All language subtitles for Vanderpump Rules – S5E17

Previously on Vanderpump Rules.

When you go to that dark place.

Yeah, I know, Tom. You've already paid
me back for that.

You see the girl in Vegas. You make out
with the girl here. I upgraded Tommy

Katie's room. Hopefully he's not
sleeping on the couch.

I'm piecing together the fact that
everything you and Katie fight about,

fight about the fact.

Check in Vegas.

We never had sex. Yes, I made it. Carmen
was there, and she saw it. I'm out of

here. And she brought up the past. She
brought up the past. That's a horrible

person.

Everybody grows up, Tom. Your penis was
not capable of going inside that girl.

Sorry. But it wasn't.

We did figure out that the root is
Vegas. Oh, that's the root.

What about the four years before that?

I'm done.

Dude, I'm done with her. I'm done with
Katie.

I'm not marrying her.

I'm not.

I cannot marry her.

You've never talked to me about this.

About what?

Like, whether Schwartz had sex with
somebody.

Well, I have no idea that's why y 'all
are fighting.

A long time ago, when the whole cheating
stuff was going down, Jack said that

when they were in Vegas, Tom came back
to the hotel room and said that he had

slept with this girl. Please, did you
say anything to Kristen that anything

happened in Vegas?

Yeah, I did.

Maybe I am still harboring resentment
towards when he cheated on me. That

so much sense.

I wish I knew it. This was something
that came about when we were not

I didn't want to talk to everyone about
it. I didn't want to make it public

knowledge. I was trying to protect Tom.

I'm really sorry.

No, I'm so sorry.

It's really weird to hear Katie talk
about something.

so extreme and difficult in her life and
know that I wasn't there for it and I

didn't know anything about it.

Like, you think you're best friends with
somebody and you forget, oh, we weren't

friends a year ago.

Oh, he didn't know where he went or how
he got there. You don't know a goddamn

thing that happened, but you do know for
a fact that he made up.

I'm tired of pretending like I don't
know that he fucked that girl.

Like, so just, like, admit to it. That
would be stupendous.

Schwartz cheated on Katie. You think
that's the root of the problem? No,

not what we think. That's what Katie
said. That's what you said to me. That's

what Katie said. She's trying to act
like that's what it's about.

I'm not saying she's trying to act like.
But Schwartz, you can't act like she

was angry before. You wouldn't propose
to someone who's just angry all of the

time. You don't propose to someone who.
You're proposing to somebody who gave

him an ultimatum. No, no. No.

Thank you for saying that, Tom. Do not
say that. I'm not pulling this out of

thin air.

Today, I'm telling you that take that
next step with me.

Otherwise, I need to move on with my
life.

If you can't figure it out, then it's
done.

Nobody wants to believe it, but it's
true. I mean, maybe Katie should have

worked all this out before she pushed
Schwartz into proposing to her.

He loves her. He does. Otherwise, he
would not have gotten down on one knee

proposed. Don't put your finger on my
face. I've got my finger on my face all

night.

What are you mad about?

I'm sick and tired of him.

Just getting belittled and told what he
needs to do all the time.

Leave him alone.

He's a battered wife.

Look at him.

I'm probably the dumbest woman on the
planet.

I'm the dumbest woman on the planet.

I just don't understand why he wouldn't
just be like, hey, I'm sorry.

Oh, God.

How is that for the person that would
take him to the grave?

That's protected his ass way too long.

What if you say, listen, I will marry
you. I will marry you, but you first

to tell me the truth.

Yeah, no.

That can't happen. You can't do that.

She gave them, and I'll tell you when it
came out.

No, she didn't. It's their shtick. It's
their joke. She's a princess herself.

Tom, I love you. I love you.

What'd she do to you? She sat me down
and said, I know you f***ed around in

Vegas. Yeah, well, you did, so.

Yeah, and you're also a bitch.

Wait a second.

Absolutely not. Absolutely not. You
can't talk like that. You cannot talk

that.

I wish, I wish Katie just cheated on me.
I wish that was my only problem with

that.

I wish Katie.

Schwartz does not act like Santa Claus
around.

Jackson, I was taking Jackson's makeup
off him, which I know sounds ridiculous.

And I could hear him just talking so bad
about you. And I was getting so mad

because I was like, Kristen is not here
to defend herself. She's going to get my

face. I'm going to talk about old Dodie.
How many guys did she...

That's why she was dating you. If I can
split Sandoval's throat and just get him

out the face of the earth, then Schwartz
won't act like this anymore. I swear to

God, he never acts like this unless he's
around Sandoval. I've never been mad at

him before.

It is weird.

I've been mad at him, and I'm, like,
very mad.

It's all Tom's fault. But Sandoval never
even calling Schwartz out on his

wrongdoing. He's not helping at all.

I think that Tom and Katie would be much
better off if Sandoval would maybe

create solutions instead of creating
problems.

I'm so sad that I didn't know.

That's my fault.

No, it's not.

Here's a quick note.

Tom cheated on me.

Lied. Hardcore.

Then he admitted.

But, you know, just like 20 % admitted
it.

And that was it. Like, I already made up
my mind. I've been with this dude for

so long that this, like, loose, skank
bitch was not going to shake that.

That's a horrible idea to have a joint
match with everybody.

I just want him to admit it. That's it.
That's all. Admit what?

Admit to what happened. I didn't. I
didn't admit. Come on.

Really? They say when you're drunk, down
there is not really going to work. But

I know when I'm drunk.

It's this head that shuts down, not this
one. Oh, my God. Can I get her? Can I

get her?

I'll be over. Can I get her one time to
say I'm sorry for ruining my life? Yeah,

absolutely. Maybe she'll do it too.

But this could help.

This could help if you could just see
yourself.

If you sat down like this, listen, baby,
I love you so much. Let's work this

out. If not, let's call everything off
because you're miserable. You're

miserable.

We're at a bachelor party. You've cried
three times. Yeah. This is not normal.

If you said this is normal, you're out
of your mind.

This is not normal.

Ew. What are you doing? It's all water.

Tom, just say, listen, I'm going to talk
reasonably as a fiancé about to get

married in two weeks and try to come
together and be a team. Yeah, yeah,

Do you think you're sober enough,
though, in your head right now to sit

with her or not? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Girls? Girls, do you mind if Tom talks
to Katie?

Oh, I don't want to look like this. No.

No.

No. It's not happening.

All right, we're going to go.

Thank you. Oh, my God. Stop.

Tom, you go. I'm not having a
conversation.

I feel like.

No. Oh, God.

I can't take that.

Stop. Come on.

Just let them talk. Just let Katie and
Tom talk.

Brittany, you too. All right, we're
going. We're going.

I need my duck.

I'm just kidding.

I'm kidding. I'm going to smack you. I
love you so much. I'll go down on you

with that. Thank you.

Now I have to go down on my girlfriend
because of this.

It's not fun.

I don't want to talk.

Are you okay? I'm not ready.

I do love you a lot.

Tom, you have smoky eye makeup on and
you have one eyebrow that goes like

I can't. My eyeballs? My eyeballs aren't
going like that.

My eyeballs are chill.

This is completely pointless.

Tom is blackout drunk. He just needs to
go to bed, and we can revisit in the

morning when he's sober -ish.

I wasn't around during the time. You
weren't around. What happened? Yeah. I

you to tell me for real.

Do you want to know what happened? Okay,
this is what happened. I'm sorry to

tell you this is the time when Tom and I
were dating.

Now we'll go.

We came back to the room and we'll go to
bed. He came in the room.

Wasted. Took all his clothes off in
front of Kermit and I. He's storming

the room. He's like, I did something
bad. I did something bad. And he

admitted to hooking up with that girl.
Like that sex?

Yeah. And I think that's how that all
started.

Okay. Tell me what I did wrong and I'll
accept it.

Tell me.

You've been an asshole all night, I
guess.

I have to deal with her going to the
dark side once a month.

That has nothing to do with anything
that I just asked. I wish Katie was the

guy. And I never said I made out with a
chick because I was drunk.

Tom, Tom.

Nice dating in life.

Tom. Jack, Frank.

Patrick. Good run, sassy.

Good run, sass.

Seriously?

What did my poor choice in men have to
do with you allegedly f***ing a girl in

Vegas? I will never let anybody call you
Tequila Kitty ever again.

That's just bad argument skills.

Does anyone feel bad for me yet? I
really do.

Coming up. Were you guys looking for
problems?

Well, the hard work in a marriage starts
later.

You need to get your relationship back
on the right track.

Pull the blinds, please.

What?

What?

Tom!

What happened to my underwear?

I don't know what happened.

We're going to the pool at 1. We're all
meeting down there at 1.

Well, I'm going to the gym as soon as I
can get to the gym.

Oh, there you are. Sleeping Beauty.

Lost my underwear.

You still have your sash on and
everything.

I woke up with a full warning with an
address.

I swear to God, I have base boner
warnings.

Dang. Why?

Dude.

My God, those nails.

That grossed me out, dude.

I know.

It's like not that thin.

Last night was so much fun until the
end.

I don't want everything to be band -aid
better, but I want things to be better.

Yeah. Tom and Katie never seem to
resolve their issues. They get in these

arguments, usually when they're drunk,
throw temper tantrums like toddlers

they get tuckered out and fall asleep.

And then they just wake up the next
morning and they forgot what they even

argued about the night before.

Like when you're spending the whole day
together.

Yeah, it's gonna be awkward.

Was that your dinner?

What? All of that?

No, I had chicken tenders.

This is just my snack.

How was last night? Because I heard
yelling. I can't imagine if we were in

half as bad of a place as they're in
weeks leading up to our wedding, you

Yeah. Katie and Tom are just like at
each other's throats.

Katie drinks, they fight. Tom drinks,
they fight. Maybe if everyone just stays

sober until the wedding, this will all
run.

There's a lot. They have to just really
be honest with each other. They did do a

prenup, which obviously is looking like
a great idea at this point. I do think

it is smart of them.

Yeah. For us, I was like, it was never
even a consideration.

But I wouldn't marry someone I don't
completely trust. Like, we're going to,

like, empty out my bank account, go to
CERN, pick up my tips.

Like... Maybe.

20 minutes. Is that cool?

Mm -hmm.

I've known Katie and Schwartz since
before they got together, and they're

fighting over some of the same things.

Don't get upset.

You're drunk. All right, I'm out of
here.

Talk to your...

Look at her. She can't control herself.

She's drinking.

I know you can't take a stand for
yourself because you're a pussy, but can

take a stand for your girlfriend ever in
your life?

I wasn't there for the Vegas Girl Saga,
so I'm trying to figure out the best way

to support them as a couple, and it's
hard.

That's what I like.

Got it already. Come on.

What is going on out here?

We have to put this tent to protect us
from the rain. So what's he doing? He is

about to cut one branch.

I think it's not safe to sit here. Okay.
I won't let him cut anymore.

All right. I'll see you later.

All right.

Yeah. Can I have, like, a second of your
time?

Yeah, go ahead.

I've been working for you now for a year
and a half.

A year and a half, jeez. I know,
hosting.

Okay, well, it's been a pretty positive
experience, I hope. It has. And I wanted

to see if maybe you would consider
promoting me to a server.

You think you know the menu, right?
Yeah.

Okay. Why don't I kind of put you
through your paces?

You're going to test me? Yeah.

I'll be in the VIP.

My phone's ringing. Let me just answer
my phone.

I think it's very important for people
to come up through the ranks in a

restaurant. It's like my own son. He
started as a dishwasher, then he was a

buffer, then he's a runner, and now he's
a server.

And James was a buffer, then he was a
DJ, and now he's fired.

Hey, Katie.

Everything okay?

Yes.

I'm definitely hungover. I mean, it's
not been perfect.

Tom and I have had a few little flare
-ups.

Flare up? That doesn't sound good.

I feel like he was picking fights with
me more than anything.

I wasn't really doing anything that
would warrant him to get mad or mean,

I mean, are you guys looking for
problems?

Well, nothing's that important you need
to be fighting right now. Trust me on

that one.

The hard work in a marriage starts
later.

Tough times are inevitable, and if Tom
and Katie can't have a good time on

bachelor party, when can they?

Are you still thinking that you do want
to do a photo shoot this year?

Don't. Don't worry about all the things
that you've got to do when you're back

here. Go patch things up with Schwartzy.
We will. I'll make sure that you get

your relationship back on the right
track.

All right, I'll talk to you later.

Cheers. Bye.

I would definitely like to just start
today off as a new chapter.

Guys, I got t -shirts.

Oh, yeah.

Boreana.

Jack, thumbs out, dumbs out.

Seeing everyone after last night is like
a walk of shame after an orgy gone

horribly wrong.

Because I've been to lots of those, so I
guess I would know.

Hey, what's up, man?

How's it going? Hey, buddy. How you
doing? I'm good. Dude, I don't even know

what happened. How did it come to this?

Where is Katie right now? I understand.
Where's Katie? How does she seem? I

don't know. I haven't talked to her yet
today. No one talked to her? I asked her

to come to our room and she never came.

Worst case scenarios of a joint bachelor
-bachelorette party nightmare is come

true. I talk a big game, but I'm
actually really scared.

Katie's scared.

This is a great conversation for a pool
party. I feel like my best choice right

now is just run away. Just pick up
whatever I have and start fresh.

You okay? I'm falling apart.

I don't have to be hungover for this.

I'd be hungover with anyone who dies to
you guys.

Grandma!

Hey, sweetie.

Ask the girls to dress to the heat and
help us move.

Hey, honey.

Looking good, looking good.

Hi. Hi, sweetie pie. My dad is selling
my childhood home. This is where you

up? Yeah. I just really wanted to come
for like one last time and see it before

I can't anymore.

I have so many memories here. Bad and
good. When freaking Katrina came and

flooded my house. Or all the sleepovers
with my best friend, Tina Menina.

So many sleepovers to the point where my
dad thought I was a lesbian.

Oh, my God, Dad.

Whenever I would come home from school,
but before you got home, I would, like,

walk around singing Broadway show tunes
like this with my audience, and then the

dogs would howl. That's how much they
hated my singing.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm going to
really miss this house.

Do you all have a good time yesterday?

Way too much fun. I've been puking all
morning. I keep throwing up. I'm so

hungover. You don't understand.

It's nice to be around my grandmother
right now because I see this wonderful

woman who is now alone since my
grandfather died having such an exciting

and loving every day.

I miss you so much.

I miss you too.

She's everything that I aspire to be.
Half of it I won't be because she's way

nicer than I am.

Kind of sad.

I know. But you know, you know what I
always say. Once you take everything out

of your home, it's only a house.

Yeah. But of course, you've been away
for a while.

Remember when you lived with us?

Yeah. Your mom would get you dressed up
in the cute little dresses.

And I would change like three times a
day. Yeah.

Grandma, I always say that you're where
I got my style from. Yeah. Because you

have the best style of anyone I know.
Thank you, dear. And of course.

I have to take credit for your name. You
named me Stassi. Yes.

You know, here's this little bitty baby,
Nastassia.

I said, oh, my God, I'm calling her
Stassi.

I mean, you have, like, so many
grandchildren and great -grandchildren,

always been your fave.

Right, you have.

I love you. I love you, too.

Now, if you feel like giving me some of
your Chanel's, I'd be okay with that.

Coming up. You were a nightmare of a
human being for the first two to three

years I dated you. You know what, Tom?
You had an option back then. I know. And

you put a ring on my f***ing finger, so
stop throwing my f***ing face.

Did I let you feed it?

No. I think everyone's gonna have to
drink.

But last night, I don't know if it was
the alcohol talk or what, but you said,

how the hell can I marry this girl? I'm
just saying, like, I'm broken.

I don't know what to do anymore. I've
tried A, B, C, and D. I don't know what

else to do anymore.

I think I would be a little cynical in
that heat of the moment.

All right, I'm going to talk to Katie. I
don't think you can afford another blow

-up. I think it'll break you. I think
it'll be done.

Sometimes in a relationship, you just
got to give in and just say you're

Just don't stop.

I mean, look at me. I stopped the
whole...

Rumor about Brittany and Kristen.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt your
feelings. But you being like, I'm sorry.

sorry I hurt your feelings does not make
it seem like you were actually sorry.

My life's better.

Schwartz, look who I found at the bar.

Got a beer for you. Tom number two. I
got you something.

That's another one because you are Tom
number one. Give me that.

Mine says straight in quotation.

I got one for Carter that says I'm with
crazy and hasn't asked.

Chase says ask my wife.

I feel like every guy eventually just
like, you know what, it's not worth it.

Wife's always right, man. They don't
want any trouble.

That happy wife, happy life thing, my
dad always says the same to me all the

time. Let's go to the pool. Yeah, yeah,
yeah.

100%, I'm about to get in this pool.

This is a nice dress. You're going to
ruin that dress.

I need at least 20 more hours of sleep.

Yeah, because the boys slash girls kept
us up all night. They were so weird.

They were making sense. Oh, that Ruthie
the crazy post. I am not going to let

anybody say Tequila Katie ever again. It
is Tequila and Tom.

Tom was like accidentally looking. He's
like, I know there's a reason to be mad.

This person, it's in here. Let me find
it. Hold on.

Oh, it's Frank.

I hate that I'm fighting with Schwartz
right now, but the silver lining is

for once, people got to see Tom at his
worst, not just Tequila Katie's fault

the time, and it does feel validating.

How is it that we go to a joint bacha
bacha, and normally the girls would be

crying and fighting. We're partying.
We're getting along.

We're getting along. Honestly, it makes
me feel really happy, though, because we

won.

Hello. Hello.

Well, let's go for it.

Okay. Welcome to Sir. My name's Katie.
I'm going to be taking care of you.

you like to start with a drink?

I'd like a cocktail.

What do you prefer?

My favorite is the cucumber martini.

Cucumber martini. No, I fancy something
a little maybe fruitier.

Fruitier?

Okay.

The Big Pinky is our best -selling drink
here.

It is much more fruitier. Or also the
Strawberry Gimlet has a really good

strawberry puree, sugar rim, and vodka.

Vanderpump Vodka.

When I'm looking to hire someone, I want
them to come in with confidence. And I

know maybe it can be intimidating just
to serve me.

But I think if they get past me, they'll
get past anybody.

Okay, so do you know all the cocktails?

I do.

Inside out? Upside down? No.

You know all the ingredients?

No. A server can ruin a good meal, but
they can also elevate a great one. A

server can make or break a diner's
experience.

Do we have the beet salad on the menu?
Yeah, it's really, really, really

delicious. It comes with fresh avocado.

I don't think the beet salad comes with
avocado.

What about the special of the day? We
always have special of the day. The

grilled chilean sea bass with the lemon.

Hold on. No, it's a certain thought.

Okay, you've got to know this inside out
and upside down. What I want you to do

is go away, and I really want you to
learn this venue. Okay.

You're not ready to do this now.

Trust me. You're right, yeah.

Do you sound right?

That's a good place to start.

Thank you.

Honey?

Hang on.

Why are we fighting?

I don't, I'm not, I've been having a
great time.

Well, you, yeah. You're being mean to
everyone last night.

Yeah, because I was pissed off because
they were coming at me. Like, there was

an intervention last night. Well, it
would be nice if you just would admit

you did have sex with that girl.

I didn't have sex with her. That's the
thing.

I know. Continue lying. Well, I was so
shit -faced, there's no way I could even

get an erection.

I didn't. I'm not doing this. I'm just
saying.

Go back down to the pool. No, Bubba.
Just get out of my face. No, no. If you

kiss a girl, you're going to get lied
about. You're still going to marry me.

a horrible fucking person. I'm a
monster. I don't get it. I don't get

I don't get anything.

Come here. I'm not doing this anymore.

Bubba, let's work through it.

Don't make me drink this poor local,
because I will.

Drop the Vegas girl thing.

Drop it.

I f***ed up, I admit it.

But you were a nightmare of a human
being for the first two to three years I

dated you. You don't get to keep saying,
well, you were a nightmare, you were a

nightmare. No, you were really bad.

You know what, Tom, you had an option
back then. I know. And you put a ring on

my f***ing fingers to stop throwing my
f***ing face. I know.

We're getting married, and when I just
feel like there's a slight, like, crust

thing still, then, you know.

We can do this later.

No, no, no, we'll do it now. No, we're
not going to get anywhere, Tom. We're

never going to agree on this. This is
the bottom line. We're never going to

agree. Okay, but, okay, we're going to
disagree.

All right, here's what we're going to
do. We're going to take a shot of vodka.

I'm not taking a shot of vodka, Tom. Oh,
God, you're awful. Oh, my God. No, what

you're going to do is stop criticizing
me.

That way I don't need to be defensive
over things.

Okay. I don't need you to remind me
every shitty thing I've done. I have a

pretty good memory. And me neither. I
know I fucked up too. Stop bringing up

Vegas.

Whatever. Fine.

I'll be happy.

I'm going to have a good time today and
have fun.

So do I.

Let's do it.

Here's what's going to happen.

We're going to have a good time. We're
going to love you. But we're going to be

cool with each other.

Okay.

Let's go have fun.

You still have makeup on.

I'm just a man trying to live.

Like a woman?

Coming up.

You get me in the face with that, of
course.

We all have to work together here.

Kelly, you're a Godzilla.

Well, I'm not.

Yeah, huh?

That's you.

Unfortunately, things got messy and
fractured, but it's our last night, and

want to salvage it. I want to have one
happy -go -lucky fun last night.

It's the back room. It's the back room.
Let's roll.

Uh -oh, VIP.

Party's here.

Thank you so much. What is this, by the
way?

It's called...

Thank you. All right. Thank you.

F you, sir.

Peter. This is Tom. That's Peter.

I feel like I'm at the last supper.

Oh, my God.

You're at the last supper.

Yeah. What is that, by the way? That's
awesome.

It's so wrong, but it's so right. I'm
not mad at it now.

It's like having long nails. I'm not mad
at it now.

She likes it. These are fucking
Swarovski crystals.

Happy Drunk Sebastian.

Another way to be drunk.

I'm not Tom Petillo.

Or tequila tunnel.

Heavy drinking is usually what tears us
apart.

All right, ladies and gentlemen, I want
to show you the gas mask. This does

involve a lot of flames.

But also, heavy drinking, it's the glue
that brings us back together.

This shot is for thinking positive and
testing negative.

All right, we're going to take the shot
with our straw, if you don't mind

bending over. I love when Brittany bends
over.

Chartreuse is 55 % alcohol.

The stuff we're going to go on top of
that was 160 proof alcohol.

It's a cycle.

There's just like a lot of times. Hey,
you ready?

Oh my God, no you're not.

One more time.

Now, these people are crazy about
kissing each other.

I think it's weird and right now I'm
just happy I'm married.

I'm never going to be able to make out
with anybody else. Not that it's a big

deal. I actually don't want to make out
with anybody else.

But... Maybe one time.

Oh, wow. So romantic. Each person has
one spoon.

Spin that f***ing ball if you're going
to do it.

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! The
last time I'm going to

kiss someone else as a single man.

No tongue.

No tongue.

My last kiss is with Tom Sandoval.

Sandoval and Schwartz are secretly in
love with each other. Not so secretly.

They're openly in love with each other.

Kissing Sussie again is weird.

Back in 2010, we dated for about four or
five months.

I became overbearing. She became very
controlling. It was like oil and water.

You shake it up a little bit, and maybe
it looked good, but then all of a sudden

it breaks apart.

Again?

Not again?

Wow, that's so weird.

See this? This is what the bachelor
party was supposed to be like from the

beginning. This is it.

Your turn. Your turn.

Do it.

Do it.

Do it.

Now we have to do it because you can't
not when they're... Do it. Do it. Peter,

don't act like you don't want to. That's
so mean. Oh, come on.

Honestly, it's frustrating that everyone
keeps making me kiss Peter, but...

I'd rather kiss Peter than anyone else.

Meaning anybody else in that bar.

You know what I mean.

I'm

dying.

Dude, I'm calling off, man.

What's going on? Do you have a lighter?

The weave is showing.

No, it's not a weave.

They're extensions.

It's the same thing.

You're a giant asshole tonight. You're a
giant asshole all the time, honestly.

I'm just being honest. I don't mean to
be mean. I don't mean it in a mean way.

It comes off that way. You're kind of a
giant asshole.

There's so many million more things I
don't bitch about.

Why do you feel the need to talk to my
boyfriend about our past? Wait, you

I'm not pissed off about yesterday?

I just came out of the cigarette, dude.
You just stepped into the swamp.

Coming up.

It's raw and real, you know what I mean?

It tells a story.

It does tell a story.

A poop penis is in our bowl.

I just came out of the pig rat, dude.
You just stepped into the swamp.

Why did you even bring up our dating
life to my current boyfriend?

I'll tell you.

It'll blow your mind, Carter.

Why the f*** would you go to him and
talk s*** about things about me years

years ago? Who cares?

He knows everything.

So when you say to him, you guys, she's
f***ed. Maybe she's f***ed behind my

back. He knows more than you do. I don't
deny the fact that I cheated on you. I

f***ed up.

I cheated on you. Two in one weekend.

What is your end goal with that?

First of all, I didn't go up to Carter.
You guys were bombarding Schwartz.

That's why all this bullshit.

Carter comes into situations and he
talks about things like he was there.

She wants you to have her back. I do.

You did or you didn't have sex with that
girl? I swear to God. I was actually

there. Leave him alone.

I don't want...

That kind of ruined it. Actually, you
can't ruin it for me.

I'm a different person. I'm glad to see
you more happy. And I don't want you

to... I don't want to talk about the
past.

And I apologize if I brought up... I
should not.

I just want us to be cool. I want us to
chill.

Okay, I will. I will. I will. I will.
Fine.

The last time me and Chris had a
conversation like this was in Miami.

Please,

like, I just want you to be happy.

This is all in the past for me. Like,
that book is closed.

I'm going to give you a hug.

Dude, come on. Come on.

Come on. We're cool. We're cool.

I'm sorry, dude.

Hi, darling.

I can't believe you're still working.

God, don't you ever stop?

Move over, move over.

Just sit down nicely.

Down. Thank you for my tea.

You've given me everything I need.

Exactly.

Actually, you're probably the only one
that would put up with me.

Who else would put up with somebody with
eight dogs?

They're my dogs.

They're my dogs.

Right, you're all settled.

Biscuit's gone.

So, what are you doing? Work?

Yeah. I was thinking.

You know the premise is just a long
-term pump?

One you didn't want me to buy?

There are things in the window that make
my eyes water.

Oh, my God.

What about maybe if we did a new kind of
young restaurant and

maybe we had a couple of young partners?

The pump has only been open a couple of
years, but already I feel the need maybe

to explore the possibility of another
restaurant.

Maybe we groom somebody to kind of take
the pressure off us a bit. I mean, Tom

Sandoval has worked for us, I mean, for
years now.

He must have been with us for eight
years.

It may sound crazy, but what about maybe
Sandoval? He might be ready to take on

his guidance, maybe.

The thing is about Tom Sandoval is not
only he's an excellent bartender, I

really do feel that he's hungry.

Maybe to have him as a junior partner...

Might be a good idea.

Well, it's something to think about
anyway. It certainly is.

Maybe why don't you pour me a glass of
wine? I've finished this now.

Early night, a glass of wine. Oh, you
calm down. A little bit of TV.

I've got a particular program I want to
watch tonight.

Get up, you. Come on.

Don't get excited. You need to calm
down.

You want to lie down?

We peer pressured Stassi and Peter into
making out. So maybe we need to peer

pressure Schwartz and Katie into doing
it.

Working out the problem.

Get in there, dude. Get in there. Hands
on fire.

Oh, yeah.

Double love.

Who's got one?

You guys want it? You want it?

You want the full?

You don't want this.

You don't want this.

Tom, where's my penis?

So it's like the same thing.

Tom's actually doing a really good job
with his striptease. I mean, Tom might

actually get laid tonight. You know, if
Katie doesn't, I think Santa ball will.

Katie and

Tom's relationship

is like being on a roller coaster. I
mean, they have crazy highs like

but.

Eventually, gravity is going to bring
them back down to Earth, and I just hope

when it does, they don't come crashing
down.

I love my Bubba. I love my Bubba.

Guys, I had the

most fucking awkward conversation with
Kristen.

When? Tonight.

There was a point where I felt like she
was literally having an argument with

herself.

I felt like I was, like, on a horse.

This is, like, bucking, like, and just,
like, roaming off, and, like, I'm just,

like, trying to hang on.

Mom, lay down.

Oh, I'm chilling, man. I'm chilling.
I'll give you a head rub. I don't want

attention anymore, buh -bye.

We've aired a lot of grievances. We've
fought enough that we just need to

it up, and we can...

Open that bottle after the wedding. It's
raw and real, you know what I mean?

It does tell a story.

It does tell a story.

Of two penises in his fucking armhole.

Bobby looks so handsome.

Seeking a little revenge all over his
face for being such an asshole to me.

Really nice.

This is my best masterpiece ever.

Coming up.

What's on your plate?

Chicken cutlets, things that you guys
put in your hangover kit.

No, they're not chicken cutlet things.
That's what you had in your bra when you

were dressed in traffic.

I do not feel good.

Yeah. I feel like death.

What's on your face?

Chicken cutlet things that you guys put
in your hangover kit.

No, they're not chicken -colored things.
That's what you had in your bra when

you were dressed in drag.

I'm trying to rejuvenate.

I don't even have room for this.

You have one bag that's all drag stuff.
You should have enough room. I know, but

I've acquired more drags.

I don't think that's physically
possible.

Please do me a favor and don't post any.

Pictures of you in drag on Instagram.

Do you think I want to post any of those
pictures?

I'm not even going to send a picture of
my mom to it because she was already

worried that you were kissing dudes. I
think out of this group, I am the least

to have an issue with kissing guys.

Hey, Ariana, you totally can use this
bra, right?

Yeah, it's my size.

I feel like yesterday really helped the
trip. Yeah.

The thing is, the reason why everyone
fights so much, too, is that you can't

fight when you're drunk. And I know
that, and I can say that because I watch

everyone. Yeah. And Schwartz just has a
lot of built -up frustration.

And also, they don't listen, which I can
agree with because... Where's the

steamer? And the other heels over there,
please.

What other heels?

They're just right there by my little
back. That's what I just said. Marriage,

feel like you have to really want to.

Like, for me, adjusting was wearing a
ring. I don't wear jewelry.

Adjustment, joint bank account, having
access to everything and anything.

I came

to

New Orleans, and I kissed a guy.

Granted, that guy was Peter, one of my
ex -boyfriends, but it was a guy that

wasn't Patrick, and that made me feel
good. I mean, like, that's progress,

right?

I think I died last night. Oh, Bubba,
your poor face. I'm sorry.

I scrubbed it so much I started
bleeding.

It'll come off.

Dude, don't let that happen.

We pulled it together.

I wish we wouldn't have fought.

A little more fighting.

We'll bottle that up, alright?

We're not gonna fight.

Yeah. We have a wedding in like two
weeks, and any lingering issues or

resentment that Katie and I haven't
fully resolved, we don't have time for

stuff. We're just going to set that
bottle out to sea.

It was such a beautiful night. No one
fought at all.

People made out. That's how every night
should be.

I've really tried that.

Move past this whole Vegas girl thing. I
don't have time to think about it

anymore. I want to focus on my flowers
and my dress.

And I just want to put this wedding
train back on the tracks and get

Sorry I didn't do you last night.

I was too drunk.

Next time on Vanderpump Rules.

Okay, so is everybody looking good?
That's great.

I feel left out of certain things. I
didn't know that he wanted to be

I don't know, I guess I just want to
play God.

Am I really going on OKCupid?

What do you do?

I work to automate solutions through
technology.

These lovers... I'm

concerned of taking the responsibility.

I just need to know that you're really
committed to each other. You're just

disappointed.

In myself and ours.

To see more of Vanderpump Rules, go to
bravotv .com.