All language subtitles for Vanderpump Rules – S5E05

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Previously on Vanderpump Rules.

If you were to say to me right now,
Katie, I apologize for calling you a

I'd be like, girl, we're good. I don't
apologize for that.

I'm sitting here with someone pretending
that they haven't had a married

boyfriend.

I don't feel like I've ever really been
able to express to her just how much I

die inside.

where she goes to the dark side right it
kills the swords are you sure you want

to get married this summer yeah hey
raquel is my

girlfriend we're in a long distance
relationship she's gorgeous she's like a

supermodel you're just so perfect hey
you're perfect oh no no you want to

a problem with me because you hooked up
with me and you guys i didn't have

trouble with you ever you're gonna get
fired little girl he's drunk Turn into

like a drunken asshole.

You are not working for me any longer.

After weeks of planning and preparation
and phone calls and emails, finally we

get to go to the wedding venue. And this
is the moment I've been waiting for

mostly.

I can't

wait

to get there. I expect it to be blue
skies and smooth sailing and, you know,

make it the wedding of our dreams.

Hey guys.

Hi. Hi,

Katie. Nice to meet you.

Well, we're very glad that you're here.
What a gorgeous spot. I've been waiting

for this.

Technically, I've been waiting like 50
years, but... If I had it my way, it'd

another six years.

Oh, come on.

No, but we're excited.

Yeah, great.

All right, welcome.

They're not getting cold feet. They're a
little chilly, but they're not cold.

For today, Katie and I haven't talked a
lot about our wedding budget.

I'm hoping to keep it in the $10 ,000 to
$15 ,000 range. She seems to think it's

going to be more like $20 ,000.

I'm worried Katie is going to end up
wanting a Lisa Vanderpump wedding on a,

know, Tom and Katie budget.

All right, so this is kind of the forest
venue area.

We're lucky that we don't need to, like,
fill the space.

You don't have to go crazy. Maybe a few
flowers.

A dozen.

Yeah. Never mind. Let's not get into
flowers. I'm not allowed to make any

decisions like that or really have any
input at all.

Hi. How are you?

Good. I'm Katie.

Welcome. Nice to meet you, Katie. Oh,
nice to meet you.

Tricia can pretty much take you from
here. Okay. Thank you. We'll talk to you

soon. Okay.

So I just set this up so you can kind of
see, like, what's included in the

package. I like the wood thing in the
middle. I don't.

I have a bit of a vision.

She has a vision.

We're already in the woods. I don't want
too much of like a rustic -ness. I

don't think we need to incorporate dump.

Well, we can get whatever you want. This
would just be kind of like adding the

additional cost.

Did they cough?

Don't worry about them.

Our theme for our wedding is woodsy
elegance. So it's kind of like mixing

very elegant type wedding that would be
in a grand ballroom, but put it in

nature. How did you two meet?

Um, how did we meet? I don't really...
Just to remember.

I think we just got drunk and had sex.

Okay, Tom, can you make it a little more
romantic? First of all, it didn't

happen like that anyway.

Now you're going to make a deeper
commitment.

You always make me commit to things.

Do you have an estimated number of
guests that are going to be attending

wedding? I figure probably about 100,
give or take, will actually come.

Yeah, I have... I want to do a lope, so
less is more.

I don't want a big wedding.

How many bridesmaids are you planning on
having?

Eight. You would probably just have to
think about how you're going to pair

everyone. May Jax walk with all the
girls he has slept with, like at once.

That would be half of my bridal party.

And Jax will probably try to sleep with
you just to give you a heads up. Just

ignore him.

Okay,

do you have any other questions you
think?

You know, where are we at in terms of
how much we've spent?

What's the damage?

Everything you spoke about, I would
probably say around, like, the 24 ,000.

Yeah, right around there.

All right.

Is that all right?

Is that all right, Trisha?

Your butt looks good.

Cool.

This is L .A. You're surrounded by
actors and models, so it puts a lot of

pressure on you to kind of make sure
you're not the worst in shape dude here.

So, got to keep that beach body on
standby.

Yo, what's up, dude?

Hell yeah, you're good at that thing.
I've been doing it since I wrestled in

high school.

Hi. Hey.

What's up?

I like your workout gear.

Thanks. Very professional.

Woo!

What a stretch.

What's up? How are you?

Yeah, man.

Are you in trouble at all with Lisa and
Ken? Oh, yeah, I'm in trouble.

Yeah? Yeah. What happened? I got fired.

What? What?

Yeah, I got fired from stirring pumps.

Why? Why did you get fired? Because,
dude, just like, you know, I was

and I shouted at Jack and I said in the
restaurant when I was talking to you.

Oh, my God. I can't deal with this
bullshit.

See?

What? What?

I'll knock you spark out.

That's bullshit, dude.

I know. This time is bullshit. I mean,
other times, yeah, you fucked up other

times.

You know, if every time Jax got me riled
up, I lost my shit and created a scene,

like, I wouldn't have a job either.

So wait, does Raquel know about the GG
shit? Yes, dude, I told her.

I told her that there's this girl
claiming that I hooked up with her at

In April, like the beginning of April,
we hooked up.

Wait. He's been dating a girl since New
Year's, I thought.

Did you hook up with her?

No, I did not hook up with... Fair
enough.

They're just trying to... But let them
keep... Well, you lost your job over it.

It's frustrating the fact that Jackson
Gigi made up this rumor, which obviously

isn't true. But what's even more
frustrating is the fact that, you know,

got my mates coming up to me asking me
if it's true. I have to go out of my way

to make sure that I'm innocent.

I could sit in my room on my 10th floor
looking over Beverly Hills and just sulk

for days. I'm not going to do that.

Sometimes a good jerk -off in the mirror
is good after you get fired.

The shower's even better.

Ew, you're gross.

How did everything come out, ladies?

Everything looks okay?

All right.

Hey, Lala. Everything good?

Yes. How many do you have?

A lot.

That's good.

Do you mind if I talk to you outside for
just a sec? Okay, well, hurry, because

I'm leaving. Okay.

Ooh. New rollies.

Yeah, so what is it?

Well, I spoke to Katie again.

All about these rumors.

Is this the one that they think is
married?

Well, apparently, yes.

Well, you would know.

I would know. And he's definitely not
married.

You sure, Lala?

Yes. You look like you're going a little
shade of pink to me.

I'm not dating a married human being.
Absolutely not. I have a guy who

definitely spoils me rotten, but he's
not the married guy they're talking

I don't know if the rumors about Lala
dating a married man are true. I hope

It's not my business, but something
seems a little off to me.

I mean, I guess the only time it would
be my business is if the married man was

my husband.

And it's not, thankfully.

Well, at the turnaround, you say, none
of your damn business.

Yeah. But if you're guilty of
something... No. It was touchingly

where I was getting my car and things
like that.

I respect the hell out of Lisa, so yeah,
I'm blushing and getting nervous. I

mean, it's absolutely mortifying when
rumors like that are traveling all the

up to your boss.

I have to go. Okay.

I'll come with you. We'll go get a
cocktail.

She's a mother figure to us, so she's
not afraid to call us out, but I wish

would also trust me.

Go back to work. Okay, I'm working.

Coming up. A month ago, me and James
hooked up.

A month ago? A month ago.

A month ago!

What's up, dude?

What's up, man?

Got the wedding coming up. Oh, no way.
I'm just trying to work as much as

possible.

What's up? Just trying to make some
scroll.

How you been, man? I'm good, dude. What
are we doing?

Well... Today, we're doing the matching
underwear and socks related.

I'm not doing that. I'm not really an
underwear model.

I'm honestly surprised they hired me,
but I'm happy they did because I need to

make some cash fast.

Can you fix your nuts and make them a
little bigger? Do you need me to stuff

them? No.

Are you sure? You know, I mean, because
we do two pairs of socks, you can

actually use the other pair of socks and
put it where they need to go. Come on.

You're just a little shy.

It's a lot of compression.

hanging in there. It's kind of
smooshable, you know?

Have him put the ball right above the
waistband so you can see the RLTD and

his belly.

Okay. Go. And go.

I need to fix this. Just dust that.

Is this done, buddy?

Can we use this peach?

I'm not fucking peaching.

Shoot.

Is that moose knuckle looking?

I don't know why it's bunching up so
much in my face.

When they tell me, Stuff my underwear.
I'm not sure if it's the way of saying

your package isn't showing well.

These are great. These are great. These
are dope, Tom.

I still like doing modeling jobs, but I
like to think I should be more choosy

about them, you know, wedding fast
approaching.

I can't really be as choosy as I want to
be. The thing came out amazing. I

really liked it. That's awesome.

No, man. And I'll definitely get you
going for some other stuff because it

worked out perfectly. Cool. All right.
Well, if you're happy, then I'm happy.

That's a wrap. That's a wrap.

Enjoy. Let me know if you need anything
else.

Are we all doing okay with drinks and
everything at the moment?

Kind of busy everywhere.

Running from post to post. Short of
bartenders, Jack is like over an hour

Is he?

An hour late?

It's supposed to be on at 7.

Yeah. Has anybody heard from him,
Brooke? Have you heard from Jack?

You know what? When you see him, ride
him up. Just like, bam.

Excuse me. And then I did over here a
little, like, what the hell? Why are you

an hour late?

You can't just walk in here an hour
late. They've been under stress.

I understand. I got locked out of my
place. I was at the beach. I don't care

what it is. Brittany took my keys and I
got locked out.

Oh, really, Jack? They were locked out.
Last time it was you were locked out.

Where have you been, actually?

Where have you been? I was in jail.

But excuse, that's actually your best
one yet.

If it's not knocked out, what's going to
be the next one?

Knocked out?

All I know is you're supposed to be here
at 7. You're right. And you're now here

at 20 past 8. Yes, you're right. So you
need to apologize to all the other

people that have been picking up your
stuff.

I'm sorry for being late.

Huh? I'm sorry for being late.

Don't be cheeky.

Have you washed your hands? Are you
ready to start work? Yes. You have.

on then. Let me catch up a little bit.
Go ahead. I'm sorry. I'll get out of

way.

Made your way?

Don't give him his share of the tips.

Hit him where it hurts.

It's the first time for this, right?

Uh, not the first time riding on your
bike.

Don't kill me before I get to eat some
enchiladas, okay?

Okay. All right, cool.

We're going.

Uh,

yeah. Yeah, okay. Newville Valley.

Yeah. All right. Thank you. Good
evening.

So awesome.

Ariana's brother.

is staying with us now. Morning.

Hey. Oh, man.

And definitely doesn't help me and
Ariana's relationship.

Welcome to Red Bull. My name is Samuel.
We think it'll be tonight.

I think it's really important to have
our private time.

Do you want to get some ceviche?

Yeah. Cool, cool, cool.

Date's going really well.

Thank you.

Thank you.

So I wonder how Schwartz and Katie are
doing.

I know they got into it the other day.

What about?

I don't even remember, and I don't even
think in the moment they remember a lot

of time.

Schwartz gets, like, a little hint of
Katie possibly, like, going there.

Exactly. And then she goes there, and
she starts saying nasty things or

whatever. It's like a self -fulfilling
prophecy.

Exactly. I feel like we're pretty good
at that, though.

Dodging that shit.

Yeah. I mean, we definitely have our
moments of time, but, dude.

It's not like we agree on everything.

I don't want to agree with you on
everything.

Exactly. I don't, you know, that's
boring.

How much do you agree on the important
stuff?

Like kids, marriage.

It's funny to me that you would be
willing to buy a house with me and get

30 -year loan, which is basically, to
me, way more of a commitment than

marriage.

Tom and I are still living in the same
apartment.

He's been there for 12 years.

If you're going to use the microwave,
you have to make sure that you're not

running the AC at the same time. I know,
is it on high or low?

High. Yeah?

Dumb AC.

I know, man.

When we move into our house, can we have
central air, please?

No, I like window unit.

Tom and I are totally meant to be
together.

We do want to buy a house one day, but I
have personally never wanted to get

married. I just don't see the point.

I think it's surrendering this, like,
societal thing you're supposed to do.

I don't like that.

We're married. Woo!

Here we go. We just did it.

Look, even though Ariana likes to say
that she doesn't want to ever get

I know that if she were to ever get
married, I would be that guy.

And vice versa.

Don't want that whole thing in your
mouth.

Married or not, we all know that she's
the one for me. Oh my God, that was sexy

as hell.

I love you.

I didn't reach you and kiss you, but I'm
thinking about it. Me too.

It's hot.

Do you put sunblock on? I'm allergic to
sunblock.

You're allergic?

Yeah. The only sunblock I can use is
like $400 a tube. Oh, my God.

This is going to be a little tough
today.

Tiffany and Ellie, we have been great
friends since I moved out here. They've

worked at Villa Blanca. They've worked
at Pump.

They've worked at Thur.

Two steps at a time. Two at a time.
Squeeze your abs.

Squeeze your booty. At one point, Ellie
has been friends with Kristen.

Stassi, Sheena, all of these unmuzzled
bitches.

And she's still cool with me.

Do you guys have to work tonight?

Yeah, I do. Those two are like my
sisters. I would tell them anything and

everything. And honesty is a big thing
when it comes to friendships.

How are you getting along with the
girls?

I don't feel like I had done anything to
any of them. And then they hit me in a

spot where I didn't like. And they
started going in on, like, my

If you can't be honest about where you
got your shoes, how can I trust you with

a friendship? I'm like, who cares? Oh,
my God.

What's wrong with that?

Jack said to me the other day, go suck
dick for a Range Rover. And I was like,

I'm sucking dick for more than just a
Range Rover, honey.

I would do it. Why not, right? We would
do it. I would do it.

Hey. You guys are my friends. I'm
obviously going to tell you about who

dating. Yeah. What we're doing. I am in
a committed relationship.

And yes, he likes to reward me because I
give good don'ts.

James DJs at Pump tonight, doesn't he?
Or sir? No.

Lisa told me yesterday she fired him.

What? Wait, James got fired from Pump?

James got fired from Pump and sir.

You don't know what happened?

Lisa said he's just been getting drunk a
lot, so...

He's like, I can't do this anymore.

This is really bad.

James was the one friend that I had at
work.

Who is going to have my back now? Who's
going to sneak me drink while I'm

working? Work is about to get a lot
tougher.

Well, the other night at Sir, he and the
new hostess, Gigi, were like screaming

at each other. You're being unacceptable
and very rude. You're always drunk. You

have no talent.

Why? That's not what you said. When you
come to pump every f***ing time.

Why were they screaming at each other?
Because Gigi hooked up with James while

he was still with his girlfriend.

Gigi's saying that she slept with James?

Yeah. Doesn't he have a girlfriend?

He does have a girlfriend. But I guess
that doesn't stop him. Ellie knows about

that.

What do you mean Ellie knows?

You know, like, me and James had
something going on. I didn't know about

A month ago, we hooked up.

A month ago?

A month ago.

A month ago?

And he denied it. A few days ago, they
just celebrated their six -month

anniversary.

Well, I can prove you we woke up next to
each other. I'm going to pull up the

picture because I don't want Lala to
think I'm crazy.

Here.

Us in bed.

Oh, my gosh.

She took the picture because she knew
that he was talking. What is he doing?

James has told me multiple times that he
has never cheated on Raquel.

I have heard that you've been hooking up
with Gigi.

Oh, I've not hooked up with Gigi. Who
said that?

But there's the picture with James in
the bed with Ellie.

with a date that clearly states when it
happened.

Holy shit. You're like the CIA.

Good Lord.

Only because he said, I'm going to make
you look bad. You're crazy.

He tells me, we're just fucking Ellie.

It's nothing. I have a girlfriend.

That's shocking to me.

Ellie, since I'm going over there, I
obviously want to ask him, don't send

the photo.

Screenshot it so that date is up there.
Yeah, I just did that. You did it? You

sent it to me? Yeah. It's not about
coming at him and saying, I caught you.

I just don't want him to be blindsided
if someone else shows him that this

exists.

Lily's probably dying. Come on, my love.

Coming up. Cool, Tom.

Do you want to insult me more? Talk
about how your dick doesn't work either.

What? My dick works great.

Congratulations, Inger. You're a
groomsman. Thank you.

Thank you.

I want you to officially be a groomsman.
Oh, that's so cool.

Congratulations.

I'm starting to feel like we're on that
bus from speed, you know? Like, if this

wedding doesn't happen by August 17th,
we're all dead.

What's up, guys?

Talking man stuff over here. But since
you're a groomsman, I guess.

Yeah, he is a groomsman.

Talk about farts. Talking about pussy.

What happened the other day between you
and James?

So there is a new host at Sir. Yeah, I
know. Gigi. Jax, you do not give a...

about that girl. But it gives me an in
to poke James.

I know. I know. That's what it's really
about. That's exactly what it is. That's

true. You do poke him a little much.
Even though I don't like the guy, you

him a little much.

He didn't instigate that. Then he comes
up and he starts swearing, Jack, make

some cocktails, bitch.

No, you provoked it. You can't go a date
without getting your ass kicked. You're

the rock star and you're a bartender.

Rock star? Anybody can push play on a
laptop, you idiot. I provoked it?

Jack picked fight.

You know, stir stuff.

And the fact that James let it get to
him, I feel bad for the guy.

Now he doesn't have a job.

He talks shit about you. Let me finish.

Let me finish.

You do not. Let me finish.

I'm supposed to sit here and talk about
fucking James?

Shut up for a second and let me finish.
I don't want to hear it. He got fired.

Whoa, holy shit.

Oh my God, yeah.

It just proves that there is a God and
he loves us.

So happy. I'll cheers to it. Cheers to
this guy. Don't celebrate it, Jack.

the guy literally has nothing.

He deserves it. Go get a job, stop
drinking, and do your thing.

Yo, I'm in the mix, yo.

It's DJ James.

I have nowhere to play anymore.

Well, wait a minute. Yes, I do. I'm
playing at your local Applebee's.

Come and check me out.

DJ James.

DJ. Bass.

Does anyone know what they're yelling
about?

No. I don't have a drink.

What? Wait. What happened, baby?

What is going on over there? Apparently,
James got fired from both places.

Wait, what?

So James got fired. Finally? Yeah. Stop
it. No way.

There's no way.

According to him, he said he got fired,
so.

Be off, motherfucker.

Yeah. Be off.

Hell yeah.

Yes. Bye, bitch. Later. See ya.

Sayonara.

That wasn't the problem. The problem
was, like, Ariana and Tom, like,

it. So they're like, well, did you
provoke it?

No, you're swearing in a f***ing
restaurant.

Why? Why are they defending it? Why?

What world am I living in that Tom and
Ariana are like, no, Jax, like, you

provoked him. It's all your fault he got
fired. Like, maybe it's James' fault he

got fired. I don't know.

Kristen, Stassi, and Katie seem to have
a problem with my expression.

I don't know if I just have too much
Botox, but they say, like, I smile and I

don't look like...

Nice, I look like 50.

I guess I just need to work on my happy
face.

Unhinge your jaw.

Show my veneers.

Speaking of veneers, your temples look
good.

They're really uncomfortable.

It doesn't look any different.

Which is good.

Which is good.

I know that you and Tom are definitely
not my number one. I know you guys don't

like me, but seriously.

I don't get why anyone depends on James.
I don't. Not only for what he's done to

me, the way he's treated her, the way
he's treated Katie.

Like, I could say the same thing about,
like, you, for example. You've treated

her like s***.

You can't compare me to James Kendall.

I mean, you've punched James in the
face.

James, get the f*** out of my face!

You've punched Schwartz.

Schwartz, stop it!

Yeah, you can't say that. Tom.

You can't say that. That's not fair.

But you have, though. He literally is
the worst person. I know that you

that.

If these kind of conversations are what
it means to be a bridesmaid, I am glad

that I am a groomsman.

I'll be in the same room with you, who
I've personally witnessed physically

assault other people.

If James Kennedy walked up here, I would
physically assault him hardcore.

You always talk, talk, baby.

Bring me light and sway me.

Enjoy. You always talk, talk, baby.

Bring me light and sway me. Hey, how's
everybody?

Hi. Hey. What's that big old box you
got? They're shirts for the waiters.

are we getting new jerseys? No, no, no.
These are the new service shirts for the

summer. They're great.

So it's always a work in progress. We
change the colour of the walls or give

staff new outfits.

There we are.

I've learned as a restauranteur and a
businesswoman, even if it isn't broke,

you've still got to fix it.

So can I wear that instead of this?

Will you stop whining?

Hey, Peter, will you stop working out?

I think so.

Oh, my goodness.

That's harassment.

Leave him alone.

Let's go, let's go.

Just saying. Very sexy and unique.

Don't mess me about. Listen, I'm going
back to work. All right.

Do you want your wine?

No, no, I'm fine. Okay. You two, two
minutes, and then go back to doing what

you're supposed to be doing. Okay.

I get a two -minute break.

Two minutes.

Yes, darling?

Um, so... I found out earlier that
Ellie, apparently, she was

showing Lala photos that she took of
James.

I'm like... When he was sleeping in his
apartment, she'll try to prove to people

that the two of them have hooked up
recently.

Ellie's like, you know that I slept with
James a month ago. And she like... A

month ago? A month ago.

And then she's like pulling up pictures
that she had taken in bed with him, with

the date.

Oh, I didn't hear about this. I didn't
know they had sex. I knew they did like

while back. See, I didn't know that. I
knew they did before him and Raquel

started dating.

Okay, I had no idea. I mean...

I thought Ellie had higher standards
than that, but, I mean, James, that's

the new low.

Aren't you supposed to, like, hang out
with her tomorrow or something?

Um, I mean, she texted me to, like, get
coffee.

So talk about James.

Probably.

Also, like, she's older than Kristen.

I mean, there's even more of an age gap
there.

How old is she?

34? What are these, like, mid -30 -year
-old women doing with a douchebag 24

-year -old DJ?

I don't get it either.

Coming up. So where do you stand with
Lala? I love Lala.

Have you met her boyfriend?

Her married boyfriend.

Can I get the

goat cheese salad with no beets?

Thank you.

Hi, how are you?

Good, how are you?

Good.

Okay, so... Oh, God.

James?

What?

I wouldn't brag about it if I was dating
him either, but... Well, first of all,

I didn't tell anyone because I was so
ashamed.

I feel you on that. I wouldn't tell
anybody.

So he said he was dating someone, but I
thought it was just a joke. Well, yeah,

because he would date him.

Yeah, I thought... No offense.

Hey, we're all allowed to make mistakes,
okay?

One time.

Well, anyway, so I did, yeah, I did
sleep with him in March.

And while we were having sex, he said,
just so you know, you don't mean

to me anymore.

So he's, like, literally, like, having
sex with you, saying, like, this means

nothing. In the morning, I woke up, I'm
like, wow.

And I'm like, I need to cover myself,
you know?

Oh, my God, he's going to make me look
good. He's going to deny it. I was like,

I'm just going to take a picture, just
in case.

Can I see the photo? I'm really curious,
actually.

March 8, 44 a .m.

Yeah. Yeah, it is a little weird that
Ellie took a selfie in bed with James,

I kind of see where she's coming from.
It's like, you want to call me a liar?

Here's proof I'm not.

He called me so many names that I'm
like, good at that.

Motherfucker, I'm going to get you.

Just in case.

The reason I felt Lala and I'm telling
you now, I just want to come clean.

Yeah. So where do you stand with, like,
everyone now?

James, Lala? I love Lala.

Have you met her boyfriend?

Her married boyfriend?

No. That's a yes.

I can just see that look in her eyes is
wanting to say yes, but not wanting to

throw her friend under the bus.

So thank you, Ellie, for proving me
right and giving me some good ammo to

back to the girls.

If she doesn't, like, own up to whoever
she's dating, everyone's just going to

keep talking about her.

I know, but why do people care that
much? It just proves her character that

more that she's a dishonest person who
can't be trusted.

If she was my friend, I would give her
advice and be like, this isn't going to

end well for you.

Like, that's really fucked up.

I've never been in a forest.

Whoa. Wait, is Lisa coming here?

No, this is my job.

This is what I'm helping her out with.
I'm helping her out with things that she

can't get to right now because she's a
busy lady.

So every year, I get another car for the
summer. I know it sounds really

spoiled, but I do spoil myself.

And I can't go, so maybe you could go
there. They've got two or three options,

so just send me some pictures.

Do you need me to, like, test drive them
for you? No, I don't.

Hi. Hey, how you doing? I'm Katie. Hey,
I'm Tom. Tom, how are you, man? Pleasure

to meet you. Pleasure to meet you, too.

Lisa wanted me to come and check out
some cars.

This is what I think she's going to
love.

Ooh, that's hot.

What would it be to, like, lease this?

With about $20 ,000 down, you're
probably around about $4 ,500 a month.

I'm working on about, like, $350 a
month.

Hop in. You can say so.

Are we going to take it for a spin?

I'm going to lease it, so don't worry.

Oh, God.

Purchasing a $175 ,000 Porsche for me is
like almost in the realm of like

fantasy. Hop on in. This is a beautiful
thing.

Like I feel like I have as good a chance
as getting a dragon, you know, and

riding it into the sun.

Go to Vegas.

Bye. Thank you.

Woo. Woo.

I can feel that between my legs.

Yeah, I feel it. Hit it. Woo.

God, I just had a familiarization.

We don't have a wedding. We can get a
Porsche.

That's non -negotiable.

Damn, it just got real in here.

You don't even joke about not having a
wedding to a girl three months away from

her own wedding.

It's rude, and it's low, and it's just
straight mean.

No, no, that was a joke, bub.

You know, listen, I just want you to
be... You gotta stop joking about that.

Just be considerate. I'm very
considerate. I'm considering getting you

and now I'm like having a second
thought. Well, you're not because you

want to have a wedding. That was a joke.

Look at you. You're already super
defensive. It's just when you freak out,

you're a different person. That's not
even you. When you turn into being a

callous asshole, that's not you either.
The only time I'm ever a callous

asshole... It's because I do that. It's
my fault.

It's my fault. She keeps saying she's
going to change.

She keeps saying she's going to break
these patterns, you know? That's going

stop. Have I ever just been an asshole
for no reason?

It's just that I want her to do
something about it before we can move

with the wedding.

In those moments, I'm going crazy and
I'm having a meltdown because you're not

listening to me. No, it's because you've
lost control of your emotions

completely. No, it's because you're not
listening to me.

Katie. Can I go? Can I move on from
this, please? Can everyone get over to

right? That's what I'm saying. Can you?

Discounted. Big time.

Cool, Tom. Do you want to insult me
more? What are you talking about? You're

doing a really good job of it.

Boba. Stop talking. You're so rude.

Talk about how your dick doesn't work
either.

What? My dick works great.

Coming up. Do you have something that
you want to tell me about YouTube?

Tina says she's on her way here. She
said she's got some good gossip.

Thanks, Mom.

You know, I love hosts. It seems like
having, like, a dining table that I

use. I miss having Saucy's roommate.

Red Bull and vodka at noon. And just,
can I say, you are the most fun person

I've ever lived with.

I'm really, right? I'm really fun. You
are.

Maybe I won't get my outing.

You know, lucky for me, I just have to,
like, lure her over with food and

alcohol. It always worked.

Hi. Hi.

Oh, my God, sporty spice.

Yeah. So I scheduled my trainer this
morning, and then Ellie wanted to get

breakfast. Is that the juicy gossip that
I need to know right now? The Ellie

stuff? Yeah. Okay, I had no idea her and
James, like, dated.

What? Okay, okay, so I'm not the only
one. No.

I didn't know that. Yeah, she didn't
tell anyone, clearly, because she's

ashamed.

Clearly, I upgraded.

Like, huge.

Took harder.

James, on the other hand, just keeps,
like, kind of going down the totem pole,

you know? A lot of gank.

Good job, buddy.

It was around the holidays. She said she
was really lonely. Up until March.

Hold on. Hold on.

Yeah. So.

So weird. And, get this. She took a
photo.

In his bed, this was kind of like the
side of her face, but you see that she's

in his bed, like the headboard. If he's
going to say that she's a liar, she's

like, well, I have proof I was in your
bed on March 25th.

I can't even.

Surprise,

surprise.

He cheated on me, lied to me.

I am so glad I dodged that bullet.

So then that conversation kind of ends
and then, get this, I was asking her

about Lala and I'm like, I'm just
curious, like, have you met her married

boyfriend? And she kind of like laughed
and was like, no, that's not who she's

dating. Okay, we've had confirmation
from people that don't even know each

other. And that's what I said too.
That's what I mean. It's like two

separation. We all have separate, all
four of us have separate sources.

They all said the same thing and I don't
even know who any of your sources are.

Exactly. And I'm like, no, there was,
she told A, then Katie's friend in Utah,

and then I have a friend who worked on a
movie with her. Like, there's so many.

And we know.

So I found out yesterday that the way
the wife found out is she went through

phone and saw sex tape videos of them.

No.

Yes. Yes.

Ew. What?

That's how I feel.

I know from personal experience, we
should stop making sex tapes.

Women of America.

Stop recording yourself having sex.

It always gets out there.

This is my PSA.

Like, I thought that, like, when I
stumbled upon the info that, like, she

like, a sugar baby, I thought that was,
like, the f***ing golden egg. Every time

I think, like, shadier, I can't get,
like, more shady.

It gets worse.

Yeah. Listen, I don't care about Lala's
dating life, but Lala has been so cruel

to Katie. And if you're coming after my
best friend, you're done.

Okay. It's straight up motherfucking
fake grass.

So those are the things that we're
putting up in pumps.

Yeah.

And look at all these orchids. They're
beautiful, aren't they? Oh, my God.

Every week we go to the flower market or
the florist to choose flowers for a

pump, fill a blanket and stir.

I've always loved doing huge flower
arrangements.

Unfortunately, now I don't get as much
time to do them for everywhere.

But if I can get to the flower market, I
really adore it.

Look at that little succulent branch.

You're getting married. Your succulent
days are over.

You don't have to do that anymore.

Now, these are great.

I actually want to take some for pumps.

Don't you love that white and green?
That would look great with silver.

That would look gorgeous.

And then...

There was another flower that I saw that
was really kind of nice. It had, like,

a bunch of, like, straight, like, petals
like that. It looked like a daisy. No,

it looks almost like a... It's like a
carnation, wasn't, like, petals like

Casey doesn't really know much about
flowers. I don't think she knows the

difference between a dandelion and a
daffodil. So maybe today I'll give her a

bit of an education.

I'm trying to see if I can... But this
is lovely. I think these colours would

look beautiful in the woods.

Oh, yeah.

So how's it going?

So yesterday we went to the Porsche
dealership and I kind of brought up to

that it's just hard sometimes when I
feel like he's not hearing me or he's

listening or he's getting defensive
right away or something like that.

About what? What kind of things? Where I
go to the dark side and I sort of take

things further than it needs to go. I
get it. You know what? When you're

married, there are so many things that
are going to come your way that are

to piss you off or, you know, choose
your battles.

I hope they're not turning a blind eye
and not dealing with the essence of

relationship. Give me the benefit of the
doubt and give me the credit I deserve.

I see problems in the mist.

That's great.

Okay, how much is that?

Your total comes to 310 .76.

You take that stuff.

And that I'm going to try and pump. I've
got some. If not, he will live at Villa

Rosa. Look how gorgeous that succulent
is there, Kate.

Come on.

Of course you're on the swag wagon.

Stop. How are you?

Got there.

I was going to bring you water, but then
I figured I couldn't be a hypocrite

because I get in just as much trouble
drinking.

It wasn't about drinking, was it? I told
you not to come here when you're drunk.

No, I'm not.

Were you speaking to Lisa? You sound
very drunk.

Yeah, it was a little bit about
drinking. Was it because of the night?

It wasn't because of... Gigi?

No, yeah, it was that night, but it's
nothing to do with Gigi, dude. Why do

keep talking about that girl? It's
ridiculous.

I didn't... Gigi, end of story.

Girls will bring me down and try and get
a piece of the cake, you know?

There's only so much cake to go around.

I get you. But then when I'm on a hike
with Ellie and... Do you have something

that you want to tell me about YouTube?

No.

Why? What is she saying now?

Well, she showed me something. What?

A photo of you two together in that bed
in March.

She's lying to you.

So, let's see it. I want to see this.

God, this girl takes pictures of me when
I'm sleeping.

That fucking means absolutely nothing.

You're not worried about it? No. I
haven't had sex with Ellie since

I met Raquel New Year's Eve 2015, and
she's never been inside Ellie in 2016.

That was a 2015 smash.

Do you know how easy it is? You can
change pictures, dates on apps now.

So what are you saying? That she
photoshopped it?

Or whatever it is, yeah. It's all fake,
yeah. It's like, girl, can you believe

me for a fucking minute? I can show you
a photo of you guys in that bed in

March. It's like, off.

Get out of here. It's bullshit.

If you raise your voice at me, we're
going to have a big problem.

What? What are you going to do? Stop
doing that. What are you going to do,

That is how you ruin friendships.

No.

I've heard about you. Guess what? You
know any things I've heard about you,

Lala?

Are you lying to me about your
relationship?

Because I've had all the girls ask me if
you're seeing a married man. I've heard

Tom and Ariana constantly asking me.

The man I am seeing, who I'm very much
in love with, is not married.

Do I think the guy's married?

Probably. If she wants to go ahead and
do that, then that's her business. But

when you're lying to your enemies and
your friends, it's not exactly building

good case for you.

So he hasn't got a girlfriend or
something that you need to wait?

No, that's not it. Then why are you
being so secretive?

It's not that I'm being secretive. You
are!

You haven't told one person!

If you want to put yourself in that
situation, Lala, go ahead.

But I am not going to sit there and be
like, I wish I was there for you.

I am here for you right now. I know.

Then we're done.

Next time on Bandit Company.

Yeah. Surprise.

Do it. The anticipation is killing me.
What are we wearing? Does anybody want

try this on?

I don't have underwear on.

Ariana, she's doing a cocktail look. I
think I want to talk to her about

possibly like.

We can do it together.

Yeah. And you're not going to take
attention away from me.

Don't roll your eyes, you little bitch.

There's just such a somber shadow on
today in light of what's happened. I'm

truly devastated.

They just stopped a guy with guns coming
to Santa Monica Boulevard.

I'm a little freaked out. But what do we
do? We capitulate?

It's just so sad.

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