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1
00:00:01,669 --> 00:00:03,937
* Men. *
2
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:05,739
Aw, damn.
3
00:00:05,806 --> 00:00:07,608
Which password did I use
for this?
4
00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:10,044
Um...
5
00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:11,845
Uh, Jake.
6
00:00:11,912 --> 00:00:14,648
(sighs)
Nope. Um...
7
00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:16,450
Jake-1.
8
00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:20,521
Jake-2.
9
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,293
Alan.
10
00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:28,862
Alan-1.
11
00:00:28,929 --> 00:00:30,030
WALDEN:
Berta!
12
00:00:30,098 --> 00:00:31,999
Ooh, maybe that's it!
13
00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:34,868
Big Scary Lady.
14
00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:37,538
Where is Berta?
15
00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:39,473
She went home early.
Said she wasn't feeling well.
16
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:40,174
Anything I can do for you?
17
00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:41,742
Out of dental floss.
18
00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:43,511
Ooh. Uh, waxed?
19
00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:45,646
Unwaxed? Cinnamon?
20
00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:48,182
You carry a selection
of dental floss?
21
00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:50,851
I am a soldier in the war
against gingivitis.
22
00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,621
Got the gums of a 20-year-old.
23
00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:54,855
I'll take the cinnamon.
24
00:00:54,922 --> 00:00:55,889
Ooh, good choice.
25
00:00:55,956 --> 00:00:57,191
Clean teeth and fresh breath.
26
00:00:57,258 --> 00:00:58,126
Mm-hmm.
27
00:00:58,192 --> 00:00:59,260
What are you doing?
28
00:00:59,327 --> 00:01:00,661
I was trying to do
some on-line banking,
29
00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:01,795
but I forgot my password.
30
00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:03,464
I can help you with that.
Move over.
31
00:01:03,531 --> 00:01:06,267
Oh, I forgot I had
a computer genius
in the house.
32
00:01:06,334 --> 00:01:08,068
Mm-hmm.
33
00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:12,540
Okay, let's put in
your e-mail address.
34
00:01:12,606 --> 00:01:16,210
And click on
"forgot password."
35
00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:19,747
Hey, there's a password hint.
36
00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:22,082
"What is my favorite state?"
37
00:01:22,150 --> 00:01:25,085
Uh, California?
38
00:01:25,153 --> 00:01:27,721
You are a hacker's nightmare.
39
00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:30,591
Not California.
40
00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:31,559
Huh.
41
00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:34,027
Gosh, um, try Hawaii.
42
00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:36,864
Nope.
43
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,700
The good news is we only
have 48 states to go.
44
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:41,435
Favorite state,
favorite state.
45
00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:43,437
What's my favorite state?
46
00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:44,738
(Skype ringtone plays)
47
00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:46,574
I'm getting
a Skype call.
48
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,177
(groans)
It's my ex-wife.
49
00:01:49,243 --> 00:01:50,378
Hi, Walden.
50
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:51,712
Hi, Bridget.
51
00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:52,913
Engorged!
52
00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:54,782
My favorite state is
fully engorged!
53
00:01:57,251 --> 00:01:58,686
Hello, Alan.
54
00:01:58,752 --> 00:01:59,753
Hi, Bridget.
55
00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:02,055
Um, that was
just my-my password.
56
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:04,958
You know what?
I'll just let you guys talk.
57
00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:07,127
How do you explain him
to people?
58
00:02:07,195 --> 00:02:10,931
I usually tell people that my
wife drove me to homosexuality.
59
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:13,467
What's up?
60
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:14,735
Billy called.
61
00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:16,637
Billy Stanhope?
62
00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:19,173
Yeah, he said he's has a
business proposition for you.
63
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,008
Really?
64
00:02:21,074 --> 00:02:23,377
Why on Earth would I do
business with him
65
00:02:23,444 --> 00:02:24,878
after what he did to me?
66
00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:27,481
Hey, don't get upset with me.
I'm just the messenger.
67
00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:30,484
I'm not upset. I've moved on.
68
00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:31,919
It, uh, it's behind me.
69
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:35,022
Yeah, I recognize your
"I'm not upset" eye twitch.
70
00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:37,225
My eye is not twitching.
71
00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:41,028
You know, tell him thank you,
but no, thank you.
72
00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:41,829
Got it.
73
00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:44,064
I wish him well, but I pass.
74
00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:44,898
Fine.
75
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:47,167
I'm flattered, but no can do.
76
00:02:47,235 --> 00:02:47,968
Understood.
77
00:02:48,035 --> 00:02:49,637
And if my eye is twitching,
78
00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:51,305
it's only because I have
conjunctivitis.
79
00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:54,708
You don't have conjunctivitis,
Walden.
80
00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:56,143
We're not married anymore,
Bridget.
81
00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:58,279
You have no idea
what kind of diseases I have.
82
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:01,715
Good-bye.
83
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:06,820
How about that.
84
00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:07,855
Billy Stanhope.
85
00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:09,122
(chuckles)
86
00:03:13,561 --> 00:03:14,662
(screams)
87
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:16,230
(gasps)
88
00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:18,299
Whoa!
89
00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:23,871
Everything okay?
90
00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:26,206
Yeah. Why?
91
00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:30,911
Uh... the blood-curdling scream?
92
00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:32,746
Oh, yeah. Sorry.
93
00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:36,950
No, no, I often react that way
after chatting with my ex-wife.
94
00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:39,787
(chuckles)
This isn't about my ex-wife.
95
00:03:39,853 --> 00:03:42,222
It's about my ex-friend
Billy Stanhope.
96
00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:44,692
Oh, I've never
heard you mention him before.
97
00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:47,160
Have you ever heard me mention
rectal cancer?
98
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,496
No.
99
00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:50,564
Same principle.
100
00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:52,533
What went down between you two?
101
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:53,534
(chuckles)
102
00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:54,868
Well, we built
103
00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:56,370
a software company in
Bridget's garage,
104
00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:58,506
and then sold it for
a couple billion dollars.
105
00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,974
That son of a bitch.
106
00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:03,577
No wonder you hate him.
107
00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:05,012
I don't think you understand.
108
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:08,316
He didn't want to sell,
so when we did, he went crazy.
109
00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:09,317
Really?
110
00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:10,117
Yeah, oh, yeah.
111
00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:11,118
Here, look, he put it on YouTube
112
00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:12,386
for the whole world to see.
113
00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:15,456
BILLY:
Hello, world.
114
00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:16,924
It's me, Billy Stanhope,
115
00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:23,063
and I'm here to drop another
smart bomb of truth!
116
00:04:24,432 --> 00:04:26,867
This is my ex-partner
Walden Schmidt.
117
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:28,669
Oh, isn't he pretty?
118
00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:33,741
Hey, Walden, tell everyone
how pretty you are.
119
00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:35,476
I'm pretty!
120
00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:37,010
(makes kissing sounds)
121
00:04:37,077 --> 00:04:40,280
Yes, you are.
You are pretty.
122
00:04:40,348 --> 00:04:41,815
But that's just on
the outside.
123
00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:45,753
On the inside,
you are a soul-sucking,
124
00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:48,155
money-grubbing sellout!
125
00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:50,624
Oh, don't forget giant douche.
126
00:04:50,691 --> 00:04:53,026
I'm also a giant douche!
127
00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:55,095
Thanks, buddy.
128
00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:57,498
I'm always forgetting about your
extreme doucheyness!
129
00:04:57,565 --> 00:04:59,767
You know what
I'm gonna do, Walden?
130
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:03,170
I... I'm gonna eat you, yeah.
131
00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:05,906
I'm gonna eat you
and chew you up,
132
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:09,209
and digest you and then
go in the bathroom
133
00:05:09,276 --> 00:05:13,447
and take a big steaming Schmidt!
134
00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:14,882
Whoa.
135
00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:16,650
You think that's bad.
136
00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:18,118
Watch this one.
137
00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:22,423
Hey, folks!
Walden Schmidt here.
138
00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:27,160
I just wanted you to see me
as I really am.
139
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:29,930
So he's actually talking out
of his ass?
140
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:33,233
He calls it "buttriloquism"
141
00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:34,602
That's-That's very disturbing.
142
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:35,603
Yeah.
143
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:36,704
That's the least disturbing
144
00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:39,139
of the ass-talking videos.
145
00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:41,308
(stammering):
It-It's crazy.
146
00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:43,611
I made this guy, like,
a billion dollars,
147
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,045
and then he turns on me.
148
00:05:45,112 --> 00:05:47,881
And then he accuses me
of being a sellout.
149
00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:49,517
Talk about ingratitude.
150
00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:50,918
If you made me rich,
151
00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:53,053
the only thing
I'd accuse you of
152
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:56,924
is being the best... guy ever.
153
00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:58,158
Thanks.
154
00:05:58,225 --> 00:05:59,693
Seriously.
If you don't believe it,
155
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,762
throw me a couple of mil
and get ready for a tongue bath.
156
00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:03,096
I doubt that will be necessary.
157
00:06:03,163 --> 00:06:04,965
I am not talking just
metaphorically.
158
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:07,067
I will lick you
from head to toe.
159
00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:11,505
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
160
00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:14,975
* Ah.
* Men.
* Men.
161
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,147
* Men. *
162
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:22,382
(doorbell rings)
163
00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:29,890
Surprise.
164
00:06:29,957 --> 00:06:31,425
You gotta be kidding me.
165
00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:32,993
Walden...
166
00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:34,061
Walden, come on!
167
00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:35,463
Hey, who's at the door?
168
00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:37,598
Rectal cancer!
169
00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:39,266
(knocking)
170
00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:44,404
(knocking continues)
171
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:57,851
Hi.
172
00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,186
Hi.
173
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:00,721
I'm Billy Stanhope.
174
00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:03,256
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I recognize you from the video.
175
00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:05,793
You look good.
176
00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:09,530
Well, you know, I cut out sugar
and took up yoga,
177
00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:12,800
stopped smoking crack.
178
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:15,969
Well, whatever it is you're
doing, it's working.
179
00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:17,838
Who are you?
180
00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:19,272
Oh, yeah, I'm Walden's friend...
181
00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:22,876
confidante, mentor, gatekeeper.
182
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:25,579
Oh, yeah, Bridget told
me about you.
183
00:07:25,646 --> 00:07:26,580
Yeah, the leech.
184
00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:29,416
Alan Harper.
Pleased to meet you.
185
00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:32,185
Hey. Listen, gatekeeper,
any way I could talk
186
00:07:32,252 --> 00:07:34,021
to Walden for just
five minutes?
187
00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:36,156
Oh, I don't think so.
He's pretty peeved.
188
00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:37,457
I got this billion-dollar idea
189
00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:39,126
that can't move forward
without him.
190
00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:41,895
But, look, if he won't see me,
he won't see me, so...
191
00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:43,463
Hold up, Billy.
192
00:07:44,231 --> 00:07:45,566
Come on in. Come on in.
193
00:07:45,633 --> 00:07:46,500
Uh, talk to me.
194
00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:49,036
So, uh, a billion
dollars, you say?
195
00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:51,438
At least.
Wow.
196
00:07:51,505 --> 00:07:54,041
What could possibly be worth
a billion dollars?
197
00:07:54,107 --> 00:07:55,075
It's simple, really.
198
00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:56,610
I mean, are you familiar with
199
00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:58,646
Web-based aggregate upstream
power grid manipulation?
200
00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:04,117
Uh... I-I have Netflix.
201
00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:05,318
Okay, look, it's not important.
202
00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:06,720
If you could just...
203
00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:08,589
I just need to talk
to him for five minutes.
204
00:08:08,656 --> 00:08:10,023
I don't think
that's gonna happen.
205
00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:11,058
All right. Here's $50.00.
206
00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:12,125
Wait right here.
Okay.
207
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,166
(knocking on door)
Yeah?
208
00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:20,400
ALAN:
Got a second?
209
00:08:20,467 --> 00:08:21,602
Yeah, come in.
210
00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:23,937
Whatcha doin'?
211
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,072
Playing a racing game.
212
00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:26,840
Ah, that's fun.
213
00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:30,343
Uh, after my divorce, I played
"World of Warcraft" for a while,
214
00:08:30,410 --> 00:08:32,179
hoping to meet girls.
215
00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:34,081
Did you meet any?
216
00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:35,616
Well, let's just say, if you're
217
00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:39,219
lonely enough and drunk enough,
everybody's a girl.
218
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:43,456
So, listen, um, I was having
219
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:47,561
a very interesting conversation
with your former compadre.
220
00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:51,632
You let that son of a bitch
in my house?
221
00:08:51,699 --> 00:08:53,366
Uh, well, yeah,
I-I was just...
222
00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:55,569
You let him
in my house?!
223
00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:56,870
Well, I didn't
see any harm.
224
00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:58,105
I kinda felt sorry
for the guy.
225
00:08:58,171 --> 00:08:59,472
I thought I could
trust you, Alan!
226
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,241
You can! I just got
sucked in by the words
227
00:09:01,308 --> 00:09:02,810
"billion dollar idea."
228
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:10,250
What idea?
229
00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:11,885
Uh, something about, uh,
230
00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:17,057
upstream grid perambulation?
231
00:09:17,124 --> 00:09:18,458
What?
232
00:09:18,525 --> 00:09:22,930
Uh, in-in-incubation...
ma... ma-masturbation...
233
00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:23,997
I don't know!
234
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,199
Was it Web-based aggregated
235
00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:27,601
upstream power grid
manipulation?
236
00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:28,602
Yes, that's it.
237
00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:31,171
Oh, my God...
238
00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:33,140
He figured out
The Electric Suitcase.
239
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:34,708
Is it really worth
a billion dollars?
240
00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:36,276
Oh, yeah.
241
00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:41,615
Probably should've
held out for more than 50.
242
00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:44,284
All right,
let's hear it.
243
00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:46,486
Oh, you look good
without the beard.
244
00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:48,121
And you look good
without the crack pipe.
245
00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:50,157
Okay, just...
246
00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:52,592
You really think
247
00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:53,994
we can finally build
The Electric Suitcase?
248
00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:55,495
Yes.
We have the technology now.
249
00:09:55,562 --> 00:09:58,031
I-I just need you
to help me write the code.
250
00:09:58,098 --> 00:09:59,700
(exaggerated scoffing)
251
00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:02,369
Really?
252
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:03,704
You need my help?
253
00:10:03,771 --> 00:10:05,438
'Cause I-I thought I was
just a pretty face,
254
00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:06,807
and you were the brains
behind the operation.
255
00:10:06,874 --> 00:10:09,409
Okay, we both know that
was Class-A narcotics
256
00:10:09,476 --> 00:10:13,413
and psychotic jealousy
joining forces to...
257
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,883
to tell the truth.
258
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:18,318
Okay.
259
00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:20,988
Say you're sorry and...
we'll get to work.
260
00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:22,189
I'm here, isn't that enough?
261
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:23,657
Nope. Get out.
Okay.
262
00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:24,758
Wait, what-whatever.
263
00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:26,760
Fine.
264
00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:29,029
I'm...
265
00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:30,030
Oh, wait.
266
00:10:30,097 --> 00:10:31,899
Wald, come on, man.
267
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,400
Okay. Go.
268
00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:35,903
I'm sorry.
269
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,170
I'm sorry to who?
270
00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:40,674
I'm sorry
to Walden Schmidt.
271
00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:41,608
For?
272
00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:42,409
(sighs)
273
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:43,944
For calling him names.
274
00:10:44,011 --> 00:10:45,545
And?
275
00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:50,684
Frivolously suing him
for $100 million.
276
00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:52,452
Okay.
277
00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:53,821
Now cross your eyes,
stick out your tongue,
278
00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:54,822
and dance like a monkey.
279
00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:56,623
(laughs)
280
00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:58,058
I will rip your throat out!
281
00:10:58,125 --> 00:10:59,292
Bring it on,
Poppin' Fresh!
282
00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:00,360
I will do it!
Fellas! Fellas!
283
00:11:00,427 --> 00:11:02,562
I will do it!
284
00:11:02,629 --> 00:11:03,563
Oh, wait!
285
00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:04,364
Hey, hey, hey!
286
00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:06,266
(Billy shrieking)
287
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:08,501
(all shouting)
288
00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:12,339
I'm getting too old
for this crap.
289
00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:20,447
* Men. *
290
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,816
Now, come on, shake hands.
291
00:11:22,883 --> 00:11:26,053
I don't wanna.
292
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:27,020
Okay.
293
00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:29,222
Walden, you want to be
the bigger man?
294
00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:30,323
I am the bigger man.
295
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:32,592
Oh, that's-- yeah,
with the short jokes, okay.
296
00:11:32,659 --> 00:11:34,261
No, you are a short joke.
297
00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:35,462
(mocking):
"You are a short joke."
298
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:36,629
Walden, that's not helping.
299
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:37,865
Now, come on, guys,
this is silly!
300
00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:38,866
Now, you've got
a billion-dollar idea
301
00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:40,567
waiting for us.
302
00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:42,602
Us?
Us?
303
00:11:42,669 --> 00:11:43,703
Okay, you.
304
00:11:43,771 --> 00:11:45,038
Bring it in.
305
00:11:49,943 --> 00:11:51,611
See, see?
Was that so hard?
306
00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:53,213
Guess not.
307
00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:56,049
Remember the fight we had
308
00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:58,986
over what to name
our first piece of software?
309
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,353
(chuckles):
Yeah.
310
00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:02,890
You wanted to call it
MusicAlgorithm.com.
311
00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:04,858
Yeah, because
that's what it was.
312
00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:06,226
What it was was boring.
313
00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:08,495
Yeah, it was a lot better
than SongSnatch.
314
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:09,496
Whoa, hey!
315
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,464
SongSnatch is catchy.
316
00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:12,766
Oh, yeah, so is herpes!
317
00:12:12,833 --> 00:12:14,902
Why didn't we call it
Herpes.com?!
318
00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:16,236
Because it was taken!
319
00:12:16,303 --> 00:12:18,571
Guys, guys,
let's-let's bring it back, okay?
320
00:12:18,638 --> 00:12:21,141
Easy does it, guys.
321
00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:22,142
(sighs)
322
00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:23,210
Right.
323
00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:24,177
Sorry.
324
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:25,779
So what did you
end up calling it?
325
00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:27,614
Blungogo.
326
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:28,916
How'd you come up with that?
327
00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:30,183
It was the sound
that Billy was making
328
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,718
when I was trying
to choke him to death.
329
00:12:31,785 --> 00:12:35,322
(strained):
Blungogo!
330
00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:38,625
I heard that,
I knew that was the name.
331
00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:40,060
Yeah. Way to go, partner.
332
00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:41,929
Hey, if you hadn't been
trying to kill me,
333
00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:43,831
it never would've
come out of my mouth.
334
00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:47,134
You really think
we can build this thing?
335
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,602
If anybody can do it, it's us.
336
00:12:49,669 --> 00:12:51,204
All right, where would we start?
337
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,940
Well, first thing, we'd go over
338
00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:54,474
the original design
for the code,
339
00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:56,944
split it up into little chunks
that can be handled
340
00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,645
by multiple parallel processors.
341
00:12:58,711 --> 00:12:59,913
Sounds good.
342
00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:01,148
Yeah, that's what
I would do, yeah.
343
00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:02,916
Mm-hmm.
344
00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:04,517
Then we can start
compiling the modules,
345
00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:06,686
testing them, see if we can
get them to talk to each other.
346
00:13:06,753 --> 00:13:07,687
Yeah, exactly.
347
00:13:07,754 --> 00:13:09,256
No brainer.
348
00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:11,959
Maybe the way to start is
I'll set up the testing sandbox,
349
00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:13,426
and you set up the I/O module,
350
00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:15,228
and then we'll just
go from there.
351
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:16,029
Good.
352
00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:17,297
What do I do?
353
00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:18,565
What can you do?
354
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:20,433
Uh...
355
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:21,534
I-I can make cookies.
356
00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:22,936
You like cookies?
357
00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:26,874
Anyway, it's a multi-
billion-dollar idea
358
00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:28,275
that doesn't
have a prayer
359
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:29,910
unless I get these
two guys together.
360
00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:31,244
And how do they thank me?
361
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,280
They eat my cookies
and send me to 7-Eleven
362
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:34,781
for Red Bull and Hot Pockets.
363
00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:36,116
Aw.
I got to tell you,
364
00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:37,584
my feelings are
a little bit hurt.
365
00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:40,287
I mean, I thought Walden and I
366
00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:42,789
were, like, best friends,
but it turns out,
367
00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:44,992
this Billy guy
is really his best friend.
368
00:13:45,058 --> 00:13:47,327
Well, old friends
are hard to compete with.
369
00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:50,263
Yeah.
370
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:53,633
The sad thing is I don't really
have any old friends.
371
00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:56,136
What about the people
you went to school with?
372
00:13:56,203 --> 00:13:59,439
My social life at school
was mostly running and hiding.
373
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:00,941
Summer camp?
374
00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:02,209
Oh, I still get Christmas cards
375
00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:03,810
from this one counselor
who's in prison.
376
00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:04,711
Prison?
377
00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:05,879
Pedophile.
378
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,547
Ew.
379
00:14:07,614 --> 00:14:09,849
So, what happened
to your girlfriend?
380
00:14:09,917 --> 00:14:10,750
Oh, she's on vacation.
381
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:11,885
Oh, where'd she go?
382
00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:13,720
Wouldn't say.
383
00:14:13,786 --> 00:14:15,889
It's kind of a vacation from me.
384
00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:19,960
So what you're saying is there's
absolutely no one in your life
385
00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:21,895
who you consider a close friend?
386
00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:24,231
I don't count.
387
00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:28,468
Well, there is one person
I have a lot of history with.
388
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,537
Hey, pal, what's up?
389
00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:35,242
* Men. *
390
00:14:37,277 --> 00:14:39,246
Hey, don't forget to declare
the routine global.
391
00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:43,116
Yeah, do I look like
my e-mail address is at AOL.com?
392
00:14:43,183 --> 00:14:45,185
Man, I've had to pee
for, like, an hour.
393
00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:47,020
I've had to pee for two hours.
394
00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:48,288
If you really have to go,
395
00:14:48,355 --> 00:14:49,189
there's a bathroom
down the hallway.
396
00:14:49,256 --> 00:14:50,557
Oh, hey, I can hold it.
397
00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:51,624
If you have to use it though,
go right ahead.
398
00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:53,526
Oh, no, I can hold it.
399
00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:54,461
All right, fine.
400
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,432
You really are a competitive
son of a bitch, aren't you?
401
00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:01,935
Hey, don't rag on me just 'cause
you have a girlie bladder.
402
00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:04,204
We'll see who's got
the girlie bladder.
403
00:15:04,271 --> 00:15:06,406
Oh, okay.
Well, all right.
404
00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:15,682
(coughs)
405
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,217
(sighs)
406
00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:24,024
(singsongy):
I don't have to cross my legs.
407
00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:27,494
I don't have to cross
my legs, either.
408
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,957
You know what,
I think I'm going to
409
00:15:58,025 --> 00:16:03,030
print this routine as a backup.
410
00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:06,033
Control... P.
411
00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:08,368
That's a good idea.
412
00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:13,340
I think I'm gonna print up
all of my routines.
413
00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:15,708
P-P-P...
414
00:16:15,775 --> 00:16:17,444
P-P...
P...
415
00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:18,545
P-P!
P...
416
00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:19,779
* Men. *
417
00:16:19,846 --> 00:16:20,780
Soup?
418
00:16:20,847 --> 00:16:22,015
Why'd you bring me soup?
419
00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:22,882
'Cause you're sick.
420
00:16:22,949 --> 00:16:23,883
Oh, right.
421
00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:24,884
(coughs)
422
00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:26,119
Thank you.
423
00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:29,422
And let's face it,
424
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,158
friends should take care
of each other.
425
00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:32,592
We're friends?
426
00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:33,660
Oh, come on, Berta.
427
00:16:33,726 --> 00:16:35,295
How many years
have we known each other?
428
00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:36,829
That-That's got to count
for something.
429
00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:39,999
You have been in my life
longer than both my husbands
430
00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:41,768
and most of my underwear.
431
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,771
Come here, friend.
432
00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:47,707
Now we're hugging friends.
433
00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:50,777
Those hands start to wander,
this friendship is over.
434
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:51,778
(doorbell rings)
435
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,746
Excuse me.
436
00:16:53,813 --> 00:16:56,216
You know, that's-that's
what I love about you.
437
00:16:56,283 --> 00:16:58,185
You know, the salty
sense of humor,
438
00:16:58,251 --> 00:16:59,386
poking fun at me.
439
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:01,288
That's the glue
that binds us together.
440
00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:03,356
Right.
441
00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:07,794
Gracias.
442
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:10,630
Adios.
443
00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:11,831
What was that?
444
00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:14,101
It's Mexican Halloween.
445
00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:22,309
So, listen, friend, I wonder
if you'd do me a little favor.
446
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:23,943
Uh, sure, name it.
447
00:17:24,010 --> 00:17:27,114
I need you to go
to this address,
448
00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:30,717
ask for Shermie
and give him this envelope.
449
00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:31,818
Oh, happy to.
450
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,953
No one else, only Shermie.
451
00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:35,222
Okay.
452
00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:36,323
Who's Shermie?
453
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,358
Just a guy I owe some money to.
454
00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:39,526
So this is the money.
455
00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:41,328
Most of it.
456
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:49,902
(both grunting)
457
00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:51,704
(gasping):
Ow! Oh! Okay...
458
00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:52,972
(sighs)
459
00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:54,574
Okay.
460
00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:56,643
(both sighing)
461
00:17:58,311 --> 00:17:59,979
Sometimes peeing's
better than sex.
462
00:18:00,046 --> 00:18:01,414
Absolutely.
463
00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:02,915
Although, when I was
smoking crack,
464
00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:06,386
a lot of times peeing and sex
were the same thing.
465
00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:10,623
Hey, uh, while we're
on the subject...
466
00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:11,658
What, peeing?
467
00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:12,959
No, sex.
468
00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:14,261
Something you should know.
469
00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:15,395
About sex?
470
00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:16,463
I think I'm okay.
471
00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:18,731
Yeah, we've all seen
the python.
472
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,670
What can I tell you,
it's factory equipment.
473
00:18:23,736 --> 00:18:25,004
Right, great, no.
474
00:18:25,071 --> 00:18:26,173
It's about your ex-wife.
475
00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:27,507
What, Bridget?
476
00:18:27,574 --> 00:18:30,743
Yeah, I'm, uh...
kinda sleeping with her.
477
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:31,811
What?!
478
00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:34,914
Hey, watch where
you're pointing that thing!
479
00:18:34,981 --> 00:18:36,649
When did this start?
480
00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:38,418
Well, you know I always had
a thing for her.
481
00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:41,221
And when you guys broke up,
I took her out, you know,
482
00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:42,689
gave her a shoulder to cry on,
483
00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:45,592
and she just kind of
worked her way down.
484
00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:48,761
So when she called me
about you...?
485
00:18:48,828 --> 00:18:50,163
I was there.
486
00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:51,931
Oh, man.
487
00:18:51,998 --> 00:18:53,933
Hey, I wasn't listening.
488
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,303
Her thighs were
covering my ears.
489
00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:57,904
Oh, you son
of a bitch!
490
00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,038
Hey! Okay, okay!
491
00:18:59,105 --> 00:19:00,139
Hey, hey, hey!
492
00:19:00,207 --> 00:19:01,374
Hey!
Don't! Don't!
493
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:03,042
I swear to God, Shermie!
494
00:19:03,109 --> 00:19:04,677
That's all she gave me!
495
00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:09,182
Oh, crap, oh, crap,
oh, crap, oh, crap.
496
00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:10,317
Ah.
497
00:19:10,383 --> 00:19:11,451
(tires screeching)
498
00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:12,852
Oh, crap, oh, crap.
499
00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:14,921
(screams)
500
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:21,561
* Men. *
501
00:19:21,628 --> 00:19:23,663
You still mad
about me and Bridget?
502
00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:25,365
I hate your guts.
503
00:19:25,432 --> 00:19:28,601
Good, that's what
I was going for.
504
00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:36,008
Hey.
505
00:19:36,075 --> 00:19:38,110
What... what happened
to your pants?
506
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,979
Uh, I had a little accident.
507
00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:41,214
Um...
508
00:19:41,281 --> 00:19:43,082
Why are you wearing robes?
509
00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:46,085
Uh, we had
a little accident, too.
510
00:19:46,152 --> 00:19:47,354
(laughs)
511
00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:49,789
H-H-How are you guys doing?
512
00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:51,358
Oh, hey, we're good, man.
513
00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:53,926
We're about to, uh,
about to test the first module.
514
00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:55,262
Walden, would you do the honors?
515
00:19:55,328 --> 00:19:56,663
Oh, no, please.
516
00:19:56,729 --> 00:19:57,830
No, it was your vision.
517
00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,399
Yeah, but it was your expertise.
518
00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:01,734
Yeah, but I'm banging
your ex-wife.
519
00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:06,105
All the while wondering
if she misses the python.
520
00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:07,674
Press the damn button.
521
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:08,741
Fine.
522
00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:13,246
Behold the birth
523
00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:17,750
of The Stanhope-Schmidt
Electric Suitcase.
524
00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:21,220
(gasps)
Yes!
Yes!
525
00:20:21,288 --> 00:20:23,856
(both laugh)
526
00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:25,258
That's it?
527
00:20:25,325 --> 00:20:27,159
I mean,
I have an iPhone app
528
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,396
that'll turn out
the house lights.
529
00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:31,598
No, no, no, no.
It's much more than that.
530
00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:32,599
Name a state.
531
00:20:32,665 --> 00:20:34,667
Engorged.
532
00:20:36,769 --> 00:20:37,704
Oh, okay.
533
00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:38,871
Uh, Florida.
534
00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:40,206
(tapping keys)
535
00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:42,108
(Walden chuckles)
536
00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:43,376
ALAN:
Okay, I'm-I'm sorry, guys,
537
00:20:43,443 --> 00:20:44,377
I just don't get it.
538
00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:45,978
I'm going to bed.
539
00:20:46,045 --> 00:20:47,213
BILLY:
Oh, try Canada.
540
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:48,915
WALDEN:
Lights "oot."
541
00:20:48,981 --> 00:20:50,149
(taps a key)
542
00:20:50,216 --> 00:20:52,485
(Billy and Walden laugh)
543
00:20:52,552 --> 00:20:55,755
BILLY:
Okay, now... the master switch.
544
00:20:55,822 --> 00:20:56,723
(taps a key)
545
00:20:56,789 --> 00:20:58,591
BILLY and WALDEN:
Awesome!
546
00:20:58,658 --> 00:21:00,393
Captioning sponsored by
CBS and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
547
00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:02,562
and TOYOTA.
548
00:21:02,629 --> 00:21:04,897
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
36054
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