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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,626 --> 00:00:02,501 Carrie, darling-- Sorry. 2 00:00:02,502 --> 00:00:04,170 Terrell, darling, Are the ratings out yet? 3 00:00:04,171 --> 00:00:05,463 I need to know how I did In the l.A. Market. 4 00:00:05,464 --> 00:00:07,840 Why do you care? People love you. 5 00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:10,176 Yeah, but I want them To love me most. 6 00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:11,510 Right now I'm number three. 7 00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:13,137 Say you were the third best Receiver on a team. 8 00:00:13,138 --> 00:00:14,513 Wouldn't happen. I'm always open. 9 00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:15,765 Okay, but-- 10 00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:17,642 Throw something to me When I least expect it. 11 00:00:17,643 --> 00:00:19,352 You know, I don't know Why I obsess on these things. 12 00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:21,103 I'm never gonna Beat el mandril. 13 00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:25,107 Look at him up there, So happy with his sexy posse. 14 00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:26,525 You know, he's-- Ha! 15 00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:27,526 Amazing. 16 00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:29,362 Hey, delivery just came in 17 00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:32,198 From our owner Mr. James leopold. 18 00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:35,451 The gold watch. 19 00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:39,205 Does this mean-- - take a look. 20 00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:40,414 Oh, my god. 21 00:00:40,415 --> 00:00:42,375 I'm number one! - you're number one! 22 00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:44,377 I'm number one! I'm number one! 23 00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:45,419 He's number one! 24 00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:46,545 I can see my face 25 00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:48,089 Gentrifying the neighborhood Right now. 26 00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:49,215 Say I'm a local lowlife. 27 00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:51,801 Should I do street sex Or street drugs? 28 00:00:51,802 --> 00:00:53,803 Wait, I should be A doctor. 29 00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:55,721 Yeah! 30 00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:57,181 Always open. 31 00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:58,766 Both: wow. - I'm number one! 32 00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:00,601 - here he comes. - go, ryan! 33 00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:03,604 Thank you. 34 00:01:03,605 --> 00:01:04,772 I just wanted to say 35 00:01:04,773 --> 00:01:06,565 That I couldn't do this Without you. 36 00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:08,818 We've all been On a journey together. 37 00:01:08,819 --> 00:01:12,196 And when I look out At all of these faces-- 38 00:01:12,197 --> 00:01:15,116 No, I couldn't get there, But I wanted to. 39 00:01:15,117 --> 00:01:17,368 I wanted to. 40 00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:18,536 Where's terrell owens? 41 00:01:18,537 --> 00:01:19,745 We're celebrating Nfl style! 42 00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:21,497 Oh! 43 00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:24,625 We are doing this Every day. 44 00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:32,883 Guess what, you guys Are looking at the host 45 00:01:32,884 --> 00:01:35,511 Of the number one Radio show in l.A. 46 00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:38,764 No, no, no. Don't clap for me. 47 00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,182 Clap for yourselves. 48 00:01:40,183 --> 00:01:42,268 If it wasn't for the support Of you-- 49 00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:44,562 No, still nothing. I'm a robot. 50 00:01:44,563 --> 00:01:46,147 I'm happy for you, ryan. 51 00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:49,900 But it's a hard day for The old number one el mandril. 52 00:01:49,901 --> 00:01:51,444 Listen. 53 00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:53,779 He is suffering. 54 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:56,574 There is a sadness To his horny cackle. 55 00:01:56,575 --> 00:01:57,908 Ryan, how are you Gonna celebrate? 56 00:01:57,909 --> 00:01:59,660 My friend steven's Taking me out 57 00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:01,287 For a steak dinner. - oh. 58 00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,622 No, thanks. 59 00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:05,458 Wyatt has me on a very strict No-red-meat diet, 60 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:06,834 And I don't miss it At all. 61 00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:09,545 Beef, steak, meatballs-- I don't even think about it. 62 00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:11,505 French dip, hot dogs, Meatballs. 63 00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:13,257 - you said meatballs already. - did I? 64 00:02:13,258 --> 00:02:14,925 God, it's so funny How you repeat things 65 00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:16,677 You do not think about. 66 00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:19,305 So what's going on with you, Cheesesteaks? 67 00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:20,806 Uh, my divorce papers Finally came through. 68 00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:22,475 All: oh! - yeah. 69 00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:24,643 Free man for the first time Since sixth grade. 70 00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:26,520 Danny, you haven't flirted With a girl since sixth grade? 71 00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:28,439 No, but it's like Riding a bicycle. 72 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,691 I think I still got it. 73 00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:33,361 What's up, fart face? - what? 74 00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:34,570 Hey, son-yuch. 75 00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:36,197 Got something here for ya. 76 00:02:36,198 --> 00:02:37,656 Right here. 77 00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:39,617 Noogie, noogie, noogie, Noogie, noogie, noogie. 78 00:02:39,618 --> 00:02:41,869 Damn it! You messed up My bomb-ass weave, 79 00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:43,537 And I'm all out Of hair glue! 80 00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:44,705 - ooh. - hey, buddy. 81 00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:45,873 If you want sonia To like you, 82 00:02:45,874 --> 00:02:47,666 You may wanna update Some of your moves. 83 00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:49,960 Maybe you can help danny. 84 00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:51,796 You are very good With women. 85 00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:53,255 Yeah, would you, ryan? 86 00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:54,632 Please, I don't have Any more male friends 87 00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:56,634 Since I lost 'em all That horrible night in kandahar. 88 00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:58,010 All: ooh. 89 00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,136 Yeah, we were all Pretty drunk when I mentioned 90 00:02:59,137 --> 00:03:00,805 I do a great Nicole kidman impression. 91 00:03:00,806 --> 00:03:02,348 Somewhere Between getting naked 92 00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:05,351 And tucking my junk Between my legs, it went wrong. 93 00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:06,811 War. 94 00:03:06,812 --> 00:03:08,771 Oh, dan, I'd love To help you out, 95 00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:10,689 But I don't wanna. 96 00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:12,024 Don't worry about it. 97 00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,776 Sonia and I probably Aren't a good match anyway. 98 00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:16,779 You actually Are 98% compatible, 99 00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:18,823 According to this. 100 00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:21,242 It's an algorithm I developed - for truesoulm8. - com. 101 00:03:21,243 --> 00:03:23,244 That's mate with an eight. 102 00:03:23,245 --> 00:03:24,703 You can find Your perfect match 103 00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:26,914 By answering Eight simple questions. 104 00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:28,040 What is your deal? 105 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,917 You work for nasa. 106 00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:32,920 You've written a popular Love-predicting algorithm. 107 00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:34,713 You won't tell us Your last name. 108 00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:36,382 We don't know Why you're in this group. 109 00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,843 You know, anne, Unlike your generation, 110 00:03:38,844 --> 00:03:41,053 Who's all About your facebook updates 111 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:45,266 And your sexting, I choose To keep a few things private. 112 00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:46,809 All right, everybody. See you in a little bit. 113 00:03:57,279 --> 00:03:58,904 "S.I.T.A.T.A.W.Y.D."? 114 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:00,698 What the hell Do you think you're doing? 115 00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:01,824 Oh, man. 116 00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:04,368 It's k. I want answers. 117 00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:05,369 We all do. 118 00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:06,620 I've been busting my ass, 119 00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:08,080 Digging up information For the last six months, 120 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,707 And I will not See that ruined 121 00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:11,792 Because some rookie Decided to play nancy drew. 122 00:04:11,793 --> 00:04:13,586 He knows you're on to him, And he'll clam up. 123 00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:15,045 - what have you found out? - very little. 124 00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:17,673 There was a former nasa employee Named benjamin kakowski. 125 00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:19,008 Okay. 126 00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:20,468 I staked out his apartment For about three days 127 00:04:20,469 --> 00:04:21,927 Until I finally got A clean photo. 128 00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,096 - oh, god! - yeah, it wasn't him. 129 00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:27,725 Maybe we'd get better results If we teamed up? 130 00:04:27,726 --> 00:04:28,809 Okay, fine, But we do this my way. 131 00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:30,519 Okay. 132 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:31,812 We're not gonna leave here Till we can crack this code. 133 00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:34,940 Oh, I forgot my wallet And my day planner. 134 00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:36,484 My whole life Is in these. 135 00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:39,487 I may not Be good at this. 136 00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:43,657 Congratulations, Mr. King. 137 00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:44,784 There he is. 138 00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:46,785 Number one is in the house! - yeah! 139 00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:47,995 Now before we sit, 140 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,955 I thought we'd take A walk around. 141 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:53,584 Rich eisen, my nemesis. 142 00:04:53,585 --> 00:04:54,877 Did you set me up For a gloat walk? 143 00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:56,545 - yeah, I did! - okay. 144 00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:57,963 If we're gonna do this, I'm on the inside 145 00:04:57,964 --> 00:04:59,590 And you're on the outside, When we round the corner-- 146 00:04:59,591 --> 00:05:00,925 You'll be In primo gloat position. 147 00:05:00,926 --> 00:05:02,635 Let's go. 148 00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:05,471 - congratulations, ryan. - hey, drinks on me tonight. 149 00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:06,931 I don't know Who you are. 150 00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:09,016 Why would he say that? 151 00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:10,601 - way to go, ryan! - 100%-- 152 00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:12,811 - rich eisen. - ryan king. 153 00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:14,480 You know, I would've thought A man like you 154 00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:15,648 Would be at the front booth. 155 00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:16,899 Oh, no, wait a minute. 156 00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:18,734 You can't be Because that's where I am. 157 00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:20,736 Congrats on being The number one host 158 00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:22,905 Of a local show In a dying medium. 159 00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:25,366 Well, congrats to you on-- 160 00:05:25,367 --> 00:05:26,492 We're on the wrong side. 161 00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:28,536 How did that happen? - okay. 162 00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:30,580 Yeah. 163 00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:33,832 I mean, that's it. 164 00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:35,918 I'm just gonna have to have Warren sapp kick is ass. 165 00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:38,128 At any rate, back to sanchez. Here's the deal. 166 00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:40,923 You did not just Double gloat walk me. 167 00:05:40,924 --> 00:05:44,510 - turn his lamp off. - yeah. 168 00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:45,594 No more bread, bitch. 169 00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,054 Best part of the meal! 170 00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:48,013 Thanks a lot, buddy. 171 00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:49,848 This is the best night ever. 172 00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:51,934 You deserve it, bud. And there's one more thing. 173 00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:53,686 Ladies and gentlemen, The latest caricature 174 00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:54,979 To adorn our walls-- 175 00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:57,773 The new number one In l.A. Radio... 176 00:05:57,774 --> 00:05:59,149 Ryan king. 177 00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:02,778 Come on. 178 00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:04,446 Feel that love, ryan. 179 00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:06,031 Congratulations, buddy. 180 00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,116 You gotta be so happy. 181 00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:08,617 Right. 182 00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:11,996 'cause if I'm not now, I-I never will be. 183 00:06:18,837 --> 00:06:21,381 I still don't know Who that is. 184 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:26,051 Ryan, are you okay? 185 00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:28,220 I may need a moment. 186 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,597 - your food, mr. King. - oh, thanks. 187 00:06:29,598 --> 00:06:30,681 Oh, sir, That's a hot plate. 188 00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:32,851 Yes, very hot. It hurts a great deal. 189 00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:41,734 Ryan, it's me. 190 00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,611 Thanks for coming. 191 00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:45,029 I'm not in the best place Right now. 192 00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:46,113 Steak, huh? 193 00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:47,740 You know, Since I quit eating meat, 194 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:50,159 I have so much more energy, And I'm sleeping better. 195 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:51,243 And is that A new york strip? 196 00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:52,745 You want a bite? 197 00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:54,997 No, no, I'm good. 198 00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:56,749 Okay. 199 00:06:58,251 --> 00:06:59,335 What's going on? 200 00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:01,795 Well, Through all this janie stuff, 201 00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:03,088 I kept thinking, You know, 202 00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:04,465 If I could just Get a win, 203 00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:06,925 Then I would be Magically back in check. 204 00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:07,926 And then today, 205 00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:09,261 Something amazing happened, 206 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:11,472 And I'm just as miserable As I was yesterday. 207 00:07:11,473 --> 00:07:12,723 Here, just take it. 208 00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:13,766 Oh, thank you so much. 209 00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:16,894 Everything That you're describing 210 00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:18,479 Is totally normal. 211 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:19,647 You know, When I was overweight, 212 00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:20,856 I thought if I could Just get thinner, 213 00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:22,232 Then I would have it all Figured out. 214 00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:24,026 Then I did lose the weight, And I was still a mess. 215 00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:26,904 You can't seek happiness From outside sources. 216 00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:28,947 Happiness comes from within. 217 00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:32,576 Oh, you chewy little bitch. 218 00:07:32,577 --> 00:07:34,620 Oh, that's what A mouth is for! 219 00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,288 Mmm! 220 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,082 So that's your big idea? 221 00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:40,084 Happiness comes from within? - mm-hmm. 222 00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:41,835 How am I supposed To do that? 223 00:07:41,836 --> 00:07:43,629 A lot of people believe That the key to happiness 224 00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,005 Is in helping others. 225 00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:46,882 The joy that I receive From helping you guys 226 00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:48,676 Is so much more Than I would ever get 227 00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:49,843 From just helping myself. 228 00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:52,805 Help someone else, That will fix you. 229 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,056 Can't we Just take a pill? 230 00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:55,224 What's fausta on? 231 00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:56,725 Can I just Take a bunch of that? 232 00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,310 Really, help people? 233 00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:01,522 Yeah. 234 00:08:01,523 --> 00:08:02,773 Okay, fine. 235 00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:04,942 Yes, fine. I will help people. 236 00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:07,695 Thank you. - all right. Come here. 237 00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:08,696 Okay. 238 00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:11,990 Ugh. 239 00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:14,284 No. 240 00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:17,287 Lauren, project "Be happy by helping others" 241 00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:18,956 Is a complete disaster. - oh. 242 00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:20,874 I joined This big brothers thing, 243 00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:23,335 And they gave me This rich teenage bratty kid. 244 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:24,962 I'm fairly certain I'm just his driver. 245 00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:26,922 Are you done yet? I'm bored! 246 00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:28,048 Why don't you try walking 247 00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:30,259 And get a little exercise? 248 00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,177 Maybe you would Have more success 249 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,179 Helping someone you have A personal connection with. 250 00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:36,682 - this sucks! - no, you suck! 251 00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,976 - what's wrong, danny? - it's sonia. 252 00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:41,061 I was trying to be flirty, So I gave her a wedgie. 253 00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:43,105 Wait, this is perfect. 254 00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:46,025 Danny, I would like To help you. 255 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,985 I'm gonna make sure That you and sonia get together. 256 00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:49,069 Oh, thank you. Just tell me 257 00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:50,821 What I need to do, And I'll do it. 258 00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:53,073 Ryan, there's a fat kid In a blazer 259 00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:54,742 Peeing on your porsche. 260 00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:57,035 This is on you, lauren. He is a bad kid. 261 00:08:57,036 --> 00:09:00,664 Danny, you gotta get rid of The grade school pickup moves. 262 00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:02,875 We gotta spruce up Your wardrobe 263 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,878 And start playing To your strengths, which are-- 264 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:08,213 In the army, I mastered The ability of playing dead. 265 00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:10,048 Now I never actually Used it in combat, 266 00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:12,217 But it did get me out Of seeing a u.S.O. Show 267 00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:14,261 With gary sinise's Rock band. 268 00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:16,638 Okay. We gotta you Into a low-pressure, 269 00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:19,141 Romance-friendly situation, Like a-- 270 00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:20,642 Like a dinner party. 271 00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:22,644 That's a great idea. 272 00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:26,106 K, you could host At the place where you live. 273 00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:27,274 What are you doing? 274 00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:28,692 That sounds great. 275 00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:31,028 I'd love to help out A couple 98-percenters. 276 00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:35,074 Shall we say tomorrow evening At 7:00? 277 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,075 All right. Lauren, if you're right, 278 00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:40,079 By the end of the evening, I should be as happy as-- 279 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:43,665 I love this song. 280 00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:46,126 Yeah, there's-- There's no song, honey. 281 00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:49,255 Tell me She's not on something. 282 00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:52,841 Welcome to casa de k. 283 00:09:55,303 --> 00:09:57,930 Is it just me, Or is this all too normal? 284 00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,389 Except for this. 285 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:02,309 "Stay in there And think about what you did." 286 00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:03,435 Good evening. Welcome, guests. 287 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,270 Tonight's meal Will be prepared 288 00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:07,272 From the secret recipes Of the person 289 00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:09,817 Who I am the closest to In this world, 290 00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:11,443 My dear mother. 291 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,278 The chef's duties Will be performed 292 00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:17,241 By louisiana's own Kate harrington, 293 00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:18,951 An accountant I met at the pharmacy. 294 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,286 Let's go over What we know. 295 00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:24,206 The paper I found said, "S.I.T.A.T.A.W.Y.D." 296 00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:26,083 Now we have this pillow That says, 297 00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:28,210 "Stay in there And think about what you did." 298 00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:30,295 Wait. S.I.T.A.T.A.W.Y.D. 299 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:31,672 It's an acronym. 300 00:10:31,673 --> 00:10:33,298 You're just now Getting that? 301 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:34,716 What's wrong with you? 302 00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:35,968 How much weed did you smoke In the '70s? 303 00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,803 A lot. What's your point? 304 00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:39,221 Where is danny? 305 00:10:39,222 --> 00:10:40,138 I told him if he got here early, I'd give him some tips. 306 00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:41,306 What? 307 00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:42,474 Well, lauren said If I helped him out, 308 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,685 Somehow I'd be happier. 309 00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:46,186 No one has ever Become poor by giving. 310 00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:47,312 Anne frank said that. 311 00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:48,814 Which reminds me, I need to get 312 00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,232 Her book back From ray lewis. 313 00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:53,110 Yolanda, this is my temporary Assistant terrell owens. 314 00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:55,404 I've never been More turned on in my life. 315 00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:56,989 Okay. 316 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,448 Anyway, I think Danny's gonna do great. 317 00:10:58,449 --> 00:11:00,409 He had this really sweet idea To wear the coat 318 00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:01,910 That his dad Courted his mom in. 319 00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:05,831 I'm guessing his dad was a-- 320 00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:07,457 Yeah, it seems He was a doorman. 321 00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:09,960 Wyatt, mr. K developed The algorithm for a dating site, 322 00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:11,128 And the compatibility score 323 00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:13,130 He gave sonia and danny Is a 98. 324 00:11:13,131 --> 00:11:15,924 Cool. So what's our score? 325 00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:17,259 Well, I already know The answers 326 00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:19,011 You'd give to the questions, So let's see. 327 00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:21,763 You are a 78. 328 00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:23,307 Sweet, c-plus. 329 00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:25,017 I mean, I didn't end up Being a chiropractor 330 00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:27,352 Because I got straight "A"S, Right? 331 00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:29,313 Oh. Oh. 332 00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:31,148 I'll be right back. 333 00:11:31,149 --> 00:11:33,358 Hey, uh, not that I believe In love math, 334 00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:34,985 But I kinda thought That wyatt and I 335 00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:36,153 Would've scored A little higher. 336 00:11:36,154 --> 00:11:38,155 Oh, you and wyatt! 337 00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:39,489 The 78 was For him and fausta. 338 00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:41,283 Oh! 339 00:11:41,284 --> 00:11:42,326 You and wyatt were a 23. 340 00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:44,369 - what? - mm-hmm. 341 00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:46,371 Come on. Let's go, let's go. 342 00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:47,873 I come From a long line of doormen. 343 00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:49,082 But it ended with me. 344 00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:50,208 I didn't have the goods. 345 00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:52,210 Sonia's gonna walk in Any moment. 346 00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:53,962 He has to look good. You gotta go faster. 347 00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:56,381 Lose the hat. And give me the whistle. 348 00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:57,507 All right, but I'd like To keep the dog treats 349 00:11:57,508 --> 00:11:59,551 If I may, for dad. 350 00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:00,886 Oh. 351 00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,387 All right. Now let's work on that hair. 352 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:03,472 Okay. 353 00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:06,433 Oh, you travel With your own hair gel? 354 00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:07,559 I'm sorry, Am I not manly enough 355 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:11,104 For the makeover You're orchestrating? 356 00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:13,106 Wow, danny, You look great. 357 00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:14,983 - thanks. - so do you, by the way. 358 00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:17,444 Thanks. It's like Sgt. Pepper's meets the matrix. 359 00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:18,987 All right, listen to me. 360 00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:20,072 You are interesting, 361 00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:21,949 You are delightful, 362 00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:23,408 And you deserve this. 363 00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:24,826 I'll get that. 364 00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:26,495 Wow, good open. 365 00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:28,580 You're a natural. 366 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,958 Bet you're great at waiting For packages too. 367 00:12:30,959 --> 00:12:32,084 Okay. Let's sweep sonia Off her feet. 368 00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:34,002 Come on! 369 00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:36,546 Hi, everyone. Meet my date carlo. 370 00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:39,549 I'm such a loser. 371 00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:42,261 I'll always be a loser. 372 00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,180 Here, I'll get that. 373 00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:48,518 Oh, now you're Just showing off. 374 00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,065 Hey! Found k's photo album. 375 00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:57,442 Ooh, let's see. 376 00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:59,194 - hey! - aah! 377 00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:01,279 You guys are looking around A little bit, that's fun. 378 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:02,531 Just please don't go Into the room 379 00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:05,868 At the end of the hall. 380 00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:13,083 Says he was close To his mother. 381 00:13:13,084 --> 00:13:15,252 "Stay in there And think about what you did." 382 00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:16,378 You think She's in that room? 383 00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:18,088 Oh, she's in there. 384 00:13:18,089 --> 00:13:21,092 Dead or alive? That's the question. 385 00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:24,594 Hey, sonia, can I talk to you For a second? 386 00:13:24,595 --> 00:13:26,888 Whoa. We're in the middle Of a conversation, son. 387 00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:28,473 Who is this guy? 388 00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:29,641 This is carlo. 389 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,309 He works security At my apartment complex. 390 00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:32,894 Upstate new york In the house. 391 00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:33,895 Hey, fair warning. 392 00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:35,188 If you want in On these suds, 393 00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:36,356 5 bucks a cup. 394 00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:37,441 Yeah, that's right. 395 00:13:37,442 --> 00:13:39,026 And if I see you Trying to sneak a pump 396 00:13:39,027 --> 00:13:41,319 With no "X" on your hand, It is show time. 397 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:42,446 Do you like candlebox? 398 00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:43,905 - no. - strike two. 399 00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:46,324 Sonia, can I talk to you For a second? 400 00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:47,367 What are you doing? Who is that guy? 401 00:13:47,368 --> 00:13:48,577 I thought you liked danny. 402 00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:50,203 What? Danny's a jerk. 403 00:13:51,289 --> 00:13:52,414 Who am I kidding? 404 00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:55,459 He's cute, sweet, fun. 405 00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:57,377 And all the wedgies, The dead legs, 406 00:13:57,378 --> 00:14:00,047 Ahh, they make A girl feel good. 407 00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:01,882 Boy, how are you guys Only a 98? 408 00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:03,341 He's clearly About to make a move. 409 00:14:03,342 --> 00:14:04,885 That's why I brought carlo. 410 00:14:04,886 --> 00:14:06,470 I self-sabotage! 411 00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:07,512 Forget about carlo. 412 00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:09,514 Just be out on the patio At 9:00 p.M. 413 00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:11,099 I'll make sure There's champagne 414 00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:12,434 And flowers and danny. 415 00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:14,895 And then you guys can kiss And then fall in love 416 00:14:14,896 --> 00:14:17,189 And live happily ever after. - okay. 417 00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,690 Wow. 418 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:21,444 What I'd give to see danny In a bangin' outfit like that. 419 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,034 If you really love him, 420 00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:30,535 You'll let him Go to fausta. 421 00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:32,370 What are you guys Talking about? 422 00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:34,247 Mr. K has a stupid formula That he says 423 00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:36,041 Can determine if you're meant To be together. 424 00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:37,584 That's ridiculous. Love math? 425 00:14:37,585 --> 00:14:40,212 Yes, that is exactly How I belittled it. Thank you. 426 00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:41,630 You are so much smarter Than I thought you were. 427 00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:43,215 A lot of people Think I'm dumb 428 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,383 'cause I hang out with ryan-- Stupidity by proxy. 429 00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:47,427 Let's dial this party up A bit, shall we? 430 00:14:47,428 --> 00:14:49,971 Any requests? - candlebox! 431 00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:51,473 How about the only thing That I know how to play-- 432 00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:53,100 The middle part Of that song 433 00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:55,018 Islands in the stream. 434 00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:56,061 - mm. - hmm? 435 00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:58,021 Come on, wyatt, duet! 436 00:14:58,022 --> 00:14:59,940 It's not my thing. 437 00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:01,566 ♪ islands in the stream ♪ 438 00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:03,527 ♪ that is what we are ♪ 439 00:15:03,528 --> 00:15:06,154 ♪ no one in between ♪ 440 00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:08,740 ♪ how can we be wrong? ♪ 441 00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,283 Both: ♪ sail away with me ♪ 442 00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:12,994 ♪ to another world ♪ 443 00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:15,539 ♪ and we rely On each other ♪ 444 00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:17,124 ♪ uh-huh ♪ 445 00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:19,709 ♪ from one lover To another ♪ 446 00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:21,169 ♪ uh-huh ♪ 447 00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:24,631 You're good. 448 00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:27,592 99%. 449 00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:28,969 Blam-o. 450 00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:32,556 No, no, no. I talked to sonia. 451 00:15:32,557 --> 00:15:34,724 Just be out on the porch At 9:00, and you're golden. 452 00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:35,767 I'm not doing it. 453 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:37,269 Sonia wants you now! 454 00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:38,436 She doesn't want me. 455 00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:40,355 No woman wants me. 456 00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:41,606 Don't die. 457 00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:44,402 Good-bye, ryan. 458 00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:49,656 Oh, my god. You've got no pulse. 459 00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:52,742 That's amazing! 460 00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:55,537 Wait here. Oh, right, you're dead. 461 00:15:55,538 --> 00:15:58,081 Hey, kate, you seem like A nice person. 462 00:15:58,082 --> 00:15:59,708 My friend danny's In the other room, 463 00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:01,751 And he's in need Of a little ego boost. 464 00:16:01,752 --> 00:16:03,086 Would you go talk to him? 465 00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:05,005 - I'd be happy to. - great. Right through there. 466 00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:06,715 He's tall, thin, dead. 467 00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:08,633 You can't miss him. 468 00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:11,136 - okay, open it. - you open it. 469 00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:12,596 You've been standing here An hour. 470 00:16:12,597 --> 00:16:14,347 Go in, Or get out of the way. 471 00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:17,392 I've been tracking who I think To be mr. Klein for a year, 472 00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:19,352 And you're not Gonna blow it. 473 00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:21,438 All right. 474 00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:26,651 Mama k? 475 00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:30,322 Uncle jessup? 476 00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:40,665 Oh, my god. 477 00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:43,168 It's--it's-- 478 00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:44,461 It's mr. Belvedere. 479 00:16:44,462 --> 00:16:46,297 What? 480 00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:51,468 Hey, bro, You scaring off my woman? 481 00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:52,469 Dude, it's I-x o'clock. 482 00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:53,428 I think that's 9:00. 483 00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:54,638 I don't have time for this. 484 00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:55,889 No way, bro. 485 00:16:55,890 --> 00:16:58,433 We gotta settle this, Upstate new york style. 486 00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:01,519 Are you packin'? 487 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,396 And candlebox sucks. 488 00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,609 - where's danny? - he'll be here. 489 00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:10,111 He's just Getting his mojo back. 490 00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:12,822 Hey. 491 00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:15,243 I'd say it's back. 492 00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:17,702 Wow. What's her deal? 493 00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:18,745 The man can't even Open a door. 494 00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:21,331 Look at him. He's so happy. 495 00:17:21,332 --> 00:17:23,166 He does look happy. 496 00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:24,334 And when you think about it, He's only happy 497 00:17:24,335 --> 00:17:27,754 Because of me, So now I can finally be-- 498 00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:32,176 Oh, sonia, I'm so sorry. 499 00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:36,471 What's this all about, k? 500 00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:38,765 It was the summer Of 1984, 501 00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:41,559 And little benjy k Had just arrived in hollywood, 502 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,229 Ready to take tinseltown By storm. 503 00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:46,565 I had just landed The lead kid role 504 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:50,277 In a new show Called mr. Belvedere. 505 00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:52,570 Oh, you were gonna Play wesley? 506 00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:53,613 I did play wesley! 507 00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:55,407 In the first episode, At least. 508 00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:57,784 And then in the final scene Of the piece, 509 00:17:57,785 --> 00:18:01,746 I was to deliver the most Killer joke ever written. 510 00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:05,500 I, a kid, was supposed To tell mr. Belvedere, 511 00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:07,752 A grown-up, to stay-- 512 00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:10,630 Oh! Even now, I can't get it out. 513 00:18:10,631 --> 00:18:13,466 All: stay in there And think about what you did. 514 00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:16,636 Wow. Yolanda, way to take A bulletproof joke 515 00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:17,929 And shoot it Right in the face. 516 00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:20,598 87 takes I did Before I was canned. 517 00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:23,268 My career was over Before it even started. 518 00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:26,605 In a way, I guess I keep my belvedere room 519 00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:28,481 For the same reason Anyone else does. 520 00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:29,649 - no one does. - no. 521 00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:32,610 As a bitter reminder Of a tragic loss. 522 00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:34,654 And that's why You're in the group. 523 00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:38,283 Is it? 524 00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:40,618 I'm a puzzle With many pieces. 525 00:18:40,619 --> 00:18:42,746 But it feels really good To share with you 526 00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:44,789 One of my secrets finally. 527 00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,666 You've helped me. 528 00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:50,462 I think it's time To put this away. 529 00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:53,341 Time for the next stage Of my life. 530 00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:03,641 What's this thing? 531 00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:07,604 Why do you want me to say, "I love you, buddy"? 532 00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:10,274 - ooh. - oh, that's sad. 533 00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:13,485 Oh, no. 534 00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,278 It's my mathematically proven Soul mate. 535 00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:17,655 This is very awkward. - oh, my god. 536 00:19:17,656 --> 00:19:19,616 Must spend eternity with you. 537 00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:20,742 Hey, what do you wanna Name our triplets? 538 00:19:20,743 --> 00:19:22,452 I like kody. - I like cassidy. 539 00:19:22,453 --> 00:19:23,787 Both: emma. 540 00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:26,664 Okay, well, This is fate. 541 00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:29,501 Darling, I know We've only met three times, 542 00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,628 And the only thing We've ever talked about is ryan, 543 00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:34,214 But I burn for you, And I'm gonna pull you in 544 00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:35,799 In a dirty dancing- like Position. 545 00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:39,386 This is funny, right? 546 00:19:39,387 --> 00:19:41,513 It may just be hot. 547 00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:42,764 - I need meatballs. - I love meatballs. 548 00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:44,849 Stop it. 549 00:19:49,772 --> 00:19:50,730 Love, man. 550 00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:52,524 Let's make a pact. 551 00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,401 If we're both still single When we're 40, 552 00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:55,735 We should make a baby. 553 00:19:55,736 --> 00:19:57,862 I'm already 40. 554 00:19:57,863 --> 00:19:59,697 You are? Ugh! 555 00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:02,242 How are you not More together? 556 00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:04,536 You know, sonia, I hope It works out with you and danny. 557 00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:06,663 But if it's not him, It's gonna be someone. 558 00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:08,623 You will be happy. 559 00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:10,542 I don't see myself Being happy. 560 00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:12,252 I self-sabotage. 561 00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:14,337 Well, now that you Recognize that tendency, 562 00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:15,797 Maybe you can change. 563 00:20:15,798 --> 00:20:16,798 But I won't. 564 00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:18,633 And soon, This whole stupid night 565 00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:20,844 Will be a distant memory. 566 00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:22,887 You know what? 567 00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:26,724 Whoa. 568 00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:33,773 I just stopped time For you. 569 00:20:33,774 --> 00:20:35,984 So here, take this As a reminder 570 00:20:35,985 --> 00:20:37,986 Of the exact moment That you decided 571 00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:40,530 To be a better, Happier person. 572 00:20:40,531 --> 00:20:43,992 Ryan... That's the sweetest thing 573 00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:45,910 Anyone's ever done for me. 574 00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:48,539 Really? 575 00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:56,087 Aww. This is nice. 576 00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:57,755 Hey, it's him. He's coming. 577 00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:02,760 El mandril. 578 00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:04,930 Numero uno. 579 00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:12,896 Yeah! I got a posse now! 580 00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:14,772 Thank you. 581 00:21:14,773 --> 00:21:16,941 Posse, this is sonia. Sonia, posse. 582 00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:19,444 Sonia's very single. 583 00:21:19,445 --> 00:21:21,779 Numero uno! 40631

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