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Well, once upon a time in the West,
there was a dude, the dude, by the name
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00:00:36,750 --> 00:00:37,950
Jeff Lebowski.
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00:00:38,950 --> 00:00:43,270
If ever there was a man to come out of
Hollywood that was a product of his
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00:00:43,270 --> 00:00:49,930
generation, his landscape, loose women,
and his enormous bowling balls,
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00:00:50,270 --> 00:00:52,410
then it was Jeff Lebowski.
6
00:00:52,950 --> 00:00:55,170
At least, that's what his parents called
him.
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00:00:55,470 --> 00:00:57,910
But he just went by the name, the dude.
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00:00:58,790 --> 00:01:04,080
Sure. Down in my neck of the ranch, the
dude could pass as the name of a gay
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00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:05,820
dance club in downtown Amarillo.
10
00:01:06,460 --> 00:01:10,400
But in this case, the farthest case from
the case, it's not.
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00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:16,160
The dude was a man, a man who seemed to
have everything that he needed, or at
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00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:19,340
least he tolerated everything that he
lazily came across.
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00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:21,940
In this way, the dude abides.
14
00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:26,920
But then again, if you had a gift like
the dude had, you would have probably
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00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:27,920
abided too.
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00:01:28,650 --> 00:01:33,390
You see, the dude was a laid -back
fella, mainly because of his large size
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00:01:33,390 --> 00:01:39,490
his... How do I say this, Dr. Gerson?
You see, the dude had an extremely large
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00:01:39,490 --> 00:01:44,450
Johnson, and despite there being other
folks by the name of Lebowski out there,
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00:01:44,550 --> 00:01:50,890
some handsomer, some more bearded, some
fatter, and some more crippled, the dude
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00:01:50,890 --> 00:01:53,810
was actually the biggest Lebowski you'd
ever seen.
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00:02:00,910 --> 00:02:01,910
Los Angeles.
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00:02:02,290 --> 00:02:04,730
The city that the last action hero
protects.
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00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:09,930
The city that was all smoke and mirrors,
but sent the smoke a -riding off to Las
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00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:14,910
Vegas for the 9 -20 David Copperfield
show, and kept the mirrors so that it
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00:02:14,910 --> 00:02:18,530
admire itself naked a little before its
Gamora -esque end.
26
00:02:20,090 --> 00:02:23,470
Well, maybe the good folks that live in
the smog will keep it from turning into
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00:02:23,470 --> 00:02:24,470
a pillar of salt.
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00:02:25,710 --> 00:02:29,250
But then again, I've never traveled
around the world in 80 days.
29
00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:32,900
In fact, it dates 16 ,425.
30
00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:34,900
I've only left Texas twice.
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00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:41,400
Well, maybe all that I've ever had to
witness was the dude, his extremely
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00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:45,880
genitalia, and a parody of the funniest
movie ever made about the dude.
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00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:52,240
And it all took place in Los Angeles in
the early 90s, when M .C. Hammer was
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00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:56,600
just running out of sparkly parachute
pants, and TGIF meant something more
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00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,100
a place that served tater skins.
36
00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:29,960
Bunny said you got the money. Where is
it, Lebowski?
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00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:32,000
Where's the dough, Lebowski?
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00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:34,800
Come on, Bunny said you're good for it,
Lebowski.
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00:03:35,580 --> 00:03:38,060
We got our knife, Peabrain. Where's the
dough?
40
00:03:38,420 --> 00:03:42,300
This toilet -grounding aggression will
not stand, man.
41
00:03:45,740 --> 00:03:46,740
What?
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00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:50,600
I don't care how big you are. There
ain't nobody bigger than Jackie
43
00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:52,220
And your wife owes him big money.
44
00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:56,100
Which means you owe him big money.
45
00:04:03,690 --> 00:04:06,210
You just messed with the wrong fuckers
Lebowski.
46
00:04:13,450 --> 00:04:19,450
Oh man, come on.
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00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,060
the tape out from under your ass.
48
00:20:14,570 --> 00:20:15,570
Adult cinema, man.
49
00:20:17,610 --> 00:20:19,450
Couldn't you just come on the rug
instead?
50
00:20:21,190 --> 00:20:22,530
Do you like that show, Lebowski?
51
00:20:22,810 --> 00:20:25,090
You see what happens when you fuck with
Jackie Treehorn?
52
00:20:25,410 --> 00:20:26,490
We fuck with you.
53
00:20:27,270 --> 00:20:30,670
Actually, it looks like you fuck with
her, but I guess when it comes to coming
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00:20:30,670 --> 00:20:32,290
on my tapes, it's all semantics.
55
00:20:33,090 --> 00:20:35,910
And why do you keep calling me Lebowski?
I'm not Lebowski.
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00:20:36,510 --> 00:20:37,510
I'm the dude.
57
00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:40,770
Whatever, Lebowski. Take it up with the
big guy your wife owes money to.
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00:20:41,330 --> 00:20:42,330
My wife?
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00:20:42,590 --> 00:20:43,650
My fucking wife?
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00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:45,460
Do I look married to you?
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00:20:46,180 --> 00:20:47,400
The scene is up.
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00:20:49,500 --> 00:20:53,840
Your friend just splooshed all over my
porno library, which I keep out in the
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00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:55,080
open. See?
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00:20:55,980 --> 00:20:58,140
Cockfighting slut from Barstow, number
64.
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00:20:59,140 --> 00:21:01,700
Fuck me before my pussy falls off,
number 43.
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00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:03,740
Look who's cocking.
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00:21:04,300 --> 00:21:05,300
Bullying whore 17.
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00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:07,840
Law jamming.
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00:21:21,390 --> 00:21:22,470
Guess how it goes, Sel.
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00:21:22,710 --> 00:21:25,850
Clearly it's the cock warmer for you and
two of your tiny friends.
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00:21:26,410 --> 00:21:27,890
Merry fucking Christmas.
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00:21:28,410 --> 00:21:29,410
Hey, Betty.
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00:21:30,270 --> 00:21:33,710
What? You sure this is the guy Bunny
said was supposed to be loaded?
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00:21:36,790 --> 00:21:39,730
Oh, shit.
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00:21:40,670 --> 00:21:41,670
Crap.
76
00:21:42,770 --> 00:21:43,770
What do you think?
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00:21:45,010 --> 00:21:47,210
I think he's a fucking unemployed
hippie.
78
00:21:48,870 --> 00:21:49,870
Disgraceful.
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00:21:52,170 --> 00:21:58,050
A big unemployed hippie. Hey, man. You
come into my fucking house and soil my
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00:21:58,050 --> 00:22:01,870
dirty movies like a marmot in heat, and
I'm a fucking disgrace?
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00:22:05,410 --> 00:22:06,410
Bum.
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00:22:10,910 --> 00:22:13,870
Thanks for wasting our time, you big
dick.
83
00:22:32,430 --> 00:22:34,270
Knocking down those pins tonight like
they were cocks.
84
00:22:34,750 --> 00:22:35,750
Mark it, dude.
85
00:22:39,590 --> 00:22:40,670
Those are your tapes.
86
00:22:43,230 --> 00:22:45,950
Yeah, they really tied my porn
collection together, man.
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00:22:46,430 --> 00:22:48,130
Those were your tapes, dude.
88
00:22:48,530 --> 00:22:49,530
What'd they really do, dude?
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00:22:49,910 --> 00:22:50,910
Donnie, what the fuck?
90
00:22:51,510 --> 00:22:54,030
What the fuck what? Donnie, what the
fuck were you doing when the dude was
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00:22:54,030 --> 00:22:55,030
telling the story?
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00:22:55,270 --> 00:22:57,130
I was knocking down pins like they were
cocks.
93
00:22:57,370 --> 00:22:59,110
Yeah, but you used that analogy already.
94
00:22:59,530 --> 00:23:01,150
Walter. What? Walter. What?
95
00:23:01,740 --> 00:23:07,980
What are you getting at, Walter? What
I'm talking about is those hardcore VHS
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00:23:07,980 --> 00:23:12,200
tapes that really tied your collection
together. And these motherfucking, these
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00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:15,700
motherfucking... Your porn collection,
dude? My tapes.
98
00:23:16,300 --> 00:23:17,700
Donnie, you are out of your element.
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00:23:18,460 --> 00:23:20,500
Dude, they came on your goddamn pornos.
100
00:23:20,700 --> 00:23:22,160
What am I supposed to do, Walter?
101
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:25,460
And Orient will splooge all my tapes.
102
00:23:26,120 --> 00:23:29,580
How do I track them down for a bill?
Call the Orient until they pick up the
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00:23:29,580 --> 00:23:30,569
phone?
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00:23:30,570 --> 00:23:31,570
Fucking A, Walter.
105
00:23:31,830 --> 00:23:36,150
Fucking A, dude. And this aggression
and, you know, splooge is still a bit
106
00:23:36,150 --> 00:23:40,410
taboo. You might want to use a more
preferred term like spook, gook, goop,
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00:23:40,490 --> 00:23:41,189
In and out.
108
00:23:41,190 --> 00:23:46,090
Shut the fuck up, Donnie. This isn't
Amsterdam. There are rules in court.
109
00:23:47,910 --> 00:23:51,290
We're not talking about an editorial for
Kinsey Cordley magazine.
110
00:23:51,910 --> 00:23:54,370
This is a white stain on my new hardcore
tape.
111
00:23:54,670 --> 00:23:57,090
A white stain, dude? Donnie, you are out
of your element.
112
00:23:57,730 --> 00:23:59,790
And the splooge is the element.
113
00:24:00,360 --> 00:24:04,460
And it's not who made it, but it was who
the Oriental cock in question was aimed
114
00:24:04,460 --> 00:24:06,600
at. It was aimed at the girl on the
tape, right, dude?
115
00:24:06,940 --> 00:24:08,280
Shut the fuck up, Donnie.
116
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:13,340
But who was it aimed at? The other
Jeffrey Lebowski. The rich one.
117
00:24:13,660 --> 00:24:17,840
You can find him, no problem. And he's
as rich as everybody says he is. He's
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00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:19,100
one that Johnson was aimed at.
119
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:20,520
Johnson? Johnson?
120
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:23,060
And his wife owes the money. Not you.
121
00:24:24,460 --> 00:24:25,460
Not me.
122
00:24:26,860 --> 00:24:27,860
Yep.
123
00:24:28,140 --> 00:24:29,140
That's right, dude.
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00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:33,340
You find this guy and your splooge stain
problem will be removed.
125
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:47,580
So we find this rich Lebowski, cocks are
flying tonight, and get him to clean or
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00:24:47,580 --> 00:24:48,740
replace my movie collection.
127
00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:52,760
Plus any splashback that landed on my
rug.
128
00:24:54,820 --> 00:24:56,520
Splooge on your fucking pornos, dude.
129
00:25:02,860 --> 00:25:03,860
As well as Mr.
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00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:05,420
Lebowski's many crowning achievements.
131
00:25:07,180 --> 00:25:09,840
Ah, yes, and this is the key to the city
of Chatsworth.
132
00:25:10,460 --> 00:25:14,440
Given to Mr. Lebowski just two years ago
in recognition of his 12 ,000th beta
133
00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:16,180
video porno purchase.
134
00:25:17,060 --> 00:25:18,120
Beta? Really?
135
00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:21,620
Yes, beta, really. Mr. Lebowski believes
that beta will be making a comeback as
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00:25:21,620 --> 00:25:23,780
well as soon as his ability opens. Is
this him with Urkel?
137
00:25:24,220 --> 00:25:27,020
Yes, it is him with Urkel, sir.
138
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:29,700
And that's Mr. Lebowski on the right.
139
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:31,820
Yes, that is correct. That is Mr.
140
00:25:32,060 --> 00:25:35,680
Lebowski to the right, and this black,
dorky -looking gentleman is Mr. Urkel.
141
00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:37,540
Oh, he's a cripple, huh?
142
00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:42,600
Mr. Urkel, no. Mr. Lebowski, however,
and we prefer the term erectly
143
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:46,260
dysfunctional. This photo was taken
during a live taping of TGIF.
144
00:25:46,740 --> 00:25:50,340
Mr. Lebowski was fortunate enough to
meet Belki, but unfortunately for Mr.
145
00:25:50,420 --> 00:25:53,580
Lebowski, Belki only allows this photo
to be taken with his question there.
146
00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:55,640
Urkel's pretty good.
147
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:57,340
Yes, Urkel's question is amazing.
148
00:25:57,820 --> 00:26:02,160
Amazing TV star. I'm sure future TV
viewing will be very flattering for him.
149
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:04,740
the fuck are they? They are Mr.
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00:26:04,980 --> 00:26:06,140
Lebowski's achievers.
151
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,080
I bet they achieve all right.
152
00:26:08,500 --> 00:26:11,980
No, I don't think you understand. I bet
they help him achieve an orgasm.
153
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:15,960
They're not floozies that Mr.
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00:26:16,360 --> 00:26:21,500
Lebowski canoodles with. These girls are
underprivileged college schoolgirls.
155
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:23,000
Uh -huh.
156
00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:26,600
I don't think you understand.
157
00:26:27,220 --> 00:26:30,120
He sent these girls to college to pay
their tuition and pee.
158
00:26:30,460 --> 00:26:33,400
Yeah, but they're still sexy little
schoolgirls, aren't they?
159
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:35,560
No, I'm sure he's never.
160
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:38,300
Oh, yeah, yeah. I forgot that whole
erection.
161
00:26:38,580 --> 00:26:40,000
Erectile dysfunctional, yes.
162
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:43,260
Yeah, well, you know what? If they need
help in that department, you tell them
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00:26:43,260 --> 00:26:46,500
to call me and I'll educate them on
sucking and fucking the dude who's big
164
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:49,200
Sir, I'm sure that... Why don't you just
take some bullying?
165
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:50,239
Oh, my.
166
00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:53,560
You know, a bullying scholarship in this
day and age would...
167
00:26:53,950 --> 00:26:55,630
Professional bullying being what it is.
168
00:27:00,570 --> 00:27:01,570
Hmm.
169
00:27:06,490 --> 00:27:07,490
So.
170
00:27:08,930 --> 00:27:11,290
You have a VHS porn collection.
171
00:27:11,630 --> 00:27:15,010
And it got inseminated on by some
Orientals.
172
00:27:15,590 --> 00:27:19,050
Lots of porn is inseminated on in that
part of the world.
173
00:27:19,690 --> 00:27:21,470
Typically, it's pixelated.
174
00:27:22,060 --> 00:27:26,360
I'm not going to waste my time today,
sir, teaching you about Japanese
175
00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:34,040
So those poro tapes included a brand new
VHS copy of
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00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:37,000
Fuck Me Before My Pussy Falls Out,
number 64.
177
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:41,380
And the rest was prized jerk -off
material.
178
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:44,420
VHS tapes do not impress me, sir.
179
00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:48,700
Yeah, and there may have been some jism
splashback on my rug.
180
00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:49,869
Yes, yes.
181
00:27:49,870 --> 00:27:52,270
You got some ejaculate on your VHS
tapes.
182
00:27:52,490 --> 00:27:53,490
So what?
183
00:27:54,090 --> 00:27:56,270
Everybody knows beta's the wave of the
future.
184
00:27:56,710 --> 00:28:03,470
But they came on my tapes. Did I
ejaculate on your tapes? No, clearly you
185
00:28:03,470 --> 00:28:07,010
because you have that erectly defuncted
thing going on.
186
00:28:07,370 --> 00:28:13,110
So, how does one jump from an oriental
couple leaves sex stains on your VHS
187
00:28:13,110 --> 00:28:17,690
tapes to the man with the money owes you
something for free? I'm not trying to
188
00:28:17,690 --> 00:28:18,690
get something for free.
189
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:23,020
And it was just one oriental. Are you
employed, Mr. Lebowski?
190
00:28:24,380 --> 00:28:26,780
Does watching porn and bowling count?
191
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:31,040
Wait, let's get something straight. I'm
not Mr.
192
00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:32,280
Lebowski. You're Mr.
193
00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:34,260
Lebowski. I'm the dude.
194
00:28:35,220 --> 00:28:37,000
So that's what you call me.
195
00:28:37,900 --> 00:28:38,920
That or Mr.
196
00:28:39,180 --> 00:28:45,780
Porno Collection, the VHS dude, Dirty
Duder, El Senior
197
00:28:45,780 --> 00:28:47,140
Pornographica?
198
00:28:48,170 --> 00:28:52,650
You don't go around looking for a job
dressed like that, do you, sir? Looking
199
00:28:52,650 --> 00:28:55,530
like you follow fish on tour in the
middle of the day?
200
00:28:56,890 --> 00:28:58,370
Is it lunchtime already?
201
00:28:59,130 --> 00:29:00,130
What are you guys having?
202
00:29:00,810 --> 00:29:01,810
Sandwiches?
203
00:29:02,070 --> 00:29:06,470
I have an incredible beta collection out
back that needs alphabetizing, so if
204
00:29:06,470 --> 00:29:10,410
you don't mind... No, do definitely
mind.
205
00:29:11,290 --> 00:29:14,010
This VHS aggression will not stand, man.
206
00:29:15,260 --> 00:29:19,640
I mean, your wife clearly owes money to
someone who likes to fuck up people's
207
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:21,720
personal VHS porn movies.
208
00:29:21,980 --> 00:29:25,980
My wife, sir, you will not mention in my
presence. I do hope that's abundantly
209
00:29:25,980 --> 00:29:30,020
clear. Yes, she has some problems.
Between you and I, she borrows just a
210
00:29:30,020 --> 00:29:33,880
too much money. But that's not my
problem and certainly not your problem,
211
00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:37,500
hope that is clear to you. We don't pass
blame around like some hippie circle
212
00:29:37,500 --> 00:29:42,000
jerk lube. Oh, no, we certainly do not.
I do not blame those Orientals in
213
00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:43,940
Vietnam for splooching all over me.
214
00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:46,080
and causing me my erectile dysfunction.
215
00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:50,540
No, sir. And you, sir, must take blame
for your own splooge stains.
216
00:29:57,160 --> 00:29:58,160
Dear God.
217
00:29:59,060 --> 00:30:00,260
Forget about it.
218
00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:05,160
That's right. Head on home to more of
your unemployed rituals.
219
00:30:05,740 --> 00:30:08,560
Like jacking off to more parody porn,
perhaps?
220
00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:11,620
Or smoking a bomb so you can forget
about all your responsibilities?
221
00:30:11,980 --> 00:30:13,000
Yeah, nothing but a bomb.
222
00:30:16,170 --> 00:30:18,650
Your revolution is over, Mr. Lebowski.
223
00:30:20,030 --> 00:30:22,370
Condolences from Beta Tapes.
224
00:30:22,810 --> 00:30:23,810
VHS lost.
225
00:30:26,790 --> 00:30:27,850
How did the meeting go?
226
00:30:28,090 --> 00:30:31,530
Great. The old man told me to take any
porno in the house.
227
00:30:32,070 --> 00:30:33,510
And none of that Beta shit.
228
00:30:33,950 --> 00:30:34,950
VHS only.
229
00:30:48,170 --> 00:30:49,390
Thank you for coming by, dude.
230
00:30:50,090 --> 00:30:52,410
Yeah, I'll stop by next time I'm in the
neighborhood.
231
00:30:53,270 --> 00:30:55,150
Or if I ever need a giant house.
232
00:30:56,250 --> 00:31:03,110
Are you a
233
00:31:03,110 --> 00:31:06,270
towman? I saw your pile of moving.
234
00:31:06,630 --> 00:31:09,570
Do you have a copy of Fletcher starring
Bustam Hoffman?
235
00:31:10,610 --> 00:31:11,610
Oh, yeah.
236
00:31:11,690 --> 00:31:13,090
I guess I'm into feet.
237
00:31:14,150 --> 00:31:16,930
Or anything else attached to an
attractive young lady.
238
00:31:17,420 --> 00:31:19,080
About bad debt being in the band?
239
00:31:21,420 --> 00:31:22,420
Never mind.
240
00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:26,000
Are you going to blow my cup? I drank
with them.
241
00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:36,860
Our guest doesn't have time for any
blowing, Mrs. Lebowski.
242
00:31:37,900 --> 00:31:40,500
Mrs. Lebowski? Oh, you meant to be
Bunny.
243
00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:44,900
For $1 ,000, I'll blow you like a French
horn.
244
00:31:46,060 --> 00:31:47,320
You mean oral corded?
245
00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:51,800
Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Funny and a fabulous
joke.
246
00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:55,120
It'll be a hundred extra rounds.
247
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:12,400
One thousand one hundred
248
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:13,820
dollars.
249
00:32:15,150 --> 00:32:16,210
I'm all about it.
250
00:32:18,050 --> 00:32:19,230
Yes, we're getting there.
251
00:32:40,590 --> 00:32:42,610
Wow, you are really big.
252
00:32:43,570 --> 00:32:44,570
It's bigger.
253
00:36:25,710 --> 00:36:26,710
Thank you.
254
00:37:35,339 --> 00:37:36,339
Okay.
255
00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:40,280
Hi.
256
00:39:15,820 --> 00:39:16,880
Those tips are not a problem.
257
00:39:17,620 --> 00:39:20,140
Just please call me back and I will send
the limo for you.
258
00:39:56,830 --> 00:39:58,170
So, continue the story, dude.
259
00:39:59,150 --> 00:40:02,430
So there's this cripple Lebowski's wife,
Bonnie, and she's been kidnapped.
260
00:40:02,870 --> 00:40:06,970
Yep. And they want you to make a ransom
payment of a million dollars because
261
00:40:06,970 --> 00:40:09,290
they think it's the same guys who
ejaculated on your tapes?
262
00:40:10,050 --> 00:40:10,928
Fuckin' A.
263
00:40:10,930 --> 00:40:12,670
Who do you think I can identify them?
264
00:40:13,790 --> 00:40:15,210
Are you gonna get some dough for this
deed?
265
00:40:15,530 --> 00:40:16,530
Yeah.
266
00:40:16,730 --> 00:40:18,470
I don't even have to give back the porn
tapes.
267
00:40:18,970 --> 00:40:19,970
As you shouldn't.
268
00:40:20,510 --> 00:40:22,750
And the guy's gonna give me 20 grand,
man.
269
00:40:22,970 --> 00:40:23,970
Wow, he said that?
270
00:40:24,130 --> 00:40:25,130
Yeah.
271
00:40:25,230 --> 00:40:29,010
He even gave the dirty dooder this pager
so they can page him when it's time to
272
00:40:29,010 --> 00:40:31,010
hand out the bread to the kidnappers.
273
00:40:31,310 --> 00:40:33,110
Well, what if it's on Shomer Shabbos?
274
00:40:34,170 --> 00:40:36,310
Hey, what's, uh, Shomer Shabbos?
275
00:40:38,770 --> 00:40:41,990
Kidnapping plots. Do not start and stop
at your convenience, you miserable
276
00:40:41,990 --> 00:40:42,990
Johnson.
277
00:40:43,750 --> 00:40:44,750
Dude, what's a Johnson?
278
00:40:46,010 --> 00:40:47,590
Anyway, she probably kidnapped herself.
279
00:40:48,150 --> 00:40:49,150
Huh?
280
00:40:49,290 --> 00:40:50,790
What the fuck's he talking about,
Walter?
281
00:40:52,950 --> 00:40:57,550
Young hot wife plus rich cripple guy
equals trophy wife.
282
00:40:58,010 --> 00:40:59,010
Am I wrong?
283
00:40:59,250 --> 00:41:00,250
Fucking A, dude.
284
00:41:00,910 --> 00:41:01,910
Fucking A.
285
00:41:01,950 --> 00:41:06,150
Those motherfuckers. There were girls
like this all over the Mekong Delta, and
286
00:41:06,150 --> 00:41:09,290
they would go out, find guys with money,
and leech on until they were bled dry.
287
00:41:10,570 --> 00:41:12,210
You were prostitutes, Walter.
288
00:41:13,410 --> 00:41:18,050
You took some Vietnam hooker during the
war, and now you're trying to compare it
289
00:41:18,050 --> 00:41:19,050
to the kidnapping.
290
00:41:20,770 --> 00:41:23,630
Dude, you know, hooker is not the
preferred nomenclature.
291
00:41:28,510 --> 00:41:30,050
Fucking Jesus Quintana.
292
00:41:31,450 --> 00:41:33,290
Motherfucking good fucking roller, man.
293
00:41:33,910 --> 00:41:35,690
Yeah, but he's a sodomizer, dude.
294
00:41:36,130 --> 00:41:37,710
Huh? Really.
295
00:41:38,090 --> 00:41:39,130
Certified sodomizer.
296
00:41:41,350 --> 00:41:44,530
Bowling League and Chino threw him out
because he was having anal sex with the
297
00:41:44,530 --> 00:41:46,610
league commissioner's wife in his very
own trophy room.
298
00:41:47,050 --> 00:41:48,510
You want to fuck with the Jesus?
299
00:41:51,050 --> 00:41:55,910
yeah who is walter the uh battle about
the or the guy that watched the dude get
300
00:41:55,910 --> 00:41:57,990
a bj shut the fuck up donnie
301
00:42:25,740 --> 00:42:26,740
All right.
302
00:59:19,250 --> 00:59:23,030
oh oh oh
303
01:00:07,270 --> 01:00:08,770
Oh, Jesus.
304
01:02:43,440 --> 01:02:45,460
Are you ready to be fucked up the ass,
man?
305
01:02:49,120 --> 01:02:51,060
I hear you rolled your ways into the
finals.
306
01:02:52,600 --> 01:02:55,720
Me and Liam are gonna rape your asses
all over the alley.
307
01:02:56,920 --> 01:02:57,920
Yeah?
308
01:02:58,180 --> 01:03:02,740
Well, that's just, you know, like your
opinion, man.
309
01:03:05,540 --> 01:03:07,320
And let me tell you something, Gordo.
310
01:03:09,280 --> 01:03:11,980
You try to whip your dick out with me on
one of our games?
311
01:03:12,380 --> 01:03:15,560
I take that shit from you and I fuck you
in your own ass with it until it goes
312
01:03:15,560 --> 01:03:16,560
pop.
313
01:03:18,500 --> 01:03:19,500
Jesus.
314
01:03:19,880 --> 01:03:21,580
Jesus? That's right, man.
315
01:03:22,520 --> 01:03:25,340
Nobody fucks with the Jesus unless they
want it in a culo.
316
01:03:25,740 --> 01:03:26,740
Come on, Leon.
317
01:03:32,880 --> 01:03:34,080
Fucking sodomizer, dude.
318
01:04:08,300 --> 01:04:11,100
Who will stop me? You and what army?
319
01:04:11,460 --> 01:04:12,800
George loves Bush.
320
01:04:13,380 --> 01:04:15,480
My big gun's gonna do it.
321
01:04:15,740 --> 01:04:21,140
Well, I've seen the power of your Norman
Schwarzkopf, and I'm prepared to fight
322
01:04:21,140 --> 01:04:23,820
you in any battle you challenge me in.
323
01:04:24,260 --> 01:04:27,280
Well, I challenge you to a gulp war.
324
01:04:27,900 --> 01:04:29,700
Ugh, a gulp war?
325
01:04:30,540 --> 01:04:33,720
What is this you speak of? The rules are
simple.
326
01:04:34,120 --> 01:04:37,160
We're gonna stick our missiles down this
girl's throat.
327
01:04:38,120 --> 01:04:43,780
Until she goes gold. And then, we have a
fuck -off to see who wins.
328
01:04:44,500 --> 01:04:50,440
I accept your challenge, George
Lovesbush.
329
01:05:04,040 --> 01:05:05,040
Yes.
330
01:05:52,970 --> 01:05:54,290
Oh, my God.
331
01:06:36,560 --> 01:06:37,660
Oh,
332
01:06:39,700 --> 01:06:41,080
yeah. Yeah.
333
01:07:27,009 --> 01:07:29,810
Oh. Oh.
334
01:08:03,980 --> 01:08:04,980
Uh huh.
335
01:08:05,040 --> 01:08:06,040
Uh huh.
336
01:08:06,280 --> 01:08:07,280
Uh huh.
337
01:09:24,170 --> 01:09:25,170
Oh, fuck.
338
01:13:59,310 --> 01:14:01,870
oh oh
339
01:14:01,870 --> 01:14:06,370
oh
340
01:15:40,160 --> 01:15:41,480
Please talk to my rival now.
341
01:16:24,910 --> 01:16:25,910
What can I say?
342
01:19:08,650 --> 01:19:09,790
Better than all my help.
343
01:23:18,190 --> 01:23:19,250
This slide is for Iraq.
344
01:24:50,570 --> 01:24:52,210
Well, the dude was out like a light.
345
01:24:52,830 --> 01:24:56,610
He was about to enjoy a dream that I bet
you would enjoy if you'd dreamt it.
346
01:24:57,010 --> 01:25:00,850
In fact, I kind of think I'm going to go
home and enjoy this dream now.
347
01:25:01,650 --> 01:25:03,630
Hope it doesn't have any cursing in it.
348
01:25:04,010 --> 01:25:08,890
Oh, and by the way, before you start
getting all your panties in a bunch,
349
01:25:08,890 --> 01:25:13,370
the girls and dudes dream get the
panties off, like a nihilist missing a
350
01:25:13,370 --> 01:25:17,750
turning as she attempts to walk
straight, sometimes stories that you
351
01:25:17,750 --> 01:25:18,810
unexpected turns.
352
01:25:19,880 --> 01:25:24,980
So for now, forget about botched
handoffs, henchmen hiring pornographers,
353
01:25:24,980 --> 01:25:27,160
the Eagles. And just abide, dudes.
354
01:25:27,640 --> 01:25:28,640
Abide.
355
01:35:50,360 --> 01:35:52,220
Oh yeah.
356
01:38:29,710 --> 01:38:30,830
Let me just use your feet.
357
01:38:31,510 --> 01:38:35,210
Aw, you dirty girl. You dirty girl.
358
01:42:30,230 --> 01:42:31,230
Oh my God.
359
01:48:56,150 --> 01:49:00,030
Try to whip your dick out with me on one
of our games? I take that shit from you
360
01:49:00,030 --> 01:49:03,510
and I fuck you in your own ass with it
until it goes pop. Until it goes pop.
361
01:49:28,840 --> 01:49:29,840
Fuck tapes.
362
01:49:30,580 --> 01:49:32,980
Oh, my fucking fuck tapes.
363
01:49:36,740 --> 01:49:38,280
Is that my robe?
364
01:49:39,400 --> 01:49:40,520
Hello, Mr. Lebowski.
365
01:49:40,760 --> 01:49:44,840
My name is Ma Lebowski, and I'm the one
who took your coitus tape.
366
01:49:46,000 --> 01:49:50,420
Coitus? I'm sorry for that knock on the
jaw, but I had to make sure you were not
367
01:49:50,420 --> 01:49:52,780
going to stop me from taking back my
tape.
368
01:49:53,560 --> 01:49:54,560
Your tape?
369
01:49:54,640 --> 01:49:55,640
Yes.
370
01:49:55,980 --> 01:49:57,480
They were a gift from my mother.
371
01:49:57,980 --> 01:49:59,480
And they were not my father's to give.
372
01:50:01,300 --> 01:50:03,780
Hold on, let me explain something about
those tapes.
373
01:50:04,680 --> 01:50:07,840
Those tapes are... Would you like sex,
Mr. Lebowski?
374
01:50:08,740 --> 01:50:10,600
You mean the physical act of love?
375
01:50:11,300 --> 01:50:15,560
Yes, I would like some too. But first, I
have something very important to show
376
01:50:15,560 --> 01:50:16,560
you.
377
01:50:25,130 --> 01:50:29,030
I know that my father hired you to
deliver the ransom for my stepmother,
378
01:50:29,330 --> 01:50:30,330
Oh yeah?
379
01:50:30,870 --> 01:50:33,570
Yes. She is a nymphomaniac.
380
01:50:34,690 --> 01:50:38,610
Whereas we would like to have sex, she
would like to have sex all the time.
381
01:50:39,410 --> 01:50:40,410
Oh yeah?
382
01:50:40,470 --> 01:50:41,470
Yes.
383
01:50:41,730 --> 01:50:46,110
Bunny Lebowski is what we call in the
art world a harlot, a slut, a cock
384
01:50:46,110 --> 01:50:47,110
-craving leg -spritter.
385
01:50:47,350 --> 01:50:48,350
Oh no.
386
01:50:48,470 --> 01:50:49,470
Oh yes.
387
01:50:49,550 --> 01:50:51,030
She is a whore.
388
01:50:53,110 --> 01:50:55,180
You mean a cock... Craving legs better?
389
01:50:56,200 --> 01:50:57,480
Let me show you what I mean.
390
01:51:13,980 --> 01:51:15,520
Hi. Hello.
391
01:51:15,740 --> 01:51:18,340
My name is Petra. Is there something
wrong with my cover?
392
01:51:18,760 --> 01:51:19,760
Yeah, come on in.
393
01:51:20,000 --> 01:51:23,260
I'm not really sure exactly what's
really wrong with the cable.
394
01:51:25,100 --> 01:51:26,160
That's why they sent me.
395
01:51:26,560 --> 01:51:27,560
I'm an expert.
396
01:51:28,500 --> 01:51:29,500
TV's in here.
397
01:51:30,120 --> 01:51:31,120
Ah.
398
01:51:31,560 --> 01:51:32,560
Where's my tools?
399
01:51:34,800 --> 01:51:37,620
That's my friend Sherry. She just came
over to use the shower.
400
01:51:42,380 --> 01:51:43,560
My name is Carl.
401
01:51:43,940 --> 01:51:44,940
I'm an expert.
402
01:51:47,720 --> 01:51:49,380
Oh, you must be here to fix the table.
403
01:51:57,230 --> 01:51:59,290
It's really hard for me to work in the
clothes.
404
01:52:04,050 --> 01:52:06,330
It's really hard to watch you work in
those clothes.
405
01:52:06,930 --> 01:52:08,770
I think I should take mine off, too.
406
01:52:10,330 --> 01:52:12,610
I don't want to wear any clothes. I'm so
hot.
407
01:52:13,490 --> 01:52:14,910
You know what?
408
01:52:16,090 --> 01:52:21,010
To fix the cable, I have to hardwire you
two first.
409
01:52:59,000 --> 01:53:00,760
Lay down the key.
410
01:54:15,240 --> 01:54:16,240
Oh, hell no!
411
02:14:51,020 --> 02:14:52,920
That guy's a really good cable
repairman.
412
02:14:53,760 --> 02:14:56,340
Jeffrey, Bunny was definitely not
kidnapped.
413
02:14:56,800 --> 02:14:59,460
She's a cheap floozy and not an
expensive ransom.
414
02:15:01,860 --> 02:15:04,460
Wait a minute. I thought your father was
loaded.
415
02:15:04,820 --> 02:15:08,000
My father took that money from the
Lebowski Achievers Foundation.
416
02:15:08,900 --> 02:15:10,460
Oh, no.
417
02:15:11,100 --> 02:15:13,580
Not the hot college schoolgirls.
418
02:15:13,900 --> 02:15:16,400
Yes. The Lebowski Achievers Foundation.
419
02:15:16,940 --> 02:15:20,660
Which I am the other trustee. He took
that money in order to free her, but it
420
02:15:20,660 --> 02:15:21,660
not his money to take.
421
02:15:23,520 --> 02:15:26,320
Why didn't he just take the money from
his own account, man?
422
02:15:27,080 --> 02:15:29,100
Because he does not have the money in
his account.
423
02:15:34,820 --> 02:15:36,920
Jeffrey, I want to make your jaw feel
better.
424
02:15:37,320 --> 02:15:39,260
I have a method that is good and
thorough.
425
02:15:40,880 --> 02:15:43,000
You know, I appreciate it, but it's
cool.
426
02:15:43,940 --> 02:15:45,420
My method is good and thorough.
427
02:15:46,980 --> 02:15:47,898
I'm good.
428
02:15:47,900 --> 02:15:48,900
Good and thorough.
429
02:15:49,460 --> 02:15:50,460
Fine. What is it?
430
02:15:53,440 --> 02:15:54,440
Love me.
431
02:19:00,080 --> 02:19:01,080
Oh.
432
02:22:17,770 --> 02:22:18,770
Thank you.
433
02:26:03,240 --> 02:26:05,320
Don't be presumptuous.
434
02:26:38,870 --> 02:26:41,210
This condition is strongly vaginal.
435
02:27:47,660 --> 02:27:48,660
Good.
436
02:28:27,830 --> 02:28:30,910
Yes! More!
437
02:29:50,420 --> 02:29:52,140
You have some pain for me?
438
02:30:12,560 --> 02:30:13,660
I mean,
439
02:30:15,320 --> 02:30:16,600
fuck me, Jeffrey.
440
02:30:17,020 --> 02:30:18,140
Fuck me, Jeffrey.
441
02:30:18,400 --> 02:30:21,500
Put it back in. Don't take it out. No.
442
02:30:24,040 --> 02:30:25,740
Don't take your cock out of me.
443
02:30:26,260 --> 02:30:27,260
Oh,
444
02:30:29,800 --> 02:30:30,800
Jeffrey.
445
02:30:32,280 --> 02:30:34,640
Oh, yeah.
446
02:30:35,380 --> 02:30:36,380
Oh.
447
02:30:36,920 --> 02:30:37,920
Oh.
448
02:30:38,300 --> 02:30:39,860
Oh. Excuse me, Jeffrey.
449
02:30:40,300 --> 02:30:41,300
Excuse me.
450
02:30:49,680 --> 02:30:50,680
Oh, yeah.
451
02:31:57,290 --> 02:31:59,670
That was pretty fucking good and
thorough, Maude.
452
02:32:00,330 --> 02:32:02,210
Like a great credence tape.
453
02:32:02,730 --> 02:32:04,410
Why, thank you, Jeffrey.
454
02:32:06,130 --> 02:32:08,110
Dude. Dude.
455
02:32:11,150 --> 02:32:17,290
So you were saying earlier, before...
Your big Lebowski entered my vagina?
456
02:32:20,730 --> 02:32:24,010
Yeah. But you said your father had no
money.
457
02:32:25,550 --> 02:32:26,550
Right.
458
02:32:27,100 --> 02:32:32,380
I give him a monthly allowance, but as
you've seen, his lavish lifestyle
459
02:32:32,380 --> 02:32:33,580
it up quite thoroughly.
460
02:32:36,460 --> 02:32:43,340
What? So your father... Oh, shit. I get
it now.
461
02:32:45,600 --> 02:32:51,940
What do you get, Jeffrey?
462
02:32:57,340 --> 02:32:58,340
Dude.
463
02:32:59,660 --> 02:33:00,660
Dude!
464
02:33:22,980 --> 02:33:24,500
She never was kidnapped.
465
02:33:25,180 --> 02:33:26,680
Where's the money Lebowski?
466
02:33:27,200 --> 02:33:30,160
Poor bloody little college chick. You
are some piece of work.
467
02:33:30,500 --> 02:33:33,880
You never intended to give us a
briefcase full of money because you kept
468
02:33:33,880 --> 02:33:37,300
money and filled the ransom case full of
your dirty fucking underwear. Isn't
469
02:33:37,300 --> 02:33:38,300
that right, Lebowski?
470
02:33:38,620 --> 02:33:40,500
Maybe, but maybe not.
471
02:33:41,140 --> 02:33:42,740
You'll never know. You know why?
472
02:33:42,940 --> 02:33:43,940
Because you're a bum.
473
02:33:44,900 --> 02:33:47,900
I'm a bum? He's a bum? Shut the fuck up,
Lebowski.
474
02:33:48,480 --> 02:33:49,580
You're broke, man.
475
02:33:50,200 --> 02:33:54,200
Broke enough to fake a ransom payment,
keep the money and try to set me up, and
476
02:33:54,200 --> 02:33:55,200
I'm the bum?
477
02:33:55,980 --> 02:33:59,960
You're really fucking lucky we didn't
cover that part of the original movie,
478
02:33:59,960 --> 02:34:02,060
people would really see what a jerk you
are.
479
02:34:02,260 --> 02:34:05,580
Why don't you get out of my house? You
know, if this guy's pretending to be a
480
02:34:05,580 --> 02:34:08,300
millionaire, I bet you this guy's
pretending to have erectile dysfunction.
481
02:34:09,120 --> 02:34:12,820
I've seen plenty of guys have their
balls shot off in Vietnam, and this guy
482
02:34:12,820 --> 02:34:14,500
not look like one of them.
483
02:34:15,740 --> 02:34:18,460
This guy can get a boner, I'm 100 %
certain.
484
02:34:21,620 --> 02:34:22,660
That's it, grind him.
485
02:34:23,160 --> 02:34:23,979
Grind him?
486
02:34:23,980 --> 02:34:27,330
Okay. Now bounce up and down a little
lap, put his hands on your tits.
487
02:34:27,870 --> 02:34:29,090
Like that.
488
02:34:31,830 --> 02:34:34,670
All right. You know, a few more sexes
and this is going to be harder than
489
02:34:34,670 --> 02:34:35,670
oriental arithmetic.
490
02:34:36,430 --> 02:34:37,430
Walter!
491
02:34:39,510 --> 02:34:41,230
Now bend over, show him the moneymaker.
492
02:34:42,090 --> 02:34:44,070
Walter, the guy's a fucking cripple.
493
02:34:46,090 --> 02:34:47,570
Like that, just like that.
494
02:34:48,150 --> 02:34:49,089
That's it.
495
02:34:49,090 --> 02:34:50,090
All right.
496
02:34:50,170 --> 02:34:52,330
Now, up, baby, show me!
497
02:34:56,840 --> 02:34:57,840
Soft Johnson.
498
02:35:04,800 --> 02:35:06,620
Dude, listen, we're really sorry.
499
02:35:06,980 --> 02:35:08,180
Yeah, yeah, you're sorry.
500
02:35:08,400 --> 02:35:12,300
What? Jeff, you're nihilist. You don't
care about nobody or nothing. Just go.
501
02:35:12,460 --> 02:35:15,220
Go! Yeah, I really thought he was faking
it.
502
02:35:16,340 --> 02:35:17,340
Sorry, man.
503
02:35:18,220 --> 02:35:19,220
Dude,
504
02:35:20,640 --> 02:35:21,960
I really thought he was faking it.
505
02:35:23,100 --> 02:35:24,180
Okay, let's go bowling.
506
02:35:30,350 --> 02:35:32,530
You again. Get the fuck away from me.
507
02:35:37,310 --> 02:35:38,350
Two brews, Gary.
508
02:35:38,630 --> 02:35:39,630
You got it, dude.
509
02:35:40,790 --> 02:35:41,790
Howdy.
510
02:35:43,190 --> 02:35:45,310
Congratulations on making the semifinals
there, dude.
511
02:35:45,890 --> 02:35:46,890
Hey, thanks, man.
512
02:35:49,710 --> 02:35:50,710
Thanks.
513
02:35:53,870 --> 02:35:55,370
Good seeing you again, stranger.
514
02:35:56,330 --> 02:35:58,050
Good seeing you again, too, dude.
515
02:35:58,350 --> 02:35:59,430
Good luck out there.
516
02:36:00,750 --> 02:36:03,150
Yeah, well, you know, the dude abide.
517
02:36:03,950 --> 02:36:06,290
My life is two dames and games, I guess.
518
02:36:10,650 --> 02:36:12,950
There's comfort to be found in the
dude's words.
519
02:36:14,050 --> 02:36:15,650
And I rather enjoyed that.
520
02:36:16,490 --> 02:36:18,930
Especially the part with the sexual
situations.
521
02:36:19,790 --> 02:36:21,630
Now, I don't care much for cursing.
522
02:36:21,890 --> 02:36:25,750
But I do enjoy seeing a hot little girl
pounded by a huge rod.
523
02:36:26,930 --> 02:36:28,330
And I felted it.
524
02:36:28,700 --> 02:36:33,940
Help make up for parts we didn't show
you, like the Creedence music or the
525
02:36:33,940 --> 02:36:38,540
with Walter in the restaurant hooping
and hollering. But if not, well, I guess
526
02:36:38,540 --> 02:36:40,120
that's why God made sequels.
527
02:36:42,460 --> 02:36:44,140
Shucks. Look at me spouting.
528
02:36:44,820 --> 02:36:49,420
Best stop talking before Malfa gets too
tired to enjoy this delicious
529
02:36:49,420 --> 02:36:50,420
jasperilla.
530
02:36:51,640 --> 02:36:53,120
Here's to seeing you achievers.
38779
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