All language subtitles for Toys (1992)

(KEY CRANKS IN WIND-UP TOY)

(QUACKING)

(MOOING)

(MUSIC BOX PLAYS)

(CHILD'S VOICE)
Yeah.

♪ If I cannot bring you comfort ♪

♪ Then at least I bring you hope ♪

♪ For nothing is more precious ♪

♪ Than the time we have, and so ♪

♪ We all must learn
from small misfortune ♪

♪ Count the blessings that are real ♪

♪ Let the bells ring out for Christmas ♪

♪ At the closing of the year ♪

♪ Let the bells ring out for Christmas ♪

♪ At the closing of the year ♪

(BELLS TINKLING)

♪ If I cannot bring you comfort ♪

♪ Then at least I bring you hope ♪

♪ At the closing of the year ♪

♪ At the closing of the year ♪

♪ At the closing of the year ♪

General Zevo, I'm Owen Owens.

I'm sorry for the note
of urgency in the telegram,

but we don't think he has much longer.

Actually, of course,
he shouldn't even be here today.

But you know your brother.
The factory's his life.

LELAND:
What's the status on Kenneth's condition?

OWEN: He could go at any time.

Is that confirmed,
or is that just scuttlebutt?

Oh, no. The doctors are in agreement.

It's imminent.

KENNETH:
It was a heartbreaking decision to make,

but I had no choice.

I'd always planned to turn
the reins of the business over

to my son, Les,

or even my daughter, Alsatia, but...

he's just not prepared at this time

for that kind of responsibility.

And she's, well...

That's why I wanted to see you
before I die.

I have a proposal to make.

I know you were always Father's favorite.

You followed in his footsteps,
and I didn't.

But I made this company what it is today,

and I'm proud of that fact.

And I'm not about to let it die with me.

I want you to take over
the presidency of Zevo Toys.

LELAND: And give up the military?

KENNETH: Yes.

I know you haven't been happy
since Vietnam.

LELAND: They gave it away, Kenneth.

KENNETH: Let's face it, Leland.

Your glory days are over.

Your Great War is never going to come.

It would be a shame

to let your leadership qualities
go to waste.

You want me to give up my commission
and step into your shoes?

I think, it would be well worth
your while.

But more importantly,
it's a new challenge, Leland.

A chance for you to be your own man

for once in your life,

a place to be appreciated.

What do you think?

Total control of the company?

What about Alsatia and Leslie?

Well, I'd like them
to remain with the company.

They love it. It's their world.

And I hope one day, with your help,

Leslie will be able to succeed you

when you retire.

You see, he just doesn't
have the ambition to...

(BEEPING)

Oh, dear.

I'll call the paramedics, sir.

Dorothy, call the paramedics,

quickly.

What's going on here?
Are you all right, Kenny?

It's his heart.

After his operation last year,

he hooked up his beanie
propeller to his pacemaker.

It's sort of an early-warning signal.

(MOTOR SPUTTERING)

It's whimsical, Leland.

Medic!

(ICE CREAM TRUCK MUSIC)

OWENS: Kenneth,

I beg you to reconsider your decision.

Owens, my brother holds the key,

the key to Leslie finally growing up.

Kenneth,
it's such a terrible risk to take.

I mean, your son is such a...

uh...

A flake.

Yeah.

I know.

So am I.

(HUMMING)

Leslie,

Alsatia. Ready?

- Are you finished tidying up?
- Yeah.

The limousine's waiting.

I'd rather drive Dad's car,
if you don't mind, Owen.

(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING)

MINISTER:
And so, this gentle man

goes to his final rest

leaving behind him

a legacy of innocence and laughter.

When the child of today

becomes the peace-loving
citizen of tomorrow,

he will be partially indebted

to this great man.

And yet, when I say "man,"

I mean in body only,

for he was the eternal child

- in all of us.
- (ELECTRONIC LAUGHING)

(ELECTRONIC LAUGHING)

The sorrow that we feel...

(ELECTRONIC LAUGHING)

The sor... the sorrow that we f-feel...

(EVERYONE GIGGLING)

The sorrow that we feel, however...

(ELECTRONIC LAUGHING)

(ELECTRONIC LAUGHING)

Good one, Dad.

MINISTER: The sorrow that we feel

is tempered, however,

in the knowledge that angels somewhere

are trumpeting this man's tin horns.

"Tin horns." I like that.

Tin horns are fun.

(ELECTRONIC LAUGHING)

OWENS: Don't you think we should take out
the "barrel of laughs"?

No, Owen. Dad would want us to leave it.

The batteries will run out in a few hours.

I just love that. "Tiin horns."

It just stays with me.

I know what you mean.

(ELECTRONIC LAUGHING)

Owens.

Yes, sir.

I want a complete tour of the factory

first thing in the morning.

Yes, sir.

("THE HAPPY WORKER" BY TORI AMOS PLAYS)

♪ Laughin' at the smoke
from a factory chimney ♪

♪ Marching to the beat
of a heart within me ♪

♪ Hey ho, hey ho ♪

♪ We're off to work again ♪

♪ Bells are ringing ♪

♪ We are singing ♪

♪ Joyous in our industry ♪

♪ I love my job ♪

♪ He loves his job ♪

♪ Pull the lever ♪

♪ Start the engine ♪

♪ Pump the water ♪

♪ Build the pressure ♪

♪ Push the piston ♪

♪ Press the button ♪

♪ Pump the water ♪

♪ Build the pressure ♪

♪ Push the piston ♪

♪ Press the button ♪

♪ It's the perfect job ♪

♪ Happy workers ♪

♪ Happy workers ♪

♪ Yes, happy workers ♪

♪ Yeah, happy workers ♪

"Big Ears." Take three.

LESLIE:
These ears are so big, we're gonna have

a legal problem with Disney.

WOMAN: I think you look like Fievel.

- Thank you.
- (CHUCKLING)

MISS DRUM: I think maybe
a little ornamentation,

an earring or something
to bring attention,

- if these people are missing it.
- That's very interesting.

Are we making fun of people
with big ears here?

MAN: We're making fun of people
with small heads.

Either way, we're gonna get letters
from the royal family.

I think it's not good.

WOMAN:
Can we make the fingernails filthier?

LESLIE: That's a nice point.

It's too shiny.

I have General Zevo with me.

Great. We're just watching some
of the novelty tests right now.

- Care to join us?
- No.

"Doggie Doo Test" Take eight.

Oh! Bad dog! Bad!

Do you have any newspaper or anything?

Any newspaper or something
to get that with?

I shouldn't leave that garbage
in a food store.

That's very good.

WOMAN: A sweater on a leash,
and then the poop dispenser.

LESLIE: What do you think?

- WOMAN: Maybe crap in a can.
- That's it!

Or a bath product. Sham-poop.

Do people really want to take
poop in the tub with them?

Only if it floats.

MISS DRUM: Well, we've all done it.

This is not a shared experience.

They get paid for this?

LESLIE: He's just wondering
if something's wrong with this dog.

What the...?

Oh, it's Alsatia.

She likes to wear clip-on clothing

and dolls' wigs to work.

She insists on trying everything
out on herself first.

Very, uh... dedicated.

Loony bird.

Let's get this over with.

(HUMMING)

Oh. Everything's all set for you to see.

The fabrics are here.

The doll prototypes are here.

Some of the new fashion
illustrations are right here.

Not interested in sissy stuff.

Oh, well, don't you want to see
some of the new doll designs?

I think they could be very endearing.

♪ Pump the water ♪

♪ Build the pressure ♪

♪ Push the piston ♪

♪ Press the button ♪

♪ Pump the water ♪

♪ Build the pressure ♪

♪ Push the piston ♪

♪ Press the button... ♪

(WHISTLE TOOTS)

LESLIE: Lunch, anyone?

I'm in the mood for smoked chicken.
How about you?

(COUGHING)

"Smoked." That's funny.

LESLIE: Thank you. Is that you, Alsatia?

What is it?

LESLIE: It's a smoking jacket.

It's our new novelty/apparel thing.

OWENS: That's a great deal of fun, Leslie.

But can you put yourself out now?

LESLIE: Wish I could, Owen,
only find the "off" button.

Hooo! I think a boat's coming.

Hooo! It's a large boat!

Owen, save the women and children!

I'll go down with the general.
General, lifeboat!

There, that's better.

Remind me to make a note.

(SIGHS)
Make "off" button more accessible.

There it is.

Well, General,

now that you've seen
the factory, what do you think?

You ready to take over Zevo Toys?

It's one decision I cannot make on my own.

I have to see somebody else first.

Come along, Owens.

Owen, Owen, who does he have to see?

I believe he's going to see his father.

Granddaddy?

I thought he was dead.

(RADIO PLAYS MARTIAL MUSIC)

Daddy.

Hmm.

Ah.

Oh, I know. I know.

You're a four-star general. I know.

You have four stars to my three.

Every time I come here,

you turn that cursed light on
to remind me, to humiliate me.

I could have had four stars, Daddy,

if it wasn't for this
cursed British accent of mine.

You had to be stationed in England

during my formative years.
It's your fault.

I've never been taken for a real American.

(MUMBLING)
Why didn't you see a linguist?

Oh, I went to see a linguist, yes.

I went to see a dialect coach.

And the best I can do is...

(IMITATING SOUTHERN ACCENT)
You men stand over there

or remain at attention

until further notice.

They didn't buy it.

(MUMBLING)

What is it, Jersey City?

And you know what?

Adenoid.

Yeah. Well, look,
I need your advice, Daddy.

You see, just before Ken died,

he asked me to take over his company.

Toys?

No, no.

You don't understand, Dad.

You see,

there's a serious problem
with the military right now.

It's whether it's worth the cost
or not, the economics.

Hell, communism just went into the toilet,

and the whole damn budget
fell out of the military.

The military is not what it once was.

There will be another war.

There won't be another war,
not the kind we know.

War has changed.

You can't even trust
your own troops anymore.

Why, Daddy,

in Vietnam one night,

one of my own men tried to frag me.

Oh...

(MUMBLES)

Big cock?

LELAND: No!

No. I said frag me.

He tried to shoot me.

Please try to understand, Daddy.

I'm not giving up on the military.

The military gave up on me.

Oh, change sides.

I can't change sides, you silly old fart.

There's no sides to change sides to.

I've got no options left.
I'm out of a job.

Look, please, please, Daddy.

What the hell am I gonna do?
Will you tell me that?

Daddy, what am I going to do?

Daddy, should I take over
Kenny's business?

(RADIO PLAYS COUNTRY-WESTERN MUSIC)

(SIGHS)

You free tonight, Debbie?

Sure, Leland.

OWENS:
To achieve Kenneth's vision of the future,

we must continue to modernize,

but not just for the sake
of modernization.

It requires integration
of new concepts and new designs,

and the training of our
employees in new technologies

and with new equipment.

However, Kenneth felt very strongly

that some of the older toys are unique,

because we've never attempted
to update them

in pursuit of perceived trends.

Uh, to guide this modernization,

we need to have and initiate

uh, fundamental functional area plans

for modernization

to link the past with the future.

Fred, you want to take over at this point?

Thank you. We've been getting good play

from the new Mr. Minky doll.

Uh, it's a leader

and a unique doll in the marketplace.

Our home-video games

are doing exceedingly well,

particularly, Big Argyles,

Felsors,

Osmosis, and Helo's Course.

That's a fabulous game.

It's much better than
Mr. Squirt's Night Out.

Clucking Hens and Bob Goes Camping.

Fred, I haven't heard
anything on the T-3100 racer.

Where are we in the development of that?

I'll answer that.

Well, we've been holding on that because

apparently some of the advance plans
for the T-3100

appear to be incorporated
into Axel's new toy designs

for their miniracer,

which would beat us to the marketplace.

WOMAN:
This is an unfortunate setback.

We're sure those plans were leaked
to Axel.

Leaked?

Did somebody say the plans were leaked?

Oh, every so often,

a degree of industrial espionage,
so to speak, does occur.

Espionage.

Owens, will you give me
a moment of your time, please?

Yes, sir.

LESLIE: Do you believe what Axel's doing?
I can't believe them.

I don't know why they come out
with what they come out with.

Guns 'n' Noses? What type of toy is that?

WOMAN: They came out
with a toy called Carnival Joe.

You add your own fingers and teeth.

LESLIE (CHUCKLES):
That's amazing.

Oh, I don't know. What about
their whole new line?

OWENS: Sir, we're in the supply closet.

LELAND: Are we really?

Now tell me about that espionage problem.

Well, General...

Keep your voice down.

Well, General, the stealing of toy desi...

Can't hear you.

- Well, General...
- I still can't hear you.

Well, General, the stea... All right?

That's fine. That's good. Carry on.

The stealing of toy designs

is not unusual in this business.

You see, we're not set up
to protect ourselves.

I know the perfect man to deal
with this espionage trouble.

- Who?
- Patrick Zevo, my son.

I must apologize for my son.

He's usually very punctual.

Where is he coming from?

Alsatia, he's with covert operations,

so let's just leave it at that, all right?

Canapé, General?

Yes. Perhaps I will.

The deviled eggs look good.

Don't they?

Oh, it's a quick egg, isn't it?

LESLIE: Oh! Look at that egg scramble.

Get a little egg-cited.

Talk about fresh... these are rude.

These eggs are acting...

Maybe they really are deviled eggs.

Look at that. They're possessed.

Huevo de diablo.

Save yourself.

Get away from here.

You must go away from here. Quickly.

Get some toothpicks. Make a cross.

Don't you see what's happening?

Don't suck my yellows!

Quick! Save yourselves from
these appetizers from hell.

Quick! Run! Tell the village!

Oh, look at that!

Stand back. It's gonna spit.

I can't control myself any longer.

How do you do that?

Magnets.

It's one of Dad's favorite novelty items.

You're as big a fool
as your father ever was.

You really think so?

Thank you.

I'm getting very hungry.
I want my dinner now.

MAN: Then let's eat.

The sofa's hungry, too.

Patrick, my son.

Dad.

It was wonderful.

That's a neat trick.

I don't play tricks, Leslie.

You twerp, Patrick's in camouflage

so he can have full surveillance
of the situation

before his presence is known.
That right, Pat?

100 percent, Dad.

LELAND: Is that all you're having?

White bread's the worst thing you can eat.

No, it isn't. It's very soft and pliable.

It slides down the system
without disturbing anything.

There's no nutrition in that sandwich.

Yes, there is.

Vitamin pills.

Something's working 'cause you always look

the same age to me.

Patrick, do you remember
when you stayed here

when you were a kid? I'll...

And I told your mother
never to leave you here.

When was that?

That time you called
and had her join you in Vietnam.

That's right. She never came back.

I'm sorry.

You loved her very much, didn't you?

That's right, and I'm not ashamed
to admit it,

'cause Dad did everything he could
to save her. Didn't you?

That's right, son.
Edie was a wonderful woman,

but appendicitis is a respecter of no one.

By the time...

By the time we knew something was wrong...

well, I'll never forgive myself, Patrick.

All right. I know. I know.

(HACKING)

That's just the vitamin B complex.

It's the vitamin E I really
have the problems with.

Gelatin capsule gets stuck
in between my teeth,

and the stuff inside
mixes with the mayonnaise...

Enjoying the wine, General?

Oh, it's fine. It's fine.

It's a good Bordeaux, isn't it?

It's got a good nose.

- May I have some more?
- Would you like some more?

Yes, I can't get enough of it.

Patrick, now that you've joined
the ranks of Zevo Toys,

what are your plans for the situation?

Patrick's bringing in
a special force to assist him.

We'll begin with the interrogation

of every man and woman at the company.

After that, we'll set up a security system

so no one can leave or enter
without our knowledge.

Do we get to wear badges?

Photographic identification.

I take a very nice picture.

As for me, Les, I'll be meeting
with our designers

so we can begin production
of our new line.

Our new line?

I'm noodling with the idea

of putting in some war toys.

We've never made war toys at Zevo.

That's most unusual.

It's a natural idea
for you to make war toys.

Well, we never really did

because Dad didn't like
the idea of war toys.

He thought that war was the domain
of the small penis.

(LAUGHS)

Well, is that so, Leslie?

Well, I'd be most grateful, Leslie,

if you would assist me in this area.

That all right?

Sure.

Dad, to war toys.

War toys.

What do you think of my bringing Leslie
into the new war toy department?

Smart tactical maneuver.

I thought you'd see it that way.

Like you always said,

treat your friends like your enemies,

and your enemies like your friends.

- Dad.
- Yeah?

Tell your driver to stop here.

- Why?
- I'm getting out.

- You don't know where you are.
- That's right.

Always in training, huh?

100 percent.

See you in the morning.

That's my boy.

LESLIE:
And the cat chased the rat all day

until they finally found
each other's name.

What?

ALSATIA: I don't understand.

It's a fable.

No, no. I don't understand
why Daddy let Uncle Leland

take over Zevo Toys.

I don't know. You'd think
he would've left Owen in charge.

Or you.

No, Dad knew better.

Well, one thing I know is strange,

and that man is strange.

How are you gonna work with him,
especially on war toys?

Sometimes it's better
to dress up like a lamb

to tempt the wolf.

Oh, I see.

Just like Daddy always said,

treat your friends like your friends,

and your enemy like your enemy.

Yeah, you use your noodle.

Mm-hmm.

Good night.

LESLIE: Sleep tight.

Don't let the bedbugs bite.

Night, night, Alsatia.

(QUACK)

ALSATIA: Thank you.

♪ Happy ♪

♪ Hap hap ♪

♪ Hap hap ♪

♪ Hap-hap hap ♪

♪ Hap hap ♪

♪ Hap-hap, hap hap ♪

♪ Happy workers ♪

♪ Hap hap, hap hap ♪

♪ Hap-hap hap hap hap ♪

♪ Hap hap hap-hap hap ♪

♪ Hap-hap hap hap
hap hap hap-hap ♪

♪ Happy ♪

♪ Happy ♪

♪ Happy workers ♪

♪ Happy ♪

♪ Happy happy ♪

♪ Happy ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

♪ Happy workers ♪

♪ Hoo ha ♪

♪ Hoo-ha ♪

♪ Hoo ha ♪

♪ Hoo-ha ♪

♪ Hoo ha ♪

♪ Hoo-ha ♪

♪ Hoo ha ♪

♪ Hoo-ha ♪

♪ Hap-hap-happy ♪

♪ Hap-hap hap-happy ♪

♪ Happy ♪

♪ Happy happy happy ♪

♪ Happy workers ♪

♪ Happy workers... ♪

(WHIRRING)

(WHIRRING)

Yo!

Can I help you?

I'm sure you're aware that we're doing
some routine checks with each employee

to determine if there's been
some internal security leaks.

Would you mind if I asked you

- a few questions?
- No, not at all.

LELAND: So, that's it, is it?

Six weeks of work, and that's
all you've come up with?

These are just preliminary drawings,

just to give you an idea of what
direction we're moving into.

(COAT PLAYS MUSIC)

Come in, Leslie.

Sorry I'm late.

I had a little problem with my ID check.

Maybe we did live
near a toxic dump when I was a kid.

Oh, this is our new Body of Sound coat.

It works by mercury switches
and movement and... Hold on.

- (KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK)
- Oh, sorry.

♪ Thank you, baby ♪

Sit down, Leslie.

(IMITATES DOORBELL)

Oh, I'll get it.
(CHUCKLES)

Sit down, Leslie!

♪ All right ♪

(POP)

You behave like a buffoon.

- Buffoon?
- (CAW)

Whoa. Very interesting word.

Wonder what the derivation of that is?
I love etymology of words.

Maybe it's a combination
of "balloon" and "buffalo."

(CHUCKLES)

- Or maybe "buffer" and "fool."
- (HONK)

Maybe it's from the Latin word buffomatis,

he who carries the pickle.

All right, uh, Miss Drum.

Is that the extent of what
you had to show the general?

(OVERLAPPING NOISES)

Sorry.

Miss Drum?

Uh, yes, it is.

In terms of military toys,

do you consider this competitive
with other companies?

With most of the products, definitely.

What do the rest of you think?

Well, I tell you what I think.

I think this is baby shit

compared with what other
companies have on the market.

I want realism, I want
imagination, I want excitement.

But, sir, I honestly...

All right. You're all excused now.

Out you go.

(PLAYING DRUMS AND HORNS)

Do you think you were
a little rough on them, General?

I don't think that was necessary, really.
They're civilians.

They're employees.

This wasn't a social call.

I understand that. But they've
been with the company for years.

- They're like family...
- That's enough, Leslie.

You're right.

I should get cream for my coffee.

I really do need some cream.

- Thank you very much.
- (OVERLAPPING NOISES)

Can I get you anything, Owen?

- Maybe a Kaiser roll, honey bun?
- No, thank you.

Anything for you, General?

Ooh! Cruise missile? Something like that?

Automatic weapon?

Very sorry, sir.

(OVERLAPPING NOISES)

I'll work this out eventually.

Really, it just needs a little tune-up.

LELAND:
I've got my work cut out, Owen.

I'm surrounded by fools.

(RHYTHMIC TAPPING)

(DOORBELL)

I've been a bad boy.

(CHUCKLING)

♪ Happy happy ♪

♪ Hap hap-hap hap-hap ♪

♪ Hap hap-hap hap
hap hap-hap hap ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

♪ Hap hap-hap hap hap hap ♪

♪ Happy workers ♪

♪ Hoo ha ♪

♪ Hoo-ha ♪

♪ Hoo ha ♪

♪ Hoo-ha ♪

♪ Hoo ha... ♪

(BUZZER)

PATRICK: Are you Miss Gwen Tyler?

We're doing some routine questions.
We'd like you to cooperate, all right?

Okay.

Does any duplicating go on around here

when you're not present?

Uh...

Hmm?

- Poss...
- Huh?

Yeah, maybe.

Do you duplicate alone?

I think that's kind of
a personal question.

You're laughing, Miss Tyler.

Are you taking my duplication
investigation seriously?

Or are you disrespecting

my duplication investigation?

No, I'm not disrespecting you.

I'm just saying that there's no real way
I can check,

you know, because I leave
at a certain time and...

I, I'm not...

Duplicating is taking place.

And when duplicating takes place,

that means there's more than one.

There may be two or three, Miss Tyler.

Two, three, or four.

I didn't...
(LAUGHS)

Y'all are joking.

- No, Miss Tyler. I'm not joking.
- Are you all kidding with me?

I'm talking about duping.

- Duping!
- Okay.

Duplication!

I just work here.

You're in charge of duplication?

Yes, sir.

Show me how this
duplicating machine works.

I want to learn all about the process.

♪ Happy ♪

♪ Hap hap ♪

♪ Hap hap ♪

♪ Hap-hap hap ♪

♪ Hap hap hap ♪

PATRICK: Duplication is a serious offense.

- You understand that?
- Mm-hmm.

And that means whatever was duplicating...

What the hell's going on here?

Security check.

Everything looks pretty secure to me.

She's clean. Let's go.

See you later, cousin.

Oh, yeah. I'll chill, Will.

Hey...

The coast is clear. You can come out now.

That can't be good for your hair.

♪ Hoo ha ♪

PATRICK: Forward, march!

♪ Hoo ha ♪

You can come out now.

Aah!

Were you...?

- Sorry. I'm fine.
- That's all right.

- I'm okay.
- Okay.

You're new here, aren't you?

Yeah.

Listen, I know you're a little upset,
but you gotta let it go or get over it.

Pick one of those, any one.

Who was that man?

Well, that's my cousin. He does security.

I tell you what, I can't...

What?

I just can't believe
the treatment around here.

Well, I'm sorry.

How about a little smile or something?

Look at these. Wait a minute.

Is this what you were up to?

Arts and crafts?

This is fabulous.

Look at that face.

Come on. Is that a great face or what?
That's Michael Jackson, before and after.

(IMITATING JACKSON)
I never had surgery, never ever.

You have a look like a deer
in front of a Peterbilt.

- Kind of...
- (CHUCKLES)

Hit the brakes, Al! Hit the brakes!

I love this one. This is it.

This is a very attractive one.

This one should go on the cover
of Sports Illustrated.

Not the swimsuit issue, but the boxing.

"I should have never gotten in the ring,

but I will take him in three rounds.

I want the belt to go with my purse."

(MUTTERING)
See? Hi.

There, you're laughing. That's good.

Hi. How are you? I'm Leslie Zevo.

- I know.
- (BUZZ)

(LAUGHS)

You're back. Welcome to the living.

You're silly.

I'm very silly,

but that's what I do for a living.

What kind of sandwiches
do you have today, Joe?

Oh, ham and cheese,

turkey, uh, chicken salad,

shrimp salad.

Mm. You know, Joe,

I'm very disappointed
that you never once had

an applesauce sandwich on your menu.

Applesauce?
(CHUCKLES)

Miss Zevo, the sandwich
will get all soggy.

Oh, I don't mind.

I'll make you one tomorrow, okay?

Okay. Thank you very much.

I'll just go ahead and have
the mayonnaise sandwich again today then.

Thank you.

Is this seat taken?

Oh, no.

Sit down.

Do you like my security badge?

It's very nice.

I told you I take a good picture.

That you did.

What's the matter?
Don't you like your lunch?

I hate it when food touches.

You know, you remind me
a lot of my brother.

That's impossible. We're exact opposites.

That's what I mean. He's all
silly and soft on the outside,

and on the inside he's really strong.

And you're just the opposite.

- Hi, Joe.
- Hi.

Can I have the tuna salad, please?

- Here you are.
- Thank you.

You're getting the tuna?
I hope that's dolphin-safe.

(DOLPHIN NOISES)

Joe, how long do you think
she can be out of the water?

Oh...

I'm so glad he finally discovered her.

I think love is wonderful.

You know, your mother once said to love...

Could we talk about something
else besides my mother?

I forgot.

I know what a delicate subject
that is with you.

I can't even eat.

The food keeps touching.

I like military plates.
I'm a military man.

I want a military meal.

I want my string beans to be quarantined.

I like a little fortress
around my mashed potatoes

so the meat loaf doesn't
invade my mashed potatoes

and cause mixing in my plate.

I hate it when food touches.

I'm a military man.

You understand that?

And don't let your food
touch either, please?

No calories.

Oh, that's good,
'cause if I have a whole calorie,

I just blow up. I really...

- I get such bloat.
- Do you?

Two or three calories,
and I'm like the Michelin Man.

- Oh, god.
- Put on that much weight.

- Do you have that problem?
- No, my mama does, though.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah. I mean,

I usually don't drink this kind
of stuff, artificial sweeteners.

- I like plain old soda you know?
- Oh, yeah.

I mean, sugar can't hurt you, really.

- Right.
- I mean...

I once did an experiment,

where I put a little sugar down
and little artificial sweetener,

both on the sidewalk.

And within a minute,
ants are all over the sugar.

They're just doing their little ant dance.

And by the artificial sweetener,
they've put up barricades,

and they have little ants
in hardhats going,

"Keep on, move on through,
move on through."

Where are you from?

Right here. Like what I've done with it?

- Where you born in here?
- No, not born here, no.

I was born in the back of a bumper car.

(CHUCKLES)

That's what's wrong with you, I think.

- That's it. "It's a boy."
- Okay.

Hi! This is sure fun.

LESLIE: Yeah.

GWEN: You don't have a lip.

Well, I'm working on that.

That's that insecure face.

Well, yeah. That's the face
of two people...

Who don't like themselves.

- They can be okay with it.
- Yeah.

They just don't... If they kiss,
they basically, you know...

They bump teeth.

Yeah, and they hurt each other,
and then they lock jaws.

Then they feel bad
about each other.

They do, you know.

Then they're like two lizards in the sun.

(CHUCKLING EXHALE)

There. That's it.

- That's attractive.
- Isn't it?

That's the type of face
you basically want to go...

(WHISTLES)

- Bye.
- Time out.

GWEN: I don't think I've laughed
this much in years.

Me, too. You know, you ever do that thing
where you just laugh like...

(LAUGHS)
God!

(FARTS)

Was that you?

In a moment... Stop it.

- (FARTS)
- Oh.

These are a lot of fun.

Put your finger in there.

Don't be afraid.

- Oh.
- (FARTS)

These are good for a laugh.

Why is it bodily functions
are always funny?

Well, I think it's because, you know...

PATRICK: So, where are we going?

LELAND: Into town.

I want to see
what the competition is selling.

PATRICK: Good idea.

I'll take the back way.

- (TIRES SCREECH)
- (LEELAND GRUNTS)

PATRICK: You okay, Dad?

LEELAND: No problem.

ALSATIA:
♪ 'Cause I'll never let you go ♪

♪ In the still of the night ♪

♪ 'Cause I love-... ♪

Oh...

I'm just practicing.

Practicing? For what?

Later in the day, Leslie likes
to come in here, and we sing.

(CHUCKLES)

You sing in the ladies room?

Acoustics, good acoustics.

♪ In the still... ♪

ALSATIA: You see?

I just don't understand the two of you.

Well...

we love to sing and do moves,

and of course, he likes
to joke around a lot.

And that makes me laugh.

Then we go get something to eat.

♪ In the still... ♪
Want to try it?

No, I don't think so.

(CHUCKLES)
No.

Oh, come on. Everyone
sounds good right here.

- Yeah?
- Oh, yeah.

Okay.

♪ In the still... ♪

♪ In the still ♪

♪ Of the night ♪

♪ I held you ♪

♪ Held you so tight... ♪

Ooh.

I don't think you should do that again.

Okay.

You like Leslie?

Well, uh...

I'm so glad you appreciate him.

Maybe it would be better as a duet.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Maybe your voice will sound
a little more acceptable that way.

Okay.

♪ In the still ♪

♪ Of the night... ♪

MAN: Warning! Warning!

MAN: Target approaching.

MAN 2: Contact. I see him. Ready.

(SCREAMS)

(EXPLOSION)

Good shot!

Good boy.

Tank gunner.

Like a game, Pat?

Yes, sir, but you go first.

Ah. I'll see if I haven't lost my touch.

Right. Now, okay, what do we got here?

Helicopters, 500 points.

Tanks, 300 points.
What's the penalty here?

PATRICK:
Minus 1,000 for shooting a UN truck.

That's an awfully big penalty
for hitting a United Nations truck.

Give me a quarter, Pat.

- I'll put it in.
- Okay.

All right. Here we go.

Ah, here we are.

This takes me right back.

Pow!

(LAUGHS)

(IMITATES EXPLOSION)

Yes!

Takes me right back, this, Patrick.

Right back to my youth.

Dad, you got minus 1,000 in penalty.

- You hit the UN truck.
- Oh, goddamn UN.

Now, they have no business being there.

Always where they're not wanted.

I'm gonna get them sons of bitches right.

Those UN guys, white truck men.

I nearly hit a tank there.

Don't want to start doing that,
not with the UN about.

Here comes another one.

(LAUGHS)

There he comes. Yes!

Wow! Did you see that?

(LAUGHS)

Whoa!

Whoa!

Wow!

Wow!

Whoa!

Wow!

Whoa!

Whoa-ow!

Wow!

Wow.

Oh.

Oh.

(BUZZER)

Oh.

How do you feel?

Woozy.

That's a great name.

That's what we'll call it,
the Woozy Helmet.

- Oh.
- What do you think about it?

Oh, I think it's a winner.

- You really do?
- Oh, yeah. You bet.

I didn't know where I was,

and then I was coming up
through the thing,

and then I thought I was gonna fall off,

and I felt seasick, and ugh... Oh!

It's just a prototype,
but it's gonna get better.

Oh, I think
this is some of your best work.

Oh, thanks.

You know what? You put in
a different cartridge,

you can have an entirely
different experience

in sight, sound, and smell.

I mean, you could take an incredible ride,

never have to leave the safety
of your own helmet.

Take trips, not have to lose your bags.

I think Daddy would be very proud of you.

Thanks, Al.

(MUTTERS)

This is a little uncomfortable, though.

That's supposed to go in your ear.

Oh!

Wanna take another trip?

- Oh, yeah.
- Okay, here we go.

(GUNS SHOOTING)

Look at that. Look at that.

We don't have anything like that.

I ask my designers for decent war toys.

They give me diddly-squat.

Well, the other companies
had a head start.

They've been designing war toys for years.

I don't have years.

LEELAND"
Gotta get on with it. Time's ticking.

Gotta push these designers.

Stop the vehicle.

Stop the vehicle.

I've been here before. I know it.

I'm sure of it.

Perhaps in another lifetime...

or maybe even in a battle.

You were probably here with Kenny.

I guess you guys played here together
when you were kids, Dad.

Oh.

(HORN HONKS)

Hey!

Want a ride?

No. Thank you.

- Just learning?
- Yeah, yeah.

You're a little long in
the tooth for training wheels.

You drive all the way out here
just to insult me?

Au contraire, ma chère.

This is my way home.

No, it isn't.
(CHUCKLES)

How about this?

No. How about this? Can you get over,
'cause you're hogging the road?

You're hogging the road.

Come on, let me give you a lift,
and I'll teach you

how to ride that bike.

Why?

Just want to get laid.
(LAUGHS)

- No.
- Oh!

My daddy would just have
a field day with you.

I'll bet I'd be swinging from some tree.

Yep.

Yeah.

No.

I like you.

Well, I like you, too.
(CHUCKLES)

That's why we shouldn't see each other.

Why?

You don't take things very seriously,
do you?

What do you mean "take things seriously"?

What about this hat?

What?

Of course I take things seriously.

Like what?

Well, like save the whales,
win interesting prizes.

- I founded that.
- Leslie?

Okay, well, how about this?

You know the general?

Well, I'm gonna have
a confrontation with him,

'cause I don't want them
to make war toys anymore.

I'm gonna get him to change his mind.

- You serious?
- No. Yes.

Really. Mm-mmm. Yeah, sure.

Maybe.

See what I mean?

There is no hope with you.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa. Seriously.

If I convince the general no war toys,

will you let me take off
your training wheels?

I'll think about it.

LELAND:
You ever wonder why an airplane

has to be a certain size?

Because somebody has
to get inside it, right?

Right.

What happens if you don't need a pilot?

What happens if you just have
remote-control planes

that carry deadly weapons?

You saw it back there at the store.

There were toy tanks, toy planes.

Can you imagine what it'd be like

if we perfected a toy-sized plane

that had deadly fighting capabilities?

Little remote-control planes.

Yes.

You saw those kids
back there at the arcade.

Those kids have better
hand-eye coordination

than any pilot you ever see.

Little children can fly
remote-control planes.

Patrick, it's only the weaponry
that's missing.

Can you imagine the savings

if we reduced the cost of planes

say, $450 million apiece

down to $5,000?

That's what I'm talking about.

The military today, Pat, costs too much.

I'm talking about a cheap military,

an inexpensive military for the future.

You can't eliminate the military,

so you have to have a military
you can afford.

Little tanks,

little planes,

little helicopters,

toy-sized military

with deadly fighting weapons.

You give me half a billion dollars,

the cost of one stealth bomber,

I'll give you one million

toy-sized planes.

And I guarantee you one thing, Pat.

No one's going to spot them
on the radar screens.

(LAUGHS)

Hey, remember that kid flew a Beech-Nut

right into Red Square?

- Beechcraft!
- What?

He flew a Beechcraft, not a Beech-Nut!

Oh, Beechcraft, Beech-nut,

beach blanket, beach ball, beach bum.

What difference does it make?

He flew the plane right into Red Square.

Remember those kids with the video screens
blowing things up?

What difference does it make
if it's real or false?

It's all the same to them.

It's all the same on the video screens.

It's just another game to them.

It's warfare without a conscience.

It's the greatest concept ever known.

It's brilliant.

I'll rise,

like the phoenix out
of the ashes, to greatness.

Me!

The greatest military genius
the world's ever known!

Now we start building the littlest armada
known to mankind.

- LELAND: Me!
- (EXPLOSIONS)

Leland Henry Zevo!

Whee!

Let that be a lesson to you.

Always carry a flare.

Owen, I always feel like I'm witnessing

the last temptation of Barbie.

Well, uh, this model's holding up nicely.

The only way
a child could pull this one apart

is if he took it to a tractor pull.

(HONKS)

Ahh.

(LAUGHS)

I just love that.

May I speak to you?

Certainly.

- In private?
- By all means. Jump in.

Carry on, Owen.

General, for the first time in my life,

I've given some... Oh!

Why don't you watch where you're going,

you great egghead?

- Let's go.
- Oh, no, don't... Oh.

You should stop.
You'll be guilty of a hit-and-run.

LELAND: Always run when you hit.

- General?
- Yes, Leslie.

I think it would be a terrible
mistake for us to make war toys.

- Oh, you do, do you?
- Yes.

We have a tradition of whimsy
at Zevo Toys.

Dad began that tradition
with Milton the friendly elephant,

and it carries all the way
through the new line

in the Woozy Helmut.

To make us manufacture military toys
will be a philosophical contradiction.

It'll be like an Amish video game,

and I cannot support that.

You're absolutely right. Absolutely.

Absolutely, absolutely,

and absolutely.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

You know I have to be
honest with you, Les.

I thought the war-toy department
was a good idea.

But I see now it would take too long.

It would be a difficult task
to establish a department

that's never existed in the company.

Bit like going against the grain.

Why tamper with
the traditions of this firm?

Well, thank you.
That's my thinking exactly.

Oh, hallelujah,

and goodbye.

You know what I'd like to do, Les?

No, Le, what?

I'd like to have a little more
space to myself,

develop a few toy ideas of my own.

Ooh, ideas.

LELAND: Noodle about a bit.

- Noodling?
- Noodling.

Yes, just noodling.

LESLIE:
Ah, well, I like to noodle.

Noodling's fun.

Hello?

- How's it going?
- Fine, fine.

I might need a little more space, though.

Okay, sure. Go ahead.

Thank you. Bye-bye.

Going to need a teeny bit more space.

We're getting awfully cramped in here.

Going to need that much more space.

People, this is some very
innovative vomit.

Except this one.

Looks like you could put maybe
a nice piece of carrot and a pea there

to kind of draw your eye to it.
Don't you think?

Yeah, I agree with you.
It should have more consistency to it.

Mm. You know, since your uncle
started this private project,

the budget for novelty items
has been cut in half.

Are you telling me we don't have money
for peas and carrots anymore?

Come on, now. That is a classic.

Without it, it's not funny.
It's almost frightening.

Peas and carrots are traditional.
No one's gonna buy vomit without 'em.

Well, what about noodles or spaghetti?
They're pretty cheap to make.

Well, normally you don't see
noodles in vomit.

Have you ever been to the Pasta Barn?

No. You know what?
In order to be competitive

in the world market,

maybe we need more
of an international nausea.

You know, something...

Yes, can we cater to Asian people, please?

That would make me very happy.

I mean, this vomit is very
Anglo, very ethnocentric.

This is obviously the vomit of
the white man. It's oppressive.

Well, we can have something
like the Teriyaki Toss.

- Or that one.
- That will be fine.

- That's a Bavarian Blow.
- There's very interesting,

but it's too much.
There's a lot going on there.

It titillates me, and to me,
that's the wrong reaction.

LESLIE: Yeah, this is almost like Braille.

WOMAN: It appeals to a male market.

Is this room getting smaller,
or am I bloating?

I don't know. We're being
attacked by a crossword puzzle.

I like this one very much.

Well, yes, that's our Oktoberfest model.

That's bratwurst and knockwurst.
The Brat Splat.

How'd it test?

Very well. 90 percent. Highly recommended.

- What's the gag factor?
- Instantaneous.

We are working here!

What is this?

That's a Tofu Toss.

That's very nice.

I mean, that'll actually work
for the kosher people.

The Hasidic Heave. Why do we
have coconut and mushrooms here?

This is diarrhea.
This doesn't belong here.

Well, send over to Peter
in the poop department.

Is this...? This is ham and pineapple.

Yes. We're calling that Maui
Chowie or the Don Ho Heave.

I like that. That's very colorful.
What's that?

That's our duck sausage and cilantro.
We call it the Wolfgang Chuck.

And look, there's the Wyatt Earp.
I love that one.

Ah, but we added okra.
Now it's the Bible Belch.

That's very nice...

What the hell is going on here?

Sorry, Les. The general needed more room.

Didn't mean to scare anyone.

You guys need to change your diet.

LESLIE:
Owen, what the hell is going on here?

How much room does he need?

Well, it's not just a matter of space.
We're losing valuable people every day.

Some more designers just quit.

What could he be building
that takes this much room?

Is he building Paul Bunyan toys?

I don't think it's a matter
of working big.

Leslie, look down there.

More of them arrive every day.

He better be making something very cute,

or I'm gonna be really annoyed.

This is new.

(RUMBLING)

(GLASS SHATTERS)

(CRASH)

(MUMBLING)

What's that?

(BANG)

ALSATIA: Dad?

Daddy?

Dad, where are you?

Dad?

Dad?

Dad?

Daddy? Dad?

Oh, Daddy.

- (ELECTRONIC LAUGHING)
- Oh, Daddy, I need you.

The general closed down my department,

and Owens is afraid,

and Leslie isn't doing anything,

and nobody knows
what anybody else is doing,

and there's all these new people,

and all these old people are quitting.

And remember Faye Mackintaw,

the one who used to paint
the lips on the alligators?

Well, she's gone. Can you believe it?

Faye Mackintaw's gone.

If something doesn't happen really soon,

we're all gonna be in the shithouse.

(ELECTRONIC LAUGHING)

Alsatia?

(ELECTRONIC LAUGHING)

I think you know I don't use
that term very loosely,

and I most often mean it.

(ELECTRONIC LAUGHING)

Boy, those are great batteries.

- Leslie...
- I know.

I heard about it.

They closed down my office.

I know.

Are you gonna do something about it?

Course.

(FAINT ELECTRONIC LAUGHING)

LESLIE: What is happening here?

Alsatia's upset.

She's so fragile.

I mean, I don't know what to do.

I mean, I got him to stop making war toys,

but he is up to something.

I want to know what he is doing next.

Think we're a little early for the parade.

You have enough helium? Ooh.

"I like that one, Bob. Here he comes.

It's the incredible yuppie float."

(LAUGHS)

Why don't you ask him?

What do you mean?

Why don't you...

just go up to him and say,

"What are you doing?"

Get out of here.

Just...
(CHUCKLES)

Just go up and ask the general
directly what he's doing?

Cut through the fabric of our very society

of obtuse and avoidance?

I mean, where do you get off?

- Now, that is...
- You're making fun of me again.

- No, I'm not.
- Yeah, you are.

I need a glass of champagne.
Would you like one?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Yeah.

How about a little more champagne?

(CHUCKLES)

(NEIGHING)

Whoa.

Stick around.
We may be too tired to walk back.

There you go.

Just a tad.

Just a hair of the dog.

Toast... Melba.

Your daddy was right.

What?

He told me I'd like you.

You met my dad?

Well, he hired me.

My father hired you?

Mm-hmm.

The day...

um...

before he passed away.

Handpicked.

I don't know why.

Maybe I do know why.

Pick a state.

Uh... New York.

Wrong.

Pick another one.

Um... California.

(GASPS)

Really wrong.

What the hell is that?

(BEEPING)

Ah, yes.

This is a nice space here.

LELAND: This'll do fine.

LESLIE: You're absolutely right.

I've gotta walk right up to him
and ask him what's going on.

Tomorrow.

He's busy right now.

Maybe I'll fax him.

(NEIGHS)

Damn. They spooked the horses.

We're gonna have to walk back.

LESLIE: General!

General!

- Excuse me, General.
- Hello.

I need some answers.

Fire away, lad.

Will you tell me what's going on
in the restricted area?

- No.
- Well, I was wondering

if you'd give me a sneak preview
of the new area?

No. Besides, I don't want you
to laugh at my efforts,

you being a consummate toy maker,

me being a novice, so to speak.

I have to run along, you know?

Oh, before you go, I'm curious to know,

- why are you hiring children?
- Children?

- Little people.
- You saw little people?

I think so. I was looking down
from my window...

Ah, the terrain.
Were you looking down on them?

All I know is that they were
little, small, not to scale.

Oh, couldn't be.

If you're in the Empire State
Building looking down,

people look like ants. Same thing here.

You're looking from the third-floor
window,

people look very much smaller. That is it.

General...

LESLIE:
See, Owen. I've got the security card.

Get us in the restricted area.

- That's a coup.
- Isn't it?

But the problem is getting down
that corridor,

past the surveillance camera.

Leslie...

Six, seven...

Leslie,

have you any idea at all

how we're going to get down the corridor?

MTV.

MTV.

Uh, Shimera,

would you check if anyone
handed in my glasses?

I can't see a thing without them.

Sure, Mr. Owens.

Harvey, you wanna look
in your drawer, too?

Uh, they have wire rims.

Not here, Mr. Owens.

- Sorry.
- Thank you.

Can't find his glasses.
Like they're in my drawer.

Cesar, go ahead.

We're under attack by...

Why, it looks like some
kind of mutated plant.

It's enormous.

Gonna try to break loose. Stand by.

Got it.

So, less than 500 yards.

Reduce speed to 1/3.

And stand by to reverse engines.

All right.

(BANG)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Who are they?

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

It says, "Yolanda and Steve."

♪ Memories of things ♪

♪ That never happened ♪

♪ These are always the hardest to forget ♪

I think they're terrific.

♪ All the old friends ♪

♪ And the loved ones ♪

♪ These are the people ♪

♪ You haven't even met ♪

♪ Looking forward ♪

♪ Into the old days ♪

♪ Looking back ♪

♪ At what there will be ♪

♪ There's no reality ♪

♪ Just an illusion ♪

♪ There's no real sanity ♪

♪ Just plain confusion ♪

♪ How do you feel? ♪

♪ How do I feel? ♪

♪ What is real? ♪

Wait a minute.

If this is regular TV, then what is this?

MTV.

I think it's patched into the cable.

How the hell did we
get patched into cable?

I don't know.

♪ I made it something ♪

♪ That you can see and touch forever ♪

♪ And always looked the same ♪

♪ From every angle
and never cast a shadow ♪

♪ That would change the way ♪

♪ You thought about its very being ♪

♪ That what you were seeing ♪

♪ Would always be ♪

♪ Would always be ♪

♪ Would always be ♪

♪ Would always be ♪

♪ The truth ♪

I bet they're lip-syncing.

Nah, this looks like real.

They all lip-sync. None of them can sing.

♪ What is real? ♪

♪ What is real? ♪

♪ How do I feel? ♪

♪ How do I feel? ♪

♪ What is real? ♪

Here we go.

(BUZZING)

♪ How do you feel? ♪

Want to dance?

Sure.

With her maybe.

(GUNFIRE NOISES)

LESLIE: My god.

FAO Schwarzkopf.

(EXPLOSION NOISES)

(WHISPERING)
Hi. I'm new here.

What you been blowing up?

A military base.

What type of things at the military base?

People,

army tanks,

and helicopters.

Oh.

How many points do you get
for blowing up people?

A thousand.

(BEEPING)

US 16 returning.

Oh, man.

(ALARM SOUNDS)

Break-in, restricted area!

- Everybody, move it.
- Let's go!

(YELLING)

Come on! Move it!

Don't panic. Stay calm.

Ow! Ow!

Ohh.

Uhh. Oh. Uh!

(SCREAMS)

What the hell is that?

What's in here?

Help!

Go! Go!

Who breached security?

I don't know, sir, but
the water tank's been activated.

- The water tank?
- Yes, sir.

- Help!
- (SEAL HONKING)

God, help!

What is it?

What is in here with me?

Should I deactivate the sea swine, sir?

A sea swine?

Oh, yes, you deactivate
the goddamn sea swine!

PATRICK: Leslie, don't move.

That thing operates by vibrations.

What the hell is that?

Shut it down, Hogenstern!

Don't move. Hogenstern, shut it down!

LELAND: Don't touch anything.

I want to see if this baby works.

Oh. Oh!

Does that thing wanna
eat me or mate with me?

Shut it down, Hogenstern!

Leslie, don't move!

That's nuts!

I'll drown if I don't move!

That's it. I'm out of here!

Leslie, I said don't move!

Oh, god. Get away from me!

There. That showed it.

There. That showed... Aah!

LELAND: It works!

I told you it would work!

Leslie.

Leslie, you playing around?

I have to talk to the Washington boys.

The time has come.

Leslie, you playing around?

Whose side are you on anyway?

Leslie?

(TAPPING)

LESLIE: Gwen?

(TAPPING)

- You're all wet.
- Yes.

- Is it raining?
- No.

Forecast calls for showers
later this evening.

There's a madman at the factory,
and it's no longer me.

What? You want to tell me about it?

Well, Alsatia and I broke
into the restricted area.

Actually, we danced in.

I saw children playing video games,

and there was this thing.

It sensed my vibrations, tried to kill me.

I'm warming myself
in front of a fake fire.

Something is not right,

Very wrong.

What is wrong? What happened?

Well, I found this room, full of children.

They're playing video games,
actually war games.

You get 1,000 points
for blowing up a person.

And then all of a sudden,
this alarm goes off...

And I run down this hallway,
and then it says "restricted,"

and I said,
"Oh, that doesn't apply to me,"

and I fall into a pool!

I mean, we're not zoned for a pool.

I mean, when did they have a pool?

Captain Zevo. Captain Zevo, come in.

PATRICK:
This is Captain Zevo. Come in, Baker.

Can I have your position, please?

That's an inappropriate question
at this time, Baker.

BAKER:
Uh, we have a position on Leslie, sir.

Report, please.

Uh, he's at the residence of Miss Tyler.

Out.

(TOILET FLUSHES)

- GWEN: Okay.
- LESLIE: Okay.

- GWEN: It's okay.
- LESLIE: Okay, breathe.

Breathe, breathe.

Oh, yes. Come to Papi now.

LESLIE: Oh, thank you.

Oh, thanks. Thank you.

LELSIE:
I hope you don't think this is pushy.

Do you mind if I spent the night?

Yeah, looks like it's getting on.

Yeah. Cut to the chase, Ace.

There it is. All right.
It's on now. Here it is.

It's all right now. It's all right.

What happened?

Fix it, man. It was getting hot, man.
Fix it.

Didn't do anything.

You're always messing up, man.
You're always messing up.

Did you bring the manual?

This doesn't come with a manual.

Shh. Listen.

(MOANING)

LESLIE (PANTING): Oh.

Listen to it. Listen to it.

Oh, please.

(LAUGHTER)

Yo, what is that?

Yo, what was that?

PATRICK: What's going on here?

Uh, nothing. Nothing's going on.

Actually, I think they're sleeping.

What does he know?

Well, I don't think he's seen enough,

at least not enough to make
any sense out of it, anyway.

Well, listen up. We're making
some arrangements

to meet with the Washington boys

to discuss the general's new military.

I want it to be a maximum
security situation.

We're lucky that Leslie
didn't find out anything.

For this Washington meeting,

I want maximum surveillance
on neutral ground.

- Yeah.
- You get that?

Okay.

What the hell is this?

Uh, we taped that off
the corridor monitor, sir.

We like it, uh...

Steve and Yolanda, they're great.

Yolanda and Steve.

Yolanda and Steve, sir.

If you want your MTV, soldier,

you better want it on your own time.

I told him we shouldn't be watching this.

Tell me, what exactly happened?

Did something actually kill you?

Now, you saw

big, bulging eyes in the water.

Bulging eyes.

Something was coming after you.

Yes, they were bulging eyes.

They might've been balls.
I don't know what they were.

There was something big
pulsating in the water,

- and it wasn't me.
- Ew.

Well, what can I say?

How can I alleviate this doubt?

Why was Patrick so concerned?

Why was he yelling,
"Shut it down, Hogenstern!

Don't move, Leslie!"?

Why was he yelling that?

Because you might've broken it.

(CHUCKLES)
Broken it?

We haven't tested it yet

to make sure it's childproof.

Leslie, anything else?

Yeah, I want to know why
he looks like a Russian Ralph Kramden.

That was a highly restricted
area back there.

You scared us half to death in there.

Faking that you had drowned.

What exactly are you working on?

I'm working on a wonderful new water toy.

Oh, a tub toy.

Yes. I have some terrific video games
for kids,

look we've talked about that.
It's very tedious.

Well, let us see them.

I'd love to see
them. Wouldn't it be nice to have a tour?

Oh, yes. A tour would be very nice.

I tell you what.

Give me two weeks
to put my house in order,

get my ducks in a row, so to speak,

and I'll be more than
willing to show you my work.

Okay?

Okay.

PATRICK: Sir!

(SCREAMS)

(TIRES SCREECH)

Patrick!

Dad! Don't mind that.

It's just a diversionary tactic.

Marvelous.

The Washington boys are set.

The Washington boys.

It's done.

Thursday. 1600 hours.

My moment in the sun.

Break out the zinc oxide!

Leland,
I understand the need for security,

but don't you think
this is just a little extreme?

BAKER: Oh, yeah. Look at this.

You can see right through them. Look.

Look like there are halos on them,

Like little bony angels.

Now, that's the general right there,
right?

Yeah. Don't waste any time on him.

We know he doesn't have a wife.

Move over to the Washington boys.

Tagnell and Magraw.

They definitely don't have to work out.

Look. Hey, look right here.

I think we got a bug, my man.
See right there?

No, no, no. That's some kind
of a shapnel or something.

Shrapnel.

Shapnel. Shapnel.

Shrapnel.

How you feeling,
since your operation, Magraw?

Oh, not too bad. But I'm getting
a few chest pains

that I didn't have before the operation.

It looks like scissors or something,
like, you know, like,

like, like a clamp.

Well, let's not tell him, huh?
Move over to the table now.

LELAND: Well, gentlemen,

Is it everything I told you it would be?

MAGRAW: A miniaturized military.

Remote control planes

being operated by kids on video screens?

You know, the Israelis have
been flying model planes

with small video cameras
attached to do surveillance.

It might not be a bad idea.

MAGRAW: But you know, Leland,

we're gonna have to go back to Washington

with your proposal for discussion.

LELAND: You've got to look to the future.

The future is anarchy.

MAGRAW:
What are you talking about?

LELAND:
I'm talking about lawlessness.

I'm talking about
the Lebanons of the future.

I'm talking about the breakdown
of the whole system,

The military defending
people against people.

You won't get your
appropriations waving that flag.

There's no...
no glory in that kind of warfare.

How can you possibly justify

that one stealth bomber
costs more

than the government
spends on cancer research

in the whole of the
United States of America,

But one million little planes

at $5,000 apiece.

You see what I'm saying?

MAGRAW:
Well, I think this is something that

we'll have to review and discuss further.

Well, what's to review? What's to discuss?

This is the program! This is what works!

This is the future!

- Dad...
- MAGRAW: All I'm trying

to say is calm down...

LELAND: Don't tell me to calm down!

Don't tell me to calm down!

- MAGRAW: Are you crazy? Get off me!
- (SCREAMING)

(INDISTINCT YELLING)

- MAN: You're choking him!
- PATRICK: Dad!

PATRICK: Come on, Dad!

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING CONTINUES)

- (LIP-SYNCING ARIA)
- (OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(BUZZING)

(BUZZING)

Ah!

(BANG)

(GLASS SHATTERS)

Anything wrong, sir?

No, just a fly.

Wouldn't it be better
to use a fly swatter, sir?

(BANG)

- Ah!
- (BANG)

(LAUGHS)
Yes!

(LAUGHS)

Yeah, those Washington boys...

they didn't bother to call back.

They think I don't know what I'm doing.

- I'll soon show them.
- (BUZZ)

(SHOUTS)

(BANG)

Bedlam!

Hello?

I missed you, honey.

Where you been?

You know that's classified.

- Oh.
- Mm.

Don't you think we should
announce our engagement?

We always have to keep
everything a big secret.

- Soon. Very soon.
- Yeah?

For now let's have a different
kind of engagement.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

Oh, Leland.

- What?
- Huh?

You said "Leland."

I said "Leland"? It must be a mistake.

Oh, you called me "Leland."

No, no, no. I said, "Lean in."

You know, lean in.

Debbie...

Debbie,

You didn't do my dad, did you?

Well...

- Well...
- Did you?

- It was an accident.
- It was an accident?

Yeah, you were away, and he was
having these bouts of depression.

Oh, so because he gets
a little depressed, you...

God almighty, Debbie!

Wait. Let me explain to you.

I mean, you don't know how tragic it is.

He goes on and on about
the fact that he was responsible

for your mother's death.

I know. I know.

Appendicitis. Appendicitis.

Debbie, how could you?

What do you mean, appendicitis?

My mother died from appendicitis, Debbie.

Uh-un. He sent her
on a reconnaissance mission.

Reconnaissance?

Yeah. You know how Jane Fonda
visited Hanoi?

Well, he sent your mother in disguise
as a Jane Fonda look-alike,

and I don't know, something happened.

What does the man know
about toys, Mother Theresa?

He has no sense of fun.

He has a heart of Spam.

Well, how can he come up
with a design better than our designs?

We've been doing it for 50 years.

I don't know. Give me some soup.

Okay.

What do you think, Owen?

Well, we'll be able to see
in a couple of weeks.

Why two weeks?

That's a good question.

That's a very good question.

PATRICK: Do you want to know
what the general's building?

A deadly war machine.

Oh, he is so good. He's the best.

ALSATIA:
That red is a hard color to match.

PATRICK: You want the truth?
I'll tell you the truth.

And nothing but the truth.

We have a breach of security.
Call the general.

I never liked him anyway.

LELAND: I knew he'd defect, that boy.
I knew it. I knew it!

One word about his mother,

and he goes soft like a little kid.

PATRICK: It's not just a game.

Those lethal weapons he's creating

and building in the factory,
it's just phase one.

- Phase one?
- Yeah.

He wants to build a new technology
for tomorrow's warriors.

LESLIE: Oh, my god.

PATRICK: See, it will start as
a great philanthropic gesture.

He would establish daycare centers
in all the poverty areas.

Mothers could leave their children there
all day long,

and they'd be taught to read
and write by video computer.

LESLIE: It's a trick.

PATRICK: To educate them,
but at the same time,

to create a special variety of video game

to develop coordination,
teach the child how to handle

sophisticated equipment...
Simulated flight experiences,

visual laser lock-on screens.

And the last step, the final frontier,

is to fly a real combat mission

with remote-control weaponry.

I mean, the kids,
they don't know the difference.

They still think it's a video game,
They think they're racking up points,

and they're actually wiping out
whole cities.

GWEN: Well, he's gotta be stopped, y'all.

We have to call the police.

- PATRICK: No. No police.
- GWEN: Why?

Because this is family business.

What's been done has got
to be undone, right?

We're gonna take care of it.

OWENS: But how can we do it?

I put the entire security system in.

With your help, I can take it out.

Well, well, well.
Look what we've got here.

A mutiny.

First of all, we gotta be a unit.

We can't all talk at the same time.

We gotta be one mind, one body,

One goal, one soul.

Stand up and join me.

He's very good, isn't he?

PATRICK: We are now one...

in body, in soul, in dedication.

We have one thought alone. Victory!

I'll put this place on red alert.

They're as good as dead.

That's your son, sir.

War has no relatives.

Now, we're gonna get him,

and we're gonna get him good.

War.

All right, sir. They're here.

And so it begins.

Now is my time.

It was not Korea.

It was not Vietnam,

but now.

Tonight on this battleground,

this field of innocence,

this shall be my finest hour.

I can almost hear the ticking

of the second hand of destiny.

A moment...

one wonderful moment
when fate takes your hand...

and this is my moment.

♪ My once in a lifetime ♪

♪ When I can explore a new... ♪

And exciting land.

♪ And exciting land ♪

SOLDIER: Patrick just took out
the surveillance system, sir.

Turn on the twin system.

Not even Patrick knew about that.

LELAND: I trust no one.

Let the games begin.

That's the sea swine down there.

Sea swine pit has enough power.

ALSATIA:
Sea swine. Sea swine.

This is how it's gonna go down.

Look. I'm gonna shut down
the control centers

to make sure the weapons are deactivated.

Want you guys to meet me
at the Manhattan model in five minutes.

Let's move.

Five minutes.

Patrick, we don't know which way.

Do we hit them now, sir?

Let them separate a little more.

OWENS: Patrick?

Owen!

It's this way.

Yeah, I know it.

Leslie!

Deja vu. This way.

OWENS: Alsatia!

All right. Hit 'em.

Uh-oh. I wonder what
the flashing red lights mean.

Well, red usually means caution,

or beef if it's a bouillon cube.

Thank you, Alsatia. That helps a lot.

I know where I'm going.

I just don't know how to get there.

Maybe that's the covert way,
not to tell you.

We need a helper or some fruit.

- Hey, y'all, look.
- Thank you, Alsatia. Okay.

Good. A place with only one corridor.

FEMALE VOICE: Select floor now.

Oh, look. Isn't that adorable?

(SCREAMS)

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Isn't that great?

FEMALE VOICE: Doors closing now.

Going down now.

That's a very bad baby.

Patrick must be at the control center.

Ball and dolly just killed each other.

Put in the Tommy Tanks,

and activate the Hurly-Burly Helicopters.

♪ Hoo ha hoo-ha ♪

♪ Hoo ha hoo-ha ♪

♪ Hoo ha hoo-ha ♪

LESLIE: The man's insane.
He's building fatalistic toys.

Why couldn't I see it coming?
I mean, I saw the warnings

in the restricted areas.
I fell in the pool,

and someone tried to kill me.
I really screwed up.

(SCREAMS)

I thought I'd lost you.

The general knows we're here.

- How do you know?
- Well...

- ♪ Hoo ha hoo-ha ♪
- I rest my case!

♪ Hoo ha hoo-ha ♪

♪ Hoo ha hoo-ha ♪

Oh!

♪ Hoo ha hoo-ha ♪

♪ Hoo ha hoo-ha ♪

♪ Hoo ha hoo-ha ♪

Oh, no!

LESLIE: This way.
This way, this way, this way! This way.

In here! This way!

OWENS: Now what?

I don't understand! How do they work?

Everywhere we go, they're there.

They must follow movement
and sound. I don't know.

Where's Patrick?

♪ Hoo ha hoo-ha ♪

Go! Go, go, go!

Hurry up!

Okay!

Move it!

Maybe we can outrun them!

LESLIE:
We're in the old warehouse.

Look, Leslie.

This is where the general
stuck all the old toys.

Everything that Zevo was is here.

ALSATIA: Oh, dance with me.

LESLIE: Not now.

Look at that!

They've let themselves get trapped.

That means Patrick must be in there.

It's not like him to make
such a poor tactical maneuver.

LESLIE: I used to love to play with these.

The general's weapons
track movement and...

Owen, do you think these will still work?

Oh, I... If you wind them up,
I imagine they will.

I've got an idea.

What?

We're gonna fight fire with marshmallows.

LESLIE: That's a complete answer.

Ladies and gentlemen...

our army.

Let's wind up the troops.

Someone get me a cup of tea.

Greenberg.

Yes, sir.

Tea for the general, eight lumps.

LESLIE: Sorry it's come to this.

Who would believe when we made
Milton the Friendly Elephant

that some of you today
would be wound in anger?

Four stores and many Christmases ago,

my father brought forth a factory

conceived in innocence and joy,

and squeezable fun for everyone.

But today may be the beginning of the end,

or the end of the beginning,

or the beginning of the beguine.

And when you go fourth today, or fifth,

depending on your order in line,

we are here today
to put you in harm's way.

Because we determine today
in this warehouse...

the future of toys as we know it,

whether be toys of fun and innocence,

or toys for total tot warfare.

Mr. Penguin?

If you don't do it today,
you're an endangered species.

You know that.

Now, many of you have never
seen your own fluff.

Many of you are just out of the boxes.

You've never seen your own
springs lying on the ground,

but I tell you today,
that's not gonna be the case.

I want you to wade into them.

I want them to spill their batteries.

I want them to break off their antennae.

I want those plastic behemoths

to be a bubbling botch of goo!

In the words of Barbie,
"I had a dream house."

I know you can do it.

Spin your balls.
Move your plates. Skip your ropes.

You, Mr. Twirly, blind them
with the best you can.

In the words of Mahatma Gumby,

"We are toys of tolerance,

but there's only so much
that a toy can tolerate."

Do what you must,

you simple, gentle few.

For I would rather have you by my side

than any remote-control gadget

that I've ever seen,

because you are... and even you,

even you, Alien Al.

Pay a little attention,

because you were never a big seller.

But we stood by you.

So, now's the time not to ask

what Zevo can do for you,

but what you can do for Zevo.

Let's all bob our heads
for a brief moment of prayer,

those who can.

(BOOM)

(SCREAMS)

(BOOM)

(BOOM)

(BOOM)

(BOOM)

- You all right, Alsatia?
- Yeah.

Bastards, they attacked us
while we're at prayer.

It's like Pearl Harbor.

(BOOM)

Stay calm.

Hold until you see the lights
in their eyes.

(BOOM)

(BOOM)

(BOOM)

(BOOM)

♪ Hoo ha hoo-ha ♪

For Dad, Zevo and Milton
the Friendly Elephant...

now!

(TOYS CLAMORING)

(CROONING)

(CHIRPING)

TOY MONKEY: He's at the 30-yard line,

and number 20 is running like crazy.

He's all alone out there.

(QUACKS)

(SQUAKS)

(CROONING)

(CLUCKING)

♪ Hoo ha hoo-ha ♪

Hah!

(TOYS CLAMORING)

♪ Hoo ha hoo-ha ♪

♪ Hoo ha hoo-ha ♪

- (GUNSHOT)
- (SCREAMS)

(MISSILE LAUNCHES)

(CROAKING)

(CROAKING)

Look at that score!

(LAUGHS)

- LELAND: Oh, boy.
- SOLDIERS: Hurrah!

(LAUGHS)

Whoo whoo!

(WARBLING)

TOY: Warning! Warning!

(SCREAMS)

(TOY HELICOPTER WHIRRING)

Whoo!

- SOLDIER: I love this game!
- All right!

(ALARM SOUNDS)

TOY PIRATE: Arr, arr, arr, mate.

TOY PIRATE: Arr, arr, arr, mate.

Something's happened to Patrick.

I've got to get to Manhattan.

(SQUEAKING)

(GROWLS)

(GROWLS)

(MISSILE LAUNCH)

(GULP)

Keep the diversion going!

- I'm gonna find a way to stop this.
- Yeah.

Hurry up, Leslie! The mice are going AWOL!

BABY DOLL (SCREAMING):
Mama.

(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)

(BLARING)

(GROWLS)

(ROBOTIC SQUEAKING)

(BEEPING)

LELAND: That must be Leslie.

How the hell did he get there?

Look, sir. The Tommy Tank is on his tail.

Not good enough!

Activate the sea swine.

Sir, it's not too reliable.

Activate it!

FEMALE VOICE:
Sea swine activated now.

Switch it over for amphibious attack.

FEMALE VOICE: Sea swine in amphibious
attack mode now.

Patrick!

Patrick!

PATRICK: Here!

Patrick, where are you?

PATRICK: Fifth Avenue, Tiffany's.

This is no time to shop!

PATRICK:
Leslie, I've been hit! I got tanks on me!

You've got to get to the general's office

and shut down the main computer!

How am I gonna do that?

The guards are all over
the entrance to his office.

(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

FEMALE VOICE: Please watch your step.

(POLICE WHISTLE)

(SCREECHES)

(SCREECHES)

(SCREECHES)

(SCREECHES)

Alsatia!

We're running out of toys!

Uh-oh. That's not good.

(TOYS HOWLING)

Leslie!

(HONKING)

(DING)

(HONKING)

SOLDIER: Sir. Over there.

LELAND: Hot dog!

These designs are good.

Leslie, watch out! Bandit at 9:00!

Shoo!

LESLIE: Get out of here! Go!

Go! Go-go-go! Oh! Get out of here!

Take him down!

No! Go away!

Get away!

You little Swiss Army bastard!

No, no,

(SCREAMS)

Give up?

- And you thought I was a fool.
- I'm gonna kill you!

(SCREAMS)

(MUFFLED SHOUTS)

(SCREAMS)

LESLIE: I... will... not... let... you...

destroy... Dad's... dream!

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

(GRUNTS)

MALE ROBOTIC VOICE:
Power failure. Main power failure.

Main power failure.

Main power f-f-f-f-f...

FEMALE ROBOTIC VOICE:
Alternate power online now.

You tried to kill us all.

Oh, come on, Leslie!
Can't you take a joke?

Oh, yeah, I can.

I love jokes.

I love all kinds of jokes.

But you know what I don't think is funny?

Is when somebody tries to kill me,
my family,

and destroy the world as I know it.

I mean, that just doesn't sit well.
I don't know why.

Call me crazy.

(HEAVY BREATHING)

I came real close to being just like you.

Oh, come on, boys.

Can't we all sit down together
and talk this thing out amiably?

LELAND: After all, we're all family.

ALSATIA:
Leslie! Leslie! Isn't it wonderful?

It's over, and the best part is,
no one got hurt!

(SCREAMS)

Whoo! What a ride!

(SCREAMS)

Oh, no.

He broke my sister.

Oh, I think I'd like a sandwich now.

Alsatia's a robot?

Yeah. My dad built her for me.

My mom died so early,
he thought I needed somebody.

I always thought she seemed the same age.

ALSATIA: Um, I'd like to have...

(RUMBLE)

Will you put her back together again?

Oh, yes.

Her plans are in your father's safe.

Oh. Everything is gonna be all right, Al.

Do you love... Do you love me?

Of course I do, Al.

I'd give you a big hug,
but your body's over there.

Oh.

I miss my heart.

We'll get you back together real soon.

(RUMBLING)

(GROWLS)

LELAND: No!

No!

Oh, no!

Al, you're gonna be all right.

Oh, yeah. I'm gonna be fine. I'm fine.

I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm fine! I'm fine!

Hey, look, Al. It's Christmas.

LELAND: No! No, don't.

Please. No, you can't.

No!

Klatu...

Bravada...

Nikto!

(SCREAMS)

♪ Let the bells
ring out for Christmas ♪

♪ At the closing of the year ♪

(CROONING)

(CROONING)

(GROWLS)

(GROWLS)

(GROWLS)

♪ If I cannot bring you comfort ♪

♪ Then at least I bring you hope ♪

(TOY YAPPING)

TOY:
He's breaking away from the pack!

He's running for the 20, the 10.
Holy smokes!

It's a touchdown, ladies
and gentlemen! Touchdown!

♪ At the closing of the year ♪

♪ At the closing of the year ♪

(WARBLING)

♪ At the closing of the year ♪

♪ If I cannot bring you comfort ♪

♪ Then at least I bring you hope ♪

♪ If I cannot bring you comfort ♪

Howdy.

♪ Then at least I bring you hope ♪

Hi.

You look shh-tunning.

Oh, shh-top.

Shh...

So, this is Paris.

What?

She still needs a little work.

Can you carry me?

I think it's better if you walk.

Oh.

LESLIE: Dad? You don't have to worry.

Zevo Toys is in good hands.

I gotta go now. My country calls.

Well, you'll be back for Easter.

Of course.

We'll be having eggs.

Take care.

Whoa!

Don't know your own strength.

Keep it.

I can always use a good hand.

See you later. Peace.

He's funny, sporty, and mysterious.

♪ Let the bells ring out for Christmas ♪

Uh-oh.

♪ At the closing of the year ♪

Patrick?

PATRICK: Yeah?

Just checking!

♪ Now all the winter bells are ringing ♪

♪ Hear them echo through the snow ♪

♪ And the children's voices singing ♪

♪ On the streets so far below ♪

♪ This is a time to be together ♪

♪ And the truth is somewhere here ♪

♪ Within our love of people ♪

♪ At the closing of the year ♪

♪ We'll walk in a sun ♪

♪ With all of the faith ♪

♪ And all of the patience ♪

♪ All of the way ♪

♪ With all of us right ♪

♪ And all of us saying ♪

♪ "No one an island" ♪

♪ We'll fly in the arms of time ♪

♪ Walk in the waves, never fall ♪

♪ Don't fall ♪

♪ At the closing of the year ♪

♪ At the closing of the year ♪

(MOOING)

♪ If I cannot bring you comfort ♪

♪ Then at least I bring you hope ♪

♪ Then at least I bring you hope ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Nah-nah-nah nah-nah ♪

♪ Mmmm ♪

♪ Memories of things ♪

♪ That never happened ♪

♪ These are always the hardest to forget ♪

♪ All the old friends ♪

♪ And the loved ones ♪

♪ These are the people
I haven't even met ♪

♪ Looking forward into the old days ♪

♪ Looking back at what there's gonna be ♪

♪ There's no reality ♪

♪ It's just an illusion ♪

♪ There's no real sanity ♪

♪ Just plain confusion ♪

♪ How do you feel? ♪

♪ Well, I don't know just how I feel ♪

♪ All I know is that I love you, girl ♪

♪ It's so real, it's so real,
it's so real ♪

♪ Here we go! ♪

LESLIE: We have a tradition
of whimsy here at Zevo Toys.

Dad began that tradition
with Milton the Friendly Elephant,

and it carries all the way
through the new line.

♪ There is no single circumstance ♪

♪ I never took a final chance ♪

♪ I made it something ♪

♪ That you can see and touch forever ♪

♪ I always looked the same
from every angle ♪

♪ And never cast a shadow ♪

♪ That would change the way ♪

♪ You thought about your very being ♪

♪ That what you were seeing ♪

♪ Would always be ♪

♪ Would always be ♪

♪ Would always be ♪

♪ Would always be the truth ♪

♪ How do you feel? ♪

♪ Well, I don't know just how I feel ♪

♪ All I know is that I love you, girl ♪

♪ It's so real, it's so real,
it's so real ♪

♪ All the seasons I have spoken ♪

♪ All the reasons I have rhymed ♪