Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,569 --> 00:00:04,672
Previously on
Two and a Half Men:
I don't want to get a divorce.
2
00:00:04,738 --> 00:00:06,640
Why we got to get a divorce?
3
00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:07,941
Because I have grown up
4
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,044
and you are still
the same guy you were at 19.
5
00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:11,112
No, that is not true.
6
00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:12,313
I got a lot more money now.
7
00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:14,915
Not about what you have;
it's about who you are.
8
00:00:14,982 --> 00:00:16,217
Oh.
9
00:00:16,284 --> 00:00:19,087
Well, I'm pretty much
the same guy.
10
00:00:19,153 --> 00:00:20,588
Great news, Alan.
11
00:00:20,654 --> 00:00:23,191
Berta has agreed to be
my live-in housekeeper.
12
00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:25,059
Yeah, he talked me into it.
13
00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:28,096
I wonder what his sweat
tastes like.
14
00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:29,263
Time for me to go.
15
00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:30,831
Wait.
16
00:00:30,898 --> 00:00:32,100
Come here.
17
00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:33,601
Give us a hug good-bye.
18
00:00:34,802 --> 00:00:37,571
I'm taking your room, Zippy.
19
00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,540
You saved my
butt back there.
20
00:00:39,607 --> 00:00:40,708
I owe you big time.
21
00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:41,709
If there is anything
that you need,
22
00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:43,144
any way I can help you...
23
00:00:43,211 --> 00:00:45,913
Well, really uncomfortable
living at my mom's.
24
00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:48,549
Um, do you think I could
stay here for a few days
25
00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:49,850
till I find my own place?
26
00:00:49,917 --> 00:00:51,152
Yeah, no problem.
27
00:00:55,123 --> 00:00:57,225
I'm back.
28
00:00:57,291 --> 00:01:00,094
Hello, room.
29
00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:02,263
Did you miss me?
30
00:01:02,330 --> 00:01:03,997
Whoa!
Whoa!
31
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:05,999
What the hell are
you doing here?
32
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:08,336
I live here. What the hell
are you doing here?
33
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:10,604
Um, see, Berta's got
my room now, so...
34
00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:11,772
No.
Yes.
35
00:01:11,839 --> 00:01:13,006
No.
It's just temporary.
36
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,075
I'm not sleeping with my dad.
37
00:01:15,143 --> 00:01:16,944
What are we going to do,
sleep on the same bed?
38
00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:18,846
No, I'll get the air
mattress out of the garage.
39
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:20,047
That you'll sleep on.
No.
40
00:01:20,114 --> 00:01:21,715
Yes. Yes!
No.
41
00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:24,952
(air hissing)
42
00:01:28,389 --> 00:01:30,624
* Men.
43
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:33,961
Good morning.
44
00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:35,062
Morning.
45
00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:36,197
Where you been?
46
00:01:36,264 --> 00:01:37,931
Little power walk
on the beach.
47
00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:39,800
Got to tell you, Zip,
48
00:01:39,867 --> 00:01:41,802
I can see why your
brother couldn't get you
49
00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:43,871
out of this house with
the jaws of life.
50
00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:46,674
Malibu is the
greatest place
51
00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:48,176
to wake up in
the morning.
52
00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:51,345
I'm glad you're enjoying
my room.
53
00:01:51,412 --> 00:01:53,681
Alan, I say
this with love.
54
00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:55,316
It was never
your room.
55
00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:58,352
Morning.
56
00:01:58,419 --> 00:02:00,888
Ah... did I miss
our power walk?
57
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,356
I tried to cuddle you awake,
58
00:02:02,423 --> 00:02:03,891
but you weren't interested.
Oh.
59
00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:08,329
So, Alan, how's
the house hunting coming?
60
00:02:08,396 --> 00:02:10,764
Oh, still looking.
Uh, not a lot available.
61
00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:13,033
Maybe that's 'cause you're
looking in the sports section.
62
00:02:15,002 --> 00:02:16,136
Well, don't worry.
63
00:02:16,204 --> 00:02:17,771
You can stay here as
long as you need to.
64
00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:18,806
Aw!
65
00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:20,674
Oh, just a... a few more days.
66
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:22,009
Maybe a week tops.
67
00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:24,077
Aw.
68
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,847
Hey, uh, listen, Walden,
um, while I am here,
69
00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:28,282
I was wondering
how you would feel
70
00:02:28,349 --> 00:02:29,850
about me having
an overnight guest.
71
00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:31,051
Aw.
72
00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:34,755
I thought you
were the overnight guest.
73
00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:36,724
(laughing)
74
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:39,227
Your wit is only exceeded
by your generosity.
75
00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:41,094
Um, the thing is,
76
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,663
I'm having dinner tonight
with this woman
77
00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:44,198
I used to be
in a relationship with.
78
00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:46,400
And I don't know how things
are going to play out,
79
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:49,203
but if they go well,
I'd like to bring her back here
80
00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:51,205
and, uh, you know...
81
00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:53,073
reconcile.
82
00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:55,843
Is she homeless, too?
83
00:02:55,909 --> 00:02:58,145
Oh, oh, no, no, it-it's just
that she has a teenage son,
84
00:02:58,212 --> 00:03:02,149
and I'm not really keen
on him hearing us, you know...
85
00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:04,184
reconcile.
86
00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:07,721
But it's okay
for me to hear you?
87
00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:09,690
Oh, don't worry, we'll be quiet.
88
00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:10,924
And quick.
89
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,462
It's true.
That's why she calls me Zippy.
90
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,464
I guess it's okay.
91
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:19,367
I sure wish I could reconcile
with Bridget.
92
00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:21,869
Oh, give her some time.
93
00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:23,937
Took Lyndsey months
to forgive me.
94
00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:25,373
What'd she have
to forgive you for?
95
00:03:25,439 --> 00:03:28,175
Oh... I, uh...
I called her a slut
96
00:03:28,242 --> 00:03:31,144
because, uh, I thought she
was sleeping with my brother,
97
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:33,781
uh, and I, uh... I accidentally
burned down her house.
98
00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:36,817
Well, not in that order.
99
00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:40,120
Anyway, thanks so much.
100
00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:42,790
He is going to move out
at some point, right?
101
00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:45,092
You are so cute.
102
00:03:47,361 --> 00:03:50,264
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
103
00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:53,767
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men *
* Ooh
104
00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:57,305
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men *
* Ooh
* Ooh
105
00:03:57,371 --> 00:03:59,072
* Ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh... *
106
00:03:59,139 --> 00:04:01,875
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
107
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:05,779
* Ooh
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
108
00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:08,349
* Ah.
* Men.
* Men.
109
00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:18,859
I was so sorry to hear
about your brother.
110
00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:20,294
Yeah, yeah, very sad.
111
00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:21,962
He fell in front of a train?
112
00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:24,965
Uh, fell, pushed, jumped.
113
00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:28,336
Whatever the verb, the end
result was Charlie tartare.
114
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,271
That's horrible.
115
00:04:31,339 --> 00:04:32,773
Yeah.
116
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,842
And we had to sell
the house in Malibu.
117
00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:35,876
So where are you living?
118
00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:37,277
The house in Malibu.
119
00:04:37,345 --> 00:04:38,979
Wait, what?
120
00:04:39,046 --> 00:04:40,180
Oh, it's actually
a funny story.
121
00:04:40,247 --> 00:04:41,649
Um, the fellow
who bought it
122
00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:42,950
is this incredibly
rich Internet guy
123
00:04:43,016 --> 00:04:44,318
who's going through
a bad divorce,
124
00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:45,953
and he's lonely,
he needs a friend,
125
00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:48,221
so he asked me to stick
around for a while.
126
00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:52,159
What's the funny part?
127
00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:55,796
He actually thinks I'm
going to leave someday.
128
00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:57,998
So, uh, how's things?
How's Eldridge?
129
00:04:58,065 --> 00:05:01,068
Let's not ruin the evening
by talking about our children.
130
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,703
(chuckles) Agreed.
131
00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:05,906
I have missed you.
132
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:07,307
I've missed you, too.
133
00:05:07,375 --> 00:05:09,610
Can you ever forgive me
for being such an idiot?
134
00:05:09,677 --> 00:05:10,811
Let's not ruin the evening
135
00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:12,680
by talking about what
an idiot you were.
136
00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:14,848
Good idea.
137
00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:18,085
You know, I haven't slept with
anybody since we broke up.
138
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,653
How about you?
139
00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:24,792
You know what?
140
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:27,094
Let's not ruin the evening
by talking.
141
00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:30,731
* Men.
142
00:05:30,798 --> 00:05:32,132
(knock at door)
143
00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:34,134
I got it.
144
00:05:37,905 --> 00:05:41,208
Hello, little girl.
145
00:05:41,274 --> 00:05:42,976
Hi, big daddy.
You got everything?
146
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:44,378
Hell, yeah.
147
00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:47,080
Beer, bucket of drumsticks
148
00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:49,349
and nine magic fingers.
149
00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:50,651
(both laughing)
150
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:52,853
Let's go.
151
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:54,287
Uh, Berta?
152
00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:56,356
What's going on?
153
00:05:56,424 --> 00:05:57,758
What's it look like?
154
00:05:57,825 --> 00:05:59,259
I'm going to get drunk,
eat some chicken
155
00:05:59,326 --> 00:06:00,994
and rock this
old man's world.
156
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,930
(laughing)
157
00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:08,135
I got ten fingers
and a billion dollars,
158
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:11,071
and this guy's getting
more action than me.
159
00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:14,241
(chiming)
160
00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:19,079
What now, Walden?
161
00:06:19,146 --> 00:06:21,715
Nothing.
I just wanted to say hi.
162
00:06:21,782 --> 00:06:23,851
(sighs)
Sweetheart, listen to me.
163
00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,218
We're getting divorced.
164
00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:27,020
You need to get some friends,
get a life.
165
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:29,022
I don't want friends.
I don't want a life.
166
00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:30,758
I just want you.
167
00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:32,359
What... what are you
doing anyway?
168
00:06:32,426 --> 00:06:34,762
Why... why are those people
wearing masks?
169
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:38,966
I'm at a charity event
for people without faces.
170
00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:41,769
Are you at an orgy?
171
00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:43,036
An orgy?
172
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:44,237
Don't be ridiculous.
173
00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:45,839
What kind of charity
has an orgy?
174
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:48,141
Bye.
175
00:06:49,510 --> 00:06:51,278
BERTA:
You know, a real gentleman
176
00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:54,247
would've taken his poop
before he came over.
177
00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:57,851
(both giggling)
178
00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:07,961
Hello!
179
00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:10,097
Oh, I'm sorry. I-I didn't
know you were still up.
180
00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:12,466
You must be Walden.
I'm Lyndsey.
181
00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:14,267
Oh. Hi.
182
00:07:14,334 --> 00:07:15,836
Okay, uh,
everybody's met.
183
00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:17,471
Time to hit
the old sackaroo.
184
00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:20,073
Don't be rude, Alan.
185
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:23,076
So, I understand you're going
through a tough divorce.
186
00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:24,845
Yeah, it's tough for me.
187
00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:28,148
She's breezing through it
with naked, faceless people.
188
00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:30,918
Have you guys tried to work
things out, go to therapy?
189
00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:32,419
I offered.
She's not interested.
190
00:07:32,486 --> 00:07:34,087
Well, that's all you
can do-- make the offer.
191
00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:35,489
Lyndsey?
192
00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:37,357
Hang on.
193
00:07:37,424 --> 00:07:39,326
So what, you're
just sitting around
194
00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:41,228
feeling sorry
for yourself?
195
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:43,030
No. Sometimes I lay down.
196
00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:45,298
Sometimes I curl up in a ball.
197
00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:47,367
See, he's fine.
198
00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:50,504
Listen to me.
199
00:07:50,571 --> 00:07:52,405
We just met,
we don't know each other,
200
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,842
but you obviously have a lot
going for you.
201
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:56,376
You're tall,
good-looking,
202
00:07:56,443 --> 00:07:57,945
very successful.
203
00:07:58,011 --> 00:08:00,447
Believe me,
women settle for a lot less.
204
00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:03,483
And thank God for that.
205
00:08:03,551 --> 00:08:05,953
You need to get out there
and find somebody
206
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:08,088
who appreciates
all that you have to offer.
207
00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:09,890
I don't want anybody else.
208
00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:12,392
That's just because you haven't
found that special someone.
209
00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:15,863
Believe me, somewhere out there
is the perfect girl for you.
210
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:17,364
Who knows?
211
00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:20,200
She could be sitting
right in front of you.
212
00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:23,804
Gee, I'd like to believe that.
213
00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:25,005
So would I.
214
00:08:26,473 --> 00:08:28,408
You know... you know,
Lyndsey's right.
215
00:08:28,475 --> 00:08:30,343
You need to go out
and find Ms. Right.
216
00:08:30,410 --> 00:08:33,013
I mean, in fact, you should
get started immediately.
217
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,314
Now?
218
00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:36,850
No, I was just gonna
curl up in a ball.
219
00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:39,820
Oh, come on. There's a great,
big, wide world out there
220
00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:42,155
full of beautiful,
exciting, sexy people.
221
00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:44,024
Where am I going to find them,
a bar?
222
00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:45,358
I am not going to a bar.
223
00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:46,459
Hey, if you're
looking for honey,
224
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:47,861
you got to go
where the bees are.
225
00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:48,862
(buzzing)
226
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:50,097
Forget it.
227
00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:52,132
I am not going to a bar.
228
00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:53,366
Hey, slick.
229
00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:57,404
Where do you keep the plunger?
230
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,508
I am going to a bar.
231
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:09,382
* Men.
232
00:09:09,449 --> 00:09:11,018
(both panting)
233
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:12,319
Whoa.
234
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,521
Hi-ho, Silver.
235
00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:16,456
I didn't hurt you,
did I?
236
00:09:16,523 --> 00:09:19,492
A little, but I only
need the one ball.
237
00:09:23,363 --> 00:09:26,333
Boy, you really seemed
like a different woman.
238
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,568
Well, you seemed
like a different man.
239
00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:30,037
(knock at door)
240
00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:31,338
WALDEN:
Hey, Alan?
241
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,473
Speak of the devil.
242
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:35,943
Hey. Am I interrupting?
243
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:39,212
No. Come in.
244
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:41,481
I just wanted to tell you
that I found her.
245
00:09:41,548 --> 00:09:43,016
Found who?
246
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,584
Ms. Right.
247
00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:46,286
Really?
248
00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:49,623
At a bar at... 12:30
on a Wednesday night?
249
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,426
Is she on a leash?
250
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:55,996
Woof.
251
00:09:58,531 --> 00:10:00,200
* Men.
252
00:10:03,570 --> 00:10:06,539
(Walden and Courtney
grunting and moaning)
253
00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:13,613
Isn't that the girl
who almost married your brother?
254
00:10:13,681 --> 00:10:14,882
Yep.
255
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,549
Didn't she go to jail
256
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,485
for being some kind
of con artist?
257
00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:19,552
Yep.
258
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:20,854
Doesn't it strike you
259
00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:22,389
as an amazing coincidence
260
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,024
that she just ran
into Walden?
261
00:10:24,091 --> 00:10:25,959
Nope.
262
00:10:26,026 --> 00:10:28,028
You have to warn him
before he gets in too deep.
263
00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:30,330
(Courtney whooping)
264
00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:33,566
Sounds like he's
already in too deep.
265
00:10:37,705 --> 00:10:39,506
Who's my hungry boy?
266
00:10:39,572 --> 00:10:41,709
Me.
267
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:43,944
Who's my naughty boy?
268
00:10:44,011 --> 00:10:46,446
Me.
269
00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:48,982
Who's going to get their bottom
spanked after breakfast?
270
00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:50,283
You.
271
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:51,985
(gasps)
272
00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:54,755
You are so smart.
273
00:10:54,822 --> 00:10:55,956
Open.
274
00:10:59,026 --> 00:11:01,361
Sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt.
275
00:11:01,428 --> 00:11:03,396
No, wait, Alan,
come back.
276
00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:04,932
We're just having
breakfast.
277
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,701
Scrambled eggs and tongue.
Nice.
278
00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:09,803
Hey, Alan, I want
to thank you.
279
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,805
If you hadn't made me
go out last night,
280
00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:13,373
I would have never
met Courtney.
281
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:15,743
You're welcome, but I have
a feeling one way or another
282
00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:17,277
she would have found you.
283
00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:22,215
Oh, wait, hey, you know
what would be fun?
284
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:25,318
Whatever it is, I'll do it.
285
00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:26,787
You are something else.
286
00:11:29,456 --> 00:11:32,726
No, Walden, what
would be fun?
287
00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:34,227
Oh, right.
288
00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:36,263
What I was gonna say is,
why don't you and Lyndsey
289
00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:38,131
and me and Courtney
all go out for dinner?
290
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,067
Oh, gee, I'd have
to check with Lyndsey.
291
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:41,802
Oh, come on, man, like
a big fancy dinner.
292
00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:43,003
It's sort of short notice.
293
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:46,006
My treat.
We'll be there.
294
00:11:46,073 --> 00:11:48,241
Alan, do you want to watch
me and Walden having sex?
295
00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:49,877
No, not particularly.
296
00:11:49,943 --> 00:11:52,012
Then you'd better
get out quick.
297
00:11:55,182 --> 00:11:57,818
WALDEN:
Hot diggity,
that feels good!
298
00:12:02,122 --> 00:12:07,460
I can't believe she's using
I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.
299
00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:09,396
* Men.
300
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:11,965
Hello? Dad?
301
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:16,904
Oh, yay.
302
00:12:17,905 --> 00:12:19,873
Hey, Courtney.
303
00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:22,109
Jake, it's so good to see you.
304
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:23,176
You, too.
305
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:24,377
Oh, you've grown.
306
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:26,446
No, that's just my cell phone.
307
00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:30,150
Jake, what
are you doing here?
308
00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:31,819
I just, uh...
309
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,088
came by to...
310
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,826
What?
311
00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:42,529
Look, could you do me a favor
and give us some privacy?
312
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:44,764
Yeah, sure.
Can I have a good-bye hug?
313
00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:46,333
Jake, go.
314
00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:48,168
Way to block me, Dad.
315
00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:52,873
So, Courtney.
316
00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:54,474
So, Alan.
317
00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:56,076
Where's Walden?
318
00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:57,777
He's upstairs taking a nap.
319
00:12:57,845 --> 00:12:58,946
Recharge the batteries?
320
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:00,480
The batteries are fine.
321
00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:03,150
It's the flashlight
that needs a rest.
322
00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:05,218
What can I do for you?
323
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:08,221
I want you to leave
Walden alone.
324
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,090
He's not ready
for someone like you.
325
00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:12,059
Someone like me?
326
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,427
What ever do you mean?
327
00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:16,463
Someone who's creating
a lifestyle
328
00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:18,031
from finding wealthy men
329
00:13:18,098 --> 00:13:19,833
and sponging off them
as much as they can.
330
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:23,303
Gee, Alan, that sounds
a lot like you.
331
00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:25,906
What ever do you mean?
332
00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:27,340
Eight years living
off your brother,
333
00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:28,942
sleeping on
his fold-out couch.
334
00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:31,078
Oh, leave it to you to
spin it so I look bad.
335
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,080
See you at dinner, Alan.
336
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:37,918
Oh, I will see you at dinner
all right, young lady.
337
00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:45,092
* Men.
338
00:13:46,526 --> 00:13:48,528
Ugh, gristle.
339
00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:51,932
Aw, here honey, let me cut
that fat away for you.
340
00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:54,601
Thank you.
341
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:58,371
Bit of a fatty
piece here myself.
342
00:13:58,438 --> 00:14:01,174
Yeah, so?
343
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:04,077
Oh, you got a little schmutz.
344
00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:06,413
Thank you.
345
00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:09,549
So, looks like you two guys
hit it off pretty quick.
346
00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:11,218
What's the point
of going slow?
347
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:12,519
When it's right,
it's right.
348
00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:14,421
And it is right, right?
Right.
349
00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:17,891
Hey, I finished my beans.
Can I have dessert?
350
00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:19,492
I am dessert.
351
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:20,961
Thank you.
352
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:23,964
WALDEN:
Hey.
353
00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:25,265
Hmm?
You know what
would be cool?
354
00:14:25,332 --> 00:14:27,234
What?
Move in with me.
355
00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:31,138
Whoa, slow down, Walden.
356
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:34,107
Yeah, slow down, Walden.
You just met her last night.
357
00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:36,543
Yeah, but I want to be
with her all the time.
358
00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:40,447
Oh, baby, that is so sweet,
but is there even room for me?
359
00:14:40,513 --> 00:14:43,583
What about Alan?
360
00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:46,319
Yeah, what about Alan?
361
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:48,388
But he's moving
out, right?
362
00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:51,324
Right.
363
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,193
I don't know. I'm not
really the kind of girl
364
00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:55,195
who just moves in with
a guy after one night.
365
00:14:55,262 --> 00:14:56,529
Please.
366
00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:57,965
Okay.
367
00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:05,538
Well, I guess I need to
find a new place to live.
368
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:08,208
Yeah, good luck with that.
369
00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:13,413
* Men.
370
00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:15,915
Morning, Alan.
371
00:15:15,983 --> 00:15:17,917
Morning.
372
00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:19,219
Where's your little girlfriend?
373
00:15:19,286 --> 00:15:21,221
She couldn't sleep,
so she went home.
374
00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:22,489
What was the problem?
375
00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:24,391
I think it was hearing the third
376
00:15:24,457 --> 00:15:27,294
"Hot diggity, that feels good!"
377
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:30,697
Oh, yeah, number three
was a well-timed ice cube.
378
00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:39,106
You think you've beaten me,
don't you?
379
00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:40,707
Alan, it was never a contest.
380
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:43,977
Of the two of us,
only I can bring the "diggity."
381
00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:45,512
(doorbell ringing)
382
00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:48,715
Don't be so sure of yourself.
383
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,617
I may have a final card to play.
384
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:52,685
Well, unless that card
is a vagina in your pocket,
385
00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:54,321
I'm not particularly
worried.
386
00:15:59,426 --> 00:16:01,194
Oh, thanks for
coming, Bridget.
387
00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:02,762
Well, you said Walden
was in trouble.
388
00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:06,433
Hi, I'm the trouble
Walden's been in. Repeatedly.
389
00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:09,669
Uh, Courtney, this is
Walden's wife Bridget.
390
00:16:09,736 --> 00:16:13,106
Bridget, this is the "lady"
I was telling you about.
391
00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:15,175
WALDEN:
Bridget?
392
00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:17,644
What are you doing here?
393
00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:19,579
Well, Alan called
and told me
394
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,248
that you were doing
something stupid.
395
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:23,483
And I just met her.
396
00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:25,852
She's just sorry
397
00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:27,654
she threw you out,
but it's too late now,
398
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:30,323
isn't it, baby?
WALDEN: Really?
399
00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:31,524
You're sorry
you threw me out?
400
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:33,660
Who cares?
Come upstairs.
401
00:16:33,726 --> 00:16:35,795
Walden, just because
I can't live with you anymore,
402
00:16:35,862 --> 00:16:37,664
doesn't mean that I want you
403
00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:40,533
to be taken to the cleaners
by Botox Barbie here.
404
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,803
Don't listen to her.
Come upstairs.
405
00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:46,873
Walden, if you go with her,
I will never talk to you again.
406
00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:49,776
Why don't both you broads
hold out a treat and whistle
407
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,878
and we'll see which
one he goes to.
408
00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:57,784
Boy, this is a toughie.
409
00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:04,824
I really love having
a life with you.
410
00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:07,260
Sharing my hopes
411
00:17:07,327 --> 00:17:10,330
and dreams.
412
00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:14,534
But I also really love
413
00:17:14,601 --> 00:17:17,304
burying my head in your breasts
and going (motorboat noise).
414
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:23,276
Honey, it's not
about the sex.
415
00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:25,745
It's not about
your money.
416
00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:27,714
I want to be with you.
417
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:29,749
I want to take care of you.
418
00:17:29,816 --> 00:17:34,087
Oh, that's a good answer.
419
00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:35,622
Bridget?
420
00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:38,958
We have a winner!
421
00:17:39,025 --> 00:17:42,895
Courtney, do you think that your
deep feelings for my husband
422
00:17:42,962 --> 00:17:44,897
can in any way be affected
423
00:17:44,964 --> 00:17:46,766
by a cashier's check
for $50,000?
424
00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:49,136
(whimpering):
$50,000?
425
00:17:49,202 --> 00:17:52,239
You actually think
that you can buy me off?
426
00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:54,607
Your real name is Sylvia Fishman
and you're wanted
427
00:17:54,674 --> 00:17:56,909
in three states for fraud,
forgery and money laundering.
428
00:17:56,976 --> 00:17:59,912
Bye, Walden.
It was fun.
429
00:18:01,714 --> 00:18:03,650
Aw, darn.
430
00:18:03,716 --> 00:18:06,586
I was really looking forward
to more diggity.
431
00:18:06,653 --> 00:18:08,821
If Bridget will write me
a check like that,
432
00:18:08,888 --> 00:18:10,623
I'll diggity
your brains out.
433
00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:15,662
I'll diggity you for free.
434
00:18:15,728 --> 00:18:18,064
* Men.
435
00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:25,338
How you doing?
436
00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:28,341
Let this be
a warning to you, Alan.
437
00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:30,810
There are women out there
that will be nice to you
438
00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:32,945
just to get to your money.
439
00:18:33,012 --> 00:18:34,547
Thanks.
440
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:38,551
But that's not very high
on my list of concerns.
441
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:40,887
I just feel so stupid.
442
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:43,423
Oh, hey. Don't sell
yourself short.
443
00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:46,493
I'm sure she was also attracted
to your chiseled good looks,
444
00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:49,229
youthful stamina
and freakishly large penis.
445
00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:52,499
Thanks.
That makes me feel better.
446
00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:56,836
I'm glad, 'cause it makes me
feel like hanging myself.
447
00:18:56,903 --> 00:19:00,340
So how'd you leave
things with Bridget?
448
00:19:00,407 --> 00:19:01,974
Pretty much the same place.
449
00:19:02,041 --> 00:19:03,443
She still wants
a divorce.
450
00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:05,111
Oh, I'm sorry.
451
00:19:05,178 --> 00:19:06,879
But she obviously
still cares about you.
452
00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:08,415
I mean, a lot of people
would have used
453
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:09,949
the money she
gave Courtney for--
454
00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:13,986
I don't know--
medical insurance, a new car,
455
00:19:14,053 --> 00:19:18,057
maybe a college prep tutor
for their idiot son.
456
00:19:18,124 --> 00:19:20,460
You can have
all those things, Alan.
457
00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:21,994
I can?
458
00:19:22,061 --> 00:19:23,396
Sure. You just have
to make more money.
459
00:19:24,431 --> 00:19:26,132
Right.
460
00:19:26,199 --> 00:19:27,500
Duh.
461
00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:31,471
Hey, thanks for calling Bridget.
462
00:19:31,538 --> 00:19:32,839
Oh, no problem.
463
00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:34,341
No, you really had my back.
464
00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:36,108
Oh, that's what
friends do.
465
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,610
Well, I want you to know
that you have
466
00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:39,145
a home here as long as you want.
467
00:19:39,212 --> 00:19:40,980
Really?
468
00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:43,015
Because I am looking
for a place.
469
00:19:43,082 --> 00:19:44,584
No, I want...
I want you to stay.
470
00:19:44,651 --> 00:19:46,419
I like having
somebody here I can trust.
471
00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:48,588
Well, if it's
what you want.
472
00:19:48,655 --> 00:19:50,890
BERTA:
Ah, son of a bitch.
473
00:19:50,957 --> 00:19:52,525
I knew you'd
find a way
474
00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:54,427
to weasel your
way back in.
475
00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:57,430
I'm out of here.
476
00:19:57,497 --> 00:19:59,031
Well, you're not
quitting, are you?
477
00:19:59,098 --> 00:20:00,300
Nah, I'm moving
back home.
478
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:01,534
I'll see
you Monday.
479
00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:03,403
Wow. (chuckles)
480
00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:06,506
Looks like I get to take
my old room back, huh?
481
00:20:06,573 --> 00:20:08,107
Hey, whatever
you want, buddy.
482
00:20:08,174 --> 00:20:10,910
Just make sure the
nine-fingered man is gone.
483
00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:15,382
How about that?
484
00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:18,184
For once, things actually
work out well for old Alan.
485
00:20:18,251 --> 00:20:19,919
(chuckles)
486
00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:22,489
(choking)
487
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,935
(straining):
Help! Help! 911...!
488
00:20:36,002 --> 00:20:39,939
Captioning sponsored by
CBS and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
489
00:20:40,006 --> 00:20:44,411
The all-new VOLKSWAGEN Jetta.
It's great, for the price
of good. That's das auto.
33689
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof