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200 Motels!
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200 Motels!
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Life on the road!
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Ladies and Gentlemen!
And here he is...
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00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:24,502
Who?
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00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:26,337
Larry the Dwarf!
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Larry likes to dress up funny.
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Tonight he's dressed
up like Frank Zappa.
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00:02:36,523 --> 00:02:39,891
Let's ask him...
What's the deal?
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00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,793
Hi Larry, it's good to have
you back on our panel.
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00:02:44,231 --> 00:02:46,893
Hi Dave, it's really great
to be back on your panel.
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I'm sure the people at home
would be interested to know
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why such a large dwarf as you is
all dressed up like Frank Zappa.
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00:02:53,140 --> 00:02:54,198
Tell us Larry?
15
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,302
What's the deal?
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He made me do it, Dave.
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He's such a creep.
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00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:01,110
He's making me hold this Aladdin.
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00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:04,049
And why is he making
you do that, Larry?
20
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:07,086
He wants me to fuck
the girl with the harp.
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00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:12,519
He wants you to fuck the girl
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00:03:13,493 --> 00:03:14,551
with the harp?
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00:03:14,661 --> 00:03:16,026
No, no!
24
00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:17,359
With the magic lamp!
25
00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:20,096
He wants me to stuff
it up her and rub it!
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00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,395
Ho-ho-ho, ha-ha-ha!
27
00:03:25,772 --> 00:03:27,236
Ah-ha-ha-ha-ho-ho!
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00:03:31,411 --> 00:03:33,038
Let's ask our studio audience.
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00:03:33,246 --> 00:03:35,806
If you'd just been lowered
down here on TV by a wire
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00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:37,645
connected to a brown leather harness,
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00:03:37,784 --> 00:03:41,743
forced by a crazy person to insert
a mysterious imported lamp
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00:03:41,855 --> 00:03:43,914
into the reproductive-rep-rep-rep
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00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:47,186
into-into the repro...
reproductive orifice
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of a lady harpist,
and you were a dwarf?
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00:03:52,202 --> 00:03:53,265
Would you do it?
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00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:54,961
Yes!!
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00:04:00,540 --> 00:04:02,702
Let's spin the big wheel, Larry!
38
00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,645
Go ahead, give it a whirl!
39
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:08,939
What our studio
audience doesn't know,
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00:04:09,316 --> 00:04:12,660
is that the reason Larry the
Dwarf is doing all this stuff is,
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00:04:12,726 --> 00:04:15,757
because its all part of
the score to 200 Motels.
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00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:18,143
Every word, every action,
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00:04:18,192 --> 00:04:19,025
the lamp,
44
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:22,483
the reproductive orifice,
it's all in the score,
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00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:23,815
so he has to do it.
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This whole event is a fantasy
that occurred touring on the road.
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00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:31,704
Touring can make you
crazy ladies and gentlemen.
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00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:35,704
That is precisely what 200 Motels,
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is all about.
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00:04:49,556 --> 00:04:52,526
♪ I don't know very much about you ♪
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00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:54,458
♪ I'm new at this you see ♪
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00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:57,792
♪ We just came to do an interview ♪
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00:04:57,931 --> 00:05:00,901
♪ Interview! ♪
54
00:05:03,336 --> 00:05:07,295
♪ I'll just get out my
little notebook and pen ♪
55
00:05:21,087 --> 00:05:23,920
♪ Why don't you tell
me how you're feeling ♪
56
00:05:24,007 --> 00:05:26,025
♪ about the world today ♪
57
00:05:26,140 --> 00:05:29,652
♪ By the way, what do
you call your group? ♪
58
00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:32,391
♪ Call your group! ♪
59
00:05:38,805 --> 00:05:42,764
♪ What the heck do
you call your group? ♪
60
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:49,647
♪ I bet it's something
freaky and obscene ♪
61
00:05:51,384 --> 00:05:54,354
♪ and outta-site! ♪
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00:05:59,826 --> 00:06:01,988
♪ I bet ♪
63
00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:09,525
♪ whatever the name
of your group is ♪
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00:06:10,060 --> 00:06:15,236
♪ that it's real far
out and groovy! ♪
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00:06:30,857 --> 00:06:33,656
♪ I'll get my shot and
then I'll get my book ♪
66
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:37,719
♪ and ask a bunch
more fascinating stuff ♪
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00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:47,871
♪ When is your next L.P.
to be released? ♪
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00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:53,946
♪ And how long have you
been growing your...hair? ♪
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00:06:54,080 --> 00:07:00,213
♪ How long have you
been growing your...hair? ♪
70
00:07:00,687 --> 00:07:04,146
♪ Have you been to England yet? ♪
71
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:11,186
♪ And how do they like
your music over there? ♪
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00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:13,561
♪ How do they like it there? ♪
73
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:17,295
♪ How do they like it? ♪
74
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,269
♪ How do they like it? ♪
75
00:07:19,372 --> 00:07:22,603
♪ How do they like your music ♪
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00:07:22,742 --> 00:07:26,337
♪ Over there? ♪
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00:07:26,479 --> 00:07:27,810
♪ Ohh...
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00:07:27,914 --> 00:07:29,279
♪ Verr...
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00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:33,044
♪ There! ♪
80
00:07:40,226 --> 00:07:41,226
♪ Look out! ♪
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00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:45,998
♪ Look out! ♪
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00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:50,202
♪ Look out! ♪
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00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:55,099
♪ How long? ♪
84
00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:57,472
♪ How long? ♪
85
00:07:58,445 --> 00:08:02,404
♪ Till the mystery
roach be arrivin' soon ♪
86
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:05,379
♪ Yea-ooh ♪
87
00:08:05,518 --> 00:08:07,486
♪ Yea-ooh ♪
88
00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:09,679
♪ Yea-ooh ♪
89
00:08:09,889 --> 00:08:11,914
♪ Yea-ooh ♪
90
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,654
♪ The mystery roach
be approaching ♪
91
00:08:14,894 --> 00:08:18,262
♪ The mystery roach
be approachin' me ♪
92
00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:31,035
♪ How long? ♪
93
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:33,304
♪ How long? ♪
94
00:08:34,581 --> 00:08:38,540
♪ Till the mystery roach been gone ♪
95
00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:44,953
♪ Yea-ooh ♪
96
00:08:47,927 --> 00:08:54,025
♪ Yea-ooh ♪
97
00:08:57,103 --> 00:08:59,071
♪ The mystery roach
be approaching ♪
98
00:08:59,305 --> 00:09:02,707
♪ The mystery roach
be approachin' me ♪
99
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:08,146
♪ Mystery roach be approaching ♪
100
00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:11,683
♪ The mystery roach
be approachin' me ♪
101
00:09:14,754 --> 00:09:22,754
♪ Mystery mystery mystery mystery
mystery mystery mystery roach! ♪
102
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,040
♪ Oh, mystery! ♪
103
00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:49,121
Room service?
104
00:09:54,627 --> 00:09:56,095
Mystery Roach?
105
00:09:56,563 --> 00:09:58,292
What are we singing about?
106
00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:01,277
We must be. .. flipping out!
107
00:10:01,501 --> 00:10:04,196
It's a good thing we
get paid to do this.
108
00:10:04,737 --> 00:10:06,705
I could be in L.A. getting reamed,
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00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,908
listening to an Elton John album.
110
00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:11,810
Don't even talk about getting reamed.
111
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:13,045
Listen,
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00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:16,145
I've been without female
companionship for so long,
113
00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:19,350
Monday, for instance.
114
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,820
A career as a Jesuit
monk sounds inviting,
115
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:26,816
Ian, you're starting to
look good to me.
116
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:30,293
Dear... Ruth.
117
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:32,431
Must be his green velour socks.
118
00:10:32,599 --> 00:10:34,256
I'd just calm down there, Duke.
119
00:10:34,317 --> 00:10:36,573
Ever since you left
the jazz world to seek
120
00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:39,098
fame and fortune in
the rock & roll industry.
121
00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:40,272
Rock & roll?!
122
00:10:40,406 --> 00:10:41,805
What do you mean rock & roll?
123
00:10:41,908 --> 00:10:43,876
This fucking band doesn't
even play rock &roll,
124
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,206
it's all that comedy crap!
125
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:47,313
You should be careful
talkin' about that stuff.
126
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:48,977
Why, does he listen?
127
00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:50,544
He always listens.
128
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:53,946
He always watches and listens
to all the guys in the band.
129
00:10:54,754 --> 00:10:57,621
I've been in the band for years,
130
00:10:57,857 --> 00:10:59,825
and I know.
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00:11:00,059 --> 00:11:02,027
He always listens.
132
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:04,296
That's how he gets all his material!
133
00:11:05,532 --> 00:11:07,500
It isn't supposed to be natural,
134
00:11:08,034 --> 00:11:09,195
friendly,
135
00:11:10,236 --> 00:11:11,397
good-natured,
136
00:11:12,038 --> 00:11:14,006
humorous, ha-ha-ha-ha!
137
00:11:16,943 --> 00:11:18,775
Yeah, well fine!
138
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:20,637
And then he rips us off,
139
00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:24,542
and he sneaks off into a secret room
someplace, and boils it in ammonia,
140
00:11:24,817 --> 00:11:26,148
and he gets it perverted,
141
00:11:26,386 --> 00:11:29,219
and then he brings it back to us at
rehearsal and makes us play it!
142
00:11:29,756 --> 00:11:31,781
Hey man, what's that over there?
143
00:11:32,659 --> 00:11:33,659
It's him.
144
00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:36,019
You can see him,
he's watching.
145
00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:37,496
D'ya think he heard us?
146
00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:39,156
I've been in the band for years.
147
00:11:39,465 --> 00:11:41,433
You can bet that
he heard everything.
148
00:11:41,568 --> 00:11:43,536
Yeah, let's go over and
pretend to be nice to him.
149
00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:46,071
Yeah, let's go over and pretend
we don't know he's watching.
150
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,690
Yeah, and rippin' off
all our good material.
151
00:11:53,947 --> 00:11:54,947
Hi, man!
152
00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:55,774
Hi, Frank!
153
00:11:55,915 --> 00:11:56,915
Hi, man!
154
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,217
Hi, Frank!
155
00:11:58,251 --> 00:11:58,818
Hi, man!
156
00:11:58,818 --> 00:11:59,818
Hey, Frank!
157
00:11:59,919 --> 00:12:02,047
Hey, that's a great new song you wrote.
158
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:04,123
You know, the one about
the penis and everything?
159
00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:06,925
I was laughin' a lot the
whole time I was learnin' it!
160
00:12:06,926 --> 00:12:08,894
Yeah, we were all laughin', Frank!
161
00:12:10,129 --> 00:12:11,597
Yeah, well fine!
162
00:12:11,698 --> 00:12:13,442
Yeah, it took a little
while to get into it man,
163
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:15,434
but once we got the drift, phew!
164
00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:18,303
Yeah, there's lots of great parts
you've got in there for the chorus,
165
00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:19,032
you know when they go:
166
00:12:19,105 --> 00:12:21,073
Ran-Tan-Ran-Toon-Ran-Tan-Framin!
167
00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:23,408
And I steal the room and
everything, you know.
168
00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:25,854
I don't even mind you rippin' it off
from me, just as long as I get paid.
169
00:12:25,878 --> 00:12:27,918
Oh oh, and I don't even mind
the part where he says,
170
00:12:28,004 --> 00:12:29,992
"What can I say about
this fabulous elixir,"
171
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:31,813
So long as me and Howard
172
00:12:31,884 --> 00:12:34,444
and Jeff Simmons who left the group
just before the movie started,
173
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:36,215
get credit for special material!
174
00:13:23,870 --> 00:13:25,565
Man!
175
00:13:26,372 --> 00:13:27,372
Oh!
176
00:13:29,075 --> 00:13:30,736
He's making me leave here now.
177
00:13:30,843 --> 00:13:32,242
I'll see you later when we play.
178
00:13:32,378 --> 00:13:33,174
What?
179
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:35,508
I don't expect you to
understand that, because uh,
180
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,082
we haven't formed the group yet.
181
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:38,151
Ah, Mark will play the bass...
182
00:13:38,152 --> 00:13:39,352
Ah, Mark will play the bass...
183
00:13:42,889 --> 00:13:44,448
Howie will sing and play sax...
184
00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:48,290
I'll play the guitar...
185
00:13:50,763 --> 00:13:52,663
and the dwarf here
will play drums!
186
00:13:56,102 --> 00:13:59,538
Wait-a-minit, wait-a-minit, wait-a-minit,
wait-a-minit, wait-a-minit!
187
00:13:59,972 --> 00:14:01,804
This guy isn't even a dwarf!
188
00:14:01,974 --> 00:14:04,255
That's one of the reasons the
group will be so commercial!
189
00:14:06,779 --> 00:14:08,747
Ah. What about the other guys?
190
00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:11,035
Ah, they're already forming
groups all over the place!
191
00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:13,829
Why wait till the end of the movie,
we could have a hit single right now!
192
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,454
He's right, he's right!
We don't need Aynsley...
193
00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:15,822
No...
194
00:14:15,822 --> 00:14:16,656
We don't need Ian...
195
00:14:16,656 --> 00:14:17,056
No...
196
00:14:17,056 --> 00:14:17,887
We don't need George!
197
00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:18,391
No!
198
00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:19,017
We don't need anybody! Argh!
199
00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:20,092
No!
200
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:21,755
He needs us, remember.
201
00:14:21,828 --> 00:14:23,125
We don't need him!
202
00:14:23,262 --> 00:14:25,230
All those other guys
are too old for rock.
203
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:26,398
They're out of it!
204
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:29,399
We could have a tight little heavy
little band with this dwarf here.
205
00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:32,535
You know, that he, he used to
play drums for Leon Russell.
206
00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:33,969
Ohh...
207
00:14:34,507 --> 00:14:36,475
Listen, you're right.
Zappa's 30.
208
00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:37,743
Yeah, man.
209
00:14:37,777 --> 00:14:39,245
Thirty years old...
210
00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:41,280
Oh, he's out of it man!
211
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,349
He's too old, he should retire.
212
00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:45,543
Yeah, really.
You can't trust old people.
213
00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:48,085
You know, we should take up a
collection and buy him a watch.
214
00:14:53,659 --> 00:14:56,492
♪ I don't know too
much about this stuff ♪
215
00:14:57,096 --> 00:14:59,997
♪ I've been a little busy ♪
216
00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:03,135
♪ This won't take long ♪
217
00:15:03,302 --> 00:15:05,270
♪ Just a few questions ♪
218
00:15:08,007 --> 00:15:09,975
♪ This won't take long ♪
219
00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:12,511
♪ Just a few questions ♪
220
00:15:19,952 --> 00:15:24,116
♪ This won't take long ♪
221
00:15:24,290 --> 00:15:29,057
♪ Just a few questions ♪
222
00:15:45,044 --> 00:15:47,012
♪ This...
223
00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:49,348
♪ won't...
224
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:51,014
♪ take...
225
00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:53,352
♪ long...
226
00:15:56,088 --> 00:15:58,056
♪ This...
227
00:15:58,391 --> 00:16:00,359
♪ won't...
228
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,159
♪ take...
229
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:04,530
♪ long...
230
00:16:07,433 --> 00:16:09,401
♪ This...
231
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:11,670
♪ won't...
232
00:16:12,238 --> 00:16:13,637
♪ take...
233
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:16,108
♪ long...
234
00:16:18,878 --> 00:16:20,846
♪ This...
235
00:16:21,214 --> 00:16:23,182
♪ won't...
236
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,147
♪ take...
237
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:27,386
♪ long...
238
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:36,926
I hear birds!
239
00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:38,864
What's he saying?
240
00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:40,933
Special delivery for Mr. Volman!
241
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:42,834
Mr. Volman?
242
00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:45,637
Are you Volman?
243
00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:48,674
Do you smell somethin' weird?
244
00:16:50,309 --> 00:16:51,970
It's a double cheeseburger
245
00:16:52,144 --> 00:16:54,112
from a famous American burger chain,
246
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:58,079
with a symbol in the parking lot that's
yellow plastic and goes like this:
247
00:16:58,217 --> 00:17:01,118
Rance Muhammitz!
248
00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:02,220
Rance!
249
00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:04,056
Rance Muhammitz!
250
00:17:04,156 --> 00:17:06,124
Rance!
251
00:17:06,592 --> 00:17:09,293
Muhammitz!
252
00:17:09,495 --> 00:17:11,263
In a steaming briefcase!
253
00:17:14,433 --> 00:17:15,433
You're Volman!
254
00:17:16,002 --> 00:17:19,329
Yeah, No, No.
He's Volman.
255
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:20,872
Who are you?
256
00:17:21,607 --> 00:17:23,507
You must call me...
257
00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:25,905
Rance Muhammitz.
258
00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:28,347
Rance Mohammitz
259
00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:30,143
Stupidest name I ever heard of!
260
00:17:31,017 --> 00:17:34,851
But you must remember that within the
conceptual framework of this filmic event,
261
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:37,422
nothing really matters!
262
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:42,291
It is entirely possible for several
subjective realities to co-exist.
263
00:17:42,428 --> 00:17:46,212
It is possible that all things
are a deception of the senses.
264
00:17:46,220 --> 00:17:49,596
Right on, Rance!
The functioning of our senses has been
265
00:17:49,609 --> 00:17:52,583
spiritually impaired and chemically
corrupted by the fake
266
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:54,177
artifical food coloring.
267
00:17:54,498 --> 00:17:55,812
By the way.
268
00:17:56,380 --> 00:17:59,470
Mr. Volman, I have...
269
00:18:02,519 --> 00:18:04,208
Your cheeseburger.
270
00:18:04,396 --> 00:18:05,596
We must evolve.
271
00:18:05,733 --> 00:18:06,195
Yeah...
272
00:18:06,218 --> 00:18:07,441
We must progress.
273
00:18:07,634 --> 00:18:08,634
Progress...
274
00:18:08,891 --> 00:18:09,891
There must be growth!
275
00:18:10,173 --> 00:18:12,734
Yeah... macrobiotic
foods and tie-dye shirts!
276
00:18:14,155 --> 00:18:16,428
Hey, ya ain't gonna eat
that cheeseburger Mark.
277
00:18:18,982 --> 00:18:20,456
Fucking guy will eat anything.
278
00:18:20,877 --> 00:18:23,801
This is registered delivery,
you will have to sign for it.
279
00:18:24,030 --> 00:18:25,830
Sure man, I'll sign,
where's the pencil?
280
00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:30,769
I don't wish to alarm you my son,
but the signature will have to be...
281
00:18:33,018 --> 00:18:33,897
in blood.
282
00:18:34,065 --> 00:18:37,020
Listen man, I just
wanna know two things:
283
00:18:37,069 --> 00:18:40,023
Is there any beer in this fake nightclub,
and when do we get paid?
284
00:18:40,036 --> 00:18:42,436
Just a minute, just a minute,
in a moment or two you'll be
285
00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:45,196
able to get your hands on all
the imaginary beer that you want.
286
00:18:45,245 --> 00:18:47,178
For the moment, I would
like to explain some of
287
00:18:47,195 --> 00:18:49,339
the things that you'll all
be doing in this movie.
288
00:18:50,285 --> 00:18:51,516
I've been wondering about that.
289
00:18:51,739 --> 00:18:55,561
For Sherwood, we have a
vacuum cleaner scheduled.
290
00:18:55,990 --> 00:18:57,748
A vacuum cleaner?
291
00:18:57,786 --> 00:19:02,153
And a potential epileptic seizure
during a production number later on.
292
00:19:03,086 --> 00:19:04,276
A vacuum cleaner!
293
00:19:07,352 --> 00:19:10,711
I thought the two of you
would like to get acquainted.
294
00:19:10,730 --> 00:19:13,896
It says here, that you are
supposed to be in love.
295
00:19:15,049 --> 00:19:19,563
This abnormal relationship will be
great for the big story I'm going to write!
296
00:19:20,318 --> 00:19:23,521
Listen man, I just wanna know one thing:
When do we get paid?
297
00:19:24,274 --> 00:19:27,495
No look, look, look, look, look,
don't you even care what you do?
298
00:19:27,952 --> 00:19:30,119
So long as I get some
beer and I get paid,
299
00:19:30,130 --> 00:19:32,731
you can make me do anything,
I'm professional!
300
00:19:33,408 --> 00:19:36,575
I'm deeply offended by
your lack of artistic sense.
301
00:19:36,591 --> 00:19:38,416
Look here, Muhammitz, or
whatever the fuck they call ya,
302
00:19:38,465 --> 00:19:41,289
I don't even give a shit man, I
got five fuckin' kids at home and...
303
00:19:42,089 --> 00:19:44,180
Can you lend me a coupla bucks
until the end of the week?
304
00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:46,521
Who are you anyway?
305
00:19:46,999 --> 00:19:50,160
Oh, she writes for the Imaginary Rock
and Roll newspaper in San Francisco.
306
00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:51,300
San Francisco?
307
00:19:51,410 --> 00:19:53,330
You took the mystery burger!
308
00:19:53,372 --> 00:19:55,588
You are in full possession of...
309
00:19:55,829 --> 00:19:57,586
the burger!
310
00:20:00,471 --> 00:20:02,814
Do you know who I am?
311
00:20:02,855 --> 00:20:04,068
Hmm?
312
00:20:04,111 --> 00:20:09,337
Do you know who I really am?
313
00:20:09,380 --> 00:20:10,801
Agh.
314
00:20:10,843 --> 00:20:12,474
Really, man!
315
00:20:12,516 --> 00:20:14,599
Who... do you think...
316
00:20:14,642 --> 00:20:15,771
you are?
317
00:20:16,113 --> 00:20:17,534
Uhh!
318
00:20:17,576 --> 00:20:19,160
Yeah, do you want me
to tell you who
319
00:20:19,672 --> 00:20:21,362
I really think you are?
320
00:20:22,035 --> 00:20:25,491
Oh, somebody tell me
who is this guy?
321
00:20:38,026 --> 00:20:40,828
Centerville
322
00:20:43,797 --> 00:20:50,153
A real nice place
to raise your kids up.
323
00:20:56,050 --> 00:20:59,396
Centerville
324
00:20:59,437 --> 00:21:02,239
It's really neat!
325
00:21:07,091 --> 00:21:09,600
Churches.
326
00:21:12,862 --> 00:21:15,831
Churches
327
00:21:22,982 --> 00:21:25,825
And liquor stores.
328
00:21:37,870 --> 00:21:40,002
Oh, yeah! It's...
329
00:21:40,045 --> 00:21:42,302
Just like Glendale.
330
00:22:17,556 --> 00:22:19,689
Look!
331
00:22:19,731 --> 00:22:21,947
Over there.
332
00:22:30,102 --> 00:22:33,992
It's a rancid boutique.
333
00:22:35,582 --> 00:22:37,881
Janet, did you see those
guys with the hair?
334
00:22:37,923 --> 00:22:39,386
It's those guys
from the fake stage
335
00:22:39,429 --> 00:22:41,561
across the street
from our house.
336
00:22:41,603 --> 00:22:43,317
Ooh, I get so excited
when somebody
337
00:22:43,360 --> 00:22:44,613
from a group gets near me.
338
00:22:44,656 --> 00:22:47,124
I just... Ooh, I just...
339
00:22:47,165 --> 00:22:50,929
Don't you have any taste?
340
00:22:50,971 --> 00:22:54,315
That one guy's got gray hair,
and the other one's too fat.
341
00:22:54,358 --> 00:22:55,654
But they look so lonely.
342
00:22:55,696 --> 00:22:58,079
Lonely? Good evening, honey.
343
00:22:58,122 --> 00:22:59,418
They look desperate.
344
00:22:59,460 --> 00:23:01,342
Desperate pop stars
are so depressing
345
00:23:01,373 --> 00:23:03,159
when they've been on the
road for such a long time,
346
00:23:03,182 --> 00:23:05,146
and they finally
get some action.
347
00:23:05,189 --> 00:23:07,280
They drool on you.
348
00:23:07,322 --> 00:23:09,664
Really. All that stuff that
comes out of their mouth
349
00:23:09,705 --> 00:23:11,044
when they're on top of you.
350
00:23:11,085 --> 00:23:13,344
It's so moche. Eww.
351
00:23:13,385 --> 00:23:15,686
Ew, on the pillows.
352
00:23:15,727 --> 00:23:17,400
But I like the drummer
353
00:23:17,442 --> 00:23:18,906
with the rivets on his clothes.
354
00:23:18,948 --> 00:23:20,286
He's not bad.
355
00:23:20,328 --> 00:23:21,498
Yeah, I've seen him too.
356
00:23:21,541 --> 00:23:22,920
He just screams "Englishness"
357
00:23:22,963 --> 00:23:25,765
with that little haircut
and the rings.
358
00:23:25,806 --> 00:23:26,768
And the binoculars.
359
00:23:26,810 --> 00:23:28,232
Binoculars?
360
00:23:28,273 --> 00:23:30,532
Didn't you notice
his binoculars?
361
00:23:30,574 --> 00:23:32,581
No. He's got binoculars?
362
00:23:32,622 --> 00:23:34,589
He watches us through them.
He's a pervert.
363
00:23:34,629 --> 00:23:37,348
Oh, I get so hot just
thinking about perversions.
364
00:23:37,390 --> 00:23:39,291
Maybe when we go down to
the fake nightclub tonight,
365
00:23:39,314 --> 00:23:42,116
we can meet him and find out
if he really is perverted.
366
00:23:42,157 --> 00:23:45,002
Just take my word for it.
He is perverted.
367
00:23:45,043 --> 00:23:47,635
Mmm... And English, too.
368
00:23:47,678 --> 00:23:48,678
They're all that way.
369
00:23:54,300 --> 00:23:56,519
♪ This town ♪
370
00:23:57,156 --> 00:23:59,276
♪ This town ♪
371
00:23:59,933 --> 00:24:02,453
♪ Is a sealed ♪
372
00:24:02,770 --> 00:24:04,590
♪ Tuna sandwich ♪
373
00:24:06,145 --> 00:24:08,265
♪ Sealed ♪
374
00:24:08,381 --> 00:24:10,300
♪ Tuna sandwich ♪
375
00:24:10,999 --> 00:24:14,418
♪ With the wrapper glued ♪
376
00:24:15,439 --> 00:24:21,622
♪ It's by baloney on the rack ♪
377
00:24:26,251 --> 00:24:34,238
♪ It goes for 40 cents a whack ♪
378
00:24:36,633 --> 00:24:39,522
♪ It's just a place for us to play ♪
379
00:24:40,271 --> 00:24:42,733
♪ To help us pay ♪
380
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:47,800
♪ The cost of the tickets
back to L.A ♪
381
00:24:48,230 --> 00:24:52,430
♪ The cost of the tickets
back to L.A ♪
382
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:57,100
♪ The cost of the tickets
back to L.A ♪
383
00:25:05,700 --> 00:25:09,800
♪ All the people in the sandwich town ♪
384
00:25:10,500 --> 00:25:14,800
♪ Think the place is great! ♪
385
00:25:15,250 --> 00:25:19,450
♪ What if part of it's crumbling down?
386
00:25:22,715 --> 00:25:27,815
♪ Most of them prob'ly
won't be 'round ♪
387
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:31,920
♪ They'll either be dead, ♪
388
00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:41,660
♪ or moved to San Francisco! ♪
389
00:25:42,688 --> 00:25:46,888
♪ Where everybody thinks
they're Heavy Business ♪
390
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:17,500
♪ But it's just a Tuna Sandwich,
from another catering service ♪
391
00:26:19,101 --> 00:26:21,700
♪ This town ♪
392
00:26:24,501 --> 00:26:28,001
♪ This town ♪
393
00:26:31,950 --> 00:26:36,530
♪ This town we're in is just a ♪
394
00:26:36,779 --> 00:26:41,091
♪ Sealed Tuna Sandwich ♪
395
00:26:41,340 --> 00:26:47,250
♪ Is from another tour ♪
396
00:26:49,700 --> 00:26:54,211
♪ We get a few, ♪
397
00:26:54,460 --> 00:26:58,970
♪ in every tour ♪
398
00:27:02,019 --> 00:27:06,456
♪ They're always, ♪
399
00:27:07,005 --> 00:27:11,900
♪ such a fucking bore ♪
400
00:27:13,120 --> 00:27:15,246
♪ I can't wait till we
blow this town ♪
401
00:27:15,395 --> 00:27:17,820
♪ And work a place with some
local hot action! ♪
402
00:27:30,716 --> 00:27:33,792
♪ This town ♪
403
00:27:34,089 --> 00:27:36,815
♪ This town ♪
404
00:27:37,164 --> 00:27:40,587
♪ Is just a sealed ♪
405
00:27:40,636 --> 00:27:43,889
♪ Tuna sandwich ♪
406
00:27:45,338 --> 00:27:47,738
♪ Sealed... ♪
407
00:27:49,989 --> 00:27:56,189
♪ with the wrapper glued ♪
408
00:27:57,789 --> 00:28:00,502
♪ With the wrapper glued ♪
409
00:28:00,651 --> 00:28:03,151
♪ With wrapper glued ♪
410
00:28:03,651 --> 00:28:07,489
♪ We get a few in every tour ♪
411
00:28:10,489 --> 00:28:14,589
♪ It goes for 30 cents a whack! ♪
412
00:28:19,731 --> 00:28:24,099
♪ It's just a rancid ♪
413
00:28:24,570 --> 00:28:29,178
♪ Little snack ♪
414
00:28:32,945 --> 00:28:38,821
♪ In a plastic bag ♪
415
00:28:40,084 --> 00:28:44,682
♪ From a matron in La Habra ♪
416
00:28:44,793 --> 00:28:49,193
♪ With a blown-out crack ♪
417
00:28:51,065 --> 00:28:54,125
♪ Who dies to suck the fringe, ♪
418
00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:59,014
♪ off of Jimmy Carl Black ♪
419
00:29:03,728 --> 00:29:05,949
♪ My name is Burtram ♪
420
00:29:05,991 --> 00:29:08,254
♪ I am a redneck ♪
421
00:29:08,296 --> 00:29:10,475
♪ All my friends ♪
422
00:29:10,517 --> 00:29:11,439
♪ They call me Burt ♪
423
00:29:11,481 --> 00:29:12,445
Hi, Burt!
424
00:29:12,486 --> 00:29:14,414
♪ All my family ♪
425
00:29:14,457 --> 00:29:16,552
♪ From down in Texas ♪
426
00:29:16,594 --> 00:29:18,145
♪ Make their livin' ♪
427
00:29:18,186 --> 00:29:20,869
♪ Diggin' dirt ♪
428
00:29:20,910 --> 00:29:25,018
♪ Come out here to Californy ♪
429
00:29:25,060 --> 00:29:26,694
♪ Just to find me ♪
430
00:29:26,737 --> 00:29:29,083
♪ Some pretty girls ♪
431
00:29:29,126 --> 00:29:31,095
♪ Ones I seen ♪
432
00:29:31,137 --> 00:29:33,525
♪ Get me so horny ♪
433
00:29:33,568 --> 00:29:37,297
♪ Ruby lips 'n' teeth like pearls ♪
434
00:29:37,340 --> 00:29:39,602
♪ Wanna love 'em all ♪
435
00:29:39,644 --> 00:29:41,740
♪ Wanna love 'em dearly ♪
436
00:29:41,782 --> 00:29:43,542
♪ Wanna pretty girl ♪
437
00:29:43,584 --> 00:29:45,681
♪ I'll even pay ♪
438
00:29:45,721 --> 00:29:47,649
♪ I'll buy 'em furs ♪
439
00:29:47,691 --> 00:29:50,080
♪ I'll buy 'em jewelry ♪
440
00:29:50,122 --> 00:29:52,007
♪ I know they like me ♪
441
00:29:52,050 --> 00:29:54,355
♪ Here's what I say ♪
442
00:29:55,654 --> 00:29:59,719
♪ I'm lonesome cowboy Burt ♪
443
00:29:59,761 --> 00:30:01,647
♪ Speakin' atcha ♪
444
00:30:01,689 --> 00:30:05,586
♪ Come smell my fringe-y shirt ♪
445
00:30:05,629 --> 00:30:07,724
♪ Reekin' atcha ♪
446
00:30:07,766 --> 00:30:10,448
♪ My cowboy pants ♪
447
00:30:10,490 --> 00:30:14,220
♪ My cowboy dance ♪
448
00:30:14,262 --> 00:30:16,442
♪ My bold advance ♪
449
00:30:16,483 --> 00:30:20,255
♪ On this ♪
450
00:30:20,298 --> 00:30:23,063
♪ here... ♪
451
00:30:23,105 --> 00:30:24,027
♪ waitress! ♪
452
00:30:24,069 --> 00:30:26,708
♪ Yodel-oh-oo-pee-hey ♪
453
00:30:26,752 --> 00:30:30,021
♪ Yodel-oh-oo-pee-ee-ee ♪
454
00:30:30,062 --> 00:30:34,169
♪ He's lonesome cowboy Burt ♪
455
00:30:34,211 --> 00:30:39,673
♪ Don'tcha get
his feelings hurt ♪
456
00:30:40,456 --> 00:30:43,138
♪ Come on in this place ♪
457
00:30:43,179 --> 00:30:46,281
♪ And I'll buy you a taste ♪
458
00:30:46,323 --> 00:30:48,879
♪ You can sit on my face ♪
459
00:30:48,921 --> 00:30:52,693
♪ Where's my waitress? ♪
460
00:30:57,848 --> 00:30:59,818
♪ Burtram ♪
461
00:30:59,860 --> 00:31:01,746
♪ Burtram Redneck ♪
462
00:31:01,788 --> 00:31:03,045
♪ Yeah, yeah. ♪
463
00:31:03,087 --> 00:31:04,847
♪ Burtram ♪
464
00:31:04,889 --> 00:31:07,865
♪ Burtram Redneck ♪
465
00:31:07,906 --> 00:31:09,789
♪ I'm an awful nice guy ♪
466
00:31:10,331 --> 00:31:12,677
♪ Sweat all day in the sun ♪
467
00:31:13,019 --> 00:31:15,169
♪ Roofer by trade,
quite a bundle I've made ♪
468
00:31:15,312 --> 00:31:17,993
♪ I'm a unionized roofin' old
son-of-a-gun ♪
469
00:31:18,335 --> 00:31:20,682
♪ He's a unionized roofin'
old son-of-a-gun ♪
470
00:31:23,496 --> 00:31:25,634
♪ When I get off,
I get plastered ♪
471
00:31:25,675 --> 00:31:28,510
♪ Drink till I fall on
the floor ♪
472
00:31:28,552 --> 00:31:30,291
♪ Find me some
communist bastard ♪
473
00:31:30,834 --> 00:31:33,391
♪ And stomp on his face
till he don't move no more ♪
474
00:31:33,632 --> 00:31:36,189
♪ He stomps on his face
till he don't move no more ♪
475
00:31:38,919 --> 00:31:41,141
♪ I fuss and I cuss
and I keep on drinkin' ♪
476
00:31:41,183 --> 00:31:43,433
♪ till my eyes puff up
and turn red ♪
477
00:31:43,775 --> 00:31:46,008
♪ I drool on my shirt,
I see if he's hurt ♪
478
00:31:46,351 --> 00:31:48,781
♪ I kick him again
in the head, yeah! ♪
479
00:31:49,169 --> 00:31:51,479
♪ Let's kick him again
in the head, boys! ♪
480
00:31:51,821 --> 00:31:54,126
♪ Kick him again
in the head, now! ♪
481
00:31:54,468 --> 00:31:56,647
♪ Kick him again in the head! ♪
482
00:31:56,690 --> 00:31:59,246
♪ Lonesome cowboy Burt ♪
483
00:31:59,287 --> 00:32:00,629
♪ Speakin' atcha ♪
484
00:32:00,671 --> 00:32:03,143
♪ Come smell my fringe-y shirt ♪
485
00:32:03,185 --> 00:32:04,526
♪ Reekin' atcha! ♪
486
00:32:04,568 --> 00:32:06,286
♪ My cowboy pants ♪
487
00:32:06,329 --> 00:32:08,257
♪ My cowboy dance ♪
488
00:32:08,298 --> 00:32:10,142
♪ My bold advance ♪
489
00:32:10,185 --> 00:32:12,154
♪ On this... ♪
490
00:32:12,196 --> 00:32:14,417
♪ here waitress! ♪
491
00:32:14,459 --> 00:32:16,296
♪ Yodel-oh-oo-pee-yeh ♪
492
00:32:16,338 --> 00:32:17,753
♪ Yodel-oh-oo-pee! ♪
493
00:32:18,037 --> 00:32:22,424
♪ He's lonesome cowboy Burt ♪
494
00:32:24,266 --> 00:32:29,728
♪ Don'tcha get
his feelings hurt ♪
495
00:32:30,511 --> 00:32:32,061
♪ Yeah ♪
496
00:32:32,102 --> 00:32:35,708
♪ But come on in this place ♪
497
00:32:35,749 --> 00:32:39,479
♪ And I'll buy you a taste ♪
498
00:32:39,521 --> 00:32:42,716
♪ And you can sit on my face ♪
499
00:32:42,758 --> 00:32:45,678
♪ Where's my waitress? ♪
500
00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:49,830
Opal, you hot little bitch!
501
00:32:52,053 --> 00:32:53,938
Yes, Jimmy Carl Black,
502
00:32:53,980 --> 00:32:55,866
Indian of the group...
503
00:32:55,909 --> 00:32:57,710
What can I do for you?
504
00:33:13,049 --> 00:33:15,899
Mohannitz!
What are you doin' here?
505
00:33:15,940 --> 00:33:17,407
You just called me didn't you?
506
00:33:17,449 --> 00:33:19,755
All I said was
"Opal, you hot little bitch"
507
00:33:19,796 --> 00:33:21,683
I am known by many names.
508
00:33:23,274 --> 00:33:24,825
You got many friends
who call you
509
00:33:24,860 --> 00:33:26,711
Opal the hot little bitch?
510
00:33:26,754 --> 00:33:28,555
Please, please, please,
please Mr. Black.
511
00:33:28,598 --> 00:33:30,670
Let us cut the small talk
and get on with your briefing.
512
00:33:30,693 --> 00:33:32,956
Fine, you can brief me
all you want,
513
00:33:32,998 --> 00:33:34,419
as long as you can tell me
two things...
514
00:33:34,462 --> 00:33:36,547
I know.
When do we get paid...
515
00:33:36,989 --> 00:33:39,965
No, I wanna know
where's that waitress.
516
00:33:40,206 --> 00:33:41,631
Mm-hmm, waitress...
517
00:33:41,674 --> 00:33:43,149
And if she comes in this place,
518
00:33:43,192 --> 00:33:44,952
will she sit on my face,
519
00:33:45,193 --> 00:33:47,433
and loan me a couple bucks
until the end of the week?
520
00:33:47,576 --> 00:33:49,294
Couple of bucks...
Heh heh!
521
00:33:49,636 --> 00:33:51,060
End of the week.
522
00:33:51,103 --> 00:33:52,737
Week ending...
the week ending...
523
00:33:52,779 --> 00:33:54,623
What... what that?
What's the date?
524
00:33:54,665 --> 00:33:57,054
Uh, Tuesday was the 5th.
525
00:33:57,096 --> 00:33:59,234
Uh, Monday was the 3rd.
526
00:33:59,275 --> 00:34:00,742
Make that out for Sunday...
da-ah-ah!
527
00:34:00,783 --> 00:34:01,909
Don't say Sunday.
528
00:34:01,951 --> 00:34:03,336
What's wrong with Sunday?
529
00:34:03,379 --> 00:34:05,326
The lord's day!
Blam!
530
00:34:06,358 --> 00:34:08,416
A day of rest!
Blam!
531
00:34:08,547 --> 00:34:11,631
Just make that sucker out for
the 23rd of March, would ya?
532
00:34:14,656 --> 00:34:15,890
Very well, Mr. Black.
533
00:34:16,132 --> 00:34:17,442
Oh, by the way.
534
00:34:17,883 --> 00:34:18,830
I have here...
535
00:34:20,350 --> 00:34:22,642
The special beer I
promised you earlier.
536
00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:24,798
Oh man, it's about time.
I've been waiting.
537
00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:28,067
Would you care to sign for it?
538
00:34:31,210 --> 00:34:33,180
This is a pencil?
539
00:34:33,222 --> 00:34:35,705
No, Mr. Black, it is a pin.
540
00:34:35,746 --> 00:34:36,771
A pin?
541
00:34:36,813 --> 00:34:38,616
Would you jab yourself
in the finger with it?
542
00:34:39,057 --> 00:34:41,237
Listen Mohannitz,
I may be professional,
543
00:34:41,478 --> 00:34:44,548
but I'm not that professional.
I just want my beer.
544
00:34:44,589 --> 00:34:45,898
Sign first!
545
00:34:46,741 --> 00:34:48,016
In blood.
546
00:34:48,059 --> 00:34:49,143
Fuck you!
547
00:34:49,192 --> 00:34:50,857
Who do you think you are,
the devil or something?
548
00:34:51,720 --> 00:34:54,450
I am known by many names.
549
00:34:54,793 --> 00:34:56,745
You probably got some more
weird names for yourself,
550
00:34:56,768 --> 00:34:58,245
but I'll tell you one thing,
you ain't nev,
551
00:34:58,688 --> 00:35:00,105
you definitely ain't
never gonna be called,
552
00:35:00,147 --> 00:35:02,027
and that's the devil,
because you ain't the devil.
553
00:35:02,040 --> 00:35:03,039
Oh, I'm not?
554
00:35:03,110 --> 00:35:04,360
You bet your sweet ass you're not.
555
00:35:04,402 --> 00:35:05,978
The fuckin' devil's
got an English accent.
556
00:35:06,620 --> 00:35:08,245
I seen him
three weeks ago on TV.
557
00:35:08,887 --> 00:35:12,031
So you know you can just
take this big needle here
558
00:35:12,072 --> 00:35:14,648
and hang it in your ass,
as far as I'm concerned!
559
00:35:16,766 --> 00:35:18,622
Fuckin' guy must
have been a communist!
560
00:35:30,663 --> 00:35:32,249
It's really great now.
561
00:35:37,112 --> 00:35:39,743
Ah!. Down here!
562
00:35:42,905 --> 00:35:45,950
More paper, more paper...
563
00:35:48,013 --> 00:35:50,633
I need to write on this now.
564
00:35:51,300 --> 00:35:54,075
Page two. What's that going to be?
565
00:35:54,405 --> 00:35:56,292
Right! Ah, ah.
566
00:35:56,313 --> 00:35:58,025
But I don't care.
567
00:35:58,438 --> 00:35:59,843
Yes... yes!
568
00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:03,356
Yeah, they're getting nasty.
569
00:36:04,505 --> 00:36:06,789
Oh, just a little swab.
Get it on!
570
00:36:10,793 --> 00:36:12,036
Oh another page!
571
00:36:36,085 --> 00:36:37,885
What can I say...
572
00:36:38,134 --> 00:36:40,034
about this elixir!
573
00:36:41,735 --> 00:36:43,035
Right on!
574
00:36:48,385 --> 00:36:49,785
Dropped my hat.
575
00:36:54,785 --> 00:36:57,685
They're getting nasty.
576
00:37:17,211 --> 00:37:19,626
Don't leave me, don't leave me.
577
00:37:20,602 --> 00:37:23,641
Oh, I can't live without
your super substances.
578
00:37:25,117 --> 00:37:27,872
Ahh, let me write that down...
Super Substances.
579
00:37:28,412 --> 00:37:30,047
Yes!
Aha...
580
00:38:21,888 --> 00:38:26,099
♪ The girl wants to
fix him some broth ♪
581
00:38:27,850 --> 00:38:30,929
♪ Tinsel cock ♪
582
00:38:30,970 --> 00:38:32,325
♪ Doo-wee-do ♪
583
00:38:32,366 --> 00:38:35,157
♪ Tinsel cock, my baby ♪
584
00:38:35,198 --> 00:38:36,839
♪ Would you like some broth? ♪
585
00:38:36,881 --> 00:38:38,409
♪ Some nice soup.
Some hot broth? ♪
586
00:38:38,449 --> 00:38:40,644
♪ Small dogs in it. ♪
587
00:38:40,683 --> 00:38:43,349
♪ Do you? ♪
588
00:38:43,388 --> 00:38:46,365
♪ You like broth? Dog broth? ♪
589
00:38:46,407 --> 00:38:48,823
♪ Hot broth? ♪
590
00:38:48,867 --> 00:38:50,549
♪ You like... ♪
591
00:38:50,592 --> 00:38:52,533
♪ Hot dog broth hot? ♪
♪ Dog broth? ♪
592
00:38:52,577 --> 00:38:54,031
♪ How do you like it? ♪
593
00:38:54,075 --> 00:38:58,825
♪ Debris of the four styles offered? ♪
594
00:38:58,867 --> 00:39:00,366
♪ Debris, broth, breath ♪
595
00:39:00,408 --> 00:39:03,618
♪ and the ever-popular ♪
596
00:39:03,661 --> 00:39:05,544
♪ Hygienic... ♪
597
00:39:05,586 --> 00:39:06,846
♪ European version ♪
598
00:39:07,533 --> 00:39:08,675
♪ Tinsel cock! ♪
599
00:39:09,790 --> 00:39:14,340
♪ Tinsel cock ♪
600
00:39:21,907 --> 00:39:23,854
♪ Which... ♪
601
00:39:24,342 --> 00:39:26,542
♪ do you choose? ♪
602
00:40:07,261 --> 00:40:09,119
The Girl...
603
00:40:12,060 --> 00:40:14,450
in a statement to the press,
604
00:40:15,484 --> 00:40:16,884
explains...
605
00:40:24,008 --> 00:40:28,624
♪ Broth reminds me of nuns ♪
606
00:40:28,666 --> 00:40:31,771
♪ I see them smashing
kids with rulers ♪
607
00:40:33,408 --> 00:40:36,511
♪ Disciplining munchkin cretins ♪
608
00:40:36,554 --> 00:40:39,407
♪ Tortured munchkins ♪
609
00:40:39,450 --> 00:40:41,169
♪ Tortured munchkins ♪
610
00:40:41,212 --> 00:40:43,771
♪ Irish Catholic victims ♪
611
00:40:43,812 --> 00:40:47,631
♪ Little green scratchy sweaters ♪
612
00:40:47,673 --> 00:40:48,974
♪ Sweaters ♪
613
00:40:49,016 --> 00:40:52,709
♪ Little green scratchy ones ♪
614
00:40:52,750 --> 00:40:55,772
♪ Brown corduroy pants ♪
615
00:41:00,639 --> 00:41:02,444
♪ Corduroy pants ♪
616
00:41:02,484 --> 00:41:06,638
♪ And green scratchy munchkin ♪
617
00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:09,199
♪ Irish Catholic victims ♪
618
00:41:09,240 --> 00:41:11,968
♪ Munch-kins, munch-a-kins ♪
619
00:41:12,010 --> 00:41:15,366
♪ Munchkins get me hot ♪
620
00:41:15,409 --> 00:41:16,793
♪ Munchkins get me
621
00:41:16,835 --> 00:41:19,547
♪ Get me hot ♪
622
00:41:19,589 --> 00:41:20,946
♪ Munch! ♪
623
00:41:20,989 --> 00:41:23,531
♪ Gets her real hot! ♪
624
00:41:25,395 --> 00:41:29,078
♪ Why don't you strap on ♪
625
00:41:29,120 --> 00:41:30,544
♪ This here bunch ♪
626
00:41:30,585 --> 00:41:34,017
♪ of cardboard boxes, daddy-o? ♪
627
00:41:34,058 --> 00:41:38,829
♪ Joy of my desiring ♪
628
00:41:38,871 --> 00:41:42,182
♪ You'll certainly look suave
and get me hot ♪
629
00:41:43,023 --> 00:41:44,991
♪ Hot, hot, get me hot, ♪
630
00:41:45,022 --> 00:41:47,061
♪ and horny ♪
631
00:41:47,084 --> 00:41:49,017
♪ Ohh! ♪
632
00:41:49,260 --> 00:41:52,566
♪ If there's one thing
I really get off on ♪
633
00:41:52,707 --> 00:41:56,627
♪ It's a nun suit painted
on some old boxes ♪
634
00:41:58,341 --> 00:42:00,267
♪ Some old melodies ♪
635
00:42:01,222 --> 00:42:02,770
♪ Four four an aura! ♪
636
00:42:02,912 --> 00:42:05,281
♪ An areola! ♪
637
00:42:05,823 --> 00:42:09,794
♪ Pink gums! ♪
638
00:42:10,635 --> 00:42:15,209
♪ Stumpy gray teeth! ♪
639
00:42:15,950 --> 00:42:19,300
♪ Dental floss! ♪
640
00:42:20,471 --> 00:42:24,100
♪ Gets me so hot! ♪
641
00:42:24,271 --> 00:42:26,130
♪ Tinsel tinsel tinsel tinsel! ♪
642
00:42:26,211 --> 00:42:31,542
♪ I wanna rock the
tinsel cock my baby! ♪
643
00:42:33,100 --> 00:42:34,780
Hello there.
644
00:42:35,122 --> 00:42:37,692
When you go on tour
with a musical group,
645
00:42:37,934 --> 00:42:41,458
it's possible that any town
can seem like this...
646
00:42:41,700 --> 00:42:44,519
Whether it's large or small,
or busy,
647
00:42:44,561 --> 00:42:46,923
or if there's nothing
happening in it.
648
00:42:46,965 --> 00:42:49,038
The reason for this
is quite simple.
649
00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:52,045
A musician, if you consider
the normal pattern
650
00:42:52,087 --> 00:42:53,663
of modern civilized life,
651
00:42:54,004 --> 00:42:55,567
is on the outside of it all.
652
00:42:56,509 --> 00:42:58,167
He doesn't build things.
653
00:42:58,309 --> 00:42:59,609
He doesn't work regular hours
654
00:42:59,611 --> 00:43:01,559
like a decent,
god-fearing citizen.
655
00:43:01,975 --> 00:43:04,089
And the life he leads,
in many ways,
656
00:43:04,131 --> 00:43:07,157
seems useless and irrelevant
to those of us
657
00:43:07,199 --> 00:43:09,811
who'd prefer a quiet evening
in front of the television
658
00:43:09,853 --> 00:43:11,323
and a bottle of beer.
659
00:43:11,965 --> 00:43:14,329
Amazing as it might seem
to some of us,
660
00:43:14,669 --> 00:43:16,743
musicians have basic
physical needs,
661
00:43:16,984 --> 00:43:19,098
just like real people.
662
00:43:19,140 --> 00:43:21,628
Many of them study for years,
663
00:43:21,670 --> 00:43:24,779
learning to play the violin,
for instance.
664
00:43:24,820 --> 00:43:27,681
Only to be rewarded
with a hum-drum job
665
00:43:27,723 --> 00:43:30,706
in the fourth row of a
symphonic string section.
666
00:43:31,247 --> 00:43:34,067
That's why the government
have constructed,
667
00:43:34,108 --> 00:43:35,601
at great expense,
668
00:43:35,642 --> 00:43:39,125
this experimental
re-orientation facility...
669
00:43:42,981 --> 00:43:46,505
To find a way, perhaps,
to retrain these useless
670
00:43:46,547 --> 00:43:50,320
old musicians with their brown
fiddles and little horns,
671
00:43:50,362 --> 00:43:52,020
give them a trade.
672
00:43:52,061 --> 00:43:54,839
A reason to exist
in the modern world,
673
00:43:54,881 --> 00:43:58,198
a chance of a happier,
more productive life.
674
00:43:58,239 --> 00:44:00,603
Some will enter the military,
675
00:44:00,644 --> 00:44:02,925
some will learn shorthand,
676
00:44:02,966 --> 00:44:06,283
and some will disappear
in the middle of the night,
677
00:44:06,325 --> 00:44:09,890
on a special train
they're sending in.
678
00:44:09,932 --> 00:44:11,548
It's the only way, really,
679
00:44:11,590 --> 00:44:13,704
to bring about
the final solution
680
00:44:13,746 --> 00:44:16,234
to the orchestra question.
681
00:44:17,769 --> 00:44:20,131
I'm sure that many of us realize
682
00:44:20,173 --> 00:44:22,495
that a pop group can earn
a vast amount of money
683
00:44:22,537 --> 00:44:26,102
compared to these
other kinds of musicians.
684
00:44:26,144 --> 00:44:28,507
That's why the special
government agencies
685
00:44:28,548 --> 00:44:32,611
for mass response programming
and psychological stultification
686
00:44:32,653 --> 00:44:36,343
prefer to treat them
in a more subtle manner.
687
00:44:36,385 --> 00:44:38,749
They know, just as many of you
688
00:44:38,790 --> 00:44:40,822
vigilant and thoroughly
upstanding citizens
689
00:44:40,863 --> 00:44:42,729
have discovered for yourselves.
690
00:44:42,770 --> 00:44:46,128
The power of pop music
to corrupt and putrefy
691
00:44:46,170 --> 00:44:49,248
the minds of world youth
are virtually limitless.
692
00:44:55,505 --> 00:45:00,377
♪ She painted up her face ♪
693
00:45:06,081 --> 00:45:11,442
♪ She sat before the mirror ♪
694
00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:21,926
♪ She painted up her face ♪
695
00:45:23,888 --> 00:45:28,260
♪ She drew the mirror nearer ♪
696
00:45:36,706 --> 00:45:40,992
♪ Practisissing, Practiss, Practicing! ♪
697
00:45:43,053 --> 00:45:47,264
♪ The Stare! ♪
698
00:45:50,063 --> 00:45:54,726
♪ Stare! ♪
699
00:45:57,604 --> 00:45:59,199
♪ The 'Secret Stare' she would use ♪
700
00:45:59,280 --> 00:46:01,922
♪ if a worthy-looking victim should appear ♪
701
00:46:14,739 --> 00:46:17,991
♪ Practisissing, Practiss, Practicing! ♪
702
00:46:19,113 --> 00:46:25,024
♪ Ah-hoo-ah-hoo-wah-hoo-wahhhh ♪
703
00:46:26,039 --> 00:46:30,811
♪ Practisissing, Practiss, Practicing! ♪
704
00:47:51,415 --> 00:47:55,309
♪ The clock upon the wall ♪
705
00:48:01,547 --> 00:48:06,754
♪ has struck the midnight hour! ♪
706
00:48:12,278 --> 00:48:15,603
♪ She finishes her call ♪
707
00:48:19,046 --> 00:48:27,046
♪ Her girlfriend's in the shower ♪
708
00:48:31,147 --> 00:48:35,918
♪ Practisissing, Practiss, Practicing! ♪
709
00:48:39,175 --> 00:48:41,061
♪ Half a dozen provocative squats! ♪
710
00:48:41,381 --> 00:48:43,364
♪ Out of the shower,
she squeezes her spots ♪
711
00:48:44,031 --> 00:48:45,031
♪ Brushes her teeth ♪
712
00:48:45,149 --> 00:48:50,672
♪ Shoots a deodorant spray
up her twat! ♪
713
00:48:54,026 --> 00:48:59,244
♪ It's getting her,
getting her hot! ♪
714
00:48:59,303 --> 00:49:04,924
♪ Oh-woh-woh-
woh-woh-woh ♪
715
00:49:07,109 --> 00:49:12,100
♪ She's just twenty-four
and she can't get off ♪
716
00:49:12,354 --> 00:49:18,590
♪ A sad but typical case, yeah ♪
717
00:49:19,667 --> 00:49:21,864
♪ Last dude to do her ♪
718
00:49:21,938 --> 00:49:25,003
♪ got in and got soft ♪
719
00:49:25,684 --> 00:49:27,094
♪ She blew it ♪
720
00:49:27,284 --> 00:49:30,907
♪ and laughed in
his face, yeah! ♪
721
00:49:32,306 --> 00:49:34,870
♪ Face, yeah! ♪
722
00:49:35,660 --> 00:49:36,863
♪ Yeah! ♪
723
00:51:06,928 --> 00:51:11,950
♪ She chooses all the clothes ♪
724
00:51:16,872 --> 00:51:22,614
♪ She'll wear tonight to dance in! ♪
725
00:51:27,541 --> 00:51:32,156
♪ The places that she goes ♪
726
00:51:34,013 --> 00:51:37,075
♪ are filled with guys from groups ♪
727
00:51:37,076 --> 00:51:39,703
♪ Yeah-yeah-yeah ♪
728
00:51:40,410 --> 00:51:43,802
♪ Waiting for a chance
to break her pants in ♪
729
00:51:47,303 --> 00:51:48,451
♪ Provocative Squats! ♪
730
00:51:49,052 --> 00:51:50,262
♪ Gum-me-on-m'lung-a ♪
731
00:51:50,467 --> 00:51:51,720
♪ Provocative Squats! ♪
732
00:51:52,045 --> 00:51:53,286
♪ Gum-me-on-m'lung-a ♪
733
00:51:53,526 --> 00:51:54,922
♪ Provocative Squats! ♪
734
00:51:55,270 --> 00:51:56,573
♪ Gum-me-on-m'lung-a ♪
735
00:51:56,829 --> 00:51:58,136
♪ Provocative Squats! ♪
736
00:51:58,521 --> 00:51:59,892
♪ Gum-me-on-m'lung-a ♪
737
00:52:08,710 --> 00:52:14,281
♪ Well, at least there's
sort of a choice there ♪
738
00:52:17,090 --> 00:52:22,715
♪ Twenty or thirty at
times there have been ♪
739
00:52:25,004 --> 00:52:30,319
♪ somewhat desirable boys there ♪
740
00:52:32,648 --> 00:52:37,870
♪ Dressed really spiffy,
with long hair ♪
741
00:52:41,011 --> 00:52:46,489
♪ Waiting for girls they
can shove it right in ♪
742
00:52:54,471 --> 00:53:00,946
♪ Well, at least there's
sort of a choice there ♪
743
00:53:02,384 --> 00:53:07,299
♪ Twenty or thirty at
times there have been ♪
744
00:53:09,540 --> 00:53:15,358
♪ somewhat desirable boys there ♪
745
00:53:16,539 --> 00:53:21,546
♪ Dressed really
spiffy, with long hair ♪
746
00:53:23,600 --> 00:53:30,180
♪ Waiting for girls they
can shove it right in ♪
747
00:53:34,696 --> 00:53:35,791
I'm going to die.
748
00:53:36,040 --> 00:53:37,393
I know I'm going to die,
749
00:53:38,142 --> 00:53:40,612
I can tell because
my pulse is so weak.
750
00:53:41,613 --> 00:53:44,205
The pills...
I took so many downers
751
00:53:44,219 --> 00:53:46,036
that I know this is the end for me.
752
00:53:46,211 --> 00:53:48,087
You poor thing. You
want us to fix your hair
753
00:53:48,088 --> 00:53:49,863
for you so you look
good when they find you?
754
00:53:50,396 --> 00:53:51,396
Oh... would you?
755
00:53:51,713 --> 00:53:53,287
Sure, whaddyawant?
A ponytail?
756
00:53:53,536 --> 00:53:54,843
A flat-top with fenders?
757
00:53:55,756 --> 00:53:58,312
I'm gonna die Janet,
I'm gonna O.D.!
758
00:53:59,261 --> 00:54:00,813
So,make me look good.
759
00:54:01,132 --> 00:54:03,604
Listen, the best I can do
for you is fix your hair.
760
00:54:03,605 --> 00:54:06,285
So why don't you get up and wash
that melted eye makeup off your face.
761
00:54:06,899 --> 00:54:12,347
Is it smeared? I've been crying so much...
It's so damn sad.
762
00:54:12,348 --> 00:54:15,197
When you know you'll never
see all your friends anymore.
763
00:54:16,301 --> 00:54:19,495
Every week it's the same
old thing. You're gonna die.
764
00:54:19,496 --> 00:54:22,334
You're gonna die.
Somebody went out on you.
765
00:54:22,357 --> 00:54:25,088
Somebody doesn't love you anymore.
How long you been a groupie?
766
00:54:25,089 --> 00:54:27,918
You should get used to romances
which are so obviously cheap.
767
00:54:27,781 --> 00:54:31,484
Listen, just in case you
crash out, and the imaginary
768
00:54:31,485 --> 00:54:34,883
rock and roll newspaper from
San Francisco wants to get
769
00:54:34,906 --> 00:54:37,916
any pictures of you, you'll look like
you washed your face.
770
00:54:38,569 --> 00:54:40,659
Really, it's better this
way with a clean face.
771
00:54:40,708 --> 00:54:42,706
People think groupies
are such dirty girls.
772
00:54:44,950 --> 00:54:47,140
I wouldn't mind sort of
fucking all three of them!
773
00:54:49,092 --> 00:54:50,131
Look, over there!
774
00:54:50,584 --> 00:54:50,933
What?
775
00:54:50,956 --> 00:54:53,852
He's doing it, he's watching us from
the fake bandstand with the binoculars!
776
00:54:53,876 --> 00:54:54,757
Who, the English dude?
777
00:54:54,780 --> 00:54:55,780
Oh, rivet-boy!
778
00:54:56,128 --> 00:54:57,341
The rivet boy? Where?
779
00:54:58,206 --> 00:55:01,246
Over there, wipe that stuff out of
your eyes. It looks like he's beating off.
780
00:55:01,314 --> 00:55:02,943
Beating off? I knew he was a pervert.
781
00:55:03,777 --> 00:55:05,616
Eww, how exciting.
782
00:55:06,465 --> 00:55:08,403
Hey, are you still
trying to O.D.?
783
00:55:08,814 --> 00:55:11,704
Yes, this definitely
is the end for me!
784
00:55:11,753 --> 00:55:13,721
I feel so faint! So weak!
785
00:55:22,115 --> 00:55:23,695
Good evening honey,
that was the most
786
00:55:23,696 --> 00:55:25,609
imaginary collapse I've
seen since last week.
787
00:55:26,272 --> 00:55:27,904
Janet do you think she's going to die?
788
00:55:27,927 --> 00:55:29,793
Are you kidding?
Did you see her hit the floor?
789
00:55:30,911 --> 00:55:33,534
God, well it was so obviously cheap.
Lift up your head, honey.
790
00:55:33,711 --> 00:55:35,920
I'm going to die.
This time it's real.
791
00:55:38,571 --> 00:55:40,572
Listen, Lucy, we gotta get
ready for our big dance number,
792
00:55:40,573 --> 00:55:42,572
we're going to the
fake nightclub tonight.
793
00:55:42,924 --> 00:55:43,963
Everything's getting dim.
794
00:55:46,298 --> 00:55:48,234
Why don't you tell her a story
while you put your makeup on?
795
00:55:48,983 --> 00:55:50,318
Good evening.
796
00:55:53,978 --> 00:55:57,543
Oh. Listen, toots. I'm going to
make up a nice little fairy tale for you.
797
00:55:58,402 --> 00:56:01,143
The pills, the Mandrax,
I took so many of them.
798
00:56:02,319 --> 00:56:04,485
I'll tell you part of the story,
and then you make up
799
00:56:04,486 --> 00:56:05,998
another part that
goes along with it.
800
00:56:07,169 --> 00:56:12,304
Once upon a time there was
a tall, handsome, muscular...
801
00:56:13,108 --> 00:56:14,108
dwarf...
802
00:56:15,228 --> 00:56:16,228
with a very special...
803
00:56:16,794 --> 00:56:18,790
Swedish apparatus..
804
00:56:20,326 --> 00:56:22,686
that him and his friends
would use in conjunction with...
805
00:56:23,245 --> 00:56:25,445
bold new surgical experiments...
806
00:56:27,915 --> 00:56:28,915
involving...
807
00:56:29,497 --> 00:56:31,437
a bludgeon, and a
bottle of champagne...
808
00:56:32,635 --> 00:56:33,235
and a...
809
00:56:33,578 --> 00:56:34,601
microwave oven...
810
00:56:35,795 --> 00:56:36,795
from a...
811
00:56:37,163 --> 00:56:41,103
jumbo jet, one of the big
jobs leased from Air Rangoon...
812
00:56:42,521 --> 00:56:43,802
which, when used correctly...
813
00:56:44,150 --> 00:56:46,373
can effectively
increase the dimensions...
814
00:56:47,459 --> 00:56:48,769
and firepower of your...
815
00:56:49,286 --> 00:56:50,286
dick...
816
00:56:50,413 --> 00:56:51,413
to the point where...
817
00:56:51,935 --> 00:56:53,713
in some instances,
818
00:56:53,962 --> 00:56:57,310
it should be classified
as a lethal weapon!
819
00:57:02,633 --> 00:57:04,298
Hello there.
820
00:57:04,340 --> 00:57:06,222
All the guys in the band
are pretending to get ready
821
00:57:06,864 --> 00:57:09,222
so they can go out
and find some pussy.
822
00:57:09,663 --> 00:57:12,245
Oh, I wonder where the
action is in this town?
823
00:57:12,386 --> 00:57:14,393
Every musician likes
to find some pussy.
824
00:57:14,935 --> 00:57:18,267
Boy, I could have
really scored last night.
825
00:57:18,309 --> 00:57:20,083
but every night, it's the same thing:
826
00:57:21,224 --> 00:57:22,731
Aynsley gets there first.
827
00:57:23,673 --> 00:57:25,380
He's so fast, it...
828
00:57:25,523 --> 00:57:27,746
Must be from playing
the drums or something.
829
00:57:28,488 --> 00:57:29,987
I mean...
830
00:57:30,028 --> 00:57:31,570
If those girls over there
831
00:57:31,611 --> 00:57:34,193
only knew my secret identity, but...
832
00:57:34,235 --> 00:57:35,651
But how could they?
833
00:57:35,692 --> 00:57:38,024
Ho-how could they know that...
834
00:57:38,067 --> 00:57:40,781
I am bwana dik?
835
00:57:41,024 --> 00:57:43,772
Where's my hair dryer?
836
00:57:43,814 --> 00:57:46,022
Got to look lovely for the girls.
837
00:57:47,396 --> 00:57:49,519
After all...
838
00:57:49,561 --> 00:57:52,019
I am bwana dik.
839
00:57:52,060 --> 00:57:54,309
Each guy has his own specialty
840
00:57:54,351 --> 00:57:57,225
for getting the girl of his dreams.
841
00:57:57,266 --> 00:57:59,515
I sprayed my pits.
842
00:57:59,557 --> 00:58:01,722
I put on a new tie-dye t-shirt.
843
00:58:01,764 --> 00:58:04,013
I brushed my teeth.
844
00:58:04,054 --> 00:58:06,554
I cleaned my glasses.
845
00:58:06,595 --> 00:58:08,844
I buffed my nails.
846
00:58:09,086 --> 00:58:10,469
I bought a copy of Down Beat
847
00:58:10,485 --> 00:58:11,318
so I could carry it around and
848
00:58:11,385 --> 00:58:12,823
look like I knew
what was happening.
849
00:58:13,942 --> 00:58:15,557
I left my shirt unbuttoned at the top.
850
00:58:16,299 --> 00:58:18,948
I just know I'm
gonna get laid tonight.
851
00:58:19,090 --> 00:58:21,297
I'm not taking any chances.
852
00:58:21,438 --> 00:58:24,561
I got this little jar of
tinsel glitter here.
853
00:58:25,004 --> 00:58:27,294
The same brand Danny
Hutton puts on his face
854
00:58:27,336 --> 00:58:29,127
that makes him look all...
855
00:58:29,168 --> 00:58:31,417
Glistening and seductive.
856
00:58:32,417 --> 00:58:34,041
Just put a little on here.
857
00:58:34,083 --> 00:58:35,957
The cheeks...
858
00:58:35,999 --> 00:58:37,414
The chin...
859
00:58:37,456 --> 00:58:40,288
Mmm, the quivering lips.
860
00:58:40,330 --> 00:58:42,204
I'm so commercial, I could die!
861
00:58:42,246 --> 00:58:43,620
Somebody...
862
00:58:43,662 --> 00:58:45,818
Turn on a blue spotlight!
863
00:58:47,730 --> 00:58:50,793
♪ What... ♪
864
00:58:50,835 --> 00:58:56,415
♪ will this... ♪
865
00:58:56,457 --> 00:59:04,009
♪ morning... ♪
866
00:59:04,051 --> 00:59:05,646
♪ bring me... ♪
867
00:59:05,787 --> 00:59:12,626
♪ this evening? ♪
868
00:59:12,668 --> 00:59:15,144
♪ Some local ♪
869
00:59:15,186 --> 00:59:19,213
♪ hot action ♪
870
00:59:19,256 --> 00:59:21,529
♪ I'm a young lonely guy ♪
871
00:59:21,770 --> 00:59:28,622
♪ Before we are leaving ♪
872
00:59:30,064 --> 00:59:34,583
♪ Maybe we can get some head ♪
873
00:59:34,725 --> 00:59:36,067
♪ Go to the club or the bar ♪
874
00:59:36,110 --> 00:59:37,746
♪ Or wherever the pussy is found ♪
875
00:59:37,788 --> 00:59:40,970
♪ In the town your band
is booked to play in ♪
876
00:59:44,239 --> 00:59:46,263
♪ It's always a little bit
harder to score ♪
877
00:59:46,305 --> 00:59:48,319
♪ If it's just your
first time in a town ♪
878
00:59:48,461 --> 00:59:50,169
♪ you never hit before ♪
879
00:59:57,146 --> 00:59:59,509
♪ Stayed in it once ♪
880
00:59:59,951 --> 01:00:03,263
♪ and got laid ♪
881
01:00:04,904 --> 01:00:08,009
♪ You've got it made ♪
882
01:00:08,052 --> 01:00:11,953
♪ Ahh, got it made! ♪
883
01:00:11,996 --> 01:00:13,245
♪ Ohh! ♪
884
01:00:13,686 --> 01:00:16,372
♪ Just your first time ♪
885
01:00:16,514 --> 01:00:21,359
♪ Then you know
it's no fun to go ♪
886
01:00:21,800 --> 01:00:26,519
♪ back to a plastic hotel ♪
887
01:00:26,561 --> 01:00:31,050
♪ all alone! ♪
888
01:00:31,793 --> 01:00:35,961
♪ Go to the club or the bar ♪
889
01:00:36,000 --> 01:00:38,260
♪ Or wherever the pussy is found ♪
890
01:00:43,158 --> 01:00:44,885
Hah! Hyuh!
891
01:00:44,927 --> 01:00:46,274
Agh! Hyuh!
892
01:00:46,316 --> 01:00:47,958
One minute to post time.
893
01:00:48,000 --> 01:00:48,969
Approaching the gate.
894
01:00:49,011 --> 01:00:50,653
There's the call...
895
01:00:50,695 --> 01:00:53,474
Hah! None may resist me.
896
01:00:53,516 --> 01:00:54,550
They're moving into the gate.
897
01:00:54,569 --> 01:00:55,569
Three cheeseburgers.
898
01:00:57,305 --> 01:00:59,032
Wow. Boy, do I need it!
899
01:01:04,084 --> 01:01:05,263
Open up!
900
01:01:05,306 --> 01:01:06,905
Open! Open up!
901
01:01:06,948 --> 01:01:08,842
Hey, open up! Open the door!
902
01:01:10,064 --> 01:01:11,747
Women! Booze!
903
01:01:11,790 --> 01:01:14,652
Open up! I'm not stalling!
904
01:01:17,348 --> 01:01:19,828
Come on, you guys,
get out of my way!
905
01:01:21,095 --> 01:01:23,116
♪ She's such a dignified lady ♪
906
01:01:23,158 --> 01:01:25,137
♪ She's so pretty and soft ♪
907
01:01:25,179 --> 01:01:27,369
♪ You can't call her a groupie ♪
908
01:01:27,410 --> 01:01:29,390
♪ It just pisses her off ♪
909
01:01:29,432 --> 01:01:31,453
♪ She's got diamonds and jewelry ♪
910
01:01:31,495 --> 01:01:33,474
♪ She got lots of new clothes ♪
911
01:01:33,516 --> 01:01:35,264
♪ She ain't hurtin' for money ♪
912
01:01:35,505 --> 01:01:37,432
♪ So that everyone knows ♪
913
01:01:37,474 --> 01:01:41,290
♪ That she knows what she wants ♪
914
01:01:42,202 --> 01:01:45,621
♪ She knows what she likes ♪
915
01:01:45,920 --> 01:01:48,441
♪ Daddy, daddy, daddy, wanna do it? ♪
916
01:01:48,526 --> 01:01:49,758
♪ Whoo! ♪
917
01:01:49,900 --> 01:01:51,768
♪ Daddy, daddy, daddy, wanna do it? ♪
918
01:01:52,211 --> 01:01:53,805
♪ Whoo! ♪
919
01:01:53,948 --> 01:01:56,289
♪ Daddy, daddy, daddy, wanna do it? ♪
920
01:01:56,532 --> 01:02:00,637
♪ Look out, she's
got her eyes on you ♪
921
01:02:01,179 --> 01:02:04,084
♪ She left her place after midnight ♪
922
01:02:04,126 --> 01:02:05,632
♪ La la la la la ♪
923
01:02:05,674 --> 01:02:07,737
♪ And she drove to the club ♪
924
01:02:08,379 --> 01:02:09,852
♪ La la la la-ee-ah ♪
925
01:02:09,895 --> 01:02:12,273
♪ You know that
her and her partner ♪
926
01:02:12,299 --> 01:02:13,604
♪ La la la la la ♪
927
01:02:13,864 --> 01:02:16,231
♪ Came here lookin' for love ♪
928
01:02:16,374 --> 01:02:17,721
♪ La la la la-ee-ah ♪
929
01:02:18,063 --> 01:02:20,227
♪ They want a guy
from a group ♪
930
01:02:20,268 --> 01:02:21,742
♪ La la la la la ♪
931
01:02:22,084 --> 01:02:24,426
♪ Got a thing in the charts ♪
932
01:02:24,440 --> 01:02:26,041
♪ La la la la-ee-ah ♪
933
01:02:26,195 --> 01:02:28,216
♪ If his dick is a monster ♪
934
01:02:29,570 --> 01:02:31,598
♪ If his dick is a monster ♪
935
01:02:33,526 --> 01:02:36,563
♪ If his dick is a monster ♪
936
01:02:37,505 --> 01:02:40,481
♪ They will give him their hearts ♪
937
01:02:41,264 --> 01:02:43,042
♪ 'Cause they know what they want ♪
938
01:02:43,085 --> 01:02:45,595
♪ Wanna do it, do it,
they wanna, wanna do it ♪
939
01:02:45,736 --> 01:02:47,489
♪ They know what they like ♪
940
01:02:47,532 --> 01:02:49,484
♪ Wanna do it, do it,
they wanna, wanna do it ♪
941
01:02:49,826 --> 01:02:51,600
♪ Daddy, daddy, daddy, wanna do it ♪
942
01:02:52,042 --> 01:02:53,684
♪ Whoo! ♪
943
01:02:53,726 --> 01:02:56,168
♪ Daddy, daddy, daddy, wanna do it ♪
944
01:02:56,211 --> 01:02:57,642
♪ Whoo! ♪
945
01:02:57,684 --> 01:02:59,937
♪ Daddy, daddy, daddy, wanna do it ♪
946
01:03:00,278 --> 01:03:02,758
♪ Look out, they got their eyes on you ♪
947
01:03:03,700 --> 01:03:05,584
♪ Bam, bam, ya ta da da ♪
948
01:03:05,727 --> 01:03:08,005
♪ They know what they want ♪
949
01:03:08,648 --> 01:03:09,784
♪ Whoo! ♪
950
01:03:09,826 --> 01:03:11,779
♪ Know what they like ♪
951
01:03:12,621 --> 01:03:13,668
♪ Whoo! ♪
952
01:03:13,711 --> 01:03:15,737
♪ Daddy, daddy, daddy ♪
953
01:03:16,079 --> 01:03:17,637
♪ Whoo! ♪
954
01:03:17,678 --> 01:03:19,442
♪ Daddy, daddy, daddy ♪
955
01:03:20,184 --> 01:03:21,642
♪ Whoo! ♪
956
01:03:21,684 --> 01:03:23,621
♪ Daddy, daddy, daddy ♪
957
01:03:23,963 --> 01:03:25,195
♪ All right ♪
958
01:03:25,237 --> 01:03:27,263
♪ You got 'em screamin' all night ♪
959
01:03:27,305 --> 01:03:29,453
♪ La la la la la ♪
960
01:03:29,494 --> 01:03:31,274
♪ Sreamin' all night ♪
961
01:03:33,684 --> 01:03:36,210
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪
962
01:03:36,353 --> 01:03:38,115
♪ Do you like my new car? ♪
963
01:03:38,158 --> 01:03:41,620
♪ Do it, do it, you wanna,
wanna do it do it ♪
964
01:03:42,263 --> 01:03:43,621
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪
965
01:03:44,363 --> 01:03:46,094
♪ Do you like my new car ♪
966
01:03:46,137 --> 01:03:49,968
♪ Do it, do it, you wanna,
wanna, do it, do it? ♪
967
01:03:50,110 --> 01:03:51,773
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪
968
01:03:52,516 --> 01:03:54,321
♪ Do you like my new car?
969
01:03:54,363 --> 01:03:56,937
♪ Do it, you wanna, wanna, do it, do it? ♪
970
01:03:57,379 --> 01:04:00,316
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪
971
01:04:00,358 --> 01:04:02,000
♪ Do you like my new car?
972
01:04:02,041 --> 01:04:05,294
♪ Do it, do it, you wanna,
wanna, do it, do it? ♪
973
01:04:06,037 --> 01:04:08,131
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪
974
01:04:08,874 --> 01:04:10,642
♪ Do you like my new car?
975
01:04:10,684 --> 01:04:13,173
♪ Do it, do it, you wanna,
wanna, do it, do it? ♪
976
01:04:14,216 --> 01:04:16,474
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪
977
01:04:16,515 --> 01:04:18,400
♪ Do you like my new car? ♪
978
01:04:18,442 --> 01:04:20,947
♪ Do it, do it, you wanna,
wanna, do it, do it? ♪
979
01:04:21,889 --> 01:04:23,884
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪
980
01:04:24,026 --> 01:04:25,968
♪ Do you like my new car?
981
01:04:26,010 --> 01:04:28,873
♪ Do it, do it, you wanna,
wanna, do it, do it? ♪
982
01:04:29,716 --> 01:04:30,895
♪ Ohh ♪
983
01:04:31,537 --> 01:04:32,700
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪
984
01:04:32,720 --> 01:04:34,447
♪ Do you like my new car?
985
01:04:34,610 --> 01:04:37,015
♪ Do it, do it, you wanna,
wanna, do it, do it? ♪
986
01:04:38,990 --> 01:04:41,203
Do you like my new car?
987
01:04:43,599 --> 01:04:45,099
It's real cool.
988
01:04:45,780 --> 01:04:48,580
Do you know how to
get to the cheesy motel?
989
01:04:49,308 --> 01:04:50,608
Yeah which one is it?
990
01:04:53,680 --> 01:04:55,280
The one by the airport.
991
01:04:57,827 --> 01:04:59,727
Oh-oh-oh...
Oh man!
992
01:05:11,260 --> 01:05:12,260
Do you like my new car?
993
01:05:14,020 --> 01:05:15,720
Do you like playing with that,
or what?
994
01:05:20,500 --> 01:05:21,500
Real cool!
995
01:05:28,590 --> 01:05:30,455
Your right. You'll probably
take me to the cheesy motel
996
01:05:30,504 --> 01:05:32,390
without smashing
into the butcher shop.
997
01:05:33,175 --> 01:05:34,335
Which one are you staying at?
998
01:05:34,990 --> 01:05:36,290
The one by the airport.
999
01:05:36,490 --> 01:05:38,690
Keep it up Ian! Ian!
1000
01:05:39,800 --> 01:05:42,900
We got a get up early, and fly out
of here in the morning, you know?
1001
01:05:43,070 --> 01:05:44,070
Oh yeah really?
1002
01:05:44,125 --> 01:05:45,125
Yeah, really.
1003
01:05:46,900 --> 01:05:48,220
Where do you play tomorrow night?
1004
01:05:48,911 --> 01:05:50,311
Oh, Tierra del Fuego.
1005
01:05:50,400 --> 01:05:51,400
Oh yeah.
1006
01:05:51,600 --> 01:05:53,500
And then there's that BBQ at Mutt's.
1007
01:05:54,000 --> 01:05:55,700
Oh, you're so professional!
1008
01:05:55,950 --> 01:05:58,576
I mean - Ha ha ha ha!
1009
01:06:02,225 --> 01:06:05,350
The way you get to travel
to all those exotic places!
1010
01:06:06,150 --> 01:06:08,850
Do you really have a hit single
in the charts with a bullet?
1011
01:06:09,150 --> 01:06:10,642
Listen up...
1012
01:06:10,791 --> 01:06:13,150
Would I lie to you just
to get in your pants?
1013
01:06:13,200 --> 01:06:14,700
Don't talk to me that way!
1014
01:06:14,711 --> 01:06:16,235
Keep your eye on the road!
1015
01:06:16,284 --> 01:06:17,411
Ha ha ha ha ha!
1016
01:06:21,300 --> 01:06:23,274
Oh road groupie!
1017
01:06:26,132 --> 01:06:29,413
♪ Ooh, the way
you love me, lady ♪
1018
01:06:29,455 --> 01:06:33,998
♪ I get so hard
now I could die ♪
1019
01:06:37,069 --> 01:06:40,349
♪ Ooh, the way you love me,
sugar ♪
1020
01:06:40,392 --> 01:06:44,808
♪ I get so hard now
I could die ♪
1021
01:06:47,920 --> 01:06:49,224
♪ Open up your pocketbook ♪
1022
01:06:49,267 --> 01:06:50,571
♪ Get another quarter out ♪
1023
01:06:50,613 --> 01:06:51,917
♪ Drop it in the meter, mama ♪
1024
01:06:51,958 --> 01:06:55,240
♪ Try me on for size ♪
1025
01:06:58,521 --> 01:06:59,825
♪ Open up your pocketbook ♪
1026
01:06:59,866 --> 01:07:01,213
♪ Get another quarter out ♪
1027
01:07:01,255 --> 01:07:02,600
♪ Drop it in the meter, mama ♪
1028
01:07:02,643 --> 01:07:05,755
♪ Try me on for size ♪
1029
01:07:08,741 --> 01:07:11,770
♪ Ooh, the way
you squeeze me, baby ♪
1030
01:07:11,813 --> 01:07:17,239
♪ Red balloons just pop
behind my eyes ♪
1031
01:07:19,931 --> 01:07:22,623
♪ Ooh, the way
you squeeze me, girl ♪
1032
01:07:22,665 --> 01:07:27,629
♪ Red balloons
just pop behind my eyes ♪
1033
01:07:30,741 --> 01:07:31,960
♪ Open up your pocketbook ♪
1034
01:07:32,003 --> 01:07:33,307
♪ Get another quarter out
1035
01:07:33,349 --> 01:07:34,695
♪ Drop it in the meter, mama ♪
1036
01:07:34,737 --> 01:07:37,976
♪ Try me on for size
1037
01:07:41,341 --> 01:07:42,434
♪ Open up your pocketbook ♪
1038
01:07:42,477 --> 01:07:43,991
♪ Get another quarter out ♪
1039
01:07:44,033 --> 01:07:45,211
♪ Drop it in the meter, mama ♪
1040
01:07:45,252 --> 01:07:48,450
♪ Try me on for size ♪
1041
01:08:55,415 --> 01:08:58,022
♪ Do you really wanna
please me? ♪
1042
01:08:58,064 --> 01:09:00,756
♪ Well, you know I do, babe ♪
1043
01:09:00,798 --> 01:09:03,406
♪ Well, tell me why you do it ♪
1044
01:09:03,448 --> 01:09:05,551
♪ I really wanna know ♪
1045
01:09:05,594 --> 01:09:07,150
♪ Oh, no, no,
it wouldn't be right ♪
1046
01:09:07,192 --> 01:09:08,706
♪ For me to tell you tonight ♪
1047
01:09:08,748 --> 01:09:09,903
♪ You better
tell me right away ♪
1048
01:09:09,926 --> 01:09:11,608
♪ Or I'll pack up and go ♪
1049
01:09:11,651 --> 01:09:13,880
♪ Don't get mad,
it ain't no big thing ♪
1050
01:09:13,922 --> 01:09:15,310
♪ You better tell me
right away ♪
1051
01:09:15,352 --> 01:09:16,992
♪ Don't you treat me cold ♪
1052
01:09:17,035 --> 01:09:20,147
♪ Hold it, hold it,
hold it, hold it ♪
1053
01:09:20,189 --> 01:09:23,428
Well...
1054
01:09:23,471 --> 01:09:25,784
There are a lot
of reasons why I'd...
1055
01:09:25,826 --> 01:09:28,897
I'd drag a girl such
as yourself back to this...
1056
01:09:28,938 --> 01:09:32,178
Plastic hotel room and...
1057
01:09:32,219 --> 01:09:35,585
Rip you off for
spare change to run a...
1058
01:09:35,626 --> 01:09:38,487
to run a vibrating machine
attached to this
1059
01:09:38,529 --> 01:09:42,609
queen-size, bulk-purchase,
kapok-infested,
1060
01:09:42,652 --> 01:09:45,806
do-not-remove-tag-under-penalty-
of-law type bed and...
1061
01:09:45,848 --> 01:09:48,918
And make you take off all
your little clothes...
1062
01:09:48,961 --> 01:09:53,756
Until you were nearly
stark, raving nude!
1063
01:09:53,798 --> 01:09:56,869
Save for your chrome
with heavy-duty leather thong
1064
01:09:56,910 --> 01:09:58,593
peace medallion.
1065
01:09:58,635 --> 01:10:00,780
And make you assume a series
1066
01:10:00,823 --> 01:10:03,766
of marginally erotic
poses involving...
1067
01:10:03,809 --> 01:10:06,795
A plastic chair and...
1068
01:10:06,838 --> 01:10:08,730
An old guitar strap, while I...
1069
01:10:08,773 --> 01:10:13,189
Did a wee-wee in
your hair and...
1070
01:10:13,231 --> 01:10:15,502
Beat you with a pair
of tennis shoes...
1071
01:10:15,545 --> 01:10:17,395
I got from Jeff Beck.
1072
01:10:32,329 --> 01:10:33,979
Oh wow, what a night.
1073
01:10:37,628 --> 01:10:39,441
Well did you get
any action tonight?
1074
01:10:40,458 --> 01:10:41,998
Didn't you used to be
with the Mothers?
1075
01:10:42,238 --> 01:10:43,238
Yeah.
1076
01:10:44,055 --> 01:10:45,055
Is this what you do now?
1077
01:10:45,269 --> 01:10:46,744
I've got my own group, too.
1078
01:10:47,993 --> 01:10:49,282
I don't mind being
in this movie.
1079
01:10:50,983 --> 01:10:53,124
I get a chance to
transform a few times,
1080
01:10:53,914 --> 01:10:55,495
drink these vile, foamy liquids.
1081
01:10:55,821 --> 01:10:56,821
Bleagh.
1082
01:11:04,953 --> 01:11:06,518
What kind of a life is that?
1083
01:11:07,419 --> 01:11:09,272
It's not that bad! Really!
1084
01:11:09,521 --> 01:11:11,852
I like to be a monster
every once in awhile!
1085
01:11:12,645 --> 01:11:14,924
No one will ever take
you seriously after this.
1086
01:11:15,709 --> 01:11:19,542
Why, because I transform?
I like to be a monster!
1087
01:11:19,543 --> 01:11:22,992
There's a little monster
in every one of us.
1088
01:11:23,713 --> 01:11:25,068
You'll probably stay here
for the rest of your life
1089
01:11:25,269 --> 01:11:27,714
with your fake potions and
your twisted monster face.
1090
01:11:29,138 --> 01:11:30,938
You could've been
something in rock and roll.
1091
01:11:31,124 --> 01:11:33,170
I tried to get a hit single.
1092
01:11:35,119 --> 01:11:36,446
It drove me to drink.
1093
01:11:38,089 --> 01:11:39,289
Ugh.
1094
01:11:39,462 --> 01:11:40,961
Hoo-hoo-ha-ha...
1095
01:11:41,165 --> 01:11:43,839
Go on, laugh about it.
You could have been a star.
1096
01:11:43,940 --> 01:11:46,867
You could have spread your
aura across vast continental areas!
1097
01:11:47,368 --> 01:11:50,835
Your name on millions
of small, hot lips, whispering
1098
01:11:50,836 --> 01:11:54,168
under secure, pink blankets
in the lonely midnight dark.
1099
01:11:54,636 --> 01:11:57,536
But whaddya do?
Ya join the Mothers,
1100
01:11:57,685 --> 01:11:59,869
and ya end up working for Zappa,
1101
01:12:00,070 --> 01:12:02,003
and he makes you be a creep!
1102
01:12:02,504 --> 01:12:04,765
You could a played the
blues with John Mayall,
1103
01:12:04,814 --> 01:12:07,673
or far-out exciting jazz with
Blood Sweat and Tears.
1104
01:12:09,158 --> 01:12:10,382
You really think so?
1105
01:12:11,175 --> 01:12:14,027
Look. No one will ever take
you seriously after this.
1106
01:12:14,528 --> 01:12:16,311
How can they take you seriously?
1107
01:12:16,700 --> 01:12:19,382
In this business, you've
either to play the blues,
1108
01:12:19,526 --> 01:12:21,737
or sing with a high voice.
1109
01:12:24,197 --> 01:12:25,212
You're right.
1110
01:12:26,261 --> 01:12:27,854
I never should have
joined the Mothers.
1111
01:12:29,055 --> 01:12:31,553
Why, I could be a star now!
1112
01:12:32,402 --> 01:12:35,497
Oh, when I think of
all those millions of...
1113
01:12:36,233 --> 01:12:37,665
Hot pink juicy little...
1114
01:12:38,708 --> 01:12:40,473
Hey, listen do you
know where I can uh,
1115
01:12:40,522 --> 01:12:42,692
get any dope in
this imaginary town?
1116
01:12:42,983 --> 01:12:45,021
Man, there's no
dope in this town.
1117
01:12:46,570 --> 01:12:48,107
Just these vile, foamy liquids.
1118
01:12:48,192 --> 01:12:49,661
Well, they're fake aren't they?
1119
01:12:49,991 --> 01:12:51,776
No, they're real!
1120
01:12:53,225 --> 01:12:54,786
I mix them myself at home,
1121
01:12:55,487 --> 01:12:56,946
and then I bring
them in the morning...
1122
01:12:58,295 --> 01:13:00,291
secret spiritual formulas.
1123
01:13:00,682 --> 01:13:03,137
Ew, what's a secret
spiritual formula about?
1124
01:13:03,894 --> 01:13:06,885
The stuff that goes in
the elixir, the potion.
1125
01:13:07,086 --> 01:13:10,372
Whatever I mix, is
irrelevant to the result.
1126
01:13:10,708 --> 01:13:12,289
You mean they're
fake potions, right?
1127
01:13:13,404 --> 01:13:16,080
Look, it doesn't matter
what's in the mix.
1128
01:13:17,329 --> 01:13:18,306
It's the liquid!
1129
01:13:18,900 --> 01:13:20,549
The concept, of the liquid...
1130
01:13:21,605 --> 01:13:26,080
is enough to trigger a
special cosmic aware state.
1131
01:13:28,489 --> 01:13:31,589
It's because I'm so spiritually evolved...
1132
01:13:31,870 --> 01:13:34,303
Oh, listen, I just wanna get out of it,
and go back to me
1133
01:13:34,304 --> 01:13:36,844
fake motel room and
play the blues, you know!
1134
01:13:36,945 --> 01:13:39,017
Fuck your spiritual evolvement!
1135
01:13:39,600 --> 01:13:40,828
Anyway, what happens
1136
01:13:40,895 --> 01:13:44,327
if a new and exciting blues talent
such as meself drinks your stuff?
1137
01:13:44,731 --> 01:13:47,497
Here, take this back to
your fake room. Drink it.
1138
01:13:48,440 --> 01:13:50,969
I'd feel a lot happier if there
was something I could smoke.
1139
01:13:52,173 --> 01:13:55,601
Well, here. Dip this in it.
1140
01:13:56,650 --> 01:13:58,093
Now, let it dry out.
1141
01:13:58,594 --> 01:14:00,284
That ought to get
you a little high.
1142
01:14:01,533 --> 01:14:02,673
Or something.
1143
01:14:02,937 --> 01:14:04,432
Ew, I can't take you seriously.
1144
01:14:05,233 --> 01:14:07,253
Look, you might
as well take this too.
1145
01:14:11,763 --> 01:14:13,535
I know its only a fake potion.
1146
01:14:14,539 --> 01:14:17,127
Well listen, we should
get together sometime.
1147
01:14:17,444 --> 01:14:20,131
Have a jam.
Yeah, play some blues.
1148
01:14:21,031 --> 01:14:24,315
Extensions! Why not
some extended blues licks?
1149
01:14:25,916 --> 01:14:27,820
White people can play
the blues, you know.
1150
01:14:31,964 --> 01:14:34,341
Hello.
Oh, Frank.
1151
01:14:34,890 --> 01:14:37,243
Yeah, I gave it to him.
1152
01:14:38,011 --> 01:14:40,015
Yeah, he went back
to the special room.
1153
01:14:44,257 --> 01:14:46,194
No, no, he's gonna smoke it.
1154
01:14:47,743 --> 01:14:48,815
Yeah, right.
1155
01:14:49,371 --> 01:14:50,628
Hey, listen.
1156
01:14:51,377 --> 01:14:54,195
You got any idea when
we're gonna get paid for this?
1157
01:14:56,777 --> 01:15:00,416
♪ Penis dimension ♪
1158
01:15:04,741 --> 01:15:07,953
♪ Penis dimension ♪
1159
01:15:14,913 --> 01:15:21,087
♪ Penis dimension
is worrying me ♪
1160
01:15:26,532 --> 01:15:31,026
♪ I can't hardly sleep at night ♪
1161
01:15:33,200 --> 01:15:37,030
♪ Cause of penis dimension ♪
1162
01:15:51,732 --> 01:15:53,054
♪ Do you worry? ♪
1163
01:15:53,655 --> 01:15:55,528
♪ Do you worry a lot? ♪
1164
01:16:03,131 --> 01:16:04,131
♪ No! ♪
1165
01:16:13,610 --> 01:16:14,965
♪ Do you worry? ♪
1166
01:16:15,606 --> 01:16:20,450
♪ Do you worry and moan... ♪
1167
01:16:23,177 --> 01:16:27,541
♪ That the size of your cock ♪
1168
01:16:28,290 --> 01:16:33,152
♪ is not monstrous enough? ♪
1169
01:16:38,599 --> 01:16:43,761
♪ It's your penis dimension! ♪
1170
01:16:48,115 --> 01:16:54,148
♪ Penis dimension! ♪
1171
01:16:58,528 --> 01:17:01,917
♪ Wah ooo-wah ooo-wah ooo-wah ♪
1172
01:17:03,099 --> 01:17:06,736
♪ Wah ooo-wah ooo-wah ooo-wah ♪
1173
01:17:18,289 --> 01:17:22,201
Hiya friends.
Now just be honest about it.
1174
01:17:22,202 --> 01:17:24,739
Did you ever consider the possiblity,
1175
01:17:24,788 --> 01:17:27,324
that your penis, and in the case of
1176
01:17:27,334 --> 01:17:31,880
many dignified ladies, that the
size of the titties themselves
1177
01:17:31,881 --> 01:17:37,114
might provide elements of
sub-conscious tension?
1178
01:17:39,326 --> 01:17:42,235
Weird, twisted anxieties
1179
01:17:42,284 --> 01:17:44,826
that could force a human
being to have to become...
1180
01:17:45,210 --> 01:17:46,753
A politician!
1181
01:17:48,130 --> 01:17:49,493
A policeman!
1182
01:17:50,886 --> 01:17:52,541
A Jesuit monk
1183
01:17:54,671 --> 01:17:56,638
A rock and roll guitar player!
1184
01:17:57,887 --> 01:17:59,556
A wino!
You name it.
1185
01:17:59,657 --> 01:18:02,254
Or in he case of the ladies,
1186
01:18:02,703 --> 01:18:04,399
the ones that can't afford
1187
01:18:04,599 --> 01:18:06,127
a silicone beef-up....
1188
01:18:07,076 --> 01:18:09,179
they become
writers of hot books.
1189
01:18:10,003 --> 01:18:17,795
"Manuel, the gardener, placed his burning
phallus in her quivering quim."
1190
01:18:18,529 --> 01:18:21,112
Yes, or they become Carmelite nuns!
1191
01:18:22,348 --> 01:18:27,247
"Gonzo, the lead guitar
player, placed his mutated
1192
01:18:27,248 --> 01:18:32,242
member in her slithering slit!"
Ha ha ha!
1193
01:18:34,065 --> 01:18:37,930
Or race horse jockeys.
There is no reason why you
1194
01:18:37,931 --> 01:18:41,661
or your loved ones should suffer.
Things are bad enough,
1195
01:18:42,224 --> 01:18:44,536
without the size of
your organ adding even
1196
01:18:44,585 --> 01:18:46,895
more misery to the troubles of the world!
1197
01:18:47,154 --> 01:18:48,154
Right on, right on!
1198
01:18:48,623 --> 01:18:53,338
Now, if you're a lady and
you've got munchkin tits,
1199
01:18:53,339 --> 01:18:58,054
You can console yourself with this
age-old line from primary school:
1200
01:18:59,429 --> 01:19:04,342
Anything Over A Mouthful Is Wasted!
1201
01:19:05,395 --> 01:19:08,464
And isn't it the truth?
And if you're a guy,
1202
01:19:08,465 --> 01:19:09,975
and one night you're at a party
1203
01:19:10,024 --> 01:19:11,532
and you're trying to be cool.
1204
01:19:11,533 --> 01:19:14,972
I mean, you aren't even wearing any
underwear you're being so cool.
1205
01:19:14,973 --> 01:19:18,290
And somebody hits on you
one night, and he looks you up
1206
01:19:18,291 --> 01:19:19,566
and down and he says, uh...
1207
01:19:20,419 --> 01:19:23,437
Eight inches or less?
1208
01:19:25,294 --> 01:19:26,454
Well let me tell you brothers,
1209
01:19:27,203 --> 01:19:29,044
That's the time when you've
got to turn around and
1210
01:19:29,074 --> 01:19:31,274
Look that son-of-a-bitch
right between the eyes.
1211
01:19:32,257 --> 01:19:34,227
And you got to tell him these words:
1212
01:19:36,171 --> 01:19:44,309
I stuff three pair of socks
1213
01:19:44,533 --> 01:19:51,028
and a bar of beauty soap
1214
01:19:51,177 --> 01:19:58,571
down in front of my pants!
1215
01:20:31,938 --> 01:20:34,640
Your dick!
1216
01:20:35,739 --> 01:20:36,739
Your dick?
1217
01:20:38,096 --> 01:20:41,941
Your dork!
1218
01:20:42,410 --> 01:20:43,898
Your dork?
1219
01:20:45,669 --> 01:20:48,732
Your prick!
1220
01:20:49,912 --> 01:20:50,912
Your prick?
1221
01:20:53,359 --> 01:20:57,104
Your pork!
1222
01:21:00,568 --> 01:21:01,768
Your pork?
1223
01:21:01,979 --> 01:21:03,197
Who calls it a pork?
1224
01:21:03,246 --> 01:21:06,279
These men, and the
stuff they call a wee-wee!
1225
01:21:07,397 --> 01:21:09,343
A wee-wee?
1226
01:21:13,867 --> 01:21:16,006
You mean a penis, don't you?
1227
01:21:18,266 --> 01:21:19,966
A penis?
1228
01:21:20,619 --> 01:21:22,203
Penis is such an ugly word.
1229
01:21:24,449 --> 01:21:25,829
It's not that ugly, really.
1230
01:21:26,099 --> 01:21:28,255
Sure, I use it all the time.
1231
01:21:30,791 --> 01:21:33,476
Sure, sure, we all say it
every once in a while. Listen:
1232
01:21:34,286 --> 01:21:35,686
Penis!
1233
01:21:37,657 --> 01:21:39,957
Ewww!
1234
01:21:45,726 --> 01:21:46,962
Penis!
1235
01:21:49,286 --> 01:21:50,557
Penis!
1236
01:21:50,728 --> 01:21:54,321
Ew, it sounds so revolting the
way you guys say it. Ew, ka-ka.
1237
01:21:55,850 --> 01:21:57,960
Ka-ka!
1238
01:21:59,991 --> 01:22:03,567
The penis can be a very useful organ.
1239
01:22:03,655 --> 01:22:06,926
Yeah, and very exciting too,
once you get to know me.
1240
01:22:06,987 --> 01:22:08,306
Oh, yeah, right, yeah, etc...
1241
01:22:09,869 --> 01:22:11,795
Penis!
1242
01:22:12,752 --> 01:22:14,858
It sounds so overwhelmingly medicinal.
1243
01:22:15,265 --> 01:22:18,086
A penis sounds like something a
doctor would have hanging off of him.
1244
01:22:18,153 --> 01:22:19,895
None of the men I know and love
1245
01:22:19,944 --> 01:22:21,859
in the rock and roll
business got penises.
1246
01:22:22,260 --> 01:22:24,069
They all got cocks
or dicks at least.
1247
01:22:24,469 --> 01:22:26,290
Sure, you want to go
strap on a pop star,
1248
01:22:26,291 --> 01:22:28,810
and he wants to stick a
penis up you, where is that at?
1249
01:22:29,803 --> 01:22:32,884
Let's ask our studio audience!
1250
01:22:42,652 --> 01:22:45,120
Will you trade what
he has in his pants
1251
01:22:45,169 --> 01:22:47,571
for what I have
behind this curtain?
1252
01:22:50,703 --> 01:22:51,603
What is it?
1253
01:22:51,705 --> 01:22:52,865
You mean what's in his pants?
1254
01:22:52,877 --> 01:22:54,878
I know what's in his pants,
he's a lonely guy.
1255
01:22:58,321 --> 01:23:01,865
You have to choose before
the big wheel stops whirling.
1256
01:23:02,066 --> 01:23:04,504
You! Hey, buddy!
Sky Marshall!
1257
01:23:04,553 --> 01:23:06,538
Go whirl the big wheel!
1258
01:23:07,782 --> 01:23:08,940
Can I just take the money?
1259
01:23:09,364 --> 01:23:10,982
There isn't any money, just the curtain
and...
1260
01:23:11,421 --> 01:23:12,421
the lonely guy.
1261
01:23:16,477 --> 01:23:20,237
Time is running out,
think it over carefully.
1262
01:23:20,818 --> 01:23:21,818
The curtain!
1263
01:23:21,896 --> 01:23:22,896
I want the money.
1264
01:23:23,041 --> 01:23:25,702
Wait!
What could it be in there?
1265
01:23:26,263 --> 01:23:27,151
In his pants?
1266
01:23:27,230 --> 01:23:28,330
In the curtain!
1267
01:23:28,920 --> 01:23:30,905
Doesn't anybody care
what's in my pants?
1268
01:23:32,000 --> 01:23:33,615
I stuffed 3 pairs of
socks and a bar
1269
01:23:33,620 --> 01:23:36,039
of beauty soap down
the front of my pants.
1270
01:23:42,068 --> 01:23:44,420
♪ What will I say the next day ♪
1271
01:23:44,464 --> 01:23:50,212
♪ To whatever I drag
to my hotel tonight? ♪
1272
01:23:50,256 --> 01:23:54,611
♪ If things go all right ♪
1273
01:23:54,655 --> 01:23:56,266
♪ What will I say ♪
1274
01:23:56,310 --> 01:23:58,530
♪ The next day to whatever ♪
1275
01:23:58,574 --> 01:24:02,494
♪ I drag to my hotel tonight? ♪
1276
01:24:02,537 --> 01:24:07,284
♪ Will she be out of sight? ♪
1277
01:24:07,329 --> 01:24:09,288
♪ What will this evening ♪
1278
01:24:09,332 --> 01:24:11,378
♪ Bring me this morning? ♪
1279
01:24:11,422 --> 01:24:13,295
♪ What will this evening ♪
1280
01:24:13,339 --> 01:24:15,516
♪ Bring me this morning? ♪
1281
01:24:15,559 --> 01:24:17,433
♪ A succulent fat one ♪
1282
01:24:17,476 --> 01:24:19,523
♪ A mod little flat one ♪
1283
01:24:19,566 --> 01:24:23,834
♪ Maybe a hot one
to give me the clap ♪
1284
01:24:23,878 --> 01:24:28,451
♪ Maybe a freak who
gets off with a strap ♪
1285
01:24:28,494 --> 01:24:31,805
♪ What will I say
the next day to whatever ♪
1286
01:24:31,848 --> 01:24:35,898
♪ I drag to my hotel tonight ♪
1287
01:24:35,941 --> 01:24:40,463
♪ Hotel tonight ♪
1288
01:24:40,907 --> 01:24:44,129
♪ What will I say
the next day to whatever ♪
1289
01:24:44,173 --> 01:24:48,528
♪ I drag to my hotel tonight? ♪
1290
01:24:48,572 --> 01:24:53,101
♪ Will she be out of sight? ♪
1291
01:24:53,144 --> 01:24:56,542
♪ What will I say
the next day to whatever ♪
1292
01:24:56,586 --> 01:25:01,115
♪ I drag to my hotel tonight? ♪
1293
01:25:01,158 --> 01:25:05,470
♪ If things go all right ♪
1294
01:25:05,514 --> 01:25:08,910
♪ What will I say
the next day to whatever ♪
1295
01:25:08,954 --> 01:25:12,830
♪ I drag to my hotel tonight? ♪
1296
01:25:12,874 --> 01:25:17,185
♪ Will she be out of sight? ♪
1297
01:25:18,508 --> 01:25:21,602
Well listen. We should get
together sometime.
1298
01:25:21,620 --> 01:25:24,320
Have a jam.
Yeah, play some blues.
1299
01:25:25,469 --> 01:25:27,029
Extensions!
1300
01:25:27,289 --> 01:25:28,769
Why not some
extended blues licks?
1301
01:25:29,591 --> 01:25:32,381
White people can play
the blues, you know.
1302
01:25:33,528 --> 01:25:35,773
Extensions!
Why not?
1303
01:25:36,122 --> 01:25:38,587
Extensions!
Why not?
1304
01:25:39,269 --> 01:25:41,443
Extensions!
Why not?
1305
01:25:41,492 --> 01:25:43,942
Extensions!
Why not?
1306
01:25:44,092 --> 01:25:46,365
Why not some
extended blues licks?
1307
01:25:46,505 --> 01:25:47,825
Why not
some extended blues licks?
1308
01:25:48,800 --> 01:25:49,924
Yeah, I gave it to him.
1309
01:25:51,173 --> 01:25:53,190
Yeah, he went back
to the special room.
1310
01:25:54,632 --> 01:25:56,822
No, no, he's gonna smoke it.
1311
01:26:26,428 --> 01:26:30,347
Wanna watch a dental hygiene movie?
1312
01:26:45,648 --> 01:26:48,631
Han-Min-Noon-Toon Han-Toon-Ran.
1313
01:26:49,340 --> 01:26:50,416
No, Jeff!
1314
01:26:50,471 --> 01:26:54,404
Rantoon, Rantoon, Rantoon, Frammin,
Hantoon, Rantoon, Hantoon, Frammin.
1315
01:26:54,943 --> 01:26:58,227
Man! This stuff is great!
It's just as if Donovan himself
1316
01:26:58,251 --> 01:27:01,035
had appeared on my very own
TV with words of peace, love,
1317
01:27:01,059 --> 01:27:02,846
and eternal cosmic wisdom!
1318
01:27:05,270 --> 01:27:06,739
Leading me. Guiding me.
1319
01:27:06,763 --> 01:27:09,543
On paths of everlasting
pseudo-karmic negligence,
1320
01:27:09,570 --> 01:27:12,669
in the very midst of my
drug-induced nocturnal emission.
1321
01:27:12,914 --> 01:27:16,142
For I am your good conscience, Jeff.
I know all. I see all.
1322
01:27:16,166 --> 01:27:20,356
I am a cosmic love pulse matrix,
becoming a technicolor inter-positive!
1323
01:27:24,011 --> 01:27:26,117
Where'd you buy that incense?
1324
01:27:29,541 --> 01:27:31,064
It's hip.
1325
01:27:36,284 --> 01:27:39,021
It's the same and mysterious
exotic oriental fragrance
1326
01:27:39,045 --> 01:27:41,033
as what the Beatles get off on.
1327
01:27:41,642 --> 01:27:43,505
I thought I recognized it.
1328
01:27:45,529 --> 01:27:48,271
Mmm, what is that, musk?
1329
01:27:51,176 --> 01:27:54,261
Jeff, I know what's good for you.
Right.
1330
01:27:56,600 --> 01:27:58,380
You're heavy.
1331
01:28:01,342 --> 01:28:03,461
Yes, Jeff, I am
your guiding light.
1332
01:28:03,485 --> 01:28:06,143
Listen to me.
Don't rip off the towels, Jeff!
1333
01:28:11,027 --> 01:28:12,754
Piss off, you little nitwit!
1334
01:28:13,676 --> 01:28:14,982
Hey man, what's the deal?
1335
01:28:15,374 --> 01:28:17,507
Don't listen to him Jeff,
he's no good.
1336
01:28:17,531 --> 01:28:19,724
He'll make you do bad things!
1337
01:28:26,588 --> 01:28:28,312
You mean, he'll make me sin?
1338
01:28:36,268 --> 01:28:37,616
Yes, Jeff.
1339
01:28:41,133 --> 01:28:43,434
Sin!
Wow!
1340
01:28:48,396 --> 01:28:50,291
Jeff, I'd like to have
a word with you,
1341
01:28:51,340 --> 01:28:52,694
about your soul.
1342
01:28:53,059 --> 01:28:54,294
No, don't listen, Jeff.
1343
01:28:54,505 --> 01:28:55,825
Why are you wasting your life
1344
01:28:55,890 --> 01:28:57,666
night after night playing
this comedy music?
1345
01:28:57,720 --> 01:28:59,682
You're right, I'm too
heavy to be in this group.
1346
01:29:00,785 --> 01:29:02,864
♪ Comedy music ♪
1347
01:29:03,072 --> 01:29:04,399
♪ Jeff your soul! ♪
1348
01:29:04,450 --> 01:29:06,302
♪ You're wasting your life ♪
1349
01:29:06,751 --> 01:29:09,529
♪ You're much too heavy, Jeff ♪
1350
01:29:09,840 --> 01:29:12,729
In this group, all I ever get to
do is play Zappa's comedy music.
1351
01:29:13,078 --> 01:29:14,024
He eats!
1352
01:29:14,321 --> 01:29:15,842
Jeff!
I get so tense!
1353
01:29:16,152 --> 01:29:17,990
Of course you do, my boy.
1354
01:29:18,151 --> 01:29:21,811
The stuff he makes me
do is always off the wall!
1355
01:29:22,650 --> 01:29:25,999
That's why it would be best
to leave his stern employ.
1356
01:29:26,133 --> 01:29:27,233
And quit the group!
1357
01:29:27,470 --> 01:29:28,470
You'll make it big!
1358
01:29:28,721 --> 01:29:29,375
That's right.
1359
01:29:29,455 --> 01:29:30,133
Of course!
1360
01:29:30,302 --> 01:29:32,165
And then I won't be small!
1361
01:29:33,229 --> 01:29:34,351
Ha ha ha ha ha!
1362
01:29:34,459 --> 01:29:35,582
Ha ha ha!
1363
01:29:35,931 --> 01:29:37,054
Ti-diddly-diddly-dee.
1364
01:29:37,110 --> 01:29:38,232
Ha, ha, ha...
1365
01:29:38,515 --> 01:29:39,622
He-he-he-he-heh!
1366
01:29:42,710 --> 01:29:44,510
Ahmet Ertegun used this
towel as a bathmat six weeks
1367
01:29:44,734 --> 01:29:46,734
ago at a rancid motel in
Orlando Florida,
1368
01:29:47,241 --> 01:29:50,116
with the highest mildew rating of
any commercial lodging facility
1369
01:29:50,240 --> 01:29:52,079
within the territorial limits of
the United States,
1370
01:29:52,128 --> 01:29:54,234
naturally excluding
tropical possessions...
1371
01:29:56,358 --> 01:29:57,282
It's still damp.
1372
01:29:57,306 --> 01:29:59,690
What an aroma!
This is the best I ever got off!
1373
01:29:59,977 --> 01:30:01,303
What can I say about this elixir?
1374
01:30:01,352 --> 01:30:03,352
Try it on steaks, cleans
nylons, small craft warnings.
1375
01:30:03,401 --> 01:30:05,401
It's great for the home, the office.
On fruits!
1376
01:30:05,826 --> 01:30:08,602
This is the real you, Jeff.
Rip off a few more ashtrays.
1377
01:30:09,026 --> 01:30:11,456
Get rid of some of that inner tension.
Quit the comedy group!
1378
01:30:11,888 --> 01:30:15,077
Get your own group together.
Heavy!
1379
01:30:15,501 --> 01:30:18,390
Like Grand Funk!
or Black Sabbath!
1380
01:30:18,487 --> 01:30:19,330
No, Jeff!
1381
01:30:19,372 --> 01:30:20,372
or Coven!
1382
01:30:21,063 --> 01:30:22,331
Peace!
1383
01:30:24,180 --> 01:30:25,446
Love!
1384
01:30:25,993 --> 01:30:27,063
Bollocks!
1385
01:30:27,502 --> 01:30:30,512
What can I say about this elixir?
1386
01:30:31,402 --> 01:30:33,122
Jeff has gone out there on that stuff!
1387
01:30:33,292 --> 01:30:35,125
He should have never
have used the elixir and
1388
01:30:35,150 --> 01:30:37,328
only stuck to the incense.
Oh, Atlantis...
1389
01:30:37,462 --> 01:30:40,177
That was Billy the Mountain
dressed up like Donovan,
1390
01:30:40,197 --> 01:30:42,681
fading out on the
wall mounted TV screen.
1391
01:30:42,730 --> 01:30:44,262
Jeff is flipping out!
1392
01:30:44,493 --> 01:30:45,142
Road fatigue!
1393
01:30:45,191 --> 01:30:46,616
We've got to get him back to
1394
01:30:46,637 --> 01:30:48,462
normal before Zappa finds out,
1395
01:30:48,481 --> 01:30:50,920
and steals it and makes
him do it in the movie!
1396
01:30:51,264 --> 01:30:53,157
You have a brilliant
career ahead of you my boy.
1397
01:30:53,606 --> 01:30:54,826
Just get out of this group!
1398
01:30:55,081 --> 01:30:57,868
Howard, that was Studebacher
Hoch, dressed up like Jim Pons
1399
01:30:57,901 --> 01:30:59,829
giving career guidance
to the bass player of a
1400
01:30:59,878 --> 01:31:01,492
rock-orientated comedy group.
1401
01:31:01,916 --> 01:31:02,994
Jeff's imagination has
1402
01:31:03,012 --> 01:31:05,108
gone beyond the fringe of
audience comprehension.
1403
01:31:06,777 --> 01:31:08,499
Jeff, Jeff, it's me, the Phlorescent Leech!
1404
01:31:08,515 --> 01:31:10,760
Jeff, Jeff, it's me, Eddie!
Ha ha... ha ha...
1405
01:31:11,284 --> 01:31:13,071
Wowwwwww!
1406
01:31:13,552 --> 01:31:15,672
What can I say about this elixir?
1407
01:31:15,712 --> 01:31:16,892
Well, put it on your steaks!
1408
01:31:16,972 --> 01:31:18,927
Send it overseas!
Clean your swimming pool!
1409
01:31:18,982 --> 01:31:21,487
Sell it to your mother and
tell her it's a Rit tie-dye kit!
1410
01:31:21,522 --> 01:31:23,262
Soak your shirts in it!
Let it play the piano!
1411
01:31:23,462 --> 01:31:25,727
Put it on your surfboard
so you won't slip off!
1412
01:31:26,012 --> 01:31:27,120
Ironing goes easier!
1413
01:31:27,870 --> 01:31:28,978
And your car windows!
1414
01:31:29,512 --> 01:31:31,077
Never looked better in your whole life!
1415
01:31:31,212 --> 01:31:33,877
You can inhale it and it makes
your voice three keys higher!
1416
01:31:34,712 --> 01:31:36,382
Put it on your pizzas,
put it on your shoes!
1417
01:31:36,392 --> 01:31:37,607
When you put it in
your hair as hair tonic!
1418
01:31:37,612 --> 01:31:39,681
Tie your bike with it,
and fill up your tires with it!
1419
01:31:40,585 --> 01:31:43,211
Wowwwwww!
1420
01:31:51,502 --> 01:31:54,706
What can I say about this elixir?
1421
01:31:58,962 --> 01:32:00,975
Dwee-doo dee-ooo-poo.
1422
01:32:04,477 --> 01:32:05,919
Does this kind of life
look interesting to you?
1423
01:32:06,144 --> 01:32:07,497
Night after night,
dinners with Herb Cohen.
1424
01:32:08,021 --> 01:32:08,986
Thrill-packed, fun-filled
1425
01:32:09,098 --> 01:32:11,552
evenings on the French Riviera
at the MIDEM convention.
1426
01:32:11,788 --> 01:32:13,024
A fake tie, the whole bit.
1427
01:32:13,148 --> 01:32:14,915
Watch Mutt eat,
and Leon feed the geese.
1428
01:32:15,116 --> 01:32:16,256
One thousand green business cards
1429
01:32:16,280 --> 01:32:17,434
with your name and the wrong address.
1430
01:32:17,506 --> 01:32:18,701
Plus six royalty statements,
1431
01:32:18,790 --> 01:32:21,486
inspected and customized by
Rantoon, Tan, Hantoon, Frammin and Dee!
1432
01:32:21,911 --> 01:32:23,357
Followed by twelve
potential suicides as
1433
01:32:23,467 --> 01:32:24,952
the members of your
group past and present,
1434
01:32:25,001 --> 01:32:26,406
find out they can't
collect unemployment.
1435
01:32:26,630 --> 01:32:28,435
A dog, a car,
an epidemic of body lice,
1436
01:32:28,559 --> 01:32:30,450
with your own record company,
your name on the door,
1437
01:32:30,474 --> 01:32:32,300
electric buzzer to the inner office,
and Ona's tits,
1438
01:32:32,324 --> 01:32:33,659
and a three month supply of
1439
01:32:33,683 --> 01:32:35,218
German bookings with
tickets on Air Rangoon.
1440
01:32:35,242 --> 01:32:36,573
Does this kind of life
look interesting to you?
1441
01:32:36,797 --> 01:32:38,997
As a fake rock and roll guitar
player in a comedy group?
1442
01:32:40,197 --> 01:32:41,347
Hunna hunna hunna
1443
01:32:42,087 --> 01:32:46,132
200 Motels
1444
01:32:53,300 --> 01:32:58,075
200 Motels.
1445
01:33:12,969 --> 01:33:14,889
I'm stealing the room!
1446
01:33:20,877 --> 01:33:23,040
I'm stealing the room!
1447
01:34:41,195 --> 01:34:42,686
This, as you may have gathered,
1448
01:34:42,793 --> 01:34:44,090
is the end of the movie.
1449
01:34:44,895 --> 01:34:46,902
The entire cast is
assembled here
1450
01:34:47,026 --> 01:34:49,323
at the Centerville
Recreational Facility
1451
01:34:49,667 --> 01:34:52,752
to bid farewell to you,
and to express
1452
01:34:52,876 --> 01:34:54,896
thanks for your
attendance at this theater.
1453
01:34:57,207 --> 01:34:58,801
This might seem old
fashioned to some of you,
1454
01:34:58,825 --> 01:35:00,419
but I'd like to join
in on this song.
1455
01:35:00,543 --> 01:35:03,638
It's the kind of a sentimental song
that you get at the end of a movie.
1456
01:35:04,280 --> 01:35:05,503
It's the kind of a
song that people might
1457
01:35:05,627 --> 01:35:07,974
sing to let you in
the audience know
1458
01:35:08,085 --> 01:35:10,053
that we really like you
and care about you.
1459
01:35:11,188 --> 01:35:15,118
We understand how hard
it is to laugh these days,
1460
01:35:15,559 --> 01:35:17,789
with all the terrible
problems in the world!
1461
01:35:19,796 --> 01:35:23,504
♪ Lord, have mercy on ♪
1462
01:35:23,553 --> 01:35:27,260
♪ the people in England ♪
1463
01:35:27,570 --> 01:35:31,346
♪ For the terrible food ♪
1464
01:35:31,395 --> 01:35:35,170
♪ hese people must eat ♪
1465
01:35:36,179 --> 01:35:37,847
Baaahhh...
excuse me a minute
1466
01:35:40,817 --> 01:35:44,024
♪ And may the Lord have ♪
1467
01:35:44,073 --> 01:35:48,817
♪ mercy on the fate of this movie ♪
1468
01:35:48,926 --> 01:35:52,602
♪ And God bless the mind ♪
1469
01:35:52,651 --> 01:35:56,626
♪ of the man in the street ♪
1470
01:36:06,375 --> 01:36:09,124
♪ Help all the rednecks and ♪
1471
01:36:09,173 --> 01:36:12,381
♪ the flatfoot policemen ♪
1472
01:36:12,716 --> 01:36:16,434
♪ On the terrible functions ♪
1473
01:36:16,583 --> 01:36:20,121
♪ they all must perform ♪
1474
01:36:21,924 --> 01:36:24,880
♪ God help the winos ♪
1475
01:36:24,929 --> 01:36:29,297
♪ the junkies, and the weirdos ♪
1476
01:36:29,536 --> 01:36:31,735
♪ And ♪
1477
01:36:34,871 --> 01:36:41,971
♪ Every poor soul who's
adrift in the storm. ♪
1478
01:36:48,951 --> 01:36:55,653
♪ Help everybody, so
they all get some action ♪
1479
01:36:55,791 --> 01:36:59,694
♪ Some love on the weekend! ♪
1480
01:36:59,829 --> 01:37:07,829
♪ Some real satisfaction! ♪
1481
01:37:09,372 --> 01:37:16,806
♪ A room and a meal
and a garbage disposal ♪
1482
01:37:16,913 --> 01:37:24,913
♪ A lawn and a hose'll
be strictly genteel! ♪
1483
01:38:02,058 --> 01:38:08,560
♪ Lord, have mercy on the
hippies and faggots ♪
1484
01:38:08,665 --> 01:38:16,465
♪ And the dykes and the weird
little children they grow ♪
1485
01:38:23,546 --> 01:38:26,745
♪ Help the black man ♪
1486
01:38:30,619 --> 01:38:33,754
♪ Help the poor man ♪
1487
01:38:38,161 --> 01:38:41,160
♪ Help the milk man! ♪
1488
01:38:41,998 --> 01:38:44,697
♪ Help the door man! ♪
1489
01:38:45,134 --> 01:38:48,394
♪ Help the lonely neglected ♪
1490
01:38:48,472 --> 01:38:53,275
♪ old farts that I know! ♪
1491
01:39:04,854 --> 01:39:07,949
Well, it certainly has been swell
1492
01:39:10,093 --> 01:39:12,227
If your name
wasn't on the list of
1493
01:39:12,331 --> 01:39:14,552
blessings we've been
passing out tonight,
1494
01:39:14,598 --> 01:39:16,566
we don't want you to be pissed off.
1495
01:39:17,767 --> 01:39:19,701
We don't want you
to leave that theater.
1496
01:39:19,769 --> 01:39:22,436
Forgive him, for he
knows not what he does.
1497
01:39:24,240 --> 01:39:26,480
But before we go on,
I'd like to introduce to you...
1498
01:39:26,509 --> 01:39:27,843
On the other hand,
maybe he does know.
1499
01:39:27,944 --> 01:39:30,174
My good friend and musical associate,
1500
01:39:30,913 --> 01:39:32,374
Mr. Howard Kaylan
1501
01:39:33,216 --> 01:39:34,284
who's about to give us
1502
01:39:34,484 --> 01:39:37,554
the closing, final benediction.
1503
01:39:42,959 --> 01:39:47,559
♪ They're gonna clear out the studio ♪
1504
01:39:49,132 --> 01:39:52,400
♪ They're gonna tear down all the ♪
1505
01:39:54,204 --> 01:39:57,702
♪ They're gonna whip down all the ♪
1506
01:39:59,209 --> 01:40:03,077
♪ They're gonna sweep out all the ♪
1507
01:40:07,150 --> 01:40:11,187
♪ They're gonna pay off all the ♪
1508
01:40:12,521 --> 01:40:14,289
♪ Oh, yeah! ♪
1509
01:40:15,257 --> 01:40:18,693
♪ And then ♪
1510
01:40:19,995 --> 01:40:21,156
♪ And then! ♪
1511
01:40:22,098 --> 01:40:23,259
♪ And then! ♪
1512
01:40:24,166 --> 01:40:25,166
♪ And then! ♪
1513
01:40:25,367 --> 01:40:26,232
♪ Hey hey hey! ♪
1514
01:40:26,335 --> 01:40:28,702
♪ Everybody in the orchestra
and the chorus ♪
1515
01:40:29,205 --> 01:40:32,732
♪ Talkin' 'bout every one of our
lovely and talented dancers ♪
1516
01:40:33,142 --> 01:40:34,371
♪ Talkin' 'bout the light bulb men ♪
1517
01:40:35,044 --> 01:40:36,102
♪ Th camera men ♪
1518
01:40:36,713 --> 01:40:38,078
♪ The make-up men ♪
1519
01:40:39,248 --> 01:40:40,545
♪ The fake-up men! ♪
1520
01:40:40,750 --> 01:40:42,518
♪ Yeah, the rake-up men ♪
1521
01:40:43,119 --> 01:40:45,087
♪ Especially Herbie Cohen, yeah! ♪
1522
01:40:46,022 --> 01:40:48,386
♪ They're all gonna rise up ♪
1523
01:40:50,759 --> 01:40:52,056
♪ They're gonna jump up ♪
1524
01:40:52,461 --> 01:40:53,485
♪ I said jump up ♪
1525
01:40:54,396 --> 01:40:57,058
♪ Talkin' 'bout jump
right up and off the floor! ♪
1526
01:40:58,134 --> 01:41:00,162
♪ Jump right up and hit the door! ♪
1527
01:41:02,404 --> 01:41:05,738
♪ They're all gonna
rise up and come home ♪
1528
01:41:05,875 --> 01:41:09,209
♪ They're gonna ride on home ♪
1529
01:41:09,512 --> 01:41:12,846
♪ They're gonna ride on home ♪
1530
01:41:13,415 --> 01:41:16,749
♪ They're gonna ride on home ♪
1531
01:41:17,153 --> 01:41:20,487
♪ They're gonna ride on home ♪
1532
01:41:20,890 --> 01:41:22,385
♪ And once again ♪
1533
01:41:22,492 --> 01:41:24,087
♪ Take themselves ♪
1534
01:41:24,561 --> 01:41:26,529
♪ Seriously! ♪
1535
01:41:28,298 --> 01:41:30,929
♪ Yeah, two, three, four, seriously! ♪
1536
01:41:31,868 --> 01:41:33,836
♪ They're all gonna go home ♪
1537
01:41:35,838 --> 01:41:39,172
♪ Through the driving sleet and rain ♪
1538
01:41:39,842 --> 01:41:41,833
♪ They're all gonna go home ♪
1539
01:41:43,279 --> 01:41:45,407
♪ Through the fog, through the dust ♪
1540
01:41:47,483 --> 01:41:51,283
♪ Through the tropical fever
and the blistering frost ♪
1541
01:41:51,387 --> 01:41:54,288
♪ They're all gonna go home ♪
1542
01:41:54,757 --> 01:41:58,921
♪ And get out of it
as they can be, baby ♪
1543
01:41:59,461 --> 01:42:03,295
♪ The same goes for me! ♪
1544
01:42:03,432 --> 01:42:06,031
♪ The same goes for me! ♪
1545
01:42:06,903 --> 01:42:07,996
♪ Oh, yeah! ♪
1546
01:42:08,638 --> 01:42:10,231
♪ Oh, yeah! ♪
1547
01:42:10,740 --> 01:42:11,832
♪ Oh, yeah! ♪
1548
01:42:12,709 --> 01:42:13,801
♪ Oh, yeah! ♪
1549
01:42:15,578 --> 01:42:17,240
♪ And each and every
member of this rock ♪
1550
01:42:17,245 --> 01:42:19,359
♪ orientated comedy group
in his own special way, ♪
1551
01:42:19,515 --> 01:42:21,443
♪ Is gonna get out
of it as he can be ♪
1552
01:42:22,118 --> 01:42:24,679
♪ We all gonna get wasted ♪
1553
01:42:25,955 --> 01:42:28,656
♪ We all gonna get twisted ♪
1554
01:42:29,559 --> 01:42:32,620
♪ We all gonna get wasted ♪
1555
01:42:33,429 --> 01:42:36,399
♪ We all gonna get twisted ♪
1556
01:42:37,133 --> 01:42:39,963
♪ And I am definitely
gonna get reamed! ♪
1557
01:42:40,603 --> 01:42:42,096
♪ Cause I'm such a lonely ♪
1558
01:42:42,639 --> 01:42:44,266
♪ I'm such a lonely ♪
1559
01:42:44,774 --> 01:42:46,208
♪ Lonely, lonely ♪
1560
01:42:46,809 --> 01:42:50,706
♪ Talkin' bout a lonely guy! ♪
1561
01:42:51,747 --> 01:42:53,613
♪ Oh, and I know tonight ♪
1562
01:42:54,049 --> 01:42:55,517
♪ I am definitely ♪
1563
01:42:55,718 --> 01:42:57,418
♪ I am positively ♪
1564
01:42:57,653 --> 01:42:59,621
♪ I just have to get... ♪
1565
01:43:00,790 --> 01:43:02,758
♪ Bent! ♪
1566
01:43:03,359 --> 01:43:04,793
♪ Reamed! ♪
1567
01:43:05,161 --> 01:43:10,698
♪ And Wasted! ♪
1568
01:43:12,168 --> 01:43:16,372
A disaster area the size
of Atlantic City New Jersey!
1569
01:43:32,455 --> 01:43:34,323
Oh, he's making me do this,
ladies and gentlemen.
1570
01:43:35,158 --> 01:43:36,387
I wouldn't do it if it weren't for him.
1571
01:43:37,060 --> 01:43:38,728
You noticed, all through this material,
1572
01:43:39,162 --> 01:43:41,130
I've been glancing over towards my left?
1573
01:43:41,364 --> 01:43:43,633
Well, I'll tell you the reason
for that, ladies and gentlemen.
1574
01:43:44,000 --> 01:43:45,234
He is over there.
1575
01:43:45,768 --> 01:43:47,002
He is over on the left.
1576
01:43:47,470 --> 01:43:50,039
He is the guy that is
making me do all this shit!
1577
01:43:50,173 --> 01:43:50,973
Right over there.
1578
01:43:51,341 --> 01:43:52,536
Now all through this movie,
1579
01:43:52,609 --> 01:43:53,840
every time we've been on stage,
1580
01:43:54,244 --> 01:43:56,312
I've had to look over
in that direction, right?
1581
01:43:56,712 --> 01:43:58,141
You saw it! You know!
1582
01:43:58,548 --> 01:43:59,748
Well that's 'cause he's over there!
1583
01:43:59,916 --> 01:44:01,247
I've got to watch him for signs!
1584
01:44:01,651 --> 01:44:03,619
He jumps up and down like a jackass!
1585
01:44:04,253 --> 01:44:06,049
I can't even believe the guy sometimes!
1586
01:44:06,089 --> 01:44:07,523
But we gotta watch him.
1587
01:44:07,690 --> 01:44:09,684
After all we said, "It is Frank's movie"
1588
01:44:10,259 --> 01:44:12,628
Now we're The Mothers,
but it's still Frank's movie!
1589
01:44:13,195 --> 01:44:15,663
Let's say it, he paid for it,
1590
01:44:15,664 --> 01:44:19,099
he rented the studio,
had all these cheesy sets painted!
1591
01:44:19,234 --> 01:44:20,737
It's so moche!
1592
01:44:20,936 --> 01:44:22,904
I can't even stand it!
1593
01:44:23,038 --> 01:44:24,240
He's telling everybody!
1594
01:44:24,789 --> 01:44:26,364
Right now, right over there!
115581
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