All language subtitles for 6C12194B4C2925D44A354FE454DA4C7B_eng

I'm late, I know.

Huh.

Did anyone call?

No.

Kendra didn't call?

No. No one.

That's good.

My son had a game this morning,

and he wanted me to
wait for his dad to get there,

and then I got caught in
some traffic or an accident...

You got in an accident?

What? No, I got stuck in
the traffic of an accident.

What are you doing?

Dishes.

Okay. Well, can you
come help me set up?

What do we need to set up?

The room, for the meeting.

Why are you doing dishes?

No one cleaned up
from this morning.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

That's very
responsible of you to...

Yeah. We got to tell them
to clean up after themselves.

I... I definitely
did tell them that.

What... who was it? Aa?

No, al-anon. Aa cleans
up after themselves.

Okay. Well, can you, uh...

How about you do
that a little bit later

and what... you wanna come
help me set up this room?

I wanna set it up
before Kendra gets here.

Okay.

Here. Help me
pull out this table.

Okay.

Oh, careful. Careful, careful.

Oh, sorry.

Let's see. Center
it a little more.

Okay.

Hi.

Hello. Hi.

- Judy?
- Yes.

Kendra Carter. Pleasure.

Well, this is very nice.

Thank you so much.
We think so too.

Most people just drive north
to St. Thomas these days,

but we find plenty to do here.

So where will they be meeting?

Oh. Um, right. I'm sorry.

I'm taking too long.

Sorry. I don't mean
to be rude, I just...

No, no, no, you're not
being rude. This is...

That's a really
wonderful question.

They're in a room downstairs.

Here, follow me.

We usually have
meetings down here,

but the reverend thought

they might need a
little more privacy,

so we're gonna put
them in the back.

Well, if you think it's best.

I do. I do.

I think it's lighter,
it has better...

You know, it's nicer.

And Linda approved it?

I've never actually met Linda.

She's not a
parishioner here. So...

But she's seen it?

Um, well, she met with
the reverend here privately,

uh, several times.

So I'm assuming that she did.

- Uh...
- Oh.

Will we hear this
music back there?

Oh, shoot. Yeah,
that's a problem.

It might be. Can they stop?

Uh, they have lessons today.

Can't we just close the doors?

I don't want it to
be a distraction.

You know what? I'm
gonna talk to them.

- It'll be fine.
- Thank you.

Absolutely. Uh, do you
want to see the room?

- Yes, please.
- Okay.

What do you think?

It's better back here.

Oh, right.

Sorry. I was told no one
would be in the building is all.

Oh, yeah. Um, I'm sorry.

We usually have them
practice down here.

But they're... we moved
them to the church.

Okay, so will anyone
else be in here?

The choir's rehearsing
for tomorrow.

Oh, right. I'm so sorry
that I moved the chairs.

Oh, no, it's fine.

But they're rehearsing
up in the church though?

Yeah.

That should be fine.

Anthony, can you,
um, go downstairs

and get the snacks that I
brought and bring them up

and set them up on
the far table over there?

Thank you.

But the room's okay?

I think so.

Great.

We got some bagels and
some water and, um, coffee.

I'm gonna make
some great coffee.

That's a nice idea.

Okay. Um, and the...
Sorry about the chairs,

- but the table is okay?
- The table?

The placement of the
table is good for you?

- It's fine.
- For the...?

Okay. Great.

That's great.

Placement of the table's great.

Do you have tissues?
Like a tissue box?

Yeah, we have
some right over here.

That's a really great
idea. Of course.

All right. Now we're
getting somewhere. Um...

How many people
are coming, again?

- Why?
- There'll be four of them.

You got, like, a lot of food.

I don't think they'll be eating.

- Oh, I'm sorry. I thought...
- What's this?

That's my lunch. You
can put that away. Um...

Sorry. I thought that I
should have some food.

Yeah, no, no. It's a
really nice thought.

I just... I don't think we
need to put all of that out.

- It's... we shouldn't.
- Right.

Right. Okay.

So how long have you
worked with the families?

- Anthony. That...
- What?

That's okay.

Just the one family.

But six years now.

- Wow.
- Oh, wow.

Were you working with
the family before the...?

No, no, no. It's how we met.

- Can we move these?
- Yes, absolutely.

- Thank you.
- Have they done this before?

Anthony, that's
none of our business.

Have you printed
out for tomorrow?

- I did.
- Okay,

did you fold for tomorrow?

- Sorry about him.
- No, he's fine.

We were gonna
give him the day off,

but then his family, they
really need to keep him busy.

You don't need to explain.

Okay, that's good of you.

I mean, he's really
sweet, most of the time.

But he's not your typical,
uh, church employee.

But then again, we
are episcopalian.

Sorry, that's just a
little Christian humor.

Oh, no, don't put
it in the center.

- Oh.
- It looks freaky.

Uh, put it to the side or
maybe back over there,

so they see it, but you know...

Right. I'm sorry. Of course.

So where...? Are you
gonna be doing all of this

in here with them or...?

No, they've, uh, they've
agreed to be alone.

Well, um, you can
come hang with us.

We're, um... we
have a lot of room

and we have great Wi-Fi.

Um, I have a few
calls I need to make

so I'll probably just
work from the car.

Oh, no, that's sad.
You should stay with us.

You can have the
reverend's whole office.

Oh, okay, we'll figure it out.

- Okay.
- Um...

What are these?

Oh, yeah. Aren't
those really neat?

That was a school
project. It's supposed to be

stained glass.

Is there something wrong?

Oh.

Right.

It's fine. You know what?

I'm... I'm gonna step out
and make a call. Okay?

- Sure, yes.
- Thanks.

Yes, please. Take your time.

Okay, that's it. Here we are.

I know. Keep driving.

What?

Just... I'm not... not now.

I'm not ready yet.
Just keep driving.

I don't know where we are.

Anywhere. Just go. Just drive.

Pull up around the corner
there, over there somewhere.

- Just go!
- Okay. Okay.

Hi, Linda. No problem.
I'm here. Take your time.

Have you spoken with Richard?

What the hell are we doing here?

Are you gonna be all right?

Honey?

I don't know.

- Okay.
- No, I don't know if I can...

I don't know if I can do it.

Well, we don't have to.

We could just turn
around and leave.

If that's what you want.

No.

I mean, I don't
think I can say it.

Okay.

Well, you know,
you don't have to.

We could just go there

and listen to what
they have to say.

You don't have to do
anything you don't want to do.

All right?

If I don't, would you?

I'm sorry. That's not fair.

No, it's... you
know, it's not...

I wouldn't, but...

Come on. Are you
ready to go back?

Okay.

All right.

Absolutely. We can discuss that

when I get back
day after tomorrow.

Oh, dear.

Mr. and Mrs. Perry?

Jay, please. Kendra?

Yes.

Gail?

Hi.

- Hi. Jay Perry.
- Oh, hi.

- This is my wife, Gail.
- My name is Judy.

- Hello.
- Hi, Judy.

- Hi.
- I'm Jay.

Hi. Thank you so
much for coming.

Thank you for, uh,
providing the space.

Oh, absolutely. We're
so happy we could help.

Well, we have you all
set up right back here.

Oh, yeah. We have some food...

Great.

...and some coffee, and some
water. Do y'all want anything?

I think we're good
for now. Right?

I'm fine.

- Thank you, Judy.
- Yeah, thank you.

Should... do you want
me to show you the space?

No, I'll show them. Thank you.

Okay, great. It's so lovely
to meet both of you, so much.

- Thank you.
- You can follow me.

Right here.

Is the room okay for you?

Uh...

Table, chairs,

Jesus watching us.

It's great.

Okay. Well, I know

we've gotten your
signatures on everything,

and you're all squared away

as far as our offices
are concerned.

But... while it's
just the three of us,

is there anything
you want to ask me?

I think we're okay.

Will they be here soon?

I just spoke with them.

They should be here any minute.

- Oh.
- Would you be okay

if I left you alone
for just a bit?

Absolutely. Sure.

I'll be right back.

Hi. No, I'm outside.

Oh, I... I see you.

We're right in here.

- Hello.
- Hi.

Richard, Linda, this
is Jay and Gail Perry.

We've met, actually.
It was a long time ago.

How are you?

Yeah, we're fine. Thanks.

Have you been waiting long?

No, we just got here.
We haven't even sat down.

How's the room? Okay?

- It's fine.
- I thought so.

Gail?

I'm fine.

Okay, good.

I brought these for you.

Oh. Oh.

- I'm sorry.
- No, they're...

Small.

No, they're very
nice. Thank you.

Should we sit?

Yeah, let's take a seat.

Take your coat?

Well, we've... we've spoken.

Yeah, we're all sorted.

We are. Yes.

Well, I'm grateful to see
you all together finally.

May I say that?

And I'm hopeful
that we all think

that this was a good thing to do

by the time we leave here today.

Is that okay?

- Yes.
- Thanks, Kendra.

All right, well, i'm
going to leave you alone.

Let me know if
you need anything.

Nice to meet you both.

- You too.
- Mmm-hmm.

You wanna maybe just...

These are nice.

Thank you.

I wanted to bring something.

Uh, I tried to pick
what's available

or seasonal, which isn't much.

- You made this?
- Yeah. Sort of a new hobby.

Oh.

Thank you.

Sure.

I'm sorry. Just... I
don't want to be rude.

But could we just,
like, while we're talking,

- just put these somewhere?
- Of course.

- No, no, no, I'll take it.
- Okay.

- I'm so sorry.
- No.

- Thank you.
- Oh, sure.

You know that... okay.

How was your trip down here?

Drive. We drove.
Yeah. It was fine.

Did you drive or...?

I flew in last night. I'm
leaving this afternoon.

Oh, okay. Right.

Will you be driving
back tonight or...?

We have a room, hotel arranged,

but we may not
want to stay over.

- Head back?
- Right.

So, um, look, thank you
for agreeing to meet us

and together.

Oh, you're welcome.

I appreciate you, all of
you, making the journey.

I know I'm not easy to get to.

We're happy to
come to you, Linda.

I mean, yes, and I, uh...

We want to start by saying that

we, uh, regret some of
the things that we said.

Oh, don't, don't be regretful.

We wish we didn't have to
rely so much on our attorneys.

But, uh, now it's really
just to protect our son.

- Steven.
- Mmm.

Yeah. How's he doing?

He's doing very well.
Thank you for asking.

They're in Baltimore
now, not far from me.

They have a little
boy on the way.

That's great.

Thank you. And how is Sophie?

- How's your daughter?
- She's, uh...

- She's doing fine.
- She's much better.

She's made a lot of
progress the last year.

She's looking at, uh,

applying to schools
now, college, for the fall.

Oh, that's wonderful.

- That's great.
- Thanks.

That's great. That's great.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Um...

Did you guys bring photos or...?

Yes, yes. I...

There was some
talk of maybe, uh...

It would be good to
share them. I don't know.

Gail, do you wanna...?

And I also brought
other things to share.

Yep. Kendra said you
might do that. Sure.

Okay, good.

I don't know if this
is a good time for...

Do you wanna wait till they go?

No. I'm okay.

No? Okay, so maybe
we should just...

No. We agreed, so... here.

Here. This is Sophie.

- Oh.
- Oh.

- Oh, she's beautiful.
- Oh, she's a young lady now.

Yeah. She's grown up a lot.

Oh, oh.

Yeah.

- Oh.
- And this is, uh...

I'd like to see them.

Okay.

This is Evan when he was three.

- Oh, my goodness.
- What's he got there?

- He's so sweet.
- It's, uh...

It's one of those,
uh, roller thing...

Push that thing everywhere

and balls would
bounce, would pop.

They'd pop out
of it, yeah. Yeah.

Oh, right, I remember those.

Yeah, yeah.

Do you have the...
His catcher picture?

Bring the catcher picture?

Yeah, we have it. We brought it.

Okay. You wanna...?

Oh. Here it is.

I think he was about
12. Little league.

Oh.

He was a good
athlete, wasn't he?

Yeah, he was
really good at sports.

Look at him.

I mean, he liked
a lot of things.

He was, you know...

Sung in a band,
model UN, a lot of stuff.

But, yeah, he was
a very good athlete.

Oh.

The... it's a funny thing,
but the catcher outfit...

He didn't want to play catcher.

He just liked the gear.

Oh, he liked the gear.

- Yeah.
- Oh.

So, um, do we have
one of all of us, or...?

Of course. Lots.

We had to print
a lot of photos out.

Nobody has photographs anymore.

- Right?
- Yeah.

It's nice to hold something.
Not just, you know...

- It is.
- This is us.

- That's...
- That's the last Christmas.

Yeah, we were always...
We made them all dress up.

"Cheesy," we're saying
there. We're not saying cheese.

Our family never did.

They thought we were so
stupid because... ridiculous.

I'm sorry.

- It's okay.
- Yeah.

- No, I'm sorry.
- Here.

No, don't be, Linda.

No, no, maybe we should...

- Okay.
- I wanted to share too.

No, I wanted to
share ours too, but...

It's hard.

It is.

Honey?

Thank you.

I'm sorry.

I...

If I could just show
you something?

No, we don't have to.

- No?
- No, no, no, no.

Maybe it wasn't a good idea.

No, I want to.

I brought something.

Uh, it's easier.
It's not photos.

But is that okay, Gail?

Sure.

Okay. Right.

So, this is...

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

He used to carry
this all the time.

When? Fourth and
fifth grade, right?

No, younger than that.

What am I looking at?

Well, he used to
love to collect snails.

He was just
fascinated by snails.

And he would
collect them in this jar.

And he would carry them
around with him wherever he went.

But, um, kids...
Thought it was weird.

It was, a little.

He just loved them.

But there were problems
with keeping them this way.

He would just get
so upset, you know.

And when snails
break, it's... no.

So one day, he
showed up with this.

Paper snails. See?

- Yeah.
- There's leaves and a flower.

And I think this is a rock.

Uh-huh.

- It's a garden for the snails.
- Right.

And he said, "this
way, they won't die."

I think it's so, so clever.

Yeah, that is.

I thought it... I
thought it was.

And then when I
had my concerns...

You did?

Oh, not...

About his sensitivity.

Yeah.

Although, really, I
was happy for him to...

Find a solution.

He was always
determined to find a solution.

Yeah. I was happy that he was.

Well, thank you.

Thank you

- for sharing that, Linda.
- Yeah.

I just wanted to, um,
show you something.

- Mmm-hmm.
- The...

So, your daughter.
She's doing well?

- Yeah.
- She's doing well, yes.

Yeah, she's gonna be fine. Yeah.

She's a lot more
sociable than she was.

Or she's, um...
Actually, we miss her.

Now, she's out too much.

She's dating.

I don't know if
she's actually...

She's dating.

Oh. Well, there you
go. So she's, uh...

Yeah.

She's starting to be
a lot more herself.

Oh. That's wonderful.

Yeah. She's made
a lot of progress.

Oh. That's wonderful.

You mentioned to Linda

that you've made some
progress yourself, um,

in your letters.

A therapist?

Oh, I'm sorry, I did share that.

I did share it with him.

She just mentioned.

Um, you mentioned that you
found someone who's been...

Yes, she's been very
helpful. That's right.

That's good.

Yeah, that's...
She's... she was...

Well, she is a big
reason why we're here.

Okay, so you both see her.

Well, um...

- We do.
- Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

And she has encouraged
us to express ourselves today,

but not to interrogate,
that's important,

to be curious, and
not defensive...

Not vindictive.

- She said "vindictive."
- Not defensive?

No, if we are vindictive.

All right. Sorry.

It doesn't matter.

The point is that we're
not here to attack you,

and we've promised that.

But we've felt everything
that we've said.

Right? We're not...

We're not going to
apologize for our feelings.

Thank you for your honesty.

We want to listen,

and we want to heal.

Of course.

You know, your letters

meant so much to me.

Even the hard ones, I really...

I really appreciate them.

We can tell that you've
done a lot of work, continue to,

and I don't just mean
what you've done publicly.

But it is admirable how
you put yourselves out there.

Uh, we actually, Linda and I,

have, um, followed
your work for years.

- Right.
- Well, everyone's...

- Yeah, everyone's, but...
- Well, thank you.

But I... I don't get any
pleasure from it, you know.

It can be defeating,
that kind of activism.

Yes, it can, but I
don't like that word.

I'm not...

I wouldn't know what
else to do with myself.

Your persistence is admirable.

Well, thank you.

But we're really not here
today to talk about that.

Oh, I don't think
it's not relevant.

You don't believe, as a country,

we are meeting our obligations.

Well, I didn't... that... I was
quoting President Obama.

No, I don't. I think
we're killing each other.

- We are.
- I don't disagree.

But there are just so
many factors that...

You know, it's not about
one thing or the other. It...

Yeah. Sorry.

No. Go ahead.

It's just, I promised I
wouldn't talk about it today.

- We don't have to.
- No.

It's just... can I just say that

it's not whether it's
one thing or the other.

That's the fallacy.

That's their whole
distraction, or defense.

You know, "don't look
over here by guns."

"Look over there
by mental health,"

as if, you know, it's not
possible to address both.

It's insulting.

Yes, we can. But if your
child wanted to hurt himself,

would you only remove

the dangerous
items from the house?

No. You'd want to help him.

You'd want to find
out what was wrong

and you'd want to change that.

Hey, why are we
talking about this?

What?

Why are we talking about this?

I didn't come here
to listen to this.

Yeah, okay. I'm sorry.

- I didn't mean to offend.
- Oh.

I just think that we find,

through blame, our
means to change,

and I want to question that.

I want to look at everything
because I blame myself,

and I can't change that.

What do you mean?

- I can't...
- When you say that,

what do you... what do
you mean when you say that?

I can't change what I've done.

You... so you blame yourself?

I'm asking...

- Do you blame yourself?
- Hey.

No, I want to know.

I didn't come here
to talk fucking politics.

I wanna know.

We don't wanna interrogate.

I can imagine how hard it
is to live with his actions.

- It is.
- But our loss...

Please just tell me
what you mean by that.

When you talk about
blame on your part,

I want to know what
you're referring to.

There is nothing that wasn't
covered in the depositions.

But I want to hear it now.

We never filed against you.

We never took
part in any of that.

Maybe a better way
than interrogating

- is to learn what we remember.
- Fine. Fine.

So... tell me what you remember.

Tell me about your son.

What would you like to know?

Everything, I want
to know everything.

Why?

Why do I want to
know about your son?

Because he killed mine.

How far back
would you like to go?

Wherever you need.

Because I can
tell you everything.

But there's so much
that no one will ever know.

He was shy, always.
Even as a baby.

We watched him.
But I wasn't concerned.

I saw things that
no one else saw.

He didn't play well with others.

Not that he was mean.

He just didn't seem
to know how to.

And later, when he was older,
he only wanted to be outside.

He loved the outdoors.

I know this. No, I know this.

I mean, he was shy,
he loved animals.

I've read everything.

I don't know what
you want me to say.

What did worry you?

You said you never
worried, but what scared you?

My son never
scared me as a child.

The photographs I have,

the ones we don't
want to look at...

I don't need to see them. Okay?

- That's not why we...
- I don't need to see him.

- Sure. Okay.
- I want to know what changed.

When he was 13, he
started going online.

He started that gaming
profile, that account.

They weren't violent games then.

I know that, but...

They were fantasy
games, like role-play.

Yeah, I know
that. But it was still

the same account
that he used later on.

So I'm just asking,
what changed?

That's very hard to answer.

- Well, please try.
- It's not just one thing.

Then tell me more
than one thing.

Okay, Gail. Let's
not do it like this.

- Okay?
- Okay.

All right.

You're right.

- I'm sorry.
- Yeah, yeah. Just...

We're not interrogating.

Then what are you doing?

I say that as
compassionately as I can.

What are we doing?

You say you want
to heal. We all do.

Is this how?

I think, uh, we
wanna know why...

How this happened.

- Right?
- Mmm.

I mean, we... we
need to hear that.

We need your help with that.

I'm willing to help.

We moved.

You asked what
changed. We moved.

We did, but we can't be certain

which changes affected him most.

The new school with
a new environment.

It's very, very hard.

Hayden didn't
have close friends,

growing up, as
you probably know.

But by middle school,
that mattered more,

and it affected him.

A lot of things
changed at that age.

I had a new job.

Steven was
applying for colleges.

So we were looking at
tuition costs, private schools.

We moved.

Our older house had more space.

Outdoors, but where
we moved to actually

was a much bigger home.

That's true.

But where we were
had a great backyard.

The new neighborhood
was very nice.

It was just more suburban.

Plots.

There wasn't the
freedom he was used to.

But it was nice.

It was, Richard.

The new school
was very hard for him,

seventh grade in
particular. Bullying.

Yes, it was... it was very bad.

Yes. And the boys
were a few years apart.

So Steven, who was
really thriving in high school,

he didn't have a
lot to give Hayden

at that time, unfortunately.

Sometimes I wish that
the boys had been closer,

closer in age so that they
could've shared friends.

We never planned or
expected to have another.

I think he was lonely, uh,

and I think he missed
how things were.

And that's when
he began to spend

more time on the computer.

The games, you know, we
thought they were creative.

We... we encouraged
them at first.

He could make choices.

He could be whatever
he wanted to be.

And we could hear
him playing with others,

and he would laugh,
which made me...

I'm very sorry.

Uh, and he was
doing well in school.

I mean, yeah, which was
confusing and misleading.

He always had very good grades.

- He was first...
- Yeah, I know.

- I'm sorry. I... I just...
- That's fine.

We had nothing to do
with publishing his grades

or scores, any of that.

Yeah, well, you didn't
speak out about anything.

I was only saying that...

Well, we mistakenly thought
his grades were a sign

that things were okay.

- That's not all.
- It is, Richard.

We thought that's what mattered.

He wasn't fitting in. It hurt.

The good grades made us

- look past some of it.
- Okay.

Why didn't the
school say anything?

This was middle school.

I know. But why?

The school couldn't be bothered.

He was quiet, and
he was doing well.

He didn't require attention.

But there was a teacher,

a math teacher in
the eighth grade...

Linda.

No.

Hayden loved him.

I don't know what
the connection was,

or why it was so great.

But he made him feel
confident when he didn't.

I wish I had...

When he was really
struggling later on,

I tried to see if he
could talk to him.

But he had left for another
school. And I didn't...

I gave up looking for him. I...

- I'm sorry.
- That's... that's okay.

He was teased because
he had other interests.

I think it made him embarrassed

to have those other interests.

He saw being
different as a deficit,

and we didn't
know it or realize it

until he showed
signs of depression.

He didn't strike you
as being sad before?

Quiet, but no.

- Violent?
- No, not then.

When we grew
concerned, we got help.

When was that?

His medical records
were made public.

We know the timeline.
We read everything.

- We want...
- But what specifically?

It was his unwillingness
to do things.

When Steven left for college,

he became angry at
our attention for him.

What would be wrong with that?

I think he resented our concern.

He wouldn't even
let us touch him.

So that's when you got him help?

Eventually.

- He didn't want to...
- He never did.

We finally forced
him to see someone.

And we didn't feel
we had a choice.

But he begged us to stop.

He pleaded with us
to let him be normal,

or that he didn't
need it anymore.

He said the sessions
made him feel not...

What?

Not human.

He said that?

The therapist said he
needs to stop isolating.

It's only reinforcing his
negative expectations.

All this time online is not
enhancing his relationships.

It's making him lonelier.

So, you just let him stop going?

For a while.

And then things would change
or something would happen...

- Like the pipe bomb.
- ...And we'd go through it

again. Yes. Yes.

That certainly had consequences.

Consequences.

At the time, it did.
He was arrested.

There was no consequence.

I know how that sounds,
but we were devastated.

And we tried everything.

Was the doctor good enough?

Would they get the
prescription right?

Did they take insurance?

I mean, of course we
would have paid anything,

but it was expensive.

I'm just saying, this was
the reality of how it was,

how defeating,

and even with all the
professional advice,

it came down to
the two of us alone,

making the choices.

And we tried, over
and over again.

- You can see.
- It's true.

There is no new information

regarding his criminal
or medical records.

You have access to everything.

Why didn't you tell the school?

This was high school.

We didn't have to.

He had just started there...

- What?
- ...And...

I didn't want it to
reflect badly on him.

If we thought he
was dangerous...

Oh, god.

- I'm sorry.
- As long as he completed

- his program, his reports...
- Jesus Christ.

The program was a joke.

They made mistakes.
They missed things.

We all did.

But he was lying.

What?

Did you know that?

I suspected that he
was holding things back,

but I never, never
could have believed...

I understand not
speaking publicly

made it look like
we had secrets.

I don't... i'm...
It's not secrets

that I have doubts
about, though.

Or facts. It's... knowing.

It's parents' intuition, hmm?

You feel it. It should hurt you.

It did.

And we got him help.

We didn't know.

And everything that
happened afterwards,

the lawsuits, the media,

the hate that
flooded into our lives,

never once did we feel
ready or prepared for any of it.

We just did the best to survive.

So why not speak?

Because I didn't have an answer.

Why not help prevent
this from happening again?

Because I don't know how.

That's why you didn't speak.

You had no answers. No idea.

Just understand that until
the civil statutes ran out,

we were rarely given
permission to speak.

Even our apologies
had to be worded.

Linda couldn't join a
mothers' support group

because they worried that

she'd put the other
women at risk.

- At risk?
- Of being deposed.

I didn't know that.

Well, look...

A lot of what happened in
the aftermath was wrong.

We know now a lot of
mistakes were made,

even from the beginning,

just institutionally,
legally, everything.

But we didn't sue

and we're not gonna.

We signed all those
waivers for today.

We didn't want anything.

We wanted Evan back.

Yeah, and that was impossible.

In hindsight, we would
have done things differently.

The authorities would have,
too. There was negligence.

That was the basis of
all the settlements, but...

Where's your regret?

That's what we
want to see. Right?

Where is your regret?

I regret everything.

The worst outcome
imaginable happened.

Any change I might have made

could have resulted
in a different outcome.

I regret everything.

How can you be
so matter-of-fact?

How else can I be?

I don't know. The way you
can just talk about it so...

Look, we decided
against litigation.

But that doesn't
mean that we don't

want to see you in pain.

We want to see you punished.

We want to see that you hurt.

- Like everyone else.
- Like everyone else.

- Like you.
- Yeah, like me, like us.

Like our daughter,
who doesn't sleep.

Jay...

Fine.

Okay, he has this boy
who makes a pipe bomb,

a pipe bomb.

And he's arrested. He
was put in this program.

I was scared.

What?

We were, Richard.

We were scared.

I was scared.

You were?

I was.

He told us before he
had contemplated suicide.

But it was only on that test

that he mentioned
thoughts of homicide.

We were scared.

But I was trying to see
the best possible outcome.

We should have
done something then.

- Now...
- We should have,

we should have...

Of course now, but what?

And I couldn't accept that
he would throw away his future

because of a homemade
bomb, Linda. Please.

Where did this interest
in bombs come from?

Didn't it surprise you at all?

- Yes.
- We didn't know,

anywhere. Yes. It
surprised us. It shocked us.

He said he read it online.

He said he was bored.

He said it was just
something to do.

"I'm not the only one."

- What?
- Yes, that's what he said.

And once he'd made it,
he figured he'd set it off.

He went back to the woods.

Where we used to live.

No one was around.

He wasn't trying to...

He didn't...

We hoped it was
what he said it was.

Later on, when we found
more plans in his room,

he said there was good
money in artillery engineering,

working in the
defense department.

That was his excuse.

You couldn't have believed that.

We knew nothing about it.

After everything, no.

How could you
have believed that?

Because I wanted to.

He told me things.

He did.

I thought he confided in me.

But now I know that some
of the things he told me were

purposefully deceitful,

to keep me away.

We really did think he
was turning things around.

We had plans for the summer.

For college.

We were told that once...

I'm sorry.

...once someone
decides their fate,

they do find some happiness.

They can even appear euphoric.

Those last few
months, we were happy.

He checked off
homicidal thoughts.

His therapist said
that was normal.

Normal?

For a young man to be angry.

Why ask the question if
you choose to ignore it?

Your neighbor called the police.

He called us, not the police.

About a year before.

That was a bad night.

We would try to calm him down,

minimize whatever it was
that was bothering him.

I think that, in the end,

it may have only
intensified his feelings.

He could be frightening.

He would get frustrated, easily.

Frustrated with things
he couldn't figure out.

And that would...

- Embarrass him.
- Yes.

And it was always hard
for him to ask for help.

But eventually, he just...

...stopped asking entirely.

Maybe my expectations
for him were too high.

I'd let it go, thinking
not to bother him.

But then, I...

I'd just be letting him go.

Look, I've done my accounting.

There isn't a criticism
I haven't heard

or placed upon myself.

We were not impassive,
as you've said.

- What...?
- Indifferent.

You didn't speak
out. You said nothing.

- We released a statement.
- That's bullshit.

"Thoughts and
prayers." That's it?

When we asked for privacy,

we were accused
of hiding something.

You didn't deserve privacy.
You don't deserve privacy.

You should have said something.

What should we say?

- I'm asking you.
- You...

No, I'm asking you. No.

- No, no. What would we say?
- I don't know.

You said that when it
happened, you weren't...

I'm asking you.
What should we say?

That when it happened,

- that some part of you knew.
- No.

What should we say?

That when it happened,

that some part of
you wasn't surprised.

We were surprised.

We didn't know what happened.

I still don't know.

I came home from
work and the phone rang.

His friend called the
house to see if he was there.

I said, "aren't you
both in school?"

I didn't...

He said he hadn't
seen Hayden all day,

that something happened.

Something was happening.

I had no idea...

Even when I turned
on the television.

I saw the school from above.

I... I...

...what he could have
been talking about.

We didn't know.

His friend. This
was Alex. Right?

- Yes.
- Yeah. Who knew.

No. He suspected.

They were his father's guns.

He didn't know
Hayden had taken them.

He thought... he thought
to ask you to go look.

So he must have
thought about it...

He asked because
it had happened.

He was there.
None of us knew yet.

"Go and look in his bedroom."

- He said... the closet.
- Yes. Yes.

It was Alex.

He said he wasn't
answering his phone

and that no one had seen him,

could I check?

Yes. I didn't understand
what I was even looking for.

I thought he would tell me.

He just kept crying
and saying, "I'm sorry."

I thought he did something.

We all did.

None of us knew that
Alex's family had guns

or that Hayden had used them.

We learned all of that after.

Where were you when...?

I was working.

I have events out of order,

apparently.

Um...

A friend, a colleague,
called me out of my office,

- and the television was on...
- Wait, wait. Stop. Stop.

We don't wanna hear...
We don't need to hear this.

We just want to know why
you didn't do something,

why you couldn't say something.

I want to.

- What?
- I want to hear.

What's the point? Why?

I know. I want to hear.

I called you.

Yes. But it was...

Hard for us to speak.

I tried, but I couldn't.

I could tell. So I
feared the worst.

But I hadn't...

You said, "he was never here."

His room. It was...

His bed was made,

and there was this
notebook on his pillow.

I'd never seen it before.

It was worn and marked.

Oh, I was so scared.

It must have been
there all day, all night.

I didn't know what
she had seen yet.

I was just trying to get home.

And at one point, I thought,

"why am I going home? I
need to get to the school."

And then I got a
call from my sister.

She kept telling
me to pull over,

and I said I will not.

I would not stop
driving, and then

we were both crying.

So I just...

I don't remember.

I pulled on to our street,

and I guess that's where
I wanted to go, and...

- But I was too late.
- Hmm.

Hundreds of them, all in black.

So sudden, and helicopters...

Couldn't get near our driveway,

so I just left the car.

I still don't know
who moved it back.

Yeah.

They kept us apart.

They made me wait outside
while they searched the house.

They kept me in the backyard.

I kept saying it was
a mistake. It was...

There was a young
policeman watching me

to make sure I didn't,

I learned this
after, hurt myself.

Finally, I said,
"is my son dead?"

And he said,

not unkindly,

"yes."

"But that's all I can tell you."

As if...

It was wrong what they
did, keeping us apart.

It was wrong.

It was, Richard.

Yeah, they didn't have to.

I kept asking,
demanding, to see my wife.

I begged, Linda.

It's not our fault, Richard.

It was wrong.

It was.

There were many times I
wished he had killed me too.

But he loved us.

He told us.

He said he was sorry for
what he would put us through.

In his notebook.

Yeah.

He destroyed your lives.

All of our lives.

He did. But the love we had,

it was real!

And the truth is, we believed
we were good parents.

And in some awful,
confusing way, we still do.

Isn't it worse that I thought
I was a good mother?

I love my children.

Other parents... I
wasn't so different.

How did I do
things so differently?

That makes it...

It's very hard to trust
anything anymore.

I raised a murderer.

And sometimes I...

I don't know if
I'm still grieving

or if I ever really have.

The service was in secret.

No local church
would memorialize him.

Richard had to
beg to Bury his son.

And when we finally found
a place, I was so ashamed.

Their kindness...

You're supposed to
tell stories. We hid.

Many friends, our friends,
didn't know what to say.

- They didn't come.
- No.

We had our closest
relatives with us, good friends.

I remember looking at the clock.

We were so
overwhelmed with blame.

Our financial situation
was impossible.

Grief felt like
something out of reach.

I didn't stop him
because I didn't know.

And I didn't say anything

because I didn't
know what to say.

And I'm sorry.

I never thought I had
enough good to say.

I want answers. I do.

I have to reconcile his actions

with the child I
loved and raised.

But maybe there are none.

And maybe we're
the last people to ask.

"We know the hate."

Joy Murphy's parents
used to say that.

Remember their church?

"We need not know why the
hate for we know the hate,"

or some stupid thing.

Are these for us?

I'm sure it's all right.

Does anybody want one?

- No, thank you.
- I can't breathe in this room.

Ah.

That whole church
movement thing afterwards

made me so angry.

What? The devil?

Really?

Meaningless.

Trust the catholic
church to come up

with the most bankrupt response.

Sorry.

This is an episcopal church.

Okay, I don't know. I'm...

I'm Christian.
I'm not religious.

Ah.

They recycle here or...?

Just leave it.

Huh!

At least they found
acceptance first.

Yeah. At least they
understood it for...

I don't know.

But for the rest of
us who need reason,

we need to look at what he was.

We knew he was troubled,
just not how capable.

I believe you. You didn't...

I'm asking because

a psychiatrist
told us afterwards

that he wouldn't have
shared his problems.

That he probably
couldn't. That...

We thought he
might with his friends.

We asked him to.

He finally started making
friends again, in high school.

He found a good group.

A good group?

Alex, who showed him
where his family's guns were?

Hayden stole those guns.

His friends had
nothing to do with it.

That group that went
to the gun ranges,

that sat up all day and
night playing call of duty.

It's a video game.
They're simulations.

And how many visits
to the gun range?

- Only two.
- No, that we know of.

And any... you don't
need to go anymore

with these games now.

If you'd allow me to finish
addressing your point,

I'm just saying that
by the end of his life,

whatever was going on
inside, he seemed popular,

- for him, in his circle.
- Fine. Sure.

Okay, but I'm talking
about something different.

And I'm just saying

that we couldn't know
how isolated he was

because he was popular.

Or not... that's not
the right word, I know.

But we couldn't know the
level of intimacy in his social life

from where he had been.

We were just happy for
him to have a social life.

Okay. That isolation...

But he was bullied
in high school.

Not by his friends.

But still.

They all told the police

how often he talked about
killing certain students.

They said they
all talked like that.

His group of friends
experienced a lot of bullying.

Well, that's fine. I don't care.

Sorry. If I could
just get this out.

That isolation, that...

Even with friends,
that detachment,

sometimes indicative of a
lack of feeling, of empathy.

Now add to that
thousands of hours online

and no real human contact.

I'm just... this is how the
psychiatrist explained it.

We understand the psychology.

Okay, then, maybe you
know about the studies

using fmri, brain scans,

where they say they
can see a response,

or lack of response,
in the brain.

There's actually
less connections,

less matter in the prefrontal
cortex and the amygdala.

- Jay, Jay...
- No, please, wait.

I'm just...

Have you heard
of mirror neurons?

Jesus, Jay, we're not qualified.

I'm not an expert, okay,
but I'm trying... I think...

This could be helpful.

I don't know, the basic idea.

If we could have seen,

we could have been
able to predict something.

You know, the doctors,

with these tests,
what they can show...

I know.

They show certain
pictures or words

that should generate a response,

an emotion or a feeling,

but they don't.

Exactly. And people
diagnosed with psychopathy...

My son was empathetic.

He felt a great deal.

Well, maybe he was.

Maybe you didn't know
what he was feeling.

Maybe he was hiding things.

My son was not a psychopath.

He was in terrible pain.

Maybe not treatable, right?

Because did anything ever work?

I mean, how many
medication? Drugs?

I mean, if it's in the
structure of the brain,

you know, then it's not just
pathological, it's physical.

I understand what
you want to say.

So that it's not high school,

middle school, moving, whatever.

It's him.

Do you remember Evan as a baby?

I feel Hayden as
my baby every day.

His helplessness.

His crying, then his smile.

I don't believe in
what you're saying.

Linda, something
must have happened.

- There was no abuse.
- Not just abuse.

Neglect? We were there
whenever we could be.

And sometimes, you
can't be. I know that.

But we have to
correct their course

when we do have them.

So we failed.

I know that.

And I did everything
to try to correct it.

And I'd give anything if I
could be there with him.

You were there.

If I could have known.

But maybe nobody could
have broken through.

Maybe he wasn't capable...

No!

Bipolar disorder,
depression, mania, adhd,

possible
schizoaffective disorder.

None of that is psychopathy.

You don't know what
you're talking about.

If you take the medical records

with the criminal report,

which, now finally
we have the full report,

don't you have to
weigh the evidence,

the facts of what he did,

against your personal
relationship history with him?

He became those things.

He wasn't always those things.

Well, you can trace how far back

to when he started planning it.

We can trace his
footsteps, for Christ's sake.

I don't think the timeline

definitively proves anything

about his mental state.

How can you say that?

We're not denying what
he did or who he became.

Well, I can't help
but hear you blame

a not abnormal child.

He was my son.

I can't remove my feelings

from our history or his records.

I'm not asking you to.

I'm saying that what he
did, his capacity for murder,

was probably potentially
there a long time

before anyone could have known.

You think you can attach
one word to something

in order to understand it?

To make you feel safe?

Well, I won't say it.

I don't believe it.

It's not simple.

It's everything you cannot see.

And it left him helpless.
He was helpless.

But it's our job to help.

That's our job.
And at some point,

it doesn't matter whether
or not you see the signs.

We still... it's still
our obligation.

I said I failed.

Maybe you didn't know
who you were dealing with.

Look, the report
speaks for itself.

He was gone by then. He was.

I mean, the deliberate choices.

- He did not target.
- What?

- What...?
- What are you ta... what?

What difference does that make?

He would have said so.

What? Well, how is that better?

What? What do you
mean, he did not target?

He never met any of them.

Jesus Christ. Oh,
it was his school.

His students.

He'd never been
in that classroom.

He wanted to kill them.

Those students, they
weren't in his grade.

- Evan...
- Don't. No, no, don't.

- I'm just saying...
- Just don't.

- I'm just saying.
- Well, don't.

- Okay.
- He didn't know them.

- He wanted them to suffer.
- Oh, Jay.

- But not...
- What?

Intentionally? Is that
what you were gonna say?

He didn't seek to make
any one individual suffer.

Well, my son suffered.

Evan suffered so
much, and he let him.

I'm sorry. Both of you.

- No...
- I know what happened.

- Wait.
- No, you don't.

He did the most awful
thing I've ever known,

but I know the report.

No! You do not know
how my son died!

God.

He entered Evan's
classroom at 1:29 P.M.

He threw a bomb into
the center of the desks.

He started shooting.

He stayed there
for half a minute.

He could have killed them all.

He chose not to.
He watched them.

They saw his face.
They saw him looking.

He knew Evan was alive.

He knew exactly who was alive
and who was dead when he left.

We could never see
into that classroom.

No, he suffered.

Six minutes.

Six minutes later,
he comes back,

your son, he retraces his steps.

He's in the hallway again.

1:35, he's come back to finish.

And Evan is there.

The last gunshot, 1:36,

goes into my son's...

Neck.

Into his artery.

- Jay...
- No. Six minutes.

He was alive. He
was trying to get out.

The blood trails show
where he was trying to...

Jay, please stop. Jay: No!

He came back. He was methodical.

He was looking.

And Evan...

...was still alive.

I know.

You do not know.

I know!

I know.

The streaks on the floor.

The way he was crawling.

I know the wounds,

in what order.

How he fought.

And how he died.

Nah.

He died.

Now, please stop.

Please stop.

Caroline, Jonathan, and
Tory were killed instantly

in the blast.

Daniel, shot three times,

twice in the lungs,
once in the heart.

He died seated at his desk.

Juliana, shot twice in
the leg, once in the knee,

once in the thigh,

the femoral artery.

What are you doing?

She lost her vision from
the glass in her eyes.

She tried to crawl
out of the classroom.

But she died before
finding the way.

Okay.

Vanessa, shot four times,

twice in the abdomen,
twice in the head.

We understand you know.

The victims, and the wounded.

I'm sorry.

But I do know.

All of them.

I know Evan, his story that day.

And I know Hayden's.

He did go back.

He was going to the library,
where he wanted to die.

He told us, wrote
to us in his notebook.

"That's where you'll find
me. Where it's quiet for me."

Where, respectfully,

the last shot was at 1:41.

In the library.

People saw. Kids saw.

- Christopher...
- Shot in the head.

I know.

My son.

Shot in the face,

hiding underneath the
table, begging for his life.

That is what they said.

That's... that's not feeling.

- That is hate.
- That's...

Disturbed? Hate? Rage?

- Hopelessness?
- No, no, no.

Apathy, indifference.

- Cold, callous.
- Evil?

Do you want to say?

Because I...

I won't.

I won't.

It doesn't matter.

We went to the school.
Did you know that?

It was supposed to be
for the victims' families,

and Hayden wouldn't
be counted as a victim.

So we fought for that.

And we saw, we saw the damage.

The windows, the black stains.

We saw his hate.

- The lines.
- What he did. What?

The lines or tape.

The outlines of the children.

- Mr. Moore.
- Hmm.

The bodies. Yeah.

I was...

I didn't know you
were allowed in.

Well, they kept that
secret. They didn't want...

More outrage.

The world mourned 10.

We mourned 11.

There would be no
memorials for 11.

No concerts reading 11
names, and I understood that,

but I would not be
excluded from that too.

The damage, though...

How much...

He was in pain.

It was the pain that
brought him there.

I didn't want another child.

But...

Once he was born...

I loved Hayden so much.

But maybe...

Maybe he should
never have been born.

No.

We should never have
gone to the school.

I just remember this
terrible feeling of awe,

just awe at what
my boy had done.

And then a long, skinny
frame outlined in the carpet.

All alone.

I knew it was him.

Not because of
where it was or...

I just knew it was him.

I recognized Evan too.

Not because of the lines.

The number.

The number
markers for the report.

Yeah.

He was number one.

I guess he was
the first they found.

He was...

He was my...

That was hard.

It was.

But you know, and
please forgive me,

it made me feel
like the rest of you.

Some parent said,

I can't remember who,

said early on in a mean
way, meant to be mean,

that you were the
loneliest people in the world.

As if that was justice. As if...

Well, we were.

I still get mail.

Some hateful, some sympathetic.

Mostly just strange.

I can't say I understand
the purpose of it,

but it only reminded
me of what he had done.

And I was trying to restore
my memory of... of who he was.

And that's what I have to do.

Do you understand?

You said he destroyed our lives.

Yes, he did.

And while I know the world

would have been
better without him,

I can't say I would have been.

Oh, god.

I'm sorry. I know that's...

- No.
- I shouldn't have said that.

It's just... it's just...

I thought I had to believe

that my son's life had no value

because of what he
did before he died,

but I don't have to
believe that, do I?

Or is that hard for you to hear?

I guess.

Yes, it is.

But I won't tell you
how to keep your son.

No. I...

No, I don't know. I...

Yes, it is hard.

But, no, I think...

I think that's right. I...

God, I don't... I don't know.

That's okay.

I wouldn't ever expect
you to feel that way.

No, no, that's
not it. That's not it.

Not... not your son.

Not

him.

It's...

Value.

It's all of their values.

See, I...

I made a promise. I
made a promise to him.

That I can't keep...

- Hey, honey.
- No, it... please.

What did you promise him?

I promised him that his
life would mean something,

that it wouldn't be in vain.

That because of
him, all of them,

things would change, you know?

But nothing's changed. Nothing.

The only difference
is that they're gone.

And that's all I hear.
Still. All those parents.

The last of us
in that firehouse,

the loneliest people
in the world, asking,

"what do you
mean, they're gone?"

"Gone where?"

"Where have they gone?"

So... you talk about value,
their lives having value,

and that's all I want.

I just want it to mean
something. I just...

I just... I want it to change.

Why does it have to change?

What?

Can you tell me a
story about Evan?

What?

Please? Can you tell
me a story about him?

Now?

Yeah.

Jay... I don't know.
There's so many.

Doesn't matter. Just
don't think about it.

- Just tell me one.
- Jay...

- No, come, come...
- It's okay. It's okay, honey.

- Go on.
- No, come here.

- Come, come here.
- Okay.

- Come.
- Okay, okay.

- Oh, Jesus.
- I got you.

Okay. Okay, okay.
Okay. I see, um...

Oh... let me think.

Oh.

He's 12 years old, I think.

He's 12 years old.

Um...

Sixth grade?

I don't know. He's young, and...

It's fall. He's...

He's playing football
with his friends in the park,

near our house. It's...

He used to play in the park
near our house. It's, um...

On sundays, you know.

Just a few blocks from our home.

But we had a dinner to go to.

Jay's parents were visiting.

So I said to him,
"do not get too dirty,"

"because we've got to
leave the house by 5:00."

And he said, "mom,"

"the dirtier you are,
the better you are."

"That's how you spot"

"the best players on the team."

"They're the ones
with the grass"

"and the stains
on their jerseys."

And I said...

I...

He was so funny.

I said, "but shouldn't the
good players not be tackled"

"and fall on the
ground so much?"

"No, mom, the dirtier you
are, the better you are."

"Okay."

You know, he was like
that about everything,

such strong opinions,

even if he didn't know anything

about what he was talking about.

Thank you.

So...

So it's 5:00, or
it's about to be.

It's almost 5:00, and
he's still not back,

and I'm about to just go
down there and grab him,

and drag him back,

when Sophie comes in the door.

She followed Evan
everywhere back then.

She loved watching the
boys playing, goof around.

So she burst in and she says,

"mom, oh, my gosh.
Mom. Look at Evan."

So I come around the
corner, and I see him,

and he is covered,
head to toe, in mud.

- It was absurd.
- It was.

It was like he covered
himself, like a mud bath.

It just didn't really
even make sense even,

and I was... I lost it.

"Evan. What have you done?"

He was completely unfazed.

Yeah. Right?

He played it cool.

"Mom, I told you, the best
players are the dirtiest."

He was...

You know?

I was so mad.

But then I was laughing.

And holding him,

and the dirt,

the grass.

That smell of him.

Wet leaves.

The child on him.

I could feel so much life.

We let him go to
dinner that way.

- He washed his face.
- Well, yeah. But...

He was so proud.

That's what his life meant.

Let him rest.

Evan doesn't have
to change the world.

But I still miss him.

Do you remember
what you wrote to me?

Oh, god.

I wrote you way too much.

You wrote to me,

"I want you to know my son."

"I want you to know his name."

Yeah.

Do you have a story?

Oh, god.

I, uh...

All of them.

I...

Let's just preserve them. Okay?

Jay.

Yeah?

I think I need to...

What?

I think I'm ready.

Okay.

I need to tell you...

I wanted so, so badly

for you to be an
example or punished.

I came here wanting that.

But something's died
in all of us, all of us.

And I'm so scared
that what I wanted,

what I need, isn't
what I thought.

What did you think?

That if I forgave
you, I'd lose him.

Oh. No.

Yes.

But maybe I just
needed to be with you.

Because I know now. I...

I forgive you.

I do.

I have. I forgive you.

And I have to tell you...

I have to tell you...

I also forgive Hayden

for what he did, for
taking my baby's life.

Because I know, in
my heart, he was lost.

So I do... I forgive him.

Because I can't live
this way anymore.

- Sweetheart.
- No, I can't. We can't.

- Okay.
- We don't sleep.

We don't breathe.

We don't see each other anymore,

and I want to. I want to.

- Okay?
- Yeah.

Because I can't hold
on to this any longer.

I can't. It's not him. It's not.

It's just this terrible pain

for wishing for
a different past,

and I can't let it
control my life anymore,

because if I do, I'm afraid
I'll never see him again.

And I need to.

I know that I will.
I know I'll see him.

I know I'll hold him against
me, if I could just forgive.

If I can love again.

So I do.

I do.

Maybe this is right.

This moment of silence.

Maybe this is the right
way to say goodbye.

Yeah.

I like that.

Do you want to...?

Maybe we could
do a little, uh...?

Yeah.

Mmm.

Well...

I hope we were able to help.

Thanks.

I mean, is... is that it?

I think so. I'm exhausted.

Well, I guess, uh... you know...

We can always speak again.

- Sure.
- Right?

Of course.

Thank you so much for
bringing your pictures.

Oh, no, of course. Thank you.

Thank you for the flowers.

You're welcome.

Will they be able to
travel? The flowers?

I don't want you to have to...

Oh, no. We'll manage.

Yeah, sure.

Well...

Uh, maybe Kendra can
get you a box or something.

I don't want you to have to...

I'm so sorry. I should
have thought of that.

No, no. It's... we could
just carry them, right?

Yeah. Or just the
woman that works here,

she may be able
to find something.

Oh. I don't think I've met her.

- Let me go see.
- Ah.

I don't know what I
was thinking. I'm sorry.

- Silly of me.
- It's fine.

Does anybody want...

You want a water
bottle for the road?

Oh, thank you. I'm all set.

They have coffee.

You want a coffee?

- Nah.
- All right. Okay.

I think I'll just see if I
can give him a hand.

Sure.

Okay.

I will see you out front then.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Hi, Linda.

Hello.

Hmm.

I'll be right back.
I've got the flowers.

- And then...
- Mmm-hmm.

- Should we, uh...?
- Yeah.

I'll be right there.

Do you have newspaper?

Yeah, please don't
go to any trouble.

I'm so sorry. I should
have thought of that.

They brought the new
hymnal books in a box.

Oh, yes, that's a great idea.

- Thank you.
- Oh, of course.

I'm going to go check downstairs

to see if there's
something else.

- Thank you, guys.
- Okay.

- Well...
- I guess we're waiting for,

- uh...
- Yeah.

Um, well, thank
you both for today,

and Kendra, of course.

Oh, it was my pleasure.

If you don't mind, I should go.

Oh, sure, you know...

Linda, I should really get back.

Okay.

I can walk back
without you if you...

No, no, no, I can...

- I can go with you.
- All right. Okay.

We walked here together earlier.

It was, um...

Please take good
care of yourselves.

- Thank you.
- And you, Richard.

- We're gonna stay, right?
- Yeah.

We're always here. I mean...

Just stay in touch.

Good.

It's nice to see you again.

Take care.

Uh, it's easier if you guys

would come down here,
maybe, with the flowers?

Yeah, sure. Good idea.

I think that this
might be the right one.

If we just put a little
bit of newspaper in it.

Fine. Sure. Don't
trouble yourself.

Okay.

Um. Hi.

Oh, did they... did they leave?

Yeah, they left, but thank you.

Oh.

They're a gift,
they're ours, so...

I was just hoping to
say goodbye, is all.

I didn't even introduce
myself to them.

- It's okay.
- Don't worry about it.

- I'm sure it's fine.
- Yeah... no, I should have.

That's... that's fine.

Thanks so much for giving
us the space and for having us.

- It's really very...
- It's healing here.

It really is. It's safe here.

Wherever you come from.

So, I think we
can put it in here

if we just put a little
bit of newspaper.

- Judy?
- Yeah?

Pardon me. Uh,

they're bringing the rest
of the books to St. Thomas.

- So they need the boxes.
- Oh, okay. Okay.

Honestly...

But can't we just use
newspaper in here?

I would use bubble wrap.

- I don't think...
- I really...

I don't want you to bother.

No, I can pack it. It's easy.

Just use a little bit
of newspaper in it.

Well, how much
newspaper do you have?

You know what? I'm just
gonna hold on to them.

- I want to. Yeah.
- Are you sure?

I am. I think it'll be nice.

- Okay. I'm sorry.
- Well...

So, it was very nice
to meet you both.

- Oh.
- Um,

thank you for everything and...

I have a story I
want to tell you.

Oh, okay.

I want to hear it.

He was 16.

He'd had such a bad week.

I felt so badly for him.

How cruel kids could be.

But I couldn't just
let him fall apart.

No.

We were alone.

Richard was working late.

I made dinner,
but he wouldn't eat.

I tried to talk to him,
but he wouldn't talk.

I went to his room. He
was on the computer.

I yelled at him, "you
have to start working."

"If you can't be happy,
at least you can do well."

He screamed at me, "i
don't want to be happy."

"I don't want to do well."

"Why?" I yelled.

"Why?"

Then we were
screaming at each other.

We were both... so hurt.

And we were afraid.

I know that.

It happened very quickly.

But then he said, "get
out before I hit you."

"Get out before I beat
the shit out of you."

I swear to god...

He was... terrifying.

I went to my room...

And I locked the door.

Gail...

I wish I had let him.

I wish I had said,
"okay, hit me."

"You hit me, sweetheart."

"Hit me for as long
as you'll ever need."

Because then I
would have known him.

I would have known
who he really was.

It's okay.

Mine's a...

Mine's a...

Different kind of story but...

No.

We miss them.

- I wanted to tell a story too.
- I know.

I'm sorry I didn't ask.

Thank you.

Thank you.

We should...

Should we, uh...?

I thought we'd let them go.

That's a good idea.

What is that?

Sorry.

Is that coming from...?

Yeah, they're, um, practicing

for the choir tomorrow.

I... I forgot.

Did we tell them?

I told you this morning
they were rehearsing today.

Did you?

I'm sorry.

Don't be. It's... it's nice.

Yeah, they're, um,
rehearsing for tomorrow.

Hear that?

They're singing.

Do you want to go up and see?

Blessed be the tie that binds

our hearts in Christian love

the fellowship

of kindred minds

no. That's all right.

Is like that to that above

before our father's throne

we pour our ardent prayers

our fears, our hopes

our aims are one

our comforts

and our cares

when we asunder part

it gives us inward pain

but we shall still be joined

in heart

and hope to meet again