All language subtitles for Vanderpump Rules – S5E01

Friends, family, and loved ones, I want
to welcome all of you today to celebrate

one of life's greatest moments.

This season on Vanderpump Rules.

Turn the music on and let's party.

Someone's going to end up in jail.

I'm so sorry, I'll never do that to you
again.

Welcome to the Snowman's first.

Welcome to Vanderpump.

New Orleans, baby.

I have watched.

as you have overcome trial.

I don't think things are going well for
us anymore.

Respect each other and each other's
opinions.

We're losers!

You're turning into an asshole before my
very eyes.

Laugh together.

Damn hard!

Cry together.

It's not working.

I don't want to see you like this, man.
You deserve better, dude.

So the commitment of marriage means no
less. She is a married man. You've been

throwing rocks. Why? Because I call you
like a whore?

Call her as you see it.

Speak to each other with words of
appreciation.

You don't give a f*** about anyone but
yourself.

You're fake a lot. And so stand resolute
in your love for each other. I'm just

scared to commit to someone.

You put a ring on my f***ing finger so
stop throwing it in my f***ing face.

Find the funny in life. Talk about how
your dick doesn't work either.

My dick works great.

Strive for harmony.

I'm done with Katie.

I'm not marrying her.

Tom, do you take Katie to be your wife,
holding only unto her forevermore?

Cocktail menu.

There you are, my love. How's your
strawberry? You like it? Not too sweet?

Perfect. Love it. Love it. Do you have
any cold change on back here?

Yeah, it's cold. What do you need? Just
you.

Tall box and a raspberry mojito.

Tom's on mojito duty. Right now.

What are you, just his assistant?

Listen, woman.

God only gave me two hands.

Most of the time, restaurants in L .A.,
I mean, they kind of hit their peak and

then they decline.

Sir has been open for over a decade and
is busier than ever.

If they just ask for a glass of
Sauvignon Blanc, which one?

Why don't you finish these two mojitos,
because I think they're Brittany's.

Brittany and I have been almost dating
now for about a year.

Then she started working at Sir.

You know, we're together a lot, all the
time. I just don't want to, like...

Live together, work together, play
together. It's a lot.

I feel like my work was like my kind of
like my place to get away.

And I feel like it's just kind of closed
in a little bit now. Should be about 30

to 45 minutes.

Thank you, ladies.

Can I leave these on the side?

Yeah. Why are you giving me lounge
money?

Because Lala is working and I don't like
being around her.

There was a time when I thought Lala and
I could actually be friends.

Shake that.

Oh, damn, Gina.

And now it's like a 180 again.

She's still that skanky hoe she was last
year.

Whenever you're doing wine lists, that's
the only thing that I feel like I am

not good at right now. Sometimes people
will be like, I'll take a Sauvignon

Blanc. And I'm like, I don't even know
how to pronounce it.

Sauvignon Blanc. I think Brittany is
really going to fit in here at Surf.

friendly with everyone.

Customers love her.

I'm used to Sports Bar where it's beer
and a shot of whiskey.

And you know what?

It's better than Hooters.

Are you coming tonight?

Yeah. But I'm closer, so I'm going to be
the last one.

We weren't around yet, but this exact
same party was at two years ago.

Like, we wouldn't even be at the same
table. I'm in such a good place with

Katie, Jossie, Kristen.

And this is the first year I finally
feel like it's the four of us.

Everybody take a deep breath right now.

We had a rough go at trying to be
friends for a couple years. We tried and

just didn't work.

Who's going to this party? I would
assume everybody.

What do you mean by everybody? If they
let me in there, then they'll let

in there.

The OK Magazine party has almost become
like the Sir Christmas party. You're

going to have some awkward conversations
with some people that maybe you don't

want to see outside the workplace.

And then you're going to overcompensate
with booze and she's probably going to

hit the fan.

La la.

Hello.

What have you been doing?

I was doing a film. One that I could
see?

Do you watch porn?

Sometimes. I'd like to say, how dare you
ask me that?

Of course not, never.

But then I'd be lying.

It's not a porn film really, is it?

No, Lisa, come on. Okay.

I book.

a small part in a Nicolas Cage film with
John Cusack and Adrian Grenier.

Is that how you say his name?

Grenier?

Grenier? But I think if I were to star
in my own porno, it would be in La La

Land, but the cover would be my leg
spread with just the star, or like a

tree. So like in La La Land.

I don't know.

I'm wondering that, like, maybe I could
get cut, like, before anyone else.

This is my date tonight.

My husband's in the studio.

James has asked me to get off early, so
has Tom, so has Ariana, so has Lala.

Since James and Lala tried to ruin my
engagement party last summer, I have

my best to keep them out of my life
completely.

Hey, hey, hey, take a seat. You crossed
the line. You're a good boy, old man.

All right, all right, all right.

Lala has been basically just talking a
bunch of s*** about me to basically

anyone that will listen to her. Katie is
a blob.

Katie is boring.

Katie is fake.

It is the summer of my f***ing wedding
and I'm sorry, I don't have time for

this. I'm going to text Kristen and let
her know that we'll be coming early.

But also that her best friend is going
to come too. Okay, well while you do

that, I'll text Austin.

You guys can't talk and text at the same
time, huh?

Hello?

Say hi!

Oh my goodness, who's here? Okay, let's
do this. I was trying to make him help

me pick outfits and he literally gave
zero.

What did he say?

Basically what Carter does, just looks
in the other direction.

Things are pretty f***ing fantastic.

Carter and I have been together about 10
months now.

And when I dated Sandoval, I paid all of
his bills and James treated me like a

walking ATM.

So it's so nice to be in a relationship
with someone like Carter where things

are equal.

Or like, like 60 -40.

Dude, Katie just texted me. What?

DJ Douchebag and Lala are definitely
going.

James and Lala are going? That sucks.

I don't feel like welcoming somebody who
is disgusting to my friend.

Lala has been a fucking giant to Katie.
I hate the word. I hate the C word, but

this just feels like the right time for
me to use it. So don't wear my fake

engagement ring.

No fake engagement ring.

We're trying to convince people that
you're not a psycho. So like, oh.

Last look.

You look gorgeous.

I'm worried about you. You're okay?

Yeah, things have been a little better,
you know. It's not the time to talk

about, like, my personal stuff right
now. No, but I knew you said your father

was. Yeah, my dad left.

Well, you told me he was going to. Well,
he left officially yesterday.

And you've been really good with the
drinking. You've got it all under

lately.

Yeah, I've had a good little run.

No, I know, but we want to keep that up.

So it's when you get emotional that
sometimes things start to go awry.

James is very reactive.

He lets things get out of control.

Stop it right now.

Stop it right now.

He said, you're not talented.

You're nothing. You're beneath me.

I'm above you. I'm James Kennedy.

I think Ken and I have done our utmost
to really try and set him on the

and narrow.

But we've only got so much patience and
our patience is running out.

I just want you to stay chill.

All right, well, thank you, Lisa. I
appreciate that. I got to tell you

something. Now, a couple nights ago, I
came home about 3 o 'clock in the

morning, and Kristen and Brittany are at
the house. Okay, cool. So I'm like,

okay, so I'll be home later.

It comes around 3 o 'clock in the
morning, I come strolling in, right? I

the door, and I'm like, where the hell
is everybody?

So I go, I walk back into my bedroom, I
open up the door, and guess what I see?

I see Brittany and Kristen on the bed.

I heard noises coming through my
bedroom, so I walked in the bedroom, and

Kristen kissing Brittany down south.

I instantly went, what the? I got mad
and this and that. It stormed out of the

house. Or she flipped out.

Stormed out of the house. You're a
jealous asshole. I was.

There is no shortage of bi -curious
southern girls in West Hollywood.

Why, oh why, does Kristen have to pick?

Jax is his girlfriend.

I was always the kind of guy that was
like, well, I don't care if my girl

up with another girl. I was always that.

But then once it happens, you're kind of
like, I don't know if I like her. Did

Kristen just Jax?

I got Jax.

He's going to tell everybody.

It's a whole lot of butt over a little
cunnilingus.

Welcome to L .A.

The L .A. handshake.

I'm just going to chalk it up there as
leverage.

We got Jax by Kristen.

Coming up.

Hopefully we can get out of here early
enough. I know. I really want to go to

that party. I know. I know.

Hello.

Hey, Lisa.

That is the biggest pool.

Is that why I'm not making any money?
Nobody pools. It's for you.

It's for you. And how do you want that
prepared?

Medium.

Medium rare.

Brittany's doing really well. She's
doing great. Everyone loves her here.

exactly. I'm just going to make sure I'm
not working the same days as her. I

don't think it's healthy to be working
together and living together. Speaking

working, are you making drinks over here
or what?

I'd interviewed Britney a couple of
times. I mean, how do I know that you

even bartend?

Have you got a resume?

I do not have a resume with me, no. I'm
not into, you know, somebody walking in

here just because they're in a
relationship with Jack thinking that

come here and giggle and smooch because
that's not working for me. But we had a

couple of weeks where we were slammed.

I don't like having couples work
together, but I think at this point I'll

probably keep Britney over Jack.

Jack walked in on Britney and Chris
then.

Kristen was going down on Britney.

What did you say?

Kristen was going down on Britney.

You're lying.

Will you just get back to work? Go ask
her.

What do you think I'm going to ask her?

How was it?

I mean, if it was anybody else, I don't
think I'd believe it.

But Kristen chowing down on...

Kentucky Muffin. You don't think this is
kind of vaguely bizarre, really, even

in your fifth brother's world? I feel
like it's karma.

I feel like it's just coming back to
bite me a little bit. That's not karma,

dude. Yeah, it is. If there was karma,
you'd be dead right now. That's true.

Is this our spot? Yeah.

I'm the penis in between us?

Patrick and I break up and make up more
than Taylor Swift and her boyfriend.

I've been doing a lot of getting to know
myself over the last year. I never

thought that Kristen would be the one in
the stable relationship and I'm the one

in this roller coaster.

What? Remember the last time we were at
an OP magazine party?

I needed Kristen, and I had to go up and
talk to her.

I think you should just come back and
work up there, so we can, like, all hang

out all the time.

I would rather not.

Okay, if Walla comes up and is nice to
you, like, how are you going to be?

I'm going to be nice.

Sure. She terrorizes Katie. For a long
time, Katie hated you, and you guys had

falling outs, and you too. That's
because she loves me, and she loves me.

know, but listen, and then she would ask
me to inherit those grudges. And guess

what? You did it. No, I didn't. You did
it for me. For you, because I didn't

like you, for real.

For a while.

I feel like I can't voice my opinion
without... Only if your opinion is,

right, and then we'll let you voice it.
Kristen and Stassi, they're awesome

friends, but man, sometimes it's like, I
don't know, there's some sort of vagina

mafia.

You know, it's like they have each
other's back no matter what. Dude, he's

relieved right now.

Dude, I was in the hot seat over there.
George, you're going to be in the hot

seat for the next three months.

Don't f*** up.

Give me a f***ing lobotomy.

Why would not?

You guys want to go upstairs?

Sure. All right, let's do it.

Where are we sitting?

We're right here.

Oh.

How do I say this?

It's come up about the situation,
about... Remember you and Brittany?

What? Everything's fine. But I just
wanted you to know that I did talk about

with Tom and Tom.

It happened?

Yeah.

We shared a couple of wasted kisses.

Brittany and I were hammered and
whatever.

I want you to know, in case you hear it
from the grapevine... I did. But I want

you to know, so you're prepared.

Finally! Brittany!

Do you have my phone?

Thank you. I can Snapchat now.

I need a Snap. I need a Snapchat.

You look so... Anyone who moves across
the country like I did are going to miss

their family, miss their friends back
home. But having such a great group of

girls, I couldn't imagine my life
without them now.

Brittany comes over here. This is what I
think about. I think you do a little

bit more than me. What I saw was not...

Everybody has rumors spread around about
them, but the fact that Jax is the one

spreading the rumor is what's super
embarrassing.

What kind of relationship am I in if my
own boyfriend's doing this?

First time getting ready in the girls'
bathroom.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Dude, so... Jax walked in one
night after being out

late, and Kristen's going down on
Brittany.

What the... Face deep.

Ew. Grody. Dude, you can't go to sleep
when Kristen's around.

Or that's what happens. I guess so.

Good Lord.

So there was a very long time in which
Kristen was known as Crazy Kristen.

Leave right now. Suck it in. Leave.

Fuck the away five.

My ball, dude. She's the who hooked up
with my fucking boyfriend.

So now what is it going to be?

Cunnilingus Kristen?

I like it.

It's a ring to that.

Ready?

Let's go hit up that open bar.

Do you think a moment to acknowledge how
weird it is, actually how nice it is

that you guys are sitting together and
you're cordial again?

I need a drink. Stassi and I, I don't
think we'll ever be best buds, but I've

been trying to kind of talk to Stassi
more and kind of, you know, I don't want

to say rekindle a friendship, but kind
of just, you know, getting a good

with her.

So, I don't know, this is going to be
crazy, but so about a week and a half

I came home for about three in the
morning. I was a little bit to work, and

find...

I'm just curious what you would think if
you were in that situation that I was

in.

You want my advice?

You, Kristen, and maybe Brittany, too,
should probably just chop off your

private parts because none of this is
normal.

Summertime's already begun.

How fast was that, huh?

James and I always roll as a pair.

Funny looks all right. What do you
think?

Last year, he was trying so hard to get
into my pants.

Tired to steal your friend?

No. I'm not.

I flopped the legs open and just let him
have it. I felt like he had finally

earned it. And oddly enough, he's over
it and so am I. We're just best friends

now. Here's to a fun night.

Hi, love.

There are some memories here. Your
birthday twice in a row.

Last time we came here when I grew up.

Hey, guys. What's up?

I think you're not at this table.

No, this is exactly where I need to be.

Oh, actually, I don't think so.

Hey, Stassi, how are you? Hey, Jax,
looking sharp.

I feel like y 'all know better right
now. It's kind of rude to actually,

talk shit on every single person here.

And then come over and say hi to
everybody.

They can't afford their own table. It's
okay.

You get some work done?

You look good. Your nose looks so good.

Where's Shay? Was he not invited?

Your husband?

He's actually at the studio, actually,
making money and making music.

Oh, the studio, right.

After all that Lala's been talking about
me, she's going to come over to our

table and drink our alcohol. I don't
think so, honey.

I don't think you guys should be here.

Maybe you're in another table, but not
here.

I am perfectly willing to work with
Lala, but I really don't want to be

her at the same party as me.

Hey, I'm not trying to fight you
tonight. I'm not going to shake it. You

think I am? I'm not going to shake it.
No.

Last summer, I stole a pair of
sunglasses.

And because I'm on probation, it's going
to be a few more months before I bash

his face in. I can see that everybody
here has not been working on their

bodies.

Wait, are you pregnant?

Oh my God, congratulations.

Go. Go.

How old is this kid and why the f*** is
he around?

You need to f***ing go.

You go.

Go. Get the f*** out of here.

Get the f*** out of here. No, I have to
make another one. You ruined my knees.

Let's walk away.

You know what? I don't care if I go to
jail. I just really need to hit this

It'll just feel good. It'll be totally
worth it. Come on. No, no, no, no. What

the f*** is this? Lady, back the f***
away.

Goddamn. I'm trying to sit at a f***ing
table like you told us to. I am so

f***ing embarrassed.

Like, for real, I believe in aliens.

James and Lala.

There are, like, two tall greys that,
like, have come down and they

into human beings because they're
f***ing disgusting.

Have I said some hurtful things to them
or about them?

Absolutely. But for them to walk around
acting like they're shit, don't think.

Get the fuck over it.

That's it. I'm cutting it.

I'm cutting that dress.

I am so embarrassed. I want to leave. I
want to go so bad right now. I'm so

embarrassed. Ew.

Don't slip.

Don't slip. It's all wet everywhere.

Y 'all's friend came over here calling
her fat.

Who was?

James. Then Lala.

We all clapped.

Ask her if she's pregnant. Ask me how my
nose job was. Took our alcohol. Let me

open it. Don't ruin your seat.

And that whore who was selling her
brain.

Those are horrible people.

What the f***?

I literally just saw them and they gave
no indication that they were pregnant. I

mean, you don't have to believe us, but
we're telling you what happened.

No, I'm not denying that happened.

Tom, don't do that to them. Don't make
her feel guilty.

They're acquaintances. They're not
friends.

Tom's friends with me.

Don't insult Tom.

I feel awkward already.

Tom has still not learned in six years
how to be supportive or back me up.

Just because my opinion is different
than yours and I'm...

voicing it doesn't mean I'm dramatic.

Let's take a cheers to Schwartz and
Katie's wedding.

Let's take a cheers.

I need to make another.

Here's a cheers to Schwartz and Katie's
wedding not ending in misery.

We're all

fat. Katie's pregnant.

We have to work on our summer bodies.
Katie's been back -platting a lot.

Since Stassi came back in the picture, I
mean, she's been drinking more.

She's been talking s*** more.

I refuse to go through another year of
Katie expecting me to inherit her

grudges. I'm just not going to do it.

Tom Schwartz is, you know, into his fat
girlfriend.

Out of those six over there, who's
crazy?

They're all f***ing not bad. Who's the
craziest? No, no, no, no, no. Let's see

who's craziest on the same side.

One, two, three.

Stassi.

What's up, guys?

Oh, Thomas.

Hi, love.

What's up, man? What the f*** happened
over there?

Nothing. They were diswelcoming.

They didn't want to say anything. Dude,
you rolled up there, grabbed their

f***ing drinks, started f***ing bitching
everybody out, flung f***ing cranberry.

Why? You need to hear my side of the
story before you judge. I just know the

result. Oh, my God.

Look, I like James, but James' biggest
enemy is himself, and people know how to

push James' buttons.

It's really easy. There are big red
buttons that say push here.

The first person to throw a drink on me
was Sheena. Well, I would have thrown a

drink on you too if you would have
called my girlfriend pregnant.

100%, but she doesn't look pregnant,
does she? Because Ariana is still hot as

f***. Dude, shut up. If Ariana was in
her f***ing shoes, you wouldn't be

I would give a f*** actually. Oh,
really?

No, I would not give a f***.

From Sandoval, the wise word.

One thing about James and Lala is that
they can both have extreme

but when they're both on that
wavelength, like, there's no one there

other one down.

You're like a Tourette's of an insult,
James.

Don't give me your fucking encyclopedia
Yoda bullshit.

You gotta control that, man.

I'm not, I'm hurt.

And you know my dad left yesterday?

My dad left me yesterday.

Get in line, James.

My parents got divorced too.

I don't use that as an excuse to act
like a... My dad left yesterday. Don't

f***ing talk.

Last time my parents started to have
some problems and, you know, things

gotten better.

I just don't understand how you and dad
are breaking up. I've been going through

a really hard time with this.

I need to live my life and so does he.

It's hard.

Don't cry.

As of yesterday, my dad moved back to
London, but, like, I haven't dealt with

any of it.

Are you the person I should be talking
to about this?

Apparently. I thought they were going to
get back together.

It didn't work out, man. It didn't work
out.

Dude, stop, stop, stop. Come on.

You're all right. You're all right.

I just don't know how to deal with this.

Aaron, I feel like you need to know one
of my really close friends

is very close with her boyfriend's wife
for real.

Stupid Lala forgets that we have a ton
of mutual friends. And it didn't take me

very long to find out that Lala isn't
just a sugar baby, but her sugar daddy

married with children.

I don't know.

who Lala is dating.

However, I will treat a rumor as such
until proven fact because she's

my friend.

There are people over there and I'm not
going to say anything about groups

because I'm not about groups.

Here's the thing.

I care about you. I walked up to this
table thinking like we're all good. They

want to bring up It's like, so what
you're trying to say is, you can say

whatever the f*** you want, but I can't
retaliate. Like, I need to be a

submissive bitch. I see these bitches
for exactly what they are. I can read

like a book.

The whore comments, the slut comments.

No, I'm done.

This is not what I came here for.

This is not what I came here for.

I'm done.

Lala.

Nobody is going to leave by example.
Nobody. Not them, not you, nobody.

If you think it's automatically, like,
where it's all good.

Katie, who do you want me to kill? Who's
with you in your life? I'll go kill

them right now. I don't want to kill
anyone. I don't ask them to have my

No, but I can't be friends with somebody
if you're not friends with them.

What have you guys done?

I hate when Katie gets like this.

If you're mad at James and Lala, be mad
at James and Lala, all right? Don't try

to take Tom and Ariana down with them.

James. James, we'll have to take this
down later. I'll see you later, man. Get

it together.

Yeah.

Let's go. Don't jerk off cranberry juice
in my face. Don't throw me down

tonight. Don't throw me down. No.

Dude, I couldn't deal with them.

They're, like, on another level not
cool.

Coming up, James and Lala walk in. We
see them, and it just ended up so badly.

I will talk to him at some point.

Oh, my God. He's running out of excuses,
though, that's for sure.

You know Snoop, don't you? Oh, my God,
yes.

Is he cute?

How are you, darling?

What, Steve's putting his nose up your
skirt?

Yeah. Yeah.

Ponies, say hello to Katie. You know the
ponies, don't you?

So cute.

So how are you? You ready to do some
work for me? I was talking with Lisa,

the idea of me being her sister came up.

I mean, I want to learn from you.

Well, yeah, I need somebody at least one
day a week.

Okay. Thank you. I'm great. No, it's
going to be good.

Lisa has so many other businesses
besides the restaurant, and being her

assistant would be an opportunity for
Lisa to see me in a different light.

I mean, there's just so much going on.
Pump and Sir, we've got World Dog Day

coming up. I could actually do with some
help. Let's say I'll pay you, say, $30

an hour, and let's start with you
working, say, six hours a day.

So you're not overwhelmed.

Yeah, that's manageable.

Okay. That's like a shift at the
restaurant. I can do that.

I never have assistants. I'd rather do
it all myself.

But I've known Katie for seven or eight
years, and she really has been an

exemplary employee.

And Katie can, I think, really help me.

So what else is going on? Do you know
about last night? No, I don't know. What

happened last night?

Oh, my God. We went to the OK Magazine
party at Sky Bar at the Mondrian.

And... James and Lala walk in. We see
them. And the first word of Lala's voice

is like, I see you've been working on
your summer body.

James is like, yeah, what are you
expecting? Like, basically just body

me to my face, calling me fat, in other
words. Who?

Lala? Her boyfriend has a wife and kids,
so in my opinion, you can't really call

a man that has a wife and kids your
boyfriend.

This is gossip and gossip I can't be
involved in. She is repulsive and

despicable, and she's a horrible human
being.

And that's fine. We don't need to be
friends.

Okay. No, you don't have to be.

James starts, like, takes his drink and
motioning, like, jerking off like this

and, like, spraying and spilling his
drink, like, all over our table.

It just ended up so badly. You know,
he's just creating a problem.

I will talk to him at some point.

I can only make so many allowances for
James. I mean, to go out and call Katie

fast and act like a little asshole is
not what I had in mind for him at all.

I mean, I have made a lot of allowances
because of his parents, because he's

being so close to Max, but he's pushing
boundaries.

He's running out of excuses, though,
that's for sure.

Hey,

did you pay rent, by the way?

Yeah. All right.

We need the hammer so we can take all
these nails out. We're going to have so

many holes. Where's the hammer?

In the kitchen. We're going to have so
many holes in here.

All the restaurants in Hollywood you had
to pick, sir.

You're not going to work in the lounge
part of it all, are you?

Uh, I don't know.

Last summer, Brittany and I were living
in a studio that we were driving each

other crazy. We're on top of each other.
I'm a clean freak, and I hate what it

looks like in that closet. There's not
enough space to put my clothes. I know

that. This summer, we've moved into this
beautiful apartment.

It's definitely relieved so much
pressure, the fact that we're in a

place. You know, you need your space.

I should call and see how Tom's doing.
He was a mess last night.

James and Lala, just running their
mouths.

Why did they even walk over to the table
is what I'm confused about.

I'm going to beat the ever -loving s***
out of that kid. I swear to God.

I've never had so much hate towards
somebody.

You're doing a really good job.

You like looking at my butt while I do
it? Yeah.

Her face was all up in that last night.
You were eating like no other.

Not you.

No, she was not. Stop.

I swear to God, I'm going to punch you.
I saw what I saw. Okay, well, don't. You

didn't say so. Stop.

If I stopped, Brittany would be all over
that with all her girlfriends.

You know, but I guess if she does
something that I'm weirded out by, I

to keep my mouth shut.

I ran to Tom and I told him what
happened, and Tom may have told other

so that's why I kind of got out last
night. Yeah, and that's stupid. Like, my

own boyfriend starts rumors about me.
That's so stupid. I'm not starting a

rumor. I was upset.

I mean, I've kissed girls, like, drunk.

But Kristen and I did not hook up. She
did not go down on me. I cannot make

any more clear. I am strictly dickly.

That's not okay. I mean, I'm not mad
about it anymore because now I've

about it. It's not a big deal. I know,
but it's stupid that it's even being

brought up. It should not even be talked
about. It's the stupidest thing I've

ever heard.

Nothing happened, and you're pissing me
off if I start talking about it.

All right, we'll leave it at that.

You're going to make me really mad.

All right. And I don't want to ever hear
about it again, or I will go insane.

I'm not kidding.

I changed my entire life for Jack. I
moved from Kentucky, moved in with him.

Like, basically...

I'm doing everything for him.

And if Jack doesn't shut his mouth, I'm
going to move back to Kentucky and end

this relationship.

I mean, I'm not opposed to you doing it
again, I'm just saying.

What? Just kidding. I'm joking. That's
not funny. All right, that was the last

one. Not funny.

Okay. We're almost done yet. I'm hungry.

Shut up.

Coming up. I feel like they only have
access to like 5 % of their brains.

Her head is so far up her own ass.

I think she's a fix.

Listen, even if things don't work out
between us, we kind of have to stay

together. We got the dogs and we got the
apartment.

I got the ring.

I got the ring. We got a date to get
married, so why don't you not talk like

that? There's that, too.

I want to say so much has changed in Tom
and I's relationship since we've gotten

engaged.

Will you marry me? Of course!

You know, got a new apartment.

We got a new member of our family,
Butter, so...

We're getting the taste of living an
adult life and a little, shall I say,

parenthood. One of the girls is coming
over.

You guys aren't going to get rowdy, are
you? No, everyone I think is pretty

good. You guys are going to talk so
much.

You guys are going to yap your mouth and
traps all over.

What did you just say? I don't know.

Do I go hermit mode or do I be social?

You be social.

Come in.

Hey. Hi.

Hi.

What you got? I got you a burger.

Oh, my God. Yummy.

It's gluten -free, Bonnie.

Guys, happy first wedding conversation.

We're doing a wedding conversation?

It's going to be a festive night. I made
something for you guys. Can I see?

Yeah. Okay. We all have special cups.
This one's for Katie. It's a special,

special one. Can you make it?

Yeah.

Cute. This one is for Sheena. Wait, you
bedazzled that?

Yeah, I did. So this is what we're going
to do. It's not going to be a normal

wine night, okay?

Okay. I Pinterested festive bridal
cocktails.

I wasn't going to get a drink tonight,
but in honor of... I feel I don't want

be lame. Yeah, I don't want you to be
lame either. I'm kind of hungover and

tired. There's a finger hole.

Well, I guess we should all have one.

I'm so excited for Katie to get married
because I really want to be a part of

this day for her. I mean, if she wants
to put me to work and not have me be a

bridesmaid, then I'll still do that for
her.

But I really want to be a bride maid.

Come in.

Hi. I have pretty much nothing planned
wedding -wise. Obviously, I have my

dress. And it's the best dress in the
whole entire world.

Now I'm thinking, all emerald or all,
like, the same dress?

People have different body types.

Everyone's, like, tall.

You guys have your winter body. I have
my winter body, so I don't know what

dress I'm going to fit in. Last night, I
thought it was a bad dream.

Literally. Like, even when I
accidentally shit my pants one time,

even as embarrassing as that. Like,
seriously.

I thought I was just going to let out
some gas, and all of a sudden it didn't

feel like that.

It felt like a lot more, like, wet and
weird.

I shit my pants one time, too. Oh, my
God.

Hi, Buffy.

Hey.

How are you feeling today?

To be honest, I was a little hungover
this morning, but I feel good now.

We need to start being a healthy
influence on each other, because what

last night was not okay.

I'm not going to sit here and bullshit,
like, all of them and be like, oh, my

God, I should be so sorry.

Obviously, I had too much to drink last
night. I told Katie to lose some pounds,

and I cried about talking about my dad.

Simple. I don't care if his dad moved
back to England. I don't care if his

parents got divorced. We've all been
there. Oh, yeah, if I hear one person

like, he's going through a really hard
time. You're, like, two years older than

Lola. I know. Like, really? Like, she
acts like we're in our 40s and they're,

like, in their early 20s. They're, like,
old.

With Sheena, I think she's a dumb bitch
who doesn't know how to take

accountability for anything.

Her head is so far up her own ass. Like,
she is so into herself that she had to

marry a dude who just never...

and talk so that she's always on top.
It's so annoying.

I think it's so cute when Sheena comes
up and thinks that anyone gives a f***

about what she says.

Like, next bitch, please.

I have voiced her on Wednesday. I have
voiced Hump altogether now for the most

part because I swear to God, he's just
always there.

Getting pissed.

With Kristen, I actually...

James is going to provoke Jax as much as
he can until Jax punches him. Because

he thinks it's funny. He gets off on
doing it. I feel like they only have

to like 5 % of their brain.

I'm sorry.

I think she's a bitch.

Everything about her face, that smile.

Schemer. Schemers.

I don't think she's hot. The moment I
met her, and I did give her a chance, I

did try with her, that I was exactly
right about her.

I see the girls, and I'm happy that
they're all friends again, but it makes

wonder if it was a good idea to
encourage Katie to forgive Stassi. I

them falling back into their old ways,
and sometimes they kind of help bring

that inner mean girl.

She's actually worse than what you
even... Yeah, actually, yeah.

And Katie is just a worthless blob.

It's like, bitch, go back to the days
where you just thought what everyone

thought, because you're not appealing.

I call Katie the blob, and I know that,
but she's just...

Blobbish. I'm sorry, honey, you're gonna
be 30 before you know it. Yeah.

And what's wrong with people being old?
Don't you, like, sit on old all day

long? Oh, drop the mic, Maloney!

It's a hater's ball.

You guys, it's always a hater's ball
with you guys.

You're one of us!

You're one of us!

What's happening?

What have you guys done to me?

I'm not part of, I'm not one of you.
Welcome to the dark side, mother... I

like it.

Coming up...

Really, James? You're being a little
bitch. And there's only so many times

I can defend you.

How's everything going? Everything's
good. We've got a lot of covers tonight.

think we're over 220 for covers.

I need to speak to James.

I'm going to be over there. Send him
over there. I want to have a quick chat

with him. Absolutely.

I can be kind and sympathetic to James
until it affects my business.

And when he's going around insulting
these other girls, that's not conducive

a harmonious atmosphere at work.

Hello.

How are you doing?

Pretty good.

So, what happened last night?

What do you mean? Well, look, you went
to the party. You literally go to their

table. You kind of insert yourself right
in the middle of it. I walked up to the

table and I said, hey, guys, how are
you? I tried to shake everyone's hand

it was like a no -go.

So instantly excluded from the group.

Do you expect me to believe you're
innocent in this? Because I don't.

Lisa, honestly, at the end of the day,
what happens is, like, I'm compelled to

be an asshole sometimes to them because
they love to see me crumble, you know?

Well, you give them every reason. Every
reason? Well, you know, quite frankly, I

don't care if they don't like me.

I think James seeks approval and
acceptance, and when he doesn't get it,

just lashes out.

I don't know if he understands that
there are boundaries in life and he

constantly crosses them.

You know what? You say you don't care
about these people. You say that, but

you want to walk into a party, and then
you want to immerse yourself right in

the middle of them, and yet you don't
care about them. That doesn't make sense

to me.

Really, James?

You're being a little bitch, and you're
trying to get a rise out of everybody.

Sometimes I like getting a rise out of
these people just to let them know I'm

still there.

That's exactly what you do, and you've
got to stop, okay?

How do you expect me to put you back in,
sir, and work with all of them when

you're acting like a little asshole?

I sometimes think that James tries to
take advantage of our kindness to him,

really. Most bosses aren't going to be
emotionally supportive. It's either

up or shift the power.

It's getting difficult for me to defend
your actions. I keep making excuses for

you. And there's only so many times that
I can defend you.

Next time on Vanderpump Rules. I just
want to take a minute and say sorry. I

just think you're like a horrible
person. I feel like I'm turning into a

like vicious person.

And that's not you at all.

Before we get married, I think we should
probably get a prenup.

It's not an expression of doubt at all.

Jack walked in on Kristen going down on
Britney.

It's my problem. Stop.

People already care about you. I just
said they can't do this to me. You're

right. Don't say about it. So stay
strong.

What do I get out of lying about
something that's so much... Why did you

Because it happened. It didn't happen.

Oh, my God. I think I'm crazy.

I must be crazy. Nobody's hearing this.

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