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Welcome, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the Tonight Show! This
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is over here for me! Thank you for watching at
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home. Well, guys, the weekend's almost here, and it's gonna
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be a big one for movies. Yeah, you got the
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Melania documentary. And you have the new Rachel McAdams film
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Cent Help, which, yeah, which, fun fact, was actually the
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original title of the Melania movie. That's right. Tonight was
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the official premiere of the Melania documentary at the Kennedy
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Center. Right now, Trump is encouraging everyone to see it
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in an iMac, so his hands look regular -sized. But
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critics are saying the film isn't great. Yeah. I'm not
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saying it's bad, but after the movie, Trump took his
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name off the Kennedy Center. It's like a movie. Some
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celebrities went to the premiere tonight, including Dr. Phil, former
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New York City Mayor, Erica Adams, and the Grizzly family.
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It was the first red carpet where the paparazzi took
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selfies. Guys, Congress has been negotiating with the White House
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about passing a budget bill to avoid another government shutdown.
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It's coming down to the wire. Here's what some lawmakers
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had to say about it. First, Senator Cory Booker said,
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we need to work together and get this done. All
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this fighting is getting old, man. And Senator Chuck Grassley
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said, did someone say, oh, man? Sorry, I thought you
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were talking about me. Anyway, avoiding the shutdown is number
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one on my checklist. And Senator Roger Marshall said, did
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somebody say, chicklets? Sorry. I thought you were talking about
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me. Anyway, if you want to reach across the aisle,
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come on over. And Senator Ed Markey said, does somebody
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say, comb over? Anyway, I love the talk. I just
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want to vent real quick, dummy. And Senator John Kennedy
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said, does somebody say, ventriloquist? Then Congresswoman Rosa Delarro said,
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does somebody say, kpop demon hunters? Anyway, we can't keep
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yelling bleeps and banging heads. And Senator Jerry Moran said,
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does somebody say, fell asleep in a tanning bat? Anyway,
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I'd rather be golfing. Work's been bland. Give me a
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cowboy. And Senator John Austin said, does somebody say, Kirkland
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brand Timothy Schalamet? Anyway, we should split off as a
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two -man group, like a shake -up. Then Senator Mark
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Kelly said, does somebody say, blue -man group minus makeup?
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Anyway, everyone just needs to back down. Don't act up.
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And say, mella, bro. Then Senator Mark Wayne Moan said,
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does somebody say, background actor on Yellowstone? Anyway, I blame
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the other side. It's been bossed. They cheated privately. And
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finally, Senator Patty Murray said, does somebody say, binge -watch
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heated rivalry? We're having trouble. They can't hear each other.
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So they're happy. They miss it, they miss it. It's
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mala propels. Yeah. Well, people are talking about this. This
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is second major winter storm in a week. It's headed
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for the East Coast. It is a weather phenomenon. Experts
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are calling January. Last week, it was winter storm fern,
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and now it's bomb cyclone. Right now, winter storm fern.
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It's like, how come you get to be a bomb
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cyclone? I'm going to be winter storm fern. Whilst it
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was sports news, this is going viral a Super Bowl
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promo image from September featured famous players facing the trophy,
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right? And if you zoom in, the two players closest
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to the trophy just happen to be Seattle Seahawks, quarterback
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Sam Darnold, and New England Patriots quarterback Drake May. Now,
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some fans are saying this is proof of a conspiracy
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and that this Super Bowl matchup was all scripted in
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advance. That's obviously ridiculous. So I'm not going to dignify
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it with a response. But I do want to talk
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about a different part of the picture. Now, if you
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look closely, you'll see that under the Golden Gate Bridge,
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that's the sea. And on the other side, that's a
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hill. It's a sea that's at a hill. Sea at
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hill. Sea at hill. Stay with me. Because I'm just
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getting started. In the foreground, you see burrow, right? Burrow
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without the W is burrow, which is another word for
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donkey. What sound does a donkey make? Oh, that's right.
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He -ha. Now, take that he -ha and add the
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sea and the X from up on that hill. What
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do you get? Sea -ha -X. Sea at hill. Sea
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-ha -cus. Sea at hill. Sea -ha -hawks. Wait, wait,
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wait, wait, wait. I just realized something. What was that?
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OK. So if you look closely, right, at the original
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picture, you'll see the numbers for 21, 13, and 2.
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So if you want those numbers with the corresponding letters
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of the alphabet, the results describe this entire conspiracy theory.
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D -U -M -B. Dumb. You're dumb. Oh, my gosh.
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I really am. Thank you. Glad to see you. Glad
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to see you. Glad to see you. Glad to see
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you. Glad to see you. Glad to see you. Glad
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to see you. Glad to see you. And finally, this
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week was the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Reunion.
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And it got pretty heated. There was a lot of
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drama between Lisa and Heather. Now, if you missed it,
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don't worry. Because I'm going to re -enact that scene
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with actual lines from the show and here to help
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me do it. It's the one and only. Liam Neeson.
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Thank you, Jimmy. Thank you, Jimmy. Tonight, I'd be playing
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the role of Lisa, a business owner who is being
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accused by Heather of leaking. Gossip. And I'll be playing
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Heather, a med spa owner who is accusing Lisa of
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leaking gossip. Sit here and get ready to go. I
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felt very alone and I wanted to go home. It's
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like, what you guys do is wrong. I was like,
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crying. What you do is wrong, too. You leaked gossip.
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No. I didn't. And I'm falsely accused by you all
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the time. No. You weren't falsely accused. I was falsely
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accused. I accused you of what I felt was true
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and I still believe it's true. What do you feel
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on the truth are two very different things? Well, I
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think it's true and I still love you and I
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still want to be your friend. Which is astonishing. Well,
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I don't know if I want to be your friend
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if you think it's true. I do think it's true.
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I think it's true that you leaked gossip and I
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gave you the receipts. But if you're going to go
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there, I'm going to go there. I was sharing my
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feelings. But now it's about your feelings. I'm done. I'm
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not going to take accountability for effing. I don't do.
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No. That's the end of the story. I'm not going
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to be saying I did something I did. No, I
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didn't. Okay, but you did it. Oh, my gosh. I
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just... I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done.
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