All language subtitles for Vanderpump Rules – S5E18

Previously on Vanderpump Rules, I had
one experience on a vacation trying to

single. This is what I have coming for
me. Are you still thinking that you want

to do a surf photo shoot this year?

Don't worry.

Go patch things up with Schwartzy. You
were a nightmare of a human being for

first two to three years I dated you.
You know what, Tom? You had an option

then. You put a ring on my f***ing
finger to stop throwing f***ing things.

No more fighting.

We'll bottle that s*** up, alright?

We're just not gonna fight.

Lisa. Yes.

Well, I'm glad you made it back. You
didn't get arrested.

I didn't get arrested. You did not get
arrested. You didn't steal anything.

I was just going to say, you didn't
steal anything, so that's okay. What do

mean?

I peed on my dress.

I'm so ugly. That's a terrible
situation.

Oh, my God.

Who's that?

Tom.

Oh, you actually look quite good. You
look better as a woman than you do as a

man.

Sandoval, you know, he should really
consider, you know, dressing like this

often. So did you have fun? Tom and
Katie had a great time.

I mean, just to be blunt, there was a
lot of arguing.

There was.

For the first two nights, they didn't
even sleep in the same bed.

Are you serious?

Yeah. They fought through the trip.

I would say about 85 % of the time.

I'm so glad to hear that.

If I'm going to go to this wedding, I
want to feel the love between them, not

worry that they're making mistakes.

I'm going to talk to Katie at some
point. Listen, I've got to go.

Go back, clean that mirror, do that. Do
what you're supposed to be doing and put

your phones in your pockets. I don't
want to see them on the floor.

My hair doesn't like me today. I feel
like it's still like New Orleans.

Look what you did to me. I think it
looks cute.

I think it looks disgusting.

I mean, I just can't imagine if Shay and
I were fighting this much two weeks

before the wedding. Yeah.

Tom and Katie bottling their problems up
until after the wedding is not a good

solution. Why not start now? What's the
harm in doing that? What if you wait

until after the wedding and then you
uncork that bottle and it's even rotten

inside?

It's like, how do you come back from
that? How do you fight like that and

retrain yourself not to fight that?
Yeah.

Hello. Hi.

He's just so poofy. I mean, that's what
happens, you know, when suddenly you're

really happy.

He's got fat.

And he's got hairy.

Anyway. I've got a few things for you to
do this week for the photo shoot. Yes.

We have the big photo shoot coming up
this week, and it's really a kind of

ritual that we've done for 10 years now.

Wow.

Perfect.

One, two, three, relax.

I need you guys to go there. I need you
to come up a little bit. Pack her up,

girls.

The theme of this photo shoot this year
is indulgence. We want this photo shoot

to be salivatingly salacious.

Anyway, what on earth have I heard?

All you did at your bachelorette party.

is fight with Schwartz. No, all Schwartz
did at the bachelorette party was argue

with people.

Oh, so you're passing the blame. There
was flare -ups, and Tom, they argued.

What have you got to fight about now? I
don't even know. You could lose each

other if you keep going in that
direction. And I think that's why it

It's a lot of work. What lies ahead of
you? Like, two weeks from today, we will

be... Two weeks from today, you must
help the rest of your life.

Exactly. You have to delete all that
bullshit.

I'm starting to have a little bit of
anxiety about this situation.

This seems to be something more than pre
-wedding jitters.

If they can't even get along when
they're on vacation, what hope do they

for the future?

So you guys are going to stop it?

Okay.

Let the ladies go first.

How are you? Good. Y 'all have a goat
cheese salad, huh? Goat cheese salad?

Yeah. I'm going to do the same thing
with no walnuts, please.

There you go.

We take him so many places, like places
that don't allow dogs. He's a service

dog. He is a service dog.

Gibson is a certified emotional support
dog.

I mean, it's true. Like, I won't, like,
physically stab James in the heart if I

have Gibson in my hand.

I literally paid...

$79. And then they sent me a card in two
days.

Cheers. Cheers.

Like, I remember when I did my dating
profile and I was really bad at it, so

going to try to make yours better.

I'm scared.

Am I really going on OkCupid?

Don't knock online dating until you try
it.

I mean, I met the love of my life on a
dating app.

Be a little more open -minded, bitch.

Okay, write a little about yourself.
Brunch Dogs Wine Ranch.

Why don't I just write basic bits then?
That's who you are.

Yeah.

Wine, brunch, my dog, murder.

Yeah.

Ghosts, aliens, and rants.

How's that?

I have not been in the dating world for
a very long time, much less dating apps.

Desperate times call for desperate
measures, you know? Don't judge.

I'm submitting.

We're bartenders, so I'm not going to be
open to bartenders. Exactly what I

like. I like it.

I'm going to be a... I'm going to be
a... This can be our one.

This can be our one. Oh.

Hi.

I like the swans.

I don't trust them.

They're like guard swans.

Hello, you two.

Hi. Hey, hi.

What do I owe the pleasure of this
visit? Come and sit down.

Um, so we're excited.

Yeah, it's near.

So what have you got left to do? You've
got, you've done the flowers, cake is

ready. The caterer, we're finalizing the
menu with them currently.

You've been helping, you've been
assisting. Well, you know, I just want

you in the right direction. There is
like one thing like left that we have to

do.

If somebody's dressed like that, I guess
we should let them in.

Hello. Good afternoon.

Lisa Vanderpump, the fairest lady in the
land, queen of Villa Rosa and

magistrate of Sir Restaurant, it's with
great respect and honour that these

lovers bestow a request to ordain their
forthcoming nuptial and make

it a...

I see this is a very funny kind of
experience that only these two would

But like, really?

Sit down. I'm totally overwhelmed at
this point. I mean, I really didn't

this.

That was the point. Yeah.

We wanted to do something special
because it means a lot.

for you to do this for us. Not to put
pressure on you. You don't have to say

yes, but we would love it if you would.

You know what really worries me?

For me to take on this responsibility to
ordain a marriage.

I take marriage very seriously.

I mean, very seriously.

How do we?

But the way you've been behaving lately
has given me great cause for concern.

Hey, Katie.

Everything okay?

How am I?

I've had a few little flare -ups. It's
just hard sometimes when I feel like

not hearing me.

Well, what was the argument the other
day? Mostly probably just because we

had been, like, drinking.

He ended up calling me a bitch. We're
getting married in a few weeks, for

sake. It was only two or three days ago
you were at each other's throats.

This has to be a new chapter in your
life. Do you understand?

Yeah. So I'm concerned of taking the
responsibility.

I just need to know that you're really
committed to each other.

I think they need to ask themselves at
this point whether getting married

is the right decision.

Like, all the shit we've been through
has overshadowed the relationship.

What, darling? I'm just disappointed.

In me?

In myself and her.

It's okay, baby.

We just, we got a little sloppy along
the way.

We have problems, and they're big.

We know that. We're the first ones to
admit that. And it's bad, and it's ugly,

and that's something that we've had to
face all summer long.

I feel like I've wasted so much time.

Stupid stuff.

The reason why I feel this way is
because, like, how much I want to be

with him.

and how much I want us to rebuild and
get back to that place.

Yeah.

We are better than that, and we know
that, and we let ourselves forget that

a minute, for a long minute.

I can't say never, but not now.

I want to know that you're really
committed to each other.

Coming up. Do you know how, like,
important sleeping is?

I'm, like, convinced that's why I'm
pretty.

Yeah, there's a spot right here. There's
a spot right here.

Okay.

Do you want a drink?

I'm okay.

Hey, guys.

You're like a Malibu gay show over here.

Hey, guys.

Hey, guys.

Hey, sports, will you rub some lotion on
my back? Yeah, I got you, dude. I'm

kidding. Hi.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hi.

Sheena's just going to take some selfies
the whole time.

Just one Snapchat to send to my husband
because he can't be here. Whatever.

How was your date last night?

So, so, so, so good. And you have one
tonight with a different guy. Yeah. I

out, like, all night long.

Ooh.

There's nothing like a first kiss.

And it was, like, a really good one.
Yeah.

I mean, I'm not looking for anyone to
put a ring on it.

I mean, unless it's really big and
sparkly, in which case you can put a

it. I'm glad you didn't give it up on
the first date. I'm sure you like wanted

to, but it's kind of like better. It's
not you.

I know.

I know.

You guys are making me feel so good
about myself.

Can I get a refill?

I'll... I need a refill, too. Hey, how
did the thing with Lisa go?

I wrote, like, a limerick, like a rhyme,
a poem for Lisa. Yeah.

Proposing to her to ordain our wedding.
Oh, my God, I wish I would have been

there. Why didn't anyone Snapchat it?
She was genuinely caught off guard.

Really? Yeah. Such a great moment, and
then we had a sit -down, and then it

like, really heavy.

It wasn't like a yes.

What? Yeah. Wait, what?

Yeah, I know.

Wait, really?

How do you not say yes? Just had to take
some time off.

Reaffirm your love for one another.

Decide that you really do want to follow
through with this and that you do love

each other.

It was kind of like a rock bottom for
us.

And it's true. Everything she's heard is
true. We've been a f***ing disaster.

I know maybe at times we've overstepped
our boundaries, but I think it's all

come from like a place of concern, you
know? Of course.

Well, I think it's safe to say Lisa's
the only one that has the balls to say

what everyone was thinking.

I just feel so empty right now and I
feel so guilty.

That she doesn't believe in this
marriage.

Look at the dolphin. They came to feel
the love. I'm cold.

I'm cold, too.

Hold me. You hold me.

I want to go be a vegetable with you.

Maybe eat some bad food. No, no, no. No
bad food. We're getting in shape.

No, I mean, you are in shape. I'm not
saying you, you know.

This is dangerous territory.

Because we said we were going to be
unflappable, and we were so flappable.

Let's not be assholes anymore.

You have something in the corner of your
mouth.

Did you eat Doritos? Yeah, I did.

Oh, God.

You should have licked it off. No.

I would do anything for love, but I
won't do that.

We've been so close yet so far away.

No, no more. Is that cheesy?

Sure. No, it's true.

What is that, a rabbit?

Don't touch it.

What if it's like a tampon? All right,
let's go back.

Hey, handsome boy.

Here he is.

I have this very special man in my life.
I need to introduce you to my prince.

So don't.

Whoa, buddy.

Hi, Lisa.

Hi. Hi, how are you?

I'm good. This is Carolyn.

This is the love of my life.

Ariana, nice to meet you. Hi. Nice to
meet you. Sorry, a horse flop. That's

okay. Oh.

My God, of course Lisa has this
bedazzled bridal, and I will trade my

that freaking helmet.

So you're going to ride this guy over
here? He's so beautiful.

Everything about Lisa's life is chic AF.

I don't know that I could have a bigger
lady crush on someone.

Let's do a little trot. Good boy.

Isn't he lovely?

Yeah, he's great.

Come on, Ariana.

Yeah.

Ken bought me my first horse. He just
blew me away. And, of course, I returned

the favor.

To me, this is just like a sanctuary out
here.

Yeah, it's so nice.

So is everything okay?

I talked to Schwartz.

I know as of right now, you're not
thinking that you would want to

When we were at the beach, Katie said
things I've never heard her say before,

like... That she felt really guilty and
ashamed of how she had acted and things

that she had said.

You can't take the gloves off every time
you have a disagreement. I'm pleased to

hear that Tom and Katie have taken our
talk very seriously.

But it's not that simple.

They're going to have to really prove it
to me.

What about you? Are you going to marry
him?

No. Huh?

I just don't, I don't want kids and so I
don't really know. How can you not want

kids? I don't really like babies. I
think they're kind of gross.

What do you mean? What?

I bet you'll change your mind.

Check back with me in five years' time.
I don't know. Maybe Ariana will come

around to the idea of marriage. If she
wants a little sandball, you know, she

could change his little diapers, shave
his little baby forehead, put his little

pink extensions in. But then she
probably does that already.

Come on, then.

Do you want something to drink?

No, I want to do this date sober.

Yes, please.

This is the first time in seven years
that I've been actually, like, dating.

I mean, I've gone from relationship to
relationship to relationship to

relationship. And now I'm going out on
dates, making out with dudes.

Basically, I'm like a recovering serial
monogamist. Oh, cute.

And if I did it with, like, maroon -y
shoes.

Or I had an idea to do, like, a tight
black dress.

Black. It'd be like sexy sassy. I just
tossed on this little LBD. Yeah, I have

three layers of fangs underneath, but...
That's what you have on? You don't even

have, like, cute underwear on? I want to
look skinny AF.

Just don't wear underwear.

No. Wait, what?

What if you really like him and you guys
start kissing and then he, like, rubs

and he's like... Where do they stop? Oh,
do they stop there?

Kristen, you're freaking me out right
now.

Dating is terrifying, but I'm embracing
my single lady -dom.

I have a blind date that my friend
Lauren set up for me. I still don't know

anything about him. David. I did stalk
him, and he has, like, the best

account I've ever seen.

It's all traveling photos, not one gym
selfie.

I think we'll be okay.

A, do you have Adderall?

B, do you have plan B? And C, do you
have condoms? Do you have, like, a

kit? What if... I think we need to have
a talk.

Kristen, I don't need to bring condoms
because I'm not going to do anything on

the first date.

So boring.

I'm fully planning on going in there and
being like, listen, I didn't let you

pick me up because I don't know if
you're going to murder me or not. Can

save that for, like, the second drink,
though?

Stassi needs to...

Break down this, like, steel and
concrete wall that she has up and just,

around. She needs to put some effort in.

Yeah, yeah.

You look really sweet.

That's hysterical, but really kind. So
keep saying it.

Coming up. Right leg forward, left leg
back.

Perfect. Oh, yeah, Peter. Stick that
right leg. Get it off there, Peter.

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

All right, so who wants to go first?
I'll lead by example.

Okay. He's done this before. He's well
-versed. He might even show you a thing

or two. Yeah, he probably will. I
consider myself a spray tan aficionado.

Man,

I love.

I wanted to treat my friends to a little
spray tan set.

Hey, you didn't have to ask him to take
his clothes off. He just did it.

We got a lot of things coming up. We got
their photo shoot. We got

Schwarzenegger's wedding.

We're going to be taking a lot of
pictures, and it's nice to have a little

color. I'm not doing that. That looks
terrible.

Now that I've seen Tom go ahead of me,
and I've seen this stuff sprayed all

my apartment, I really don't want this
shit on me.

And now, I am tanned and gorgeous.

It's really not in the market to look
like an Oompa Loompa.

Are you going to do it? Do it. I would
have, but I realized I stayed outside

the last couple of days, and I already
got tanned. Right leg forward, left leg

back. Perfect.

Oh, yeah, Peter. Stick that right leg.
Get it out there, Peter.

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Do you want to turn your back to me?
Dude, pull your underwear down a little

bit. You're a little saggy in underwear.

Schwartz, you should go fully nude. That
way, like, when you get naked tonight,

when you and Katie bang, you won't have,
like, a box that won't. No.

You guys don't do that. We did last
night. What?

Yeah, we did.

Katie and I got a lot of sex in the
beginning, and then sort of, you know,

tapered off.

What?

The peeking's out.

No, come on. I'm blowing it up like a
gag.

I'm glad I didn't come in and have your,
like, pants around your ankles while

you were doing that. But now, we had
sex, and it was, like, the best sex

Mission accomplished.

All right, bye, guys. Bye.

Can I sit on the couch, Jax?

Yeah, just don't lean back on it. This
is a really expensive couch.

$5 ,000 couch.

Which one of you assholes is getting
ordained in case Lisa says no, she's not

going to do the wedding?

I can't have Jax ordain my wedding.

I love Jax so much, but like, come on.

Having him officiate our wedding, it's
like having Lucifer baptize you, you

know? It's just not right.

I want Jax to have to ordain my wedding.

I could write some nice...

Important question. How great do you
guys feel now that you're a little bit

tan? I feel 20 % more gorgeous.

Hi. Hi.

David. Daphne, nice to meet you. Nice to
meet you.

You look beautiful. Thank you very much.

Going on a blind date is so weird.

Seriously, it's like you're sitting down
and interviewing someone so that both

of you can evaluate whether you
eventually want to have sex with each

What are you thirsty for?

I'm feeling wine right now.

Yeah, that sounds great.

But don't let me pressure you. You can
have... No, I'm... Wine sounds great.

Yeah. Find anything to drink?

Yes. I think so. I know... Let's do it.
Can we do two glasses of Suns Air? Yeah.

Thank you. You're welcome.

So have you ever been here before? I
have. I love this place.

It's a good spot. It's a nice choice.

Thank you.

Thank you. Well, cheers. Cheers.

Very nice meeting you. Very nice to meet
you, too.

It's good. So what do you like to do in
LA for fun? I love to shop.

I love to go to lunch. It's the most
basic ever.

Are you pretty pumped now that Runyon's
open for hiking?

No. No?

Not really into physical activity.

I prefer to stay like sedentary.

What do you do?

I work to automate solutions through
technology.

I don't know what you just said.

Did you say automate solutions
technology?

So I probably like at 7 a .m. I'll wake
up. You wake up at 7 a .m. every day?

Do you know how like important sleeping
is?

I'm like convinced.

That's why I'm pretty.

I agree. It's sleeping.

How long have you been single?

Not that long, like a month and a half.

Wow. It was a three -year relationship
that was on and off. It made me realize

that I like being independent, and I
like not having to answer to somebody,

that was stressful.

But maybe it was stressful just because
it was the wrong person.

I think it takes a strong person to
realize that You care for this person,

love this person, but you just might not
be the right fit for each other.

I'm thankful it finally is done.

You're a committee of one.

Well, three, because I have two dogs.

This dude could not be more nice.

This is the type of guy that I should
want to date, as opposed to a

bartender who steals sandwiches from gas
stations or someone who tries to sell

my sex tape.

Well, I'm happy that I got to come
tonight.

Absolutely. You could have, like,
roofied me and, like, kidnapped me and

murdered me, which is why I turned my
location on for my friend.

Just in case.

I'm just not feeling it. I mean, I was
hoping that this dude wouldn't be

murdery, but now I feel like he's not
murdery enough.

Thank you so much. Absolutely.

It was so nice meeting you. Nice to meet
you, too.

Maybe I should split the difference and,
like, date somebody manslaughter -y.

Thank you so much. You bet.

Bye. See ya.

Oh, my God.

Dude.

Whoa. Really grotesque, by the way.

It's supposed to be, like, over the top.

I don't like it. Like, I mean, if Lisa
wants it, I guess.

I feel like her eyes follow me around
when I move. It's going to look good in

the shot.

Well, I'm pretty sure it's haunted.

Can we put, like, something over his
eyes?

Oh, my God. There.

That's much better.

He was judging.

Appetizing. So the first shot, we're
going to use this fella here.

In the same vein of the previous search,
you look sexy, obviously.

Yeah, like, looking hot.

We're going to get someone naked.

Am I going to be part of this, or what I
heard... I think we need more dudes,

and I know you don't work at Zurb, but
you have worked.

I'm a rag.

I'm not sure you can afford me, but, you
know, I don't get out of bed for less

than $10 ,000 a day. I know, that's why
you spend a lot of time in bed.

I'll give you the fiancé discount.

Oh, okay, thanks.

Wouldn't it be the worst thing for us to
kind of show Lisa? Like, look it, we're

doing good.

Yeah.

Ooh, love me.

Lisa's advice for us is to be in each
other's presence and reaffirm our love

each other. So we're going to do that. I
got chicken piccata. Whoa, I forgot I

got calamari.

We're definitely not going to have
summer bodies for the photo shoot. Who

Who gives a shit?

Yeah. I'm glad you're going to do this
shoot.

Yeah. I'm there to... It would be really
nice to have you there. I am here for

you. I know I've done a lot of fucked up
things. I know I haven't been faithful.

I feel terrible about that. I don't know
if I've ever really told you. I feel

really bad about it.

I want to leave that in the past.

We're starting a new chapter.

We don't need to bring that garbage into
it. No, I agree.

I was able to forgive Tom for cheating
because I know that's not who Tom is,

I don't have any more doubts in my head
about Tom, and that is refreshing.

I really felt I got the answers that I
needed, and now I can trust Tom and not

let that happen ever again.

Oh, yeah, I love you. I love you. I feel
like I don't tell you enough.

I just pretty much want to order takeout
and watch Pauly Shore movies with you

for the rest of my life. Maybe, like,
we, one day, could get abs. We could do

together.

Are we ever going to have abs?

No.

Remember when we used to, like, eat a
whole lot and then we'd have fat facts,

called it? You want to have fat facts?

Yeah, because fat facts are lazy facts.

Dibs bottom.

Oh, God.

I'm not going to lie. My confidence in
moving forward with this wedding has

wavered a few times over the past few
months. But, like, in the last few days,

we've made a concerted effort to remind
each other why we're doing this in the

first place.

Love you.

Coming up.

Tina sent me a photo from the surf
shoot.

I'm not okay with this. Be glad you're
not here. And I go, what the hell?

I'm not

a morning person at

all. Me either.

This is my first time doing a surf photo
shoot. It's like a rite of passage. I'm

officially part of the family.

Is there somewhere specific we put it?
Somewhere where it says our name. Oh.

I don't love these surf photo shoots.

Hi. It's kind of like that awkward
office Christmas party that you know you

to go to, except at this party, I got to
be naked.

Wow. Peter, be careful with your... You

got

this on that app, right?

Yeah. So cool. I totally have the Cribs
app.

Sure, just had you come to my house this
morning.

So I know the first shot you want it to
be all the girls.

Yeah, the four girls in the room.

I'll go check. I think the girls are
almost done, but I'll make sure when

they're finishing it. Okay, great.

Hello, girls.

Are we ready for a fun day? Yes. There
are many ingredients today to make this

successful shoot. We've got to do hair
and makeup. We've got to organize the

clothes, or lack of them. And we've got
to open, so time is of the essence.

Ariana, get off the phone. We're here.
We need troop energy.

So you want to just use this?

Yeah, Phil.

Ambient. Can you bring that pig thing
over here?

Pig flying in.

Where are the roses? Somebody find out
about the rose petals?

Hi. Hey.

Whoa. Ready for dinner? He's not real.

It seems really slimy, though. Yeah, it
looks greasy.

Sir should use these photos to update
their website.

I mean, the website still has Christian
and Stassi on it.

They haven't worked here for years.

Come on, get out of here. Go make
yourself look cute.

Thanks for showing up, dude. Probably
going to have to show your dong.

No, I'm not showing my dong. Yeah, with
some fruit on it.

Hi, Lisa. Hey.

Oh, wow.

So you're ready? I brought lots of
options.

A lot of stuff, okay. And then I brought
even more options. When you come into a

photo shoot, it's always good to make
sure you're prepared for anything.

I got formal looks. I got casual looks.
I got a lot of color. I got muted

colors. I come prepared, baby.

How's it going? Tom. Nicole.

He already did his own makeup, Nicole.
So you won't have to do it. Even if he

did, good luck. I'll tell you.

Don't be afraid to call him out.

He'll tell you how to do your job, 100%.

Trust me, I'll be way easier to do
makeup on than even one of these guys.

That's good. Now it looks good.

Yeah, it looks good. Now it looks sexy,
you guys.

I think one of you could be licking a
chocolate cake or something.

She knows good at the mouth finger.

I'm going to get my eyebrows done. I'm
doing a little hair. I don't know what

do with the hair.

I'm going to wet it. I don't care about
the makeup so much as the hair. Can we

just blow it straight?

Hey, you guys are talking about how I'm
high maintenance. All I'm hearing is you

guys.

Actually, I don't know if I'm feeling
this. Can we just wipe it all off and

start all over? Sure.

I'm just kidding.

Nice. And look at me. Look at me.

Yeah.

Nice. That's great. Next thing is the
guys in the lounge.

Lisa. Yes, John.

Hi. How are you doing? I'm fabulous.

The shoot couldn't have gone on without
me. I think we'll be just fine, but I'm

glad you're here.

I've never been here. It's huge.

Honestly, the fact that I have my
medical marijuana card, when I take an

before I go to sleep, I'm not hungover
the next day. I should be throwing up

right now. Are you hungry? I want a
cocktail, water, and iced tea. I want

these liquids. I think I'm going to do
an Arnold Palmer.

That is a great idea.

Thank you.

Thank you so much. You're most welcome.

Gina sent me a photo from the surf
shoot. What?

She goes, I'm not okay with this. Be
glad you're not here. And I go, what the

hell? And then she goes, it's fake, but
still not cool.

Oh, who cares?

I remember doing third photo shoots.
That used to be really fun.

Amazing, amazing. You're beautiful.

Perfect. You know what else was really
fun?

I was 20 pounds lighter.

I want to hear about your big date last
night.

Did he try to kiss you?

No. He looked really young. He was very
cute. He was super interesting and smart

and nice.

But, like, I need more of, like, a man.

I tried, but I need somebody a little
older. I want to be the young skank, not

get left for a young skank. You know
what I'm saying?

What did you drink at dinner?

Wine. That was another thing. He ordered
whatever I would order. He was like the

girl and you were like the dude.

Yeah. Stassi just needs to date a guy
who has their shit together.

And here in L .A., most guys don't
really reach that point until mid -30s,

and up. And Jax is, like, the only one
over 35 that doesn't know.

You're going to keep, like, being open
to going out on dates?

I'm going to be open to anything, but
I'm so revved up in Katie's wedding

now, I'm not even going to think about
that type of stuff.

Because right now the only problem is
Lisa Vanderpump.

At first, I was like, what the?

I can appreciate that she, like, takes
marriage seriously.

It should be taken.

I think she just wants to be like, you
guys are being serious.

And that's fair.

They've been doing so well. So Lisa was
actually smart to say all that. Yeah.

Wow, I just said that.

Coming up. I feel left out of certain
things. I didn't know that you wanted to

be included. I don't know. I guess I
just missed, like, us.

Like this?

We do this in like two minutes. I love
the way you think.

You do everything in two minutes,
Taylor, so I know that, right? Tell me,

look ugly, I'm going to come find you. I
swear to God.

Oh my God, Lisa's dress looks so good in
those photos.

Like the pink, with all the lights in
here, like so hot. I'm going to stay

outside for a sec.

It is really warm, right?

Oh, much better.

There were some...

Things I wanted to ask you because I've
never been like in like a wedding. Yeah.

I don't know how rehearsal dinners work
or how like speeches work. Let's make a

list of like everyone and you can put
like a star by like who wants to do a

speech and then decide who at the
rehearsal dinner, who at the wedding.

I know I texted you last night.

I feel like I've been kind of like left
out of certain things. You're just like

still friends as a group, but it's like
I just miss that individual like

closeness. We haven't just hung out one
-on -one lately. I don't even think

about that.

This is not your problem right now. I
just want to be included as much as

possible. I want you to be included. I
didn't know that you wanted to be

included. I want to do everything I can
for you.

Katie and I had a rough go at being
friends this summer. A lot of people

that you're fake a lot of times. Then
why the f*** are you friends with me if

I'm fake? Calm down.

No! God!

There were just so many things that were
going wrong in our friendship.

I just miss you.

I miss you too. So I just, I hope, I
hope you know that you are just

to me than ever. Yeah. I do want you to
know that I want to be included and I

love you and I just like.

I love you too. Don't cry. I know.

Be productive.

I love you. I love you.

Ariana, get your perfect little skinny
butt in here, please.

Nobody brush up against me because I
have body makeup on.

Put it on there, put them in there,
cover them in rose petals, feed it some

chocolate cake, put a glass of wine in
his hand, have them fornicate on the

table, and let's go.

Is this the best job you've ever had?

I'll be the pig, like, from the last
time.

Let's stick a rose bush to cover your
bush, darling.

Yeah, so it looks kind of more like
that.

Are you sure you need to be doing that
now? I am. I've been modeling for almost

20 years.

Do you think it's too long, 20 years?

When you're doing a photo shoot like
this, the last thing you want is to get

boner.

If you're at 6 o 'clock, it comes up
like this, and you end up pitching a

If you're already facing 12, it won't
come out. Or you can kind of hide it on

the right leg, and that way it doesn't
have far to go.

Come into third and eat off Ariana's
ass.

Yeah, see, that looks pretty now. That
looks pretty.

Look at you, sexy.

Am I doing a good job?

Yes. Well, I saw a little bit of you
guys with, like, Lisa, and it looks,

so cool with her, like... I know.

Should we have a backup in case of,
like, some sort of emergency or

What backup? Oh, my goodness.

Could you find a smaller pair of
underwear, please? A model twink.

Look how small his butt is. She uses
that thing in tiny.

Well, that's what I like to see, to see
you smiling and looking at each other. I

want to talk to you guys later, but not
now, right? Okay. Well, that's what we

were hoping.

Later, later. Let me just wind this up,
okay?

The Melanie Schwartz. Hey, guys. Hey.
Ready for you in the VIP room? Okay.

Thinking it should be quite tight, him
behind her, maybe his arms around her,

giving her a rose.

That's better. The ring, yeah.

Okay, open your eyes.

See, look how beautiful that is. I
really am happy to see that Schwartzy

Katie are going in the right direction.

They've got the potential for such a
great relationship.

And I certainly gave them a giant push
there, that's for sure. But it seems

they've really taken it to heart.

Look at her and you open your eyes.

That's sweet.

Just one lovely portrait just before
you're getting married.

Lovely, I think we've got it. Great.

It looks not good for you.

It is? It's great for you. Every now and
then. When's the last time I drank

milk? Well, you can do what you want. I
personally just don't want to.

You look handsome, though. Thank you.

What about me? You're supposed to say it
back. I told you you look beautiful.

Twice.

I want to hear it all the time.

I said it twice.

Am I wrong? I don't... I think that's
enough.

Are you guys ready?

Yes, we're trying to get everyone in
positions. Yeah, let's do it. Okay.

Where would you like us?

On the back. Yeah, on the back.

Ken's going to go next to Sheena's legs,
and then there'll be me. Then Jack,

Naomi, there.

Gigi next to Naomi.

Lauren, you can go right next to this
animal there.

Well, that looks good, okay? So... Lisa,
are you going to use, like, a diving

board to, like, get some air and, like,
somersaults in there? I am, like, a real

pro at going under the table.

Uh -oh.

How about that, Ken? You can do it. Oh!

Oh, my God.

She made it!

Oh, my God. Yeah!

All right, everyone looking here? Ready?
Go.

Excellent.

It's always been somewhere that's sexy,
that's fun.

And the people who work here reflect
that.

That's great. Yeah, change it up just a
little bit with every frame.

Ken and Natalie and Guillermo and I love
to have this photo shoot just to

document the life of Sir. That's great.

There's a lot of closeness in this
group.

And it always makes me feel like it's an
extended family.

I really love it.

All right. I think we got it. That's a
wrap.

Yay!

Coming up.

Since we had our talk, did it change
anything?

You need to look at each other and
remember why you fell in love with each

other.

Hi.

What's going on?

We're just going to go meet Lisa.

Alrighty, guys. Enjoy. Thank you.

Dude, I had like a layer caked on my
makeup. My skin couldn't breathe.

I forget that I have so much makeup on
right now. Oh, man.

I feel like we've gone through 20 years
worth of relationship in five years.

We've broken up. We've yelled. We've
screamed.

We went through the no specs phase.

Just petty squabble phase.

Oh, the worst of all.

For the first time, I think we actually
looked at ourselves through other

people's eyes.

And I haven't taken...

care of my relationship in the way I
should. And Tom and I haven't always

united. And we need to be. Hey, you
guys. Can I join you for a second?

Yes. I love that. You look gorgeous.

Thank you. Since we had our talk, did it
change anything?

Like the small things. Like we kiss each
other goodbye now.

Look each other in the eyes. I know it
sounds ridiculous. No, it doesn't.

That's exactly part of your homework.

You need to look at each other and
remember why you fell in love with each

other. I remember now more than ever.

Yeah. For a long time, our relationship,
for me, was overshadowed, like, just by

so much negativity.

But now I think all the good memories
have been coming flooding.

Well, that helps.

She's not too shabby.

Right. I mean, come on. That's perfect.
Thank you so much. Yeah, thank you.

Thank you.

So how about that answer?

Well, yes.

Schwartzy, Katie, I am happy and honored
now to officiate the wedding.

Aw.

You're going to make me cry.

Can I give you a hug?

Aw, I love you. I love you both very
much. We really do. We really appreciate

it. I want to kiss Lisa right now. I
mean, I always want to kiss her, but

especially right now, I want to kiss
Lisa.

And when I say you deserve each other, I
mean that in the best way possible.

You're both lovely, lovely people. You
say it one more time. No.

Will you tattoo my name on your arm? I
will.

Next time on Vanderpump Rules.

How's that?

Bloody hell.

Stone the crows. Miss Kent is back.

Damn. Vagina showing.

This is one way to get your mojo back.
You look...

Insane. Love that.

I actually don't work at the... It's
really put what truly matters to me in

perspective, and that is, you know, your
daughter especially.

Hey, man. Hi.

Hey, what's up, man? It's Tom and Jack.

Hey, what's up, man?

You want to come to your brother's
wedding?

Of course I do.

Do not tell Tom at all about any of
this. It's all a surprise.

Aren't we supposed to tie, like, empty
soda cans to our car? That's if you guys

make it past the wedding. Yeah?

Bridesmaids. Brothers, Mr. Flight.

Your brothers wedding. What the fuck is
wrong with you? Tom doesn't know. I

know. I got to call Sandoval. I have to
call Tom.

To see more of Vanderpump Rules, go to
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