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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:15,600 # Oh, what a whopper 2 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:18,600 # Oh, whoa, whoa What a whopper 3 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:21,200 # One day he's gonna Come a-cryin' 4 00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:24,400 # What a whopper What a low-down lie 5 00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:27,920 # You told a lie when you Told me you promised me 6 00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:30,920 # Please tell me why Put me out of my misery 7 00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:33,920 # You could've told me The truth to get rid of me 8 00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:36,680 # You told a low-down lie 9 00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:39,680 # Oh, what a whopper 10 00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:42,800 # Whoa, whoa, whoa What a whopper 11 00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:45,520 # One day you're come a-cryin' 12 00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:50,240 # What a whopper What a low-down lie 13 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:53,760 # You said you loved me And looked me right in the eye 14 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:56,680 # You shed a crocodile tear When we said goodbye 15 00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:59,640 # I turned around It was you with another guy 16 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:02,520 # You told a low-down lie... 17 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:15,120 Hi, girls! Hello, Tony. 18 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:17,320 Oh, how's the book going? Still at the publishers. 19 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:20,320 See ya! Bye-bye! 20 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:23,880 Hello. Hello, Tony. 21 00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:25,520 How's business? All right, my son. 22 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:26,680 Good. 23 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:30,600 Yeah, that brings your bill up to three quid! 24 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:33,400 # Oh, what a whopper 25 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:36,560 # Whoa, whoa, whoa What a whopper 26 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:39,360 # One day you're gonna Come a-cryin' 27 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:42,200 # What a whopper What a low-down lie 28 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:45,360 # What a whopper What a low-down lie 29 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:48,440 # What a whopper What a low-down lie. # 30 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:53,600 Hi, Vern. Hello, Tony. 31 00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:57,200 I saw a couple of fabulous birds down on Kings Road. 32 00:01:57,240 --> 00:02:01,480 Oh, don't tell me. My novel. That's right. 33 00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:03,720 The publishers have turned it down again. 34 00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:21,880 Anyone home? 35 00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:32,520 HAMMER TINKERS Who is it? 36 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:34,280 I'm looking for Mr Blake! 37 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:38,400 Mr Blake lives upstairs. 38 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:41,440 Oh, upstairs. Here, your knocker came off. 39 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:44,160 It's always coming off. Don't worry about it. 40 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:46,960 CHUCKLES Oh, yeah. 41 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:53,280 Do you like it? 42 00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:57,720 I call it The Spirit of Victory. 43 00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:01,280 Oh, do you? You say Mr Blake lives upstairs? 44 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:04,680 Yes. Oh, thank you. Thank you. 45 00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:09,640 CHUCKLES 46 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:10,760 SINGS TONELESSLY 47 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:12,680 KNOCKS AT DOOR Come! 48 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:16,920 ARNOLD SINGS TONELESSLY 49 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:22,320 Service! 50 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:24,800 So sorry. Just dab it on the canvas, will you? 51 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:31,600 Not there, man! You've covered up one of her best features! 52 00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:34,000 Why? What's it supposed to be? 53 00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:36,640 Good gracious, isn't it obvious? 54 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:41,240 Daphne in the nude. Oh, so it is! Aye-aye. 55 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:43,880 There it is again. 56 00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:46,280 I've just been downstairs with the legs. 57 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:49,600 Oh! You mean The Spirit of Victory. 58 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:52,240 Yes, it's a bore, isn't it? Well, what do you want? 59 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:55,120 Oh, yes, of course, yeah. Mr Blake, I want. 60 00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:58,760 Upstairs. Now, if you'll pardon me, I'm inspired. 61 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:00,960 Buzz off. Righto. 62 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,120 My missus will be very interested 63 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:04,440 when I tell her I met a painter. 64 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:09,120 Not just a painter. A flicking painter. 65 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:10,960 Wha! 66 00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:15,320 Keep going, feet, 67 00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:18,120 and be thankful this ain't the Empire State Building. 68 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:24,320 Hello. 69 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,360 Hello! Come in. 70 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:35,440 Here, you're not Mr Blake. You're more like Daphne. 71 00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:37,320 As a matter of fact, I'm Charlie. 72 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,080 Yes, I wouldn't be surprised. 73 00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:42,400 Mr Blake lives... I know. Upstairs. 74 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:54,920 RUMBLING MUSIC 75 00:04:57,240 --> 00:05:00,440 Can I... Shh! 76 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:02,480 CLANGS 77 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:03,960 MUSIC STOPS Did you like it? 78 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:05,720 What was it? It's a music concert. 79 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:08,280 All done by electronics. Sit down, I'll play you some more. 80 00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:10,440 Look, I'm in a hurry... It'll only take a minute. 81 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:12,880 Oww! 82 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:16,360 And the same to you! 83 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:19,800 Look, I've had about as much of this madhouse as I can stand. 84 00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:21,400 Who's Tony Blake? I am. 85 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:22,800 Well, I've got something for you. 86 00:05:22,840 --> 00:05:23,880 Oh, yeah? 87 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:25,760 An eviction order for non-payment of rent. 88 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:28,240 And I've got something for you! Your knocker. 89 00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:34,760 BOOMING MUSIC RESUMES 90 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:37,720 Oh, hello. Did you find Mr Blake? 91 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:39,640 Yes, thank you. 92 00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:43,400 Oh! 93 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:46,960 Yet another master gone for a Burton. 94 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,960 Beatnik! Peasant. 95 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,080 Oh, I nearly got ugly. 96 00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:01,880 I hope when they put you out on the pavement it's snowing! 97 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:03,520 Good morning! 98 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:07,080 I say! Will you take a look at that? 99 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:09,240 You think you've got troubles. Why, what's wrong? 100 00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:12,400 They're throwing us out. Oh, capitalist swine! 101 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:14,000 Well, something's gotta be done. 102 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,240 How much money have we got? 103 00:06:15,280 --> 00:06:18,120 50 quid. Not enough. What other assets? 104 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,000 Well, I've got... Yes, I know. 105 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:23,280 But we can't see those. No, I suppose not. 106 00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:25,440 There must be something we can sell. 107 00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:27,400 Wait a minute! 108 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:29,640 How long before you finish your nude of Daphne, Arnold? 109 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:31,720 Well, it all depends. 110 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:33,480 If Daphne would only take her clothes off, 111 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:35,840 it'd take about a week. Can't you do it from memory? 112 00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:38,160 Certainly not. It's been years. 113 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:39,360 I need a refresher. 114 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:43,880 Here we are. We can sell this. What is it? 115 00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:46,200 Stuffed duff! They're cheap and quick to make 116 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:49,400 and we can sell them to the cake shops! 117 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:51,160 Well, wait till you taste it. 118 00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:54,880 What did you put in it? 119 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:58,640 Tony, any news about your book on the Loch Ness Monster? 120 00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:00,760 They say it's so long since the monster's been seen, 121 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:02,440 the public wouldn't be interested. 122 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:05,160 Why not write to The Times and tell them you've seen it? 123 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:07,000 Charlie, that wouldn't be any good. 124 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:09,880 Charlie, for an idiot, you're the brightest girl I know! 125 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:11,840 Don't overdo it. 126 00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:12,920 Now, look. 127 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:15,080 What would happen should the monster be seen again? 128 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:17,480 Your book could sell like stuffed duff! 129 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:18,840 Exactly. 130 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:20,840 And if we should get a photograph of it... 131 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:23,120 What, of the stuffed duff? No, no! The monster! 132 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:25,800 You can't hang around Loch Ness for the next 30 years! 133 00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:28,120 We don't have to. We'll make a monster of our own! 134 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:31,040 Look, I can't explain now. I'll see you later. 135 00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:32,920 Anyone for stuffed duff? 136 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:52,680 Hi, fellas. Hello, Tony. 137 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:54,360 Hey, look what I've got from the library. 138 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:57,920 Monsters and Their Habits? Disgusting. 139 00:07:57,960 --> 00:08:01,680 Hey, can you carve me something to look like a monster's head? 140 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:04,200 Well, don't look at me! CHUCKLES 141 00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:05,680 Yeah, but what with? 142 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:07,520 Well, I've got some planks and stuff outside. 143 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:09,560 Do your best. See you later. 144 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:14,040 Doesn't say anywhere here that a Lancashire hot pot's 145 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:15,400 supposed to burst into flames. 146 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:17,720 Well, I should put the top on anyway. 147 00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:20,160 Mmm. Don't want the goodness to escape. 148 00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:24,200 Well, I've got the boys working. 149 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:27,160 Tony! Tony, I think I've got the opening to my symphony. 150 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:29,880 Now, you just listen to this. 151 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:32,960 BUBBLING NOISES 152 00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:38,440 DISSONANT ROARS 153 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:40,760 It's very nice, Vernon, but it'll never get in the top ten. 154 00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:42,400 Something's happened to the feedback! 155 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:46,440 It reminds me of the zoo. Like the elephants' mating call! 156 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:48,240 Elephants' mating call? 157 00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:50,880 Here, that could be the mating call of a monster! 158 00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:53,680 Can you get that sound again? Yeah. I'll try. 159 00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:55,320 FEEDBACK SQUEALS Don't know what I did. 160 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:58,680 Well, keep trying! No, it's no good. 161 00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:02,960 LOW HONKS 162 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,640 What a wonderful bottom note! 163 00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:07,360 ROARING SCREECH 164 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:08,800 No, don't move from that position! 165 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,080 SOUND RESUMES 166 00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:15,000 Can you record that? Well, um, yes. 167 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:17,440 Don't put your hand there. You'll get a shock! 168 00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:20,720 SCREECH AND GROANS 169 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:24,960 Play it back! 170 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:26,520 CHARLIE: Don't put your hand there. 171 00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:27,600 You'll get a shock! 172 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:30,080 SCREECH AND GROANS 173 00:09:31,680 --> 00:09:34,800 Marvellous! Now, will you please tell me what all this is about? 174 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:36,360 For years, people have been claiming 175 00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:37,440 they've seen the monster. 176 00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:39,000 Well, now, they're gonna hear it! Hey? 177 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:41,400 Yeah! Start packing your gear. You're coming to Loch Ness! 178 00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:42,560 Oh, now, now, wait a minute. 179 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:44,600 Well, I can't work all this stuff by myself, can I? 180 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:47,680 Oh, good! I've always wanted to go to Ireland. 181 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:49,800 But you can't come, Charlie... Don't argue, Tony. 182 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:53,040 If Vernon goes, I go! After all, we are engaged. 183 00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:54,320 Are we? Of course! 184 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,800 I keep telling you, Vernon. Do you? 185 00:09:56,840 --> 00:09:58,440 When do we leave? Tomorrow afternoon. 186 00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:00,880 I'll be ready. CLATTER 187 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:04,880 Dinner up! 188 00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:16,480 Tony, will you just explain to me one thing? 189 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:18,200 What am I doing up on the Serpentine Bridge 190 00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:20,200 at five o'clock in the morning? You're helping me 191 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:23,200 take a photograph of the Loch Ness Monster. Remember? 192 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,440 Don't you think you'd better take things easy for a bit? 193 00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:27,280 You think I'm crazy, don't you? Yes, I do! 194 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:29,400 Get out of... Come on! 195 00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:44,760 This is a good spot. 196 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:48,400 You know what to do. Yeah, I know. 197 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:51,120 Put all this together. Here! We've got company! 198 00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:58,760 Oh, that's done it. Yeah. 199 00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:00,200 Well, we better pack it in then, eh? 200 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:01,720 Not yet, we don't. You get this ready. 201 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:03,640 I won't be a minute. What are you gonna do, then? 202 00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:05,560 I'm gonna get rid of him! 203 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:12,360 Good morning, sir. 204 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,240 I suppose you realise the park isn't open yet. 205 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:16,560 Yes. 206 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:19,200 Well, in that case, I'm afraid I shall have to ask you to leave. 207 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:22,840 Go on, then. 208 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:26,200 What do you mean? Ask me to leave. 209 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:28,400 Oh. Will you kindly leave the park? 210 00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:30,320 No! 211 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:34,000 I will not leave this park! Nope! 212 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:38,080 Care for a worm? 213 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:39,760 No, thanks. I'm trying to give them up. 214 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:41,840 They're quite good, you know? 215 00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:43,920 Look, how long are you gonna stay here? 216 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:46,440 Just long enough to catch 217 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:48,080 a few rainbow trout for me breakfast. 218 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:51,000 Trout, in the Serpentine? 219 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:52,800 Of course there's trout in the Serpentine. 220 00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:54,360 But they're cunning little devils. 221 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:56,200 When you pull them out, they look like rocks. 222 00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:57,840 But they can't fool me! Ha-ha! Ha, oh, no. 223 00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:00,000 But they can't disguise themselves! 224 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:05,120 And why not, may I ask? Well...can they? 225 00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:07,400 Look, can you disguise yourself? 226 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:11,240 Of course, but they're fish! Of course they're fish! 227 00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:14,360 That's why they're in the water, swimming around! 228 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:18,480 Swim, swim, swimmy-swim in the Serpentine! 229 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:20,080 That's why. 230 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:25,440 You didn't get rid of him, then. No. 231 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:26,520 Well, what now? 232 00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:28,120 We'll have to rely on the smokescreen. 233 00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:30,480 What? What are they? Smoke bombs. 234 00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:32,720 Smoke bombs? But you're not gonna light those off here? 235 00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:34,080 Of course I am! 236 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:36,040 You can't have a picture of the Loch Ness Monster 237 00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:37,440 with Hyde Park in the background. 238 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:39,440 It'll look just like early morning mist. 239 00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:41,160 All right, better get the head on, then. 240 00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:47,120 Beautiful, isn't it? Yeah. 241 00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:49,000 Right, get your trousers rolled up. 242 00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:50,080 Why? 243 00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:52,000 Because you've gotta push it out in the middle. 244 00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:53,920 Oh, now, now, wait a minute. Come on, hurry up. 245 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:55,400 I have to start the smokescreen. 246 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:10,920 HISSES 247 00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:20,600 Vernon. 248 00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:22,960 Vernon! 249 00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:26,400 Vernon? Yeah? 250 00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:28,320 Oh, there you are. You're all wet! 251 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:30,680 Yeah, I must be wet to let you talk me into things like this. 252 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:34,240 Where's the monster? Oh, he's out there somewhere. 253 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:35,400 There he is, look! 254 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:44,880 Oh, blast! Didn't you get it? 255 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:46,800 I've got one. Never mind, that'll have to do. 256 00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:48,480 Right, Vernon. Go get it, boy! 257 00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:50,360 What do you take me for, a water spaniel? 258 00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:51,680 Go on! 259 00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:55,320 SNORES 260 00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:57,840 REEL CLICKS Oh, I've got one! I got one! 261 00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:00,720 Have you? Yes, I have! It's a trout. It's a trout! 262 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:03,080 SNIFFS Smells like a smoked trout. 263 00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:04,560 I'll get him, the little devil. 264 00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:22,640 Oh. Nope, nope. Go, on, fishie. 265 00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:27,000 Go on, nice, nice little fish. 266 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:36,040 Come on, quick! 267 00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:38,680 SIRENS RING 268 00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:41,000 Blimey, they've got the fire brigade out! 269 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:49,600 Quick, let's make a run for it! PLANKS CLATTER 270 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,040 SIREN RINGS 271 00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:08,040 SNEEZES Oh, bless you! 272 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:10,920 Rub-a-dub-dub, three men in a tub. 273 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:12,880 You're supposed to be rubbing my chest! 274 00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:15,000 Aw, you'll soon feel better, darling. 275 00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:16,480 Whenever I had a cold, 276 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:19,680 Mummy always used to use goose grease. 277 00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:21,600 Hey, this isn't goose grease! 278 00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:23,640 Well, it's the nearest I could get! 279 00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:26,440 SNEEZES 280 00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:29,000 Ladies and gentlemen, the Loch Ness Monster. 281 00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:31,600 Ooh. Well, I'm convinced. 282 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:34,000 It's wonderful! Looks exactly like Arnold! 283 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:35,440 LAUGHS Don't get personal. 284 00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:37,040 Now do you believe we can fool the world 285 00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:38,880 the monster's appeared again? Absolutely. 286 00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:39,960 Sure! Good. 287 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:41,640 I'd better go and find us a cheap car. 288 00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:43,480 Vernon, start getting the gear together. 289 00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:44,560 All right. Well, wait. 290 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:46,880 I'd better send Mummy a wire to tell her where I'm going. 291 00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:48,520 OK, come on. SNEEZES 292 00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:49,800 Bless you! 293 00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:51,600 If I were you, I'd go and lie down for a while. 294 00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:53,080 Oh, it won't do any good. 295 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:56,640 With all this grease on me I'd keep slipping out of bed. 296 00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:57,800 SNEEZES 297 00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:09,440 SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY 298 00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:11,160 Go inside and have a look. What? 299 00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:13,560 Have a look inside. Oh! 300 00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:20,480 JACKHAMMER RATTLING 301 00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:22,000 No, I don't like it. 302 00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:24,280 Well, look, I've got one over here. 303 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:25,680 JACKHAMMER RATTLING 304 00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:27,240 Come and have a look at this one. 305 00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:28,520 50 miles to the gallon. 306 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:31,960 JACKHAMMER RATTLING 307 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,960 I want something a bit bigger! Oh. 308 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,880 I've got the very thing for you. 309 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:39,080 Get on with it! Come on. 310 00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:44,680 Nice. That's mine. Come on. 311 00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:48,440 JACKHAMMER RATTLING 312 00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:56,960 All right! 313 00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:05,560 FUNERAL MARCH PLAYING 314 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,760 Right. One more journey should do it. 315 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:19,160 Yup. Cover it up with this. 316 00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:23,160 What are you taking that thing for? 317 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:24,800 Well, I always read in bed. 318 00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:26,680 They might not have any electricity up there. 319 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:28,400 CHUCKLES It's a silly question anyway. 320 00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:30,680 Oh, by the way, did you send that wire to your mother? 321 00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:33,880 Yes, ages ago. Good. 322 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:42,320 Gilbert! Have you done your tie yet? 323 00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:43,960 Yes, dear. 324 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,960 KNOCKS AT DOOR Come in! 325 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:52,320 Excuse me. This just come, ma'am. 326 00:17:52,360 --> 00:17:53,840 Oh. 327 00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:57,840 Oh! 328 00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:02,240 Gilbert, it's from Charlotte. 329 00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:05,600 "Going to Scotland with Vernon. Hope you understand. 330 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:07,440 "Wish us luck." Who's Vernon? 331 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:09,560 That terrible boy she wants to marry. 332 00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:12,440 Marry? Gretna Green's in Scotland! 333 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:15,320 You think she's eloping? That's romantic. 334 00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:18,440 Romantic. Follow me, we must stop her. Gilbert! 335 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,120 Hurry! 336 00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:24,880 Yes, dear. 337 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:34,920 Where are we going, then? Chelsea. 338 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:37,400 Oh, drive carefully! Yes, dear. 339 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,520 They've got some nice little pubs in Chelsea. 340 00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:47,280 The driving seat is in the front! 341 00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:50,800 Yes, dear. HICCUP 342 00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:53,320 HORN HONKS 343 00:18:53,360 --> 00:18:55,120 Forward to Chelsea! 344 00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:04,520 Everything's in, fellas. All set? 345 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,480 As set as we'll ever be. Ready? 346 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,440 Right. Well, off you go! LAUGHS 347 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,440 OK. All aboard! 348 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:12,080 Wait a minute! Wait a minute! 349 00:19:12,120 --> 00:19:14,400 Aww. For you. 350 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:16,120 Thank you, Arnold. That's sweet of you. 351 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:17,960 Well, they seem rather appropriate somehow. 352 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,720 Goodbye, dear. Bye-bye. 353 00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:21,600 Well, away with you now and haste you back. 354 00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:23,440 Thanks for everything, fellas. Good luck! 355 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:26,120 And bring back a haggis! Safe journey. 356 00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:28,000 Thank you. Bye! 357 00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:29,320 Bye! Bye! 358 00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:32,760 Well, they're on their way. SOBS 359 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:35,960 Arnold, don't worry. They'll be back. 360 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:39,600 It's not that. They drove over my poor foot! 361 00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:50,520 FUNERAL MUSIC PLAYS 362 00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:03,480 Good evening. 363 00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:05,280 Oh! You're Charlie's mother, aren't you? 364 00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:07,200 Yes, where is she? Oh, she's gone, I'm afraid. 365 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:08,360 Gone. Yes. 366 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,040 The hearse left about an hour ago. 367 00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:11,360 Hearse? Yes. 368 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:13,680 Mind you, we gave her a lovely send-off, you know. 369 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:15,920 Beautiful flowers, all that. Oh, she's taken a turn. 370 00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:18,640 Madam, would you like a tablet? Goodness, I'm not a medic-o. 371 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:21,120 Oh, um, help! Hey, what's going on there? 372 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:23,360 I was just telling her about Charlie. 373 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,440 Which way did she go? We've got to stop her. 374 00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:27,000 Heading for Scotland in a hearse. 375 00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:34,360 Oh! Wait a minute! What am I gonna do...? Oh! 376 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:36,080 Madam, do wake up. 377 00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:39,200 Oh, goodness, if I'd only got my smelling salts with me. 378 00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:41,760 Where's my husband? Oh, he's gone too, I'm afraid. 379 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:43,240 Gone to the same place as Charlie. 380 00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:45,880 GROANS Oh, no! Madam, feathers. 381 00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:47,840 I'm allergic to feathers! SPUTTERS 382 00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:55,680 Oop. Policeman ahead. Keep your faces straight. 383 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:04,400 LAUGHS 384 00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:05,960 It's the only way to travel, isn't it? 385 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,440 Yes. 386 00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:34,400 Now, look here, sir. Where do you think you're going? 387 00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:36,480 Officer, have you seen a hearse go by here? 388 00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:38,080 Well, yes, I did. About an hour ago, yes. 389 00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:39,760 Then I'll have to catch 'em. 390 00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:42,640 Me poor daughter's in it. They've stolen her. 391 00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:47,000 Blimey! Body snatchers! 392 00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:08,480 HORN HONKS 393 00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:14,400 I'm awfully sorry. I didn't realise. 394 00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:16,760 It's all right, we're not on business. Where are you going? 395 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,160 Scotland. Oh, so are we. Jump in! 396 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:21,440 In the back, Vern. In the back? Why? 397 00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:23,240 Yes, in the back, Vern. 398 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:30,200 Thank you. You're welcome. 399 00:22:39,360 --> 00:22:43,560 Well, you've got everything else. You must have a name. 400 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:45,960 Marie Saint-Georges. Oh, you're French, are you? 401 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:49,320 Oui. I'm going on holiday. What's your name? 402 00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:52,640 Tony Blake. And that's Charlie. Charlotte for short. 403 00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:55,000 And that's Vernon. Hi. 404 00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:57,960 Hello. And you're going all the way to Scotland? 405 00:22:58,000 --> 00:22:59,880 Yes. That's great! 406 00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:01,840 Yes, we're going up to Loch Ness to see about a... 407 00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:03,080 Hey! CHUCKLES 408 00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:05,520 Well, what he meant was we're undertakers, you see, 409 00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:08,160 and this is our staff outing. 410 00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:11,400 Well, you don't look much like undertakers. 411 00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:14,720 Funny you should say that. Everybody says that about us. 412 00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:17,200 Yes, they call us the Merry Morticians. 413 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:25,400 Must've taken the wrong turn, then. 414 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:28,280 Ah. What's that? 415 00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:33,400 "Fork right for the North." 416 00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:43,320 ENGINE ROARS 417 00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:51,240 I don't know what it is but I'm right in it. 418 00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:58,240 So we convince everybody the monster's appeared, 419 00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:01,200 the book sells and we all go on living in Chelsea! 420 00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:05,120 That sounds very good. Hey, could you use some extra help? 421 00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:08,080 We could use some extra money. Have you got any? 422 00:24:08,120 --> 00:24:09,200 A little. 423 00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:11,320 Welcome to the club. You're in. 424 00:24:11,360 --> 00:24:13,360 BAGPIPE MUSIC PLAYS 425 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:16,080 Hey, listen! We're there! 426 00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:17,720 Scotland! Edinburgh! 427 00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:19,600 Glasgow! Cardiff! 428 00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:21,720 THEY LAUGH 429 00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:42,360 Where are we staying at Loch Ness? 430 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:44,240 I hadn't thought about it. 431 00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:45,720 Well, a friend told me about 432 00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:47,440 a little inn called The Claymore. 433 00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:50,480 The Claymore? Yes. She says it's beautiful. 434 00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:51,800 What are the owners like? 435 00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:56,400 Oh! The nicest, sweetest, kindest people in the world. 436 00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:57,920 OFFICER: You're the most crooked, 437 00:24:57,960 --> 00:24:59,360 villainous pair of scoundrels 438 00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:02,160 in Scotland. I know you've been poaching salmon 439 00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:04,840 and, by golly, I'll prove it if it takes the rest of my life. 440 00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:07,440 Salami. That's a nice thing to say about somebody, that is. 441 00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:08,520 Aye. You can't go around 442 00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:10,360 insulting law-abiding citizens. 443 00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:11,720 Certainly not. We could have you 444 00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:13,040 in court for defamation, mate. 445 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:15,560 I know what I'm doing. 446 00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:19,040 We're respectable businessmen! Calling us poachers, indeed. 447 00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:22,480 Well, I'll be watchin' ya. 448 00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:24,680 Cheek. Liberty. 449 00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:27,480 Here. Shove these in the freezer, quickly. 450 00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:29,120 When's the buyer comin' up from London? 451 00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:30,800 Sometime today, I think. What's he like? 452 00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:32,120 I don't know. I haven't met him. 453 00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:33,240 I hope he's honest. 454 00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:35,280 Me too. But my mate in London says he's a good lad. 455 00:25:41,360 --> 00:25:44,960 Well, there it is. Oh, it's beautiful! 456 00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:47,280 I say, what a marvellous view. 457 00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:50,600 It's lovely. Now, let's check. Marie? 458 00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:52,560 I go in and book a room. 459 00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:54,600 One at the back and I don't know you. 460 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:56,000 Why can't we have two rooms? 461 00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:57,680 We've only got enough money for one. 462 00:25:57,720 --> 00:25:59,800 I've gotta use our spare cash for buying drinks, 463 00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:01,920 entertaining and so on. Vern? 464 00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:04,200 Oh, when Marie gets to her room, 465 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:06,480 she opens the window and we pass all our gear up to her. 466 00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:07,800 Good. And I'll go in the bar 467 00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:09,560 and give the impression I'm a big spender. 468 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:11,720 Right. This is it. 469 00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:27,360 OK, Vern. Put it round the back. I'll see you around. 470 00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:34,800 Ah! Good morning. 471 00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:37,880 Good morning. I would like a room, please. One at the back. 472 00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:40,400 At the back? Oh, well, we have rooms at the back, of course, 473 00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:42,200 but would you not prefer one at the front? 474 00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:44,400 At the back, please. It'll cost you just the same. 475 00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:45,480 Thank you. 476 00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:46,920 Perhaps you'd like to register. 477 00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:52,440 Believe me, it's a long, hot walk up here 478 00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:54,800 just to bring one man his letters. 479 00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:55,880 You know... 480 00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:58,080 BOTH: ..this is one of the steepest hills in Scotland. 481 00:26:58,120 --> 00:27:00,200 Yes, I know. 482 00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:05,080 May your kilt never go short. Right. Let's have the letters. 483 00:27:05,120 --> 00:27:06,560 Oh, there's no letters today. 484 00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:08,440 But it's still a long, hot walk up here! 485 00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:09,680 And I thought I was a fiddler. 486 00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:11,960 Well, then, you ain't. 487 00:27:13,360 --> 00:27:16,360 Morning, sir. Ah! Landlord! 488 00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:19,000 Hoots, man. And very a thirst. Scottish expression. 489 00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:21,000 You just arrived? Yes. 490 00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:22,920 Drinks for everyone in the bar. Thank you, sir. 491 00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:25,120 I'll have a whisky. I thought you were leaving. 492 00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:27,960 Same for you, sir? Yes, I will, thank you. 493 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:29,720 Uh, no, not just at the moment, thank you. 494 00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:31,400 Half a crown, thank you. Ta. 495 00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:33,280 May your kilt never grow short. 496 00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:36,160 And may your knees never grow knobbly. 497 00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:39,560 Well, sir, I know you're a rich English tourist 498 00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:42,800 and I'm only a poor, underpaid, penniless postman, 499 00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:44,680 but would you like a drink on me? 500 00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:45,800 Or would you rather not? 501 00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:48,000 Thank you very much! Landlord! 502 00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:51,880 Oh, well, there's my wee wife. Oh, you'll have to excuse me. 503 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:55,280 NERVOUS CHUCKLES Will you be here tonight, sir? 504 00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:57,480 Yes. I'll look forward to buying you another drink. 505 00:27:57,520 --> 00:27:59,000 Bring some of your friends along. 506 00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:01,960 I'll do that! OK. 507 00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:04,120 You're gonna have the whole of the loch here tonight. 508 00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:05,680 That's good. 509 00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:15,240 Hello. 510 00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:17,600 Is it the Statue of Liberty you think you are? 511 00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:21,000 Yes, well, I expect you think this a bit strange, 512 00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:22,720 but I can explain. 513 00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:25,560 You're English, aren't you? Yes. 514 00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:28,320 That's explanation enough. 515 00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:32,160 You know, I think he thinks we're potty. 516 00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:44,320 Vernon, this is not the place to do your party piece. 517 00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:47,000 GROANS 518 00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:52,320 You up here for a holiday, then? 519 00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:54,520 Sort of. Business and pleasure, you know? 520 00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:56,920 Suppose you'll be doing a bit of fishing while you're here? 521 00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:59,320 Fishing? No, I don't think so. Mind you, 522 00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:02,160 there's nothing I like better than some nice fresh salmon. 523 00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:03,960 On the other hand, 524 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,680 there are much easier ways of getting it than fishing. 525 00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:08,680 Yeah, I'm sure there must be. 526 00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:11,320 From London, are ya? Yes, drove all night. 527 00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:13,840 Well, it's safer that way, isn't it? 528 00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:15,760 Yeah. 529 00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:17,560 Why don't you take a little walk around 530 00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:19,080 and I'll have everything organised 531 00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:21,480 by the time you get in. OK. 532 00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:29,200 He's arrived. Who, the bloke for the salmon? 533 00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:30,280 Yeah. 534 00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:31,920 That must be his hearse round the side. 535 00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:33,000 Hearse! Aye. 536 00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:34,440 Blimey, that's brilliant, innit? 537 00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:36,360 Who'd ever think of looking for him in a hearse? 538 00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:38,880 Oh, there's no doubt we're dealing with very clever people. 539 00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:41,080 Yeah. You're go and tend to the bar. I'll load the fish. 540 00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:42,640 Come on, Grace. All right, Mr Harry. 541 00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:45,720 Come on, dear. Take it steady. Oh. Oh. 542 00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:48,600 Oh. Hang on, Vernon! I'm gonna fall! 543 00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:51,600 Oh! Come on. 544 00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:53,680 Just take it nice and easy. 545 00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:00,720 If you wanna get fresh with me, Vernon, 546 00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:02,320 wait till I'm in the room! 547 00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:18,000 There's another couple. We'll need another load. 548 00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:19,720 There we go. 549 00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:22,800 Here's a little one. 550 00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:23,880 You're a big help! 551 00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:25,400 Am I? Yeah! 552 00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:27,920 Ah-ah. You're a big girl, too. 553 00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:36,200 Tony? 554 00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:48,600 Everything all right in the bar? 555 00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:50,440 You haven't bought a load of salmon, have ya? 556 00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:52,040 The hearse is full of them. Salmon? 557 00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:53,880 Can't be salmon. They're out of salmon. 558 00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:55,880 Well, in that case, they're probably poached. 559 00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:56,960 Poached?! 560 00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:58,560 But what if somebody should find them? 561 00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:00,600 They're putting some more in! What?! 562 00:31:04,760 --> 00:31:07,440 Hey, I'm not having this. 563 00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:08,840 No, Tony. 564 00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:11,480 You're not supposed to be here. Oh, no. 565 00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:13,000 Wait till they're finished. 566 00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:14,520 One more. 567 00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:18,040 There we are, that's the lot. Cover them up. 568 00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:19,480 OK. 569 00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:23,040 Mr Harry! It didn't hurt, did it? 570 00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:24,920 THEY LAUGH Oh! 571 00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:30,800 They're gone. 572 00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:53,040 I've got them. I'll bring the Sergeant. 573 00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:59,480 Right, he's gone. Come on, quick. 574 00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:26,320 Hey, officer, have you seen a hearse pass this way? 575 00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:29,200 Aye, there's one up at the hotel up ahead. 576 00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:31,320 Are you interested in what's in the hearse, then? 577 00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:35,200 Oh, very. But I don't want the police to interfere. 578 00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:38,280 It's purely a private matter. Good mornin'. 579 00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:45,640 Private, is it? We'll see about that. 580 00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:53,720 She's gone. Off you go. 581 00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:00,800 There's a car coming! 582 00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:13,520 There you are. 583 00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:21,640 Blimey, what's this? Boat Race night? 584 00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:24,400 Hey, landlord. What do you know about that hearse outside? 585 00:33:24,440 --> 00:33:26,160 Hearse? Yes, hearse. 586 00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:28,400 Oh, nothing, sir. The driver's gone for a walk, I think. 587 00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:31,080 Oh, then, I'll wait. Give me a bottle of Scotch, will ya? 588 00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:33,680 To take away? No, to drink here. 589 00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:44,520 Well, what are we gonna do with it? 590 00:33:44,560 --> 00:33:46,600 I don't know, but let's get 'em out of here. 591 00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:50,320 Hey, Vern, this'll do. We'll put 'em in there. 592 00:33:57,240 --> 00:34:00,000 That's better. Do me a favour, will you? 593 00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:01,720 Fill my hip flask up for me. 594 00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:03,680 Certainly, I will. Thank you. 595 00:34:18,280 --> 00:34:19,320 LAUGHS 596 00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:24,840 There. That's the lot. 597 00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:26,880 Right. Let's get back upstairs. 598 00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:38,960 I hope this isn't a wild goose chase. 599 00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:40,960 Ah, well, you'll see. 600 00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:51,520 There. Where? 601 00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:53,840 They were here! I smelt them with my own nose! 602 00:34:53,880 --> 00:34:55,920 Oh, you idiot. 603 00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:59,880 I only wish you had a higher rank so I could demote you. 604 00:34:59,920 --> 00:35:01,600 But, Sarge, I tell you! 605 00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:08,560 You great loon! You daft, big dope! 606 00:35:11,840 --> 00:35:15,760 Sarge! They're here. 607 00:35:18,720 --> 00:35:21,640 Well, well, well. Aye, well, I told ya, didn't I? 608 00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:26,040 Well, who's the idiot now? Who's the daft, big dope now? 609 00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:29,480 Oh, it's just lucky you've got a hooter like a bloodhound. 610 00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:31,280 Go and have a word with the owner of the car. 611 00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:32,480 Aye. Yes. 612 00:35:36,720 --> 00:35:37,760 Mr Jimmy! 613 00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:43,320 There he is. That's him. 614 00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:46,320 Good day, gents. What we gonna have? 615 00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:48,800 We're on duty. Is that your car outside, sir? 616 00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:50,000 Yes. 617 00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:51,920 Well, then, I'd like to ask you a few questions. 618 00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:54,040 And remember, anything you say may be taken down. 619 00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:56,640 Trousers. THEY LAUGH 620 00:35:56,680 --> 00:35:58,240 Very good. This is a good one! 621 00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:01,920 He said... and I said "trousers"! 622 00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:03,840 I've been waiting all my life 623 00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:05,720 for a policeman to say that to me. 624 00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:07,840 Perhaps, sir, you'll be kind enough to accompany us 625 00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:09,680 to your car and explain how 626 00:36:09,720 --> 00:36:11,920 it came to be filled with salmon. 627 00:36:11,960 --> 00:36:13,960 Salmon? Come along, sir. 628 00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:16,240 But wait a minute. You can't go looking in people's cars! 629 00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:17,320 Come on, sir. 630 00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:19,520 It's not legal... It's... 631 00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:21,240 It's not right! 632 00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:26,520 SLURS SPEECH Hey, just a minute, old soul. 633 00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:29,760 INDISTINCT MUMBLING 634 00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:32,120 Anyway, I don't like policemen. 635 00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:36,880 There's absolutely nothing in my car. 636 00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:39,560 Then how do you account for this? 637 00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:41,040 What? 638 00:36:41,080 --> 00:36:43,240 There's something funny going on here. 639 00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:45,480 Funny? I'm laughing my bloomin' head off, mate. 640 00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:47,400 LAUGHS Come here. 641 00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:52,760 Listen. A car full of salmon can't just vanish 642 00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:55,160 into thin air. No, you're right. 643 00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:56,600 It must be around here somewhere. 644 00:36:56,640 --> 00:36:59,480 The police! Oh, for crying out loud! 645 00:37:01,720 --> 00:37:03,880 They were in the car, and the hearse. 646 00:37:03,920 --> 00:37:05,800 Aye. Saw them myself. 647 00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:08,960 So why don't we work it out by a process of reduction? 648 00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:15,160 They're away! Oh, thank goodness for that. 649 00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:16,720 Should I put them back in the freezer? 650 00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:17,800 No, no, no! 651 00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:18,880 If the police come back, 652 00:37:18,920 --> 00:37:20,440 that's the first place they'll look! 653 00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:22,360 Now, I must think of some place else to hide them. 654 00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:23,520 But where, though? I know. 655 00:37:23,560 --> 00:37:25,160 We'll stick them in one of the bedrooms. 656 00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:32,200 There, that's it. 657 00:37:32,240 --> 00:37:34,400 Good. Let's get some rest whilst we can. 658 00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:36,600 Yes. I'm quite tired. 659 00:37:36,640 --> 00:37:37,680 In here, Mr Jimmy! 660 00:37:37,720 --> 00:37:39,000 Not that one! That one's taken. 661 00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:40,080 Oh. 662 00:37:40,120 --> 00:37:41,400 Go in number five. 663 00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:42,960 Somebody's coming. Quick, outside. 664 00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:46,920 There's someone out there! 665 00:37:46,960 --> 00:37:48,680 I tell ya, it's around here somewhere. 666 00:37:48,720 --> 00:37:52,760 ALL CROSSTALKING 667 00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:54,280 They're just standing there! 668 00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:01,280 Hurry. I'll pretend I'm getting ready for a bath. 669 00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:04,320 That'll keep them out. It wouldn't keep me out. 670 00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:13,160 That's funny. What's funny? 671 00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:15,760 There's a man down there that looks exactly like Daddy. 672 00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:17,400 Oh, really? 673 00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:19,280 Yeah. Got a car like Daddy too. 674 00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:22,120 It is Daddy! I thought it was! 675 00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:24,000 What's he doing here? If I know him, 676 00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:26,000 he's most probably making a personal appearance 677 00:38:26,040 --> 00:38:27,680 to all the distilleries. GASPS 678 00:38:27,720 --> 00:38:29,360 Crikey! What? 679 00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:31,240 What if he thinks we've run away together? 680 00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:33,280 Well, then, don't let him see you! Get down! 681 00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:36,840 Vernon! 682 00:38:36,880 --> 00:38:39,000 MUFFLED PROTESTS 683 00:38:42,480 --> 00:38:44,200 You can come out now. They've gone. 684 00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:47,760 I said, you can come out. 685 00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:53,720 And we're not finished with you yet! 686 00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:56,400 It's persecution, that's what it is. 687 00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:58,240 I'll have the law on you! 688 00:39:00,240 --> 00:39:01,400 We're on to something here. 689 00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:03,600 I think we'll keep it under surveillance. 690 00:39:03,640 --> 00:39:04,840 I've got a better idea. 691 00:39:04,880 --> 00:39:06,920 Why don't we keep a watch on the place? 692 00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:08,800 Well, that's it. 693 00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:14,560 I would love to get my head down for an hour. 694 00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:16,400 Well, you'll be comfortable in here, sir. 695 00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:46,160 CLATTER 696 00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:47,680 Well, why didn't you tell me? 697 00:39:47,720 --> 00:39:49,680 Well, I didn't get the chance. I haven't seen you. 698 00:39:49,720 --> 00:39:51,920 We'll have to get them out of there. 699 00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:53,760 Excuse me. I don't like to complain 700 00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:57,000 but that room seems to be occupied by someone's fish. 701 00:39:57,040 --> 00:39:58,400 Fish? You're jokin'. 702 00:39:58,440 --> 00:39:59,840 Oh, he must've been seeing things. 703 00:39:59,880 --> 00:40:01,600 Yes, come on. Come on round here. 704 00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:03,920 Now, just a minute. I tell you I saw them. 705 00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:06,680 Yes, all right, mate. You'll be all right in here. 706 00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:13,440 I've been trying to tell you. The real buyer rang up. 707 00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:17,240 He's been delayed! Oh, no! Now what? 708 00:40:19,240 --> 00:40:21,200 CHARLIE ON RECORDING Don't put your hand there. 709 00:40:21,240 --> 00:40:22,720 You'll get a shock! Hey, that's me! 710 00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:24,880 It's just after that we have the track of the monster. 711 00:40:24,920 --> 00:40:25,960 Vernon? Mm? 712 00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:27,560 Here a minute. 713 00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:28,800 Look. 714 00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:32,240 The castle seems as good a place as any 715 00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:33,920 to park the loudspeaker. 716 00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:35,480 You got enough cable to reach that? 717 00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:37,560 Oh, yeah. Sure. Well, um, 718 00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:39,880 I'll run down with the wire and come back for the speaker. 719 00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:42,800 Charlie, you hang on to that. Oh, OK. 720 00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:45,360 Now keep out of sight as much as possible, Vernon, will you? 721 00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:46,600 Off you go. 722 00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:16,240 Ah! 723 00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:19,120 Ah, how do you do? Lovely evening! 724 00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:21,120 Perhaps you'd tell me what you're doing, sir. 725 00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:23,600 Well, I'm walking. Pulling the old wire. 726 00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:24,680 I love walking. 727 00:41:24,720 --> 00:41:26,040 That wouldn't be a fishing line 728 00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:27,760 you're taking down to the loch, would it? 729 00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:30,200 This? Oh, well, no. Actually, this is a... 730 00:41:30,240 --> 00:41:32,320 Well, you see, I have a terrible sense of direction. 731 00:41:32,360 --> 00:41:33,600 I'm always getting lost. Huh. 732 00:41:33,640 --> 00:41:34,680 Never go out without it. 733 00:41:34,720 --> 00:41:36,960 And if I get lost, I just have to follow it back again. 734 00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:39,160 Very clever. Now, where has the hotel gone? 735 00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:43,200 Ah. There it is. Nearly lost again, you see? 736 00:41:43,240 --> 00:41:46,000 Oh, well. 737 00:41:48,560 --> 00:41:50,080 That's a lot of nerves, sarge, 738 00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:51,720 but I think they're beginning to crack. 739 00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:53,880 That one certainly is. Come on. 740 00:41:57,360 --> 00:42:00,320 Vernon! I tell you, there's a couple of policeman outside 741 00:42:00,360 --> 00:42:02,440 and I can't lay the cable till they are out of the way. 742 00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:03,840 Oh, we haven't got much time here. 743 00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:04,960 Wait a minute. I know. 744 00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:06,840 We'll draw them off. Come on, Marie. 745 00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:08,640 Now, as soon as you see the coppers move off, 746 00:42:08,680 --> 00:42:10,840 get your table laid, right? Right. 747 00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:16,920 What are we going to do? 748 00:42:16,960 --> 00:42:20,480 THEY LAUGH 749 00:42:20,520 --> 00:42:22,080 Look! 750 00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:25,600 That's Tony Blake! If he's here, so is Charlie! 751 00:42:27,600 --> 00:42:29,120 Look! 752 00:42:43,120 --> 00:42:44,800 Let's follow them! Aye. Look! 753 00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:57,880 There's something big going on tonight. Come on! 754 00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:17,280 They're still after us. 755 00:43:17,320 --> 00:43:19,000 I think it's about time we lost them. 756 00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:20,920 OK. In here, quick! 757 00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:45,520 Is it safe to start back? 758 00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:48,760 No, we'll just give them a minute. 759 00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:56,920 Is it safe now? Yes. 760 00:43:56,960 --> 00:43:59,520 I'm not too sure you are, though. 761 00:44:02,960 --> 00:44:06,240 I'm sure I'm not. Come on. 762 00:44:12,480 --> 00:44:13,520 WOMAN: Oh! 763 00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:15,520 THUDS Oh, I say, 764 00:44:15,560 --> 00:44:18,080 I really, really am most awfully sorry. I didn't... 765 00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:21,120 Oh, carry on! Thanks very much. 766 00:44:21,160 --> 00:44:23,520 But I... 767 00:44:26,720 --> 00:44:28,840 Well, this is it. I hope it works. 768 00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:30,480 It will. Now, I'll go into the bar 769 00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:32,080 and start building up the atmosphere. 770 00:44:32,120 --> 00:44:33,160 Yes. 771 00:44:33,200 --> 00:44:35,000 And you organise the signals, OK? 772 00:44:35,040 --> 00:44:36,800 Good luck, darling. 773 00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:50,000 CHATTER 774 00:44:50,040 --> 00:44:52,960 Evening! Evening. 775 00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:54,720 Ah! Hello, sir. 776 00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:58,040 Ah. Will you do me a drink? 777 00:44:58,080 --> 00:45:00,800 Ah, well, I am a bit dry. Now, let me get this one. 778 00:45:00,840 --> 00:45:02,000 Perhaps you'll all join me! 779 00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:04,960 EAGER CHATTER 780 00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:08,720 Hello, Vernon. 781 00:45:08,760 --> 00:45:12,120 Well, I've fixed the speaker, but how do I know when to start? 782 00:45:12,160 --> 00:45:14,880 I'll wave to Charlie, then she'll let you know. 783 00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:17,480 All right? Come on, Charlie. 784 00:45:17,520 --> 00:45:19,280 Good luck. Charlie? 785 00:45:20,440 --> 00:45:23,560 Well, here's to you, Mr... What did you say your name was? 786 00:45:23,600 --> 00:45:25,440 Blake. Here's to Mr Blake! 787 00:45:25,480 --> 00:45:27,680 ALL: Here! Cheerio! 788 00:45:27,720 --> 00:45:30,000 45 and six, thank you. He's very nice. 789 00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:35,720 Quite clear? Yes. 790 00:45:37,440 --> 00:45:39,960 No, no, Charlie. That way! 791 00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:50,160 And with my own eyes, I saw him drink eight bottles of whisky. 792 00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:53,360 And the following morning, he had no hangover at all. 793 00:45:53,400 --> 00:45:55,560 Who was that? He was still unconscious. 794 00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:58,080 THEY LAUGH 795 00:45:58,120 --> 00:46:00,440 You ruined the story. LAUGHS 796 00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:02,560 Well, you never stop telling it. 797 00:46:02,600 --> 00:46:04,680 Mind you, there's some fair old drinkers in England. 798 00:46:04,720 --> 00:46:06,040 Oh, I don't doubt it. 799 00:46:06,080 --> 00:46:07,680 The only difference is that down there 800 00:46:07,720 --> 00:46:08,840 they see pink elephants. 801 00:46:08,880 --> 00:46:11,600 Up here you see monsters. 802 00:46:11,640 --> 00:46:14,040 Are you suggesting that the monster isn't real? 803 00:46:14,080 --> 00:46:17,040 Well, let's face it. In this day and age, a monster? 804 00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:19,320 Ach, Mr Blake, it's real! 805 00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:22,040 Why, there are men in this very room that have seen it! 806 00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:24,280 Ah. And I'm one of them! 807 00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:25,960 Three times I've seen the beast, sir. 808 00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:27,560 Right, tell him about it, Postie. 809 00:46:27,600 --> 00:46:30,120 Well, if you say so, but... I do say so! 810 00:46:30,160 --> 00:46:33,240 And a terrible sight it was. 811 00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:36,560 A yellow mist hung over the waters. 812 00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:40,120 And a great, brooding silence filled the loch. 813 00:46:40,160 --> 00:46:42,400 Go on. What then? 814 00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:51,600 Charlie! The signal! 815 00:46:51,640 --> 00:46:53,440 The signal! GASPS 816 00:46:56,320 --> 00:46:57,360 Now! 817 00:47:02,720 --> 00:47:05,280 No breath of wind stirred the air. 818 00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:08,960 And as I looked towards the black waters, I saw it. 819 00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:13,680 Its terrible head risin' slowly and turning towards me. 820 00:47:13,720 --> 00:47:15,520 Its jaws opened... 821 00:47:15,560 --> 00:47:19,320 SCREECHING ROAR 822 00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:21,320 Oh, golly, what was that? What was it? 823 00:47:21,360 --> 00:47:24,000 Heaven help us. It sounded terrible fierce. 824 00:47:24,040 --> 00:47:27,240 You don't think it was the...? Aye, sir. 825 00:47:27,280 --> 00:47:29,320 You've heard the Loch Ness Monster. 826 00:47:29,360 --> 00:47:33,080 GASPS Jimmy, I need a drink. 827 00:47:33,120 --> 00:47:35,480 We all do. And I'm paying! 828 00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:39,040 Well, that's something else that hasn't been heard before. 829 00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:47,000 SCREECHING ROAR 830 00:47:47,040 --> 00:47:48,960 What the devil is that? I don't know. 831 00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:50,560 Had we not better get after our man now? 832 00:47:50,600 --> 00:47:53,840 Oh, yes. Well, uh, I... You better get after him. 833 00:47:53,880 --> 00:47:55,840 Are you not coming? Well, no, no. 834 00:47:55,880 --> 00:47:57,760 I'd better get back to the station. 835 00:47:57,800 --> 00:48:02,200 Well, you carry on. Cheerio, now. 836 00:48:02,240 --> 00:48:04,480 SCREECHING ROAR 837 00:48:09,760 --> 00:48:11,800 CHATTER Goodnight, Harry! 838 00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:13,920 There's no doubt about it, it was Nessie, all right. 839 00:48:13,960 --> 00:48:16,400 Aye. It was herself. 840 00:48:16,440 --> 00:48:18,120 You should've kept the bar opened, Harry. 841 00:48:18,160 --> 00:48:19,840 You're joking. It's against the law. 842 00:48:19,880 --> 00:48:22,200 You go to bed. Ta-ra! Goodnight. 843 00:48:23,200 --> 00:48:26,160 It was marvellous! Did you see Postie's face? 844 00:48:26,200 --> 00:48:28,480 It was a picture. 845 00:48:33,240 --> 00:48:34,600 She's going upstairs with him. 846 00:48:34,640 --> 00:48:36,280 Aye. 847 00:48:36,320 --> 00:48:38,960 Ah, did you ever see anything so brazen? 848 00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:40,560 They'll be giving the place a bad name. 849 00:48:40,600 --> 00:48:42,200 It's not that that worries me. 850 00:48:42,240 --> 00:48:43,840 She's only paying for a single room. 851 00:48:43,880 --> 00:48:45,160 Oh! 852 00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:48,760 And they really thought it was the monster? 853 00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:49,960 Yes! They're certain. 854 00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:51,480 Certainly scared the pants off me. 855 00:48:51,520 --> 00:48:53,040 Charlie, don't exaggerate. Why? 856 00:48:53,080 --> 00:48:55,800 Oh, well, never mind. Well, anyway, that's the first part of it. 857 00:48:55,840 --> 00:48:57,080 Let's get some sleep, shall we? 858 00:48:57,120 --> 00:48:58,520 Boy, can I do with it. 859 00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:01,000 KNOCKS AT DOOR Uh, who is it? 860 00:49:01,040 --> 00:49:03,600 JIMMY: It's only me, miss. Can I come in for a moment? 861 00:49:03,640 --> 00:49:04,680 Certainly not! Shh! 862 00:49:04,720 --> 00:49:07,240 What did you say? 863 00:49:07,280 --> 00:49:10,160 Just a minute. I'm getting ready for bed. 864 00:49:15,480 --> 00:49:20,120 Are you respectable? Of course I'm respectable! 865 00:49:22,720 --> 00:49:25,720 Yes? Well? It's just that I wondered 866 00:49:27,440 --> 00:49:29,640 if you'd like your breakfast in bed tomorrow? 867 00:49:29,680 --> 00:49:31,960 Well, yes, that would be fine. 868 00:49:32,000 --> 00:49:34,720 Say five o'clock? 869 00:49:34,760 --> 00:49:38,880 Five? I suppose you know best. 870 00:49:41,800 --> 00:49:45,520 What are you doing? It's safer like this. 871 00:49:49,760 --> 00:49:53,160 You wouldn't like any monsters climbing in, now, would you? 872 00:49:54,680 --> 00:49:56,640 Ah! Oh! 873 00:49:56,680 --> 00:50:00,440 STAMMERS Goodnight, miss. 874 00:50:00,480 --> 00:50:02,680 It's been nice seeing ya. 875 00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:09,000 Marie, open up! 876 00:50:09,040 --> 00:50:10,160 He's locked it. 877 00:50:10,200 --> 00:50:12,720 Oh, blimey. It's cold out here! 878 00:50:12,760 --> 00:50:15,080 Wait. I'll get you a scarf. 879 00:50:23,760 --> 00:50:26,520 This is a big help. I'm sorry, darling. 880 00:50:26,560 --> 00:50:29,000 Never mind. See you in the morning. 881 00:50:29,040 --> 00:50:31,000 Goodnight. Goodnight. 882 00:50:36,480 --> 00:50:37,520 Thanks. 883 00:50:37,560 --> 00:50:39,440 Well, what are we gonna do now? 884 00:50:39,480 --> 00:50:41,400 Don't worry! There must be some kind person 885 00:50:41,440 --> 00:50:43,880 who will put us up for the night. Come on! 886 00:50:49,880 --> 00:50:51,960 MAN: What! Excuse me. 887 00:51:00,160 --> 00:51:03,240 WOMAN: Ooh! I'm very sorry. 888 00:51:04,560 --> 00:51:06,160 Come on, Lorna. It's busier here 889 00:51:06,200 --> 00:51:08,720 than Sauchiehall Street on a Saturday night. 890 00:51:12,560 --> 00:51:14,400 I don't think we'll be disturbed here, Lorna. 891 00:51:14,440 --> 00:51:16,560 I hope not. 892 00:51:25,160 --> 00:51:27,720 CHARLIE: Don't put your hand there, you'll get a shock! 893 00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:31,440 I never touched you, Lorna! I never said you did. 894 00:51:31,480 --> 00:51:32,720 ROARING SCREECH 895 00:51:32,760 --> 00:51:33,960 SOUND STOPS 896 00:51:37,080 --> 00:51:39,520 NIGHT BIRDS CALL 897 00:51:47,960 --> 00:51:49,720 Why can't we get rooms at The Claymore? 898 00:51:49,760 --> 00:51:51,840 Cos we haven't got enough money, that's why. 899 00:51:51,880 --> 00:51:53,640 Oh, good evening, sir. 900 00:51:53,680 --> 00:51:56,560 We're hikers and we wondered if we could stay here tonight. 901 00:51:56,600 --> 00:51:58,800 Aye. You're welcome. 902 00:52:02,880 --> 00:52:07,400 No, we meant inside. Oh, why didn't you say so? 903 00:52:07,440 --> 00:52:08,960 Come in. 904 00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:12,120 Thank you. Very kind of you, sir. 905 00:52:12,160 --> 00:52:14,480 Oh, what a charming little place you've got here. 906 00:52:14,520 --> 00:52:17,280 I'm a MacDonald. You're no Campbells, are ye? 907 00:52:17,320 --> 00:52:18,600 No, no! 908 00:52:18,640 --> 00:52:20,400 Terrible people, the Campbells. 909 00:52:21,640 --> 00:52:24,360 Terrible people. 910 00:52:24,400 --> 00:52:27,480 We've been feuding with them for centuries. 911 00:52:27,520 --> 00:52:30,240 I hate them, do you hear me?! I hate them! 912 00:52:30,280 --> 00:52:32,840 Ah! 913 00:52:32,880 --> 00:52:36,520 Oh. But you're no Campbells, you say. 914 00:52:36,560 --> 00:52:41,200 No, we're, no... Er, not. I'll take you to your beds. 915 00:52:48,000 --> 00:52:49,920 The married couple can sleep in there 916 00:52:49,960 --> 00:52:52,600 and you'll have to share a bed with me, laddie. 917 00:52:52,640 --> 00:52:54,040 WHISPERS Hey! 918 00:52:54,080 --> 00:52:55,600 I can't go in there with Charlie! 919 00:52:55,640 --> 00:52:58,200 Well, she can't go in there with MacDonald. Get in! 920 00:53:01,960 --> 00:53:04,440 Well, here we are. Yes. 921 00:53:09,200 --> 00:53:10,720 Well, you take the bed. 922 00:53:10,760 --> 00:53:13,920 I'll, uh, I'll sleep here on this chair. 923 00:53:13,960 --> 00:53:16,200 Oh, no. You've been doing all the running about, Vernon. 924 00:53:16,240 --> 00:53:18,080 You have the bed. No, no, no. That's all right. 925 00:53:18,120 --> 00:53:19,520 I'll be quite comfortable here. 926 00:53:22,800 --> 00:53:24,560 SIGHS 927 00:53:24,600 --> 00:53:27,520 It's a lovely bed, Vernon. Good. I'm very glad. 928 00:53:27,560 --> 00:53:30,440 Come and try it! SPRINGS SQUEAK 929 00:53:30,480 --> 00:53:33,080 Come on, Vernon. MUFFLED NOISES 930 00:53:33,120 --> 00:53:34,480 How long have they been married? 931 00:53:34,520 --> 00:53:35,600 Oh, they're not. 932 00:53:35,640 --> 00:53:36,680 What? Long! Not long. 933 00:53:36,720 --> 00:53:38,440 Oh. Oh, I see. 934 00:53:38,480 --> 00:53:40,560 You'd better sleep up against the wall, laddie. 935 00:53:40,600 --> 00:53:42,200 Oh. All right. 936 00:53:44,960 --> 00:53:47,200 Are you comfortable? Yes, thanks. 937 00:53:47,240 --> 00:53:49,520 Warmest I've been all day. Well, goodnight. 938 00:53:49,560 --> 00:53:52,480 Goodnight. 939 00:53:52,520 --> 00:53:54,160 SIGHS 940 00:53:58,760 --> 00:54:01,920 SNORES 941 00:54:03,600 --> 00:54:05,920 GRUMBLES 942 00:54:07,240 --> 00:54:10,320 CLATTER 943 00:54:10,360 --> 00:54:11,520 Ooh! 944 00:54:16,640 --> 00:54:18,000 Ugh! 945 00:54:19,960 --> 00:54:21,000 Ugh! 946 00:54:22,880 --> 00:54:24,440 Oh. 947 00:54:24,480 --> 00:54:26,480 Vernon, I do wish you'd come and lie down. 948 00:54:26,520 --> 00:54:30,360 Ah. I'm all right here. Really. 949 00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:36,160 The Campbells are coming! 950 00:54:36,200 --> 00:54:37,880 Take cover! 951 00:54:44,600 --> 00:54:46,320 SIGHS 952 00:54:46,360 --> 00:54:48,920 Now, come on, Vernon. On the bed. 953 00:54:52,200 --> 00:54:54,560 Hey! Hey, I can't sleep here. Why not? 954 00:54:54,600 --> 00:54:57,080 Because I can't sleep here! Oh, Vernon. 955 00:54:57,120 --> 00:54:58,360 But, look... Darn it! 956 00:54:58,400 --> 00:54:59,440 CLATTER 957 00:54:59,480 --> 00:55:02,680 After them, boys! 958 00:55:07,160 --> 00:55:09,080 Whatever you're doing, stop it. We're leaving. 959 00:55:09,120 --> 00:55:11,600 What's happening? Where are we going? 960 00:55:16,560 --> 00:55:18,480 What are you doing? Shh. 961 00:55:18,520 --> 00:55:20,120 GLASS SHATTERS The Campbells are here! 962 00:55:20,160 --> 00:55:21,880 Come out and fight! 963 00:55:21,920 --> 00:55:25,080 HE SHOUTS 964 00:55:29,320 --> 00:55:32,320 What now? I don't know. 965 00:55:32,360 --> 00:55:35,800 A hotel full of empty rooms and... Hey, wait. 966 00:55:35,840 --> 00:55:38,080 What? That window next to Marie's. 967 00:55:39,160 --> 00:55:41,240 Leave this to me. 968 00:55:49,000 --> 00:55:50,440 Blast, it's locked! 969 00:55:50,480 --> 00:55:52,560 Well, wake Marie. She can open it. 970 00:55:58,520 --> 00:55:59,560 Marie. 971 00:55:59,600 --> 00:56:01,400 Marie. 972 00:56:02,840 --> 00:56:04,760 Marie. 973 00:56:07,240 --> 00:56:08,640 What is it, Tony? 974 00:56:08,680 --> 00:56:11,160 Nip into the next room and unlock the window. 975 00:56:11,200 --> 00:56:13,400 All right. 976 00:56:32,400 --> 00:56:34,200 Well done. Good girl. What's going on? 977 00:56:34,240 --> 00:56:36,800 Let's go to your room. 978 00:56:39,360 --> 00:56:41,600 Oh! I'm sorry. Now, don't scream! 979 00:56:41,640 --> 00:56:43,600 I wasn't going to. Oh. 980 00:56:43,640 --> 00:56:46,160 Thank you, thank you. Bye. Excuse me. 981 00:56:47,800 --> 00:56:49,920 Get in quick, Vernon. I can't. The door's locked! 982 00:56:49,960 --> 00:56:51,800 It can't be. Well, it's stuck! 983 00:56:51,840 --> 00:56:54,200 Let me have a go. Quick. DOOR LATCH BANGS 984 00:56:54,240 --> 00:56:55,840 HARRY: What's all that banging around? 985 00:56:55,880 --> 00:56:58,120 Someone's coming! DOOR RATTLES 986 00:56:58,160 --> 00:57:02,400 Oh, you came back! Yes. Uh, no! 987 00:57:02,440 --> 00:57:03,520 THUMPING ON DOOR 988 00:57:05,520 --> 00:57:07,560 Quick, the front door! 989 00:57:13,840 --> 00:57:15,360 What was all that noise? I don't know. 990 00:57:15,400 --> 00:57:17,560 Perhaps it's somebody trying to knock off our salmon. 991 00:57:17,600 --> 00:57:18,640 Thieving swines. 992 00:57:18,680 --> 00:57:20,600 I'll go and make sure the front door's locked. 993 00:57:20,640 --> 00:57:22,680 Yeah. I'll check the back. 994 00:57:30,280 --> 00:57:31,720 Here. The front door wasn't locked. 995 00:57:31,760 --> 00:57:33,160 I know I locked it. 996 00:57:33,200 --> 00:57:35,480 But you couldn't have done because it was open. 997 00:57:35,520 --> 00:57:37,840 Do you think there's any funny business going on in there? 998 00:57:37,880 --> 00:57:39,760 Oh, no. She's a nice wee lassie. Is she? 999 00:57:39,800 --> 00:57:42,520 I think we'd better stay up for a bit. 1000 00:57:42,560 --> 00:57:44,520 I'll go and get us a drink. I could do with one. 1001 00:57:52,200 --> 00:57:55,800 BIRDS CHIRP 1002 00:57:55,840 --> 00:57:59,160 It's five o'clock, miss. I've brought your breakfast. 1003 00:57:59,200 --> 00:58:01,520 It's a lovely morning. 1004 00:58:03,440 --> 00:58:06,800 Are you awake, miss? I'm up! 1005 00:58:06,840 --> 00:58:08,280 Would you like your tray in your bed? 1006 00:58:08,320 --> 00:58:09,480 Oh, no, no, no! 1007 00:58:09,520 --> 00:58:11,800 Are you sure you're all right? 1008 00:58:11,840 --> 00:58:14,160 Um...fine, thank you. 1009 00:58:15,840 --> 00:58:18,680 Well, don't let your tea get cold. 1010 00:58:24,800 --> 00:58:26,480 Will you be taking a bath? 1011 00:58:26,520 --> 00:58:28,600 No, sir, certainly not. 1012 00:58:28,640 --> 00:58:31,160 Very well. 1013 00:58:38,000 --> 00:58:39,960 Tony... Er, Tony? 1014 00:58:40,000 --> 00:58:43,680 You can come out now. 1015 00:58:43,720 --> 00:58:45,440 SIGHS 1016 00:58:49,720 --> 00:58:51,760 Come on, girls. 1017 00:58:58,960 --> 00:59:01,480 Oh. Oh, what a night! 1018 00:59:03,240 --> 00:59:05,680 It's so cold! 1019 00:59:05,720 --> 00:59:07,560 I'll never look another packet of frozen food 1020 00:59:07,600 --> 00:59:09,560 in the face again. I had a terrible night. 1021 00:59:09,600 --> 00:59:11,480 You're joking, of course! 1022 00:59:11,520 --> 00:59:14,400 Well, we'll all feel better when we've had some tea. 1023 00:59:14,440 --> 00:59:18,440 Aw. We can always add water. And there's still the food. 1024 00:59:19,440 --> 00:59:20,760 Food. 1025 00:59:22,080 --> 00:59:24,800 Shall I carve, old chap? Food. I've gotta have food. 1026 00:59:24,840 --> 00:59:26,560 All right, Vernon. Steady on, steady on. 1027 00:59:26,600 --> 00:59:29,000 Tony, I'm starving! All right, all right! 1028 00:59:29,040 --> 00:59:30,880 Just hang on a second while I share it out. 1029 00:59:30,920 --> 00:59:33,520 I tell you what, give the locals a quick blast of the monster 1030 00:59:33,560 --> 00:59:35,120 while I'm doing it. Oh, all right. 1031 00:59:35,160 --> 00:59:37,400 Oh, I'm hungry! 1032 00:59:38,760 --> 00:59:43,040 ROARING SCREECH 1033 00:59:43,080 --> 00:59:44,760 Pardon. 1034 00:59:47,600 --> 00:59:49,680 ROARING SCREECH 1035 00:59:54,120 --> 00:59:56,480 BOTH: Ah! Look! 1036 00:59:57,920 --> 01:00:00,720 COWS MOO 1037 01:00:12,240 --> 01:00:14,560 You certainly made a good job of that plate, Vernon. 1038 01:00:14,600 --> 01:00:18,040 Good job? It was a willow pattern when he started. 1039 01:00:18,080 --> 01:00:19,440 It's nearly half past five, Tony. 1040 01:00:19,480 --> 01:00:21,120 Yeah, we better get going. Vernon? 1041 01:00:21,160 --> 01:00:22,400 One more blast of the monster. 1042 01:00:22,440 --> 01:00:23,800 Make sure everybody's heard it. 1043 01:00:23,840 --> 01:00:25,360 PLATES CLATTER 1044 01:00:26,400 --> 01:00:27,600 Thanks. 1045 01:00:27,640 --> 01:00:29,840 ROARING SCREECH 1046 01:00:31,600 --> 01:00:34,040 Campbells, I'm ready for you! 1047 01:00:35,560 --> 01:00:38,640 HE SHOUTS 1048 01:00:44,400 --> 01:00:46,960 I still don't see why you have to go through all this bit 1049 01:00:47,000 --> 01:00:49,520 with the camera! Charlie. 1050 01:00:49,560 --> 01:00:52,560 Because if the locals think they've seen me taking a picture, 1051 01:00:52,600 --> 01:00:54,200 they'll have no doubts when we show them 1052 01:00:54,240 --> 01:00:57,160 the photo we took at the Serpentine. You understand? 1053 01:00:57,200 --> 01:01:00,640 No, but don't explain any more. You'll confuse me! 1054 01:01:00,680 --> 01:01:02,560 Vern? Come on, hurry up! 1055 01:01:02,600 --> 01:01:04,520 Marie will have the crowd down here in a minute. 1056 01:01:04,560 --> 01:01:06,960 I'm being as quick as I can! 1057 01:01:12,480 --> 01:01:14,040 Is it cold, Vernon? 1058 01:01:14,080 --> 01:01:16,360 I don't know. I've lost all sense of feeling. 1059 01:01:16,400 --> 01:01:18,280 Oh, you're doing fine, Vern! 1060 01:01:20,560 --> 01:01:22,880 Are they all right? I don't know. 1061 01:01:22,920 --> 01:01:24,680 The monster's supposed to be fairly heavy. 1062 01:01:24,720 --> 01:01:26,720 The footprints would be a bit deeper than that. 1063 01:01:26,760 --> 01:01:29,160 How would it be if I climbed on Vernon's back? 1064 01:01:29,200 --> 01:01:32,080 That would make him heavier! There's a good idea, Charlie. 1065 01:01:32,120 --> 01:01:34,920 Oh, no, wait a minute. Right! 1066 01:01:34,960 --> 01:01:36,840 Oh, no, now, please, don't... Up! 1067 01:01:39,760 --> 01:01:42,880 Oh! That's better. 1068 01:01:42,920 --> 01:01:45,040 It's all right for you. Now, you sure you're all right? 1069 01:01:45,080 --> 01:01:46,680 Perfectly! It's no trouble at all! 1070 01:01:46,720 --> 01:01:48,240 Good. Off you go then, Vern. 1071 01:01:48,280 --> 01:01:50,280 Come on, come on! Oh, really! 1072 01:01:52,240 --> 01:01:53,840 Now, keep along the edge of the loch. 1073 01:01:53,880 --> 01:01:56,080 Whenever you come to a sandy beach, step ashore. 1074 01:02:04,480 --> 01:02:07,480 Tony, they're coming! Many of them. 1075 01:02:07,520 --> 01:02:11,920 They will see Vernon. Vern! Get out! 1076 01:02:11,960 --> 01:02:14,760 I'm going as fast as I can! Never mind! Get out! 1077 01:02:22,120 --> 01:02:23,840 Go on! 1078 01:02:26,760 --> 01:02:29,640 Oh, good. Right. Here we go. 1079 01:02:32,840 --> 01:02:35,120 CROWD CHATTER 1080 01:02:35,160 --> 01:02:36,600 Can you see anything? Out there. 1081 01:02:36,640 --> 01:02:37,680 Where? Where! 1082 01:02:37,720 --> 01:02:38,840 Out in the mist! 1083 01:02:38,880 --> 01:02:40,800 You've got better eyesight than I have, laddie. 1084 01:02:40,840 --> 01:02:43,120 I can see it, there it is! You're right, Jamie! 1085 01:02:43,160 --> 01:02:45,560 Yonder is its head peeking up! Oh, look, it's going down! 1086 01:02:45,600 --> 01:02:47,320 No, no! It's still there, I see it! 1087 01:02:47,360 --> 01:02:50,000 Look at the size of it. Ack, man, it's huge! 1088 01:02:50,040 --> 01:02:51,960 I cannot see a thing. 1089 01:02:52,000 --> 01:02:54,360 Aw, it's away, all right. 1090 01:02:54,400 --> 01:02:56,600 Yes, it's a pity you weren't here a bit earlier, Postie. 1091 01:02:56,640 --> 01:02:58,880 You would've seen it. But I did so see it! 1092 01:02:58,920 --> 01:03:00,040 Ach! 1093 01:03:00,080 --> 01:03:01,680 Yes, but it was a bit misty out there. 1094 01:03:01,720 --> 01:03:03,400 Aye, but there was no mistaking it. 1095 01:03:03,440 --> 01:03:04,960 It was the beast here without a doubt. 1096 01:03:05,000 --> 01:03:07,400 Now, do you think the monster's an old wives' tale, Mr Blake? 1097 01:03:07,440 --> 01:03:10,280 No, no, I'm convinced now. I'm sorry I doubted you. 1098 01:03:10,320 --> 01:03:11,720 That's better. 1099 01:03:11,760 --> 01:03:14,000 In fact, I've even got a picture of it. 1100 01:03:15,200 --> 01:03:16,440 SCREAMS 1101 01:03:16,480 --> 01:03:19,760 What in the name of boots was that? 1102 01:03:19,800 --> 01:03:21,120 What is it? Where's the monster! 1103 01:03:21,160 --> 01:03:24,160 Look! CHATTER 1104 01:03:24,200 --> 01:03:26,960 You nearly made me believe there was something out there. 1105 01:03:27,000 --> 01:03:28,360 Very good. 1106 01:03:28,400 --> 01:03:30,200 Well, I had psychology on my side. 1107 01:03:30,240 --> 01:03:33,160 They wanted to see something. Shh. They're coming. 1108 01:03:33,200 --> 01:03:34,760 Man, I've never seen anything like it. 1109 01:03:34,800 --> 01:03:35,840 No! 1110 01:03:35,880 --> 01:03:37,320 Did you say you had a photo, Mr Blake? 1111 01:03:37,360 --> 01:03:39,560 Yes. I was just going back to the hotel to develop it. 1112 01:03:39,600 --> 01:03:41,800 Are you coming? Why not? 1113 01:03:55,960 --> 01:03:59,160 I've had enough. Let's try sitting down. 1114 01:04:04,560 --> 01:04:07,120 Why don't you treat me more gently, Vernon? 1115 01:04:12,760 --> 01:04:14,680 Good heavens, a flying fish. 1116 01:04:33,480 --> 01:04:34,960 Charlie! 1117 01:04:35,000 --> 01:04:37,680 Vernon, it's Daddy! What? 1118 01:04:37,720 --> 01:04:39,480 Oh, no! Quick! 1119 01:04:41,880 --> 01:04:44,320 Charlie! 1120 01:04:44,360 --> 01:04:46,240 Charlie, come back! 1121 01:04:46,280 --> 01:04:48,760 Charlie, I demand you come back. 1122 01:04:48,800 --> 01:04:52,040 I order you to come back, Charlie. 1123 01:04:52,080 --> 01:04:53,320 Charlie! 1124 01:04:53,360 --> 01:04:55,400 Vernon! Charlie, come back! 1125 01:04:55,440 --> 01:04:56,920 Ah! 1126 01:04:59,040 --> 01:05:01,080 Oh, botheration. 1127 01:05:02,600 --> 01:05:04,680 CHATTER 1128 01:05:04,720 --> 01:05:06,480 Same again, Jimmy? Aye, just the same. 1129 01:05:08,040 --> 01:05:10,080 GRACE: It's all very well. I know it's exciting. 1130 01:05:10,120 --> 01:05:11,680 Two pints. And a... 1131 01:05:14,360 --> 01:05:17,520 No, I'm sorry, sir. No, we're quite full up. 1132 01:05:17,560 --> 01:05:19,360 I said, no. 1133 01:05:19,400 --> 01:05:21,120 I don't care if you're the Prime Minister. 1134 01:05:22,680 --> 01:05:24,560 Well, I beg your pardon, Mr Macmillan, 1135 01:05:24,600 --> 01:05:28,040 but we really are full up. Hmm. 1136 01:05:29,120 --> 01:05:31,080 PHONE RINGS 1137 01:05:37,640 --> 01:05:39,080 What's going on here? 1138 01:05:39,120 --> 01:05:40,880 We're getting ready for the tourist trade. 1139 01:05:40,920 --> 01:05:42,240 Yeah? We're gonna make a fortune 1140 01:05:42,280 --> 01:05:44,000 and all it costs is mud, weeds and water. 1141 01:05:44,040 --> 01:05:46,040 Look at that. Good, innit? 1142 01:05:48,680 --> 01:05:50,640 Aye, but I think you might have phrased it better. 1143 01:05:50,680 --> 01:05:52,840 Oh, never mind about that. This is just the beginning. 1144 01:05:52,880 --> 01:05:53,920 What are you gonna charge? 1145 01:05:53,960 --> 01:05:57,040 30 bob each, tenner back on the bottle. 1146 01:05:57,080 --> 01:05:59,640 REPORTER: You'll know by this time, I expect, 1147 01:05:59,680 --> 01:06:02,440 that the famous Loch Ness Monster has been seen again. 1148 01:06:02,480 --> 01:06:06,280 I've hurried up here to the spot to find excitement tense, 1149 01:06:06,320 --> 01:06:08,480 and I'm hoping to talk to some of the people 1150 01:06:08,520 --> 01:06:10,480 who actually saw the beast. 1151 01:06:10,520 --> 01:06:12,320 I saw the whole thing very clearly! 1152 01:06:12,360 --> 01:06:13,400 Well, as a matter of fact, 1153 01:06:13,440 --> 01:06:14,720 I got the best view of the beast. 1154 01:06:14,760 --> 01:06:17,880 ALL SHOUT AT ONCE 1155 01:06:17,920 --> 01:06:19,800 Hello. They're starting a punch-up. 1156 01:06:19,840 --> 01:06:21,280 But they're going mad! Look at that. 1157 01:06:21,320 --> 01:06:22,600 Does your heart good, don't it? 1158 01:06:22,640 --> 01:06:25,040 Nothing like a right old punch-up for working up a thirst. 1159 01:06:25,080 --> 01:06:27,880 It's good for business, isn't it? Good? It's marvellous, mate! 1160 01:06:27,920 --> 01:06:29,360 SHOUTS 1161 01:06:29,400 --> 01:06:31,360 Give the man a chance! Give him a chance. 1162 01:06:31,400 --> 01:06:32,560 CROWD FALLS QUIET 1163 01:06:32,600 --> 01:06:34,840 But there's more than just excitement here today 1164 01:06:34,880 --> 01:06:37,040 on the quiet shores of Loch Ness. 1165 01:06:37,080 --> 01:06:39,160 There's a sobering sense of foreboding 1166 01:06:39,200 --> 01:06:41,280 as people remember that... 1167 01:06:41,320 --> 01:06:43,800 ..a sobering sense of foreboding 1168 01:06:43,840 --> 01:06:46,160 as people remember the ancient prophecy, 1169 01:06:46,200 --> 01:06:50,040 that the appearance of the monster spells doom and disaster. 1170 01:06:50,080 --> 01:06:51,560 YELLING 1171 01:06:51,600 --> 01:06:53,560 Good afternoon. Good afternoon. 1172 01:06:53,600 --> 01:06:55,760 You're doing a great job out there, Mr Mitchelmore. 1173 01:06:55,800 --> 01:06:57,640 Get in there! See that? They're loving it! 1174 01:06:57,680 --> 01:06:59,080 Everyone is gonna make a fortune. 1175 01:06:59,120 --> 01:07:02,920 ARGUING Are you out of your mind? 1176 01:07:02,960 --> 01:07:06,000 These peaceful country folk, beneath their Celtic reserve, 1177 01:07:06,040 --> 01:07:08,920 are full of fears for the future. 1178 01:07:08,960 --> 01:07:10,960 They're not the only ones. SHOUTS 1179 01:07:13,960 --> 01:07:15,840 All we need now is that photo to clinch it. 1180 01:07:15,880 --> 01:07:17,480 Yeah, well... How long's it going to be? 1181 01:07:17,520 --> 01:07:19,280 Well, it won't be long. It's in the tank now. 1182 01:07:19,320 --> 01:07:20,720 Great. Great, boy! 1183 01:07:20,760 --> 01:07:22,280 We'll give them another half an hour, 1184 01:07:22,320 --> 01:07:23,400 then we let them see it. 1185 01:07:23,440 --> 01:07:25,960 Right. I hope Vernon and Charlie get back in time. 1186 01:07:26,000 --> 01:07:27,640 I wouldn't like them to miss it. 1187 01:07:30,160 --> 01:07:34,400 All right, Charlie? Yes! 1188 01:07:38,800 --> 01:07:40,680 GIRLS CHATTER 1189 01:07:40,720 --> 01:07:43,080 Shh! Shh! We must be very quiet. 1190 01:07:43,120 --> 01:07:44,600 We're getting near the loch. 1191 01:07:44,640 --> 01:07:46,600 There's something moving in that bush, teacher. 1192 01:07:46,640 --> 01:07:48,240 Shh! Wait a minute. 1193 01:07:55,720 --> 01:07:57,600 GASPS Good afternoon. 1194 01:07:57,640 --> 01:07:59,320 SCREAMS 1195 01:08:00,880 --> 01:08:04,080 Back that way, quick! Quick! Did you see the monster? 1196 01:08:04,120 --> 01:08:06,360 Never mind what I saw. Keep moving. 1197 01:08:06,400 --> 01:08:08,640 GROANS 1198 01:08:11,920 --> 01:08:13,800 They seem to be drying out nicely, Charlie. 1199 01:08:13,840 --> 01:08:15,680 They should be ready in... THUNDER RUMBLES 1200 01:08:15,720 --> 01:08:18,400 Oh, no! 1201 01:08:20,480 --> 01:08:22,600 Where'd you put the photograph, love? 1202 01:08:22,640 --> 01:08:24,440 It's on the table. 1203 01:08:24,480 --> 01:08:26,680 I can't see it. That's where I put it. 1204 01:08:28,560 --> 01:08:31,080 That's strange. Try your pockets. 1205 01:08:31,120 --> 01:08:35,280 Look in your handbag. 1206 01:08:35,320 --> 01:08:37,680 It's not here. Maybe it's in the wardrobe. 1207 01:08:40,880 --> 01:08:43,520 No. I'll try the dressing table. 1208 01:08:49,520 --> 01:08:52,680 Well, gentlemen, it's nearly four o'clock. 1209 01:08:52,720 --> 01:08:54,240 And the bar's been closed for an hour. 1210 01:08:54,280 --> 01:08:55,920 THEY LAUGH 1211 01:08:55,960 --> 01:08:58,040 Hey, what time did Blake say the picture'd be ready? 1212 01:08:58,080 --> 01:08:59,640 That's just what I mean. Four o'clock. 1213 01:08:59,680 --> 01:09:01,680 Right, let's go. 1214 01:09:05,120 --> 01:09:07,240 I'm dying to see this. So am I. 1215 01:09:07,280 --> 01:09:08,640 TONY: Come in. 1216 01:09:10,160 --> 01:09:12,240 What's been going on in here? Never mind about that. 1217 01:09:12,280 --> 01:09:13,960 You got the picture? Oh, the picture! Yes. 1218 01:09:14,000 --> 01:09:15,040 Oh, good. Where is it? 1219 01:09:15,080 --> 01:09:17,560 Uh, well, I'm afraid I've got a bit of a disappointment for you. 1220 01:09:17,600 --> 01:09:19,520 You see, it didn't come out. Didn't come out? 1221 01:09:19,560 --> 01:09:20,680 No. 1222 01:09:20,720 --> 01:09:22,560 What do you mean, it didn't come out? 1223 01:09:22,600 --> 01:09:24,200 You said that you had a perfect picture! 1224 01:09:24,240 --> 01:09:25,960 Yeah, well, I thought it was. 1225 01:09:26,000 --> 01:09:27,960 Blimey, we've all been counting on this! 1226 01:09:28,000 --> 01:09:30,160 Oh, I'm sorry. And you should be! 1227 01:09:30,200 --> 01:09:31,760 Well, you know, what can I say? 1228 01:09:31,800 --> 01:09:33,240 You ought to be ashamed of yourself, 1229 01:09:33,280 --> 01:09:35,240 getting us all worked up and excited for nothing! 1230 01:09:35,280 --> 01:09:36,320 Well, look... 1231 01:09:36,360 --> 01:09:38,200 The people are gonna be very sorry about this. 1232 01:09:38,240 --> 01:09:40,400 It would have attracted a lot of trade to the district. 1233 01:09:40,440 --> 01:09:42,480 Well, look...I'm sorry. Look, I know what I'll do! 1234 01:09:42,520 --> 01:09:44,400 I'll get another one. SIGHS 1235 01:09:46,000 --> 01:09:48,720 He said it didn't come out, but I don't believe he got one. 1236 01:09:48,760 --> 01:09:51,880 No. Aye, just another big rumour. 1237 01:09:51,920 --> 01:09:53,320 Right. See you in the morning. 1238 01:09:54,680 --> 01:09:55,720 Sorry, gents. 1239 01:09:55,760 --> 01:09:58,200 How about doing a write-up on the hotel while you're here? 1240 01:09:58,240 --> 01:09:59,280 No, no news value. 1241 01:09:59,320 --> 01:10:00,920 You'd be amazed what goes on here, mate. 1242 01:10:00,960 --> 01:10:02,320 CHUCKLES Pity about the picture. 1243 01:10:02,360 --> 01:10:03,720 We could keep this going for days. 1244 01:10:03,760 --> 01:10:05,360 Aye, well, so long. Cheers. 1245 01:10:06,880 --> 01:10:09,160 The boom didn't last very long, did it? 1246 01:10:09,200 --> 01:10:11,200 Yeah, well, back to watering the Scotch. 1247 01:10:11,240 --> 01:10:12,600 SIGHS Aye. 1248 01:10:12,640 --> 01:10:14,840 BIRDS CHIRP 1249 01:10:14,880 --> 01:10:18,760 You poor wee things. How long have you been wandering? 1250 01:10:18,800 --> 01:10:20,280 Well, it feels like a month, 1251 01:10:20,320 --> 01:10:21,960 but it's probably only a couple of weeks. 1252 01:10:22,000 --> 01:10:23,680 Aye, aye, well, 1253 01:10:23,720 --> 01:10:26,680 you must get dry before you put your clothes on. 1254 01:10:26,720 --> 01:10:29,720 Would you look at that! What is it? 1255 01:10:29,760 --> 01:10:31,440 It's those two again! 1256 01:10:31,480 --> 01:10:33,720 Constable Doone and the man in evening dress. 1257 01:10:33,760 --> 01:10:35,960 They've been chasing around the loch all day. 1258 01:10:57,560 --> 01:10:59,120 Ah! 1259 01:11:11,280 --> 01:11:13,240 PANTING 1260 01:11:13,280 --> 01:11:15,240 Well, I thought I'd lost you back there. 1261 01:11:15,280 --> 01:11:18,280 No, I...I was following the trail of empty hip flasks. 1262 01:11:18,320 --> 01:11:21,120 All right, I give up. What's the charge? 1263 01:11:21,160 --> 01:11:25,360 The charge is...you broke... 1264 01:11:25,400 --> 01:11:27,920 SOBS I can't think of one. 1265 01:11:27,960 --> 01:11:31,640 Oh, no. Don't upset yourself. Have a drink. 1266 01:11:31,680 --> 01:11:33,640 You know, Charlie, 1267 01:11:33,680 --> 01:11:35,960 I never noticed before, but you're very pretty. 1268 01:11:37,360 --> 01:11:39,680 A little effeminate, perhaps, but very pretty. 1269 01:11:39,720 --> 01:11:41,560 Darling! 1270 01:11:41,600 --> 01:11:43,720 I didn't think you even realised I was a girl! 1271 01:11:43,760 --> 01:11:45,600 Oh, yes, I did. 1272 01:11:56,440 --> 01:12:01,040 Ah! 1273 01:12:01,080 --> 01:12:03,880 Aww. What a shame. 1274 01:12:03,920 --> 01:12:06,240 Aw, well. Not to worry. 1275 01:12:06,280 --> 01:12:10,080 Now, where were we? Oh, yes. 1276 01:12:10,120 --> 01:12:14,400 Vernon! We really...must be... getting back! 1277 01:12:14,440 --> 01:12:16,960 Yes. I suppose you're right. 1278 01:12:25,880 --> 01:12:28,200 Oh, sorry. 1279 01:12:28,240 --> 01:12:29,920 Charlie? Yes? 1280 01:12:29,960 --> 01:12:32,280 Uh, you did say we were engaged, didn't you? 1281 01:12:32,320 --> 01:12:33,880 Yes. 1282 01:12:33,920 --> 01:12:36,760 Well, uh, what's to stop us getting married? 1283 01:12:36,800 --> 01:12:39,920 Darling! When? 1284 01:12:39,960 --> 01:12:42,760 Well, how about, um... 1285 01:12:42,800 --> 01:12:45,400 Charlie! The photograph! The monster! 1286 01:12:45,440 --> 01:12:48,040 Oh! We'd better hurry. What about my trousers? 1287 01:12:48,080 --> 01:12:49,360 Oh, you look all right. 1288 01:12:49,400 --> 01:12:51,520 All the men go around like that in the South of France. 1289 01:12:51,560 --> 01:12:53,120 Yeah, but this is the north of Scotland. 1290 01:12:53,160 --> 01:12:56,680 Oh. Pretend you got lost. I nearly did. 1291 01:13:00,480 --> 01:13:02,920 Cheer up, Tony. "Cheer up," she says. Heh. 1292 01:13:02,960 --> 01:13:05,160 RADIO ANNOUNCER: And now the time has come for a new song 1293 01:13:05,200 --> 01:13:06,840 with the title, The Time Has Come, 1294 01:13:06,880 --> 01:13:10,240 and it's sung by your one and only Eden Charity. 1295 01:13:10,280 --> 01:13:12,520 He's all I need! I like him! 1296 01:13:12,560 --> 01:13:15,480 The big nit. MUSIC PLAYS 1297 01:13:15,520 --> 01:13:17,960 # The time has come 1298 01:13:18,000 --> 01:13:21,160 # For me to hang my head in shame 1299 01:13:22,640 --> 01:13:25,080 # The time has come 1300 01:13:25,120 --> 01:13:29,960 # For me to say that I'm to blame 1301 01:13:30,000 --> 01:13:31,960 # The time has come 1302 01:13:32,000 --> 01:13:36,880 # For love's return But it won't be the same 1303 01:13:36,920 --> 01:13:39,040 # Oh, please believe me 1304 01:13:39,080 --> 01:13:43,440 # I won't make The same mistake again 1305 01:13:43,480 --> 01:13:45,880 # The time has come 1306 01:13:45,920 --> 01:13:50,680 # To end this very sad affair... # 1307 01:13:50,720 --> 01:13:52,480 A voice like that and he's making a fortune. 1308 01:13:52,520 --> 01:13:54,200 I think he's good. 1309 01:13:57,120 --> 01:13:59,560 # A summer's kiss 1310 01:13:59,600 --> 01:14:01,600 # But love's return 1311 01:14:01,640 --> 01:14:05,400 # Won't ever be the same 1312 01:14:05,440 --> 01:14:07,000 # Oh, please believe me 1313 01:14:07,040 --> 01:14:11,640 # I won't make The same mistakes again 1314 01:14:11,680 --> 01:14:15,000 # No more sorrows 1315 01:14:15,040 --> 01:14:18,800 # No more cheating 1316 01:14:18,840 --> 01:14:21,840 # Our tomorrows 1317 01:14:21,880 --> 01:14:25,600 # Won't be repeating the past 1318 01:14:25,640 --> 01:14:28,600 # So here am I 1319 01:14:28,640 --> 01:14:32,840 # To ask if you can still forgive 1320 01:14:32,880 --> 01:14:35,360 # If you can try 1321 01:14:35,400 --> 01:14:39,800 # The time has come for love to live 1322 01:14:39,840 --> 01:14:42,480 # With no mistakes 1323 01:14:42,520 --> 01:14:47,400 # But take my word That love won't be the same 1324 01:14:47,440 --> 01:14:49,880 # Oh, please believe me 1325 01:14:49,920 --> 01:14:54,520 # I won't make The same mistakes again 1326 01:14:54,560 --> 01:14:58,760 # Oh, please believe me 1327 01:14:58,800 --> 01:15:01,360 # I won't make 1328 01:15:01,400 --> 01:15:04,800 # The same mistakes again. # 1329 01:15:07,320 --> 01:15:09,320 You should take up singing. 1330 01:15:09,360 --> 01:15:11,160 While he gets away with murder, doesn't he? 1331 01:15:11,200 --> 01:15:13,080 You get away with it too. 1332 01:15:13,120 --> 01:15:16,280 Yeah, well, I... Get away with it! Why not? 1333 01:15:16,320 --> 01:15:19,440 What do you mean? Yes. We've still got a chance. 1334 01:15:19,480 --> 01:15:22,040 If we can make something look like a monster on the Serpentine, 1335 01:15:22,080 --> 01:15:24,960 we could do it on Loch Ness! Get another picture, you mean? 1336 01:15:25,000 --> 01:15:26,960 Yes. Now, we'll need planks, 1337 01:15:27,000 --> 01:15:29,160 inner tubes...Oh, we can do it! 1338 01:15:30,480 --> 01:15:31,520 Tony! 1339 01:15:33,600 --> 01:15:36,200 Tony. The picture, it was in my pocket. 1340 01:15:36,240 --> 01:15:38,400 Oh, marvellous. 1341 01:15:38,440 --> 01:15:40,600 But it's ruined! Oh, I say, I'm terribly sorry. 1342 01:15:40,640 --> 01:15:42,200 Well, never mind. 1343 01:15:42,240 --> 01:15:44,360 As soon as it gets dark we're gonna make a new monster. 1344 01:15:44,400 --> 01:15:46,440 I suppose that means I have to go in the water again. 1345 01:15:46,480 --> 01:15:48,360 Would you, pal? Thanks! Oh, no, look... 1346 01:15:48,400 --> 01:15:50,320 Here's your trousers. 1347 01:15:50,360 --> 01:15:52,200 It's hardly worthwhile putting 'em on. 1348 01:15:59,080 --> 01:16:00,600 How are you doing, Charlie? It's off. 1349 01:16:00,640 --> 01:16:02,440 I don't know what Daddy's gonna say, though. 1350 01:16:02,480 --> 01:16:04,240 Well, he shouldn't be driving a car anyway. 1351 01:16:04,280 --> 01:16:06,720 Hey, look what we've found! 1352 01:16:06,760 --> 01:16:08,360 Just the job for the monster's head! 1353 01:16:08,400 --> 01:16:10,080 Yeah. Is it big enough? 1354 01:16:10,120 --> 01:16:12,560 For the photo, yes. Aren't you clever! 1355 01:16:12,600 --> 01:16:14,760 Come on, let's get busy. 1356 01:16:21,240 --> 01:16:22,640 See if the coast is clear, Charlie. 1357 01:16:22,680 --> 01:16:24,000 Right. 1358 01:16:32,080 --> 01:16:34,720 Right. Come on. Come on! 1359 01:16:38,440 --> 01:16:39,480 Charlie! 1360 01:16:39,520 --> 01:16:42,520 Daddy! Hey, quick! 1361 01:16:47,640 --> 01:16:50,200 Bother. Come on, after them. 1362 01:16:57,200 --> 01:16:58,960 ENGINE STARTS 1363 01:17:00,800 --> 01:17:04,000 If they're gaining on us, I'll have to put my foot down. 1364 01:17:04,040 --> 01:17:06,480 You're not nervous, are you? Why should I be? 1365 01:17:06,520 --> 01:17:08,880 Eh? ENGINE ROARS 1366 01:17:08,920 --> 01:17:10,200 That's funny. 1367 01:17:12,360 --> 01:17:15,200 Good heavens. I'm sure they were there when I left London. 1368 01:17:25,320 --> 01:17:26,920 Did you get it out all right, Vern? 1369 01:17:26,960 --> 01:17:28,520 Yes, I did. But in the morning 1370 01:17:28,560 --> 01:17:30,600 you can go out and pull it in for yourself. 1371 01:17:30,640 --> 01:17:32,760 What's the matter, Vernon? What's the matter? 1372 01:17:32,800 --> 01:17:34,480 I promise you, my feet are getting webbed. 1373 01:17:34,520 --> 01:17:37,480 Aw, never mind. It'll be dawn in a couple of hours. 1374 01:17:37,520 --> 01:17:40,000 We'll get a picture and it'll all be over. 1375 01:17:40,040 --> 01:17:42,760 What are we gonna do for a couple of hours? 1376 01:17:46,680 --> 01:17:49,080 Vernon, behave! 1377 01:17:55,160 --> 01:17:57,200 Here we are! Have a look at this. 1378 01:17:57,240 --> 01:17:58,400 GASPS 1379 01:17:58,440 --> 01:17:59,880 It's better than the first one. 1380 01:17:59,920 --> 01:18:01,800 I'll say it is. This should do the trick. 1381 01:18:01,840 --> 01:18:05,160 Crowds of people outside. I say, that's marvellous! 1382 01:18:05,200 --> 01:18:06,480 Come on, let's go and show them! 1383 01:18:06,520 --> 01:18:07,560 Right. 1384 01:18:07,600 --> 01:18:09,920 CROWD MURMURS 1385 01:18:17,520 --> 01:18:19,320 Tony! No, not now, Charlie. 1386 01:18:19,360 --> 01:18:21,440 But, Tony! What's wrong? 1387 01:18:21,480 --> 01:18:23,760 Gentlemen. Look, I've got it! 1388 01:18:23,800 --> 01:18:25,560 A perfect picture of the Loch Ness Monster. 1389 01:18:25,600 --> 01:18:27,000 Your troubles are over. 1390 01:18:27,040 --> 01:18:28,440 They've only just started, mate. 1391 01:18:28,480 --> 01:18:29,840 What? I don't understand. 1392 01:18:29,880 --> 01:18:32,000 Everybody in the district's had the same idea as you. 1393 01:18:32,040 --> 01:18:33,960 Look. 1394 01:18:43,600 --> 01:18:45,640 What happened? They've all been at it. 1395 01:18:45,680 --> 01:18:47,440 Everybody's made one. It's all your fault. 1396 01:18:47,480 --> 01:18:49,680 You started all this! Hey, now, listen, fellas. 1397 01:18:49,720 --> 01:18:51,320 Now, wait a minute. You know something, 1398 01:18:51,360 --> 01:18:53,240 everything was going lovely till you arrived. 1399 01:18:53,280 --> 01:18:54,640 Now, lads, lads, don't muck about. 1400 01:18:54,680 --> 01:18:56,440 Hey, lads! Hey, lads! 1401 01:18:56,480 --> 01:18:59,400 Have a look at this! I'll tell you what that is. 1402 01:18:59,440 --> 01:19:01,000 That's a loudspeaker, that is. 1403 01:19:01,040 --> 01:19:02,440 Aye. It was down at the castle 1404 01:19:02,480 --> 01:19:06,240 and the wire leads right up here to The Claymore. 1405 01:19:06,280 --> 01:19:08,440 Well? Well, well, fancy that. 1406 01:19:08,480 --> 01:19:10,280 So you thought you'd hoax us all. 1407 01:19:10,320 --> 01:19:12,120 Oh, well, I mean, it's only a gag, gentlemen. 1408 01:19:12,160 --> 01:19:13,800 He's probably a damn Campbell. 1409 01:19:13,840 --> 01:19:15,800 We were fine till you started your nonsense. 1410 01:19:15,840 --> 01:19:17,520 Now, one minute, fellas. Hang on. 1411 01:19:17,560 --> 01:19:19,120 Right, boys, let's tip him in the loch! 1412 01:19:19,160 --> 01:19:23,280 SHOUTS 1413 01:19:27,640 --> 01:19:29,520 I wonder where Tony is now. 1414 01:19:29,560 --> 01:19:31,960 The speed he was going, he's probably in Newcastle. 1415 01:19:32,000 --> 01:19:34,600 I hope he's all right. So do I. 1416 01:19:34,640 --> 01:19:37,520 Marie's been looking everywhere for him. 1417 01:19:37,560 --> 01:19:40,240 I shan't be sorry to get back, Vernon. 1418 01:19:40,280 --> 01:19:42,680 Still, it is beautiful here. 1419 01:19:43,880 --> 01:19:46,240 Ah! Daddy! 1420 01:19:49,520 --> 01:19:51,760 SPLASHES 1421 01:19:54,720 --> 01:19:56,840 What a horrible death for a drinker. 1422 01:19:56,880 --> 01:19:58,680 Quick, let's get him out! 1423 01:20:01,920 --> 01:20:04,080 Have another ham sandwich. No, thank you. 1424 01:20:04,120 --> 01:20:06,440 Ach, go on. There's 300 waiting in the kitchen. 1425 01:20:06,480 --> 01:20:07,760 Oh, blimey. 1426 01:20:12,440 --> 01:20:14,680 Harry Sutton? Yeah. 1427 01:20:14,720 --> 01:20:16,680 Sorry I'm late, mate. Had a breakdown. 1428 01:20:16,720 --> 01:20:19,200 I've come for the salmon. The salmon! 1429 01:20:19,240 --> 01:20:21,440 I'd forgotten about the salmon! We're all right! 1430 01:20:21,480 --> 01:20:23,640 Oh, mister, you're a welcome sight, I can tell you. 1431 01:20:23,680 --> 01:20:24,880 I'll get the fish for you now. 1432 01:20:24,920 --> 01:20:26,240 Where's your car? Out the front. 1433 01:20:26,280 --> 01:20:28,520 You stick the fish in the car. I'll look after him. Go! 1434 01:20:28,560 --> 01:20:30,480 In the meantime, can you get me something to eat? 1435 01:20:30,520 --> 01:20:32,560 I'm starving hungry. BOTH: He's starving hungry! 1436 01:20:32,600 --> 01:20:34,160 Come on, mate. Come here. 1437 01:20:36,840 --> 01:20:38,240 Oh! 1438 01:20:38,280 --> 01:20:40,160 Look, Daddy, I tell you, we want to get married! 1439 01:20:40,200 --> 01:20:43,120 Well, phone your mother up and see what she's got to say about it. 1440 01:20:43,160 --> 01:20:44,360 Oh! 1441 01:20:58,240 --> 01:21:02,640 Yesterday. I've got her here. Tell her we wanna get married! 1442 01:21:02,680 --> 01:21:05,360 Your mother says on no account am I to let you get married, 1443 01:21:05,400 --> 01:21:07,120 definitely. 1444 01:21:07,160 --> 01:21:10,080 Mummy, you must let us get married. Vernon's proposed. 1445 01:21:11,400 --> 01:21:14,240 When? Last night. We were in the crofter's cottage 1446 01:21:14,280 --> 01:21:17,480 and Vernon was just gonna put his trousers on, and... 1447 01:21:17,520 --> 01:21:21,600 ANGRY SQUEAKS FROM PHONE 1448 01:21:23,440 --> 01:21:25,840 She says on no account are you to come back to London 1449 01:21:25,880 --> 01:21:29,080 unless you are married. 1450 01:21:29,120 --> 01:21:32,920 Marie! We're gonna get married! 1451 01:21:32,960 --> 01:21:35,520 I'm very happy for you. This calls for a celebration. 1452 01:21:35,560 --> 01:21:38,480 I wish Tony were here. I don't know where he is. 1453 01:21:39,920 --> 01:21:43,280 There we are, then. Well, they're all loaded up. 1454 01:21:43,320 --> 01:21:45,040 Right. Then, I'll be off. Yeah, cheers. 1455 01:21:46,560 --> 01:21:49,080 Wait a minute. This isn't your car. 1456 01:21:49,120 --> 01:21:51,240 What do you mean? Oh... 1457 01:21:51,280 --> 01:21:52,560 You didn't? I did. 1458 01:21:52,600 --> 01:21:54,160 You... 1459 01:22:01,560 --> 01:22:04,120 Thank you. You're welcome. 1460 01:22:05,840 --> 01:22:08,880 ENGINE STARTS 1461 01:22:23,560 --> 01:22:25,040 BAGPIPE MUSIC PLAYS 1462 01:22:35,480 --> 01:22:37,480 Who are you? Do you not know me? 1463 01:22:37,520 --> 01:22:39,880 No! Look, I'm Hamish McSpurren! 1464 01:22:39,920 --> 01:22:41,960 I've come to put this place on the map! 1465 01:22:42,000 --> 01:22:43,600 ANGRY CHATTER We're on the map already! 1466 01:22:43,640 --> 01:22:45,840 Aye! Have you heard of Tony Blake? 1467 01:22:45,880 --> 01:22:47,920 Yeah, we've heard of him, all right. Aye! 1468 01:22:47,960 --> 01:22:50,920 A brilliant young man with a marvellous brain! 1469 01:22:50,960 --> 01:22:52,480 Ack, he gave me the idea! 1470 01:22:52,520 --> 01:22:54,960 POSTIE: What idea? 1471 01:22:55,000 --> 01:22:56,640 To make this place into a tourist centre. 1472 01:22:56,680 --> 01:22:57,760 Tourists? 1473 01:22:57,800 --> 01:23:00,440 Aye, millions of them comin' to see the beastie. 1474 01:23:00,480 --> 01:23:02,120 Ach, I can see now. 1475 01:23:02,160 --> 01:23:05,720 We'll have a 30-storey hotel about there. 1476 01:23:05,760 --> 01:23:08,080 And I think we'll have an airfield about there. 1477 01:23:08,120 --> 01:23:09,840 Aye, well, I best be getting busy now. 1478 01:23:09,880 --> 01:23:12,040 Have you seen the young lady who was with Mr Blake? 1479 01:23:12,080 --> 01:23:16,960 She's going to be my secretary. Tony! 1480 01:23:17,000 --> 01:23:18,360 Tony, darling, are you all right? 1481 01:23:18,400 --> 01:23:20,480 Ack, that's no way for a sec... Ah! 1482 01:23:20,520 --> 01:23:22,040 It's him! ANGRY CHATTER 1483 01:23:22,080 --> 01:23:23,960 Mr Blake himself. Now we've got ya, mate! 1484 01:23:24,000 --> 01:23:28,080 Into the loch with him! Aye! Come on! Come back here! 1485 01:23:35,560 --> 01:23:39,080 BAGPIPE MUSIC PLAYS 1486 01:23:50,120 --> 01:23:53,840 ANGRY SHOUTS 1487 01:23:53,880 --> 01:23:56,280 Come out, you! Come back here! Come on! 1488 01:24:03,320 --> 01:24:06,480 That's Nessie herself! GASPS 1489 01:24:08,200 --> 01:24:09,760 Look at the size of it! 1490 01:24:09,800 --> 01:24:11,160 I've never seen anything like it! 1491 01:24:11,200 --> 01:24:14,320 They'll be swallowed alive! 1492 01:24:16,520 --> 01:24:18,440 Come back! SHOUTS 1493 01:24:21,720 --> 01:24:23,760 SHOUTS 1494 01:24:23,800 --> 01:24:27,640 ROARS 1495 01:24:27,680 --> 01:24:29,960 SCREAMS 1496 01:24:31,160 --> 01:24:32,680 ROARS 1497 01:24:40,920 --> 01:24:43,800 What a whopper! 1498 01:24:43,840 --> 01:24:45,800 SNICKERS 1499 01:24:51,240 --> 01:24:53,920 # Oh, what a whopper 1500 01:24:53,960 --> 01:24:56,960 # Oh, whoa, whoa What a whopper 1501 01:24:57,000 --> 01:24:59,640 # One day you're gonna Come a-cryin' 1502 01:24:59,680 --> 01:25:02,200 # What a whopper What a low-down lie. # 1503 01:25:20,200 --> 01:25:24,200 Subtitles by TVT 109465