we're
each gonna need one.

I can't find anything
with a lid. How you doing?

- Nothing.
- I'm sorry, you guys.

I got two kids and a wife who
doesn't let me drink in public anymore.

- Shocking.
- I made an exception for tonight,

which I'm beginning
to think was a mistake.

I found this, but I need something small
enough to fit down my pants comfortably.

Are you touching yourself
in front of my children?

I'm not doing it sexually.

What's your kid got over there?

- Could we get a ride?
- It's good.

My mom dropped us off.

Wow, so ninth grade of you.

I actually haven't driven a
car since I moved to Tokyo.

Yeah, I don't own a car.

That's what happens when
you live in an actual city.

I live in New York City, Snooki.

- Great. Then you can drive.
- How does that make sense?

Hey, no, no, no,
no. Don't leave.

God damn it.

I thought we were
gonna go together.

Sam and I just gotta drop
the kids off with her mom.

It's only gonna be a minute.
They live like, two miles away.

Mom.

She's coming. Mommy's
coming. You're a big boy.

Hey, listen. You don't have
to pretend to like my kids.

So cute. No, man.
It's completely genuine.

- Come on, Bubba. I know.
- He's awesome.

I'm not saying I don't think
they're cool. They're super cool.

I love the shit out of 'em. But
it doesn't mean you have to.

You know what I mean?
So, where'd you park?

I took a cab.

Can we turn this
off, please, honey?

Did you not put the
night light in here?

Pfft, pfrt, Pf"-

- Please turn this off.
- Shoot.

My mother still doesn't have one.
Reeves, I think we have your CD in here.

- I know he listens to it all the time.
- God, no. Please, no.

Bro, we're listening to your CD.

Pfft, 0h!

I'm playing it right now.

- No, please don't.
- Come on, man.

- Don't. No, no, no, no, no.
- I wanna listen to it with you.

I don't wanna hear
that shit. Come on.

You're gonna cause a
commotion at this thing tonight.

- You know that?
- Yeah.

I wasn't gonna come, man.
I had no intention of coming.

I just...

you know, I got the itch.

Yeah, dude. I know
exactly what you mean.

I actually got a lot
of work to do tonight.

Work to do?

Yeah, I don't know how
well you remember this,

but apparently I guess I was
kind of an asshole in high school.

"Kind of an asshole," honey?

I loved you guys, but
kinda hated you, didn't I?

- Got the night light?
- Yes.

- Awesome.
- I aw, I forgot his poo-poo.

God damn it. Honey, we gotta go.

His "poo-poo"?

It's his blankie. Yeah.

You gonna get your
poo-poo, buddy?

- That's hilarious.
- Yeah.

This is gonna be good.
It's gonna be good.

I'm gonna apologize to some
people tonight and I'm gonna mean it.

So who you going for tonight?

What do you mean?

What do you mean,
what do I mean?

You're like, a single,
handsome, interesting, funny guy.

You'd be the belle
of the ball tonight.

You can choose anybody you
want. Who you gonna go for?

You sound a little
jealous up there, brother.

- Yeah, right?
- I am jealous.

I am for once, I'm actually
jealous of this asshole.

Yeah. It must be such a
burden having to go home

to your awesome doctor wife
every night. I'm so sorry, AJ.

- Marty...
- wen-paying 10b,

- your four-bedroom house.
- Marty...

- What a nightmare.
- Answer the question.

- Answer the question.
- I don't know.

- Come on.
- I haven't given it much thought.

- Come on I'm a married man.
- Exactly.

I've been having sex with my
eyes closed for the last three years.

I gotta live vicariously through
you. It's a hypothetical question.

If you could hook up with any
girl you went to high school with,

- who would you choose?
- I don't know. Anna, probably.

- Anna? Anna?
- Maybe, I don't know if she's single.

- She's probably not single.
- That's a great choice.

That is a great choice.
That is a very good choice.

No, no, no. It's a good choice.

What are you saying back there?

I just prefer Ralph Macchio. I
don't know why that's a bad thing.

$20 says he says
something about beating me.

Well, your little Volvo

did not pass the American test.

Rental car, too.
Didn't even try.

- I'm not even I'm not doing it.
- All right, Mario Andretti.

- I'm not doing it.
- He'll never stop giving you shit, man.

- Good to see you.
- Good to see you, too, man.

It's good to see everybody, man.

God, everyone came
back. Is Mary coming?

No, I don't think so.

I think Sam said she got an e-mail
from her saying she wasn't gonna make it.

Well.

What if she did make it? Would
you still have brought Jess?

- Yeah. Why - You sure?

Why wouldn't I?

- Don't don't give me that.
- It's a fair question, bro.

One, two, three.

- Look at this place.
- Complimentary photo?

Yes.

- Right over here, guys.
- Yeah, you boys go ahead.

No, no, no. It's your
school. Go ahead.

All right, let's do
it. Just the guys.

Why are you so excited
for this photograph?

Right here, guys.

Three, two, one.

- Hi.
- Hi. Welcome. Good to see you.

Come over here. The name
tags are right over here.

So glad you guys made it.

Everybody's upstairs for a drink, so
after you get a name tag, go up there

- Dude.
- Yeah, hi! Nice to see you.

- Grab a drink upstairs, okay?
- You mean what do you want?

Okay. She's busy.

I get the night
off of name duty.

What's what is that?

I panic every time I go to
introduce her to somebody.

- I forget their name.
- So I introduce myself.

I'm like, "Hi, I'm
Jess. You are?"

Yeah, so the two of you guys
have it all figured out. I love that.

She's got it all figured out.
She just takes care of me.

We're gonna get drinks.
We'll see you in there.

- Okay.
- I'm so going.

I can't stop looking
at her boobs.

Okay, so whatever you need
tonight, I am your wingman.

- You're gonna be my wingman?
- Yeah.

Please don't do
that. You're the worst

I love you, but you're
the worst wingman.

What are you talking
about? I'm the best wingman.

Yeah, you really
hooked it up with Julie.

- I'm the best wingman in the world.
- See, the worst wingman in the world

always says they're the
best wingman in the world.

- But I'm the best, though.
- Yeah, that's my point.

- So you ready for this?
- We'll see.

How about some shots?

I love you.

Dude, that wasn't on purpose.
That wasn't part of the game.

Okay, how was I supposed
to know she was pregnant?

How were you supposed
to know she was pregnant?

Second of all, I'm the
one who came off badly

- and you came off really well.
- Yeah, but you just came off, like

That was good wingmanship.

No, I came off like I have racist,
weird friends who say things like,

"Of course you're
pregnant. You're a Latina."

You're not your friends,
though. You're not your friends.

Wait, wait. Stay in the shadows.

I'm so glad you're here.

Yo, what's up?

Went ahead and made
your name tag for you.

- Ooh, okay.
- Let's stick it.

Maybe. Okay, yeah.

Be“

...serious. That was
sorry, that one wasn't good.

- Can we do it again, please?
- Welcome, welcome. Come in.

Look at Reeves. It's
happening already.

- Could I get some singles, please?
- Everybody grab a name tag.

Hey, Reeves, man. I gotta
borrow you forjust one second.

Okay? He'll be right back.

No, he won't. Don't follow him.

Can we get two shots of
tequila and two Stellas, please?

Jake?

- Hey, man.
- My God.

- How you doing?
- Good. What's going on, man?

- This is Jess.
- Hi, this is my wife Olivia.

- Hi.
- Hi, How are you doing?

- Jake, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

Can you believe this?

What are you doing?

- Garrity?
- Cully.

Dude. My God, look at you.
You look all normal and shit.

You look like a frickin'
J.Crew ad over here.

Look at this guy.

You got, like, a Jude
Law thing happening.

You do. You lookjust
like Jude Law.

- As opposed to what?
- Yeah.

Who did you used to look like?

What's your name again?

- Peter.
- Peter.

I was a dick to you back
in high school, wasn't I?

- What are you -
Let me buy his drink.

- No, it's it's an open bar.
- Is it? Double vodka, no mixers.

Here, take your tip back.

- I'll leave a tip for you.
- I-i-it's fine.

Complimentary photo?

Sure.

You want anybody in it with you?

No. It's okay.

I can't believe they chose
this hotel. It's perfect.

- Hey.
- Hey.

'my

- You look amazing!
- Look how skinny you are!

Hi, can I get my picture
taken with you too?

- Yep. Mm-Okay.
- Thank you so much.

Ahem.

- Gorgeous. Let's take a photo.
- Come here. Come on.

Do you mind if we do it
again? I think I blinked.

Yeah, I think I did, too.

Let's get this jag poppin'.

G-Money.

Get low, baby.
Come on, get in here.

Wha!

- What's up, man?
- This is Andre.

- This is one of my oldest friends.
- How you doing'?

- Hi.
- This is my wife Olivia.

- Hi.
- This is your wife?

Yeah, we're we're married.

You married a
white girl, for real?

You

Wow. That's crazy.

- He's, - Yeah.

This is so amazing.

Well, it should be. I've been looking
forward to this for a very long time.

So have I.

- Mortgage broker, huh?
- Mortgage yes.

I'm sorry. No, I'm sure
you're awesome at it.

- I just - Really?

I didn't see it coming.
I'm not gonna lie. I

- I feel good about that now.
- Watch it, man.

What is this? What's that?

This is, this is Julie's.

Yeah. You stole it from her?

I just thought it'd be more fun

if I just filmed all of us
getting wasted tonight.

- Done. More shots?
- That'd be really funny.

- Yes.
- Done.

They're not all for me.
They're for everybody.

- My God.
- My God.

- My God.
- My God. How are you?

- So good.
- Now the party can start.

You heard it, everybody.

Now the party can start.

- Cheers!
- Cheers!

I miss you so much, Cully.

I can't do this.

I just thought you were
really into rap music.

Yeah, well, I was. I still am.

No, I know. But I
thought that meant

you liked Coolio and stuff.

I didn't know that meant
you thought you were black.

So, you guys come
with boyfriends

or you married or...

I'm married.

Who who'd you marry?

You've seen the commercials?

You married Cully?

Dude, dude, look. There she is.

There's Anna.

God, she looks
good, doesn't she?

Yeah, she looks
really glamorous.

Let me help you with that.

Is she gonna

- We'll we'll work up to it.
- Yeah, okay.

I'm gonna go to the
bathroom. I'll be right back.

- Okay.
- Where's she going?

I'll be right back.

She probably won't come
back. I think you scared her off.

Good job. You scared her off.

She might not come back.

So, is this getting
serious or what?

Yeah, of course it's getting
serious. We've been together for, like,

three and a half years.

So, it's serious?

I would say it's serious, yes.

How black... did you act?

Did I act? Like on a
scale from one to 10?

Like on a scale
from white to black?

I'd say, like, a...

a dark gray.

No, no, no, no, no. What are
you doing with my camera?

Okay, hi, yeah. No, we need to
put the camera back right now.

- Vanillo, I'm serious. Just -
But I'm gonna get everybody.

Yeah, right, you
will get everybody.

- Just put it back. It's just perfect.
- I'm gonna put it back.

- I set up perfectly.
- I'll put it back.

- Okay, thank you.
- After I do this.

No, Vanillo!

I got a baby girl. You
wanna see a picture?

Yeah, I do.

She's a beauty.

- She is beautiful.
- There she is.

Wait a minute. You
don't have any babies.

- A boat? You have a boat?
- Yeah, I told you about the boat.

- Do you have any
- You didn't tell me

- I don't have any boats, no.
- Kids.

Does he have any
kids? Look at the guy.

He's like the king
of New York City.

He's out dining on Wall Street,
sleeping with models and stuff.

Tell her. Tell her
about the models.

Being genuine is not something

that comes easily for
me as far as an emotion.

I want to make sure
that my "genuinity"

is expressing
itself clearly to you.

Sure. And it's so
good to see you.

So good to see you.

It's been I'm gonna
come by the dealership.

- Good to see you, Peter.
- I just my friends are

Jackpot. Look at that table.

No, no, no, no, no.
Come back. Come back.

Let them do their
thing. Let them talk.

Look at them.

I have so much work
to do to that table.

I know. I know you do. Just
don't be too aggressive, you know?

'Cause then it gets
a little assholey.

Well, nice catching
up with you, Elise.

My God. This is what I mean.

This is why you're the
worst wingman in the world.

Come on, man. I was
trying to create demand.

- What?
- It's called salesmanship.

- What?
- If she knows that you've been

with other high-quality
women, she's gonna be like,

"Maybe I can be one of
those high-quality women."

Do you really believe
what you're saying?

- Makes a lot of sense.
- That makes sense, not what you did.

You showed her photos of your
goddamn boat. Who does that?

She was asking to
see baby pictures. I was

Yeah, which is when normal
people say, "I'm so sorry.

I don't have any babies with
my wife yet to take pictures of."

It's a conversation killer.
It's a conversation killer.

No, no, no. You
wearing a captain's hat

standing next to a
little grounded boat

that's a real
conversation killer.

- What are you doing?
- What are you doing?

- What are you doing?
- You left me out there for, like,

I don't even know
how long, all by myself.

I've been in here two minutes.

- Yeah, two minutes is too long.
- Stop.

All your friends are out there.

I don't care about them. I
care about being with you.

Aw.

But Cully did ask

if I could go out to the
car with him and Dre.

That's what this is about.

Go ahead.

- I can go?
- Yeah.

- You wanna come?
- No.

I'm gonna hang out with Sam.

- No, just come on - But you
can't have more than two puffs

because you're a
lightweight, remember?

- Is that what I am?
- Don't

- Really?
- Yes, don't you remember?

Why are you looking at me?

I love looking at you.

Could look at you forever.

That's sweet.

You need to go. I love you.

- Nobody in here.
- No, baby.

Someone's gonna come in
here. Someone's gonna come in.

I love you, leave.

I gotta do my makeup.

One puff, lightweight.
Don't forget.

Dre, you're a
lifesaver with this stuff.

No, I got glaucoma,
dude. So I got a cause.

I can't handle any more
two-minute conversations, man.

At least you only got a
two-minute conversation from Todd.

I got a 20-minute conversation
from his wife, Lauren.

Well, at least you're talking
about something interesting.

I gotta talk about mortgages

and default loans
and all this bullshit.

I still can't believe that
he's a mortgage broker.

You'd have had
a job like this, too,

if you weren't so damn
good at something.

You know what I'm good
at? Two-minute conversations.

- I'm the king of them.
- Then tell me how to get out of them.

You just got to tell them you
gotta go to the bathroom, dude.

I've gone to the bathroom
like, 12 times today.

I'm sure Sam really
appreciates that.

She's a big girl.

- Kinda.
- Are you saying she's a big girl?

She was in high school.

Sam. I don't know how she
deals with you sometimes, man.

- I love you, though.
- You know what, dude?

You just none of
you guys know shit.

You're not married.

You know what? Marry
Jess. Then we'll talk.

Are you you want me to marry
Jess? Is that what you're saying?

Yeah, marry Jess, dude.
You'll know my pain then.

Don't do it. Don't do this.

It's okay. All right.
Open the glove box.

Grab that envelope right there.

Hey, Cully. Look at this.

What is it?

Shit.

- What?
- Yep.

- Wow.
- Whoa.

- When'd you get that?
- Bought it like, eight months ago.

You bought it eight months ago
and you never told me about it?

No, well, I'm gonna tell
you. I gotta tell her first.

But, yeah. Yeah,
I'm gonna do it.

It just hasn't quite been
just hasn't been quite right.

You'd leave it in an envelope?

Yeah, it's better
than a ring box.

And, like, so she can find it and
say, "I wonder what's in the ring box."

- Well, why haven't you given it to her?
- Boom.

I tri I mean, I've
planned a few things

and they just
weren't exactly right.

Women don't care
how you ask them.

All they care is that you're
stupid enough to ask them.

All they want is the ring.

I know people, man.
That's what I do.

I don't sing, I don't sell cars,

I don't do what you do.

That's how I eat.

- It's why you eat?
- That's how I eat.

What does that mean?

I don't think you know people as
good as you think you know people.

It's what I do, all right?

Just it sounds like you put a
lot of pressure on yourself, too,

to make it super perfect. I mean, you
gotta be open to spontaneity, too, man.

I mean, if you're ready to do it,
just pull the trigger, you know?

I mean, you've built a
real solid foundation.

You've got the job,
you got the nice car

- I don't know about the car.
- Yeah, dude.

I think it's a very adult car.

- I think it's very nice.
- I do, too.

I think it sucks, dude.

- That's good.
- Trick Daddy had a Volvo, man.

- These are nice cars.
- I put him in this Volvo.

- They're very safe.
- They're very safe.

That's a good point. That
is a good point, Reeves.

The back seat is nice.

- You don't drive a Volvo.
- This is nice. My grandmother

- would be proud of it.
- If Ford owns Volvo, it's a good car.

"Consumer Reports"
number one every single year.

I'm fried, dude.

- Look who it is.
- Holy shit.

- I thought she wasn't coming.
- Shit.

Yo, who is that she's with?

When's the last time
you spoke to her?

Like eight years ago.

Did you tell Jess about her?

Yeah, of course I
told Jess about her.

This is gonna get weird.

Yep.

How we doing here? Did
you get enough to eat?

If I wanted to be in a boy band,
I woulda been in a boy band.

I woulda started my own.

We would've been
bigger than NSync.

It looked like she waved at you.
Was she like, one of your... shorties?

You're in real estate,
I'm in real estate.

- What?
- What?

Fingerlings.

Fingerlingin' good.

Finger lickin' good. Joke.

Do you mind if I sit here?

Hey. Hey.

- Hey.
- How's it going?

- Good.
- Did you see Marty yet?

- He's - I haven't. Is he here?

He's somewhere. He's
around somewhere.

- He was looking for you.
- Wow.

Julie. Be prepared.

Julie. Okay.

- My gosh, Mary.
- Hi.

- I am so glad you guys made it.
- Okay.

Good luck, okay?

You got some nuts on you.

- Hey.
- Hi.

- Hey.
- Hi.

I am I know we took a
long time and I apologize.

- It's okay.
- It was Cully.

He had to go to the
bathroom really bad.

Baby, it's fine. I've
just been over there

talking to Sam, who is
really, really, really cool.

- Like, I love her.
- I know. Tim's

Love her. And then this
really weird guy came up

who was like, tall, he's
skinny, he's really annoying,

with like, crazy weird hair.

- Was he touching you at all?
- No.

- You sure?
- No, he wasn't.

But he was driving me crazy.

Shit.

- Hi.
- How are you?

- Hi I'm sorry, that was -
Sorry. Yeah, no. Of course.

I apologize. I went right in.

- No. Hi.
- I I

Hi hey.

- Hi, I'm Jess. Hi.
- This is Jess.

- Hi.
- Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you,
too. Mary, sorry.

- Okay. Of course.
- Paul.

- Paul?
- The husband.

- This is Jess.
- I'm Jess.

Are you a classmate as well?

No, no. I'm his girlfriend.

I'm just here,
supporting, having fun.

Jake, that's a pretty cool name.

- Yeah.
- Thank you.

- I like that name.
- All right.

Four-letter word.

- Aren't you glad we came?
- I am glad.

I mean, I was really worried that
but you've seen so many people...

Hi, sorry. Is this
is this seat taken?

- No.
- No? Okay.

I'm just gonna join you guys.

- Hi.
- Hi.

That's for you.

What's this for?

I owe you three bucks.

- You do?
- Yeah.

Mr. Ferguson's physics class.

Junior year we went to the
planetarium, you remember?

No.

I don't remember
anything, really,

about junior year, though, so...

Well, you let me borrow some
money, so I thought I'd pay you back.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- It's nice to see you.
- Nice to see you.

It's nice to see you.

Thanks.

You're actually the reason
that I switched to the tuba.

Really?

Um... I'm honored?

You shouldn't be.

I switched to the tuba because it
was too big to take home from school

so I didn't have to carry it
on the bus to and from school,

which meant that I didn't have
an instrument at the bus stop,

which meant that you
forgot that I was in band,

which meant that you
finally left me alone.

I owe you...

and you, and you, and you,

and you...

and you an apology. Each
and every single one of you

- Okay, okay.
- from the bottom of my heart.

Yeah, okay, okay.
You've apologized enough

for everybody, to everybody.

Does everybody accept
my apology, though?

'Cause that's the thing
that is so important to me.

Yes.

They're all accepting
it, babe. You did good.

Really?

- We were known as the Smash Crew.
- Mm-

When we weren't
smashin', we were sleeping.

And we always went to
sleep after we smashed.

No cuddling. Tell
her about it, baby.

- Smashing was dancing.
- Boom, yeah. That's what they call it.

- Look, I cheers.
- Andre's kidding. It's like dancing.

No, it's funny. I
think it's funny.

I married a former
wigger and I had no idea.

It's hilarious.

Yeah, you might wanna "achay"
on the "worday," you know?

"The worday"? What word?

Wigger?

Yep, that one.

I think, it's kind of offensive.

- Is it?
- Who's offended? We ain't.

- Not at all.
- They're not offended.

- Boom.
- I know, but it's two words

squished into one word, and
the one word would be offensive.

Ooh-whee, time-out.
Twenty seconds.

Excuse me, ladies.
Where are you guys sitting?

I don't know. You
got a spot for us?

I have a gentleman here who's
willing to open up two seats for you.

- Yay.
- Ladies. Please sit down.

- Would you like to be our guest?
- Have a seat. Have a seat.

All right.

Wait. Wait. Time-out.

Switch.

- Are you kidding me?
- What?

- Ouch.
- What?

You coulda just said
you wanted to see

I just wanted to see
you across the table.

- Huh.
- Sit down, girl.

- Well, hello.
- How you doin'?

- Good, how are you?
- Mm.

- Mmmmm.
- Can I call you Snuggie?

Sure.

- You want a beer?
- I'll get it.

- You sure?
- You okay?

- I'm good, thank you.
- Honey?

- I'll just do water now.
- Water.

Yeah.

- I'm sorry. What?
- Yes, I'm drinking water.

Yes, sorry. I lost the coin
toss. Designated driver.

Jess, you have to come
look at this baby's face.

- You're gonna die.
- I'm gonna go over there.

- I'll be back.
- All right.

Honey, look at this
baby. Look at that face.

She is too much.

My God.

Seriously, why don't
you just stay here?

No, we live we're just
45 minutes out of town.

It's not that bad. It's so nice
to... sleep in your own bed.

It makes me happy.

I'm really kind of shocked.

I didn't think you
were gonna show.

- Sam said you weren't coming.
- I wasn't, actually.

These things can kinda

he convinced me
last minute to come by.

I think he's right. I
would've regretted it more

- Convinced you.
- ...had I not come.

It's really good to see you.

- You, too.
- Yeah, I tried to find you online.

- Come on.
- There's a lot of Jake Staffords.

I'm just saying. Shocking.

You know I can't
do any of that at all.

- I'm technologically ignorant.
- Yeah.

I don't have any of those
things, either, but I really

No, I know. I know.

I looked. You're
not there, either.

You're married, man.

- That's a - Yeah.

Well...

- Thank you.
- Sure.

- Thank you, sir. Appreciate it.
- Cheers.

Look who finally
decided to show up.

- I know.
- Looks so awkward.

It really is.

I'm so glad I never dated anyone
who went to our high school.

I could never handle that.

- No?
-Mmm.

Weren't you seeing someone that
whole year we had physics together?

Mmmmm. Randie Rustenberg.

- Where is she?
- She's in Bolivia.

- She...
- Wow.

Yeah, she's a Jew for Jesus now.
She's down there doing missionary work.

- She seemed so punk rock.
- Yeah, she was.

I think that...

you date who you're
supposed to like in high school.

Not who you actually like.

- Did you like your boyfriend?
- I loved my boyfriend.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Even after he moved to Austin?

Ahem

- Hello.
- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt.

- How you doing?
- Good.

I just had to come and
tell you that "Never Had"

is one of my top
ten favorite songs.

Wow, thank you
very much. Thanks.

- Yeah.
- Nice to meet you.

Most favorite song ever.

Well. Let's not
go crazy. All right.

So how did you remember
that he had moved to Austin?

I don't know. Do
you have a cigarette?

- Yeah, I do.
- I'm not just saying that

- because we were classmates.
- No. Don't worry. I believe you.

Can we smoke that? Yeah, okay.

- Bye.
- Nice to see you again.

- Yeah, bye.
- All right, bye.

- He wanted to date me and I
- You were dating somebody

- you were cooking with.
- That's not the way it was.

- That's what you were doing.
- He wanted to date me

- and I was with somebody already.
- And what happened?

She left her purse over here.

She was here?

Yeah, well, you were
sitting at the buffet and

What? Okay, did she say
anything about being single?

- Why wouldn't you tell me that?
- Well, she didn't have a ring

on her finger.

You looked at her finger?
You're a married man.

- You looked at her finger.
- I did a ring check, I mean

A ring check. Is that
something guys do?

You check you always
check the ring, right, Scotty?

Um, you know, I
don't I don't really

- I don't yeah, I checked.
- What?

- Yeah, I checked.
- Is this a thing

Well, it's Anna. I went pretty hard
after her in high school, so I just

- I was curious.
- Okay, I gotta go talk to her.

- I gotta go make a move.
- Let's get her over here.

- We can ask questions.
- No, no, no.

- No, no, no, it'd be good.
- No, no, no, don't do that.

I'm gonna have one more
drink like a gentleman.

- I'm gonna walk over there
- Let's get her over here.

- I think you're on the wrong
page - Let's get her over here.

- Anna. Anna.
- You're an asshole.

What are you doing?
You forgot your purse.

- You're crazy. Get over here.
- What an asshole.

You know Marty. You
remember my friend Marty.

- Don't say it to me like I'm retarded.
- You forgot your

In your falsetto,
condescending voice.

Get over here. You
remember my little friend Marty.

- Wow.
- You're in luck.

- I don't even smoke.
- What? You used to smoke like a chimney

- in high school.
- I know. I quit.

I don't even remember
the last time I bought a pack.

Well, Why'd you buy that one?

I don't know. I woke up this
morning and suddenly had the urge.

- No, no, thanks.
- Are you kidding me?

You just asked me if I had one.

Yes, because I wanted to get out
of there and I knew that you smoked.

- I don't smoke.
- No?

Mm-mm.

Come on.

- Just take one.
- Just be a bad influence, now.

Loser, everybody's doing it.

I've honestly, I've never had
a cigarette in my entire life.

How is that even possible?

Aren't you supposed
to be like, this rock star?

I'm not a rock star.
I'm just a musician.

Traveling minstrel.

Nice.

So where's the Austin guy?

Huh?

- Where's he at?
- I don't know.

- We haven't spoken in years.
- I'm sorry.

It's okay. It's in the past.

And what about the present?

- What about the present?
- Do you have a boyfriend?

Huh.

- Long distance again?
- No, actually. Same city.

Well, where is he?

He's in Chicago at
a partners' meeting.

He's a partner. He's a lawyer.

- Mm-Yeah.
- Wow.

- Older?
- Yeah.

- How much older?
- Older.

Okay -

How'd you meet?

L I sold his house.

Okay, let me guess.
He's divorced?

Okay, he's divorced.

The wife got the
kids, he got the house.

But he thought it was
too big for him, right?

So he just wanted like, a cooler,
smaller bachelor pad in the city,

somewhere in a high-rise?

' Nope. "No?

No, no. His new
house is much bigger.

Those are different.

- Stop.
- It's this machine.

Are you getting everybody
on that, by the way?

- I'm trying to.
- 'Cause I just

I can't just have it be your
clique. I need everybody.

You're right. You're right. And I
think there's a lesson in there for me.

Good.

Is that his mother's earring?

Look, it looks like
a mother-of-pearl.

- He got away with that.
Nobody ever - I know, right?

Back then it was, like,
that's how cool he is.

He could wear, like he could
dress like a Village Person

and still be cool.

You had this amazing
glow in high school.

Yeah. All these pictures. Crazy.

Well, I'd like to think
I still have that glow.

- You do, I think.
- That's not what I

- I think you do.
- That's not what I meant.

Man. No.

- Yep.
- Can we not?

That was senior year.

- That was four days ago.
- Look how tiny you were.

Isn't it sad?

I was a tween. I
was still a tween.

I remember that day.
I got my first pube

and I thought I was turning
into a fly-human hybrid

'cause I watched too
much science fiction.

- You're so funny.
- Well, thanks.

Clearly you had a much better
time in high school than I did.

I had a much better time
in high school than you did.

In fact, I think I had a much better
time in high school than anybody did.

What was the secret?

My mother actually she
taught me very early on

how to have a very good time.

Wherever she is now, she's
probably drunk, having a blast.

Photo op!

That's why whatever
high school taught us,

I'll always remember
my very first lesson.

- Cheese.
- Yay!

- Can I get a copy of that?
- Let me see it.

- Should be one more.
- I gotta take this off.

- No, that's beautiful.
- And my eyes are a little closed.

- Do you want a hand with that?
- Here, I got it. I can get it.

Okay -

- All right. All righty.
- Okay.

- So much better.
- Gorgeous.

- Ready?
- All right, guys.

One, two, three.

Cheese.

Love it!

Can I get a fresh one?

You have a TV out here or
just the one back at the bar?

I'm sorry, sir. The
TV's actually in the bar.

Okay -

You ain't no Jake, bro.

Hey, honey. Thanks
for getting me a drink.

- Is he kidding?
- Let me get you a drink.

- No, it's fine.
- You sure?

Yeah, no. I just would like my
husband to ask me if I'd like a drink.

- It would be a nice gesture.
- You're the one that let him drink.

Let him drink? He's a big
boy. I'm not his babysitter.

Come on. You know you're
his babysitter, so don't even

- let's go look at pictures.
- Why don't you go be his babysitter?

- So I can have a night off.
- I think we're gonna

babe, we're just gonna stay
here and have a little girl time.

- Okay. All right.
- Love you.

Wait, wait, look. This is Andre.

- That's funny. Yeah.
- He's dancing with his sister.

My gosh.

My God. Is that you?

Yep, that's me.

Well, there it is.

Yep. There it is.

"G-Money."

That's my friend,
Brock, right there.

And with the "B.U.M.
Equipment" is Ross.

- Where'd you go?
- I'm just...

seeing if I can get
any more "G-Money."

Shit.

Why's it feel so long ago?

Huh. Sassy.

Look at that. Was
that Christmas?

Yeah, it was.

And this was prom.

I guess so.

You know, I got my tiara
like, two, three weeks later.

Sorry you didn't get to wear it.

I wore it.

It was only in my room, but...

I wore it.

No, sorry.

No.

You don't wanna go over there?

No.

Do you wanna go over there?

I love you.

- Right?
- Mm-mm.

No.

I love each and all of you. Thank
you for accepting my apology.

Allowing us to
be besties again...

for the first time.

- It's fine.
- It is fine. It's great.

It's better than
fine. It's awesome.

Because if you didn't accept my
apology, I would have to force you to.

But I wouldn't use my
fists, 'cause I ain't like that.

- I'd use my tongue.
- Sorry.

Not only that, it
wouldn't be violent.

It would be tender.

You would be like my cell mate.

- And I would swallow...
- God.

M)! Pride.

Sicko.

Get your little funny-shaped head
out of the gutter there, chipmunk.

- What is your problem?
- Honey.

What? He knows I'm joking.

He know come on, come here.
You know I'm kidding, right?

No, no. No, no. Please

- Come on, hug it out.
- Honey

I don't think you
look like a chipmunk.

I just can't

Hey, hey, Peter.
Hi. I'm sorry that

thanks for being
such a good sport.

L you know I know he can
be a little aggressive and,

you know, he's had
one too many drinks.

But he really means well

and he really is
such a sweet guy.

And I know it was really
important to him to talk to you.

No, no, no. it's I'm sorry.

'Cause you must have to
say this to a lot of people.

Huh?

L I have to go.

So, if I want a new
house, I should call you.

Whatever. I'm sure you
need all sorts of houses

for all those baby
mamas and groupies.

Baby mamas?

No, baby mamas get their
own baby mama condos,

typically, and the groupies
are more of a road thing.

Please, can I see your tour bus?

"Never Had" is, like,
the best song of all time.

- Yeah?
- Totally. Totes.

- Best song?
- Ever.

That song...

I wrote it in like, two hours
and it barely made the album.

It's kind of crazy how
people like it so much.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Have you never heard the song?

Yeah. What?

I I mean, you just have
to understand that...

I am in the car all the
time 'cause of my job.

- Huh.
- And I've got satellite radio,

but I'm more of a
talk radio kind of girl.

Huh.

You know what? I bet if I
heard it, I would recognize it.

I'm sure. I'm sure if
I heard it, I'd know it.

The truth is, I was
only distantly aware

that you were a musician.

It's okay. It's all right.

You're just you're just telling
me that you're not with it.

- Right?
- Sorry,

It's all right. Don't apologize.

Hey, I really would
love to hear you play.

It's pathetic that I
haven't heard you.

It's not. No, it's
not. It's not pathetic.

It just means that

that you're one of the few
people here that's talking to me

because of who I was,
not because of who I am.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

So...

how many times has
he been divorced?

- Twice.
- Twice?

Third time's a charm.
That's what they say, right?

Neither of us want
to get married, so...

You don't want to get married?

No? You don't wanna be
someone's wife someday?

You don't wanna be
someone's third wife someday?

It's cold. Let's go inside.

Well, well, well. Where
have you been all night?

Just taking care
of my third child.

Let's just get drunk.

- I can't. I have to drive.
- Crap. Sorry.

Mary? Mary?

Wait. This

- Come here. Hey.
- Scott.

- My God.
- My goodness.

I heard you weren't gonna be here
and then I heard that you were and

- This is my husband.
- How are you?

- Scott. It's a pull up a chair.
- How's your night been?

Great, actually. It's
been really trippy

to look through all
these photographs

and realize how
old we've gotten.

- We're not that old.
- This one's finding out all my

- secrets and tricks and everything.
- I feel old.

No, you definitely
didn't ask me to prom, AJ

I would've remembered
it. Definitely.

You sure I never asked
you? I had to have asked you.

No.

Jason Maclntyre, Mike Brighty,

Gabe Vertz asked me.

You asked me to prom.

But never you, AJ

The carcass is floating
in the water already.

Who'd you finally say yes to?
You went with a college guy.

I went with a guy who
wasn't in our class.

You went with a
college guy. So boring.

Anyway, I thought
prom was kind of boring.

- Sort of like a waste of time.
- No. No, no.

- Prom was awesome.
- I hated prom.

I had the most miserable time,
but I don't think it was a waste

I think that's the point of prom
to have a miserable time, right?

I went with Jenny Sakamora.

- Remember Jenny Sakamora?
- Wow.

She looked like one of the
Sand People in Star Wars.

And the worst breath you
can't believe this breath.

And she wouldn't kiss me. That was
the irony. Wouldn't kiss me all night.

I don't think it was a waste of
time. That's kind of the point.

I think it's supposed to
be, like, a rite of passage.

I mean, can you imagine not
being disappointed at your prom?

Seriously.

Well, I mean sorry.
You guys excluded.

I'm sure you guys weren't
disappointed at prom.

You genetic you
genetic superhumans.

- Ahem - What?

- We didn't go, man. Remember?
- Yeah.

My God. My God. I'm so sorry.

Why's he apologizing?

Well, actually, I didn't
make it to prom because

that was the first time
Dad had a heart attack.

And so we just
we didn't make it.

We actually spent I spent prom
in a hospital room with Jake.

Dude, we're going to Pretzels.

We're all going to
Pretzels. Let's go.

Look. It's my husband,
the event coordinator.

- Let's go!
- No.

We're not we're not really
going to Pretzels, are we?

Yes, we are! Yes, we are.

How is it possible that I'm
not in any of these pictures?

It's like I didn't even go
to school with you guys.

Maybe you don't really exist.

I was very camera-shy, maybe.

No, there's one. There's
gotta be one somewhere.

I don't know.

Anna. We're doing shots.

One more before Pretzels.

I just need to steal
her for one photo.

- Yeah, one photo.
- Real quick.

Come back, though.
We're gonna be here.

- What the hell are you doing?
- What are you talking about?

What do you mean,
what am I talking about?

You're flirting with her. All
night you've been flirting with her.

Don't be an asshole.

I'm not being an asshole.
I just want you're married.

You remember, you're
married and you have a boat.

I just wanted to make
sure you know that.

- I do remember, Marty.
- You remember? Good, good, good.

- I just want to make sure you remember.
- I especially remember.

What does that mean,
"I especially remember"?

It means I don't get to

- I don't get to do this.
- What are you talking about?

- Do this?
- What do you care?

You sleep with models.

I slept with a model.

Once, okay?

No, I'm saying. I'm just

- And she was a plus-sized model.
- What?

What?

You didn't tell me that.

Whatever, she was
a plus-sized model.

- You didn't tell me - She
was still a model, okay?

She was still a model.

I found you.

You did?

You my gosh!

Yes, I did.

I love blurred in
the background.

I forgot about
those yellow shoes.

- You forgot about 'em?
- Wow.

- I didn't.
- I was obsessed with

those were the first designer
anything I ever bought.

- I wore those all the time.
- Yeah, I remember.

I'd wear those in gym
class if they let me.

Look at me.

Even there I look like I
just can't wait to get out.

- Yeah.
- I would've never guessed

that I'd come to something
like this ten years later.

How come you did?

- Mmm.
- You don't know?

Whoa!

My God. Dude.

You coming to Pretzels, you
little bitch? Let's go to Pretzels.

- You're going to Pretzels right now?
- I was talking to him, not to you.

- Yeah.
- Come on. But you can come.

- I'm not calling you a bitch.
- Thanks. That's really nice.

- You guys are going right now?
- Come on! Pretzels!

Okay. Okay.

You... you wanna
come to Pretzels?

Why would I need to
feel better about myself?

That's exactly my
point. You don't, AJ

You own a frickin' boat, so I
don't know what you're doing.

What what is wrong
with you and the boat?

You're acting like
a crazy person.

Yeah. I'm acting
like a shh. Hey.

You ready to go?
A little Pretzels?

I left my fake I.D. at home.

You're gonna need that.

Sorry, guys-

You're not coming?

That doesn't sound like
the Anna we remember.

Yeah, the Anna in those pictures
would never leave a party early.

- Come on.
- The Anna in those pictures

- was the party.
- Yeah, right.

Wait. We're good?

You're a big city boy now. Let's
see how you do on your own.

Hey, you guys. We're going to
Pretzels. You guys going to Pretzels?

Pretzels? Moving on? Pretzels?
You guys going to Pretzels?

You guys gotta sign the
memory book before you go.

- Qh - Just sign it.

- We're gonna miss -
Nope, you got two seconds.

- Just sign it. You gotta sign it.
- Come on, let's sign it.

Hey, Jake.

Yo, Jake. Let's do it, bro.

My God.

The thing broke.

- Are you all right?
- Nope, I'm good.

Get on the couch.
Go sit on the couch.

Julie?

- I'm sorry.
- Are you all right?

- No, I didn't - Go
apologize to Julie.

- Are you gonna apologize to her?
- What happened?

Nothing happened other than
Sam is actually gonna kill him, I think.

No, I don't have yourjacket.

Look. I just gotta tell you. I'm
happy you decided to come.

Can I tell you something?

You're the only reason I did.

I'll see you at Pretzels.

Okay -

You did an amazing job, Julie.

- Really? You sure?
- Don't worry about it.

Ha ha. Scotty P, "Sukiwaba."

Let's go to Pretzels
and find some victims.

- Arf, arf, arf.
- God.

Pretzels? Yeah.

Pretzels? Bye, Snoopy.

- Bye, Snoops.
- Pretzels.

Let's go, baby.

I don't understand why
she's leaving already.

She's too fun to be leaving.

Without one of us, you mean.

Would you I mean, honestly.

Would you have actually
gone home with her?

I just wanted to
know I could've...

if I wanted to.

You know?

- Right.
- But that's

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I get it.

You okay, pal?

You're right.

I shouldn't have
bought the boat.

- It was stupid. I -
You wanted a boat.

No, I just I've taken
the boat out one time.

I don't even have access to
water where I live. It doesn't

- Wait, really?
- Yeah.

Well, you gave it a shot.
I don't know why, but

I can't even pretend
to be a boat guy.

You wanted a boat. Pfft.

It was so great to see you.

I want that boat.

- You know what we should do?
- Huh?

We should follow her home.

That's a little creepy.

Toilet paper her house.

Yeah? You want to?

You wanna do karaoke?

No.

You want a drink?

Okay -

- All right.
- Beer.

Okay -

- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

- What do you need, guy?
- 12 tequila shots.

- What?
- 12 tequila shots.

- Honey, give me the debit card.
- No.

I am not gonna
pay for those shots.

- You're not. I'm gonna pay for them.
- No, you're not. It's my debit card.

Let go. Let go.

I'm so

I've told you about Jake.
I've told you about my dad.

Come on. Are you kidding me?

There's so much
awkwardness that's going on.

Are you gonna pretend like there's
not an awkward thing that happens

We remember old
stuff from the past.

A lot of it, for me,
has to do with my dad.

It's not all pleasant, happy
memories. It does feel awkward.

. Okay-. Sari'!!-

I'm gonna go check on Cully.

You just are you gonna
pay for these shots?

Mm-mm. I'll be right back.

I'm tired.

Do you want a drink?
I can get you a beer.

- No, go talk to your friends.
- I will, thank you.

I'll see you in a little bit.

- I love you.
- I love you, too.

I'll see you in a little bit.

Do you wanna go outside
and have a cigarette?

- Yes. Yes, please.
- You do?

Okay, let's go.

It's time to get
on the floor. Dre!

Dre, I see you out
there, baby. Come on.

- Watch this.
- Get your bootie on the floor.

Listen up. Whoo.

Let's go, ladies.

G-Money's in the building!

No, I gotta get back to my wife.

Get it in, G. Come on, G.

Cosmic sandwich,
cosmic sandwich.

Come on!

Watch this, watch this.
He's going in. He's going in.

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Watch out!

That's how we do it at Pretzels.

Keep it up for the rest of
the night, baby. Let's do this.

G-Money's in the house.

Haven't done that in a while.

What?

That was insane.

That was really, really good.

Yeah. Really?

- Hi.
- Hi.

Hi.

I hate that there's
always a line for the girls.

I know. It's so unfair.

Men have it way easier.

No. Jake and I used
to race each other.

I'm quick.

Now I'm gonna have to be
quick, though. Since I said that.

All right.

All right, slow down.

- Kill the lights.
- Shit.

- Shit.
- Shit.

No, no, no.

Why does that house
look so familiar?

I feel like we've
been here before.

- Really?
- Wait a minute.

Dude, that's I think that's
the house she grew up in.

Yeah.

Well, it's a nice house.

Yeah.

What do we do? We just
wait for her to go to bed?

Let's... let's get supplies.

Okay -

Let's get a lot of supplies. I want
to paint this house whiter than a

- A Jimmy Buffet concert?
- A Jimmy Buffet concert.

- A Phish show.
- F0' sho.

No, a Phish show.
Like the band Phish.

Fo' shizo.

I don't know if that
was horribly good

or horribly bad or
horribly amazing.

- Amazing.
- I know she was amazing,

but I'm not sure
about you and Frantz.

She's amazing, isn't she? I
told you she was amazing.

You're next, Jake. And
you're gonna do it with me, too.

- Yeah, you're next.
- Hey, hey.

L-ley-

- Where you been?
- Baby, I think I'm gonna go.

- What? No.
- Yeah. No, it's fine.

It's totally fine.
I'm just really tired.

Okay, okay. All right. Let
me just say bye to everybody.

No, no. I want you to stay.

- No, I want him to stay.
- We just met you.

- I want you to catch up.
- I'm not gonna stay without you.

I swear to God,
I'm just really tired.

It's fine. It's
totally fine. It's fine.

Just give me one minute.
I'm gonna talk to her.

I'm not even gonna say goodbye.
'Cause I'll see you in a minute.

- Thank you.
- Thanks, Case.

You have no idea what
we're gonna do with this.

No idea. How are we

We're gonna be wiping
our asses for years.

How are we gonna
carry all these?

Shit. That's a good point.

Hey, Casey. Do you sell these
in a much bigger package?

Make it easier to carry?

I mean, like a 72-count pack?

No?

Look, if you wanna
go, let's just go.

No, I want to go. I
don't want you to go.

No, I don't care. I'm
not gonna just stay here.

My God. Please let
me have the keys.

- No. Why?
- Can I have the keys?

- Tell me why.
- Why? I'm tired.

- That's it.
- But why?

What's what is the deal?

Okay -

- What happened?
- With what?

Come on.

You know, I know
everything about her.

But I don't know why
you guys broke up.

You've never told
me what happened.

I don't know.

Her dad died.

So she stayed here
and I stayed with her.

And I don't things got
really serious after that.

I don't know. I stayed
as long as I could...

till I just couldn't
stay anymore.

I just needed to go to
college and grow up.

So have you grown up now?

What what kind of
come on. What I don't

I really don't understand.
What you want me to say here?

- Okay, let's just go.
- I don't want you to go.

- I don't - I don't
want you to go.

Jake, I don't want you to go.

It's your 10-year reunion.

Just go inside. I'm tired.

Come back when you're ready.

Garrity, now that's
what I call a rump roast.

No, I get down.

Hey. Your girl got a little bit,

but she's shakin'
what she's got.

She got some moves, doesn't she?

- Yeah.
- They're my new friends.

- Have fun.
- I'm her new friend.

I have new friends.

- You locked down a good one.
- Yeah, I know.

Now me... I'm about
to go on a safari.

You're really never gonna
settle down, are you?

Nah. I tried already.

Yeah? What happened?

Didn't stick.

They love me. I'm fun.

Come here, girl. Mmm-mm.

Come on, man. Get in this.

Okay, that was
fun. That was fun.

- What are we doing next?
- Yeah.

- Vanilla Ice?
- Ooh, genius. I like that.

- So no go with Jess?
- She was tired.

- You all right, man?
-Mmmmm.

- What?
- Hey, guys.

- What's up?
- Look who decides to hang out

- for a second.
- Yeah. What's going on?

You're in town for one night.

And we haven't seen you
once. What's going on?

- You guilting me?
- Maybe a little bit, yeah.

Aww.

- Who's the girl?
- Elise?

Mmhmm. Who's Elise?

What do you mean, "Who's Elise"?

- We went to school with her.
- Yeah, man.

Physics class. Mr. Ferguson.

Nope, nothing.

What's going on with
Mary? How's it going?

What do you mean,
"How's it going"?

Is she how you remember her?

No.

No?

- But no one is, so...
- I know.

- It's weird.
- It's cool.

- It's cool?
- Yeah, I like it.

You're so weird.

Shit.

This one's for the
Goo Goo Dolls.

This one's for Darfur.

It's so soft. I can't wait
to use it on my ass later.

Should we use eggs? Should
we use eggs? Too much?

- I think we're good for now.
- Okay.

- Thanks.
- Let's do it at the same time.

- Okay.
- Give yourself a little tail.

- It's really nice.
- That's a good tail.

How long is your tail?

- See, my tail keeps breaking off.
- That's a good tail.

- Okay, you ready?
- Fo' sho!

- So much.
- There's so much already.

- It's actually kind of beautiful.
- It's really beautiful.

- I hope she finds the beauty in it.
- I think she will.

Get your money out,
people. Don't be shy.

- I'm still waiting on that beer, bro.
- Get your money out.

I mean, you got the time here.

- What do you need?
- Yo, what's the holdup?

- I see you.
- Hey.

Where's where's Paul?

Um, early day tomorrow.

- So called it a night.
- Mm.

Jer.

- Jer?
- Where's Jess?

Same.

Tired.

Tired. She went
back to the hotel.

I think they're both tired
of our 10-year reunion.

I would be.

- Jen - They
should've shared a cab.

- That would've been awkward.
- There's only one of me.

Excuse me, miss. I'm so sorry.

I'm going in.

- Who wants a drink?
- What are you doing?

Baby, you in the weeds. I'm
just helping you out, all right?

- Everybody pays. Everybody pays.
- Yes, sir.

Okay. Who's next?
Get your money out.

- Beer.
- What kind of beer? Bud?

- Bud's fine.
- That's fine? Good.

There you go. Barn.
Done. Mary, you?

Um, just water.

- You better be driving.
- I am driving.

All right, all right. Water
it is. You fine, you fine.

Baby, what do you want?

- Jack and Coke.
- Jack and Coke? Jack and Coke.

Man, I made some serious
drinks while I was over in Japan.

- I'm keeping all the tips.
- Amazing drinks.

I'm serious. I'm definitely
gonna come visit you.

I promise.

I know I've been saying it, but
I'm gonna come before you leave.

- For sure.
- All right. I'm gonna hold you to that.

- Wow.
- Done.

When are you coming back?

All night long, I
get that question.

You know what? You
wanna hear a dirty secret?

I might never come back.

This might be the last time anybody
ever sees Scotty P in Pretzels.

So you're just gonna leave? You're
not gonna come see your family,

- your parents anymore?
- Parents are retiring, man.

Both of 'em, this year. So
they're contemplating moving over.

- Wow.
- What do you need?

That's crazy. And kind of sad.

No, no, no.

I love the fact that I got
to come back with Suki.

But you know, I loved
high school, I loved college,

and now I love Japan, man.

I love everything that I've
been able to do in my life.

And, you know what? I'm probably
gonna love what I do next, right?

Whatever happens.

So...

Why spend your time looking back

when you've got so
much to look forward to?

You know what I'm
saying? Crazy, yeah.

Sad? Pfft. No. No way.

Hello?

He's so drunk.

Shit.

I don't know if we do you
think we've done enough?

My arm's so sore.

We should take a picture of it.

- It's gorgeous.
- It's a winter wonderland.

I know.

Shh.

Shit. Shit.

Musical break, four
measures. Shots!

My God.

Marty?

- Is that you?
- No.

Hey. Sorry.

- Hey.
- AJ

- My God.
- Yay.

Would you just I have to

I have to get off.

Get off me.

One more. I wanna
do another one.

I'm doing it.

I'm actually allergic
to pretzels, so...

- So...
- being here is really dangerous for me.

So your tongue is swelling up?

- No, I have - That's
important information.

Reeves, they have your song.

- Reeves!
- What's up?

They have "Never Had."
They have "Never Had"!

Jesus.

They have your song
in the karaoke machine.

I want you to sing it.

- Really? You're gonna
do this - I would love it

I actually would love
it if you sang the song.

Everybody, Reeves. Who
wants Reeves to sing the song?

Reeves!

- You're gonna make me do this?
- I'm not gonna make you do it.

I would really
love it if you did.

- You're singing it.
- Come on.

You should've lied. You
should've said that you heard it

and that you liked it a lot.

I probably should have.

You definitely should have 'cause
then I wouldn't have to do this.

Yeah!

Get up there, Ricky
Martin. Let's go.

Jesus.

Give a hand to Cully,
ladies and gentlemen.

That's a big act to follow.

That's right.

Never karaoke'd myself
before. This is very weird.

I'm sorry. I'm gonna stop.

Sorry, I Jerry, do
you have a guitar?

- You got a guitar back there?
- Yeah.

- You want that?
- Yeah, bring it out.

- Let's do it.
- All right. Let's do this right.

I'm gonna sing.

Check, check.

Okay -

Here we go, GUYS-

If you guys wanna sing along...

Thanks, guys. Thank you.

That's for you, Mary!

Yeah! Shots!

- So that's your big hit song?
- That's my big hit song.

I didn't know you
remembered anything about me,

let alone could write
a song about me.

Really?

Well, there was that...
moment in the parking lot.

- The parking lot, yeah.
- After that basketball game.

Yeah, there was that moment.

I got scared. I
had my boyfriend.

Boyfriend in Austin.

Now you have a
boyfriend in Chicago.

Yeah.

I should go.

Getting scared again?

- Little bit.
- I'll walk you out.

Hey, Anna. Should
we wait outside?

You guys are 28 years
old. Do you remember that?

Sari')!-

Is that what you do in New York
now? Wrap people's houses?

- No.
- Is that how you roll now, Marty?

- I don't - I know
this is hard to believe,

but a couple of hours ago,
it seemed like a great idea.

It did. I was there. It really

You guys are gonna
clean all this up.

- Of course, yeah.
- All of it.

Absolutely. Every
ply. Every last little

- We should probably
- We could start now.

'Cause we got plenty
of time before our flight.

Well, come in. You're
letting all the cold air in.

Are you sure? We

- Thank you.
- So sorry again.

So, does your
mom still live here?

I hope we didn't wake
her up. We tried to be quiet.

- She's a deep sleeper.
- Okay.

Cool.

- It's nice it's cool you're
still - Mommy, you awake?

Was that a

Last call, people. Last call.

One more drink and
then the party is over.

Peter, what do you
want? Last customer.

- Vodka cranberry.
- Yeah.

- You have fun tonight?
- Yeah, it was pretty good.

Yeah, it was fine.

- Scotty?
- Yeah, baby.

Look who's ready to have fun.

- Shots.
- Shots.

Shots. Three shots.

- Let's do it.
- You, me, Jerry. Let's do it.

Barkeep, Jerry, let's go for it.

- You're driving.
- Who says I'm driving?

You want me to drive? All right.

Unbelievable.

You're not the only one
that can get drunk, you know?

Maybe there are some
other people at the bar

that would like to throw back
some drinks and, you know,

act like an asshole
and sing bad karaoke.

You thought my karaoke was bad?

Porter, come on, man. Are you
gonna take these shots with me or what?

So here's to you.

To my husband and your great
night and to us being the same age.

Cheers.

My God.

You Okay?

What was that?

- It's whiskey. You want another one?
- No.

Like you said, here's to me.

Sorry, Sam.

So much for that
being fun, huh, Jerry?

Peter?

We gotta talk.

Come here, dude.

Come on. We're buddies now.

- My God.
- I'm not a douche anymore.

Well, I guess that's

that's probably time.

Yeah.

I think that's it.

Are you good?

Are you good to get home?

Yeah. Sober.

YOU?

Yeah. I'm gonna figure it out.

Okay -

Come on, I'll walk you out.

Um...

I'm right behind you.

Okay -

- Hey, Jake?
- Yeah?

I think you owe me a dance.

Prom king.

I owe you a dance? Really?

I want to dance.

- Mommy?
- I'll be right there, sweetie.

Okay.

Hey I didn't even
know you had a child.

Or children.

I know. It's because
I didn't tell you.

You want some milk?

You want some milk, baby?

I know, I know.

So you have just the two little

whippersnappers or...

We should

Hey, I think

- Um, where's -
We're so sorry, Anna.

- So where's the
clad, or is he Marty.

Which one?

Which one do you want
to know about, Marty?

The dad who made
who helped you make

Shh. That's not

Are they two separate guys?

Yeah, Jack's dad, we met

I was cocktail waitressing
at a bar in college

and he moved to...

Atlanta, I think. Yeah.

And, well, Molly's dad...

I don't even know
where to start.

- You don't have to - Look...

this wasn't the plan.

I know you guys moved off
and became really successful.

And you're staring at
me looking at me like...

But

I mean, I

those pictures of
me in high school.

L and, no.

It's what you said,
about that glow.

I had it.

And I miss it.

And I just thought
for like, one night,

I could give it a fucking...

And then you guys
come and you ruin it.

You completely fucked it up.

I have a single bed.

I just have a little single
bed. A tiny little bed.

I have a 200-square-foot apartment
because New York is so expensive,

I can't afford anything more.

I don't even have a
separate room for my toilet.

It's just all in one room.

And I wanted to get a double bed,
but then I wouldn't have had room

for a partition around the
toilet. It would have just been

a bed and a toilet,

and then the living room
and the kitchen is all the same,

so I'd literally be
shitting where I eat.

So, you know?

I

My wife's leaving me.

- What?
- What?

Mm.

Are you serious?

Yeah, I keep screwing up
and she's getting sick of it.

Or she keeps screwing
up and I'm getting sick of it.

- It's - Why wouldn't
you tell me that?

There hasn't been a right time.

What do you mean, the
right time? Are you kidding?

I was best man at your wedding.

Who else are you
gonna talk to about it?

No one. No one. No, I'm
saying we all have messes.

It's...

We all have messes.

I have a tiny bed, you
guys have it's all relative.

- Hey.
- Hey, big guy.

- Mommy?
- Yeah?

I'm hungry-

Okay, sweetheart.

- Let me see what - You're
hungry? I'm also hungry.

This is I'm the mayor
of Hungrytown right now.

We're a bunch of
hungry, hungry hippos.

Hungry hippos here.
So we're with you.

We're totally with you, big man.

Big night.

Big night for Jules.

- I need French fries.
- Yeah, you do.

- Like, now.
- All kinds of French fries.

We need to go eat. I'm starving.

ls anything open?

- Night, guys.
- Night, Sam.

Hey. Let's go.

Wake up.

Hey. You Okay?

No.

Let's go.

Come on. You gotta stand up.

- Can you stand up?
- No.

Come here, come here.

Think you're gonna
remember this tomorrow?

Nope.

Okay. Let's get you
cleaned up, then.

- Another parking lot.
- Yeah.

Another parking lot.

So, hey. Where do you live?

'Cause I don't think I know
where you actually live.

I don't really live anywhere.

I live out of a suitcase.

Do you come back here often?

No. Almost never.

Well, I'll just give
you my number.

In case.

In case you ever do come back.

You could call
me, if you felt like it.

And doing that
would be a bad idea.

Why?

You're never here.
You're always on the road.

Right?

I'm here now.

So, Jess...

Yes?

You're gonna marry
her, aren't you?

Mmmmm.

What the hell are
you waiting for?

L-lrnrn'?

I don't know.

She's just perfect and
I need it to be perfect.

Then ask her.

And it will be.

I don't wanna leave.

I know you don't, but
I'm taking you home.

I feel like I don't even
know you anymore.

- Stop it.
- I don't.

What are you talking about?

I have always wondered what
it'd be like to sleep with a black guy.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Well, it's too bad you're
married to me, then, huh?

- Babe.
- What?

I'm the same guy you
woke up next to this morning.

Just with more skills.

Right, more skills. Exactly.

I have skills you
don't even know about,

so you don't even know that.

I'm glad we found a
better use for these eggs.

Yeah.

- Playing the piano.
- Right here.

She's gonna be a musician.

Do you guys want more?

- No, I think we're good.
- No. They're so good.

They're amazing.

Mart!!-

What'd you say now?

He said he thinks I'm
glowing more than ever now.

Yeah, yeah.

- You're great.
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

- What about you?
- What?

Are you haPPY?

I know you're all married
and everything now.

Yep.

You happy with Paul?

Not this again, really?

Okay, okay. Yes, I pinky swear.

I pinky swear.

I haven't told anyone.

- I'm pregnant.
- You're pregnant.

I'm such an idiot. I
should've with the water.

My God. How are you so little?

It's 10 weeks, so...

It's little.

My God. I'm

It's a little scary.

Don't be scared.

You hear me? Do not be scared.

You are going to
be just like your dad.

You're gonna be the
absolute best parent

that anyone could ever ask for.

No, don't, don't,
don't, don't, don't.

So you are happy.

It has a digital readout.

That's so unique. It
comes with a battery.

That is so generous.
A one-year warranty.

Ever since I had a
baby, I have had...

You waited up for me?

Yeah.

Thank you.

For waiting up for you?

No.

For making me stay.

I don't know. I
just needed to, like

I needed to see that
she was okay, whatever.

I know.

Yeah.

I think you know me
better than I know me.

I think I do, too.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

What am I thinking right now?

You're thinking you
want some bacon.

I'm always thinking of
bacon, so that's not fair.

No, you're not tickling
your way out of this.

I caught her staring at
him, like, seven times.

Wowie wow!

My God. We're so
glad you're here.

- Hey.
- No, we had to come back.

I'm glad you came back.
What'd you do, you go clubbing?

- Sit down.
- Good to see you.

- Take a seat, take a seat.
- Hi!

- We're going to Japan?
- Yes.

- You're all gonna go to Japan.
- Everybody.

I'm going to Japan.

I've been asked so many
times today, and they're like...

Vanillo, I'm serious.
Just come on.

- I'll try to get everybody.
- No yeah, right.

You will get everybody.
Just put it back.

It's just perfect. I
set it up perfectly.

- I'll put it back, I'll put it back.
- Okay, thank you.

- After I do this.
- No, Vanillo!

Hey, Vanillo. Just hanging
out at your reunion. Hi.

- What are you doing with this?
- I don't know.

- What do you mean, you don't know?
- I don't know.

You gotta be
filming for a reason.

- What's this for?
- I don't know.

It's just for us, really.
Nobody's gonna see it.

Who's us? I don't
know who us is.

So are you having
a good time here?

Yeah, are you
having who are you?

I'm Vanillo. Nick.

Hi, Vanillo. How's it going?

It's good to see you again.

It's good to see you, buddy.

- Remember Peter Chang?
- That's really bright.

- Yeah, I do.
- Jung. It's Peter Jung.

- It's Jung.
- I know,

but no one
remembers you by that.

- Peter Jung, remember?
- Yeah, yeah.

- I'm putting him in a car.
- Yeah.

The night is young.

Would you say the
night is Peter Jung?

My God. I spilled.

The night is Peter Jung.

You know, the night is Chang.

It's good to be
back, see everybody.

See Anna.

Whoo. What?

Does your mom have big boobs?

Whoo, she looks so good.

She looks really she almost looks
better than she did in high school.

She's got a little bit
of late twenties heft.

Like her body's
yearning to have a baby.