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- ♪
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- Phoebe, what do you think of my painting of Max?
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- Clearly you've never seen Max in a toga.
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- I have up here.
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- Late again?
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- Yeah, I have this thing where I don't care.
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- Oh, Max, I meant to ask you.
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Which one of your masterpieces
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would you like to donate
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to tomorrow's school art auction?
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- Gosh, Mrs. Matson, I don't know.
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There's so many to choose from. - Hmm.
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- [mocking] So many to choose from.
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- Maybe I'll make a new one.
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- Well, whatever it is, Max, I'm sure it will bring in
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a lot of money for the school.
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Phoebe, when are you going to start your project?
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- Um, actually, I just finished it.
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I call it... "Horse."
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-Looks like it was made by a horse.
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- Max, funny and talented.
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And Phoebe... always on time.
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- I don't get it.
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Why is art so easy for you and so hard for me?
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We're twins.
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- Let's ask your horse monster.
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Throw me in the garbage, Max!
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Neighhhh!
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- Max!
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- I'm sorry, Mrs. Matson, I didn't see it there.
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- MRS. MATSON: It's beautiful.
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- What? - What?
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- Even when you fall, you create magic.
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Take it in, class.
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- I can do that, too, you know.
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Hmm... - [splash]
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- I call this one
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"How much do I owe you for those shoes?"
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- ♪
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- WOMAN: ♪ What you see is not what you get ♪
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♪ Living our lives with a secret ♪
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♪ We fit right in, bet you never guessed ♪
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♪ Living our lives just like all the rest ♪
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♪ A picture-perfect family is what we try to be ♪
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♪ Look closer, you might see the crazy things we do ♪
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♪ This isn't make-believe, it's our reality ♪
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♪ Just your average family trying to be normal ♪
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♪ And stay out of trouble ♪
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♪ Living a double life ♪
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- What?
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Another one?
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- I told you the costume shop was having a sale.
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- Not your costume, Colosso.
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I just lost another follower on Evilgram.
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Why do you think I'm losing so many?
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- 'Cause moving here made you soft.
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You used to post pics of yourself
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firing rockets at satellites.
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Now you're just waiting for me to sit on a whoopee cushion.
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- [farting sound]
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- [laughs] That's funny-- I gotta post that.
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- No, you don't.
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Hi-yaaaah!
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Waaaaaa...
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I just saved you from losing more followers!
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- You're right.
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I gotta get my edge back.
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Let's get a picture of me taking down a satellite.
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- COLOSSO: Attaboy.
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- [laughs]
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- Now what are we going to do next time?
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- Take the selfie before I light the fuse.
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- Yes, grasshopper.
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- Oh... you found the art supplies.
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- Yeah, weird, they were in the back of the garage
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under the power tools in this box labeled "Keep Out."
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- Uhh... - Really?
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- Weird! - Anyway...
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now with a little hard work, my art can earn
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more money at the auction than Max's.
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- That's the spirit, Phoebe!
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Keep reaching for the stars!
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Just don't paint them. - [laughs]
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- Hey, hey, you two--let's...
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- I'm sorry.
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It's just she keep ruining the refrigerator for me.
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- Nothing can ruin the refrigerator for you, Dad.
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- Listen, we're gonna support Phoebe, all right?
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That's why I signed your dad up to be the auctioneer
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at the art fundraiser.
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- Why, because I'm loud, boisterous, and in your face?
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- Mm-hmm. - [shouting] Sold to my wife
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who knows me so well!
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- [shouting] Why are we yelling?
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- That's how auctioneers get people to pay for art.
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- You have to get people to pay for Phoebe's art?
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- [shouting] You're gonna need a lot more than yelling!
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- I see you found the 10-foot-pole
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girls won't go near you with.
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Whoa!
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- No, I'm going to vault myself into the Hiddenville Zoo
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and then recruit a gorilla army.
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I'll have my Evilgram followers back by midnight.
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- [crash]
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- Ooh...
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Mom's gonna be mad at you for that!
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- And you're gonna be mad at me for doing this.
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- [crash] - MAX: Ow!
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- Come on, Phoebe, you can make something better than Max
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for the art auction!
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Art powers, activate!
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- [classical music]
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- I've done it!
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I knew if I just put my heart into it, I could create...
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Mt. Suckamanjaro.
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No one's gonna pay money for this.
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They'll be too busy throwing up.
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- [panting]
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I feel like your art project looks.
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- Uh, rough night at the zoo?
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- Turns out gorillas really like playing
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Max in the Middle.
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Not giving up yet, Colosso.
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I will post something devious to prove that I am not going soft.
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- Will that be before or after
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your lilac-scented bubble bath?
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- Oh, I'm sorry, did the gorillas
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use you as a soccer ball or me?
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- Max, you've gotta tell me how do you get your art ideas?
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Do you think about them?
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DO you not think about them?
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Do you take bubble baths in front of Colosso?
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- Phoebe, my artistic brilliance
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is not something that can be taught.
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My art projects come from a place deep within my soul.
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- [zooming sound]
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- Here's your latest art project, Max.
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- I think Billy has keys to your soul.
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I can't believe you've been using him to fetch art for you
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from around the world.
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- Actually, I get them from a dumpster
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behind the art school across town.
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- You're not an artist at all--you're a trash man.
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- Hey, Billy's a trash man.
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I'm the guy that's gonna make more money than you
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at the art auction.
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- How lazy, how despicable...
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how quickly can you get me something better than Max's?
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- Don't do it, Billy.
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- [sighs] Sorry, Phoebe, I work for Max.
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- Here's 20 bucks. - Sorry, Max, I work for Phoebe.
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- [zooming sound]
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- Wow, Max, that's a beautiful painting.
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It really shows your sweet, sensitive side.
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- That's a problem--I'll fix it.
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- [scoffs] So you like girls with goatees.
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♪ Noted ♪
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- Oh, Phoebe, take Max's vase
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over to the masterpiece corner.
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- Um, actually, Ms. Matson, I made this.
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- Really? It's stunning.
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Well, I take back everything I was saying about you
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in the teacher's lounge. - Ha!
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- You might be giving Max a run for his money.
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- Well, I gave somebody money to run.
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- [in country accent] Going once, twice,
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sold to Principal Bradford!
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That's my cowboy auctioneer voice.
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[in British accent] I can also do a fancy-pants auctioneer
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if it pleases the principal.
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- It doesn't.
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I'll be over there...
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talking to the single moms.
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Joyce, is that a new sweater?
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Whaaat?
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- Something wrong, Max?
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- I'm just losing followers on Evilgram.
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- Aww, well, you've got lots of friends.
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Sarah likes you.
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What's that on her face?
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- Whole lot of crazy.
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- Thanks for the vase, Billy.
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Sorry, Max, guess there's a new fake artist in the family.
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- It's dumpster art-- don't be too proud.
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- Actually, Phoebe's is from the museum.
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Which reminds me, I gotta return it before they close.
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- That's a funny joke, Billy.
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Please tell me that's a joke, Billy.
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- You said you wanted something better than Max,
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so I went to the Hiddenville Art Museum.
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- BOTH: What?!
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- Billy, you stole it from the museum?
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- Relax, Phoebe, it's not worth much.
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The sign said it's priceless.
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- [smirking] What's priceless
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is the look on Phoebe's face right now.
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- Billy, "priceless" means it's really expensive.
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- Where do these words come from?
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- We could go to jail for stealing.
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We've gotta get it back before the auction starts.
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- [gavel raps]
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- Let's get this auction started.
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- Yee-hoo!
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- We can't let anybody buy that vase.
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How are we gonna fix this? - We?
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This is a you problem,
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as in you an art thief, girl.
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- All right, Billy, it's up to us.
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As soon as I get that vase, you take it
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and return it to the museum.
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- Good evening, parents, students...
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Joyce.
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I'd like to introduce the only parent
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who would agree to be the auctioneer,
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Hank Thunderman. - [cheering]
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- Ha, that's my wife. [chuckles]
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- I'm as surprised as everyone else.
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- All right, let's get the evening started with...
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- Not the vase, not the vase!
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- ...this beautiful vase,
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which is made by... Phoebe Thunderman?
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Is there another Phoebe Thunderman at this school?
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- Max, did you help her with that?
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- Nope, she stole it from a museum.
225
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- Oh, silly, don't be so jealous.
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- Okay, let's get the bidding started at $25.
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Do I hear $25--$25.
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Thank you, ma'am. - This is good.
229
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When Mom buys the vase, we can trick her into giving it to me.
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- Fifty dollars. - What?
231
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- Seventy dollars.
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My daughter made that vase, so you understand.
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- I totally get it.
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Eighty dollars.
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- Oh, it's gonna be like that.
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One hundred dollars.
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- Okay, could I get $120
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from someone I do not share a bank account with.
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One-twenty... anyone?
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- Yes, over here.
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I can't raise my hand.
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- Flapping counts.
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- Does it, Hank?
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Does it?
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- Well, I mean, according to the auctioneer's handbook--
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- Hank! - Sold to my wife
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who is clearly the boss of me.
248
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- [applause]
249
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- Mom, you won my vase.
250
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Here, let me get it wrapped for you.
251
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Take this to the museum-- I'll handle Mom.
252
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- Okay.
253
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- [vase shatters]
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- Oh, no, my masterpiece.
255
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- Phoebe, what happened?
256
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I don't know--it just slipped,
257
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but I will make you another one, I promise.
258
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In fact, I'll go do that right now.
259
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- Aww, that's too bad.
260
00:13:23,095 --> 00:13:25,181
Yeah... make sure she pays.
261
00:13:29,769 --> 00:13:31,270
- What's going on?
262
00:13:31,312 --> 00:13:32,563
Why are you smiling?
263
00:13:32,605 --> 00:13:34,524
- Just taking care of problems.
264
00:13:34,565 --> 00:13:38,402
- I was too late-- the museum's closed.
265
00:13:38,444 --> 00:13:39,987
- Why are you still smiling?
266
00:13:40,029 --> 00:13:43,616
- 'Cause my face freezes when I freak out.
267
00:13:43,658 --> 00:13:44,866
- It's okay, Phoebe.
268
00:13:44,908 --> 00:13:48,538
I hear we get pudding in jail.
269
00:13:48,579 --> 00:13:50,331
- No one's going to jail.
270
00:13:50,373 --> 00:13:51,833
We are still gonna return the vase.
271
00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:54,377
We just have to sneak in after hours without permission.
272
00:13:54,418 --> 00:13:56,920
- You mean break in?
273
00:13:56,962 --> 00:13:59,006
- Don't put Max words in my mouth.
274
00:13:59,048 --> 00:14:01,425
You make it sound so... - Evil?
275
00:14:01,467 --> 00:14:02,926
Because it is.
276
00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:05,346
In fact, a break-in selfie is just what I need
277
00:14:05,388 --> 00:14:07,473
to get my followers back on Evilgram.
278
00:14:07,515 --> 00:14:10,351
- Ugh, I'm so gonna regret this, but I could use your help.
279
00:14:10,393 --> 00:14:13,020
Nora, Mom and Dad can't find out that we're...
280
00:14:13,062 --> 00:14:16,106
- ...breaking into a museum.
281
00:14:16,148 --> 00:14:17,692
- Yeah, sure, what he said.
282
00:14:17,734 --> 00:14:19,819
Just keep the auction going until we get back.
283
00:14:19,861 --> 00:14:20,820
- ...from breaking into a museum.
284
00:14:20,862 --> 00:14:23,406
- Stop it!
285
00:14:23,447 --> 00:14:28,452
- [suspense music]
286
00:14:28,494 --> 00:14:31,539
- [whistling]
287
00:14:46,929 --> 00:14:48,765
- Okay, we're in.
288
00:14:48,806 --> 00:14:50,182
We just gotta make this quick.
289
00:14:50,224 --> 00:14:53,185
I don't want to know what jail pudding tastes like.
290
00:14:53,227 --> 00:14:56,021
- Phoebe, relax--I disabled the security cameras.
291
00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:58,691
- And I found a free King Tut lollipop.
292
00:14:58,733 --> 00:15:00,777
Mmm... history.
293
00:15:02,653 --> 00:15:05,448
- Art thief action selfie.
294
00:15:07,324 --> 00:15:08,826
- GUARD: [whistling] - Oh, no.
295
00:15:08,868 --> 00:15:10,327
- Somebody's coming and we're gonna get caught
296
00:15:10,369 --> 00:15:11,704
and I can't stop smiling again because I'm freaking out.
297
00:15:11,746 --> 00:15:13,581
What are we gonna do? - Phoebe!
298
00:15:13,623 --> 00:15:15,750
Stop smiling and hide!
299
00:15:22,381 --> 00:15:25,760
- [whistling]
300
00:15:30,848 --> 00:15:33,601
- [sighs] This pitcher's getting heavy.
301
00:15:33,643 --> 00:15:35,937
- Technically the Egyptians called that a ewer.
302
00:15:35,978 --> 00:15:37,521
- Technically it's gonna make the same noise
303
00:15:37,563 --> 00:15:40,942
when it hits the floor.
304
00:15:40,983 --> 00:15:44,320
- Hang in there, guys, he'll be gone soon.
305
00:15:44,361 --> 00:15:47,698
- Time for my nightly break.
306
00:15:47,740 --> 00:15:50,242
My nightly dance break.
307
00:15:50,284 --> 00:15:53,412
[beatboxing]
308
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:00,753
- I don't know who looks more ridiculous...
309
00:16:00,795 --> 00:16:02,713
us or him.
310
00:16:04,465 --> 00:16:06,467
I'm gonna go with him. - Yeah, definitely him.
311
00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:14,308
- Okay, folks, we are down to our last item.
312
00:16:14,350 --> 00:16:16,811
- Last item... oh, no.
313
00:16:16,853 --> 00:16:18,395
- Oh, that must be Max's painting.
314
00:16:18,437 --> 00:16:19,814
Where is he, anyway?
315
00:16:19,856 --> 00:16:20,857
- With Phoebe. - Where's Phoebe?
316
00:16:20,898 --> 00:16:21,858
- With Billy. - Where's Billy?
317
00:16:21,899 --> 00:16:22,900
- With Max. - Where's--
318
00:16:22,942 --> 00:16:25,486
- Shh... the auction's starting.
319
00:16:25,528 --> 00:16:27,154
- Who wants to start the bidding
320
00:16:27,196 --> 00:16:29,866
on my son's one-of-a-kind...
321
00:16:29,907 --> 00:16:32,702
bearded girl?
322
00:16:32,743 --> 00:16:35,663
Um, who would like to start the bidding at $25.
323
00:16:35,705 --> 00:16:37,039
- Twenty-five!
324
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,249
- I've got $25 from the girl I keep telling
325
00:16:39,291 --> 00:16:41,878
to stay out of my yard.
326
00:16:41,919 --> 00:16:44,129
Do I have $30... anyone?
327
00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:45,923
Anybody?
328
00:16:45,965 --> 00:16:48,926
- You gonna bid on Max's painting, Mom?
329
00:16:48,968 --> 00:16:52,889
That? Looks like it came from a dumpster.
330
00:16:52,930 --> 00:16:56,851
- I get it--you love Phoebe the most.
331
00:16:56,893 --> 00:17:00,270
- That's not true.
332
00:17:00,312 --> 00:17:03,106
- If only there was a way for you to prove it.
333
00:17:03,148 --> 00:17:05,442
- HANK: Twenty-five going once, going twice...
334
00:17:05,484 --> 00:17:06,861
- [shouting] Twenty-six dollars.
335
00:17:06,903 --> 00:17:09,697
I love my son!
336
00:17:09,739 --> 00:17:13,492
- Twenty-seven... I love your son more.
337
00:17:13,534 --> 00:17:14,994
- Twenty-eight dollars. - Twenty-nine.
338
00:17:15,036 --> 00:17:16,537
- Thirty!
339
00:17:22,835 --> 00:17:24,628
- [clang]
340
00:17:24,670 --> 00:17:27,548
- [techno music from headphones]
341
00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:35,180
- This is not the kind of evil I was hoping for.
342
00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:36,348
- I know, all this gold
343
00:17:36,390 --> 00:17:39,393
is giving me a kink in my neck.
344
00:17:39,435 --> 00:17:41,729
- That's what you're thinking about?
345
00:17:41,771 --> 00:17:44,106
- Well, that and I shouldn't care so much
346
00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:45,775
about competing with you.
347
00:17:45,816 --> 00:17:47,150
- Phoebe, it's not a competition.
348
00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:49,528
We're on a team-- I'm the captain,
349
00:17:49,570 --> 00:17:52,406
you're the weird bus driver that takes us to away games.
350
00:17:52,448 --> 00:17:56,660
- I am not Bus Driver Sally.
351
00:17:56,702 --> 00:17:58,746
- BILLY: Uh-oh, bad news, guys!
352
00:17:58,788 --> 00:18:00,289
- Oh, do you have to go to the bathroom?
353
00:18:00,330 --> 00:18:03,042
- Well, I do now.
354
00:18:03,084 --> 00:18:05,044
I was talking about the guard.
355
00:18:05,086 --> 00:18:08,130
He knows the vase is missing.
356
00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:11,133
- Joe... Joe, you gotta get down here.
357
00:18:11,174 --> 00:18:13,052
The bird vase is missing.
358
00:18:13,094 --> 00:18:15,888
[laughs] No, I wasn't dancing!
359
00:18:18,599 --> 00:18:20,017
- Billy, his back is turned--go now.
360
00:18:20,059 --> 00:18:22,561
- You want me to go to the bathroom in the ewer.
361
00:18:22,603 --> 00:18:24,521
Okay... - PHOEBE: No!
362
00:18:24,563 --> 00:18:26,356
Go put the bird vase back!
363
00:18:26,398 --> 00:18:28,025
- Oh, right.
364
00:18:32,362 --> 00:18:33,906
- Good job, Billy.
365
00:18:33,948 --> 00:18:36,617
Max?
366
00:18:36,659 --> 00:18:38,619
Yeah, I snuck in here,
367
00:18:38,661 --> 00:18:40,955
but don't tell your mummy.
368
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:45,542
- This isn't happening!
369
00:18:45,584 --> 00:18:46,877
Get back here, Max!
370
00:18:55,218 --> 00:18:57,763
- Wait...
371
00:18:57,805 --> 00:19:00,057
something's not right here, either.
372
00:19:02,267 --> 00:19:05,562
- All right, what's going on, Happy Feet?
373
00:19:05,604 --> 00:19:07,940
- I was patrolling, not dancing,
374
00:19:07,982 --> 00:19:09,859
when I noticed the bird vase was gone.
375
00:19:13,195 --> 00:19:16,448
- What are you talking about--it's right there.
376
00:19:16,490 --> 00:19:17,867
- [clank echoes from far away]
377
00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:23,831
- You want to explain that?
378
00:19:28,002 --> 00:19:30,087
- I am not a good guard, am I?
379
00:19:34,633 --> 00:19:37,511
- Escape selfie.
380
00:19:41,098 --> 00:19:43,142
- One-hundred and forty. - Hundred and forty-one.
381
00:19:43,184 --> 00:19:45,102
- One-hundred and forty-two. - One-hundred forty-three.
382
00:19:45,144 --> 00:19:47,229
- One-hundred forty-four. - Two hundred dollars.
383
00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:49,606
[gasps] I don't have that much money.
384
00:19:49,648 --> 00:19:52,275
- [gasps] Then I guess ya lose.
385
00:19:54,236 --> 00:19:55,738
- This doesn't have to end, Sarah.
386
00:19:55,779 --> 00:19:57,740
You can borrow money from your parents,
387
00:19:57,781 --> 00:20:00,868
skip college, get a small business loan.
388
00:20:00,910 --> 00:20:02,494
- Or...
389
00:20:04,038 --> 00:20:06,207
I win, suckas!
390
00:20:06,248 --> 00:20:09,043
[laughs maniacally]
391
00:20:09,085 --> 00:20:11,378
- Never bet on crazy.
392
00:20:11,420 --> 00:20:14,006
- Well, that's it, folks.
393
00:20:14,048 --> 00:20:15,966
As they say in the auction game,
394
00:20:16,008 --> 00:20:17,968
I bid you farewell.
395
00:20:18,010 --> 00:20:20,096
- Go home, Hank.
396
00:20:20,137 --> 00:20:21,972
In fact, let's all get out of here.
397
00:20:22,014 --> 00:20:25,226
Joyce, you with me?
398
00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:26,852
Where's Joyce?
399
00:20:26,894 --> 00:20:28,520
I hate this school.
400
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:32,524
- So you're probably still wondering
401
00:20:32,566 --> 00:20:34,610
where Max, Phoebe, and Billy are.
402
00:20:34,651 --> 00:20:36,195
Don't get mad, but they're--
403
00:20:36,237 --> 00:20:39,406
- They're right here.
404
00:20:39,448 --> 00:20:42,243
- And Phoebe didn't make you a new vase.
405
00:20:42,284 --> 00:20:44,286
Maybe you're right to love Max more.
406
00:20:44,327 --> 00:20:46,747
- [scoffs] Guys, I want to talk to you
407
00:20:46,789 --> 00:20:48,124
about something Nora said.
408
00:20:48,165 --> 00:20:50,876
- Nora's a liar!
409
00:20:50,918 --> 00:20:52,586
- [sighs]
410
00:20:52,628 --> 00:20:54,588
- She's just confused.
411
00:20:54,630 --> 00:20:57,007
I don't love Phoebe more than you.
412
00:20:57,049 --> 00:21:00,136
I love you both equally.
413
00:21:00,177 --> 00:21:03,013
- [whispers loudly] I don't think she knows.
414
00:21:03,055 --> 00:21:04,932
- BARB: Knows what?
415
00:21:04,974 --> 00:21:10,813
- That we love you... more than Dad?
416
00:21:10,854 --> 00:21:13,649
- Awww... you know, I always suspected it,
417
00:21:13,690 --> 00:21:16,068
but it's just nice to hear.
418
00:21:16,110 --> 00:21:17,153
Shh.
419
00:21:24,576 --> 00:21:27,204
- [phone jingles] - Haha!
420
00:21:27,246 --> 00:21:31,374
Thanks to my museum break-in, my followers are coming back.
421
00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:32,626
- It wasn't a break-in.
422
00:21:32,668 --> 00:21:35,129
I left admission fees on one of the displays.
423
00:21:35,171 --> 00:21:38,465
- You mean the money I took to pay for this ice cream?
424
00:21:38,507 --> 00:21:40,884
- Well, it's fine, 'cause I took the money from you.
425
00:21:43,095 --> 00:21:45,472
I do have one question, though.
426
00:21:45,514 --> 00:21:47,057
Do you have Billy steal your artwork 'cause you're lazy
427
00:21:47,099 --> 00:21:48,851
or 'cause you're just horrible at art like me.
428
00:21:48,892 --> 00:21:50,060
- It's 'cause I'm lazy.
429
00:21:50,102 --> 00:21:51,770
I'm actually really good at art.
430
00:21:51,812 --> 00:21:53,396
Here, check this out.
431
00:21:55,983 --> 00:21:57,693
- Wow, that's amazing.
432
00:21:57,734 --> 00:22:00,696
- Yeah, something I threw together this morning.
433
00:22:00,737 --> 00:22:02,323
- Wait a minute, wasn't that in the museum?
434
00:22:02,364 --> 00:22:04,283
- Yes, I'm back!
435
00:22:10,164 --> 00:22:20,174
- ♪
29235
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