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1
00:00:00,626 --> 00:00:02,501
Carrie, darling--
Sorry.
2
00:00:02,502 --> 00:00:04,170
Terrell, darling,
Are the ratings out yet?
3
00:00:04,171 --> 00:00:05,463
I need to know how I did
In the l.A. Market.
4
00:00:05,464 --> 00:00:07,840
Why do you care?
People love you.
5
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:10,176
Yeah, but I want them
To love me most.
6
00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:11,510
Right now I'm number three.
7
00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:13,137
Say you were the third best
Receiver on a team.
8
00:00:13,138 --> 00:00:14,513
Wouldn't happen.
I'm always open.
9
00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:15,765
Okay, but--
10
00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:17,642
Throw something to me
When I least expect it.
11
00:00:17,643 --> 00:00:19,352
You know, I don't know
Why I obsess on these things.
12
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:21,103
I'm never gonna
Beat el mandril.
13
00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:25,107
Look at him up there,
So happy with his sexy posse.
14
00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:26,525
You know, he's--
Ha!
15
00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:27,526
Amazing.
16
00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:29,362
Hey, delivery just came in
17
00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:32,198
From our owner
Mr. James leopold.
18
00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:35,451
The gold watch.
19
00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:39,205
Does this mean--
- take a look.
20
00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:40,414
Oh, my god.
21
00:00:40,415 --> 00:00:42,375
I'm number one!
- you're number one!
22
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:44,377
I'm number one!
I'm number one!
23
00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:45,419
He's number one!
24
00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:46,545
I can see my face
25
00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:48,089
Gentrifying the neighborhood
Right now.
26
00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:49,215
Say I'm a local lowlife.
27
00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:51,801
Should I do street sex
Or street drugs?
28
00:00:51,802 --> 00:00:53,803
Wait, I should be
A doctor.
29
00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:55,721
Yeah!
30
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:57,181
Always open.
31
00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:58,766
Both: wow.
- I'm number one!
32
00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:00,601
- here he comes.
- go, ryan!
33
00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:03,604
Thank you.
34
00:01:03,605 --> 00:01:04,772
I just wanted to say
35
00:01:04,773 --> 00:01:06,565
That I couldn't do this
Without you.
36
00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:08,818
We've all been
On a journey together.
37
00:01:08,819 --> 00:01:12,196
And when I look out
At all of these faces--
38
00:01:12,197 --> 00:01:15,116
No, I couldn't get there,
But I wanted to.
39
00:01:15,117 --> 00:01:17,368
I wanted to.
40
00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:18,536
Where's terrell owens?
41
00:01:18,537 --> 00:01:19,745
We're celebrating
Nfl style!
42
00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:21,497
Oh!
43
00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:24,625
We are doing this
Every day.
44
00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:32,883
Guess what, you guys
Are looking at the host
45
00:01:32,884 --> 00:01:35,511
Of the number one
Radio show in l.A.
46
00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:38,764
No, no, no.
Don't clap for me.
47
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,182
Clap for yourselves.
48
00:01:40,183 --> 00:01:42,268
If it wasn't for the support
Of you--
49
00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:44,562
No, still nothing.
I'm a robot.
50
00:01:44,563 --> 00:01:46,147
I'm happy for you, ryan.
51
00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:49,900
But it's a hard day for
The old number one el mandril.
52
00:01:49,901 --> 00:01:51,444
Listen.
53
00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:53,779
He is suffering.
54
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:56,574
There is a sadness
To his horny cackle.
55
00:01:56,575 --> 00:01:57,908
Ryan, how are you
Gonna celebrate?
56
00:01:57,909 --> 00:01:59,660
My friend steven's
Taking me out
57
00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:01,287
For a steak dinner.
- oh.
58
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,622
No, thanks.
59
00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:05,458
Wyatt has me on a very strict
No-red-meat diet,
60
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:06,834
And I don't miss it
At all.
61
00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:09,545
Beef, steak, meatballs--
I don't even think about it.
62
00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:11,505
French dip, hot dogs,
Meatballs.
63
00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:13,257
- you said meatballs already.
- did I?
64
00:02:13,258 --> 00:02:14,925
God, it's so funny
How you repeat things
65
00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:16,677
You do not think about.
66
00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:19,305
So what's going on with you,
Cheesesteaks?
67
00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:20,806
Uh, my divorce papers
Finally came through.
68
00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:22,475
All: oh!
- yeah.
69
00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:24,643
Free man for the first time
Since sixth grade.
70
00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:26,520
Danny, you haven't flirted
With a girl since sixth grade?
71
00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:28,439
No, but it's like
Riding a bicycle.
72
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,691
I think I still got it.
73
00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:33,361
What's up, fart face?
- what?
74
00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:34,570
Hey, son-yuch.
75
00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:36,197
Got something here for ya.
76
00:02:36,198 --> 00:02:37,656
Right here.
77
00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:39,617
Noogie, noogie, noogie,
Noogie, noogie, noogie.
78
00:02:39,618 --> 00:02:41,869
Damn it! You messed up
My bomb-ass weave,
79
00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:43,537
And I'm all out
Of hair glue!
80
00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:44,705
- ooh.
- hey, buddy.
81
00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:45,873
If you want sonia
To like you,
82
00:02:45,874 --> 00:02:47,666
You may wanna update
Some of your moves.
83
00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:49,960
Maybe you can help danny.
84
00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:51,796
You are very good
With women.
85
00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:53,255
Yeah, would you, ryan?
86
00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:54,632
Please, I don't have
Any more male friends
87
00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:56,634
Since I lost 'em all
That horrible night in kandahar.
88
00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:58,010
All: ooh.
89
00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,136
Yeah, we were all
Pretty drunk when I mentioned
90
00:02:59,137 --> 00:03:00,805
I do a great
Nicole kidman impression.
91
00:03:00,806 --> 00:03:02,348
Somewhere
Between getting naked
92
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:05,351
And tucking my junk
Between my legs, it went wrong.
93
00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:06,811
War.
94
00:03:06,812 --> 00:03:08,771
Oh, dan, I'd love
To help you out,
95
00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:10,689
But I don't wanna.
96
00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:12,024
Don't worry about it.
97
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,776
Sonia and I probably
Aren't a good match anyway.
98
00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:16,779
You actually
Are 98% compatible,
99
00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:18,823
According to this.
100
00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:21,242
It's an algorithm I developed
- for truesoulm8.
- com.
101
00:03:21,243 --> 00:03:23,244
That's mate with an eight.
102
00:03:23,245 --> 00:03:24,703
You can find
Your perfect match
103
00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:26,914
By answering
Eight simple questions.
104
00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:28,040
What is your deal?
105
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,917
You work for nasa.
106
00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:32,920
You've written a popular
Love-predicting algorithm.
107
00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:34,713
You won't tell us
Your last name.
108
00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:36,382
We don't know
Why you're in this group.
109
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,843
You know, anne,
Unlike your generation,
110
00:03:38,844 --> 00:03:41,053
Who's all
About your facebook updates
111
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:45,266
And your sexting, I choose
To keep a few things private.
112
00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:46,809
All right, everybody.
See you in a little bit.
113
00:03:57,279 --> 00:03:58,904
"S.I.T.A.T.A.W.Y.D."?
114
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:00,698
What the hell
Do you think you're doing?
115
00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:01,824
Oh, man.
116
00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:04,368
It's k.
I want answers.
117
00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:05,369
We all do.
118
00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:06,620
I've been busting my ass,
119
00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:08,080
Digging up information
For the last six months,
120
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,707
And I will not
See that ruined
121
00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:11,792
Because some rookie
Decided to play nancy drew.
122
00:04:11,793 --> 00:04:13,586
He knows you're on to him,
And he'll clam up.
123
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:15,045
- what have you found out?
- very little.
124
00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:17,673
There was a former nasa employee
Named benjamin kakowski.
125
00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:19,008
Okay.
126
00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:20,468
I staked out his apartment
For about three days
127
00:04:20,469 --> 00:04:21,927
Until I finally got
A clean photo.
128
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,096
- oh, god!
- yeah, it wasn't him.
129
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:27,725
Maybe we'd get better results
If we teamed up?
130
00:04:27,726 --> 00:04:28,809
Okay, fine,
But we do this my way.
131
00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:30,519
Okay.
132
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:31,812
We're not gonna leave here
Till we can crack this code.
133
00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:34,940
Oh, I forgot my wallet
And my day planner.
134
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:36,484
My whole life
Is in these.
135
00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:39,487
I may not
Be good at this.
136
00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:43,657
Congratulations,
Mr. King.
137
00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:44,784
There he is.
138
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:46,785
Number one is in the house!
- yeah!
139
00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:47,995
Now before we sit,
140
00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,955
I thought we'd take
A walk around.
141
00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:53,584
Rich eisen, my nemesis.
142
00:04:53,585 --> 00:04:54,877
Did you set me up
For a gloat walk?
143
00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:56,545
- yeah, I did!
- okay.
144
00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:57,963
If we're gonna do this,
I'm on the inside
145
00:04:57,964 --> 00:04:59,590
And you're on the outside,
When we round the corner--
146
00:04:59,591 --> 00:05:00,925
You'll be
In primo gloat position.
147
00:05:00,926 --> 00:05:02,635
Let's go.
148
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:05,471
- congratulations, ryan.
- hey, drinks on me tonight.
149
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:06,931
I don't know
Who you are.
150
00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:09,016
Why would he say that?
151
00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:10,601
- way to go, ryan!
- 100%--
152
00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:12,811
- rich eisen.
- ryan king.
153
00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:14,480
You know, I would've thought
A man like you
154
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:15,648
Would be at the front booth.
155
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:16,899
Oh, no, wait a minute.
156
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:18,734
You can't be
Because that's where I am.
157
00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:20,736
Congrats on being
The number one host
158
00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:22,905
Of a local show
In a dying medium.
159
00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:25,366
Well, congrats to you on--
160
00:05:25,367 --> 00:05:26,492
We're on the wrong side.
161
00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:28,536
How did that happen?
- okay.
162
00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:30,580
Yeah.
163
00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:33,832
I mean, that's it.
164
00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:35,918
I'm just gonna have to have
Warren sapp kick is ass.
165
00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:38,128
At any rate, back to sanchez.
Here's the deal.
166
00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:40,923
You did not just
Double gloat walk me.
167
00:05:40,924 --> 00:05:44,510
- turn his lamp off.
- yeah.
168
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:45,594
No more bread, bitch.
169
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,054
Best part of the meal!
170
00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:48,013
Thanks a lot, buddy.
171
00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:49,848
This is the best night ever.
172
00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:51,934
You deserve it, bud.
And there's one more thing.
173
00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:53,686
Ladies and gentlemen,
The latest caricature
174
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:54,979
To adorn our walls--
175
00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:57,773
The new number one
In l.A. Radio...
176
00:05:57,774 --> 00:05:59,149
Ryan king.
177
00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:02,778
Come on.
178
00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:04,446
Feel that love, ryan.
179
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:06,031
Congratulations, buddy.
180
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,116
You gotta be so happy.
181
00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:08,617
Right.
182
00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:11,996
'cause if I'm not now,
I-I never will be.
183
00:06:18,837 --> 00:06:21,381
I still don't know
Who that is.
184
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:26,051
Ryan, are you okay?
185
00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:28,220
I may need a moment.
186
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,597
- your food, mr. King.
- oh, thanks.
187
00:06:29,598 --> 00:06:30,681
Oh, sir,
That's a hot plate.
188
00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:32,851
Yes, very hot.
It hurts a great deal.
189
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:41,734
Ryan, it's me.
190
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,611
Thanks for coming.
191
00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:45,029
I'm not in the best place
Right now.
192
00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:46,113
Steak, huh?
193
00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:47,740
You know,
Since I quit eating meat,
194
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:50,159
I have so much more energy,
And I'm sleeping better.
195
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:51,243
And is that
A new york strip?
196
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:52,745
You want a bite?
197
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:54,997
No, no, I'm good.
198
00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:56,749
Okay.
199
00:06:58,251 --> 00:06:59,335
What's going on?
200
00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:01,795
Well,
Through all this janie stuff,
201
00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:03,088
I kept thinking,
You know,
202
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:04,465
If I could just
Get a win,
203
00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:06,925
Then I would be
Magically back in check.
204
00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:07,926
And then today,
205
00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:09,261
Something amazing happened,
206
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:11,472
And I'm just as miserable
As I was yesterday.
207
00:07:11,473 --> 00:07:12,723
Here, just take it.
208
00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:13,766
Oh, thank you so much.
209
00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:16,894
Everything
That you're describing
210
00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:18,479
Is totally normal.
211
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:19,647
You know,
When I was overweight,
212
00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:20,856
I thought if I could
Just get thinner,
213
00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:22,232
Then I would have it all
Figured out.
214
00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:24,026
Then I did lose the weight,
And I was still a mess.
215
00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:26,904
You can't seek happiness
From outside sources.
216
00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:28,947
Happiness comes from within.
217
00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:32,576
Oh, you chewy little bitch.
218
00:07:32,577 --> 00:07:34,620
Oh, that's what
A mouth is for!
219
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,288
Mmm!
220
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,082
So that's your big idea?
221
00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:40,084
Happiness comes from within?
- mm-hmm.
222
00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:41,835
How am I supposed
To do that?
223
00:07:41,836 --> 00:07:43,629
A lot of people believe
That the key to happiness
224
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,005
Is in helping others.
225
00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:46,882
The joy that I receive
From helping you guys
226
00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:48,676
Is so much more
Than I would ever get
227
00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:49,843
From just helping myself.
228
00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:52,805
Help someone else,
That will fix you.
229
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,056
Can't we
Just take a pill?
230
00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:55,224
What's fausta on?
231
00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:56,725
Can I just
Take a bunch of that?
232
00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,310
Really, help people?
233
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:01,522
Yeah.
234
00:08:01,523 --> 00:08:02,773
Okay, fine.
235
00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:04,942
Yes, fine.
I will help people.
236
00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:07,695
Thank you.
- all right. Come here.
237
00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:08,696
Okay.
238
00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:11,990
Ugh.
239
00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:14,284
No.
240
00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:17,287
Lauren, project
"Be happy by helping others"
241
00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:18,956
Is a complete disaster.
- oh.
242
00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:20,874
I joined
This big brothers thing,
243
00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:23,335
And they gave me
This rich teenage bratty kid.
244
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:24,962
I'm fairly certain
I'm just his driver.
245
00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:26,922
Are you done yet?
I'm bored!
246
00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:28,048
Why don't you try walking
247
00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:30,259
And get a little exercise?
248
00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,177
Maybe you would
Have more success
249
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,179
Helping someone you have
A personal connection with.
250
00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:36,682
- this sucks!
- no, you suck!
251
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,976
- what's wrong, danny?
- it's sonia.
252
00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:41,061
I was trying to be flirty,
So I gave her a wedgie.
253
00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:43,105
Wait, this is perfect.
254
00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:46,025
Danny, I would like
To help you.
255
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,985
I'm gonna make sure
That you and sonia get together.
256
00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:49,069
Oh, thank you.
Just tell me
257
00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:50,821
What I need to do,
And I'll do it.
258
00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:53,073
Ryan, there's a fat kid
In a blazer
259
00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:54,742
Peeing on your porsche.
260
00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:57,035
This is on you, lauren.
He is a bad kid.
261
00:08:57,036 --> 00:09:00,664
Danny, you gotta get rid of
The grade school pickup moves.
262
00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:02,875
We gotta spruce up
Your wardrobe
263
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,878
And start playing
To your strengths, which are--
264
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:08,213
In the army, I mastered
The ability of playing dead.
265
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:10,048
Now I never actually
Used it in combat,
266
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:12,217
But it did get me out
Of seeing a u.S.O. Show
267
00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:14,261
With gary sinise's
Rock band.
268
00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:16,638
Okay. We gotta you
Into a low-pressure,
269
00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:19,141
Romance-friendly situation,
Like a--
270
00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:20,642
Like a dinner party.
271
00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:22,644
That's a great idea.
272
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:26,106
K, you could host
At the place where you live.
273
00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:27,274
What are you doing?
274
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:28,692
That sounds great.
275
00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:31,028
I'd love to help out
A couple 98-percenters.
276
00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:35,074
Shall we say tomorrow evening
At 7:00?
277
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,075
All right.
Lauren, if you're right,
278
00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:40,079
By the end of the evening,
I should be as happy as--
279
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:43,665
I love this song.
280
00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:46,126
Yeah, there's--
There's no song, honey.
281
00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:49,255
Tell me
She's not on something.
282
00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:52,841
Welcome to casa de k.
283
00:09:55,303 --> 00:09:57,930
Is it just me,
Or is this all too normal?
284
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,389
Except for this.
285
00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:02,309
"Stay in there
And think about what you did."
286
00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:03,435
Good evening.
Welcome, guests.
287
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,270
Tonight's meal
Will be prepared
288
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:07,272
From the secret recipes
Of the person
289
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:09,817
Who I am the closest to
In this world,
290
00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:11,443
My dear mother.
291
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,278
The chef's duties
Will be performed
292
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:17,241
By louisiana's own
Kate harrington,
293
00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:18,951
An accountant
I met at the pharmacy.
294
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,286
Let's go over
What we know.
295
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:24,206
The paper I found said,
"S.I.T.A.T.A.W.Y.D."
296
00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:26,083
Now we have this pillow
That says,
297
00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:28,210
"Stay in there
And think about what you did."
298
00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:30,295
Wait.
S.I.T.A.T.A.W.Y.D.
299
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:31,672
It's an acronym.
300
00:10:31,673 --> 00:10:33,298
You're just now
Getting that?
301
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:34,716
What's wrong with you?
302
00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:35,968
How much weed did you smoke
In the '70s?
303
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,803
A lot.
What's your point?
304
00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:39,221
Where is danny?
305
00:10:39,222 --> 00:10:40,138
I told him if he got here early,
I'd give him some tips.
306
00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:41,306
What?
307
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:42,474
Well, lauren said
If I helped him out,
308
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,685
Somehow I'd be happier.
309
00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:46,186
No one has ever
Become poor by giving.
310
00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:47,312
Anne frank said that.
311
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:48,814
Which reminds me,
I need to get
312
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,232
Her book back
From ray lewis.
313
00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:53,110
Yolanda, this is my temporary
Assistant terrell owens.
314
00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:55,404
I've never been
More turned on in my life.
315
00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:56,989
Okay.
316
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,448
Anyway, I think
Danny's gonna do great.
317
00:10:58,449 --> 00:11:00,409
He had this really sweet idea
To wear the coat
318
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:01,910
That his dad
Courted his mom in.
319
00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:05,831
I'm guessing his dad was a--
320
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:07,457
Yeah, it seems
He was a doorman.
321
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:09,960
Wyatt, mr. K developed
The algorithm for a dating site,
322
00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:11,128
And the compatibility score
323
00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:13,130
He gave sonia and danny
Is a 98.
324
00:11:13,131 --> 00:11:15,924
Cool.
So what's our score?
325
00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:17,259
Well, I already know
The answers
326
00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:19,011
You'd give to the questions,
So let's see.
327
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:21,763
You are a 78.
328
00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:23,307
Sweet, c-plus.
329
00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:25,017
I mean, I didn't end up
Being a chiropractor
330
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:27,352
Because I got straight "A"S,
Right?
331
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:29,313
Oh. Oh.
332
00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:31,148
I'll be right back.
333
00:11:31,149 --> 00:11:33,358
Hey, uh, not that I believe
In love math,
334
00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:34,985
But I kinda thought
That wyatt and I
335
00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:36,153
Would've scored
A little higher.
336
00:11:36,154 --> 00:11:38,155
Oh, you and wyatt!
337
00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:39,489
The 78 was
For him and fausta.
338
00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:41,283
Oh!
339
00:11:41,284 --> 00:11:42,326
You and wyatt were a 23.
340
00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:44,369
- what?
- mm-hmm.
341
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:46,371
Come on.
Let's go, let's go.
342
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:47,873
I come
From a long line of doormen.
343
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:49,082
But it ended with me.
344
00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:50,208
I didn't have the goods.
345
00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:52,210
Sonia's gonna walk in
Any moment.
346
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:53,962
He has to look good.
You gotta go faster.
347
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:56,381
Lose the hat.
And give me the whistle.
348
00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:57,507
All right, but I'd like
To keep the dog treats
349
00:11:57,508 --> 00:11:59,551
If I may, for dad.
350
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:00,886
Oh.
351
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,387
All right.
Now let's work on that hair.
352
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:03,472
Okay.
353
00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:06,433
Oh, you travel
With your own hair gel?
354
00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:07,559
I'm sorry,
Am I not manly enough
355
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:11,104
For the makeover
You're orchestrating?
356
00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:13,106
Wow, danny,
You look great.
357
00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:14,983
- thanks.
- so do you, by the way.
358
00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:17,444
Thanks. It's like
Sgt. Pepper's meets the matrix.
359
00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:18,987
All right, listen to me.
360
00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:20,072
You are interesting,
361
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:21,949
You are delightful,
362
00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:23,408
And you deserve this.
363
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:24,826
I'll get that.
364
00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:26,495
Wow, good open.
365
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:28,580
You're a natural.
366
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,958
Bet you're great at waiting
For packages too.
367
00:12:30,959 --> 00:12:32,084
Okay. Let's sweep sonia
Off her feet.
368
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:34,002
Come on!
369
00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:36,546
Hi, everyone.
Meet my date carlo.
370
00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:39,549
I'm such a loser.
371
00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:42,261
I'll always be a loser.
372
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,180
Here, I'll get that.
373
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:48,518
Oh, now you're
Just showing off.
374
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,065
Hey!
Found k's photo album.
375
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:57,442
Ooh, let's see.
376
00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:59,194
- hey!
- aah!
377
00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:01,279
You guys are looking around
A little bit, that's fun.
378
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:02,531
Just please don't go
Into the room
379
00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:05,868
At the end of the hall.
380
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:13,083
Says he was close
To his mother.
381
00:13:13,084 --> 00:13:15,252
"Stay in there
And think about what you did."
382
00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:16,378
You think
She's in that room?
383
00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:18,088
Oh, she's in there.
384
00:13:18,089 --> 00:13:21,092
Dead or alive?
That's the question.
385
00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:24,594
Hey, sonia, can I talk to you
For a second?
386
00:13:24,595 --> 00:13:26,888
Whoa. We're in the middle
Of a conversation, son.
387
00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:28,473
Who is this guy?
388
00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:29,641
This is carlo.
389
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,309
He works security
At my apartment complex.
390
00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:32,894
Upstate new york
In the house.
391
00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:33,895
Hey, fair warning.
392
00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:35,188
If you want in
On these suds,
393
00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:36,356
5 bucks a cup.
394
00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:37,441
Yeah, that's right.
395
00:13:37,442 --> 00:13:39,026
And if I see you
Trying to sneak a pump
396
00:13:39,027 --> 00:13:41,319
With no "X" on your hand,
It is show time.
397
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:42,446
Do you like candlebox?
398
00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:43,905
- no.
- strike two.
399
00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:46,324
Sonia, can I talk to you
For a second?
400
00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:47,367
What are you doing?
Who is that guy?
401
00:13:47,368 --> 00:13:48,577
I thought you liked danny.
402
00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:50,203
What?
Danny's a jerk.
403
00:13:51,289 --> 00:13:52,414
Who am I kidding?
404
00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:55,459
He's cute, sweet, fun.
405
00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:57,377
And all the wedgies,
The dead legs,
406
00:13:57,378 --> 00:14:00,047
Ahh, they make
A girl feel good.
407
00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:01,882
Boy, how are you guys
Only a 98?
408
00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:03,341
He's clearly
About to make a move.
409
00:14:03,342 --> 00:14:04,885
That's why I brought carlo.
410
00:14:04,886 --> 00:14:06,470
I self-sabotage!
411
00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:07,512
Forget about carlo.
412
00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:09,514
Just be out on the patio
At 9:00 p.M.
413
00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:11,099
I'll make sure
There's champagne
414
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:12,434
And flowers and danny.
415
00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:14,895
And then you guys can kiss
And then fall in love
416
00:14:14,896 --> 00:14:17,189
And live happily ever after.
- okay.
417
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,690
Wow.
418
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:21,444
What I'd give to see danny
In a bangin' outfit like that.
419
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,034
If you really love him,
420
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:30,535
You'll let him
Go to fausta.
421
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:32,370
What are you guys
Talking about?
422
00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:34,247
Mr. K has a stupid formula
That he says
423
00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:36,041
Can determine if you're meant
To be together.
424
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:37,584
That's ridiculous.
Love math?
425
00:14:37,585 --> 00:14:40,212
Yes, that is exactly
How I belittled it. Thank you.
426
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:41,630
You are so much smarter
Than I thought you were.
427
00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:43,215
A lot of people
Think I'm dumb
428
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,383
'cause I hang out with ryan--
Stupidity by proxy.
429
00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:47,427
Let's dial this party up
A bit, shall we?
430
00:14:47,428 --> 00:14:49,971
Any requests?
- candlebox!
431
00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:51,473
How about the only thing
That I know how to play--
432
00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:53,100
The middle part
Of that song
433
00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:55,018
Islands in the stream.
434
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:56,061
- mm.
- hmm?
435
00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:58,021
Come on, wyatt, duet!
436
00:14:58,022 --> 00:14:59,940
It's not my thing.
437
00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:01,566
♪ islands in the stream ♪
438
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:03,527
♪ that is what we are ♪
439
00:15:03,528 --> 00:15:06,154
♪ no one in between ♪
440
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:08,740
♪ how can we be wrong? ♪
441
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,283
Both:
♪ sail away with me ♪
442
00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:12,994
♪ to another world ♪
443
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:15,539
♪ and we rely
On each other ♪
444
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:17,124
♪ uh-huh ♪
445
00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:19,709
♪ from one lover
To another ♪
446
00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:21,169
♪ uh-huh ♪
447
00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:24,631
You're good.
448
00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:27,592
99%.
449
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:28,969
Blam-o.
450
00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:32,556
No, no, no.
I talked to sonia.
451
00:15:32,557 --> 00:15:34,724
Just be out on the porch
At 9:00, and you're golden.
452
00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:35,767
I'm not doing it.
453
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:37,269
Sonia wants you now!
454
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:38,436
She doesn't want me.
455
00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:40,355
No woman wants me.
456
00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:41,606
Don't die.
457
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:44,402
Good-bye, ryan.
458
00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:49,656
Oh, my god.
You've got no pulse.
459
00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:52,742
That's amazing!
460
00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:55,537
Wait here.
Oh, right, you're dead.
461
00:15:55,538 --> 00:15:58,081
Hey, kate, you seem like
A nice person.
462
00:15:58,082 --> 00:15:59,708
My friend danny's
In the other room,
463
00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:01,751
And he's in need
Of a little ego boost.
464
00:16:01,752 --> 00:16:03,086
Would you go talk to him?
465
00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:05,005
- I'd be happy to.
- great. Right through there.
466
00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:06,715
He's tall, thin, dead.
467
00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:08,633
You can't miss him.
468
00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:11,136
- okay, open it.
- you open it.
469
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:12,596
You've been standing here
An hour.
470
00:16:12,597 --> 00:16:14,347
Go in,
Or get out of the way.
471
00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:17,392
I've been tracking who I think
To be mr. Klein for a year,
472
00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:19,352
And you're not
Gonna blow it.
473
00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:21,438
All right.
474
00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:26,651
Mama k?
475
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:30,322
Uncle jessup?
476
00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:40,665
Oh, my god.
477
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:43,168
It's--it's--
478
00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:44,461
It's mr. Belvedere.
479
00:16:44,462 --> 00:16:46,297
What?
480
00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:51,468
Hey, bro,
You scaring off my woman?
481
00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:52,469
Dude, it's I-x o'clock.
482
00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:53,428
I think that's 9:00.
483
00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:54,638
I don't have time for this.
484
00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:55,889
No way, bro.
485
00:16:55,890 --> 00:16:58,433
We gotta settle this,
Upstate new york style.
486
00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:01,519
Are you packin'?
487
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,396
And candlebox sucks.
488
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,609
- where's danny?
- he'll be here.
489
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:10,111
He's just
Getting his mojo back.
490
00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:12,822
Hey.
491
00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:15,243
I'd say it's back.
492
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:17,702
Wow.
What's her deal?
493
00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:18,745
The man can't even
Open a door.
494
00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:21,331
Look at him.
He's so happy.
495
00:17:21,332 --> 00:17:23,166
He does look happy.
496
00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:24,334
And when you think about it,
He's only happy
497
00:17:24,335 --> 00:17:27,754
Because of me,
So now I can finally be--
498
00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:32,176
Oh, sonia,
I'm so sorry.
499
00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:36,471
What's this all about, k?
500
00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:38,765
It was the summer
Of 1984,
501
00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:41,559
And little benjy k
Had just arrived in hollywood,
502
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,229
Ready to take tinseltown
By storm.
503
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:46,565
I had just landed
The lead kid role
504
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:50,277
In a new show
Called mr. Belvedere.
505
00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:52,570
Oh, you were gonna
Play wesley?
506
00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:53,613
I did play wesley!
507
00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:55,407
In the first episode,
At least.
508
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:57,784
And then in the final scene
Of the piece,
509
00:17:57,785 --> 00:18:01,746
I was to deliver the most
Killer joke ever written.
510
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:05,500
I, a kid, was supposed
To tell mr. Belvedere,
511
00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:07,752
A grown-up, to stay--
512
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:10,630
Oh! Even now,
I can't get it out.
513
00:18:10,631 --> 00:18:13,466
All: stay in there
And think about what you did.
514
00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:16,636
Wow. Yolanda, way to take
A bulletproof joke
515
00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:17,929
And shoot it
Right in the face.
516
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:20,598
87 takes I did
Before I was canned.
517
00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:23,268
My career was over
Before it even started.
518
00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:26,605
In a way, I guess
I keep my belvedere room
519
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:28,481
For the same reason
Anyone else does.
520
00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:29,649
- no one does.
- no.
521
00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:32,610
As a bitter reminder
Of a tragic loss.
522
00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:34,654
And that's why
You're in the group.
523
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:38,283
Is it?
524
00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:40,618
I'm a puzzle
With many pieces.
525
00:18:40,619 --> 00:18:42,746
But it feels really good
To share with you
526
00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:44,789
One of my secrets finally.
527
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,666
You've helped me.
528
00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:50,462
I think it's time
To put this away.
529
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:53,341
Time for the next stage
Of my life.
530
00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:03,641
What's this thing?
531
00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:07,604
Why do you want me to say,
"I love you, buddy"?
532
00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:10,274
- ooh.
- oh, that's sad.
533
00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:13,485
Oh, no.
534
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,278
It's my mathematically proven
Soul mate.
535
00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:17,655
This is very awkward.
- oh, my god.
536
00:19:17,656 --> 00:19:19,616
Must spend eternity with you.
537
00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:20,742
Hey, what do you wanna
Name our triplets?
538
00:19:20,743 --> 00:19:22,452
I like kody.
- I like cassidy.
539
00:19:22,453 --> 00:19:23,787
Both: emma.
540
00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:26,664
Okay, well,
This is fate.
541
00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:29,501
Darling, I know
We've only met three times,
542
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,628
And the only thing
We've ever talked about is ryan,
543
00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:34,214
But I burn for you,
And I'm gonna pull you in
544
00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:35,799
In a dirty dancing- like
Position.
545
00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:39,386
This is funny, right?
546
00:19:39,387 --> 00:19:41,513
It may just be hot.
547
00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:42,764
- I need meatballs.
- I love meatballs.
548
00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:44,849
Stop it.
549
00:19:49,772 --> 00:19:50,730
Love, man.
550
00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:52,524
Let's make a pact.
551
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,401
If we're both still single
When we're 40,
552
00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:55,735
We should make a baby.
553
00:19:55,736 --> 00:19:57,862
I'm already 40.
554
00:19:57,863 --> 00:19:59,697
You are?
Ugh!
555
00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:02,242
How are you not
More together?
556
00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:04,536
You know, sonia, I hope
It works out with you and danny.
557
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:06,663
But if it's not him,
It's gonna be someone.
558
00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:08,623
You will be happy.
559
00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:10,542
I don't see myself
Being happy.
560
00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:12,252
I self-sabotage.
561
00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:14,337
Well, now that you
Recognize that tendency,
562
00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:15,797
Maybe you can change.
563
00:20:15,798 --> 00:20:16,798
But I won't.
564
00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:18,633
And soon,
This whole stupid night
565
00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:20,844
Will be a distant memory.
566
00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:22,887
You know what?
567
00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:26,724
Whoa.
568
00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:33,773
I just stopped time
For you.
569
00:20:33,774 --> 00:20:35,984
So here, take this
As a reminder
570
00:20:35,985 --> 00:20:37,986
Of the exact moment
That you decided
571
00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:40,530
To be a better,
Happier person.
572
00:20:40,531 --> 00:20:43,992
Ryan...
That's the sweetest thing
573
00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:45,910
Anyone's ever done for me.
574
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:48,539
Really?
575
00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:56,087
Aww. This is nice.
576
00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:57,755
Hey, it's him.
He's coming.
577
00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:02,760
El mandril.
578
00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:04,930
Numero uno.
579
00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:12,896
Yeah!
I got a posse now!
580
00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:14,772
Thank you.
581
00:21:14,773 --> 00:21:16,941
Posse, this is sonia.
Sonia, posse.
582
00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:19,444
Sonia's very single.
583
00:21:19,445 --> 00:21:21,779
Numero uno!
40631
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