All language subtitles for The Ms Pat Show s05e07 Nobodys Star.eng

- You ever try
to run from your reality?

You can try to run,
but reality is one fast bitch.

What you need to do is get
out of your damn comfort zone

and step into your damn truth.

But it's nothing
you can't handle.

You know, kind of like sex
in the booty.

Oh, fuck y'all niggas.

Don't act like you ain't
never tried that shit.

Let's start this show.

[cheers and applause]

Junebug, didn't I tell you to
put these damn bags in the car?

- Well, I'm stuck here
charging my ankle monitor, Mom.

This thing goes dead,

they gonna take me
back to jail.

See?
- Three, two...

- It get down to one,
it ain't gonna be no fun, so.

You think you could
get me an extension cord

so I can move around?

- Didn't I tell your ass
not to lose

that damn long charger, boy?

Now you're over there plugged
in that wall like a dildo.

- So what?

You just gonna
leave me stranded?

I can't even take a shower.

- Your ass funky anyway.

- Now, if you-

[cheers and applause]

If you will excuse us,
okay, we about to go fuck up

a red carpet in La La Land.

Your mama was invited
to the Hollywood premiere

of the movie she was in.

- The porno?

[phone rings]

- Why do Kareem
keep calling you?

You don't have time
for that shit today.

I need you to focus, Denise,

not run around here
Kareem-ing in your jeans

you wearing over
that no-good-ass man.

- Hey, what's up, Dad?
Can you come over here-

- Don't ask. I already said no.

- Well, I thought Dad
was a man that

could make his own decisions.

- Sad to say,
that ended 20 years ago.

- Hey, B.
Where y'all two headed?

- Well, I would be going
with y'all, Denise,

but my wife don't want me
to see her movie.

- You don't need
to see it, baby.

You live it.

- Yeah, you can watch it
later on OnlyFans.

- Fuck you.

- Where are y'all two
going anyway?

- Pops is taking me
to meet his new auntie.

- Yeah, yeah, I'm still looking
for my dad, but you know what?

I found out
that he got a sister

that stays in a retirement home
a few hours away.

I was just hoping
that she'd tell me

something about him, you know?

- Shit, baby,
I forgot all about that

'cause I've been
so damn nervous

about this premiere
'cause you know

I hate people staring at me.

- Then you should stop getting
on stage with a microphone.

- That's why you been
feeling so crappy?

You're nervous?

Hey, baby,
don't sweat it, okay?

You gonna kill it, all right?

- Thank you, baby.
- Mm-hmm, yep.

- I know you gonna kill
your auntie too.

- Say what?

- Just make sure
she ain't no scammer.

And the bitch ask you
for some money,

tell her everybody dead
and we ain't no goddamn money.

- Yes, ma'am.
All right, all right.

- Don't get his ass no charger.

- Hey, baby, you want me
to get your bags?

- No, we thug bitches.
- Oh.

- ? Come on, it's time to go

? It's "The Ms. Pat Show" ?

- Excuse me, ladies,

can I please
take a photo of y'all?

- Okay.

- Oh, shit, I thought
y'all was Salt-N-Pepa,

but y'all ain't nobody.

- Who the hell is he
to tell me I ain't nobody?

See, I hate this,
all this Hollywood shit.

I'm gone.

- No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.

This is your first
Hollywood premiere.

We ain't going home.

- Your ass can stay,
but I'm going to get me

some Roscoe and get on a plane.

I'm getting
the fuck out of here.

- Okay, Pat, listen.

I don't know what's
eating your ass,

but you better fix it, okay?

Now, you here, so you might
as well enjoy the experience.

I mean, and stop complaining
the whole damn time.

- Fuck. All right.

Fuck, there go
that damn director.

- Turn it off!
No, turn it off!

Turn it off!

No, no, no more-
no more pictures, please.

No more pictures, please.
No more.

What the fuck is y'all doing?

When I say no more pictures,
that's your cue

to keep taking pictures.

Are we all on the same page?
Are we all on the same page?

Yep? Okay.

No more pictures, please. No!

Stop it! Stop it!

And this nigga still
not taking no pictures!

You're fired!

Go home to your poverty,
Biggie!

- Did this nigga just
hire his own paparazzi?

- Oh, I know damn well that
ain't Big Sexy over there.

Girl, you look good
as a tax refund

with four dependents.
[laughs]

I hope you're ready
to be a star, you are.

- I ain't no-
I ain't nobody damn star.

What is all this shit?

- Well, you know I had to go
all-out in promoting this film,

you know?

The trades are already
calling it a-

man, get the fuck out
the picture.

The trades are already
calling it a masterpiece.

- They calling
"Magic Milfshake"

a masterpiece?

- Just like you call that Smurf
on your head acceptable?

Now, Pat, everybody
who's seen this film

is already calling
your performance a supernova.

Your life is never gonna be
the same after today.

- Really? Man, I'm not a big
enough deal for all this shit.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

No. Don't do that.
We do not do that here.

Repeat after me. I am somebody.

- [meekly] I am somebody?

- I am somebody!
- I am somebody.

- Say it from the gut.
I am somebody!

- I am somebody!
- That's it.

All right, now,
I need y'all to be down here

ready to go at 6:00 p.m.

Matter of fact,
make it 5:58, all right?

No more pictures, please.
[camera shutters snapping]

That's what the fuck
I'm talking about!

- I really
can't stand that man,

but he sure do know
how to make an exit.

[phone rings]

- I know damn well that
ain't Kareem calling again.

- Okay, how about we just
get you up to the room

so you can get some rest,
crabby pants?

Hi, my name is Denise Ford,

and this is my client,
Patricia Carson.

- Hey, how you doing?
Okay.

Oh, got you right here.
Two queen suites.

- What the hell you mean,
two queen suites?

We only need one room.

- No, Pat, he was calling
us queens, your highness.

- No, no, no, no, ma'am.
I wasn't calling you queens.

See, we've had actual queens
that stay here,

and I know what they look like.
You got two rooms.

- Nigga.

- Don't make a scene
in here, Denise, please.

- I'm not.

You just go on upstairs

and get you some rest
in the room,

and I'll handle it, okay?

- And don't be down here
showing your ass

in these people lobby now.

- I'll show the inside
of my ass if I have to.

I ain't paying
for no two rooms.

- And the elevator
is just a little janky,

but don't bounce or nothing,
and it'll be all right.

- Dee!
- Kareem.

- Hey.

- Was that Pat?
'Cause I wanted to say hi.

- Well, yeah, I sent her up
to the room to get some sleep

before the premiere, you know,
but she's-

she's really happy
that you're here.

- Okay, good, well,
if she's sleeping,

why don't we get up to our room
and start freaking?

- Ooh, okay.

[laughs]

Eh.

I'll take my other key now.

- Oh, the other key just
went to those other guests

over there, ma'am.

I thought you said you
didn't want the two rooms.

- I wasn't talking to you.

I was lying to my sister.
- What?

- Well, how was
I supposed to know that?

I'm sorry, ma'am, but all
we have left are the singles.

- Do we look like
these two big grown adults

that we can fit on
twin-sized mattresses?

- I mean, y'all gonna be
on top of each other anyway.

- Well, what if
this is my brother?

- Well, then
you could go next-door

to the fine motel
across the street.

- Do I look like
I would stay in a motel?

- Do you want me
to answer that?

Oh.
- Oh, okay.

Okay, baby.
It's cool. It's cool.

[line trilling]

- There's my handsomest sister.

- Mama told me not to send

your drunken driving
ass nothing.

- Oh, come on.
She got to you too?

I thought you loved me.

- Enjoy being chained, Django.

Hey.

- Girl, Janelle,
I'm so happy

you're here 'cause Nikki

was just telling me
about her new man.

- Girl, I already know about
the boy on the football team,

the one with the big old hips.
- Ew, girl.

No, you know I can't mess
with no man with an ass

fatter than mine.

I be getting jealous.

Plus, I like 'em older now.

- Oh, yeah?
- Mm-hmm.

- Okay, whose daddy finna
give you worms today?

- Promise you
not gonna say nothing.

- Girl, let me see.

[chuckles]
This is Professor DeWalt.

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, girl, I know.

And let's just say this ass

been staying after class, okay?
[laughs]

- Mm-hmm.
Now, tell her for how long.

- For a little minute,
I'm not gonna lie.

I was nervous
about it at first,

but he just kept on keeping on,

so I went to breakfast
with him.

- To breakfast, bitch.

- Wait, he-
he took you to breakfast?

- That's what she said.

- We went to this little spot
off-campus called-

both:
Caf� Avon.

- For once, a man wasn't just
trying to get in my pants,

like-
- Oh, oh, thank God.

They didn't have sex.

- Girl, yes, we did.

- Hmm.
- Huh?

- DeWalt and I
did it up against

da wall and da bed
and da shower.

And after we were done,
he fed me a cookie.

- Not the post-nookie cookie.

- Yes, his favorite kind
is the-

- Macadamia nut.

- Good guess.

After I get my hair done,
I'm about to go make that man

macadamia nut again, okay?

- Nikki, I think
your hair's done.

- Wait, but you was gonna bump
the ends still.

- You're done.
- Wait, okay.

- Bye, bye.
- Bye.

- Bye. Bye.

- Yolanda!

- Rhonda, I told you,
there's nothing

in the rule book that said
I can't sell edibles.

Now, Gertrude was seeing
dead people long before

I gave her that brownie.

- Your visitors are here.

- Well, lead with that
the next time.

Hey.

You must be Terry.

- Yes, ma'am.
Ms.-

- Oh.
- Finally nice to meet you.

[laughter]

I've been waiting to see
and meet somebody on this side

of my family for a long time.

- You look just like your mama.

- This is my son, Brandon.

- Hey, what's up, new Auntie?
How you doing?

- Oh, good.
- Good to meet you, yeah, yeah.

- It is so nice
to finally meet you.

My name is Yolanda,
but everybody around here

call me Yo-Yo.

- Oh, Yo-Yo.
That's a cool name,

but did you used
to do tricks and stuff?

Is that how you got your name?
- Uh-uh.

- No, it's because every time
I dropped a man,

they come rolling
right back to me.

- Oh.
- I really like that.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Okay.
- [clears throat]

- I would say
y'all came at a good time,

but then I would be lying
because my roommate,

she just died 10 minutes ago,
and they're trying

to move her fat ass
on out of here.

- Sorry for your loss.
- It's all right.

She died on me
'cause she didn't want

to do the talent show.

Lazy ass.

- Hold up, y'all be doing
talent shows up in here?

Now, that's cool, son.

This is the type of place
I want to die in.

- I'm sorry, his mouth and his
brain aren't aligned properly.

- You know what?

We did come at
the right time 'cause

did you know that Pops here
can sing his butt off?

In the army, they used to
call him Terry Pendergrass.

- Oh, is that right?

Well, show me
what you got, nephew!

- Oh, no, ma'am,
I can't possibly do it.

- Sing, God damn it.

- ? I woke up
this morning with my mind ?

? And it was stayed
- Oh, shit.

- ? On free now, oh ?

- You is good, baby.
- [laughs]

Well, we better get started
if we're gonna win this year.

- Okay.

- I am so tired
of those Sanchez brothers

winning every year.

Lying bastards
winning on sympathy.

Dementia, my ass.

That motherfucker
can remember every lyric.

- All right then, Auntie.
So when is it?

'Cause I'm a little rusty,
and I need to practice.

- Starts tonight.
- Tonight.

- Oh.
- Rusty, follow me.

- Why'd you tell her we was
gonna do that talent show, boy?

- I didn't know
it was gonna be tonight.

- What do you mean,
you ain't know

it was gonna be tonight?

- I just got here
and stuff, man.

- Bring that old rusted,
dusty ass over now.

- Yes, ma'am.
See, she called me Rusty.

- And done. Whoo!

Pat, you almost
look as good as me.

- No, I don't.

- Girl, why are you
so down on yourself today?

- This Hollywood shit
always make me feel this way.

I been starving myself all week
for this damn premiere,

and I ain't lost
no fucking weight.

I look the same.

- Oh, Pat, that's why
you're so nasty, baby.

You hungry.

Look, you don't got to change
yourself for this shit, okay?

You are gorgeous.

Now, I'm gonna go order you
some room service.

- I don't want no food.
I just want to be perfect.

Oh, shit.
- Well, what?

Is it your eyebrows?

'Cause, you know, they sisters.
They not twins.

- I left my fucking earrings
in the car.

- Oh, okay.
Well, I'll go get them for you.

- No, I'm going to get them.
- No, no, it's okay.

- No, no,
I'm going to get them.

- I said-
- No.

- Let me help you.

Damn, you don't ever want
nobody to-

oh, my God.
- I'm going to get them.

Stay up here
and steam my drawers.

- Okay, God, now, listen here.

It's me, Denise.

Please do not let Pat
run into my man in that lobby,

and I promise to you, Lord,
that I will stop

stealing at the self-checkout.

- "Magic Milfshake" is a film
for the entire family,

a film about MILFs and shakes.

- Hey, Pat.

- Kareem, what in the crack
of hell you doing here?

- Oh, I plead the fifth.

- I knew it.
God damn it, Denise.

That's why she wanted them
fucking two queen suites,

ain't it?
Ain't it?

- Uh, I plead the fifth.

- I'm gonna plead
my foot up Denise ass.

- Don't jackhammer it like-
don't.

Pat!
Stop with the damn buttons!

Don't jackhammer it like that!
- Ah!

- Oh, shit!

- Auntie-
- Open up your hips.

Open them up like this.

- What, am I giving birth?
- And back.

Come on now.

- Oh, I see she's
putting y'all to work, huh?

Now, be careful.

This woman will work you
like a Hebrew slave.

- Who asked you
anything, Rhonda?

Why don't you go somewhere
and wipe somebody's ass?

- Look, how are you
moving like this?

- Honey, you are only
as old as you think you are.

- Uh-huh. If you made
your roommate do this,

I'd have died too.

- Mm-hmm. You see Terry
whining over there?

- [panting]
That's because I can't speak.

- [singing in Spanish]

- Oh, Lord.
- Oh!

- Here comes Sanchez.
Stand tall, you two.

Don't let
the enemy see you weak.

- Gentlemen.
[laughs]

You are looking barely alive.

[laughter]

And, Yo-Yo, how are you-you?

- We are fine, fine, Sanchez.

Why don't you go shuffle
the fuck off to dialysis?

- Looks like you hired
yourself some help.

Still gonna lose, though,
just like you did last year

and the year before
and the year before.

- Oh, oh, you remember
all of that, huh?

Aren't you the poster child
for Alzheimer's?

- [laughs]

And I'm gonna remember
this year's

crushing victory as well.
- Oh.

- Good day, gentlemen.
[singing in Spanish]

? Yo, yo, yo, yo,
yo, yo, yo ?

- No, but we got to get
our act together, Terry.

I can't believe
you can't dance.

Your father?
Whew, could move his ass off.

- Oh, yeah?
- Oh.

- My daddy could dance?

Hey, look, Auntie,
tell me more.

Tell me everything.

This is the kind of information
I drove up here for.

- Oh, your father
could have been

right up there next to
Alvin Ailey if he wanted to,

but he was a hot mess.

- Alvin Ailey?
- That's what I'm saying.

- Hey, Auntie, look,
show me more, all right?

All right, I'm gonna
get it right this time.

I promise, all right?
- Keep up.

- All right,
all right, all right.

- One, two, three, cat.
One, two, three, cat.

- Ooh.
[laughs]

There it go!
Come on, Terry!

- No service.

Why you press all
them damn buttons, Kareem?

- I didn't press the buttons.
You did.

- Now I'm gonna be late
to my own damn premiere.

I didn't even want
to do this Hollywood shit

in the first place.
Got me feeling all insecure.

[screaming]
- Don't do that!

Don't do it!
Don't do that!

Don't do-
okay, look, look, look.

Just-just try the phone.

- Dead like you should be!

- Okay, see, it ain't even
about the elevator.

Why don't we talk about
what's really going on here?

- Here come this
self-help bullshit,

ain't it, when you know

you only gonna help
your damn self?

Ain't you, Kareem?

- Ah, so you don't like me
because of the past.

- No, it's about the present
'cause you ain't doing shit

but leading my sister on.

- How am I leading her on?

- You might be rich
and famous now,

but I would never forget
when my sister OD'd

and you left her in the
damn streets to die like a dog.

Did you put that shit
in your little book, Kareem?

- That was a long time ago,
Pat.

- Denise might be
too dick dumb to remember,

but I'm the one
that stayed by her bed

until she woke up
in the hospital.

You didn't even call.

- I was 19 years old,
strung out on drugs.

I am 50 years old now,
sober, strong,

and all I can say is I'm sorry.

- Yeah, you are.

You a sorry motherfucker.

- Sure was.

Was, Pat.

Do you want to be remembered

for all your old bullshit,
too, huh?

Look, I was
a horrible boyfriend,

hated myself back then.

Didn't know who I was,
but I know who I am today.

I know my heart.
People do change, Pat.

I mean, fuck,
you living proof of that.

- What the hell
are you talking about?

- You've come
so far from Rabbit.

You've beaten every odd.
You got a beautiful family.

You're killing it career-wise.

How are you gonna be insecure?
- You gonna judge me now?

- I can't fault you.

I went through the same shit
when I hit it big.

Now, look, the thing is,
where we come from,

we feel like
we don't deserve none of this.

- You're right.

I do feel like I don't
deserve this shit.

- The world expected us
to be dead now, Pat.

Look at us!

You got just as much right
to be here as anybody else.

Scared of Hollywood.

How you gonna be
scared of Hollywood?

Shit, they need
to be scared of you.

- You actually making
some sense now.

What's crazy is,
I damn near killed myself

this weekend trying
to lose weight for people

I don't even know.
For what?

- You got to stay out
the comments, man.

I was looking at
an old clip the other day.

They was in there saying,
I looked like that guy

from "Girlfriends."

- Mm.

Here are your earrings
right here, Pat.

Come on, Pat, pick up.

Damn.

[phone rings]

Pat.

- Oh, hold on, hold on,
hold on, hold on.

Pretend like I said
something funny, all right?

[laughs]
Funnier than that.

[laughing]

- Sadiq!
- Hey, Smurf.

Where-where-where's Pat?

- Oh, uh, uh, down in the-
uh, in the gym.

Yeah, since she'd been
getting her actress on,

you know,
she's all about her fitness.

- She better not be
losing no weight.

I hope you mean fitness
as in fittin'

this cupcake in her mouth
'cause she already perfect.

Listen, now,
"The Hollywood Reporter"

is down here right now,
and they want to talk to her.

- Now?
- Yes. Yes, now.

- Fuck.

I mean, okay, I'll go get her.
- Okay.

- Bye. Bye, Chia Pet.

- No.

- Hey, you must be
pretty desperate calling me.

- Yeah, you nailed it.
Okay, look, so, um,

I-I have this friend, right?

And she needs some man advice.
- Hmm.

Well, you've come
to the right place.

Doesn't get more manly than me.

- Aren't you hooked up
to a wall right now?

- My patience runs
very thin right now, Janelle.

- All right, look.
So listen, my friend, she's-

she's dating this guy,
and they started doing the do.

- Mm, is your
slutty friend single?

- Ignoring that.

Okay, so everything's
going great, right,

until she finds out
that he's also doing the do

with another girl.
- Okay.

- Okay, what?
How do I handle this?

- Oh, so it is you.
- Damn it.

How did I get outsmarted
by Junebug?

- Did you use protection,
Janelle?

You don't want
to end up like me.

- Of course, I used protection.
I'm not an idiot. Come on.

- Hurtful, but continue.

- Uh, what do you mean?
That's it.

- Okay, so he takes your V-card
then instantly cheats.

- Mm-hmm.

- This guy sounds
like a dick to me.

You know you deserve better
than that, Janelle.

Shoot, you a catch.

- Thanks, Bug.

- Yeah, so I say
crash out on his ass.

- Oh.
- Mm-hmm.

You need to ask yourself,

W-W-Y-C-M-A-A-D-D,

What Would Your Crazy Mama
And Auntie Denise Do?

Yeah.

- Okay, I see
what you're going with.

You know, you're actually
not a bad brother.

Oh, and also, don't worry.

I made some phone calls,
and I have a TaskRabbit coming

right now with your cord.

- Yes, oh, I knew you'd
come through, Janelle.

Hey, and remember, broke boys
don't deserve no coochie.

- He's not broke.

- Mm, he's broken inside,
though, my sister.

- [chuckles]

- I miss you.
- I miss you too.

- All right, you got this.

- Bye.

[doorbell rings]
- Oh. Come in.

[rattling door]

Ain't that a bitch?

- I want to introduce you
to my best friend in here.

She's the reason I haven't
burnt this joint down yet.

Carol. Carol.

- Yolanda, I told you...

[cheers and applause]

I am not fooling with you
and them edibles no more.

Had me outside
humping a tree last week.

- You were humping a tree?

- Well, in my defense,
I thought the tree was Shaq.

- Oh.
- Behave yourself, Carol.

I want to introduce you to
my nephew and his son, Brandon.

- Oh, well, very nice
to meet you, handsome.

And it's so nice of you
to come and visit.

Are you having a good time?

- Well, to be honest,
I was hoping

to ask Yolanda a million
questions about my father,

but we kind of got roped into
this whole talent show thing.

- Yeah, she really
been putting us to work.

I'm surprised she didn't
ask you to do a duet.

- Oh, hell no.

This heifer
ain't gonna kill me.

[laughter]

Yolanda, how come
you haven't told this boy

about his father yet?

- Would you mind your
nosy-ass business, Carol?

- All right then. Fair enough.

Well, it was nice
to meet you both.

And listen, I'm gonna have
to step off because

they done talked me into
announcing this bitch.

- I know you want
to talk about your daddy,

but we'll talk about him
after the show.

Right now, I just want y'all
to focus, okay?

- Yes, ma'am.
- Good evening!

Or good morning to those
of you that just woke up.

I am the host of tonight's
talent extravaganza.

Now, first up, we have
our returning champions,

the Sanchez brothers!

But note, there's only
one brother this time

because two of them died.

Okay.

- [coughs]

- That's that sympathy shit
I was talking about.

Oh, you can walk, bitch.

- [speaking Spanish]
- Okay.

Okay, you two!

Yolanda, mucho to the gracias.

- I'm-I'm real sad
that my two brothers

can't join me tonight, but, uh,

they're watching from heaven,
so-

- Why don't you go
up there with them?

- This ain't "American Idol."
We don't need your sob story.

Just sing.

[Ricky Martin's
"Living La Vida Loca"]

- ? Upside, inside out ?

? She's living la vida loca ?

? She'll push
and pull you down ?

? Living la vida loca ?

- He ain't even singing
for real.

- ? Her skin's
the color mocha ?

- Sure is moving.

- Wait, wait,
are you on his side or mine?

- You know, Auntie,
we gonna kick his behind,

but we gonna talk
about my pops, right?

- Yes.
- Come on.

Eyes on the prize there.

Get off the stage,
really Bad Bunny!

? ?

- Thank you so much.

Could somebody come up here and
get these dead brothers off?

All right now,
you may have seen her

in some of the
Social Security offices

or maybe some of the senior
citizens' old folks home.

Y'all give it up for
Yo-Yo and the Strings!

[cheers and applause]

- We're gonna do something
way back for you.

["Midnight Train to Georgia"
playing]

- ? He's leaving on that
midnight train to Georgia ?

- ? Leavin' on
the midnight train ?

- ? Said he's going back
to find ?

- ? Going back ?

- ? Oh, a simpler place
and time ?

- ? Takes that ride
- ? Oh, yes, he is ?

? I'll be there

- ? I know you will ?

- ? On that midnight train
to Georgia ?

- ? Leavin' on the
midnight train to Georgia ?

- ? Ooh, whoo-whoo ?

? I'd rather be in his world ?

- ? Live in his world ?

- ? Than be without him
in mine ?

- ? World, world ?

- [laughs]
How you doing, baby?

- ? His and hers alone ?

- ? My world
- ? My world ?

- ? His world
- ? His world ?

- ? Our world ?

- ? Midnight train to go

- ? My world
- ? My world ?

- ? His world
- ? His world ?

- ? Our world
- ? Midnight train to go ?

- ? I got to go, I want to go ?

? I got to go
- ? Midnight train to go ?

- ? Hey, oh

- ? Our world, his world ?

- Gonna get it, baby.
- ? Midnight train ?

- ? Yeah ?

Got them cramps.

- ? His world

- ? A midnight train
to Georgia ?

[cheers and applause]

- [laughs]

Oh, you remember that time

we got caught stealing Skittles
at the corner store,

and you had to come in there
and act like you was

your mama so we didn't get-

- I'ma beat
your ass down there!

- [laughs]
It was crazy!

That was so funny. Oh, my God.

- Motherfuckers never paid me
my $20 either

for coming down there
to get y'all.

- Oh, my God, you still
talking about that damn $20?

You know what?
Fine. Here.

You want-
you want your damn $20?

There you go.
- $20?

Where the rest at?
- What you mean, the rest?

We said $20.

- Nigga, that was in the '90s.
Interest.

- Get the fuck out.
Give me my $20 back!

Yeah, see? See?

- I waited a long time
to get this shit.

- We had a time, didn't we?
- We did.

We had a time.

- I wish they was all good.

I mean, that's why I'm looking
forward to creating more,

you know, so I can improve
my losing record.

I want to make it up
to Denise and you.

- I gotta be honest with you.

Us talking like this
can't undo what's done,

but it is a damn start.

- God don't make no mistakes,

and this is why me and Dee-Dee

are back in
each other's lives again.

I ain't playing
with her or about her.

Now, I'm sorry that I-
that I messed up,

you know, the premiere
and everything,

but, I mean, she did say
that she told you I was coming.

- She ain't told me
shit about shit.

- Well, then
she lied to both of us.

- Well, damn.

Maybe God put us
in this elevator

so we can come back together.

Work shit out, maybe.

You really do love her,
don't you?

- Like my own breath.

- Damn, nigga,
you corny like my husband.

- I'm glad we did this!

- Get the fuck off me.

- You put-see, physical touch
is my love language.

- And kicking
niggas' ass is mine.

- [clears throat]
Um, hi.

Professor, can I talk to you
for a second privately?

- Excuse me.

I am busy right now,
and my office hours

are stated in my syllabus.
- I know your office hours.

I set an appointment
to talk to you privately,

but you were a no-show.

[chuckles]
Wow.

Okay, cool.

All right, so you've been MIA
ever since you and I-

- Is everything okay?
- Uh, yes, yes.

Everything is-
everything's fine.

Ms. Carson,
I'll see you in class, okay?

Thank you. Goodbye.

- Ms. Carson,
what are you doing?

- Yeah.
You fucked with the wrong-

- Okay, okay.
- Yeah, yeah, you did.

- Are you okay?
- No, you want some too, bitch?

- Whoa, whoa, okay, relax.

- I'ma fuck your ass up.
- Oh! No!

- You know what?

- Now, the carpet's
about to open,

and I ain't seen
Big Sexy all day.

Where is my Magic MILF?
Where is my Magic MILF?

Oh, hey, Magic MILF.

- Kareem, what in the hell
are you doing here?

- She knows, Denise.
- Oh, okay, Pat.

Here's your earrings
and your stuff.

- Mm-hmm.
- Uh-huh.

- I'ma deal with
your lying ass after-

- We got to go!
We got to go!

- God damn!

- Make some noise if you
liked the Sanchez brothers.

[sparse applause]

[cheers and applause playing]

- Uh-uh, man.
He juicing the stats.

- Make some noise if you liked
Yo-Yo and the Strings.

[cheers and applause]

Judges, do we have
the final decision?

Okay.

Well, well, here we are.

The 19th annual

Fall Talent Show winner is...

the Sanchez Brothers!

- Yeah, what?
Man, that ain't fair.

We-man, we killed that.

- He's doing the judges.

He's doing one of them.

- Barb, are you
fucking Sanchez?

Sanchez, you know
she got the crabs.

Get-give me the trophy.

- Don't worry about it.

He gonna be
with his brothers soon.

- Yeah, you're a winner
in our eyes, Yolanda.

- Oh, thank you, baby.
- Yeah.

- And I am so glad you two
came down here to visit me.

You made my year.

And, Terry, I know you want
to talk about your daddy,

but it's-

it's a little painful
for me to talk about.

But they say a picture
is worth a thousand words.

So I want-
I want you to have this.

- What's this?
- Oh, that's a cute baby.

Damn, he got a big-ass head.

- Yolanda,
who are these people?

- Ah, that's a picture of you,

Terry, as a baby.

- Oh, my God.
[chuckles]

- And that man holding you,

that's your daddy.

[chuckles]

- Hair by Denise.
Makeup by Denise.

Outfit by,
you guessed it, Macy's.

- Oh, oh, Ms. Pat. Ms. Pat.

This is Ms. Pat, everybody!

[laughs]
Oh, smile.

You look good, girl.

Let me hit it from the back.

Ow!
- Oh, whoa.

- Oh, it's perfect.
- Just once?

- Perfect.
Yeah, oh, pow, pow!

[laughs]
Oh, ain't she funny?

"Milfshake," everybody.
She got a MILF I wanna shake.

- Ooh.

- "Hollywood Reporter" has been
asking me about you all night.

They can't wait to talk to you.
- They want to talk to me?

- I told you, sis.

Stop thinking you the fart
when you clearly the shit.

- Ooh. You ready for your life
to change, Big Sexy?

- Ms. Pat, over here.

- Damn, last time
I took this many pictures,

it came with a felony.

- Dee, I was looking for you.

- Hey, I hope you're
not mad at me, okay?

'Cause I can take it from Pat,
but not from you.

And I know I got to stop lying,
but I got lie-abetes and stuff

just kind of fall out,
and I'd be confused,

and it's like, I love you
so much, and then I be-

- Hold up, hold up, hold up.

Wait a minute.

You love me?

- Well, now, that just kind of
fell out, didn't it?

- I love you, too, Dee-Dee.

- Oh, Kareem.

- Oh. Look at you.

- It's taking everything
in me not to

fuck you on this floor, boy.
- Hold on.

I thought
that was your brother.

- In Christ.

So we gonna get to that later,

but right now,
we need to go over there

and cheer your sister on
as loud as we can.

- Okay, 'cause you fingering
the fuck out my pussy.

- Ooh!

- So how'd it go?
Did you tell Terry?

- Mm-mm, no,
I couldn't find the words.

- Dealing with family
is not easy.

You need to tell that boy
the truth about his father,

ASAP.
- And I will.

Now, why don't you just mind
your nosy-ass business?

- Okay.

- Here, why don't you take this
brownie and go hump a tree?

- Oh, no, I ain't messing
with Shaq no more.

That nigga gave me splinters.

- Uh-huh.

And you wanted to mess
with my nephew-

- Thank you, Mama.
- Mm-hmm.

I know that.

- ? She's a grown-ass woman ?

? And she don't
take no stuff ?

? She's a grown-ass woman ?

? And you can't get enough ?

? She's a grown-ass woman ?

? With a husband and kids ?

? She's a grown-ass woman ?

? And it's
"The Ms. Pat Show" ?

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