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1
00:00:02,303 --> 00:00:03,571
* Men.
2
00:00:03,637 --> 00:00:05,539
LYNDSEY (moans):
Oh, God.
3
00:00:05,606 --> 00:00:08,542
That feels so good.
4
00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:10,744
(moans)
5
00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:12,446
Where'd you learn to do that?
6
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:13,514
Chiropractic school?
7
00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:14,948
Long before that.
8
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,950
When I was a kid,
I had to do this for my mom.
9
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,686
Had to?
10
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:20,621
If I wanted dessert.
11
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,756
Oh, poor baby.
12
00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:24,892
Tell you what, when you're
done with my other foot,
13
00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:26,494
I'll give you a
little dessert.
14
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,096
Thank you, Mommy.
15
00:00:30,098 --> 00:00:31,065
Hey.
16
00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:31,899
Hey!
17
00:00:31,965 --> 00:00:33,401
Oh, hey.
How was the opera?
18
00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:34,602
Magnificent.
19
00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:36,137
Il Trovatore.
20
00:00:36,204 --> 00:00:37,438
Walden cried.
21
00:00:37,505 --> 00:00:38,772
Oh.
(chuckles)
Oh.
22
00:00:38,839 --> 00:00:40,774
Come on, a guy
in a leotard and a skirt
23
00:00:40,841 --> 00:00:43,144
realizes he chopped
his own brother's head off.
24
00:00:44,178 --> 00:00:45,513
That's heartbreaking.
25
00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:48,816
I keep trying to take Lyndsey
to the opera, but she won't go.
26
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:50,451
LYNDSEY:
I'm sorry,
27
00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:52,820
I'm just not a fan of fat people
singing in a foreign language
28
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,422
for two and
a half hours.
29
00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:56,657
Well, opera's not for everyone.
30
00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:58,726
To appreciate it requires
a refined taste
31
00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:02,430
and a certain amount
of education.
32
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:04,965
Whoa.
33
00:01:05,032 --> 00:01:06,267
You did not
just say that.
34
00:01:06,334 --> 00:01:07,301
Say what?
35
00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:08,569
I am plenty refined,
36
00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:10,271
and I happen to have
an Associate of Arts degree
37
00:01:10,338 --> 00:01:12,940
from Santa Monica
Community College.
38
00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:15,075
I'm sorry, I wasn't
trying to be pejorative.
39
00:01:15,143 --> 00:01:16,744
What's that supposed to mean?
40
00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:18,812
Uh, pejorative is having
a derogatory...
41
00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:20,614
I know what
the word means!
42
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:21,849
Sorry, sorry.
43
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:22,983
What's community college?
44
00:01:23,050 --> 00:01:24,918
Is that like
a sort of trade school?
45
00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:27,255
Let's leave it alone.
46
00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:29,990
We've already seen
one beheading tonight.
47
00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:31,625
Where did you go to college?
48
00:01:31,692 --> 00:01:32,893
(exaggerated British accent):
Oxford?
49
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,462
Only for two years.
50
00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:35,596
Aw, did you flunk out?
51
00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:37,665
No, I transferred
to Harvard.
52
00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:39,367
Harvard.
53
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:41,769
The Santa Monica
Community College of the East.
54
00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:43,404
(chuckles)
55
00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:48,342
What do you say we go
get ready for bed?
56
00:01:48,409 --> 00:01:50,544
Yeah, good idea.
57
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,413
* Mi chiamano Mimi
58
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:59,320
* Il perchè non so
sola, mi fo. *
59
00:01:59,387 --> 00:02:02,190
I also took a semester off
to study opera in Florence.
60
00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:05,626
That's in Italy.
61
00:02:05,693 --> 00:02:07,761
Wow.
62
00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:10,063
That is one talented lady.
63
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,232
(chuckles)
64
00:02:11,299 --> 00:02:14,067
And by "talented"
I mean annoying,
65
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:16,337
and by "lady" I mean bitch.
66
00:02:18,306 --> 00:02:21,775
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
67
00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:24,978
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men *
* Ooh
68
00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:28,081
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men *
* Ooh
* Ooh
69
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,251
* Ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh... *
70
00:02:30,318 --> 00:02:32,486
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
71
00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:36,023
* Ooh
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
72
00:02:36,089 --> 00:02:40,228
* Ah.
* Men.
* Men.
73
00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:49,002
* Men.
74
00:02:49,069 --> 00:02:51,539
"Fat people singing
in a foreign language."
75
00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:52,873
Can you believe her?
76
00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:55,609
No. It's unbelievable.
77
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,010
Maybe she'd be
more appreciative of
78
00:02:57,077 --> 00:02:59,179
fat people singing
in her native language.
79
00:02:59,247 --> 00:03:02,750
No to Pavarotti,
yes to Cee Lo Green.
80
00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:05,085
Mm. Forget you?
81
00:03:05,152 --> 00:03:07,054
Forget her.
82
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:09,790
And then she has the nerve to
insult me simply 'cause I have
83
00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:11,659
a modicum of sophistication
and good taste.
84
00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:13,427
Mm, you do
taste good.
85
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:14,428
(sighs)
86
00:03:14,495 --> 00:03:15,763
I know what she thinks.
87
00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:17,731
She thinks I'm snobbish
and condescending.
88
00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:18,999
Mm, but you're not.
89
00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:20,301
No, I'm not.
90
00:03:20,368 --> 00:03:21,435
It's a shame, really.
91
00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:24,872
So much I could teach
the poor girl.
92
00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:26,340
It's her loss.
93
00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:28,442
God knows what Alan
sees in her.
94
00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:30,043
Yeah, he could
totally do better.
95
00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:32,145
No, he couldn't;
he's a complete loser.
96
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,315
What are you talking about?
97
00:03:34,382 --> 00:03:37,017
Um, you said...
98
00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:38,952
Never mind.
99
00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:40,288
"Refined taste."
100
00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:42,290
I'd like to punch
her refined face in.
101
00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:45,459
And you could;
you hit hard.
102
00:03:45,526 --> 00:03:46,627
You know
what her problem is?
103
00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:48,028
She was born with
all the advantages
104
00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:49,763
and now she thinks
she's better than everyone else.
105
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:50,964
Like her poop doesn't stink.
106
00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:54,101
Your poop
stinks, honey.
107
00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:57,170
Thank you.
108
00:03:57,237 --> 00:04:00,608
Especially after
Indian food.
109
00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:03,877
That is a real working-class
stank right there.
110
00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:07,415
Boy, I am so turned
on right now.
111
00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:09,483
What could Walden
possibly see in that,
112
00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:11,452
in that stuck-up
English muffin?
113
00:04:11,519 --> 00:04:15,055
Maybe it's her
nooks and crannies.
114
00:04:15,122 --> 00:04:16,023
What?
115
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,758
Uh, you know,
English muffin.
116
00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:19,159
Uh, nooks
and crannies.
117
00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:20,227
For the butter.
118
00:04:20,294 --> 00:04:22,496
Or margarine, as
the case may be.
119
00:04:22,563 --> 00:04:26,099
Are you saying
you like her body?
120
00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:27,100
Oh, no, no.
121
00:04:27,167 --> 00:04:28,469
No, it's your
body that I love.
122
00:04:28,536 --> 00:04:29,937
You've got the
stinky poop.
123
00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:32,773
Be honest with me.
124
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:35,909
Have I not been entirely civil
and charming to her?
125
00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,878
You have.
126
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,849
Then why does she give me
that attitude?
127
00:04:41,915 --> 00:04:43,951
Who know...?
She's crazy.
128
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:47,220
Well, I wouldn't call her crazy;
she's certainly unpleasant.
129
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:48,221
That's what I meant.
130
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:49,890
Unpleasant.
131
00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:52,893
Are you humoring me
just so I'll have sex with you?
132
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:56,964
No. I took you to the opera
so you would have sex with me.
133
00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:57,965
(laughs)
134
00:04:58,031 --> 00:04:58,766
You're terrible.
135
00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:00,033
I'm trying to be,
136
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:02,770
but there's a lot
of damn bows here.
137
00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:05,038
* Men.
138
00:05:07,375 --> 00:05:08,442
Alan?
139
00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:10,210
Yeah?
140
00:05:10,277 --> 00:05:12,480
I'm sorry
I ruined our night.
141
00:05:12,546 --> 00:05:13,681
That's okay.
142
00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:15,182
No, it's not.
143
00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:16,917
Let me make it up to you.
144
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:18,486
Really?
145
00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:19,487
I get dessert?
146
00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:20,654
(giggles)
147
00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:21,755
ZOEY (moaning):
Oh, Walden!
148
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:22,890
Oh, my God!
149
00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:25,325
Oh, my God!
I don't believe it.
150
00:05:25,393 --> 00:05:27,260
(moaning continues)
Do you know what she's doing?
151
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,129
Well, I think I have
a general idea.
152
00:05:29,196 --> 00:05:31,765
She wants me to hear that.
Oh, my God!
153
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:33,467
She's rubbing my nose in it.
154
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:36,470
Sounds more like she's
rubbing his nose in it.
Oh, my God!
155
00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:39,339
(moaning continues)
Two can play at that game.
156
00:05:39,407 --> 00:05:40,307
Oh! Oh!
157
00:05:40,374 --> 00:05:41,642
(moaning):
Oh! Oh!
158
00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:42,710
Oh, my God!
159
00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:43,844
Oh!
160
00:05:43,911 --> 00:05:45,178
Oh, my God!
What are you doing?
161
00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:46,279
Making love to you.
162
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:47,915
Oh, my God!
Oh!
163
00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:49,917
Oh!
You want me to help?
164
00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:50,918
No, I got this.
165
00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:54,722
Oh! Oh!
166
00:05:55,723 --> 00:05:57,458
Oh! Oh!
167
00:05:57,525 --> 00:05:59,292
LYNDSEY:
Oh! Oh!
168
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:00,327
Oh!
169
00:06:00,394 --> 00:06:01,061
Oh!
170
00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:02,863
Oh!
Oh...!
171
00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:05,533
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
172
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:07,000
Oh, my God!
173
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:08,135
Oh, Alan!
174
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:09,336
Oh, Walden!
175
00:06:09,403 --> 00:06:10,671
LYNDSEY:
Oh!
176
00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:11,939
ZOEY:
Oh!
177
00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:13,240
LYNDSEY:
Oh!
178
00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:16,376
(Zoey singing
high-pitched opera note)
179
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:22,783
* Men.
180
00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:26,353
Happy Valentine's
Day, darling.
181
00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:29,423
You, too, sweetheart.
182
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:32,493
Sounded like you and Zoey
were getting an early start
183
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,127
on your celebrating last night.
184
00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:38,231
Oh, yeah.
185
00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:41,034
You and Lyndsey were making
186
00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:43,103
quite a bit
of a racket yourselves.
187
00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:45,573
Oh, you heard that?
188
00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:48,108
It was kind of
hard not to.
189
00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:49,477
Well, you know how it is.
190
00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:52,646
Uh, you and I
are like the mailmen.
191
00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:54,047
(chuckles)
192
00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:57,618
Rain or shine, we got to deliver
the old package.
193
00:06:57,685 --> 00:07:00,087
Handle with care.
194
00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:01,655
(laughs)
195
00:07:01,722 --> 00:07:03,256
Express delivery.
196
00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:05,292
(chuckles)
197
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:10,263
No, wait, let me think
of another one.
198
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:11,499
This side up.
199
00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:13,233
Oh.
200
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:15,035
That's good, that's good.
201
00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:16,870
(both chuckling)
202
00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:18,171
(sighs)
203
00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:23,276
Oh, who am I kidding?
204
00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:25,112
Last night was a complete sham.
205
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:26,246
What do you mean?
206
00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:27,948
Zoey was trying to prove
207
00:07:28,015 --> 00:07:29,650
some kind of point to Lyndsey.
208
00:07:29,717 --> 00:07:31,519
So, all that noise was, uh...?
209
00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:34,021
I had nothing to do with it.
210
00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:37,357
Sorry.
211
00:07:37,424 --> 00:07:42,496
Well, since we're being honest,
I should probably tell you...
212
00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:47,200
I... had what was probably the
best sex of my life last night.
213
00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:53,807
Good morning.
214
00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:54,608
Huh?
215
00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:56,376
Oh, morning.
216
00:07:56,443 --> 00:07:57,578
Sleep well?
217
00:07:57,645 --> 00:07:59,046
Terrific.
218
00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:01,348
Good. I was afraid
we might have kept you awake.
219
00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:02,683
Really?
220
00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:04,685
I was worried we might have
kept you awake.
221
00:08:04,752 --> 00:08:06,987
No, no, I slept like a baby.
222
00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:08,889
Hope you didn't wet the bed.
223
00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:11,592
(forced laugh)
224
00:08:11,659 --> 00:08:13,326
(forced laugh)
225
00:08:13,393 --> 00:08:14,828
They're laughing.
226
00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:16,429
That's good, right?
227
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,431
Not that laugh.
228
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:21,068
That's the bad laugh.
229
00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:25,038
Shame it has to be raining
on Valentine's Day.
230
00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:29,376
Yeah, well, fortunately, the sun
is shining in Cabo San Lucas.
231
00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:30,778
Thanks for the weather report.
232
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,946
Now here's Alan
with the sports.
233
00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:36,449
I just meant
that's where Walden and I
234
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:37,585
are flying for dinner tonight.
235
00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:38,752
Really?
236
00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:39,787
Good luck with LAX.
237
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,254
Place is gonna be a madhouse.
238
00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:42,322
That may well be.
239
00:08:42,389 --> 00:08:44,558
Luckily, Walden's got
his private jet, so...
240
00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:45,959
Of course he does.
241
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,962
Or they could fly down
on her private broom.
242
00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:52,600
What are you and Alan
doing to celebrate?
243
00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:54,367
Oh, don't worry
about us.
244
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:55,603
We have big plans.
245
00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:56,704
Ooh.
246
00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:58,338
Another festive foot rub?
247
00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:02,075
(forced laugh)
248
00:09:02,142 --> 00:09:02,810
(forced laugh)
249
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,077
Bad laugh?
250
00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:07,881
As a matter of fact,
we're gonna spend the night
251
00:09:07,948 --> 00:09:09,216
at a little bed-and-breakfast
252
00:09:09,282 --> 00:09:10,951
outside Santa Barbara
where we're gonna
253
00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:12,820
drink wine, read poetry
254
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,454
and have hot,
kinky sex.
255
00:09:14,521 --> 00:09:15,555
Right, Alan?
256
00:09:15,623 --> 00:09:17,457
Oh, yeah, sure.
257
00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:18,859
Uh, sure.
258
00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:20,761
The, uh, the holy trinity of
Valentine's Day:
259
00:09:20,828 --> 00:09:24,197
sips, sonnets and sodomy.
260
00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:27,735
That's interesting.
261
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:30,003
I can see you
as a drunken sodomite,
262
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,539
never imagined
you liking poetry.
263
00:09:32,606 --> 00:09:34,107
Oh, no, no, I really do.
264
00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:35,776
Here's a poem
you might appreciate.
265
00:09:35,843 --> 00:09:36,777
"Roses are red,
266
00:09:36,844 --> 00:09:38,245
"violets are blue,
267
00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:39,346
"I'm a nice person
268
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,782
and you can bite my pale,
unrefined ass."
269
00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:48,321
A lady doesn't bite.
270
00:09:48,388 --> 00:09:49,056
Hmm.
271
00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:50,323
She will however be happy
272
00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:53,160
to make you wear that ass
as a bonnet.
273
00:09:53,226 --> 00:09:55,763
(loud roaring, tires squealing,
car horns honking)
274
00:09:55,829 --> 00:09:58,531
What the hell?
275
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:01,334
(car horn blaring)
276
00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:03,136
(gasps)
277
00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:04,537
Oh, my Lord.
278
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,373
Where's the road?
279
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:09,342
Probably inside
that giant sinkhole.
280
00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:11,745
It looks like nobody's
going anywhere today.
281
00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:13,346
(groans):
Oh, smashing.
282
00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:14,748
Swell.
283
00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:19,552
Sodomy?
284
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,421
Sodom-ish.
285
00:10:21,488 --> 00:10:24,491
* Men.
286
00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:31,331
* Men.
287
00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:34,067
They say the road might be
closed for another 48 hours.
288
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,003
And that's if
the rain lets up.
289
00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:37,204
(sighs)
290
00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:38,972
Better call my ex-husband,
let him know
291
00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:40,540
I probably won't be
picking up Ava tomorrow.
292
00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:43,510
Better call my son, tell
him I'll be home early.
293
00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:44,544
Early?
294
00:10:44,611 --> 00:10:45,913
I can't tell
him the truth.
295
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,314
If he knows I could
be gone for two days,
296
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:49,149
I might not have a
house when I get back.
297
00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:52,786
Nice to have a relationship
with your child built on trust.
298
00:10:52,853 --> 00:10:54,321
Excuse me?
299
00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:57,524
I'm just saying,
I never lie to my daughter.
300
00:10:57,590 --> 00:10:58,959
Really?
And how old is she?
301
00:10:59,026 --> 00:11:00,560
She's six.
Aw.
302
00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:02,429
They're so precious
at that age, aren't they?
303
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:03,864
They are.
304
00:11:03,931 --> 00:11:06,066
Call me in a few years
when she's pierced and pregnant
305
00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:08,268
with a pocket
full of 30-day chips.
306
00:11:10,738 --> 00:11:12,539
There's no need to be crude.
307
00:11:12,605 --> 00:11:13,974
Oh, so now I'm crude?
308
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,375
Not just now.
309
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:18,712
That's it.
310
00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:20,814
Get ready for an
old-fashioned
311
00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:22,082
trade school beat-down.
312
00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:23,316
Oh! No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no!
313
00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:25,452
Slow down. Slow it down.
No! No!
314
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:28,455
Little Miss Muffet's going to
get knocked on her tuffet!
315
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,557
Oh, bring it on, Snooki!
316
00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:31,925
Okay. Okay. No.
317
00:11:31,992 --> 00:11:33,727
Baby, baby, no.
318
00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:35,528
We're in a tough
situation here.
319
00:11:35,595 --> 00:11:37,664
But this is a big house,
and we're all adults.
320
00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:39,199
Yeah, some of us
older than others.
321
00:11:39,266 --> 00:11:40,533
Oh!
322
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:41,601
(grunting)
323
00:11:41,668 --> 00:11:43,003
Walden's right.
Walden's right.
324
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:44,537
We got to make
the best of this.
325
00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:47,007
You know, we can, uh...
uh, we can play video games,
326
00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:48,742
listen to music,
watch movies.
327
00:11:48,809 --> 00:11:51,278
(electrical popping)
328
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:56,149
We're all going to die.
329
00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:59,552
* Men.
330
00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:00,888
I'm sorry.
331
00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:02,622
I'm not going to stay
in the same house
332
00:12:02,689 --> 00:12:03,924
as that horrible woman.
333
00:12:03,991 --> 00:12:05,993
Okay, first of all,
the road's closed,
334
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,861
so nobody's going anywhere.
335
00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:11,899
And second of all, uh,
she's not that horrible.
336
00:12:15,635 --> 00:12:17,537
What did you say?
337
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,875
I said, "The road's closed."
338
00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:24,011
After that.
339
00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:27,781
"Nobody's going anywhere."
340
00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:29,616
Are you defending her?
341
00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:30,984
Oh, come on.
342
00:12:31,051 --> 00:12:33,286
It's a funny situation
when you think about it.
343
00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:36,589
Two women who shouldn't be
anywhere near each other
344
00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:39,492
trapped in a house
'cause of a silly rain storm.
345
00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:41,394
(chuckling)
346
00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:43,096
(mock laughing)
347
00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:46,133
That's a bad laugh.
348
00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:49,302
* Men.
349
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:53,073
LYNDSEY:
Oh, great.
350
00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:54,674
I just got my period.
351
00:12:54,741 --> 00:12:57,677
Oh, joy.
352
00:12:57,744 --> 00:13:00,413
My bloody Valentine.
353
00:13:02,249 --> 00:13:03,350
I'm out of tampons.
354
00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:04,918
You have to go get me some.
355
00:13:04,985 --> 00:13:06,153
What?
356
00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:07,420
Have you looked outside?
357
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,089
Yeah. It's raining.
358
00:13:09,156 --> 00:13:10,423
This is not rain.
359
00:13:10,490 --> 00:13:12,893
This is some sort
of biblical punishment.
360
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:16,763
There's only one flood
you need to be concerned about.
361
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:18,598
Why don't you just ask Zoey
for one?
362
00:13:18,665 --> 00:13:20,233
Why don't I take
that light off your head
363
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:21,668
and give you
a quick colonoscopy?
364
00:13:25,038 --> 00:13:27,975
At least now we know
why you're in such a bad mood.
365
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:29,176
What did you just say?
366
00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:30,710
I said I'm going
to the drugstore
367
00:13:30,777 --> 00:13:32,212
to buy you tampons.
368
00:13:32,279 --> 00:13:33,746
(chuckling)
369
00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:37,384
You're so pretty.
370
00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:43,123
Hey.
Hi.
371
00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:44,791
Where you going?
372
00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:47,294
I am going to swim
down to the drugstore
373
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:50,263
and bob for tampons.
374
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:54,267
Really?
In-in this weather?
375
00:13:55,202 --> 00:13:56,503
What, are you out of your mind?
376
00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:57,770
ZOEY:
Walden!
377
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,839
I'll come with you.
378
00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:03,410
* Men.
379
00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:08,648
Looks like it's
starting to let up.
380
00:14:12,485 --> 00:14:15,422
Yeah, this is
blowing over.
381
00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:18,025
It's actually
kind of refreshing.
382
00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:20,693
And we certainly
need the water.
383
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:22,930
It's weird
how people in L.A.
384
00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:26,866
make such a big fuss
over a little rain.
385
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:33,806
That's the new
Smart car.
386
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:37,144
Doesn't look
so smart now.
387
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:39,212
* Men.
388
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:44,551
Ah.
389
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:46,719
Hi.
390
00:14:47,754 --> 00:14:49,322
Hi.
391
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:52,960
Do you happen to know
where Walden is?
392
00:14:53,026 --> 00:14:55,295
I happen to not.
393
00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:58,231
All right.
394
00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:00,800
Well, where's Alan?
395
00:15:00,867 --> 00:15:02,469
He went for a walk.
396
00:15:04,604 --> 00:15:05,939
A walk?
397
00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:07,440
Yeah, a walk.
398
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:10,810
That's how poor people
get from one place to another.
399
00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:13,546
All right.
400
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,187
Mind if I share your wine?
401
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:21,721
I don't know if you'll like it.
402
00:15:21,788 --> 00:15:23,256
It's domestic.
403
00:15:24,191 --> 00:15:26,759
Alan bought it.
404
00:15:26,826 --> 00:15:29,329
Actually, I quite like
California wine.
405
00:15:29,396 --> 00:15:30,863
It's from Wisconsin.
406
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,332
Ah.
407
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:36,669
Well, desperate times.
408
00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:39,472
Shame our girlfriends
don't get along, huh?
409
00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:41,908
Yeah, if they don't start
playing nice with each other,
410
00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:44,711
you're going to have to find
a new place to live.
411
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:46,779
No doubt.
412
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:51,518
Or I could find
another girlfriend.
413
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,355
* Men.
414
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,294
(clears throat)
415
00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:02,929
(sighs)
416
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,266
Well, cheers.
417
00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:09,302
Cheers.
418
00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:11,671
(sniffs)
419
00:16:15,008 --> 00:16:17,610
For the record, I like
Walden very much.
420
00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:19,379
He seems like a great guy.
421
00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:21,648
Well, thank you.
422
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:23,350
Alan's...
423
00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:25,818
Thank you.
424
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:29,256
So... what's your plan
425
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:31,391
for the young,
gorgeous billionaire?
426
00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:34,161
I'm sorry. Plan?
427
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:35,895
(chuckling):
Oh, come on.
428
00:16:35,962 --> 00:16:37,630
Educated girl like you?
429
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:40,200
You got to have a plan
to nail him down.
430
00:16:40,267 --> 00:16:41,401
I don't.
431
00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:43,403
My feelings for Walden
are genuine.
432
00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:45,538
I have no desire
to manipulate him
433
00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:47,540
into some sort
of commitment.
434
00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:50,677
Huh.
435
00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:56,749
But if I did, what sort of plan
do you think might work?
436
00:16:56,816 --> 00:17:00,220
Well, first thing I'd do
is throw out my diaphragm.
437
00:17:00,287 --> 00:17:01,821
I'm on the pill.
438
00:17:01,888 --> 00:17:02,889
All right.
439
00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:04,991
Swap out those puppies
for Tic Tacs.
440
00:17:07,827 --> 00:17:09,196
You know, it's
actually good
441
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:10,997
that Lyndsey sent me
to the drugstore.
442
00:17:11,064 --> 00:17:13,966
'Cause now I can pick up
her Valentine's Day gift.
443
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,568
Nice!
444
00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:19,372
Yeah, nothing says "I love you"
like Q-tips and stool softener.
445
00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:21,241
I-I was thinking
of something more...
446
00:17:21,308 --> 00:17:22,809
(screaming)
447
00:17:24,311 --> 00:17:25,378
Alan!
448
00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:27,080
Tell Jake I love him!
449
00:17:28,281 --> 00:17:31,584
And buy Lyndsey tampons!
450
00:17:32,419 --> 00:17:34,721
* Men.
451
00:17:36,623 --> 00:17:39,392
* Men.
452
00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:42,329
So, anyway, then we got married
and had my son, Eldridge.
453
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,830
How long after?
454
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:46,633
Actually, my water broke
during the ceremony.
455
00:17:48,168 --> 00:17:49,836
Really put a crimp
in the reception.
456
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:51,271
(both laughing)
457
00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:53,706
Tell me about your ex.
458
00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:55,342
Nigel.
459
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:58,511
Oh, God, how can
I describe Nigel?
460
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:02,282
Highly educated,
extremely cultured,
461
00:18:02,349 --> 00:18:04,951
and as you Americans
might say...
462
00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:08,121
(American accent):
"a total freakin' douche bag."
463
00:18:08,188 --> 00:18:09,856
(laughing)
464
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:11,258
Really?
465
00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:13,426
My ex-husband is,
as you Brits might say...
466
00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:15,862
(British accent):
"a right bloody wanker."
467
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,630
(both chuckling)
468
00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:20,567
Looks like we both
traded up, huh?
469
00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:24,137
Yes, absolutely.
470
00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:27,407
Cheers to us.
Mmm.
471
00:18:27,474 --> 00:18:31,077
This is turning out to be
a pretty nice Valentine's Day.
472
00:18:31,144 --> 00:18:32,612
It is, isn't it?
473
00:18:32,679 --> 00:18:34,681
Thanks for the tampon,
by the way.
474
00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:36,416
Oh, pleasure.
475
00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:38,117
Appears our cycles
have synched up.
476
00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:39,552
Yeah.
477
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,888
Probably why we haven't
seen the boys for a while.
478
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,956
We have been a bit out of sorts.
479
00:18:44,023 --> 00:18:44,957
Mmm. Edgy.
480
00:18:45,024 --> 00:18:46,893
Moody.
481
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:50,297
Bitchy.
Bitchy.
482
00:18:52,265 --> 00:18:53,733
Oh, I do hope our
fellows are all right.
483
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,268
(scoffs)
I'm sure they're fine.
484
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:56,469
Yeah.
485
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,072
Let me go!
486
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,474
Save yourself!
No!
487
00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:05,245
If you go, I go!
488
00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:07,514
(cell phone ringing)
489
00:19:12,219 --> 00:19:13,520
Hey, Lyndsey.
490
00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:15,522
Yeah, we haven't gotten
to the drugstore yet.
491
00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:18,925
We're in a little bit
of a situation here.
492
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,126
All right.
493
00:19:20,193 --> 00:19:22,061
What kind of ice cream?
494
00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:25,097
Seriously, let me go.
495
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:28,301
Captioning sponsored by
CBS and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
496
00:19:28,368 --> 00:19:31,638
and TOYOTA.
32374
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